TABLE OF CONTENTS !
From The Editor
Wellness Woman Poem
Self-Love, Self-Care !
Loving Yourself Through Adversity
Learning To Love Yourself
The Day I Accepted Myself Worth
Loving Me Through Loss
Being Present And Loving It
Love The Journey You're On
Loving The Skin Your In
Ultimate Self-Love - Putting YOUR Health & Wellness First
A Revelation of Love Along The Journey
Creating A Home Where Self-Love Abounds
What Aging Gracefully Can Mean To You
A Vision of Love
Loving Yourself to Health
A Father’s Love For “Daddy’s Girl”
Color Therapy: Creative Solutions to Alopecia and Chemo Hair Loss
Wellness Woman 40 Columns !
Ask Rebecca Anything - With Rebecca Norrington
Dream Queen - With Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos
Rediscovering Life After 40 - Build Your Professional Brand After 40 -
Fit & Fabulous 40 & Beyond - With Erin Schroeder
With Dr. Lisa Matthews
Featured Wellness Women – Our Stories
Sue Ingebretson - Orange County, California
DrBev - Tampa, Florida
Simran Singh - Charleston, South Carolina
Mary Ellen Ciganovich - Chattanooga, Tennessee
Gluten-Free Butternut Squash Turkey Chili
Red Lentil Soup
Did You Know? Lynnis of PraiseWorks is proud to be a Wego Health Activist FINALIST for 2013. For more info visit: http://awards.wegohealth.com/nominees/lynnis-of-praiseworks-1117 ii
CREDITS Publisher PraiseWorks Health & Wellness
Founder & Editor-In-Chief Lynnis Woods-Mullins, CHHC, CLC, CPI
Contributing Writers Ellen DolgenÂ Diana Lynn Kohn Pastor Chyrell English Mary Ellen Ciganovich
Editorial Staff Victoria E. Moore, LLP
Publicity Gina Smith (SPMG Media)
Layout & Graphic Design Paul Jones (www.WebPlexx.com )
Business Operations & Advertising Manager Victoria E. Moore, LLP
Business Consultant Tyler Hutchinson (www.fullcirclebusinessconsulting.com)
Susan Tolles Rebecca Norrington Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos Julie Williamson Sue Ingebreston, CHC Karen Wells, M.Div Alx Utterman Nakeesha Harris, M.S., C.N.C.,C.M.C. Dr. Kat Smith Jennifer Fugo, CHC Michelle Howe Shawngela Pierce Sherry Burton-Ways, IIDA,CFYH Erin Schroeder
Advisory Board Krista Dunk Mary Ellen Ciganovich Bess Blanco Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos Carmela Ramaglia Susan Tolles Martina Desgouttes Carol Dunlop Suzanne Strisower
Layout & Design by www.WebPlexx.com
Dr. Laurie Andreoni Dr. Lisa Matthews
www.PraiseWorks.biz (916) 706 - 7565
From The Editor When I ﬁrst thought about this third issue of Wellness Woman 40 and Beyond I thought that since the issue comes out the weekend of Valen=nes Day it should be about love. Not love necessarily in the roman=c sense, but love in the sense of how we feel about ourselves, our lives… our essence. I feel this topic is important to write about because so many women struggle with the concept of loving themselves. Simply put, we as women give so much of ourselves to others, play so many roles (daughter, sister, wife, mother, best friend, aunt, grandmother, nurturer...etc) that we don't have anything leI for us. We are depleted. We need to remember or in some cases learn how to put what we give out back into ourselves. A simple concept but some=mes diﬃ-‐ cult for us because we start to feel guilty about put-‐ =ng ourselves ﬁrst. But the true reality is puMng our-‐ selves ﬁrst is not selﬁsh, it is a must!! We can’t con=nue to give water from a well that is dry, neither can we con=nue to give to others when we are feeling depleted, empty and exhausted. It is necessary to begin to show yourself love by not al-‐ lowing yourself to give away your essence, by doing those things for yourself that bring you joy (and not feel guilty about it!). Whether it is long bubble baths, a few minutes of silence, a long walk in the park, go-‐ ing shopping, dancing around the house singing at the top of your lungs, taking =me to go to the doctor for that check-‐up you keep puMng oﬀ, choosing to say "NO" when your plate is full, taking =me to hang with your girlfriends, geMng help to heal from the hurts of the past etc, ...all of these are part of loving yourself. In this issue I have chosen four women who have learned the importance of self-‐love and self-‐care. All of them have had challenges emo=onally, physically, spiritually, and have come out of those challenges
stronger and wiser. They realize the need to work on loving themselves and not feeling guilty about caring for themselves. They have learned that self-‐care and self-‐love really is an internal process. I have learned much from all of them and I am so grateful to call each of these women my sister and friend. There are over 20 women who have contributed to this issue of “Wellness Woman 40 and Beyond” and I am so grateful. There is so much wisdom, beauty and love in what they have wriZen. I pray that what they have shared will bless you as much as it has blessed me. Health, Blessings, and Love, Lynnis Lynnis Woods-‐Mullins, CHHC, CLC, CPI is founder and CEO of PraiseWorks Health and Wellness, a faith-‐based health and wellness organiza@on for women over 40. 5
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Featured Wellness Woman Sue Ingebretson
Orange County, California Self-‐ Care: Acceptance and contentment during the challenges and obstacles of life. There are a few silent soldiers out there who are ﬁgh=ng for Women. They are advoca=ng for those issues that are important to us. Suppor=ng and giving women inspira=on, mo=va=on and guidance to keep women moving forward toward their ul=mate wellness. Sue Ingrebetsen is one of those soldiers. She is an advocate and ac=vist for Women aZaining total wellness for their mind, body and spirit. Although she was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia she hasn’t let that stop her. She is a =reless advocate for other women who have been diagnosed with the disease. Her level of strength in the face of her illness is truly remarkable. She serves as a true example of what God can do when you truly accept your circumstances, ﬁnd contentment and con=nue along the journey with a strong sense of faith and purpose.
What do you do for your own self-‐care? Bible Study, Prayer, Medita=on and Fitness Ac=vi=es. I make myself a priority and put my money where my mouth is. I actually do the things I write about. I have learned to be forgiving of myself and take =me for personal introspec=on. Taking =me to manage my =me has resulted in less stress. I really have learned the importance of being kind to myself. I understand the priciples of restora=on and live by them – nutri=on, ﬁtness and emo=onal wellness. Everything else shiIs aIer these priori=es. If I don’t follow my advice I suﬀer from the symptoms of Fibromyalgia. I am grateful for that. I have learned not to judge but to be grateful. There are =mes in life when things are great and =me when they are not. I have learned to accept what is and make
adjustments. The pain from Fibromyalgia is almost like a friend hanging around just to wait and show me when I get oﬀ track. I no longer look at Fibromyalgia as a curse and I don’t say I am cured. I have accepted where I am. I am a stubborn Mid-‐ Western, Norwegian, a Pastors kid and I never would have moved to where I am in life (spiritually and emo=onal wellness as well as physical wellness) if the pain of Fibromyalgia hadn’t brought me to my knees. I am grateful for having Fibromyalgia because it made me listen!
Why is it important for women to take the Ime to truly love themselves? I think the reason it is important because that very 7
thought is so foreign. You will ﬁnd 90% of women would hesitate before answering the ques=on “do you love yourselves?” or they say “are you kidding me? I hate my thighs, my wrinkles etc”. Women come up with all kinds of reasons why they are unlovable. We confuse the term “self-‐love” with “good or right” and want to jus=fy why they are not “all right or good enough”. Some of us have a false humbleness feel if we say we love ourselves we are “unChris=an or arrogant”. How you ﬁll about yourself and your health is intrinsically linked. You can’t be kind and care for yourself; do what your body needs to stay healthy without loving yourself. If you are hurt biZer and resenjul it will show up in your body all sorts of ways. It is all linked which is why I do what I do. I am always digging between how we fell about ourselves and how it is reﬂected in our own health.
How have you managed to age so gracefully? What is your secret? I am 54 and my natural impulse is to totally deﬂect, say that I have wrinkles up close, I am carrying weight around the middle, BUT, I will step back and shut-‐up and say “thank-‐you!” (she laughs) I think in the last 5 to 10 years I have been doing a lot of inner work to accept what is. I can’t change what has happened. I can only change how I think. I no longer waste =me thinking about if something is good, bad right or wrong. I have become a lot more accep=ng of my own thoughts and my life in general. You know I have a Shel=e, liZle collie. She is a herding animal and she always wants to herd and would be happy if everyone stood in a circle. I feel that God does the same for us. He guides us, He wants to keep us safe and in a “circle”. He is the master shepherd and has everything in his hands. God is accep=ng of my insecuri=es, problems and challenges. I have learned from this and it has given me a sense of peace. I don’t beat myself up anymore. I have removed judgment, shame and blame. It isn’t produc=ve and not a part of the healing process. Being over 50 is awesome.
What is your deﬁniIon of a Wellness Woman? She has an overall sense of contentment. Acceptance is great and contentment follows that. We can force ourselves ar=ﬁcially but truly we much reach a sense of acceptance in order to content. A wellness woman has an understanding of who she is, where she has been, how all of that has been valuable for who she is today. She has an idea where she wants to go but is open to not knowing exactly where she is going to go because she has trust and faith in the fact she will be where she needs to be at the appointed =me. A Wellness Woman is pa=ent ,loving, kind, and open to what lies ahead.
Sue Ingebreston Sue Ingebretson is an author, speaker, cer=ﬁed holis=c health care prac==oner and the director of program development for the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Center at California State University, Fullerton. She is also a Pa=ent Advocate/Fibromyalgia Expert for the Alliance Health website and a Fibromyalgia editor for the ProHealth website community. Her #1 Amazon best-‐selling chronic illness book, FibroWHYalgia, details her personal journey from chronic illness to chronic wellness. Her feature appearances include FIRST for Women magazine (2010, 2013), Know the Cause syndicated health TV program, KABC radio, and various other US and UK publica=ons. She is also the creator of the FibroFrog™-‐ a therapeu=c stress-‐relieving tool which provides powerful healing beneﬁts with fun and whimsy. www.RebuildingWellness.com
Loving Yourself Through Adversity
BY Alx U(erman When circumstances seem the roughest, can we use adversity to keep learning about love? And love ourselves through it all, no ma=er what? “A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is un@l she gets in hot water.” -‐ Eleanor Roosevelt
In my own journey through life, I’ve faced many traumas, challenges, conﬂicts, obstacles and dark nights of the soul – and I’m not at all unique in this experience. Each of us has a path to walk through life, oGen fraught with diﬃculIes. It's natural. While contemplaIng this subject, I iniIally wanted to ﬁnd one parIcular example from my own life that would illustrate everything I’ve
learned. What came to me instead was to share a list of tools I’ve picked up – simply by having lived through various twists & turns, triumphs & crashes – you know, life. First, a few quesIons: • How do you feel about yourself, when things get hard? • Is it easy to separate circumstances from the self, ie, recognize that challenges may be hap-‐ pening around or to you, while your essence is intact? • Do you tend to blame yourself? Others? Do you get self-‐righteous? 9
• How much do you look inside for strength guid-‐ ance, answers, clarity? How much do you look outside for same? • How can you keep your inner light shining, no maEer what’s happening? Each of us has diﬀerent reacIons, tendencies, pat-‐ terns that emerge when we’re really up against the wall – and we all have diﬀerent tools to use when facing challenges. What we choose, or how we react, can be incredi-‐ bly instrucIve, and of tremendous use in our evo-‐ luIon into more love, more light, more joy, in our-‐ selves – if we pay a=enIon to what’s really going on inside, and what our approach to self-‐love is. Learning to care for the self inside… When I was younger, especially teens and 20s, the idea of self-‐love was foreign, and even sounded selﬁsh. The idea was baﬄing: that I could (and should!) learn to care about myself, extend com-‐ passion and understanding to myself, acknowledge and respect myself, and ﬁnally, really, truly love my-‐ self. Plagued by an inner drive towards perfecIon-‐ ism, I fell far short of my idealized version of my-‐ self. It was a diﬃcult ba=le to learn to accept my-‐ self as a work in progress… and as such, a loveable one. Especially when things got tough – ﬁnancial strug-‐ gles, relaIonship conﬂicts, family issues, loss of loved ones, professional disappointments – it was all too easy to fall for the criIcal judgments with which I’d grown up, and blame myself for what-‐ ever diﬃculIes I was facing. And yet – the spark of a deeper awareness was growing, gradually, in me, through each set of
and t s r i f rself s into line. u o y e v “Lo g else fall uro y e n v i o l h everyt ally have to done in You re get anything self to this world.”B all ucille ~L
challenges: as a human being, I was worthy of love. Simply by being alive. IniIally, it was easier to understand that I merited this from others. The tougher awareness was rec-‐ ognizing that I absolutely require this from my-‐ self! (And in fact, wasn’t really capable of giving or receiving genuine love with others, unIl I learned how to extend that love & care to myself.) Adversity – the greatest teaching material! Over years, and through a ﬂowering spiritual ap-‐ proach to life, I’ve found that loving myself is one of the most rewarding, incredible experiences in learning possible, especially when faced with challenges great and small. In the university of life, this is the material that never gets old, or dated – it’s a constantly vibrant, living invitaIon to keep evolving, expanding, understanding & loving the inner self. These days, I welcome diﬃcult Imes, recognizing that they’re not happening ‘to’ me, but rather they’re happening ‘for’ me, to help me evolve into the best person I can be. (cont’d next page)
Tools to Create Self-‐Love Under Duress So here are some tools I pick up, when I know I need to love myself through a set of challenges. I hope the list inspires you to expand or revisit some of your own. 1. Schedule Ime-‐outs for self-‐nurturing, every day. What do you do to feel safe, loved, balanced in yourself? 2. Think about what counsel you’d give a dear friend in a similar situaIon – then apply that exact advice to yourself! 3. Turn towards support -‐ sharing problems with the empatheIc hearts of family & friends is incredi-‐ bly healing.
