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WHAT A GIRL WANTS ●


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Short Stories: Emma Anya Lynn

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Betrayal Kodi Lane

4-5

Peanut Butter and Bubblegum Toasty Toast

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Summer Love Natalia Belvoir

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One Cold Night Anya Lynn

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Advice Column: Confused Cheerleader Ed Word

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Conflicted Girlfriend Kodi Lane

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Confused Girl I.C. Bore

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This Looks Nothing like the Pictures Jules Twinings

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Confessions: Confessions of a Bra-Stuffer Tyto Alba

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Confessions of a Dead Girl Victor J. Nim

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Confessions of a Teenage Heartbreaker Nate Clydes

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Confessions of a Fat Girl Jules Twinings

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Confessions of a Lovesick Fool Violet Llyons

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Confessions of a Jealous Girlfriend Ed Word

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My Confessions Ludi

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Confessions of a Tomboy Connor Reid

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Confessions of an Ex-Follower I.C. Bore

25-26


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Emma Anya Lynn It was warm even though it was early November. I didn’t mind though; the front yard was where I belonged. It was home to many magical places that had to be put away for the grueling winter months, but today I could still appreciate the worlds my mind had created. I didn’t need to shut them away in the vault just yet. I sat in my wooden play house baking an apple pie. The warm apple smell was taken away with the wind and out the window. Soon the neighborhood creatures would come to inspect the delicious treat, so I had to eat it quickly which was fine because it never came out of the oven too hot. I was busy fishing the ice cream out of the freezer when something flew into the window and landed on my kitchen table. I jumped back startled when I realized it was a little wooden airplane that I had never seen before. I knew everyone who lived on my street and I could recognize every toy that all my neighbors owned. This toy was new. “Hey who threw that?” I yelled out my small, screenless window. I looked around and saw a young boy on the street. He had a buttoned blue shirt that wasn’t tucked into his pants. And a smirk on his face like he knew something that I didn’t and wasn’t afraid to rub it in my face. I stepped out of my white wooden house. The paint was fading and starting to chip. The shutters were a faded pink and had collected dust in the grooves. The walls had a lining of dirt from past storms that made it flood around the house. I had begged my father for a playhouse. There was one in the store that I loved and always ran to play in while my parents did their shopping. (That was back when my parents went places together.) It was beautiful and perfect, but we didn’t have the money so my dad built me a custom house and it was just the same, maybe even better because the wooden panels were laced with his love. The boy came walking toward with a confident


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stride. “That’s my plane,” he said slyly. “Sorry.” He reached his hand out and lightly brushed mine as he grabbed the plane. A shiver went down through my spine. I never got nervous. I was the queen of the block and every kid was afraid of me because even though I wasn’t too big, my voice made me sound big and I wasn’t afraid to put a bug in anyone’s hair. I watched the boy saunter away back onto the street. He went straight through the yard across the street and then he was gone. I never got to see where he lived. That’s when I remembered my pie. I quickly ran into my house to eat it up before the squirrels did. My daddy called me in for dinner the moment I finished. That night I had the craziest dream. I was flying through the air without even thinking about it. The wind was blowing my hair and I felt like I owned the world, my world at least. I glided through the clouds and captured the tiny particles of water in my hands, nurturing them and feeling their energy. Then I saw it. The little wooden airplane was flying around me in giant circles in all sorts of directions. It wasn’t chasing me, but joining me and I knew it was my friend. Then I woke up. Who was this boy and why was I even thinking about him? Where was he even from? It wasn’t as warm the next day as would be expected in November. I went outside anyway. I needed to find this boy and tell him he wasn’t going to get to me and that he should be very afraid of me because I am the queen and nothing he could do would change that. I decided to make another pie in my house. Maybe that’s what had attracted him before. I made an apple pie then a blueberry pie and then a cherry pie and no sign of any wooden plane. Just as I was giving up and walking up to my front door because my hands were getting too cold, I saw something fly past my shoulder. A little wooden plane landed in the bushes that grew in the front of my house. I turned around and there was the boy. He was wearing a different shirt that was also not tucked in and the same exact pants as the last time I saw him. He smirked at me. “I think my plane likes you” he said. I knew he was lying because nobody liked me ever. I just stared at him wondering why he was back. I picked up his plane and held it out. His hand brushed mine again and the same shiver went down my spine. I didn’t want him to just walk away this time but I didn’t know how to make him stay so I just stood there looking at him with my head tilted to the side hoping that he’d say something to end this silence. He stared right back at me with a little smile and then waved his hand at me to follow him. We walked right into the middle of the street. He didn’t even bother looking both ways. The boy took the wooden plane and put it in my hand. He then stood behind me and put my hand in his,


