Page 1

WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release and Other Ethics 8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

About This Issue Here at the world headquarters of WisdomFishing.com we are trying to do many things.

As it turns out we are trying to do a few too many things too quickly. We hope everyone will be a little patient with us as we try to complete and post new issues of the magazine on the web, undertake longer-term research for future features, build up staff and a collection of people to contribute to future issues and work on marketing plans to build our reader base. We are trying to make sure that the quality of our publication is as good as we can make it. Some days we feel a little like the crew of a small fishing boat that has got a whale tangled in a net. We are hanging on, but we have the feeing that we are not always setting the direction that our fishing is taking us. And it’s the holiday season, a time to enjoy family and friends and think about life. In consequence of all of this we are combining our almost completed November issue with the December issue. Many features will have more than one article this month. Of course, we will extend all subscriptions and count this combined issue as only one issue. To our subscribers especially, thank you for your patience and for your support. To make it all more complicated we have added some new features. “Money” is going to look, at a high level, at issues of personal finance and wealth management. We will not be discussing questions like the differences between junk bonds, hedge funds and derivatives of various kinds. Instead we will be looking at strategies for planning, controlling what we spend, for saving and for investing. We hope these approaches and strategies will help everyone better appreciate the alternatives and options for bringing order to your personal financial universe Articles in this Issue are diverse. Features take us from the woods in Algonquin Park, to the Champs Elyseés in Paris. Bridgette and Bob exchange views, we look at one of the best things to come out of the .com boom, consider the ethics of queue jumping, continue our

series on meditation and bring you some great Christmas reading. In another new feature, entitled “Other Stuff” we take a look at the future and how we will remove barriers between the real and digital worlds. We hope you will have a great holiday season and the opportunity to bring happiness to those around you. With all her very best wishes. The Staff@WisdomFishing.com

Contributors Congratulations to Bob Foulkes who was at the top of his class when graduating from the Pacific Institute of Culinary Arts and Class Valedictorian at the Graduation Ceremonies. Fortunately for us, Bob has more to say in this Month’s Great Catches Feature. Bridgette Boisvert is a woman of many talents. In a major Washington DC Law Firm, Bridgette serves as a managing director on the International Trade and Public Affairs side, as Vice President of Strategic Management, on a number of Boards of Directors and as the Executive Director of an International Public Interest Organization. Bridgette has 3 fabulous children and the world’s best husband. Pierre Zakarauskas PhD is a scientist, long-term mediator, and successful high-tech entrepreneur. Pierre is now writing a book with the working title “Enlightenment for the Skeptic”. Pierre lives with his wife Jennifer in Vancouver, BC, and shares with her a 40’ sailboat, called “Inner Peace”. Many people helped with other Articles and a special thanks to Mark Rubino at a visit worthy site about Algonquin Park, http://www.markinthepark.com.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts

Algonquin Park ome would say that a Bucket List is for things that you have not done. We S disagree. Going back to a special moment in our lives, something or somewhere

(but probably not to someone) of memorable and personal significance deserves a place on the list. For many, one such place would be Algonquin Park, from the stern of a canoe.

9 Classics 11 Family

The Park is easily accessible from both Canada and the northeastern United States. You may not be allowed, any more, to sit out on the flat car with your canoe and packs as the train rumbles up the Canadian Shield to Brent and Cedar Lake, one of the best jumping off points that the Park has to offer.

14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories

The big trees are gone but you can see reminders and imagine the drama of them. These were woods. The Algonquin Logging Museum, located near the East Gate presents a great view of what once was and rusted relics of huge logging machines occasionally show up to witness a larger than life past.

21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

Algonquin Park protects the headwaters of the five major rivers which flow from the Park. In 1893 the Park was established to establish a wildlife sanctuary, and by excluding agriculture, to protect the headwaters.

24 Guides and Books 26 Health

Visits show the rich historic and artistic heritage celebrate the incredible flora, fauna and topography of the area.

28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff

Over 3000 mi.² of uniquely preserved lakes and rivers lakes accessible only by canoe routes and pre-served * not as a museum but as an op-opportunity for a return to the calm of the wild.

31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Algonquin ParkAlgonquin Park is well known. A brief look at the Web shows you many sites in German. A doctor in Bermuda goes there for a two-week summer holiday canoe trip trading one form of Paradise for another. Many have spent formative years there, and learned some of life’s more important lessons. Many have returned to revisit, explore expand on and come to better understand the Park’s lessons.

Part University, a Cinque Terra of memories, a paradise for boys of all ages, a state of mind that stays with you, the geographic and spiritual freedom of Algonquin Park, for those who have been there becomes a part of experience that is hard to forget and great to remember.

The Park is a place and occasion for reflection, for the discovery of personal wisdom and for encounters with characters from whom we all have much to learn. There are different and unique people up there, people who have made the choice to spend their lives in these forests and on these rivers.

…those secret spots.. To the small lakes and river bends where the fish have been known to jump out onto the shoreline and chase down an unsuspecting raccoon or porcupine.*

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories

Algonquin Park Wisdom begins when you respect Nature and hold it in awe, like a good, strong, beautiful but unattainable woman. A man is described as, “He can speak fluent French, imitate a loon or Carol Burnett, start a fire in snow with one match after two days of rain, stand up and pole a loaded canoe through rapids, upstream or down. He can patch a gashed canoe with spruce pitch and strips of handkerchief, and produce pancakes as light as a whitecap. He calls the twigs and leaves that rattle down onto a tent at night “dry spills,” and his red stocking cap a “bonnet.” *

28 Mailbox

One guide named Sammy Henson (really a combination shrink and priest) writes, “ The canoe trip experience has special meaning to the people who can slow down and grab onto that magic tonic that comes from the natural environment. They like the call of the loons in the morning and they determine the success of the day by the warmth of the sun on their faces and the friendships made on trip — instead of just hauling in trout. Whereas some of these young hot shots I guide, with all the latest fancy riggin’ require catching their limit of fish each day and worry about the other guy hooking a bigger one. They don’t feel the pure clean energy at the end of their line or the beauty of each fish as it gets closer to the canoe. I’m convinced that some of them don’t even realize that this graceful creature is actually alive and fighting for its life. It’s tough for me to watch, this lack of respect and appreciation. They miss so much because of the constant need to compete, and it has never ever made any sense to me I suppose the competitive nature might keep them alive in the city.* (*from a wonderful book, Stories From the Bow Seat by Don Standfield and Liz Lundell).

30 Other Stuff

In a canoe, do your share of the work… and pull more than your own weight.

31 Sex

The shared experiences of a canoe trip, occurring in the peace and serenity of the forest, lakes and rivers are a gift. Small things become important and life simplifies. Sensations, sun, heat, the noise of rapids, the warm feeling of muscles much used and the dance of campfire flames erase and replace trivial stresses and the incessant rushing of the city. Life slows down and priorities reshuffle. You find yourself thinking clearly and more slowly and more purposefully. Multi-tasking is a remembered cacophony that like noisy traffic you do not miss.

21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health

33 Tackle 34 Working

the rapids I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Anonymous The Park offers opportunities. Friendships can be forged, marriages tested and strengthened and offspring converted. Starry nights with northern lights, rapidly moving water or paddling long lakes into the wind provide unparalleled opportunities for reflection. Inevitably everyone recalibrates a little and no one goes home unchanged. We will be back on the water in the Park next summer. You should give it a try. You will be pleasantly surprised. If it rains, this might take a little longer than you expect!

A canoe trip promises so much hard work, potentially tremendous discomfort

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

(especially in bug season), monotony, a profound lack of the kind of stimulation that we normally look for and “enjoy” from day to day. Why do we do go? God grant me the serenity to walk the portages I must, the courage to run

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists

Line Dancing It Isn’t.

6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Questions of ethics are posed most squarely when the rules are vague

or imprecise and the dilemma is evident. Confusion about applicable rules fosters cheating and encourages rationalizations. Ethicists say that, if the public is to co¬operate, accept difficult decisions and act ethically, the rules must be transparent and open in ex¬plaining what ethical choices have been built into plans. In Canada recently, vaccinations for the H1N1 flu were being given according to a priority list based on vulnerability to complications from H1N1. Publication of the rules was sporadic, uneven and unorganized. There were many media articles with conflicting advice. The risks presented by the flu were inconsistently presented. The list of those to receive vaccinations in priority included pregnant women, those under 65 with conditions such as asthma, children aged six months to five years, some health workers and those living with infants under six months or with people with compromised immunity as for them, receiving the vaccine could be a matter of life and death. For some time supplies of flu vaccine remained distressingly limited. Many people behaved ethically and well. But soon queue-jumping started. Well-connected hospital insiders went to the front of the line for H1N1 immunization, ahead even of vulnerable children. Hockey teams were vaccinated. A doctor tried to rationalize the vaccination of a hockey team

because the team “…might be carriers who were exposed to a wide number of people in a variety of places.” Queue-jumping by sports teams led to the firing of a health official. A newspaper was supportive in a editorial arguing that team members play in venues where thousands of people gather, and . .. “are in, close sweaty contact with the players of other teams.” Some queue jumpers in a high-risk group, such as seniors or people with chronic conditions brought children to the line, bringing an added level of complexity to the ethical issues. In the public’s mind, these rationalizations did not receive warm acceptance. Safety first slowly came to be widely recognized as the principle to be observed and more people began to wait their turns. Queuing is a national culture varying from country to country. So is cutting into a line. You can learn a lot about standing in line and waiting your turn from lineups for ski lifts in where people are not accustomed to joining or forming a queue. Skiers will move directly to their goal without paying much attention to others who are already present. In North America skiers are channeled towards lifts through series of fenced lanes that make corral and loading

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff

Line Dancing It Isn’t. chutes in a Chicago slaughterhouse look simple. In Europe you are faced with a narrowing free for all. Like salmon in a stream you get bunched up more and more tightly as you approach the lift. Creative ways of elbowing ahead are a winning strategy. There are really no rules other, possibly, than don’t stand on anyone’s skis. No one supervises the quiet riot. In some cultures people respect queues as people in queues will object if they feel disrespected. In countries where there is an instilled sense of “fair play” and more reserve about talking to strangers (as in the United Kingdom), often people will remain silently frustrated at what they have witnessed. Wikipedia observes, “In former Communist countries, where waiting in long queues was a near-daily sport, rules are very clear and well observed. In Russia, for example, it is acceptable for a person to leave the queue to use the bathroom (or similar brief diversion) and then return to their original place without having to ask permission. It is also common for a person to be allowed to jump to the front of the queue in special cases, like the need to purchase a ticket for an imminently departing train. This can also be seen in Cuba and in Spain where an arriving patron asks “¿Quién es el último?” (Who is last?) and is then behind that person in the queue, which is not always a physical line.” A flow chart for those in need of a clear definition.

