Monday, February 14, 2022 - Sex Issue

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CONTENTS 2

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IS TECH POISONING YOUR RELATIONSHIP? LOVE IS BLIND 'FIGURING OUT WHO I AM': LIFE AFTER HIGHSCHOOL PARTNERS BREAK UP LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX (TOYS) LONDON'S DRAG SCENE IS READY FOR A POST-PANDEMIC WORLD

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OPINION: BIRTH CONTROL MADE MY LIFE HARDER/EASIER

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IN THE LIMELIGHT: WHY REPRESENTATION MATTERS

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SEX SURVEY

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IS MOZART SEXY?

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OPINION: DON'T LET THE STIGMA STOP YOUR HOOKUPS

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FAN FICTION HAS INFLUENCED STUDENTS' SEX LIVES

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WELCOME TO FLAVOURTOWN: REVIEWING FLAVOURED CONDOMS

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TURN IT ON LIKE A LIGHTSWITCH: THE INS AND OUTS OF GETTING AROUSED

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DESTIGMATIZING THE 'SPANK BANK': CONSUMING PORN THE HEALTHY WAY

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OPINION: LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS CAN WORK – BUT ONLY IF YOU BOTH WANT IT TO

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TINY LOVE STORIES

FEBRUARY 2022

THE WESTERN GAZETTE VOL. 115

SEX ISSUE University Community Centre Rm. 263 Western University London, ON, CANADA N6A 3K7 Editorial 519.661.3580 Advertising 519.661.3579

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Liam Afonso MANAGING EDITOR Alex McComb ISSUE LEAD Sarah Wallace ART DIRECTOR Cassandra Kaczmarski CREATIVE DIRECTOR Lucas Arender COORDINATING EDITORS Hope Mahood Gabby Glasier

WRITERS Samantha Bloom Bianca Collia Kieran Drover Gabby Glasier Ashley Goveas Elizabeth Hart Hayley Jacoby Ela Kang Lauren Mederios Bella Pick Rebekah Rodrigues Lucia Santilly Catrina Tang Sheetal Vemannagari Sarah Wallace COPY Elizabeth Hart Samar El Masri Bella Pick PHOTO Liam Afonso

GRAPHICS AND MULTIMEDIA Rebecca Bartkiw Anastasiia Fedorova Erin Grace Rebecca Streef COMPOSING Ian Greaves MODELS Sunday Ajak Jeremy Brand Ester Bujari Anjelique Croteau Roveena Chand Jassal Anjali Venga Jasmine Wu Dawn Zhou VIDEO Rebecca Bartkiw Osman Ali Hirad Cassandra Lundsgaard Madeleine McColl Nyren Mo Laura Seidelin Ze Wang Romano Watt 3

Is tech poisoning your relationship?

By Sheetal Vemannagari

I

t seems like everyone spends hours swiping on Bumble and then weeks texting, only to spend most of their time snapchatting and calling because they live an hour away.

With the seeming increase in failed talking stages and the toxicity of “situationships,” it seems technology may play a role in the quality of relationships today.

Jacquie Burkell, a professor in the Faculty of Information and Media Studies at Western University, researches the interaction between users of technology and the information they receive. While in the past, the majority of relationships consisted of shared in-person experiences, Burkell explains that today it’s very possible the apex of a relationship is not being in the same space together.

One impact of increased digital time is couples have to find more effortful ways to find fulfillment in relationships.

“So how do we get companionship? How do we get pleasure? How do we get physical pleasure? How do we get solace and support? How do we get attention?” asks Burkell.

Dollar Luo, a second-year Ivey Business School student, has been with her fiance since grade 10, and uses FaceTime to call at least once a day. They also use apps like Teleparty to watch shows together and Minecraft to play games. “[If] your relationship is online, or mostly virtual, I think it's important to figure out different things that you can do together,” says Luo. “[With] stuff that you love to do, whether that be gaming or cooking together, there's ways that you can make those

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activities still fun and like, enjoy each other's company.”

Couples should take steps to ensure the quality of time spent together is good, even if it’s virtual.

“When you're interacting through a screen, increasingly, we're all multitasking … we get pretty good at hiding the fact that I'm doing a couple of other things while I'm talking to you,” explains Burkell. “And I think that has to have a negative impact on relationships. I think that if you're not with someone, if you're not attending to them, if you're not engaged with them, that's going to hurt”.

Luo says being attentive has improved her relationship. She and her fiance have a rule to not use their phone when spending time together.

“I found oftentimes I was the one who was distracted with a text or like, you know, I'd be working on something in the middle of a conversation and we agreed together that that needed to change and we found the quality of our relationship and our conversations improved dramatically,” says Luo. Maya Gandhi, a second-year Ivey student, has used technology to help her adapt to a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend, who studies in London, England.

“There's only pros for technology with long distance relationships,” says Gandhi. “I wouldn't say there's any cons because it's really like the one thing that allows you to communicate with your partner so easily.”

She explains that, in her experience, texting less throughout the day while apart has improved the quality of her phone calls.

“When we're not both in the same location, we're texting constantly throughout the day, pretty much about everything that we do until we get on the phone, and [then] we've kind of already talked about things that we do,” says Gandhi.

Texting less is something Gandhi may continue to do while the couple is in the same location as well.

On top of the attention given to one another, more virtual time also means less shared context into understanding each other’s lives in a relationship. Not having shared context can impact how people interpret each other’s sentences.

“So you could imagine something that you could say right now where I was, it would make perfect sense. But if I'm not with you, it's going to make no sense at all,” says Burkell.

Burkell gives an example of someone feeling cranky because they hate the heat, and woke up to very warm weather. “[Imagine that] we're not in the same space, and we get on FaceTime and we're talking and I'm like don't bug me today,” says Dr. Burkell.

“Even if you know in your head that it's 98 degrees and that I hate the heat, it's not like being there. It's not like waking up and feeling the

heat with me and knowing before anything said that I'm likely to be in a bad mood because it's too hot for me”.

There are aspects of communication that break down when mediated by technology. But communication, Luo notes, is always important to understand one’s situation or circumstances.

“You can just let the other person know what's going on…. No one can blind read [and] if you're hesitant on the decision whether or not to communicate a thing, just tell them something … it's always better to communicate than to not,” says Luo. Technology can also impact the way we keep tabs on each other.

“I actually think people have less privacy in relationships than they used to … it's less possible for us to be surprised. I think things are more controlled,” says Burkell.

