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DECEMBER 1-7 // 2016

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EVERYTHING VANCOUVER

@WestenderVan

A-Z Gift Guide

• GIFTS FOR BEER, WINE, MUSIC & FASHION LOVERS • • PLUS: VANCOUVER’S HOTTEST CRAFT MARKETS• • RISKY ‘CREEPS’ RETURNS TO THE STAGE • NEWS // ISSUES • STYLE // DESIGN • EAT // DRINK • MUSIC // ARTS • FILM // TV • HEALTH // SEX

D E C E M B E R

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NEWS // ISSUES

INSIDE THIS WEEK News3 Vancouver Shakedown3 A Good Chick To Know4 Style File4 Cover Story5 A-Z Gift Guide5 What’s On12 Kelsey Klassen The Growler14 By The Bottle14 Ch-ch-ch-chNosh15 changes Fresh Sheet15 Please join us in congratulatWhole Nourishment15 ing Kelsey Klassen as the new editor of the Westender. Music16 An award-winning arts and culture writer, Kelsey takes Arts17 the helm after serving as the Reel People18 paper’s arts and style editor for the past five years. She Movie Reviews18 is also the editor-in-chief of VITA Daily, a national fashReal Estate19 ion and lifestyle newsletter, as Horoscopes22 well as its sister monthly print publication, VITA. Sex with Mish Way22 Joining Kelsey in the newsroom is veteran food, Classifieds23

Morton Park & Jim Deva Plaza LIGHT UP: DECEMBER 3 westendbia.com/lumiere @lumiereyvr

PUBLISHER GAIL NUGENT GNUGENT@GLACIERMEDIA.CA EDITOR KELSEY KLASSEN EDITOR@WESTENDER.COM

COVER: THE COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS BEGINS! EXPLORE HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS FOR BEER LOVERS, ART AFICIONADOS, FASHIONISTAS, AND MORE THROUGHOUT THE EDITION. ISTOCK PHOTO

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drink and culture writer (and former Westender editor) Michael White. Robert Mangelsdorf, who has served as the paper’s editor for the past two and a half years, will be continuing his acclaimed career as editor of the paper’s quarterly craft beer guide, The Growler. W

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2 W December 1 - December 7, 2016

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NEWS // ISSUES

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YOUR CITY

Disney On Ice melts a frozen heart Grant Lawrence Vancouver Shakedown @GrantLawrence

The cars were lined up on Renfrew Street, headlights blazing, trying to squeeze into the parking lot. Little kids streamed up the sidewalks, eagerly clutching their parents’ hands, dragging them to the entrance of Vancouver’s Pacific Coliseum. If you’ve been around any kid who likes Disney movies, you’ve probably heard of Disney On Ice. It’s Disney characters on skates, featuring extremely exaggerated physical gestures, and it’s been around in one form or another for 35 years. When media passes have been offered in the past, I’ve opted to take my niece, nephews, and close friends’ kids. This year, for the first time, I hesitantly took my very own son. He’s only three years old and had no idea what Disney On Ice was, but he’s a fan of Toy Story and the massive 2013 box office hit Frozen – two of the featured “acts” in this year’s “Worlds of Enchantment” show, alongside The Little Mermaid and Cars – so I hoped he’d enjoy the spectacle. When you enter the arena at a Disney On Ice show, an endless barrage of branded merchandise assaults your field of vision. Merch stands are set up literally every 10 feet or so, all over the concourse, selling every imaginable plush toy and illuminating piece of plastic associated with the featured films.There are mobs of customers surrounding all of them.

By some sort of Disney-like miracle, though, my son’s usual skill for honing in on shiny plastic crap failed him. He was too overwhelmed by the sheer size of the crowd, thousands strong, all trying to get to their seats. Disney On Ice started very promptly at 7pm.This was not a Snoop Dogg concert. Our seats sucked.You’d think they’d want the media up front, ready to be dazzled, but the complimentary seats were first-come/first-serve (I know, cry me a river, free tickets, boo hoo).We got stuck way up in the blues – so high, in fact, that it felt like we were watching the show from atop the Matterhorn. Mickey really did look like the size of a mouse. My son didn’t seem to mind. Maybe I should… “let it go?” It was opening night for the 2016 run (Nov. 23-27) and jitters amongst the skaters were palpable.There were two wipeouts in the first act alone: the skater playing “Andy” from Toy Story slipped on an attempted double axel jump, but quickly made good on a second one, which the crowd recognized with a roar. A few moments later, in a carefully coordinated sequence involving dozens of cast members, one of the green Toy Story soldiers bailed at high speed, sprawling face first, green rifle sliding across the ice.The kids didn’t seem to notice, but 10,000 parents winced at once. Intermission! Near the end of the condensed, 10-minute merch-buying frenzy that made Black Friday seem grey, the PA announcer declared: “Please take your seats, the second half will begin in three

minutes,” before adding, “Which is just enough time to post your photos and videos on social media using the hashtag #DisneyOnIce!” The finale (a skating Coles Notes of Frozen) was why most of the kids were there, or at least hanging on to the end – including my son. Props were minimal, but the famous songs soared, and Vancouver sang along – even a little

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From France to Morocco, from Morocco to the US and eventually to Canada — uprooting her life and moving abroad was the norm for Morgane Oger before she was 17. It wasn’t until three decades later, however, that that constant state of flux became hugely problematic. A renoviction from her Kitsilano home, followed by a four-month scramble to find new digs, are two experiences central to Oger’s recent decision to try to do something about it. Oger is now running as the NDP candidate for Vancouver-False Creek in next year’s provincial election.The 48-year-old will be formally acclaimed on Sunday, Nov. 27. Making changes to the Residential Tenancy Act to

empower renters is a pivotal point in Oger’s platform. A former Vancouver District Parent Advisory Council chair, she also cites increased funding for public schools, bolstering the small business sector and improving governance as key talking points. Policy aside, Oger is also in the running to make history. If elected, she will become the first openly transgender MLA in BC history. Oger is a member of the Vancouver Board of Education’s Pride Committee, and is chair of the Trans Alliance Society. She also serves on the city’s LGBTQ2+ Advisory Committee. Born in France, Oger moved to Vancouver in 1983. A UBC grad in engineering, She works in the IT sector and owns a marina on the Sunshine Coast. The 2017 election is slated for May 9. –John Kurucz,Vancouver Courier

Disney On Ice’s ‘Frozen’. Feld Entertainment photo

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three-year-old boy and his cynical-on-the-surface dad; frozen heart officially melted. I think my son enjoyed his first Disney On Ice experience, but on the walk home he admitted that some parts were “too scary” (Ursula the sea witch from The Little Mermaid and some minor fireworks). The scariest thing I saw? A $15 bag of popcorn. See you next year? W

December 1 - December 7, 2016 W 3


HOLIDAYS//

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FASHION & HOME

The must-see holiday markets for 2016 Jennifer Scott A Good Chick to Know

STILL HUNGRY FOR MORE? Here is an extended list of other stellar holiday markets happening around the city this month!

@Jennifer_AGCTK

With the holiday season kicking off in earnest, our wicked roster of local craft markets has begun setting up stalls around the city. From artisanal foods and apothecary goods, to handmade jewelry and home décor, to vintage clothing and original art – this city’s creative community offers everything you need (and everything you didn’t know you needed) to nail your holiday shopping. But where to go? And what to see? If you’ve missed the earliest markets so far this year (read: Circle Craft, Christmas at Hycroft, and the Strathcona Winter Craft Fair), don’t worry – we’ve rounded up a must-see list of some of the top winter markets still to come! So grab your holiday shopping list and your bestie, and get ready to shop local!

TOQUE

Friday, Dec. 2 to Sunday, Dec. 4 Luxe Hall at Western Front (303 East 8th) Not only can TOQUE count itself among the best markets each season, but the event also doubles as a fundraising event for Western Front – one of Canada’s leading centres for contemporary art and new music. In addition to the 30 invited vendors

River District Craft Fair Dec. 4: River District Centre (8683 Kerr) Make It! Holiday Show Dec. 8 - 11: PNE Forum (2901 East Hastings) Dana Mooney x Rebecca Chaperon Holiday Studio Sale Dec. 10: Rebecca Chaperon’s studio (2414 Main)

Above: Etsy Vancouver Winter Market. Right: The Eastside Flea. Contributed photos featured at the fair, there is a Holiday Membership Drive that sells unique gifts and goods to raise funds for the organization.

allow local talents to bond with their customers and show off their amazing work.”

ETSY VANCOUVER WINTER MARKET

Now until Saturday, Dec. 24 L’Atelier St. George (7 East 7th) Those in the know have become accustomed to the popup shops at Le Marché St. George, as well as the opening of L’Atelier St. George in Mount Pleasant. Now, for this holiday season, we’re seeing the launch of a new concept space, 7e7, just two doors down from L’Atelier. 7e7 opened its doors this past weekend, and the Winter Shop is not only the new permanent home to collections like Mandula,The Wild Bunch and (of course) Le Marché co-owner Janaki Larsen’s ceramics, but will also be offering the luxury artisanal goods of locally loved

THE WINTER SHOP AT 7E7

Saturday, Dec. 3 to Sunday, Dec. 4 The Pipe Shop Building (115 Victory Ship Way, North Vancouver) A continuation of September’s Made In Canada event, the Etsy Vancouver Winter Market aims to elevate and support the amazing pool of artists and creative talent our city has to offer by featuring more than 80 independent makers. “Vancouver is a haven for passionate and creative individuals, and I want to help showcase that,” says Etsy Vancouver team captain Crystal Ho. “Our winter market will

brands like Woodlot, Greybelle, Cloth Studio, Page + Paper and Tribal Rugs, to name a few.

definitely be getting more than expected.

GOT CRAFT?

THE EASTSIDE FLEA HOLIDAY MARKETS

Friday, Dec. 2 to Sunday, Dec. 4 and Friday, Dec. 16 to Sunday, Dec. 18 The Ellis Building (1024 Main) From its new digs within the historic Ellis Building, The Eastside Flea continues to be East Van’s must-stop destination for local artisan goods.This holiday season, ESF is hosting multiple weekends dedicated to those looking to show local love while ticking names off their gift list.This market isn’t your regular craft fair, but a full experience.With food trucks, an outdoor courtyard, music, pinball and five rooms to shop local artists, you will

All I want for Christmas... Aileen Lalor Style File

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on. $545, at M0851 stores and M0851.com

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@AileenLalor

3. HERMÈS X APPLE WATCH SERIES 2

Friends and family members, be reassured. Here, we wander into the realms of fantasy and unlimited budgets. This is, by no means, my actual Christmas list, and the usual sweaters and stationery will be gratefully received. But if you do happen to go past the Chanel store...