I’m not sure there is any new lesson to be learned here. A shortage of vaccines has brought many face to face with an ethical dilemma. We have looked in a mirror. There has been considerable misbehavior as people not at risk take advantage and force themselves into priority. There has been much good behavior as well, and perhaps even more significantly, much public discussion about the issues. It may be that we have learned something from all of this. The next time a health crisis occurs the problem may be administered better and the rest of us will behave with more consistent responsibility. The conduct of the doctors and other medical personnel was at times disappointing. You did not hear that Doctors were refusing to give a

vaccine to someone not in a high risk group. Perhaps they should have shown more leadership. A senior medical health officer sounded positively silly when he said in public and in the media that they had “left voice mail at the office of a doctor who had given transactions to persons not at risk”. And finally, again from Wikipedia, the numbers.“ According to one study, a person cutting in line has a 54% chance that others in the line will object. With two people cutting in line, there is a 91.3% chance that someone will object. The proportion of people objecting from behind the cutter is 73.3%, with the person directly behind the point of intrusion objecting most frequently.” How do they know?

31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists

Charts

6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Le Fouquet’s The classic Le Fouquet’s 99 ave des Champs-Élysées, 8e is many things.

A beachhead in the war to preserve a new and emerging version of French culture and personality, a landmark watering hole for politicians and show biz celebrities, an obligatory stop for super wealthy tourists, a good and sometime great example of a French uberbistro for the haut bourgeosie of Paris and possibly the best place known to man to watch the winner of the Tour de France cross the finish line.

If it is a battlefield in the fight against globalization (“banalisation” as the French so perfectly describe the homogenization of the world’s culture symbolized by the ubiquitous imperialism of huge international brands) it is a gentile war. In operation since 1899, Le Fouquet’s brasserie has been classified a Monument Historique. In past years the Paris city government has taken steps to retain a more Parisian authentic style. Overwhelmed by the tsunami of global retail brands, the Champs-Elysées was losing it’s unique and iconic character. In 2007 the Swedish clothing chain H&M was denied a license and kept from opening a store on the Champs-Elysées. But even this well-intentioned and protective campaign suffered from arbitrary and inconsistent Parisien hauteur. Inexpliquably in 2008, American clothing chain Abercrombie & Fitch was given permission to open a store. The tenure of the Champs-Elysées as the place for rich Parisians to live, shop and dine ended abruptly in 1965 when the RER rail network opened, delivering middle- and working-class suburbanites onto the tree-lined Boulevard. The street changed quickly and within a few years street vendors arrived and le haut monde fled. McDonald’s and Burger King arrived. In 1992, the City of Paris began to fight back in earnest with the introduction of broad pavements, elegant lighting, dark green newspaper kiosks, frequent street-cleaning and new stores. Burger King

was ushered off the street, Louis Vuitton landed, rents soared as a Virgin Megastore opened and the Gap moved to a prominent site. Through it all Fouquet’s soldiered on, trying without complete success to ignore the changes taking place. In the 1980s, Fouquet’s was the executive dining room of the Mitterrand government. Oysters, Chablis, rognons de veau, it is alleged that most of the Socialists’ key economic decisions were made over plates of hors d’oeuvres, Dover sole and well-chilled Meursault. Michel Charasse, (ministre délégué chargé du Budget, auprès du ministre d’État, ministre de l’Économie et des Finances) frequented a table that seemed to have been permanently reserved for him. And the tradition continues. After the polls closed, a recently elected President of France celebrated his win there. A place to see and be seen, Le Fouquet’s welcomed artistic types, especially big French movie stars and winners of a César (the French Oscar). Le Fouquet is not cheap, nor is it as expensive as you might expect

with “Menus à partir de 78€”. The concept of value doesn’t come readily to mind but this is not merely a meal. Lunch or dinner at Le Fouquet’s is an experience, a glimpse of an imagined way of life and of a style being aspired to, life comme il faut. Management and ownership changed and Le Fouquet’s is now part of a chain with a small number of equally elegant locations. Some of the Parisian insider, power elite atmosphere is gone. Like the

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex

Champs-Elysées Le Fouquet’s has become home to a wealthier and more international clientele and a little less French The Champs-Elysées is wining back its chic, refurbishing its je ne sais pa quoi but this time it’s global, not Gallic. The French say it so much better, “Le Fouquet’s est aux Champs Elysées ce que le Lido est à Paris : une institution indétrônable depuis si longtemps qu’on se demanderait presque si Proust ne l’avait pas fréquentée. Heureusement, Jacques Garcia est passé par le 8e arrondissement de Paris, et d’un coup de baguette magique a relooké le Fouquet’s, transformant le centenaire poussiéreux en restaurant tendance du 8e arrondissement de Paris. Ce que le Tout-Paris compte de people, stars et starlettes, et autres « gens de la télé » se pressent au Fouquet’s, pour savourer la cuisine classique mais excellente de ce restaurant du 8e, autant que le cadre luxueux et tendance. Pour voir (des têtes connues) et être vu (en train de déguster les « Ravioles de homard Jean Todt » ou le « Merlant Colbert comme l’aime Robert Hossein » : un vrai restaurant tendance sur les Champs Elysées, enfin !” “indétrônable?” “relooké?” Well… you can see the trend.img4 I loved the place in the 1980s. A business man’s lunch. Bristling and bustling with quiet, efficient and competence with presence it was refined, busy with purpose and you could taste and feel the success. Being there was more than belonging (however temporarily) it was, for a moment, to be with the important.

33 Tackle

And finally, even if you do not speak French, this video will give you the look of the place.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_i-9f_3XIQ

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

And God Created Brigitte Bardot By Peter Aspden

Published: August 14 2009 22:14 Last updated: August 14 2009 22:14

I

t was a movie that blasted through the 1950s like the Sputnik mission that was to follow a couple of years later. A breathless trailer had warned as much: “Set in the pagan paradise of the French Riviera, swirls the demon-driven temptress who thought the future was invented ... only to spoil the present.” The temptress was pictured in various states of semi-nudity, while a succession of men’s faces gazed at her sternly. They had good cause for their perplexity. The postwar world, and its fragile moral framework, was a dark and joyless place, until God created Bardot. Brigitte Bardot – BB – celebrates her 75th birthday next month, yet those scenes from Roger Vadim’s And God Created Woman, saturated in bright primary colours and impending moral collapse, still retain the power to shock. The tale is flimsy and the script indifferent. But nobody was following plot or dialogue. Audiences were fixated instead on the film’s young star, who was in the act of changing what was deemed acceptable to portray on film, and what it was like to be a star. In the pantheon of sexy blonde archetypes, Bardot stood apart. She was no studio-manufactured glamourpuss in the style of Marilyn Monroe, nor a self-manufactured tigress in the style of Madonna….. For the rest of the Article go to peter.aspden@ft.com or www.ft.com/aspden

But even as Le Fouquet’s changes it continues to be interesting. As the best vantage point from which to watch the final few laps of the Tour de France, while enjoying the exclusive and private EuroCycler lunch on the second floor, the place sounds more like the last day at summer camp. It is a Grand Finale.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists

Boomerang Generation whose children had moved out.

6 Catch and Release

Parents who live in a large census metropolitan area, who own a single-family home and who were born in Asia, South America or Europe are more likely to have at least one of their adult children living with them.

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

T

hey’re coming back! Just when you thought that you and the Missus (partner, roommate, date or whatever) were in for an empty nest or at least a few quiet moments, you get the call. The truth is nearly 25 million adult children are living with their parents in the U.S. alone. A recent Canadian census showed that, of kids aged 20 to 29, 44% live with their parents! Hard to believe but the sources are reliable. Now for an old folks’ conversation, “When your mother and I were your age…” Hell when we were that age we had been out of the family home for 4 years, chosen universities or jobs because they were away from home and we actually liked our parents. One survey reports that some parents are happy to have their adult children living with them. Fully 64% of parents with adult children aged 20 to 34 at home were ‘very satisfied’ with the amount of time they spend together, compared with 54% of parents

Sometimes adult children moving in isn’t so funny. And sometimes it is damn difficult. We know of one couple who sold their ski cabin and gave up skiing because every Friday night just after they arrived at their cabin at the end of a long drive from the city, “Can Bob and Ted and Mary and Joy stay to dinner?” When dinner was finished the same daughter would ask, “Can Bob and Ted and Mary and Joy stay over?” “Aw.. come on __ we are not ready, no sheets or beds made up…we have not planned for this…”

“Well”, said older daughter, if they can not sleep inside then they are just going to sleep outside in their car”. It’s not that these young people do not want to grow up.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Boomerang Generation Many have tried a few different jobs, different degrees, different apartments. When they find themselves in a self-described professional and personal limbo, the parents’ comfortable house in the suburbs looks pretty attractive. “…financially it would be smarter to move back with my folks while I just got things sort of sorted out,’’. Independence, often with a very modest life style attached, has lost its luster. A form of independence with fewer sacrifices can often be found at the parents’ home. It is a different social and economic climate than their parents experienced. More schooling or training for entry into the labor market is now required. Who pays for increasingly expensive higher education? Higher unemployment and student loan debt provide powerful reasons to return home. Some return for personal reasons, to recover from a divorce or an illness or just because they cannot afford their parents’ lifestyle living on their own. Recently arrived immigrant populations bring new perspectives. Very large homes in some suburbs house extended South Asian families. These home revolve around single shared, if large, kitchen, dining and living facilities. They are not blocks of separate suites or walk-up apartment accommodation.