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holding it steady and closing one eye. He counted to three and told me to let go and the plane went soaring. It flew right in the middle of the street gliding gracefully. It slowly grazed the ground till it stopped. I couldn’t believe it. Had my hand done that? Was I responsible for such a beautiful trip? I smiled at the boy and we ran to retrieve the plane together. I let him pick it up and I watched how he held it in his hands like it was the most delicate flower. “Who are you?” I asked. “My name is Adam James. My last name is Hope, but I don’t really believe in it, so you should call me Adam or AJ.” “I might not call you either of those,” I said. He didn’t look like either of those names. He looked more like a Justin. Adam looked at me confused but just shrugged. He looked in the distance and I could tell he was thinking about going home. I didn’t want him to, but I wasn’t sure why I felt that way. I never had a playmate, but only because I never needed one. I was too smart for everyone. They couldn’t see all the amazingly beautiful places that I could. He started to walk away and I wondered where he lived. Where was he going when he cut through the yard across the street? All that was back there were woods. I ran after him and gave him a hug. I wasn’t sure why I felt I needed to, but some part of me was screaming that I needed a hug and it had to be from him. He was so skinny. I could feel his bones under his shirt and his hair was so thin. He was surprised by my sudden embrace but gave me a hug back. Then he walked away. I watched him for a little while and went back home. It was another warm day right after Thanksgiving. My dad always cried on Thanksgiving. He missed my mom and spent dinner staring at her empty seat, so I always ran away for a bit. This time I cut through the yard across the street and walked into the woods. There was a very narrow path and I followed it knowing it had to be Adam’s. I came across a clearing. Looking up, I saw the most beautiful tree house I’ve ever seen. I climbed the ladder that was nailed to the tree and stepped inside the home. It was a boy’s place, I could tell by the mess, but it all looked like random garbage left behind. There was only one piece of furniture left, a tiny round table. Upon it sat a wooden airplane. I knew it was his and I knew he left it for me. I never knew what happened to Adam Hope, but he was the first boy to ever make me feel beautiful. One day I’ll find him and we will be the king and queen of the block.


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Betrayal Kodi Lane Ally could not believe it. Her best friend had betrayed her! This was every girl’s worst nightmare, when the one person you tell everything to, who claims to be loyal and supportive of you at all times, goes behind your back and lets you down. With all the drama, lies, and problems that Ally and every other average girl her age faced on a daily basis, it was almost heartbreaking when she found out Lexi had betrayed her. It wasn’t difficult to figure out that Lexi was the one that had told half the school about how her dad had recently been fired from his job; Lexi was the only one that knew. And of course she knew, Lexi had been Ally’s go-to girl for everything throughout the past 5 years. She knew every little thing that went on in Ally’s life, which is what made it impossible for Ally to imagine why she had decided to spill about her recent family problems. Lexi knew how embarrassed Ally was over the fact that her dad was no longer employed, and she also knew how ashamed Ally was of the reason why he had been fired. The fact that Ally’s dad had been caught multiple times showing up intoxicated at work, was completely and utterly embarrassing. When Ally found out about this she did not know how to deal. She was angry at her dad and was also worried for the well-being of her family, who were now left without a steady source of income. In all the pain that Ally was feeling, she decided to turn to Lexi, but she now knew that was a huge mistake. That Monday morning walking across campus, it was not difficult for Ally to figure out that almost all of her peers were now aware of her situation at home. She was getting so many “I’m so sorry to hear about the news,” and “Let me know if there’s anything we can do to help.” And this was exactly what she had hoped to avoid: pity from others. But even as she received all the weird looks and fake sympathy from others, all Ally could think about was how furious she was with Lexi.


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Ally needed to deal with this and she needed to deal with this now. Good thing she knew Lexi’s schedule by heart- she knew Lexi would be heading over to Bio lab soon. Ally headed in the direction of the lab, hoping to intersect Lexi so they could have a little chat. It didn’t take long, and Ally soon spotted Lexi heading towards her. “Hi Al!” Lexi exclaimed as she walked over to Ally. Before any words even came out of her mouth, Lexi could tell that Ally was not happy. “How could you?!” Ally whined, “Why would you tell people about my dad? You know how upset I am about everything, and you KNOW I didn’t want anyone knowing.” “Oh my gosh,” Lexi responded with a quiver in her voice, “I honestly did not mean for so many people to find out.” She had never seen Ally so upset, and she felt terrible. “Really Al, I…I” she stammered, “I told my mom last night and I guess she came in this morning and told some people. I guess I forgot to tell her to keep it a secret.” Lexi’s mom was an administrator at their school, so it was not surprising that word had gotten around so fast. Ally shook her head and didn’t know how to respond for a few moments. “Come on Lex,” Ally finally said. “You really should have thought that one through a little bit more.” “I’m really sorry,” Lexi replied. “I never meant for this to happen obviously.” As Lexi continued to apologize Ally gradually became less upset over the situation. She knew that Lexi would never have blatantly betrayed her like that, and she was glad to hear the full story. Although she was still bothered by the fact that so many people now knew, she was comforted knowing that she still had her best friend.


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Peanut Butter and Bubblegum Toasty Toast “Waugh!” Jenny flailed and screamed, horrified at the pink mass which had now affixed itself to her head. Behind her, George cackled cruelly. “Not so pretty now, are you, you little bitch?!” he called down the hallway after her as she fled. “See if anyone wants to ask you out after you have to cut all that hair off!” Sobbing to herself, Jenny made her way to her locker, shoving her things in her backpack willy-nilly, just aiming to get out to the parking lot and home as fast as possible. Of course, the giant wad of gum tangled in her hair was dreadfully obvious to everyone she passed, and the majority of them turned to point and snicker, if not openly mock her. Finally, she was in the parking lot, and there, thank God, was her mother’s car pulling up to get her. “Oh no!” cried her mother as Jenny jumped into the card. “What happened, dear?” “Please just drive Mom,” Jenny said through clenched teeth. “I don’t want to talk about it.” The ride home was silent, the tears on the schoolgirl’s face slowly drying, her mother wishing to comfort her but unsure how if she was to be rebuffed at every opportunity. When they got home, Jenny had calmed down to ask her mother, “Is there anything I can do to get rid of this that doesn’t involve cutting my hair off?” “I’m honestly not sure, honey. I’ve never had to deal with gum in hair before,” said Jenny’s mom. “But we can always check the Internet.” With a sinking heart, Jenny walked inside, sitting straight down at the computer to do just that. “Do you want to talk about it now?” pressed her mother gently, following her daughter into the computer room. “That monster George threw gum in my hair to get revenge for me turning him down when he asked me out last week,” Jenny replied haltingly, starting to sob again. “Oh, honey…” her mother said, hugging Jenny tightly. Suddenly, the computer pinged. “Huh. Peanut butter. Peanut butter will get gum out of hair.”