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2

1. CHANEL NO 5 EAU DE PARFUM

For years, I appreciated Chanel No 5 without wanting to wear it. As exquisite as it is, it never felt like “my” scent. Then, a couple of months ago, having arrived ridiculously early for a flight, I sprayed it in the duty-free shop and was converted. Perhaps I’ve aged into it and now, in my late 30s, feel grown-up enough to wear it. Regardless of the reason, this is top of my Christmas

Saturday, Dec. 10 to Sunday, Dec. 11 The Pipe Shop Building (115 Victory Ship Way, North Vancouver) This season marks 10 years and 20 markets for Got Craft? on the Vancouver scene. Known for its indie spirit, the event will host over 85 vendors to offer its largest market to date. From a wide variety of artisan goods, to food trucks and fresh coffee, to swag bags and even an interactive DIY workshop in partnership with Collage Collage, Got Craft? shouldn’t be missed. “As one of the first indie craft fairs in Vancouver, we’re so excited to be celebrating 10 years of Got Craft,” write

5 list. The extrait de parfum is the classic 1921 fragrance, though many prefer the lighter eau de toilette. My pick is the eau de parfum, which has the floral notes of the original, but with more peach and a hint of leather. It’s ballsy, bold and modern, and I love it. $265, at all Chanel beauty counters (Holt Renfrew, Hudson’s

4 W December 1 - December 7, 2016

Bay and select branches of Shoppers Drug Mart).

2. M0851 ASYMMETRICAL SWING COAT I already have a fitted jacket from the Montreal brand with the impossibleto-remember name. The cotton twill fabric is coated with polyurethane to make it waterproof (the brand

says water resistant, but I’ve never sprung a leak), and it’s machine-washable. So why do I want another? Because this one is longer and has a trapeze-y shape that will comfortably accommodate the many turkey dinners I’m planning on scarfing down over the holidays. It comes in white, black and soft grey, which is what I’ve got my eye

Apple launched the second iteration of its watch on my birthday, when my presents had already been released from their paper prisons, so it went straight onto my Christmas list. It’s now waterproof, so it’s perfect for a daily swimmer like me, and has independent GPS, so it’ll record workouts even when I’m far from my phone. This collaboration with Hermès ($1,779) comes with a double-buckled, handcrafted leather strap, and you can choose faces from iconic timepieces including the Éspace and Cape Cod. Of course, it’s probably not advisable to go swimming with a leather strap, so I’ll accept the silicone-strapped version – a snip at $489. At the Apple store and Apple.ca

4. ZARA BACKPACK

Shiny Fuzzy Muddy Dec. 10-11: Heritage Hall (3102 Main) LYNNsteven X Sweet Bake Shop Holiday Pop Up Dec. 10-11: LYNNsteven boutique, (225 Carrall) Crafty Affaire Holiday Market Dec. 17: Croatian Cultural Centre (3250 Commercial) Love it. Craft it. Dec. 18: The Aviary (637 East 15th) Got Craft? creators and London Fields Shoppe coowners Andrea and Robert Tucker. “We feel lucky to be part of a community that keeps us feeling inspired and encourages us to raise the bar each year.” W

shades of grey, with some black and navy thrown in to keep things interesting. But the grim weather makes me want to add some real colour. I won’t be going crazy.This yellow polyurethane backpack still has a simple shape, but will add a little sunshine to a grey day. $35.90, at Zara.

5. THEFACESHOP MINI PET HAND-CREAM TRIO

If it’s nearly Christmas, it must be nearly time for my annual resolution to apply handcream more diligently. Perhaps these cute mini pots will make it a little easier. $20 for three at THEFACESHOP and TheFaceShop.ca W

Aileen Lalor is the resident beauty expert at VitaDaily.ca, Canada’s premiere fashion and lifestyle newsletter. For more stories like this, check out the website and subscribe.

My usual wardrobe is 500

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HOLIDAYS //

@WESTENDERVAN

A-Z GIFT GUIDE

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A-Z GIFT GUIDE

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Give the gift of ‘nothing’ this year.

Some people are simply impossible to shop for — what on earth do you get them THIS year?! We’d like to suggest NOTHING! That’s right; give them as much nothing as possible. It’s actually really good for them and they’ll probably thank you for it. This ‘nothing’ we are referring to is of course Floating or Flotation Therapy. Floating has taken Vancouver, Canada, and North America by storm these past couple of years and Float House is one of the originators!

If you’re still baffled and wondering “what the “?!?”, floating is a practice where one lies in a small private pool of water about 10” deep. It has 900lbs of Epsom salts dissolved into it, so you float like a cork — guaranteed. The water is also heated to remain the same temperature as the surface of your skin, and once you get settled it is tough to tell where your body

ends and the water begins. It is a spaciously enclosed pool making it light-proof, and your ears are under the surface of the water with ear plugs so you cannot hear anything except your breath and heartbeat. It’s like returning to the womb but this time you’re old enough to enjoy it! It is an amazing space to completely shut off. Even gravity doesn’t stand a chance in there. And consequently your body and mind have a profoundly relaxing reaction to this environment. Sessions are 90-minutes, but you can get out whenever you want, you’re always in control. So this year confidently give them NOTHING (gift cards available in-store or online). Visit floathouse.ca today!

Learn interesting facts, insider tips, and collect recommendations from amazing local guides. From the magic of the Granville Island Public Market to the historical charm of

6 W December 1 - December 7, 2016

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HOLIDAYS //

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A-Z GIFT GUIDE

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We have everything you need for the perfect holiday meal.

is for Joie-some and joyful JoieFarm bubbles.

This holiday season entertain in rosé sparkling style with our Plein de Vie Brut or Riesling Brut. Both bubbles pair amazingly well with party appetizers of all kinds and can be festively enjoyed throughout a holiday meal. The gift of bubble never hurts either. JoieFarm wines are available through the BCLDB, select private liquor stores, or online at www.joiefarm.com.

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HOLIDAYS //

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A-Z GIFT GUIDE

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Santa arrives Saturday, December 10 at noon! SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10: Noon-3 pm & 3:30-5 pm SUNDAYS, DECEMBER 11 & 18: Noon-2 pm & 2:30-4 pm DECEMBER 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 21, 22 & 23: Noon-2 pm & 2:30-5 pm DECEMBER 24: 10 am-Noon & 12:30-2 pm

Tree of Giving

UNTIL DEC. 23

Pick a card from the Tree of Giving at Kingsgate Mall and help make a needy child’s wish come true this Christmas!

Photo with Santa taken by Mandarin Photo: $7

Give the gift of gluten-free indulgence this Holiday.

HOLIDAY SHOPPING HOURS FROM DEC. 1: SUN

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Offering handcrafted Chocolates and Confections, in addition to classic Christmas cake and cookies, Lemonade Bakery is the perfect way to sweeten the season.

9:30am 6:00pm

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Noël , Noël!

Joyeux Noël from Daniel Le Chocolat Belge Daniel le Chocolat Belge offers only All Natural Belgian Chocolate made locally in Vancouver. A pleasure to give and a pleasure to receive.

TANGO'S will MEAT your needs for Christmas entertaining!

Bring this ad to our Robson Street or South Granville locations to receive a

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@WESTENDERVAN

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Don’t forget Holiday gifts for your little Fur Babies!

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reat your family this holiday season with a delicious Swedish Ham from Oyama Sausage. So juicy and flavourful, these are the best hams on Earth! Perfect as a main course, or as an accompaniment to other entrees. Half and whole sizes available. Preorder for pickup between December 18th and 24th and skip any line at our counter.

The best artisanal charcuterie far and wide.

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Wholesome Food and Treats for Pets

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Quintessentially Canadian Break out the plaid shirt, ice skates, and curling rocks. The Oh Canada! features modern twists on iconic classic treats from across Canada. Bursting with red and white goodies, this large basket is a generous welcome or thank you to visitors and clients from around the world. We recommend that you exclaim EH! when opening the basket!

A-Z GIFT GUIDE

OH CANADA COLLECTION Cleary’s Maple Fudge Whistler Dark Chocolate Bar Sweet Tree Ventures Birch Syrup Cleary’s Wooden Oval Box of Hard Maple Candies Haupy’s Beaver Rub Seasoning Cleary’s Mini Maple Butter Hardbite Ketchup Chips Leslie Stowe’s Cranberry Hazelnut Raincoast Crisps Milsean Maple Butter Crunch Bar Peche Mignon Cranberry Orange Shortbread Cookies West Coast Select Peppered Hot Salmon Jerky Escuminac “Great Harvest” Number 1 Maple Syrup Little Miss Chief Smoked Salmon (large) Cleary’s Maple Syrup Leaf Tealish Canadian Maple Greetings from Canada Chocolate Bar

R Read. VITA Daily is Canada’s premiere guide to the good life. Dispensing a daily dose of fabulous to your news feed every day. Follow along on

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A-Z GIFT GUIDE

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Give the gift of a craft beer adventure this holiday season! VANCOUVER BREWERY TOURS gift certificates make the perfect experience gift for friends, family, co-workers and more. The lucky recipient will visit three craft breweries in three hours, enjoy behind the scenes brewery tours at each stop, be treated to VIP seating and of course, enjoy a variety of local craft beer samples. Conveniently priced at the cost of a seat on our popular Vancouver Brewery Tours, they can be used towards any of our weekly public brewery tours and more.

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ARTS // CULTURE

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WHAT’S ON Th/01

Fr/02

Sa/03

Su/04

Mo/05

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

MUSIC

THE JAPANESE HOUSE Singersongwriter Amber Bain from London, England appears in support of her EP Swim Against The Tide with special guests The Big Moon. 8pm at The Cobalt. Tickets $14 at Red Cat and TicketWeb.ca

THE MODELOS 10TH ANNUAL FOOD BANK FUNDRAISER The annual holiday fundraiser features live music from The Modelos, Daniel Wesley, Rodney DeCroo, Buckman Coe, Slip Ons, Ana BonBon & Taylor Little and more. 8pm at Fairview Pub. Cover is $10 plus a non-perishable food item.

A BENEFIT FOR BLACK MOUNTAIN An evening of performances from Hello Blue Roses, Slow Learners, Bold Marauder and more with proceeds benefitting the band who recently had a bunch of gear stolen while on tour in Europe. 8pm at The Cobalt. Tickets at the door.

THE HEAD AND THE HEART Seattle indie-folk rockers play tunes from their third studio album Signs of Light with special guests Smokey Brights. Tickets $32.50+ at LiveNation.com

THE REVELERS Lafayette, Louisiana supergroup bring their unique style of Cajun, zydeco, swamp pop and Americana to the Rogue Folk stage with members of the Red Stick Ramblers and The Pine Leaf Boys. 8pm at St. James Hall. Tickets $32 at Red Cat, Rufus’ Guitar Shop, Tapestry Music, Highlife and App.Arts-People.com YUEL DUEL 2016 Choirs from across the lower mainland sing Christmas carols loud and proud from the sidewalks of Gastown as the best in show go head to head in a series of sing-offs on the main stage, with proceeds benefitting May’s Place. 5:30pm on Water Street.

PERE UBU Avant-garde rock group from Cleveland, Ohio perform songs from two recent box set releases with special guests Obnox. 8pm at The Cobalt. Tickets $25 at Red Cat, Zulu, Neptoon, Highlife and TicketWeb.ca HOLIDAY HOORAY The Vancouver Symphony Orchestra and Let Your Music Shine!’s Lisa and Linda present seasonal songs from holiday classics for a familyfriendly morning of Christmas cheer. 10am & 11:30am at Vancouver Playhouse. Tickets at VancouverSymphony.ca

COMEDY

THE BALCONIES Torontobased alt-pop band brings their undeniable energy and artistic stage presence to the stage in support of Rhondawith special guests The Living and The Benton Roark Band. 8pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $10 at Red Cat, Highlife, Zulu and TicketFly.com

Barely Legal: An Underground Comedy Show Sophie Buddle and Gavin Matts host a secret underground stand up show featuring the best comedians in town with special guest dropins from across North America. 8:30pm at a secret location, check Facebook.com/BarelyLegalShow for details.