Parents are often happy to help out, both emotionally and financially. As a result, the arrangement often works to everyone’s satisfaction. However, there are risks, especially for the parents. These include family tension and misunderstandings, including about money. The return of adult children, for many families is welcome. The empty nest again becomes a home with activity. There is a feeling of helping or of working together especially as sometimes this occurs at times of difficult transition in children’s lives. Parents may take on too much, very often at a time when they need to be downsizing and economising to meet retirement needs.

This sense of a common good does not always last. As with starting any new co-operative endeavour, making clear understanding at the beginning is extremely important. Make no mistake, the return of adult children to live with parents is a new beginning and a new set of relationships. If some of the parties start to feel that they are being imposed upon or taken advantage of tensions will rise quickly. The load, expense, chores and courtesies have to be shared by all or the arrangement will soon be perceived as not working for everyone. The familiarity of a family is not always the best foundation for forming these new relationships. Treating adult children as guests, although recommended by many advisors, may not be the best course because it implies values and customs of hospitality and support that may be difficult to maintain and that may not be shared. Some people and they may be your children, do not know how to be good guests. Have frank discussions before you consider the return of an adult chid to the nest. Make a Plan which should include a Timeline. The discussion involved in this exercise may well be revealing. Is this in the mind of parent or adult child a long term situation? What circumstances will bring it to an end? How long will (“should?”) it take to undertake some career planning, complete a program of studies or an internship or to find employment? Are these plans realistic?

What goes around comes around, one way or the other… “What if…?” milestones will help everyone to appreciate difficulties and responsibilities. Frank discussions may bring everyone to understand that the adult children are at a loss about what to do next. These can be very difficult

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists

Boomerang Generation

6 Catch and Release

conversations, particularly when expectations are unreasonable, goals unattainable and solutions requiring more extreme measures than subsidized living at home.

is a huge undertaking for parents and a very very big commitment. Consider this carefully.

8 Charts

You may need to take on some professional help and there is more and more of it to be found for these issues.

There is a balance here and you should make sure that you do not take on so much that you put your own security and peace of mind at risk. This is certainly a time for realism and some tough love. Returning adult children can be a blessing or a disaster. The difference will be up to you.

and Other Ethics

9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

To be useful the discussions have to be meaningful. Everyone involved has to mean what they say. They have to keep their agreements. This makes useful ideas like,”… if by a certain date ________” there is a consequence. Items for discussion and agreement include understandings about goals (why is this happening and what do all parties hope to achieve), guests (including who, for how long? sleepovers?), language and profanity in the house, parties and events, pets, household chores and use of facilities, noise levels and music, drugs and alcohol, status and respect, religious culture and practices, use of automobiles, use of consumables, payment of rent and expectations about communications and about coming and going. Experts say it’s best for everyone to be on the same page in order to avoid the resentment that will arise from vastly disparate assumptions. There are three very significant underlying issues to consider.

24 Guides and Books

First is what is all of this is aid of? What are you trying to do? What are the objectives to be achieved in permitting your adult children to move in with you?

26 Health

Second, a very significant issue is about money. What are the financial implications and terms of this new arrangement going to be? Can you as parents really afford it?

28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Do not provide more financial support than you can afford. You have a financial future to think about and you should not sacrifice your own financial future by providing more support to adult children than you can afford. Decide how much you want to and can afford to help. Children have years to build their financial security, while you may be retired or close to it.

“Here they come!”

Do not bail them out or you may find yourself bailing again. Talk about how to avoid new debt and to live within their means and save. Think about when you were on an airplane with children and the safety instructions were that if the oxygen masks drop you are to put your own on first. You won’t be of much help to your children if all of you get into financial trouble. Third are the expectations. Think ahead. How will living together work? Who is going to do what? And finally there may be the questions of child care for grandchildren. Taking this on

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books

Paying For Fishing This will be the first installment of a new feature here at WisdomFishing.com. We are going to take a look in this feature, in future issues, at the delicate subject of money. How do we pay for our fishing? We will have contributions form guest experts, books to review and suggestions to make about simple but profound approaches to personal finance. The orientation of these comments will be advice for men over 50. We will look at issues of particular concerns to our readers we approach, pass or avoid retirement. As a foundation we are going to look briefly, in this issue, at two books which will form the basis of WisdomFishing.com’s approach to personal finance. We hope you will find this feature informative and useful.

This book attempts to shift your perception on

A second book of interest, presenting a different perspective is The Secret Language of Money

1. Making Peace with the Past. Gather up your assets and liabilities and take an inventory of your finances.

The book is a step-by-step operating manual that will make the reader fluent in the secret language of money. It will illuminate money narratives and mentor rewriting an informed, strategic, and successful money story. That money story permeates every aspect of our lives, and is one that consciously or not, we will use in almost every aspect of our lives. This book is a Michelin Guidebook for your relationship with money.

money, by converting money into a measure of the effort it takes for you to earn the amount in question. A sobering approach. In future issues we will look at the 9 steps proposed. They are:

2. Determining What You Really Earn. Gross income less incurred expenses. This can be an eye opener.

26 Health

3. Where Is It All Going? Start tracking your income and expenses each month.

28 Mailbox

4. Questions of “Worth”. Are expenses and things worth what you have to achieve to buy them?

30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

5. Making Your Financial Life Visible Using a chart to see how you are really doing, month by month. 6. Minimizing Spending It’s not what you make, it’s what you spend. 7. Maximizing Income. What can you do for a living, differently? 8. Planning With Goals Setting goals and learning what you must do to achieve them. 9. Managing Your Finances. Looking at tools and investment vehicles.

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

It will help the reader: • • • •

Decipher the secret language encrypted in money. Move from fear of money to mastery. Identify the self-statements made with money behaviors. Recognize money behaviors ghostwritten by your mind’s hidden assumptions. • Overcome your brain’s patterned responses that lead to bad decisions. • Develop the art and science of money strategies. • Illuminate options and map possibilities.

There is a good introductory video for this book at, http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=ay96FP7bVoQ

There is a good introductory video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1jumg5hzc

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists

A Mystery to Me by John J. Swift

6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Chapter 2 The next morning life began to improve. The knee was a little stiff and sore but working. I felt a promise of improvement despite the large black and blue bruise on my neck. First the Alfa. With a few calls I had it on the way to being picked up and the repair garage expecting its arrival. I made an inventory of the things in the briefcase and felt a little like I had lost an old friend. That briefcase had been through law school with me.

I walked over to the restaurant at noon.

Fourth Avenue in Vancouver is a street that for a long time evolved with and then eventually outgrew its baby boomer patrons. The head shops are gone and I am not sure if you can still buy tie-dyed clothes anywhere, but here and there are vestiges of what once had been the norm. Younger people followed their elder siblings and adopted the street. The shops had become more prosperous, flashier and more sophisticated, more like any other neighbourhood. One oasis of past memories is Sophie’s Cosmic Café. Sophie’s is at once a restaurant with good comfort food, a home away from home for a large neighbourhood of young and older people and a carefully-assembled museum of memorabilia from the 1950s, an era that ended prior to the birth of many patrons. Sophie, prematurely grey and mother in absentia to the world, was at the door supervising all around her. She recognized me, came over and took me to a corner booth. With the most maternal of looks, she thoroughly explored my face with her eyes and watched my careful movements with concern. I hoped I didn’t look as bad as her concern suggested. Saying nothing she handed me the menu. I was quiet and Sophie just stood there. Someone had to say something.

“It’s not as bad as you seem to think it looks.”

“You’re not the type to get in a fight Daniel. A little past that part of your life. You of all people. It looks painful.”

“Thanks Sophie. Really, I’m OK.”

“Do you want to order now?”

“No thanks I’ll wait for my friend.” Sophie left me and returned in a minute with menus and coffee and an amused smile.

“This might help.” I sat quietly and introspectively while Sophie went off to minister to her other customers. I wondered just how bad I looked and worried about how much she worried. For these reasons and because of aches and twinges I was quietly revising my feelings about the state of my health when Ithaca’s arrival gave me and everyone else something new to think about. Ithaca came through the front door and stood at the counter, pausing in front of the cash register at the end of the long row of bar stools to look for me. From the looks on the faces of the other patrons I wasn’t the only person falling in love. Sophie, with some combination of ancestral wisdom and feminine intuition, went over to her and pointed to me in the corner. Words I could not hear were exchanged, there were small, conspiratorial smiles and Ithaca started towards me. Ithaca’s approach made me feel considerably better. The overall effect was stunning. This time in sweater and cords, outdoor jacket, blues, greens and golds. Classic, Deborah Kerr on the loose. Striking looks, softness, confidence, at home with herself, feminine with strength. The whole place watched and I tried to put the picture into my memory for other times and places. Ithaca’s concern seemed to increase as she came to the table and sat down looking closely at me.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good.”

“Sure you are.”

“No, seriously I am fine – a little stiff. How about you?”