4. Look inward, to the core of your self, touching the Source through prayer & meditaIon. Stay humble. Stay grateful. 5. Journal or keep a diary of your insights along this journey, even one line a day. 6. Be sure to laugh! 7. Look for the deeper lesson -‐ ask yourself, “What am I learning from this?” 8. Give yourself a break! No one is perfect all the Ime. 9. Let go of whatever needs ledng go. 10. Listen to your inner voice. Trust it!
Do YOU Want to be Happier? Do YOU Want to be Healthier? Need a Speaker? Contact: Rebecca L. Norrington Host of Reality Spirituality www.rebeccanorrington.com Info@rebeccanorrington.com
Nakeesha Harris, M.S, C.N.C, C.M.C. Nakeesha T. Harris is a God-fearing wife and certified nutritional counselor. Nakeesha is certified through the American Association of Nutritional Counselors. After many years of dieting and trying various programs, she learned that the best way to get healthy and not fluctuate with her weight was not a diet, but a lifestyle. Her desire is for everyone to live to their fullest potential and purpose without any hindrances. Because of this, she works very hard to remove any of those nutritional blockers. Nakeesha believes that making adjustments and dedicating some time to your health will benefit you, your family, and your purpose. Nakeesha is founder of Nakessha’s Nutrition. www.nakeeshasnutrition.com
Pastor Chyrell English Chyrell English is Entrepreneur, Business Coach, Professional Development Trainer and President of Teaching New Thinking! (TNT). She is an ordained Minister and founder of Doers of The Word, an on-line bible study ministry for Women. www.teachnewthinking.com
Diana Lynn Kohn Diana Lynn is a business owner, speaker, and author from Kirkland Washington. She is a contributing author to international bestselling “Chicken soup for the Soul” series. Her responses to life’s obstacles serve to inspire readers of all backgrounds to find new beginnings. www.recoveringdysfunctional.com 12
LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF By Mary Ellen Ciganovich One of the most difficult lessons we must learn through living is learning to “Love Yourself”. You are born with the natural ability to love – unconditionally. You are born a clean slate full of this wonderful loving feeling. Yet slowly day by day without even our knowledge we are taught our “unlovingness”. The societal mispercep-‐ tions of motives, judgments and expectations are anything but loving. Self-‐ love must become a way of life that you not only practice but live on a daily basis. Teach your family members -‐ through your example -‐ how to face their problems (misperceptions) with a loving attitude. How-‐ ever you cannot teach something that you yourself do not know. So how do you begin to “Learn to Love Your-‐ self” First you become aware of the first moment you were told, “No”, “you are wrong”, or, “this is the way you have to do it”. In this moment you began to question your ability to think and feel for yourself. You began to “give your power away” to someone in authority who you were “told” knew better. You must take yourself back to the moment or moments where you began to place the opinions of others above your own. When you began to create an identity for yourself – usually as a teenager – you tried many forms of self-‐ expression. Some of these forms of self-‐expression worked and maybe at times you found yourself in trou-‐ ble. During these “trouble teen” times when you should have been learning to choose differently and love yourself in spite of your error in judgment, you were probably told, “see I told you ______!” You began to look to other people to validate your accomplish-‐
through our teen years without feeling misunderstood or unaccepted. Become aware of how you receive affection, kindness, love and joy because this is what you teach your chil-‐ dren. Become aware of all the things that make you happy. Allow yourself as an adult to laugh and play. Stop looking to others in your life to validate your feel-‐ ings. You must choose a way of living through becom-‐ ing honest with yourself as to what is stopping you from loving yourself. You must be willing to express your feelings and release your judgments from your past experiences. Empower yourself by accepting your-‐ self just as you are whole, complete and perfect. By learning to love yourself and living your life this way you will be teaching your children that their lives and feel-‐ ings are valuable. Love is THE transforming element that will transform you back to an adult full of the same unconditional love as an innocent newborn baby. This month and forever more discover your LIGHT which is Love which is God within you. Remember that you are complete, whole and perfect just the way you are and just the way you were born!
ments when those are the very people who took your power (love of self) away. I don’t think any of us get 13
Dear Rebecca, My twenty something daughter is smart and talented but has an unforgiving and intolerant nature that worries me. She has some OCD tendencies, insomnia and can't seem to relax. I wonder what I can do, if anything, to help her open up to the wonders of the world and to look for the best in people, rather than the worst, and to be a more kindly, compassionate being? She is far too young to be so cynical, negaLve and self absorbed. Is there anything I can do to guide her, or, is this just a passage in her life that I should accept (and love)? Signed, What Have I Done?
Rebecca Answers: Dear What Have I Done, First of all I want to express my apprecia=on to you for being open enough to share with the world your challenges. WHID, I can feel your heart, and you, like many mothers, have a natural inten=on of wan=ng only what’s the best for their children. I too, am a mother and there was a =me in my life when being a “good mother” was my number-‐one priority. During my well-‐meaning aZempts at being a good mother, I found myself talking – talking a lot. I talked about everything from sex to drugs to money to rela=onships to religion to poli=cs and everything in between. I ex-‐ pressed what I liked and I expressed what I didn’t like. I prac=cally told him how to “be” and what to become. I shared with him my limited (yes, I said limited) perspec=ves every chance I got. Fortunately for me, we lived un-‐ der the same roof and he was literally a cap=ve audience. All joking aside, from the day my son was born he received the Rebecca L. Norrington doctrine of how to be, act, feel, speak and think. Oh, I leI nothing out. And here’s the kicker – I even remember thinking “If my son turned out to be just like me, I’d be happy”. Without ques=on, my good inten=ons were leading my son down the path to a life of certain unhappiness. Why? Because I was unhappy! I cannot teach what I did not possess my own damn self. Ouch! Besides, there couldn’t possibly be an alterna=ve way of thinking, living or being other than what I thought, could there? With all of that said, I’d like to provide you with my personal perspec=ve of what’s happening with you and your precious daughter. I’m going to dissect every sec=on of your leZer down to the least common denominator to discover what’s under the surface of your rela=onship. I’d like you to know, in advance that I’m a hard-‐hiZer – it’s just who I am. I’d like you to understand that in advance. With that said, my answer is wriZen with an enor-‐ mous amount of love. My inten=on is always to (1) ﬁnd the truth, and then (2) assist you with ﬁnding peace.
The Worrying Has Got to Stop You wrote that your daughters’ behavior “worries me.” I believe that worrying is a useless and addic=ve behavior that was taught to us at an early age. Worry-‐ ing is an emo=on that detrimentally aﬀects the “wor-‐ rier”. Also important to note, the act of worrying sub-‐ tracts from your happiness. Why would you want to engage in a behavior that is a useless and subtracts from your happiness? This is a ques=on that only you can answer. Hear Yee, Hear Yee, I’m Worried About You Further, adver=sing, to anyone, that you are worried is an interes=ng behavior to dissect. In my opinion, “I’m worried about you” is an announcement that doesn’t need announcing. What does that say about a person who adver=ses to the object of their concern, that they are worried? I used to think that when peo-‐ ple told me they were worried about me, it meant that they cared about me. I discovered that, that is not the truth. What does “I’m worried about you” really mean? In my opinion, one of the reasons you announce that you are worried is because (1) you’d like the person to change their behavior. Change your behavior so that I don’t worry about you, right? Or (2) you might say “I’m worried about you” is another way to express concern for the person. If I worry about you, that means I care about you, right? Wrong. Wor-‐ rying about someone does not mean you love or care about them. And in my not so humble opinion, the op-‐ posite is true. The energy of “being worried” brings NOTHING of value to you or the person you’re wor-‐ ried about. Nothing! Rebecca, what can I do instead?...I’m glad you asked. I would rather send out to the Universe, the following thoughts. I know and trust that the Universe has total control of what happens to me and my loved ones. I know and trust that the Universe will not allow anything to happen that’s not supposed to happen. I know and trust that my loved one is experiencing ex-‐
actly what he/she needs to experience at any given =me. I know and trust that everything that happens to me and my loved ones is happening for my beZer-‐ ment. When you know, trust and surrender to the per-‐ fect order and wisdom of the Universe, what’s there to worry about?
The Truth About Worrying 1) Worrying is a learned behavior. You were not born with the ability to worry. You were taught to worry. The good news is whatever you’ve learned, you can unlearn. 2) When you TELL someone you're worried about them, it's really your aZempt to control them in dis-‐ guise. 3) Worrying is an unhealthy addic=on. 4) When you’re worried, you’re not living in the pre-‐ sent moment. The present moment is REALITY, and the future doesn't exist – yet. 5) Worrying serves absolutely no purpose – ever. Warning: You might need a seat belt for my next re-‐ sponse. Please know that I’m responding to your ques=on with Universal Love. I'd also like you to know that I’m sharing with you the wisdom of my experience and Universal teachings. My dear mother, you are very judgmental and extremely cri=cal. I know this because I used to be the Queen of Judgment Na=on and the Ruler of Cri=cal County. It takes one to recognize an-‐ other one. (Remember that statement.) Yes, you are extremely judgmental and cri=cal, how-‐ ever, I don’t believe this behavior begins and ends with your daughter. Usually people that judge and cri=cize others also judge and cri=cize themselves, life, circumstances, events, countries, and the state of the world! It’s a miserable party. Judging and cri=ciz-‐ ing is man-‐made behavior. We were not put on this planet to judge or cri=cize anything or anyone -‐ includ-‐ ing ourselves. What I’ve discovered about my past be-‐ havior, is that as soon as I stopped judging and cri=ciz-‐ 15
ing myself, I stopped judging and cri=cizing others. Why did I decide to end this destruc=ve behavior once and for all? It’s really simple. When I judge and I cri=cize, I'm literally subtrac=ng from my happiness. All judg-‐ ments and cri=cal thoughts subtract from your happi-‐ ness. Further, there are millions of people on this planet that would not come to the same conclusions you have re-‐ garding your daughter. In fact, if I met your daughter, I guarantee I would not have the same opinion you have about her. Why? Because I’d be experiencing your daughter through my eyes. There are 7.2 billion people on this planet and each person will form a diﬀerent opinion about your daughter. And this is what I'd tell your daughter. The only opinion that should maZer to her, is her opinion of herself. Warning: You WILL need a seat belt for this response. This is going to be hard to hear and digest, but all, and I mean all of the adjec=ves you used to describe your daughter are really a descrip=on of YOU, my dear one. Yes, you can only recognize in another what YOU are yourself. It’s a truth, which believe me, I resisted for years. Yes, every “fault” I found in someone else, was screaming MY name. You cannot no=ce what’s "wrong" with anyone else unless you possess that same charac-‐ teris=cs. When you cri=cize anyone you’re ALWAYS speaking about YOURSELF. Look in the mirror. Do YOU recognize any of the following traits? • Unforgiving and intolerant nature • OCD tendencies • Insomnia • Can't seem to relax • Cynical • NegaIve • Self-‐absorbed
Your leZer is not about your daughter. Your leZer is about you. You said you wanted to help your daughter and I believe you really do. The advice you wrote is not for your daughter. The advice you wrote below is for you to follow!
• Open up to the wonders of the world • Look for the best in people, rather than the worst • Be a kinder, compassionate being
When my son was 11, I discovered the ONLY way I was going to teach him valuable lessons was for ME to be the example of what I wanted him to learn. Much to my chagrin, my words never taught him anything. It was my behavior that inﬂuenced him. If you want your daughter to relax, YOU have to be the example of a re-‐ laxed person. If you want your daughter to look for the best in people, then YOU have to look for the best in people. If you want your daughter to be a more kind and compassionate being, then YOU have to be a more kind and compassionate being. The only thing you can do is BE the example of the type of person you want your daughter to be. BE, LIVE and REPRESENT the example everyday and in every mo-‐ ment. I also suggest that you start focusing and no=cing ONLY the good traits in your daughter. Begin ignoring what you think is "wrong" with her, because in reality, there's nothing wrong with her or her behavior. In conclusion, my dear mother, know that your daugh-‐ ter has her own journey to walk and experience. She, like you and I, have lessons to learn that are unique to each of us. Allow her to experience her journey in her own way, and in her own =me. I’d like you to know and trust that the Universe is holding your daughter by the hand along her journey. And, everything she does and everything she says and everything that she experi-‐ ences, IS for her beZerment. Know that, trust that, and leave your daughter in the hands of the Universe. Mom, the Universe does not make mistakes. WHID, I'm grateful for your ques=ons and I can feel how much you love your children. I would like you to know, without a doubt, how much the Universe loves you! Love, Rebecca L. Norrington 16
By Karen Wells, M.Div. I don’t know what you might be going through to-‐ day as you read this arIcle. I am not certain if you are in the midst of a really tough Ime, or if life is going pre=y good. Yet, one thing I do know about every one of you is that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:1). I know that God looks at you as “the apple of His eye” (Psalms. 17:8). I also know that God already knew you while you were being knit together in your mother’s womb (Psalms. 139:13).
say it simply because it is true! Not by my own as-‐ serIon, but by God’s. He is the one who whis-‐ pered LOVE loud enough into my heart for me to really hear its meaning. He is the one who de-‐ signed my self-‐worth.