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Summer Love By Natalia Belvoir It was a hot summer afternoon in the middle of July. Hot was actually an understatement , not even Hades himself could have survived the heat that day, he would have begged and pleaded to be let back in through the gates of hell. However, Sarah, unlike Hades, was bound to the world in all of its sweltering heat and humidity. Lying across her unmade bed upside down in an old black tank top and shorts she had owned since middle school, her head nearly touching the floor, she stared at her overly bright blue walls, her hair being gently pushed under her bed by the small fan that sat on her floor. The fan's home was the kitchen but Sarah was usually the first to rise so she always had a few brief moments of cool bliss before having it taken away and being pushed back into the hell of a house with no air conditioning. However, today would be different, Andrew was coming back home from his trip to England. They had been together for only three months before school had let out for the summer and then Andrew was forced to go visit family abroad. He had always joked with her that he would steal her the Queens jewels so she could wear them to senior prom. They were best friends, being a part was more excruciating than the heat she was subjected too. Sarah rolled off her bed at the sound of footsteps down the hall, it was her mother. Her mother had lead feet, not literally, but her footsteps were always loud enough to wake the dogs every morning. The door swung open, and without even stopping, her mother walked in, grabbed the fan, and headed back down stairs. Any other day Sarah would have started a battle, but she didn't want to be late meeting Andrew; his plane was supposed to be getting in at 2pm and she wasn't going to risk her mother changing her mind about the car. She walked over to her closet and chose a less ratty looking outfit before heading to the garage. The garage still smelled like paint from her dad's last "handy man" experience. She hopped in the car and started pulling out of the driveway when her phone rang. It was a text from Andrew. Her heart stopped but the car didn't, she backed into the mailbox. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Sarah I don't think things with us will work out... sorry. I'll see you sometime when school starts. Sarah's dad was already running out the house towards the car, yelling something. She wasn't really listening, she could only catch snippets "Car... never again."


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One Cold Night Anya Lynn Jenny wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Here she was in this new country at a new school with new people and she didn’t know anyone, so she did what any lonely student would do and sat alone at the table next to the ice cream machine closest to the exit. She watched as other kids made their ice cream cones. Some were experts who obviously had daily practice. Others were amateurs and turned to their friends laughing as ice cream dripped onto the floor. Jenny laughed alone; she had no friends to laugh with her. She didn’t have much of anything. “Anybody sitting here?” Jenny jumped at the sound of a sudden voice right next to her. Somebody had sat down. Somebody was actually talking to her. “No. This seat is free.” The boy stared at her and smiled. “Are you watching people getting ice cream?” he asked. Jenny stared frightened and embarrassed. “I love doing that!” the boy exclaimed and then he just kept talking. They became fast friends until it was very obvious they had both finished their lunch and people were heading to class. “I’m Tom,” said the boy and he gave her a piece of paper. It had his dorm with his room number. Jenny didn’t know what to say. “I’m new here,” said Tom “and I’d love to spend at least one night with a friend.” Jenny smiled. “I’ll be there at eight” It was chilly walking to Tom’s room, but Jenny didn’t mind. She wore her black hat with a fuzzy pom-pom to stay warm. She was really excited to finally have something to do and have somebody to spend time with. It had been a very lonely start to the semester. A surge of nerves spread through Jenny’s body when she reached the door to Tom’s room. She timidly knocked on the door. It was exactly 8 o’clock. Jenny was never late. Tom answered the door promptly as if he had been standing by it waiting for Jenny’s knock. He smiled at her and motioned for her to come inside.


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The room had white Christmas lights hanging around the ceiling. Everything was red, the curtains, his sheets, and the little love seat he had managed to squeeze into his room. In front of the couch sat a bottle of red wine and two empty glasses. “I figured we could have some wine and watch a movie,” he said. Jenny smiled at the idea and walked into the room. She sat down on the red love seat and looked at Tom hoping he’d do something quickly because she felt very awkward. He smiled back at her and started to open the wine. “I find that wine can help with conversation,” Tom stated as he poured the red liquid into the clear crystal glass. Jenny had never had a drink before, but she didn’t want to tell Tom that. She didn’t want him to think she was weird and couldn’t handle the idea of losing the only potential friend she had. She didn’t even know if she liked wine, but she was going to pretend that she did. Tom handed Jenny a glass and poured one for him. He sat down next to her and raised his hand to clink glasses. Jenny let out a nervous giggle and tried a sip of the foreign drink. It tasted strange in her mouth and she didn’t like it very much, but she toughed it out and took a very big gulp. Tom laughed at her and turned the TV on. They sat together watching a silly romantic comedy, drinking wine curled up on the couch. Jenny was starting to get the feeling that Tom wasn’t looking for just a friend. She was so lonely she didn’t mind, but she wasn’t sure she saw him that way. He was nice and all, but they had very different goals. Jenny wanted to succeed in her classes and get a good job so she could help support her family. Tom seemed like he just wanted to have a good time. He was smart but he obviously didn’t apply himself. She wasn’t even sure how old he was. Jenny had finished two glasses and could start to feel the effects of alcohol in her fingers and her head. Things looked a little fuzzy and everything seemed much funnier than they should be. Tom put his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. Jenny didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t sure she was ready to get so close to a guy the first day she met him. She smiled at him and didn’t return the kiss. Tom didn’t take the hint and kissed her on the lips. Jenny pulled away feeling pretty uncomfortable. “Come on,” Tom said “Why so shy?” “I’m sorry,” Jenny replied “I just don’t think I’m ready for this” “You need more wine,” Tom winked. Jenny wasn’t interested in anymore wine, but she wasn’t sure how to say no. She was starting to feel very unsafe. Who was this guy anyway? Was he really looking to be her friend? Tom put his hand on her leg. Jenny shifted in her seat. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she said and started to stand, but Tom gripped her leg and pushed her back down on the couch. “How do I know you won’t just leave?” Tom glared at her. Jenny was frightened. All she wanted to do was go home. She looked to the door hoping, yearning to somehow get there. Once she was out, should could run and yell and get away. This guy was a total creep.


