Whats Up tra JANUARY 2014
SOUTH WEST FREE
Where are you going tonight? PHOTOS ALL MIXED UP JOKES BOTM CONTEST ASK THE WINO... BOTM
Shannon Bada Brew Crest Hill
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live GAMING HERE open to close 507 THEODORE ST. JOLIET
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AY D R
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HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!!
We would like to thank all the readers of What’s Up Xtra Magazine for your continued support. The magazine was started over 8 years ago as a small local publication in Chicago and has grown throughout the area, surrounding suburbs , and now into Southern Wisconsin to be one of the most recognized comprehensive local bar directories of its kind. Our “grass root marketing” strategy has proven an effective tool for our publication and is designed to be used as a tool for our readers to plan where they will be spending their afternoons, evenings, and hard earned dollars. Magazines have maintained popularity with readers through the years and have proven that magazine advertising and readership will stand the test of time. We encourage our readers to support your communities and to patronize your local businesses!
TABLE OF CONTENTS
OUR ST A FF keith romack publisher
6 OUT AND ABOUT PHOTOS 7 all mixed up
Lisa romack Sales Director
8 news of interest 10 OUT AND ABOUT PHOTOS x
To advertise in
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JUNE 2012 BEER GARDENS WHAT’S UP THIS MONTH
Magazine Online Facebook WX Call 773-213-4597 FREE
B O T M
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Robert Christiansen Column Writer
12 ASK THE WINO 14 things to do in january 16 OUT AND ABOUT PHOTOS
jon obert editor
18 HOROSCOPE 19 bartender of the month
ted phillips photographer
20 Sudoku and crossword puzzle Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com
Front page photo taken at 115 Bourbon Street The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2014 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.
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22 are you smarter than chester 24 la las love letters 26 live music corner 28 tales from the chris CHECK OUT
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Joliet Dave Contributing writer lauren strec contributing writer
We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: email@example.com WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
Friday & Saturday $5 Premium Margarita’s
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Catch All Blackhawk Action Here!!! 4201 W. 55TH ST
Heading For A Fall
Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and deﬁne you." Thomas Jefferson, a Founding Father of the United States
A rather conﬁdent man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this stateof-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains. "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."
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ALL MIXED UP
By Lisa Romack
It may be cold outside, but with a few ingredients, a cozy ﬁre and that special person to cuddle up with, these drink recipes are sure to warm you up in no time at all!
Hot Buttered Rum 2 oz Meyers Dark Rum 2 Tbsp Hot Buttered Rum Mix Hot Water Hot Buttered Rum Mix: 1 tsp cinnamon, pinch ground cloves, pinch salt, dash of vanilla, 1 stick of unsalted butter, 2 cups brown sugar Directions: Pour 2 oz rum in a glass coffee mug, add 2 tbsp of the buttered batter in the rum and top with hot water, stir well to melt butter and mix ingredients. Top with whipped cream and sprinkle nutmeg on cream. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.
Spiced Caramel Apple Cider
1.5 oz Cherry Vodka 0.5 White Crème de Cacao 4 oz Hot Chocolate Directions: Combine all ingredients into a glass mug and top with whipped cream, red sprinkles and a maraschino cherry.
An Amazing Sniffer A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there."
1 oz Stoli Salted Karamel ½ oz Stoli Gala Apple ½ oz Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey 4 oz Hot Apple Cider Directions: Mix the liquors into a glass coffee mug. Top with hot apple cider. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.
You can build any future you want if you let yourself grow, have faith in your dreams or visions, and become open to new ideas. John F. Wasik, journalist, author and business consultant
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man." "I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn’t know that Mary worked here!" FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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News & Stuff
Gambling: What are HEALTH - One End to the Other the odds that you'll Try A Smile Researchers found smiling can reduce stress levels and lower the heart rate while performing difﬁcult tasks. Writing in Psychological Science, the authors tell how they studied the effects of different types of smiling in difﬁcult situations. Tara Kraft, of the University of Kansas, said: "Age old adages, such as 'grin and bear it' suggest that smiling is an important nonverbal indicator of happiness. Those who smiled after stressful tasks showed a decline in heart rate and faster recovery from stress." So folks, say “cheese”!
Say The Dog Did It? A team of physicians studying ﬂatulence write that one of the most common places to pass gas is on airplanes. Seriously? Gas expands at higher altitudes, and just when you are elbow to elbow with 300 strangers. You can hold gas doctors say if it's only for a short time. It will give you time to move to a restroom or a more convenient place where there are fewer people to bomb. Holding gas over a longer time can cause bloating, indigestion, heartburn and even pain. The truth is that gas is a part of digestion and everyone releases a half to 2 pints a day on average. Whether you are aware of it or not, this gas will exit the body as you sleep or even cough or sneeze. If you have a serious ﬂatulence issue, talk it over with your health care provider (or become self-employed and move out to the country). Excessive gassiness can be a symptom of irritable bowel syndrome and lactose intolerance and often results from eating foods like beans and cruciferous vegetables.
