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Whats Up tra OCTOBER 2012

CHICAGO

READ THE MAGAZINE ONLINE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM

CJ @ CAROL’S PUB

B O T M

HALLOWEEN PARTIES BELIEVE IT ON NOT STORIES JOKES PHOTOS ASK THE WINO

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LIVE DEC 8 2012

PACQUIAO MARQUEZ

IV

WATCH THE FIGHT @ FIESTA CANTINA

BOOK YOUR HOLIDAY PARTIES NOW!!!

HALLOWEEN BASH 2012 CASH PRIZES & GIVEAWAYS LIVE DJ

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER - JOIN US ON FACEBOOK

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Martini Mondays

$2 Domestic Bottles & $5 Martinis & $4 Jameson/Tullamore Dew Shots $5 Mo Burger - $2 Off All Other Burgers

$2 Tuesdays U CALL IT

$15 Import Buckets, $4 Patron Shots & $5 Margaritas $6.99 Reuben Sandwiches

Ladie’s Night Wednesdays

1/2 Price Bottles of Wine & $5 Martinis $5 Chicken Caesar - Buffalo Chicken Wraps

6070 N. Northwest Hwy

Thirsty Thursdays

$2.50 Miller / Coors 16 oz Cans, $4 UV Bombs & $5 Svedka Mixers Buy One Sandwich Get The Second Of Equal Or Lesser Value Half Off

Go to MODAILEYS.COM or MO DAILEY’S on FACEBOOK

AY UND AY F IDE! D N SU THS BEST HE NOR AY T ON SUND Y R E C EV DDIE!! E MUSI age LIVE ITH FAST Pack W

ate Tail G rink e t a ltim nD s $30 U ll You Ca and Draft A ttles ic Bo d s e m es an Do e gam h t g durin zers i t e p Ap

0TH

2 T OC

Finally Fridays

$4 U-Call-Its (House), $3.50 Import Drafts & $5 Baby Guinness Shots $8.99 Fish and Chips Dinner - $6 Fish Sandwich

Saturated Saturdays

$12 Domestic Buckets, $5 Guinness 20oz BIG Pints, $2.50 Stadium Domestic Drafts & $4 Glasses of Wines

Sunday Fundays

$6 Domestic Pitchers, $4 Jager & Jager Bombs, $6 Vodka Lemonade Mini Pitchers & $12 Domestic Mix and Match Buckets

Costume Train Crawl

Starts at Mo’s at 10.20 @ Noon Travels to Harry’s in Arlington Heights More details at MODAILEYS.COM

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Chicagoland is filled with extraordinary nightclubs, unparalleled dining venues and some of the biggest events in the world! But, do you ever wonder where the locals go? Where are the best neighborhood bars, eateries, and local festivals? Where can you find live music, karaoke and trivia nights? Who has the best food and drink specials around? If you are ready to experience the Chicagoland area like the locals do then make sure to pick up your free copy of What’s Up Xtra Magazine at any of the 300+ locations in the Chicago and Southwest Suburbs or check out our Facebook page daily to find out where you should be going tonight!

Does Advertising TABLE OF Work? It just did... CONTENTS Call 773.288.9400 and ask for Lisa

OUR ST A FF Lisa romack Sales Director

6 ask the wino

8 news of interest

AL PHOTOGRAPHER

13 sudoku crossword puzzle 14 are you smarter than chester

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Whats Up tra CHICAGO

Robert Christiansen Column Writer

15 dine and dash 16 BOOK REVIEW

JUNE 201 2 BEER GARDENS WHAT’S UP THIS MONTH

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FREE

B O T M

JACKY

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18 bartender ofthe month

OUTPUT LOUNGE 773.288-9400

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20 word find Check us out online - Read the magazine, Photos & More... www.whatsupxtra.com

26 tattle tales

Front page photo taken at Murphy’s Bleachers by Al “The Photo Man” The name What’s Up Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of What’s Up Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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jon obert editor

29 riddle of the month 30 lA LA LOVE LETTERS

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Timothy Parfitt Column Writer

31 OCTOBER EVENTS

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Whats UP Xtra Magazine CHICAGO / SOUTHWEST EDITIONS

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al aubin Photographer Suzi Lichner Contributing jokester We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com

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Kelly’s Pub VISIT US AT KELLYSPUB.COM

949 W. WEBSTER

773- 281- 0656

Sunday:

$15 Miller Lite Buckets & $3 Lagunitas Draft

Monday:

$1 Coors Drafts $12 Busch Light Buckets

($2 of every bucket donated to Gams Wolfpac Alzheimer’s Foundation)

Tuesday:

$2 Bud & Bud Light Bottles

Thursday:

$8 Bud Light & Coors Light Pitchers + $5 3 Olive Vodka Bombs

Friday:

$4 Goose Island Green Line Drafts

Saturday:

$12 Coors Buckets & $4 Goose Island 312 Drafts

COME WATCH IOWA Wednesday: $2 Bud Light & Coors Light Drafts, HAWKEYES $3 Craft Drafts & $5 Premium Drafts

The Fishing Trip Four guys had been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group was going to leave, Dick's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going. Dick's buddies were very upset that he couldn’t go, but what could they do? Two days later the three men get to the camping site only to find Dick sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

MISINTERPRETATION... A man was in a pub last Saturday night and drank a few, when he noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so he asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them chirped saying, "It's Wales, you friggin' idiot!" So, he immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?" No one has seen him since...

"Wow Dick, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Now do whatever you want." SO HERE I AM!!! FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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Glascott’s

2158 N. Halsted

Ask The Wino... Wino: Jerome Tiddlywink Smells Like: Cat Piss Likes: Giving piggy back rides to strangers Dislikes: Jim Henson and the Muppet Movies Brenda the Realtor asks: The other day, I left for work leaving my husband in the house planted in front of the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine took a crap. I walked back home to get his help and I found him in our bedroom with the neighbors' 19 year old daughter! When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he had been feeling depressed since he’d lost his job six months ago and promised he would end this affair immediately. What should I do, can you please help? Wino: A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty. I suggest having your air filters cleaned or replaced. I hope this helps with your problem.

