A6 T H E BULLETIN • SUNDAY, MARCH 29, 2015
TODAY'S READ: MAKING TIME FOR KIDS
Stu: Parentin uai trum s uanti By Brigid Schultes The Washington Post
Do parents spend enough time with their children? Though American parents are with their children more than most any parents in the world, many feel guilty because they don't believe it's enough. That's because there's a widespread cultural assumption that the time parents, particularly mothers, spend with children is key to ensuring a bright future. Now groundbreaking new research upends that conven-
Parenting time
tional wisdom and finds that that isn't the case. At all.
The average number of hours parents spent with their children each week has risen since1985.
In fact, it appears the sheer amount of time parents spend with their kids between the
ages of 3 and 11 has virtually
13.7
11.2
MOTHERS
no relationship to how children turn out, and a minimal effect
on adolescents, according to the first large-scale longitudinal study of parent time to be published in April in the Journal of Marriage and Family. The finding includes children's academicachievement,behavior and emotional well-being. "I could literally showyou 20
13.9
12
10 5 7.3
FATHERS 1965
I975
I985
1995
I999
2004
Source:Journal of Marriage and Family
2010 The Washington Post
representative sample of chil-
the amount of parents' time
dren over time, looking at parent time and outcomes when
and children'soutcomes.
Medical Center.
today, an earlier groundbreaking study of Milkie's found, are spending as much time with their children as at-home
the children were between the
mothers did in the early 1970s.
12 and 17. Researchers looked at both "engaged" time, when
Nada. Zippo," said Melissa Research does show that in Milkie, a sociologist at the Uni- highlystressedurban environversity of Toronto and one of ments, having involved parthe report's authors. ents and even strict parents is In fact, the study found one associated with less delinquent key instance when parent time behavior, Biel said. can be particularly harmful In truth, Milkie's study and to children. That's when par- others have found that, more ents, mothers in p a rticular, than any quantity or quality are stressed, sleep-deprived, time, income and a mother's guilty and anxious. educational level are most s trongly associated with
a
ly when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly,"
child' sfuturesuccess. "If we're really wanting to think about the bigger picture and ask, how would we support kids, our study suggests
said co-author Kei Nomagu-
through social resources that
chi, a sociologist at Bowling
help the parents in terms of supporting their mental health
That's not to say that parent time isn't important. Plenty of studies have shown links
between quality parent time — such as reading to a child, sharing meals, talking with them or otherwise engaging
"In an ideal world, this study
that led Milkie to wonderdoes all that time make a dif-
parents were interacting with
ference for kids?
time, when parents were present, but not actively involved
Mothers' time In her current work, though
their children, and "accessible" with children. They focused on sheer quantity, not quality, of
she looked at father time and time. They did not look at time with children from birth to the focused specifically on moth- age of 3. ers. She wanted to test the Nomaguchi said mothers' widespread belief that there's guilt-ridden efforts to spend "something special" about as much time as possible with mothers' time with children. their children may be having Milkie predicted mother and the opposite effect of what they parent time together, Milkie
intend. "We found consistently that
she said. "The sheer amount of
she found it didn't. "I was re-
mothers' distress is related to
time that we've been so focused on them doesn't do much."
Amy Hsin, a sociologist at Queens College, has found that parents who spend the
bulk of their time with chil-
selves without the engagement of parents for social and cogni-
counts, then how much quality
with kids in 1965 to 7.2 in 2010.
time is enough'? Milkie's study doesn't say.