“I am having a little trouble believing it happened. I never expected anything like this. I want to thank you for the help.” There was an awkward pause then and we both retreated to our own thoughts. I broke the silence. “Do you want to tell me what this is all about?” Ithaca considered my question. She was aware that I was watching her closely. I wasn’t angry with her but I wanted answers. I did not think she was responsible for what had happened. Nor did I feel that this was something I had bought into, assumed a risk on and was now paying the price for. Volenti non fit injuria, as the lawyers say. At your own risk. When the men attacked on the road it was the complete disregard for us that bothered me the most. I was offended by and angry about the arrogance and power which they seemed to possess and use so freely. In fact, the brutal disregard and lack of respect for us bothered me more than the physical stuff. I was angry after and had been getting angrier as time went by and

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

A Mystery to Me as I thought more about what had happened. The distress of Ithaca, to whom I was so attracted, was adding to the total. Finally, I had come to believe in the rule of law and in its sanctity. The complete lack of regard for any kind of order or rules had me thinking pretty hard. I was upset and buying in.

of which I couldn’t read. The brotherhood of women.

A good read, written with a deft and light touch telling a story with plenty of humor and some real characters.This book is a happy diversion and a reminder about the value of tenacity, individualism, strength of character, the importance of humor and of keeping life, relationships and goals in perspective.

“If you need anything”, looking at us both of us but mostly at Ithaca, “just call.” I didn’t think she was thinking about food. Ithaca, by now almost maddeningly mysterious, sipped her tea. It became obvious that she was deciding where to begin and how much to say.

The protagonist is very human guy, with weaknesses that will upset any woman you lend this book to. It’s a book by and about men and some of their good traits and some that are not so good. The fact that Ithaca was for me about the most interesting and intriguing woman I had ever seen was certainly helping. Having her looking concerned about me was, well put it this way, with the exception of Sophie’s coffee, about the only good thing that had happened to me in the last twenty-four hours. Ithaca was clearly ill at ease, unsure as to whether I was blaming her or not and uncertain about how to read me. I thought I might get more of the truth more directly if I kept up the front and so I let the silence grow. To tell the truth I couldn’t read her well and could not tell what she was thinking. You can hide a great deal behind a face like hers and Ithaca from long practice knew how to do it. She was as good looking as I remembered and more so, standing up well to my scrutiny. Very good looking to anyone, very very attractive to me. We sat in awkward silence. Sophie brought more coffee and there was a small truce while I made introductions and we placed our orders. Ithaca had tea and a Caesar Salad and I had an omelette and a glass of red wine. Ithaca ordered quietly with evident and well-maintained composure. Sophie, one of the great amateur psychiatrists of our day, could sense that something was wrong and took a long look at me to see if I was the problem. Ithaca noticed her scrutiny and gave Sophie the secret smile that said a thousand things most

One of the messagses apparently satisfied Sophie who left us as if I were in the good hands of a competent babysitter.

“I don’t know how much to tell you. I don’t mean that quite the way it sounds. I will tell you anything you want to know. It’s not that I don’t trust you. You have been beaten up because of me and I’m feeling badly about that.” I let her continue; I could tell there was no alternative. “But we have to go and see the police today and I don’t want to involve them. They won’t be able to or want to help.” She was watching my face intently and gently fended off my first attempt at an interruption. “Oh they will be interested, as interested as they usually are to have information about the men who attacked us. But they like crime they can understand.” The speech seemed almost rehearsed. Ithaca had obviously given a great deal of thought to what she was going to say and probably more thought to what she was not going to say. Some of what was coming out wasn’t planned. She didn’t think much of the police but didn’t say it. She wasn’t bitter. The impression left but unsaid was that she thought the police were short sighted, underresourced, and slightly incompetent. Well intentioned, but not much more. She didn’t suffer fools. I had the feeling that there wasn’t much to do but sit back and to listen to what she had to say. “I am involved in a group called PCEC, the Pacific Coast Environmental Coalition. One of our projects is gathering evidence about serious, continuous and reckless pollution of Howe Sound. This Book is many things. Funny is one. Snow Job should be put into the training programs for politcians that use the TV series “Yes Minister”. Equally hialrious and perceptive, the glimpse of politics that the reader recieves is on the money. Arthur Beauchamp is sympathetically drawn with affection and gentle realism. Here is an admirably aging man, learning and adjusting

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

A Mystery to Me as he goes. Someone you would like to meet. I can not recommend this one highly enough. The environmental damage is massive and unless stopped potentially irreversible. When the evidence is released probably the fisheries and a pulp and paper mill will have to be closed. A great deal of money is at stake for the mill doing the polluting. If we can stop it some very well known people will be implicated and there will certainly be criminal charges.” “I have heard something about this.” I tried to remember more specifically. “There was a story in the newspapers a few months ago about a woman from Gibsons, a retired high school science teacher. She and her husband kept notes about the dioxin levels and effects in the fish they caught in certain places and at certain depths for 20 years. Didn’t they find that there were increasing amounts of dioxins in the fish over the last 5 years when, in theory, the levels should have been getting lower as regulations were tightened?” “That retired science teacher is my Aunt Gwen. Uncle Bill, her husband, died a few years ago. It’s true. The results of her work showed that something is going wrong. PCEC has taken up the cause and is now running a program of tests much more elaborate than my Aunt could do.”

24 Guides and Books 26 Health

30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

“There are 3 or 4 pulp mills on Howe Sound. Why are you focussed on Sechelt Straits?” “There is a mill at Port Mellon and there is a mill at Woodfibre and activity at Squamish but they are all well run and not part of the problem. Management of each of those facilities have been very open with us and are genuinely concerned about the problem. The Sechelt Straits mill, which is in a long inlet half way between Port Mellon and Woodfibre, won’t have anything to do with us - we’re sure that they are the source of the dioxins.” Sechelt Straits Pulp and Paper was a public company that traded on the Vancouver Stock Exchange. According to Ithaca, the company, was dumping dioxins in the effluent and in the outflow water which was pumped into the Sound. Ithaca described how PCEC members had trespassed on the mill’s property to obtain samples of the outflow. Towards the end of her story she told me about the three men who were in Vancouver trying to find the samples and the records to take them back or to destroy them. “They know I don’t have them but they think I know where they are. Because the samples are essentially stolen property we don’t want the police involved. There are an extensive set of samples and an extensive set of records and notes which go back about 5 years and which show for each sample when it was collected and how. The test analysis results of the samples show the percentage of dioxin and furans in the sample. The content is consistently high. The analysis is being done on an NMR machine at UBC by the chemistry graduate students.” I was puzzled and must have looked it. As if in response she went on, “An NMR machine is a Nuclear Magnetic Resonator, an instrument which exposes a sample to an incredibly strong magnetic field. This permits you to see what the molecular structure of the sample is and consequently what it is made up of.”

28 Mailbox

34 Working

We started to eat and Ithaca resumed her story. She talked for almost fifteen minutes about Sechelt Straits Pulp and Paper which operated a pulp and paper mill on the shore of a large inlet on the northern shore of Howe Sound, a large fjord-like inlet near Vancouver. I interrupted occasionally with questions for which she had answers. The facts rang true. The way she set them out indicated that she was nobody’s fool.

“What were our friends trying to get from you?” Whatever it might have been, the contents of my briefcase were going to be a disappointment to them. But Ithaca had my attention and I was beginning to think, no hope, in that certain sense, we had each other’s attention. The first bits and pieces of lunch arrived and broke up the conversation. Ithaca watched me as the food was put on the table, looking for a response. I gave her an encouraging smile. I wanted to hear the rest.

I had plenty of questions and I asked them. “Where are the authorities?” Even as I asked it sounded like “Are there no poor houses?” It turned out that effectively there weren’t. I asked more questions. Yes, there were inspectors, a small number of badly overworked inspectors who made infrequent inspections. Basically the industry was supposed to be self-regulating and if a mill’s test results were consistently good then the mill could file test results on a

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

A Mystery to Me less frequent basis. Ithaca also suspected that when inspectors did make spot inspections, by the time they had passed through the locked front gate of the mill, the mill supervisors were preparing the outfall and diluting the effluent for an inspection which occurred, at the earliest half an hour later. “So where are you in all of this? Is the analysis complete? Do you have everything you need?” We were not sure that we would like this book but unanimously we did. Over the course of the book you grow to like, sympathize with and, in the end, cheer for the narrator. The book brings you face to face with the question of noise to signal. What’s important? What should you do about it? There is real character here, a man setting his own course. This is not entirely a happy and positive story but the protagonist’s resolve in the face of problems is portrayed well and sympathetically. It’s a romp! It will be difficult to obtain more samples. The security at the mill is on high alert and the place looks like a prisoner of war compound. The analysis takes a lot of time and NMR time is extremely limited. In the last six months about half of the analysis has been completed and although the trend is clear more samples must be analysed to show what is going on. Somehow the Company has found out about the plan to make the test results public. The owners and promoters of the company are trying to find the samples and destroy them. I am not sure if they know what has been done with them but they seem to know that PCEC is involved and that the samples are being tested at the University of British Columbia.” Too many people I thought. Too many people excited about what they were doing and talking too much. Someone had heard something and then more talk and now the story had worked its way back to the Company.

“Why are they after you?”

“ The Company knows I’m involved. I’m a vice-president of PCEC, with the right training, in the right department at the University, engaged in environmental research. Two months ago there were public hearings over the Company’s plans for expansion of the pulp and paper mill. PCEC tried to get the public and the appropriate government agencies to take a series of samples and to conduct an investigation over time with spot checks. The authorities refused. Too expensive apparently.” It figures I thought. No public official was going to undertake that kind of investigation without some solid evidence, especially when the Company under investigation was publicly traded.

