PUZZLE PARADISE 造 STUDENT LITERATURE 造 SPOT YOUR TEACHER
LIONS RAW FIRST
LIONS RAW ISSUE #1 2010
RE: DEFINITION OF
A HEAD OF CAMPUS
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CONTRIBUTERS & ABOUT
Contributors: Seamus Kavanagh Ryan Sandor Campbell McKenzie Daniel Dindas Mohammed Khairat Ellie Phillips Stephanie McMahon Chris Borzillo Isabella Wright Angus Attwood Martin Quinn Beth Wilson Jessamine Welsh Darryl Tirtha
Layout & Design: Campbell McKenzie Joey Coley-Sowry Seamus Kavanagh David Browne Chris Borzillo
Teacher in Charge: Stephanie Dundas
With the start of the new school year quickly approaching, it was with a great sense of excitement that I approached my new post as Publications Prefect and Editor of Lions Raw. My ever growing enthusiasm for the publication portfolio has lead to this, a first week back edition which is also an indication of the committed and effective Lions Raw team already assembled from last year which is eager to succeed. I am now especially keen to welcome Year 10’s into our team and all new students who want to participate in publications With the start of the new year, many opportunities arise for myself and fellow students. I hope that the Lions Raw can be an opportunity for writing and provide a voice for students who have opinions on any matter, and that you will look forward to the release of the next issue as much as I do. I also hope that Lions Raw can feature student work in literature and the visual arts as the year progresses and encourage you to submit creative pieces to share with others. Mum always told me to make jokes if I ever felt awkward. This, my first editorial, struck me as an awkward task, so here is a joke. Two Potatoes were sitting in the bath and one potato said to the other one, “Can you pass the Soap”. Seamus Kavanagh Publications Prefect
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CONTENTS ISSUE 1 2009 06
Whoâ€™s that new guy?
Term 1 House activities
Spot your teacher
Australian film review
Food for your; stomach
Local coffee review
Hot or not
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Whatâ€™s going on
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at Wesley in 2010 5
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Who’s the new guy? An introduction and interview with the all new Head of St Kilda Road, Mr Brenker. Ryan Sandor
2010 is the beginning of a new era at Wesley College with Mr Richard Brenker taking over from the much loved and successful Mr Stuart Davis. Mr Brenker has been a part of the Wesley community for 30 years and held many positions such as: • • • • •
Head of Humanities First’s Basketball Coach Head of Houses Head of Middle School (SKR) Head of Senior School (GW).
Now again, he has moved on within the College and I had the opportunity to speak to him during the summer holiday break just to see what he plans to do to successfully reintegrate into the St Kilda Road environment.
ns to get to
pla What are your year?
oduc e students intr av h to e lik ld u ents I wo t to as many ev endeavour to ge d teaching a Theo s an around Campu h the leaders from it w offi to have lunch get out of the to e p o h I . ls o o ts an Sch as many paren t ee m to pt attem
How d as the no you feel the stu ew Head of Camdpents will emb race In eve us?
ry r you maximis ole I have had at Wesle e oppor genuine tunities y I have , f e mined b consistent and or students. I fe ndeavoured to y the wa fair. The el that I casions, n the re will be y they s s e a ing for s nd education, e me. I value th t will be detera c about th hool’s sake, bu lthough it ’s not e formality of o t for life ce subtle just abo .W ty of occ u asions. esley students t learnlearn
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As you Campusheave worked at b s what do o you fintdhaGlen Waverley an I find tha re the big t gest diffdeSt Kilda Road there are the question of th rences? e bigges more sim
t differen have to b ilarities t ce e h Melbour spaces and locati an differences. Th is asked frequen ne becau tly but I d o e biggest n . S t Kild se o be a grea ter level of the Campus’ lo a Road students a difference though find that of indepe local feel, n would c d ation an staff co n since this not quite as diver dence here. Whe d public transpor me from all over t. re se h more link as been the cent . At St Kilda Road as, at Glen Wave There seems to r ral campu s to Wesle ley there t h e r e is a tion famil s is ies at Gle y families and I ca since the beginn greater sense of t a more ing of the upwards n Waverle n see tha radition, a t having all nd Glen Waverley y comparatively. I there are a lot m College. There are ore first a s o lso no p f r it e s a d year leve time. ls on the s out and that lea tice that St Kilda generaRo same cam d pus gives s to it being more ad builds it more o c f a campu ohesive; s feel all the is
o know the stu
to me and I will ce themselves l as being el as possible as w Class. I plan ge d le w ory of Kno dle and Senior the Junior, Mid ssible and will po ffice as much as . n ca I nd staff as
ave h rted a g t s n lo r. I yea h Howllege? t 30 s. Co my
sley e at W 98
th 1 at
r is mpu yea ad Ca s i Th a Ro Kild
With the beginning of the school year now at hand, it’s Mr Brenkers’ chance to make his own lasting impression on the Wesley community and build on what he has already accomplished in the past. 7 Lions Raw - 2010
Gâ€™day Collegians. Slip on your colours, slop on your face paint and slap on your game shoes because this year is set to be a big one in relation to the House activities agenda. This term we have 5 sports being warball, tunnelball, Swimming Carnival, volleyball and indoor cricket. Warball has traditionally been a big house event, it being played as the first sport of the year will set up to be a ripper start to the House activity season. The Swimming Carnival on the 3rd of March is the biggest event of the term with sausage sizzles, music and, of course, swimming being participated in over the day. Just the same as every year before this, House sports is not all about wielding the House cup at the end of the year. First and foremost, it is about participation and having fun, so we are encouraging as many students as possible to give each sport a go. Look forward to seeing you out there!