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Jenny was lost for words and sat back down. Tom loosened his grip and Jenny held on tight to her wine glass. Maybe she could hit him over the head with it and she could make a break for it. Just the as the plan was formulating in her head, there was a sound coming from the door. It sounded like someone turning a key in the lock. Tom’s eyes widened. Jenny was convinced someone else was coming to hurt her. She felt dizzy from the wine and a little nauseous. The door opened and a young man stepped into the room. He looked at Tom and Jenny. He had a look of confusion on his face which quickly turned to anger. “What the hell are you doing in my room?” he shouted. “Jeff, are you serious? Are you seriously doing this again after all the trouble you got into last time?” Jenny jumped up and ran into the corner as far away as she could from both of the boys. “Come on Tom, look how hot she is,” the boy Jenny knew as Tom said. “You can’t keep pretending to be me and bringing girls here. You’re going to get into a lot of trouble. Look how scared she is! What were you doing to her?” “I was just trying to make some moves. Nothing serious.” Jeff responded. “Get out of here. Go home. You never learn!” the boy at the door who seemed to be the real Tom yelled and Jeff got up from the couch and sauntered out the door. “Are you ok?” the real Tom asked Jenny. Jenny was so confused. “I think so?” Her heart was pounding and she wasn’t feeling too well. She really wanted to sit down and go home. “I’m so sorry. Jeff is my brother. He hasn’t done too much with his life. He never went to college and sometimes he pretends to be me and uses my room to bring back girls. The last one threatened to charge him with assault, but he somehow weaseled his way out of that. Did he hurt you? He is really going to get it when I see him next.” The real Tom was so much sweeter than his brother. Jenny shook her head to his question and sat down. “I’ve never drank before,” she said. “I really just want to go home.” Tom understood and helped her up. He walked her through the cold, back to her room. Jenny was so tired and really thankful Tom had come to save her from his brother. “Thank you for saving me,” she said. “I wish I didn’t have to,” Tom replied. “But maybe we could hang out sometime.” Jenny was so overwhelmed from the whole day. She wasn’t sure if she could handle the same thing happening again. “Maybe somewhere in public where there’s no wine?” she suggested. Tom smiled, “It’s a date!” He shook her hand goodbye and walked back. Jenny shut the door behind her and took a deep breath. Sometimes the most amazing things can come from such terrible nights.


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Ask Agony Aunt Ed Word

Dear Agony Aunt, Being the captain of the cheerleading squad, so many guys want to date me and so many girls want to be me. Keeping such a highly recognized and desirable reputation is not easy but I pull it off well. But, being of such high social status, everyone looks up to me to date the hottest guy in school, the quarterback of the football team. But, I sort of have a huge crush on my math tutor who is the king of the “nerds” in school. I don’t know how I can express my feelings for him without having everyone in school think I am weird and not as pretty as I really am. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. Thanks, A confused cheerleader Dear Confused Cheerleader, I understand how schools can be brutally superficial and I understand how much your reputation means to you. This is a very common issue these days. But, you have to understand that people don’t like you just because you’re the captain of the cheerleading squad or for who you date. You have personal qualities that allow you to lead other girls in the squad. You are clearly a likeable and self-assured young woman, that will not change no matter who you date or who your friends are. By being confident enough to express your feelings for your tutor and not making it seem like a big issue to your friends, no one else will think it’s a big deal. And, chances are, people will respect you more for being honest and showing your true colors. Good luck! Xoxo Agony


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Ask Agony Aunt Kodi Lane Dear Agony Aunt, I’m a senior in high school and I’ve been dating this boy Jim on and off for over a year now. Things have been going really smoothly lately, until I made one of the worst decisions of my life. Recently, I was out with a bunch of my friends just hanging out. Everybody was having a great time, and soon things started to get a little crazy. Before I could stop myself, I was accidentally kissing one of my good guy friends. It was a COMPLETE accident and I immediately stopped as soon as I realized what was going on. I don’t have any feelings what so ever for this kid, I was just caught up in the moment and unfortunately made a huge mistake. I feel horrible, but I know that Jim would absolutely freak out if I told him and I know he’d dump me. There’s pretty much no way that Jim is going to find out about this, seeing as I was with a bunch of friends from another school. We don’t have many mutual friends, and everyone acted like it wasn’t that big of a deal. Therefore, I’m almost positive that Jim is not going to find out about this. I know that he deserves to know, but I just really REALLY don’t want us to break up! Is it too late for me to tell him now? What should I do?! Sincerely, A Conflicted Girlfriend Dear Conflicted Girlfriend, It’s a really sad situation you’re currently in, and unfortunately it’s a pretty common one for most young relationships. Don’t be too hard on yourself, everyone makes mistakes. You’re just young and trying to have a good time, which is completely understandable. However, when it comes to cheating on someone you care about, that is never something to be taken lightly. I’d say in any relationship, your partner deserves to know anything that happens like this, especially in one that has been going on for about a year now like yours. Jim has every right to know about this situation, and he should probably know sooner rather than later. Being honest can sometimes be very difficult, however I can promise you that in the long run you will feel much better about yourself. Even though you think things might be fine if Jim never finds out, imagine how guilty you would feel keeping something from him for so long. A healthy relationship should be built on trust and honesty, not secrets and lies. If Jim truly cares about you, I’m sure you guys will eventually be able to work things out. That’s how life works, right? Things really always do end up working out the way they should. Life is simply one big journey. We live and we learn. We make mistakes and we move on. Don’t be too stressed about what the outcome may be, I think you just need to make the decision that you know is right. Xoxo Agony