It’s much easier to know the kind of person a potential partner is, and to dig into details about their past with their digital footprint. This could mean you might get more of what you expect, and less surprises down the road.

But Burkell also cautions of the potential for the exact opposite as people tend to portray a filtered out

and glorified version of themselves online.

“If you fall in love with someone, if you become interested in someone because of that image … inevitably getting to know someone means that the gloss comes off and, that's always been true, but it feels somehow truer now, because there's so much more gloss” she explains.

The importance of physical appearance as a factor has grown since the boom of online dating apps, which can factor into decreasing compatibility.

“I think, in the long run, compatibility is far more important than physical practice,” says Burkell. “It has to be because we all age and things change. None of us maintain our level of the level of attractiveness we have as a 20-year-old into our 60s.”

The popularity of dating apps also means more couples are no longer meeting in the same physical space, creating more long-distance relationships.

According to Burkell, this could introduce stresses which could negatively impact the quality, stability, and length of a relationship.

Overall, Burkell explains it’s difficult to predict the effects of technology on relationships as we continue to adapt to digital communication, and as digital communication continues to change.

“You can't mentally transport yourself into a future that doesn't exist right now and you can't mentally transport yourself into someone else's head,” she says.

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LOVE IS BLIND

By Kieran Drover

O

n a cold night in the middle of a pandemic, why not go on a blind date?

After watching my favorite football team lose the greatest playoff game of all time on a coin toss, crying in my room rewatching the gruesome final 13 seconds of the game also would have been nice. But, I had agreed to this date and I couldn’t leave her hanging — like my team’s defense left their all-star quarterback.

So there I was, the day of the date, packing my bags and driving back to London from my hometown in a snowstorm on a Monday morning.

Leading up to Monday night, I had the usual ‘first-date’ thoughts swirling through my head, only more intense because of the uncertainty.

Would she be able to sense my nervousness? Would we break the record for awkward silences? The possibilities were endless.

I didn’t know how to approach a date with a complete stranger, but when she pulled up to the bottom of

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my driveway at 7 p.m., I had run out of time to worry. It was time to put on my ‘A-game.’

My first impression when we introduced ourselves was that she was not only cute but also friendly and funny.

The nerves quickly settled as we slid through the snowy streets in her car.

I knew the date was going to be just fine. Even if it wasn’t, it still beat sitting around the house for the hundredth time in two years.

Our initial plan was to go skating in downtown London, but a snowstorm and a missing skate forced us to change our course — Starbucks it was.

We parked out front of Victoria Park and walked across the street to grab a coffee — or in my case, something entirely different. While she got a regular decaf, I was having an internal battle about whether I should get a hot chocolate or something a little bolder — a grande vanilla bean frappuccino with extra whip cream.

I hesitantly brought up the idea in line and to her credit, she was very supportive. So there I was, set to walk through the freezing cold with an even colder drink.

Fortunately, taking long walks was a common interest of ours and we enjoyed walking through the winter wonderland as we got to know each other.

She was really chatty, which was helpful. We covered everything from our favorite bars in London to our favorite hobbies. She happened to be a dancer, something that I really admired. As someone who has always wanted to learn to dance like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, I hoped maybe she could teach me a few tricks.

The only awkward conversation of the night came when she mentioned that she had taken both micro and macroeconomics a couple of summers ago as “interesting electives.”

I knew she was smart when she mentioned that she was taking biochemistry, but after hearing about her summer, I decided it was probably for the best I didn’t tell her I had to retake macroeconomics the same summer. I hoped I gave her a better first impression than I did learning about supply and demand.

After a couple of hours walking through the nicer backroads of downtown and debating over which houses we liked the best, we had finally made our way back to the car.

When she dropped me back off at home, I went inside and immediately got bombarded by my roommates how it went. As we sat and had a couple of casual drinks, I told them that if they are ever asked to go on a blind date – they should totally go.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t skeptical of the idea, but my experience taught me that even the most unexpected dates are worth a shot.

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‘Figuring out who I am’ Life after high school partners break up

By Sarah Wallace

T

he longer a relationship lasts, the harder the breakup can be — and when you bring your high school partner to university, parting ways can be a whole different ball game.

Fourth-year BMOS student Aiden Dufault says he found comfort coming to university with his high school partner of a year and a half. Dufault knew the dating pool in his hometown was small — and being gay, he could count the collective dating pool across all the nearby high schools on his fingers.

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Because of this, he stayed with his boyfriend, even though he had thoughts of ending the relationship.

“Having someone I could talk to about my emotions [while] moving away from home was very helpful, someone who knew me and how to talk me down from my anxiety at the time,” says Dufault.

Dufault and his partner, who stayed in their hometown while Dufault came to Western University, broke up a month into first year, with Dufault saying the pressure of a long distance relationship built up. After the break

up, Dufault found himself still trying to be a part of his ex-partner’s life.

“I found after we broke up, I was still trying to talk to him, it was like a reflex,” he explains. “I tried to be his friend way too quickly just because I really missed having him as an escape from the new world around me.”

The little details of a relationship — like talking to a partner everyday or celebrating milestones — can be difficult to adjust to following a separation.

After breaking up with her high school partner of almost three years,

third-year media, information and technoculture student Kamae Dinnall-Nget found it felt odd not having her boyfriend there.

“I used to get notifications on my phone for our anniversary so it was bittersweet when I first got the notification after we broke up because I forgot to delete it from my calendar,” Dinnall-Nget says. “Celebrating Christmas without him for the first time in a couple years was weird for sure, it was an adjustment and having to constantly explain to my family why he was no longer around slowly became annoying.”

Dinnal-Nget started dating her partner in grade 12. She broke up with him this past fall after she discovered she didn’t know how to navigate through life on her own.

“I felt that I was starting to lose myself with him,” she explains. “I was beginning to feel a little bit suffocated.”

Wanting to become your own person is a normal feeling in young adulthood. It’s the age of most university students and is defined by frequent changes, like moving out, new friends and “adult” work.

Individuals ages 18 to 24 are coming to terms with their sexuality and ideas of what a relationship looks like, including their potential for emotional and physical intimacy. It’s also a time when people develop their personal identity, as opposed to being an extension of their parents.

Like Dinnal-Nget, Emelyn Koziol didn’t know a life without her partner. A second-year concurrent and physical education student at Brock University, she plans on transferring into Western’s kinesiology program next year, in part because she wants to move away from her ex-boyfriend who came with her to St. Catherines, Ont..