House Activities What to look for in House activities Term 1.
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Warball (A v W and C v I ) Heats Warball Finals (Losers) Warball Finals (Winners)
Swimming Carnival Volleyball (Heats) Volleyball (Finals) Indoor Cricket (Heats) Indoor Cricket (Finals)
Thurs Feb 11th
Thurs Feb 18th
Thurs Feb 25th
Wed Mar 3rd
Thurs Mar 11th
Thurs Mar 18th
Tues Mar 23nd Thurs Mar 25th
Tunnel Ball Heats and Finals
No House Activity
Co-Curricular Activities What’s on offer at Wesey College.
yourself as an actor you can still play a Ellie Phillips part in the back stage and technical aspects of each performance.
Facebook’s lost it appeal? There are only reruns on TV? And you’ve either finished or neglected your homework? If only you had something else to fill in time. Fortunately there is an answer to what you seek in the school’s wide co-curricular program. The Music School offers many opportunities to explore your creative side with places for all instrumentalists. The SeDebating is yet another outlet for creativity, especially if you are of the argumentative breed. Be warned though! A loud voice isn’t always enough to sway approval from the adjudicator. You’ll need to be able to think on your feet as well, particularly during secret topic debates where you are only given one hour to prepare! However, everyone is welcome to join in and those interested should talk to the new captains Steph McMahon nior School Orchestra and Concert Band and Daniel Dindas. are always looking for new members as is Miss Patterson’s Pop Choir. Various smaller bands exist such as string, guitar If you feel your talents lay more outside and jazz groups though places are limited these creative realms you can always in these. Other creative pursuits include participate in one of the school’s many the many drama productions which take sporting teams. During summer tennis, place each term. Even if you don’t fancy rowing, swimming, softball (girls), cricket 10 Lions Raw - 2010
calendar (and rumour has it spectator colours will be available once again for those members who show plenty of commitment and passion). To join any of these Committees speak to the appropriate prefect and be on the lookout for more which may be cropping up at the start of the year. Wesmob is also another group within the school which deals with indigenous issues, holding regular events as well as a trip to central Australia dur(boys), badminton, table tennis, diving ing the year. and volleyball are available while winter offers basketball, cross country, football, gymnastics, hockey, snow sports, net- Finally, there is of course, this very magball and soccer. There is also the limited azine of which you can be a part, with spring season when athletics and water many more issues to come. Simply speak polo are available to everyone. Although to Editor-in-Chief Seamus Kavanagh. the summer season is already half over in Hopefully, youâ€™ll have seen something some sports (having started in term four) in this article which takes your fancy. If others are yet to have their first match. not, it will hopefully help you delay the All the appropriate information about moment when you must return to your training and how to sign up can be found homework. from the Sports Directorate (hidden beneath Adamson Hall). If you feel none of these pursuits are to your liking (or you simply want to do everything on offer) you can also become involved in the various prefect led committees. The IRS Committee works constantly throughout the year to promote international culture within the school as well as helping new students to settle in through the mentor program. The Charities Committee also runs various events to raise money for worthy causes. This year will also see the introduction of a Supporters Committee, led by the Sports Prefects to encourage your peers at various sporting events during the school
Debating Alert Good mind? Good voice? Want to be heard? Senior School debaters (Years 10, 11 and 12) please see Daniel Dindas or Stephanie McMahon for information. 11
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Step 2: Sit with the smart kids. Out of sight, out of mind. It works for your home work and it works in class. Your Tips for making school life smoother. teacher won’t scrutiChris Borzillo nise the kids they think are working. Success has an easy lining. (Class Edition)
Whilst fast food, smartphones and cable TV help alleviate life’s biggest horrors we have yet to truly apply our awesome Gen Y penchant for laziness to our schooling in any other form than procrastination. With this simple 6 step program, however, you can set yourself on the road to success. Step 1: Turn up to class It may sound counter-intuitive but it’s sure to catch your teacher off guard. If you’re there, why should they suspect you watched the Dexter marathon last night instead of doing that 6000 word comparative essay on the relative weaknesses of Quantum Geo-Economics.