Ithaca ate lightly, not really interested in her food. We talked on, growing more comfortable with each other. Outside it rained heavily making the restaurant in contrast seem cosier inside. The lunch crowd was building up and settling in for a long pleasant afternoon. I envied them. It would have been easy to sit with Ithaca, have a second glass of wine and let the afternoon go by. We began to talk of other things, the University, we had mutual friends. She was a skier and had been a slalom racer during her University years. A woman after my own heart. At one point the conversation slowed. We were talking about family. My wife’s passing had come up, a tragedy in the past. Ithaca looked carefully for signs of how I was dealing with it. We discussed my daughters, both lawyers, one in Africa and one in Vancouver, a criminal defence lawyer. Ithaca was watching me intently, gauging my reaction to what she was about to say. “My 7 year old granddaughter, Sarah, lives with me. Her mother has gone away.” This was a bit of a surpirse and then I thought why should it be? Many questions came to mind. They were less important to me than the fact that Ithaca lived with a young child. Life could not be simple. Young girls held no terrors for me. I had been there and had a great experience. My daughters are an important part of my life. This however was a surprise. I wondered briefly how I would relate to Sarah. “They must be great for you. Seven is a wonderful age. They discover so much and have such precocious wisdom. She must keep you busy!” Ithaca talked breifly and with pride about her granddaughter, clearly an important priority in her life. But then, that was why she brought the subject up. Soon Ithaca turned the talk, with some reluctance, back to the meeting and its issues and to the police. “I’m not going to tell them anything.” Her eyes were steady. There was determination in the statement. “People have taken enormous risks to obtain those samples. One person who was trying to obtain samples was caught and beaten up. Fell over a cliff they said. I’m not going to be the one who drops the ball and turns this into a lawyer’s squabble with police protecting the mill site.”

“You won’t be hard to find. They will come back.”

“I’m not so sure. We have decided that PCEC will write to the Company to say that we have the samples and the results and that if anyone is hurt we will release them immediately. The letter will be public. We are hoping to provoke a stalemate.” An interesting idea I thought. I wasn’t so sure it would work. I didn’t think the Company would believe them and I said so.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists

A Mystery to Me

6 Catch and Release

“That’s one of the group of Companies that Kevin Markham controls isn’t it?”

8 Charts

“Yes, that right.” This was bad news. Kevin Markham was a huge, larger than life buccaneer in the Vancouver stock trading world. He was tough, aggressive and known as a wild man who did not know when to stop, a bull of a man known for high flying speculative deals.

and Other Ethics

9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

“Oh, Kevin Markham and the Company know us well from past environmental hearings. They know about our access to expertise and our ability to communicate with the media. As a result of the questions we raised on the pulp and paper mill’s smoke emissions the approvals were delayed for a testing program which isn’t to end until next month. They must be worried about the water discharge samples.”

“What will you tell the police?”

“Just the truth which I have no way of proving. The police will wonder why we were attacked last night, but that’s all.” There hadn’t been anything of value in the briefcase, I thought. From the business cards in the briefcase they thought I was a part of the project and involved with the attempt to publicize or take some other action on the samples.

“They will think I am PCEC’s lawyer.”

“Probably.”

“The police won’t do much but I think that you should tell them the entire story. No need to tell them how the samples were obtained. Get on the record. If you need help later a good file with the police will help.” She was plainly sceptical and convinced that the police couldn’t and wouldn’t be much help. “Does your neck hurt very much?” No, I thought - I was a little tender in other places but that was fading. I was thinking about Ithaca’s story and devotion to this cause when the bill came and it was time to go out of the charmed circle and into the rain. I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t think Ithaca wanted to leave either. I wasn’t sure what she was thinking but I was hoping that she would trust me. I wanted her to trust me. Did I want to get involved in the problem with the pulp and paper mill? I wasn’t sure. I am not anyone’s Sir Galahad, no matter how much I was attracted to them. Still I was sympathetic to the cause and indeed a bit in awe of people who could put on such a wellco-ordinated operation with only volunteers, especially in the face of such

opposition. And I was involved, at least to the extent of going to see the police. USA Today says “Bookshelves across the country are cracking under the weight of thrillers that mix history, adventure, secret codes and intercontinental chases (thank you, Da Vinci Code). But few will surpass The Book of Air and Shadows when it comes to energetic writing, compellingly flawed characters, literary scholarship, mathematical conundrums and that oh-sonecessary dose of comic relief.” And I agree completely. An improbable, oddly credible hero, a great dose of the arcane and an as yet undiscovered play by Shakespeare, all you need. Far from the least important consideration in my mind was Ithaca. The feeling between us was growing, far more than you would expect from a single lunch. I could only hope that the attraction was half as strong for her as it was for me. I had more reasons to follow up on this than I usually have for things I do. We went out into the rain after appropriate goodbyes to Sophie. We had arranged that Ithaca would drive. The Land Rover, which she said was on permanent loan from her aunt, was parked nearby. 222 Main Street is an imposing large concrete fortress of law and order in the epicentre of Vancouver’s notorious Downtown Eastside. The building overlooks, in more than one way, the central drug trading exchange for the area which is just across a busy intersection. Hundreds of small drug sales and purchases occur there hourly, under the unseeing and apparently uncaring supervision of the authorities. No one in the process has the resources and therefore the willingness to deal with the problems. There are an insufficient number of police to adequately patrol the area, insufficient court resources to deal with what would be the volume of cases if the law were enforced. There is similarly nowhere to put convicted offenders so Judges don’t bother to sentence the guilty. The front door of the court house is generally considered to be revolving. In The Vancouver Sun a few days earlier there had been an article about a car thief who had stolen and been charged with the theft of 11 cars in separate incidents. There were pictures of the cars in the article. The car thief is out and wandering around. It is hard to understand. To quote Swift, “…reason…a very light rider, and easily shook off.” We met Detective Harlihan in a bleak institutional no frills meeting room. On his home ice the Detective seemed to have increased confidence and authority if that were possible. He was thorough and formal, and the interview went slightly differently than I thought it would. We told our stories. Ithaca explained that she

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books

A Mystery to Me was a marine biologist working on a PCEC project. She did not describe or point to any evidence to show that the men from the green Mercedes were involved with Sechelt Straits Pulp and Paper. The police had checked out the license number of the green Mercedes, and had interviewed the neighbours of the owner. He was not at home. Big surprise. When Ithaca said that she did not know what the men were after, the Detective was not convinced. There was not much to the story that he could get his teeth into. As the interview wound down he made it clear that whatever else he was going to do he did not want us to get involved. He and Ithaca both looked concerned when I asked for the address of the car owner. Harlihan wouldn’t tell me, and I could feel Ithaca’ s scrutiny as she tried to figure out why I wanted the information. I wanted some assurance that Harlihan was going to do something about the owners of the Mercedes. He pointed out that I could only connect the car with the afternoon incident on campus, there were no witnesses other than the two of us and the University Warden who couldn’t identify anyone or the license plate, and in any event, no one was home at the address of the car’s owner. The police, I was assured, would interview the owner, if they could find him. The way the detective said it you knew this was not quite going to be an all points bulletin with a high priority.

No Comment…

“I can have someone talk to the owner of that car but if these people let you see their faces they aren’t worried about identification and will probably have an alibi.” The degree of enthusiasm in his voice let me know that he thought the inquiry was going to be a waste of time. He had been there before. Detective Harlihan was called to the telephone and had to leave. With his curt farewell there was a suggestion that there might be a collection of mug shots for us to look at on a later date, and a clear instruction to stay out of the matter and leave it to the police. It seemed like a poor idea at the time. We left the building. The meeting had been unsatisfying for all concerned. Ithaca was quiet as we stood in the street outside of the police station. We drove to my apartment and parted, on my part at least, somewhat reluctantly. I asked if I could call later in the week and suggested that perhaps we could go out for a casual dinner. The response was a warm jolt of eye contact and a smile that you could build a dream on. It was time to leave. There was an awkward pause. It was almost Saturday night and women like Ithaca are busy on Saturday nights so we didn’t linger. I went off to see some friends and a movie. Ithaca went off to whatever, taking my imagination with her.

26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

How To Talk To A Man by Bob Foulkes

O

ver the years every man gets some version of this quizzical statement from a woman he loves: “We don’t talk…” “How do I know what you’re thinking if you don’t talk to me” Such questions cause great confusion, especially since the woman posing the question has known him for a long time and shared many intimacies. It’s a trite and ready truism, men don’t talk much, or at least we don’t talk as much as women want; nor, I suspect, about matters they wish to discuss. Let me turn the tables. The issue is not how WE communicate with them; it is how they communicate with us. Men don’t have trouble talking to men. I have come to the conclusion that women need a set of instructions on how to talk to a man. It would be a sort of a manual, a playbook. So, boys, if the women in your life are saying;‘You never talk to me”, clip this out of your manual and give it to her. They’re Bob’s rule of how to have a successful conversation with a man. Every conversation with a man has to meet three essential conditions: • No direct eye contact • There must be an opportunity to suspend the conversation instantly when it becomes uncomfortable, • There must be a readily available physical exit.

There are two places that meet these tests - sporting events and cars. Since most men haven’t learned how to jump from a moving car without hurting themselves, it is recommended that conversations with most men should be done at sporting events.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release and Other Ethics 8 Charts 9 Classics

Rules for Successful Conversation With Men

important issues like feelings.

• No direct eye contact • There must be an opportunity to suspend the conversation instantly when it becomes uncomfortable • There must be a readily available physical exit

Let him sit near the stairs, or in the car passenger seat. If the conversation gets too scary, he just pulls the door handle, drops to the pavement and rolls away unhurt. A real man would prefer the pain of a bit of gravel rash to that of answering a direct question from a woman he loves. He will choose physical pain over emotional pain ten out of ten times. As I said, a conversation at a game is preferable. At a game, he can race away to get more beer, go to the john, buy you a cap, or find some food. These are plausible reasons for him to remove himself from the scene. It’s the flight or fight thing - we’re civilized; we know we can’t fight so we run away.