“He chose to go to Brock for me, and now we live directly across from each other in our apartment buildings,” she explains. “A part of the transfer to Western has been to get my own life that’s not him. I almost think this’ll be a better step for me to figure out who I am when our lives are not side by side.”

After dating her boyfriend for four

years and staying together in their hometown for online school, they broke up in May 2021. For Koziol, breaking up with her boyfriend felt like she was leaving her childhood.

“It was day and night,” Koziol says.

“I was a child up until that point, and right when we broke up, I was alone.

I had to move away from my parents, I had to do school. When we were together, my parents were there, I was living at home, I had my friends, now I had to be an adult.”

Being in love can have similar effects on your brain like after you take cocaine: your fix is being around

I didn’t know an Emelyn without him, because we were so young when we started dating. It’s figuring out how to be an adult, but also figuring out who I am without him.”

ed without having to explain myself to anybody.”

But dating in university, as Dufault, Dinnal-Nget and Koziol discovered, is a different beast.

“University exposed me to a much less innocent side to dating. On my very first date after I broke up with my high school boyfriend, a guy took me out to get gelato and then offered to take me back to his place to watch a movie,” Dufault recalls. “I honestly thought he actually just wanted to watch a movie.”

Dating is an experiment of finding out who you are as an individual and as a partner. And although the time with their partners may not have ended well, all three agree they wouldn’t change coming into university with a partner.

“I learned a lot from my relationship and I know I truly loved him,” Dinnal-Nget says. “I’m grateful for the time I got to spend with him and I’ll always have love and respect for him because he was such a big part of my life.”

the person you care about the most.

Breakups are like withdrawal, and the same areas of the brain that experience physical pain are activated — meaning breaking up can affect your health.

Experts suggest taking control of your life and creating a healthy routine after a breakup. Connecting with friends is also extremely important, as adults still experience what scientists call attachment behavioural systems: the desire to seek out supportive figures in times of need.

Breaking up can be difficult — especially in first year — and Dufault was disappointed, but he knew university was the opportunity to explore the wider dating pool.

“After I took a bit to be sad about what I had lost, I was very excited, hopelessly naive and optimistic,” he says. “I was on my own, I could see any guy I wanted and do whatever I want9

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LET’S TALK ABOUT

SEX V

ibrators, cock-rings, fleshlights, anal beads … sex toys come in all shapes and sizes, not unlike the people they were designed for. With people spending more time at home the past few years due to lockdown regulations, sex toy sales have skyrocketed.

Out of the Gazette’s 200 sex survey respondents, 53 per cent said they owned a sex toy and an additional 23 per cent said they would be interested in owning one. Anjelique Croteau, a third-year music student, thinks owning a sex toy can be beneficial for self-care, calling them “awesome for exploring yourself.”

Despite the proclaimed benefits, stigma and taboo surrounding sex toys persists — even though sexual health is an important part of overall well-being.

“There’s obviously studies that show that not just using sex toys, but masturbation, healthy sex life, all that stuff goes towards reducing stress and reducing heart issues,” Christina Oleynikov, a first-year nursing student explains.

Multiple studies have confirmed that sex and masturbating can reap a multitude of health benefits, including increased longevity and a boosted mood. Understanding this made it important for Oleynikov to learn about sex toys herself and help provide others with information she was lucky enough to get from family.

“I learned about sex toys from my parents, they were very open about sexuality and just personal pleasure

and kind of exploring yourself,” she says. “The more I learned about that, especially in class and [from] friends … I figured, ‘well, they’re sold for a reason, why not try it out?’”

Alexandra Wilson-Hodge, a second-year anthropology student, and Croteau have been able to talk about sex and sexual topics with their families, leading them to help demistify the world of sex toys for others who aren’t able to have such open conversations.

“I was raised in a really open household where basically everything was talked about. And so I just grew up not really having a lot of shame,” says Wilson-Hodge.

Croteau thinks that while sex toys like vibrators might be obvious for use for vaginal orgasms, sex toys for those with penises might seem more daunting and even immasculating to some.

“I find that a lot of men, especially cisgendered, straight, men have a lot of trouble, say walking into the stag shop or even owning anything that they have bought online, due to the stigma that they can’t enjoy themselves apart from what they’ve been given,” explains Croteau.

Wilson-Hodge has also seen this gendered division.

“I’m bisexual, and I’ve been with both men and women, and I find that men are usually a bit more apprehensive [about sex toys],” she explains.

Croteau sees open conversations and self-empowerment as the keys to removing stigma associated with sex

(TOYS)

By Samantha Bloom

toys and sexuality in general.

“You should feel confident walking into a store and buying something to help give ourselves pleasure,” she says. “A sex toy only augments your life just like people buy nice clothes, nice cars, the new phone. So why not augment your sex life?”

Even though Croteau grew up in a household where she could discuss such topics relatively openly, she finds comfort with her body through masturbating and using sex toys. Doing this was a freeing experience for her and helped her to personally get past any shame she felt surrounding her sexuality.

While some might not have sexual interest or see sex toys as totally out of their comfort zone, for those who are intrigued, sexual health is important regardless of gender or orientation and talking to someone you trust can be a great way to dip your toes in the water. And if you’re not sold yet, remember: you don’t need to text your sex toy ‘good night’ or put up with their snoring!

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London’s drag scene is ready for a post-pandemic world

By Lauren Medeiros

R

esilience and adaptability are essential in times of crisis.

It is these two characteristics that have kept London’s drag scene afloat amid the coronavirus pandemic.

Prior to 2020, local drag queens’ primary sources of income were venue ticket sales and audience tips. But in a world where in-person shows are not always feasible, queens are adapting entirely new means of performing and making money: Zoom and Facebook live shows.

Full-time King’s student and local drag queen, Maple Queef, speaks on the hardships of this new way of performing.

Although the expectations and nerves for the actual show may not be as high online, the tips are extremely unreliable.

“You’re lucky if you get five or 10 bucks,” they say. “Typically I pass on them nowadays because I just can't be bothered.”

Another established queen in the local scene, Phoenix Black, echoes this sentiment.

“It's totally different — you’re only by yourself at home,” she says. “You can still interact with people online, but it doesn't feel the same, and tipping is not that good.”

As a drag queen most known for her dancing and gymnastic tricks, she has found it challenging to navigate online shows in her one-bedroom apartment, resorting to dancing on the spot in her kitchen.