Step 3: Ask/Answer the first question At this point in the lesson when you most likely haven’t gotten past the blurb, your teacher will give you an approving smile and then pick on the next kid.
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Step 4: Lead the teacher off-topic AFL and cheese are always crowd pleasers but beneath the teacher’s scholarly exterior there lies a wily critter. Instead, ask a question about the topic not intimately close to the work. The teacher feels bound to teach you and will go on. Intersperse with deeper questions to continue the monologue. Nod regularly. Bring cheese.
Step 6: Be an errand boy/girl Boot kissing requires bending over and that causes back problems. Run errands instead. A teacher can’t fault you for helping a colleague whilst the other students handed work in and your dog’s digestion will be better for it.
Step 5: Google is your friend Before commencing laziness mode Google the study topic to about 5 different pages. Whenever the teacher approaches, swap to each. You’re now pro- With very little work and a lot of luck, ducing quality not quantity and you need these tips will help get you through your the extra time after class to finish it. Senior School schooling. Tune in next edition for Examination tips.
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Spot your teachers A guide to help you tell your teachers apart. Angus Attwood
The start of a new year leads to many changes including new teachers. (Provided, of course, that you’re not in Year 12 IB.) You’ll soon get to know the people who will be attempting to teach you Old Man Wilkins throughout the year. I’ve discovered “Old Man Wilkins” does not have to be throughout the years that most teachers a male teacher, or even old. An ‘Old Man are alike, and even fall into groups. See if Wilkins’ is the sort of teacher who has seen nearly everything life has to offer, you can spot yours in the list below. and will happily share his or her stories with the class. While these are often interesting, depending on the prompt Drill Sergeants. “Drill Sergeants” want you to fear them. the stories can go on for as long as half They make themselves known early the lesson, maybe even more. ‘Old Man on by SHOUTING to the class that they Wilkins’ teachers are usually quite popudon’t want anyone messing around in lar as they’re both interesting and wise their classroom, and troublemakers will but sometimes they make better substibe punished. They take their subject tute teachers - depending on how well VERY seriously, and anyone undermin- you want to do in that subject, at least. ing the importance of what they’re going on about will be…dealt with. “Drill Sergeants” are easy to identify, as you can usually hear them from three classrooms down. The desired effect is to scare the class straight, and this occasionally works. For about a week. Nearly everyone has had their own variation of the “Drill Sergeant’ teacher, so everyone has their own way of dealing with them but my strategy is to befriend them early on. They make powerful allies.
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If you wind up with a ‘Guy-Smiley’ teacher, be thankful. These teachers are like ‘Old Man Wilkins’ in that they don’t have to be male. They just always seem to be in a good mood. As they’re always in a good mood, they’re eager to make classes more fun and easier for everyone. A ‘Guy-Smiley’ usually doesn’t give out much homework or tries to make it as easy and quick as possible. Usually the punishment for not completing a work requirement is a disappointed expression and a reminder to get it done as soon as possible but this can sting more than any detention ever could. Beware, though. ‘Guy-Smiley’s’ can only take so much before they snap, so don’t push them. That’s how ‘Drill Sergeants’ are born.
