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Southwest assup W April 2012

Festa’s “Spring and All Things Baseball” Pub Crawl Saturday April 28th - Discounted Tickets See Page 3 B Ask The Wino O Pop The Question T M Are You Smarter Than Chester? email: wassupxtra@yahoo.com FACEBOOK.COM / WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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Chicagoland is filled with extraordinary nightclubs, unparalleled dining venues and some of the biggest events in the world! But, do you ever wonder where the locals go? Where are the best neighborhood bars, eateries, and local festivals? Where can you find live music, karaoke and trivia nights? Who has the best food and drink specials around? If you are ready to experience the Chicagoland area like the locals do then make sure to pick up your free copy of Wassup Xtra Magazine at any of the 300+ locations in the Chicago and Southwest Suburbs or check out our Facebook page daily to find out where you should be going tonight!

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Does Advertising TABLE OF Work? It just did... CONTENTS Call 773.288.9400 and ask for Lisa

Next Month...

New Articles Tattoo Contest Patio Reviews Motorcycle Awareness Month Cinco De Mayo

5 bartender of the month

OUR STAFF Lisa Hanrahan Sales Director

6 news of interest 8 horoscope

Angel Hernandez music Writer

9 sodoku and crossword puzzle 12 are you smarter than chester 17 mma review

Robert Christiansen Column Writer

19 ask the wino 20 - 21 bar directory 22 Tattle tales

Timothy Parfitt Column Writer

24 pop the question 26 karaoke open mic trivia nights

LAUREN STREC COLUMN Writer

27 pool trick shot Front page photo at Side Bar 167 taken by Lisa. Background photo by Amber Raab, check out more of her work at akrphoto.zenfolio.com The name Wassup Xtra Magazine is a registered trade name, and use of this name is strictly prohibited. The contents of this publication are copyrighted Wassup Xtra Chicago Magazine -2012 We encourage our readers to write their stories, send photos, and make comments. All submissions sent to us by phone, email, fax, or handwritten become the property of Wassup Xtra Chicago Magazine.

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28 BAND INTERVIEW 30 Tattoo contest CHECK OUT

Wassup Xtra Magazine CHICAGO / SOUTHWEST EDITIONS

GO TO FACEBOOK TO SEE & TAG YOUR PHOTOS

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TED PHILLIPS Photographer

We are always on the lookout for dynamic writers, photographers and sales staff to contribute to our publication If you are interested in joining our team or interested in advertising opportunities contact us at 773-288-9400 or email: wassupxtra@yahoo.com

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r u o sy e ’ o wh vorit ? fa ender t r a b

VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE APRIL BARTENDER

go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine ‘Like’ our page and ‘Like’ or comment on the bartenders photo or text 773.288.9400. The winner will receive a 6 hour limo bus from LIMOSALIVE.NET for 24 of their friends and a $50 Gift Certificate from Dark Water Tattoos

Bartender: Melissa

Bartender: Amanda

Where to Find Her: Pockets Billiards in Crestwood

Where to Find Her: Lucky’s Lounge in Chicago Ridge

Signature Drink: Coffee Break

Signature Drink: Wild Blue

Ingredients: Patron Café and Baileys Irish Cream

Ingredients: Wild Blue Blueberry Lager over ice topped with lemonade

Words of Wisdom: “If you can't be good, be good at it!”

Bartender: Klaudia Where to Find Her: Sweet Spot in North Riverside Signature Drink: French Kiss Ingredients: Kahlua French Vanilla and Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur Words of Wisdom: “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation life.”

Words of Wisdom: “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Bartender: Renee Where to Find Her: Durbin’s in Palos Hills Signature Drink: Durbin’s 7 Layer Bomb Words of Wisdom: “Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, riches takes wings, only one thing endures and that is CHARACTER!”

MARCH BARTENDER OF THE MONTH IS...

Heather

Granny’s Place in Posen Rules: All service employees are eligible to win. The service employee who receives the most votes in the month wins. You can submit your vote by texting (773) 288-9400 or emailing wassupxtra@yahoo.com or go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine “Like” our page and vote under the bartenders photo Only one vote is counted per person and voting polls close on April 20th. *The Pub Crawl will begin at the employee of the months bar and the limo bus will accommodate 24 passengers. Gratuity not included and must be paid prior to service

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News of Interest Portable Power Devices use energy from walking, running to power phones …

It's aggravating when you're out for an hour's run to discover you can't make a phone call because you're out of power. Now, techies and sportsmen have an answer for that, and it's not searching for an electrical outlet where they can plug in a phone. The nPower PEG is a nine-inch tubular device ($159) that can be worn on a belt. It converts the kinetic energy of motion into enough power to keep devices running. Fifteen minutes of walking turns into a minute of phone talk time. A tech truism called Moore's Law holds that computing power will grow exponentially as transistors get smaller. But it doesn't apply to batteries. This problem has created a market opportunity for makers of battery-boosting devices. The latest body-powered technology includes devices that absorb excess energy produced by motion, like the jiggle of a backpack or bend of a knee. There are T-shirts that capture electricity in sound waves and boots that convert walking into energy. One backpacker, quoted in The Wall Street Journal, was hiking the Appalachian Trail. He said he was always stopping to buy new batteries, which were heavy, expensive and didn't supply all the power he needed. Now he attaches the nPower PEG upright on his backpack and gets all the power required to run his phone and other devices.

It's a fact... The average U.S. worker spends $1,092 on coffee each year, according to a survey reported in Bloomberg Businessweek. That’s a lot of coffee beans!

Smoothie Provides Fast Nutrition For breakfast, lunch or a snack: Put a frozen banana, a cup of skim milk and two tablespoons of peanut butter into a blender (add ice for a thinner consistency) and blend. You get 375 calories, 18 grams protein, 17 grams total fat, 4 grams fiber, 5 mg cholesterol, and 45 grams of carbs, says the Women's Nutrition Connection.

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New Owners of the LA Dodgers to Be Named In April Twenty teams of the rich and famous are bidding for the Los Angeles Dodgers. When Frank McCourt bought the storied Dodgers in 2004, there were few other bidders to be considered. He bought the team for $430 million. This year, 20 bidders are lining up with big dollars available, and McCourt thinks the final bid will be about $1.5 billion. That would be a record for a North American sports franchise. He plans to keep the parking lots and land surrounding Dodger Stadium, but the lucrative TV contract, which may exceed $4 billion, awaits the winning bidder. McCourt will submit a maximum list of 10 bidders to Major League Baseball for pre-approval, but he will make the final decision on who gets the team. So, who will it be? *Magic Johnson has the star power on his bidding team, backed up by Mark Walker, the money man, who has $125 billion in assets under management. Stan Kasten, former president of the Atlanta Braves and Washington Nationals is the team's baseball man. * TV's award winning Larry King is the star power of his team. Jason Reese, CEO of Imperial Capital, the investment bank he co-founded in 1997, and Yale's Randy Wooster are the money men. The baseball man is Dennis Gilbert, one of the most powerful agents in baseball. He's an assistant to Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf. * Peter O'Malley, is both a money man and a baseball man. His family owned the Dodgers for nearly 50 years until selling to Fox in 1998 for $311 million. He leads another team.