More Photos on facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine

Kelly’s Pub

949 W. Webster

Laura the Yoga Instructor asks: I desperately want to have another baby but my husband feels that one child is perfect for our family. I don't want to trick him into another baby, but I'll do whatever it takes to get what I want. Wino: I'm sorry to hear that you are a knifing wench willing to do whatever it takes, but I can probably help you out here. If you're truly as desperate as you say, I suggest you offer your husband a no strings attached three-way with you and the hot 20 year old teacher's aide at your son's pre-school in exchange for a sibling for your son. Make sure all the players know this is a one-time thing and that everyone is very drunk. If you're lucky, you'll black out and forget the whole thing. Kenny the Sports Columnist asks: I'm so upset with my twin brother and my girlfriend that I just don't know what to do! "Missy" and I have been going together since our sophomore year of high school and she's the only girl I've ever loved. We're both 20 now and recently we've been talking about marriage. I thought everything was fine but three days ago she told me that she and my brother "Keith" have been have been sleeping together the entire time. The two people I'm closest to in the world have betrayed me! What should I do?

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Wino: You've been burned and it is okay to be hurt and pissed off. Do you know what might help you feel better, though? Revenge Sex! That sleazy hoe needs to be taught a lesson that she’ll never forget. You're going to have to bang her mother like a Ponderosa dinner bell and major extra points if you can get her to walk in on it. As for your brother, you can almost count on the fact he will dump her sorry ass in a matter of a few weeks. Bros before hoes! CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


k e e e e d n s y.

e e. e. e If d g s

nt e m et

h p I d s g a e

h w er e y g d on

d r, e o ll n ct s.

OCTOBER SPECIALS

Sunday

2158 N. Halsted glascotts.com 773-281-1205

Monday

$1 Off EVERYTHING & $4 Pints of ALL Draft Beers Tu

Tuesday

$4 Blue Moon Pints $5 Glasses of Wine

Wednesday

Beer of the Month:

Thursday

$4 Sam Adam’s Octoberfest Pints

Friday

$4 Leinenkugel’s Oktoberfest Pints & Shot of the Month: $3 FIREBALL CINNAMON WHISKEY

$6 Glascott’s Homemade Bloody Marys $15 Domestic Buckets & $4 Miller Lite Stadium Cups

Saturday

Cocktail of the Month: $3 Oak & Coke (Bacardi Oakheart & Coke)

$3.50 Guinness, Harp, Bass, and Magners Pints $3 Domestic Bottles & $4 Call Cocktails $4 New Castles & $5 Bombs $3 Mimosas & $15 Buckets of Domesic Bottles

PARTY ROOM AVAILABLE FOR ALL EVENTS! - CALL J.R. 773-281-1205

Celebrating 75 Years of Service & Memories Join Us Sunday October 14th Doors Open at Noon

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News of Interest

$650 Million: the estimated loss of U.S. productivity because of people watching the Olympics at work, say economists quoted in Time.

Blue Light from Smartphones and Tablets Interrupts Sleep Americans have become so addicted to their smartphones and tablets that many sleep with them. Others keep the devices on the night table, where they can look at them or pick them up to check email or surf the Internet. The medical community is concerned, because the type of light produced by electronic screens can contribute to sleep loss. After using them or looking at them, it's very difďŹ cult to go back to sleep. Steven Lockley, a Harvard Medical School sleep researcher, says, "Blue light preferentially alerts the brain, suppresses melatonin, and shifts our body clock all at the same time. The closer you have a light source to the face, the more intense it is." Melatonin is a hormone that helps regulate sleep and is not produced during the day.

Inexpensive DNA Test Can Help You Get Personalized Medicine, Find Your Roots

Genetic test maker 23andMe is asking the Food and Drug Administration to approve its $299 personalized DNA test. It's a move that, if successful, could boost acceptance of the technology. The company is part of a new industry that will allow consumers to check their genetic codes for details about their ancestry and future health. Critics, however, say it's not enough to provide medical information without telling people how to handle it. "It's the next step for us to work with the FDA and actually say, this is clinically relevant information, and consumers should work with their physicians on what to do with it,� said CEO and cofounder Anne Wojcicki, married to Google co-founder Sergey Brin. They have invested millions in the privately held company, which is based in Mountain View, Calif. The test, however, is available now, according to Time. Some things DNA testing can do: Predict illness: Disclose increased risk for more than 100 conditions, such as heart disease. Spot carrier traits: Discover whether you carry genes for inherited diseases such as Tay-Sachs, as well as recessive genes that predict eye color. Personalize medical treatments: Help your doctor estimate the effectiveness of various medicines so proper doses can be prescribed. Detect your origins: Find unknown relatives who share your genetic code, and tell your geographic origins.

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OAKWOOD $3 PBR 83 Eve ryday BAR & GRILL

NEW MENU

OPPA

DAILY FOOD SPECIALS

Open 5pm

FREE PRIVATE PARTY ROOM

5am Sat

KITCHEN OPEN LATE til 4am Up to 60 people Call Gus or Victor

7 Days a Week Cold Drinks / Food

1959 W. Montrose

773.327.2785

Oakwood 83

1959 W. Montrose

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Wrigleyville North 9543 Sports Bar 3900773N.929Sheridan GO CUBS GO

Live Music by

JUST US Band

DRINK SPECIALS EVERYDAY

Waylan Jennings & Johnny Cash Every Friday & Saturday

ble a T l oo

P

1 block south of the red line Sheridan Stop

& 2 blocks north of Wrigleyfield - walk 2 blocks north on Sheffield Wrigleyville North

3900 N. Sheridan

More Photos on facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine 773.288-9400

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Four Farthings

2060 N. Cleveland

Computer going sideways?

The Tech Shop (424) 652-TECH Virus Removal, Back-ups, Hardware/Software Installation, Computer Builds, Network Consultation, Home Network Installation, Server Design, Jailbreaking

On-Site or at The Shop "Most MAC/PC/LINUX Repair ONLY $75"

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Recent Laws Spur Interest In Gun Safety Classes Last November, Wisconsin became the 49th state to allow people to carry concealed weapons. Illinois is now the only state to forbid the practice. A growing number of people, many of them women, are now acquiring guns for self protection, says Don Cates of Saint Louis University School of Law, an expert on the subject. Cates says women used to be told that owning a gun was a man thing. Now they are being told that they should be able to defend themselves. To accommodate the increased number of students in gun classes, the National Rie Association now has 155,000 trained instructors. Caroline Brewer of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence says carrying guns in public endangers more lives than it saves. At New York University, they say USA is actually at an all-time low for per-capita gun ownership at one in three. In the 1970s, it was one in two.