Can’t give up your job or move to the country? Have no fear, you can buy charcoal-lined underwear at under-tec.com and seat cushions at smellbegone.com. Problem solved!
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Most Americans enjoy going to a casino or even to their local bar to have a cocktail and take a shot at hitting it big on the machines. Maybe you do too. Another option is gambling from the comfort of your home over the Internet. What are the chances you'll win? Thanks to public data detailing Internet gambling, a Wall Street Journal study provides some answers. The chances of being a winner on any day aren't too bad. Occasional gamblers won money on 30 percent of the days they wagered. But remember, continuing to gamble signiﬁcantly lowers those odds. Just 11 percent of frequent players ended in the black over a two-year period. Want to know the real skinny? Most ended up putting less than $150 back into their pockets. Big losers of more than $5,000 outnumbered big winners of the same amount 128 to 1. Ouch! About 95 percent of heavy gamblers were big losers. They made the largest number of wagers over the two years and 95 percent of them lost money. Of the 4,222 customers analyzed in anonymous records, just 119 big losers provided half of the online casino's take and 10.8 percent provided 80 percent. To check the results, The Journal asked the University of Michigan and the University of Connecticut to analyze a private gambling database to which they have access. They checked 18,000 holders of loyalty cards at a Native American casino. The ﬁndings were very similar. So what’s the moral of the story? Play for fun folks and if you feel that you have a problem there’s always gamblersanonymous.org!
Google Now Google Now, the voice activated assistant for Android and IOS phones, has a few surprises hidden inside. Try asking these silly questions: What’s the loneliest number? When am I? Who are you? Make me a sandwich. Do a barrel roll. Beam me up, Scotty? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? By the way, Google Now was code named Majel during development. Majel Barrett (wife of Gene Roddenberry) was the voice of the computer systems in Star Trek. Beam that up! WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
Live Music Wednesdays January 8th & 22nd
New Orleans Beau and the Big Easy Blues, Jazz, and Motown -Guest Musicians Welcome
January 15th & 29th D-ROX Acoutic- Brother and sister duo jammin’ to all genres - you name it and they’ll play it.
2357 Plainﬁeld Crest Hill 815-725-2252
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10 Sat Jan 11 Sun Jan 12 Fri Jan 17 Sat Jan 18 Fri Jan 24 Sat Jan 25 Fri Jan
KARAOKE with Eric Cast
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THE NAME SAYS IT ALL LET’S PARTY!
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r n’s Dave 10 10
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A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man,
"Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
10347 Southwest Hwy Chicago Ridge, IL. ( SW Hwy & Oak Park)
Tues-Thur 1 to 9p Fri - Sat 1 to 10p Sun 1 to 6p
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
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The Bathroom Excuse
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students, "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael?" Michael replies, "Just a
ASK THE WINO... Taking questions
WINO: Doug Simmons AGE: 44 DISLIKES: People passing gas and people staring at me while passing gas. LIKES: Bathrooms with toilet paper
minute, I have to go pee." The teacher replies, "That would be rude and impolite! What about you Peter? How would you say it?" Peter responds, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher replies, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" Johnny proudly answers, "I would say 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper.’”
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Greg: A Shower Curtain Salesman I am in Cancun right now, because its freezing.. Where do you Vacation? WINO: Ermm!!... Let me think .....Dec. the Bahamas, January The Caribbean, then Feb. either on my Yacht in Florida or In my villa in Marbella, Spain. Are you on crack, where did you get that hat you look like the dude in weekend at Bernie’s..Next question. Glenn: A Graphic Artist Hi Cookie how was Christmas for you, did Santa put lots and lots of Gifts in your Stocking? WINO: Well Glen what do you think. The only stocking ﬁller I got was when I crapped my pants in the 7-11 on Christmas eve. I knew I shouldn’t have tucked my pants in my socks... man did that stink... Olga: A freelance Journalist I am on assignment from Russia to interview Men... is it true nice guys ﬁnsih last WINO: Oh its true alright Fräulein, in fact you came to the King of the Jungle when it comes to impressing the ladies. I took my lady friend Bernice out a few weeks ago for her birthday. We wined and dined with BYOB at McDonalds. Come to think of it I haven’t seen her since. Cassandra: Med Graduate I recently graduated from college and was wondering if you would donate anything after you pass on, they really need organs and body parts. Wino: I ain’t havin’ my parts pickled in some jar lady, oh! Unless you want my liver that’s already pickled I guess. Well that kinda question really put me in a good mood for 2014. Frikkin Students!!