In the Year of the Dragon Chinese couples want a 'lucky' baby Getting pregnant in February, March, or maybe in April, will ensure a Chinese couple's baby is born in 2012, the year of the dragon. The dragon, according to Eastern philosophy, is not only the deliverer of good fortune and luck, but a master of authority. Those born as dragons are supposed to be the strongest, smartest and luckiest, says Yibing Huang, a professor of Chinese literature and culture at Connecticut College. Huang has a dragon brother, but he himself is a sheep, a mediator, he says. Dragon babies are to be honored and respected. In 2000, the last year of the dragon, 202,000 more babies were born in Taiwan than in the previous year. Many Chinese-American couples have visited fertility clinics to increase their chances of having a dragon baby.

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Book Review

Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions Author: Guy Kawasaki

How to get people to do what you want with honest negotiation… Business authority Guy Kawasaki says his latest book, Enchantment, is not about manipulating people. It is about transforming situations and relationships, about converting hostility to civility, and changing skeptics into believers. Kawasaki says that by being likeable, trustworthy, and having a great cause, you can change minds and hearts. While developing these traits may sound like common sense, the two are often difficult and untried. Unless you are likeable, it's difficult to be seen as trustworthy, and unless you're trustworthy, no one will rally around your cause no matter how good it is. Enchantment has enabled... * A Peace Corps volunteer to finesse a potentially violent confrontation with armed guerillas. * A small cable company to win TV rights to broadcast superstar Howard Stern. * A Canadian crystal maker to turn observers into buyers. Amazon reviewers say the book explains how you need to prepare for and launch an enchantment campaign, how to get the most from both push and pull technologies, and how to enchant your customers (without moral compromise), your employees, and even your boss. It shows how enchantment can turn difficult decisions your Developing traits in yourself way at times when intangibles that can change minds and mean more than hard facts. It hearts will help you overcome other people's entrenched habits and defy the not-always-wise "wisdom of the crowd." One Canadian reviewer likes the book's principle of endurance. He says it's important to remember that enchantment is a process, not an event. You're working to building a relationship, not just a sale or to get someone to do something for you. Enchantment: The Art of Changing Hearts, Minds, and Actions by Guy Kawasaki, Portfolio Hardcover, $26.95

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APRIL HOROSCOPE ARIES: Though you love being the center of attention, you'll have to pass the limelight to someone else many times in your life, maybe right now. Deal with it. TAURUS: A more positive outlook can move you toward your goals in ways you can't even see now. That doesn't just mean always looking on the sunny side. More likely, it means dealing with clouds and rain in a capable and realistic way. GEMINI: Boss, boss, boss, everyone has one and some are easier to get along with than others. However yours is, being supportive and cooperative will take you far. CANCER: Be forthright and direct, but state your case calmly and in an even tone of voice. Sometimes it's best not to beat around the bush. Just come out and say it, but not at Easter dinner! LEO: Hey, Leo, you are bursting with ideas, some good and some not-so-good. Test them on a trusted friend or mentor before laying them out for higher-ups and co-workers. VIRGO: You want to hear the roar of jet engines, the whistle of a train or an ocean liner's horn, and sometime you will. Think and plan. It could be this year or next. LIBRA: As an intelligent Libra, you have balance in your personality and work. But sometimes you have to strive for equality and harmony in your personal life. As always, analyze before making any important decision. SCORPIO: It may seem as if the well is running dry, but take another look. If your usual income isn't covering your expenses, wishes and wants, it's time for a change. Economize where you can and forget a big new purchase. SAGITTARIUS: Take a laid-back stance in dealing with personal problems so you don't put yourself between a rock and a hard place. The situation is more likely to go your way if you give the other person a chance to reconsider. CAPRICORN: Extremes dominate in April. With a little effort, you can take them in stride because you realize that such attitudes don't last. Placate your boss, co-workers or neighbors if you can. Or just hold back for a while until extreme attitudes fade. AQUARIUS: Romance can give you a wonderful, lightas-air feeling. You either have it or remember what it feels like. If you made mistakes before while daydreaming, try to avoid them this time around. PISCES: Oh, Fish, you love the water, so go to it, even if it's just for a day. Especially if you've been feeling drained or your creativity has tanked, swimming, canoeing or just gazing at the water for an afternoon will refresh you.

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$13 Import Buckets, $4 Well Mixed Drinks & $3 Jager and Bacardi Bombs

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$10 Domestic Buckets, $3 UV and Lemonade $3 Thumper Shots

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Tax Tips The weather is getting warmer, flowers are blooming, and the faint drone of lawnmowers can be heard drifting throughout your neighborhood. That can only mean one thing. Yes that’s right, tax time again! If you work for a tax preparation firm, this time of year is great for business, but if you’re unemployed, it can be just one more thing you have to worry about. You need to remember that all unemployment compensation is fully taxable using the Form 1099-G.So whether Uncle Sam has his hand out or you’ve got your fingers crossed for a big windfall, keep your stress to a minimum by following these great tips. 1. Give yourself some credit! Some tax credits, that is. You may qualify for the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), the Child Tax Credit, the Dependent Care Credit, and the Savers Credit. 2. There’s a silver lining to being unemployed and on the hunt for a new job: if you itemize, job hunting expenses in your same line of work are considered miscellaneous itemized deductions. 3. If you managed to find a job (yay!) but it’s far enough away that you have to move (boo!) The expenses associated with that move are deductible, even if you do not itemize. 4. If you aren’t working and you are paying out-of-pocket for medical expenses, you may qualify for a medical expense deduction which includes COBRA premiums, prescription drug costs, and dental expenses if they total more than 7.5% of your adjusted gross income. 5. There are many deductions and credits available for college students and their parents.

ACHE AND SOUL ATTACK BEAT BLACK BREAK BROKEN BULLOCK BURN CHANGE OF CHERRY FAILURE

FELT HAVE A HEAVY KNOW BY LAND LION MONITOR MURMUR OF DIXIE OF MINE OF STONE PEAS

PIECE OF MY PURPLE RATE SHAPED SICK STRINGS SWEET TAKE THROB VALVE WOOD

6. It might not be the most appealing prospect, but in certain cases you may be able to tap into your retirement savings without paying early distribution penalties. A penaltyfree hardship withdrawal from a workplace retirement plan is allowed if, according to the IRS, the distribution is for "an immediate and heavy financial need. If you still owe taxes even after using these tips, the IRS will usually agree to work with you to figure out a payment schedule to be paid before the due date of the following year’s tax return.

Income Tax Rates For 2011 Here's a breakdown of how much single filers pay in federal income tax, depending on their taxable income for 2011: 1. 10 percent: income up to $8,500. 2. 15 percent: $8,501 to $34,500. 3. 25 percent: $34,501 to $83,600. 4. 28 percent: $83,601 to $174,000. 5. 33 percent: $174,401 to $379,150. 6. 35 percent: more than $379,150. Income earned from long-term investments such as stocks, mutual funds and real estate held for at least a year, is classified as capital gains and taxed at a flat 15 percent, regardless of whether it is $100 or $1 million.

