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costly to the core how the nuclear plant no one knows about is wasting your money.

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013




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Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



There really is no conflict of interest with Jackie Dingfelder on the issue of the Superfund cleanup [“No Safe Harbor,” WW, Dec. 4, 2013]. Working on Superfund issues involves a lot of connection with the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, local companies and local organizations seeking to clean up the harbor. If there are clear lines between what she does [as Portland’s environmental and planning adviser], and what her husband does with the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality working to control the historic sources of pollution along the shoreline, then it really is not a problem, folks. While the city of Portland is a potentially responsible party in this issue, most of its work is with the EPA in relation to in-water sediment contamination. It would be great if the focus could be on “how do we get this river cleaned up, and where should we put the contaminated sediment?” —“Travis Williams” I think you can understand Mayor Charlie Hales by drawing two boxes. One is “the basics,” the minimum he thinks he needs to do and for which he considers himself accountable. The other box is “whatever the hell I feel like doing,” which covers everything else. In that box, accountability, coherency and consistency don’t apply. I guess management of the Superfund cleanup goes in box 2. —“bjcefola”


This is a no-brainer [“Brother, Can You Spare $200 Million?” WW, Dec. 4, 2013]. If OHSU can’t get the money elsewhere, the state should lend it. How stupid to turn away $500 million. And I will never complain about Phil Knight ever again. I can’t believe anybody who cares about people—elderly, poor or otherwise—would turn away cancer research that will help them. —“SandyTodd” If Phil Knight thinks this is such a great idea, why ask for taxpayer money at all? He could easily pay for the entire thing. —“MarineSecurityGuard”


I loved this article! [“Super-Hot Coffee: A Fearless Reporter Auditions as a Bikini Barista,” WW, Dec. 4, 2013.] I too saw the ad on Craiglist and couldn’t help but ogle the insanely huge-breasted “pic” included atop the job description. I wondered what the hell it would be like to sell bikini coffee...who the customers are...and then I felt sad, because I was a barista for many years (a really un-hot one) and I burned pretty much every bit of skin not covered by clothing. On that note, good luck, bikini baristas. —“Iris” LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email:

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Commuting to North Portland on Friday nights can take an hour because of Vancouver-bound traffic. Can we put a toll on the Interstate Bridge? That revenue would help, and might encourage the propertytax dodgers to carpool. —Blocked by SUVs

After last week’s column about filth on the MAX and the previous one on dog crap in Forest Park, a friend requested that, just once, I write a column with no poop. Your squeaky-clean bridge query, Blocked, shows promise in this regard. However, like most readers with seemingly innocent public-policy questions about Washington, it seems clear what you really want to ask is, “Can we declare war on Vancouver?” Portland has always been an uneasy fit with the larger Pacific Northwest. Depending who you ask, we’re either a suppurating venereal cesspit besmirching an otherwise pristine vista of righteousness, or a beleaguered garrison of reason surrounded by the knuckle-dragging orcs of provincialism. (My take is that we’re a cesspit surrounded by orcs, which I guess makes

me a moderate.) The point is, everyone knows that deep down you’re just trying to get even with Vancouver for legalizing Republicans and sneering at your kale. Unfortunately, your hostile-tolling scheme won’t work. Modern toll bridges don’t have toll booths— instead, compliant cars carry a chip that allows the driver’s account to be decremented on each crossing. Folks who ignore the law aren’t stopped, but they can get their vehicle registration yanked by their state. If Washington doesn’t like your toll plan, though, they can just refuse to punish Washington drivers, rendering your act of war moot. This is not to say that we’ll never see tolls on the Interstate Bridge. In fact, many plans for the undead Columbia River Crossing call for them. But if tolling happens, it will be as a shining expression of interstate cooperation, understanding and mutual respect. For me to poop on. QUESTIONS? Send them to


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PUBLIC SAFETY: Female police officers and excessive force. 7 HOUSING: A homeless camp debates a move indoors. 11 COVER STORY: A little-known nuclear plant is costing you money. 13

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City Hall still can’t get to phase one of its long-delayed Portland Bike Share, but City Commissioner Steve Novick is already making a play for money for phase two. Novick is seeking $2.5 million from the Oregon Department of Transportation to expand proposed locations for bike-share stations, including one in the North Portland industrial enclave of Swan Island. The City Council still hasn’t decided whether to subsidize the bike-share program with a loan up to $4.6 million for a planned launch next year (“The Big Bike Bailout,” WW, Aug. 14, 2013). Two retired Portland firefighters say they and about 300 others have been cheated out of pension increases. Clark Stephens and Robert Wuerth’s class-action lawsuit filed Dec. 3 in Multnomah County Circuit Court alleges the city Bureau of Fire and Police Disability and Retirement has failed to follow a judge’s 2011 order to boost pension checks dating to 2007. The estimated cost to make it right: $2 million. The pension fund’s financial manager, Nancy Hartline, says the city will pay up only if an appeals court upholds the ruling. The plaintiffs’ attorney, Gregory Hartman, says the affected retirees can’t wait that long. “There’s some urgency,” he says. “These people are dying off.” Riverplace Athletic Club and All-Star Fitness operator Sam Adams bounced employee and vendor checks for months (“Unnecessary Roughness,” WW, Oct. 9, 2013), but when his company wrote a bad check to the Portland Water Bureau, it was game over. Bureau administrator David Shaff says the city was set to shut off Riverplace’s water Dec. 11—a move averted when RAC owner Dennis Sivers and Adams’ lender, Allstate Financial Group, agreed Allstate would take over Adams’ contract. “Our goal is not to shut people off,” Shaff says. “Our goal is to get paid.” Give!Guide update: WW’s 2013 G!G has raised more than $760,000, nearly $200,000 ahead of last year’s pace. More than 3,400 individuals have given—1,076 donors are 35 and under. Any donor who gives $10 or more Dec. 12 could win a case of Rogue Spirits. Just go to and GIVE! Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt.


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


cameron browne



The Portland Police Bureau has a problem with excessive use of force, but the women who serve as officers aren’t to blame. Across the board, female officers account for a far smaller share of the use of force by Portland police, and represent a tiny share of legal settlements for excessive force compared to male officers. They are also involved in a far smaller share of shootings, relative to their numbers in the bureau. Female officers in the bureau say they use force when necessary but more often employ other tactics, including what one veteran officer called a “mommy voice,” to de-escalate situations that can lead to a need for force. Yet the bureau isn’t taking full advantage of the lessons of its female officers. Police officials say only one of the 22 officers in the bureau’s Training Division is female. “We would be as open as anybody for exploring the disparity in case there is something that can be learned from it,” says Police Bureau spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson. “If there is something that can be gleaned from it, we want to do that.” Police officials say they see no reason female officers cannot serve in the same capacity as sworn male officers in the bureau, and police brass continue to try to recruit more women. “I’m proud of the work that has been done by the [bureau’s] personnel division in their recruiting of women and minorities to the Police Bureau,” Chief Mike Reese said in a statement to WW. “My expectation is that we continue to recruit diverse candidates to the Police Bureau in the years to come.” Meanwhile, the bureau still has its all-male enclaves—including the Special Emergency Response Team, or SERT. And police officials claim they don’t track even the most basic statistics to help them understand how and why female officers handle situations requiring force differently than men. “They know it,” says retired Lt. Michelle Lish, who retired from the force in 2006 after 25 years as a Portland police officer. “They might not maintain it, but they know it.”

TEACHING BY EXAMPLE: Police officers and experts say the Portland Police Bureau could do more to learn how and why female officers use force less often than their male counterparts. Officer Alicia Russell (above) responds to a report of an attempted break-in at an Alameda house on Dec. 8.

“our nurturing nature makes us more inclined to try to reason.” —RetiRed Police lt. Michelle lish Portland police have faced allegations of excessive use of force for decades, but the hammer fell in September 2012, when the U.S. Department of Justice reported that the bureau’s “pattern and practice” of excessive force against the mentally ill violated federal law. The DOJ’s 14-month investigation found the bureau’s officers too often use a higher level of force than necessary; overuse electronic control weapons or Tasers; and use a disproportionate level of force when responding to minor offenses. The problems go deeper than the cops on the street, the DOJ found, and include “deficient policy and training, as well as inadequate supervision.” The Police Bureau and the DOJ have reached a settlement aimed at fixing problems cited in the investigation. The bureau has a proud history that includes hiring the first female police officer in the U.S. and two female police chiefs, including the first female chief of a big-city department. The bureau has known for a long time its female officers use force differently than men. A 2009 report by the city auditor found that Portland’s female officers filed an average of 2.2 use-of-force reports that year; male officers filed an

average of 3.2 reports. WW interviewed a half-dozen female officers. They spoke frankly about the challenges they face in a career that’s legendary for being male-dominated, as well as about specific strengths they bring to police work. Some agreed to speak on the record, for the first time, about differences in their approach compared to male officers. “[Using less force] is just the nature of the beast of being a female,” Lish says. “Our nurturing nature makes us more inclined to try to reason, try to mitigate the circumstances, try to de-escalate things.” To Lish, that “nurturing nature” doesn’t interfere with a female officer’s ability to use force when necessary. She recalled one arrest that briefly landed her in the hospital. But female officers also bring different communication skills to bear upon sensitive situations. Several of the bureau’s female officers recalled playing the gender card in order to keep Tasers and Glocks in their holsters. “I remember many times when I really sweet-talked a guy to get him in the back of my car,” says Assistant Chief Donna Henderson, currently the bureau’s highestranking female. “[One suspect] was 6-foot-6 and weighed 300 pounds, and there was no

way I was going to get into a fight with him.” She’s not alone. “I’ve been able to use a mommy voice to get people to stop doing what they’re doing,” said Deanna Wesson-Mitchell, who recently moved from a position as the bureau’s recruitment coordinator to police policy director for Mayor Charlie Hales. That female officers approach problems differently and use force less doesn’t surprise experts. “It’s a woman’s method for dealing with conflict,” says Roy Bedard, a Florida-based consultant and expert in police procedures. “Women tend to have more mental choices. Men almost default to violence.” Geoffery P. Alpert, a professor of criminology at the University of South Carolina, adds, “Historically, women officers don’t use the same level or type of force, because they have different communication skills.” The numbers bear this out. Proportionally, Portland’s female officers are involved in shootings far less often than male officers. Police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson says the bureau doesn’t maintain a database or list of officer-involved shootings—a fact that surprises some experts. cont. on page 8 Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



“If you’re having a hard time getting numbers, there’s a problem there, period,” said Bedard, the police consultant. “They need to be more transparent.” Failing to track such an important aspect of bureau operations isn’t new. The DOJ report called the bureau’s collection and review of force data inadequate. The bureau, the DOJ said, failed “to collect even basic acceptable force investigative data,” and these gaps were “too many to list.” The city’s settlement with the DOJ calls for the bureau to keep better data. Copwatch, a police watchdog group, has built a database from newspaper accounts and police reports. The group’s database shows female officers were involved in only 5.7 percent of shootings since 1992—just seven of 123 officer-involved shootings. “So it’s a dynamic of the skills of the female officer and the concerns of the suspects that don’t want to attack a female officer,” Alpert says. “That’s a pattern that [criminologists] have all found.” Taxpayers have paid out far less in legal settlements for incidents involving female officers. The city’s Risk Management Division provided WW with a database showing settlements or verdicts for the plaintiff in 90 police cases from 1992 to 2013 coded “use of force.” Since most large payouts received media attention, WW compared the database with news reports and added a handful of large payouts the city’s list didn’t include. WW’s findings: Fewer than 1 percent of $11.4 million in city payouts since 1992 stemmed from excessive force by a female officer. One notable case involved Officer Jennifer Thompson, who in 2007 used a Taser on Hung Minh Tran outside the Cheerful Tortoise at the corner of Southwest 6th Avenue and College Street. The city settled for $81,766 after an arbitrator found Thompson shot Tran in the back with a Taser while he was on his knees with his hands on his head. Arbitrator Alan Bonebrake called Thompson’s actions “unnecessary, unreasonable and an excessive use of force.” Henderson says the bureau has already made big gains in reducing the use of force. “We’ve really made some huge strides in the last couple of years,” she says, “with our [Crisis Intervention Team] program, [and] training people how to communicate.”



THE “MOMMY VOICE”: Using less force while on duty, says retired Portland Police Lt. Michelle Lish, “is just the nature of the beast of being a female.”

“WOMEN OFFICERS DON’T USE THE SAME LEVEL OR TYPE OF FORCE, BECAUSE THEY HAVE DIFFERENT COMMUNICATION SKILLS.” —GEOFFERY P. ALPERT Several police officers interviewed by WW say they believe many people the cops deal with are reluctant to become aggressive or violent with a female officer. “Why officers use force can have complex reasons behind it,” says Simpson, the Police Bureau spokesman. “It could be that suspects are less likely to physically attack female officers. We don’t know that.” Simpson says another possible explanation for the lower use-of-force statistics for women is that female officers may be given less dangerous assignments. He called patrol duty “the most dangerous job” in the bureau. When he checked, he found that just 14.4 percent of Portland’s patrol officers are women. That’s close to the overall rate of women

on the force, 15.1 percent, and down slightly from the bureau’s historic numbers: 16.7 percent in 2000, according to Copwatch, and 17 percent in 1972, according to an official Police Bureau history. Until recently, the bureau had no women serving in its Traffic Division. In October, Capt. Kelli Sheffer was assigned to oversee the division after her promotion to captain by Reese in November 2012. The bureau says no women now serve on the 10-officer K-9 team. Nor are there any women on the 26-officer SERT, which is essentially a SWAT team that responds to the most dangerous police calls, such as hostage situations or calls involving armed, dangerous or barricaded suspects. The only former female member of SERT, Sgt. Liani Reyna, filed a 2001 com-

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

plaint with the state Bureau of Labor and Industries alleging she was “forced to resign” after blowing the whistle on the team’s hazing practices, according to reports in The Oregonian. Her complaint led to discipline against 20 officers, including herself, and the brief disbanding of SERT during the bureau’s investigation. The Oregonian in 2002 reported BOLI dropped its investigation when Reyna initiated a $1 million lawsuit against the bureau in federal court. She lost a jury verdict in 2005 but continues to work at the bureau. Police officials say women simply aren’t applying for these jobs. Simpson says only three women applied for the K-9 unit this CONT. on page 10

Who loves me?

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



year, and no women were among the 45 applicants for assignments in traffic or SERT. Since Reese took over in 2010, bureau recruits have averaged 41 percent minority and female, as opposed to 30 percent from 2005 to 2010, according to Simpson. Reese recently promoted Capt. Sara Westbrook to commander of East Precinct, the largest in the city. But among the recruits in 2011 and 2012, only 16 percent were women, or about the same as the bureau as a whole. Part of the problem is the small pool of applicants from which the bureau can draw. Having a diverse police department is “easier said than done,” says Eriks Gabliks, director of the Oregon State Department of Public Safety Standards and Training, the state’s police academy. He says police work isn’t an easy sell for many young women, in Oregon or elsewhere. “If we have 10 percent [women], that might be average or that might be high,” Gabliks says. “You really have to work with who’s in the pot, and are they qualified.” Wesson-Mitchell says the bureau could make an administrative change to create promotion opportunities for female officers by returning to a “dual list” policy: using a single test for officers to become either detective or sergeant. The gender difference between the two jobs is significant: 28.7 percent of detectives are women, compared to 11.8 percent of sergeants, according to the bureau.


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

POLICE SAY SUSPECTS MAY SHY AWAY FROM GETTING AGGRESSIVE WITH A FEMALE OFFICER. Simpson, the police spokesman, says the bureau had such a policy from 1996 to 2001. Currently, he adds, sergeants and detectives can both apply for lieutenant. “Most lieutenants and above came from the sergeant rank,” he says. “Sergeants are simply better prepared.” Wesson-Mitchell, however, says detectives have shown plenty of ability to supervise and lead. “When something happens out on the street, who do they call to come and manage it? Detectives,” she says. “They’re doing supervisory action.” Mary-Beth Baptista, who recently retired as director of the city’s Independent Police Review Division, says the bureau’s biggest struggle with female officers is not hiring them but keeping them. “I think they are making sincere efforts, I really do,” Baptista says. “My bigger concern is, once they have more diversity, how do they keep them? Has the bureau really thought about ways to ensure that these [women] feel comfortable there? “It’s not whether you can find [women officers] to hire. It’s whether they stay and they succeed.”



MOVING UP: Deanna Wesson-Mitchell, a Portland police officer and now Mayor Charlie Hales’ police liaison, says reforms in how the bureau promotes officers could help women advance in the agency.




It’s a quarter to 9 on the coldest night so far this year, and a 64-year-old man named Misha waits for a turn to sleep in a tent with strangers. Right 2 Dream Too—the iconic homeless camp at the corner of Northwest 4th Avenue and Burnside Street—will soon open for overnight campers. Misha, a blue nylon sleeping bag strapped to his backpack, will be one of 17 people who will sleep in 17-degree weather. Misha, with a white beard and without bottom teeth, has lived on the street since this summer when he couldn’t afford rent. He camped in Southwest Portland’s Duniway Lilac Garden until city park rangers kicked him out. Misha likes staying at Right 2 Dream Too but likes the idea of Mayor Charlie Hales’ offer to move the camp into an Old Town warehouse even more. “Any place is better than being out on the street,” Misha says. But he adds that the change poses a risk, especially if the camp closes during the transition. “I hope they don’t move in January or February.” Hales announced Dec. 4 he had secured a warehouse at 320 NW Hoyt St. as a new home for Right 2 Dream Too, which has been locked in a standoff with city leaders for two years. The proposal gives Hales the chance to claim a much-needed win on homelessness, after he ordered police to sweep sidewalks clear of campers in August. It also comes with big risks for both sides. The city would pay $150,000 to rent

CHILLED OUT: A Right 2 Dream Too resident who calls himself Pork Chop (left) waits outside the homeless camp with his bicycle. He was one of 17 people who stayed at the camp in sub-freezing temperatures on Dec. 8.

the warehouse for 15 months to move the self-policed homeless camp indoors and out of sight. Right 2 Dream Too would lose the visibility it’s enjoyed next to the Chinatown Gate. WW visited the camp this weekend. Some residents said they like the thought of being inside. But others worry the mayor is using them as pawns in a political gambit. “We’re not saying it wouldn’t be awesome to be inside,” says Amber Dunk, a Right 2 Dream Too board member who says she’s speaking for herself, not the camp. “I’m cold all the time.” But Dunk says the $10,000 the city would spend a month on renting the Old Town warehouse could be better spent on creating more camps like Right 2 Dream Too. “If you replicated this model, you could get 1,000 people off the streets,” she says. Property owner Michael Wright has been in a long-standing dispute with the city over the empty lot, and City Commissioner Amanda Fritz in late August proposed moving the camp to city property under the west end of the Broadway Bridge.

Hales stepped in and took the issue away from Fritz after Pearl District developers and property owners complained. The mayor told reporters last week his offer to move Right 2 Dream Too should be an easy choice. “Go outside today and tell me that living in a tent in Portland, Oregon, in the winter is a good solution,” Hales said. “Here’s an opportunity to get 80 people inside.” Right 2 Dream Too leaders, after hinting they wouldn’t accept the deal, now say they are negotiating with the city. Wright worries the camp would have no place to go once the warehouse lease ran out. “My happiest outcome would be that they find a location that works for a long period of time,” Wright says. “But I’m skeptical that will happen.” Hales staffer Josh Alpert says the move indoors would give the camp time to make long-term plans. “If this building can’t work out for some reason, we’re not going to stop looking,” Alpert says. “We’re committed.” On the night of Dec. 8—when temperatures dropped to 14 degrees before dawn—

most of the 80 people who usually sleep at Right 2 Dream Too had already moved to warming shelters. The 17 people who stayed quickly bundled up in their blankets and sleeping bags. One, who calls himself Dikweed, says Hales’ offer is cynical. “We have to work with him,” Dikweed says. “But he’s near useless.” Another resident, who calls himself Pork Chop, says he came to Portland two weeks ago, after Arizona police shut down his medical marijuana-growing operation. He says the smell of having the camp indoors would be awful, and Right 2 Dream Too would lose the visibility that brings in donations of food and bottled water. “Keep it small and simple,” Pork Chop says. “Make it big, it gets stupid.” He isn’t impressed by Hales’ argument that a warm warehouse is better than a cold campsite. “Let the mayor come out here and sleep,” Pork Chop says. “I’ll sleep next to him.” WW staff writer Aaron Mesh contributed to this story.

HEADOUT PG. 23 Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

costly to the core how the nuclear plant no one knows about is wasting your money. By N I G E L JAQ U I S S

njaquiss@wweek .com

At lu nch , you c a n of ten f i nd Rober t McCullough in the Heathman Hotel dining room. From the moment he sits down, waiters know to ferry him one latte after another as McCullough, one of the nation’s top utility consultants, works his laptop and takes client calls. His $400-an-hour fee buys a lot of coffee. With his snowy beard, rosy cheeks and round middle, McCullough could moonlight as a Nordstrom Santa. But the gifts he bears can be tough to accept. He’s a blunt, if loquacious, truth-teller. McCullough was one of the first to figure out Enron Corp. was behind the power shortages and blackouts that darkened California in 2000 and 2001. In congressional

testimony in 2002, McCullough revealed exactly how the Texas energy giant crippled the economies of Western states by manipulating electricity markets. His work led to billion-dollar settlements and criminal convictions. “He’s incredibly smart—and a little bit arrogant,” says Jim Lazar, an Olympia, Wash., utility economist who’s known McCullough for 30 years. “There’s no question he’s one of the most knowledgeable people about the Northwest power system.” Over the past 35 years, McCullough has often worked on complex disputes out of public view. But on Dec. 11, he’s releasing the results of an investigation that affects anyone in the Pacific Northwest who pays a utility bill. cont. on page 14

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013




All the rain that falls in the Pacific Northwest yields one glorious benefit: cheap hydropower. For nearly 80 years, the federally owned dams on the Columbia and Snake rivers have made our electricity rates the envy of the rest of the U.S. Northwest power planners realized in the late 1950s, though, that population growth would require finding other forms of electricity generation. By the late 1960s, private and public utilities, as well as the federal government, backed plans to build 10 nuclear plants in Oregon and Washington. Only two were ever completed. The first was Trojan, which PGE operated outside Rainier, Ore., for 17 years before shutting it in 1993. The second was the Columbia Generating Station, which is owned by a consortium of publicly owned utilities across Washington and Oregon. The Columbia Generating Station was supposed to be among five plants owned by the Washington Public Power Supply System, whose acronym WPPSS was pronounced “whoops” long before its grand nuclear dreams turned into epic failure. WPPSS launched construction on all five plants. Between 1975 and 1981, the costs ballooned from $5 billion to $24 billion. Work ceased on four plants by the mid1980s. The result left parts of Washington state looking like a post-apocalyptic movie set: two completed but never-used 500-foot cooling towers, for instance, loom over dairy cattle in Grays Harbor County, about 30 miles west of Olympia.

n ata l i e b e h r i n g

He’s spent the past nine months examining the economics of the region’s only nuclear power plant, the Columbia Generating Station, which sits on the Hanford Nuclear Reservation in southeastern Washington. Many people in the Pacific Northwest don’t even know the plant exists. After policymakers review McCullough’s report, the plant’s owners and operators may wish the Columbia Generating Station had remained in obscurity. McCullough is hardly anti-nuke—as a Portland General Electric executive 25 years ago, he fought to keep PGE’s now-closed Trojan Nuclear Power Plant open. But his report on the Columbia Generating Station leads to an unmistakable conclusion: It should be shut down. Not for safety reasons, but because it has become the most expensive nuclear plant of its kind in the United States to run, and is a waste of money that costs ratepayers as much as an extra $50 per year. McCullough says we could replace the plant with cheaper power and save ratepayers $1.7 billion over the next two decades. “The people who are paying for this plant,” he says, “should want it closed.”

TRUTH-TELLER: Robert McCullough, in the Heathman Hotel dining room, told Physicians For Social Responsibility he’d maintain complete editorial control of his report on the Columbia Generating Station.

years late and $2 billion over budget. When running full-tilt, the plant today is capable of producing 1,170 megawatts of power, enough to serve 1 million homes. That’s 10 percent of the electricity in the entire Bonneville system. The low-slung Columbia Generating Station lacks the iconic cooling towers of other nuclear plants. It was built largely below the surface of the sand and sagebrush on the Hanford reservation, a half-hour north of Richland, Wash., and 240 miles east of Portland. It’s as if the plant doesn’t want to be seen—and in many ways, it’s been overlooked for decades. McCullough, a cocky Irish kid from Chicago, landed in Portland at the tail end of the 1960s to attend Reed College. “There were many distractions,” McCullough says, “and I got involved with them all.” His undergraduate thesis on “Eurodollar Credit Creation,” launched him into a master’s in economics at Portland State University and a Ph.D. program at Cornell University in Ithaca, N.Y., where he had too much fun and

“a lOt OF nUClear aDVOCaCY iS eMOtiOnal. that DOeSn’t Mean it’S WrOng, bUt it’S nOt Data-DriVen.” —ROBERT MCCULLOUGH The consortium had borrowed the money to build the plants, assuming they would pay for themselves. WPPSS defaulted on the bonds for two unfinished plants, leaving investors out $2.25 billion—then the largest municipal default in American history. WPPSS also left the region with what today is nearly $6 billion in debts for the remaining two stillborn plants and the Columbia Generating Station. The Bonneville Power Administration, which brokers energy from the Columbia River system dams, had agreed to buy power from the WPPSS plants and, in turn, got stuck with the debt. As McCullough notes, 30 years later the costs of the WPPSS fiasco “are still being paid for by Northwest ratepayers.” Meanwhile, the Columbia Generating Station has been operating since 1984, after being completed seven 14

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

too little money to complete his thesis at the Ivy League school. After Portland General Electric recruited him in 1979, McCullough rose through the executive ranks in finance and rate-setting, ending up as director of special projects and assistant to PGE’s chairman. McCullough chafed at the utility’s culture. “At PGE, there was a suggestion that you have your sense of humor surgically removed,” he says. In 1991, he left the utility and opened his consulting business, McCullough Research. McCullough may not be a household name, but in energy circles, he’s a big deal. He’s been a consultant for Texas utilities and Canadian Indian tribes, and is often called as an expert witness. He assembled millions of Enron-related documents and testified for state and federal prosecutors. McCullough helped

unravel Enron’s schemes for the Snohomish (Wash.) Public Utility District, which won a $1.6 billion judgment against the company. Snohomish’s former assistant general counsel, Eric Christensen, often visited McCullough’s office in Southeast Portland. “It’s what you’d imagine a CIA safe house to be,” Christensen says. “On the outside, it’s a nondescript tract home. On in the inside, there are these big banks of computers and analysts scattered all through the house.” Even those who’ve been adversaries of McCullough admire his work. “When he was working for PGE, not all of the information the utility put out was great, but I’ve never found anything wrong with his work,” says Portland public interest lawyer Dan Meek, who battled PGE and McCullough for years over closing Trojan. “He’s a highly expert and very careful economist.” It’s McCullough’s reputation for independence that appealed to Physicians for Social Responsibility, a national group that campaigns against global warming, as well as nuclear weapons and energy. The organization’s Oregon and Washington chapters wanted to draw attention to potential problems with the Columbia Generating Station after the 2011 earthquake and tsunami in Japan, where three nuclear reactors at Fukushima melted down and another exploded. Last month, the group released reports saying the Columbia Generating Station is seismically unsafe—something the plant’s operators deny. The physicians group turned to McCullough last spring to see if he would consider evaluating the plant’s economics. He initially said no. “A lot of nuclear advocacy is emotional,” he says. “That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but it’s not data-driven.” McCullough knew the plant had experienced problems controlling its costs. But a cursory glance at the plant’s recent annual reports piqued his curiosity—especially the Columbia Generating Station’s cost of producing power. “I’m not anti-nuke,” McCullough says. “[But] I was surprised to see the differential was so high.” To hear the owners and operators of the Columbia Generating Station tell it, the region’s only nuclear plant is essential.



