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may 7, 2009


Whitman College Pio neer




Whitman College Pio neer

may 7, 2009

In 1883, Whitman College changed from a seminary to a four-year, degree-granting university. Yesterday, while on an OP group trip delving into the annals of Penrose Library, students unearthed several crumbling pieces of paper. Experts believe these to be the historical precedent of Whitman’s modern listserv debates. The papers, believed to have been pinned one after the other upon the Whitman seminary door one cold November, are printed below. Fel low bro the rs and sisters, a coll ege. Su ch a distaste ful wor d! If ry ina sem our ke ma ld wou y the , 83 18 th, s On this day, No vem ber 28 we if not a uni fied fro nt ma kin g our disp leas ure are t wha For ity. vers uni a be uld sho we , ues any thin g, coll eag r sch oolm aste rs wou ld hav e us pla cidl y Ou ”? lege “col new this in ce pla a e hav n eve kno wn? Ind eed, wou ld La tin I say! gra zin g in the whe atf ield s like she ep! Ris e up, With all due re sp

Re spe ctf ully, Ph inea s Re gnu m

ect, dear Phin


What does it matter to you whether our b not the defin eloved Whitm ition of a plac an be deemed e contained in t squabble ove college, semin he meaning w r words, my fr ary, universit e assign to it iends! Instea come, looking y, or brothel? , in d our love for th , let us prepa to the bright Is re to move fo e lo future ahead c a t io n it self? Let us n rward, secure . ot in the knowledg Yours, e of whence w e have Nigellus Henfo rd e confines her daily upon th rt fu g in ch oa cr bauchery our once de that seem to be en ” ne ts ti ar er al lib er of ib “l rt d at the so so-calle and his umbrage at these personally reviled Richard Wagner e am I in t, sw en at ud th st n I personally take w ng eari t to strike do devout and God-f l, our Lord saw fi al sign? er ft A of morality. As a g. in rs e not see this as a be endo w t to s us m em – se o y lt ag cu esteemed fa twelvemonth pack of lies not a ” k er w st un tk “Gesam to Anonymous (due


Everyone, everyone ! Do not these ar guments seem petty when compared to Hall Disaster of the Victoria last June? Those poor, poor smothere d children! Pleas where are your hear e, gentlemen, ts? Pardon my la nguage, please, bu t this has touched of your oh-so-acad me as none emic phrasings have . Do think of th e children.

In tears,

Evelyn Windsor

! Madame, please s! es el st ta st o ag ed y! M bring up that tr How da re you An Angry Citizen

All of you hav e buttoc ks for fac es and excrem ent for bra ins Reg gie

Whitman College Pioneer - Spring 2009 Issue 12 Humor Section  

The humor section.

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