Mothers' time with children rose from 10.5 hours a week in
1965 to 13.7 in 2010. In roughly the same period, the share er there's a 'sweet spot' of the of working mothers with chilright amount of time to spend dren under 18 rose from 41
Stuff
dren were between the ages of
matter. She was shocked when
would alleviate parents' guilt tive development. about the amount of time they S till, the amount of t i m e spend," Milkie said, "and show mothers and fathers spend instead what's really import- with their children has been ant for kids." dimbing since the 1970s. FaBut if Milkie's study makes thers' time has nearly tripled clear that quality, not quantity, from 2.6 hours a week spent
"I'm not aware of any rich and telling literature on wheth-
It was that surprising finding
ages of 3 and 11 in 1997, and again in 2002, when the chil-
and socio-economic status,"
dren under 6 watching TV or with them one-on-one — and doing nothing can actually positive outcomes for k i d s. have a " d etrimental" effect The same is true for parents' on them. And the American warmth and sensitivity toward Academy of Pediatrics emphatheir children. It's just that the sizes that children also need quantity of time doesn't ap- unstructured time t o t h em-
pear to matter.
the Senate." The idea of reproducing
Senate set out to rebuild the crumbling image of the world's greatest deliberative body, they started from the ground up.
there, and it became inte-
now prefer to live simpler
the memory of the senator
"It is an audacious idea,"
The new institute, which
parent time with kids would
ally surprised," she said. "And poor outcomes for their children," including behavioral and emotional problems and The one key instance Milk- "even lower math scores," Noie and her co-authors found maguchi said. w here the quantity of t i m e Much of that stress, the reparents spend does indeed searchers contend, is driven by matter is during adolescence: what they call"intensive mothThe more time a teen spends ering" beliefs that have ratchengaged with their mother, eted up the standards for what the fewer instances of delin- it takes tobe considered a good quent behavior. And the more mother in recent decades. The time teens spend with both idea that mothers' time with their parents together in fami- children is "irreplaceable" and ly time, such as during meals, "sacred," they contend, has the less likely they are to abuse led to mothers cutting back on drugs and alcohol and engage sleep and time to themselves in in other risky or illegal behav- order to lavish more time and ior.They also achieve higher attention on their kids. "There are a lot of cultural math scores. The study found positive as- pressures for intensive parsociations for teens who spent enting — the competition for an average of six hours a week jobs, what we think makes engaged in family time with for asuccessful child,teenagthe parents. "So these are not er and young adult, and what huge amounts of time," Milkie we think in a competitive sosaid. ciety with few social supports The researchers analyzed is going to help them succeed," the time diaries of a nationally Milkie said. we don't find mothers' work hours matter much at all."
senators in training in a Hol-
lywood-ready facsimile of a setting that Kennedy saw as hallowed ground, able to stir senatorstoovercometheirpolitical impulses and, thereby, accomplish big things. "He believed in the majesty of the place," said his widow, Victoria Reggie Kennedy. She, along with other family members, has been a moving force behind the institute,
their adorable baby shoes and family heirloom quilts.
W hichpossessions define us
Two case studies on immigration and the Compromise of 1850 have been developed, and staff said a third on the Patriot Act was being assembled with the assistance of
Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., the majority leader, through the McConnell Center at the
University of Louisville. The idea is to show what goes into outcome.
idential library, originated as Edward Kennedy was pondering a possible post-Senate life. At a family birthday dinner in 2002, Edwin Schlossberg, a designer who is married to Caroline Kennedy, the senator' sniece,presented him with a rough drawing and an idea for a facility that would representmore of a political learning experience than simply an overview of the Senate.
almost without exception in
"Senator Kennedy was so
Victoria Kennedy and other institute officials said that trialruns, restless students had immediately become serious upon enteringthe cham-
ber and enthusiastically participated to a degree surprising to some of their teachers.
