The Dance of Anger PDF by Harriet Lerner
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"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.
Reviews This book was recommended to me by a friend during a tough time in my relationship. I would not have chosen it for myself as until I read it, I didn't really perceive that anger was a big problem for me. Now I realise that I was quite unaware of the many different responses and methods of expression of anger we have as women. Furthermore, this book reveals how deeply damaging and destructive suppressed anger can be. Harriet Lerner uses case histories to simply and effectively communicate her ideas in an easily understandable way. The fundamental gift of this book for me, is that it is an aid to a very important realisation which fosters our empowerment and liberation: When we see that we follow patterns of behaviour and can start to identify or simply notice them, this realisation gives us a sense of objectivity about our feelings. This is the key to setting ourselves free to love and live as we choose.
And I don't say that lightly. I originally bought Harriet Lerner's Dance of Anger b/c I couldn't seem to stop myself from crying during petty disagreements with the people close to me. "I just don't like conflict," I explained dismissively, "I'm a Cancer." But in reality, it made me feel weak, powerless and out of control, and I wanted to change it. Turns out I was just so afraid of being mad that it was coming out as tears! Probably the most valuable lesson in Harriet Lerner's Dance of Anger is that you only change yourself - not other people. Sounds simple, but by using case studies involving women and their partners, children, siblings, parents, and co-workers, Lerner offers specific examples of the ways we contribute to the behavior cycles (or "dances") in all of our relationships - and offers specific suggestions for how to change those cycles. The weekend after I finished the book, I immediately began to change MY BEHAVIOR in the most important relationship in my life - and everything Lerner detailed would probably happen, has. It's eerie to be so textbook, but I feel centered, self-aware and powerful for the first time in a long time - and it's not at anyone else's expense.
If you've been in a relationship where you have felt angry deep inside, and have tried many ways to express it only to find yourself getting nowhere, this is a great book to help you to learn how to recognize and express
anger. Harriet Lerner brings awareness to anger in the categories she calls "silent submission" "ineffective fighting and blaming" and "emotional distancing." She shows the many ways that you can learn how to view different situations in a relationship, where you are more aware and not caught in the trap of the above patterns. This book brought me a great deal of understanding about anger. I wholeheartedly recommend it, and have found this book to be one of the best on this subject. I also have to recommend another book that was a life saving grace to me by Barbara Rose called "Stop Being the String Along" it saved my sanity. If you're in a romantic relationship with someone where you are feeling anger and frustration I strongly suggest getting both books, they can very well save your sanity too.
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