Yet, I did not always know this. As a ma=er a fact, I can conﬁdently say that at one Ime I was certain that the above statements could not be true…at least they could not be true about me. You see, at one Ime I struggled to be-‐ lieve in myself, to recognise that I have self-‐ worth, and to give myself permission to accept that I am valued. Perhaps life situaIons brought me to this point: those traumaIc experiences of the past, those haunIng bullying words from my school days, those mistakes I made that seemed unredeem-‐ able. Or maybe it wasn’t any of those things. Maybe it was just how I thought I was supposed to think. Yet, it really does not ma=er anymore because I have been freed from self-‐sabotage, self-‐loathing, and self-‐quesIoning. Today I am a woman who lives the truth of what God says about me. I now give myself permission to say, “Karen, I love you”. I don’t say this in some selﬁsh arrogant self-‐ centered way where I put myself above all else; I
My life changed the day I believed in myself. Something shiGed in my mind and spirit that reso-‐ nated that I was OK…. I mean really OK. That was the day I began living as a woman of self-‐worth. And I’d love to share with you what I have learned because of it. Women who embrace self-‐worth pracIce the fol-‐ lowing:
S-‐ self-‐care. Jesus showed us how to do this. He made sure His basic physical needs were met, He had Ight relaIonships, He stayed in regular touch with God, He stood up for Himself when it was necessary, and He took Ime out to gather with others and have some fun. He was then able to take care of His calling, because He was emoIon-‐ ally, physically, mentally, and spiritually whole.
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style. These women empathize, encourage, and support others yet do not carry other people’s junk.
R-‐ ﬁlter their thoughts and channel right thinking into their minds. They know that what they feed into their mind grows and what they starve from their mind dies. They are certain to feed healthy thoughts and starve poisonous ones.
T-‐ trust God’s Word. They encompass their life-‐ E-‐ expect good things to happen in their life. They have decided not to let setbacks, diﬃculIes, or hard work defeat them in their outlook in life. They know that “all things work out for good to those who love God” (Romans 8:28) and keep their opImism high.
L-‐ do not limit their poten_al and dreams be-‐ cause of past hurt or trauma. They choose not to live as a vicIm of those experiences, which could potenIally destroy them. They live a life of free-‐ dom and hope in spite of someone else’s violaIon against them.
F-‐ know that God favors them as a valuable indi-‐
style, their decisions, and their dreams around di-‐ recIon from God’s Word. They recognise that He can be trusted above all.
H-‐ strive to live a life of holiness. They know that God has given them a second chance at life through Jesus Christ, and so desire to honor Him with their body, mind, soul, and strength. I am so grateful that I can, with humble conﬁ-‐ dence, accept my self-‐worth. Each day oﬀers a greater hope, expectaIon, and challenge to make the most of every day I have because I am no longer weighed down by beliefs that suﬀocated who I am. Now give yourself permission to go and do likewise.
vidual. They know He does not play favorites. They are grateful for His uncondiIonal desire to know and bless them.
W-‐ intrinsically accept that they are worthy from concep_on. This is not because of what they have done but purely because of what God has done. He created them in His image as a human being. He formed them with value.
O-‐ do not personalize other people’s words and ac_ons. They are asserIve in their beliefs and life-‐
youre v o l rn to a an e l c n u a o c y , u “If yo all the flaws much o d self an ther people s s you so make love o t a h t And better. happy.” oweth Chen n i t s i r ~K
By Michelle Howe How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? -‐Psalm 13: 1-‐2
Life comes to women in sIﬀ doses. When it does, and we are crushed or sha=ered or stretched be-‐ yond our limits, we need to surround ourselves with good theologians. But at the end of the day, it won’t be their theology we will lean on…We will lean on our own. Carolyn CusIs James This week was full of losses. Material losses. Po-‐ liIcal losses. Health losses. RelaIonal losses. Each and every one made my heart and mind ache for relief. I felt like yelling, “I give!” to God so that He’d put a stop to the pain (and the losses). I so wanted to do a rewind and replay for a diﬀerent outcome in each of these areas. But as much as I desired diﬀerent, even be=er more favorable re-‐ sults, I realized something. As much as these losses stung, there was something deeper amiss in my heart. A single word. Idols. From the loss of the elecIon to some ﬁnancial slippage to a recent relaIonal tangle which made me feel heartsick (and body sick,) I realized that in every single one of these situaIons I had made an idol out of gedng the results I wanted (craved?) Idols. As one theolo-‐ gian said, our hearts are idol factories. We manu-‐ facture one aGer another throughout our lives and each Ime we do, they come crumbling down and we look at the mess in grave disappointment because we were so hoping they’d come through for us in a way deeper level than they were ever intended to do so.
As much as I desired what I believed to be right and true and honorable results in my losses, I also had to admit aGer the fact, that it wasn’t just the mulIplicaIon of loss that was gedng to me. It was the accompanying disappointment. In life. In myself. In God. I have to conInually remind my-‐ self that life and losses go hand in hand through-‐ out this broken world. No amount of hoping, wishing, or praying otherwise is going to change the fact that we all live in a dying world. But once we accept that truth, our losses make more sense and they don’t take us by surprise so much. Loss upon loss, we need to walk hand in hand with God through it all. And yes, it’s sIll going to hurt and sIng like crazy. But God. Don’t you love that two-‐word phrase? But God. Amidst the pain, the disappointment, the sorrows…there is God. And where God dwells, there can be peace, contentment, and a rightness to our world even when everything seems to be falling apart. In all honesty, I haven’t much enjoyed these past few months because the pain has lined every moment. But God. There it is again. That powerful biblical truth that trans-‐ forms all my heartache into something beauIful (in me, through me.) No ma=er what my life may look and feel like right now…God is holding sover-‐ eign sway over it all. But God. Amen! Losses come to us all. SomeImes those losses are our own fault. Other Imes we experience loss at 19
the hands of others. OGen, losses come by no fault of any person, it’s simply part and parcel of this dam-‐ aged, sin-‐ridden world. But when the losses come, we have to be prepared. Each of has to know what we believe before the storms hit. Otherwise, we’ll tumble and fall deeper and faster and farther than if we’d been prepared on the inside of our hearts and minds. How does one prepare for the inevitable without sounding like a naysayer? By becoming a student of the Bible and rightly understanding what God’s Word says about life on this planet. Scripture clearly teaches that we will have trouble but that we shouldn’t let it overcome us. Why? Because Jesus over-‐ came the world. That’s the good news! The bad news is that we’re going to experience trouble, pain, and loss upon loss. Once we come to accept that struggle is part of life, every life, then we’re much more ready to respond to life’s diﬃculIes and disappointments with a grace-‐laced answer. What does a grace-‐laced answer look like? One that speaks the promises of God’s provision aloud, out loud, by faith, and keeps on speaking out the truth that God said He would provide. Period. It’s true, we oGen don’t understand why these losses come to us, but we can bank on a single truth found in God’s Word through them all. Those who trust in the Lord will not be disappointed. He said it, we need to believe it before, during and aGer our losses. Takeaway AcIon Thought: My losses are God’s best opportuniIes to set me free from the inside out. -‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐ADVERTISEMENT-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐
Dr Kat Smith As a Doctor of Human Sexuality (Sexologist) and a Certified Love Coach, it is Dr. Kat’s desire to inspire others to embrace the decadence of what love and intimacy has to oﬀer. She has co-hosted a syndicated morning radio program with ABC Radio Networks, Inc., along with a weekly show called A Woman’s Point of View. Dr. Kat’s speaking topics concentrate on relationship enrichment, love and life enhancement. With messages that speak to the hearts and minds of those seeking to understand their internal dialogue and external communication she helps clients to learn to re-parent themselves, rejuvenate and re-purpose their lives. She has authored several books and created programs, games and products to enrich relationships and increase one’s lovability. https://kat-smith.com
Ellen Dolgen Ellen Dolgen, is an outspoken women’s health and wellness advocate, menopause awareness expert, author, speaker and founder of “Menopause Mondays”™. She also is a regular contributor to The Huﬃngton Post and has been a guest on many radio and talk shows. www.ellendolgen.com
Julie Williamson Originally born in the West Indies, Julie is a former spa owner, practicing Reflexologist, published author, blogger and professional website designer. Her latest self-help book, Creating Your Life Plan: Practical ways to manifest a life you can love and enjoy, is the first of her many self-help books to come. www.Passionistas.me
By Shawngela Pierce Before you can love to be present, you must ﬁrst un-‐ derstand the concept of presence. Being present to me is being grounded and rooted in the present mo-‐ ment. You are out of your head, and literally in your “body”. You are rooted enough in who you are and your higher source, that you can let go of the thoughts in your head and completely immerse your-‐ self in this moment. You let go and allow. When you learn to trust in your higher power, you intui=vely understand that you don’t have to control everything, you can let go and allow yourself to “deepen” into the present moment. You can truly love just being there and doing whatever you are do-‐
ing. You can learn to love that state of calmness and peace. In order to love being present, you have to learn to let go of thinking and thoughts. You have to learn to trust in what is happening. Whatever your higher source, whatever essence you pray to, you have to learn to trust. All religions and beliefs have that basic founda=on of trust. They have the founda=on that it is taken care of. You have been in the mindset that you must act in order for something to happen. Okay, if you are ac=ng then act. But thinking is not ac=ng. If you are leMng your mind just wander con-‐ stantly and constantly, this is not doing. This is think-‐ ing, whether it be unconscious or conscious. When
you are present, you let go of the stream of thoughts and you just do what you are doing. That is what I am doing now. I am wri=ng this ar=cle for you. LeMng go of the thoughts of will they understand my concept, will they get it, how will I make my point and so forth. I am typing away and leMng go, trus=ng that the mes-‐ sage has been received. That is the process of leMng go. Regardless of whether or not I have experienced something similar in the past, I can recreate myself in this moment. I am this moment and not the past. Rec-‐ reate yourself at any moment. If you are trying to compare your level of presence to others and ﬁnd that most of your friends seem to be doing okay in their state, well that is ﬁne for them. Let each person experience life in the manner in which they desire. You on the other hand, if you are ﬁnding a bit of discontent with your situa=on, then you have a choice. You can either subscribe to the “norm” of dealing with situa=ons or you can develop a level of trust and learn to love being in the present moment. Learn to love handing it over to your higher source. In that way, when you hand it over to your higher source, you CAN be present. You can just allow your-‐ self to “sink” into the moment. No worries, no fears.
mindfulness and they have helped me tremendously in grounding myself. When I ground myself, I can feel my higher source connec=on because I am “out of my mind” and “out of my thoughts”. The more I feel that connec=on, the more I learn to trust. The more I learn to trust, the more opportuni=es in the day I have to be present and not feel I have to worry about what is going to happen or what has happened in the past.
Listen to The Wellness Journey Radio Show here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thewellnessjourneylive
Learning to love presence will allow you to experience this world in more than just the 5 senses. See that is what happens when you center/ground yourself in the present moment. When you learn to be in the pre-‐ sent moment, the world takes on a whole new per-‐ spec=ve. The crispness of your thoughts, the clarity in which you understand concepts, the release of wor-‐ ries. It is a very refreshing moment. It feels wonder-‐ ful. You let go and you allow a new way of being to come into your reality. You let go and allow. Try it. Now learning to be present is just that, learning. There are many ways to learn the process and I feel medita=on, whichever form you choose, is the key to learning presence. I prac=ce and teach qigong and
"We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God’s hands." -‐Proverbs 16:1
By Susan Tolles This verse has never been more per=nent to my life. As an adoptee and only child, I have spent a large por=on of my life in search of my birth mother. This 22-‐year journey recently ended, and in a very unexpected way. My quest to discover my biological roots began in 1991. As a young mother, I had also wanted to thank my mother for the painful, heartbreaking decision that she had made to give me up for adop=on. My search took many twists and turns over the years, involving dead-‐ends and many volunteer helpers called “search angels.” Once I realized that God's =ming was obviously diﬀerent than mine, I waited pa=ently for a big break and ac-‐ cepted that His plan might never include connec=on with my birth mother. Various scenarios played out in my vivid imagina=on: Would she be there with a loving embrace, or would she reject me? Would she be alive? Might I have brothers and sisters to bless my life? Of course, I preferred to imag-‐ ine a fairy tale, in which I would live happily ever aIer in a close rela=onship with my birth mother and several half-‐siblings. God chose to present me with "the big reveal" in October of 2013. DNA tes=ng ﬁnally connected me to several cousins, ul=mately crea=ng an indisputable link to my birth mother. So many emo=ons ran through my heart and mind as I thanked God, in awe of what He was doing. Why now? What was His plan? Would I experience my fairy tale ending? 24
make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." Personally, I never thought I was inadequate or incom-‐ plete. Though there was a "puzzle piece" missing from my life, I knew that I was complete in God's eyes. Even if I had never found that missing piece, I would s=ll be content knowing that I am His child.
As I rapidly uncovered more and more data, I became speechless. My birth parents had married, and I had three full siblings-‐ two brothers and a sister. My father died in 2004, but my mother is s=ll alive. God's bless-‐ ings: my sister's Chris=an faith is strong like mine, one brother is a Believer, and they have welcomed me with open arms. His task for me: my mother and old-‐ est brother reject God, and my mother does not want to meet me. A new journey has begun, and I am anxiously awai=ng God's plan. So far, the outcome of my search has not only brought incredible joys and tears, but has also taught me lessons about myself, my faith, and my fu-‐ ture outlook.
• Love the =ming He has for you. AIer ini=ally search-‐ ing for many years, I acknowledged that God had a diﬀerent plan, and was able to let go of my obses-‐ sion that ad developed through hours of research. Surrendering to His =ming eased the frustra=on and disappointment that I had felt repeatedly, at each dead end. For your journey, remember that God has
but I e h c i l c ing to ike a l o g s t d o n n u “It so that you’re il you t n u t n n o r s also lea the right per feel good d r fall fo e yourself an e.” ov ar really l out how you son t ab ma Wa ~Em
Our lives are comprised of many journeys, some of which lead us to unimaginable places. The important thing is to love each journey that God has planned, to embrace both the highs and lows, and to remain faith-‐ ful during unexpected detours. No maZer where you are on your current path, re-‐ member these things.
a plan, and that He has the end in sight from the very start. Be obedient, seek His guidance, and wait pa-‐ =ently. His =ming is perfect.