And while their parents might have become jaded about the abilities of Con-
gress, it was not too late for younger Americans to learn how to tolerate an opposing point of view or how a compromise can be superior to
in love with being in the Sen- solutions that do not accomate," Schlossberg said. He modate competing outlooks, said his concept was to build a center that would not just "be
Stephanie Kenyon, 60, the
lives with less stuff in smaller
)
percent say they would want to tombed in plastic containers at live there in the future. their parents' homes. Take Kelly and Josh PhilThe 20- and 30-somethings lips, who rent a 700-squaredon't appear to be defined foot apartment in the Washby their possessions, other ington, D.C.'s Shaw neighborthan their l a test-generation hood. The couple frequently cellphones. sells things on Craigslist and "Millennials are living a call an Uber instead of ownmore transient life in cities. ing acar."My parents are alThey are trying to find stable ways trying to give us stuff," jobs and paying off loans," says Kelly Phillips, 29, a real says Scott Roewer, 41, a Wash- estate marketer. "It's stuff like ington professional organizer bunches of old photos and whose business is the Orga- documents, old bowls or cocknizing Agency. "They are liv- tail glasses. We hate clutter. ing their life digitally through We would rather spend money Instagram and Facebook and on experiences." YouTube, and that's how they Her husband agrees. "I conare capturing their moments. sider myself a digital hoarder," Their whole life is on a com- says Josh Phillips, 33, who is puter; they don't need a shoe- opening a Oaxacan restaubox full of greeting cards." rant, Espita Mezcaleria, this Many millennials raised fall in Shaw. "If I can't store in the collect-'em-all culture my memories of something in (think McDonald's Happy a computer, I'm probably not Meal toys and Beanie Babies) going to keep them around." T -shirt collections, still e n -
filibuster, but one that, in this chamber is limited.
fore he died in2009. The notion for the institute, adjacent to his brother's pres-
restaurants and work. And 40
any sentimental attachment to
over the dedication of the
which Edward Kennedy had drafting legislation and the a major role in planning be- trade-off s required to get an
books, sports trophies or
dise, much of it made of brown wood. Downsizing experts and professional organizers are comforting parents whose children appear to have lost
about the re-creation. "But it
actually got a chill," said for- chamber with current senamer Sen. Trent Lott, R-Miss., tors on the floor — although who sits on the center's board. they will be paired with col"I thought, 'I have been here lege students from aroundthe before.'" country. President Barack Obama, The institute also houses the Kennedy family and for- a re-creation of Kennedy's mer coll eagues are scheduled office in the Senate's Russell to be on hand for ceremonies Building, complete with famcelebrating both Kennedy ily photos and the tennis balls and the center's vision: to left for his ever-present Porturemind the public that an in- guese water dogs. stitution that today is known The chamber will be the more for filibusters and dys- setting for what the institute function than bold leadership is calling immersion modules. and stirring debate can again In two-hour simulations, spebecome a venue for finding cially trained staff will lead national consensus. up to 100 middle and high To drive that point home, school students through their the $78.4 million combination swearing in, hearings, legislamuseum andcivics classroom tive negotiations, debate and will allow visitors to serve as voting. The rules provide for a
To make m atters worse, young adults don't seem to want their own college text-
are flooded with m erchan-
gral to the institute, which
will be dedicated Monday to
owner of Sloans 5 Kenyon downtown spaces, far from Auctioneers and Appraisers the suburban homes with in Chevy Chase, Maryland, fussy window treatments and says the market is flooded formal dining rooms that they with boomer rejects. "Hardly a grew up in. day goes by that we don't get The desire of many millenni- calls from people who want als to stay in cities rather than to sell a big dining room set moving to the suburbs or rural or bedroom suite because no4, areas is instigating a rewrite of body in the family wants it. the American dream. Accord- Millennials don't want brown ing to the 2014 Nielsen report furniture, rocking chairs or ''Millennials: Breaking the silver-plated tea sets. MillenMyths," 62 percent of millen- nials don't polish silver." The nials prefer to live in the type formal furniture is often sold of m i x ed-use c ommunities at bargain prices, or if it's not found in urban centers where in good shape, it might go Astrid Riecken /For The Washington Post they can live near shopping, straight to the dump. Kelly and Josh Phillips stand in their tidy, 700-square-foot apart-
Continued from A1 Auction houses, consignment stores and thrift shops
the chamber took hold from
received significant support from Kennedy'scolleagues in Congress through $38 million inpublic funding over the years.
