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Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.� Joshua 1:9

Just the other day, I was thinking about how 2019 is the year where you and I should get out of your comfort zone and tread into uncharted waters. Scary? You bet it is! But as scary as it may sound, God has promised us that he will never leave us nor forsake us. Fear is the giant that taunts us and keeps us walking around the same mountain because it's familiar. Imagine if David had not taken a step of faith and slain the giant! It took a whole lot of courage, determination and the ''enough is enough'' attitude that made him step out of his comfort zone and do something new. This is the year to do just that. Grace will walk with you and carry you as you move forward. Maybe you need to write a book, or move house or start a business. Whatever it is, like David, you will have to make the first step. Don't let fear keep you doing the same thing over and over again. Change is good. In this issue, Tenaria Drummond-Smith is gracing the front cover of our magazine. In her interview, she shares with our readers, how she obeyed God by writing a book.

There are God's women in all ages, races and cultures. They are emerging from the hidden places of obscurity to the front lines of favour. They are like a generation of Esther’s and Deborah’s with a supernatural edge that is breath-taking and soothing to the soul. The women share their wisdom and are ready to impart and teach. They are filled with love and are vibrant, revealing their true beauty and identity. Their joy is contagious, and they are tender and kind, with hearts of compassion. They are built with a warrior instinct as the Lord teaches and instructs them.They nurture and protect as they build the Kingdom of God. They feed and protect, support and encourage, train and develop. Their attributes are of a supernatural nature as the Lord takes them higher in their capacity to nurture from a supernatural level. They move quietly to accomplish their assignments. When they open their mouth, their voice summons heaven to intercede. Who are these women? They are ordinary women like you and me, who have risen from the ashes to the front lines. Are you ready to position yourself, for you have been chosen for such a time as this!




Paula Allen Canada

South Africa Heidi Ngai Prophetic Artist

Linda Mhlanga Writer


Shelly Wilson Prophetic Singer/Writer


Kudzie G. Phiri Prophetic Singer/Writer Zimbaabwe

Description: Through the stories that cover the pages of I Am Who God Says I Am: Living My Life On Purpose our readers will encounter each coauthors most intimate and trying moments, letting them know, that that matter what they are going through, they are not alone. This book will not only touch your mind, heart and soul but it will also Encourage and Empower to Live Your Life On Purpose.


e z e b e l

There is very little actually regarding the Jezebel spirit in the scriptures. I have often heard this referred to primarily in caution to women who are seductresses. However, this is a very narrow view of a greater concern regarding a Jezebel spirit.

by Shelly Wilson

This spirit is not merely a woman of harlotry and lusts of the flesh. This spirit can easily be influencing a man. The Jezebel spirit hates the prophets because they will confront “her” lies. The prophets see through to “her.”

She cannot remain masked and hidden under the eye of a prophetic heart. For God gives insight. It is why we need the prophets today. When you remove the prophets from the churches, and you silence their voices, you clear a path for the Jezebel spirit...for “she” will go unnoticed until destruction comes. The gifts of the Spirit are meant to work together. I am learning of God’s heart that every ministry ought to seek God for His gifted sheep. We need the Shepherds, the Prophets, the Apostles, the Helps, Healing gifts, etc. When we have an empty place, we are open to deception. Each office holds a gift necessary for accurate rule and reign in the body of Christ. Teams need to represent His fullness. This allows great protection for us all. The Jezebel spirit seeks power and authority but “she” carrys an illegitimate authority not given by God. She, however, will be very enticing and lure many in the beginning. “She” will steal another’s inheritance through hidden maneuvers and motives. “She” will be very amicable until told no or opposed. Then she will be full of vengeance and retaliate. ” She” has a controlling spirit as well. .

This should not be new to us in the body of Christ. All we must do is study her operation in the scriptures. We will see her character, her modes of operation, her hidden deceit, yet her bent to operate in the background to oppose the work of God and His appointed people. We will often find “her” within church leadership “She” is cunning at infiltrating the ranks and sees where the hole in the armor is located. When the prophetic voices are successfully removed,“she” sees her opening. I have seen this time and time again where the enemy attacks specifically the prophetic people in the body. “ For some reason, we are unable to discern well and apply examples Christ placed in His Word to teach us and prepare us for even this generation in the Church.

Jezebel Spirit “She” will exhibit counterfeit gifts that display closely to the Lord’s gifts, which requires much discernment. For this reason, confusion and double-mindedness ensues as people see often a good side to “her” and a side that causes pause.

