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December 2005 / PAGE 1


The First Amendment: Congress shall make no law restricting an establishment or religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; of the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievance.

In This Issue: December 2005 • Volume 9 Issue 12

Cover Girl

7

News

12

Jokes

23

St. Louis’ Nightlife Entertainment Guide!

In This Issue: Trivia Quiz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 Horoscopes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 CrossWords . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 The Big List . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Cover Girl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Directory . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

December 2005

News & Views . . . . . . . . . . . 12

9648 Olive Blvd. Suite 400 St. Louis, Mo 63132 (314) 429-4531

Doc Love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

WHO’S NEXT?

Jokes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 Music . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Quotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Classified Ads . . . . . . . . . . . 30 The Wild Times Volume 9, Issue 12 © Copyright 2005 by SW Florida Times, all rights reserved. Publisher disclaims all responsibility to return unsolicited graphic and editorial material, and all rights in portions published vest in publisher. Letters to The Wild Times magazine or its editors are assumed intended for publication in whole or in part, and may therefore be used for such purposes. Letters become the property of The Wild Times. Nothing may be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission from the publisher. The Wild Times will accept advertising from anyone over the age of 18, as long as the product or service advertised is legal and that the ads in question are not used for any other purpose not stated therein. Advertisements may be rejected by the publisher or agents of this publication if there is any doubt as to the age of the advertiser or the purpose of the ad. Any similarity between persons or places mentioned in the fiction or semi-fiction, and real places or persons living or dead, is coincidental. Publisher assumes no financial responsibility for errors in ads beyond the cost of space occupied by error: a correction will be printed. Nor is the publisher liable for: any slander of an individual, business or group as we mean no malice or individual criticism at any time; any promises, coupons or lack of fulfillment from advertisers who are solely responsible for content of their ads. Publisher is also to be held harmless from: failure to produce any issue as scheduled due to reasons beyond their control: all suits, claims or loss of expenses; this includes, but is not limited to, suits for label, plagiarism, copyright infringement and unauthorized use of a person’s name or photograph. Annual subscription price is 12 issues for $25.00. Single Copies $5.00. Subscription or advertising inquires call (314) 429-4531. Send address changes to: The Wild Times, 9648 Olive Blvd. #400, St. Louis, Mo 63132. Indoor Advertising is not responsible for the content of ads. Due to the element of human error, Indoor Advertising is not responsible for errors made. All nude models are 18 years of age or older. Model releases and proof of age are on file with Photo Editor. Publisher does not promote excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages. This literature is not for minors, and under no circumstances are they to view it, possess it, or place orders for merchandise or services offered herein.

PAGE 2 / December 2005

The Wild Times is looking for its next cover girl. If you are interested and think you have what it takes, call for an interview. (314) 429-4531 TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


How smart are you?

 B. Joan Collins  C. Lisa Hartman  D. Pamela Lee Anderson

1. Who won the 1977 Grammy award for best album for ‘Rumours’?  A. Bonnie Raitt  B. Fleetwood Mac  C. George Michael  D. John Lennon and Yoko Ono

they are what?  A. Acrophobic  B. Agoraphobic  C. Arachnephobic  D. Hypsophobic

Trivia Quiz 6. If one has fear of open spaces

2. Which President’s portrait is on the $20 dollar bill?  A. Abraham Lincoln  B. Andrew Jackson  C. George Washington  D. Ulysses S. Grant 3. What is the name of the first Aerosmith album?  A. Rocks  B. Get Your Wings  C. Aerosmith  D. Toys In The Attic

5. What sexy actress is married to rock guitarist Richie Sambora?  A. Heather Locklear

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11. How many sides does home plate have in major league baseball?  A. 4  B. 5  C. 6  D. 8 12. How many calories are there in the average ejaculation?  A. 5  B. 3  C. 28  D. 17

8. What state did Woodstock take place in?  A. ME  B. NJ  C. NY  D. VT

13. How much was Marilyn Monroe paid for her nude calendar photos?  A. $10,000  B. $1000  C. $ 500  D. $ 50

9. What number did basketball player Michael Jordan wear for the Bulls?  A. 13  B. 21  C. 23  D. 17

14. The average bout of sexual intercourse burns ____ calories/ hour.  A. 36  B. 360  C. 125  D. 365

10. Where were the stolen Oscar statues found on March 20, 2000?  A. In a dumpster  B. In a field of corn  C. In the back of a truck

15. A woman’s nipples can swell up to ____ their normal size when aroused.  A. 75%

 B. 25%  C. 50%  D. 15% 16. When was the sportswear giant Nike established?  A. 1973  B. 1970  C. 1982  D. 1985 17. In what year was the hallucinogenic drug LSD developed?  A. 1938  B. 1944  C. 1943  D. 1951 18.    