11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

No direct eye contact. For some reason, men wilt under direct face to face conversation where eye contact is continuous and unavoidable. We immediately feel like we are being cross examined. We assume we are being accused of having done something wrong. We become fidgety, evasive and anxious. Our mind becomes blank; our short little memory becomes even shorter. Eye contact is too hot. If you want to have a real conversation with a man, sit beside him and avoid eye contact. You cannot talk to a man about serious issues from across a table. Talking across a table should be reserved for men negotiating the cost of a replacement muffler or the price of a new roof. It is a negotiation amongst equals. That’s why we invented sports - so we could talk to each other while watching the game. If you want to talk to a man take him to a game – hockey and baseball are both acceptable. Suspending the conversation. Every conversation must be instantly interruptible - for a plausible reason. We must be able to change the subject of the conversation when we are getting uncomfortable; we need a reason to do so, beyond that fact that we are uncomfortable. That’s why sporting events and games are good. They are perfect for avoiding tough questions that make our palms sweaty - we simply jump up and start yelling at the ref, or a player, or another fan. We can thus cut the conversation off without ever being accused of avoiding the conversation. A readily available exit. Every conversation with a man needs a clear exit. Yes, a real physical exit. You should always choose your seat wisely when you want to chat with a man about

Finally, even when you as a women have carefully followed these instructions, you know that most conversations will be disjointed, equivocated, and subject to great ranges of interpretation. We’re only trying to improve your chances. Emotionally satisfying conversations with men are rare. Consider it a process where, as the layers get peeled back, the true nature of the man emerges. But you know all this already don’t you? It’s what makes you love us so; the challenge of talking to a man.

How to Talk to a Woman By Bridgette Boisvert

I love Bob’s playbook for women entitled “How

to Talk to a Man.” It is hilarious. And like all good humor, it contained a grain of truth or two. When the WisdomFishing.com editor asked me to write a response, with some hesitation, I agreed. I was confident that I could write about talking (since I spend most of my life talking) but not sure I could live up to Bob’s level of hilarity. Anyway, here goes. Let me start with a parable. Do you know the story of the guy who lived in California and had a vacation house in Hawaii? He was walking along the beach and knocked over a bottle. Out came a genie who offered to grant him one wish. “Excellent”

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

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Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

How to Talk to a Woman the guy said. “I wish for a bridge to be built across the Pacific Ocean from my house in California to Hawaii.” The genie thought for a moment went on a rant. “Do you know how expensive it would be to build a bridge all the way from here to Hawaii? The engineering, the environmental impact, the contingencies for tsunamis, etc. Your wish is a total nightmare. Come up with another one!” The guy responded “Ok - I wish to understand women” to which the genie replies: “How many lanes would you like on your bridge?”

you can even throw in how beautiful her eyes are. That is such a great way to compliment a woman without getting into forbidden waters like - hey - I love how you look in that tight sweater! By the way - if her eyes are unremarkable and you don’t wish to give a false compliment for fear of being seen as un-genuine, then check out her shoes. Chances are, she’s wearing a great pair of pumps that nobody has complimented lately. She will be pleased that you noticed her shoes, since she probably spent most of her last paycheck on them.

Understanding Women

Keep Talking…When the Going Gets Tough

Well, I don’t think there’s enough space here for a manifesto on how to understand women, but at least we can explore how to talk to women, since, unfortunately for you guys, dealing with women does actually involve talking.

Condition number two: stay the course in the conversation, even if it gets uncomfortable to do so. Guys - trust me - 90% of you will bail out on a conversation the minute it seems to get a bit awkward. Somehow in guy world, this is acceptable behavior. But here on planet co-ed, you gotta be able to stick with the tough conversations. You gotta be able to ask things like “how are you coping with (fill in the blank)?” Or better still, you should try to share some of your deeper feelings and allow yourself to become (gasp) vulnerable to the woman you are talking to. If you show a more compassionate side of your personality, she will not think less of you, or think you are some kind of a sensitive wimp. Au contraire, guys who can open up are that much hotter. You don’t have to open up all the time or in every conversation, just once in a while to prove you can. And if you couple that with being a good listener when she opens up…

In Bob’s column, he outlines three essential conditions for talking to a man: (1) no eye contact, (2) an opportunity to change the conversation instantly, and (3) a physical escape route. Here’s the rub - if you want to talk to women, there are also three conditions: (1) lots of direct and deep eye contact; (2) an ability to stay the course even if the conversation is uncomfortable; and (3) physical intimacy. Let’s Talk…Oh Sure Bob admonishes women to go to sporting events or car drives if they want to talk to a man. Good luck with that. Its so frustrating, because for all of us chicks who have been to sporting events, we know well that unless we are talking about the latest league statistics or the incredible play the last guy made, we better keep our mouths shut. In fact, I would suggest to all my girlfriends that you never attend a sporting event with a guy you like, unless you actually know something about the sport, or are willing to spend a few weeks constantly watching ESPN to get up to speed. As for chats in the car, that too is out of the question in my book. Why? Because car rides are for singing loudly along with the radio to your favorite tune, or immersing yourself in mapquest, not for deep conversations with your significant other. In a car ride - you can’t even look at each other. Or at least the driver can’t gaze into the eyes of the passenger for any period of time. Don’t Talk Unitl You Can See the Whites of Their Eyes That brings us to our first condition for a good way to talk to women. Eye contact is great. The more eye contact the better. It is a way of communicating deeply without having to verbalize a thing. The windows to the soul can be so expressive. So rather than avoiding eye contact, you should maximize it. It is the very first rule of successful flirtation. Lots and lots of eye contact. At some point,

Body Language Doesn’t Need Translation Condition number three: Bob wants a readily accessible physical escape route, whereas I am suggesting physical intimacy. Communicating isn’t just about words, its about body language. Holding your gal’s hand, or stroking her hair, or sitting close are all ways that can make the talking part go better. So much is said in a hug. Sometimes everything is said physically, even when no words are exchanged. So, given all of our disagreements in how to communicate with each the opposite sex, you may think that Bob and I would never actually get along in real life. Ironically, nothing can be further from the truth. Even if I didn’t play by Bob’s manual in talking to him, we have managed to have a couple of great conversations over time. Well - actually - I have to admit - our best conversation was in his car - little eye contact - and an easy escape route. So maybe he’s not all wrong after all.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release and Other Ethics 8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books

Guides and Books Moving back to the land is a well shared dream. We have many aspiring back to

the land types here at WisdomFishing.com. Some are horse people and you have to be a pretty positive personality to keep a horse. Others are students of the Under the Tuscan Sun school of literature. In these books, under relentlessly sunny skies, the narrator buys a 200-year-old farmhouse with a view of the next picturesque village somewhere in France or Italy, plants a vegetable garden and a vineyard, benefits from the wisdom and advice of old men and women from the neighborhood and falls in love with a dreamy young successful professional, usually of the opposite sex and from the nearby village. We enjoy these books as they are meant to be enjoyed. As daydreams replete with great flavors, wonderful smells, good honest wine, they exude humor resulting when the foibles of the villagers collide with the in- experience and clumsiness of the authors. These books are a celebration of minor accomplishments, of coming to grips with the good life and different priorities in Tuscany, Provence or somewhere similar. They make us feel successful and happy. This literature overflows into newspapers and magazines. In the New York Times a very pleasant article entitled “Living Off the Land” by Brent Bowers explored the subject of “Niche Farms Reap Rich Dividends for Entrepreneurs Who Have Patience”.

“Another study by the service found despite consolidation in the sector, tiny farms are holding their own. The number of farms with annual sales of more than US$250,000 in inflation adjusted dollars rose to 152,000 in 2002 from 85,000 in 1982. While midsize and small farms with revenue between US$ 10,000 and US$ 250,000 declined, operations with sales of less than US$10,000 rose 14% in those years to 2.5 million from 2.2 million.” “Robert Hope and agriculture department researcher recommended the slow and steady approach being taken. This could be a good time for entrepreneurs to start a farm, he said, “particularly if they have other sources of income.” Please pass the salt. Reconsider thoughts like “…operations with sales of less than US$10,000 rose 14% in those years to 2.5 million from 2.2 million. I think this really means that a number of people started vegetable gardens in their back yards.

Even statistics are brought to bear in support of this happy premise.

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“Organic farming has become one of the fast-growing segments of the US agriculture,” a recent report from the Service noted.”

Photo by John Weiss on Flickr

“In one measure of the growth in smaller farms (although it does not include all “natural” operations, the number of organic farms in the United States more than doubled to 8500 in 2005 from 3,600 in 1992 and the land under cultivation more than quadrupled, to 1.64 million hectares from 374,000 hectares, according to the US agriculture Department’s Economic Research Service.”