“She” will be well hidden but to the one taught in subtleties, “she” will be seen. You will have a check in your Spirit and if you wait too long you will have a landslide of destruction and heartache. Do what you must as the Lord leads and gives you a warning. “She,” or he, will do whatever it takes to silence the prophets and any prophetic Word from God.She, or he, will likely be very religious and do religious things. The source of “her” signs and wonders is not of the Lord. There will be deception somewhere as you pay close attention.

“She” will desire to replace others in authority ridding many of that which Christ desired for a given body of believers.

“Where there is no prophetic vision, people perish.” Jealousy and envy will bea root cause for her actions. She will plot to rid all bodies of Christ of God’s mouthpieces until “her” influence has expanded and a slow death has occurred within God’s people. Many will be afraid to approach “her” not understanding the angst in their hearts and afraid to speak of it. Thus silence ensues. It would do us well to reread the characteristics of Jezebel and Ahab. Ahab seems to have no spiritual backbone. Jezebel does his bidding. Likely, when you find a Jezebel, you perhaps may find an Ahab. Jezebel means "Baal exalts" or "Baal is husband to" or "unchaste.” Unchaste means not virtuous;not pure. But do not mistake this to be entirely about a woman or sexually driven motives. There is much more to Jezebel. In this hour it is most important to know your enemy. Here is the good news: God is bringing His prophets out of the caves they have been drive to by Jezebel …and every Elijah will return to the very place of dishonor to pronounce judgment over Jezebel 1 Kings 18:4 For so it was, while Jezebel massacred the prophets of the LORD, that Obadiah had taken one hundred prophets and hidden them, #$y to a cave, and had fed them with bread and water.

by Linda Mhlanga Have you ever given a relationship or a situation in your life a deadline? A time when you say if this doesn't happen by this date then I'm done with this person or with this thing?

You get to that point in your life that you feel you've done all you can and no longer have the desire or heart to do anymore. 31 December 2018 was the deadline for my faith. I put all my focus on 'faithing' it and being in the spirit to try and get the physical things l desired. over.

I worked my faith and spirit game hard throughout 2018! This was all in a desperate hope that it would speed up the deliverance l sought and the restoration l craved. If all my 'faithing' it didn't move God to do for me what I wanted to see in the physical then it was game over. In the months leading up to the end of the year, I fueled my faith through accelerated prayer. I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed in the early morning to command my day, I prayed at the midnight watch, I prayed facing the East, I prayed in tears, I prayed every name of God I knew,

I prayed The Lord's Prayer, The Miracle Prayer', The Battle Prayer, Prayers against hindering spirits, prayers to meet my destiny helpers, prayers for deliverance. I got prayed for by MOG and WOG.

I was an active member of prayer groups on and off social media. I followed FB pages of prophets of the day and liked their declarations and even followed the instruction to "type Amen and share ten times with my groups" to receive my miracle! I prayed... I quoted bible scripture...I fasted... In the months leading up to the end of the year, I fueled my faith through accelerated prayer.

I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed in the early morning to command my day, I prayed at the midnight watch, I prayed facing the East, I prayed in tears, I prayed every name of God I knew, For all my 'faithing' it, 31 December 2018 came and went with no evidence of deliverance or restoration. In fact, if anything it was quite the opposite! I was worse off at the end of 2018 than when It began. Wasn't it supposed to be our faith that would make us whole? It's fifteen days into 2019 as I write this. My faith has been set aside. I was at first disappointed with where my faith had taken me. I did not ring in the new year with a prayer to the Almighty seeking for his grace, mercy and favour in 2019. I did not go on a fast as is my custom, I no longer pray in the manner I used to pray. I no longer read my bible. I have stopped doing church.

I have become numb to the daily devotionals and uplifting messages that friends text me.

I have unfollowed all faith based social media. I have removed myself from online and physical prayer groups and have stopped activity on my own social media pages

I think the miracle is everything working together for good to enable me to make myself a great cup of Java!" On & On. .Most importantly I have stopped pretending I have a hotline to God and can hear what he is saying.. On closer analysis, the act of setting aside my faith has enabled me to think more clearly. As I self introspect I realise that my faith may have failed me because I was trying to pray my problems away. I was trying to get the Spirit to make me a cup of coffee! Day after day I prayed and waited for the coffee and became more disillusioned with each passing day. I had begun to resent God. If Jesus could walk on water surely God could work a miracle for me and I could get my coffee, Will I get my faith back ? Not likely and honestly I wouldn't want it back. I have realised that it's not the ' busyness' of what the media is selling as the faith walk. right ? Wrong ! I had to get up and put the kettle on, add coffee and everything else and only then could I settle down to a cup of coffee?