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MONDAY Kitchen Hours 11am to $1.75 Domestic Pints 8pm Monday to Saturday with daily food TUESDAY specials $2 U Call Its WEDNESDAY FREE FOOD $2.25 Domestic Bottles DURING ALL BEARS GAMES THURSDAY “Like” us on Facebook $12 Domestic Buckets 9247 S Cicero Ave Oak Lawn (708) 636-1555 FRIDAY $1.75 MGD & PBR Pints SATURDAY $3 Premium Pints & Bottles SUNDAY $4 Bloody Marys & $12 Domestic Buckets
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January 2014 Calendar January 1 - 5, 2014 (exact dates below)
January 16 - 20, 2014
ZooLights at the Lincoln Park Zoo features millions of holiday lights, ice carvings, music, carousel and train rides, food and gift shopping (plus photos with Santa through Dec. 23). Runs Nov. 29-30 and Dec. 1, 6-8, 13-23, 26-31 and Jan. 1-5. Free.
The Chicago Boat, Sports & RV Show at McCormick Place includes plenty of boats and RVs, seminars, scuba demos, and even a trout pond for kids.
January 1 - 5, 2014
Chicago Boat, Sports & RV Show
January 17 - 19, 2014
Model Train Show
Model trains wind their way through a miniature village among Poinsettias during the Winter Flower & Train Show at Lincoln Park Conservatory. Free.
January 1 - 5, 2014
Holidays Of Light
See trees decorated to represent many cultures plus weekend ethnic song-and-dance performances during Christmas Around the World and Holidays of Light at the Museum of Science & Industry.
Cubs fans will enjoy getting up close with their favorite players and broadcasters at Cubs Convention at the Sheraton.
January 17 - 19, 2013
Chicago Motorcycle Show & Swap Meet
Chicago Motorcycle Show & Swap Meet features bikes, parts, demonstrations, food, beer, and live music at Pheasant Run Resort in St. Charles.
January 22 - 26, 2014
January 1 - 12, 2014
Chicago Outdoor Sports Show
Festival Hall at Navy Pier becomes an indoor Winter WonderFest for the holidays, with music, carnival rides, and entertainment. Expect crowds. Free.
January 23 - 26, 2014
Chicago Outdoor Sports Show has ﬁshing and hunting seminars, kids’ activities, and hundreds of vendors at the Rosemont Convention Center.
January 4 - 5, 2014
See classic & custom hot rods, muscle cars, race cars, trucks, and entertainment at the Indoor Custom Car Show & Expo at Tinley Park Convention Center.
January 24 - 25, 2014
Custom Car Show
Strictly Sail is a boat show that offers seminars for sailors and has 250 exhibitors of boats and gear in Festival Halls A & B at Navy Pier.
January 5, 2014
Bundle up and go to Maxwell Street Market in search of bargains and outstanding Mexican street food. It’s open every Sunday at 800 S. Desplaines St. Free.
January 24 - Feb. 6, 2014
Maxwell Street Market
January 6 - 31, 2014 (weekdays)
Free Science Museum
B-Fest is 24 hours of low-budget movies with audience participation at McCormick Auditorium, Northwestern University.
Chicago Restaurant Week
Get a special deal on a ﬁxed-price lunch or dinner at 286 restaurants during Chicago Restaurant Week.
Show Illinois ID to enter the Museum of Science and Industry free during Free Days.
January 25, 2014
January 8, 2014
Register to join the Lakeview Polar Bear Club, and then take the Polar Plunge into Lake Michigan for charity at Oak Street Beach. Free to watch.
Get advice from health, ﬁtness and ﬁnancial experts to make those resolutions reality at the New Year LifeStyle Fair at James R. Thompson Center. Free.
January 9 - 19, 2014
Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival
Choose from more than 170 shows to watch during Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival at Stage 773.
January 11 - 12, 2014
Chicago Travel & Adventure Show
The Chicago Travel & Adventure Show brings together travelers, travel experts, and travel service providers at the Rosemont Convention Center.
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Polar Bear Plunge
January 25, 2014
Northerly Island Adventure
See birds of prey and coyotes, hear folk music, watch dog sledding, walk on snowshoes (if there’s snow), make a craft, and have cocoa (while it lasts) at Polar Adventure Days. Free except parking.
January 25, 2014
Winter Beer Festival
Winter Brew is a Lincoln Square beer fest that features local brew and food at the DANK Haus German American Cultural Center. WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
$1 DOMESTIC BOTTLES SUNDAY THRU WEDNESDAY
802-804 Theodore St Crest Hill 815-726-3401 Facebook: www.facebook.com/BadaBrew Booking Information: Contact George 708-203-3809 / Sean 708-945-2282 / email: firstname.lastname@example.org Jan 4th- Neurotic, Sons of Serenity, Motor Biscuit & ?Solarsphere Jan 16th - It Lies Within Pre-Sale $8/Door price $10 Doors 6pm.
Jan 18th - Spence,
friday, january 24th 2014
National Recording & Platinum Selling Artist TANTRIC known for such hit singles as “Breakdown”, “Astounded” and “Down and Out”
Jan 24th - Tantric with special guests A Silent Truth, The Placebo Effect, My Headphone World & TBA! Jan 25th - Lifecurse, Orinoco, Dark Passenger, ODE & A Silent Truth Feb 1st - Speedball Zombie & Lyden Moon
Live at Bada Brew!!!