What is a man’s “G-Spot”? A. The tip of his penis B. The base of his penis C. His brain D. His prostate

19. Which taste cannot be detected by the tip of your tongue?  A. Bitter  B. Sour  C. Salty  D. Sweet 20. Which of the following body parts is the MOST sensitive to touch?  A. Back  B. Stomach  C. Lips  D. Fingertips

December 2005 / PAGE 3

Answers: 1=B, 2=B, 3=C, 4=A, 5=A, 6=B, 7=B, 8=C, 9=C, 10=A, 11=B, 12=A, 13=D, 14=B, 15=B, 16=A, 17=C, 18=D, 19=B, 20=C

4. Liv is Steven Tyler’s acting daughter. What is the name of his Modeling daughter?  A. Mia  B. Teresa  C. Billie  D. India

7. Which is the only planet that rotates clockwise?  A. Earth  B. Venus  C. Mars  D. Saturn

 D. Inside a department store


December 2005

Horoscopes

Aries (March 21-April 20) A friend in need may be a friend indeed, but this can also mean they’re a pain in the behind. While it may be slightly excruciating, you yourself will need to exercise your patience muscle when it comes to platonic relationships now. If they need to vent about work, or their honey, or the price of gas -- and vent, and vent -- it’s your duty to make sympathetic noises, at least for a certain amount of time. Taurus (April 12-May 21) Sure, you could win that tug-of-war -with your stick-to-itiveness, that’s a game you’re pretty much unbeatable at -- but is it really something you want to commit yourself (and your time, your energy, your shoe leather) to? Take a while longer to assess the situation and your would-be opponent. Perhaps there’s a way to turn this into a much more immediate -- and happier -- win-win type of thing. Gemini (May 22-June 21) If you’re selling the Brooklyn Bridge, there’s no shortage of buyers right now, and you’re entirely capable of talking circles around just about anyone. While exercising your mighty powers of communication is a powerful thrill, you’ll also want to engage your ethics and your sense of fair play. Giving them a line of bull or making their heads spin just because you can isn’t so good for the ol’ karma. Cancer (June 22 July 22) The rest of the world’s going into hustleand-bustle mode, but you’re in the mood to stay in bed with a good book -- or a good person. Playing hooky might be a possibility, but if you’re short on sick days, put on your fuzziest, coziest sweater and face the day to the best of your ability. If you play your cards right, you can probably knock off early and head home to your lovely nest -- and what a relief it’ll be. PAGE 4 / December 2005

Leo (July 23 August 23) Usually you like a little buttering up, but right now someone’s applying the spread to the wrong side of the bread. Whether it’s someone in your family or a member of your extended family of friends, this flattery doesn’t seem to be getting them anywhere -- in fact, they may be losing ground in your estimation. Set your disdain aside and let the situation unfold a bit. You’d want a little slack if you were in their shoes.

Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 21) Your internal editor -- that little something that intervenes between what goes on upstairs and what you say -- is taking the day off. While it’s putting its feet up somewhere and enjoying a drink with an umbrella in it, those around you are subject to your genius-containing monologues, your sudden brilliant plays-onwords, your outbursts about how the world should be and more. Just have an apology ready in case you inadvertently put your foot in that wide-open mouth.

Virgo (August 24- September 23) Both sides of the bed as well as the foot of it are the wrong side to get up on, and add to that your shoelace will probably break, your bus will be late and/or you’ll forget about that important meeting. How do you break this horrible, no-good, verybad-day spell? Break your routine -- take yourself out for a nice lunch, take a long walk, take the rest of the day off. Calling a friend and venting -- and laughing -might help, too.

Capricorn (December 22-January 20) Money and the future are mingling in the stars, and perhaps they should be in your mind as well. When’s the last time you gave some thought to planning your longer-term finances? And when’s the last time you paid more than the minimum on your credit card bill -- or even made a deposit into your savings or retirement account? Put your practical side to work on getting a financial life. A book, a banker or a friend can help.

Libra (September 24- November 22) You’ve had your natural diplomacy running in high gear for some time with regard to a given situation -- perhaps work related, maybe in the romantic realm or maybe just with your car mechanic -- but you, too, have your limits. Call off your peacekeeping mission before you totally burn yourself out. A little conflict doesn’t have to be scary, and it can even be quite productive. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19) Change is in the air, and when it comes to work, you can easily make it change for the better. Show that you’re both a team player and an innovative thinker -and show these things to someone in a position to help you implement those big ideas and smart plans you’ve been quietly working on. You could find yourself in charge of a project that’ll look really excellent on your resume -- and might even get you a bonus or raise.

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22) The stars are sending some intriguing and unexpected stuff your way, particularly when it comes to the realm of romance. Someone very out-of-place -- your boss, the mail carrier, a stranger on the street or a character in a book -- can provide you with some simple advice that will enlighten your heart in a pretty amazing way. As for your existing or next love connection, it may very well be in a very strange package now, too.

Pisces (February 20-March 20) Not judging a book by its cover is key now, especially when you’re meeting new people. A person who seems like your polar opposite may be bringing you a fascinating new perspective -- but not if you decide prematurely that you don’t like them. Engage your natural open-mindedness and give each new person -- and idea -- a chance, and then maybe another one. The bonus is that your karma will prosper as well. TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