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Ask Agony Aunt I.C. Bore Dear Agony Aunt, I’m a senior in college currently enrolled in an elective science class. My professor is a married man at the age of thirty. He is intelligent, funny, nice, and handsome basically every Barbie girl’s Ken. Every week I have gone to get extra help one on one and there is just this connection between us. As you can see where this is going, weeks went on and each time I went the tension just grew greater. I told myself to stop going but then I would still end up there the same day at the same time. One session we ended up kissing and now we are kind of together. I feel awful for being that girl and the fact that he is my professor but I have never felt this way about any other guy. The worst of it all is that I haven’t told anyone. None of my friends or family members know because in a way I’m ashamed. I’m always sneaking around and coming up with new white lies. Is this something that I should keep pursuing? Should I be ashamed in my actions? When would it be the right time to tell people (if I even should)? Sincerely, Confused Girl Dear Confused Girl, Don’t worry too much and stress yourself out to the point where all of your hair falls out. Numerous amounts of girls have been in your situation with professors and married men. Lucky for you, you get the dynamic duo of both. My advice to you is this, first off you need to hold off on the dating until the class you are taking with him ends, you get a different professor, or drop the class. It’s not like you aren’t of age because you are but a teacher dating a student can still create problems no matter what. Secondly, he is a married man, since he is cheating on his wife, what makes you think that he isn’t involved with another someone? Until he leaves his wife and they are separated and you are fully positive about him, don’t think about going out on a limb for him anytime soon. There is nothing to be ashamed about, all things happen for a reason. Sometimes people just can’t help who they fall in love with. The only time you should be ashamed is if you let yourself become the other woman because she always gets hurt in the end. You need to give him an incentive, lay your ground rules and if he doesn’t have everything figured out by then, he most likely never will. As of now, I would only tell people that are very close to you and trustworthy. Your dating status should not be broadcasted to the world until he is no longer your teacher and has separated from his wife. In the end, you need to be happy and always remember that the woman holds the power. Xoxo Agony


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Ask Agony Aunt Jules Twinings Dear Agony Aunt, Help me! It’s only been four hours and I already hate bloody England. It’s one big torrential downpour outside. The entire campus is muddy with gigantic two inch deep puddles. The slope in which my new home is on is more of a steep mountain. I’m flustered and sweaty, which is And I’m flustered beceause there’s not one ounce of heat in this flat, yet I can feel the sweat trickling down my back. I opened the door of my home to discover a messy flat with filthy floors and countertops. The walls are covered in weird creepy stick figure drawings of people. The bathroom corners are decorated in spider webs and the bathroom window is encrusted in green mold refusing to shut. As for my room, that is another catastrophe. The walls are dirty, the carpet hasn’t been vacuumed for months, and there are mysterious red and brown stains living on my mattress. I then proceed to find a few clumps of hair, that are obviously not mine, lying on the floor. I miss my friends, my family, my comfy, clean room at home, and everything. There is no way that I am going to be able to call this shack home for the next six months. I don’t think these walls will even stand up for that long. I can see it in the newspapers now, “AMERICAN GIRL DIES FROM SHACK ROOF COLLAPSING ON HER.” What am I to do? I’m cold, I can’t stop crying, I’m the first flatmate here so I’m suffering alone. I wish I had superhuman powers right now so I could fly myself back across that Atlantic Ocean and never return. Agony, please, What should I do? Sincerely, This Looks Nothing like the Pictures Dear This Looks Nothing like the Pictures, Haven’t you ever heard of photoshop, my dear? You should never judge anything by what you see on the internet. Universities are known for airbrushing their less than stellar campuses to look spectacular in brochures and on website pages. But I think that everything will be okay. You are in a new country for the first time and you will survive. Studying abroad is a once in a lifetime opportunity that often changes people lives. Don’t be too quick to judge how this experience will pan out. A few hours are not enough time to truly see if this is a right fit for you. Stick it out for a few weeks and see what happens. Sure you may suffer from bouts of being homesick here and there but I have faith that you can battle through with ease. I promise, you can only go up from here. Is there a vacuum at all in the place so you can suction up those hairballs? Which sounds quite disgusting if you ask me. The only way you are going to start making this flat your home is by setting it up. So start unpacking your things, post pictures from home on the walls, get your bed all tidied up and in no time your room will look like new. Well, almost new, there’s only so much one can do to make a shack look pretty. So wipe those tears and all will be well. On a sidenote: Go ask your resident advisor or flat maintenance guy or whomever to turn on that “bloody” heat. Xoxo Agony


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Confessions of a Bra-Stuffer Tyto Alba I’ve got a confession to make. You see, I’m not like most other girls, you know? Like, girls are just so catty and weird and I’m not really like them. I’ve got a huge secret. Like, so big. It’s kinda ridiculous actually. But I don’t want to share it because then I’ll seem like all those girly girls out there and that’d be embarrassing. But, here it goes. I stuff my bra. I’m about an A cup normally, but it just doesn’t look good on my frame. So I stuff my bra and I’m terrified that one day someone will find out. I always wear a push up bra. At all times. You know how bikini tops sometimes have a little opening where you can remove or put in padding? I stuff mine to full capacity. One time this guy accidentally bumped into my chest and he must’ve felt how hard and nonsquishy my boobs were, because he looked at me funny. But then acted embarrassed like it hadn’t happened. I was mortified. Like, my boobs probably felt hard as rocks. One of these days a guy will probably see me shirtless and ask me what the hell happened to my chest. I don’t know what I’ll say then. Maybe I can get away with having sex with my shirt on? Do people do that? This is embarrassing.