The only alternative to these live streams, which are far more difficult to come by, have been the occasional private party and curbside performance.

London drag artist Galaxy Rose says the city’s drag scene was “really picking

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Maple Queef, courtesy of Galaxy Rose.

up” before Covid restrictions hit, with new queens coming in and tickets selling out quickly.

It came as a complete shock when this progress was suddenly taken away.

“Everyone was pretty devastated,” they say. “But if we didn’t adapt, we would have just sort of ceased to exist, because our presence and our engagement with our audience is what makes us, us.”

Although online methods have not been an ideal situation, it is the attitude of queens like Galaxy Rose that keep drag alive in such a dark time. They have used the ongoing lockdowns as a means of honing their skills, polishing their look and finding what they appreciate about their art.

“In order to get the [in-person] bookings, you have to fit a certain mold and I found myself working myself into that mold before lockdown and kind of losing the love of drag I had,” they say. “Lockdown really allowed me to introspectively take a look at how I wanted to impact the world.”

Self-reflection has also been a driving force in Phoenix Black and Maple Queef’s pandemic lives. Both queens have taken the time for self care through improving their makeup skills and considering what they want going forward.

“We’re all going through the same thing — mentally and physically — where we cannot do shows,” says Phoenix Black. “I think a lot of us are focusing on ourselves.”

Maple Queef has taken this to the

next level: raising awareness for mental health and illnesses through their recent performances. In one of their only online shows, Maple Queef sang “You Will Be Found’’ featured in popular musical Dear Evan Hansen — a song that has “deeply affected” them as someone who struggles with depression.

Despite the struggles Maple Queef has personally faced during the pandemic, especially with their therapy becoming less frequent and online, they say they’v been able to pull joy from other local queens’ perseverance.

“The drag community is built off a lot of resilience,” they say. “So it’s not surprising to me, necessarily, that you see that.”

Galaxy Rose explains that, although they are “a little nervous and hesitant” about entering the post-pandemic drag scene, they are hopeful for a successful comeback.

Local bars like Lavish and 765 Old East are the primary venues that book and advertise these queens — keeping their community afloat.

“We need these spaces, we need to protect these spaces, we need to maintain them, we need to make sure that the community appreciates them,” they say. “Because if we lose them, that’s it.”

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OPINION:

Birth control made my life harder

By Hayley Jacoby

F

or years, friends, family members and doctors have told me that birth control would make my life easier. But I found the exact opposite.

Since I was 14 years old, my periods have been long, painful and have even caused me to faint several times.

There's only so many painkillers you can take before you look for another option. Mine was birth control.

I started with the pill — at first, I really enjoyed how I felt. My periods were lighter, my skin clearer and overall, I was happy.

But about six months later, my periods came every ten days and lasted the same amount of time. My doctor

suggested a new pill to start.

Although the next pill regulated my periods, it had me down in the dumps, gaining weight and made me want to hide in my room all day.

As someone who’s struggled with mental health for a long time, I felt like birth control had erased all my progress and it took time to earn it all back. I knew that hormone changes were expected, but I never predicted that one tiny pill would rewire my brain or change the way I felt everyday.

With more time passing, my doctor suggested Nexplanon, a small implant inserted into your arm, which would stop my periods altogether. My first

instinct was “where do I sign?”

At that moment, I didn’t process the stress that would come once a month, how much my body would change and how depressed I would feel without knowing why. Although I was told to give the implant at least six months before deciding my next move, by month three, I was back at the doctor's office, begging her to remove it.

I’m not saying I’ll never go on birth control again and I’m not advising against it, but we need to realize that it's not for everyone.

OPINION:

Birth control has actually made my life easier

By Rebekah Rodrigues

W

hen it comes to contraception, many users have mixed feelings — I can honestly say that it has made my life easier.

I can only speak to my experience with birth control pills, but I’ve been on the pill for a little over three years and it has taught me that I prefer being on it than not.

Doctors often warn of the side effects when people begin to take contraceptives. Hormonal changes that come with birth control can sometimes result in mood changes, nausea, headaches and missed periods, among other things.

While some people experience some or all of the negative side effects associated with birth control, oth-

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ers see their skin clear, their periods get lighter and less painful and don’t experience many, if any, of the drawbacks.

Birth control pills have had no noticeable effects on my mood. While there are studies that have suggested a link between hormonal contraception and depression, that has not been my experience.

Similarly, physical changes like tender breasts, nausea and headaches have never been a side effect of birth control pills for me. In fact, I noticed that after I started on the pill, my acne had slowly begun clearing.

The effect the pill had on my periods was also overwhelmingly positive.

Before starting birth control pills, I had heavy, painful periods and pre-

menstrual symptoms like bloating and fatigue.

Birth control not only regulated my periods so that they come at the same time every month, but it also made them much lighter and almost painless. The changes have been so positive that I would stay on the pill even if I were not to use it as contraception.

While I had experienced minor spotting, which is essentially small amounts of blood in one's urine, it lasted only a week and never returned.

The pill has allowed me the freedom to be active and productive on my period. Along with the lack of negative symptoms, it has made my life a lot easier.

IN THE LIMELIGHT Why representation matters

By Cat Tang

N

atasha Steele didn’t realize that she was bisexual until she watched House, M.D..

Steele, a second-year gender, sexuality and women’s studies student and president of Spectrum UWO, knew that she felt the same way about girls that she did about boys — but she never had any examples to point to and help better understand her feelings.

“I didn’t really know that being bisexual was a thing at all,” says Steele.

“I finally got to a point where I learnt that homosexual people existed, and I was super confused because I was like, ‘can I be both? I think I like both.’”

She was eight or nine years old when she saw a bisexual character on television for the first time: Thirteen from House, M.D.. But even then, it wasn’t a fully rounded-out portrait.

“The way her bisexuality is represented is the kind of slutty bisexual stereotype,” says Steele. “She sleeps around a lot, she cheats on people.”

Television and film significantly influence our ideas about sex and romance — especially during formative years like childhood and adolescence.

What we see on screen impacts the way we think about ourselves and the world around us.

Jordan Haly, a third-year medical sciences student, says that she saw a lack of intersectionality in LGBTQ2+ media growing up, which mostly portrayed white people and didn’t reflect her mixed-race heritage.

“I haven’t really found a lot of people who are like me,” says Haly.