COMEDY

THEATRE/DANCE

BETH STELLING Stand-up comedian, writer and actress from LA who Time Out Magazine called a Comic to Watch this year, with two comedy albums under her belt and a gig writing on the HBO series Crashing performs with opening sets from Gavin Matts and Kevin Banner. 8:30pm at Comedy Mix. Tickets $15 atTheComedyMix.com

JACOB MARLEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL A journey of laughter and terror, redemption and renewal during which Scrooge’s heart is opened, but not before Marley in this deeply moving story taken from the holiday classic. 7:30pm at Jericho Arts Centre. Tickets at BrownPaperTickets.com. Runs until Dec. 18.

CHEAP & FUN

Beth Stelling, Dec. 1

2016 VANCOUVER CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING Join this familyfriendly event and look on as four magnificent holiday trees come alive with hope and light featuring live entertainment and music, free cookies, hot chocolate, local food trucks and fun activities for kids. 5-7pm at Robson Square. Admission is free.

The Slackers, Dec. 3

MUSIC AURORA Pop singer-songwriter from Norway appears in support of her debut release All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend with special guests Foreign Air. 8pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets $20 at Red Cat, Zulu and TicketFly.com CRYSTAL GARDEN Four-piece rock band tour behind the release of Let the Rocks Cry Out with special guest Boyd Tinsley. Tickets $15 at Red Cat, Neptoon and MyShowPass.com THE SLACKERS A special four band bill as Brooklyn’s kings of ska celebrate 25 years with The Sentiments, The Valuables and Space Chimp. 8pm at Rickshaw Theatre. Tickets $22 at TicketWeb.ca

COMEDY JOE MANDE LIVE! LA-based writer and comedian with credits on Parks and Recreation and star of the comedy album Bitchface performs a stand-up set with opener Sophie Buddle. 8pm at Fox Cabaret. Tickets $18 at EventBrite.ca GREG PROOPS San Francisco stand-up comedian with appearances on Whose Line Is It Anyway? performs in support of his new comedy album In the Ball Park for a three-night run. 7pm & 9:30pm at Yuk Yuk’s. Tickets $24 at YukYuks.com

THEATRE/DANCE CAGED BEASTS Inspired by true events, four miners trapped in a mine in 1986 Taiwan face a battle between humanity and rationality, morality and law warring when they kill one of their companions to eat his flesh

while they await a rescue team. 3:30pm & 7:30pm at Vancouver East Cultural Centre. Tickets at dramaonevan@gmail.com or 604831-1633. THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS Alex is a perfectionist who holds fast to her Christmas traditions, but in the midst of juggling family, work, and a movie star, she loses control of her holiday plans and her home becomes a disaster in this infectious comedy sure to make the holidays bright. 8pm at Goldcorp Stage at the BMO Theatre Centre. Tickets at ArtsClub.com. Runs until Dec. 24. MARY POPPINS Watch Mary fly over the rooftops of London and feel like a kid again in this family musical featuring all the unforgettable songs from the popular film live on stage. 2pm & 8pm at Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage. Tickets at ArtsClub.com. Runs until Jan. 1.

EVENTS TOQUE Western Front’s annual fundraiser and craft fair is back with a showcase of local and Vancouver Island-based artists and designers with wares ranging from textiles, ceramics, jewellery, books, bags and candles. 11am5pm at Western Front (303 East 8th). Admission is by donation. Runs until Dec. 4. VANCOUVER CHRISTMAS MARKET The treasured holiday tradition is back, but brighter and merrier in a new seaside location with delicious classic German food and culture, live entertainment and a special kids area with Vancouver’s only Christmas Carousel. 11am-9pm at Jack Poole Plaza. Tickets at VancouverChristmasMarket. com. Runs until Dec. 31

CHRISTMAS WITH THE BACH CHOIR Herald the festive season and celebrate the warmth of the holidays with this beloved annual showcase of the glorious voices of the entire Bach Choir family as more than 400 singers raise their voices in cherished carols to illuminate the true spirit of the season. 2pm at Orpheum Theatre. Tickets at TicketForce.com MUSIC OF THE MASTERS A matinee performance of works by Rossini, Haydn, Beethoven and Verdi featuring Emilie Grimes on viola and Yi Zhou on violin. 2pm on Pyatt Hall. Tickets at VancouverSymphony.ca

COMEDY THE SUNDAY SERVICE The award-winning improv comedy troupe brings their high energy commitment to comedy with a little slapstick shtick, carrying the audience through a kaleidoscopic trip where scenes barrel into tangents and stories smash together creating comedy gold. 9pm at Fox Cabaret. Tickets $7 at the door.

JAMES DADERFER’S HUMMINGBIRD BRIGADE Composer/clarinettist delivers his contemporary big band take on the New Orleans Brass Band tradition mixing soul, funk and jazz with 15 of Canada’s finest jazz musicians. 8pm at Frankie’s (765 Beatty). Tickets $15 at YelPreservations.com

THEATRE/DANCE AVENUE Q: THE MUSICAL Irreverently witty and outright uproarious, this musical tells the story of a bright-eyed college graduate who arrives in New York City looking for love, a job and his purpose in life in the only neighbourhood he can afford, where puppets rub shoulders with humans in this part felt, part flesh production. 7:30pm at Granville Island Stage. Tickets at ArtsClub. com. Runs until Dec. 31.

THEATRE/DANCE TROILUS AND CRESSIDA Shakespeare’s more obscure production comes to live on the Studio 58 stage to tell the story of the Trojan prince who falls for the daughter of a Trojan priest who has defected to the Greek side. 3pm at Studio 58 (Langara College). Tickets at TicketForce. com. Final performance.

James Daderfer, Dec. 5

DAVID HAUGHTON

Fear, Hope & Longing III

Paintings of the Vancouver Island western coast Visual Space Gallery, 3352 Dunbar Street November 24 to December 7, 2016 Hours: Noon - 5 pm daily www.haughton-art.ca 12 W December 1 - December 7, 2016

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ARTS // CULTURE

WHAT’S ON

FROM

GOHNUTCRACKER.COM

Tu/06 Lee Fields, Dec. 7

MUSIC WILD CHILD Indie pop outfit from Austin, Texas play tunes from Fools with special guest Walker Lukens. 8pm at Biltmore Cabaret. Tickets $18 at TicketWeb.ca PORTER ROBINSON & MADEON American DJ, record producer and musician from North Carolina co-headlines with the French DJ, record producer and songwriter on the Shelter Live tour. 7pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets $45.50 at TicketFly.com. All ages show. BABY IT’S COLD OUTSIDE Vocalist Karin Plato joins clarinettist James Danderfer and guitarist Darren Radtke to present an intimate concert of exceptional jazz with a holiday theme. 8pm at Cottge Bistro. Tickets $12 at JoyOfJazzConcerts.com

THEATRE/DANCE CREEPS An evening savage wit and uncompromising truthtelling in this award-winning dark comedy centred around four men at work in a sheltered workshop doing mundane work who rebel against the way they’ve been treated. 8pm at Vancouver East Cultural Centre. Tickets at TheCultch.com. Runs until Dec. 10. A CHRISTMAS CAROL IN GAY APPAREL Eight actors tackle thirty roles in this parody of Dickens’ classic tale that tells the story of Eleanor S. Crooge who must come out of the closet before it’s too late. Dec 6-11 at Vancouver East Cultural Centre. Tickets at LeapingThespians. com. Runs until Dec. 11.

We/07 MUSIC LEE FIELDS & THE EXPRESSIONS American soul and R&B legend tours behind his latest release Special Night with special guests The Ballantynes. 8pm at The Imperial. Tickets $25 at Red Cat, Zulu, Highlife, Beat Street and TicketWeb.ca PORTER ROBINSON & MADEON American DJ, record producer and musician from North Carolina co-headlines with the French DJ, record producer and songwriter on the Shelter Live tour. 7pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets $45.50 at TicketFly.com. All ages show. MICHAEL KIWANUKA British soul musician performs in support of his new album Love & Hate with special guest Cloves – note, moved from previous venue of The Imperial. 7pm at Commodore Ballroom. Tickets $25 at LiveNation.com AGAINST THE CURRENT American pop-rock band from Poughkeepsie, New York tours in support of In Our Bones with special guests Cruisr and Beach Weather. 6:30pm at Rio Theatre. Tickets $18 at LiveNation.com

THEATRE/DANCE ALBATROSS This driving duet that pulls apart a single moment, enabling us to dissect and experience its contents in expanded time in this creative collaboration between Company 605 and Brussels-based choreographer German Jauregui. 8pm at Firehall Arts Centre. Tickets at FirehallArtsCentre.ca. Runs until Dec. 10. Hansel & Gretel Lost in the woods and pursued by a witch, two children find themselves on a magical adventure using all their wits and trickery to avoid a terrible fate set against Engelbert Humperdinck’s dramatic score with astonishing puppets and playful surprises in this familyfriendly treat. 12:30pm at Vancouver Playhouse. Tickets at VancouverOpera.ca. Runs until Dec. 11.

– THE VANCOUVER SUN

SWEE T SE ATS

$28!

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Th/08 THE PRETTYS Vancouver garage rockers celebrate the release of their LP Soiree with special guests Girlfriends & Boyfriends, Malcolm Biddle and Highland Eyeway. 8pm at Fortune Sound Club. Tickets $8 at ElectroStub.com PROTEST THE HERO Canadian progressive metal band from Whitby, Ontario tour behind their latest release Volition with special guests Wilhelm Scream and Auras & Cyclamen. 7:30pm at Vogue Theatre. Tickets $25 at Red Cat and TicketFly.com. All ages show. A TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS William Rowson conducts Christopher Gaze with the UBC Opera Ensemble, EnChor and the VSO in a traditional holiday concert. 7:30pm at St. Andrew’sWesley United Church. Tickets at VancouverSymphony.ca THE ORANGE KYTE Experimental psych rockers from Vancouver present a live music extravaganza with Drew and Bryan of Dead Ghosts on the decks. 8pm at The Lido. No cover. LAURA CREMA Vancouver jazz and blues vocalist performs with the Sharon Minemoto Group. 8pm at Frankie’s (765 Beatty). Tickets $15 at YelPreservations.com

DECEMBER 15–20 GohNutcracker.com PRINCIPAL DANCERS from the NATIONAL BALLET OF CANADA

LIVE MUSIC performed by THE VANCOUVER OPERA ORCHESTRA

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*Not inclusive of service and facility fees. Casting subject to changes. Presenting host: Goh Ballet Vancouver Society.

CHOR LEONI/MEN’S CHOIR

CHRISTMAS/ CHOR LEONI December 16 & 17, 2016

| 4:30pm & 8pm

ST ANDREW’S-WESLEY UNITED CHURCH | 1022 NELSON ST AT BURRARD, VANCOUVER

THEATRE/DANCE

December 18, 2016 | 4:30pm

NUTCRACKER Canada’s Royal Winnipeg Ballet captures the imagination with this charming Canadian retelling of the beloved holiday classic delighting audiences of all ages with its beauty and splendour. 7:30pm at Queen Elizabeth Theatre. Tickets at Ticketmaster.ca. Runs until Dec. 11.