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2060 N. Cleveland 773.935.2060 www.fourfarthings.biz ry ay Eve - Frid izers y et nda App o e M ric ay Drafts d p y 2 r e 1/ Eve er Lit l l Mi & f the 50 . o 3 $ eer drafts B $4 nth mo

Tue LIVE MUSIC Wed TRIVIA NIGHT - COME JOIN THE FUN FOR A CHANCE TO WIN PRIZES $10 Off All Bottles of Wine + 1/2 Price Appetizers Thur KARAOKE NIGHT WITH LUIS Fri LIVE MUSIC SAT KARAOKE NIGHT WITH LUIS

LATE NIGHT PIZZA $3 A SLICE UNTIL CLOSE

Polk Street Pub

548 W. Polk

Watch All Missouri Valley Conference Games, Iowa and Illinois State Basketball and Football Games Here!!!

FIND US AT

WWW.POLKSTPUB.COM

548 W. POLK 312-786-1142

Daily Specials:

Mon: $3.50 Wells, $2.50 Bud Lt Drafts, $2 Old Style/PBR Cans & .40 Cent Wings (after 3pm). Tues: $4 Guinness Drafts, $3.50 Wells, $3 Coronas & 1/2 Price Appetizers (after 3pm). Wed: $4 Stella Drafts, $3.75 Bacardi Bombs, $2.50 Old Style Bottles & .40 Cent Wings (after 3pm). Thurs: $3.50 Wells, $2.50 Bud Lt Drafts, $2 Old Style/PBR Cans & $1 Tacos (After 3pm).

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Fri:

$5.50 Bacardi ‘Round the World, $4 Guinness Drafts & $3.50 312 Drafts.

Sat:

$4 Stella Drafts, $4 Cazadores Shots, $3.75 Bacardi Bombs & 1/2 Price Appetizers & 40 Cent Wings

Sun:

$4 Bloody Marys, $4 Stella Drafts, $3.50 Coronas & .40 Cent Wings (All Day).

LIVE

773.288-9400

5pm to 9pm Oct 14th & 28th

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Road House 66

3330 N. Clark

Genius Concept for New Grocery Store A while ago a new supermarket opened in Topeka Kansas offering an exciting new twist on promoting the merchandise. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mowed hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

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STRANGE BUT TRUE

Dubai Builds World’s Highest Tennis Court in Burj al-Arab No other tennis court in the world has quite the view as the one at the Burj Al Arab hotel in Dubai. Located more than 650 ft (200 m) above ground, the hotel’s grass helipad was converted into a 4500 sq ft (415 sq m) tennis court.

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Friendliest Staff In Town! FAT ASS TRIVIA TUESDAYS 8PM CASH PRIZES SATURDAY COLLEGE FOOTBALL: POUND OF WINGS AND PITCHER $15

TAME The Beast We Dare You

NFL FOOTBALL SUNDAYS:

$18 BIG BUCKET OF DOMESTICS & BUCKET OF CHICKEN

Ping Pong Everyday Southern Style Menu Available for Delivery

WHITE TRASH HALLOWEEN BASH!

GO TO ROADHOUSE66CHICAGO.COM FOR DETAILS

GREAT FOOD + GREAT PEOPLE + GREAT DRINKS - A**HOLES = ROADHOUSE 66 3330 N Clark 773.525.8166 www.roadhouse66chicago.com

SUDOKU

Rules: Every column, row and 3x3 box must have numbers 1 to 9

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Carol’s Pub

4659 N. Clark

Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. Halloween originated as a South American holiday honoring the day of the dead, a Chinese holiday honoring ancestors, or a Celtic holiday celebrating the New Year? 2. People first begin dressing up in costumes for Halloween because they didn't want neighbors to know they were begging so they disguised themselves, they thought if they dressed as ghosts real ghosts would leave them alone, or they wanted to scare their neighbors for the fun of it? 3. True or False: Pumpkins only come in one color, orange. 4. If you have a fear of Halloween, you suffer from Hallophobia, Satanophobia, or Samhainophobia? 5. The most popular candy bar to pass out on Halloween is Snickers, Kit Kat, or Milky Way? 6. Candy manufacturers make 1 billion, 2 billion, or 3 billion each year from Halloween candy sales? 7. Which Peanuts character waits in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin? Was it Lucy, Charlie Brown, Snoopy, or Linus?

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8. Complete this superstition: If you stare into a mirror at midnight on Halloween, you will see a big zit, your death, Bloody Mary, or your future spouse? 9. Musician Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins), Comedian Rob Schneider, or Actor Tom Cruise was born on Halloween? 10. A black cat was thought to be a former loved one, a witch, or a demon spirit, or your mother-in-laws twin from another life?

5. Snickers 6. 2 billion 7. Linus 8. Bloody Mary 9. Comedian Rob Schneider 10. A witch

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1. A Celtic holiday celebrating the New Year 2. They thought if they dressed as ghosts real ghosts would leave them alone 3. False 4. Samhainophobia

Answers

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The New Waitress A tired trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

OCT

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up.”

LIVE COUNTRY& WESTERN MUSIC 4659 N. Clark 773.334.2402 CAROLSPUBCHICAGO.COM MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT SUN

1 ED # VOT TE BAR NI Y LATE ICAGO B OM H IN C ICAGO.C H C NBC

$1 Draft, $2 Domestic Bottles, $5 Pitchersers $2.75 Domestic Bottles $10 PITCHERS of Beer - LIVE BAND + Jam w/ Country Claude 9p-4a World Class KARAOKE 9p-4a LIVE BAND - DIAMONDBACK 9p-4a LIVE BAND - DIAMONDBACK 9p-5a $10 PITCHERS of BEER + LIVE BAND

Mon, Tue 9a - 2a / Wed, Thur, Fri, Sun 11a - 4a / Sat 11a - 5a

Carol’s Kitchen serves Hot Sandwiches Late!

DINE & DASH by Lisa Hanrahan

Pumpkin Gingerbread with Caramel Sauce Fall is in the air and it only seems natural to put on our aprons, fire up the oven, and begin the annual baking rituals that fill our homes with irresistible aromas that remind us that the holiday season is just around the corner. October is a perfect time to test out some new recipes to add to your traditional holiday menus that will dazzle your friends and families for years to come. This Pumpkin Gingerbread with Caramel Sauce is certain to delight your guests for many holiday seasons to come!