“I feel like it’s hard for me to fit into

any specific group without feeling like there’s a little bit of me that’s not there.”

Steele and Haly both note that they’ve seen more diversity on screen in recent years than during childhood.

In their annual report “Where We Are on TV”, GLAAD found that LGBTQ2+ characters represented 9.1 per cent of regular characters on primetime television in the 2020-21 season.

But representation isn’t just the images that are on the screen — it’s the way those images are being portrayed.

Trinity Yeung, second-year management and organizational students student, wants to see a wider variety of LGBTQ2+ stories being told on screen. She notes that while struggling with identity is a common experience that many in the LGBTQ2+ community face, not every story on screen has to be about struggle.

“I would say one of our big issues right now is just having queer stories that are just [about] queer people existing, like a queer love story,” says Yeung. “I want a queer female romcom so bad.”

It’s a sentiment that Steele definitely agrees with.

“Not every queer narrative needs to be about getting kicked out of your parents place because you came out and being confused and being afraid of maybe the government in your country and all this heavy stuff,” says Steele. “I think we kind of just need queer characters who happen to be queer.”

Too often, queerbaiting — when someone hints at being queer for entertainment or shock value – is shown on screen instead of actual representation.

“It’s so tiring. Either put the queer characters in or don’t do it all — please stop using us as a marketing

tactic,” says Yeung. “Please stop trying to market toward us, trying to draw us in as your audience and then just leave us there with no actual representation.”

Yeung cites Sense8 as her favourite TV show, and says that it’s a prime example of how having LGBTQ2+ writers behind-the-scenes makes a huge difference.

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ven’t had sex ha re 21 or o we

1. Have sex on top of a piano in a penthouse overlooking a city

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7.6%

FANTASIES

were 14 o

3.3

%

ounger ry

17.6 %

SEX SUR etween 18-2 eb 0 er

2. Slow burn enemies to lovers,

25.6 %

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were between 1 5-1 .8% 7 45

I wanna live my wattpad fantasy

3. Phantom of the Opera role-play

51.2% are taken 45.5% are single 3.3% said it’s complicated

When did you become sexually active?

37.2% have had 1-3 sexual partners

52.5% have used a sex toy

22.6% have had 4-7 sexual partners

25.2% have not used a sex toy

15.9% have had 0 sexual partners 10.3% have had 8-12 sexual partners

22.3% haven’t but would be interested

7.6% have had 20+ sexual partners 6.3% have had 13-19 sexual partners

54.2% would consider a threesome 36.2% would not consider a threesome 9.6% had a threesome

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WORST SEX STORIES

1. I was at his apartment and we were literally in the middle of sex, and while he was inside of me, he said "text your roommate to pick you up, I'm almost finished" 2. My boyfriend (ACCIDENTALLY!!) put me in the hospital with uncontrollable internal bleeding. It was so bad the doctors said I could bleed out and die if I didn't stay overnight/waited any longer to come in.

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RVEY

301 responses

62.1% straight

2% pansexual

24.3% bisexual

2.3% other

9% gay/lesbian

0.3% questioning

based on

BEST PICK-UP LINES 1.“World is ending wyd” - day Covid was declared pandemic 2. Hey are you related to *insert my dad’s name*?

3.While on vacation in the States, a guy asked me if I went to college. I said I went to university in Canada and he proceeded to chuckle and put his arm around me, saying “Ohhh so you’re a Michigan girl.”

How often do you masturbate?

42.5% once or twice a week 27.6% every other day 12.3% daily 5.6% never masturbate 4.3% mulitple times a day 3.7% once or twice a month 2% rarely masturbate 2% other

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IS MOZART SEXY?

By Lucia Santilly

C

lassical music can evoke an emotional response — what’s less well-known is that it can create physical reactions, too.

Classical music can elicit orgasmic-like responses from listeners due to the different musical elements that create pinnacle moments in a piece of music.

The science and research behind sexual nuances in classical music is a topic many musicologists have explored.

Edmund Goehring, a professor in the Don Wright Faculty of Music at Western University, writes that music can “work directly on the senses.”

There is a science behind why people can feel a physical, passionate pull towards classical music. Musical dissonance, or what thirdyear vocal student Anjelique Croteau describes as “the foreplay of the music,” is used to create tension for the listener.

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Dissonance is built through how the music is written, the instruments used in a song and how the notes are layered. The release of this tension is what some people call “musical orgasms.”

Dissonance can be generated in either a short section of the music or throughout the entire piece. The Romantic-era composer Richard Wagner is known for prolonging dissonance in his music. This is heard in the ending of his opera, “Tristan Und Isolde.”

The opera’s four-hour long tension buildup is resolved in the final aria “Liebestod”, the last solo song in the opera.

These “musical orgasms” have been reported to be felt physically through chills, goosebumps, sweating, an increased heart rate and a tingling sensation. These feelings have been

labeled by researchers as a “frisson,” which is most commonly felt in classical music.

“Music has points of tension and resolution,” writes Gohering. “Sometimes that fact has been treated as a general sexual metaphor, but if you’re someone like Dewey, [a philosopher from the early 1900s], tension and satisfaction is a dynamic of all sentient life.”

The music’s structure on the sheet music is one way to get an arousal out of an audience, but it’s up to performers to give it pizazz on stage.

“I believe that it’s a performer’s job to be able to interpret that nuance and show it to an audience,” says Croteau. “Music should be this marriage of passion. This brilliant passionate affair, not simply a marriage of convenience.”

Despite its traditional history, classical music can be a steamy experience. If you’re looking to spice up your playlists, consider adding some classical music to your daily routine.

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OPINION:

Don’t let the stigma stop your hookups

By Ashley Goveas

O

ur years in university might be the best ones to explore our sexuality, and we should focus on educating students about how to do so in a safe, healthy way.

Attaching stigma to sexual exploration in univeristy helps no one and harms many.

A “hookup” — an appropriately ambiguous term that means engaging in anything from making out to sex — seems to be a term rampant on university campuses and is one that draws all sorts of attention.

The culture of promiscuity and overindulgence has been framed in the media as a key part of the post-secondary education experience, along with the glamorization of alcohol over-consumption amid the stressors of university life.

I bought into that generalization when I was in first-year and spent too long looking negatively at “hookup culture.” I despised the idea that universities are characterized by a culture of overindulgence.

But, after four years at Western University, I’ve come to realize that is not the case and our years in university are the best ones to explore our identity. If hookups are the way some students want to explore their sexual identity, then all the power to them.