SKY-HIGH COSTS: The Columbia Generating Station dominates the mid-Columbia plateau, but steep operating costs imperil the nuclear plant’s future.

Mike Paoli, a spokesman for Energy Northwest, the consortium that operates the plant, says the Columbia Generating Station provides a reliable, predictably priced source of power that backs up the Columbia River dam system. “You could go to the market today and easily beat Columbia [Generating Station’s] cost of power using natural gas—true,” Paoli says. “But regardless of short-term performance, we looked 30 years out, and in terms of long-term cost savings, there’s no question that Columbia comes out ahead for the ratepayer.” Paoli says Energy Northwest has not been given the opportunity to review McCullough’s report in detail, but it has been presented with its major findings. Paoli questions the report’s objectivity. Physicians for Social Responsibility, he says, started from the premise of wanting to close the nuclear plant, so any research the group paid for would further that goal. “They had their conclusion, and they set about proving it,” he says. McCullough disagrees. He says he had complete freedom to report what he found, not what Physicians for Social Responsibility wanted him to say. What’s more, his report draws on voluminous Energy Northwest, nuclear industry and Bonneville documents to build its case. He found there is regularly so much electricity available in the Bonneville Power Administration network that it can’t sell it all. In fact, McCullough found, in the past two years, the market has been so oversupplied that Bonneville regularly paid customers to take electricity off its hands. There are a few reasons why energy prices have fallen so low. Two consecutive rainy years have put plenty of water behind the dams. Energy companies continue rapid development of wind farms, which have become more competitive in the cost of power. CONT. on page 16 Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013




And there’s fracking—the process of extracting oil and gas using pressurized water and sand—which has caused natural gas supplies to soar. It has turned North Dakota into a small slice of Saudi Arabia, goosed U.S. oil and gas production and cratered the price of natural gas. That’s why there’s been a scramble to send Wyoming coal through proposed Oregon and Washington export terminals. Power companies often use natural gas to fire electricitygenerating plants, and the cheap cost of gas has helped undercut the Columbia Generating Station’s high-cost output. The Columbia Generating Station might still be a plus for the region if its cost of making electricity were also low. But McCullough found the plant’s cost of producing a megawatt hour over the past six years is about $36, roughly 1.5 times what more efficient nuclear plants spend. McCullough also found that it appears to be the most costly nuclear plant of its kind to run in the U.S. He and his team of six analysts crunched all of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission fi lings for 2006 through 2012 for 27 operating nuclear plants built and designed on the same basis as the Columbia Generating Station. “From what we can see, it’s the most expensive,” McCullough says. As a result, he found ratepayers last year spent $418 million for power from the Columbia Generating Station. They could have purchased the same power elsewhere for $218 million. Energy Northwest spokesman Paoli acknowledges the nuclear plant has recently been more expensive than market power and other nuclear plants, but he says that is changing. “We continue to trend down toward lower cost,” Paoli says.


Why is the Columbia Generating Station so expensive to run? One reason is location. Some of the most economical nuclear power operations exist where reactors are clustered together; where they are parts of companies such as Exelon, the Illinois utility that operates 17 reactors at 10 different plants; or where they are close to major population centers. Another is overhead costs. For example, McCullough found the plant employs 1,100 people—about one-and-a-half times as many people per unit of energy produced as other nuclear plants. “At $80,000 a head, the high employment level is a continuing challenge to the plant’s economics,” McCullough says. Paoli says comparisons to other nuclear plants’ costs are a “red herring.” “As the only nuclear facility in the Northwest,” Paoli says, “our industry status doesn’t change our economic position as the best non-hydro—and clean—value for the Northwest.” And the plant is aging. The Columbia Generating Station is 29 years old, and McCullough says it’s no longer viable. “It’s like a computer-chip fabricator that makes large wafer chips,” McCullough says. “That plant gets replaced because the technology is obsolete and the market has moved on.” Aging nuclear plants require lots of repairs, expensive parts and frequent shutdow ns. McCullough found that Columbia Generating Station’s history has been plagued by above-average downtime and a failure to meet its targets for generating electricity. Even Bonneville, in a 2009 report, recognized this problem. “Although the plant’s safety record is solid,” the report read, “[Columbia Generating Station] now ranks very close to the 16

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



SAFETY FIRST: Workers at the Columbia Generating Station perform maintenance on the nuclear plant’s control rod drives. The plant has been running for nearly 30 years.

bottom of all nuclear plants.” Paoli says the plant has made operational improvements, including securing a long-term, low-cost fuel supply. “We’re on our way to being one of the top-performing nuclear facilities in the nation by end of 2014,” he says. “Not there yet—but the trends have us climbing fast.” McCullough notes the plant’s budget for the next decade calls for nearly $500 million in spending for new equipment, which will make it even less economical. But the biggest reason the nuclear plant has been such a money sinkhole is the way it has been managed. Nearly all of the nation’s 100 nuclear power plants belong to investor-owned utilities. The discipline of having to answer to investors and a customer base that can identify more easily where its power is coming from provides a level of accountability missing at the Columbia Generating Station. The plant, as McCullough’s report found, is owned by 92 public utilities and managed by 27 of them. But the owners have little incentive to change. They don’t have to pay the costs of running the plant, nor are they responsible for unloading its expensive power on the market. That falls to Bonneville, a massive, sophisticated energy agency with more than 3,000 employees, $3 billion-plus in annual revenues and a service area that covers 300,000 square miles and nearly 13 million people. When it comes to oversight of the nuclear plant, McCullough found, Bonneville has been an absentee landlord that has failed to address chronic problems. “It’s a bizarre set of political circumstances,” he says. “You’ve got ownership without accountability.” And the relationship between Bonneville and Energy Northwest has been difficult. “The history of this arrangement is rife with miscommunication and conflict between the two parties,” McCullough wrote in his report. McCullough’s report found that in one instance Bonneville officials refused for years to allow the Columbia Generating Station to replace its condensers, a crucial piece of the operation, contributing to the plant’s inefficiency. CONT. on page 18 Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


cont. courtesy of energy northwest

nuclear power

COOL to THE idea of a shutdown: Bonneville Power Administration officials say they have not read McCullough’s report but see no reason to close the Columbia Generating Station any time soon.



$35 $30




McCullough Research’s investigation of the Columbia Generating Station found the nuclear plant’s costs of producing a megawatt hour of electricity are well above the average costs of the 27 comparable plants now operating in the U.S.


$20 $15 $10 $5

S nu im pl cle ilar an a ts r

C G ol en u St er mb at at ia io ing n


SOURCE s : M c C u l l o u g h R e s e a r c h ; F e d e r a l E n e r g y R e g u l a t o r y C o mm i s s i o n .


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

The report also found Bonneville has failed to enforce agreements that could have reined in costs or even brought an end to the plant’s operations years ago. In 1998, the congressional delegations from Washington and Oregon, along with the governors of both states, conducted a “market test” to assess the nuclear plant’s viability. The plan was to do such a test every two years, but for reasons that are unclear, Bonneville has not done so. “There was a suggestion that continue,” Bonneville spokesman Doug Johnson says of the plant’s proposed cost reviews. “We did not adopt that recommendation.” At the time, Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) pushed for cost controls on the nuclear plant. Wyden is chairman of the Senate Committee on Energ y and Natural Resources. Spokesman Keith Chu says committee staff have not yet seen McCullough’s report but are looking into the issues it raises. “Ultimately the decision about whether to run this power plant has to be based on what’s best for ratepayers,” Chu said in an email. “Keeping BPA rates affordable is always a priority, and that involves keep-

ing a close eye on all BPA costs, including the Columbia Generating Station.” In states with greater accountability over nuclear plants, some aging plants are being shut down. In the past few years, at least four nuclear plants—two in California and one each in Wisconsin and Florida—have been closed for economic reasons. Vermont’s only nuclear plant will close next year. McCullough doesn’t want to shut down the Columbia Generating Station without an alternative. And he has one. He says w ith the glut of electricity sources, Bonneville could replace the nuclear plant’s power by 2015 with longterm contracts from companies that generate electricity from wind, natural gas or other sources. “Let’s simply ask the market if there’s a better deal out there,” he says. “If there’s not, then keep the plant operating.” There’s urgency to tackle the issue: r apid ly esc a lat i ng shut dow n cost s. McCullough found the cost of complying with federal shutdown procedures is growing at 8 to 9 percent a year, far faster than inflation.



BY THE NUMBERS: The energy industry doesn’t always like the conclusions McCullough reaches in his work. Says former Snohomish PUD assistant general counsel Eric Christensen, “If he’s says he’s done the research, then he’s done the research.”

The longer Energy Northwest and Bonneville wait to shut down the plant, he says, the more it will cost ratepayers. “Those costs have to be paid in any case,” he says. “Better to do it now, when the price will be lower.” But there’s enormous political support for the status quo. That’s because the Columbia Generating Station employs 1,100 high-wage workers. The plant’s officials say closing now would actually increase costs to ratepayers. “We’re the best regional value only so long as we’re operating through our full life cycle,” Paoli says. “Early closure equals higher rates.” Bonneville officials say they have not yet seen McCullough’s report but seem to have already decided what to do about the plant.


“The plant’s license was recently extended through 2043,” says Johnson, the Bonneville spokesman. “At this time, there are no current plans to consider shutting down [the Columbia Generating Station] early.” Lazar, the Olympia utility economist, wrote his master’s thesis on WPPSS 30 years ago and has continued to study the Washington power system. He has reviewed McCullough’s 208-page report. He says Washington’s and Oregon’s governors and congressional delegations should convene an expert panel to decide the plant’s fate. “The report’s about 150 pages longer than it needs to be,” Lazar says. “But it’s highly credible and, if anything, conservative in its conclusions. The operating costs of the plant far exceed the market value of the power it produces. A private owner would not keep it open.”

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FOOD: Boxer Ramen is better than Little Big Burger. MUSIC: Pere Ubu frontman David Thomas isn’t just an asshole. THEATER: A psychosexual mindfuck. BOOKS: If Howard Zinn wrote a history of Portland...

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Thirsty Lion (Portland ) — 7:00 PM Hawthorne Hideaway (Portland) — 8:00 PM Rose & Thistle (Portland) — 8:00 PM (Starts Jan 6)

Thursdays @ 8pm Redwing Bar & Grill 4012 30th St • North Park Tuesday

The Dugout (Hillsboro ) — 7:00 PM Biddy McGraw's (Portland ) — 7:00 PM Cheerful Tortoise (Portland ) — 9:00 PM Shanahan's (Vancouver) — 7:00 PM Laurelwood Public House (SE) — 8:00 PM (Starts461 Jan27)Park Blvd - University Heights

Mondays @ 9pm Bourbon Street Bar & Grill


Saturdays @ 8pm Kelly’s Pub

Cheerful Bullpen (Portland ) - 8:30 PM Concordia Ale House (Portland ) - 8:00 PM Space Room (Portland ) - 7:00 PM Tonic Lounge (Portland — 7:00 • OldPMTown Diego )Ave 2222 San Buffalo Gap (Portland) — 7:30PM (Starts Jan 8)

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

total eclipse: Ecliptic Brewing, which should end 2013 as the only full-scale brewery to open in Portland proper this year, has started rolling out bottles. On Dec. 9, John Harris’ ginormous new North Portland brewpub started selling a “winter IPA” called Filament, which will also be distributed in stores. On Harris Dec. 16, Ecliptic will start selling Illuminating the Path, a pinot noir barrel-aged strong ale that Harris made in Florida with Tampa’s Cigar City Brewing. iN loVe WitH a MacHiNe: Coffee blog reports that barista champion Billy Wilson will open his fourth Barista location, at 823 NW 23rd Ave., and will ditch French press for…a Fetco coffee-brewing machine. “It’s funny to see how the brew methods always come full circle,” Wilson told Sprudge. “Ten years ago, everyone was all about the French press—it was everywhere. Then it was the whole manual pourover thing, and the vac pot.”


A N N A J AY E G O E L L N E r

21-Karat gold dust: The people behind Club 21 and Gold Dust Meridian are opening a bar called Double Barrel at 2002 SE Division St., across from New Seasons Market. The space has gone through a long string of tenants and monikers in recent years, including Dilly’s Sports Bar, KJ’s Bar & Grill, Wynne’s, Wynners and Seven Corners (named after the intersection at the edge of Ladd’s Addition). The space is being renovated, says co-owner Marcus Archambeault, and is expected to open early next year.

barista alberta

Hear tHe groWl: As of Thanksgiving, the recently renovated Safeway supermarket at 2800 SE Hawthorne Blvd. became the first of the national chain’s Oregon stores to offer growler fills, says the store’s wine steward, Jill Powers. The only other Safeway to do so is in Phoenix. The growler selection includes two beers each from Breakside and Fort George, and Hop Valley Festeroo Winter Ale. This is apparently an experiment for Safeway. If the Hawthorne location is successful, Powers says, the next in line is probably the Portland store at 8145 SW Barbur Blvd. MaXed out: The theater once known as OMNIMAX has reopened as the Empirical Theater. OMSI has replaced the dome theater with a smaller—but still four-story-tall—flat screen and converted to digital. The theater is showing science movies and kid-friendly seasonal fare, including A Christmas Story and The Polar Express. clicKy-clicKy: At, look for Beats Per Week, a new weekly feature offering tips on the best EDM shows. You’ll also find an explanation of how drawbridge operators go to the bathroom, on-the-spot reporting of Portland artists at Art Basel in Miami and a review of the Super Silver Haze strain from Willie Weed columnist Wm. Willard Greene.







This week, the Popovich Comedy Pet Theater somersaults its way into Portland, with dozens of four-legged, furry stars in tow. We figured that ringleader Gregory Popovich— who’s been called a cat whisperer by The New York Times—might need some ideas for how to spoil his Siamese and schnauzers while in town. Portland, fortunately, has no shortage of pet amenities. REBECCA JACOBSON.

LODGING: Giving piggyback rides to finicky kittens and wheeling around on teeny-tiny scooters makes for one pooped pooch. For a quality night’s sleep, Sniff Dog Hotel ( in Northwest offers fleece bedding, climate-controlled rooms and bubble baths. Let your depleted dachshund sit back and lounge in front of his flat-panel TV—as you watch his every move on the private webcam (included with the penthouse, $75 per night). Over at Meowhaus (, cats get memory-foam beds and views of zebra finches— safely behind glass—flitting around the indoor aviary.

GROOMING: D’tails Dog Salon ( pampers your canine with full-body moisture wraps, antioxidant-rich blueberry facials and aromatherapy (lavender is especially good for nervous pups, we’re told, but sugar-cookie is also a popular scent this time of year). Nail art—think French manicures or snowmen, if your lady pooch cares for seasonally appropriate designs—runs $1 to $5 per nail. At Cats in the City (, felines can be trimmed to resemble lions, complete with booties and a pompom on the tail ($95).

NATHAN BRANNON’S 30TH BIRTHDAY COMEDY BASH [COMEDY] Nathan Brannon— certified by this very newspaper as one of Portland’s five funniest comedians—is entering a new decade of life, and he’s throwing a big ol’ standup party for himself. And for us, really. Helping Brannon celebrate the aging process are comics Shane Torres, Sean Jordan, Tim Hammer, Adam Pasi and Lance Edward. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 10 pm. Free. MIDLAKE [MUSIC] The Texas folkies lost their frontman midway through the recording of their new album, but don’t worry: Antiphon, featuring guitarist Eric Pulido assuming lead-vocal duties, maintains the band’s dreamy riffs, dramatic ebbs and flows, and liberal use of flute, but now with a rockier edge. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

SATURDAY DEC. 14 WORKING OUT: All those acrobatic maneuvers—jumping rope, leaping through hoops, hurdling barricades—are tough on joints. That’s why Southeast’s Fido’s Indoor Dog Park (fidosindoordogpark. com) has a swimming pool, which is 98 percent chemical-free, and life jackets in all sizes.

DINING OUT: It’s not a trip to Portland without doughnuts. Tigard’s Pawsitive Pastries ( offers a yogurt-glazed, carob chip-topped version for dogs—made with beef broth, egg, oats and garlic powder. And they’re glutenfree! Meanwhile, off in the tony suburb of Lake Oswego, Uncle Larry’s ( makes freeze-dried treats from locally sourced meat for both dogs and cats. Recommended for sensitive tummies.

ST. JOHNS WINTER BEER FEST [BEER] Sure, there’s the big popped cherries of Logsdon’s Cerasus. But catch this: Wil Wheaton made a beer! Wesley crushed it! According to Stone Brewing, the Farking Wheaton Woot Stout is “brewed with rye, wheat malt and pecans and partially aged in Bourbon whiskey barrels.” Plew’s Brews, 8409 N Lombard St., 2832243. Noon-midnight. Continues Sunday, Dec. 15. $5 for a glass, $1 for taster tickets.

BODYWORK: Loving Touch Animal Massage ( can smooth out Stinker Belle’s muscle spasms or decrease Tigger’s high blood pressure. Still need more? Balanced Pets NW ( specializes in traditional Chinese acupuncture to correct your pet’s energy flow. Especially good for irritable bowel disease.


PASSING ON: Maybe that tightrope was too high for Twinkle Toes. Or perhaps it was just “her time” to go. That’s where Dignified Pet Services ( comes in, offering burials, cremations and memorial services, as well as round-the-clock emergency services. Pet-sized hearses available.

A FANTASIA FANTASY [BURLESQUE] In this send-up of the 1940 Walt Disney classic, a cryogenically frozen Walt Disney awakes to find the world isn’t what he expected. And that his trippy Fantasia, filled with topless centaurs and a mountainous demon, is now being reinterpreted by stripteasers at Dante’s. Dreams really do come true. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $12-$15. 21+. NORSK JULESANGFEST [MUSIC] The Portland Scandinavian Chorus performs the seasonal music of the dark north with trumpet, lur, organ, Hardanger fiddle, psalmodikon quartet and bell. National costume encouraged, refreshments to follow. Gethsemane Lutheran Church, 11560 SE Market St., 2561835. 3:15 pm. Free.

MONDAY DEC. 16 PARTYING: Is it Scrappy’s special day? Lexi Dog Boutique & Social Club ( has pinatas, apple-bobbing and hot-dog hunts for your darling doggie, with party favors for up to eight four-legged guests.

GO: The Popovich Comedy Pet Theater is at the Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694, on Thursday, Dec. 12. 7 pm. $25-$35. All ages.

THE EL VEZ AND ROSIE FLORES MERRY MEX-MAS SHOW [MUSIC] It’s that time of year again when a man who looks like Marc Anthony crossed with John Waters decked out in a red jumpsuit spends an entire show yowling rockedout Christmas songs as a bunch of inflatable Navidad shit blows around the stage. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 248-4700. 9 pm. $15. 21+. Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


FOOD & DRINK = WW Pick. Highly recommended. By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 11 Beer and Whiskey Dinner

In what’s becoming a mini-trend in Portland dining, there’s yet another multicourse beer-pairing dinner, with four brews out of Breakside Brewery’s century’s worth of beers, plus a sip of Blanton’s single-barrel whiskey. The nice thing about these things, aside from the beer and the pork cheeks and the duck leg confit, is the price. Four wine pairings are about $30 just for the drinks. This costs the same and includes the food (but not the tip, cheapskates). Produce Row Cafe, 204 SE Oak St., 232-8355. 7 pm. $30.

THURSDAY, DEC. 12 Affligem Tasting Seminar

Every time you say the name of this beer, somebody says “gesundheit” and straps on a medical mask. If they’re smart, though, they hold out a glass. Bazi is basically offering a king-sized taster tray of this millennium-old abbey beer—blonde, Tripel, Dubbel and extra-special Christmas edition— then providing info on the beer that’s carefully designed to make you like the beer more. Good ol’ fashioned PR! But for that, you get 36 ounces of lovely, expensive, high-ABV import beer. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888. 7 pm. $24.

FRIDAY, DEC. 13 St. Johns Winter Beer Fest

HOOOOO! This is the drunkest week ever! HOOOOOOOO! Anyway, big Logsdon Cerasus, Awesome Ale’s Spike Driver Strong Ale, smoked pumpkin beer from Ale Industrie, stouts aged in whiskey barrels from Stone. The fest goes through Sunday. HOOOOO! Drunk! Plew’s Brews, 8409 N Lombard St., 283-2243. Noon Friday-Sunday, Dec. 13-15. $5 glass, $1 taste.

Commons Brewery Second Anniversary

Commons’ simple, rustic Urban Farmhouse was our anointed beer of the year in 2013—and it’ll certainly have that one on tap. But for its second-anniversary celebration, the brewery is pulling out special kegs full of beers you’ve never seen or thought you wouldn’t see again: Zoigl lager, King’s Blend wild ale (not to be mistaken for the king’s cup), the new chardonnay-casked Maybelle farmhouse and a sour red Ortucky Common brewed in collaboration with De Garde Brewing on the coast. Commons promises a humble spread of food to go with the quaffs, but if you show up on Dec. 12 instead, there’s a potluck. The Commons Brewery, 1810 SE Stephens St., 343-5501. 5 pm. Prices vary.

SATURDAY, DEC. 14 Humbug Lager Fest

Oh God! More beer! Forget nutmeg and cinnamon and malty sugars and whatever they’ve got you brainwashed into thinking is “festive” in the “winter.” Get yourself some lager, man. Good, clean lager. Or Southern German-style lager packed so full of flavor it might as well be bread. Occidental pulled together a roster: Commons, Upright, Breakside, Ayinger and others, with food from Urban German. Occidental Brewing Co., 6635 N Baltimore Ave., 719-7102. Noon-10 pm. Prices vary.

SUNDAY, DEC. 15 Tiki Cocktail Class

Too much beer this week, therefore: Rum! Blair Reynolds will be schooling students on the basics of rum cocktails, from an old fashioned to a buttered rum and Christmas rum punch. We’re only making guesses, but you’ll probably be rummy when it’s over. Hale Pele, 2733 NE Broadway, 662-8454. Noon. $40.


VINN WHISKEY (VINN DISTILLERY) The founders of Vinn Distillery were once stuck alone at sea on a raft for 47 days while searching for a good place to land. They’d been deported from Vietnam for being ethnically Chinese, but didn’t want to live in China. Now, over 30 years after Kim Trinh and Phan Ly emigrated to Oregon, the family-run distillery they began is still on a solitary path: Wilsonville’s Vinn is the only maker of baijiu rice spirit in North America. Baijiu is the national quaff of China—cheap, industrial and often brewed at a lobotomizing 130 proof. It is a marriage-ender and a sweethot sword through the brain, typically drunk neat and at room temperature. Vinn makes a light, balanced 80-proof artisanal version with a pleasant, ricey sweetness—the recipe has been in the family for generations. Still, to a North American palate, it’s more of a mixer than a shot. Not so the brand-new Vinn whiskey, a barrel-aged version of its baijiu. Essentially a white-rice whiskey, the baijiu takes on a satisfying complexity when aged in oak for two years, deepening the rice’s one-note sugars into malty notes that lightly tickle the top of the palate. It’s a bit like a crisp, mild version of rye without that crackle of belching heat characteristic of the spirit. Vinn whiskey is not in stores yet—it’s available only at the Portland tasting room (833 SE Main St., Suite 125, 807-3826,—but it’s worth seeking out as a novel winter sipper. Recommended. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. 24

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



Karaoke 9pm nightly Hydro Pong Saturday night

I get HAPPY 4-6pm Tues-Fri $3 menu

Tuesdstaryy: Fun Indu Night!

Dragon Lounge

Chinese-American Restaurant

2610 SE 82nd at Division 503-774-1135 Ho Ti

RING THE BELL: Ramen, tots and sesame greens are a TKO at Boxer.