Illustrations by Joey Coley-Sowry
BEWARE OF ‘MASK-WEARERS’. On first impression, ‘Mask-Wearers’ seem like they could be a ‘Guy-Smiley’ or an ‘Old Man Wilkins’ and they can keep this up as long as they want. Days, weeks, even terms. Until someone gets them mad. Then they tear off that happy-go-lucky mask they’ve been wearing all this time and release all the anger, hatred and disgust they’ve kept inside all this time. The results aren’t pretty. You can usually tell if someone has encountered the wrath of a ‘Mask-wearer’ - they’re pale, shaking and muttering, ‘I’m sorry’, again and again. If you think your teacher could be a ‘Mask-Wearer,’ ask around. If he or she is, don’t worry! Some of the best teachers I’ve had have been ‘Mask-Wearers…’. Just stay on his or her good side! 15 Lions Raw - 2010
Student Pieces Up in the Sky.
She got me up in the sky like a bird, She got me thinking 窶話out her day and night, Waiting for her call, feeling absurd, But to hear her voice makes the dark bright. She got me waiting for her too long, Like she is not to coming back to me, Our love and friendship that always seemed strong, Is ending, taking away all my glee. And, now I am left alone in the dark, With no comfort, no one to keep me safe; I walk alone and on my heart a mark, Alone, something missing, left like a waif; Yet, constantly you will be on my mind, As your tender loving left me blind. 16 Lions Raw - 2010
Across the Plain. Seamus Kavanagh
An icy breeze across the plain, A solitary figure, absent of name. Walking toward me, a curious gait, Is this the disfigurement of my fate? A complexion of pale and starched light, Hair that seems engaged in fight. Shirt scattered, tattered and torn, Chin, naked as a baby born. Intense and forever withstanding gaze, Boring my mind through the haze. A sudden curious inner pain, Caused by this figure, Across the plain. 17 Lions Raw - 2010
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19 Lions Raw - 2010 Photograph thanks to A. Guandalini - Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/36236696@N00/2574036772/sizes/s/
The Australian Film Complex The Australian Film Complex: Depression, for the sake of Art, or Acclaim? Martin Quinn
I’m writing this quite late at night after seeing a double feature of Australian cinema. I’m 16% more depressed and 90% more inclined to drink because of it. Depression is not a character trait or motif in Australian cinema; it’s the plot. Releases of note from last year prove my point: Samson & Delilah - cuddly romance story. Plot: two kids in a depressing place fall in love. But, totally still unhappy. Balibo - story about the inner workings of journalism, perhaps? Plot: journalists get killed. The ironic way. Hmmm, this isn’t sounding great! How about the films I just saw? A double of Wake in Fright and Last Ride - Plots respectively: a disgruntled teacher holes up in various desert shanties until his resolve is broken and he is driven to suicidal madness… ok, not too bad so far! A criminal on the run with his son learns the true meaning of child beating.
I’m slumped in my chair already just thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, Australian film is fantastic. The locales, the dialogue, the chain of events are all uncompromising, brilliant in fact. But I often wonder, during these films of marvellous rapport, why? For art, or critical acclaim? Our industry seems to work to counter Hollywood where studio bosses
find it difficult to approve bold scripts and harsh endings whereas without these the FFC or Screen Australia wouldn’t give the screenplay a second look. Uncompromising theme? Check. Challenging-toanalyse main character? Check. Setting in poverty/desert/poverty? Check. Congratulations young Mr. Visionary director, here’s 1000 dollars. Go ahead. Make my day. My biggest complaint is not the fact that the majority of our films are so damn hard to watch. With Wake in Fright, I was at least captured by the filmmaker’s ability to make the desert heat leap from the screen, every last beer to be painful to drink and each decision more ironic than the last. The world into which the character is thrown becomes instantly easy to empathise with. However, Last Ride particularly demonstrates my original point, perhaps because I’d been worn down by Wake in Fright, or something about it made me instantly more detached – either the characters or the locale. I could not empathise, something about it was
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gives our films such power? All empathy for these Freudian filmmakers aside why can’t anyone just be happy?
wrong. Almost as if the filmmaker was trying to plant these emotions within the viewer. Gritty realism is a hallmark in our films but alone it’s not enough. What we need to see in a film is another world, a reason to watch. A film should be a different representation of reality. The cinematography in Last Ride was beautiful, and naturally the outback was used to its full panoramic potential. But the idea of ‘Art’ in our cinema has become the reality, not a life amplified or in most cases not even dramatised by the actors. Ultra realism has perhaps reached a peak in brilliance courtesy of our country’s wonderful filmmaking talent. But why would we see a film simply to observe the horror of life as it happens?