Will I get my faith back ? Not likely and honestly I wouldn't want it back. I have realised that it's not the ' busyness' of what the media is selling as the faith walk. I am looking forward to discovering a new way, an empowering way to God. If the situations in your life seem to belie 'your' faith it may be an opportunity for you to check your faith settings ? You, like me may have inadvertently be working on the wrong premise that the freshly made coffee cup will appear from heaven. You may then realise no matter how much you pray, fast, sow, and other outward expressions of faith you will still have to get up and fulfill the physical part of whatever you are believing for. If you wish for a job you have to actively look for one. If you want healing you have to look for ways to get healed and so on ...believing alone will not

PROPHETIC ART By Heidi Ngai These words spoken by Daniel in chapter 7, verses 9-10 have “As I looked, thrones were continually been coming before my eyes for the set in place, and the Ancient of Days last half a year as well as the theme of the "Throne took his seat. His clothing was as white Room" in almost everything I read.

as snow; the hair of his head was white like wool. His throne was flaming with fire, and its wheels were all ablaze. A river of fire was flowing, coming out from before him. Thousands upon thousands attended him; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him. The court was seated, and the books were opened."

In this, I knew God was asking me to paint this scene and I was more than hesitant to take on this visual spectacle that seemed beyond omprehension or even depiction in true justice. But as 2018 came to a close, God gave me the courage to paint it and not be anxious about the fact that it was a complex and daunting picture to portray; instead He showed me that the deeper message the painting would speak was what was so important to convey and that was this:

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 I believe what will be crucial in this upcoming season is this simple but profound truth: what we behold is what we become. If we will take this time in history to behold Jesus upon the throne and fix our gaze on Him, we will be prepared to see the greatest harvest of souls this earth has ever known, as well as endure the persecution that will come alongside this Great Awakening.

With this in mind, I painted this work as a visual reminder, that we must keep God our El Elyon (God Most High) in our hearts if we will be found faithful in this season. This name of God is depicted at the top of the painting in Hebrew. The significance of this name of God I found, came in the chapters preceding Daniel's Throne Room vision. In chapter 4, an earthly king Nebuchadnezzar, one of the greatest kings of his time, instead of repenting and putting God on the throne in his heart, hardens his heart and exalts himself above God saying “Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?” (Daniel 4:30).

And immediately the dream he had experienced twelve months earlier comes true (God in His mercy had given him a dream to reveal to him the impending removal from his throne). He is driven away from people and eats grass like an ox, is drenched with dew and his hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a bird.

But look what he says after all this time is completed and he is restored to his sanity… .”I thanked the Illah-ah (Aramaic for “God Most High”), and I praised and honored the One who lives forever.; because His power lasts forever and His kingdom lasts from one generation to the next. Everyone who lives on earth is nothing compared to Him. He does whatever He wishes with the army of heaven and with those who live on earth. There is no one who can oppose Him or ask Him, 'What are you doing?'" So in this I felt God was asking me and His Body to examine our hearts and see if our instinct is often the same as Nebuchadnezzar - the instinct to depend on ourselves more than we depend on God. Is El Elyon (God Most High) in my life? Or am I still on a throne of my own making? Is my heart hardened? Are my needs and desires most high in my life? This year let's ask for a fresh revelation of God on His throne and of the price paid by Jesus so that we can approach the throne of grace in our time of need and be found faithful when He returns.

Every is a


CHANCE to change



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Exclusiv Intervie

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW by Mucha Founder, Women's Frontline Magazine

I r e cently h a d t h e h on o u r o f talking t o T e n a r i a D r u mmond - S m i t h . O u r phone c a l l s b a c k a n d f o r th across d i f f e r e nt t i m e zones e n d e d u p i n t h e followin g i n t e r v ie w . I t h as been a p l e a s u re g e t ting to k n o w T e n ar i a . I f o und that s h e i s f un n y , v e r y praye r f u l a n d h u m ble and i s d e f i n e t l y l i v ing a lif e w i t h p u r pose.