• Love the life God gives you, and be content knowing that He loves you. Discover the purpose He has for you, fulﬁll it with gusto, and live a joyful, dedicated life that is pleasing to Him. You never know what He has in store. As Paul said in Philippians 4, "I have learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances....Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can
• Love the outcome He provides for you, no maZer what it is. My fantasy stories included neither full sib-‐ lings, nor a mother who rejects both me and God. However, I am thrilled to have a sister to share the rest of my life with, and a brother who has welcomed his new "big sister" with open arms. Even if I never 25
meet my birth mother, I now have the answers I sought for over two decades. This is how God wants it to be right now; this is His plan. I am blessed beyond measure to have reached this point. I have a new beginning, with joys and surprises yet to be revealed. More than ever, I am now open to where God is leading me, and to how He will use me to aﬀect the lives of others. It is all part of His plan, and I am ready for the ride.
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Love is in the Air-‐and in YOUR Dreams Beware! Valen=ne’s Day means cupid is on the loose. And he has a way of gliding into your dreams on si-‐ lent wings, poised for the shot of your life=me. An arrow dipped in love may be aimed at your heart. Have you ever dreamed about mee=ng the love of your life, or dreamed of a deceased loved one? 2014 is the year of the Green Wood Horse in the Chi-‐ nese New Year which signiﬁes a renewal of life, energy and love. It is also the mys=cal number seven (20+14=34=3+4=7) in the Western Culture. For ages the number seven has been regarded as the number of mystery rela=ng to the spiritual side of life… and dreams. This February is the month of dreamy love. To dream about Valen=ne's day indicates a new and blossoming rela=onship. Your current rela=onship may also take a posi=ve turn. Either way, your life will not be the same. It will be beZer. Buddha said, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts; with our thoughts we make the world.” Your thoughts are connected to your dreams which are ﬁlled with the answers to your inten=ons, including your inten=ons for love. Your daydreams, prayers and medita=ons can be just as important in fulﬁlling your inten=ons as your night dreams. Dreams are a reﬂec=on of your world and can ﬁll your world with joy and happiness.
Through your dreams you can meet the love of your life or “passed over” loved ones returning dur-‐ ing your darkest hour to remind you that you are not alone and that they s=ll love you. What is inten=on? It is your desire. What do you in-‐ tend to change in your world for 2014 or add to your life in a posi=ve way? Inten=on is also the founda-‐ =on of reality and the ﬁrst step in manifes=ng a change. Before a chair is built, someone must have the inten=on to build it, and imagine the outcome. Then the chair is manifested and you can use it. The same holds true for your life, and the love you wish to embrace. Your inten=on can be voiced as a love request, desire or need. When you voice an inten=on the Universe and your Higher Power is always listening. You were born with Guardian Angels. You are their job and they take that job seriously. They are always listening. And God never sleeps. Dreams are doorways to heaven. Answers to your prayers may come in dreams. So how do you set this inten=on in mo=on and reap the beneﬁts in your dreams? Here are six easy steps: 1.) Before you go to sleep tonight place a dream journal and pen beside your bed. ( a downloadable free dream journal is available to you @ AccessYourInnerGuide.com) 27
2.) Close your eyes and IMAGINE your life ﬁlled with love and happiness. Feel the joy. Does it include a special person, situa=on or place? 3.) Write your inten=on for this life on a piece of paper from your journal. If you are having trouble put-‐ =ng your inten=on into words ﬁll in these blanks. “I _______ intend to _______, for my highest and best, and ﬁll my life with love and joy.” 4.) Now place that piece of paper under your pil-‐ low and “sleep on it.” (Yes, that is where the saying came from.)
6.) Watch for inten=on valida=on. Valida=on can come quickly or take weeks, months, and in some cases years. However, you have set manifesta=on in mo=on. Remember, God always hears in your =me, but answers in heavenly =me. Heavenly =me is per-‐ fect =ming. If you are having trouble remembering your dreams be sure to turn to the Dream Queen sec=on of this magazine and use the six easy steps to remember your dreams for a life full of joy. Happy Valen=ne’s Day and may all your dreams be ﬁlled with love.
5.) In the morning write your dream in your journal and place the peace of paper from beneath your pil-‐ low in the journal with it.
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Susan Tolles Susan Tolles is a Master in Midlife Reinventions, and as Founder of Flourish Over 50, a powerful role model who “walks her talk!” As a professional speaker, life coach, author, and internationallyrecognized expert for women over 50, she is dedicated to inspiring and equipping women of all ages with the confidence and tools to acknowledge their unique gifts, discover their life purpose, dare to realize their passions, and create a future they never before dreamed possible. www.flourishover50.com
Dr. Lisa Anne Matthews, PhD Lisa Anne ‘L.A.’ Matthews, Ph.D. is a Professional Resume Writer and Certified Interview Coach for Top Choice Resumes, L.L.C. Dr. Matthews has helped over 1,000 professionals obtain their career goals. She is an author, radio host, college professor, international speaker, and career strategist who has a diverse background in career consulting. Dr. Matthews is the Career Network Chair for the National Black MBA Association, Inc., Washington, D.C. Chapter (NBMBAA-DC) for over 900 members in D.C., Virginia and Maryland. www.pbergo.com
Rebecca L. Norrington Rebecca L. Norrington is Radio Personality, Author, Speaker, Spiritual Teacher, Fitness Instructor, and talk show host of RealitySpirituality. In June 2013, Rebecca was one of 17 authors contributing to publishing "If I Knew Then What I Know Now: Our Quest for a Quality Life". Rebecca authored Chapter 3 which focused on (1) Defining a Quality Life, (2) What's Important, (3) Life is a Gift, and (4) Forgiveness www.rebeccanorrington.com
Featured Wellness Woman
Tampa, Florida Self-‐Love: Showing your feelings and allowing yourself to feel. Allow yourself to do you. I ﬁrst met DrBev on my show “ The Wellness Journey-‐ LIVE”. It was an experience. I was immediately im-‐ pacted by her vibrancy and brilliance. She is REAL. DrBev is an Gestalt Therapist, a Mental Health Coun-‐ selor, Author and Entrepreneur. She has the uncanny ability to get to the heart of a woman’s pain. When speaking with DrBev you are suddenly pulled into the reality of how beauIful it is to be a strong and self-‐ assured woman. At the age of 56, DrBev says she is con-‐ stantly evolving, learning and changing. For DrBev it is all about ﬁnding and healing the hurts, digging deep to ﬁnd the true you, and ulImately entering into the world of true self-‐love or as she calls it “DrBev’s World”.
What is your deﬁniIon of “DrBev’s World?” D Bev’s World is a place where there are inﬁnite possibili-‐ Ies. It is a safe place of love and hope where you get to redeﬁne who you are. You get to totally redesign and re-‐ write you. It is place where you can ﬁnd the true reality of YOU. Suﬀering has no place in DrBev’s world. It’s all about the whole person, mind, body and spirit. You get to love yourself to life not to death. It is a place of possi-‐ bility thinking, empowerment, and being totally saIsﬁed in your authenIcity. In DrBev’s world you can be fabu-‐ lously sublime in your world of reality. “Ummmm (you can hear the smile in her voice) it’s good!”
Why is it important for women to take the Ime to truly love themselves? I have found that most people lie to themselves. They say they love themselves because ager all they get hair done, nails done, shopping for clothes, all those self-‐care kind of things. Many think doing these things mean I love myself. But actually, loving yourself is about the in-‐ terior, the bare bones of us, our inner self emoIon. Not the exterior. Self-‐love truly means being at oneness. Be-‐ ing at one with yourself (atoneness). It is more impor-‐
tant that you are congruent inside and out with your thought process and believe of self. We need to start taking care of all the stuﬀ that we push down into our belly. See all those big bellies out there these days? A lot of that comes from all the stuﬀ we hold in ourselves. Loving ourselves is about taking those stories that are tucked in the shell of our minds in beauIful large boxes with bows (where we put our se-‐ crets, lies and denials) and really looking at them. We keep collecIng those boxes unIl our closets; our houses (minds) are full. When I think about that I think about the pain women are going through. The self-‐hate, loath-‐ ing, that she doesn’t know she has. The feeling of anxi-‐ ety she constantly has that makes her say “Oh, my nerves are just bad today”. 30
Loving yourself is developing coping skills to learn to love yourself and deal with those boxes in your closet. (Then DrBev said something to me about my mother who has been gone for 25 years) I believe your mother is there saying to you Lynnis, “Don’t weep for me I am happy! I am weeping for you baby girl…” Your distrac-‐ Ions about loving you are keeping you from your zone of genius. That thing that you were put on this world to do. Get your behind up girl and walk around the block and get your mind right. In DrBev’s world you must feel your feelings. I feel my feelings. I walk around and have a tan-‐ trum and give myself that love. Showing your feelings and allowing yourself to feel is ulImately showing your-‐ self love. Allow yourself to do you.
myself love ﬁrst today”. Be ready to say that today, “I am willing to do for myself what I have never done for myself before”. Start today. Maybe that means you are going to start that exercise program today. Perhaps you ﬁrst start with aﬃrmaIons about loving your body. I pray for my body every night. I give it permission to be sexy and be whole. I love on me. I don’t expect someone else to love on me. First I but ﬁrst I give it to me. I am willing to do those things that are uncomfortable that take me out of my comfort zones in order to keep that commitment to myself of loving myself.
How have you managed to age so gracefully? What is your secret?
You are forever complaining about yourself. Take a look at those things you always complaining about. Those are things you have made a commitment to have in your life. If you are always saying things like “so and so is always criIcizing me” Stop and think a minute, you are talking about them not about you You need to start asking your-‐ self “what makes me want to have someone in my life who criIcizes me?” Think about it. Go through those things you constantly complain about. What can you change? You are now beginning the journey to begin to love yourself.
Self-‐love! Loving myself more than anyone else and tak-‐ ing care of me. I was not put here to be a Savior. I used to be a vicIm. I had to ﬂip that when I went through Ge-‐ stalt therapy in order to complete my Doctorial program. I had to do ﬁve years intensive therapy from a Gestalt therapist. They worked a Sister over! I uncovered all those boxes. I went way, way back in my closest. Therapy helped me to recognize hurts and acknowledge them. That was big, heavy and deep. I went from there and be-‐ gan to develop “Dr Bev;” I became a reality. Helping other people ﬁnd there reality about truth. I am doing what I love and I get paid for it. I try to model what I have learned and keep learning. This has kept me vibrant!
What do you do for your own self-‐care?
What is your deﬁniIon of a Wellness Woman?
What happens if you don’t love yourself?
I take Ime for a lot of peace and quiet. I allow myself to feel my ugliest feelings things that I don’t want to feel … the bad stuﬀ. I exercise, I eat healthy, I recognize what my stuﬀ is and I also has a therapist, I believe in therapy. I need that other person who is not so closely aWached to me to have who has a clinical eye. I let go of those things that are not mine. I let go of other peoples stuﬀ. I jour-‐ nal. I do my best to have a balanced life because I have a serious work ethic. I love what I do. I decided I wanted to rewrite my story a long Ime ago. I decided to do what I want to do and get paid for it. Over the last 15 years I worked on it and I did it. Talking about stuﬀ that I love that comes so naturally. I don’t do shame, guilt or fear, should haves…not going there.
How do you start to love yourself?
A woman who is whole healthy emoIonally wealthy and free. In all areas of her life. DrBev is a CerIﬁed Gestalt Psycotherapist, NaIonal CerI-‐ ﬁed Counselor Florida Licensed Mental Health Counselor & CerIﬁed Florida Qualiﬁed Supervisor, Philanthropist and Humanitarian. She is the author “Just Say No!”, Writer for “Our Village” and “Our Sista ’Circle Magazine.” DrBev is also a Group Facilitator, Psychological Assessor, Foster-‐ Care, Substance Abuse Counselor, Dual Diagnosis Coun-‐ selor, HIV/AIDS PrevenIon and IntervenIon Therapist, In-‐ carcerated Male Psychotherapist, At-‐Risk Children Behav-‐ ioral Specialist, Hip-‐Hop Radio Therapist, Psychology and Gerontology Professor, TransiIoning High School Stu-‐ dents, AuIsm Educator, & Public Speaker.