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All U Can Eat Fish Fry Fridays serving Cod, Perch, Talapia, Catfish, & More / dine-in See Band Listings Inside only $9.95

A man was in his back yard trying to launch a kite. He threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, and then it would come crashing back down to earth. He tried this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yelled to him, “You need a piece of tail.” He turned with a confused look on his face and said, “Make up your mind woman. Last night you told me to go fly a kite.”

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand. He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!”

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The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.”

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The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”

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The preacher said, “No shi*?”

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Are You Smarter Than CHESTER “The Sock Monkey”? 1. Which U.S. city had the first professional baseball team…Boston, New York, Chicago or Cincinnati?

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2. How many games do Major League baseball teams play during the regular season…142, 152, 162 or 172? 3. The National League was formed in 1876 and was soon followed by the creation of the American League in 1882. In those early years the two leagues had their differences. Which was NOT one of the ways the American League varied from the National League…Lower admission prices, Paid players, Sunday games or Liquor sales allowed? 4. What was the name of the cursed goat…Bozo, Murphy or Horny? 5. The Cubs fortunes would change after trading a future Hall of Famer to the St. Louis Cardinals for a fading pitcher named Ernie Broglio. Who was the future Hall of Famer…Bob Uecker, Ozzie Smith or Lou Brock? 6. Aside from a billy goat, another animal jinxed the Cubs in September of 1969. A black cat ran in front of the Cubs dugout in a game at which stadium…Shea Stadium, Candlestick Park or Wrigley Field?

A drunken guy walks into a bar and approaches the bartender, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less."

7. In the early 1980s, the Cubs found a new GM to help turn the team around. Who was he…Dallas Clark, Dallas Green or Dallas Drake? 8. The Cubs were just one game away from breaking the curse in 1984. To whom did they blow the NLCS lead and the National League pennant to…San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Dodgers, San Diego Padres or St. Louis Cardinals? 9. True or False? Since kicking the original goat out of Wrigley Field in 1945, the Cubs still have not accepted another goat into Wrigley Field. 10. Which manager did the Cubs hire in 2003 to help the Cubs try to break the curse…Ozzie Guillen, Fred Rogers or Dusty Baker?

Answers 6. Shea Stadium 7. Dallas Green 8. San Diego Padres 9. False 10. Dusty Baker

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1. Cincinnati 2. 162 3. Paid players 4. Murphy 5. Lou Brock

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A man said to his Shrink, “Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. Every time I go to bed, I think I’m going crazy.” “Just put youself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of your fears.” “How much do you charge?” asked the man. “Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor. “I’ll think about it,” said the man. Six months later, he ran into the doctor on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked. “Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year amounts to an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10.” He went on to explain, he was so happy to have saved all that money that he bought himself a new pickup! “Is that so!” said the doctor. “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?” “He told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

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Text Messages

Riddle Ri ddle of the Month

WIN A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE What English word is nine letters long, and can remain an English word at each step as you remove one letter at a time, right down to a single letter. List the letter you remove each time and the words that result at each step? Text your answers to: 773-288-9400 or e-mail: wassupxtra@yahoo.com Leave your name, e-mail, and telelphone number. All correct answers go into drawing.

Answer to Last Months Riddle Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

Answer: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow Winner: Joe Seddon

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Got to love the spell checker. If you have a good text send to wassupxtra@yahoo.com

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The Silent House

MOVIE REVIEW

By Timothy Parfitt

This week I found myself unable to decide. Which house should I pay to visit: the Safe House or The Silent House? Now I knew both these titles were purposely misleading. From my advanced research, I knew that rogue CIA agent Denzel Washington makes his house anything but Safe, while the lost Olsen sister gets hacked to pieces in her house. So I went with Silent House. Big mistake. Silent House is not a horrible horror movie, it is a boring one. The movie revolves around Sarah, played by Elizabeth Olsen (who has presumably been locked away in a closet all these years by the other Olsen twin). Sarah is visiting her family’s giant vacation home, which is rarely used and entirely boarded-up. Creepy stuff starts going down, and she soon finds herself locked in the house. What is making all those spooky sounds in the basement? Ghosts? Junkie squatters? Bob Saget? Much time is spent following Sarah, and watching her hyperventilate while hiding under beds and around corners. In fact the entire movie is spent following Sarah: the film appears to be constructed of one long shot, with no edits. It’s an interesting trick at first, giving the movie a documentary feel. But with so many of the scary noises and shadowy evil people happening off screen, it becomes increasingly difficult to care about the horror. Personally, I found myself distracted by Olsen’s heaving bosom, which, between her tight tank top and heavy breathing, gets a lot of screen time. Not to say there weren’t moments where I nearly jumped out of my seat. There were, just not nearly enough of them. By the time the lumbering twist-ending came flopping into play, I was lamenting that this hadn’t been one of those horror movie-going experiences where rowdy teenagers yell expletives at the screen. They did giggle at Olsen and her problems catching her breath; I guess that’s all you can ask.

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TECHNOLOGY AND YOU

Device For Skype Device for Skype fills a room with conversation, images… Tech expert Walter Mossberg says a new device can transform Skype video chats into room-size experiences. On both ends of the Skype conversation, everyone in the room can see and chat with people who are calling and sharing photos.

Wishful talent A teenager was trying to decide what to do for a talent show. She asked, "What do you think I should do for the show, Mom, sing or put on a comedy act?" Glancing up from her paper, the mother said, "What's the difference?"

The teleHD is made by Tely Labs in Silicon Valley. It's a black, horizontal bar less than a foot long and under three-inches high with a wide-angle lens and multiple built-in microphones.

Belated wisdom

Mossberg says it's easy to install, typically on top of the TV. It's controlled by a remote from across the room that can be used to place and answer calls and to zoom and pan. It can connect to any other Skype-enabled device.

“Done!” the angel said and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

The $250 teleHD is part of the race to reinvent the television and to make it smarter and more versatile. "Smart" TVs that connect to the Web and run apps are now offered by most major manufacturers. The teleHD device brings added functionality and connectivity to "dumb" HDTVs that lack built-in online features. There are no monthly fees…for now.

An angel appeared at a meeting of church people. He told their leader that in return for his exemplary work, God would reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the leader selected infinite wisdom. Everyone gazed at the leader, who sat surrounded by a faint halo of light. One of them whispered, “Say something.” The leader thought a moment, then sighed, “I should have taken the money.”

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there; he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, “Did you call for me?”

A $20 Smartphone

The man replies, “No, what do you mean?”

Seriously? A $20 Smartphone?

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

If you've wanted to trade in your dinosaur and join the wonderful world of smartphone users but don't want to pay $200 or $300, the new Nokia 710 might be just the ticket for you. It costs $50, but Wal-Mart was recently selling it for just $18.88. Do you prefer FREE? Then all you need to do sign up for a T-Mobile account, which costs $49 a month, or $60 a month for 500 minutes of voice, unlimited text, and 200 megabytes of data (unlimited data costs $20 more). It's an easy-to-use, voiceactivated Microsoft Windows phone with 4G Internet and GPS. The screen has tiles that can show live data, like the weather. It has a rear camera and rechargeable battery. So, what are you waiting for?

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She says, “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.”