December 2005

CrossWords

Across

52 American College of Physicians 1 Adjoin (abbr.) 5 Communication 54 Bleacher Workers of America 55 Scientist’s office (abr.) 57 Over-excited. 8 70’s Swedish pop 59 A BMW automobile. music group 62 Morsel 12 An event, a party. 65 Type of moss 13 To stick it to 66 Opp. of loose 15 Grand __ 68 Smell 16 Not front or back 70 Promiscuous 17 Bedspread feather woman. 18 Island or Tree 71 Nag 19 Airport Asphalt 72 __ matter 21 Bequeathed 73 Green Gables 23 Flying insects dweller 25 Pod vegetable 74 Bullet shooter 26 Jack __ 75 Swarm 29 __ A Small World... 31 Large brass instruments 1 Abdominal muscles 35 Type of screwdriver (abbr.) 37 Chest bone 2 Entice 39 Father 3 U.S. Department of 40 Lumber Agriculture 41 Something given 4 Underwear type free 5 Fashionable 44 Decay 6 Compact bundle 45 On top 7 Not many (2 wds.) 47 Over The Top 8 Clap (abbr.) 9 Soft cheese 48 Moody or short 10 Tie tempered. 11 A guitar. 50 Jewish scripture

Down

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13 Chair 14 To hallucinate. 20 Theme 22 Permit 24 Distend 26 What a dropped melon does 27 What a camera takes 28 Hardship 30 Bro. or sis. 32 Sharp hook parts 33 Mud brick 34 Half man, half goat 36 Professional 38 Pen brand 42 Estimated time of arrival (abbr.) 43 Goofed 46 Paint holder 49 Swamp boat 51 Pig meat 53 Big snake 56 Second greek letter 58 Feel sorry for 59 An ecstasy pill. 60 Make 61 Telephone noise 63 Loaf 64 Very large book 65 School group 67 African antelope 69 Saint Louis mascot December 2005 / PAGE 5


Upcoming Events

The Big List

$1.99 Tuesdays

Rent any VHS or DVD movie for only $1.99 every Tuesday *2 Day Rental

Bottoms Up Nightclub

To have an event added or to change an existing event, Call (314) 429-4531 or e-mail Tipsy Tuesday (TheWildTimes@Hotmail.com). Listing are subject to space restrictions and we reserve $10 Admission, $2 Drinks the right to refuse any listing for any reason. Call individual clubs to verifiy event times and details. Club addresss and phone listing can be found in our distribution list in this issue.

Wednesday, Dec 14,

Thursday, Dec 01

Bottoms Up Nightclub Thirsty Thursday $4 Pitchers and $2 Drafts

Hustler Club Ladies Night

Ladies get in for $2 + Drink Specials

Friday, Dec 02

Amateur Night

Starts at 11pm - $500 Cash Prize (Must have ID & SS Card to enter contest)

Bottoms Up Nightclub Dance Competition Night

Every Wednesday Sponsored by The Allstars

Thursday, Dec 08

Bottoms Up Nightclub Bottoms Up Nightclub World Famous Shower Show Thirsty Thursday

Hustler Club Amateur Night

Starts at 11pm - $500 Cash Prize (Must have ID & SS Card to enter contest)

Bottoms Up Nightclub Dance Competition Night

Every Wednesday Sponsored by The Allstars

Thursday, Dec 15

Wet and Wild must see action every Friday & Saturday

$4 Pitchers and $2 Drafts

Hustler Club Ladies Night

Bottoms Up Nightclub World Famous Shower Show

Ladies get in for $2 + Drink Specials

Bottoms Up Nightclub Thirsty Thursday

Saturday, Dec 03

Wet and Wild must see action every Friday & Saturday

Sunday, Dec 04

Hustler Club Super Size Sunday

All Dances are Super Sized 30% Longer

Bottoms Up Nightclub Baby Oil Wrestling Every Sunday

Monday, Dec 05

Bottoms Up Nightclub Monday Madness $1 Drinks, $2 Drafts, $2 Shots

Tuesday, Dec 06

Dr. Video $1.99 Tuesdays

Rent any VHS or DVD movie for only $1.99 every Tuesday *2 Day Rental

Bottoms Up Nightclub Tipsy Tuesday $10 Admission, $2 Drinks

Hustler Club $2 Tuesdays

$2 U-Call-It and Any Single Shot $2

Wednesday, Dec 07,

Hustler Club

PAGE 6 / December 2005

Hustler Club Ladies Night

Friday, Dec 09

Rent any VHS or DVD movie for only $1.99 every Tuesday *2 Day Rental

Bottoms Up Nightclub Tipsy Tuesday $10 Admission, $2 Drinks

Hustler Club $2 Tuesdays

$2 U-Call-It and Any Single Shot $2

Wednesday, Dec 21,

Bottoms Up Nightclub Dance Competition Night

Every Wednesday Sponsored by The Allstars

Hustler Club Amateur Night

Ladies get in for $2 + Drink Specials

Starts at 11pm - $500 Cash Prize (Must have ID & SS Card to enter contest)

$4 Pitchers and $2 Drafts

Hustler Club Ladies Night

Hustler Club Bottoms Up Nightclub Ashton Moore World Famous Shower Show 3 Shows Nightly Wet and Wild must see action every Friday & Saturday

Dr. Video $1.99 Tuesdays

Friday, Dec 16

Thursday, Dec 22

Ladies get in for $2 + Drink Specials

Bottoms Up Nightclub Thirsty Thursday $4 Pitchers and $2 Drafts

Tuesday, Dec 27

Dr. Video $1.99 Tuesdays

Rent any VHS or DVD movie for only $1.99 every Tuesday *2 Day Rental

Hustler Club $2 Tuesdays

$2 U-Call-It and Any Single Shot $2

Bottoms Up Nightclub Tipsy Tuesday $10 Admission, $2 Drinks

Wednesday, Dec 28,

Hustler Club Amateur Night

Starts at 11pm - $500 Cash Prize (Must have ID & SS Card to enter contest)