Be willing to love yourself totally. Make a commitment today and say “I will do everything in my power to show 31
By Julie Williamson Loving the skin you are born in can take on an emoIonal as well as a physical meaning. The constraints of your job, family and relaIonships can cause physical and emoIonal draining which can lead to a mental breakdown that individuals some-‐ Imes don’t realize exists. This can be a terrifying experience that leaves you feeling insecure, doubsul and alone but rest assured that you are not by yourself. Problems within your personal relaIonships, career, ﬁnances, or other feelings can cause a person to feel exhausted, distressed and wor-‐ ried. When these issues become overpowering, this can cause an indi-‐ vidual to become incapable of oper-‐ aIng in day-‐to-‐day life and unable to manage daily demands. This can pro-‐ gress into depression and anxiety. Each person may experience their break down diﬀerently. Physically you might encounter an inability to sleep, a loss of your desire to eat, overeaIng and feeling lethargic. UlI-‐ mately, the individual feels emoIonally weak and depleted; your spirit and conﬁdence become damaged, which reinforces the underlying feelings of worry and despondency. For some, the feelings decrease when there is a reducIon in stress and people ﬁnd be=er ways to deal with the problems. Others ﬁnd that their daily life becomes discombobulated as feelings of anxiety and depression magnify. Altering the way we feel emoIonally about ourselves starts with producing self-‐conﬁdence and defeaIng low self-‐esteem. To change our emoIon involves altering two diﬀerent center beliefs about our self-‐image. 32
The ﬁrst main belief is that we think we are not good enough. It may have a parIcular relaIon to how we ap-‐ pear, how intelligent we are, our ﬁnancial situaIon, or lack of sexual conﬁdence. The depth of success that we believe we should have is the second belief to change. Altering this idea is contradictory to reason, but is a must if we are to conquer uncertainty and increase our pride in oneself. I believe that in order to maintain a healthy, happy life and relaIonships you must constantly grow and be=er yourself. Character is built when you grow through experiences and boldly meet life with genuine intent. The ﬁrst step in personal development and growth is taking complete responsibility for yourself and the results you are gedng in your life. Once you have honestly done that you can deﬁne your goals and purpose and make for-‐ ward progression in the areas you want to focus on. -‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐ADVERTISEMENT-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐
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Ultimate Self Love
Putting YOUR Health and Wellness First
By Nakeesha T. Harris -‐ Cer@ﬁed Nutri@onal Consultant & Health and Wellness Expert Taking care of you is SOOOOO important. As we dis-‐ cussed a few months ago, how can we take care of others if we are not ﬁrst taking care of ourselves. This =me we are going to look at the “not so fun” as-‐ pects of puMng YOU ﬁrst.
• Discipline First we MUST live a disciplined life. How many of us have said “I don’t have =me to exercise, I don’t have =me to cook, and I don’t have =me to relax, when in the world am I supposed to pray, I’m so =red!”? This is where the implementa=on of discipline must be-‐ gin. Time waits for no one; we must MAKE =me for these things. Even if that means waking up earlier to work out, or taking a Saturday to cook for the week, a form of discipline has to take place! PuMng you
ﬁrst doesn’t always mean it’s things you want to do, some=mes it means doing things you NEED to do. Think about children: the majority of them prefer sweets over vegetables, but we as parents know that vegetables are much healthier and beZer op=on for them, so what do we do? We use discipline, and make them eat vegetables and allow sweets as an occasionally treat (at least hopefully we do). This is a perfect example of not allowing what is wanted but puMng the child ﬁrst by giving them what is needed! We HAVE to do this for ourselves.
• Scheduling Okay so now we know that puMng ourselves ﬁrst means that we have to live disciplined lives and force ourselves to do things that we may feel we do not have =me to complete. Now we have to schedule =mes that we may not like to ensure these things are 34
done. You know speciﬁcally what you need to lead a healthier lifestyle in every way but here are some sugges-‐ =ons that are vital to a whole and healthy life:
YOUR AD HERE?
A rela=onship with God is vital for a successful, joyful life. This doesn’t mean our lives will be perfect without any issues but it does mean that we are seMng a founda=on for our lives that allows God to operate fully in every aspect. If we build this founda=on, we are deﬁnitely puMng ourselves ﬁrst.
• Healthy EaIng-‐ less fast food and eaIng out even if it is healthy
FIND OUT MORE
Healthy home cooked/prepared meals not only are healthier and beZer for us, they save money! In planning your meals, you con-‐ trol the amount of fat, salt, addi=ves, oil, and anything else that de-‐ pletes your health. Weight loss and a healthier lifestyle in general is 70% food and 30% exercise proving how important it is to not just eat healthy but control your healthy ea=ng by preparing it yourself.
• Exercise GeMng the heart rate up and blood ﬂowing (cardiovascular) and burning fat to build muscle (strength training) are two of the best things you can do for your body and mind. Not only does it add years to your life, you feel beZer, you look beZer, and most of all you are puMng yourself ﬁrst!
• Reading for growth What is your passion or what do you desire to learn more about? Many =mes the answers are not just on Goo-‐ gle or television, they are in a book. Take =me to empower yourself to become a beZer you! (cont’d on next page)
• Detoxing Why Detox? Detoxing or removing toxins, waste, other unwanted parasites, and other yucky things is key to op-‐ =mal con=nued health and wellness. The kidney, liver, and colon are just a few key organs that naturally oper-‐ ate in our bodies to remove these unwanted items. Some=mes foods and other extrinsic factors hinder these organs from opera=ng accurately. When this happens and it’s =me for a detox! More detox informa=on on the website www.nakeeshasnutri=on.com Your health and wellness is the very aspect of YOU! Take ac=on today and start inten=onally making =me to Put YOU First!!! Remember it’s not a diet…..it’s a lifestyle! 35
By Diana Lynn Kohn The other day I was standing in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me had two kids, a two year old boy and a four year old girl. I know this because she kept repeaIng over and over, “You guys can’t have gum! You are two and four years old!” The four year old cried. Not to be leG out, the two year old began to cry as well. But he’d stop crying just long enough to say “Can I have this?” “No” the mom would say. He’d cry again. Then the girl would say “Can I have that?” “No” the mom would say. And they’d both burst into tears again. She looked at me as if she could cry herself. I gave her a sympatheIc smile. “I get it.” (Mom’s we get it, right?) But what I really wanted to say was “Hug them.” Hug them while they sIll let you. Tuck them in and kiss them on the cheek. Hold their li=le hands and most of all try to remember that sweet li=le voice. I wanted to say, it’s hard being a parent. But mostly I wanted to say enjoy the journey. It goes so quickly. I couldn’t bring any of those words up as I feared my own tears might come with each word. As I walked out of the store I thought about a giG my son, Kenny, gave me just the day before. It was a DVD of him from age ﬁve to eight. It was him playing baseball at ﬁve. It was him playing basketball in the backyard at seven. It was birth-‐ days and roller skaIng parIes at age eight.
I cried through the whole thing. My mind ﬁlled with memories of my li=le boy. At the end of the video I looked over to see a twenty-‐three year old man saying, “Mom, don’t cry.” Where did the Ime go? I blinked and he was grown. I turned my head and be became a man. I cried because I missed holding his li=le hand. But I also cried thinking “What a journey.” What an amazing life I’ve had with this boy. He’s made me laugh. He’s made me cry. He’s worried me so sick to my stomach; I thought I’d kill him when he got home. We spent hours talking about everything and nothing. We didn’t do anything fancy or extraordinary in our twenty-‐three years together. But we lived. We laughed. We shared a once in a lifeIme journey together. SomeImes when Kenny walks out the front door I think it’s over. My job is done. But the truth is, the journey conInues. I can look to our past. I can even dream about our future. But what ma=ers most is, the now. It’s the small moments that make up a lifeIme of memo-‐ ries. It’s the small moments that make our journey. It’s the now that makes a life. As I drove out of the grocery store parking-‐lot I began to cry. I thought to myself “What is wrong with me? Why do I keep crying?” Then it hit me. With all the diﬃcult moments, with all the fearful moments, every moment…I might not always see it, but I’ve lived a blessed life. And I’m loving the journey.
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Kathleen O’Keefe-Kanavos – Dream Columnist Dream Queen-Kathleen O’Keefe-Kanavos is a three- time breast cancer survivor whose precognitive dreams diagnosed her illness that was missed by the medical field. She penned SURVIVING CANCERLAND: The Intuitive Aspects of Healing. She is represented by Steve Allen Media, a phone counselor for R.A. BLOCH Cancer Foundation, Q&A cancer columnist for CapeWomenOnlineMagazine, an inspirational speaker, Living Well Talk Radio Show Host. Watch her videos, TV interviews & follow her blogs & social media sites @ www.survivingcancerland.com & www.AccessYourInnerGuide.com
Sherry Burton Ways, IIDA, CfYH Interior Color Consultant Sherry Burton Ways is the Principal Designer of Kreative Ways & Solutions, LLC a Washington, DC based Lifestyle Interior Design and Coaching Firm. She is the author of the Award Winning book Feel Good Spaces: A Guide to Decorating Your Home for the Body, Mind and Spirit and co-author of the entrepreneur’s guide, The Art and Science of Loving Yourself First. http://www.kreativeways.com
Mary Ellen Ciganovich Mary Ellen Ciganovich is an educator, speaker and writer on the topics of Awareness, Spirituality and how these aﬀect our life situations. She conducts a popular seminar called “Live, Love, and Learn” that teaches people how to take charge of their lives and control their health through the use of medical and alternative choices. www.askmaryellen.com 38
Building Your Professional Brand After 40: Branding is NOT Bragging Every company, business, and product has a brand and whether you believe it or not, so do you. As a career strategist, one of my main objecIves is to help professionals ar-‐ Iculate their professional brands conﬁ-‐ dently and accurately. But, how does a woman over 40 or with 25+ years of work experience build her professional brand in 2014? In a crowded labor market, how can she make her candidacy stand out? The more you can make your brand uniquely re-‐ ﬂecIve of your talents, giGs and experi-‐ ences, the more it will reﬂect “Brand You.” Do not hide your age, your beauty, your tal-‐ ents, or your experIse. Whether you’re looking for work aGer a recent layoﬀ or re-‐ turning to the job force during your reIre-‐ ment years, a job search aGer 40 presents unique challenges that may seem daunIng at ﬁrst. My 40+ clients typically shy away from the conversaIon of branding. It’s hard for them to conceptualize a branding agenda for eve-‐ ryday career professionals like themselves. In this economy, there is only one way to get potenIal employers to know who you are and that is by telling them. As we get older, we are so accustomed to being hum-‐ ble and not talking about our achievements to others. We were brought up in house-‐ holds that taught us to talk about ourselves only at a minimum. Branding yourself leads to promoIon. Silencing yourself leads to de-‐ moIon.
Here are four steps that you can begin im-‐ mediately to help you start the process of professionally branding yourself. 1. Jot it Down: Ask yourself, “What do I want to be known for in my professional career? What charac-‐ terisIcs do I want my managers, co-‐workers and future employers to associate with me? What are the adjecIves that I want people to think about when they hear my name?” Write down your answers. 2. Break it Down: AGer you’ve created a list of the qualiIes that you want people in your professional realm to think of when they see, hear and reﬂect on your skills, you will have a list of your professional brand adjecIves. Now, group the items that are similar and these areas will be the foundaIon of your profes-‐ sional brand. You should have at least 3-‐4 target areas. For example, let’s say your background is in Computer Science, four possible target branding areas could be: InformaIon Technology Expert, Technical Assistance, Training Facilitator, and Re-‐ sourceful. 3. Join the Home Shopping Network Team: At the age of 40 or older, if you can’t pro-‐ mote who you are and what you bring, why would anyone buy it? I want you to sell your-‐ self as if you were adverIsing the latest vac-‐ uum cleaner for the Home Shopping Net-‐ work. Go home today and turn the channel 39
to the Home Shopping Network for 5 minutes and observe a host. NoIce his/her conﬁdence, com-‐ municaIon skills, energy, and their product knowledge. They aren’t saying that their vacuum cleaner is the best vacuum ever created or that the other vacuums on the market aren’t worthy of being in your home. No, the message that’s presented is, “Here’s an amazing product and I’m going to tell you what it does, why it works, what it’s capable of doing, and why you should buy it.” Don’t wait to present your brand and your worth! 4. Engage with Social Media: If you feel inImidated by new technology, ask for help from someone outside the oﬃce. Experi-‐ ment with new media — Twi=er, Pinterest, your own WordPress blog. The more you try, the more ﬂuent you’ll be in the modern ways of the working world. Social media is a great way to label your-‐ self as an expert in your industry. Online self-‐promoIon will help you make criIcal connecIons that will advance your career and improve your networking experiences. It takes Ime to build professional relaIonships and trust. Put yourself and your fabulous 40+ pro-‐ fessional brand out there and over Ime, you’ll see unimaginable results. -‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐ADVERTISEMENT-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐
GLUTEN-FREE BUTTERNUT SQUASH TURKEY CHILI By Jennifer Fugo, The Gluten-‐Free School This recipe is gluten-‐free, dairy-‐free, nut-‐free, egg-‐free, & soy-‐free. It also can be made vegan by simply adding in more beans and veggies to replace the meat or paleo-‐compliant by leaving out the beans and adding more veggies and meat. Either way, it is a total hit at par=es, freezes well and perfectly hits the spot every single =me. GF Budge=ng Tip: Ground dark turkey meat is about HALF the price of the white and it has way more ﬂavor.