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Confessions of a Dead Girl Victor J. Nim Hey WAGW, I'm a longtime reader, first-time writer. Let me start off with a big confession. I'm dead. No, I'm not "dead inside" or anything like that. I'm literally not alive anymore. If you saw the news a couple weeks ago I was the girl who fell off the building. Yep. Not a very glamorous way to go out, but it's better than a lot of other stuff. At least you can cross off skydiving from your bucket list. I mean, assuming you brought your bucket list with you when you fell off the building. Sorry, where was I? My mind has been wandering a lot since I died. I guess that's because my spirit's been wandering or something like that. I'm a ghost, you see. If you're wondering how I'm writing this if I can pass through objects and all that, let me just tell you that ghost possessions are totally real! Right now I'm possessing a girl in a coffee shop and writing this email on her laptop. Being dead is pretty sweet. I mean, other than the whole "being dead" part. So, you're probably asking what I'm here to confess about, other than the obvious stuff like I'M DEAD and GHOSTS ARE REAL. Mainly, I'm here to talk about some of the things that happened while I was alive. First off, I'm totally sorry about spreading that rumor about Shannon and Tom. (Yes, that was me. Deal with it.) Also, Stephen, you're, like, super-hot. Sorry I never mentioned that before, but oh well. Oh, and last, I'm sorry I ever agreed to talk to you up on the roof, Ellen, because if I hadn't maybe you wouldn't have pushed me off it!! There, I said it. Maybe if she gets arrested I'll finally be at peace or whatever. Till then I'll be haunting that old house down on Pine Street. I hear the other ghosts are gonna throw an amazing Christmas party over there! Sincerely, Arielle


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Confessions of a Teenage Heartbreaker Nate Clydes Last night was our two year anniversary. He took us to the cute, little Italian restaurant we visited on our first date and promptly fell in love with. If this was anything like our one year anniversary, we would go watch a movie after dinner, then walk around the mall browsing through random stores to avoid going home. I was perfectly prepared to spend hours going through clothing stores throwing together outfits to try to get him in. It was a game we often played and usually ended up with at least one of us buying something. The pasta was delicious, I ordered a small bowl of spaghetti while he ate lasagna. We ate in a comfortable silence. He looked a little nervous, he always worried that I wouldn't like his presents, but he hasn't gone wrong so far. I gave him a reassuring smile from across the table and offered him a taste of my pasta. He seemed to relax as he gave me a bite of his lasagna, and that made me smile more.

When we finished eating, he pulled out a small felt box. I began to reach out for it, thinking it was a necklace or earrings, but he just twirled it around in his hand for a moment before a look of determination settled on his face. He got out of his seat and down on one knee before opening the box to show an elegant ring of silver and white gold. A beautifully cut sapphire, my birthstone, stood out against the metallic band.

He asked me to marry him. I couldn't think for a few seconds. I was completely unprepared for this. It is something that I've always dreamed of: finding a nice, adorable--I mean handsome--guy to marry and spend the rest of my life with, but I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. And I do love him, he's sweet and tends to overdo the sappy romance, but he's infinitely better than my last boyfriend. But I'm still young, 19 is too young to start living your life with one person, right? I mean, I still have a couple years of college left. So I had to, I regret it, but I'm just not ready. I said no.


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Confessions of a Fat Girl Jules Twinings I stare at the love of my life. He looks so juicy, scrumptuous, and beefy. My three favorite things. My eyes gleam and my tongue salivates. I need a piece of that now! Lettuce, tomato, onion, and cheese lay on top of a beef patty packed into a sesame seed bun. As I bite into my third big Mac a burst of flavors send my taste buds tingling. These simple ingredients never fail to disappoint my cravings. The first mouthful is always the most satisfying. An instant later I stare sadly down at the empty paper wrappers and fry boxes. Not one crumb or ketchup stain remains. As I glance up from my devoured lunch scraps, my eyes meet the leers and jeers from the occupied booths around me. The glares of judgement. I know what they’re thinking. That poor girl. How did she get so big? She’s so young! It’s a shame. I hear a little boy whisper to his mother saying, “Mommy, that girl eats like a piggy.” The guilt and embarrassment ensues. My cheeks burn red. I run out of McDonald’s as fast as my stubby legs can and race home. The instant I unlock the kitchen door, I hastily raid the snack pantry. My stomach begins to grumble. The hunger never ceases. I find an unopened Family Size bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. My guilty pleasure. Within minutes I finish the entire contents of the bag with nothing but orange cheese powder left on my chubby sausage-shaped fingers. Food is my life. It does not judge. It does not call me fat.. And it does not stare at me in disgust. It comforts me. I grab a box of Mrs. Fields chocolate chip cookies and head into the living room for my daily dose of Ellen. I walk past the mirror on the wall and catch a glimpse of my reflection. I hate mirrors. Who is this girl? Rolls of skin sit one by one beneath my chin, my arms squeeze out like flabby wings, and my stomach fat folds over the waist line of my jeans. Beneath the fat hides a lonely, insecure girl. I have no friends. No boyfriend. My only relationship is with food.