Bottoms Up Nightclub Dance Competition Night

Every Wednesday Sponsored by The Allstars

Thursday, Dec 29

Bottoms Up Nightclub Thirsty Thursday $4 Pitchers and $2 Drafts

Hustler Club Ladies Night

Bottoms Up Nightclub Friday, Dec 23 Ladies get in for $2 + Drink Specials World Famous Shower Show Bottoms Up Nightclub Friday, Dec 30 Bottoms Up Nightclub Wet and Wild must see action every World Famous Shower Show Bottoms Up Nightclub World Famous Shower Show Friday & Saturday Wet and Wild must see action every Wet and Wild must see action every World Famous Shower Show

Saturday, Dec 10

Friday & Saturday

Sunday, Dec 11

Bottoms Up Nightclub Baby Oil Wrestling Every Sunday

Hustler Club Super Size Sunday

All Dances are Super Sized 30% Longer

Monday, Dec 12

Bottoms Up Nightclub Monday Madness $1 Drinks, $2 Drafts, $2 Shots

Tuesday, Dec 13

Hustler Club $2 Tuesdays

$2 U-Call-It and Any Single Shot $2

Dr. Video

Saturday, Dec 17

Friday & Saturday

Saturday, Dec 24 Bottoms Up Nightclub World Famous Shower Show Bottoms Up Nightclub Wet and Wild must see action every World Famous Shower Show Friday & Saturday

Sunday, Dec 18

Hustler Club Super Size Sunday

All Dances are Super Sized 30% Longer

Bottoms Up Nightclub Baby Oil Wrestling Every Sunday

Monday, Dec 19

Bottoms Up Nightclub Monday Madness $1 Drinks, $2 Drafts, $2 Shots

Tuesday, Dec 20

Wet and Wild must see action every Friday & Saturday

Sunday, Dec 25

Hustler Club Super Size Sunday

All Dances are Super Sized 30% Longer

Bottoms Up Nightclub Baby Oil Wrestling Every Sunday

Monday, Dec 26

Wet and Wild must see action every Friday & Saturday

Saturday, Dec 31

Bottoms Up Nightclub World Famous Shower Show Wet and Wild must see action every Friday & Saturday

Miss Kitty’s New Years Eve Party Don’t Miss It!

Hustler Club New Years Eve Party Party Starts at 10pm

Bottoms Up Nightclub Monday Madness $1 Drinks, $2 Drafts, $2 Shots

TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


Cover Girl

Height : 5'7" Weight: 118lbs. Measurements: 34-24-33 Eyes: Green Hair: Brown Complexion: Medium Piercings: None Tattoos: None Shoe Size: 6 1/2 Dress Size: 3

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December 2005 / PAGE 7


PAGE 8 / December 2005

TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


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December 2005 / PAGE 9


PAGE 10 / December 2005

TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


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December 2005 / PAGE 11


Wild News

News & Views

CHURCH GROUP LAUNCHES NUDE CALENDAR A German church group has caused controversy by releasing a calendar using nude models to portray bible scenes. The calendar, on sale for $12 in the Katzwanger church in Nuremburg, contains photos such as a naked Eve holding an apple between her breasts for Adam. Another month shows a topless Delilah cutting the hair of a sleeping Sampson. Other pictures portray the baptism of Jesus, Lot’s daughters, the dance of Salome and the sacrifice of Isaac - many involving nudity. Stefan Wiest, 32, spokesman for the Katzwang Evangelical Youth group, said: “We wanted to bring old religious paintings to today’s people by translating them in a contemporary context.

PAGE 12 / December 2005

“We did not intend to cause any provocation and have received more positive responses than negative.” Mr Wiest added that most of the criticism has come from the USA but said it has not slowed sales since the release: “Our first 200 have already sold out and we are printing another 300 today to meet demand.” But the feedback page on the group’s website has been taken down due to the number of comments the calendar has caused. Winfried Roehmel, a spokesman for the region’s Catholic archdiocese, said: “It is not acceptable to pose naked in a church. The right way to approach the Holy Scriptures is not by pulling your pants down.”

The suspected armed robber was caught by a police officer outside Roane County Jail. Sergeant Wes Stooksbury arrested the man and says he was carrying a package containing clothes, liquor, prescription pills, crack cocaine - and the burgers. It is unclear whether the man was planning to keep his haul for himself or if he was trying to smuggle it in to sell to other prisoners. It’s believed he had escaped for only a short time. The Roane Sheriff’s Department is still investigating the case.

BROTHEL OFFERS DISCOUNTS FOR UNEMPLOYED MEN

PRISONER ESCAPED TO BUY Business is booming at one German brothel which is offering a special discount rate for MCDONALD’S An escaped prisoner was caught trying to get back into a Tennessee jail with four MacDonald’s hamburgers.

the unemployed.

The owners of Berlin’s Schulz & Co brothel have introduced special rates of just $15

TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


dollars for the country’s growing number of unemployed men. Unemployed Bernd Gramm, 48, said: “Before I could only have my fun once every couple of months, if that. But now I can go twice a month for a rock-bottom price, and the quality of the service still remains the same.” Gina, one of the brothel’s employees, said: “Monday was always a slow day and we never used to have more than three clients. But this Monday we have already had twenty. She added: “ We give them the same service, just without the long talks that we usually do to get a client going. At that price we can’t afford to waste that much time.”