Sexual exploration is just one small part of developing an identity away from home and so-called “hookup culture” — if it exists at all — is certainly overrepresented in the media as a staple of university life.

Casual sex — or whatever version of sex and romance students want to explore — may just be a way to signal newly-founded sexual freedom at Mustangs’ home away from home.

It took a while for me to admit this, but that can actually be healthy, and it certainly does not deserve the bad rep it gets.

The term “hookup culture” adds an otherwise non-existent negative outlook on what might just be healthy exploration. It also suggests casual sex is somehow unavoidable in university, when the reality is, many students do not engage in casual sex at all.

A 2012 study that followed 394 university students highlighted that casual sex resulted in a reduction of both depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness. But, other findings showed feelings of regret surfaced for many students as well — and for some, those feelings led to more symptoms of depression than those who had no regret.

All that’s to say we should not be funneling our energy into whether hooking up is good or bad because it depends on the comfort level of each student. Instead we should be focusing on educating students on how to avoid the dangers that can come with promiscuity, especially in university.

Terms like “floorcest” and idioms like “frosh are friends not food” are ones we have all heard before. They were the roots of the resentment I held when I started my university career. All I could focus on was how hookups can be dangerous, especially

for women and other vulnerable students.

But changing that “culture” does not happen overnight, and students should be afforded an opportunity to engage with sex in a healthy, informed and educated way if they choose.

Too many students come out of elementary and high school with inadequate sexual education, and information on healthy relationships, addiction, substance abuse, red flags, date rape, methods of birth control and queer identities are just a few things of many that students should be educated on before they start exploring sex.

Efforts need to be made to provide young adults with resources that keep them safe and protected while they explore their sexuality rather than being punished or judged for engaging in hookups. Students should have a safe and educational university experience and sometimes sex is a part of that.

At the end of the day, hooking up is just something some people in their twenties do and attaching stigma to sexual exploration does nothing but harm students.

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FAN FICTIO has influenced students' sex lives

By Lauren Medeiros

F

an fiction. Written porn. Smut.

Whatever you want to call it, this fictional form of sexually-explicited writing is undeniably popular, particularly among fan communities.

Wattpad, the online storytelling platform, has been the driving source of fanfiction for millennial and Gen Z fans, gaining a reputation for its self-insert boyband fics, alternate universe fantasies and kinky interpretations of popular TV and movie characters.

Although fan fiction is typically written by anonymous hobbyists and fandom members in an amateur capacity, it’s had a influential impact on the way young people view sex, intimacy and relationships.

Whether this influence is good or bad is up for debate.

Jordan Haly, a third-year medical science student at Western University, has been frequenting Wattpad since grade seven, when she got her first iPod. Growing up with little to no sex education in the Catholic school system, Haly’s first real introduction to sex was through fan fiction. When a 13-year-old author is referring to Harry Styles’ 12-inch penis, it becomes clear that amateur writing can become dangerously misleading.

“I really don’t think it was healthy,” Haly says. “But if you told me that when I was younger, I totally would not have agreed.”

Even in the Western bubble, more than one student can relate to Haly’s 22

experience. Second-year economics student Nunu Mequanint started reading fan fiction at the age of 12. At a time where she was just beginning to understand her body, Mequanint says smut “practically molded” her views on sexuality and sex.

“I had no sense of what was realisitic or common for people during sex,” Mequanint says. “I told myself that whatever was happening in these stories must be what an average person’s experiences are, and therefore, mine must replicate this.”

She looks back at her relationship with fan fiction critically. Some of the stories she read displayed rough or non-consensual sex and degraded women, which she considered “quite traumatizing.”

This kind of content is primarily consumed by an impressionable group: young girls. Wattpad had more than 94 million users as of 2021, with over 70 per cent being female and 90 per cent being either a millennial or Gen Z. “It’s crazy what you’re gonna encounter that you’re not ready for, and that’s not the time for you to learn about it,” Haly explains.

Emma Griffioen, a third-year sociology and criminology student, thinks there should be more parental involvement in children’s sex education before kids come accross this material on their own.

“I think the best approach is for parents to continue to have open conversations with their kids about these things in media, books, movies and

ION

fan fiction,” Griffioen says. “Once the individual is old enough, it is up to them.”

Haly agreed that young people should not have unlimited access to the porn aspects of fan fiction, but expresses gratitude in finding representations of gay, transgender and polyamorous people through the writing.

For Haly, where her Catholic education fell flat, Wattpad was able to facilitate an exploration of sexuality.

After a couple years of extremely niche, situational fan fiction with poorly-written sex scenes, Haly shifted her reading to stories intended for a more mature audiences. It was through stories centred around properties like the Avengers and Harry Potter that she began to — more successfully — explore her sexuality.

“I realized I was a lesbian somewhere along the line,” she says. “For me, the fan fictions I read, a lot of them ended up being male-male relationships.”

Mequanint believes although the internet can be an opportunity to explore one’s sexuality, the ideal situation is for young people to have a person they can talk to in real life about sexual questions before turning to entertainment.

Students are no stranger to fan fiction — in both youth and adulthood, fan fiction seems to be present.

Just be aware the guy in chemistry class you’ve been crushing on probably doesn’t have a 12-inch dick.

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WELCOME TO

FLAVOURTOWN Reviewing flavoured condoms

By Cat Tang

I

f you’re looking to take a trip to downtown flavourtown, you might want some flavoured condoms to help you out.

Flavoured condoms are distinct from regular condoms because of their flavour, scent and colour.

They’re only meant for oral sex.

With so many flavours to choose from, it can be hard to figure out where to start. Here are some fun and fruity flavours to try out.

STRAWBERRY The strawberry flavoured condom is bright red and has an overpowering sweet smell — very similar to the classic strawberry bon-bon candies. The taste of this condom is definitely not as strong as the smell.

The syrup flavour has an overall pleasant taste, but the flavour quickly goes away.

APPLE While phallic-shaped objects can be intimidating, the cute forest green colour of this apple flavoured condom 24

can make anything look adorable!

It also has a very lovely, fresh green apple scent that’ll make you feel like you’re in the middle of an orchard.

The scent of this condom is transportive but the taste is just so-so — it has a plain sweet taste that lasts longer than the strawberry, but doesn’t have much apple flavour.