The man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steamroom toward him, “Did you call for me?” says the hairy man. “No, what do you mean?” says the newcomer. “You must be new,” says the hairy man, “it’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, “May I help you?” she says. The man yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.” “But, Sir,” she replies, “you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.” The man replies, “Listen lady, I’m 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 35 times a day!!”

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UFC 145: EVANS VS

JONES April 21, 2012 in Atlanta By Thomas Anderson

With his dominating unanimous decision victory over the once undefeated LHW prospect Phil Davis this past January at the UFC on Fox 2 in Chicago, “Suga” Rashad Evans has finally solidified his opportunity to regain the title he once held, as he faces off against current champion Jon “Bones” Jones. The fight scheduled to take place on Saturday, April 21st in Atlanta Georgia, is one of the most highly anticipated title fights in the history of the UFC. Two former training partners and a friendship long gone, with just 12 pounds of gold hanging in the balance this fight is being built up to be one of the most entertaining battles of the year. Former Light Heavyweight champion and current #1 contender, Rashad Evans is no stranger to the pressures of being in the spotlight, having been in the main event of his last three outings in the UFC. Evans last fought Phil Davis at UFC on Fox 2 in Chicago this past January and dominated Davis for 25 minutes, earning him the unanimous decision and securing him a shot at the title. Currently on a four fight win streak, the former champion has a (17-1-1) professional MMA record with his only loss coming by way of a vicious knockout at the hands of Lyoto Machida. That fight cost Evans his title back in 2009 at UFC 98 and Evans has been on a tear within the division ever since. The former prodigy of Greg Jackson, Evans left Jackson’s Submission Fighting in 2011 and joined the “Blackzilians” at Imperial Athletics in Boca Raton Florida with a team of fellow fighters including Melvin Guillard, JZ Calvalcante and newest member of the crew, #1 heavyweight contender Alistair Overeem. His opponent, current light heavyweight champion Jon “Bones” Jones is coming off of a devastating submission victory over Lyoto Machida at UFC 140 that took place in December of last year, and is hungry to retain his title. Jones, the youngest champion ever in the UFC, entered the organization after fighting on the professional level for only four months. Having quite possibly the most meteoric rises to stardom in UFC history, 15-1 as a pro, his only loss was a DQ for illegal downward elbows against Matt Hamill. Jones went on to win his next three fights, earning himself a title shot against Mauricio Shogun Rua at UFC 128 in March of 2011. In a very one sided affair, Jones finished Shogun midway through the third round via Technical Knockout to win the gold at the age of 23. Since that win, the man they call “Bones” has gone on to successfully defend his title twice, with submission victories over Rampage Jackson and Machida. Rashad Evans presents Jones his biggest test, in that both men trained for several years in the same mats, under the same strategist Greg Jackson. Will Jon Jones show the world just why he is the fastest rising star in MMA by adding another name to his win column? Or will the seasoned experience of Rashad Evans prove to be just too strong? These questions will be answered on April 21st in Atlanta Georgia at UFC 145: EVANS vs. JONES.

email: wassupxtra@yahoo.com

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Gather your friends and “Enjoy the Game” while helping to send Handicapped Children to Summer Camp at any of these

White Sox Games

e e th Hav row : 8th to th al i ril 2 ty *Ap ortuni remon e p c p h o the itc out first p

APRIL

be will ore e m 0 or n th of 2 eged o board s p l u e Gro cknow essag a m d l fie out

OPENING DAY *APRIL 28TH WHITE SOX VS RED SOX CUBS VS SOX JUNE 18, 19, & 20TH JULY 24TH WHITE SOX VS MINNESOTA TWINS AUGUST 3RD ELVIS NIGHT SEPTEMBER 7TH HALFWAY TO ST PAT’S

Make checks payable to:

“LIONS OF ILLINOIS FOUNDATION” a 501(c) (3) foundation

Ticket prices range from $15 to $100 DEPENDING ON TICKET AND OR PACKAGE For tickets call: Lion Chris Coleman 708-785-5726 or email pcstdawn@gmail.com

DINE & DASH by Lisa Hanrahan

Grilled Mediterranean Chicken Vegetable Kabobs April is typically a good time to start thinking about shedding that extra insulation we were using to keep ourselves warm over the chilly winter months. A couple months of cutting out sweets, giving up those heavy winter lagers and a few brisk walks will typically do the trick. Not this year! With all these record breaking temperatures, Mother Nature has forced us to put a sense of urgency on kicking the winter bulge. So, does losing the extra pounds mean depriving ourselves of all that is good and holy in the world of taste and temptation? HELL NO! If you're looking for a flavorful, delicious eating plan, the Mediterranean diet might be right for you. This eating plan incorporates the basics of healthy eating (plus a splash of flavorful olive oil and perhaps a glass of red wine) among other components characterizing the traditional cooking style of countries bordering the Mediterranean Sea. So let’s get to it. Put on your apron, open up a bottle of Pinot Noir, fire up the grill and follow the recipe below for a night of gluttony that will leave both your taste buds and your waistline feeling satisfied!

Grilled Mediterranean Chicken Vegetable Kabobs Servings: 4/Time: 55 minutes Ingredients Rosemary-Lemon Marinade 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice 3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 2 teaspoons chopped fresh rosemary leaves - 1/4 teaspoon ground peppercorn 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped - 1/2 teaspoon sea salt

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Chicken and Vegetables 1 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1 1/2 inch pieces 1 medium red bell pepper, cut into 1-inch pieces 1 medium zucchini or yellow summer squash, cut into 1-inch pieces 1 medium red onion, cut into wedges 1 lb fresh asparagus spears 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese (1 oz) 1st In shallow glass or plastic bowl, or re-sealable food-storage plastic bag, mix all marinade ingredients. Add chicken, stirring to coat with marinade. Cover dish or seal bag; refrigerate, stirring occasionally, at least 30 minutes but no longer than 6 hours. 2nd Heat coals or gas grill for direct heat. Remove chicken from marinade; reserve marinade. Thread chicken, bell pepper, zucchini and onion alternately on each of four 15-inch metal skewers, leaving about 1/4-inch space between each piece. Brush vegetables with marinade. 3rd Cover and grill kabobs over medium heat 10 to 15 minutes, turning and brushing frequently with marinade, until chicken is no longer pink in center. Add asparagus to grill for last 5 minutes of grilling, turning occasionally, until crisp-tender. Discard any remaining marinade. 4th Sprinkle feta cheese over kabobs. Serve kabobs with asparagus. 5th If you haven’t already, pour yourself another glass of wine. Nutrition Information: 1 Serving (1 Serving)Calories 280 (Calories from Fat 135 ),Total Fat 15 g (Saturated Fat 4 g, Cholesterol 75 mg; Sodium 370 mg; Total Carbohydrate 10 g (Dietary Fiber 3 g, Protein 29 g

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Ask The Wino... Wino: Jimmy McGee

Happy Easter April 8, 2012

Smells Like: A peanut butter and banana sandwich Likes: : Fat chicks that wear spandex Dislikes Sushi and unhappy endings Patsy the Cashier asks: If you could choose 3 people to have dinner with, who would you invite? Wino: I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready-made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you *******! Jarrod the Mailman asks: My fiancé caught me masturbating last week and freaked out! Have you ever been caught?