Philippona said: “The shape of a woman, her organic architecture, combined with my passion for wood inspired me to sculpt these sexy designs.” His furniture is featured on his website, www.sexyfurniture.nl.

MAN PULLS TRUCK WITH PENIS A 50-year-old Californian man pulled a truck with his penis for a TV film crew. Martial arts grandmaster Tu Jin-Sheng attached himself to the truck and pulled it several yards across a parking lot.

EROTIC FURNITURE FAD

He first tied a strip of blue fabric around his penis and testicles and tugged to make sure it was on tight.

Erotic furniture based on the female body with boobs for doors and bums for drawers is the latest fad in Holland.

An assistant then kicked him hard between the legs before he lashed himself to the vehicle.

Cabinet maker Mario Philippona has designed a range of stylish wooden cupboards, wardrobes and tables using the female anatomy as his inspiration.

About 20 people, most of whom study Qigong, the ancient Chinese art of movement and breathing to increase energy, gathered for the truck pull.

His pieces include a wine-glass cupboard in the shape of a pair of large breasts and a table supported by legs molded from a female model.

Jin-Sheng, originally from Taiwan, is the grandmaster of Iron Crotch, a branch of Qigong said to have 60,000 followers worldwide. Its practitioners are known to lift hundreds of pounds with their genitals to increase energy and sexual performance. A film crew from London was on hand to shoot the truck-pulling feat for a three-part series called Penis Envy, due to be broadcast next year.

Factoid sPOOKY Fact

If you add together all the numbers on a Roulette Wheel (1 to 36) the total is 666, which is the number often associated with the devil. WILDTIMESONLINE.COM