WEST VANCOUVER UNITED CHURCH | 2062 ESQUIMALT AVE, WEST VANCOUVER

HOLY MO! A CHRISTMAS SHOW! A reverently irreverent reimagining of the Nativity story told with gusto and a questionable commitment to accuracy featuring Lucia Frangione, Anita Wittenberg and Jess Amy Shead. 8pm at Pacific Theatre. Tickets at PacificTheatre.org. Runs until Dec. 31.

Gorgeous new choral works, fun twists on well-known favourites, and sing-along carols, all wrapped up in the irresistible warmth and beauty of Chor Leoni’s sound. SECTION A $45 | SECTION B $35 | SECTION C $30 | STUDENTS $10

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EAT // DRINK

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WINE & CRAFT BEER

Wines worth giving Michaela Morris By the Bottle

@MichaelaWine

’Tis the season of gift giving – the season in which the pressure to buy often ends in purchasing some meaningless trinket for which the recipient has no use. That’s why I prefer giving the gift of taste. I believe there is a wine for everyone (anyone who drinks, that is). Though we all have a unique palate, a bottle chosen with care is sure to be appreciated and will rarely go to waste. Here are a few recommendations with both the giver and receiver in mind. For the wine geek (and those with a sense of adventure): 2015 La Valentina Pecorino Colline Pescaresi IGT • Italy • $27-29 Pecorino is one of Italy’s countless native varieties, and far from mainstream.

Even if the savvy sommelier in your life is already familiar with this white grape, they’ll be impressed that you are, too. La Valentina is an expressive and top-notch example, well worth seeking out. Exploding with honeydew melon, apple and lemon balm, it’s assertively dry and even salty on the palate, supported by lime and white grapefruit. This captures Pecorino’s bold and dynamic nature. From private wine stores (try MarquisWine Cellars) For the host (and wine novices): 2015 Cave de Rasteau ‘La Domelière’ Rasteau AOC • France • $21.99 The southern Rhône Valley makes friendly wines that are generous and easy to like – just the kind you want to bring along to a dinner party. Even if you don’t know the host’s tastes, they won’t begrudge you for offering this amiable and soft Grenache-based red. Replete

with sun-soaked red berries and dried thyme, it’s equally adept at luring neophytes into the world of wine. From BC Liquor Stores For out-of-town guests (and devoted locavores): 2014 Laughing Stock Syrah • Okanagan Valley VQA • $34 Hosting visitors over the holiday season is a great opportunity to show off our local wares, so why not impress them with a BC wine? Laughing Stock co-ferments its Syrah with a touch of Viognier to impart an evocatively floral and stylish expression. Black plum, spice and chocolate notes are lifted by fresh herbs. Rich and full with a creamy texture, it will also satisfy locals who support the home team. From LaughingStock.ca For the collector (when money is no object): 2013 Joseph Phelps Estate Cabernet Sauvignon • Napa Valley • $116.99

Plenty of wines fit this category, but if you really need to impress, go with a well-known name. Joseph Phelps is a highly revered Californian producer. Its Napa Cab stands the test of time in the cellar, but is also perfectly approachable in its youth. With smoke, tobacco, sweet brambly blackcurrant, dark plum, a bit of cocoa and vanilla, it boasts layers of ripe fruit and mouth-coating tannin, leading to a long, lingering finish. And if money

truly is no object, you can pick up a bottle of Phelps’ 40th vintage (2013) of Insignia for $354.99. Gulp! From BC Liquor Stores For that secret Santa gift (when money is an object): 2012 Plantaže Crnogorski Vranac • Lake Skadan Valley, Montenegro • $11.79 Kris Kringle gift exchanges and grab-bag gatherings usually come with a strict dollar limit. Here’s a wine

that’s more than palatable for the price. From the south Balkans, Vranac is said to be related to Zinfandel. Don’t expect a California lookalike, though – this is more like an earthy and savoury distant cousin, with dusty spice, raspberry and sour-cherry nuances. Dry, tangy and medium-weight, it’s sure to make whoever receives it feel like they’ve scored. From BC Liquor Stores Prices exclusive of taxes. W

The beer nerd’s gift-giving guide Robert Mangelsdorf The Growler

@TheGrowlerBC

It’s December, which means the season of unbridled consumption is officially upon us. Whether Christmas parties, holiday treats, or copious amounts dark, delicious winter ale, saying no is difficult, if not impossible. So it is with holiday shopping.You’re probably going to have to brave the mall to get all those presents you’re socially and culturally obligated to buy – there’s no way around it. And when it comes to shopping for the beer nerd in

your life (even if that person is you), beer would be the obvious choice. Might I suggest, however, putting a little more thought into your gift? With that in mind, I’ve compiled the ultimate list of totally awesome beer-related gift ideas. And the best part? Everything here is locally made and available online, so you won’t have to set foot inside the mall.You’re welcome. (Of course, there’s nothing stopping you buying all of these for yourself. No judgment.)

CUSTOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT

I have a bit of a problem: I collect growler bottles, and it’s kind of ruining my marriage. At last count, there were about

30 of them in our kitchen, our hall closet, and tucked away in various boxes and drawers. My wife’s banned me from bringing any more home. But being the stubborn, disrespectful jerk I am, I’ve consistently ignored this rule. So, learn from my terrible example. Instead, give one growler and make sure it’s amazing. Vancouver’s own Sigil & Growler offers growler engraving, allowing you to personalize the bottle with custom art for a truly unique gift. (If you’re not so artistically inclined, they have ready-made designs with customizable text, too.) With a growler this cool, there will be no need to collect any more. And since

a full growler is way better than an empty one, your custom bottle also comes with a free fill-up from the good folks over at Faculty Brewing. Custom bottles start at $45; SigilAndGrowler.com

STRAPPED IN AND READY TO GO

That sweet custom growler is great and all, but your gift recipient is going to need some means of transporting it from craft brewery to craft brewery. Thankfully, Union Wood Co. partnered up with Postmark Brewing to create this leather growler carrier that attaches to the frame of your bike. No more sketchy one-handed riding! That custom growler is going to

YOUR SOURCE FOR LOCAL BEER, WINE & SPIRITS IT DOESN’T HURT TO LOOK!

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Smooth Edge Designs beer paddles. Contributed photo look so sexy all wrapped up in leather straps. $69.99 at UnionWoodCo.com.

THAT’S A PADDLIN’

You made it home on your bike with your full growler, so invite some buds over for a tasting! You’re going to need some appropriate glassware (Mason jars don’t count), which is where Vancouver’s Smooth Edge Designs comes in. Craftsman Adam Berson designs and manufactures those cool wooden paddles you see at craft breweries and tap rooms, and for about $40, you can get your own – complete with matching glassware. Design your own shape and even have it custom engraved. SmoothEdgeDesign.ca.

A FEST OF ALE FOR THE REST OF US

Thinking of treating your significant other (or yourself) to a beercation? Penticton is the craft beer capital of the Okanagan, and Fest of Ale is one of the best craft beer festivals in the province (as well as one of the longest-running). This year’s event runs Apr. 7-8, with 150-plus tastings from the 50-plus craft brewer-

ies and cideries on hand.The weather in Penticton is already shockingly warm and dry in April (by Vancouver standards), and let’s face it, you’ll need the vitamin D.Weekend passes are on sale for only $42 until Dec. 24, and hotel specials start at $99. Visit FestOfAle.ca for tickets and info.

BEST. XMAS. EVER.

Shameless self-promotion alert! For $18.99, you can get a year’s subscription to The Growler – the best dang craft beer magazine in the universe – with four issues delivered directly to your mailbox. The Growler is packed with awesome stories, the latest BC craft beer news, profiles of your favourite breweries, recipes, cartoons – you name it. It’s an indispensible guide to every single craft brewery in the province that no beer nerd should ever be without. It might be the greatest thing ever. (Full disclosure: I might be a little biased.) TheGrowler.ca. W • The Winter 2016 edition of The Growler is out now at your favourite craft brewery, liquor store, or tap room, as well as on newsstands.

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EAT // DRINK

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DINING OUT Anya Levykh Fresh Sheet

@FoodGirlFriday

The 7th Annual Vancouver Christmas Market is now open, meaning German delights such as mulled wine, spätzle, sausage and schnitzel are back for your tasting pleasure. In between shopping for ornaments and handmade ceramics, don’t forget to try the German pizza and schupfnudel. VancouverChristmasMarket.com Beta5 Chocolates invites you to spend Christmas “in Paris” with its new holiday collection, which features a snowman cream puff, a Douglas fir éclair, peppermint patties, lumps of “coal,” and chocolates with classic flavours such as Crêpe Suzette, Mont Blanc,Vin Chaud, and Café Noir. Beta5.MyShopify.com Railtown Catering is once again offering its acclaimed holiday take-out turkey feast from Dec. 24-26. Suitable for eight to 10 people, it includes a 16-pound sage-roasted organic turkey; traditional giblet gravy; dried apricot, chestnut and brioche bread stuffing; sweet and mashed potatoes; vegetables, sides, bread, salad, and pecan pie. $299 plus tax. RailtownCatering.ca On Jan. 11, Campagnolo Roma will be teaming up with Odd Society Spirits for a rustic six-course dinner paired with cocktails using Odd Society spirits. The menu includes oysters, winter squash salad, charred cabbage with bolito misto, squab with grilled radicchio, goat-milk custard with brown butter, and baked apple with smoked anglaise.Tickets $90. RomaCollab.Eventbrite.ca Forage will be open for holiday lunch from Dec. 7-23 (Mon.-Fri., 11:30am-1pm). The four-course menu ($40) includes grilled kale salad with caramelized apples, roasted hazelnuts, Golden Ears brie and honey dressing; charcuterie board with cured meats and salmon, house-made pickles and IPA mustard; roasted Fraser Valley turkey with all the trimmings; smoked pork roast with maple-apple chutney; and sticky toffee pudding with ginger-eggnog ice cream and Forty Creek caramel. ForageVancouver.com From Dec. 8-Dec. 10, three top chefs from Mexico City will be in Vancouver to cook distinctively Mexican menus at local restaurants using rare and hard-to-find ingredients. The Sabores CDMX dinners feature chef José Manuel Baños of Aguamiel, cooking at Homer St. Café and Bar; chef Mario Espinosa of La Encomienda Polanco, cooking at Burdock & Co.; and chef Gerardo Vásquez Lugo of Nicos, cooking at Cacao. SaboresCDMX.com W

Westender.com

A foodie guide to storm-watching in Tofino

RHINO COFFEE HOUSE

Anya Levykh Nosh

@FoodgirlFriday

If you take the winding Pacific Rim Highway up from the Nanaimo ferry terminal, after a couple hours you’ll hit Tofino. This small community of around 2,000 permanent residents is perched on the far western edge of Vancouver Island, overlooking the vast emptiness of the Pacific Ocean. Surfers come here year-round – especially to catch some of the rather aggressive winter waves. But even if you’ve never heard of a boogie board, the food here is really all you need as an accompaniment to the epic storm-watching opportunities.