Wino: I have been caught a time or ten. When I was asked "Why are you doing that"? I told that flight attendant, "Because you won’t spank my monkey, now go and get me some damn peanuts!"

Larry the Bartender asks: Some dude came into the bar I work at the other night and instead of a tip, he left me a card that said “Jesus loves me” and said he’d pray for me. What should I do if he comes in again? Wino: Next time, let him know how glad you are to see him and buy him a beer. Then slip a little something in his drink and after you get off work, drop him off at a local bath house and throw him in the sauna with a strapping 6.5" 400lb hunk. The only thing he’ll be praying for the next morning is Preparation H! Ps Jesus loves you.

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TOP 10 THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM THE EASTER BUNNY 1. Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. 2. The grass isn’t always greener in someone else's basket. 3. Everyone needs a friend who is all ears. 4. A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention 5. Some body parts should be floppy 6. All work and no play can make you a basket case. 7. To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell. 8. Good things come in small sugarcoated packages 9. Everyone is entitled to a bad “hare” day. 10. Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.

A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “some a**hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?” Canada, sir,” the boy replied. “Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked. The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.” “Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.” “No way?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”

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BAR DIRECTORY

Chicago cont.

Alsip Bar 122 Dakota Inn Southsides

12219 S. Pulaski 12119 S. Crawford 11860 S Cicero

708-597-1122 708-388-6622 708-371-1133

6301 W. 73rd

708-728-6500

8000 S. Roberts Rd 7600 S. Harlem 8500 S. Harlem 7801 W. 79th Pl

708-594-5600 708-496-0300 708-598-7000 708-728-9696

8869 Burlington` 9220 W. 47th 8436 Brookfield 9308 47th

708-485-8787 708-485-9640 708-485-4504 708-387-0317

Bedford Park Buzz Bomb

Bridgeview All Star Sports Bar Illusions Tiger’s Lounge X’s & O’s Lounge

Brookfield Irish Times Joe’s Saloon Johnny B’s Bar Slager’s Bar

Burbank Castle Inn Chuck’s Voodoo Dalton's Pub Durbins Frank's Place Maggie McGuires Papa T’s Tic N Tin Tap

Calumet City Bagley’s Boss’s Lounge John L’s Place Lauers Pub Harry O’s The Hideaway Little Brown Jug

3636 W. 111th 3259 W 111th St 11136 S Western 3356 S. Halsted 10910 S. Western 11064 S. Western 3123 W. 111th 10330 S. Western 1133 S. Western 13611 S. Brainard 10014 S. Western 4201 W. 55th St

773-445-9181 773-779-6202 773-927-6073 773-238-0784 773-429-1598 773-298-1548 773-209-8334 312-243-4217 773-646-0350 773-238-5534 773-612-4455

Jimmy's Tender Trap

410 W. Lincoln Hwy 109 N. Halsted St.

708-748-4949 708-755-1134

Chicago Heights

Chicago Ridge Bearhawks Bobby McGee’s O’Connor Pub Jack Desmond Jessie's Tavern Nickobee’s Lucky's Lounge

708-529-3547 708-229-8700 708-423-1570 708-423-1523 708-233-9148 708-424-3720 708-233-7740 708-599-6399

3000 E. 138th St

708-862-1656

9300 S Kingery Highway

630-789-6800

Crestwood

666 Hirsch Avenue 148 155th Street 335 154th Place 31 154th Place 816 Burnham Avenue 1245 Burnham Ave 14540 S Torrence Ave

708-891-9290 708-891-9073 708-862-2386 708-891-9748 708-832-3847 708-862-2966 708-862-3139

Chuck's Place Ignorant Bliss NorthWoods

Burr Ridge Maxum Bar

Lawlors Mackell's Inn McNally's Mitchells Mrs. O'Learys O’Rourke’s Richie's Bar Sean's Rhino Bar Simpson’s Tavern Southshore Inn Wrong's tap West 55th Street

5700 W. 79th 6501 W. 79th 5616 N. 87th 5406 W. 79th St 6353 W. 79th St 8642 S. Cicero 7130 W. 79th 7107 W. 79th

Burnham Tally Ho

Where are you going tonight?

Chicago Archview 3115 S. Archer Brewbakers 10350 S. Western Catchers 901 W 35th Cork & Kerry's 10614 S. Western Corrigan's Pub 3047 W. 111th Dingers Sports Bar 10638 S. Western End Zone 10036 S. Western Fox's Beverly Pub 9956 S. Western Frankie & Johnnies 5009 S. Central Gilhooley’s Saloon 3901 W. 103rd St Hinky Dinks 3243 W 111th St Hippo's 3011 W. 111th Keegan's Pub 10618 S. Western Lanigan's Pub 3119 W. 111th

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773-523-7550 773-239-1659 773-869-9411 773-445-2675 773-298-1315 773-233-9960 773-238-7969 773-238-5534 773-233-2200 773-445-1598 773-233-6829 773-233-4004

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10236 Ridgeland 10139 S. Harlem 5900 W. 111th 10339 Ridgeland 10501 Ridgeland 10301 Southwest 6605 95th St

708-424-0830 708-529-3526 708-422-6400 708-857-7910 708-499-0048 708-499-2643 708-237-3776

9901 W. 55th 917 W. 55th

708-354-3333 708-354-0991

1200 Cedarwood Dr

815-741-4318

13602 S. Cicero 13430 S. Cicero 13815 Cicero Ave 13430 S Cicero

708-388-8862 708-371-7665 708-597-2415 708-371-7665

1358 Main St 1338 Main St 940 Steger Rd

708-672-9449 708-279-7163 708-672-1167

Countryside Harry’s bar Kenny’s Tavern

Crest Hill

Bobby McGee’s Brazen Head Doc’s Lounge Mitch's Pub Pockets Billiards

Crete

Flossmore Flossmore Station 1035 Sterling Ave North Woods 800 Kedzie Ave

708-957-2739 708-957-5600

Hazel Crest Sidebar 167

Hickory Hills Cravens Pub Kowal's Bar Prime Time

2905 W. 167th St

708-596-5055

8833 W. 87th St 9401 S. Roberts Rd 7750 W. 95th St

708-237-1705 708-598-0835 708-599-2333

6501 Kane Ave 6298 East Ave

708-588-0095 708-354-9785

Hodgkins Buck’s Pit Stop Murphy’s Bar

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advertise call 773.288-9400


BAR DIRECTORY

Where are you going tonight?

Orland Park cont.