ORANGE This condom smells and tastes exactly like an orange Flintstones multivitamin, not to mention being a great source of vitamin “D.” And if you’re looking at it, it’ll remind you of an orange traffic pylon.

BANANA We expected this condom to have a sweet, artificial banana smell but were surprised to discover it actually smells more like banana bread or banana chips. Out of the four flavours, this condom definitely had the most subtle and non-overpowering scent. The taste itself was generically sweet with almost no banana flavour.

Overall, these flavours were fun to try and are worth experimenting with. Apple and banana scored full points in the scent category while strawberry and orange were better options for the taste buds.

We were disappointed by how all the flavours didn’t last long — but who knows, they might last longer than your partner will.

TURN IT ON LIKE A

LIGHTSWITCH

The ins and outs of getting aroused

By Gabby Glasier

T

ikTok users have equated being turned on to the flip of a light switch, thanks to Charlie Puth.

But sex isn’t as simple as turning on a light. “‘Turned on’ is kind of a colloquial term we use to describe a variety of phenomena … are we talking about arousal? Are we talking about desire? Are we talking about consent?” asks Jaclyn Siegel, a San Diego State University post-doctoral research scholar.

Siegel received her doctorate in social psychology from Western University, in addition to previously teaching at King’s University College and being a doctoral fellow for the Network for Economic and Social Trends. “[Being turned on is] ideally a relationship between biological arousal and subjective arousal, so the desire to participate in sexual behaviors, and importantly not exclusively intercourse or penetration … potentially combined with biological arousal,” explains Siegel.

For those with a vagina, the most common biological sign of being turned on is lubrication, whereas those with a penis experience the enlargement of erectile tissue. But sexual discordance can also happen in women, meaning even if you are in the mood, your body might not be.

In this case, lube is your best friend.

In terms of turning on a man versus a woman, Siegel says “men are more easily stimulated from visual things whereas women have a lot of different factors that go into whether or not they’re in the mood.”

Everyone has their own “accelerators” and “dampeners” — things that put you in the mood, and things that don’t.

For women, Siegel says dampeners “might be dealing with additional stressors that complicate their experience of arousal, things like sexual norms … the sexual double standard, where men are expected to have lots of sex and women are supposed to be the recipients of that sex.”

This goes back to the idea that women aren’t seen as sexual agents with their own desire — the idea that women also want sex is not entirely normalized yet.

“Women are [also] potentially concerned about their bodies, concerned they won’t have an orgasm, concerned they will be mocked for engaging in any sort of sexual desire or sexual behaviour,” explains Siegel.

These concerns all work together to dampen the mood and contribute to the fact that, in general, men orgasm more than women in what is known as the “orgasm gap.”

This is especially true for heterosexual couples, though the gap is reduced in long-term relationships. “In lesbian relationships, women just broadly have more orgasms,” explains Siegel.

The perception of what women want and how to turn them on is deeply heteronomative. Lesbian, gay, bisexual experiences are not represented enough in sex discourse - every woman’s desires and prefences are different, but traditional societal views of sex do not reflect that.

Above all, ensuring your partner feels safe is the ultimate turn on — no amount of chocolate and flowers will be able to replicate that.

So no, Charlie Puth, you shouldn’t be able to “turn it on” with just one flick.

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DESTIGMATIZING THE

‘SPANK BANK’ CONSUMING PORN THE HEALTHY WAY

By Sarah Wallace

H

owever you consume it, porn has become a staple of sex lives. Although many view it as unsafe, unhealthy and unethical, the expert opinion is it doesn’t have to be.

More than 40 per cent of university students consume porn once to twice a week, and porn consumption spiked during the coronavirus pandemic. Georgina Gifford, a gender and women’s studies professor at Western University, says watching porn is completely normal and not damaging to one’s sex life.

“What is harmful is for us to not have discussions about sex and sexuality and instead leave it to youth to figure out on their own through porn — which is a performance or fictional story or fantasy,” Gifford says.

Gifford advises Western students to be critical consumers of porn and recognize its performativity.

“Think about who and what you are supporting. Like any industry, there’s some not-so-great companies and people, but that doesn’t make the industry bad or wrong,” she says.

“Sex workers are deserving of rights and protection.”

Mainstream porn can also ascribe to the look and body types that are popular of the time, but Gifford notes it’s not the performers fault — rather, “it’s the lack of representation and equitable diversity… that is the problem.”

The reason for the stigmatization of the industry, Gifford argues, is a lack of sexual education. Canada does not have a national sex edu-

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cation strategy, and students have reported a lack of knowledge on sexually transmitted infections and how to access birth control and emergency contraceptives.

“Without having proper and inclusive sex-ed, people either turn to porn as a means to learn about sex or stumble upon it without having adequate knowledge of sex,” they explain. “This of course would potentially result in confusion, trauma and lead to unpleasant sexual experiences.”

The porn industry is an important asset to the economy and engrained in everyday life. While legal in North America, it’s still stigmatized.

In 2020, Pornhub reported that viewing on their site was up 24 per cent. Porn contributes around $5 billion to the American economy, being viewed as more influential on the economy than Netflix.

Children are often exposed to porn early in adolescence, with the average age of exposure being 11: over 90 per cent of boys and 60 per cent of girls will be exposed to porn before the age of 18. Studies have found that 25 per cent of young adults also use porn as their primary source of sex education.

Gifford adds pornographic websites don’t contribute to the stigmatization of the work — rather, the stigma around the work itself precedes it.

Largely free websites like Pornhub can contribute to the exploitation of these sex workers, who often are not fairly compensated for their work.

For those who are paid for their work, they still can face many problems receiving their money.

Gifford advises that one of the best ways to consume porn is to pay for it, as paying respects both the workers and the production.

“When performers are not being appropriately compensated for their labour, the fact that sex work is work is not supported and actively undermined,” they say. “Sex workers have

fought, and continue to fight, for the right to have sex work treated and viewed like any other job. So, for workers to not be paid, it allows for the stigmatized belief that sex work is anything but work to prevail.”

The two largest factors to destigmatizing the industry, Gifford says, comes from recognizing the labour of sex work and becoming more comfortable with sex and sexuality as a society.

“Sex workers engage in emotional labour and care work, fulfill a well sought-out service and are doing a job,” she notes. “Sex is something that many people like and enjoy and there’s nothing wrong or shameful in that. As long as it’s consensual, it shouldn’t matter how one goes about having it such as turning to a sex worker. It’s a personal matter and one that doesn’t invalidate others’ experiences.”