SOBO

I’ve been a fan of SoBo chef/owner Lisa Ahier’s The SoBo Cookbook, for a couple of years now (in particular, her recipe for Thai chicken with roti and peanut sauce). In the midst of a flood of locavore restaurants and cafés, Ahier unabashedly combines local and global ingredients and flavours however she pleases. “It’s really about the food that my family and I really like to eat, and what the locals prefer,” explains Ahier. After a day of surfing or coming off the docks (on one visit, there were a couple of fishermen at the table next to us, still in their overalls, enthusiastically tucking into Benedicts, along with what look like quart-sized margaritas), the food locals obviously prefer is wholesome, hearty, and wholly unique to Ahier’s sensibilities. Fish tacos are laced with pineapple salsa and fresh blueberries, and spiced with

Left: Sobo chef Lisa Ahier. Right: Wolf in the Fog’s Morrocan-spiced octopus. Contributed phoa kimchi-style sauce that gives pleasant heat without completely obliterating the buds. That Thai chicken is a heavy-hitting beauty of a dish; the house-made roti is perfectly stretched, the soybraised thighs are doused in made-from-scratch peanut sauce, and the slaw – a light mix of root-vegetable strips – folds very nicely into the bread with large hunks of chicken. In short, it’s a dish you’ll come back for over and over again. The menu does change with the seasons, but customer favourites are here to stay. Got a sweet tooth? The house-made ice cream sandwiches are fantastic. Customize your cookie and your ice cream, and walk it off with a stroll during low tide. SoBo.ca

WOLF IN THE FOG

Since this restaurant opened almost three years ago, it’s been a ridiculous success. Voted Canada’s best new restaurant of 2014 by enRoute magazine, in addition to all kinds of glowing

reviews... could it maintain its own hype? Oh, yeah. And for a very simple reason: Wolf in the Fog doesn’t take itself too seriously. Sure, chef/ owner Nick Nutting and GM/co-owner Jorge Barandiaran lead a highly committed and loyal team, but there isn’t an iota of pretence in this large upstairs room that’s topped with a starburst chandelier made from broken surfboards. “We wanted to deliver a really high-end experience as far as the food and drink goes,” says Barandiaran, “but we didn’t want it to feel like a white-tablecloth type of place.” No fear of that.The warm wood, dim lights and fantastic music (lots of Etta James, Nina Simone and Motown) – not to mention the truly delightful front-of-house staff – all make for a wonderfully enjoyable evening. And that’s before you even taste the food. One rainy night, Nutting and sous chef Martin Dean were away doing a collaborative dinner at Galiano’s Pilgrimme, but his kitchen

remained in the capable hands of Dylan Ashwood.The list of hearty share plates included standouts like Moroccanspiced octopus with chickpeas, peppers and tomatoes; and Arctic char with lentils and smoked oysters. The menu changes frequently, according to what’s available, and it’s worth going through in close detail. The beef tartare (with black-garlic mayo and matsutake mushrooms) alone is worth a return visit. This is a restaurant that speaks very strongly to the place where it lives. The elegance of the tartare, for example, offers up a stark and surprisingly pleasing contrast to drinks like the communal punch bowls (try the Earl and His Girls: a heady mix of brandy, sherry, Earl Grey, orange, lemon, and peach bitters) or cocktails like the Mary, Rick and Rose, made with smoked rosemaryinfused gin from Legend Distilling, rosemary-lime cordial, fresh lime and soda. WolfInTheFog.com

What’s so amazing about eggs? Patty Javier Gomez Whole Nourishment

@WholeNourishBC

When you think of breakfast or brunch, unless you are vegan, you usually think of a meal that comes with eggs. Eggs can be a great addition to so many meals.They can have a very subtle or bold flavour, depending on how you make them. And they are a pretty complex food. For example, did you know that a lot of countries around the world do not refrigerate their eggs? In fact, they store them in room temperature. The reason for this is that eggs actually have a naturally protective layer around them that prevents them from being

spoiled.This layer is removed, however, when power washed, (which is a practice that North America and some other countries adhere to, as it is said to remove potentially harmful bacteria). Another fun fact is that American eggs are illegal in Britain because they are washed, and vice versa. But that’s not the only neat fact that I found in my research. For example, sometimes chickens lay eggs with another egg inside it. And a gross fact that you probably don’t want to know is that eggs and blood share a similar protein composition, making blood the perfect egg substitute for baking.That’s one of those things

you can’t unread, folks. Did you also know that eggs have a whole heap of health benefits? They are high in protein, B12 and omega-3s, for starters. And it they are one of the very few foods that naturally contain vitamin D, which is a great way to beat the winter blues here in our soggy coast. Eggs are also great for eye health, cholesterol (because it increases the good one) and are high in choline – a forgotten nutrient that does wonders for the nervous system. So now that we know a few fun facts about our favorite morning staple, how do we choose the right type of egg from all the different labels out there? Like, what’s the difference between free run and

free range? And do we even give a care? In short, yes we do, because it’s important to know where our food comes from, and because the that state our food is in when processed directly affects our lives and nutrition. Here is a little guide to help you out on your next grocery store adventure.

FREE RUN

Hens are able to roam around in open barns but do not have access to the outdoors or natural light. Kind of sounds like a chicken jail to me.

CAGE FREE

Although these guys are not confined to a cage, it does not mean, that they have access to the outdoors or light, it can’t even be guaranteed how much space they have to roam around.

This is much more than a place for a quick jolt. The hand-ground beans are excellent, but so too are the house-made doughnuts. Or come in for the breakfast Sammy: a two-fisted juggernaut stacked with fried egg, bacon, tomato, aged cheddar and lettuce on a crisped bagel. Lunch sees a short list of savoury sandwiches like pastrami on rye and chicken pesto. But it’s the house dog – served up with sauerkraut, cheddar, bacon, and a swipe of Dijon – that makes my day. Just be sure to leave room for the above-mentioned doughnuts. Apple fritters are something of a guilty pleasure, but I rarely find one that leaves me satisfied. Rhino’s was almost exploding with cinnamoncoated slices, and boasted a cream-cheese centre that offset the beautifully moist cake. And at only $3, I may have had more than one. RhinoCoffeeHouse.com

LONG BEACH LODGE

This lovely resort offers up more than just prime seats from which to view crashing waves and thunderous skies.The Great Room in the main lodge also serves up the kind of food that will keep your heart out of your shoes during the pyrotechnics, and infuse you with the calm that seems to be mandatory to achieve resident status. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner, don’t miss the dry-aged ribeye with smoked carrots and duck-fat potatoes. Even more exciting for yours truly was the varied list of gin-andtonics, including one with a splash of Grûner Veltiner over De Vine’s gin. Choose your tonic and you’re off to the (surfing) races. LongBeachLodgeResort.com W

FREE RANGE

So in this type of environment, our faithful hens are still able to roam around open barns, etc. but have access to the outdoors (weather permitting) and natural light.Things just got a little better for our feathered friends.

ORGANIC

These guys are basically free range eggs that are fed only organic feed, free from pesticides, herbicides, etc. Organic eggs must meet the Canadian health and welfare standard, which is extremely costly for farmers, hence why they are more expensive to buy. But worth it. W • See this week’s Glutenfree Quiche recipe at Westender.com

December 1 - December 7, 2016 W 15


ARTS // CULTURE

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MUSIC

Elvis Costello: the gift that keeps on giving MICHAEL WHITE @westendervan

When he ambled onto the stage of Chan Shun Concert Hall last Wednesday (Nov. 23), as part of the Vancouver Writers Fest, Elvis Costello immediately made it plain that very few of us – pop legends or otherwise – know how to age gracefully. His posture now seemingly somewhat stooped, and his shape fuller than that of the spasming electrical wire he resembled in the earliest years of his career, the 62-year-old singer-songwriter appears born to have become a distinguished elder statesman of the arts – despite having sprung from the assault to polite society that was punk rock. And then, in his elegant black suit and silk scarf, he sat down next to an avowedly beside-himself Stephen Quinn of CBC Radio, and shared as many anecdotes about his life – both before and after the arrival of fame – as could be shared in 90 minutes. Which, it soon became apparent, wouldn’t be very many. Costello knows how (and clearly loves) to hold court, going off at tangents of 20-

plus minutes in response to a 10-second question. Attempting a chronological approach, the most recent event Quinn was able to dive into before running out of time was the making of the 1982 album Imperial Bedroom. Luckily for those who came away from the interview with unanswered questions, Costello’s 2015 autobiography, Unfaithful Music & Disappearing Ink, exists to fulfill many of them.The almost-700-page tome skips with mischievous randomness across his life of amateur and professional music-making, from being persuaded by his first record label to sacrilegiously adopt the forename of rock’s most famous icon, to sabotaging his ascendant US celebrity in the late ’70s (thanks to some drunken, knowingly provocative remarks about James Brown and Ray Charles), to becoming one of the most prolific, respected and stylistically restless songwriters of the 20th century. Recently published in paperback, Unfaithful Music is an ideal holiday gift for any friend or relation whose home is full of IKEA shelves buckling under the weight of

and Elvis Presley’s former backing band.The style is country, folk and early rock ’n’ roll – proudly out of step with the ’80s. A cover of “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” boasts an impressively ragged vocal that seems to have been recorded after a month-long diet of whisky and cigarettes.

PAINTED FROM MEMORY (1998)

A trip through the back catalogue of Elvis Costello reveals some gems to put under the tree. Contributed photo LPs and back issues of Mojo. As well, much of Costello’s key back catalogue has been reissued on heavyweight vinyl (although inexpensive secondhand copies are surprisingly easy to find). Here are five of the best.

THIS YEAR’S MODEL (1978)

Costello’s second album (and his first with long-time backing trio the Attractions) finds him discarding the American vocal mannerisms

and roots influences of his debut, My Aim is True, and attacking his latest material with near-relentless velocity and lyrical wit. Instant classics “Pump it Up” and “(I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea” are both here, but every song is astoundingly good.

New Wave sound, Costello and co. wipe the slate clean and recast themselves as a swinging Motown-style party band. Stripped to the bone in every regard, the album charges through 20 songs in 48 minutes.

GET HAPPY!! (1980)

A declaration of independence of sorts, Costello takes (temporary) leave of the Attractions to collaborate with a raft of unfamiliar musicians, including T-Bone Burnett

Ensconced in a studio in Holland and despairing of recordings that bear too much resemblance to the invogue but tiresomely uptight

KING OF AMERICA (1986)

Rock formalists turned their noses up at this collaboration with Brill Building-era legend Burt Bacharach, but openeared listeners swooned at the sound of Costello’s trademark wordplay finding common ground with the elder’s widescreen melodic genius.