December 2005 / PAGE 13


Index of Advertisers

Directory

Adult Book Store 807 Madison St. St. Louis, MO 314-436-2863

Cheap Trx 3211 South Grand St. Louis, MO 314-664-4011

Eclectics 1122-A Wilkes Blvd. Columbia, MO 573-443-0873

Maximus Video 1084 Gravois Fenton, MO 636-349-5295

Soft Touch 4491 St. Clair Washington Park, IL 618-874-0355

Attic Lounge 8401 E. Truman Road Kansas City, MO 816-252-3370

Club 64 East 52 St. Clair Ave. East St. Louis, IL 618-875-0221

Eclectics - Kirksville 111 East Harrison Kirksville, MO 660-665-9441

Miss Kitty’s 5200 Bunkum Road Washington Park, IL 618-875-6477

S & L Rub Company 1 block off Rt 3 Brooklynn, IL 618-271-9264

Bargain Books Downtown 1215 Convention Plaza St. Louis, MO 314-588-0309

Colony Theatre 4500 Forest Blvd. Washington Park, IL 618-874-9621

Erotic City 8401 E. Truman Rd. Kansas City, MO 816-252-3370

Priscilla’s - Springfield, MO 1918 South Glenstone Springfield, MO 417-881-8444

Spanky’s South 1123 Gravois Fenton, MO 636-326-7566

Bargain Books North 3010 N. Hwy 94 St. Charles, MO 636-723-2152

Deja Vu 3220 Lake Plaza Springfield, IL 217-529-1467

Fantasy Video 3425 N. Lindbergh Blvd. Bridgeton, MO 314-209-1231

Priscilla’s Overland 10210 Page Ave. Overland, MO 314-423-8422

Tango’s 17510 South 169 Hwy Spring Hill, KS 913-592-5060

Bargain Books South 1877 Old Hwy 94 S. St. Charles, MO 636-724-1999

Doctor John’s Bridgeton 11431 St. Charles Rock Rd. Bridgeton, MO 314-291-5997

Flashbacks Tattoo 151 W. Cherry Street Troy, MO 618-462-6552

Priscilla’s Springfield, IL 805 South Dirksen Pkwy. Springfield, IL 217-525-1100

The Strand Video 3544 Troost Ave. Kansas City, MO 816-931-6452

Bazooka’s Showgirls 1717 Main St. Kansas City, MO 816-421-1915

Doctor John’s Farmington 4324 US Hwy 67 Farmington, MO 573-701-9400

Fuji Sauna 711 Vandiver Dr. Suite A Columbia, MO 573-874-2188

Priscilla’s TLC St. Peters 1034 Venture Dr. St. Peters, MO 636-928-2144

Trop 56 266 W. Hwy 56 Scranton, MO 785-793-2531

Big Al’s 519 Main Street Peoria, IL 309-673-9893

Doctor John’s Fenton 645 Gravois Rd Fenton, MO 636-343-5100

Godfrey Book Store 5735 Godfrey Rd. Godfrey, IL 618-466-0203

Regina’s Cabaret 2306 Business Loop 70 E. Columbia, MO 573-817-1877

V.I.P - Mid Rivers 366 Mid Rivers Mall Drive St. Peters, MO 636-278-6977

Big Daddy’s Cabaret 14025 Hopewell Drive Dixon, MO 573-336-7612

Doctor John’s Fort Wood 720 Missouri Ave. St. Roberts, MO 573-336-3370

Hustler Club - St. Louis 5420 Bunkum Road Washington Park, IL 618-874-9334

Rhonda’s Place 10526 Page Ave. St. Louis, MO 314-423-0633

V.I.P - Northwest 3157 North Lindbergh Blvd. St. Ann, MO 314-739-8989

Big Louie’s 14400 Highway Z St. Roberts, MO 573-336-8783

Doctor John’s The Landing 20 Morgan Street St. Louis, MO 314-588-1800

Hwy 157 Spa Hwy 157 Centreville, IL 618-332-2787

Rodao Drive 10900 St. Charles Rock Rd. St. Ann, MO 314-344-0470

V.I.P - Westport 79 Weldon Parkway Maryland Heights, MO 314-567-1444

Bobbie’s Books 6549 Highway 61/67 Imperial, MO 314-461-1123

Dollies 6210 Forest Blvd. Washington Park, IL 618-271-4257

Lion Den Waynesville 25965 Hwy 17 Waynesville, MO 573-774-9957

Rodao Drive South 3630 Jeffco Blvd Arnold, MO 636-464-0216

V.I.P Oriental Spa Centreville, IL 618-332-7409

Bottoms Up Nightclub 307 Jefferson Street Brooklyn, IL 618-271-7502

Dr. Video 231 Schneider Rd. Fenton, MO 636-343-6980

Lion’s Den RR1 Box 163 Hwy J Nelson, MO 660-859-2741

Romantix 3405 N. Lindbergh Blvd. Bridgeton, MO 314-209-1231

VIP Sauna 5210 N. Hwy 763 (Range Line) Columbia, MO 573-815-1032

Boxers ‘n Briefs 55 Four Corners Lane Centreville, IL 618-332-6141

Earth Angelz 24 Twiggy Lane Eldon, MO 573-392-0999

Lovers Express 2134 Woodson Rd. Overland, MO 314-428-7747

Secret Desires 3615 N. Lindbergh Blvd. Bridgton, MO 314-770-0027

XXXtreme Entertainment 2226 N. Kingshighway Washington Park, IL 618-874-3474

C-Mowes Show Club 2107 Kingshighway Washington Park, IL 618-271-6924 CJ’s Gift Center 1806 N. Hwy 63 Rolla, MO 573-368-4898 PAGE 14 / December 2005

Don’t Screw Yourself!

Make sure your business is listed in our directory Call 314.429.4531 TO ADVERTISE CALL (314) 429-4531


PAGE 16 / December 2005

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December 2005 / PAGE 17


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December 2005 / PAGE 19


Success Coach

Doc Love

Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen

DON’T GIVE IN TO DOUBLE STANDARDS Doc, As most men know, women generally have an advantage in relationships, especially in this era where men have been brainwashed by feminism into believing that any show of assertiveness on their part equals injury to the woman. Ironically, even though many feminists complain about assertive men, they often choose assertive men as their lovers. This kind of female hypocrisy is rampant in many areas. For example, women will say that men are cheaters even though women are cheating in record numbers. If caught cheating, they will say that men do it, too. They will complain that men have double standards about promiscuity when, in fact, they themselves hold that double standard. They view promiscuous men as threats to their relationships, yet are attracted to a man who can bed large numbers of women since it implies that he must be doing something pretty special to get all those partners. I was wondering if you could write a column describing the phenomenon of “attention shifting” by females in order to help men who are being manipulated by it. Sincerely, Toby -- who is no longer fooled by female

Factoid gOd Fact

In November 2005, a Christian group tried to boycott Wal-Mart after employees were told to say “Happy Holidays” in place of “Merry Christmas” and an employee who complained about it got fired.

hypocrisy Hi Toby, As you already know, I agree with you completely. Men, in general, have been p-whipped and brainwashed by the malebashing media into thinking that they have to apologize for being men. For instance, check out the plot line of half the books on Oprah’s Book Club list over the last few years. The main female characters are victims of various forms of abuse, and the main male characters are the perpetrators. It’s an astonishingly predominant theme that runs through a preponderance of the novels on her list. So when the most popular and powerful woman on television is peddling this kind of propaganda, what kind of message does that send to adolescent boys who are struggling to relate to females? And what is the queen of the tube teaching young women about men? Take a close, objective look at the commercials on television. Men are frequently portrayed as inept dunces and incompetent losers. In advertising land, men are sloppy and selfish. They’re incapable of taking care of themselves when they’re sick. They’re forgetful of anniversaries and birthdays. They’re dysfunctionally obsessed with

sports. They’re untrustworthy creatures who don’t deserve common courtesy. To whom are these ads catering? Women, of course. To you psych majors: The female controls the purse strings in the home. The ad that kills me is the one in which the guy is broken down on a desert road, and a hot chick pulls up in a hot car and taunts him for a few moments and then drives away leaving him stranded. Yeah. Let him walk 30 miles in the blazing sun to get help. That’ll show him. You go, girl! Yes Toby, the Feministas are, of course, raving hypocrites. Just look at the mating choices of one of their Founding Mothers, Gloria Steinem. She made a career out of ranting and railing against the Patriarchy and once dismissed marriage as an institution that “destroys relationships.” Yet whom did she choose for her husband when she decided to become a first-time bride at the age of 66? A wealthy and powerful international entrepreneur, David Bale. (Jane Fonda made a similarly surprising choice when she married Ted Turner, founder of CNN and the largest landowner in America.) Attempting to justify the betrayal of her own principles, Steinem told her minions on her wedding day, “I’m happy, surprised and one day will write about it, but for now, I hope this proves what feminists have always