Gingerbread 2¼ cups all-purpose flour, ½ cup granulated sugar, ⅔ cup butter or margarine, ¾ cup coarsely chopped pecans, 1½ teaspoons ground ginger, 1 teaspoon baking soda, ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon, ¼ teaspoon salt, ¼ teaspoon ground cloves, ¾ cup buttermilk, ½ cup light molasses, ½ cup canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix), 1 egg

Sauce ½ cup butter or margarine, 1¼ cup packed brown sugar, 2 tablespoons light corn syrup, ½ cup whipping cream Topping Ice cream and chopped pecans, if desired. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

1. Heat oven to 350°F. In large bowl, mix flour and granulated sugar. With pastry blender or fork, cut in ⅔ cup butter until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Stir in pecans. Press 1¼ cups crumb mixture in bottom of ungreased 9-inch square pan. 2. To remaining crumb mixture, add all remaining gingerbread ingredients; mix well. Pour evenly over crumb crust in pan. 3. Bake 40 to 50 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. 4. In medium saucepan, melt ½ cup butter. Stir in brown sugar and corn syrup and heat to boiling. Cook about 1 minute, stirring constantly, until sugar dissolves. Stir in whipping cream; return to boiling. Remove from heat. Serve warm sauce over warm gingerbread. Top with ice cream; sprinkle with chopped pecans. Holiday Tip: Get a head start on holiday gift giving this season with this delightful buttery-crusted gingerbread and decadent caramel sauce. Give those gingerbread lovers on your list a surprise by baking this recipe in a decorative disposable pan with a lid, and pour the sauce into a pretty mason jar with a holiday ribbon! 773.288-9400

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Book Review

Masters of Management by Author Adrian Wooldridge

Modern and Decades-old Management Moves Are Told In 1996, longtime Economist journalists and editors John Micklethwait and Adrian Wooldridge published The Witch Doctors, an explosive critique of management theory and its legions of followers. Now, Wooldridge gives us his more recent analysis in Masters of Management. Instead of criticizing management techniques as loose and undisciplined, he says they are a sign of the profession's vitality and openness to outside ideas. In spite of their intensive training, he says economists did an abysmal job of predicting the worst economic crisis since the Second World War. For all their sophistication, they are error-prone. Wooldridge soundly criticizes managers who got caught up in the reengineering trend. They cut costs, dumped workers, downsized operations, and came away with a cure that was often worse than the original problem. He also explores the current fad of social responsibility. He cites large corporations for huge spending to advertise their earth-friendly tactics, while their goal was to improve the bottom line. Part of this book focuses on the late Peter Drucker. It may be as important today as it was in 1959, when he coined the term "knowledge worker" and pondered how this new class of employee would fit into the corporation. Wall Street Journal reviewer Alan Murray says that, while it's not filled with really vital information, it's still a good read. Masters of Management by Author Adrian Wooldridge, Harper Business, 446 pages, $29.95.

Classic Communication A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office. He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school."

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Why We Should Celebrate Columbus Day

Sluggers

3540 N. Clark

Monday October 8

On April 8 of 2012, we recognized the achievement of a great Renaissance explorer who founded the first permanent European settlement in the New World. The arrival of Christopher Columbus in 1492 marks the beginning of recorded history in the Americas. * Columbus Day celebrates the start of a cultural exchange between America and Europe. Millions of European immigrants brought their art, music, science, medicine, philosophy and religious principles to America. Their contributions have helped to shape the United States.

Check out photos @ www.whatsupxtra.com and facebook.com/whatsupxtra.com Patrick Anderson

Professional Hairdresser was recently named as one of the “Top Haircolorists in the USA.” From his salon in the River North area near The Loop and the Magnificent Mile, he provides clients with professional hair color, cutting and styling based on 40 years of far-reaching experience, including training at the Vidal Sassoon Academy in London. His extensive professional credits include features in Modern Salon, Passion, Inspire and American Salon magazines.

* The day was first celebrated on October 12, 1792, when the New York Society of Tammany honored Christopher Columbus on the 300th anniversary of his first voyage. * The Pledge of Allegiance was written in 1892 in honor of the 400th anniversary of Columbus' first voyage. In the same year, President Benjamin Harrison declared October 12 to be a legal holiday. * America has more monuments to Columbus than any nation in the world, according to the Christopher Columbus Encyclopedia. They include a Columbus statue in Providence, RI, cast by Frederic Auguste Bertholdi, who created the Statue of Liberty. The large statue of a standing and pointing Columbus is on a busy intersection in Providence. * The United States has a significant collection of Columbus memorabilia, including his desk, papers, and the cross he used to claim the New World for Spain. These are in the Columbus Chapel in Boalsburg, Pennsylvania. * In 1971, Columbus Day became a federal holiday in all 50 states after Congress passed a law declaring the second Monday in October to be celebrated as Columbus Day, rather than October 12. These facts were compiled by The Order of the Sons of Italy in America, Washington, D.C. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

316 W Grand Chicago's River North 312-316-1171

www.patrickanderson.us “Specializing in Blond Haircolor”

Certifiably Organic Haircolor 773.288-9400

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ur o y o’s ite h w r o ? v r e fa d n e t bar

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE OCTOBER BARTENDER Go to

facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ the page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400 or vote @ www.whatsupxta.com The winner will receive a 6 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends.

Bartender: Tim

Bartender: Liz

G & L Fire Escape 2157 W Grace St, Chicago

Wild Goose 4265 N Lincoln Ave, Chicago

Signature Drink: Malort…Straight Up

Signature Drink: The Rocco

Ingredients: Malort

Ingredients: Pinnacle Grape, St. Germaine, Chambord, Lemon Juice

Words of Wisdom: “The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.”

Words of Wisdom: “A bartender is a temporary pharmacist with a limited inventory.”

Bartender: Kathy

Bartender: Adam

O’ Donovans 2100 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago

Clark St. Beach Bar 3419 N Clark St Chicago

Signature Drink: XO Martini

Signature Drink: Fire-Chata Colada

Ingredients: Patron XO Café, Rumchata

Ingredients: Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey, Rumchata, Pina Colada Mix

Words of Wisdom: “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

Words of Wisdom: “There's no normal life, Wyatt. It's just life. Get on with in."