THE DELIVERY MAN (2004)

Recorded in Mississippi and drawn from a song cycle originally envisioned for Johnny Cash, this is a notion of country rock as loud and loose as anything Costello has ever done.Tom Waits ranks it among his favourite albums for a reason:You can imagine the California maverick aspiring to this sort of freewheeling racket on one of his own records. W

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THEATRE & COMEDY

Last stand for the ‘dangerous’ Creeps? MICHAEL WHITE @westendervan

It telegraphs a great deal about the era in which he was living that, in the midst of his very enthusiastic December 1973 review (“I beseech you to see this play,” he wrote), NewYork magazine theatre critic John Simon referred to the principal characters of Creeps as “spastics.” The characters about whom he was writing have cerebral palsy. In recent decades, to describe someone afflicted with CP – or any movement disorder – as a spastic is rightly considered an ugly ethical transgression. But in the 1970s, the masses’ understanding of (and compassion for) the disabled was comparatively primitive.Which is exactly what first-time playwright David E. Freeman sought to expose – in as honest and audacious a manner as possible – with Creeps, which debuted in his native Toronto in February 1971. The one-act play is set entirely in the unkempt restroom of a “sheltered workshop,” where four disabled men – and many similarly afflicted men and women – perform menial piecework for humiliatingly little money. The restroom is the one space where the men can escape the eyes and ears of their supervisors and speak openly. Widely acclaimed, Creeps was mounted several more times across Canada and beyond (including off

Broadway), and garnered awards for Freeman, himself burdened with CP until his death in 2012. (He wrote the play using a typewriter whose keys he would peck with a stick held between his teeth.) And yet, despite its critical and commercial success, Creeps is little known beyond the most scholarly aficionados of Canadian theatre, and has rarely been staged since the ’70s. This is an oversight that Realwheels Theatre intends to redress when it mounts the play, at the Cultch’s Historic Theatre, beginning this week. Rena Cohen, producer and dramaturge for Realwheels – a theatre company whose primary purpose is to present dramatic portrayals of disabled people – admits that even she and her colleagues previously knew very little about Creeps, despite it seeming like an obvious choice for the 13-year-old collective. “We’re probably in very good company, in that a lot of people who studied theatre, people who are regular theatre attendees – it’s on our periphery. We’d heard of it, we knew it existed, we know that it had an impact on perceptions of disability,” says Cohen. “But there are a lot of people who’ve never had the opportunity to see it. So it’s a chance to reflect back on the perceptions of disability in 1971.” Cohen speculates that the relative obscurity of Creeps is due to the very qualities

for which it was praised following its premiere 45 years ago. It may simply be too honest, not only about the indignities suffered by disabled people who laboured in sheltered workshops (Freeman was one of them), but about what men of a certain character – disabled or not – may say to each other when no one outside their circle is listening. Freeman purposely avoided well-worn dramatic stereotypes of disabled people as either altruistic saints (referred to by some Realwheels members as “inspiration porn”) or as spiritually broken misanthropes. What’s more, Creeps, despite its bleak premise, is meant to be viewed as a comedy, albeit “pretty dark,” says Cohen. “It’s very funny. Humour is the way we cope, right?” “This play doesn’t get produced very often, and I’ve known of cases where it’s been in consideration – even in academic institutions, even for MFA [Master of Fine Arts] projects – and they decided they wouldn’t touch it,” Cohen continues. “It was just too dangerous. With the passing of time, in some ways I think it may be even more dangerous to touch than it was, because of its political incorrectness. There are many more sensitivities we’re aware of today than we were in the 1970s.” Consequently, she adds, “I don’t think audiences are

From left: Aaron Roderick, Paul Beckett and Adam Grant Warren star in Realwheels Theatre’s production of ‘Creeps’. Tim Matheson photo going to have many more opportunities to see it.” All the more reason why, despite some of its arguably archaic content, Cohen urges anyone interested in a realistic portrayal of the disabled – or, perhaps more accurately, a realistic portrayal of people – to see Creeps. Its provocations only make it more of a must-see. “I’m hoping that all audience members – whether they’re able-bodied or with disabilities – will feel that they’ve experienced an authentic representation of disability on the stage,” she says. “It will give rise to questions about ‘What are the challenges today?’ Or ‘Can this piece be left to history?’ Is there no longer a need to mount a production like this? Have we come so far and, if not, what is it we still need to do?” • ‘Creeps’ runs Dec. 1-10 at the Cultch (1895Venables). Tickets and show times: TheCultch.com W

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JFL NorthWest comedy fest lineup announced Featuring Sarah Silverman,Trevor Noah,Tom Segura, local talent, and more MICHAEL WHITE @westendervan

Various studies have determined that February is the most depressing month of the year. (To be fair, January nips aggressively at its heels.) So what better way to combat its myriad miseries than laughing yourself hoarse at the dozens of comedians descending upon the city for the second annual JFL NorthWest festival? The 10-day event (Feb.16-25) boasts some of the best stand-up talent from across the city, North America and beyond, as well as improv, short films and more. Headliners this year include Emmy Award win-

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The Classic Ballet Featuring the Vancouver Pops Symphony Dr. Jonathan Girard, Conductor Comedian Sarah Silverman and Netflix star Tom Segura. Contributed photos ner and bestselling author Sarah Silverman (Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, Bob’s Burgers), The Daily Show host Trevor Noah, Last Comic Standing winner Iliza, and Cincinnativia-Los Angeles up-andcomer Tom Segura. (Stream his Netflix special, Mostly Stories, immediately!) As well, co-presenter

SiriusXM hosts its own Top Comic Showcase, featuring the country’s best new stand-ups; the Just for Laughs Showcase, which finds Vancouver’s own aspiring comedy stars vying for the praise of influential judges; and The Alternative Show, which promises “two nights of alternative comedy anarchy. Off-the-wall

and totally unpredictable, audiences won’t know what to expect.” Meanwhile, JFL NorthWest highlights the best in local talent with the “Best of the West” series. • Tickets go on sale Friday (Dec. 2) at 10am, at JFLNorthWest.com.Visit the website now to view the full lineup. W

Ellington & Strayhorn Arrangement for Big Band Featuring the 45th Ave Jazz Band Jaelem Bhate, Director

Sunday, December 11th, 2016 3:00pm

Chan Center for the Performing Arts, UBC Tickets from $15! visit vancouverpops.com for more info

December 1 - December 7, 2016 W 17


ARTS // CULTURE

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FILM

‘Grand Unified Theory’: Straight outta quantum Sabrina Furminger Reel People @Sabrinarmf

Astrophysics and human behaviour might seem like two entirely different spheres of study, but Vancouver filmmaker David Ray believes you can understand seemingly unscience-y things like mid-life crises, marital discord, and why we do the wacky things we do, by peering into the stars and our cells. Ray explores this idea in Grand Unified Theory, a dramedy about a brilliant academic (portrayed by Scott Bellis, who strode the boards as Friar Laurence in Bard on the Beach’s recent production of Romeo and Juliet) whose family is poised for a full meltdown at the very moment he’s about to interview for one of the top positions in the country. It’s poignant, it’s laugh-out-loud funny, and, if you’ve never contemplated a connection between astrophysics and the vagaries of human behaviour, it’s hella mind-blowing.

“You can look at human behaviour through so many different lenses, like Freud or religion,” says Ray. “And when you look at how the quantum world operates, and extrapolate that to human behaviour and psychology, all of a sudden it opens up a whole world of wonder and understanding.” Heading into Grand Unified Theory, Ray was coming off a long stretch of writing movies for the Syfy channel. “In those circumstances, you’re quite restricted in what you can talk about,” says Ray, who also wrote and directed 2005’s Fetching Cody, starring Jay Baruchel. Writing for Syfy, “You can’t talk about politics or religion or sex or drugs or suicide – or really anything to do with life. Anything real.” But writing for Syfy put him in constant contact with astrophysicists and mindexpanding science. “I was inspired,” he says. “I had some time, and I just wanted to write something with freedom and be as authentic as I could, and also involve all of this cool science I’d come across.”

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Scott Bellis stars as an academic in ‘Grand Unified Theory’, a film exploring the relationship between astrophysics and human behavior. Contributed photo One scientific building block of the film is the titular Grand Unified Theory, which, according to Wikipedia, “is a model in particle physics in which, at high energy, the three gauge interactions of the Standard Model which define the electromagnetic, weak, and strong interactions, or forces, are merged into one single force.” (If your head suddenly hurts, Reel People wants you to know you’re not alone.) Ray relied on Vancouver astrophysicist Dr. Jaymie Matthews – a UBC professor and officer of the Order of Canada – to guide him through the science of things.

“I don’t pretend to understand anything at all, but I’m so curious and excited about human behaviour,” says Ray. “It’s so wonderful and dark and mysterious and scary and awesome. I tried to use science as a vocabulary, and I also tried to incorporate a few other things. The theme of the story is really about atonement and coming together, and each person does it in their own weird way. Our hero sees the connections between everything, but one of the characters believes in magic, another sex, another ambition. Family is really the core of it” Grand Unified Theory also

stars Kendall Cross, Andrew McNee, Gabrielle Rose, Raugi Yu, Emma Grabinsky, Blair Penner, and Maxwell Haynes. The film was shot entirely in the Lower Mainland over 12 days in 2015, and had its world premiere this past April at the Beijing International Film Festival. It was the only Canadian film in the running for the prestigious Best Picture prize, and Ray describes the entire experience as “mindblowing.” “They flew me and five actors out there and put us up in a fancy hotel. We had a press conference, and we had this red-carpet event

for the awards ceremony, and they gave us multiple hair and make-up people and interpreters. We were treated like royalty, and it was a platform to speak and share this crazy theory,” he marvels. Next up for Grand Unified Theory is its North American premiere, at the 16th edition of the Whistler Film Festival, which runs now until Dec. 4. The packed schedule includes 50 features and 36 shorts from 18 countries, exhibited on seven screens at five venues over five days. It’s one of four made-in-BC features screening at the fest. The others are: raw* (David I. Strasser, director): The first film to be shot on Salt Spring Island is an inspirational story about a delinquent 17-year-old who gets sentenced by the courts to work on an organic farm run by his uncle. Lost Solace (Chris Scheuerman, director): In this slick Vancouver-shot thriller, a lifelong psychopath has his world turned inside-out when he ingests a designer drug at a nightclub and suddenly develops empathy and a moral conscience. Broken (Lynne Spencer, director): Ballet BC prima ballerina Simone Orlando is the subject of this intimate documentary about what happens to an artist when injury threatens the single pursuit to which they’ve devoted their life. • Tickets and details at WhistlerFilmFestival.com W

Affleck soars in stunning family drama MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

Starring Casey Affleck, Michelle Williams Directed by Kenneth Lonergan

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Grief and forgiveness collide in Kenneth Lonergan’s masterful Manchester by the Sea. Lee Chandler (Affleck), a Boston-area custodian, is called back to his seaside hometown following the death of his older brother (Kyle Chandler), only to discover he has been named the sole guardian of his young nephew Patrick (Lucas Hedges). While in town, Lee contends with funeral logistics and a grieving teenager, but must also confront a dark past involving his former wife (Williams). Simply put, Manchester by the Sea is a masterclass in filmmaking, representing a high-water mark for director Lonergan and a career-best performance from Affleck (which is sure to garner

‘Manchester by the Sea’ stars Casey Affleck and newcomer Lucas Hedges. Contributed photo Oscar attention). The film’s immense strengths are highlighted early on as scenes of seemingly mundane, everyday life transcend from mere fiction to high art without being pretentious. Affleck’s turn as the brooding brother is sensational, as his portrayal is both nuanced and complex. A scene late in the plot be-

tween himself and Williams talking in the street is utterly devastating. Newcomer Hedges is also a stunner as his character navigates the emotional battle of losing a father mixed with the typical issues facing an average modern teen. Lonergan’s script works exceptionally well, highlighting how quickly life can

turn from tragic to comic and back again. The movie’s deliberate pacing requires patience but its methodical rhythm casts a lingering spell on the viewer. The powerful emotions conveyed in Manchester by the Sea are nothing short of brilliant, making it one of the year’s most poignant viewing experiences. –Thor Diakow

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2055 Pendrell #2001 1 bdrm $659,900

SOLD 1180 Homer #502 2 bdrm $1,599,000

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310-17712 57A Ave., Cloverdale

1 bed, 1 bath, 744 sq.ft.