The filmmaking gamble in Australia is making a film that a member of the Australian public might actually watch. And for what? Because the cinematographers might be ridiculed along the way by their alcoholic aficionados? Because they might make some actual money? I’m sure they could do with some of that. Are our films being made inaccessible just to have critics hail them as ‘Remarkable’? When a good Aussie film truly hits the mark, it can make you seriously mentally ill and still have you adoring the film. But films are intended to be escapist. Sure, give me a Wake in Fright occasionally so I can feel intelligent. But Australian directors, writers, and financiers need to understand that art needn’t lie in the deepest pits of hell. Making a film depressing will crush your audience into a crying submission sure, but the average viewer has enough to worry about. In trying to break with cliché our films may soon create a stereotype all of their own. So come on Australia! Give Nick Cave a pen, give George Miller an awful lot of money and shoot Baz Luhrmann; let’s make a film that will not make me want to kill myself.
And, this is the Australian film complex. Do not get me wrong. The aforementioned film was good, even if the ending was a bit of a cop out. Reality takes preference, a stark reality at that. Do characters have to be living in the deepest pit of mental despair to create art? Or maybe it’s finding the beauty in such horror that
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Food for Your; Stomach Brother Baba Budan.
As you walk in the cramped little cafe down in the office side of town, you can’t help but notice the amount of chairs provided. Too bad they’re on the roof. Brother Baba Budan (BBB) is named after the 17th century Sufi Baba Budan who in legend brought the almighty coffee bean from Yemen to create the delicious beverage. Every day BBB has a choice of two beans, one house espresso and an everchanging single-origin bean. During peak hours you have to stand out the door
sweet undertones, like a wild stallion. The milk is excruciatingly perfect and the partnership brings forward a certain holy matrimony. It’s almost spiritual. But the real prize is the coffee called “Panama La Carledia Gesha”, a bean brought from the faraway bridge of North and South America. I think if Ghandi’s soul was available for sale it would taste like this coffee. There really is only one word to describe it. It is perfect. But in all seriousness, BBB serves one of the best coffees around (and almond tarts, for that matter), so put down that gravel quality Starbucks and be a real brother.
You can read more of Darryl’s culinary amongst your fellow hipsters and para- adventures on: foodforyourstomach. legals to wait for one of their carefully tumblr.com crafted coffees. But once you take a sip of their creamy decadent lattes you will understand why, then probably get up and line up once more. To describe the house espresso is like describing quantum mechanics to a fourth grader. It’s sharp, complicated flavor is loaded with 22 Lions Raw - 2010
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Local Coffee Review A Review of Cafes close to school. Jessamine Welsh
Near the corner of St Kilda rd and Lorne St, Krave @600 has the feel of a hospital cafeteria, with pre-made sandwiches lit up with florescent lights and a interior which would be better suited to a airport lounge. Not all is bad though. Surprisingly they do make O.K. coffee but with the almost continuous turnover of staff it is never reliable. The pre-made focaccia and sandwiches are actually alright. Just stay clear of the chicken unless they lie accompanied by a large drink. But if you’re looking for somewhere close to school to grab a quick coffee and maybe something to eat, then this is the closest. 3/5
Just off Greville St near the parking lot of Safeway, Babble Bar & Cafe is a relaxing and mid market café. It offers good coffee which seems never to be too hot and some of the best chips and aioli in Melbourne. The décor is something to be admired with the feature wall of dried leaves and the fire place in the corner gives the café an almost ski resort sort of feel. The music can be a little too loud
however, to enjoy a conversation. If it is bothering you, there is always the option (if the weather permits) to sit out side and enjoy the view of the passersby of Prahran. 4/5
On Greville St just past the train station you will find Palate, one of the upper market cafes of the Prahran area. If you can afford to enjoy the over priced chai latte, then go right ahead, though the coffee may not be the best for the price you pay. The interior is something to be admired with vintage prints of old advertisements mixed with the modern furniture, which gives with vibe of the surrounding area. The clientele is a mixture of Toorak types who think they are bohemian adventurers going to Prahran and young couples who use every penny they have to afford a life style they should never have if they want some kind of financial stability in their lives. 2/5
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With two Wesley Students in the running, itâ€™s time for us to get behind our own and VOTE FOR DARCY OR BEN!!