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The noodles in the ramen bowls (all $10) come from Sun Noodle Company, which pulls the wheat for top-flight Asian restaurants such as New York’s Momofuku. If you get only one, let it be the vegBY M A RT I N C I Z M A R etarian bowl, which on our second visit was a rich coconut-intense white curry sauce with strips of Micah Camden’s strategy isn’t much of a mys- fibrous inari sweet tofu. The “really spicy miso” is tery. You see it in action at the restaurateur’s as spicy as advertised—important because Boxer most successful venture, Little Big Burger, doesn’t offer sauces to spike its bowls—with pasty which has a simple menu built from a small miso broth and a gooey sous-vide egg, a few snips pantry of high-end ingredients, served in small of green onion and slices of pork belly that can but delicious portions and priced for the sala- be either far too fatty to blithely chomp or burnt ried class. The fifth and final bite of a Little Big down to salty nubs of unadulterated joy. The burger doesn’t offer the sweaty bliss of, say, tonkotsu ramen, made with a broth of pork bones, Killer Burger, but it’s also not going to leave is milder and extra salty from a dousing of soy and you feeling overly beefy. a powdering of charred garlic. Camden has been working his way across The tiny 31-stool Japanese soup shop sits at the weight classes since overrunning Northeast 30th southern end of Union Way shopping arcade—the Avenue with fine-dining restaurants (Yakuza, restroom is down the heated hallway and secured Beast, DOC). He’s now sprinkling the city with by key code—a boutique retail alley bisecting Fish casual joints that have middleGrotto and Buffalo Exchange tier pricing. The formula worked Order this: Sesame greens ($4) with that Carrie Brownstein told well for Blue Star Donuts, which spicy miso ($10), a glass of taruzake The New York Times Magazine sake ($6) and a pint of beer ($5). “both comments on and embodbuilds crazy hoops from a base Best deal: The sesame greens and of rich brioche, and at Boxer a $2 glass-sized pour of beer are ies all of Portland’s lifestyle and aesthetic aspirations.” (Read: Sushi, which aims for quick- both steals. service nigiri. a $7.50 baggie of chai-flavored Camden’s new Boxer Ramen is probably his lollipops at Quin and a pair of Danner boots to greatest creation yet. The menu hanging from the suck them in.) Boxer is cash-only, with an ATM wall of this room—all blond wood and cafeteria- onsite. There are no to-go containers, something bright light with a cerulean-blue floor—is only six diners learn from the word bubble painted above lines long, but six lines prove sufficient. a cartoon dog, which stands next to paintings of The first three items serve as appetizers rosy-cheeked women about to slurp. or sides. The sesame greens ($4) might be my This isn’t a full-fledged izakaya—the bright favorite thing on the menu. Swiss chard is lighting alone would disqualify Boxer, even if it sliced into pencil-width ribbons and sopped were open late. But a well-selected slate of sakes, in nutty, rich sesame oil and rice-wine vinegar, including the warm cedar burn of taruzake ($6), then topped with shiitake mushrooms, oyster and several discerning taps are all you need to sauce and toasted sesame seeds. The okonomi- wash these noodles down. So far, weekend lines yaki tater tots ($5) are served quesadilla-style have been a hindrance, though service is speedy. in a sizzling skillet with creamy Kewpie may- I have no way of knowing, but I suspect Camden onnaise sauce and a generous pile of bonito may thin out the lines by opening a few more of flakes curling and crinkling in front of you. these spots. The rainbow of pickled vegetables ($6) is useful mostly as an acidic chaser to the ultra-rich EAT: Boxer Ramen, 1025 SW Stark St., 8948260, 11 am-9 pm Mondayitems around it. Friday, noon-9 pm Saturday and Sunday.

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



ON SALE $13.99 LP ALSO AVAILABLE If The River Was Whiskey is a return to their roots as a band for the Spin Doctors. When they started out in New York City, they played the Blues and they were known as an original music Blues Band.




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Holiday album from the veteran ‘60s Pop rocker. After Tommy’s I Love Christmas single was played on over 3000 radio stations nationwide, he decided to make his first-ever Christmas album. And who better to do it, for not only does Tommy (with producer Jimmy “Wiz” Wisner) bring his vaunted pop sensibility to these songs, but the man has always held matters of faith close to his heart.


Kitaro swings from bombastic synthesized drama to graceful flute solos, and his signature swooping synthesizer sounds are reminiscent of an electric erhu. His lush, spacey soundscapes elevate traditional Asian music to an entirely unique level. This greatest hits collection covers many different facets of Kitaro’s career.




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In the increasingly popular field of brainwave synchronization music, Steven Halpern once again demonstrates why he is the recognized master of the genre. –Leading Edge Review


Hailing from California, charismatic vocalist and guitar slinger Brad Wilson plays high-octane rocked-up blues with a touch of soulful Americana. Performing over 100 shows a year, he has garnered a reputation as a smoking hot blues player who will rock the house anyhow, anytime, anywhere!


Canada’s most insane, undead psychobilly horror-punks are back with their latest, greatest album to date! The Monster Within is an unholy collection of mind-bendingly ear-scorching tracks that grab you by the neck and dare you to fight back.




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Steeped in strong psychobilly roots, the Koffin Kats are an institution in punk rock ‘n’ roll. Booze, tattoos, hair grease, hot rods, and infectious riffs pulsate with every note of every track. After six albums and a full decade of traveling the globe and spreading the good news of their Detroit outlaw punk psycho rock n roll, the Koffin Kats return with their most definitive recording, Born of the Motor.



For the past eight years, the The Creepshow have been smashing the world in the face with their brutal melange of punk, country, psychobilly, and good old fashioned rock n roll. They’ve toured the world, sold a metric ton of records, and blown the faces off a gazillion fans.


Doug MacLeod is a unique, powerful guitarist with a rich and soulful voice, singing original songs based on his life and experiences. This is genuine original acoustic music at it’s very best!



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This is a fantastic release from the one-of-a-kind Afro-Cuban band led by percussion wizard Pedrito Martinez. Produced by Steve Gadd, the groups eponymous debut Motéma release showcases their unique fusion of timba and jazz, featuring living legends Wynton Marsalis and John Scofield.



A solid holiday collection including standards and originals indispensable for Christmas listening! On this warm, intimate holiday album, Halie Loren s voice is silky, deep, serious, and sexy, beautifully accompanied by the incomparable piano stylings of Matt Treder. Originally recorded in 2008, this wonderful Christmas album has been out of print for years.

A brilliant tribute to the divine Eartha Kitt by the equally divine René Marie, whose reputation as a risk-taking jazz diva makes her the perfect performer to deliver the first full-album tribute to Miss Kitt.


A true holiday classic featuring the unmistakable vocals of Everett Greene, listed as one of 2007’s 12 Discs of Christmas by Jazziz Magazine.

From swinging to slow and sultry, these 15 thematic gems are performed by some of the biggest names in jazz, included are Diana Krall’s captivating performance of this “This Can’t Be Love,” Hank Jones’ thoughtful “Because I Love You” and the timeless talents of Oliver Jones and Oscar Peterson. You’ll be charmed by the subtle vocal stylings of Angela Galuppo from the jazz/pop band St. Ange and sway to Carol Welsman’s ”Hold Me.”


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Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


dec. 11-17 PROFILE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.


Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 11 The Royal Oui, the Fur Coats, Big Haunt

[DREAM POP] Ari Shine and Adrienne Pierce had already amassed their own singer-songwriter honors (a Grammy nod and primetime soap placements, respectively) before meeting, marrying, moving to B.C. and releasing the two-song EP Forecast—twee as hell, to be sure, but niftily phrased and adorably stirring. Their full-length debut is scheduled for release early next year, but given the heaping buzz ladled on a glorified single, this may well be your last chance to sample their rarefied wares within relatively cozy environs. Après, le déluge. JAY HORTON. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $6 advance, $8 day of show. 21+.

Talib Kweli, Big K.R.I.T.

[HIP-HOP] Talib Kweli is one of hiphop’s marathon men. He’s been regularly releasing albums since the early 2000s and is on tour supporting his 10th full-length, Prisoner of Consciousness. His longevity is largely due to his ability to pump out solid, socially conscious rhymes that tend to stay relevant no matter when he spits them. Joining him is Mississippi rapper Big K.R.I.T., who is ushering in the next generation of hipster-hop as much as the new wave of Southern rap. GEOFF NUDELMAN. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8 pm. $23. All ages.

THURSDAY, DEC. 12 Erin McKeown’s Anti-Holiday Spectacular

[SCROOGE FOLK] Well, it’s about time somebody said something. Pint-sized powerhouse folkie Erin McKeown calls out Kris Kringle for his blatant antiSemitism—not to mention his sugar addiction, unsafe coal-mining practices

and general perversity—on “Santa Is an Asshole,” one of the twisted carols that make up F*ck That! Erin McKeown’s Anti-Holiday Album. The 2011 collection, celebrated on McKeown’s current tour, puts the “hum” in “humbug” with tuneful ditties attacking the “Amurrica”-nization of Christmas (“Christmas [Love It or Leave It]”), awkward family holidays (“Frozen Smiles,” “It’s a Very Queer Christmas”) and PC euphemisms (“You Wish Us a Happy Holidays”). JEFF ROSENBERG. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 8949708. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Portugal the Man

[ANTHEMIC ROCK] More often than not, when Brian “Danger Mouse” Burton produces a record, his involvement turns out to be a blessing. Yet, on parts of Portugal the Man’s latest record, Evil Friends, the band’s natural psych-rock inclinations just don’t mesh with Burton’s production style, which is not to dismiss John Gourley and his bandmates for their best-manicured work to date. The band has no reservations about producing purebred pop, and the record’s power chords and arena-rock feel testify to that. But previous albums and killer live shows have shown Portugal the Man to be much more individualistic than most of Evil Friends would indicate. Too many songs feel like a tug-of-war between Burton’s dial-turning and the Portland band’s free-range musical persona—a struggle everyone ends up losing. This show benefits the Oregon Music Hall of Fame’s Music in Schools program. MARK STOCK. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 4:15 pm. $9.47. All ages.

Philm, Fallen Theory, Disenchanter

[LEAD DRUMMER] Discussing Philm’s music is folly—same as agonizing over the dialogue in Pacific Rim. The robots


CONT. on page 28


FIVE MARIACHI SONGS THAT’D MAKE GREAT METAL SONGS “El Cascabel” (“The Bell”) It’s actually been done before, and we have actually started a Metalachi arrangement of it, pero is not ready. It would sound good because it is in a minor key and is aggressive. “La Malagueña” Another beautiful song in a minor key, and it uses the falsete! But in a metal style, you can scream instead. Screamers get lots of chichis. “Amaneci Otra Vez Entre Tus Brazos” (“Woke In Your Arms Again”) This is a good song because you can get laid with this one—es very romantical. “El Rey” (“The King”) This is a macho song, about being macho. It is a good song to just let your balls hang out. “Como Quien Pierde Una Estrella” (“Like Someone Loses a Star”) Because Alejandro Fernández gets a lot of chichis in his punk face. It has a good melody to translate to metal styles, and also makes the chicas wetter than blue-whale vagina. SEE IT: Metalachi plays Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., on Saturday, Dec. 14. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

FROm a BaSEmENT IN HELL: David Thomas (second from left) and the current incarnation of Pere Ubu.


There’s been a nasty rumor going around the last, oh, 35 years or so, that David Thomas, founder of the pioneering art-punk band Pere Ubu, is an asshole. Like his early inspiration, Lou Reed, the singer-songwriter-conceptualist has developed a reputation for being, in more polite terms, a “hard interview,” the kind of artist who regards conversations with the press as degrading interactions with a lower species. At age 60, Thomas would like to set the record straight. He’s not an asshole. He just has a low threshold for stupidity. “I’m not a fuzzy pop wannabe,” he says over the phone from his home in Brighton, England, where a cold has given his already nasally voice an extraphlegmy sheen. “I don’t frankly care much about the business, and I can’t sit here and pretend to enthuse about the usual crap that idiot wannabes enthuse about. I’m not cannon fodder. My main inspiration for interviews was Khrushchev at the United Nations in 1960 banging on the table with his shoe and screaming, ‘We will bury you!’” The truth about Thomas is that he’s always been too smart to suffer the rest of the world gladly. If that makes him a bit prickly, it’s also what’s made Pere Ubu such a durable institution. He started the band in 1975 in Cleveland, hitching ideas drawn from surrealist theater and avant-garde art to the chug of garage rock and basically creating postpunk when punk itself was still in the prototype stage. Early albums like The Modern Dance, Dub Housing and New Picnic Time contort song structures with an intensity that swings from riveting to absurd to downright frightening, hinging on Thomas’ jowly, helium-infused squeal. Fortified by an unwavering set of internal guidelines, the group has continued through the years with a rotating lineup, unmoved by shifts in the culture at large. Thomas is fond of saying Pere Ubu is less a band than an idea, one that exists independently from whomever happens to be making the music at the time. Think of it as a comic-strip thought balloon

that detached from his head and has been expanding, all on its own, for the past four decades. Thomas has no problem acknowledging his high-mindedness. “I’m an intellectual. I’m pretentious,” he says. “I like things that have meaning.” It’s no surprise, then, that Thomas would find dance music—a form that, by its nature, eschews cerebalism in favor of sheer physical release— objectionable. And so, with this year’s Lady From Shanghai, Thomas reached out from Pere Ubu’s creative bubble, to help bring the culture at large up to his level and “fix” dance music. “Dance music is fundamentally anti-intellectual,” he says. “There’s a reason pop music is the way it is these days. It’s basically a form of cowardice.” Implementing what he’s termed the “Chinese Whispers method,” Thomas sought to fuse the diametric poles of composition and improvisation by isolating the individual members of the band during the recording, manipulating them like actors in a play where the director is making up the script on the fly. The result is some truly mutant disco: On the pulsating opener “Thanks,” Thomas turns the chorus of the Anita Ward classic “Ring My Bell” into “go to hell”; “Mandy” brings Barry Manilow and the Velvet Underground’s “Heroin” together on a “crazy jukebox” playing inside an unsettling Lynchian nightmare. Throughout, eerie synths and discordant guitars creep under stiff, mechanical grooves. The effect is to make the notion of getting “lost in the beat” seem like a form of damnation. It’s all in good fun, though. There’s a reason Pere Ubu has rarely made a dull album: In everything Thomas does—whether “fixing” a genre in his image or metaphorically banging his shoe on a table during interviews—there’s a sense of mischievousness that cuts through his pretensions. He doesn’t take much joy in the act of making music, he says. His pleasure is derived from the rush of sheer audacity. “I like to dodge the bullet,” Thomas says. “I like doing things that are impossible to do. I like to do things I haven’t done before, and I don’t see much point in doing what I can do already. There’s a certain amount of excitement to that for other people. That’s why people stick around: ‘What’s David going to do now?’” SEE IT: Pere Ubu plays Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., with Toyboat Toyboat Toyboat, on Thursday, Dec. 12. 9 pm. $15 advance, $17 day of show. 21+. Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



503-288-6950 3904 NE Martin Luther King Blvd.

[COUNTRY BASH] It’s not surprising Portland singer-songwriter Michael Dean Damron promised to tattoo a donor’s name on his back as a Kickstarter pledge goal for his latest double LP, Nah Mr. Death…I’m Comin’ for You! His solo records are unapologetically sincere and plucky, strewn with hoarse crooning rather than the country rock of his other outfit, I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch in the House. Nah is no different, sweetly drawing upon acoustic tales of motherly instinct, overweight children and a dying America, all told with wry zest. BRANDON WIDDER. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 2266630. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

Fates Warning, Artizan, Earth to Ashes, Never Awake

[PROGRESSIVE METAL] For an American band with such a strong legacy, Fates Warning rarely tours in the U.S. Outside of the puzzling success of Queensrÿche and Dream Theater, progressive metal has never been that big on these shores. So fans will be glad 2013 brought new album Darkness in a Different Light, which gives the latest Fates lineup an excuse to hit the road. It’s still the Jim Matheos show: His inspired guitar work has led the group since 1982. Now that he’s got a side project with original vocalist John Arch, though, don’t expect to hear any really early material. But all albums from the Ray Alder era will be touched on, as he’s still fronting the band, along with an impressive rhythm section including Joey Vera of Armored Saint on bass and Bobby Jarzombek from Riot on drums. NATHAN CARSON. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th Ave., 233-7100. 8 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. All ages.

Morning Ritual, Nathaniel Talbot Quartet, Ruby Pines

BURCH’S BREW SAXOPHONE QUARTET TUESDAY, 12/17 @ 6 PM This keen sax quartet formed only six months ago, although all members also play with the Beacock Music Swing Band out of Vancouver, Wash. Sit back, relax, and spread the joy to the cheery, choir-like sax sounds of Burch’s Brew holiday tunes at this fun-loving in-store performance. 28

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

SATURDAY, DEC. 14 Phutureprimitive, Unlimited Gravity, Afro Q Ben, Mr. Wu

[DUBSTEP] Despite being all but laughed out of its U.K. homeland, dubstep is alive and well stateside. Some producers, like Portland’s Phutureprimitive, are keeping the off-kilter, bass-heavy genre fresh. The producer, known simply as Rain, throws aside all of Skream and Benga’s relative subtlety in favor of

FRIDAY, DEC. 13 Michael Dean Damron, Sugarcane, Land Between the Lakes, Damn Family


Skrillex’s Owsla label, on which Kill Paris released Falling in Love Again earlier this year. Heads up, Paris: This is Whiskey Bar fare at its deadliest. MITCH LILLIE. The Whiskey Bar, 31 NW 1st Ave., 227-0405. 10 pm. $10. 21+.

and monsters more than carried that popcorn flick, and the same can be said of Philm’s percussionist, former Slayer skinsman Dave Lombardo. Recently fired from his day job for asking the wrong questions (“Where’s all the money going, guys?”), Lombardo is not content to wait for his more ambitious Fantomas project to come off hiatus. So here he comes, striking back by leading his own band into the intimate confines of the Tonic Lounge. No one will be paying attention to Philm’s throwaway ’90s alternametal—they’ll be too busy watching Dave, ahem, slay. NATHAN CARSON. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 238-0543. 9:30 pm. $22 advance, $25 day of show. 21+.

[RHYTHM & JAZZ] The Clear Blue Pearl continues to be one of the cooler ideas in Portland music of the past few years. Starring jazz pianist Ben Darwish and the angelic backup vocals of the Shook Twins, the concept record tells the story of a thirsty couple in search of an aquifer in a drought. Per most Darwish projects, Morning Ritual juggles a handful of genres, from R&B to soul to funky jazz. It’s a groovy narrative fronted by Darwish’s skillful keys and the added depth of session-style guitar and crafty percussion. MARK STOCK. Secret Society Ballroom, 116 NE Russell St. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Kill Paris, Prajekt, Cory O

[GLITCH-HOP] Paris—the mythological Greek that Colorado “lovestep” DJ Corey Baker presumably references in his name—was kind of a douche. He made goddesses get naked to better judge them and chose the already-married Helen over some other pretty rad prizes. So he no doubt deserves what’s coming to him. From Baker, that means a volley of bro-friendly future funk and glitch-hop, genres generally relegated to late nights at that one super-chill frat and deep cuts on


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thursday-saturday a maximal sound, sprinkling heavy drops and wobbles with trancey synths, crystal-clear vocals and a little bit of psychedelic dust. The result is akin to what 2012 tourmate Shpongle has done with the trance genre: make it a little bit stonerish, but fun nonetheless. MITCH LILLIE. Branx, 320 SE 2nd Ave., 234-5683. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Blood on the Dance Floor, Farewell My Love, the Relapse Symphony, Haley Rose, Lionfight

[HOW THE SYNTHS STOLE CHRISTMAS] A Floridian duo with pierced lips and torn jeans, Blood on the Dance Floor aims straight for the tweens. But the critic, upon noting they’ve a full band on tour, grew excited while searching for bombast to skewer. Techno-pop


RE: THIRD EYE BLIND Dear 13-Year-Old-Pete: It’s yourself again, from the future. You’re probably sitting in the basement eating Hot Pockets while eagerly awaiting MTV’s Amp and the slim chance they’ll air the controversial video for the Prodigy’s “Smack My Bitch Up.” Indeed, The Fat of the Land is a highly advanced record for 1997, but you must not allow the mindwarping visuals and thumping beats of this short-lived late-night television program to convince you that electronic music from the U.K. is “the new pop.” Pop music will forever be vacuous and superficial, but it’s also a whole lotta fun. Rather than grow into a curmudgeon that hates infectious hooks, it’s best to go with the flow and accept nonsense like “Semi-Charmed Life,” the obnoxious lead single from Third Eye Blind’s self-titled debut record, at face value. You’ll be the better for it—I promise. I know you’re thinking this is worse advice than super-gluing that Korn patch to your JanSport backpack. As silly as that song is, the rest of that album is pure gold in a way you’ve yet to comprehend. It’s the best worst music of its time. You are not cooler than this record, nor will you ever be. Some day you’ll find yourself a freshman at the University of Akron, spending a balmy August evening drifting from one house party to the next in search of a cute girl you met at orientation. You’ll eventually find her at the faux-fraternity house down the street that will eventually digress into a meth lab, but she won’t have time to chat. She’ll be too busy helping a choir of 30 other people belt out the last three tracks from Third Eye Blind. You’ll go home (alone), download the record off Audiogalaxy and wonder what you were thinking when you chose an Astralwerks compilation over this overwrought masterpiece of schlocky alt-rock. Third Eye Blind will continue to churn out radio-friendly post-grunge anthems in a uniform fashion, but I would be lying if I said it would be effortless to stay on board as a closeted supporter. Stephan Jenkins, the group’s dreamboat of a lead singer, will become a poster boy for pompous, self-aware douchebaggery. He will openly acknowledge how absurd the construct of the music industry is, then he will date Michelle Branch and take her and the Goo Goo Dolls on tour. You’ll rediscover the latter’s angsty breakthrough record A Boy Named Goo and kick yourself for not attending that one, but you’ll also end up working a dead-end job at a coffee shop that will make you loathe the kind of SUV-driving soccer moms that would attend such an event en masse, so I guess it doesn’t really matter in the end. What does matter is sterling pop songcraft, which Third Eye Blind has in spades. The subject matter is about as deep as a kiddie pool, and it’s sung by a petulant pretty boy who thinks people take him seriously, but at least he’s not Kanye—which is another story entirely. Sincerely, 30-Year-Old Pete SEE IT: Third Eye Blind plays Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., on Monday, Dec. 16. 8 pm. $30. All ages.



anthems absent pretension or cheer? “That’s a noise,” grinned the critic, “that I simply must hear!” But the sound wasn’t sad! Why, the sound sounded merry! The sound sounded pandering, doltish, unscary. Yet they draw ever more kids, no matter the press. Youth culture, perhaps, means a little bit less. JAY HORTON. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th Ave., 233-7100. 8 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. All ages.

their more hushed shot at the angelic “Silent Night,” the band’s buzzing psych-rock guitar and holiday mirth is becoming a tradition in itself. This year, Portland’s Unknown Mortal Orchestra and the Drew Grow-fronted Modern Kin will take the stage at the band’s annual holiday bash, probably before the ’nog actually kicks in. BRANDON WIDDER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $20 advance, $22 day of show. All ages.

Untoward: A Benefit for the Creative Music Guild

Tommy and the High Pilots, Rare Monk, Oh Mercy

[EXPERIMENTAL IMPROV] The Creative Music Guild has been promoting challenging, improvisatory music in Portland for going on 20 years now. It’s a vital part of the local arts community, though you don’t need me to tell you that. Just look at the lineup for this benefit show. It features a cadre of the city’s best experimental musicians, including guitarist Marisa Anderson, the broken-beat jazz duo Grammies, acid-rockers Eternal Tapestry and the uncategorizable Dragging an Ox Through Water. If you really want to keep Portland weird, this is the show to support. MATTHEW SINGER. Secret Society Ballroom, 116 NE Russell St. 9 pm. $10 advance, $15 suggested donation day of show. 21+.

SUNDAY, DEC. 15 The Dandy Warhols Holiday Show

[HOLIDAY HOEDOWN] The Dandies are no strangers to spreading the yuletide cheer. Between their raucous rendition of “Little Drummer Boy,” now a nearly 20-year-old Christmas staple, and


[SIMPLE POP ROCK] Behold, a pop group that released an album this year without featuring a banjo, synth, melodica or fiddle. Displaced from the 2007-to-2010 era of highschool pop rock—think the Maine and the Summer Set—Tommy and the High Pilots, a four-piece band out of Santa Barbara, is a group that makes bare-bones pop rock: simple, radio-ready and as bland as it is energetic. On latest release Only Human, the band has mastered the dancy, fun, hook-filled single with standout “Outta My Head” and the heartfelt, lovesick ballad with “Devil to Pay.” But with only occasional bursts of distorted guitar or bright piano, the album soars and dances less often than it just meanders along. KAITIE TODD. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Sara Jackson-Holman, Melville

[PIANO POP] The quirky pianorock thing has been done to death, so pianist-songwriter Sara Jackson-Holman is content to take things in more of a pop direction by way of hip-hop, while tossing

CONT. on page 30



King Krule, Willis Earl Beal [THUG LYFE] Archy Marshall is a lover, not a fighter. The music he creates under his nom de plume King Krule is wise beyond its years—gritty, stubborn, stark and impossibly tuneful. Watching the lanky redhead onstage, wearing a suit two sizes too big, you get the sense his songs aren’t written as much as unearthed from under a box of stale hash. King Krule has frequently been compared to a British Tom Waits or Joe Strummer raised on hip-hop and dubstep, but on his debut record, 6 Feet Beneath the Moon, he sets course on his own path, writing classic heartbreakers often filled with only guitar, scattered percussion and his rugged, thuggish voice. It’s easily one of the most assured debuts in a long time, especially when you learn that many of these songs— including the jaw-dropping “Out Getting Ribs”—were written when the 19-year-old Marshall was just 16. You can hear bits of contemporary influences (especially on the languid “Neptune Estate,” which sounds like King Krule covering a Portishead song), but to my ears it’s more akin to a set of jazz standards reinterpreted as pop songs by a kid who doesn’t know any better. Believe the hype. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm Sunday, Dec. 15. $14. 21+. Willamette Willamette Week Week DECEMBER 11, 2013




ROOF LIFE: The Range plays Holocene on Tuesday, Dec. 17. in a dash of sass and surprise along the way. It’s not every day someone dares to give you a hiphop-flavored track that derives its base from “Für Elise.” That takes some serious balls. JacksonHolman’s soulful singing is reminiscent of a less-smoky ZZ Ward, and that ain’t a bad thing. Highemotion indie rockers Melville share the bill. BRIAN PALMER. Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., 2364536. 9 pm. Free. 21+.