SOLD

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West on the Village Walk built by Wallmark Homes. Great floor plan and nice view in this 744sq ft 1 bdrm and 1 bath southern exposed unit! Large Master Bedroom with walk through closet to bathroom, 9 foot ceilings, deck access from Living Room and Master Bedroom. Big, open kitchen with granite counters, stainless steel appliances, maple shaker cabinets and a large pantry. Energy efficient electric fireplace. This Home comes with underground parking and 2 storage locker in the heart of Downtown Cloverdale.

3599 Lakewood Drive, Vancouver

3 beds, 2 baths, 2,174 sq.ft.

$1,988,000

Charming 1912 character house overlooking Trout Lake featuring breathtaking views of the north shore mountains. A post and beam renovation has created wonderful flow on the main floor while windows encircling the living area provide the feeling of bringing the outside in. Wraparound balcony on the main floor is perfect for BBQing and entertaining while the upper balcony provides a sublime sunset experience. This house exudes warmth and character with extensive slate and hardwood throughout, and a fully landscaped yard with mature fir trees make this property a true oasis. Very desirable location, just 2 blocks from Trout Lake, a short 5 minute walk to the Nanaimo Skytrain station and close proximity to restaurants and shops on Commercial Drive. House also features a ground level suite currently rented to excellent tenants who are amenable to staying. Unique houses like this rarely come on the market — don’t miss the chance to get your own private paradise!

SOLD

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SOLD

502-1171 Jervis St

401-1675 Hornby St

303-1050 Broughton 901-789 Jervis St

LAWRENCE SICCIA

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604-315-5085

WESTMAR

More pictures and listings at www.lawrencesiccia.com

holIDay season shoPPIng Single, couple, family, single family home, single or multiple revenue property investments you don’t have to wait for the special sale when the perfect property awaits. Once you have set up your team to assist in the buying and/or selling process and arranged the appropriate finances your team should be ready to act whenever that perfect home or investment appears! TIme To Plan foR The ComIng yeaR Many qualified buyers have targeted their future home and investment properties and are hoping more inventory will become available especially in El Cid, Huntington, Queen Charlotte, rentable one bedrooms, West of Denman two bedrooms and East Side houses with basement suites for mortgage helpers. Pet friendly and view properties always in demand!

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New info always available on the website; an opportunity for community to stay in touch and keep up on local issues. www.westendneighbours.ca

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December 1 - December 7, 2016 W 19


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dexter pm PROPERTY MANAGEMENT | A DIVISION OF DEXTER ASSOCIATES REALTY

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Martin Ramond 604-263-1144

1406-1238 RICHARDS ST. NEW LISTING $679,000 204-1788 ONTARIO ST

ed@loftsvancouver.com www.loftsvancouver.com

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20 W December 1 - December 7, 2016

PROXIMITY – The newest project from Bastion Development, completing spring 2016. PROXIMITY features 9’ ceilings & gourmet kitchens that include: Caesarstone counter tops with FULL SIZE Fisher Paykel, Bosch & GE appliances. Sleek Hydrocork vinyl flooring throughout. Spa inspired bathrooms, featuring Moen fixtures. Chill in the Club House or outside in Communal garden plots. Be a part of the new thriving community and lifestyle that is South East False Creek. Steps from the seawall, shopping, dining and recreation. PROXIMITY to everything in False Creek. Sales Center open noon to 5pm every day but Friday.

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REAL ESTATE

Metro Vancouver apartment vacancy shrinks Meanwhile, average rent jumped 6.4% across the region over the past year EMMA CRAWFORD HAMPEL @EmmaHampelBIV

Strong employment and increasing home prices are driving rental demand across Metro Vancouver, and the region’s notoriously low apartment vacancy rate diminished even further over the past year. The vacancy rate across the Vancouver Census Metropolitan Area (CMA) slipped from 0.8% in October 2015 to 0.7% a year later, according to a Canada Mortgage and Housing Corporation report released November 28. “Strong demand for rental accommodation in [the Vancouver CMA] outpaced additions to supply, pushing rents higher and vacancies lower for purpose-build and condo rental apartments,” said CMHC principal of market analysis Robyn Adamache. The report said a strong job market is driving rental demand, particularly for younger demographics that tend to start off as renters. “The Vancouver CMA continues to lead employment growth nationally, at a pace of 5.8% year-over-year as of September 2016 [according to Statistics Canada data],” the CMHC said in a report. “This equates to more than 70,000 additional jobs created, compared with the same period last year.” Solid employment in the region is also driving demand by increasing

Apartment vacancy rates fell across the Vancouver CMA between October 2015 and October 2016. Shutterstock photo migration to the province, according to the report. “The Vancouver CMA added an estimated 15,773 new households between 2015 and 2016,” the CMHC said. “This population-based demand is one of the main factors contributing to low vacancy rates.” The decrease wasn’t coming from within the City of Vancouver itself, however, as vacancy actually increased slightly in Vancouver alone. In the Downtown/West End area, the rate increased from 0.5% to 0.6%. In the rest of the city, the rate grew from 0.6% to 0.8%. The region’s tightening vacancy rate was driven by declining availability in the suburbs, and the most drastic drop was found in Surrey.

AVERAGE RENT JUMPS ACROSS THE REGION

The average rent in the Vancouver CMA increased

from $1,144 in October last year to $1,223 this year – an increase of 6.4%. Rent increased across all regions, with Vancouver’s West End/Downtown area seeing a jump from $1,350 to $1,461. In the rest of Vancouver, average rent increased from $1,233 to $1,324.

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Thanks to All Our Clients,Associates & Friends For Helping Rank Us Top 0.4% on the Greater Vancouver Real Estate Board This Year!

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VANCOUVER HOME SALES, PRICES TO DROP IN 2017: BCREA

moderate next year as declining affordability related to rising prices and government policy interventions limit the number of eligible buyers,” said BCREA chief economist Cameron Muir. “However, while home sales are not expected to repeat this year’s record performance, consumer demand is expected to remain well above the 10year average.” The supply of homes across BC is expected to increase next year as demand moderates and new home projects are completed, the BCREA said in its report. “A trend toward more balance in the market will unfold next year and exert less upward pressure on home prices,” the report said. “In addition, a larger contraction in the number of high-end home sales will contribute to moving the aggregate average price statistic lower.” –Stories courtesy of Business inVancouver

regulations will contribute to declines in both home unit sales and prices across Vancouver in 2017, the British Columbia Real Estate Association announced November 29. Unit sales will fall 18.5% in Vancouver next year, the BCREA forecasts, saying it expects a total of 34,000 homes to change hands in 2017.This is down from an estimated 41,700 units in 2016. Prices will fall in 2017 as well, the association predicts. The average home sales price in Vancouver will be $940,000 next year, down 8.7% from $1,030,000 this year. Declines will also be seen across the province as a whole.The BCREA forecasts unit sales will fall 15.4%, reaching 96,300, down from a record 113,800 this year. The average price will fall from $698,900 to $654,200 – a decrease of 6.4%. “Housing demand across the province is expected to

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December 1 - December 7, 2016 W 21


LIFESTYLES //

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SEX Holiday gifts: And to all a happy ending LELO ‘HEX’ CONDOMS

Sex with Mish Way

@MyszkaWay

I live in Los Angeles, so I never see the winter holidays coming anymore. I only realized Christmas was creeping up because I went to a movie and had to walk through the outdoor mall grounds. Fake snowmen and reindeer look stupid when it’s so warm out that you’re wearing a T-shirt after 10pm. Christmas is about family, food and booze, but it’s also about friends – and some of your friends may be too cheap to spend money on sex toys. So boost their spirits this holiday season with a little luxury silicone. OPEN M-F

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HEX is the perfect gift for all your slutty friends. The average condom has not changed in decades, but after seven years of testing and research, LELO invented this revolutionary condom that WILL NOT BREAK.You heard me. LELO redesigned the dome into a honeycomblike pattern to prevent unfortunate breakage. “HEX was inspired by the engineering principle that everything that is light and strong needs to be built with structure,” explains Chief Marketing Officer Steve Thomson. “Like a suspension bridge or graphene (the strongest material in the world), HEXTM has a honeycomb design that allows the condom to be ultra-thin yet extremely strong. Even if the latex is punctured, the

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INTIMATE MELODY ‘LANA 3 IN 1’ VIBRATOR SET

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THE DAME ‘EVA’

The Eva is one of the most practical toys on the market. Free of bells, whistles and bullshit, this little egg-like vibrator tucks under the labia, stimulating the clitoris during sex. Think of it as a third arm with wings. Are you one of those girls who just “can’t get there” from penetration alone? This toy is perfect for you. It does the work, so no one else has to. When I spoke to LA-based sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Chris Donoghue about the Eva, he also noted, “We have to consider different types of bodies… people who are larger or people who are disabled. That is why the [Eva] is so great. Even think about someone with arthritis pain – it’s beautiful on that level as well.” I highly recommend this for anyone – especially those who complain about her partner not “finishing the job.” DameProducts.com

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We-Vibe is a Canadian sex-toy brand that makes revolutionary and interactive toys for solo and couple play. Its signature couple toy, Sync, is one of the best. It’s made from waterproof, body-safe silicone (i.e. free from harmful phthalates) and connects to an app on your phone, so you can toy with her from across the country. The Sync is shaped perfectly to hook into her, for intensified pleasure for you both. And the remote control makes it super-easy to use. Like the Eva, it comes in “aqua” or purple. (What’s with sex toys and winter colours?) We-vibe. com/sync W

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22 W December 1 - December 7, 2016

Send Mish your own sex questions and queries to sex@westender.com

Free Will Astrology By Rob Brezsny “I frequently tramped eight or ten miles through the deepest snow,” wrote naturalist Henry David Thoreau in Walden, “to keep an appointment with a beech-tree, or a yellow birch, or an old acquaintance among the pines.” I’d love to see you summon that level of commitment to your important rendezvous in the coming weeks, Aries. Please keep in mind, though, that your “most important rendezvous” are more likely to be with wild things, unruly wisdom, or primal breakthroughs than with pillars of stability, committee meetings, and business-as-usual.

A reporter at the magazine Vanity Fair asked David Bowie, “What do you consider your greatest achievement?” Bowie didn’t name any of his albums, videos, or performances. Rather, he answered, “Discovering morning.” I suspect that you Libras will attract and generate marvels if you experiment with accomplishments like that in the coming weeks. So yes, try to discover or rediscover morning. Delve into the thrills of beginnings. Magnify your appreciation for natural wonders that you usually take for granted. Be seduced by sources that emanate light and heat. Gravitate toward what’s fresh, blossoming, just-in-its-early-stages.

For you Tauruses, December is “I Accept and Love and Celebrate Myself Exactly How I Am Right Now” Month. To galvanize yourself, play around with this declaration by Oscar-winning Taurus actress Audrey Hepburn: “I’m a long way from the human being I’d like to be, but I’ve decided I’m not so bad after all.” Here are other thoughts to draw on during the festivities: 1. “If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone.” - Barbara De Angelis. 2. “The hardest challenge is to be yourself in a world where everyone is trying to make you be somebody else.” - E. E. Cummings. 3. “To accept ourselves as we are means to value our imperfections as much as our perfections.” - Sandra Bierig. 4. “We cannot change anything until we accept it.” - Carl Jung.