$13 Presale/$15 At the Door/ $25 Special VIP Meet and Greet Doors Open At 7pm
VIDEO GAMING HERE!!! HILL T S E
The Hottest Place to party in the Joliet area is @ Bobby McGees! Bobby McGee's hosts the area's most energetic parties! So come one, come all and experience a true South Side Party Pub - at Bobby McGees at 1200 Cedarwood, Crest Hill 815-741-4318 FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
Sun: Mon: Tue: Wed: Thur: Fri: Sat:
$1.50 Dom Bottles, $3.00 Bloody Mary & Half Price Pizza - DJ $1.50 Domestic Bottles, $3 Call Shots, $3 Well Mixers $1.50 Domestic Bottles, $6 Mason Jars(well), Free Pool $1.50 Domestic Bottles, $5 Domestic Pitchers, $2.50 Imports $1.50 Domestic Bottles, $3 Rumpl, Black Haus & Jack Shots $5 Domestic Pitchers, $8 Craft Pitchers, $3 Bombs - DJ $12 Domestic Buckets, $15 Import Buckets, $4 Mixed - DJ
DJ DANCE PARTY EVERY FRIDAY & SATURDAY 773.213.4597
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Happy Holidays & Happy New Year from your friends at X’s O’s Bridgeview
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Great by Choice How to does your business survive in times of change and chaos? Can it achieve success when all around are burning to the ground? The answer is maybe. If it is possible, authors Jim Collins and Morten T. Hansen aim to steer you through it. The book is based on a dataset that ended in 2002, well before the 2008 meltdown and subsequent business turbulence. But, the lessons the authors present should apply to any condition of uncertainty and disruption. Among the questions they attempt to answer: How does a business thrive in uncertainty? The book takes on several truisms in business with surprising results. Is innovation always the key to success in turmoil? Not really, the authors say, pointing to 'scaled innovation' as more likely to succeed. Does a rapidly changing world and business environment require lightning fast decisions and turnaround? Not really. Go fast, get killed. Or Go fast when necessary and not get killed. Does radical change affecting a business market mean that you also must radically change to be successful? Not really. Successful business test cases showed that many successful businesses changed less than the world around them. Does pure good luck characterize success? Nope. The best companies have had lots of luck, good and bad. Key is to respond properly to good circumstances, or luck. The authors cite some very interesting business and life anecdotes and studies to support their many ﬁnding about success in chaos.
Great by Choice by Jim Collins and Morten T. Hansen, Harper, 304 pages.
JANUARY HOROSCOPE ARIES: Your creativity may push you in one direction while your common sense pushes you elsewhere. Options surround you and choices need to be made, so be careful. TAURUS: When you seem to be out of sorts with your coworkers, remember that they could be backing off instead of discussing matters with you. Shape up. GEMINI: Avoid focusing on strange news. Trying to get to the bottom of the misrepresentation is a waste of your time. Soon the right news, if there is any, will be told. CANCER: The stars predict that you will have a lucky year. That could be true, but you know where good luck actually comes from. It's the byproduct of hard work. LEO: Get your goals and thoughts organized for 2014. What you do now can affect your future. The connections you make can also inﬂuence life-changing decisions. VIRGO: In 2014, life will proceed as you had imagined, but it may take longer than you expected. Be patient, honest and keep yourself at the highest level of integrity.
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LIBRA: Romance could be at the forefront of your personal interests in 2014. You could bring it home to your loved one. No loved one? A new contact will soon appear. SCORPIO: The New Year is a good time to take stock of your health and what steps you can take to preserve it or improve it. Don't be too busy to save your own life. SAGITTARIUS: Yes! There's travel in your future. Could be in state, across the country or around the world, but it's time to create your plan or revisit one you already have. CAPRICORN: The year begins at a hectic pace, but you'll ﬁnd new energy to deal with it. Changes at work can turn things around, giving you the motivation to move ahead. AQUARIUS: There's a sparkling sheen over your world with blue skies and all. You're also in a forgiving mood, or maybe it's just that you refuse to be bothered. PISCES: Even though you're busy at work, part of you is sailing a sea. If you let your mind visit there every so often, you're sure to make your deadline. WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
r u o X ho’s y te w ri o ? v r e fa nd e t bar
VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE JANUARY BARTENDER
facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400 The winner will receive a 4 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.
DECEMBER BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...
Hall Of Fame 8143 W 47th St Lyons, IL Signature Drink: Tootie Fruity Shot Ingredients: Rumchata, 3 Olives Loopy Words of Wisdom: “A little party never killed anyone, so go big or go home!”
Bartender: Samantha West 55th Street 4201 W 55th St, Chicago Signature Drink: Mexican Margarita Martini Ingredients: Patron, Triple Sec, Sweet & Sour, Splash of Orange, Squeeze of Lime, Splash of Olive Juice Words of Wisdom: “Love life.”
Demma’s Bar & Grill 5805 W 87th Street, Oak Lawn Signature Drink: Pineapple Upside Down Cake Ingredients: Vanilla Vodka, Pineapple Juice, Grenadine Words of Wisdom: “Everyone should believe in something, I believe I'll have another drink.”