C a n y o u i n t ro d u c e yourself to our re a d e r s ? . My name is Tenaria Drummond-Smith. I'm a wife, a woman of God, and I like to inspire women. I just love imparting to people.

Can you tell us a little bit about your background. Where do you come from? We l l , I ' m f ro m Bro o k ly n , N Y. My f a t h e r ' s n a m e i s Fra n k , a n d my l a t e m o t h e r ' s n a m e wa s A n n e l l e . T h ey h a d t h re e c h i l d re n a n d I ' m t h e middle child. I g ra d u a t e d f ro m h i g h s c h o o l , a n d I h ave a d e g re e i n Fa s h i o n B uy i n g a n d Me rc h a n d i s i n g . I ' m i n t h e p ro ce s s o f co m p l e t i n g my s e co n d d e g re e i n Organizational M a n a g e m e n t . I o n ly h ave t wo c l a s s e s l e f t t o co m p l e t e . I ' m a n a u t h o r, a p ro fe s s i o n a l l i fe co a c h , a n d a f i t n e s s i n s t r u c t o r. I d o a lot of things.

Lets talk about your book called ''I have been hurt in the church'' . May I ask what prompted you to write this book?

As I walked home from church one day, I heard God say that I was going to write a book. " A n d I s a i d , " L o rd , h ow am I going to write a b o o k ? ? " I h a d n eve r w r i t t e n a b o o k b e fo re , b u t I we n t a h e a d a n d j u s t starting writing. I re m e m b e r t h a t wh e n I s t a r t e d t o w r i t e , i t fe l t l i ke t h e p e n wa s j u s t m ov i n g o n i t s ow n ! A s I w ro t e , G o d b e g a n t o re m ove s t u f f f ro m my c h i l d h o o d . He s h owe d m e t h e ex p e r i e n ce s I h a d with people in the c h u rc h a n d h ow He wa n t e d m e t o w r i t e t h i s a l l d ow n . He s a i d He wo u l d s h ow m e wh a t wa s o f G o d a n d wh a t wa s n' t , a n d h ow t h a t ke p t m e o u t o f c h u rc h . G o d s h owe d m e h ow p e o p l e t re a t e d m e a s a c h i l d a l l t h e way u p t o adulthood.

He told me He would use me write about me experiences with people in leadership, showing how they wanted to use me to pour into their own ministry. They wanted to use me for their own agenda. As a young adult, God had already started showing me that people had evil spirits on them and that some looked at me in a lustful way. As I grew up experiencing different things in the church, I started to feel like it wasn't safe for me. As I transitioned into adulthood and started having boyfriends, I didn't have anybody to talk to about this. I thought the church would help me, but people in leadership made me feel uncomfortable. God started to show me that I needed to get rid of some things I was doing.

I stopped going to church, but I never stopped loving God. .

Later on, He used someone I knew to show me how it was to be holy and totally surrender myself to Him. I lived with my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, but as God spoke to me, He made me see things His way. This made me give up my sexual relationship with my boyfriend for three years until we got married.

Later on, when I visited my aunt she asked me if I was saved. I said I don’t want to get saved because of my past experiences with the church. She asked me if I loved God, and I said I did, but so many people mistreated me in the church and I didn't want to get saved! She began to show me how the Bible said to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12), and to be sanctified. She also told me that I needed to invite the Spirit of God into my life and that He is a gentleman and wouldn't hurt me.

I was anointed right there and then and instantly started speaking in tongues. The gifts just started pouring out. That's how I got saved.

So after God told you to write the book, how hard was it to actually sit down and do it? It wasn't hard to start writing because I believe I was writing under the unction of the Holy Ghost. I wrote as the Lord spoke to me. It wasn't me writing, but the God in me was writing the story.

So what have you learnt from this experience? Well, the Lord taught me how I should look at things. As far as people are concerned, He made me see that I wasn't fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities. He also taught me how to forgive them, because He had forgiven me of my sins.

So, it really wasn't the church but the people in the church that hurt me at that time. I decided that I wouldn't stop going to church because of this.

DID YOU TAKE ANY STEPS TO MOVE FORWARD? YES I DID! I went directly to them and started talking to them and showing them love. They actually saw that I was different, and God sent those very people who hurt me to come and ask me for forgiveness.