According to traditional astrology, you Scorpios are not prone to optimism. You’re more often portrayed as connoisseurs of smouldering enigmas and shadowy intrigue and deep questions. But one of the most creative and successful Scorpios of the 20th century did not completely fit this description. French artist Claude Monet was renowned for his delightful paintings of sensuous outdoor landscapes. “Every day I discover even more beautiful things,” he testified. “It is intoxicating me, and I want to paint it all. My head is bursting.” Monet is your patron saint in the coming weeks. You will have more potential to see as he did than you’ve had in a long time.

Are your collaborative projects (including the romantic kind) evolving at a slower pace than you expected? Have they not grown as deep and strong as you’ve wished they would? If so, I hope you’re perturbed about it. Maybe that will motivate you to stop tolerating the stagnation. Here’s my recommendation: Don’t adopt a more serious and intense attitude. Instead, get loose and frisky. Inject a dose of blithe spirits into your togetherness, maybe even some high jinks and rowdy experimentation. The cosmos has authorized you to initiate ingenious surprises.

I don’t recommend that you buy a cat-o’-ninetails and whip yourself in a misguided effort to exorcize your demons. The truth is, those insidious troublemakers exult when you abuse yourself. They draw perverse sustenance from it. In fact, their strategy is to fool you into treating yourself badly. So, no. If you hope to drive away the saboteurs huddled in the sacred temple of your psyche, your best bet is to shower yourself with tender care, even luxurious blessings. The pests won’t like that, and – if you commit to this crusade for an extended time – they will eventually flee.

A journalist dared composer John Cage to “summarize himself in a nutshell.” Cage said, “Get yourself out of whatever cage you find yourself in.” He might have added, “Avoid the nutshells that anyone tries to put you in.” This is always fun work to attend to, of course, but I especially recommend it to you Sagittarians right now. You’re in the time of year that’s close to the moment when you first barged out of your mom’s womb, where you had been housed for months. The coming weeks will be an excellent phase to attempt a similar, if somewhat less extravagant, trick.

Hundreds of years ago, the Catholic Church’s observance of Lent imposed a heavy burden. During this six-week period, extending from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, believers were expected to cleanse their sins through acts of self-denial. For example, they weren’t supposed to eat meat on Fridays. Their menus could include fish, however. And this loophole was expanded even further in the 17th century when the Church redefined beavers as being fish. (They swim well, after all.) I’m in favour of you contemplating a new loophole in regard to your own self-limiting behaviours, Capricorn. Is there a taboo you observe that no longer makes perfect sense? Out of habit, do you deny yourself a pleasure or indulgence that might actually be good for you? Wriggle free of the constraints.

Nobel Prize-winning novelist Gabriel García Márquez loved yellow roses. He often had a fresh bloom on his writing desk as he worked, placed there every morning by his wife, Mercedes Barcha. In accordance with the astrological omens, I invite you to consider initiating a comparable ritual. Is there a touch of beauty you would like to inspire you on a regular basis? It there a poetic gesture you could faithfully perform for a person you love?

“The Pacific Ocean was overflowing the borders of the map,” wrote Pablo Neruda in his poem “The Sea.” “There was no place to put it,” he continued. “It was so large, wild and blue that it didn’t fit anywhere. That’s why it was left in front of my window.” This passage is a lyrical approximation of what your life could be like in 2017. In other words, lavish, elemental, expansive experiences will be steadily available to you. Adventures that may have seemed impossibly big and unwieldy in the past will be just the right size. And it all begins soon.

“For a year I watched as something entered and then left my body,” testified Jane Hirshfield in her poem “The Envoy.” What was that mysterious something? Terror or happiness? She didn’t know. Nor could she decipher “how it came in” or “how it went out.” It hovered “where words could not reach it. It slept where light could not go.” Her experience led her to conclude that “There are openings in our lives of which we know nothing.” I bring this meditation to your attention, Virgo, because I suspect you are about to tune in to a mysterious opening. But unlike Hirshfield, I think you’ll figure out what it is. And then you will respond to it with verve and intelligence.

“I have a deep fear of being too much,” writes poet Michelle K. “That one day I will find my someone, and they will realize that I am a hurricane. That they will step back and be intimidated by my muchness.” Given the recent astrological omens, Pisces, I wouldn’t be shocked if you’ve been having similar feelings. But now, here’s the good news: Given the astrological omens of the next nine months, I suspect the odds will be higher than usual that you’ll encounter brave souls who’ll be able to handle your muchness. They may or may not be soulmates or your one-and-only. I suggest you welcome them as they are, with all of their muchness.

Dec. 1: Bette Midler (71) Dec. 2: Britney Spears (35) Dec. 3: Ozzy Osbourne (68) Dec. 4: Jay-Z (47) Dec. 5: Little Richard (84) Dec. 6: Janine Turner (54) Dec. 7: Tom Waits (67)

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Christmas Craft Fair 4397 West 12th Ave Saturday, December 3, 10:00 am - 2:00 pm

• Baked Goods • Crafts • Books •

HANDYMAN Reno, kitchen, bath, plumbing, countertop, floors, paint, etc. Mic, 604-725-3127

TAKE A LOAD D OFF Find help elp in the Home Services section Place your ad online

Place your ad online

classifieds.westender.com classifieds.vancourier.com classifieds.vancourier.com

MOVING

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SPROTTSHAW.COM

RUBBISH REMOVAL

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RENOS & HOME IMPROVEMENT FRASERVIEW RENO’S

JACK’S RUBBISH REMOVAL Household Junk Specialist! Fast, Friendly & cheap. Call 604-266-4444

TREE SERVICES TREE SERVICES

Pruning, Hedge Trimming Tree & Stump Removal 60 ft Bucket Trucks 604-787-5915 604-291-7778 www.treeworksonline.ca 10% discount with this ad

AUTOMOTIVE

SPORTS & IMPORTS autodep.com

Complete Reno’s Roof to basement, Kitchen, Framing, Plumbing etc. 15 yrs exp, Insured ~No Job too Small~ Gary 604-897-3614

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LOOKING FOR F/T Personal Care Giver to plan & prepare meals, light housekeeping (laundry, making beds, routine cleaning) for elderly woman. Flexible hours. $17/hr, 40hrs/wk. Email resumes to: coyote0946@yahoo.com

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ANNOUNCEMENTS CANADA BENEFIT GROUP Do you or someone you know suffer from a disability? Get up to $40,000 from the Canadian Government. Toll-free 1-888-511-2250 or www.canadabenefit.ca/ free-assessment

PETS

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Phone Hours: Mon to Fri 8:30 am to 4:30 pm Office Hours: 9 am to 5 pm

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st# 2004 Elantra 5-spd st# 2004 Suzuki Swift

st# 2003 Chev Cavalier st# 1995 M-Benz E-320

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Auto Depot Ltd. #10578 604-727-3111

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Your Clunker is someone’s Classic.

classifieds.westender.com

December 1 - December 7, 2016 W 23


WEEKLY SPECIALS Prices Effective December 1 to December 7, 2016.

100% BC Owned and Operated PRODUCE

MEAT B.C. Grown Organic Pink Lady Apples

Organic Mandarin Oranges from China 1.36kg box

3.98

Red Imported On the Vine Tomatoes

1.68lb

7.99lb

3.99lb Choices’ Own Gourmet Pork Sausages

Organic California Grown Gold and Red Bunch Beets

3.70kg

assorted sizes product of USA

SAVE

17.99lb

7.99lb

UP TO

assorted varieties

1L product of Canada

19.99

assorted varieties

assorted sizes product of Canada

SAVE

SAVE

300-425g

2.99

Lesley Stowe’s Raincoast Crisps assorted varieties

150-170g product of Richmond, BC

SAVE

SAVE

530-600g

assorted varieties

assorted sizes product of BC

SAVE

UP TO

Wolfgang Puck Organic Soup

Eco Max Dish Liquid

assorted varieties

398ml • product of USA

740ml • product of Canada

3.99

SAVE

13.99

SAVE

2/5.50

UP TO

20% off

Regular Retail Price

AOR Advanced B Complex

39.99

120 Capsules

34.99

Bach Flower Remedies Assorted Varieties Assorted Sizes

25% off Regular Retail Price

227-340g • product of Canada

8.99

West 16th Anniversary

Assorted Varieties

Select Sizes - Excludes Bonus Bottles

39.99 500ml

NEW AND DELICOUS DELICIOUS

assorted varieties

9.99

Platinum Naturals Vitamins and Supplements

19.99 200ml

package of 6

30% 6.99 to

WELLNESS Assorted Varieties

Choice’s Gluten Free Cinnamon Buns

Ethical Bean Organic Fair Trade Coffee Whole Bean or Ground

34%

NutraSea Omega-3 Fish Oil

1kg product of Canada

37% 9.99 to

7.99

assorted varieties

4.99

Elias Honey

38% 5.99 to

25% 3.99

BAKERY Organic Multigrain or Multiseed Sourdough Bread

4.99

29%

assorted varieties

1.89L • product of USA

AOR Ortho Adapt AOR Ortho Sleep

5.99 to

29% 6.99

Rocky Mountain Frozen Flatbread Pizza

assorted varieties

34.99 90 Capsules 49.99 180 Capsules

190-200g • product of Canada

UP TO

product of Canada

UP TO

9.99 to 18.99

assorted varieties

assorted varieties

35% from 2/6.98

Silk Fresh Non Dairy Beverages

While quantities last. Not all items available at all stores. We reserve the right to correct printing errors.

L’Ancetre Organic Cheese

assorted sizes product of Canada

Sushi Trays available Thursday, Friday and Saturday

to 44% 6.49 9.99

Que Pasa Organic Tortilla Chips

SAVE

UP TO

assorted sizes product of Canada

UP TO

assorted varieties

to 33% 3.99 4.49

33%

SAVE

750ml & 1L • +deposit +eco fee product of Italy

Liberté Organic Yogurt and Kefir

Nature’s Path Organic Boxed Cereal

SAVE

assorted varieties

32%

Choices’ Own Party Trays

assorted varieties

36% 3/4.98

Uncle Luke’s Organic Maple Syrup

SAVE

Nuts to You Almond Butter

San Pellegrino Mineral Water and Perrier Sparkling Water

SAVE

3/7.98

33%

SAVE

39.66kg

DELI assorted varieties

34%

previously frozen

17.61kg

2/4.00

Stahlbush Island Farms Frozen Vegetables

UP TO

Shrimp

assorted varieties

GROCERY

SAVE

17.61kg

8.80kg

1.36kg bag

3.98

Fresh Ground Turkey

Farmcrest Non GMO Whole Specialty Frying Chickens

W. 16th Anniversa ry Saturday, December 3rd , 11 :00am to 3:00pm 2627 W. 16th Ave., Vancouver Join us at our origin al Kitsilano location this Saturday to celeb years in the local co rate 26 mmunity. Please visit us for complimentar coffee, plus all of ou y cake and r 11 store locations will be celebrating wi Anniversary price spe th cials. We hope to see you there.

60 Capsules

www.choicesmarkets.com

/ChoicesMarkets

@ChoicesMarkets

/Choices_Markets

Westender December 1 2016  
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