Bada Brew 802-804 Theodore Crest Hill
Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote by hitting “like” on the bartender’s photo .
Only two votes are counted per person and voting polls close on January 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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WORD SEARCH CAR PARTS
Rules: Every row, column and 3x3 box must have numbers 1 to 9
ACCELERATOR ALARM AXLE BATTERY BRAKE BUMPER CLUTCH DOORS ENGINE FUSE GAS TANK
GPS HEADREST HEATER HOOD HORN HUB CAPS JACK KEYS LIGHTS LOCKS MIRROR
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MUFFLER ODOMETER PEDAL PISTON RADIO SHOCKS SPEEDOMETER TIRES TRUNK VISOR WINDOWS WIPERS
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The Lighter Side NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION NUMBER 1: QUIT SMOKING Two guys are standing in Times Square at New Years. The famed ball has just dropped heralding the beginning of a brand new year. First guy says, " Hey, can I bum a cigarette?" Second guy says, "Wait a minute! Didn't you just tell me you resolved to quit smoking?" First guy says, " I am keeping my resolution and I am in Stage One." 'What's that?" his friend asks. "I have quit buying."
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION NUMBER 2: LOSE WEIGHT A lady welcomes the New Year and dutifully makes her top resolution to lose weight. To do that, she decides she will be completely honest about what size she is now. So she goes into her closet and, with the help of her 7-year-old niece, she begins throwing things out that do not ﬁt. Her niece ﬁnds a beautiful pair of slacks that, unfortunately, are way too small for her aunt. "Wow," the lady says, "I must have worn these when I was 90."
Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. I was born in 1946 to a famous actor and his writer actress wife, Mary Bell. I rose to fame as a child. I won a BAFTA Award for my ﬁrst appearance in a movie, the 1959 "Tiger Bay". Who am I? a) Liza Minnelli b) Hayley Mills c) Patty Duke d) Deborah Kerr 2. My father was a big name star of the 1940s and 1950s and the leading light in ﬁlms such as the 1960 "Spartacus". I am just as big in my own right, winning an Academy Award for my role in the 1987 movie "Wall Street". Who am I? a) Jim Carrey b) Warren Beatty c) Colin Firth d) Michael Douglas 3. My father is best known for his appearances as George Costanza's father in the television series "Seinfeld" (1989-1998). I am a top name star today and the star of such ﬁlms as the 2000 "Meet the Parents". Who am I? a) Owen Wilson b) Brad Pitt c) Jim Carrey d) Ben Stiller 4. This is a third generation celebrity family. I have a big name Hollywood star for a grandfather, a famous aunt, Hanoi Jane, a famous father Peter, and I am a star in my own right with ﬁlms such as the 1993 "Point of No Return" to my credit. Who am I? a) Sally Field b) Bridget Fonda c) Patty Duke d) Liza Minnelli 5. My famous mother has been nervous of showers for many years following her appearance in a ﬁlm featuring this modern convenience. I am known for such excellent ﬁlms as the 1994 "True Lies". Who am I? a) Elizabeth Taylor b) Patty Duke c) Jamie Lee Curtis d) Sally Field 6. My famous mother is known for her giggle and for being the star of such ﬁlms as "Bird on a Wire" (1990). I am a star in my own right, and can be seen in ﬁlms such as "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (2003). Who am I? a) Kate Hudson b) Bryce Howard c) Mariska Hargitay d) Meg Ryan
Her niece looks puzzled, then asks, "How old are you now?"
7. My father was the star of such productions as the series "Sea Hunt" which ran from 1958 to 1961. I have an equally famous brother. I am known for ﬁlms such as the 1984 science-ﬁction "Starman". Who am I? a) London Bridges b) Beau Bridges c) Jeff Bridges d) Lloyd Bridges
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION NUMBER 3: I WILL READ MORE
8. I am famous for my famous father and his blue suede shoes. Though less well known, I am a singer and songwriter as well, with several albums of music to my credit. Who am I? a) Miley Cyrus b) Hayley Mills c) Paris Hilton d) Lisa Marie Presley
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10. My father was a great actor on the big screen, featuring in ﬁlms such as the 1967 "Dirty Dozen". Though I also have ﬁlms to my credit, I'm seen more on the small screen, sometimes for up to 24 hours a day. Who am I? a) Kevin Kline b) Jason Patric c) Kiefer Sutherland d) Brad Pitt
6. Kate Hudson 7. Jeff Bridges 8. Lisa Marie Presley 9. Nancy Sinatra 10. Kiefer Sutherland
The ﬁrst resolution is always: Read more. 2009: Buy War and Peace. 2010: Read War and Peace. 2011: Finish War and Peace. 2012: If not War and Peace, then ﬁnish 10 good books. 2013: Read 5 books. 2014: Read Facebook shares.