WHERE ARE YOU IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW? I love God and the people of God, and the fact that He chose me to minister to people and be His mouthpiece. I don't have to open my mouth and say I'm a woman of God or a prophetess. The Bible says that your gift will make for you (Proverbs 18:16). I didn't know who I was back then, but God used people to tell me that I was chosen by God to be His mouthpiece. As I began to speak into people's lives, they would ask me where I was getting my information from. I would say, "Thus saith the LORD", and I don't even speak like that! I love serving God and worshipping Him. My husband wasn't saved at the time, but when he saw how God was using me, he too got saved and sanctified, and God is using him in a mighty way as we

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What advice would you give someone who is going through what you went through? Well, I would tell them that what I went through wasn't easy, but it was a process. You have to be willing to understand that people will always be people, and to have the heart and mind to forgive them. I didn't want what people did to me to stop me from going to church. I didn't want to be outside of His house because I love the spoken word and fellowship with His people.

Final Question What advice would you give to women, who want to use their gifts in the church? My advice is based on my own personal experience. I would say to fast, pray, and ask the Spirit of God to show you exactly what you need to do. You can only do this if you have a personal relationship with God. He'll instruct you on how to use your gifts.

BY Mucha

"The lions roar for their prey and seek their food from God" Psalm 104:21 Dear Young Ones Our world is moving at a very fast pace and there are lots of decisions and choices we have to make. What does it mean to have an inner roar?Your inner roar is basically, finding your authentic self. It is simply who you were created to be. You are unique and somewhere deep inside of you is a voice that needs to come out! It is about finding your true identity and channeling that to express yourself. Maybe you love to paint or write or sing. That is your inner roar. You will need to find the confidence and courage to express yourself, your way. It starts with learning to love and respect yourself and setting boundaries as you progress in life. The world likes to put everyone in the same box, but everyone is different. Do not let fears of inadequacy keep you from finding your purpose. Being afraid is normal, it happens to the best of us, sodo not let that stop you. Do not be afraid of doing something different, even if it has never been done before. Remember that your ideas, creativity and opinion matters. Finding your true identity will set you free to become the person you want to be. You have that power within you. The Inner Roar. Find it and use it. So, maybe you are passionate about something. It's only those that take a risk that will achieve great things. It's time for you to step out and share your gift with the world. The bible says that God has a beautiful plan for you.. When the lion wakes up, it like to roar, reminding the other animals of its presence and its confidence in its abilty and strength, Like the lion, you will have to awaken with a roar (voice) and find out who you really are. If you sing, sing your way, paint your way, cook your way. You are created unique and God wants you to live your life with purpose. Blessings,

I hav o e pondere o thi , askin myself, a I th resul of m ow thought ? Scripture says, “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he....� I have often pondered on this, asking myself am I a result of my own thoughts. The circumstances I find myself in are they as a result of my own perception? Honestly good or bad have I done this to myself? Quite frankly the most pertinent question becomes what brought me to think of myself in this way?

So many sermons have been preached or taught on the subject matter but how many times have you stopped to ask yourself what thinketh I of myself? Join me in exploring this line of thinking hoping that it will bring us more answers than questions. We wish to come to a broader understanding not just of ourselves but also of our environment and the things that influence us thus making up our thinking.

We wish to come to a broader understanding not just of ourselves but also of our environment and the things that influence us thus making up our thinking. There seems to be varying factors that affect and or influence our way of thinking, "when we look at the environment aspect of this we find that culture and people have a lot to do with how we see ourselves."

I am reminded of the time I was teaching a group of praise and worshippers on the subject of confession via the songs we sing. That is the influence lyrics have on our spirit beings. Many people do not realize that most likely their biggest thought influence is what they listen to. What you listen to becomes a big shaper and molder in your life, music is very subliminal and very suggestive. It reaches to the very soul of a person, its repetitive nature is designed to hook you in as it plays a lot on your subconscious mind and begins to auto-suggest thus molding your thought process. You find that music shapes the way a child dresses, their language, diction, behavior and even belief systems. This can be found to true across the age demographics be it twelve year old or teenager, young adult or even an old man Why? or woman.

because of the power of “autosuggestion.”

Napoloen Hill in his book “think and grow rich” explores in the depth the power of autosuggestion or what is popularly known as subliminal messaging. Stated in another way autosuggestion is self-suggestion. It is the agency of the mind between that part of the mind where conscious thought takes place, and that which serves the seat of action for the subconscious mind. Through the dominant thoughts that one permits to remain in the conscious mind, (whether these thoughts be negative or positive, is immaterial), the principle of autosuggestion voluntarily reaches the subconscious mind and influences it with these thoughts.” Are you with me? I picked music as a form of subliminal messaging because it is undoubtedly a language that we all can identify with.