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I guess you could say the all-you-can- eat festivities began five years ago when dad my mom and I. He now lives in Seattle and he rarely calls or visits. After he left, my mom spiraled into a deep depression. Soon the shelves of our refrigerator and pantry were stocked up with Twinkies, Nutty Buddies, cookies, chips, and ice cream. The entire snack aisle had invaded our very own home. Suddenly, I woke up one day to discover that my pants were too tight. Months later, I was shopping for clothes in the junior’s plus size section. Today I look like a blimp. I used to be this fun, bubbly girl and now I’m this sad teenager waist deep in insecurities and self-doubt. I am horrified with the sight that stands before me. If I continue down this path I will forever be miserable. I am sick of the disgust I feel whenever I look at my reflection. Something is rumbling inside me. And it’s not my stomach. It’s time to make a change. My feet start moving swiftly to the pantry while my hands start tossing potato chips, cookies, and Little Debbies in the trash. I go to grab for the last bag of Doritos and think to myself one last taste couldn’t hurt. A good-bye bite. I crunch into the nacho cheese goodness. Farewell to the old Michelle. Hello to a happy and healthy beginning.


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Confessions of a Lovesick Fool Violet Llyons So I have a bit of a problem. Something . . . something I never imagined would happen, and so that, now that it has happened, now that it is happening right now, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle it. I hardly know how to talk about it. I’m unprepared for the situation into which I have been unceremoniously dumped. There is a boy, you see. Most problems start with one, I think. The problems that consume you, that drive you to distraction, that you spend hours of your day mulling over, find yourself thinking and rethinking the same thoughts, over and over . . . it is one of those problems. It’s almost simple. There is a boy. I have an inexplicable fondness for this boy. The kind of fondness that words can’t describe; but it’s there, and has been for a while. This might be the first boy I have felt this way about. I keep hoping that the more I get to know him, the more time I spend with him, the more I hear about him, the more I learn about him . . . the less fond I will become. My small infatuation will come to an end. I keep hoping, holding onto that hope like it is the only lifeboat left in the entire ocean, but it isn’t working. It isn’t working at all - the more I get to know about him, the more time I spend with him, the more I hear about him, the more I learn . . . the stronger my infatuation becomes. And this terrifies me. Because this is an infatuation that will get nowhere. Yes, he is the first boy that I can actually see myself being with. For now. When I get to know him better that will change. I’ll change my mind. He won’t be perfect for me. He can’t be perfect for me. There’s no such thing. So what if he’s cute, and funny, and has a ridiculous side that can almost compete with mine? So what if he’s kind, and likes the same things, and is smart? Not just book smart, but people smart; the witty, clever kind of smart. So what if he meets all the vague criteria I was secretly keeping in the back corners of my mind, the things I didn’t dare think about until he appeared before me, fully formed and undeniable? So what? So what if he is the first boy that I have ever liked enough to get over my fear of talking to a crush? So what if he is the type of boy that I have been waiting for? That he makes me want to try for him? Even though I’m scared and excited and conflicted and miserable? So what? Because he will never be mine. Well, never is a strong word. There is a microscopic chance he will be mine. He is going to end up with someone else. She likes him very much. I don’t know how much, exactly, she hasn’t told me directly, but I know. I know she feels that way. And he likes her. I don’t know if he likes her like that, but he certainly likes her more than he likes me. Or, at least, he knows her better. I met him first, but he knows her better. She is louder than me. She is funnier than me. She is prettier than me. He will text her. He will talk to her. He won’t talk to me. He will say goodbye to me. But he won’t talk to me. I will give him openings and he will not take them. He is not interested. And why would he be,


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when he could have her? She has experience at this sort of thing. She will get him in the end. This is how it works. I am quiet. The only times we have talked, I have initiated it. He won’t dance with me unless I ask him first. He tolerates me. He humors me. But I am not a top priority. He doesn’t really care one way or the other. But he will wish me luck on a test. He will laugh when I am being silly. He will wave if I wave. I see him, more and more, at times when she won’t. I believed, for a little while, that since they weren’t together yet, that nothing had been established, that maybe I stood a chance. Maybe I could catch him. But if he doesn’t want me, there is nothing I can do. I will watch them end up together. And I will watch them be happy. And I will wonder why it couldn’t have been me, when she and I are so alike. But she will be the one he wants, and she will be the one he ends up with. And I will have to get over this small infatuation before that happens. Because I love her, too – how could I not love my best friend? I want her to be happy, and if he would make me happy, he will make her happy. So why shouldn’t I be happy for them, when the time comes? I will be happy, dammit. I will get through this, and I will be happy. And still, his image stays in my mind, rolling through, again and again, like a love song on repeat. Soon I will get tired of this song. Soon, I won’t want to listen to it anymore. And then I will be fine, and everything will be back to normal. I will be happy. I will be happy.


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Confessions of a Jealous Girlfriend Ed Word My boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 years when I started hearing rumors that he was cheating on me with his best friend’s little sister. She was a freshman! Whenever I asked him about it he would deny it but everyone kept telling me that he was lying. I tried getting information from his best friend but he didn’t know anything either. One night my boyfriend said he couldn’t hang out because he was going to his best friend’s house to watch football. I didn’t believe him so I followed him there and watched him walk inside. I parked my car about a block down hoping he wouldn’t see it and walked up to the house. I noticed that no cars were in the driveway except for his. I looked through the living room window to see my boyfriend intensely making out with the little sister! I was so mad that I took my keys and scratched her name into the side of his car. Later that night he told me what had happened to his car and I played dumb, pretending I had no idea why that would have happened. The next day at school, everyone knew that he was hooking up with that freshman and made fun of him for it. His best friend refused to speak to him. We obviously broke up but to this day he thinks his best friend keyed his car, not me.