9. Old Blue Eyes, my father, was better known than I am, but I still had a reasonable career as a singer and actress. I am well known for my boots. Who am I? a) Paris Hilton b) Patty Duke c) Sally Field d) Nancy Sinatra
1. Hayley Mills 2. Michael Douglas 3. Ben Stiller 4. Bridget Fonda 5. Jamie Lee Curtis
A man is very committed to making resolutions and keeps a list of his resolutions from year to year.
A married couple is travelling by car from California to New York.
New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied. No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check.
The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.
She did and gave it to the Manager.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
"That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
It was two o' clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" and promptly slammed the phone down. His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
es h s i W Best 014 for 2
What’s Hot In Sports
The 2014 Winter Olympics: February 7-23 at Sochi, Russia Mikaela Shiffrin will be skiing into the spotlight. An 18-year old American girl is well-known in Austria and other European countries, but in the United States, and even in her hometown of Vail, Colorado, few people recognize Mikaela Shiffrin as the winner of the slalom world championship in Austria. In that country, world champion Alpine skiers are super stars.
when the 2026 Olympics roll around.
Two-time Olympic medalist Picabo Street thinks Shiffrin has as much ability to win in Sochi as Lindsey Vonn, the American favorite. And, she's young enough to be competing
In Shiffrin's second full season on the World Cup tour last year, she became the youngest slalom World Cup champion since 1983 and the ﬁrst non-European to win four World Cup slalom races in one season, all while balancing a full load of homework. In June she graduated from Burke Mountain Academy, a boarding school in northern Vermont with a ski-racing focus. "She's a phenomenon," four-time Olympian Bode Miller says. "They don't come around very often, and when they do, it's a pleasure to watch. She doesn't get ﬂustered. She performs consistently. Those are the people you want to bet on." In February, all Americans will have a chance to see her compete, so be sure to tune in! FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE
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La La’s Love Letters Dear LaLa, I am thinking about proposing to my girlfriend in the very near future and I was thinking about doing it over breakfast in bed. She said she has always fantasized about this, so I thought it might be a really romantic and personal proposal. My only problem is I’m not much of a cook and I don’t have a clue as to what to make. If you could have one meal in bed, what would it be? Maple Syrup
make some things she likes. Then, the icing on the cake is going to be the card. Within it, detail how awesome you think she is, and really impress her by pointing out her cute quirks and habits (again, showing that you’re paying attention).
Dear Maple, That’s really sweet that you are making your girlfriend’s dream a reality. Breakfast food is really easy to throw together, but even if you are a total mess-up and burn the meal, don’t worry about the food! As long as you prepared it with heart, she is going to be overjoyed that you did that for her. As for your question, I actually like to stand when I eat, but I suppose I could see myself cramming a sammich as an after-sex meal.
Dear Joe, Thanks! Well, because there can be lingerie without love.
By Lauren Strec
Dear LaLa, I’m sure you’ve gotten this question before, but I really need some advice. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year now and I have no idea what to get her for our anniversary! She is so awesome and I would like to give her something really special, but I don’t make a lot of money and I can’t afford much. I don’t want her to think I’m cheap, so help! Broke Brett Dear Brett, If you’ve been dating her for a year, she probably has an idea of your income, and I doubt she will think you’re a cheapskate if you throw together something small, but meaningful. Don’t discredit yourself: you can get really creative on a budget. Women love it when their man can “prove” that he is really into them by remembering things that they enjoyed. It shows that he’s been paying attention! So, all we have to do is tap into her interests. Get out a piece of paper, and starting thinking of all the activities that you have done over the past year. As you revisit each date, try to remember what you two talked about. Did she like a certain movie, was there something that made her laugh hysterically, or was there ever something that reminded her of her childhood? On the same piece of paper, also start writing basic “favorites:” color, song, band, movie, etc. And for what you can’t remember/know, ﬁnd ways to ask her. Once you have everything in front of you, you will be able to match up some things to put together a package. Jump on eBay to ﬁnd a DVDs, hit up the Dollar Store for her favorite color wrapping paper, or see if you can even
The Late Bloomer
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
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Dear LaLa, I just wanted to start by saying I am a huge fan of your column. With that being said, I think I have a question that just might stump you LaLa! If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Joe
Dear LaLa, I think my husband is going through some sort of a mid-life crisis. He mostly just wants to just lie around, drink beer and watch the golf channel. I of course feel like I have hit the prime of my life and no matter how sexy the lingerie or how charming I am he’s always turning me down. I love him to pieces and I’d never leave him, but I have needs! I’m ready to go ﬁnd myself a young hottie on the side, but just the thought of it overwhelms me with guilt. Any ideas before I take the plunge? Julie Dear Julie, I don’t know if it is a mid-lie crisis… that just sounds like a typical dude to me! I read that you have made advances, but have you straight-out told him that you’re actually suffering? He may not know how intense your needs are, and it wouldn’t be fair to cheat on the guy if he didn’t understand how critical the situation is. This is what I would try, if I were in your position. Throw a couple beers and mugs in the freezer, and while he is watching golf, wait until his current beer is getting low. Then, pour a couple frosty brews (one for yourself-- tough it out of you don’t like beer), hand one to him and sit on the opposite end of the couch. If he asks any questions, keep your answers short and nonchalant until a commercial break. When that time comes, turn to him and say, “I have a serious problem, and I am hoping that you can help me. I think you have the best unit in the world, and I have been craving it like crazy lately. You’re the only person who can help me with this situation, so you’re going to have to bang me really soon.” Then slam your beer and walk away.