SEPTEMBER BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...

CONGRATULATIONS

CJ

FROM CAROL’S PUB

4659 N. Clark (open til 4)

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or go to facebook.com/whatsupxtramagazine “like” our page and vote under the bartender’s photo or go to www.whatsupxtra.com

Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on October 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service

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LANDMARK PUB

Big John’s

5135 N. Oriole Harwood Heights 708.867.6533

7844 W. Belmont 773.589.2808

The Booze is Cheap & The Entertainment is Free!!!

NORTHWEST SIDE BARS

CLUB BELMONT

BIKES, BABES & BOOZE

Sick and Wrong!!!

Daily Specials Sunday

Full Slab Ribs $13.50, 1/2 Slab $8.50 & $5 Bloody Marys

Monday

Burger and Fries $3.99 & $1.50 PBR cans

Tuesday

Lasagna $5.99 & $3 Patron

$5.99

All You Can Eat Pizza

Wednesday

$3 off 10” Pizza, 1/2 off bottles of wine

Thursday

1 topping football pizza (14” by 28”) w/ 2 liter of soda for $19.99 & $5 beer & shot

Friday

1 topping stuffed 14” pizza for $16.99 & $5 Long Islands

Saturday

Open To Close Monday To Thursday (dine in) 4358 N. Elston

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.50 cent wings $3 Well Drinks

773-777-6430

WE DELIVER EVERYDAY!

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The Schnauzer

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could then hear ďŹ ne.

The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month. Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days." Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms." The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days." Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week."

Fiesta Cantina

3407 N. Clark

ALBONDIGAS BLACK BEANS BUNUELOS CAMOTE CEVICHE CHILE RELLENOS CHILI CHORIZO CHURROS

CORNBREAD EMPANADAS ENCHILADAS FAJITAS FLAN FLAUTAS HOT CHOCOLATE JALAPENO MENUDO

MOLE SALSA SOPAPILLA TACOS TAMALES TEQUILA TOSTADAS

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5943 N. Northwest Hwy

773-763-0095

Sunday - Friday 11am- 2am

Saturday 11am - 3am

Monday 5 for $10 Domestic Buckets Wednesday $2 Miller Lite, PBR, Bud Light pints

NORTHWEST SIDE BARS

Murphys Bleachers

Thursday 5 for $10 Domestic Buckets Friday $4.50 Long Island Iced Tea Saturday $3 Bloody Mary Sunday Free Pool TRINITYPUBCHICAGO.COM “Like” us on facebook

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Mo Daley’s

6070 N. Northwest Hwy

Windsor Windsor Tavern Tavern

Everyday: $4 Bombs & $12 - 12’ Pizza w/ Mini Pitcher Monday: Closed Tuesday: $3 Glass of Wine & $5 1/2 Price - ALL 12” Thin Crust Pizza Wednesday: $3 Corona & $3.50 Nachos Thursday:

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$2 Well Mixed Drinks & $4 Burgers & $1 Tacos Friday: $2 Bud/Bud Light Bottles & $3 Cheese Quesdillas Saturday: $3 Amstel & $5 Ruebens Sunday: $10 Domestic Buckets & $5 Steak Taco 4530 N. Milwaukee OPEN FOR ALL BEARS GAMES 773.736.3400 $10 DOMESTIC BUCKETS 773.288-9400

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Bar Stool Economics Suppose that every day, ten men go out for a beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1.00. The sixth would pay $3.00. The seventh would pay $7.00. The eighth would pay $12.00. The ninth would pay $18.00. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.00.

So that’s what they decided to do. The men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers, he said, I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.00.“ Drinks for the ten men now cost just $80.00. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men – the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get there “fair share?” They realized that $ 20.00 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay! And so: The fifth man like the first four, now paid nothing ( 100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28% savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of 12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid 14 instead of 18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings). Each of the six was better off than before! And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20“ declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, “but he got $10!” “Yeah, that’s right,” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!” “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in union. “ We didn’t I get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!” The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, boys and girls, journalist and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

?

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. A note from The Bar Economist

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Train Etiquette A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her ďŹ ve-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you bastards who are getting on get your ass in the train because we're going down the tracks." The horriďŹ ed mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen." FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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Uptown Lounge

1136 W. Lawrence

Accept yourself as you are. Otherwise you will never see opportunity. You will not feel free to move toward it; you will feel you are not deserving.

Maxwell Maltz, Surgeon, Author of Psycho-Cybernetics

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ONE STOP 50,000 HALLOWEEN SHOP Over

Children’s & Adults Costumes Available

Over

2,000 NEW ITEMS OVER LAST YEAR BUY OR RENT

COSTUMES HDQ.

773-777-0222 OR 1-800-USA-WIGS 4065 N. Milwaukee Ave. WWW.FANTASYCOSTUMES.COM

OPEN NON STOP (24 HRS.) 10.24 TO FRI 10.24 10.31 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

ONE CITY BLOCK LONG!

WE HAVE EVERYTHING! PROPS, WIGS, DECORATIONS, MAKE-UP, MASKS, ETC... MUST SEE IT TO BELIEVE IT!

20% Off with this Ad

OPEN 24 HOURS OCT. 24TH TO OCT- 31ST - 24 HRS FRI 10.24 TO 10.31 CITY BLOCK LONG OPEN Wassup

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www.wassuplocal.com

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TAT T L E TA L E S

The Horse Carriage Drivers How do you define a waste of time? Is it distinguishable by a dollar amount? If I had made $55 driving the horses last night, would that have been a waste of my time? What if I had made $70? Would that have meant my night’s work was not in vain? No. I dare say, with the dollar amount that I have in mind, I can say that $55 or $70 would have been a waste of time on a Saturday night in October. But I was in the company of my company ilk, the only exception being Jerry Silk, who was denied working prime time and fined $100 for abandoning Jezebel during a downpour on Friday night. We umbrella-bearers, lined along the curb on Pearson Street standing in textbook fashion at our horses’ heads, saw little humor in Jerry standing under the Here’s Chicago! canopy, twenty feet from his horse. By Rob Christiansen