LipPopBooking Black And White Christmas Party: Pheasant, Lonnie Winn, Dramady, Jaret Ferratusco

[FOLK POP] I apologize in advance if labeling Pheasant as “folk pop” conjures images of wispy acoustic guitar and twee, soft-spoken vocals designed to make your mother weep. The band’s most recent work, Gravel Beach, is tried-andtrue rock’n’roll, flanked by slight glimmerings of orchestral brass and fret-burning guitar hooks that fall somewhere between Lynyrd Skynyrd and Stephen Malkmus. Nevertheless, it’s the subtle touches, like the sweetly sprouting backing vocals on the title track and the dance-riddled grooves of “Dog in the Scrapyard,” that keep singer Matt Jenkins and the rest of the Portland quintet from being labeled as straight roots rock. BRANDON WIDDER. Valentine’s, 232 SW Ankeny St., 248-1600. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

MONDAY, DEC. 16 Holograms, TV Ghost, Arctic Flowers

[POST-PUNK] Going by a lot of the music coming out of the region lately, growing up in Scandinavia must really suck. Thanks to the international intrigue generated by teenage punks Iceage, the world has learned that Denmark is full of pale, scowling kids with so much pent-up rage it can only be expressed via abrasive, near-formless noise tantrums. And, according to Sweden’s Holograms, the situation in the land of ABBA ain’t much better. The band, who still lives at home in the working-class town of Farsta, is more into melody, but the synth-damaged post-punk of its second Captured Tracks album, Forever, is no less cold, bleak and


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

abrasive. “I’m so tired!” goes one of the cheerier choruses. Apparently, in Sweden, 18 is the new 60. MATTHEW SINGER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

The El Vez and Rosie Flores Merry MeX-mas Show

[FELIZ NAVIDAD] Some holiday traditions are pretty inexplicable. Take, for example, the annual appearance of El Vez, a man who looks like a cross between Marc Anthony and John Waters decked out in a red jumpsuit, and who spends an entire show yowling out rocked-out Christmas songs with ironic changes—like, say, “Brown Christmas”—as a bunch of inflatable Navidad shit blows around the stage. It’s a well-honed shtick: Vez has 20 years of experience and 12 albums under his belt. The last was in 2002, right before he said “fuck it” and went on hyperactive autopilot. But as far as holiday shows go, well, El Vez kicks the piss outta the Lawrence Welk Players. AP KRYZA. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

TUESDAY, DEC. 17 The Range, Rap Class, Quarry, Tabor Dark

[EIDM] What’s in the water at Brown University these days? It turns out 25-year-old producer James Hinton, who records under the name the Range, went to the Ivy league school at the same time as another wunderkind electronic impresario, Nicolas Jaar. The Range’s debut LP, Nonfiction, is a minor masterpiece of downtempo glitch and uncluttered vocal samples. It’s more IDM than, well, EDM, like a modern update of DJ Shadow’s Endtroducing made by a kid who grew up in a world where Electric Zoo is more relevant than Lollapalooza. Nonfiction is a rare record that is both hyperactive and weirdly calming—making it the perfect soundtrack to a chilly December evening. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $8. 21+.


[BENEFIT] This week, the TuckerMaxon School, which coaches deaf and hard-of-hearing students to listen, talk and even sing, is giving back to its Give!Guide donors in the form of free tunes. Contributors of $25 or more get tickets to a private show at Mississippi Studios (and two drink vouchers to boot). The lineup includes Dustin Erhardt, Sarah Billings and Haley Johnsen, all Portland-based singer-songwriters with a bend for giving back to their community. Erhardt’s mother is a director at TuckerMaxon, which inspired him to lend his PDX-grown blend of indie pop rock to the cause. Soulful songstresses Billings and Johnsen are longtime friends and collaborators in the local music scene. GRACE STAINBACK. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 7 pm. Minimum $25 donation through Willamette Week’s Give!Guide. 21+.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Portland Baroque Orchestra: Handel’s Messiah

[HOLIDAY FAVORITE] Messiah has long been a seasonal favorite, and it works especially well for groups prepared to deal with the challenges presented by its baroque instrumentation and convoluted history. The oratorio (don’t call it an opera) is famous for its second movement’s “Hallelujah” chorus, quoted in countless films and commercials. Musically, it’s an impressive piece, perhaps more so when one considers that Handel completed it in 24 days, working off the rather unimaginative libretto provided by his rich patron Charles Jennens, who simply extracted most of the texts from the King James Bible. Still, the work is remembered for its glorious music, and that’s something we can all get passionate about. NATHAN CARSON. First Baptist Church, 909 SW 11th Ave. 7:30 pm FridaySaturday and Monday, 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 13-16. $28-$69. All ages.

Charlie Hunter and Scott Amendola Duo

[FUNKY JAZZ] One morning 20 years ago, drummer Scott Amendola got an urgent phone call from fellow young Bay Area jazz star Charlie Hunter, who unexpectedly needed a drummer for a gig that night. The pair clicked so well that they’ve been playing together ever since. Their laid-back new album of Amendola compositions, Pucker, follows last year’s all-Hunter-written duo disc, and offers a surprising variety of funk- and rock-infused tempos and moods, with more welcome breathing space than many similarly virtuosic players are willing to grant. BRETT CAMPBELL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm Friday, Dec. 13. $20. 21+.

Aurora Chorus

[CHORAL CORNUCOPIA] The 100-voice women’s choir Aurora Chorus has been offering inventive programs for more than 20 years under the direction of regionally renowned composer-conductor Joan Szymko, who also does the music for DoJump. With help from the Madrona Viola Duo and pianist Signe Lusk, this year’s characteristically diverse holiday concert premieres some of her own music along with selections from Rachmaninoff ’s arresting and austere All Night Vigil, traditional sacred Shaker tunes, and music by composers ranging from Vivaldi and Copland to Irving Berlin and contemporary composer David Conte. BRETT CAMPBELL. First Congregational Church, 1126 SW Park Ave., 228-7219. 7:30 pm Saturday, 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 14-15. $22-$25.


Friends of Tucker-Maxon Benefit: Dustin Erhardt, Sarah Billings, Haley Johnsen



MIDLAKE FRIDAY, DEC. 13 Eric Pulido hardly hesitates when asked the obvious question. “No, we never thought about quitting,” says Midlake’s founding guitarist and new frontman. “We had a record to finish.” In 2012, after spending two years creating a record’s worth of new material, Midlake’s leader, Tim Smith, left the band. Midlake had been together for over a decade at that point, meeting as jazz students at the University of North Texas before turning out three imaginative folk-rock records from their Denton, Texas, home studio. But with the fourth record nearly finished, Smith removed himself, forcing Pulido to take the reins. “Other bands have lost major members and held it together,” Pulido says. “We scrapped the stuff we originally made with Tim more to prove that we could—to make a statement.” While Antiphon is less the born-again record one might imagine it to be, it exudes pent-up energy. The opening two tracks, a gutsy one-two punch of aggressive experimental rock, seem to declare there’s a little more freedom in that North Texas studio these days. Midlake first shook the indie realm in 2006 with the release of The Trials of Van Occupanther, an enchanting record marrying fantasy to folk under the guise of soft rock—the sound of early Fleetwood Mac made mossy and magical through woodwinds and Smith’s feathery vocals. Bands like Fleet Floxes, Woods and Horse Feathers owe a great deal to Midlake’s defining release. In the absence of its original singer-songwriter, Midlake has more than managed. It took just six months for Pulido and company to complete Antiphon. The combination of crisp, cleanly produced sound and free-form experimentation on the record can be partly attributed to the mixing of Tony Hoffer (Beck, Air), but it’s more the work of extensive jamming in a convenient studio that everyone in the band feels at home in, as well as the “more communal approach” to songwriting, as Pulido puts it. Despite the changes, Midlake is still very much Midlake. The sextet still has a Jethro Tull-like affinity for the flute. Dreamy folk riffs and dramatic ebbs and flows are still very much the norm. But now there’s an edge and fearlessness about the band. If Midlake were a teenager, Antiphon would represent the first time the parents went out of town: an opportunity to be a little reckless. “I first heard the word in a liturgical setting,” Pulido says of the album’s title, a reference to a Gregorian type of call-and-response singing. “But ‘antiphon’ literally translates in Greek to ‘opposite voice,’ and that’s essentially what this record is.” Tracks like “Vale” and “The Old and the Young,” with its sawing guitar work, depict a tougher, more assertive group. It might not be the equivalent of Dylan going electric, but Antiphon is still a proud declaration of maturity. When asked if the band is planning to do anything with the material scrapped after Smith left, Pulido chuckles. “Yeah, maybe we’ll release it as part of a Midlake 20th-anniversary collection,” he says. Pulido pauses, perhaps realizing the great form the band is in right now, even without its co-founder. “But no, it’ll probably just stay in a vault somewhere.” MARK STOCK. Texas folk rockers find there is life after losing your lead singer.

SEE IT: Midlake plays Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., with Sarah Jaffe, on Friday, Dec. 13. 8 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+. Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


[DEC. 11-17] duff’s Garage

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at or (if you book a specific venue) enter your events at dbmonkey. com/wweek. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: For more listings, check out

1635 SE 7th Ave. Dennis Jones, Tough Lovepyle

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. The Woolen Men, Landlines, The San Onofre Lizards


Goodfoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Rose City Thorns, the Knots, Mimi Naja Trois

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. Sol Seed, DJ Matt Haze

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Winds Of Plague, Impending Doom, No Bragging Rights, City In The Sea, Kingdom Under Fire, Destruction Of A King, Hail the Artilect

Item B Warehouse

21st & Alberta St. Trick Sensei, Psychomagic, Dottie Attie, Love Cop, Friendship Camp

Jack London Bar

529 SW 4th Ave. Drrrrizzzle!: Effword

Jade Lounge

2346 SE Ankeny St. Christopher John Mead

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Mel Brown B3 Organ Group


112 SW 2nd Ave. Sammi

Kenton club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. Thunder Goat, Sheisshosen, the Punctuals

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. The Pickups


THe PROceSS OF SWedeN OuT: Holograms play Holocene on Monday, dec. 16.

Wed. dec. 11 Al’s den at the crystal Hotel 303 SW 12th Ave. Tyler Stenson

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. Seed: Words Music: Laura Gibson, Cheryl Strayed, Matt Sheehy, John Roderick

Alberta Street Public House

Goodfoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Tapwater, Trio Subtronic, Dan Balmer


1001 SE Morrison St. House of Light, Exotic Club, IBQT, Magic Fades DJs

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Louis Hayes Cannonball Adderly Tribute Band

1036 NE Alberta St. Small Souls, Shoeshine Blue, Paul Basile


Amadeus Manor

Kelly’s Olympian

2122 SE Sparrow St., Milwaukie Open Mic


1314 NW Glisan St. Toshi Onizuka

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Thistle-Stalk, Caspace Cascade, Lights Demise

Brasserie Montmartre 626 SW Park Ave. John Teply


350 W Burnside St. Wanderlust Social: Wanderlust Circus Orchestra, Charlotte Treuse

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. The Royal Oui, the Fur Coats, Big Haunt

duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. Suburban Slim’s Blues Jam, Arthur Moore’s Harmonica Party


1800 E Burnside St. Linda Lee Michelet Trio

112 SW 2nd Ave. Sammi 426 SW Washington St. The Weather Machines, Brother Elf, Sell the Farm

Kenton club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. The Redeemed

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Jake Ray & the Cowdogs


2958 NE Glisan St. Honeybaked Hamm & the Choice Cuts, Miller & Sasser Band, Will West & the Friendly Strangers


6605 SE Powell Blvd Pete Ford Band Jam

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale The Roseland Hunters, Michael Burly

McMenamins Rock creek Tavern

10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro Billy D

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Will Hoge, Red Wanting Blue

Original Halibut’s II 2527 NE Alberta St. The Knuckleheads, Satellite Malone

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Jake Miller, Action Item, Air Dubai

Sky club at Ankeny’s Well 50 SW 3rd Ave. Gaea Soul

The Blue diamond 2016 NE Sandy Blvd. The Fenix Project

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Abadawn, Mine Us, Eraserface, Snitches

The Old church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Marlise Stroebe

The Press club

2621 SE Clinton St. Jeff Trapp

Thirsty Lion

71 SW 2nd Ave. Guy Dilly and the Twin Powers

Tony Starlight’s

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. The Tony Starlight Christmas Extravaganza

Triple Nickel Pub

3646 SE Belmont St. Cash Money Blues


232 SW Ankeny St. Boys Beach, Color Coder, Grown Ups

Velo cult

1969 NE 42nd Ave. Holly’s Wood and Her Strap On Blues Band

White eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Buckle Rash, Chris Couch

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Talib Kweli, Big K.R.I.T.

THuRS. dec. 12 Al’s den at the crystal Hotel 303 SW 12th Ave. Tyler Stenson

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Have a Tony Starlight Christmas

Alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. That Much Further West Radio


1314 NW Glisan St. Jason Okamoto

Andrea’s cha cha club 832 SE Grand Ave. Pilon D’Azucar Salsa Band

Artichoke community Music 3130A SE Hawthorne Blvd. Acoustic Village

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Minka, Old Hand, Heavy Baang Staang

Biddy McGraw’s Irish Pub 6000 NE Glisan St. Jack Dwyer

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Erin McKeown’s AntiHoliday Spectacular

camellia Lounge

510 NW 11th Ave. Anson Wright Quartet

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Portugal. the Man

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Pere Ubu, Toyboat Toyboat Toyboat

2958 NE Glisan St. Quattlebaum, the Shed Shakers, Ashleigh Flynn & Sneakin’ Out


6605 SE Powell Blvd Ben Rice Colossal B3 Trio

McMenamins edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Gideon Freudmann

McMenamins Rock creek Tavern

10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro Pagan Jug Band

McMenamins’ Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd Ave. Roseland Hunters

Mission Theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan St. Songs For My Father the Music of Horace Silver: George Colligan, Nicole Glover, David Valdez, Chris Higgins, Chris Brown

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Mo Phillips, Johnny Keener & Jason

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Petunia and the Vipers, Big E (Sugarcane Stringband)

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Stumbleweed

Reed college, eliot Hall chapel

3203 SE Woodstock Blvd Thursday at Four Concert


315 SE 3rd Ave. Federation X, Norska, Drunk Dad

Savoy Tavern & Lounge 2500 SE Clinton St. Leo, Haley Heynderikx, Tre Burt

Secret Society Ballroom

116 NE Russell St. Tezeta Band, The Keplers

Sky club at Ankeny’s Well

50 SW 3rd Ave. Soundscape Thursdays: Julius Major, Final Frequency, Ryan Frakes, PIA!!


1033 NW 16th Ave. Sleeptalker, Scumbucket, Some Kind of Nightmare, the Decliners

The Blue diamond 2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Ben Jones

The Blue Monk

3341 SE Belmont St. William Ingrid, Waver Clamor Bellow, East Forest

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. Sam D Mega Songwriter Blowout

The Knock Back

2315 NE Alberta St. Philip Grass, Guda

The Old church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Winter Holiday Celebration

The Press club

2621 SE Clinton St. TSB Trio

Tiger Bar

317 NW Broadway Karaoke From Hell

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. Philm, Fallen Theory, Disenchanter


232 SW Ankeny St. Fang Moon, New Life

Velo cult

1969 NE 42nd Ave. The Loafers

Vie de Boheme

1530 SE 7th Ave. John Bennett Band

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Steve Hale Trio

FRIdAy, dec. 13 Al’s den at the crystal Hotel 303 SW 12th Ave. Tyler Stenson

Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Holidays with the Trail Band

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Howie Day, Tyler Hilton, Anna Rose

Alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. The Department of Gold

Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. The Jesus Presley Holiday Show (10 pm); MC Yogi, DJ Drez (6 pm)

Arlene Schnitzer concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Gospel Christmas

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Dirtnap, Agnozia, Pinkzilla

Beaterville cafe

2201 N Killingsworth St. Natalie Greenfield, Missi and Mister Baker

Biddy McGraw’s Irish Pub

6000 NE Glisan St. Smut City Jellyroll Society, Swingtown Vipers, Miller and Sasser


320 SE 2nd Ave. Cirque Du Zombie: Toxic Zombie, Amerakin Overdose, the Reanimated, High Desert Hooligans, Grotesque Gorelesque

camellia Lounge 510 NW 11th Ave. Steve Hall Quintet


350 W Burnside St. Michael Dean Damron, Sugarcane, Land Between the Lakes, Damn Family

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Denver, the Moondoggies, the Maldives

McMenamins Rock creek Tavern

10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro Richard Cranium and the Phoreheads

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. The Century, Psycho Magic, Glacier Palace

Original Halibut’s II 2527 NE Alberta St. Norm Sylvester

Rock Bottom Brewery 206 SW Morrison St. Jessie Goergen

Secret Society Ballroom

duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. Too Loose, the Hamdogs

116 NE Russell St. Morning Ritual, Nathaniel Talbot Quartet, Ruby Pines (9 pm); Barn Door Slammers (6 pm)

east end

Shaker and Vine

203 SE Grand Ave. Pictorials, Future Liars, Ecto


2929 SE Powell Blvd. 78 Griots


1800 E Burnside St. A Mile To Go, DJ Ilko

1033 NW 16th Ave. The Exorcisms, Swords for Arrows, Red Shadows

Foggy Notion

The Annex

3416 N Lombard St. Diesto, Towers, Full Creature

Ford Food and drink

2505 SE 11th Ave. Brooks Robertson, Adam Boomer

Gemini Lounge

5264 N. Lombard St. Ian and the Crushers

The Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. A.C. Porter & The Live Wires

The Blue Monk

6526 SE Foster Road Amber Harlan Granmo

3341 SE Belmont St. James Faretheewell and the I’s


The Firkin Tavern

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

The Lovecraft

801 NE Broadway Blackwitch Pudding, Tyrants, Muzzy, Glock

1503 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. Hey Dummy with Greg Barris & Roger Hailes

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Fate’s Warning, Artizan, Earth to Ashes, Never Awake

Ivories Jazz Lounge and Restaurant 1435 NW Flanders St. Dave Friesen Quintet

Jade Lounge

2346 SE Ankeny St. Chris Juhlin, Jeepers Creepers Swing Trio

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Soulmates

Katie O’Briens

2809 NE Sandy Blvd. Die Like Gentlemen, Right Hand Of Doom, Fruit Of The Legion Of Doom

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Rouisi


112 SW 2nd Ave. Brothers

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Bike Thief, Palace Fiction, the Matt Bacnis Band

Kenton club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. Regular Music, Dragging an Ox Through Water, Lloyd and Michael

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Back Roads

Langano Lounge

1435 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Lunch, Verner Pantons, the Babysitters


2958 NE Glisan St. Alexa Wiley & the Wilderness, Before Cars, Joe McMurrian & Woodbrain

McMenamins edgefield

1937 SE 11th Ave. The hoons, Atlas and the Astronaul, 10ft Mouse 421 SE Grand Ave. Volt Divers

The Press club

2621 SE Clinton St. The Druthers

Thirsty Lion

71 SW 2nd Ave. Will Bradley Band

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. The Babys

Tony Starlight’s

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. The Tony Starlight Christmas Extravaganza

Trail’s end Saloon

1320 Main St., Oregon City Calvin Walker Band

Velo cult

1969 NE 42nd Ave. Puddletown Ramblers

Vie de Boheme

1530 SE 7th Ave. Shanghai Woolies

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Shyan Selah & the Republic of Sound

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Midlake, Sarah Jaffe

SAT. dec. 14 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Holidays with the Trail Band (3 and 7 pm)

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Live Wire Radio

Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Krampus Nacht Ball: Animalia, Scarlet Thistle, DJ Medusa, Encrypted


1314 NW Glisan St. Toshi Onizuka Trio

Arlene Schnitzer concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Gospel Christmas

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Rainworms, Dickens Carolers

CONT. on page 34 Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. The Northwest Breakout Show Presents: Mistah Fab, Grayskul, Cool Nutz, Serge Severe, ZOO?, Maze, Koroma, Stevo, Omni Alien, DJ OG One

Brass Tacks

DEC. 11-17

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Blood on the Dance Floor, Farewell My Love, the Relapse Symphony, Haley Rose, Lionfight

Ivories Jazz Lounge and Restaurant

3535 N Vancouver Ave. Oven, Deathmask

1435 NW Flanders St. Cheryl Hodge, John Stowell

Camellia Lounge

Jimmy Mak’s

510 NW 11th Ave. Rick Greene Quartet

Central Lutheran Church

1820 Northeast 21st Ave Mystical World: Willamette Valley LGBT Chorus


350 W Burnside St. Zepparella

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Metalachi, Mr. Plow (9 pm); Anna Von Hausswolff, Noveller (5 pm)

Duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. DK Stewart Sextet

East End

221 NW 10th Ave. The Bobby Torres Ensemble

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Rouisi


112 SW 2nd Ave. Brothers

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Duofest: Hopeless Jack and the Handsome Devil, Bear and Moose, the Bevelers, Machine, the Yes And Band

Kenton Club

2025 N Kilpatrick St. The Staxx Brothers

Langano Lounge

203 SE Grand Ave. DJ A-Train, DJ OverCol

1435 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Butt 2 Butt, Hearts and Tigers



1800 E Burnside St. The Keplers, DJ Kenny

Foggy Notion

2958 NE Glisan St. Crosseyed Rosie, Peter Pants

Gemini Lounge

5012 NE 28th Ave. Pulse Emitter, Ilyas Ahmed

3416 N Lombard St. Duty, Palo Verde, Valkyrie Rodeo 6526 SE Foster Road J.C. & the Water Walkers

Goodfoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Jujuba, Rippin’ Chicken

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. Hey Dummy with Greg Barris & Roger Hailes

Little Axe Records

McMenamins Edgefield 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale John Bunzow Duo, Dickens Carolers

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro The Rainbow Sign

Mission Theater and Pub

The Blue Monk

1624 NW Glisan St. The Dandy Warhols

3341 SE Belmont St. Soul Progression, Richie Aldente

Mississippi Pizza

The Conga Club

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Three for Silver, Professor Gall, Key of Dreams

Music Millennium

3158 E Burnside St. Voodoo Catbox Posters

Original Halibut’s II 2527 NE Alberta St. Margo Tugo

Pioneer Courthouse Square 701 SW 6th Ave. Tuba Christmas


116 SE Yamhill St. March Fourth Marching Band, G Jones, Just People, Mihkal, Barisone, Cellotronik

Rock Bottom Brewery 206 SW Morrison St. Samsel and the Skirt


315 SE 3rd Ave. Christian Mistress, Burials, Dimesland, Usnea

Secret Society Ballroom

116 NE Russell St. Trashcan Joe

Secret Society Ballroom

116 NE Russell St. Untoward: A Benefit for the Creative Music Guild

Shaker and Vine

2929 SE Powell Blvd. Whetzsell-Adams

The Annex

5264 N. Lombard St. Matthew Lindley Band, Northern Currents, Cutbank

The Blue Diamond 2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Hi Fi Mojo

Go to


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. The Memories, Mister Tang, Pelvic Wrestlies

The Know

128 NE Russell St. Wonder Ramble An Evening of Americana: Garcia Birthday Band, Jackstraw, Lewi Longmire 1015 SW 18th Ave. Jingle Bear Family Concert

SUN. DEC. 15 Al’s Den at the Crystal Hotel

The Old Church

Aladdin Theater

1422 SW 11th Ave. Christmas at the Old Church: Michael Allen Harrison

The Press Club

2621 SE Clinton St. Sama Dams, Grandhorse

Thirsty Lion

71 SW 2nd Ave. Sir Psycho Sexy

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. The Gates, R.A.R., Phoenix Elora

Tony Starlight’s

3728 NE Sandy Blvd. Dean Martin Christmas: Ann-Margret, Rosemary Clooney

Trail’s End Saloon

1320 Main St., Oregon City Madson

Trinity Episcopal Cathedral

147 NW 19th Ave. Trinity Choir, Oregon Symphony Brass, Pacific Youth Choir’s Chamber Choir

Velo Cult

1969 NE 42nd Ave. The Ventilators

303 SW 12th Ave. Naked Soul

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Holidays with the Trail Band (3 and 7 pm)

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. Transcend: Zoe Jakes, Stellamara, Sharon Kihara, Soulfire Dance Collective, Nagasita and Apsara, The Baksana Dancers, Monique Trinity Rose, Aradia Julie Sunseri, Ruth Rhiannon, Ashley Lopez

Alberta Street Public House

1036 NE Alberta St. Brad Creel and the Reel Deel Family Holiday Show

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Gospel Christmas: Northwest Community Gospel Choir, Oregon Symphony

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash St. The Mama Rags

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. The Dandy Warhols Holiday Show

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Ian James


Zion Lutheran Church

2026 NE Alberta St. Carrion Spring, Czar, Awful Din, This Place Isn’t So Bad


sign up do ww’s weekly newsletter and be entered to win a gift card to

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Suite 102 Tropical Saturday Salsa

Wonder Ballroom



CONT. on page 36


PEEL OUT: Woodstock is weird. On one block of the Southeast neighborhood’s namesake street you’ll find Nudi Noodle Place serves an appetizer with a plastic syringe of plum sauce, and Woodstock Tan also does hair, sells bongs and provides both FedEx service and a notary public. Next to those businesses, you’ll find Fenders Moto-Cafe & Brew Pub (4336 SE Woodstock Blvd, 7881587,, Portland’s newest motorcycle-themed bar, which took over for the little-loved Mickey Finn’s Brew Pub in October. The big box of a room has been outfitted with a bunch of old small-engine Japanese bikes and neon beer signs. There’s a wine menu with pictures of the bottles. Despite describing itself as a “brew pub,” there’s no brewery here, and the waitress doesn’t even have a tap list handy. After walking to look at the taps, I settled on Base Camp seasonal, which was served in a Coors Light glass. There are also burgers, though the “Braaap” ($9) might just be the most flavor-deficient slab of dry beef anywhere in Portland. Fenders is odd, but not in the good way. You’re better off with the syringe next door. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


DEC. 11-17 C O U R T E S Y O F N AT I V E H A R M O N I X


BASS-FACE: Phutureprimitive plays Branx on Saturday, Dec. 14. Dig a Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Don’t, the Pynnacles

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. King Krule, Willis Earl Beal (9 pm); Linda Hornbuckle and Her Old Time Gospel Hour (2:30 pm)

Duff’s Garage

1635 SE 7th Ave. Ben Rice, Tevis Hoge Jr (Fundraiser)

East End

203 SE Grand Ave. Jessie Evans, Otto Nervous, Vice Device, Ohligans

Ford Food and Drink 2505 SE 11th Ave. Tim Roth

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Portland Battle Of The Bands: Scumbucket, Infamous Unknown, Tim Karplus Band, Cast DowN, Urbanfunkmachine, The Problem Of Evil, How The West Was Won

Ivories Jazz Lounge and Restaurant 1435 NW Flanders St. Winter Song: The Julians

Kells 112 SW 2nd Ave. Bill Tollner, Irish Sessions

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Baby Ketten Karaoke


2958 NE Glisan St. Don of Division Street, Meridian, Freak Mountain Ramblers

McMenamins Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Billy D’s HooDuo

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern 10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro Hanz Araki and Cary Novotny

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Hungry Hungry Hip Hop, Eric Himan

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Tommy and the High Pilots, Rare Monk, Oh Mercy (9 pm); My Voice Music’s Winter Showcase (12:30 pm)