"I walked in there, and I
2014. In fact, working mothers
Quality time
ate, but to learn about being in
BOSTON — W hen creators of the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the U.S.
full-scale replica of the cham- works." ber, a re-creation startlingly It may work particularly authentic even to those who well on Monday, when Vice have spent countless hours in President Joe Biden, the presthe real thing. ident of the Senate, presides
percent in 1965 to 71 percent in
Green State University.
a place to learn about the Sen-
floor, has as its centerpiece a
8.5
a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Georgetown University
"Mothers' stress, especial-
By Carl Hulse New York Times News Service
who spent nearly 50 years said Bill DeWalt, executive thundering from the Senate vice president of the institute,
with kids," said Matthew Biel,
charts, and 19 of them would show no relationship between
In bid to inspirefaith in Senate, I(ennedy Institute hasthe floor
members of th e
i n stitute's
staff said.
counseling boomers as he helps them clear out. Roewer was born in 1973, which makes him part of Generation
X. He says his own parents try to give him items for his 750-square-foot home.
"When my parents downsized from 4,500 square feet to 1,100, they sent me four box-
es of stuff. It was things like cards from people I no longer knew, a paper plate with the
face of a lion I had glued yarn around and my christening outfit. I appreciate my mom
ment ln Washington, D.C. "I consider myself a digital hoarder,"
taking care of this stuff, but I really don't want it." (He is keeping his Cub Scout Pinewood Derby cars.)
Josh, 33, says. "If I can't store my memories of something ln a "Baby boomers were col- computer, I'm probably not going to keep them around." lectors," says Elizabeth Wain-
one of Roewer's clients, has three sons ages 17 to 24. She
stein, 50, owner and president
and her husband, Ira, live in a
Collector culture
of Potomack Company Auc- trying to give me stuff," Fierro it. It has to have an important tioneers in Alexandria, Virsays. Every couple of months, meaning for them or fit in with an aesthetic they are building ginia, where lots of unwanted she cleansout her closets and family treasures end up being gives her own things away ei- for themselves." sold. "They collected German ther to charities or to cousins. Tyler Whitmore, 58, owner porcelains or American pot-
tery. It was a passion, and they spent their time on the thrill of the hunt." She says younger people aren't really that interested in filling shelves. Kenyon says the under-35 set has always had eBay to find exactly what they wanted and aren'tas nostalgic for for-
mer decades. D ominique Fierro, 33, a
photographer and stylist who rents a 900-square-foot condo in Bethesda, Maryland, with her husband, Titou, 33, a per-
sonaltrainer, is always fending off offers. "My family is always
K aren H ammerman, 5 2,
five-bedroom house in Rockville. Maryland. "Millennials have stuff on discs and flash drives," she says. "I don't think
my sons are going to want my walnut table, eight chairs ing stuff. I have a set of white Bethesda, consults on staging and buffet. We will downsize and a set of blue plates. I don't and downsizing. "Eight times maybe in five years, and I will want my parents' silver that out of 10, kids don't want the either sell this stuff or give it you have to hand-wash." parents' furniture or b oxes away." Millennials like to stick to of let ters or scrapbooks," she H ammerman h a s th r e e their personal design aes- says. "That's a hard thing to large zip-top bags full of thetic. "Millennials are de- come to grips with, and at first m emoriesset aside, one for sign-conscious, inf o rmed parents are insulted. It can each son. But as Roewer told consumers. They bring a lot create hurt feelings. But it's not her, she shouldn't be insulted more confidence to how they that they don't love you. They if they don't want their firstdon't love your furniture." want their homes to look," grade drawings or boxes with says Newell 'Ilrrner, 53, ediKenyon says that boomers seashells glued to them. "They made these things torial director of the Hearst may be a bit envious of their Design Group. "They need to offspring as they look to shed and gave them to you and you have reasons for why they are things and have more freedom enjoyed them," Roewer says. "The gift-giving cycle is now doing something. They are to travel. not just taking a bed to inherit Roewer often finds himself complete." "I don't want formal entertain-
of Tyler Whitmore Interiors in