Lauren is a spokesmodel for tv, radio, live events, blogging and social media. Connect at Facebook. com/LaurenStrec for tidbits, news and fun photos
"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had ﬂat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36 Cs. "Very good," said her mother embarrassed. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No Honey, it's because you're 24." WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
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live music corner
CADILLAC GROOVE By: Joliet Dave
For many, Chicago is the blues capital of the world. Like everywhere else however, the popularity of the genre has had it’s up and downs, no more so than in the suburbs. Back in the day you could ﬁnd legends like Howlin’ Wolf, Buddy Guy and Muddy Waters plying their trade in Joliet and surrounding communities. Later it was “Big Twist & The Mellow Fellows” and “Deluxery” amongst a score of others. During the Blues boom of the mid nineties, units like “The Griff Band” and “The Bluz Boyz” gigged incessantly and through it all was T-Bird Huck. Today acts like “Big Dog Mercer” and the “Maxwell Mojo Blues Band” carries on the tradition in an environment that seems to be a bit more welcoming to blues artist than it was even ten years ago. Once such new comer is Joliet based “Cadillac Groove”. The band feeds from a jambalaya of traditional blues, R&B and a dose of southern and classic rock all served up with what they call “an infectious pulse”. Working from a set list that includes such diverse artists as T-Bone Walker, Booker T & The MG’s and The Allman Brothers, this group of musicians not only truly enjoy the music they play, but loves to entertain a crowd as well. As they like to put it, their objective is to “Get your heart bumpin’, your feet thumpin’ and your soul pumpin’.” Formed just this past year, “Cadillac Groove” is manned by Scott Groleske singing lead and blowing the harp, Voodoo Jones sharing lead vocals and slinging guitar, James Digirolamo locked in on bass and Thom Dixon on vocals and hammering down the drums. Groleske and Dixon have had a long history of working together before adding bassist Digirolamo, but the addition of Voodoo Jones is an interesting story. With the band about to debut at McBride’s Pub in Plainﬁeld, the original guitarist backed out of the gig at the last minute and what could have been a case of “jumping from the frying pan and into the ﬁre” instead swung completely in the other direction. Band spokesman Thom Dixon explains it like this, ”I called Voodoo and amazingly he had the date open. Now the thing is this lineup had never played together before as a band. Time was short (so) I sent out the song list and said be ready to go…..AND MAN WERE WE READY TO GO!! We blew the doors off the place. McBride’s is always a rockin’ joint but this night was incredible. There was a vibe in the room you could physically feel. Folks
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(were) dancing everywhere, on the dance ﬂoor, by their tables, at the bar, everywhere. First song, Voodoo took a guitar solo, walked straight out into the crowd, driving a stake in the ground saying “the party starts right friggin’ NOW!” I knew then this was going to be one seriously smokin’ band.” In just the relatively short amount of time they’ve been together, “Cadillac Groove” has not only drastically increased their fan base but have also managed to stay busy and are consistently asked back to whatever venue they play. Part of the reason for their success is that they truly love what they’re doing. It’s not hard to spot the bands that do it strictly for the money and phone it in while others, like “Cadillac Groove”, look at it in a different light. Like Thom Dixon puts it, “You do get to be part of something very few people get to experience. When you are playing a tune and you look around and everyone in the room is boppin’ to your beat, that’s a really cool connection. Most people have some really great memories in their life that are somehow related to music, a night out with friends or a beach party with the music cranked. Playing music you get to be a part of those memories. That’s why I play music and I hope that’s why others who are just starting out will too.” “Cadillac Groove” will be performing at one of the areas’ bestkept secrets January 3rd when they appear at The Fireside Lounge (inside the Brunswick Zone XL) in Romeoville at 9PM. This venue has seen some great bands come through recently and deﬁnitely needs to be on your radar to catch local acts. The venue is located right off the I-55/Weber Rd interchange at 735 North Center Blvd. The band will also be returning to Poor Boys Pub in Montgomery on Saturday, January 11th, another ﬁne venue known for great food and outstanding live bands. Poor Boys is located at 283 Montgomery Rd and the band will be ﬁring up at 9PM. Also be sure to visit the band at www.cadillacgroove.com and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/cadillacgroove. To have your band and or CD considered for a story, contact Joliet Dave at www.facebook.com/jolietdaveofﬁcial. WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
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TA L E S F R O M T H E C H R I S
In The Clearing Stands A Boxer By Rob Christiansen
Happiness with Minerva is contingent on something she has dreamed of since she was a little girl. I either propose by August or we’ll tell our landlord we’re not renewing the lease.