Homewood Bogarts Fifth Quarter Tap Lassen's Bar Ridgewood Tap

18225 Dixie Hwy 18105 Dixie Hwy 2131 183rd 2059 Ridge Rd

708-798-2000 708-798-2710 708-957-2220 708-798-1414

8531 W. 79th

708-728-9990

2455 Bernice Rd 3502 Ridge Rd

708-474-9977 708-895-5233

2549 Glenwood 10 Southland Dr. 19606 Burnham

708-474-4348 708-418-1400 708-418-2650

Justice New Bridges Bar

Lansing J.J. Kelley’s Kilroy’s

Lynwood Benny’s Ho Chunk Margarita’s

Lyons Marlin’s 7236 Pershing Rd McCafferty’s Pub 8107 Ogden Ricky D’s Place 7901 Ogden

708-442-2645 708-442-0630 708-442-8688

Markham Envy’s Pub George's Place

708-331-5860 708-225-1844

3625 W 159th 15745 Kedzie Ave

Merrionette Park Bourbon Street 3359 W. 115th

708-388-8881

Midlothian Durbin’s Jack’s Place O’Learys Sullivans

14753 S. Cicero 3915 147th St. 14650 Waverly 4660 147th St

708-687-1700 708-489-2250 708-389-3663 708-385-4100

Mokena Morgan’s

18700 S. LaGrange

708-478-3610

Oak Forest Blarney Stone Marcotte’s Tap's Pub

15400 Cicero 15501 S.Cicero 15427 Cicero

708-535-4800 708-535-8960 708-535-6374

Oak Lawn Cullens Pub Demma's Bar George's Lounge Goal Post Hot Corner Inn Zone Bar Murphy's Law Quigley’s R Place Lounge St James Tailgators TC Pub

9953 Southwest Hwy 5805 W. 87th Pl 5407 W. 95th 5207 W. 95th St. 4913 W. 95th St 9904 Southwest Hwy 9247 S. Cicero 4010 W. 111th 9848 Southwest Hwy 5305 W. 95th St. 9256 S. Cicero 9700 S. Cicero

708-424-7286 708-636-1240 708-636-0223 708-422-5275 708-422-1884 708-636-1555 708-952-4774 708-425-1330 708-423-1350 708-425-4252

Orland Park Coaches Corner Danny’s Corner

8116 W. 143rd St 9400 W, 143rd St

email: wassupxtra@yahoo.com

Fat Sams Jordans Pub Zantes Lounge

15896 S. LaGrange Rd 13500 S. Harlem 8888 W. 159th St

708-403-0733 708-460-8330 708-364-0100

Palos Heights Joe Daniels Sam Bucas Mister Mo’s

12218 S. Harlem 12231 S. Harlem 7214 College Dr

708-923-9902 708-361-1226 708-671-0288

10154 S. Roberts Rd 11011 Southwest 8300 W. 107th St. 9750 S. Roberts Rd 10307 S Roberts Rd

708-598-8881 708-974-9085 708-974-0509 708-576-8142 708-233-6400

D & D's Tavern Dirty D's Granny's Place Guzzlers J&J’s Pub

14401 S. Sherman 14100 S. Western 2838 W. 147th St 14344 S. Mckinley 14347 McKinley

708-385-0171 708-824-0285 708-385-2509 708-371-7484 708-388-2006

Baps Tap Prisco’s Tony G's

164 W. Sauk Trail 11 W. Sauk Tr 33 W. Sauk Tr

708-755-2277 708-248-5380 708-754-6848

Palos Hills Durbin’s Red Velvet Valley Inn Village Pub Zante Lounge

Posen

South Chicago Heights

Steger J Martins Tap 81 E. 34th St Jack's Bar & Grill 436 W. 34th St Jolt N Joes 3215 Union

708-755-6152 708-754-7000 708-755-3330

Summit Europe

7245 W. Archer

708-458-1900

17731 Oak Park 17704 Oak Park 18305 Oak Park 17265 Oak Park 17348 Oak Park 17020 Oak Park 17329 Oak Park

708-429-7955 708-633-1144 708-532-1639 708-429-1000 708-429-7000 708-532-4409 708-532-9707

Tinley Park Bailey’s Bar Cuzins Tavern Dendrino's Durbins JWHollsteins Old Tinley Pub Teehan's

Worth

Bar Code 111 7016 W 111th Street The Chieftan 6908 W 111th Street Phil Mc Krackens 6602 111th Street

708 448-4040 708 827-5739 708)671-8090

To be listed in our bar directory and for advertising rates call 773.288.9400

708-364-1026 708.226.9223 FACEBOOK.COM / WASSUPXTRAMAGAZINE

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TAT T L E TA L E S

Diagnosis: Cubs Fan By Rob Christiansen

Richie managed to find his house. He was home early, surprising his wife, whose name he usually forgot. He said, “I lost my job, dear, because of the economy.” The truth is, he lost his job because his boss saw him on WGN television at a Cubs game. On a home run replay, Richie reaches for the ball as he stands up in the front row in the left field bleachers. Although he drops the ball, he is caught in a lie because he had called in sick. The sad thing is that Mr. Boss would have given him the afternoon off if he’d just asked.

The first time this happened, his boss didn’t say anything and Richie’s job was safe. However, the sequence of events repeated the next day. Richie didn’t catch that ball, either. “This isn’t because of your fielding,” Mr. Boss explained for the sake of levity, to make the pill easier for Richie to swallow. This occurred a year ago. Richie and his wife eventually moved to Montreal in September after a lifetime he had spent in Wrigleyville. He jokingly considered Chicago a suburb of Wrigleyville. It wasn’t as though he had never stepped out of its cozy confines, and he’d even visited the Chicago Art Institute, of which he said no White Sox fan ever went to. His wife’s brother, a manager of rental cottages, lives in Montreal, and Richie’s wife is Canadian. She isn’t French, though Richie said her name is Monique. Her brother did Richie a solid by leasing them a cottage without a credit check. Richie was financially undisciplined, his wife miraculously sensible. Richie, the fun lover, lived la vida Wrigley all season when he should have been looking for a new job. He did attend job fairs, or “expos” as they are known, in deference to Montreal’s former baseball team, the Expos. “Attending a career expo is like going to a Sainte Catherine Street bar, with the distinction being that you’d like to go home from the career expo with a job,” Richie said. His path had been the workers’ compensation route, trafficked with eighteen-wheels-of-fortune. He yielded to injured spinners who seldom failed to inspire malingering questions of the true permanent nature and extent of their injuries, and gave away the ranch to plaintiff attorneys who had been around the block. For these hired hands, the hustle of settlement was just another rodeo, and they were the prize-winning hogs of county fairs held throughout the state. Richie’s colorful figures of speech are intended to gloss over the machinations of the system but he trusts his meaning is clear and his frustration shows. He paid claims handsomely because workers’ compensation insurance companies don’t get off easily. They are presumed to be loss leaders of the industry