We drive those Indiana farm horses, those stomping, clomping, rocket to them, sock it to me, tourists-love-them horses. I’m sorry to put one over on you, but I’ve recovered since I got home from Burton’s at 4:30. I took two Excedrin and drank water, and slept for seven hours. I remember debriefing my horse and carriage, scraping Daisy’s dried sweat (salt) off her tack with a knife, brushing the lamb’s wool pads that separate her skin from where leather (“tack”) is heaviest or tightest against her body, and changing out of my tuxedo as fast as I could. Still, I was the last driver to arrive at Burton’s, but that was Daisy’s fault because she doesn’t exactly fly. Burton’s on N. Wells is our victory lap after giving the horses a run for the money, which we pull from our pockets in fives to the popular tunes. Jeannie, Cynthia, Mario, Victor, Stacey the Second City student actor and I are some of the free-spirited horse carriage drivers profoundly linked professionally. If anything should ever happen to one of us, we’d pray that he or she can sue someone, because we have no benefits. Eddie arrived last. I feel awkward socializing with Eddie. He gave Swede to Victor when the company’s star alpha male ran off on Labor Day weekend. Spooked by swirling debris on Mies van der Rohe Way behind Water Tower Place as I headed to the barn at one a.m., the petrified horse broke from the carriage and I fumbled his reins. It would have been embarrassing if I had Oprah in tow instead of a carriage driver groupie. I’d once given her an after-hours ride to The Hancock Center. The police found Swede, alive and well, standing in a gazebo near Oak Street Beach, and I was astronomically relieved.

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Jeannie and I had dined at the Chinese restaurant on Wells in June. She humorously asked me if I smoke after sex, and I told her that I never look. She laughed. She and Eddie are roommates, and at their breakfast table a few weeks later, Jeannie said that I “smoke after sex.” Eddie frowned because he hates cigarettes, Jeannie laughed, and I, the “King of Swede,” studied the cereal box. Long live the king. Mario disobediently “trotted his horse,” Miss Universe, on Inner LSD and she collapsed in late August. Miss Universe didn’t get up until Cynthia arrived and rubbed her legs with liniment. Cynthia is an equestrian and I assume she has bedside manner since Mario told me he’d thought Miss Universe was dying. Miss Universe rested and was walked sans carriage for several days and Eddie didn’t demote Mario since Miss Universe is as slow as Daisy. Eddie switched Mario to the dullest carriage, with hideously scratched wheels, instead. Ten nights ago, Cynthia’s (ahem) luxurious Brougham was cut off by a cab whose door got scratched by her wheel. “There’s insurance for accidents,” Eddie said by way of explanation, forgiving Cynthia, knowing that he, too, likes ‘dipping his pen in company ink.’ Stacey stars in a car commercial that mostly serves to glorify our trade. She coyly pets Babe’s nose and feeds her a carrot. There’s a car in the shot somewhere. Around three I met a woman who works 9-5. She was playing Sex Trivia. I asked her, “What percent of men smoke after sex?” and she laughed. We eventually live together while I begin life in insurance. I’ve added hindsight because years have passed since I wrote this entry. The weather, gloomy since Wednesday, adversely affected Jerry Silk on Friday. I arrived at North and LaSalle at noon. Jerry waited on the corner. He held an open umbrella and destroyed it when I gave him Eddie’s message. “I told Eddie last night we should go out later because of the forecast!” he said, displaying passion he usually reserves for his band, Seltaeb. “I’m not going out at four! I suggested five and Eddie insisted on one o’clock. I’m going home!” But Jerry, right-brained and lefthanded, changed his tune and eventually incurred his $100 fine, imposed by Eddie, basically for not having an umbrella. It would be ironic if it weren’t grossly unfair. The holiday tips we reaped every 27 minutes on the New Year’s Eve carousel got us to think we could quit driving the horses. We went on winter hiatus Jan. 2 and reunited three weeks later at Metro on N. Clark, where Jerry Silk’s backwards rendition of The Beatles’ song “Because” on his guitar sounded like “Für Elise.” Seltaeb is Beatles backwards, duh. None of us thought any of us actually dated anyone among us. We were fiercely independent, professionally linked and had no benefits unless we had a friend with benefits. I didn’t know that I would quit driving the horses in April to accept an insurance job “out of the rain” or, consequently, that I’d have to quit “smoking” beside Jeannie. CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


STRANGE BUT TRUE

Baby Born In Parking Lot Of New Hampshire Motor Speedway Get Free NASCAR Tickets For Life

Slimy Snail Massage: The Latest Beauty Fad

The prize for luckiest NASCAR fan this year goes to baby Katie Arnold, who at only five pounds also wins the featherweight NASCAR Fan award. Katie was born in the parking lot of the New Hampshire Motor Speedway on Friday and has been revving her engines ever since. She was born in their parking lot of the speedway and was later rushed to the hospital in a New Hampshire Motor Speedway ambulance. The prize? The track has given baby Katie and her folks free tickets to every single of their races every year for life. Shawna Arnold’s boyfriend was attempting to deliver mom to the hospital when the baby decided she couldn’t wait. So they pulled over into the parking lot and began to take matters into their own hands. Thankfully an EMT raced to the scene and within moments was able to take over.

Beauty clinics and spas across South America and South Korea are turning to snail extracts that is believed to be good for the skin. Packed with glycolic acid and elastin, a snail’s secretion protects skin from cuts, bacteria, and powerful UV rays, making mother nature’s gooeyness a prime source for proteins that eliminate dead cells and regenerate skin. Typically beauty clinics employ products made from the sticky mess, but one beauty salon in Russia's one beauty salon in Russia’s Siberian city of KrasnoSiberian city of Krasnoyarsk yarsk decided to cut out decided to cut out the middlethe middleman by placing man... the snails right onto their clients' faces. Treatment involving snails has been used as far back as ancient Greece: Hippocrates reportedly prescribed a mixture of sour milk and crushed snails for skin inflammations. These days, it’s marketed as an acne treatment, spot and scar remover, and burn healer. “It’s a 100 percent pure and natural product that allows them to replace the typical chemical skin creams,” said spokesman Christian Plaut of Andes Nature, which sells a popular snail cream in South America. “Consumers must usually buy several creams separately to get the same benefits.

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IN C L C UD NE A E W P S S U P LE R S IZE

BO

X

ER Game

You haven’t boxed a Boxer till you’ve boxed...