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said, that feminism is about the ability to choose what’s right at each time of our lives.” But she didn’t let the sisterhood down completely. The small wedding ceremony, attended by close family and friends, took place in the Adair County Oklahoma home of Steinem’s gal pal whose name is, and I’m not making this up, Wilma Mankiller, a Cherokee Indian woman. Sometimes you’ll see a male-bashing mama with a weak and wimpy guy that she can control, but she won’t stay with him for long -- or if she does, he’s the punching bag in the relationship for the rest of his life. The Reality Factor says that when the chickens come home to roost, even the most hard-core Amazonian Feminista has a deep-seated need for a strong man who will take control (unless she’s a lesbian). In fact, the more hard-core she is, the more masculine and dominating a man she’ll tend to pick for her partner. Why? Because it’s the only way she can feel feminine. Deep down, she wants someone who will set limits for her and say “No” once in awhile. Only an extra tough dude can make a tough

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woman feel girlish. When a man cheats on his girlfriend or wife, he is labeled by womenfolk as a creep and a user. When a woman cheats on her man, she’s often seen as a victim who was compelled to do it only because she needed to free herself from a bad relationship and discover her deepest, unfulfilled needs. He’s a total jerk while she’s on a journey of selfexpression and self-discovery. (Imagine a guy getting away with such an excuse!) The double standard that reigns supreme in the arena of sexual politics is the following. Women: good. Men: guilty until proven innocent. Yes, it’s all very real and it’s all very annoying and disconcerting. Still, we can be thankful for talk radio and the Internet. Those are two places where you’ll find that men can consistently get an even break. So... what’s a guy to do? How do you deal with all this adversity when you’re out and about in the world, just trying to do your job and find a mate? Realize that you never need to apologize for being a man. You don’t have to buy into the

“party line” that a man is a user and abuser until he proves that he’s not. You don’t need to feel guilty about your sexuality. Being a man is a noble and virtuous thing. Study “The System” and become a confident man of high integrity who walks tall. Avoid any woman who has a chip on her shoulder and an ax to grind. There are plenty out there who don’t hate men and who appreciate and respect a man who makes no apologies for his masculinity. Remember guys; you only need one sweet one.

Factoid You asked for it...You got it!

It takes 6 months to build a Rolls Royce... and 13 hours to build a Toyota.

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December 2005

Jokes

Generation Gap During one “generation gap” quarrel with his parents young Michael cried, “I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I’ll never find it here at home, so I’m leaving. Don’t try and stop me!” With that he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t want you to try and stop me.” “Who’s trying to stop you?” replied his father. “If you wait a minute, I’ll go with you.” Careful What You Wish Once there was a bus of 100 ugly people. The bus swerved off the road and they all died. When they went to Heaven God felt bad for them and gave them each one wish. The first guy came up and said... “I wish I was handsome.” So God made him handsome. So next a woman came up and said... “I wish I was beautiful.” So God made her beautiful. They came up one by one wishing to be beautiful and handsome. Meanwhile, the guy in the back is laughing hysterically. God asks him what is so funny. “Oh nothing” he says. When his turn arises God says, “Okay whats your wish?” He replies, “pfft, make em all ugly again.” Private Detective A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mr. Sui Tansow Pok, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. WILDTIMESONLINE.COM

I follow. He and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree-look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. fall out of tree, not see. NO FEE Q: What’s the Iraqi Air Force motto? A: I came, I saw, Iran. Q: How do you know when you’re staying in an Alabama hotel? A: When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the desk says “go ahead.” Q: How do you get four sorority girls on one chair? A: Tell them there is a rich guy sitting in it.

Q: What is the generic name for Viagara? A: Mycoxaphillin Q: Did you hear that Lorena Bobbit died in a car crash yesterday? A: Some dick cut her off!

Factoid TV Fact

Your brain is more active when you sleep than it is when you watch TV. December 2005 / PAGE 23