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or, in layman’s terms, its redheaded stepchildren. Given his experience as an adjuster, he thought he would be effective working in a Montreal lottery office posing with winners and their oversized checks, or as a game show host giving away cash and prizes, smiling and waving, forever thankful that Merv Griffin had been made of money. An interviewer asked Richie how many quarters, stacked like pancakes, it takes to reach the top of CIBC Tower. Richie and his wife, whose name he said is Donna, had run up all its flights of stairs for charity on Boxing Day, so he knew the answer to the question. Naturally, he got the job. When spring training rolled around, he feared that Opening Day at Wrigley Field would drive him crazy in Montreal because he was by definition a Cubs fan, since being a Cubs fan had always defined him. To treat his growing anxiety, he zeroed in on his claims adjuster job. He began to read doctors’ reports as medical and psychological stories, with the difference being that he isn’t allowed to take cases home. He said that his wife’s name is Suzanne and that he hasn’t had any trouble finding the cottage. It’s as though his Wrigleyville daze, by comparison, was responsible for his inability to find his former house. His addiction to work-related thrillers finally weaned him off his Wrigleyville addiction. This afternoon, seated at his work station, he unexpectedly saw himself in a supercharged psychiatric report. The report said, “He has no interest in current events or the ability to balance a checkbook. He has poor short-term memory and is unable to comprehend television programs or a newspaper. He wanders aimlessly and wouldn’t be able to find his house if his life depended on it. He can’t recall the city, month and year of his marriage. His wife’s name isn’t on the tip of his tongue.” Richie had wandered around Wrigleyville exactly as described by the Montreal doctor. And almost everyone Richie had ever met at a Cubs game or in the bars was similarly afflicted. They shared the same diagnosis. They were Cubs fans. He reread the doctor’s report in the early evening when the office was empty. He again saw his reflection, and he pounded his fists on the report as though it were Plexiglas he was trying to break. She was on the other side, his estranged wife, although they still live and sleep together, and she still cooks for him. Legally, the marriage isn’t going anywhere. There’s no end to it in sight, really, but now he sees her for the first time. They met at a Cubs game, and he remembered the exact date of that game. He recalled what she was wearing, and everything about that day. He was awash with adrenaline. He felt as though he had barreled over a waterfall and landed safely. He realized that, for mental health reasons, he will never return to Wrigleyville. He is better off in Montreal. He looked up from the report and screamed his wife’s name. Her name is Elaine.

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MARLINS 7236 39TH St. Lyons

MONDAY .25 CENT WINGS + $3 HEINEKEN

THURSDAY LIVE DJ (10PM - 2AM) NO COVER

$3 MILLER PRODUCT PITCHERS + $2 WELL MIXED DRINKS + $1 WELL SHOTS

708.442.2645

TUESDAY $3 CORONA WEDNESDAY $3 IMPORT DRAFT PINTS FRIDAY LIVE MUSIC (NO COVER) $3 MILLER BOTTLES SATURDAY $1.75 MILLER BOTTLES

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, “Hey Koala! What are you doing?” The koala said, “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.” So, the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few hits. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, “What’s the matter with you?”

Out & About @

Marlins Lyons

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, “Hey you!” So the koala looked down at him and said, “HOLY CRAP DUDE... How much water did you drink?!”

email: wassupxtra@yahoo.com

More Photos on facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine

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Pop The Question

LaLa answers your questions about love and life... By Lauren Strec Dear Lauren, What's most important to you when choosing a boyfriend...good looks, intelligence, sense of humor, or something else? Curious Kathy

Dear Curious Kathy, Boyfriend-choosing is an easy recipe, but the ingredients must be measured accurately. But before one chooses a boyfriend, one must be choose-able herself (or himself). And the first thing to toss aside is having a “list” of things to look for in a guy. I’m not saying one should not have standards, but get rid of any superficial items. Appearance, income, and possessions should not determine your match. If they do, I feel sorry for the guy that has to put up with you… because you will never be satisfied. For me, my guy has to make me feel comfortable to be myself. Whether this is through humor, intelligence, confidence, or wearing a Snuffaluffagus costume, if I am cozy: I’m yours!

A little boy and his Grandfather were sitting on the front porch one breezy afternoon, when the Grandfather noticed his Grandson watching the flag as it was blowing in the wind. The Grandfather asked, “Do you know why the colors of the American flag are red, white, and blue? “Yes of course”, responded the young boy. “Well tell me,” said his Grandfather, proud to hear his grandson was taking an interest in American History. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," said the boy. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, "Where did you get that beautiful bicycle?" "Well," the second engineering student says, "A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this gorgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says 'take what you want'."

Dear Lauren, My boyfriend wants to go all the way, but I was trying to save myself for marriage. I don't want to lose him, what should I do? Virgin Mary

The other engineering student nods and says "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Dear Virgin Mary, What is it that you’re trying to save? Is your vag like some sort of bank account? Do you collect interest? I will respect if you’re withholding your virginity for your religion, but you’re missing out! If you both care for each other, take the plunge! What if you wait all that time until marriage, and then there is no chemistry in the bed? You’ll never know what amazing sex is like! But if you want to stay true to your morals, you will [eventually] find a guy that respects your beliefs. If this guy is not the one to do that, then let him go.

A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

Dear Lauren, If you could instantly turn into a man for a day, what would you do? Macho Mark

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. "All right son," asked the father. "What does that show you?"

Dear Macho, Before I answer this, let me just clarify that I LOVE being a girl. Getting stuff for free is cool. So is looking at my boobs before I jump in the shower. But if I were a dude for a day, the first thing I would do is scratch my junk in a crowded, public area. Followed shortly thereafter by peeing my name onto the sidewalk or, if available, a patch of snow. If I wasn’t arrested at this point, I would get together with my guy friends and joke how we banged each other’s moms. Yeah, buddy! Dear Lauren, I'm dating a girl that is almost 4 inches taller than me and I'm really bothered by it. Would you date a guy that was much shorter than you? Shorty Dear Shorty, I would totally date a guy that is shorter than me! If I click with someone, I would not toss it away because of height. You shouldn’t either! Of course, if you’re not enjoying your time with this chick because your mind is preoccupied with thoughts of genetics, then do both of you a favor and end it. Either you need to get over your complex, or she needs to be more interesting. Whatever the case, it’s not working. Or just buy stilts.

Lauren is a local media host and blogger you can subscribe to her at facebook.com/laurenstrec

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Roger was 90 years old and played golf every day since he retired 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking sad. "That’s it," he tells his wife. "I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went." His wife makes him a cup of tea, and says, "Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try." "That’s no good" sighs Roger, "your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help."

Out & About @

Buzz Bomb Bedford Park

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day Roger heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight". "Where did it go?" says Roger. "I don’t remember."

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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. “Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing

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that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

to list call 773.288.9400 KARAOKE/OPEN MIC/ TRIVIA Bar

Phone

Sun

Mon

Tues

OM

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Wed

Thurs

708-529-3526

Frank’s Place

708.233.9148

DJ & K

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Ignorant Bliss

708.279.7163

OM

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Jake’s Pub 708-728-9990

Papa T’s (Burbank)

708.233.7740

Pockets

708.371.7665

SideBar 167

708.596.5055

X’s & O’s Lounge

708.728.9696

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Bobby McGee’s

New Bridges Bar

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DOC’S LOUNGE & P CKETS Billiards 13430 S CICERO CRESTWOOD 708-371-7665 Sun - Thur 10am - 2pm / Fri & Sat 10am - 3am

FRIDAYS & Saturday

$3 Bombs & $2 Drafts

EVERY FRIDAY BAR TRIVIA AND KARAOKEE WITH TRIPLE B EVERY SATURDAY KARAOKEE AND DJ WITH TRIPLE B

Pizza - Appetizers - Sandwiches - 24 Pool Tables - Shuffleboard Darts - Bean Bags - Photo Fun Booth - Patio - Free Wifi

$1.50 Domestic Bottles Monday & Wednesday

$2

Pints Everyday

$10

1/2

Buckets + $3

PRICE PIZZA during all Blackhawks and Bulls Playoff Games

Bloody Marys

Sunday

POOL NEWS

TRICK SHOT OF THE MONTH First set this shot up by placing 3 balls

frozen to the rail at the half diamonds as the illustration shows. The last ball is at the half diamond but is not frozen to the rail. You can place the last ball about 1/8 to ¼ inches off the rail and adjust the position of the ball as much as necessary.