THE GLOVE

For Fun For Tournaments Bars and Event Coordinators call 773.288.9400

New Machines: prizes paid out through the machine for top scores, wheel of fun,. and more...

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Vote for you favorite bartender Drink Specials in Chicago and South West Suburbs

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A History Lesson All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said ' Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "Now who said that?" Johnny: "Tiger Woods. Can I go now?"

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before.

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Riddle Ri ddle of the Month

WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE

What is once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years? Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: whatsupxtra@yahoo.com Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.

Answer to Last Months Riddle

What do you use to hoe a row, slay a foe, and wring with woe? Answer: Your Hands Winner: Jack Martin

OCTOBER HOROSCOPE ARIES: You have both analytical skills and a perceptive understanding of others. It is hard to put anything past you. But when you care about someone, you're too generous. TAURUS: It's true that you tend to be rather selective when it comes to your social life, but it's simply because your work is very important to you. You value your time. GEMINI: Committed relationships require a certain amount of freedom. Resist the temptation to try to control a partner's time. Afford yourself some freedom as well. CANCER: It's good to raise your own profile at work, but don't overdo it, especially early in the month. When making a presentation, avoid coming on too strong. LEO: Your no-nonsense directness inspires trust in others. They think you are honest and dependable. Though you are basically creative, you can do well in practical matters. VIRGO: While you are aware of the self-indulgent side of your nature, you are not always in control of it. Curbing excesses is what you may have to spend a lifetime doing. FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

LIBRA: Have you noticed that starry-eyed person in your work or career? That means it's time to put on your rose-colored glasses so you can ignore it. It will pass. Focus on career expansion and creating more satisfying schedules. SCORPIO: Well, you have charisma and an insight into human nature that some people find fascinating, but you are rarely successful in your attempts to be tactful. SAGITTARIUS: At the time of the full moon on the 15th, you'll wonder whether to tell all or keep quiet about a situation. There's really no right or wrong way to play it. CAPRICORN: To achieve fulfillment, try flexibility, effective communication and settling into a situation that is balanced, including your needs as well as those of others. AQUARIUS: Authoritative words let people know how serious you are, but it's important not to be intimidating. Let the humanitarian side of your nature show through. PISCES: Though you possess business sense and ability, you are not the usual businessperson because of your idealistic nature. In some cases, however, idealism compliments your other talents.

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La La’s Love Letters Dear La La: My boyfriend is a bit of an exhibitionist and always wants to fool around in really public places. It sort of turns me on, but I don’t want to come across as sleazy. Have you ever had sex in a public place? Public Patty Dear Sleazy, I mean Patty: I have not outwardly had sex in front of the public people, but I have done it in a hide-away type of place, within a public setting. It can be very exhilarating to see what you can do, without getting caught. I think everyone should try something outside the bedroom. Of course, this is not an excuse to do your thing on other people’s property or possessions, or just be inconsiderate. For example, holding up the bathroom line at a club, while you are your partner get busy, is not only rude, but gross, since other people have to use the bathroom after you. If and when you’re open to the idea of giving it a shot, try something like going “off the path” on a hiking trail. Bonus points if you’re on a Niagara Falls or Grand Canyon tour. By Lauren Strec

Dear LaLa: I am dating the hottest chick in the world and love to pleasure her in every way possible. The only problem is whenever we start to “get going”; she demands that I turn the lights off. I adore her and would love nothing more than to see her beautiful body when we are making love. She has nothing to be insecure about, so what is going on? Com Ed Dear Com Ed: Do you let her know that you think, wait, KNOW, that she is “the hottest chick in the world?” Sometimes, people will take a small flaw, and turn it into something astronomical, because they see it everyday. Or, a small flaw can become a big complex if some superficial idiot made them feel bad about it, in the past. It’s also possible it can be something serious as a past case of sexual abuse. Whatever the root, you need to reverse those effects, by making her feel comfortable around you. Slowly. And don’t just make this an asskissing session with obvious comments about her looks. Start off by complimenting something quirky that she does. Maybe she snorts when she laughs; tell her it’s cute. Get her to accept her human self around you by letting her know that you appreciate her natural attributes. If she ever opens up and tells you what she doesn’t like about herself, counteract it by telling her that you like those things because it’s what makes her, HER. Dear LaLa: I started dating this guy about four months ago and really like him. We finally decided to take it to the bedroom about three weeks ago and all was good until one night he asked me to name his member. Now every time we fool around he wants me to call it by its name and talk to it in order to get him aroused. Is this just weird or what? Say My Name Dear Ms. Say My Name: I think a lot of guys name their members, most of it being in humor (makes me think of a scene from Anchorman), but I do think that it seems a bit uncommon that he needs it to get excited. But even if it is not be a common thing, it’s something that works for him, and we don’t need to judge. Do you feel uncomfortable doing it? Or do you like doing this for him? If the former, the relationship may not work, unless you can talk about the subject, without embarrassing or bruising his ego. If the

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October Eventss Halloween is a time where Chicagoans can come together and experience haunted houses, festive parties, costume parades, and much more. Even though Halloween is only one day, the Chicagoland area is filled with fun destinations all month long. Here are just a few of the many events and their websites to help you decide on which spectacular spooky affairs you and your friends should be attending this Halloween season. BOO!

Pumpkins in the Park 5K

Stockton Dr and LaSalle St (Lincoln Park South Field House), Chicago www.fleetfeetchicago.com The 13th annual Pumpkins in the Park 5K is Chicago's Official Halloween race for the whole family! 5K participants enjoy a winding course with 3 "Fear Zones" through beautiful Lincoln Park then celebrate at the post-race party featuring music, sponsor giveaways, Goose Island 312 Urban Wheat Ale beer (for participants 21 and over), a Halloween-themed "Movie in the Park", a variety of food options and costume contests.

Spooky Seas at the Shedd Aquarium

1200 S Lake Shore Dr, Chicago http://www.sheddaquarium.org/families.html The Shedd Aquarium's costume party and Halloween sleepover takes place October 28-29 starting at 6:30 p.m. on the 28th through 9 a.m. on the 29th. There is an option to do the "event only" portion, which is 6:30 p.m. - 10 p.m. on the 28th. Spooky Seas includes themed presentations, animal encounters, dinner, breakfast, live DJ, and costume party. Cost is $60 per person ($55 for Shedd members). "Event only" option is $25 person ($20 for Shedd members).