• 1½ lbs butternut or winter squash/pumpkin, cut in 2” pieces • 1 lb ground turkey (I use the dark meat.) • 2 large white onion, 1 quartered and the other diced • 4 medium sweet potatoes, peeled & cubed • 3 carrots, scrubbed and cut in 2” chunks • 6 large garlic cloves, minced • 1 red bell pepper, diced • 6-‐8 cups low or no sodium stock or broth (vegetable, chicken, turkey, beef) • 2 cans black beans, rinsed well
• 2 cans black-‐eyed peas, rinsed well • 1 tsp paprika • 2 tsp ground cumin • 1½ Tbs sea salt • 1 tsp ground black pepper • 1 tsp chili powder • 1 tsp ground coriander • 5 Tbsp Extra virgin olive oil • 2-‐3 baking sheets covered with aluminum foil or parchment • Optional -‐ avocado chunks
INSTRUCTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 400°F and heat broth or stock in a pot unAl it comes to a boil. Then reduce heat & cover. 2. Add all vegetables (except diced onion and red pepper) into a mixing bowl and drizzle with olive oil mixing unAl everything is well coated. (Maybe 3 Tbsp of oil.) 3. Evenly spread vegetables out in one layer on baking sheets. Place into oven. Roast for 30-‐40 minutes, turn-‐ ing every 15 minutes to prevent burning. Remove once vegetables are tender. 4. In a sauté pan, heat 2 Tbsp of olive oil and cook diced onions and red pepper for about 5 to 8 minutes unAl soV. 5. Add ground turkey to the pan and combine and cook unAl turkey meat is no longer pink. 6. Once the roasted vegetables are ready, add them to the pot of broth. 7. Blend the soup mixture using either an immersion blender in the pot, or remove the soup from pot in stages and blend in a food processor or blender unAl smooth. 8. Return soup to the pot and add in the turkey, beans and veggies. 9. Season to your taste and, if you want, add about a half of an avocado's worth of chunks to each hot bowl be-‐ fore serving. Enjoy! Notes: To cut down on prep time, you can pre-‐cut the veggies and keep them in the fridge until you are ready. You can also roast the veggies ahead of time. Some grocery stores offer diced onion and peppers frozen which can be used in place of the fresh ones cooked with the turkey. This recipe freezes well and can stay frozen for up to 2 months. 41
Red Lentil Soup One of my most favorite food items to cook with is red lenIls. This recipe actually comes from a relaIve in Italy who kindly gave it to my Aunt, who then gave it to my mom. Not only is this meal easy, but it’s a total hand-‐ me-‐down from across the sea! If you’ve never tried red lenIls (or lenIls in general), please give them a try. Red lenIls are inexpensive, incredibly easy to cook, deliciously nutriIous and very adaptable to whatever ﬂavor-‐ ing you’d love for them to have. LenIls are a powerfully nutriIous legume with plenty of protein and ﬁber that can hold up in your pantry when kept in a Ightly sealed jar. Please buy them dry rather than the pre-‐cooked ones in the can since lenIls don’t take nearly as long to cook as dried beans. Red lenIls especially cook quite fast and make A LOT!
INGREDIENTS • 1 lb yellow or orange lentils, rinse thoroughly • 1 28-‐oz or 32-‐oz can of diced tomatoes • 3 large cloves of garlic, minced • 1 medium onion, chopped • 5 cup water
• 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil (EVOO) • 1 tbsp sea salt • 1 tsp black pepper • 1 cup loosely packed fresh basil leaves
INSTRUCTIONS In a large pan, sauté onions and garlic for about 4 to 5 minutes or unAl onions are translucent. Add the to-‐ matoes and 1 cup of water and bring to a simmer. Meanwhile in a separate pot, bring 4 cups water to a boil. Add lenAls and reduce heat to a simmer. Any foam that rises to the top should be skimmed oﬀ with a large spoon and discarded. This is your “Fart Foam” which is ﬁlled with the waste from the lenAls that can cause gas as they are digested. Cook lenAls unAl they become tender (about 10 – 15 minutes). Once lenAls are soV, add tomato mixture to pot and season with salt and pepper. Adjust seasonings to taste. Loosely slice or tear up basil leaves and cook for another 20 minutes at a simmer. If soup becomes too thick for your liking, add more water. OpAonal: You can add cubes of avocado to each bowl before serving. I generally freeze a large container of this in a plasAc container for days when I need something hardy to eat, but am limited on Ame to cook. Reheats easily and tastes just as good. SomeAmes I’ll even add some chickpeas as well just to give it even more bulk, especially if I need it to go the extra mile.
Jennifer Fugo is the founder of Gluten Free School, a website dedi-‐ cated to teaching gluten-‐sensitive individuals simple, savvy and em-‐ powering steps to get healthy. She’s a certified Health Coach named a “Gluten Free Guru” by Philadelphia Magazine who co-‐hosts the popu-‐ lar “Gluten-‐Free Sugar Cleanse” to empowers gluten-‐free folks to take control of their diet, feel great and kick their sugar habit. Jennifer is a sought-‐after expert about healthy, gluten-‐free living as well as a speaker who has been featured on Doctor Oz, Yahoo! News, eHow, CNN, Huffington Post and Philadelphia Magazine. She hosts the popular "Gluten Free School Podcast" to share eye-‐opening health information vital to living a gluten-‐free life. Her first book, “The Savvy Gluten-‐Free Shopper: How to Eat Healthy without Breaking the Bank” will be available in February 2014. 42
By Sherry Burton Ways It is oIen said that your home is a reﬂec=on of your personality. A few changes in your home décor can cause a big change in your aMtude and is a great way to explore and love yourself. It gives you a chance to indulge in crea=vity and channelize your thoughts. Our interiors elicit emo=ons like happi-‐ ness, joy and peace which truly equates to loving yourself. Your home environment should be the place where you place the external world in check and leave your stressors outside your front door. Therefore, the need for a loving and suppor=ve interior environment should be paramount in your journey of loving yourself. When we are ﬁxated on decora=ng our spaces based on principles or crea=ng an “energe=cally perfect space” we shortchange ourselves. Why? Because society, HGTV, and high end design magazines, etc., tell us what we should or should not do in our spaces.
According to feng shui principles, elements such as colors, sounds, and symbols —along with how you arrange furniture and other items—are instrumental in crea=ng a pleasing loving, indoor environment. When you inhabit a living space that has healthy chi or good energy, you can begin to reﬂect self love and respect. Here’s how to create your home into a place where self-‐love abounds.
1. Discover your likes and dislikes The most important aspect of loving yourself through your interior environment is to learn more about your likes and dislikes. Spend =me looking at pictures on the internet and in magazines and iden-‐ =fy your interior style. Follow your ins=ncts and inspi-‐ ra=on and create a home that truly reﬂects your per-‐ sona. There is no right or wrong in interior design, it is aIer all your home!
2. Choose Colors that help you feel motivated What would life be without colors? An important as-‐ pect of your interior environment, diﬀerent colors is linked with diﬀerent feelings and emo=ons. Pink is the color for love and promotes a feeling of comfort in erra=c =mes. Decorate your home with accents of pink to feel the love. Similarly, orange is a beau=ful color to use when you want to feel younger. Light Purple is the color for spirituality and will deepen your sense of gra=tude.
3. Create a gallery wall Happy photographs will s=mulate an emo=on of hap-‐ piness and content. Print pictures from memorable events in your life and create a gallery on a blank wall. This will give you a reason to smile every =me you look at these pictures.
Every now and then we all need some self-‐ indulgence. Create one such corner in your home where you can retreat to be with yourself. Choose a corner in your home and place a comfortable chair, a reading light and a stack of books. Once in a while, give yourself the liberty to cozy up in a throw with a mug of hot chocolate in your liZle corner. Now is the =me to create a space that is about the love of self. It is not your neighbor’s space or trying to keep up with the latest design trends. It is about the love of self and your place in the universe! Think about what you love about yourself and how you can reﬂect that love in your decor. What is it that you want to reﬂect about how much you love yourself and the love of a suppor=ve interior environ-‐ ment? Then GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY and create a space that reﬂects love and compassion. I promise you will create the space you “love with ease and beauty.”
4. Indulge in a cozy corner for yourself 44
Shawngela Pierce Shawngela Pierce is an educator, author, reiki practitioner, business owner and meditation instructor who specializes in mindfulness meditation and qigong (chee gong). She is an avid meditator and has been practicing for over 10-years. She has a masters degree in the field of education with 3 1/2 years of postmasters education in naturopathic medicine. This includes mind-body therapy, Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), botanical medicine, nutrition, hydrotherapy as well as other healing modalities. She loves teaching, which is something she has done for over 15-years. Her passion for teaching led her to design the Meditation for Health Program. The program is designed to help people utilize the benefits of meditation as well as other holistic lifestyle changes to live a harmonious, healthy and care-free life
Erin Schroeder Erin Schroeder has been dancing for thirty years and has been a choreographer and teacher for adults, as well as children of all ages, for twelve. She is the creator of Global Grooves®, a mind, body, spirit, world dance fitness program that blends moves inspired by dance styles from around the globe. Erin holds a group exercise certification with the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America (AFAA) and is also a Continuing Education Provider through them, oﬀering Global Grooves® Workshops for Instructors. She also has a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Art from the University of Massachusetts@Lowell. In addition to her dance classes, Erin has taught gentle yoga and cardio kickboxing. Her e-book, The Art of Dance Fitness Instruction-Inspiring Your Students into the New Age of Fitness, is now on Amazon. Erin lives in Southern NH with her husband and their 19 mos. old daughter. www.globalgroovesdancefitness.com 46
Powerful or Powerless By Erin Schroeder
Moving Forward Toward Wellness and Fitness in 2014
Are you sIll feeling powerful and moIvated, or powerless and uninspired? Did you make a New Year’s resolu-‐ =on about losing weight in 2014, as so many American women do every year? Did you start oﬀ Janu-‐ ary with a bang, going to every group exercise class on the sched-‐ ule and s=cking to your strict diet? I am wondering if you are s=ll going strong, feeling ener-‐ gized and just as excited about it now. If you are, that is fantas=c, but so many people start to lose that momentum as early as this month. Year aIer year. I have been teaching in health clubs for twelve years. As group exercise instructors, we know exactly how our classes will go. September and January give us some seriously inﬂated egos with how packed our classes start oﬀ…and then in another month or two…let’s just say it’s the universe’s way of keeping that ego in check! How frustra=ng and depressing that can be, however, if you are one of those who made the weight loss resolu=on, with all the best inten=ons, but lost the mo=va=on so quickly…and then are leI feeling terrible about yourself. I want you to know right now that there is nothing wrong with you. This whole formula can be a set up for what feels like total failure, and I believe there is a beZer way. We oIen feel that to meet our ﬁtness goals, we must kill ourselves, beat ourselves to a pulp, and then starve ourselves or at least deprive ourselves of any enjoyable food. What does that usually feel like? A punishment. I don’t know about you, but I really hated being punished as a kid, so the last thing I want to do is punish myself as an adult. Now, with that said, I am not knocking a really bad ass workout that empowers you, pushes your limits, and gives you incredible self-‐conﬁdence, as well as mel=ng away the pounds…as long as safety and listen-‐ ing to your body are a priority. What I am knocking is this idea that we aZack ourselves in all the physical ways possible (and possibly ha=ng it), with no aZen=on paid to our minds and souls. I am also not a fan of prac=cing 48
self-‐hatred when we aren’t measuring up in our work-‐ outs, skip one, or cheat on the diet once or twice (and quite frankly, I am not really a fan of diets, either). When did such anger and disgust toward ourselves become the only way to reach a goal? And does it really work, and if it does at ﬁrst, will it s=ck in the long run, as an overall lifestyle change? Like a car that needs a variety of parts to func=on and func=on well (and we must take care of those parts on a regular basis), we need to take care of and nour-‐ ish all parts of ourselves for op=mal living and reach-‐ ing our goals. We are not just bodies. We are minds and souls, too, and they all work together. If we only focus on the physical part, it will be that much harder, and possibly a preZy miserable process, geMng to where we want to be. We also need to be kind to our-‐ selves, so that not only is it easier to make the changes we want, but we are so much more pa=ent and happier with ourselves along the way. If we do these killer workouts (and keep in mind, you can also do moderate, non-‐killer workouts-‐ it’s really okay!), but never take =me to nurture ourselves in other areas, we are missing part of the equa=on. We need to take =me to do the opposite…to calm the mind, to meditate, or perhaps prac=ce a gentle yoga for a good stretch and relaxa=on. We should let our crea=ve sides take over when we feel the urge and paint just for the fun of it, go to the theatre or a con-‐ cert for entertainment and inspira=on, dance for the pure pleasure and to feel fully self-‐expressed, or read a book that indulges our minds and souls. Taking a long walk out in nature (not necessarily with the pur-‐ pose to “workout,” but to become more connected to the earth, the sun, the trees, the natural beauty that surrounds us) is a great way to feed our inner being. The act of just playing with our kids…I mean, really PLAYING, not only keeps us close to our families, but young children, especially, will always be our remind-‐ ers of what really maZers in life. Every new thing they see is a miracle to them, their curiosity is limitless,
and laughter is one of their top priori=es. How fabu-‐ lous it would be if we could only remember to look at the world that way as adults. Then, there is just sim-‐ ply being quiet…stop doing and start just listening to that inner voice of wisdom we all have...and watch what you manifest in your life. Part of the beneﬁt with all this, is that when we feed our minds and souls with good stuﬀ, we have less ten-‐ dency to feed our bodies with junk….and then, we tend to want to take care of our bodies in other ways, such as physical movement. I s=ll believe in allowing ourselves to enjoy wonderfully faZy foods some=mes (life is meant to be fun!), but we aren’t feeling that same constant need for comfort food (the less healthy stuﬀ) if we have ﬁlled ourselves up in other ways. We no longer have that void we are looking to ﬁll. Keep in mind, also, that we are an ac=on-‐oriented so-‐ ciety, which can frown upon some of these ideas I am talking about, but ac=on is all yang. Our quiet, intui-‐ =ve side is the yin. Unfortunately, much of society tells us that the yin side is the lazy side. If we are not “doing,” then we are lazy, and we won’t accomplish anything in our lives. On the contrary, the balance of both yin and yang will be the most produc=ve for reaching our goals…so go ahead, be lazy some=mes…I
that y a d every body and g n i h t me ur “Do song toward yoortunity to en is lovi you the opp ions of your gives the sensat joy body.” tsky Pore a d l o G ~
dare you! (and prove the world wrong…) We are al-‐ ways at our best when we strike a balance, between movement and s=llness…both literally and ﬁgura-‐ =vely. We also need to understand the power of self-‐love. A holis=c approach to taking care of ourselves, with the integra=on of mind, body, and spirit, will naturally bring us to a new level of self-‐love, but I s=ll think it’s an important topic to illustrate further. Even as we evolve spiritually, old deep-‐seated cri=cisms of our-‐ selves can s=ll try to creep in. Being aware of them, so we can turn this thinking around, is an essen=al part of the process. Have there be =mes in your life, when you were not at your ideal weight, that you felt angry at yourself, beat yourself up, got depressed or even felt hatred? Perhaps this was what mo=vated you to make a change ini=ally, but we really need to ﬁnd a way to dig deeply, to recognize the beauty in us wher-‐ ever we are at any =me in our lives. It doesn’t have to mean that we don’t want to make that change any more, but we can s=ll love ourselves while recognizing it and going aIer the new desire.
piness is meant for you NOW. Do not deny yourself. Your goals are great, but you are not your goals. You are not your accomplishments, the leZers aIer your name, or the “perfect” number on the scale. You are YOU. You are whole, complete, beau=ful, and uniquely you, with or without all those things....and you are on this planet to live joyfully, enjoy the journey, and to love, not only others, but yourself. Lov-‐ ing yourself and taking care of your mind, body, and spirit will not only get you where you want to go, it will give you happiness along the way…and let’s face it…happiness is really all we ever wanted, anyway. Here’s to a New Year’s resolu=on for a new age and a Valen=ne’s Day (and a life=me) full of self-‐love and happiness!