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My Confessions Ludi I’ll never get those girls at school who think that they can get whoever and whatever they want. I mean seriously, it is like they think that they are the center of the world. AND I HATE THEM!!!! Ok let me explain what happened to make me so angry. So I have a boyfriend, Joshua, and we have been dating since the 7th grade. I love him and he loves me, but there was this one girl who is a part of that group I was talking about. Her name is Emma and she is like the second in command of the most popular clique in the school. Well anyways, a week ago I catch her flirting with my boyfriend of 6 years. He is trying to brush her off, but she keeps at it. Well anyways, he sees me and starts to walk towards me only for her to shout that he was free to take her up on her offer. Three days later during lunch, she comes up to our table, sits on his lap, and starts flirting with him right in front of me. Now the thing is that my boyfriend has this really nasty temper when angry. I’m lucky that he is in control of it and that it takes a lot for him to get angry. Well today wasn’t her day and Joshua blew up spectacularly in her face yelling at her saying that he wanted nothing to do with her and went as far as calling her a whore (as much as I hate her and as much as I think she deserves it, it is hard not to feel sorry for whoever is on the receiving end of Joshua’s anger). Anyways, everyone saw and heard it and Emma ran off crying. I naively thought it was over after that, but then I was confronted by the group of bitches and they started blaming me for what happened to Emma, saying that I should leave Joshua alone because I was interfering with his and Emma’s ‘relationship’. Bad news for them, Joshua was standing right behind them, and the rest is history. Oh crap! I need to meet with Joshua in 30 minutes for our date, AND I’M NOT YET READY!!


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Confessions of a Tomboy Connor Reid I’m a tomboy. I’m not afraid to say it since everyone already does behind my back. I never felt particularly strong until I beat up my ex-boyfriend either. I don’t have many girlfriends. We just don’t…click, you know? Last slumber party I went to I broke Casey Rose’s nose and got blood all over the wall. They shouldn’t call it a pillow fight if people aren’t ready to man up for it. Whatever, I won. I never liked shopping and I eat like a slob. To me, there are two types of clothes: clean and wearable. No other girl seems to accept the glorious beauty of cheese besides me. Last year for Christmas I got a new rifle and a wheel of cheddar. I guess I should be fat, but I’m thankful I’m not. I get made fun of enough already. Don’t feel bad though. I can handle myself, always have. My childhood consisted of hunting and fixing cars. It’s not my fault I see most other girls as bimbos. Half of them almost fainted at the sight of a bloody nose, think of how they would act if I skinned a deer in front of them. I bet none of them even know what a distributor cable is or how to change a tire. I may not know much about makeup, but at least I’m not afraid to take on the world by myself.


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Confessions of an Ex-Follower By I.C. Bore When a high school girl says that they don’t want to be the most popular, the leader, or even prom queen, everyone knows deep down inside a little white lie is emerging. If given the chance, every girl would love to be all of those things, it’s just human nature. Most females would do anything to be given that chance or even just to be in the popular clique. Is it worth not being you in order to be seen with the popular kids? Is it worth belittling others in order to stay in the clique? Is it worth losing a good friend because of it all? Stacy was the girl that everyone loved and hated at the same time and that nobody went against. It was her way or the highway if you were lucky enough to be one of her followers. Fortunately for me at the time, I was a follower along with my friend Amber, who I have known since kindergarten. Stacy had a very dysfunctional relationship with her boyfriend Peter and tended to cheat on him quite often. The day they finally broke up for good seemed to be the happiest day of Stacy’s life. Well it was the happiest day of her life, until Peter started to see a normal girl who actually had a heart. I knew the world was going to end when everyone found out that it was Amber but I didn’t know that my world would end too. Every day from then on out, Stacy bullied Amber to the point that she started going to school after hours when everybody was gone. Stacy would spread rumors about her, threaten to drop a balloon full of Clorox on her, and even got Peter to end things with her. Amber ended up doubling up on classes and started college her senior year of high school. It’s not that I joined in on any of the bullying but I didn’t stop it either. Whether either friend was wrong, it didn’t make it right what Stacy had done and it didn’t make it right what I didn’t do. As a coward, I didn’t want Stacy to turn on me and do all of the same things she did to Amber to me. The only thing to do was to be a follower where it was safe. As time passed I stopped talking to Amber. It just seemed like she was on a different planet. I wasn’t there for her when she went home crying. When she felt alone. Or when the whole school knew about her business, whether it was true or not. Was I proud of being the person I was or the person I had changed into? The true meaning of a follower was my name as its definition. One day something just finally built up inside me and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t. I was tired of getting pushed around. So I finally just stopped walking with the popular kids to class. I stopped sitting next to them. I stopped watching them rip girls apart. I was done being seen with them at all. Lucky for me, Amber had a good heart and still considered me her friend even though I didn’t deserve to be. She was above it all and although Stacy might have thought she won, she didn’t because Amber is now a stronger person.


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Not being you should be considered a crime along with hurting others to make yourself feel better. The leader is most likely always the most insecure person of them all. They need the power to boost their own self-esteem. High school can sometimes be a scary place. But who cares what other people think? They have their own life to control and to make decisions for. I wish I learned this before the day that I became an ex-follower.


Edited by:

Ashley Lewis Kate Suczewski Courtney Reynolds Bailei Tetrault


What A Girl Wants magazine