I envy my friends’ stagnant lifestyles. Flicka loves revisiting Maywood Park and we’re headed there. Flicka resembles Al Capone’s and Roseanne’s kid. He’s full of business ideas but he spins his wheels, sometimes literally. He designs and sells t-shirts as a street vendor. His interests include harness racing and the food & beverage industry, having previously worked in both. You look twice to see there’s a cigarette in Flicka’s hand as he lingers like smoke in haunts Salt & Pepper Diner and Gene’s & Jude’s. He’s barrel-chested and turret-bellied with a thin cut FuManchu and easy smile that renders his eyes closed. His trill, hyena laugh is semi-automatic. He occasionally sits around like he has all day, because he usually does, wearing short-sleeve casual dress shirts, top two buttons unbuttoned, no t-shirt, and a gold necklace. Flicka had dispatched Benny to ring my buzzer. Benny once drove Flicka’s limo into a ditch. The idea was ditched then, too. “Getcha hand outta your shorts,” the former storefront sign craftsman drawled into my intercom, and added, like lava boiling over, “I gotta get away from Flicka. He drives me nuts.” Benny sported a crew cut and gaps between his teeth resembling Stardust Hotel ashtray notches. Flicka’s ten-year-old yellow Camaro was idling with the shotgun door open. He told me to get in. “I couldn’t sell shirts this morning,” he said with resignation when I settled. “My hand was numb.” He unintentionally caricatured one of his “dinosaur arms” while displaying the hand in the rear view. “I punched Benny,” he said, glancing in the mirror. “I can’t stand him. He’s a drain.” Benny, a former lightweight champ, is used to Flicka’s bullying and didn’t ﬂinch. I can appreciate their “former” titles. I’m a former horseman, a carriage driver for eleven months, although it felt like a year. If I suggest to you that Flicka and Benny are codependent cousins then I’m “the pot calling the kettle black” since they’d say I’m codependent on Minerva. Flicka had once said, many times, “If Cubs fans see Ronnie Woo Woo excited about harness racing, attendance will improve.” Flicka’s voice is soft and articulate and people hear him out. He draws diners and drinkers into conversations to pit his hidden inferiority complex against their assuredness. “Woo Woo is the spectator linking baseball and harness racing.” A funny thing happened. Woo Woo rode around the track in the Cadillac Brougham’s front passenger seat, waving to the crowd. Maywood Park was packed and Flicka received a check from the track owner. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it.
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Flicka is wearing a t-shirt he designed that asks, “Do I look like a people person?” yet he, with his dinosaur arms, said he had punched Benny. To my eye, Benny’s teeth take turns missing, on a rotation basis, like a volleyball team ﬁelded by a squad of missing teeth. Maybe Flicka occasionally catches the ’78 and ’79 Golden Gloves Champ of St. Andrew’s Gym off guard. Maybe it’s a trick of my eye, like a shell game. Minerva would freak out if I told her I had once played a shell game…six different times, on the el. Minerva met Kathy for lunch and shopping downtown. I brought up her shopping sprees before she left and she mentioned my harness racing gambling. She assumes I never win, and, going along for the ride with Benny and Flicka en route to Gene’s & Jude’s for hotdogs, fries and tamales, I feel that she’s right. Now we’re seated in the Camaro parked backside of Maywood Park while Flicka, a former driver, is wandering about the tack room, chatting up drivers. Flicka’s attitude indicates he’s a people person, but when the smoke clears from his schmoozing he’ll admit that people stress him out because, he says, “you’re dealing with people.” “Flicka drives me nuts,” Benny says. “The other night, he comes home at three in the morning with a big black guy! Brings him right into the apartment and he stands there with him, talking to him for a half hour.” Using the hand not holding his cigarette, Benny pantomimes endless small talk, repetitively opening and closing his mouth like a blowﬁsh. “Finally, I come out of my room to use the bathroom. The guy works at Leona’s, and Flicka wants to sell him a pizza oven. In the morning, I ask Flicka, ‘Are you gay, Flicka? What are you bringing a big black guy home at three in the morning for?’” Sometimes Benny clenched his available teeth and talked out of the side of his mouth while glancing sideways at you. He did that when he wanted you to know he was close to the edge. He usually found his way there. He opens his door and gets out of the car and I do the same. He’s had it up to here with Flicka and he goes for the TKO, a boxer rebelling in sweatpants. It’s funny because Benny wears glasses. “Flicka says, ‘a-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-’ He’s going to ask the owner about buying the pizza oven because one of theirs is on the fritz. He’s crazy, Nort! He stays up all night, typing his stupid ideas. He’s bringing me down. He’s the reason I haven’t been able to get back into the sign business. In a year from now, I’ll be back on my feet again and back in the sign business, but I have to get away from him.” I scuff my sneakers on the hard dirt ground. “Benny,” I say. “You want to run around the track? Run a race against a horse?” “Hey, Nort,” he drawls. “Go eff yourself. Where the hell is Flicka? Let’s go.” WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM
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