I picked music as a form of subliminal messaging because it is undoubtedly a language that we all can identify with. It is a language that has spoken to either one of us at any given point in time. Does this make sense? Music has always played an important role in forming and cultivating a people’s culture. Music as a language has a way of communicating with one’s spirit and creating a reality that one easily accepts.

Music has both positive and negative effects on one’s thoughts, studies have shown that music can be used for brain regeneration for it has healing properties. Whilst other studies have also shown that a certain grouping that listens to derogatory types of music will behave in destructive ways.

What else alters our thinking? What we watch, the power of the spoken word and visual stimulation are also responsible for forming once more another signal that plays in our subconscious mind. From here we can look at our environments what have we been exposed to? In turn what has been spoken to us over the years and how well have we received it? This leading to the power of the spoken word and visual stimulation, we assimilate what we see and hear, thus developing most of our own thought process.

We in a way become a product of our environment which influences our thought process and creates the opinion that begins to play in our subconscious conscious mind. Napoleon Hill then says, “No thought, whether it be negative or positive, CAN ENTER THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WITHOUT THE AID OF AUTOSUGGESTION, with the exception of thoughts picked up from the ether.

So as it turns out we are in total control over what plays in our subconscious mind for we have the power to accept or reject.

Napoleon Hill says, “Stated differently, all sense impressions which are perceived through the five senses, are stopped by the CONSCIOUS thinking mind, may be either passed on to the SUBCONSCIOUS mind or rejected at will. The conscious faculty serves, therefore, as an outer-guard to the approach of the subconscious. The writer of the Proverbs then says, Prov 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.” We ultimately have the power of over our thoughts, “Whatsoever a man thinketh in his heart so is he.” The word of God serves to be that creative power that must speak over our lives, it becomes the ether for it is beyond the natural present in every atmosphere. It can be the very air we breathe, for in it is LIFE, there is HOPE and there is COMPLETION. All that we need is in the word, and through that creative power, our spirits can grow to become the buffers, the outer-guards that Napoleon Hill speaks of that can accept or reject what will play in our subconscious mind.

The Word of God purifies our spirits and keeps us sensitive and in tune with wat is good and necessary for our minds to feed on. The more we meditate on the word of God, the more our spirits become sensitive to what God has said over our lives, the more we can discern between good and evil. If I am to be a sum-total of my thoughts, may the meditation of my heart be the Word of God, may his word be the light and lamp to my path, may his word that brings enlightenment be the illuminating factor in my life so that my meditation constantly aligns with what God has spoken over me. By doing this my heart is guarded, my mind is renewed by his word and there can be no ungodly thought or influence that escapes to my subconscious mind. In the end, I am what God has said I am! Philippians 4:8, “Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things”


My two year old son is in the Hospital again. He is having difficulty breathing with this cold that he has due to also having asthma. My eight year old daughter is at home with her father. I hope they are ok. He’d better not be drunk and better be taking care of her. She needs extra TLC with her brother and I not there. I have a doctor’s appointment later. I’m glad that the office is near the hospital so that I will only be away from my son for a short time. I’m still having these unexplained symptoms. Hopefully the doctor will be able to tell me something, anything, today after all of the testing that I have endured. Mom is here now to sit with my son, time for me to head out to my appointment. I notice as I enter the office that the doctor looks upset."

Maybe he’s having a rough day I sit. He begins speaking.

We talk about the symptoms and the tests. I see tears begin to form in his eyes as he unleashes on me the word that no one wants to hear………CANCER! Cervical cancer. A very aggressive cancer. Cancer that has already advanced to Stage 4. He continues to speak but do I hear him? Go…. Halifax…. tomorrow…. waiting for you.

As I leave the office with my head spinning, thoughts racing, and emotions overwhelming, I head back to the hospital. Sobbing helplessly on the short drive back, I try to collect myself as I park The second I enter my son’s room and my Mom looks at me, she instinctively knows that it is not good news. I call her into the washroom and privately tell her what the doctor said. We hold each other tightly and cry. After the initial shock settles, we begin to formulate a plan. Mom agrees to stay with my son in hospital for the next few days as I take the first steps in this journey called cancer. I go home to inform my partner of the horrific news. He is somewhat comforting when I tell him but he doesn’t do well with handling emotion, hence the alcoholism. I guess for him, it is easier to drown emotions than to face them. I tuck my daughter in. She knows something is wrong but how do you tell an eight year old a problem of this magnitude.