Maybe it’s not weight loss for you. Maybe it’s some-‐ thing else you want to change. Whatever your goal, we need to realize that life is always a journey to the next goal. That is exci=ng and wonderful, and is how humans are…always reaching, ever changing, ever evolving…so, that means, we are never done…just con-‐ =nuously onto the next big thing for ourselves. Then, why should we hate ourselves or be unhappy un=l we get there? You are only allowed to live joyfully when you have reached your goal weight? You are only al-‐ lowed to feel happiness when you ﬁnally get that Mas-‐ ter’s Degree? You are only allowed to smile when you ﬁnally get your book published? Reaching the goal itself isn’t the key to your happi-‐ ness. What if it takes years to reach a goal? Misery for three years along the way un=l you arrive is not what is meant for you in this life. Internal self-‐love and hap-‐ 50
Featured Wellness Woman Simran Singh Charleston, South Carolina Self-‐Care: The fountain of youth is simply pursu-‐ ing your life's passion and dreams... When I ﬁrst came across Simran Singh it was deﬁ-‐ nitely a divine appointment. I was on TwiZer looking for possible guests for my show “ The Wellness Journey –LIVE!” and I came across this beau=ful In-‐ dian woman who had a magazine by the name 11:11. I had never heard of it before and I immedi-‐ ately clicked on the link. Therein began a glorious journey of becoming acquainted with Simran Singh and her philosophy of life. To say that she is an origi-‐ nal thinker is just the =p of the iceberg. She truly speaks from her soul and has allowed her life to be divinely led. AIer 18 years of being in an arranged marriage, Simran leI her marriage and decided set to be of service and share with others her very spe-‐ cial message of hope. As a result of following her calling Simran is an author of two bestselling books, “Your Journey to Enlightenment: Twelve Guiding Prin-‐ ciples to Connect with Love, Courage, and Commit-‐ ment in the New Dawn” and “Conversa=ons With The Universe” She is also the talk show host of a hit radio show, “11:11”, Publisher and Editor-‐n-‐Chief of 11:11 Magazine, and a mo=va=onal speaker. She is currently on a 66 city tour to share the message that God has given her that there are signs everywhere to lead us along the journey that God has des=ned us to travel. We need only to listen…
What do you do for your own self-‐care? Self-‐care is a mul=-‐dimensional mul=-‐level experi-‐ ence for me. It is one that is ever deepening and growing, as there is no end to the degree to which we can love ourselves. Self-‐care is of key importance
in that love. Most do not realize that our degree of self-‐care and self-‐love manifests as a reﬂec=on from the outside world and its interac=ons. How others treat us is how we treat ourselves. In understanding that, we can approach life from the viewpoint, 'I am the only one here, and everything outside of me is showing up to reveal more of me to me.' When we do so, we not only care for the self, we care for 'all' of the self. What if you really are the only one here and every-‐ one, everything, every experience simply appears for the sake of allowing you to live beZer, love beZer and expand into the truth that you are? What if 'all of life' is conspiring on your behalf 'in you, as you, for you, and it is always only good?' 51
I approach self-‐care at the following levels: Personal, Well-‐Being, Social, Crea=ve Expression, Community and Financial. How I handle and care for myself will reﬂect in every sphere of my life so I am conscious of that care in all places. I inquire within contempla=on 'how' I am doing and being through these inquiries:
ness we are. Self-‐care from these eyes sees the loving essence that is, and nurtures that loving essence in the most beau=ful and present of ways.
Why is it important for women to take the Ime to truly love themselves?
Women are the birthing chamber for all things. We • Am I honoring my voice and expression in the words, thoughts, and acLons present in this experi-‐ are storehouses of crea=vity, ﬁre, passion and radi-‐ ance. We have a power within us to bring anything ence, challenge and opportunity?
• Am I loving my physical being and my inner child with my response to what life is oﬀering and asking of me now? • Am I listening to what my soul is deeply calling and longing for in this experience? • Am I witnessing each moment as a celebraLon of my being, in its shadow and its Light? We mistakenly approach self-‐care from the perspec-‐ =ve of the human body, and all of our needs, wants, desires and deﬁciencies. In seeing self-‐care from the perspec=ve of the 'Divine Self' or 'Highest Poten=al Self', we would not only aZempt to take care of our-‐ selves, but actually do so because the soul is uncondi-‐ =onally loving presence that is witness to the sacred-‐
into the world, and equally a power to take it out. We carry these things in our womb space: babies, busi-‐ nesses, rela=onships, socializa=on, community. We have not realized that the birthing chamber allows any and all of its crea=ons to marinate in the essence that we are. If we are love, that which we birth is love. If we are wounded and in pain, that which we birth will be wounded and in pain. If we are in denial of our power, manipula=ve and nega=ve, then our crea=ons and rela=onships will also be. The majority of women on the planet today are ei-‐ ther single, divorced, in an abusive rela=onship or a disempowering one. What this means is we have created a society of wounded men that do not know how to love or treat women. However, what we must 'own' is that we birth these men and we rear them. What within us have these boys-‐to-‐men marinated
in? How have we taught them to treat us? What im-‐ prints do we pass onto our daughters that keep the cycles of pain and disempowerment con=nuing? Our sons and daughters have learned by siMng in, watch-‐ ing, feeling and hearing how we treat, speak and care for ourselves. We can only receive from others what we give to our-‐ selves. We can only give to another what we have the ability to receive. In learning to love ourselves, we step from the place of disempowering and dishonor-‐ ing ourselves to empowering and honoring ourselves. What needs to heal within each one of us to bring about the new paradigm the world is now calling for? It will only happen through women at the point which we love ourselves enough to be the change.
How have you managed to age so graceful-‐ ly? What is your secret? I have found the fountain of youth and it is not in a tube of botox, an energy drink, a faceliI or extreme workout. It is quite simple. I have followed my deep-‐ est heart's passions. When we truly listen to the deep callings of our hearts and allow them to come forth, especially when they seem crazy, foreign or unbeliev-‐ able... we release the child essence from within each cell of the physiology. There is an aliveness that sets in which is fully free. This excitement and zest, in devo-‐ =on to the unknown self, is the secret to an=-‐aging. Too many of us have goZen locked into conformity and replica=on of society. We have cast aside our dreams for another day that never comes. Dive into your crea=ve capacity and allow the ﬂowering of your unique genius. In doing so, you will see the reﬂec=on of that youthful passion in the mirror.
What are ways that you show yourself love? I oﬀer that love is not a doing, but a being. We have
been taught what love looks like, or how it is sup-‐ posed to feel. However, few of us experience it in its
true essence. Love is actually a ﬁeld; it is everything, everywhere all around us. We are 'in' Love all the =me. We are 'of' Love always. We are forever 'with' Love. We simply need be 'as' Love in every moment. In 'being so, every thought, feeling, word and ac=on reveals Love to the self and all others. Being present to this Love ... Being devoted to the expression of this Love ... Being engaged in the experience of this Love is the knowing that we are Love, the Lover and the Be-‐ loved. And then, it is not a 'show'... it is the truth.
What is your deﬁniIon of a Wellness Woman? A 'Wellness Woman' is someone who is willing to
be radically honest with themselves. She is willing to do the inner work required to reach the greatest state of authen=c expression available. She does not com-‐ promise her integrity, her value or her voice. She rec-‐ ognizes that she is beau=ful in both her shadow and her Light. She does not judge, cri=cize or doubt her-‐ self. A 'Wellness Woman' realizes she is in her greatest power when she is in=mate, vulnerable, transparent and open. Her power is in her presence; it is not de-‐ pendent on her doing. A 'Wellness Woman' honors, recognizes, appreciates and values all others as her equal, fully knowing that each one of us is uniquely special. hZp://simran-‐singh.instantmediakit.com Simran Singh -‐ author, crea=ve visionary, transforma-‐ =onal catalyst, and Rebel Humanitarian -‐ is Publisher of the Nau=lus Award–Winning 11:11 Magazine, the only publica=on to have ever been granted this desig-‐ na=on, and number-‐one rated, 11:11 Talk Radio show host. Having no interest in being teacher of Guru, Sim-‐ ran invites people to stand with her as ‘Examples of a New World Paradigms’. Simran is the author of Conver-‐ sa=ons With the Universe and, her latest, Your Journey to Enlightenment. Find out more at www.SimransBooks.com & www.Simran-‐Singh.com
Karen Wells, M.Div Karen Wells holds a Master of Divinity, majoring in Marriage and Family Counselling. She is the founder of Karis Counselling Services, with one aspect of the counselling service devoted to helping women regain the power they've lost because of a past traumatic experience. Karen wants to give women HOPE. Life is too short to be stuck in your past. She wants every woman to know God has exciting plans for them. As a globally-minded woman, Karen oﬀers her services by telephone, Skype/webcam, and webinar. As well as hosting her own Woman To Woman radio show, she teaches online and in-person workshops, speaks at conferences, churches, and retreats. She has authored two books entitled, “Even With My Knees Knocking I Will Follow God’s Call” and “UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom”. www.unhooked7stepstoemotionalfreedom.com
Alx Utterman Since 2000, accomplished teacher & healer Alx Uttermann has been conducting healing workshops & trainings in a wide array of practical healing techniques & spiritual knowledge from ancient India. From Singapore to California, she's facilitated hundreds of workshops, classes, satsangs, ceremonies & other healing events. She co-founded UCBK (The Universal Church of Baba’s Kitchen) in 2007, in Santa Cruz, CA. UCBK is a spiritual healing center open to anyone from any spiritual path or none at all, training advanced healers and helping the homeless & veterans get access to support & healing. Over many years of intensive study at Sri Kaleshwar's Soul University in Penukonda, South India, Alx gained an in-depth understanding of the stresses facing human beings, and the spiritual medicine that dissolves them. Her on-going research & expertise lie in eﬀectively healing the underlying root of suﬀering, as well as the many symptoms of suﬀering (such as depression, anxiety, chronic health problems, heartbreak, grief, PTSD, anger issues and addictions). She’s available for consultation & healing sessions via Skype or phone, as well as in-person in Los Angeles, CA. You can find out more about Alx's diverse work at http://about.me/alxuttermann 54
By Ellen B. Dolgen
Forget youth. I want to get old. Aging has become something of a four-‐leZer word to women. Ask me what it stands for, though, and I’ll tell you “G-‐I-‐F-‐T!” Aging with our friends and family is the greatest giI for which we can ever ask. But un-‐ like jewelry and ﬂowers—a long life is a giI that only we can give ourselves! It’s a giI that I added to my life’s wish list at the age of 13, aIer my father had his ﬁrst heart aZack. He was in his mid-‐for=es. My father passed away at the young age of 58 from heart disease. But with the right perspec=ve, I believe good can come from the hardships of life. For me, the good was learning to value the precious =me I have here on Earth with the people I love—and doing everything in my power to ensure myself as many of those days as I can. Ralph Waldo Emerson believed, “The ﬁrst wealth is health.” And in striving for health, I believe I have gained the wealth of vitality, happi-‐ ness, and peace. To me, that is aging gracefully and wisely. During menopause, many women become self-‐ cri=cal, striving to look like the prepubescent teen models you see in glossy magazines. Instead, I am focusing my eﬀorts on my health and wellbeing. And while I have long ago banned horizontal stripes from my closet, and on occasion have looked in shock at the morphing skin on my aging knees, I know that expec=ng myself to look like I did in my twen=es would just be seMng myself up for disappointment. It would cheat me out of the joy I deserve. Every day we are alive, we age. Age and =me provide us with more opportuni=es, not less! As we age we have more of a chance to love and be loved. The longer we live, the greater the opportunity to expand our vision of the “possible” and reach out and grab it. Ready to feel your best? Here are my top =ps for ag-‐ ing gracefully during menopause:
1. Love yourself. You are beau=ful just the way you are. So start telling yourself that! As Vivian Diller, Ph.D., a ballerina and model turned psychotherapist and author of Face It, shared with me in an inter-‐ view, “Women who maintain an internal dialogue with themselves and their mirrors that is kind and gentle can maintain high self-‐esteem at any age. They are less self-‐cri=cal and more accep=ng of change.” I suggest keeping a gra=tude journal at your bedside. Each night before you go to sleep, write down what you experienced and achieved that day for which you are grateful. By focusing on the posi-‐ =ves of the aging process, you can start loving your aging self more. 2. Shed your inhibi=ons. “Women always try to tame themselves as they get older, but the ones that look best are oIen a bit wilder. Thinking about age all the =me is the biggest prison women can make for themselves,” Miuccia Prada once said. And I don’t think that could be any truer. At this point in our lives, we have earned the right to go wild. So let your hair down and stop worrying what is “age ap-‐ propriate.” 3. Be an informa=on sponge. The more you learn about menopause and your health, the more power you have to control the way you look and feel. When perimenopause came my way, I wasn’t going to la-‐ ment the aging process I took a proac=ve approach. I consulted with specialists, I read all I could on the 55
subject, and I began to learn about the more than 33 symptoms associated with menopause. That was when the concept or my book, Shmirshky: The Pur-‐ suit of Hormone Happiness, was born. Understand-‐ ing my body—and all of the incredible changes it goes through—has allowed me to feel happier and healthier in my own skin. Remember that “knowledge is power” mantra? It’s cliché because it’s true. So be proac=ve. Find a meno-‐ pause specialist near you to help you manage your health and symptoms. You can also sign up for my Menopause Mondays newsleZer and receive a free downloadable menopause symptoms chart.