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Hot or Not
A list of the in and outs of our society. Beth Wilson
HOT: Liz Lemon Mario Kart ... on 64. Morning after Maccas Vinyl Fire drills that run through class Alice in Wonderland in 3D When you wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy
NOT: Farmville MyKi Rejected high fives Not knowing the difference between your and you’re The “Oh, sorry, that was my last piece” excuse “Twihards”
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Photograph thanks to Len Langevin - Flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/lenlangevin/2219826486/sizes/o/
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A brief description of what to look forward to in the new styled ‘Puzzle Paradise’. Campbell McKenzie
You just finished your long Christmas holidays, and now you’re back, stuck in St Kilda Road’s lovely un-airconditioned, stuffy rooms. You can’t open the windows for some odd reason, and all you can think about is why the school decides to torture us this way. Well, not anymore! With this new styled Puzzle Paradise, we hope to make you forget school for the time being, hope you can temporarily avoid the idea of learning and just drift back into the holiday mood you miss.
M.D. Ph.D. L.L.D
(1.) Bob was having a big party. He decided on a technique to get lots of people to come. He invited his five closest friends and said that they could each invite 4 people. Each of those could invite 3, each of those could invite 2, and each of those could invite 1. Overall, how many people did Bob invite to his party? (2.) An anagram is a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. For example, rearrange “none” to get “neon”. It is not considered an anagram if you exchange a letter with the same letter. For example, switching the n’s with each other in “noun” does not give an anagram. Even though a word is not considered an anagram of itself, your task is to find a word that is an anagram of itself. If you can do the seemingly impossible once, you might as well find a second word that is an anagram of itself. 1. Five 2. Stifle and Filets 3. Three Degrees Below Zero
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Sudoku E A S Y
H A R D
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Always a bit of fun for Wesley students. Stephanie McMahon
1. Who directed the blockbuster Titanic? 2. And what is this director’s most recent film? 3. In the movie “Gone With The Wind”, what was Scarlett O’Hara’s maid named? 4. According to FIFA rules in soccer, what is the maximum amount of time a goalkeeper is allowed to hold the ball in his or her hands? 5. Name two of the three South American countries that begin with a vowel. 6. Which continent is divided into the most countries?
8. In the recently attempted terrorist attack, a young man tried to light a bomb sewn into his what? 9. What have you eaten if you’ve just consumed a deutoplasm? 10. By how many runs did the Australian Cricket Team beat Pakistan in the 2010 Test in Sydney?
Answers: 1. James Cameron 2. Avatar 3. Mammy 4. 6 seconds 5. Argentina, Ecuador, and Uruguay 6. Africa 7. Ted Whitten 8. Underpants 9. An egg yolk 10. 36
7. Who was the captain of the AFL Team of the Century?
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Horoscopes Your future told today.
Madame Gribast Hiawella
Aries Oh no, I think you are beginning to lose your tentacles! Those pigeons must still be angry at you. Don’t worry, feed them paprika and they will for ever reward you with spare chips. Taurus Look in the mirror tonight, and memorize your face. I hope you have a good memory for faces because all mirrors will be broken and you will never see your face again.
about to be inedible. I would pick them before they mutate as they usually do. You don’t want some more of your furniture going missing again. Virgo For the next few months you should really begin to focus on yourself so take a camping trip to the spiritual beyond but remember to take more wool than cotton based items of clothing. Wool will keep you warm even when it’s wet.
Gemini You need to become more confident and take over your life. Try wearing a fake giant moustache, or use a pogo stick to get around. That’s a great way to grab attention, and gain respect.
Libra You are going to have to start sacrificing some important things to get what you want. Just a tip, when removing your own limbs for science, remove them at the joints. It creates less mess.
Cancer Next performance you go to, become a part of it. Get involved! But heckling your cat while watching it play will just end with scratches over your face and those scars don’t go away.
Scorpio We know what you did. You won’t admit it, but we know you did it. You took the last Tim Tam and we’re left drowning in a sea of plain biscuits. Venus, as a planet, and as the Goddess will make you pay for this unfair behaviour. To make it up, you have to buy us some more and they BETTER BE DOUBLE COATED.
Leo How did you enjoy your holiday Leo? That garden you planted looks nice but the eggplant look unsettled and are 34
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Sagittarius You may wake up at any moment to discover that your eyebrows have been shaved off. You really need to get your sleep-grooming under control, or you might not have any more hair to groom. Capricorn Stop practising piano in the middle of the night. We can hear you, and you’re ruining the mood. Aquarius When your doctor tells you that your foot is made up of meat loaf and glad wrap, don’t worry, it’s just from Jupiter’s orbit changing – Look on the bright side, you still glow in the dark! Pisces This month for some reason you will find the word “pseudonym” oddly hilarious. This is absolutely no reason to replace your spine with strawberries, they may make you begin to melt.
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