Music Millennium

3158 E Burnside St. Voodoo Catbox Posters

Rock Bottom Brewery 206 SW Morrison St. Tender DeLuxe


600 E Burnside St. Sara Jackson-Holman, Melville

Secret Society Ballroom

116 NE Russell St. Joy Now to the World Winter Gala: Joy Now Youth Marching Band, Ukeladies, DJ Anjali


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

St. James Lutheran Church

1315 SW Park Ave. Bach’s Christmas Oratorio Part III

Starday Tavern

6517 SE Foster Rd. Eddie Santos

The Analog

720 SE Hawthorne Tragedy, Knothead, PDS

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. The Rotties, Shadowland

The Old Church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Christmas at the Old Church: Michael Allen Harrison

Trinity Episcopal Cathedral

147 NW 19th Ave. Trinity Choir, Oregon Symphony Brass, Pacific Youth Choir’s Chamber Choir


232 SW Ankeny St. LipPopBooking Black And White Christmas Party: Pheasant, Lonnie Winn, Dramady, Jaret Ferratusco

Velo Cult

1969 NE 42nd Ave. Square Dance


Alberta Rose Theatre

Kells Brewpub

Camellia Lounge

1825 SW Broadway, Suite S18 No More Parachutes 210 NW 21st Ave. Traditional Irish Jam Session

3000 NE Alberta St. Sara Tone, Diane Patterson


510 NW 11th Ave. Tom Wakeling, Randy Porter, David Evans, Charlie Porter

Kelly’s Olympian

1635 SE 7th Ave. Dover Weinberg Quartet


2845 SE Stark St. Radula

112 SW 2nd Ave. Bill Tollner 426 SW Washington St. Eye Candy VJs 2958 NE Glisan St. Kung Pao Chickens, Portland Country Underground

Lola’s Room at the Crystal Ballroom 1332 W Burnside St. Roseland Hunters

McMenamins Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Cellotronik

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern 10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro Bob Shoemaker

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Mr. Ben

Mississippi Studios

Duff’s Garage

Goodfoot Lounge Habesha

801 NE Broadway Tönen, Headshapes, AntiGlass


1001 SE Morrison St. The Range, Rap Class, Quarry, Tabor Dark

Jade Lounge

2346 SE Ankeny St. Jeepers Creepers Band

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Chameleons, the Mel Brown Septet

Lola’s Room at the Crystal Ballroom 1332 W Burnside St. Noche de Amistad: Edna Vazquez, Tiburones, Antonio Centurion, DJ Rachel

Vie de Boheme

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Robbie Fulks, Cahalen Morrison

White Eagle Saloon

Muddy Rudder Public House

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Pete Krebs

Pub at the End of the Universe

10000 Old Cornelius Pass Road, Hillsboro Bluegrass Tuesdays

1530 SE 7th Ave. Chuck Israel’s Jazz Cafe 836 N Russell St. The Shed Shakers, Quattlebaum

MON. DEC. 16 Al’s Den at the Crystal Hotel 303 SW 12th Ave. Naked Soul


1314 NW Glisan St. Pete Krebs

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. DJ Smooth Hopperator

Camellia Lounge

510 NW 11th Ave. Vocalists’ Jazz & Blues Jam: Joe Millward

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Third Eye Blind


350 W Burnside St. Karaoke From Hell

Goodfoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Sonic Forum Open Mic

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. Metal Monday


1001 SE Morrison St. Holograms, TV Ghost, Arctic Flowers

Jade Lounge

2346 SE Ankeny St. Emerson House Band

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Dan Balmer Band

8105 SE 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

4107 SE 28th Ave. Open Mic

Star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. Metal Monday: DJ Blackhawk

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. The El Vez and Rosie Flores Merry MeX-mas Show

The Blue Diamond 2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Sumo

The Conga Club

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Suite 102 VYBZ Reggae Night

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures: DJ Waisted, DJ Anais Ninja

The Old Church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Christmas at the Old Church: Michael Allen Harrison

Triple Nickel Pub

3646 SE Belmont St. 7th Seal

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Tonya Gilmore

TUES. DEC. 17 Al’s Den at the Crystal Hotel 303 SW 12th Ave. Naked Soul

McMenamins Edgefield

McMenamins Rock Creek Tavern

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Soloman Crow

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Friends of Tucker-Maxon Benefit: Dustin Erhardt, Sarah Billings, Haley Johnsen

Music Millennium

3158 E Burnside St. Burch’s Brew Saxophone Quartet


1033 NW 16th Ave. Left Astray, Life Well Wasted, Skoi

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Black Rainbow, Defect Defect, Dark/Light

The Old Church

1422 SW 11th Ave. Christmas at the Old Church: Michael Allen Harrison


232 SW Ankeny St. Adam Brock, Costumes, Danna Nieto

Velo Cult

1969 NE 42nd Ave. Gold Diggers

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Gypsy Soul, Laura Berman

CONT. on page 38

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 12 9:30pm (doors open at 9pm). 21 & Over


FRIDAY, DECEMBER 13 9pm. 21 & Over


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 15 8pm. All Ages

Portland Poetry Slam TUESDAY, DECEMBER 17 8pm. All Ages

The church of rocknroll Presents... LEFT ASTRAY LIFE WELL WASTED SKOI Falafel House: 3 to Late–Night All Ages Shows: Every Sunday 8–11pm Free Pinball Feeding Frenzy: Saturday @ 3pm WITHIN SPITTING DISTANCE OF THE PEARL

1033 NW 16TH AVE. (971) 229-1455 OPEN: 3–2:30AM EVERY DAY

HAPPY HOUR: MON–FRI NOON–7PM PoP-A-Shot • PinbAll • Skee-bAll Air hockey • Free Wi-Fi

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



Thurs. Dec. WeD. Dec. 11 Andrea’s cha cha club 832 SE Grand Ave. Salsa: DJ Alberton

4904 SE Hawthorne Blvd. In the Cooky Jar Soul Nite: Cooky Parker, Miss Callie

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Musick for Mannequins: DDDJJJ666, Magnolia Bouvier

The Whiskey Bar

Goodfoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Soul Stew: DJ Aquaman

31 NW 1st Ave. Tommie Sunshine, Tourmaline, Way Way


Ground Kontrol


Bossanova Ballroom



Jack London Bar


231 SW Ankeny St. DJ Seleckta YT 722 E Burnside St. Wednesday Swing

Dig a Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Pretty Ugly

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. TRONix: Popcorn, Mixed Signals

Jack London Bar

529 SW 4th Ave. Proper Movement Drums and Bass


3967 N Mississippi Ave The Diamond Stylus: King Tim 33 1/3

star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Danny Dodge

The Firkin Tavern 1937 SE 11th Ave. Eye Candy VJs

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Exhume

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave. Green Lantern, BennyRox, Killa K


1465 NE Prescott St. Ra’Sean

Thurs. Dec. 12 Beech st. Parlor 412 NE Beech St. DJ Doug Ferious


231 SW Ankeny St. Studyhall: DJ Suga Shane

Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave. Modern(ist), DJ Troubled Youth, Ryan Biornstad

Dig a Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Marti


220 SW Ankeny St. Bounce: Tourmaline, Valen


1001 SE Morrison St. I’ve Got A Hole In My Soul: DJ Beyondadoubt


3967 N Mississippi Ave Strictly Vinyl: DJ Strategy

star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Jake Cheeto

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Shadowlands, Miss Prid


1465 NE Prescott St. Dave the DJ

Fri. Dec. 13 Beech st. Parlor 412 NE Beech St. DJ HG Wells


231 SW Ankeny St. Cloud City Collective

Dig a Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Maxx Bass, Survival Skills, Cali Mike

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

eagles Lodge, southeast

Beech st. Parlor 412 NE Beech St. Housecoat


dec. 11-17

511 NW Couch St. DJ Mechlo 1001 SE Morrison St. Ecstasy x Club Chemtrail: Massacooramaan, SPF666, Commune, DJ Rafael, Lord Baby 529 SW 4th Ave. Decadent 80s

Lola’s room at the crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. 80s Video Dance Attack


3967 N Mississippi Ave 21st Century Rhythm and Soul Review: Hans Fricking Lindauer


315 SE 3rd Ave. Live and Direct

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Skullfuck: DJ Horrid

The Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave. Kill Paris, Prajekt, Cory O


1465 NE Prescott St. DJ DS


232 SW Ankeny St. DJ Yousef

sAT. Dec. 14 Beech st. Parlor 412 NE Beech St. Keegan Meyer


231 SW Ankeny St. DJ Mellow Cee


320 SE 2nd Ave. Phutureprimitive, Unlimited Gravity, Afro Q Ben, Mr. Wu

Dig a Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Montel Spinoza

Fez Ballroom

316 SW 11th Ave. DJ TJ

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. DJ Chip


1001 SE Morrison St. Cock Block: The Perfect Cyn, Mena, Amy Kasio

Jack London Bar 529 SW 4th Ave. Rewind

Lola’s room at the crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Come As You Are: 90s Dance Flashback

Mississippi studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. MRS Queer Dance Party: DJ Beyonda


3967 N Mississippi Ave DJ Cuica

star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. DJ OverCol

The conga club

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Suite 102 Tropical Saturday Salsa

1465 NE Prescott St. Ghost Tooth 232 SW Ankeny St. Freddie Says Relax

sun. Dec. 15 231 SW Ankeny St. DJ Linkus EDM

savoy Tavern & Lounge

2500 SE Clinton St. Pete Buck (of R.E.M.)

star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Highway 7

star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Church of Hive

Mon. Dec. 16 Beech st. Parlor 412 NE Beech St. Bill Portland

east end

203 SE Grand Ave. Modernist


1465 NE Prescott St. DJ Megalodon


232 SW Ankeny St. Doo Wop: DJ Patrick Dennehy

Tues. Dec. 17 Beech st. Parlor

412 NE Beech St. DJ Devin Gallagher


231 SW Ankeny St. Soundstation Tuesdays: DJ Instigatah, Snackmaster DJ

Bossanova Ballroom 722 E Burnside St. Tango Tuesday

Dig a Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Bad Wizard, Last Call

eagle Portland

835 N Lombard St DMTV with DJ Danimal


6605 SE Powell Blvd DJ Easy Finger

star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Smooth Hopperator

The Analog

720 SE Hawthorne S.Y.N.T.

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. TRNGL: DJ Rhienna


1465 NE Prescott St. Dave Fulton

Dec. 11–17

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead. Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. Theater: REBECCA JACOBSON ( Dance: AARON SPENCER ( TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to:


Pixie Dust Productions presents a stage version of the Disney musical. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Fridays, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 29. $36-$65.


Imago’s long-running extravaganza, which has toured the world and spent time on Broadway, returns for the holidays. It’s a family-friendly, fantastical show featuring elaborate costumes and impressive acrobatics. If you’re raising your kids in Portland, it’s basically required viewing. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-3959. Many showtimes through Jan. 5. See for schedule. $16-$31.

Irving Berlin’s White Christmas

Few theater companies love Christmas as much as Lakewood, which presents its second seasonally appropriate production of the year, a reprisal of the song-and-dance extravaganza. Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901. 7:30 pm daily (no shows Dec. 16 or 23-25) and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Dec. 29. $36.

No One Likes a Scrooge

Post5 Theatre brings out the grotesque clowns for this hourlong satire of A Christmas Carol. Can goodwill actually exist in this dark and dangerous world? Seems unlikely. The bar will be open. Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st Ave., 729-3223. 9:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. “Pay what you can.”

One-Man Christmas Carol

Post5 Theatre brings back its one-man retelling of Charles Dickens’ yuletide tale, with Phillip J. Berns again at center stage. Thursday performances are at the Picnic House (723 SW Salmon St.) and will include a three-course dinner ($30; $50 with wine pairings). On Sunday, Dec. 15 at 5 pm, the show will be held at the Picnic House—it’s a fundraiser for the theater company ($50; includes appetizers and drinks). Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st Ave., 729-3223. 7:30 pm Monday-Wednesday, Dec. 16-18; 7:30 pm Friday-Monday, Dec. 20-23; 2 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 21-22; and 7 pm Thursdays, Dec. 12, 19 and 26. “Pay what you will.”

The Shoemaker and the Elves

Tears of Joy Theatre presents a familyfriendly puppet show—with plenty of big-band tunes—about two of Santa’s elves who help out a struggling shoemaker in 1940s New York City. Markham Elementary School Theatre, 10531 SW Capitol Hwy, 248-0557. 11 am and 1 pm Saturdays and 1 and 3 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $13-$18.

Unwrapping the Unexpected

A few tales from Portland Storytellers Guild about unusual gifts, Greek myths and various wintry things. Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., 358-0898. 7:30 pm Friday, Dec. 13. $8-$10.

Urban Tellers

Portland Story Theater’s monthly event features true tales by six different tellers. Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., 358-0898. 8 pm Saturday, Dec. 14. $15.

NEW REVIEWS American Fiesta

I did not know the late Portlander Joan Hayward, but I sure know her dinnerware. That would be Fiestaware,

donated by Hayward to Triangle Productions for American Fiesta. Those brightly colored dishes fill the stage and, in the spirit of collectibles, are available for sale to the audience. Initially produced in the Depression, Fiestaware is highly—or addictively— collectable, especially for playwright Steven Tomlinson, portrayed in this one-man show by the phenomenal Gary Wayne Cash. Tomlinson’s first problem is that he can’t stop buying Fiestaware on eBay. “Collect them all,” he says, “and you’ve got serotonin on tap.” The other problem is his parents won’t accept him as a gay man, and they certainly aren’t going to travel to Canada for his marriage to Leon. Cash takes on a huge responsibility as the show’s only player. He has at least seven major voices to incorporate, and he does so with grace and talent. As his mother, he’s saccharine and passive-aggressive, only to switch in seconds to Leon’s optimistic, Latin-accented speech. Tomlinson may also have a third problem in using Fiestaware as a metaphor for everything, from the 2004 presidential election to philosophical quandaries akin to the Ship of Theseus. But thanks to Cash and director Don Horn, American Fiesta is as riveting and colorful as a play about plates can be. MITCH LILLIE. Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., 239-5919. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $15-$35.

A Christmas Carol

Traditional plays are tricky: Without a good bit of je ne sais quoi, they tend to plod along predictably. Lucky for us, this rollicking version of A Christmas Carol has more than enough, managing to find surprises and intensity in a well-known story. From the moment viewers enter Portland Playhouse’s converted church, they’re enveloped in 19th-century London, with cast members acting as cockney-accented ticket-takers and concessions vendors, making this production all the more attractive for those seeking some kidfriendly theater. Director Cristi Miles blends the story of greedy Scrooge with light-hearted Christmas tunes and fun choreography, making for a fastpaced, intermission-free show that feels shorter than its 90 minutes. The entire cast is impressive, but the leads edge ahead: Drew Harper plays a colorful Scrooge, and the chameleonic Jen Rowe portrays Marley and all the ghosts. When Marley, dragging clanky chains, appears in Scrooge’s bedroom and wails at him menacingly, it’s deliciously creepy. But there are plenty of merry moments to calm the goosebumps, including a sweet song by Tiny Tim (Bella Freeman-Moule) and Bob Cratchit (Jeff Painter), and a lively finale of “Joy to the World.” JENNA GILROY. Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 488-5822. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Fridays, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturdays and 2 and 5 pm Sundays. Additional performances Dec. 23-24. Through Dec. 29. $17-$38.

Noises Off

When I first saw Noises Off as a 14-year-old at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, I didn’t know theater could do that. A dozen years later—and after watching dozens and dozens of plays—I’m still not quite sure how Noises Off does what it does. What’s clear, though, is that Michael Frayn’s 1982 backstage comedy is perhaps the world’s most exactingly constructed play, and certainly one of its funniest. It centers on a third-rate British theater troupe staging an abysmal bedroom farce, and it’s essentially the same thing three times over— just with snowballing levels of lunacy as the company’s disastrous personal dynamics and dubious talents collide in hellish but hilarious ways. This production is Third Rail’s first farce in years, and a departure from

its usual sharp-tongued or politically tinged fare. While it can’t eclipse my first fling with Noises Off, director Scott Yarbrough’s rendition is more than serviceable, even if the second act could use some polish. It’s a mostly solid cast, but a few actors stand out. Damon Kupper, in a garish orange shirt and (not orange) Carrot Top wig, has a command of physical comedy that’s simultaneously smarmy and daffy. Even daffier is the black bustier-clad Kelly Godell, who spends the play unflappably barreling ahead with careful line readings, even as everything around her crashes into smithereens. And we’d be nowhere without Maureen Porter as the de facto mother hen: She’s the glue holding together both the play and the play within the play. Despite some questionable casting (Isaac Lamb exudes far too much teddy-bear cuddliness to play the beleaguered, snarky director), these performers bring method—and, surprisingly, humanity—to the madness. REBECCA JACOBSON. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 235-1101. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 11. $20-$43.

Plaid Tidings

In this schmaltzy sequel to Forever Plaid, the story follows a similar arc but the songs are dialed-in for Christmas. In the beginning of that first musical, the Plaids—a meat-and-potatoes guy group from the ‘50s—are killed in a bus crash, but they return from the afterlife to croon together. For Plaid Tidings, they’re back as “guardians of harmony for all eternity” with mostly white-bread holiday mash-ups and peppy dance moves. Those who don’t require their Christmas traditionals sung to completion—or who don’t care much for context—will appreciate stars Matthew Brown, Robert Head, Sean Powell and Jeremy Sloan, who are such a polished quartet it seems they could have been rehearsing since the ‘50s. Their vocals are clean, without a hint of grit, and their choreography is spot-on. Dialogue can turn confusing and the comedic interruptions occa-

sionally irritate, but Brown, as mischievous bandmate Smudge, holds these bits together with his self-deprecating charm and impeccable timing. JENNA GILROY. Broadway Rose New Stage Theatre, 12850 SW Grant Ave., Tigard, 620-5262. 7:30 pm WednesdaysSaturdays and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Dec. 22. $30-$40.

Rudolph: On Stage

Bad Reputation Productions’ Rudolph: On Stage pays loving homage to the longest-running Christmas TV special in history, the 1964 stop-motion Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. It tugs on deep-seated nostalgia without devolving into schmaltziness—or, crucially, trying for edginess with misguided scatalogical humor. Instead, we get Jed Arkley as a wide-eyed, clumsy Rudolph and Shelley McLendon as his

CONT. on page 40



It’s a (Somewhat) Wonderful Life

No overzealous holiday cheer in Hillsboro this season: Instead, characters Petunia Pennywhistle, Carson Callaway and Francis Fishbourne take the stage bemoaning Christmas in Bag & Baggage’s It’s a (Somewhat) Wonderful Life. This jovial reinvention of Frank Capra’s classic film is indeed a (somewhat) wonderful holiday alternative to Tiny Tim monologues. Artistic director Scott Palmer continues the company’s retro algorithm by transplanting the tale into a 1940s radio studio run amok. Our story begins on Christmas Eve, with the cast assembling for its tired and traditional holiday production. But when the sound manager goes AWOL, mute stand-in Pete Paulson binges on rum-drenched fruitcake and scandalous radio virgin Lana joins in, the classic turns chaotic. It’s a (Somewhat) Wonderful Life is not the “Dante-esque vision of drunkenness, despair and suicide” that a 1946 critic labeled the original film, but B&B’s production isn’t exactly dripping tinsel either. The ear-splitting Lana (Jessica Geffen), clad in metallic stilettos, steals scenes with cringe-inducing naiveté, and the time and pressure constraints of live radio add interest. But overall the production lacks luster, and Christmas magic eventually and predictably ties up the tumult in a nice package. Audience members can leave with a satisfied holiday smile—just don’t expect a remake of leg lamp-shattering proportions. ENID SPITZ. The Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 6933953. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. Extra performance 7:30 pm Monday, Dec. 23. $18-$32.

ALSO PLAYING A World War II Radio Christmas

For the third year, Oregon Children’s Theatre’s Young Professionals Company presents a production about a live radio show, complete with comedic sketches and foley sound effects. Oregon Children’s Theatre Young Professionals Studio Theatre, 1939 NE Sandy Blvd., 228-9571. 7 pm Fridays, 2 and 5 pm Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 15. $10-$15.

Dog Sees God: Confessions of a Teenage Blockhead

Portland Actors Conservatory stages Bert V. Royal’s play, which imagines the Peanuts characters as teenage potheads and pyromaniacs. Portland Actors Conservatory, 1436 SW Montgomery St., 274-1717. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $10-$25.

It’s a Wonderful Life

After premiering this new musical adaptation of Frank Capra’s classic movie last year, Stumptown Stages brings it back for a second round. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays and 2 pm SaturdaysSundays through Dec. 22. $25-$40.

looks can be deceiving: Jeffrey Jason gilpin and anne sorce.

THE LOVER (IMAGO THEATRE) As Sarah wiggles her way beneath the covers, Richard sits stiffly atop the sheets. Smoking jacket knotted at the waist, he’s propped up his feet—still clad in their Oxfords—on the bed. “I think things are beautifully balanced, Richard,” Sarah purrs. That, I suppose, is one way of seeing things in The Lover, a taut 1962 one-act by Harold Pinter, directed with aplomb by Imago Theatre’s Jerry Mouawad. Well-heeled Brits Sarah (Anne Sorce) and Richard (Jeffrey Jason Gilpin) have been married for 10 years, and Pinter immediately introduces them as creatures of habit. Richard has the play’s first line: “Is your lover coming today?” he asks Sarah. He is, she replies, at 3 pm, but he’ll be gone by the end of teatime. It’s quite all right, though: Richard’s got a whore he regularly visits. Things are balanced, aren’t they? It’s a mesmerizingly matter-of-fact beginning to what’s essentially an hourlong mind game, with Sorce and Gilpin toying endlessly with each other. Gilpin departs, but soon after returns as a sort of Cockney cowboy, all dropped h’s and bowlegged swagger. Sarah refers to him as Max. There’s some hilarious choreography of seduction, in which Sorce pours herself over the red chaise lounge and Gilpin struts around with a small bongo drum. Is he her lover? Or is this a form of intricate role-play between the couple? Those are questions that Pinter—as is his wont—leaves open, as do Sorce and Gilpin as they tango through the script’s acrimonious accusations, desperate demands and absurd questions. It’s a fascinating, slyly constructed piece of theater, a psychosexual labyrinth of desire, delusion, uncertainty and jealousy. With her throaty voice and arch expression, Sorce’s performance is so bold and unusual it seems at first she’ll overpower Gilpin. But he comes into his role in a quiet way, his long face shifting from anxious to indignant to wounded. It’s all terrifically funny, too, the jokes about cold ham and enormous udders too good to spoil here. At one point, Sorce turns to Gilpin: “You’re having a lovely joke,” she says. “It’s no joke,” he icily replies. Indeed: The Lover may be an elaborate game, but these performers aren’t joking around. REBECCA JACOBSON.

Strange affairs of the heart and mind.

see it: The Lover is at Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-3959. 8 pm Thursdays and Saturdays and 9 pm Fridays through Dec. 21. $10-$20 sliding scale. Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013


Dec. 11–17

gal pal Clarice, prancing delicately about the stage. Tony Marcellino portrays both the skinny jeans-clad Santa and misfit elf/aspiring dentist Hermey, constantly flicking his head to shake his blond Bieber bangs out of the way. Things can be rough around the edges, and the production could stand to lose some of its meta-commentary, but that’s forgotten during giddy songand-dance routines that perfectly ape the jerkiness of stop-motion animation—and big ups to the lady elves for their “Single Ladies” choreography. And we’d be remiss to ignore Portland Mercury editor and veteran community theater actor William S. Humphrey, who slathers his face with white makeup and dons an elaborate costume (that, the program notes, he built himself) as Sam the Snowman. All twinkly eye and swishy walk—the bottom snowball sways slowly side-to-side as he shuffles around—he presides over the yuletide proceedings in a fatherly and only occasionally creepy manner. REBECCA JACOBSON. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $20-$24.

The Santaland Diaries

For the umpteenth year in a row, Portland Center Stage presents the one-man stage adaptation of David Sedaris’ exploits as a Macy’s elf. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays and noon Thursdays through Dec. 29. $45-$60.

The Twelve Dates of Christmas

We’ve all been there: single during the holidays and stuck at the annual eggnog party, being set up by Aunt Kathy in a “prayer chain” to find the perfect partner. This is where Salt and Sage’s one-woman production The Twelve Dates of Christmas begins, after Mary (Melanie Moseley) discovers her fiance is cheating on her and ends up suddenly alone. Over the course of the following year, Mary introduces us to her string of dates, including the douchey Doctor John, the stalker-ish Psycho Joe and the saintly Edward the Great. Although occasional lines and pauses sound too rehearsed, Moseley jumps back and forth between characters with fluid and nearly unbreakable ease. Unsurprisingly, it’s a bit easy to lose interest somewhere amid all the dates. But the lesson—though not hard to guess—arrives at a welltimed, refreshing moment. KAITIE TODD. The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 8 pm ThursdaysSaturdays and 3 pm Sundays through Dec. 22. $10-$12.

Twist Your Dickens

Twist Your Dickens comes to Portland Center Stage with a sparkling pedigree. Its writers, Peter Gwinn and Bobby Mort, won Emmys for their work on The Colbert Report. Director Matt Hovde and a few cast members hail from Chicago’s improv behemoth the Second City. Portlanders with strong comedic records round out the cast. But from the first gag to the last, this spoof of A Christmas Carol serves up nothing but coal. The overlong show is structured loosely like that Victorian story, with Scrooge (Craig Cackowski) meeting various ghosts as he learns lessons of generosity and goodwill. Along the way, he encounters everyone from George Bailey, to a Girl Scout who says she took a shit in his box of Thin Mints, to the entire Peanuts gang, who turn A Charlie Brown Christmas into a profanity-laced pageant with Linus evangelizing about the rapture. All told, it’s a stiff and unfunny cash grab with an aftertaste worse than that of spoiled eggnog. REBECCA JACOBSON. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays and noon Thursdays through Dec. 22. $39-$67.

The Visit

For its first project, new company Broken Toy Piano Theatre does something experimental with Friedrich Dürrenmatt’s 1956 tragicomedy, which explores themes of greed, vengeance and justice. Milepost 5, 850 NE 81st Ave., 729-3223. 7 pm ThursdaysSundays through Dec. 15. $12-$15.