Photo by Photofarmer on Flickr A book from this universe prompted an article in the New York Times entitled, “The Death of the Idyll” by Frank Bures. The book was entitled The Wisdom of Tuscany. Over the years I have enjoyed Máté‘s books. They are great reading for a cold rainy night. Bure’s thesis is that “for many years now, the northern edge of the Mediterranean has been besieged by Anglophones searching for the good life” all guided by these books but that, “perhaps mercifully”, that era

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

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Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Guides and Books is coming to an end. Bure says that Máté‘s new book The Wisdom of Tuscany makes it all but official. The idyll is over. For Bure, the Wisdom of Tuscany is not a book troubled by much. Bure writes that Máté has taken the idyll genre to its logical conclusion…and “has merged travel with self-help”. To fall in love with a fantasy is one thing. But reality is another… Bure says “I love Italy but Italy is also a dark and complicated place, as are all places if you care to look. And while there is surely much wisdom to be found in the hills of Tuscany, there is also much foolishness.” Into this body of literature, with refreshing boldness, comes a book that we liked very much. Trauma Farm by Brian Brett is memorable for many reasons. The Book, like its author must be, is tough and honest. This is no dream from an olive groove near Cortronna. Consider this quote from the Book. “No, I’m not optimistic about our prospects. My health is a mess, my joints below the wist waist are corn flakes, my liver is shot, and my blood pressure is through the roof. Sharon and I are both as high-strung as piano wires, and that can make for a chancy relationship. Our finances are dicey because of our farming habit. …we last renewed the mortgage, increasing it for the third time in ten years—a standard business practice for a farmer and another hazard of expen¬sive island living.” How’s that for a jolt of reality? Described as “…a healthy dose of sanity marinated in the absurd…”, Brett’s Trauma Farm is a memoir of Brett’s life on a small, mixed farm on Saltspring Island in British Columbia. Reading the Book, you ache, feel the cold, have some fun and endure difficult times with Brett’s meditations of farm life. His approach was carefully considered. As Brett says, “How do you write the natural history of a farm when such histories tend to follow a linear logic? When a farm isn’t logical?” The editors’ grandfather successfully answered the question, “How do you make a successful small farm? You start with a large one. This is familiar ground here at WidosmFsishing.com and one of the reasons that we liked Trauma Farm so much. The author takes the opportunities of farm activities to reflect on the problems of farming, the destructive nature and inhuman practices of agri-business and the absurdity of the way our food is produced and marketed. “Local food production, healthy food, whether certified organic or just more local and fresh, is under threat from globalized agri-business. Systematically, over-regulation with a bias toward globalized agriculture, is shutting down the infrastructure that underpins local agriculture.”

“Trauma Farm” reads almost as an invitation, a provocation, to make the natural, rooted, harmonious existence our own in whatever small ways we can. It is a striking, stunning book, easily one of the best of the year. National Post, Oct 3, 2009

Trauma Farm is close to the bone. The reader is confronted with the life and death cycle of farming, with the fickle and arbitrary power of nature, the rewards of hard work well, the evolving relationships of the family and of new generations and the encroachment of urban life. As a reflection on life enhanced by the contrast of this viewpoint, Trauma Farm will reward any reader. The question “why does HE (for only a man would choose to) live like this? Is asked and implicitly if not expressly answered. This farm and the life it creates are rich, varied and unique experiences…lived well. Troubles are endured. Rewards are not fabulous but they bring a reality completely missing in the City. As one reviewer puts it, “As is the case with most small independent farmers these days, they don’t make a living from the farm, but they have made a life.” Incredibly, Trauma Farm presents a compelling case for a rural life. It is realistic, in its own way measured and blunt. You have to be a little crazy but… We recommend that you read this book…and then that you read it again. There is plenty to learn about moving back to the land in this book. More significantly there is some pretty good wisdom here. It has been a month for travel books here at WisdomFishing.com and this is another one that is like no other. A Certain Somewhere is an anthology of essays about places important not to the reader but to the authors. Described are places some of which are well- known and some of which are obscure The sense of place here is powerful and impressions are well-explained and wellestablished. This is travel literature for adults interested in realism and not the contrived fantasy of well-organized resorts. You may never…no, you will never go, to some of these places but you will enjoy the experience of them.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Meditation – How to Get Started By Pierre Zakarauskas PhD

Following on last issue’s article “Why Meditate” we go on now to how to start

a meditation practice. The good news is that there are hundreds of forms of meditation. The bad news is that there are hundreds of forms of meditation. It is good news because that means that there are several forms to choose from, and that you can try a few until you find the forms that work best for you. The bad news is that it would take a lifetime to give them all a fair try. All these forms of meditation can be classified into two broad categories: concentration and mindfulness. (You will also see “insight” or “Vipassana” instead of “mindfulness”). Buddhist teachings include both forms in order to be balanced. It is recommended to start with the concentration part, and in many non-Buddhist traditions it is the only category of meditation practiced. We will cover some concentration practices in this issue and consider mindfulness in a future issue. Concentration is the training of attention to stay focused on a single object. Different traditions and teachers use different types of objects of meditation:

Reflections On and From Women

insist on keeping the eyes closed, others that you keep them half-open. Since there is no general agreement on this point, obviously it cannot matter that much. Same thing on how to keep your hands, how straight you must sit, whether to sit crossed-legged or not, on a cushion on the floor or on a chair, etc. You are free to experiment for yourself on all these points and find what works best for you. Which begs the question: “how do you know when something works best for you?” In other words, what are the criteria to apply to decide which practice to choose? Depending on your temperament and even your energy level on a given day, different practices may work better at helping you stay focused on your meditation object. For example if you are feeling quite sleepy and have trouble remaining awake, then keeping your eyes half-open should help. On the other hand if your mind is very excited and distractible, then it might be better to keep your eyes closed. If certain postures produce so much discomfort that is all you can focus on, change slowly to a different position. The bottom line is that you are free to experiment. Consider this an exploratory journey into your own mind. I can hardly be the one to rigidly advocate a meditation posture. I mostly meditate lying in bed or in a reclining chair because of a bad back (with permission from the teacher at retreats) and it has served me well over the years.

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the breath, a mantra (a word or phrase that you repeat silently), a visualization, a prayer, a feeling such as loving-kindness, a part of the body, the flame of a candle, etc. What object you choose to focus on is not as important as the practice of bringing the attention back, again and again, to this object every time your mind wanders. The most common object of meditation is the breath, partly because it is always available, and partly because it is found to have a calming effect when you focus upon it. The basic instructions for meditation on the breath are: sit yourself comfortably, find the feeling of the breath such as the sensation of the air coming through your nostrils, or your belly raising and falling, and pay close attention to it. Do not try to change it, lengthen it, or slow it down. Just watch, that’s all. Some traditions

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release and Other Ethics

Â

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Meditation – How to Get Started At the beginning it can be exceedingly difficult to keep the mind on the breath

for more than a few seconds. The sheer amount of thoughts that keep piling into the mind is often a surprise for beginner meditators. Don’t worry about it. It is perfectly normal. One trick that may help is to give the mind something to do, like counting the breaths, one to ten, and start again when you get to ten or loose count. Another trick is to paint a faint smile on your lips, even though you may have no reason to smile. This tricks your body into thinking that you do have a reason to feel good, and joy will arise spontaneously on its own eventually. Thus you start associating meditation with a pleasant activity and it reinforces your motivation to continue.

Try to find time to sit every day, even if it is for 15 minutes or so. After a while (a few days or weeks) it will start to have a calming effect that will last for the rest of the day. Give it time though. Like running, it takes a while for the training to take effect. It is hardest to start. The rewards are worth it! © Pierre Zakarauskas PhD 2009. Please request permission for any other use. Illustrations are Published under a Creative Commons License

There are several places to turn to in order to get more detailed explanations and instructions. I have read literally hundreds of books on the subject and the most practical, by far, that I have come across is the highly acclaimed “Mindfulness in Plain English” by Bhante Gunaratana. Like any source of meditation teaching it does come from a certain perspective (in this case Vipassana, a part of Theravada Buddhism), but it wears it lightly. You can download guided meditation instructions from many sites. These are meant to be listened to while you meditate. A couple of good sites are: http:// www.bswa.org/modules/mydownloads/ and http://www.audiodharma.org/ talksguidedmeditation.html. Some people get motivated by joining others to practice. If that is your case you can join a sitting group in your area. It also helps a lot to have a teacher to ask questions to and get guidance from. But every teacher comes as a package within a certain tradition, certain sets of beliefs, a certain personality, etc. It is important to shop around and be exposed to a few different traditions before deciding which works best for you. For example, my first retreat was with a Zen teacher. I found that all the rituals were turning me off because they reminded me too much of my Catholic upbringing. My friend, a Zen priest who had invited me to attend the retreat, told me that she was attracted to Zen for precisely the same reason! She recommended that I try a Vipassana group, which in the West at least tend to have a more secular feel to them, and it worked for me. Within a given tradition you will resonate more with some teachers than others. Try several. Plus there is nothing that says that you must have only one teacher.

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

It can be highly beneficial to attend the occasional non-residential or residential retreat. These intensive practice range in duration from 3 days to 2 months, and even longer and are great ways to advance quickly.

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle

The Mailbox F

irst, thank you for the messages and for the support. Subscriptions are on the rise and more and more ideas are coming in! Books, ideas for the Bucket List and for issues concerning families are among the most numerous. This month with queue-jumping and Boomerang Children and as slightly more controversial issues begin to appear, it will be interesting to have your reactions to those points of view. Christmas cards! Who would have thought? They seem very old-fashioned but timeless. We have responded directly to the very few issue or idea raising messages that we have received. When there are more we will publish messages in and messages out. A few readers have suggested that we introduce a blog here and when the number of readers is sufficient we will look at that again. So thank you for the mail! Keep it coming. We are hoping that as the Magazine’s circulation grows we will have a lively exchange of views.

Cheers and Seasons Greetings from the Editorial Staff@WisdomFishing.com

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Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

For great cards, like this one see http://www.thespiritofsanta.com/Default.asp

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and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

What’s New? Every once in a while we get a glimpse at what lies ahead. Sometimes we encounter a prototype. Sometimes a friend or colleague shows us a new state-of-the-art product. Occasionally you may meet someone doing something in a new way. I am old enough that I can remember when people first started to send documents by fax machine to local destinations as opposed to long-distance points. People thought that was ingenious. Cultures quickly build around new technologies and respond to them. Think about how the Internet has come into our lives. In this video you will get another glimpse into the world that is coming. If you think we are tied to the Internet now you’re going to change your view after you watch this.

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Enjoy!

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http://www.ted.com/talks/pranav_mistry_the_thrilling_potential_of_ sixthsense_technology.html

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Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release and Other Ethics 8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

Sex Something about Sex and this time of year just did not seem to work well together.

Not in the mood? Unlikely - but this time of year seems to be a time of year to reflect on other things.

So we have two features for you this month. A little off topic maybe but we hope you will enjoy both. The Unspoken Dialogue Between Men and Women (From the brilliant collection at Bert Christensen’s Cyberspace Home http://www.bertc.com/index.html) Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ‘’Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?’’