I decide to wait to tell her after I see the specialist. I retire myself, alone, as is the norm, while he continues to drink in the kitchen. The next morning, bright and early, we head out to a different hospital in another province. It’s a five hour drive. Unsure of what my future holds I have a lot of time to think, to ponder, to contemplate. Of course I was concerned. I believe in God but I don’t know him. I gave my life to him at the age of 12, but I certainly am not living as a follower of Jesus Christ.

D I dar drea tha h woul sav wretche sinner lik m ? Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good for those who love him and are called according to his plan and purpose

.After a two year battle, I won that war with cancer. In spite of the fact that no one else had much hope, I had HOPE, and God saw it fit to spare me. To consider that I would not survive was never an option. Although I didn’t know it at the time, God gave me that strength I needed to overcome. As I look back some twenty plus years later, I can see how God used my illness to open my eyes to a better way and my heart to a better life, that it was time for change.After my recovery, I gathered my children and I left my abusive, alcoholic partner of fourteen years. I rented my own home and began a new life, a life with God. He began to show me who he was. I dove into his word. I absorbed everything Godly that I could find. God changed my life for the better using that disease called cancer. I’m sure that Satan wanted me dead but God had other plans in mind for It’s been a lengthy me.

transformation and I’m still a work in progress, but God promises to leave no good work unfinished

I have experienced the love he has for me, I walk daily in his peace, and I am full of the joy of the Lord. I’ve come a long way from that young lady of 29 in the doctor’s office that day. I am living the life that my creator intended me to live, walking in His truth, His ways and His love. God can truly use any given thing, good or bad in our lives to move us into the plan and purpose he has for each and every one of us. It’s good to believe, but when you live and walk in that belief each and every day, and put God first, choosing to honor him with all that you are and all that you do, all things are possible. I am FREE, you can be too! John 8:36 For if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed.

Do you grumble and complain about your life, your circumstances, the lives and circumstances of others, or anything else?

Are you a person of faith, a follower of Christ, do you have a relationship with your Lord and Savior? If you answered yes to these questions then you may or may not be aware that complaining is a sin against God. In the word, Jesus tells us we are to be thankful in all circumstances . (1 Thessalonians 5:18). This scripture is pretty straight forward and easily understood. But why do so many of us find it so complicated to achieve? Is murmuring about food prices being thankful? Or should we praise God that we can buy food and not go hungry? Is discussing your teenager’s behavior in a negative light being thankful? Or should we be thanking God that they are safely tucked under our roof and not in jail, or worse dead? The word thankful means to be conscious of a benefit received, to be well pleased, glad, an expression of thanks. It is God's will for us to be thankful and to do all things without grumbling or arguing (Philippians 2:14 NIV). When we complain about others, are we even aware that we are passing judgement on them. If you know the word of God you know that we are to judge not lest we be judged and with the measure we use for judging others, it will be measured back to us. (Matthew 7:1-2).

Are we that prideful as a being that no one can do anything like we can? That our way is the only way? Is any one of us considered better than the other? The God I serve is no respecter of persons. What he does for one he will do for another in his own unique way. He loves us all equally and gives no favor to one over another. We are all his children, each one made to be unique, an individual, with our own personalities, special gifts, abilities and paths. We were made to be different so why not embrace that! Remember the Israelites that wondered in the wilderness for 40 years? What kept them there for so long? The journey wasn’t that far. Exodus 16:2 tells us exactly why; “Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness.”

In Exodus 16:8 Moses tells the Israelites … ”Your complaints are not against us but against the Lord.” These people complained about everything, their food, water, battles, and troubles of all sorts. They were a disobedient and disbelieving bunch and the older generation of Israelites never ever made it to enjoy the Promised Land because of it. It sets a great example for us of how not being thankful can block your blessing. God has good things for us if we live in agreement with him and walk out the instructions that he gives us in his word. As is said in James 1:22 (NIV) “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” God did so much for us, he sent his only son Jesus to endure torture and die on a cross for us. What kind of savage love is that? And while we were still sinners even!! Before I knew and accepted him he did this for me. It’s really rather mind blowing when you sit and meditate on that. After all that he did for me how could I be anything but Thankful?

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