Xmas Unplugged

All Deanna (Foss Curtis) and James (Chris Murray) want is a nice Christmas gift for their son. But then Santa (Steve Coker) actually arrives, and, seeing no cookies, tries to leave. So Deanna and James piledrive and waterboard him until he dies. That battle comprises the majority of Matt Pelfrey’s The Reason for the Season, one half of Artists Rep’s Xmas Unplugged. We’re warned to leave the kids at home, and for good reason: F-bombs explode like chestnuts in the fire. Yet children are the only ones who would enjoy such a campy fight scene. In Anthony Nielson’s The Night Before Christmas, the plot is tighter. A limey lowlife (Murray) catches an alleged elf sneaking in a warehouse, so he ties him up and calls a very cynical friend (Coker). It’s a far more ideological critique of Christmas than the first short play, and the results can be darkly amusing. Like all good holiday plays, Xmas Unplugged ends happily—twice. You just might have to strangle Santa to get there. MITCH LILLIE. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm WednesdaysSundays and 2 pm Sundays through Dec. 29. $25-$55. 18+.

COMEDY & VARIETY Attack the Darkness

It’s a comedy showcase held in a gaming store, but rest assured that D&D know-how won’t be assessed at the door. Tonight’s event features standup, sketches and variety acts from Amy Miller, Jimmy Newstetter, Anthony Lopez and more. Guardian Games, 303 SE 3rd Ave., 238-4000. 8 pm Saturday, Dec. 14. $3 suggested.

Daryl Wright

For a comedian whose debut album is titled Wildly Inappropriate, Wright’s standup isn’t as edgy as you might think. But he’s not a bad get for Harvey’s. Harvey’s Comedy Club, 436 NW 6th Ave., 241-0338. 7:30 pm Wednesday and Sunday and 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 11-14. $15.

Flying Fruitcake

Curious Comedy isn’t kidding with the “flying” thing: In addition to original sketch comedy, improv and musical spoofs, this holiday revue also features aerial displays. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 4779477. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $12-$15.

Funnier Than You

Richie Stratton hosts a new monthly standup series, with five local comedians competing for cash prizes. Sky Club at Ankeny’s Well, 50 SW 3rd Ave., 223-1375. 10 pm Friday, Dec. 13. $3. 21+.

Golden Girls Live Christmas Special

’Tis the season for men to don fluffy wigs and oversized glasses to play the four Miami gals for this live stage adaptation of holiday episodes of the TV show. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 7:30 pm FridaysSaturdays through Dec. 28. $15-18.

Hey Dummy

Standup from New York comedian Roger Hailes and Mansome hostGreg Barris. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE 39th Ave., 233-7100. 8 pm FridaySaturday, Dec. 13-14. $5.

It’s Gonna Be Okay

Portlander Barbara Holm hosts a twice-monthly standup showcase. EastBurn, 1800 E Burnside St., 2362876. 8:30 pm every first and third Monday. Free.

The Light Box Ensemble

The improv troupe, which has alums of both the Brody and the Liberators, presents a seasonally appropriate show. Titled The New Adventures of Space Bear: Letters Home, it brings together dark holiday stories, Christmas carols and monologues from Jason Traeger. Lightbox Kulturhaus, 2027 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd. 8:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 14. $7.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

Match Game: A Comedy Game Show

In a show based on the popular ’70s television program, in which contestants and celebrities tried to match their answers to fill-in-the-blank questions, Nic Goans hosts a panel of comedians helping audience members vie for prizes. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 4779477. 10 pm Friday, Dec. 13. $5.

Nathan Brannon’s 30th Birthday Comedy Bash

Nathan Brannon—certified by this very newspaper as one of Portland’s five funniest comedians—is entering a new decade of life, and he’s throwing a big ol’ standup party for himself. Helping Brannon celebrate are comics Shane Torres, Sean Jordan, Tim Hammer, Adam Pasi and Lance Edward. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 10 pm Friday, Dec. 13. Free.

A Nightmare on Elf Street

Second City alum Caitlin Kunkel directs a night of festive sketch comedy, featuring run-ins with Santa in the gym locker room, Christmas demons and hibernating co-workers. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $10-$15.

Phil Palisoul

Standup comedy from the under-theradar comedian, whose jokes—often about his suburban upbringing— lean clean rather than rough. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm Thursday and 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Dec. 12-14. $15-$27.

Sketch Comedy Show

Sketch-comedy troupe the 3rd Floor presents an evening of (what else?) sketch comedy with potential subject matter ranging from Art Garfunkel to bad dates to Bigfoot. Miracle Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., 908-1141. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 21. $14-$17.

Walt Disney, played by Noah Mickens, awakes to find the world isn’t what he expected and that his trippy Fantasia, filled with topless centaurs and a mountainous demon, is now being reinterpreted by stripteasers at Dante’s. Turns out dreams really do come true. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm Sunday, Dec. 15. $12-$15. 21+.

Mizu Desierto

American ME, the newest piece from Portland’s foremost butoh practitioner, eschews the form’s traditional writhing and grimacing for flashy Americana. The piece gives a big finger to American ethos. Consumerism, nationalism and religious fanaticism are bluntly and fantastically lampooned in a mix of dance and theater, with vintage commercials playing on old TVs stacked in the corner. The Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., 404-2350. 8 pm Friday and 6 and 8 pm Saturday, Dec. 13-14. $12-$20.

Northwest Dance Project

From the start, when Elijah Labay walks onto the floor wearing nothing but redvelvet dance shorts and socks, you know NWDP’s In Good Company isn’t going to be overly serious. The normally stoic Labay, whose portrayals often tend toward pain or distress, now alternates between deadpan stillness and a goofy, Dick Van Dyke smile. In short bursts, he snaps, twists and rolls to Paul Simon’s “Loves Me Like a Rock,” drawing nervous laughter from the audience and setting a convivial tone for the dance company’s annual holiday show. The pieces are choreographed by NWDP’s dancers, and if these works are any indication, they’re a real fun-loving bunch. They had guidelines to use Top-40 songs from 40 years ago—though some Bach and Sneaky Sound System are mixed in—so the pieces are generally lively grooves to hits like “Crocodile Rock” and “Love Train.” Franco Nieto creates a stylized, Tarantino-esque piece

to Federale and Cher’s “Half Breed.” Andrea Parson choreographs a playful bit of dance theater featuring a table and a great, acrobatic duet between Labay and Ching Ching Wong. In all the merrymaking, some of the choreography grows a little too freewheeling, verging on unruly. But taken for what it is, it satisfies and entertains with a lot of personality. Northwest Dance Project Studio & Performance Center, 833 N Shaver St., 421-7434. 7:30 pm Wednesday-Saturday and 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 11-15. $32-$45.

Oregon Ballet Theatre

Performances of George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker go on and on this month. OBT’s annual holiday show shouldn’t disappoint: The dancers will be backed by a live orchestra at most shows, and principal dancer Alison Roper, who’s retiring at the end of the season, plays the Sugar Plum Fairy and other roles. Local drag queen Poison Waters, aka Kevin Cook, will take the role of Mother Ginger, which he’s done in the past. The production also has all the requisite snowflakes, rat armies and toy soldiers that can make any kid aspire to be a ballet dancer. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 800-7453000. 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 14-15 and Wednesday-Monday, Dec. 18-23; 2 pm Friday-Monday, Dec. 20-23; noon Tuesday, Dec. 24. Through Dec. 24. $27-$144.

Rose City School of Burlesque

The Rose City School of Burlesque holds its winter graduation recital after a 10-week introductory burlesque course. Come find out which punnynamed performers will shake their tassels in the coming months. Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington St., 228-3669. 7:30 pm Monday, Dec. 16. $5. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit



A Very Special Action/ Adventure Holiday Thing

The lively folks at Action/Adventure present another yuletide-themed variety show, with standup from certified funny person Bri Pruett, piano tunes from David Saffert, ukulele picking from Lucia Fasano and plenty of sketch comedy and sing-alongs. Action/Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St. 8 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 14. $10-$15.

DANCE Bolshoi Ballet

Hold on, the Bolshoi Ballet isn’t actually performing at Hollywood Theatre—it’s just a film. But it’s a rare (and at $18, pricey) screening of the company’s new revival of The Sleeping Beauty. It features dancers Svetlana Zakharova and David Hallberg, the first American ever to join the Bolshoi as a principal dancer. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 281-4215. 1:30 pm Sunday, Dec. 15. $18.

Cafe Istanbul

Three belly dancers shake it for you while you stuff your face with pizza. Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3231. 9 pm Thursday, Dec. 12.

Classical Ballet Academy

Can’t get enough of The Nutcracker? Kids not worth Oregon Ballet Theatre’s ticket price? Classical Ballet Academy has got you covered. Director Sarah Rigles provides a show that won’t be as polished as the one by Oregon’s premier ballet company, but your kids won’t care. Lincoln Hall, Portland State University, 1620 SW Park Ave., 7253307. 8 pm Friday, Dec. 13; 2 and 6 pm Saturday, Dec. 14; 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 15. $18-$24.

A Fantasia Fantasy

A send-up of the 1940 Walt Disney classic, this burlesque show by Miss Kennedy now comes around every December. A cryogenically frozen

WE’LL NEVER BE ROYALS: Northwest Classical Theatre’s production of The Lion in Winter might as well be called Game of Thrones: Christmas Edition. Director Elizabeth Huffman has given James Goldman’s play modern scenery, an upscale living room decked out with cheerful Christmas décor. But don’t let that fool you. The story, set circa 1183, centers on King Henry II of England as he and his queen Eleanor battle over which son will inherit the throne. There’s Richard, the warrior; Jeffrey, the forgotten; and John, Daddy’s favorite and the fool, right down to his untucked shirt and rainbow-colored vest. Tensions rise and fall as brother betrays brother, mother betrays son, father betrays everyone—but the real fun comes in watching Marilyn Stacey weave Queen Eleanor’s web as deliberately and gracefully as a spider intent on a big and delicious payoff. At one moment despondent at Henry’s latest move and then smiling the next, Stacey’s performance constantly surprises, and she cries, smirks and bickers her way through the play’s most dangerous and emotional moments. All the manipulation and backstabbing can grow overwhelming in the 2½-hour runtime, but The Lion in Winter should still tide over hungry Game of Thrones fans until the spring. KAITIE TODD. SEE IT: The Lion in Winter is at the Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 971-244-3740. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 5. $20.


DEC. 11–17

Ann Hamilton: a reading

Sometimes too much of a good thing is too much. Ann Hamilton slathers the front and back galleries of Liz Leach’s expansive spread with a veritable mess of wall pieces, sculpture, text-based objects and digital videos. It’s all part of a pathologically heterogeneous, thoroughly all-over-the-place show, vaguely titled (and preciously uncapitalized) a reading. With the addition of (count ’em) four rotating projectors casting images of tall ships on the back gallery’s wall, the show is redundant Sturm und Drang without meaningful cohesion. The most satisfying piece is the simplest: a hollowed-out book with an intricately cut thimble inside. Its meaning is obscure but poetic, far removed from the overbearing grandiloquence of the rest of the show. Through Jan. 11. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

Anne Appleby: Woods

Among the highlights of the Portland Art Museum’s Contemporary Northwest Art Awards are the coolly minimalist paintings of Anne Appleby. At first, these works appear monochromatic color fields, but on closer examination they betray subtle layering and variations in hue. Appleby lives in Montana. The show at PDX is her first solo exhibition in Portland. It will be interesting to see whether her work in the gallery is as quietly compelling as her work currently up at the museum. Through Dec. 28. PDX Contemporary Art, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

Ben Buswell: We Live Only Through Ourselves

Ben Buswell’s show gets our vote for Most Flatulent Press Release of 2013. For unfathomable reasons, it mentions the artist’s recently deceased grandfather, only to say that his death provided “a lens through which the artist examines how meaning arises from physical processes.” What physical processes, we are left to wonder—decomposition? The release blathers on about the artist’s “doubling of images and objects, surface violations, abstraction and material choices” and his “use of emergent processes, where a multitude of insignificant marks and gestures accumulate into seemingly complex systems.” The release concludes by maintaining that “Buswell’s purpose is to undermine a sense a narrative and eschew the symbolic meaning of the imagery, collapsing the distance between perception of the object and apprehension of its meaning.” Writing like this—whether in press releases, artist statements or criticism—underlines just how disconnected much of contemporary art has grown from experiences that thoughtful art lovers can relate to. It’s endemic of an attitude that if you use

big enough words in a long enough sentence, you can convince yourself and hopefully others that an artwork is worthwhile. The photographic and sculptural work in Buswell’s show actually is worthwhile. The pieces have a witty minimalist elegance, but you’d never know that from the show description. Through Jan. 25. Upfor Gallery, 929 NW Flanders St., 227-5111.

Bobby McManus: Out-sider No More

This show is a study in inspired absurdism. The imagery—a skeleton writing a letter; a rat looking up at the viewer, its hand resting on a candlestick— defies sense. The pen-and-ink drawing called Beach Reservation depicts a shark wearing a chef’s hat, serving up a meal to a man and woman on a beach. The connections of this work to the sexually transgressive mission of Cock Gallery may be specious, but these pieces can’t help but bring a smile to viewers’ lips. Through Dec. 15. Cock Gallery, 625 NW Everett St., No. 106, 552-8686.

Brigitte Dortmund

For many years a staple of the Mark Woolley Gallery, Brigitte Dortmund recently joined Pulliam Fine Art. Her thickly slathered oil paintings typically take the term “impasto” to new heights of luxuriance, and she’s known for a color palette that could best be described as bubblegum. But in a new suite of works, paintings such as Music Style Product exhibit a more restrained approach, both compositionally and chromatically. It’s as if this go-forbroke maximalist artist is using her debut show at a new gallery to take stock of her trademark style and make some changes. If preliminary images from the show are any indication, she’s on the right track. Through Dec. 21. Pulliam Fine Art, 1927 NW Kearney St., 706-8201. .

Contemporary Northwest Art Awards

Expansive, thoughtful and dramatically installed, the biannual Contemporary Northwest Art Awards didn’t disappoint this year. Curator Bonnie Laing-Malcolmson has created a spectacular survey of artwork across a diverse field of practices, filling—but not overfilling—a generous exhibition space with work by artists from Oregon (Karl Burkheimer), Washington (Isaac Layman, Nicholas Nyland and the single-monikered artist known as Trimpin), Montana (Anne Appleby) and Wyoming (Abbie Miller). As heterogeneous as these artists’ works are, somehow Laing-Malcolmson makes them cohere spatially and thematically. Through Jan. 12. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-0973.

Crystal Schenk: Shelter


= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By RICHARD SPEER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email:

If you saw Crystal Schenk and Shelby Davis’ life-size re-creation of an 18-wheeler at Milepost5 in 2009 or Schenk’s crystal-encrusted longhorn steer skull at the 2010 Disjecta Biennial, you know she’s an artist with a big vision and a virtuosity with unconventional materials. She proves she’s still got it in her latest work, the first show she’s ever done at Bullseye Gallery. The installation is called Shelter, and it consists of a mock-up of an Appalachian shanty, made entirely of stained glass. As an art object, Shelter is flat-out gorgeous, even as it depicts a style of dwelling associated with abject poverty. But home is as much a state of mind as it is a construction of wood, brick and mortar. No matter how humble Schenk seems to posit, there is no castle like home. Through Dec. 21. Bullseye Gallery, 300 NW 13th Ave., 227-0222.

Deborah Luster: Tooth for an Eye: A Chorography of Violence in Orleans Parish

Photographer Deborah Luster is originally from Bend, but now she lives and works in New Orleans, a city with one of the highest homicide rates in the nation. For her latest show, she photographed homes where murders happened, using an antique 8x10 view camera. The resulting images are round (the technical term is “tondo”), and looking at them is eerily reminiscent of looking through the scope of a rifle. These are elegant, haunting images. Through Dec. 29. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 225-0210.

PDX TO MIA: PDX Contemporary’s Caitlin Moore (left) and Jane Beebe.


In a time when “new media” are all the rage in art and culture, Ryan De La Hoz is something of a throwback. He uses traditional materials in a way that emphasizes analog technology and the handmade. His imagery—TV static and ancient Greek iconography—combines the new and the old in ways that are incongruous but piquant. His works are exhibited alongside art by Russell Leng in the latest Breeze Block show organized by English curator Sven Davis. Through Jan. 4. Breeze Block Gallery, 323 NW 6th Ave., 318-6228.

One could be forgiven, especially after a mojito or two, for mistaking Miami Beach’s Collins Drive for Portland’s Northwest Everett Street during the annual mega-art fair known as Art Basel Miami Beach. A greater-than-normal concentration of Portland art scenesters descended on the fair and its satellite expositions this year, owing either to the improved economy or the allure of escaping a particularly bittercold week for South Beach’s montage of gauzy sundresses, tanned bodies and umbrella drinks. Oh, and art. Plenty of art. Portlanders were everywhere, and they were doing well. PDX Contemporary Gallery’s director, Jane Beebe, reported excellent sales at the gallery’s booth at Miami Project, one of dozens of smaller fairs complementing Art Basel. Beebe and assistant Caitlin Moore were showing wares by beloved Northwest sculptor Marie Watt, as well as fantastical-landscape painter Adam Sorensen, who also had work at the Pulse art fair, courtesy of Seattle’s James Harris Gallery. Portland Institute of Contemporary Art executive director Victoria Frey visited with Elizabeth Leach at Leach’s gallery booth at Pulse, while PICA’s Jane Kate Wood, formerly director of Victory Gallery, helped coordinate the institute’s party at the Standard Hotel and Spa, complete with film, dance and sound performances. Painter Eugenia Pardue was spotted en route to the Context art fair; Damien Gilley wound his way through the cavernous main fair at the Miami Beach Convention Hall. Two artists familiar to Portland gallerygoers had work in ToomeyTourell Gallery’s room at Aqua Art Miami: Matthew Picton, who for years showed at Mark Woolley Gallery and Pulliam Gallery, and Monica Lundy, whose drawings and sculptural installations were a fixture at the (now sadly closed) Ogle Gallery. It’s good for Northwest artists to expose their cloud-clouded eyes to the ruthless glare of the international art scene. Yes, the contemporary art market is a racket, and yes, fairs like Art Basel Miami Beach are more about flash and cash than ideas. But with the possible exception of Henry Darger, living in a hole never did any artist any favors. Circulation, aeration and agitation are what fuel artistic growth. RICHARD SPEER.

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

SEE: For more information about Art Basel Miami Beach, visit

Rick Bartow: Bird Wings

Although Rick Bartow’s small paintings of birds seem arbitrary and remedial, most of them sported red dots (meaning “SOLD”) on the show’s opening night. Much more satisfying than these elementary studies were his larger works in acrylic on canvas. In the haunting piece Bear Mother, Bartow combines lilac, orange and periwinkle in a kachina-like figure that occupies the liminal boundary between matter and spirit. Bartow has a gift for naive, neo-expressionist figuration that transcends distinctions between “fine art” sophistication and Basquiat-esque simplicity. Through Dec. 13. Froelick Gallery, 714 NW Davis St., 222-1142.

Ryan De La Hoz: Fragments

Bienvenidos a Miami.

DISH PG. 24 Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013



DEC. 11–17

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: Fax: 243-1115.


PG. 21





Dulcy Mahar Book Release

When beloved Oregonian columnist Dulcy Mahar died in 2011 of ovarian cancer, readers frequently requested that her gardening columns be reprinted. Now her husband, Ted Mahar, has released a memoir of his life with Dulcy, along with a collection of more than 140 of her most popular columns, in the book Back in the Garden With Dulcy. Green thumbs, rejoice! Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, DEC. 12 Penny Rosenwasser

A self-described “rabble-rouser” for social justice, author and activist Penny Rosenwasser has advocated for everything from ending nuclear power to queer liberation and equality. Now turning her focus on her own Jewish heritage, Rosenwasser reads from her new book, Hope Into Practice: Jewish Women Choosing Justice Despite Our Fears. In Other Words, 14 NE Killingsworth St., 2326003. 7 pm. Free.

Sarah Jio and Kristina McMorris

We all keep secrets. In their new novels, authors Sarah Jio and Kristina McMorris explore the secrets kept by their characters. In Jio’s Morning Glory, the residents of a community of floating houses on Seattle’s Lake Union protect a dark secret from one night in 1959. In McMorris’ The Pieces We Keep, the nightmares of a young boy begin to unravel family secrets dating back to World War II. Closet open, skeletons everywhere. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., Beaverton, 228-4651. 7 pm. Free.

David Shields

David Shields has authored 15 books that could be called creative nonfiction but mostly just defy classification, including Reality Hunger, The Thing About Life Is That One Day You’ll Be Dead and the newly released Salinger. In his other new book released this year, How Literature Saved My Life, Shields describes precisely that (how writing provided an outlet for his anxieties) in a book that is both cultural critique and confessional autobiography. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

SATURDAY, DEC. 14 William Stafford Book Release

Even in death, poet William Stafford continues to impress. Tavern Books celebrates the posthumous release of Stafford’s Winterward, the 1954 creative dissertation he submitted for his doctoral degree to the University of Iowa. Reading from the collection of 35 poems will be his son (and acclaimed writer in his own right) Kim Stafford, along with Paulann Petersen, Paul Merchant and Carl Adamshick. First Unitarian Church, 1011 SW 13th Ave., 228-6389. 7 pm. Free.

Barry Deutsch


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

For those in the camp of thinking books are infinitely better with pictures, local author and cartoonist Barry Deutsch (Hereville: How Mirka Got Her Sword) explores the creation of a graphic novel with a

step-by-step process. Bring your pen! Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., Beaverton, 228-4651. 2 pm. Free.

SUNDAY, DEC. 15 The Studio Series

Taking the Stonehenge stage for the monthly Studio Series poetry reading and open mic will be locals Carl Adamshick (Curses and Wishes) and Joanna Prahl, recent Atheneum alum from the Attic Institute. Take the mic yourself to share your love (or loathing) for the holidays in poetic verse. Stonehenge Studios, 3508 SW Corbett Ave., 224-3640. 7-9 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, DEC. 17 Oregon Humanities Holiday Party

Suffered through enough boozy office holiday parties for one year? Oregon Humanities hosts its third annual holiday party with a room full of people you’ll actually want to talk to. Portland authors of all genres will be on hand discussing and signing their books, including Brian Doyle (Mink River), Dan DeWeese (You Don’t Love This Man), Monica Drake (The Stud Book), Jay Ponteri (Wedlocked), Mary Szybist (Incarnadine) and many others. The Cleaners, 403 SW 10th Ave. 4-7 pm. $5.

For more Books listings, visit


JD CHANDLER, HIDDEN HISTORY OF PORTLAND, OREGON JD Chandler’s Hidden History of Portland, Oregon (History Press, 190 pages, $19.99) isn’t the usual cult Portland chronicle of Shanghai Tunnels or tittered-about former brothels. Rather, it’s a locally focused people’s history in the vein of Howard Zinn, a thin volume dedicated to dredging up Oregon’s long history of Localizing Howard Zinn. racism, sexism and thumping of the poor—and to lionizing those who fought against such injustices. The Lovejoys and Starks—the industrialists and power brokers whose names are memorialized on Portland’s street signs in dim, half-legible paint—make only passing appearances in Chandler’s book. Instead, Chandler trumpets C.E.S. Wood, a poet and U.S. Army lieutenant who had a Paul-on-the-road-to-Damascus conversion to the cause of Native Americans while escorting members of the Nez Perce tribe to internment at Fort Vancouver; his family and that of Nez Perce Chief Joseph remain friends to this day. Chandler also devotes a good deal of space to the bristling charm of early feminist pioneer Abigail Scott Duniway—and to her feuds with national figures Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. But Duniway’s distinctive (and well-documented) voice doesn’t get much airtime, with few passages in her own words. The book is at its best when it offers up the results of specific research that challenges vague accepted histories, such as when Chandler documents the only two known cases in which Oregon’s African-American exclusion laws were enforced. He also brings to light long-buried instances of early activism, such as a turn-of-thecentury racial discrimination lawsuit against Star Theater, and protests by African-American activist Beatrice Morrow Cannady against showings of D.W. Griffith’s infamously racist The Birth of a Nation. But Chandler also suffers from a troubling inclination to air his opinions and conclusions more than his work. He cites a general’s cultural arrogance or the “cultural bias” of a bar exam without allowing readers to examine the primary documents and quotations that might allow them to reach the same conclusions as the author. Each activist is assumed virtuous, and the powers that be are often monolithically villainous. While our shared values have certainly proved this out in broad strokes, the book’s brevity makes it difficult for Chandler to show us the complexity and specificity of either the civil-rights struggles or their participants. As such, the work often reads as a breezy polemic of the same sort as the triumphalist schoolbooks it’s meant to correct. History is written by victors of all sorts, not just the ones who win wars; Chandler’s book perhaps congratulates us a bit much for our current presumed enlightenment. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. READ IT: Hidden History of Portland, Oregon is available at bookstores.


= WW Pick. Highly recommended.



Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: Fax: 243-1115.

12 Years a Slave

A Twelve Years a Slave was part of

a literary tide. When the memoir was published in 1853, Uncle Tom’s Cabin and Frederick Douglass’ autobiography were bestsellers, helping to fuel the abolitionist movement. But Solomon Northup’s story was different. Born a free man, he led a comfortable life as a carpenter and violinist with his wife and children in upstate New York in 1841, when he was kidnapped and sold into slavery. Northup managed to regain his freedom 12 years later and soon published Twelve Years a Slave, which became a bestseller of its own. But at some point, Northup disappeared and his book fell out of print. Now, it’s little-known outside the halls of academia. All of which makes British director Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave an even more staggering revelation. The film is agonizing but not lurid, compassionate but not melodramatic, patient but still thrilling. But most impressive is that 12 Years a Slave does not feel like an ethical or educational obligation. While its instructive value is undeniable, this is also a rousing portrait, a morally complicated tale and a masterful work of art. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Clackamas, Lloyd Center.

20 Feet From Stardom

A- Morgan Neville’s 20 Feet From

Stardom turns the spotlight on several career backup singers. Most are resigned to their roles in the musical ecosystem, content to have sacrificed their own aspirations for the sake of elevating the art itself. Whether that’s noble or a con, Neville never judges. He just lets them sing. And, in a more perfect universe, that would be enough. MATTHEW SINGER. Living Room Theaters.

The Best Man Holiday

Nearly 15 years later, a sequel to 1999’s The Best Man finds most of the cast— including Taye Digs, Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long—reunited for Christmas. R. Eastport.