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OPINION: Long distance relationships can work – but only if you both want it to

By Bianca Collia

L

ong distance relationships suck but remembering the end goal is the key.

Imagine meeting the perfect person, who checks off all your boxes, only to discover they live over 1,000 km away.

Long distance relationships are not new. “LDRs” call back to a time before instant communication, when people would write letters to keep in touch.

It’s easier nowadays, with all of the technology we have — endless Snapchats, texts and posts on Instagram.

But somehow, it doesn’t feel any easier – right?

I was in a long distance relationship for two years and there was never a smooth moment. The time zone difference made phone calls hard and our different schedules made communicating even harder.

Then, when we did have time to finally talk, WiFi connections weren’t our best friend.

The one thing I did learn – other than the importance of patience – is that there are ways to make it work.

But you both have to want to put the work in.

Streaming services have new features, like Disney Plus’ Groupwatch, where people can watch a show or movie together without the hassle.

There are even websites like Dovey

Dates, designed to host virtual dates for couples to interact through games, challenges and more. Although these websites are helpful, it doesn’t make you miss your person less. That’s where the end goal comes in.

The end goal is whatever you want out of a relationship. Maybe it’s nothing more than someone to keep you company until you meet the one, or perhaps they are your forever person.

While I was doing long distance, whenever I felt down about the situation, I had to remind myself about our end goal — a future together without the distance between us. I had come

to realize the end goal made it all worthwhile, as long as you both keep it in mind.

When you’re in a long distance relationship, there is no such thing as ‘just having fun,’ because there’s no time for that. Whatever time you’re granted with one another, you have to take and use it wisely.

Even though a long distance relationship can feel like an agonizing loop of laggy FaceTime calls and Friday nights eating takeout at home, just keep the end goal in mind.

Because if you both really want it to work, in the end, it will.

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SELF REFLECTION It took twenty-two years, a lot of therapy and even more time away from Instagram, but I finally looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. It wasn’t a particularly profound moment — I just caught my reflection in a mirror in my apartment lobby and thought, “I look hot today.” I didn’t think about it again until two weeks later, when the same thing happened. It turns out, the secret sauce to self-love isn’t endless affirmations, weight loss or a bunch of likes. It’s just an inconspicuously placed mirror that catches you when you’re not paying attention to it.

STRANGERS While anyone can tell you about the horrors of a bunked single in Delaware Hall, I’ll tell you about our shared love for bubble tea and the way we danced in our dorm room. Our bus rides to the nearest Asian grocery store, where we brought back so many different types of instant noodles that our room started to smell like our mother’s spiciest dishes. It’s been three years since we first met, a year since we last talked and you’re as much of a stranger to me now as you were on that first day of residence move-ins. I miss you.

WINTER SOLSTICE It was our second date. I was nervous — feelings of inadequacy and insecurity swirled in my head. At one point, I was talking to the waiter, when I made a comment about how I liked that it was getting darker earlier. The waiter laughed, and joked that I was insane. After they left, my date turned to me, saying “I like it when it gets dark earlier too.” It might have been a small, off-handed comment — but even now, I still smile, because I felt like he saw me for who I was, and that made all the difference.

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CHOCOLATE-COVERED STRAWBERRIES My favourite dessert has always been chocolate covered strawberries. When I was younger, my grandfather would bring one home every time he went to the Mandarin. With the pandemic, most restaurants shut down, especially buffets. After spending over a year in lockdown, I thought he would have forgotten all about it. Frankly, every year that I get older, I think that he’ll forget. But, last month he went there for the first time since before the virus started. The next morning, I opened the fridge to get milk for my coffee. There sat a chocolate covered strawberry with a paper towel note saying, “Love, Nonno.”

DEJA-VU I was eight when my mom told me a boy on my hockey team liked me. Fast forward to nine years later and I was in a new highschool. I had switched schools for a semester and saw this boy I faintly recognized from a long time ago. Some weeks later, in a moment of deja-vu he told me he liked me, and this time I said it back. We’ve been dating for three years and the “I like you” I’d gotten when I was eight turned into “I love you and … I can’t wait to marry you.”

OUR FAVOURITE SPOT Neither of us will ever forget that day we spent under a tree, laying in the soft grass at our favourite spot. That was the first time you saw me cry, I mean really cry. When I looked at you, I saw every part of you and I knew I had to tell you how I felt, that I never wanted to be without you. When you told me you felt the same, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I always felt at home with you but in that moment, I knew that you would always be my home.

CIGARETTES AFTER SEX I hate how much I love you. It’s a twisted relationship we have. I give you up every once in a while but you always find a way to fight your way back into my life. I know you’re bad for me, it’s not a secret I’d be better off without you, but I keep coming back for more. You almost only come around when I’m too drunk to know what I’m doing. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Every cold night on my front porch, taking you in like my last breath, is ingrained in my memory for as long as I live.

THE WRONG ROOMMATE

THE HOUSE WITH THE RED DOOR

It was my first day in residence. I’d just picked up the keys to my room and began heading upstairs to the top floor. Out of the shared four-bedroom suite, I was the first to arrive among my soon-to-be roommates. I had anticipated the roommate reveal for months, wondering who I’d been matched with. The nerves consumed me. I held my breath as I heard the door creak open, and in walked a big smile with a nearly instant Walmart shoe rack recommendation. This wouldn’t be such a bad year after all.

I later found out that the residence staff gave me the wrong room key that morning. Almost three years later, I’m still living with the wrong roommate.

Graduation seems to be quickly approaching and with that, moving out of the house I share with four roommates. I won’t really miss the single fridge shared by five people, or the hole in my ceiling, but I will miss the people who have made my four years at Western extremely special. From sitting on the pink and blue carpet in our closet-sized dorm, to eating Costco cake and loving Pete Davidson a little too much in our living room, to literally torturing each other as a bonding exercise on the bright red furniture. Leaving our little house is going to be the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I can’t wait to see where life takes us.

THE OLD US I remember waving goodbye as you disappeared past airport security. You were always afraid of flying but I knew you’d land safely. It was only supposed to be four months, but that turned into eight when you knew you couldn’t come home for Christmas – and that’s when the heartache began.

In that time, my accomplishments and little victories didn’t have that same glee. Food didn’t have taste anymore.

You were finally in my arms again on our second dating anniversary. But it wasn’t the same. We’re working on it, but I miss the old us.

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