10 YEARS OF WILD TIMES AND GOING STRONG

Sammy

JUNE 2002

Alabama

NOVEMBER 1998

Saphire

APRIL 1998

Jasmine

JUNE 1998

Kiara

JANUARY 2004

PAGE 24 / December 2005

Cybil

FEBRUARY 1999

Kloey

FEBRUARY 2000

Electra Blue

MARCH 2000

Courtney

MAY 2000

KC Cannons

MARCH 2004

Julie Lee

MAY 2003

Tia

JULY 2002

Milli

FEBRUARY 2003

Shannon

APRIL 2001

Madison Rae

FEBRUARY 2004

Lolli Topps

SEPTEMBER 2003

Tayler

JUNE 2000

Rebecca

MARCH 2002

Jenna

Reeva

JANUARY 2000

Tess

Allison

DECEMBER 1999

MARCH 2003

Sierra

Domonique

JANUARY 2002

Lacie Pure

AUGUST 1999

SEPTEMBER 1999

Saphire

Aspen Reign

SEPTEMBER 2000

Sara

MAY 2001

JULY 2003

MAY 1998

Sabrina

JULY 2000

Vanessa

NOVEMBER 2001

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Spring

Jade

AUGUST 2001

Chastity

MARCH 1999

JULY 2001

Salem

JANUARY 1999

Kloey

Alana

APRIL 1999

Jewl

NOVEMBER 1999

Mickey

DECEMBER 2001

JUNE 1999

Shelly

FEBRUARY 2001

Bailey

MARCH 2001

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Leeta

APRIL 2002

Stacey

SEPTEMBER 2002

Julie Lee

OCTOBER 2002

Jada DeVille

AUGUST 2003

Amber

JULY 1999

Taylor

NOVEMBER 2002

Mickey

OCTOBER 1999

Carrie Bare

DECEMBER 2003

Vania

NOVEMBER 2000

Hayli

SEPTEMBER 2001

Kat

OCTOBER 2003

Christiana

SEPTEMBER 1998

Adina Winters

NOVEMBER 2003

Lily

MAY 1999

Bambi

APRIL 2000

Pixie

OCTOBER 2001

Inessa

APRIL 2005

Chase

OCTOBER 2000

Hunter

JANUARY 2001

Mercedes

OCTOBER 1998

December 2005 / PAGE 25


December 2005

Factoid cHEESY Fact

Music

Beastie Boys: Solid Gold Hits

The average American consumes 27 pounds of cheese each year.

(Capitol 2005)

It’s funny to think about now, but from the summer of 1987 to the summer of 1989, the general consensus was that the Beastie Boys were finished. They had scored a massive left field hit with 1986’s Licensed to Ill, the first rap record to hit #1 on the pop charts. Almost instantly, they were running into label trouble with Def Jam. Finally, they found a home for the sophomore effort (Capitol, their home to this day), but its release was delayed time and again. The buzz was loud and strong: the Boys were a novelty, nothing more. Then, on July 25, 1989, the Boys finally dropped Paul’s Boutique, the long awaited second album that everyone thought would completely suck. The response was unanimous: Ho, ly, shit. This record kicks ass. No one has said anything bad about the Beastie Boys since, even though there have been moments where they frankly deserved it. (Hello Nasty had some killer singles, but if you’re anything like us, you haven’t played the album start to finish in at least two years). The band’s newest hits collection, simply titled Solid Gold Hits, lacks the diversity that their 1999 two-disc compilation, The Sounds of Science, offers, but for the casual Beasties fan (our apologies; the promo sheet that came with this album insists that if we must abbreviate, we say B Boys, not Beasties), Solid Gold Hits is the collection you’ve been waiting for. Now here’s the really cool part about the album that on the surface will not appear like a really cool part: the tracks are not in chronological order, but instead have been pasted together in party mix fashion. One might think that this would create some sonic train wrecks, but in fact it does just the opposite; it brings to the forefront the themes that have existed in their songs that were not always apparent. The final two songs, “Sabotage” and “Fight for Your Right,” exemplify this better than anything. How was anyone shocked by the band’s decision to play their own instruments and make a straight up hardcore rock song on “Sabotage”? As “Fight for Your Right” clearly illustrates, they had already explored this territory before. You thought the riffs they lifted from Zeppelin back in the day PAGE 26 / December 2005

Factoid Spontaneous Fact were just a joke. They weren’t. If there is a rough patch on the album, it’s in the first four songs, which is odd since individually, they are four great songs. “So What’cha Want” (or as Beck likes to call it, “E-Pro”) spills into “Brass Monkey,” and if there are two songs on this disc that do not complement each other, it’s these two. “Ch-Check It Out” follows, with “No Sleep ‘til Brooklyn” afterwards. You get the sense that they wanted to get the Licensed to Ill numbers out of the way, since the majority of the disc’s remainder is less raunchy and more funky. And, in retrospect, it’s a smart call; “Root Down” to “Shake Your Rump” to “Intergalactic” to “Sure Shot” to “Body Movin’” (an edit of the superb Fatboy Slim remix) to “Triple Double” to “Sabotage” is as badass as it gets. For some bands, singles compilations consist solely of the only good songs they ever wrote. For the Beasties (upheld middle finger to the writers of the press sheet, because that’s what the band would want us to do), it’s more a matter of assembling some blindingly brilliant moments amongst a body of work that is downright peerless. Solid Gold Hits is as money as a Beastie Boys compilation can expect to be. Are there great songs from the band that are not present here? Sure. But name a singles collection that doesn’t have that problem. The only real concern with the album is that, coming hot on the heels of 2004’s To the Five Boroughs, does that mean that this is merely a contractually obligated stopgap record to kill time before they reassemble and make another album for yet another label in another five years? An irrelevant question for those who are most likely to buy this album, we suppose. To hell with the future, they would say; give us a single-disc capsule of the Beastie Boys at the top of their game. Ask, and ye shall receive.

Nicolas Cage proposed to Patricia Arquette on the day he met her in the early ‘80s.

“Quotes”

of the Month

Quote No. 1 “No matter how hard you work to bring yourself up, there’s someone out there working just as hard, to put you down...” - Dr. Dre Quote No. 2 “One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.” - Josh Billings Quote No. 3 “Your potential? Leave it alone. It’s like your bank balance: You always have less than you think.” - Dylan Moran Quote No. 4 “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” - Carrie Fisher Quote No. 5 “Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.” - Albert Einstein

Factoid dIRTY Fact

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Wild Times December 2005