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Heads or Tails? Flip the the dime into the glass

Set the Cue ball approximately one ball width off the rail behind the second diamond. Aim a little left of center on the first object ball with a straight follow thru. You need to focus on getting enough follow on the cue ball. Practice and have fun.

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Band interview

FASHION BOMB by Angel Hernandez

Band: Fashion Bomb Upcoming shows: April 15, 2012 at Reggies Rock Club, Chicago, IL, Doors at 5pm, $10 in advance, 17+ unless with an adult. Hell on Earth Metal Fest: Miles from Exile, Bleed for the Fallen, Orion Nine, Impale, Skinwalker, and A Born Plague. For fans of: Marilyn Manson, Tool, and A Perfect Circle

Please don’t let the band members’ names of Fashion Bomb fool you into thinking they are some sort of joke band. They are far from it. Val, Acid, Trace, Drone I and Drone II have gone through an evolution, as have most bands. After finally getting their writing team together and finding their sound, Fashion Bomb set out to make music that had a message, made on their own terms. They are committed to sharing their music as a two way experience and feel that their shows should consists of two parts, them and the audience, which are both very important to the overall experience. If you visit the band’s website it’s clear that the group has been making a statement and in order to understand their message it‘s important to get to know the people behind the music. The message they are trying to send is to be true to yourself and the art you make, despite pressures from others to conform. They also make a statement through their art and music by being true to who they are as a band, not by being a cookie cutter formula created by the media. Yearning for more? Let Val finish explaining what Fashion Bomb is about as a distinct metal band. Visit either their Facebook page (www.facebook.com/xFashionxBombx) or main website (www.fashionbomb.net) to listen to their music and You Tube (www.youtube.com/xfashionxbombx) to watch their latest music video for “The Meek”. You were originally signed to Hollywood Records but switched to Full Effect. What made you switch? Was there more freedom? Val: We had a development deal with Hollywood Records but making music in this day and age we chose Full Effect to sign with. Yes, signing with an indie label allowed us the freedom to make our music and artwork and be true to ourselves without the strictures in place with a major label. When did you all start playing music together and where do you see yourself in the future? Val: We got our current sound and core group pretty solid about 4 years ago. We had been around for a bit before, and just as we grew then into what we are now, we continue to push ourselves as musicians and I'm sure changes will occur naturally as that happens. I think we all see ourselves continuing to make music and videos, and tour for a long time. Do you feel accomplished opening for Marilyn Manson and being compared to bands such as Tool and Nine Inch Nails? Val: We are proud to have shared the stage with a ton of great artists and we do get compared to some amazing bands. I think while it is really nice to hear, although we are more focused on making what we do as good as it can be. What do you think of Chicago's metal music scene and do you think it's changed since you began? Val: Chicago has an amazing scene with lots of choices on any given night and that has never changed really. It is kind of a proving ground if you can make a statement here; you are being heard through the sounds of a lot of other talented bands. We feel privileged to be heard, and thank everyone who continues to support us and come out to shows.

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Our Beloved Cub’s... Could This Be The Year? By Nick Morreale Alright, here is the deal. Our beloved Cubbies have a lot of new faces this year. Some old, a lot of young, but, top to bottom, a lot of new faces. The Rickets will be in their third year of owning the team and newbies Epstein and Hoyer upstairs. Former Milwaukee Brewers coach, Dale Sveum, will be managing a gang of young talent on the field.

A long way from the musty smell of Old Style and Connie’s pizza, while co-eds are chasing tanned skin and fogged memories, a different picture is being painted in Mesa, Arizona. Preparation. Dedication. Focus. These are the pillars that hoist the mind and talent of Cubs right hander Jeff Smadzjia. The former Notre Jeff Smadzjia Dame Football stand-out has impressed this spring. Smadzjia is fighting for a spot in the rotation and has dedicated himself to earning it. The Colorado Rockies got to him in his last start, but the box score read harsher than his performance.

Before Friday, Smadzjia, who arrived four months early for spring training, boasted a 2.70 ERA on only 6 hits in 10 innings of work. If there is any arm looking brighter than the 6’ 5’’ 225 pound right-hander, it is the 6’ 0’’ 180 pound Rodrigo Lopez. Not overly impressive to look at, Lopez is getting hitters out with Gregg Maddux style. With a carefully strategized diet of off-speed pitches and pin point accuracy, hitters forget about the 90+ in his back pocket. This spring the Mexico native has allowed only 3 earned runs in 12 innings. To spite the success of the two young arms, youth is no match for experience. Sveum announced Friday, that staff veteran, Ryan Dempster, will take the ball on opening day for the North-siders. On the other side of the ball, both veterans and youngsters are contributing in a big fashion. Joe Mather and Blake Lalli have been red hot in their auditions for the big leagues. Combined they have blasted an impressive five homer’s, one triple, and five doubles in just 56 at bats. Soriano has belted five round trippers this spring and Soto busted out of a slow start in a big way with a pair of his own on Friday. It is shaping up to be a very young squad with a core of veterans leading the way. New owners. New management. New players. New attitude. Forget being the lovable losers. Enough of this curse garbage. It’s time we make that stupid video game commercial become a reality. This year is here and how sweet it would be to fly that “W” flag in October.

tattoo contest Submit your tattoo photos to wassupxtra@yahoo.com for consideration. Every month an independent panel of tattoo artists will choose the top 4 entries. The 4 choosen tattoos will each receive a custom designed t-shirt from

#1

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The Art of Jose Perez Jr, owner of Dark Water Tattoos in Bridgeview To Vote go to facebook.com/wassupxtramagazine “Like” our page and “Like” the photo of your favorite tattoo. The tattoo with the most likes will win a $50 gift certificate from Dark Water Tattoos!

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Little Frank’s Pizzeria N OPE R FO H C LUN

6355 W. 79th Street Burbank

(708) 598-8660 Order By Fax: (708) 598-2158

Fast Delivery or Pick-Up Hours: Sunday thru Thursday 11am - Midnight Friday & Saturday 11am - 1:30am

THE BEST

COUPON Little Frank’s Pizzeria 6355 W. 79th St - Burbank - 708-598-8660

Bring a Family in for a Large Pizza with One Topping and a Pitcher of Pop / Beer for $12 Not Valid with any other offer. With Coupon Only Expires 4 - 31 - 12

CATERING FOR ALL OCCASIONS

$1.50 BUD & BUD LIGHT MONDAYS

DJ / KARAOKE EVERY WED NITE 8PM TO 12AM

PIZZA JUDGED BY THE CHICAGO TRIBUNE

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Whats Up Xtra Southwest April 2012