Bettie Page Reveals All

B Mark Mori’s amateurishly constructed Valentine to Bettie Page covers the life of America’s favorite pinup model from its destitute beginnings to its under-the-radar end, charting the remarkable successes as well as the painful lows. Molested by her father and briefly placed in an orphanage during childhood, Page had a string of unhappy marriages as an adult. Mental illness also dogged her: After forcing her husband and son at knifepoint to look at an image of Jesus, she spent time on the psych ward. But Mori is ultimately consumed by his fondness for Page, and he spends too much time allowing fashion models to blather vaguely about Page’s allure. Bettie Page Reveals All would have done well to show a little less—we see so many semi- and fully nude photos of Page that we eventually grow numb to her beautiful face and perfect proportions—and reveal a little more. R. REBECC JACOBSON. Cinema 21.

Blue Is the Warmest Color

A- As soon as Abdellatif Kechiche’s Blue Is the Warmest Color premiered in Cannes last May, frenzied discussion engulfed the film. Whether people found it exhilarating or exploitative, it seemed no one could shut up about this three-hour French saga about first love between two young women. But for all the howling it’s unleashed, Blue Is the Warmest Color isn’t strident or demagogic. The film charts the evolution of the relationship between Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos, whose astounding performance will knock the wind out of you), and Emma (Léa Seydoux), who is a few years older. From the initial moment the two lock eyes, their connection is as electric as the shock of blue through Emma’s hair. Sometimes that connection plays out explosively, as in the aforementioned

sex scene, but there are far more scenes devoted to quotidian routines and banal conversation. Minutes after exiting the theater, you’re unlikely to recall much of what Adèle and Emma talked about. But you’ll remember the frantically searching expressions on Exarchopoulos’ face, the looks of cool composure on Seydoux’s, the unrelenting urgency and desperation that infuse their exchanges. This isn’t a gayrights drama. It’s an epic tale of love between two people who just happen to be women, and that’s hopefully what will allow it to endure. NC-17. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cinema 21.

Blue Jasmine

B Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine cannot

reconcile its broad comedy and pathos into coherence, but all the more impressive, then, that Sally Hawkins’ and Cate Blanchett’s twinned performances still manage to pick up most of the pieces. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst Theater.

The Book Thief

C Markus Zusak’s bestselling novel The Book Thief follows Leisel, an illiterate daughter of communists who is sent to live with caretakers in a German village during World War II. Her sympathetic adoptive father teaches her to read and initiates her into the vivid and polemic world of words, which becomes the central theme of the book. Unfortunately, Brian Percival’s film adaptation, starring Sophie Nélisse as Leisel and Geoffrey Rush as her father, gets bogged down by too many subplots that are never fully fleshed out. And then there’s the fact that a bemused, chortling Grim Reaper narrates the film, reminding viewers that they “are all going to die one day” in the same tender manner that a parent might tell their children that Santa Claus isn’t real. PG-13. GRACE STAINBACK. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Sandy.

Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] From the filmmakers behind Shoplifting From American Apparel comes a new movie about Brad Warner, a Soto Zen priest (and so-called “Porno Buddhist,” thanks to his column for the Suicide Girls website) who has come under criticism for his narrow interpretations of Buddhism. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Friday, Dec. 13.


C Of all the macabre subgenres,

body horror is perhaps the hardest to execute, because filmmakers are simultaneously tasked with presenting something wholly gross and psychologically potent. Taking a cue from classic Cronenberg, Eric England’s Contracted totally nails the gruesome evolution of a young lesbian (Najarra Townsend) who, following a date rape, finds her body slowly falling apart and her mind unraveling. But for all its decomposing limbs and geysers of vaginal blood, Contracted feels hollow, mainly because there is little context to poor Samantha’s decline. England seems to have had bigger things on his mind: His protagonist is a recovering junkie with abandonment issues, but he hardly explores these facets of her character. Instead, what you see is what you get, which is a pretty girl slowly losing her fingernails and her sanity over the course of three days. Her tragedy is presented as the plight of a pretty girl turning ugly (it doesn’t help that neither her doctor nor her family seems concerned that she is vomiting blood and losing tissue at an alarming rate). A smarter filmmaker would have jumped at the opportunity to say something deeper, but England’s just interested in being gross. He does gruesome spectacularly, but in the end, relevance is left behind like so much blood in the toilet. AP KRYZA. Clinton Street Theater.

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SHAFTED: Bruce Willis knows what a TV dinner feels like.


Editor’s Note: This column contains spoilers for It’s a Wonderful Life and Die Hard. If you have not seen these movies, something might be wrong with you. Please correct this travesty. If George Bailey had shot Mr. Potter in the chest and then dropped the shitty bastard off a bridge, Bedford Falls would have had a much merrier Christmas. Instead, George Bailey learned the value of life, hugged his family and allowed Potter to maintain a stranglehold on a small town’s economy. George Bailey is a pussy. That’s why Die Hard—playing Dec. 13-19 at the Laurelhurst Theater and Dec. 20-25 at the Hollywood—outranks It’s a Wonderful Life (also playing Dec. 20-25 at the Hollywood). It also provides all the evidence we need that R-rated Christmas movies are considerably better than the wishy-washy classics. The comparison is, of course, a stretch, but consider this: In Die Hard, Bruce Willis’ John McClane arrives in Los Angeles and witnesses what life would be like had he never been born. His wife has risen in the ranks of an international corporation. His kids live a pampered life. McClane is just a poor schlub who makes life worse. When he decides to surprise his wife at the company Christmas party, the reunion is less than happy. By the time the story’s Mr. Potter shows up, in the snarling form of Alan Rickman and his Eurotrash crew intent on stealing the profits of the Nakatomi Corporation—the film’s equivalent to the Bailey Building and Loan Association—McClane has been emotionally drained. But when bullets start flying, he learns he does have something to offer those he loves: the ability to murder the shit out of Eurotrash. And so, like George Bailey, McClane is guided by an angel (Reginald Veljohnson’s Sgt. Powell), who convinces him of his worth as our hero digs glass out of his feet. When the final face is exploded, McClane is finally reunited with his wife and realizes that if he hadn’t been there, everyone would be dead. Because he was there, only a few dozen people are dead. Cue “Let It Snow.” No shouting “Merry Christmas, lamp post!” or singing “Auld Lang Syne.” Angels remain wingless. There’s just a quick “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker,” a pile of bodies and the warm embrace of family and friends.

Not to talk shit about Frank Capra, who to this day inspires great films (if he’d never been born, we wouldn’t have Silver Linings Playbook), or about any of the other great purveyors of Christmas sugar. We need to see Charlie Brown get his chintzy-ass little tree and overcome his crippling depression. We need to watch the Grinch’s heart grow a few sizes. But we grow disenchanted with classics that paint a false reality of holiday joy, an impossible world where cheer conquers all. We need a fly in the fruitcake. It’s the reason we continually revisit Bad Santa, about a dude in a Santa suit being a dick to kids. It’s the reason horror fans can’t spend a year without Silent Night, Deadly Night (playing Tuesday, Dec. 17, at the Hollywood), a schlockfest in which naughty (read: horny) boys and girls get eviscerated by Santa. Hell, half the reason A Christmas Carol is so enduring is that much of it is fucking terrifying, and it features a hateful son of a bitch getting tortured. One hundred years into this whole Christmas movie thing, we can still go back to the classics for their warmth. It ’s like spending Christmas morning with Gra ndma , where ever yone is wholesome and eats that weird dish she always brings. Then Grandma leaves and everybody busts out the booze and lets the f-bombs f ly. Maybe Uncle Rich whips out a doobie. Die Hard endures because it is Uncle Rich: that abrasive drunk who shows up at the Christmas party with a pocketful of firecrackers and a fi fth of scotch. And Uncle Rich fucking rules. If he had never been born, we’d be stuck watching George Bailey being a pussy instead. ALSO SHOWING: That’s not to say there’s no room for a little cuteness, and The Muppet Christmas Carol has it, plus talking rats. Also, as previously stated, it’s FUCKING TERRIFYING. Hollywood Theatre. Dec. 13-19. Before he burned into our retinas the image of Harvey Keitel jerking off in front of a car full of teenage girls in Bad Lieutenant, Abel Ferrara gave us 1981’s Ms. 45, a female-driven Death Wish derivative in which one woman cruises New York on a mission to kill every dude who talks to her. It’s awesome. Hollywood Theatre. Friday-Sunday, Dec. 13-15. Community radio station KBOO takes over the Clinton for its monthly fi lm series, this time with Round Midnight, in which jazz legend Dexter Gordon plays a sax player drinking his ass off, neglecting his family and, you know, playing music. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Thursday, Dec. 12.

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his attitudes about sex and love are the product or the cause of his obsession. Gordon-Levitt brings just enough depth to the character, and to the film overall, to turn a schlocky premise into an honest and approachable exploration of how porn—and really, any other addictive simulation of reality—can cheat us out of the richness of actual experiences. R. EMILY JENSEN. Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Valley.


B+ Neill Blomkamp’s sophomore


D+ The Counselor, directed by

Ridley Scott and written by Cormac McCarthy (it’s the author’s first original screenplay), is an unmitigated mess. It’s a cautionary tale about drug trafficking and reckless romance, set on the U.S.-Mexico border, but it’s so full of faux-poetic mumbo-jumbo and so choppily assembled that the result is just frustrating and dumb. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Edgefield, Laurelhurst Theater, St. Johns, Valley.

Dallas Buyers Club

A The first time Matthew McConaughey appears onscreen in Dallas Buyers Club, the reflex is to gasp. That carved-from-amber beach bod has been whittled down to a toothpick. It’s a transformation mirroring that of McConaughey’s career over the past year: The rom-com lothario has withered away. In his place arrives a performer at his peak, in a role that better damn well win him an Oscar, as an AIDS activist the movies have never seen before: a shit-kicking, homophobic redneck. That redneck actually existed, too. In 1985, Ron Woodroof, a Dallas electrician, bull rider and pussy-chasing, cokesnorting degenerate, became one of the rare straight men in the early years of the AIDS epidemic to contract HIV. Frustrated by the grinding inertia of Big Pharma, Woodroof went to Mexico, where, with a cocktail of natural supplements and nonFDA-approved meds, he was nursed back to health. Figuring there was a great racket in AIDS drugs that actually worked, he returned to Texas and opened a “buyers club.” Operating out of a fleabag motel, he skirted federal regulations by selling “memberships” at a rate of $400 per month and doling out the banned substances for “free.” Woodroof may have been an asshole, but he was an asshole whose instinct for self-preservation eventually helped extend the lives of millions of better people. And, in the face of a plague, that’s worth more than one jerk’s enlightenment. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Clackamas, Hollywood Theatre.

Delivery Man

C- Delivery Man is writer-director Ken Scott’s scene-for-scene, linefor-line remake of his 2011 FrenchCanadian film, Starbuck. Transferred to New York and translated into English, this remains the story of David Wozniak (Vince Vaughn), a meat delivery driver who seems to be bad luck incarnate. A sperm bank severely mismanaged his deposits in the ’90s, resulting in him siring over 500 children. Upon discovering this, he does what any decent guy would do: stalk his unknown offspring and play fairy godfather. Apparently uncomfortable watching his leading man squirm—because when has that ever been amusing?—Scott forgoes a redemption story in favor of one hinging on unearned absolution. PG13. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Oak Grove, Sandy.


Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

Despicable Me 2

C This sequel to 2010’s blockbuster adds Kristen Wiig as high-spirited love interest and expands the animated repertoire to encompass 3-D thrills, but the story itself, which shoehorns Gru into the service of a global super-spy league for the flimsiest of reasons, arrives packed with exposition and shorn of coherency. PG. JAY HORTON. Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Mt. Hood, Valley.

Don Jon

A- “Condoms are just terrible,”

whines Jon (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a Guido beefcake who likes porn better than real sex. “But you gotta wear one because, unlike porn, real pussy will kill you.” Or rather, real pussy—with all its trappings of commitment—will kill your bachelor lifestyle. Jon is so immersed in Internet porn that it’s hard to tell whether

Ender’s Game

B- Much in the same vein as The Hunger Games—and, of course, The Lord of the Flies long before it— Ender’s Game taps into the brutality and ruthlessness of which children are capable. In this speculative future, Earth is at war with an alien insectoid race, and children have become the military’s best shot at victory. Director Gavin Hood keeps a firm handle on the film’s somber tone, ensuring we’re never once at ease with the sadistic environment. PG-13. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. Cedar Hills, Eastport.

Enough Said

A- In Nicole Holofcener’s Enough Said, you’re going to get a huge sit-

REVIEW 2 0 1 3 WA R N E R B R O S . E N T E R TA I N M E N T I N C . & M E T R O - G O L D W Y N - M AY E R P I C T U R E S I N C .

The Counselor

film is essentially a political metaphor gone fiercely rogue in the physical world. In 2154, not only do the rich not give two flying figs about the poor, but they live in a utopian space station in the sky. Below, on Earth, the abandoned residents of Los Angeles languish in a dreamily intricate slum that has fallen into apocalyptic steampunk. Elysium’s plot and characters are pure Hollywood camp. But goddamn if it isn’t good, solid, hardworking Hollywood camp. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst Theater, Valley.

NOW WITH LESS DISHWASHING: When last we saw Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) and his band of dwarves, they were headed to confront a dragon. But along the way, they also took an awful lot of time to do the dishes and sing songs seemingly stolen from Led Zeppelin. That was a central complaint about Peter Jackson’s first entry in his Hobbit trilogy, and it made fans wonder whether swelling J.R.R. Tolkien’s shortest book into three films would result in stagnation. That fear goes flying out the window like a decapitated orc head in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, which justifies its nearly three-hour runtime not by cramming in tons of story, but by allowing the action pieces to play out with the lunacy of an ultraviolent Looney Tunes short. And so we have our heroes floating downriver in barrels as a battle between elves and orcs rages overhead, and a freaky showdown with an army of spiders. It all leads up to a confrontation with the titular dragon, who instantly becomes the most terrifyingly beautiful winged beast ever put to film. It wouldn’t be a Tolkien film without the self-seriousness, but The Desolation of Smaug never loses its sense of fun, forgoing the confusingly labyrinthine setup of its predecessor in favor of watching its heroes escape ridiculous peril time and time again. AP KRYZA. [B+] SEE IT: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is rated PG-13. It opens Friday at Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Moreland, Bridgeport, Division, Lloyd Center, Pioneer Place, Roseway, St. Johns, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, City Center, Mill Plain.

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com-caliber calamity: Julia LouisDreyfus’ new best friend (Catherine Keener) turns out to be the embittered ex-wife of her new lover (James Gandolfini). The film is a rare thing: a portrait of middle-aged romance that feels genuine in its baby steps and lurches, the hesitations of people out of practice. In his final role, Gandolfini shows a tenderness and good-natured humor that imbues the film with an extra layer of pathos: that we will not know him this way again. One of his last lines in the film is “I’ve missed you.” Well, I’ll miss him, too. PG-13. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater.

Fast Break


Amateur psychedelic soundtrack over grainy, slo-mo basketball footage makes the ’70s seem like an ancient, foreign world, but this 1978 documentary of the Blazers’ 1977 championship season was never a conventional, sporty sports movie, even in its own time. The film’s backbone is director Don Zavin’s postseason bicycle ride down the Oregon coast with superstar center Bill Walton, the 7-foot, red-bearded hippie credited for the young team’s first (and only) championship season. It’s touching to see these paragons of athleticism swaggering across the screen, oblivious to the fleeting nature of glory, and the impossibly simple age in which they were living. Writer Larry Colton and former Trail Blazer Bob Gross will attend for a Q&A. PG. Tony Piff. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Wednesday, Dec. 11.

Free Birds

B While we wouldn’t quite call Free Birds a good idea, there are so many children’s pics waiting to collide at the Christmas line of scrimmage that any cartoon set during November (even a mismatched pair of turkeys traveling through time to steer the first Thanksgiving away from poultry) seems, well, smart business. For a production so strictly manufactured, there’s an addled comedic sensibility given blessedly free range. Neither kids nor parents will be happy, exactly, but that’s not the point of Thanksgiving. We gather together, ignore the dry white meat, and load up on the stuffing. PG. JAY HORTON. Edgefield, Kennedy School, St. Johns, Valley.


B Frozen arrives as an uncomplicated triumph of traditionalism, for better or worse. A musical-theater retelling of classic Hans Christian Andersen tale The Snow Queen, hidebound Disney preservationists were worried the decidedly modern title foretold the goofy revisionism of 2010’s Rapunzel fan-fic Tangled. But there’s a far easier explanation for the name change: Once again, it’s all about the princesses. Kristen Bell’s Anna takes center stage as a rambunctious royal. Compared to the pandering messiness of most kids’ movies, there’s plenty to excite the faithful. Widescreen 3-D visuals sculpt an endlessly inventive setting of ice palaces and snowcapped peaks, the original songs soar and tickle as needed, and snowman sidekick Olaf giddily beats back the encroaching melodrama. PG. JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Sandy.

Getting to Know You(Tube)

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] A guided tour through the depths of YouTube. ZOMG! BABY ANIMALS! Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Monday, Dec. 16.


A- With Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón and his screenwriter son, Jonas, take on the most primal fear possible, that of being lost in an abyss of nothingness. The film features only two actors, Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. Their simple space-station repair mission turns into a nightmare as debris from a destroyed satellite tears their shuttle

IS THE MAN WHO IS TALL HAPPY? to shreds and they’re left hopelessly adrift with a dwindling supply of oxygen. It is perhaps the most stressful experience to be had in a movie theater this year, and as such it’s nearly perfect. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Eastport, Clackamas, Lloyd Center, Cedar Hills.

The Great Beauty

A The Great Beauty begins with a

cannonball, followed closely by a heart attack, and concludes with a 104-year-old toothless nun crawling on her knees up the steps of a church. Paolo Sorrentino’s luxuriously sprawling film is both enchanted and repulsed by the decadence it depicts, a tension that makes for one of the richest cinematic experiences of the year. At the center is Jep Gambardella (a wondrous Toni Servillo), a 65-year-old hedonist who wrote an acclaimed novel as a young man and now spends his days (and nights) living large in Rome. Toward the beginning of the film, he learns that his first love has died, which jolts him down a path of grief, nostalgia and, because he’s at times a pompous cad, pride. That journey is a sensuous feast, scored by haunting choral music and techno mariachi, and marked by appearances by washedup socialites, a blue-haired dwarf, vanishing giraffes and dreadful performance artists, including a woman who runs naked and blindfolded into a stone wall. Taken together, the vignettes compose a fascinating portrait of Berlusconi’s Italy, one that is too consumed by orgiastic terrace parties and neverending conga lines to realize how stagnant it’s become. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.


After Spring Breakers, the thought of James Franco as a meth kingpin doesn’t seem so far-fetched, even if he’s starring opposite Jason Statham and dealing with a screenplay adapted by Sylvester Stallone. R. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Sandy.

Homegrown DocFest

[ONE NIGHT ONLY] A new collection of locally produced short documentaries from students at NW Documentary. Mission Theater. 7 pm Friday, Dec. 13.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

B Taking what initially seemed like a watered-down version of Battle Royale, The Hunger Games series has created a sprawling and very grown-up world for young audiences. With Catching Fire, director Francis Lawrence further expands this postapocalyptic universe where children are forced to slay one another in an annual gladiatorial event. This film finds heroine Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and her milquetoast cochamp Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) on a “victory tour” through a country where the rich bathe in luxury while the poor undergo flogging and execution in what resembles WWIIera Russia. As with the first film, Catching Fire goes slightly flat once

the actual Hunger Games commence. But in the lead-up to the most violent episode of Survivor imaginable, the director crafts a dense dystopia full of political allegory, media satire and other elements that most YA films consider their core audiences too dumb to handle. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Sandy, St. Johns.

In a World...

B+ Lake Bell’s In a World…—which

she directed, produced and stars in—takes us into the idiosyncratic and competitive realm of voice-over artists. The movie is overstuffed, but its unassuming tone, its generosity of spirit, and Bell’s skillful performance redeem the uneven pacing and bumpy storytelling. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.

Is the Man Who Is Tall Happy?

A Inside a flickering frame, director Michel Gondry is furiously animating. Words slowly appear on the screen above as Gondry narrates in a thick French accent. “I think that Noam is telling me what it takes to do true science,” he says of a debate on Newton. That’s just one snippet from Gondry’s surprisingly cozy interviews with Noam Chomsky, which he recorded on a film camera that’s clearly audible throughout. These interview fragments appear within frames of Gondry’s neon-on-black animations, which are something of a cross between Schoolhouse Rock and Monty Python’s cutouts. Less expository than interpretive—which is probably how Chomskyites would have it anyway—Gondry’s childlike images add whimsy to Chomsky’s ideas. Though the two have plenty to disagree about, their mutual respect shines through, especially after a few of Gondry’s questions touch on Chomsky the man: what makes him happy and how he met his late wife. Irreverent but respectful, Is the Man certainly covers the breadth of Chomsky’s oeuvre—from linguistics to politics to history—but doesn’t attempt to plumb its depth. All the better. Gondry has done the impossible: He’s rolled a tribute, a profile and an objet d’art into one. MITCH LILLIE. Living Room Theaters.

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

B+ Older but no wiser, and still

obsessed with seizing the easy laugh with lunatic aplomb, Bad Grandpa isn’t quite art, and it’s not quite growing old gracefully. This, though, you may want to try at home. R. JAY HORTON. Eastport.

Kill Your Darlings

C+ Daniel Radcliffe’s mealy-

mouthed performance as a college-aged Allen Ginsberg is so completely divorced from the person he’s meant to portray that all thoughts of the poet are inaccessible. Consider Radcliffe, instead, to be some weak-willed kid who does a lot of drugs at Columbia with an uncanny facsimile of William Burroughs (Ben Foster), plus a great

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The GreaT BeauTy galumphing jock named Jack Kerouac and a pretty-boy narcissist named Lucien Carr, the latter played with arrestingly sociopathic charm by Dane DeHaan. And indeed, it’s Carr who’s the real focal point of the story. He’s interestingly complex, both self-pitying and vainly self-regarding. DeHaan’s performance is not enough on its own to make this a good film, but it’s certainly enough to make it interesting. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst Theater.

Late for My Mother’s Funeral


ATTENDING] Former Portlander Penny Allen (the mastermind behind 1978’s Property, a documentary exploring local gentrification) is back with a scrappy, Mod Podge portrait of a French-Algerian-Moroccan family that scatters—both physically and spiritually—after the death of the mother, Zineb. The film floats between documentary and fictional dramatizations of the past, in which Zineb’s children literally take on the role of their deceased mother and re-enact memories from their childhoods. At one point, middle-aged son Abdeljalil dons traditional Moroccan women’s attire and carries on a conversation with a teenage boy portraying Abdeljalil himself. It’s a fascinating, Freudian and Psycho-esque exploration of the subjectivity of memory and personal interpretation, but the execution is sometimes too abrupt and shaky to appreciate Allen’s avantgarde approach. If you can keep up, though—or feel like sitting through a repeat viewing—Late for My Mother’s Funeral proves a deeply intimate meditation on family roots and cross-cultural identity. GRACE STAINBACK. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm Monday, Dec. 16.


C Alexander Payne has built his brilliant career on examinations of pathetic characters—and I mean that literally, not pejoratively. In the blackand-white Nebraska, a combination Valentine and fuck-you to his home state, he continues this project, but to dishearteningly flat results. You can predict the emotional arc based on the premise alone: David (Will Forte) decides to accompany his near-senile father, Woody (Bruce Dern), with whom he has a fractious relationship, on a road trip from Montana to Nebraska to claim the million-dollar magazine sweepstakes prize Woody believes he’s won. Payne’s typically trenchant observations on humanity’s soft underbelly feel broad, perhaps due to his non-involvement in the script, a first. Instead, the film rests on lazy humor (get your overweight, mouth-breathing Midwesterners here!), forced provocations (crotchflashing at a cemetery!) and ingratiating moments of father-son bonding (David and Woody recover lost dentures near the train tracks!). It’s disappointing to see Payne succumb to sentimentality untempered by insight or depth. R. KRISTI MITSUDA. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, CineMagic, Living Room Theaters.


Out of the Furnace

B+ From the outset, shades of Michael Cimino’s Vietnam drama The Deer Hunter permeate Scott Cooper’s Out of the Furnace: images of Pennsylvania steel mills, a PTSD-addled young soldier forced into a world of underground violence, and, well, actual deer hunting. As Cimino did in 1978, Cooper portrays the terrible aftermath of violence and horror from the perspective of those who’ve perpetrated it. Out of the Furnace centers on two blue-collar brothers: the elder Russell (Christian Bale), an everyman who is involved in a horrific tragedy that lands him in prison; and Rodney (Casey Affleck), an Iraq War vet struggling to acclimate to civilian life who turns to bareknuckle boxing in an attempt to make ends meet. It’s not long before Rodney crosses paths with Harlan DeGroat (Woody Harrelson), a heroin-addicted hillbilly who runs a criminal empire amid the dilapidated trailers of the New Jersey mountains. In the lead-up to the inevitable showdown, Out of the Furnace teeters dangerously close to misery porn. But Cooper, whose freshman film, Crazy Heart, coaxed a career-best performance out of Jeff Bridges, handles the expansion from quiet character study to mosaic thriller with panache, and he spins a sophisticated tale that never resorts to melodrama. R. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center.


C- The hardest part about watching Philomena, a film based on the true story of an Irish woman’s search for the son she gave up for adoption 50 years previous, is accepting the amazing Judi Dench as a bumbling simpleton in the title role. “We don’t have Mexicans in England—we have Indians,” she excitedly explains to the Mexican-American cooks. If you can get over Dench as Grandma Goof, then Philomena stands on its own two feet. One of those feet is the enthralling, often emotional storyline. Philomena and Martin Sixsmith (Steve Coogan), a political journalist who’s taken on his first human-interest story, uncover secrets both cloistered in the nunnery where Philomena’s child was born and spread across America, where her son was taken as a child. Unfortunately, the other foot is the waiter-my-soup humor that Fawlty Towers made irrelevant four decades ago. A stuffy Martin plays off the oblivious Philomena and vice versa. After suggesting that Martin not print her real name in the story, Philomena asks, “What about Anne…Anne Boleyn? It’s a lovely name!” PG-13. MITCH LILLIE. Cedar Hills, Clackamas.

The Punk Singer

A Kathleen Hanna’s life story is

stuffed with enough incident and drama to fill a week’s worth of feature-length documentaries. She survived a strange and sometimes abusive upbringing, turned to feminist art and music as a means of selfexpression, and fomented what she deemed “Revolution Grrl Style Now” through her bands Bikini Kill and Le

Willamette Week DECEMBER 11, 2013

Tigre. And for the past eight years, Hanna has dealt with the effects of Lyme disease. Narrowing all of it down to a 90-minute documentary was no mean feat, but director Sini Anderson’s manages to make a film that is as empowered, energetic and fierce as its subject. ROBERT HAM. Hollywood Theatre, Kiggins.