Haunted Halloween Tour

337 E Randolph, Chicago www.chicagosegways.com This Haunted Tour is the first of its kind! Our Ghoulish Guides will escort you to the most mysteriously haunted locations in Downtown Chicago and relate the stories of Chicago's haunted houses, ghosts and gangsters, disasters!

Chicagoween

www.chicagoween.us (for a list of events and participating parks!) Halloween is more than a day in Chicago; it's an entire season. The city, its parks, buildings and streets are decorated and filled with an array of activities for children and the child within you. The Chicago Park District offers many different pumpkin patches, haunted houses and scary theatre. Cultural institutions get into the fun and the city center, Daley Plaza, is transformed into a new destination.

CHARLES MASSACOIT’S VOODOO EXPERIMENT

3110 N. Sheffield, Chicago www.studio-be.org/voodoo-experiment Studio BE is excited to announce that it will produce a Haunted House Experience Charles Massacoits Voodoo Experiment, beginning in October. The 20 minute show will consist of voodoo themed demonstrations, a chilling shadow puppet show and conclude with a terrifying winding maze, certain to provide patrons with a spooky thrill. CHECK OUT OUR NEW WEBSITE @ WWW.WHATSUPXTRA.COM


s Disturbed

3809 N Broadway, Chicago, IL www.publicaccesstheatre.org A horrifying spectacle transposed from the beginning cantos of Dante's Inferno. Grotesque, trancelike performance and shocking special effects lead audiences through a nightmare world on a journey to the edge of hell. DISTURBED is going further than it's ever been.

Chicago Haunt Tour

www.chicagohaunttour.com Looking for the BEST way to see Chicago Haunted Attractions? Then check out The Chicago Haunt Tour! This year we are planning 3 weekends of terror where you and your friends will hang out with the rest of the crowd and get in the haunt mood at a Chicago North Side Restaurant/Bar and after some drinks and laughs we will be taking a luxury coach Party Bus to multiple locations each time. THESE ARE SOME OF CHICAGOLAND'S SCARIEST, MOST INTENSE HAUNTS. All are on several TOP 10 LISTS, including Haunted House Chicago's! This is for real fans of Haunted Attractions in Chicago and the surrounding areas.

Screams In the Park at Rosemont

9703 Bryn Mawr Ave, Rosemont www.screamsinthepark.com In 1895, Chicago Police unearthed horrific evidence of torture and multiple murders at the sprawling castle of H.H. Holmes. Masquerading under the guise of caring doctor and loving husband, Dr. Holmes was America’s first serial killer who designed his home solely for the torture and disposal of human bodies. Welcome to SCREAMS in the Park at Rosemont.

St. Pascal's Haunted House

6143 W Irving Park Road, Chicago www.scarypopcorn.com A haunted house located deep in the catacombs of a 100-yearold church. Cold, dark catacombs of the church will send chills and thrills down your spine.

Statesville Haunted Prison and City of the Dead

17250 S Weber Road, Crest Hill www.statesvillehauntedprison.com Come; let the prisoners Statesville Haunted Prison take you on a tour into the underbelly of this house of evil. You will find your way through these dark ancient walls, into thirty (30) of the prison’s maximum-security cells. In this darkness, you will encounter over 200 of the most dangerous monsters ever imprisoned.

Spirits on Sproat: The Gallery of the Dead

9028 S Sproat Ave, Oak Lawn www.welovehalloween.blogspot.com Come visit Spirits on Sproat: The Gallery of the Dead, featuring home-made replicas of your favorite scary movie characters and horror icons, plus several originals. Can you tell the stuffed dummies from the live dummies that are waiting to pop out and scare you? We dare you to try! FACEBOOK.COM/WHATSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

Frightmare Haunted House at Haunted Trails Family Entertainment Park 7759 S Harlem Ave, Burbank www.frightmare.org Frightmare Haunted House celebrates its 21st anniversary of providing Halloween "thrills and chills" to all those who dare enter "SCREAM SCENES CINEMA 3" - where YOU are the star in scenes from famous horror movies. Frightmare is a two-story, dark and scary maze that you must survive without becoming a "permanent" cast member of the Living Dead Players

Haunted Manor

40 Countryside Plaza, Countryside www.hauntedmanorcepyl.com It has been a while since mortals were allowed to walk the haunted halls of Haunted Manor. Resurrected from the ashes, the house is now occupied by ghostly apparitions and the undead searching for their eternity to end. They've been waiting! Do you have an extra soul to spare?

Brookfield Jaycees Haunted House

4315 Park Ave (Jaycee Ehlert Park), Brookfield www.brookfieldjaycees.com/hh This year the Brookfield Jaycees are having their 36th Annual Award Winning Haunted House. Come as a couple, come as a group. We are the scariest Haunted House in the area and we have the awards to prove it. Do you think you have what it takes to survive our ghoulish collection of monsters? We hope you do, but fair warning, you may NEVER be the same after experiencing our nightmarish house, and you may end up haunted for life!

Bridgeview's Haunted Hollow

7000 S. Harlem Avenue (Toyota Park), Bridgeview www.bridgeviewhauntedhouse.com We dare all to experience the depths of madness this once happy family circus has fallen to as the clowns have taken over the circus of the scarred! From the Carnival midway to the deepest recesses of the clown's minds, this Haunted Experience is definitely not for the faint of heart! DON'T COME ALONE; BRING FRIENDS as you experience "Carn-EVIL!" 2011 HauntedHouseChicago.com Official Top 13 Statesville Haunted Prison & City of the Dead in Crest Hill, IL Wisconsin Feargrounds in Waukesha, WI Realm of Terror Horror Experience in Round Lake Beach, IL Basement of the Dead in Aurora, IL Amhurst Asylum Haunted Attraction in Valparaiso, IN Asylum Xperiment in Villa Park, IL Niles Haunted House Scream Park in Niles, MI Lake Hills Haunted House in St. John, IN Fear Itself at Legend Park in Mishawaka, IN Spook Hollow & MC Manor in Marquette Heights, IL The Haunted Infirmary at Bartonville Insane Asylum in Bartonville, IL Dream Reapers Haunted House in Melrose Park, IL Fear City in Morton Grove, IL 773.288-9400

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Whats Up Xtra Chicago October 2012