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And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

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And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

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And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

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And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . .let’s see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a damn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... ‘’Roger,’’ Elaine says aloud. ‘’What?’’ says Roger, startled. ‘’Please don’t torture yourself like this,’’ she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ‘’Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so .... .’’ (She breaks down, sobbing.) ‘’I’m such a fool,’’ Elaine sobs. ‘’I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.’’ ‘’There’s no horse?’’ says Roger ‘’You think I’m a fool, don’t you?’’ Elaine says. ‘’No!’’ says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. ‘’It’s just that . . . It’s that I . . . I need some time,’’ Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

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and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

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Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Sex ‘’Yes,’’ he says

last she speaks.)

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

‘Thank you, Roger,’’ she says.

‘Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?’’ she says. ‘’What way?’’ says Roger. ‘’That way about time,’’ says Elaine

‘’Thank you,’’ says Roger.

‘’Oh,’’ says Roger. ‘’Yes.’’ (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say, ‘’Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?’’

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WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

The Aeron Chair $1,000 for a desk chair? Are you serious? Just give it a try. In the early nineties Herman Miller decided to try a new approach to designing the perfect office chair. The Aeron chair is the result of two decades of research into the phenomenon of sitting by industrial designers Bill Stumpf and Don Chadwick who worked with no ground rules and who harboured no preconceived notions. The process of developing and marketing was unconventional, to say the least. The design and development process featured visits to the facility managers of Fortune 500 compa¬nies, with full-size prototypes. The chair was developed like software— trying an idea, testing it, getting feedback, making refinements, and testing it again. Herman Miller made its first appearance in 1994 and it began a revolution in office furniture. Featured in the New York Museum of Modern Art, on permanent exhibit, the design of the chair was based on the premise that there are no straight lines on our bodies and therefore none in an Aeron chair. Stumpf and Chadwick addressed sitting in the minutest detail, looking at body type and size, aeration, hip-pivot motion, weight distribution, circulation, and spinal decompression.

These breakthroughs have been tested by several ergonomists, physical therapists and orthopedists and their findings helped develop and refine the aeron chair into the ingeniously comfy chair it is today. And this will almost seem like overkill. Not only ergonomically correct, the chair is environmentally responsible. It is made up of recycled material, and designed to be sturdy and durable. While there are parts of the chair that may wear out in time, these parts are easily replaceable and recyclable as well. The aeron chair also comes in three sizes, A, B, and C, ensuring that the chair is a specific fit . The Size Selection Chart below shows how to select the most appropriate Aeron chair, you simply need to consider your weight and your height and then consult the graph to determine which Aeron is best for you.

With as many functions as a Swiss army knife the chair works! PostureFit, the Kinemat tilt and Pellicle suspension were entirely new technologies invented with the chair. PostureFit offers responsive, ergonomic support for posture and the lower back. Pellicle suspension is provided by a flexible mesh found on the seat and back of the chair, where the upholstery would usually be. Pellicle suspends your weight over the chair, taking most of the pressure away from your lower back. The Pellicle is also form-fitting, as it adjusts to individual users, and cool, as the Pellicle mesh allows air to pass through.Thoroughly tested for every imaginable stress factor, the Pellicle distributes body weight so evenly that it produces a floating sensation. The Kinemat tilt allows smooth transitional movement of the chair when the person sitting in it leans forward or reclines, and supports your posture. You will notice how long you can sit comfortably. The Aeron Chair is also designed to follow your body’s natural stances and movements - adjustable foot rests that move with the seat as it goes up and down, the arm rests slope forward to relieve stress from the forearms, the seat has a waterfall-sloped edge to promote circulation in the thighs, among others.

Who would have thought that buying a $1,000 chair could be so……..?

33


WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Wisdom, Work and Your Future Better health, increasing freedom, higher costs of housing, health care and for

some of college, the scaling back of pensions and the uncertain future of social security, changing definitions of family responsibility and expectations, poor saving habits, lifting restrictions on age and retirement rules, fewer jobs and more independent contracting (we could go on) make a deliberate, honest and careful rethinking of our futures essential. Retirement (we need a new and better word) planning is essential. There is much good news. Opportunities and choices that were not available are here and will be helpful. In addition, there are many of us. We are demographic bulge that continues to redefine, for ourselves, public attitudes and to introduce to respectability and broad acceptance new possibilities. Through change and accommodation of we will redefine the way forward for ourselves. P. B. Baltes and J. Smith in a book entitled Toward a Psychology of Wisdom and its Ontogenesis (1990) liken wisdom to a software achieve¬ment that culture uses to outwit biological limits. And there is a need for wisdom. You can see evidence of that everywhere. Take a look, for example, at a cutting edge book Trust Agents, Using The Web To Build Influence, Improve Reputation And Earn Trust by Chris Brogan and Julian Smith. You may be surprised by the “rediscovery” in this book of ideas for regaining trust and for building relationships. Old wine in new bottles. Sometimes you will find yourself asking “how can the authors not know that?” or “Isn’t that obvious?”. The difference between them and us is experience. With experience comes wisdom. The challenge here and all around us is going to be bring together wisdom with the need for it. There is no doubt that “…in an age of increasing longevity and an unpredictable technological future, wisdom will be strongly needed.” The hope is, that as Peter Senge in the Harvard Business Review recognized as long ago as 1997, that “Our responses (the business challenges) may lead us, ironically, to a future based on more ancient—and more natural—ways of organizing communities of diverse and effective leaders who empower their organizations to learn with head, heart and hand”. This is a return to an older model of community, he said, where traditional societies that gave equal respect to elders for their wisdom, to teachers for their ability to help peo¬ple grow, and to warriors, weavers, and growers for their life skills. Our new world of technology

requires an abundance of, and proficiency in, wisdom, human relations skills, and sound judgment. The work of Dr. Helen Harkness through Career Design directly reflects and integrates her own multidimensional career. She is a successful entrepreneur in business and investments, a former academic dean/provost, college professor and director of human services. In this article we borrow heavily from Dr. Harkness with the intention of introducing her and her excellent book Don’t Stop the Career Clock: Rejecting the Myths of Aging for a New Way To Work in the 21st Century (1999). This book is an eyeopener. It blasts the negative beliefs and stereotypes of aging currently pervasive in our culture, shattering the myth that growing older automatically spells physical, mental, creative, and psychological decline. Written 10 years ago it issues that are all around us today, part of the social fabric. One of Dr. Harkness’ themes is that we should be living a coherent life, one that involves having an identity, a story to tell. We should strive not to see ourselves as trapped, hurt, wounded victims, but to move and shift from that story to the present time, to a unified perspective on self and life. Those who arrive at retirement with conflicting internal and external identity pressures suffer the most ill effects. Good examples of Dr. Harkness’ presentations are available at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWyJWC8r4Ws&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inQNwul3k8g&feature=related The Epilogue to the book, Don’t Stop the Career Clock: Rejecting the Myths of Aging for a New Way To Work in the 21st Century makes a series of particularly valuable, for us, points. The following is an excerpt. We will leave you with these points to ponder. “As we move to the twenty-first century, from the brawn to the brainware era, a new breed, the free agent who can adapt and deal creatively with complexity and change, will thrive. To make this 180-degree shift at midlife,

34


WISDOM FISHING Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

2 About this Issue 4 Bucket Lists 6 Catch and Release

and Other Ethics

8 Charts 9 Classics 11 Family 14 Financing Fishing 15 Fish Stories 21 Great Catches;

Reflections On and From Women

24 Guides and Books 26 Health 28 Mailbox 30 Other Stuff 31 Sex 33 Tackle 34 Working

Volume 1 Issue 3 Nov/Dec 2009

Wisdom, Work and Your Future many must radically rethink their current beliefs about how to age and work. The following are some of the more thought provoking points made by Dr. Harkness. • Find your purpose and passion and pursue them. • Focus on active, functional aging by gaining insight into a new concept of time and aging and forgetting rigid chrono¬logical passive age. • Stay optimistic and maintain a sense of humor—age is much more a state of mind than a number of years. • Realize that life and work satisfaction based on meaning and motivation is a major factor in increasing longevity. • See the aging process as a positive time of continuing growth and ascent, focusing on our emerging freedom, options, and choices rather than the current popular image of decline, dis¬array, and decay.

longevity studies reveal that job satisfaction is the most reliable indicator of low risk for heart attack. • Understand that staying youthful is not about staying chronologically young. The pursuit of youth blinds us to the possibilities of age. • Realize that aging is a lifetime “work in progress”: we learn how to grow older just as we learned how to grow up. • Know that the sense of community—the rootedness, belong¬ing, and satisfaction we get from work we enjoy and where we live—is absolutely essential at any age. • Trust your instincts: beware the tyranny of conventional authority. Working as you get older, especially if you become an entrepreneur or contractor, increases the significance and importance of different characteristics.

• Avoid the “victim” mentality and stay in control of your life as long as possible. • Distinguish your “glass balls,” which cannot be dropped without lasting, permanent damage, from the countless “rub¬ber balls,” which are only clutter. Know that understanding yourself and your purpose will anchor you in this age of uncertainty. • Constantly ask meaningful and thoughtful “grail questions” to seek and sort out what is really happening in your life and in the world. • See aging and career planning as a continuing lifetime process. • Recognize that you have options and choices for aging suc¬cessfully. Practice becoming adaptable, alert, and active now and you will grow old that way. • Know that the creative spirit, far from declining with age, may actually gain in strength and vigor if you concentrate on doing what really matters to you. • Value and cultivate wisdom—the greatest gift of the human life cycle. • Live long—die fast. We will have an additional twenty, even thirty healthy years: we will be “old-old” for a shorter period of time. • Remember that biological age responds to psychological age. For example,

35

WisdomFishing  

Life and Other Good Stuff for Men Over 50

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