Spinning Plates

B- The documentary Spinning Plates, the feature debut for director Joseph Levy, looks at three U.S. restaurants and the people who run them: La Cocina de Gabby, a struggling new restaurant run by Mexican immigrants in Tucson, Ariz.; Breitbach’s Country Dining, where the same family has been deep-frying hearty heartland grub in the tiny Iowa town of Balltown since 1891; and Chicago’s molecular gastronomy mecca Alinea, which is widely regarded as one of the best restaurants in the country, if not the world. The film attempts to weave consistent narratives between the three disparate chefs and their eateries, but the strands never quite tie together. Despite their different backgrounds, it’s not so hard to find similarities between the young and optimistic Martinez family spooning masa and beef stew into corn husks, and the down-home Breitbachs baking dozens of plump raspberry pies for their $13.95 Mother’s Day buffet. Meanwhile, over at Alinea, chef Grant Achatz is filling pillows (literally, pillows) with the aroma of pine needles and building a sculpture of forks inspired by a Joan Miró painting. More often than not, the film unintentionally displays the cavernous gulf between the top 1 percent of restaurants and what the rest of America eats. For a local analogy, Imagine trying to compare Tienda Santa Cruz, Rheinlander and Castagna—and then imagine Castagna was triple the price and had three Michelin stars and a chef who appeared on Oprah. RUTH BROWN. Living Room Theaters.

Thor: The Dark World

C 2011’s Thor was part goofball sci-fi epic, part fish-out-of-water comedy set in small-town New Mexico, anchored by Chris Hemsworth’s charmingly boyish performance. Thor: The Dark World is the God of Thunder’s first post-Avengers romp, and it reverses the formula, transporting Thor’s scientist girlfriend (Natalie Portman) to his psychedelic space kingdom. There’s some nonsense about dark elves and a forced teaming up with Thor’s a-hole brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston, great as always), but director Alan Taylor sucks all the fun out of the picture, creating a cornball drama that plays a lot like one of his episodes of Game of Thrones, minus the incest but with spaceships. PG13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Forest, Oak Grove, Lloyd Center, Sandy.

Turned Towards the Sun

B Turned Towards the Sun moves at

a very slow pace—necessarily so, as it follows 96-year-old Michael Burn as he shuffles around significant loca-

tions from his life. And yet the speed feels at odds with a man who really lived the hell out of those years. Over his life, Burns did the following: grew up in a house directly across from Buckingham Palace, where his father was a confidant of the king; hobnobbed with the Mitford sisters, through whom he met Hitler and briefly dabbled in fascism; switched allegiances to communism; had a love affair with Soviet spy Guy Burgess; served as a commando in the British Army during World War II and took part in a successful raid in Germanoccupied France; was captured by the Nazis and incarcerated as a POW at Colditz; apparently saved a young Audrey Hepburn’s life; worked as a journalist for The Times of London; and subsequently became a published poet, author and playwright. These details slowly drip out as the documentary follows Burns in the final years of his life, during which he revisits France and Germany and ambles around his home in Wales, all the while reciting poems and offering up interesting anecdotes from his near-century on earth. But the focus is more on capturing the character of the man than the totality of his story, and viewers may wish they had Wikipedia at hand to fill in the blanks. Still, like its subject, Greg Oliver’s film is quietly charming in its own way, and beneath a very humble exterior, there is a fascinating story waiting to be revealed if you’re patient enough (and OK—a smartphone with Wikipedia helps). RUTH BROWN. Clinton Street Theater.

Tyler Perry’s A Madea Christmas

The pistol-packing, cantankerous grandma goes to the country for the holidays. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, Lloyd Mall.

What the Water Said

[TWO NIGHTS ONLY] Cinema Project hosts—on a decommissioned fishing

boat, no less—two nights of films exploring how artists interact with the ocean. On Thursday, there will be underwater filmwork from experimental American director David Gatten and from Jean Painleve, a French filmmaker who was taking his camera underwater as early as the 1920s. Friday’s program features Alex Mackenzie’s double-projector work about marine life off western Canada. 12128 Boat Space, Multnomah Yacht Repair, 12900 NW Marina Way. 7:30 pm Thursday-Friday, Dec. 12-13.

Wolf Children

D+ [TWO NIGHTS ONLY] For a film

that tries to ask a few deep questions about family, childbearing and interspecies relationships, the animated Wolf Children succeeds in posing only one: How many montages can be stuffed into 117 minutes? I counted at least nine long ones, swooping viewers from Hana and the Wolf Man’s awkward meeting, through their romance and conception of two children, all the way to the Wolf Man’s untimely death and Hana’s attempts to raise the children on her own. Whitewashed classical muzak soundtracks it all. The Madhouse animation is the stunning realism we’ve come to expect from the studio that produced Ninja Scroll and Paprika, and the film’s two children are undeniably cute as they bumble around the farmhouse only to turn suddenly into strapping wolf pups. But aesthetics and cuteness plus science fiction do not equal quality, either for the story line or the characters. The Wolf Man, who goes unnamed, is more a furry than a werewolf of London, with sparkling eyes that only get brighter and hair that seems to have visited a doggie stylist as part of the transformation process. As Wolf Children wears on, you hope each montage will be the last. MITCH LILLIE. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm Saturday-Sunday, Dec. 14-15.




LIE STRONG: Even now, knowing all that we do about his deception, Lance Armstrong can be remarkably convincing. As he denies doping allegations in the documentary The Armstrong Lie, you’re still halfway inclined to believe him. His conviction is just that persuasive and, consequently, so unnerving. Astute documentarian Alex Gibney (Taxi to the Dark Side) was apparently hoodwinked as well, and he took a rare foray into inspirational storytelling to chronicle the cyclist and cancer survivor’s 2009 comeback. But when Armstrong’s failed bid for an eighth Tour de France title resulted in him being outed as a cheat, Gibney was forced back to the drawing board. Alas, the finished film often feels like anything but: It’s a first draft instead of a treatise. Musings on the “moral relativism” of competition, previously reported details about the complexity of Armstrong’s cover-up (including some audacious blood transfusions) and a glut of 2009 Tour footage join Gibney’s earnest voice-over, which relates his desire for a reasonable explanation from Armstrong about his deceitfulness. Problem is, Gibney never manages to equal his subject’s conviction. Faced with an opponent desperately clinging to the last vestiges of his reputation, Gibney uncharacteristically fails to fully pull back the curtain. CURTIS WOLOSCHUK. [C] SEE IT: The Armstrong Lie is rated R. It opens Friday at Cinema 21.

DEC. 13-19


MAN HOLIDAY Wed 02:45, 08:15 HOMEFRONT Wed 12:10, 03:00, 05:40, 08:20 ENDER’S GAME Wed 03:20, 08:30 ABOUT TIME Wed 12:00, 05:30 ALL IS LOST Wed 12:30, 06:00 12 YEARS A SLAVE Wed 12:20, 03:20, 06:20, 09:10 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Wed 12:15, 03:15, 06:15, 09:15

NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

1219 SW Park Ave., 503221-1156 THERMAE ROMAE Wed 07:00 THE KIRISHIMA THING Sun 04:30 RUROUNI KENSHIN Fri-Sat 07:00 WOLF CHILDREN Sat-Sun 07:00

RUB A DUB DUB, THANKS FOR THE GRUB: The Muppet Christmas Carol plays Dec. 13-19 at the Hollywood Theatre.

St. Johns Cinemas

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX

1510 NE Multnomah St., 800326-3264 NOëL COWARD’S PRIVATE LIVES Wed 07:00 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE -- THE IMAX EXPERIENCE Wed 12:00, 03:25, 07:00, 10:25 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-Wed 01:00, 03:55, 05:05, 08:45 OUT OF THE FURNACE Fri-Wed 12:55, 04:15, 07:10, 10:10 FROZEN Fri-Wed 07:15, 10:00 FROZEN 3D Fri-Wed 12:45, 03:50 THOR: THE DARK WORLD Fri-Wed 12:35, 03:30, 06:55 THOR: THE DARK WORLD 3D Wed 09:50 THE BOOK THIEF Wed 12:20, 03:35, 06:45, 10:05 GRAVITY 3D Fri-Wed 02:35, 04:55, 07:30, 09:55 GRAVITY FriWed 12:15 LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER Wed 12:30 12 YEARS A SLAVE Fri-Wed 12:05, 03:10, 06:25, 09:35 DELIVERY MAN Wed 01:10, 03:45 THE HOBBIT MARATHON IN REALD 3D THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 11:00, 03:00, 07:00, 10:45 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-Sun 03:55, 08:00 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG 3D Fri-Sun 12:00 THE METROPOLITAN OPERA: FALSTAFF Sat 09:55 ROYAL BALLET: THE NUTCRACKER Tue 07:00

Regal Lloyd Mall 8

2320 Lloyd Center Mall, 800-326-3264 OLDBOY Wed 02:55, 08:30 HOMEFRONT Wed 12:10, 02:50, 05:35, 08:15 PHILOMENA Wed 12:00, 02:35, 05:20, 07:55 BLACK NATIVITY Wed 12:20, 03:00, 05:30, 08:35 FROZEN Wed 11:45, 05:15 FROZEN 3D Wed 02:30, 08:05 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Wed 12:30, 04:20, 07:30 THE BEST MAN HOLIDAY Wed 11:50, 02:45, 05:40, 08:10 ENDER’S GAME Wed 12:05, 05:45 CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Wed 12:35, 04:00, 07:50 TYLER PERRY’S A MADEA CHRISTMAS FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 11:45, 02:30, 05:15, 08:00

Avalon Theatre & Wunderland

3451 SE Belmont St., 503238-1617 CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 Wed 01:45, 03:35, 05:25, 07:15 ELYSIUM Wed 09:00 PLANES Wed 12:00, 05:10 WE’RE THE MILLERS Wed 09:10 DESPICABLE ME 2 Wed 01:15, 03:10, 07:00

Bagdad Theater and Pub

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Wed 11:45, 03:15, 07:00, 10:45 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 12:00, 03:45, 07:30

Cinema 21

616 NW 21st Ave., 503-2234515 BETTIE PAGE REVEALS ALL Wed 04:30, 07:00, 09:15 BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR Wed 03:15, 06:45, 08:20 OLDBOY Wed 03:45, 06:05

Clinton Street Theater


Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503232-5511 KILL YOUR DARLINGS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:30 ELYSIUM Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:10 PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES Wed 09:40 ENOUGH SAID Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:30 DON JON Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:00, 09:10 THE COUNSELOR Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 09:00 BLUE JASMINE Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:45 DIE HARD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 09:10 DESPICABLE ME 2 Sat-Sun 01:15 CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 Sat-Sun 01:45

Moreland Theatre

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503236-5257 FROZEN Wed 05:30, 08:00 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 05:30, 08:35

Roseway Theatre

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503282-2898 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Wed 01:00, 04:30, 08:00 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 04:00, 08:00 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:00

8704 N Lombard St., 503286-1768 FROZEN Wed 05:30, 07:55 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 01:30, 05:00, 08:25 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon 05:00, 08:30 ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES Tue 09:00

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Wed 05:30, 08:30 NEBRASKA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 05:30, 08:00

Kennedy School Theater

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-2497474-4 DESPICABLE ME 2 FriSat-Sun-Mon-Wed 05:30 DON JON Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:45 THE COUNSELOR Wed 02:30, 09:40 FREE BIRDS FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 05:30 ENOUGH SAID Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 02:30, 07:30

Empirical Theater at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503797-4000 MYSTERIES OF THE UNSEEN WORLD Fri-SatSun-Tue-Wed 11:00, 03:00 JERUSALEM Fri-Sat-SunTue-Wed 01:00, 04:00 GREAT WHITE SHARK FriSat-Sun-Tue-Wed 12:00, 02:00, 05:00 MAN OF STEEL Fri-Sat 08:00 THE POLAR EXPRESS Fri-SatSun 06:00

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503281-4215 THE PUNK SINGER SatSun-Tue-Wed 07:15, 09:00 12 YEARS A SLAVE Wed 06:45, 09:15 EDWARD SCISSORHANDS Wed 09:20 FAST BREAK Wed 07:30 DALLAS BUYERS CLUB Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 06:45, 09:00 THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL Fri-Sat-Sun-Tue 07:00 MS. 45 Fri-Sat-Sun 09:30 SLEEPING BEAUTY - BOLSHOI BALLET Sun 01:30 GETTING TO KNOW YOUTUBE Mon 07:30 SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT Tue 07:30

Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave., 800326-3264 OUT OF THE FURNACE Wed 01:20, 04:00, 06:45, 09:20 THE BROKEN CIRCLE BREAKDOWN Wed 12:45, 03:45, 06:30, 09:00 PHILOMENA Wed 01:10, 03:30, 05:45, 08:00 THE BOOK THIEF Wed 12:00, 02:50, 05:50, 08:45 DALLAS BUYERS CLUB Wed 01:00, 03:40, 06:40, 09:20 THE BEST



Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St., 800326-3264 BLACK NATIVITY Wed 01:00, 04:05, 10:15 FROZEN Wed 04:00, 07:00 FROZEN 3D Wed 12:45, 09:45 THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE Wed 12:30, 01:15, 03:45, 04:45, 07:15, 08:15, 10:00 THOR: THE DARK WORLD Wed 04:30, 07:30 THOR: THE DARK WORLD 3D Wed 01:30, 10:30 GRAVITY Wed 01:40 GRAVITY 3D Wed 04:10, 06:45, 10:40 THE HOBBIT MARATHON IN REALD 3D THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 10:10 THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 12:00, 03:00, 07:00

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503249-7474-6 DESPICABLE ME 2 Wed 06:30 THE COUNSELOR Fri-Sun-Tue-Wed 01:00, 09:00 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Mon FREE BIRDS Fri-Sat-SunTue 06:30

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-2520500 THE COUNSELOR Wed 05:00, 09:35 KILL YOUR DARLINGS Wed 02:10, 09:15 CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2 Wed 02:30, 04:40 BLUE JASMINE Wed 07:10 LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER Wed 04:25 DESPICABLE ME 2 Wed 02:45, 07:30 DON JON Wed 06:50, 09:00

Living Room Theaters

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-2222010 20 FEET FROM STARDOM Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:55 DON JON Wed 02:20, 09:50 IN A WORLD... Wed 04:20 NEBRASKA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:45, 12:10, 02:00, 04:30, 05:00, 06:30, 07:00, 07:30, 09:00, 09:30 SPINNING PLATES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:55, 02:10, 05:20, 07:40, 09:45 THE GREAT BEAUTY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:40, 03:40, 06:40, 09:30 TWICE BORN Wed 12:00, 02:40, 04:15, 07:10, 09:40 RICHARD II IN THE WORLD OF PUPPY LOVE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 02:10, 04:10, 09:50 IS THE MAN WHO IS TALL HAPPY? AN ANIMATED CONVERSATION WITH NOAM CHOMSKY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:15, 02:50, 04:50, 06:50, 09:25


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503-445-2757 •



DECEMBER 11, 2013

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503-445-2757 • © 2013 Rob Brezsny

Week of December 12

ww presents

I M A D E T HIS ARIES (March 21-April 19): Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected President of the United States four times, more often than any other president. We can conclude that he was one of the most popular American leaders ever. And yet he never won a majority of the votes cast by the citizens of his home county in New York. I foresee the possibility of a comparable development in your life. You may be more successful working on the big picture than you are in your immediate situation. It could be easier for you to maneuver when you’re not dealing with familiar, up-close matters. What’s outside your circle might be more attracted to your influence than what’s nearer to home. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 2009, actress Sandra Bullock starred in three films, two of which earned her major recognition. For her performance in All About Steve, she was given a Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Actress. Her work in The Blind Side, on the other hand, won her an Oscar for Best Actress. I’m thinking that you may experience a similar paradox in the coming days, Taurus. Some of your efforts might be denigrated, while others are praised. It may even be the case that you’re criticized and applauded for the same damn thing. How to respond? Learn from Bullock’s example. She gave gracious acceptance speeches at the award ceremonies for both the Golden Raspberry and the Oscar. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Almost 2,000 years ago, a Roman doctor named Scribonius Largus developed recipes for three different kinds of toothpaste. One contained the ashes of burned-up deer antler, aromatic resin from an evergreen shrub known as mastic, and a rare mineral called sal ammoniac. His second toothpaste was a mix of barley flour, vinegar, honey, and rock salt. Then there was the third: sun-dried radish blended with finely ground glass. Let’s get a bit rowdy here and propose that these three toothpastes have metaphorical resemblances to the life choices in front of you right now. I’m going to suggest you go with the second option. At the very least, avoid the third. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are you feeling a bit pinched, parched, and prickly? Given the limitations you’ve had to wrestle with lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were. Even though you have passed some of the sneaky tests and solved some of the itchy riddles you’ve been compelled to deal with, they have no doubt contributed to the pinched, parched prickliness. Now what can be done to help you recover your verve? I’m thinking that all you will have to do is respond smartly to the succulent temptations that life will bring your way in the coming weeks. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Have you ever situated yourself between two big bonfires on a beach and basked in the primal power? Was there a special moment in your past when you found yourself sitting between two charismatic people you loved and admired, soaking up the life-giving radiance they exuded? Did you ever read a book that filled you with exaltation as you listened to music that thrilled your soul? These are the kinds of experiences I hope you seek out in the coming week. I’d love to see you get nourished stereophonically by rich sources of excitement. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Mythically speaking, this would be a propitious time for you to make an offering to the sea goddess. In dreams or meditations or fantasies, I suggest you dive down into the depths, find the supreme feminine power in her natural habitat, and give her a special gift. Show her how smart you are in the way you express love, or tell her exactly how you will honor her wisdom in the future. If she is receptive, you may even ask her for a favor. Maybe she’ll be willing to assist you in accessing the deep feelings that haven’t been fully available to you. Or perhaps she will teach you how to make conscious the secrets you have been keeping from yourself. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Don’t linger in a doorway, Libra. Don’t camp out in a threshold or get stuck in the middle of anything. I understand your caution, considering the fact that life is presenting you with such paradoxical clues. But if you remain ambivalent

too much longer, you may obstruct the influx of more definitive information. The best way to generate the clarity and attract the help you need will be to make a decisive move -- either in or out, either forward or backward, either up or down. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear,” said TV talk show host Dick Cavett. I will love it if you make yourself one of those rare types in the coming week, Scorpio. Can you bring yourself to be receptive to truths that might be disruptive? Are you willing to send out an invitation to the world, asking to be shown revelations that contradict your fixed theories and foregone conclusions? If you do this hard work, I promise that you will be granted a brainstorm and a breakthrough. You might also be given a new reason to brag. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There are pregnant truths I could reveal to you right now that I’ve decided not to disclose. I don’t think you’re prepared to hear them yet. If I told you what they are, you wouldn’t be receptive or able to register their full meaning; you might even misinterpret them. It is possible, however, that you could evolve rather quickly in the next two weeks. So let’s see if I can nudge you in the direction of getting the experiences necessary to become ready. Meditate on what parts of you are immature or underdeveloped -- aspects that may one day be skilled and gracious, but are not yet. I bet that once you identify what needs ripening, you will expedite the ripening. And then you will become ready to welcome the pregnant truths. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Finifugal” is a rarely used English adjective that I need to invoke in order to provide you with the proper horoscope. It refers to someone who avoids or dislikes endings -- like a child who doesn’t want a bedtime story to conclude, or an adult who’s in denial about how it’s finally time to wrap up long-unfinished business. You can’t afford to be finifugal in the coming days, Capricorn. This is the tail end of your cycle. It won’t be healthy for you to shun climaxes and denouements. Neither will it be wise to merely tolerate them. Somehow, you’ve got to find a way to love and embrace them. (P.S. That’s the best strategy for ensuring the slow-motion eruption of vibrant beginnings after your birthday.) AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): According to 20thcentury British author John Cowper Powys, “A bookshop is a dynamite-shed, a drugstore of poisons, a bar of intoxicants, a den of opiates, an island of sirens.” He didn’t mean that literally, of course. He was referring to the fact that the words contained in books can inflame and enthrall the imagination. I think you will be wise to seek out that level of arousal in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Your thoughts need to be aired out and rearranged. Your feelings are crying out for strenuous exercise, including some pure, primal catharses. Do whatever it takes to make sure that happens. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I am not fearless,” says Mexican journalist and women’s right advocate Lydia Cacho, “but I’m not overtaken by fear. Fear is quite an interesting animal. It’s like a pet. If you mistreat it, it will bite, but if you understand it and accept it in your house, it might protect you.” This is an excellent time to work on transforming your fright reflexes, Pisces. You have just the right kind of power over them: strong and crafty and dynamic, but not grandiose or cocky or delusional. You’re ready to make your fears serve you, not drain you.

“Sereia” by Kevilina Burbank $500 4’ x 2.5’ for sdale through the artisit (503) 914-7438

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Homework What holiday gifts do you want? Express your outrageous demands and humble requests.

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700 Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 11, 2013


503-445-2757 •





by Matt Jones

Round Here–a token of my gratitude. 59 “Burlesque” actress 61 Ubiquitous arcade game message, or a hint to this puzzle’s theme 64 Means 65 Drama king? 66 Water park slide 67 Some stocking stuffers 68 ___ of thousands 69 Logical flaws



Across 1 Martial artist in “Lethal Weapon 4” 6 River that empties into the Caspian 10 Take quickly 14 Sweeping 15 Heat up in a hurry 16 Prefix that means “transcending” 17 Do a radio remembrance of a late Pantera founder? 19 Critters that may be “live” 20 Alternatives to

Cokes 21 Portrayer of Ricky on “I Love Lucy” 22 “___ Lang Syne” 24 Metal coating that’s all the rage? 29 Another, in Argentina 30 Open a barrel 31 Electric fan setting 32 Altar area 35 Nicolas whom “Dog the Bounty Hunter” once posted bail for 36 Bilbao bear

37 Cater a party for Drew Brees? 42 Overly permissive 43 The Runnin’ Rebels of the NCAA 44 Some, in Seville 45 Lob’s trajectory 46 “___ recall...” 47 Right in the atlas 50 Punch out the clown from “It”? 55 A restaurant may hold it for you 56 Inkling 57 “Do Ya” rock group

Down 1 Hook-shaped ski lift 2 “Love Story” novelist Segal 3 Trunk 4 Youngster 5 Statement of denial 6 World Heritage Site org. 7 His fame involved a lot of twists 8 Wanted poster letters 9 21, often 10 “New car” or “burning tire” 11 TV ad come-on 12 The Falcons, on scoreboards 13 Pump contents 18 Former Israeli PM Golda 23 Word with crust or hand 25 Open-___ shoes 26 Coup d’___ 27 1900 Puccini premiere

28 Furry movie creatures 32 Insurance co. with a “spokesduck” 33 Oyster’s offering 34 “American Pie,” e.g. 35 Honda SUV 38 Visibly nervous 39 Pristine, to Brits 40 “That’s ___!” 41 “___ digress...” 47 “___ Game” (2013 film) 48 Yesterday, in Cuba 49 1980s timepiece 51 “Who ___?” 52 Jewish month that sounds like a car 53 Asian economic hub 54 Best of the best 58 Binary digits 59 Where Alabama may be viewed, for short 60 Follower of boo, yoo or woo 62 Wedding column word 63 Stand-up comic Margaret last week’s answers

©2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords ( For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ653.

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Stars Cabaret in TUALATINHiring (Tualatin-TigardLake Oswego)


Stars Cabaret in TUALATIN is now accepting applications for Servers, Bartenders, Hostess, Valet. Part and Full-time positions available. Experience preferred but not required. Earn top pay + tips in a fast-paced and positive environment.







is now hiring LMTs! Qualified apps must have an open & flex sched including, days, eves, wknds and holidays. We are looking for applicants who have prev exp related exp and enjoy working in a busy customer service-oriented enviro. We are also willing to train! We offer opps for advancement and excellent benefits for eligible employees, including vision, med, chiro, dental and so much more! Please apply online 24/7 at www.mcmenamins. com or pick up a paper app at any McMenamins location. Mail to 430 N. Killingsworth, Portland OR, 97217 or fax: 503-221-8749. Call 503-952-0598 for info on other ways to apply. Please no phone calls or emails to individ locs! E.O.E.






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Develop budgets for multiple non-profit corps; oversee external audit/990 prep process & monthly financial statement prep. Ensure compliance with government & private funding requirements & GAAP principles. 5-7 years CPA or equivalent complex financial experience required. Supervise four staff including billing. See for more details, qualifications and application.

Stars Cabaret is also conducting ENTERTAINERS auditions and schedule additions Mon-Sun 11am-10pm. 503.227.1098 School Bus Drivers

Requirements •At least 21 years of age •Valid driver’s license & good driving record Enjoy •Competitive starting wage •Employee paid medical & dental plan •Training Provided Contact us today! First Student Ph 503-982-1427 Equal Opportunity Employer

ENTERTAINERS: Training provided to those new to the business. Located @ 17937 SW McEwan Rd. in Tualatin...across from “24 Hours Fitness” Please apply at location.

MUSICIANS MARKET FOR FREE ADS in 'Musicians Wanted,' 'Musicians Available' & 'Instruments for Sale' go to and submit ads online. Ads taken over the phone in these categories cost $5.


•Director of Programs •SRTF Administrator/ Program Manager •Clinical Supervisor See for more details, qualifications and application

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES Stars Cabaret in BEAVERTONHiring (BeavertonHillsboro-SW Portland)

Stars Cabaret in BEAVERTON is now accepting applications for Servers, Bartenders, Hostess, Valet. Part and Full-time positions available. Experience preferred but not required. Earn top pay + tips in a fast-paced and positive environment. Stars Cabaret is also conducting ENTERTAINERS auditions and schedule additions Mon-Sun 11am-10pm.


Buying, selling, instruments of every shape and size. Open 11am-7pm every day. 4701 SE Division & 1834 NE Alberta.

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ENTERTAINERS: Training provided to those new to the business. Located @ 4570 Southwest Lombard Avenue in Beaverton Please apply at location.


Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 11, 2013






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Improv, Standup, Sketch writing. Now enrolling The Brody Theater, 503-224-0688

1425 NW 23rd Portland, OR 97210 (503) 841-5751

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Guitar Lessons

Personalized instruction for over 15yrs. 503-546-3137

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Ground defense under black belt instruction. or 503-740-2666

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40 06 willamette week, december 11, 2013  
40 06 willamette week, december 11, 2013