know t o n d er di or your fah t o m r , u “If yo love herself how to lovesihow to id not knowuld be impos ther d, then it wo each you to e h himself or them to twere doing tey ble f self. They h what th it ur ren.” love yothey could w d l i h c s best ught a . Hay a t n e e L had b Louise
Whatever you do, you won’t be good unless you ﬁrst feel good... -‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐ADVERTISEMENT -‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐-‐
By Dr. Kat Smith When focusing on our love rela=onships, we tend to leave it all to chance. We hope we meet the man of our dreams and we make a list of physical, charac-‐ ter, moral and ﬁnancial criteria that he needs to pos-‐ sess. But, do we really have the ability to bring our desires to life? Well, yes we do and to help you real-‐ ize what you desire we are going to examine our views on love, da=ng and romance or what I call your Love Perspec=ve. OUR LOVE PERSPECTIVE is inﬂuenced by many things. One being nega=ve beliefs. For example, be-‐ ing told we are not aZrac=ve or intelligent. However, there are other factors. Our Love Perspec-‐ =ve is formed from experiences, beliefs, thoughts and by observing others. Here are a few factors that have molded and shaped those views: 1. Family: The lessons or examples of love, aﬀec=on and sex experienced in our family seMng is the foun-‐ da=on of our views. How our parents expressed af-‐ fec=on and in=macy has a direct aﬀect on how we do the same in adulthood.
beo t s i truth begin to e h t l l “To tebeautiful, toe yourself. come ourself, valu cal, in its love y that’s politi way.” And und o f o r p most June Jordan ~
2. Community: We have all heard that it takes a village to raise a child, and that is so true, however the village itself has to embody the loving nurturing quali=es that will aﬀord the child to grow up with healthy perspec=ves of love, in=macy, sex and rela=onships. 3. Religion: A major factor in how we view the physi-‐ cal expression of love as it leads to marriage and family is highly inﬂuenced by our religious choices or prac=ces. 4. Ethnicity/Na=onality: Cultural beliefs, ceremo-‐ nies, tradi=ons, gender status and restric=ons, preju-‐ dices, social and media implica=ons and entertain-‐ ment all play a part in what we believe and incorpo-‐ rate in our love prac=ces. Thankfully, these are not factors that cannot be al-‐ tered or changed so that we can go on to create healty loving rela=onships. Now here is were a vi-‐ sion of love comes into play. 57
Anything that has ever been created by an individual has ﬁrst developed as an idea or a wish. Begin with imagining the type of rela=onship you want to be a part of. Visualize the sensory details of the person you want to be in love with and how you would like them to interact with you, love you and how you wish to ex-‐ press your love to them. Love is sensory so this should be easy to do. As chil-‐ dren we imagined ourselves as villains, heros and other characters, so image the kind of love you would like to experience. You are plan=ng the seeds of love. Allow your vision to change and evolve as you work on yourself. Tale some =me and close your eyes and see yourself in a place that you would like to share with your lover. See it like a movie trailer. Enjoy the experience you are crea=ng by bringing into vision, the kind of lover you desire. Give them a body, hair color, eye color, height, style of dress, etc. See your surroundings and what you hear. What is your lover saying to you? Hear the laughter. Is your seMng on a travel des=na=on and you hear sounds of nature, waves from a beach? Fully experience what you hear. Feel the temperature in your vision? Feel their em-‐ brace. Their kisses. Taste the wine or dinner you are
enjoying in this vision. How do you feel? Relaxed, con-‐ tent? When you open your eyes, write out what your visual experience with all the sensory details. You can start a journal or create a vision board. Here are some =ps to crea=ng a vision of love board:
• Purchase a large poster or foam board • Collect images from magazines, newspapers, on-‐ line, gredng cards, ﬂyers, etc., that resemble the look and feel of your love vision. • Cut them out and apply them to the board with a glue sIck • You may want to use quotes that add to how you want love to feel and be expressed. • Use paints, colored markers or sharpies to add your own quotes or statements that reﬂect what you desire in a relaIonship. Crea=ng a vision of love is only one what to embrace and cul=vate the kind of love experience you wish to have in your life. Imagina=on and imagery are impor-‐ tant because they support your vision. If you can con-‐ ceive it you can manifest it. Create the love you desire, by applying your vision of love and what it come to life.
Dr. Laurie Andreoni Laurie Andreoni is a Doctor of Chiropractic. After practicing for 15 years she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She lost all of her hair as part of her cancer treatment and found it diﬃcult to disguise the loss of her hair. It was through this experience that she came across the idea of wearing turbans. As a result she founded of Waking Dream Designs, Inc., home of Titillating Turbans®. She is also the author of “Heads Up on Hair Loss: 12 Tips for Head to Toe Care and Coverings.” You can shop and/or receive a free download of the ebook on her website. http://www.TurbanDiva.com
Sue Ingebretson Sue Ingebretson is an author, speaker, certified holistic health care practitioner and the director of program development for the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Center at California State University, Fullerton. She is also a Patient Advocate/Fibromyalgia Expert for the Alliance Health website and a Fibromyalgia editor for the ProHealth website community. Her #1 Amazon best-selling chronic illness book, FibroWHYalgia, details her personal journey from chronic illness to chronic wellness. Her feature appearances include FIRST for Women magazine (2010, 2013), Know the Cause syndicated health TV program, KABC radio, and various other US and UK publications. She is also the creator of the FibroFrog™- a therapeutic stress-relieving tool which provides powerful healing benefits with fun and whimsy. http://www.RebuildingWellness.com 59
By Sue Ingebretson I’m so very grateful for loving, suppor=ve, and nurtur-‐ ing media publica=ons such as the Wellness Woman. It’s sa=sfying to be able to explore topics such as health and healing in an environment where like minds gather. It’s my hope, however, that this ar=cle will s=r you up a bit. I hope it makes you think. At least, I hope it makes you think of an old subject in a new and slightly unexpected way.
This arIcle is about sesng prioriIes… and sesng joy as one of them. JOY happens to be one of my favorite words. I love bel=ng out (of course all four verses!) of Joy to the World in Advent season. I even successfully lobbied for its use when it came =me to name my ﬁrst grand-‐ child. Joy comes to mind when discussing priori=es be-‐ cause of the familiar adage many of us learned as children in Sunday School. J.O.Y. teaches us how to priori=ze our lives: #1 Jesus #2 Others #3 You
Can you imagine someone being oﬀended by the pri-‐ ori=es as listed above? It may surprise you to know that some feel anger, frustra=on, and even biZerness when reminded of this precept. You see, while the intent of the numbered list above is good, some-‐ =mes the meaning gets a bit skewed Here’s where some of us get this priority list half wrong: Item #1 is clear. It’s easy to understand that nurtur-‐ ing our spiritual rela=onships comes ﬁrst. But then things start to unravel. What about item #2? Caring for others is a full-‐=me task. There’s always someone
to care for. It begins with family, neighbors and con-‐ grega=on, and then the surrounding community at large. There’s no end to the organiza=ons that need our volunteer =me and assistance. For this reason, geMng to item #3 is more of a de-‐ fault than an inten=on. Many of us who have a ser-‐ vant’s heart feel that we’re taking away from some-‐ one in need if we do something – anything -‐-‐ for our-‐ selves. Caring for ourselves only happens as a last re-‐ sort or an aIerthought. If you fall into this category, this may sound familiar. You’d only spend two days “relaxing” at home if you were feverish and immobi-‐ lized with the ﬂu. Here’s where some of us get this priority list all wrong: 60
Others take the priori=za=on listed above one step fur-‐ ther. Instead of rarely ﬁnding =me for themselves, they somehow twist the no=on of self-‐care into a nega=ve or derogatory concept. People in this group ﬁnd self-‐care prac=ces to be foreign and even sus-‐ pect. They’d never be able to “earn” or “deserve” =me for self-‐care prac=ces. They don’t believe their needs should be last … they believe they shouldn’t have needs at all. Children raised in this environment tend to grow up with beliefs of unworthiness. They may act out on these no=ons and direct their fears and resentments toward others or themselves. Perhaps you have more of these tendencies than you think? When was the last =me that you took at least an aIer-‐ noon oﬀ to lounge or do something fun? And, even more telling … would you feel guilty if you lounged?
In this new light, take another look at the acronym of J.O.Y. No=ce that YOU are on the list. Last does not mean not at all. You are important enough to make your self-‐care prac=ces a priority. Crea=ng lifestyle balance begins with establishing daily prac=ces of self-‐care. The following steps provide just a few fundamental sugges=ons on how to begin your own healing journey.
Five Simple Steps to Self-‐Care Success Self-‐Care AcIvity #1 – Implement Daily Prayer/ MeditaIon Prayer and medita=on can provide a strong spiritual connec=on that gives us a sense of belonging -‐-‐ a sense of iden=ty.
The reason this topic is near and dear to my heart, is that I suﬀered the cost of this way of thinking. I did put everyone else ﬁrst. I burned the candle at both ends. As a mother of three, I worked mul=ple jobs, went to school part-‐=me, and was completely im-‐ mersed in many church ac=vi=es. If a volunteer was needed, my hand went up. I had no understanding of seMng personal boundaries or limita=ons.
It takes =me to develop medita=ve skills, but the bene-‐ ﬁts include a deeper sense of relaxa=on, reduced blood pressure, a stronger immune system, healthier diges=on, and improved anxiety levels. Pain relief (among other symptom improvements) can be a wel-‐ comed side eﬀect of both prayer and medita=on.
But when my health declined, I didn’t have the =me to no=ce the onset of symptoms. I con=nued to “do it all” and believed by increased fa=gue was jus=ﬁed. AIer all, aren’t all moms =red?
This is so fundamental it’s easily overlooked. Water is a vital nutrient! Simple dehydra=on symptoms can be mistaken for complica=ons of more serious condi-‐ =ons. Stay properly hydrated and you may experience symptom reduc=on or relief right away.
It wasn’t un=l my pain brought me to my knees (liter-‐ ally) that I started to pay aZen=on. Chronic illness was allowed a foothold in my life be-‐ cause I wasn’t looking. Being brought to your knees can be a good thing, but, wouldn’t it have been beZer if I’d listened to my body sooner? Unfortunately, I’m not alone. I see this same scenario over and over with clients. Women, speciﬁcally, fail to put their own needs high enough on their priority list to get aZen-‐ =on.
Self-‐Care AcIvity #2 -‐ Drink Water
Self-‐Care AcIvity #3 – Breathe Deeply There are a lot of ways to mi=gate the feelings of “stressed out” but none are as simple and primary as deep breathing. Taking deep belly breaths can reduce blood pressure, improve diges=on, improve cogni=ve func=on, and re-‐stabilize the body’s sense of well-‐ being. (cont’d next page)
Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. On the exhale, prac=ce forcing as much air as possible out of your lungs. Imagine that you’re also forcing out nega=ve thoughts, energy, worries, etc.
Consider interes=ng and fun ac=vi=es such as dancing, gardening, and walking in nature. Ac=vi=es such as stretching, tai chi, yoga, and qigong are won-‐ derful ways to stay ﬂexible and stress free.
For many, deep breathing is a form of prayer or medi-‐ ta=on. Consider making deep breathing a fundamen-‐ tal part of your daily rou=ne. Deep breaths are oIen referred to as “cleansing breaths” and they further demonstrate the connec=on between mind and body.
Self-‐Care AcIvity #5 – Become Immersed in GraItude
Self-‐Care Activity #4 – Move the Body Every Day Movement is vital for maintaining overall health and ﬂexibility. While ﬁbromyalgia may not be a progres-‐ sively worsening condi=on, poor body maintenance is. The results of long-‐term inac=vity can be disas-‐ trous. In a “use it or lose it” way, muscles need to be stretched and the lungs and respiratory system need exercise as well.Moving the body on a regular basis has numerous beneﬁts including improved mental clarity, healthier diges=on, and lowered stress levels.
Nothing ﬁne-‐tunes your awareness of the blessings that surround you more than the prac=ce of keeping a gra=tude journal. Use a small notebook and keep it by your bedside. Each evening, write down three things for which you’re grateful. Not only will you sleep beZer at night, you’ll ﬁnd a more posi=ve focus and outlook during the day. Have you decided that you important enough to imple-‐ ment these ﬁve simple ac=vi=es today? I believe in you!
Featured Wellness Woman Mary Ellen Ciganovich Cha6anooga, Tennessee Self-‐Love: Looking in the mirror (without tears) and saying to yourself "I truly love you." One of things that is impressive about Mary Ellen is her elegance and yet pure iron strength. I ﬁrst met her as a guest for the Wellness Journey Show. She had wriZen a beau=ful book “Healing Words”. As she related her story of being diagnosed with Epi-‐ lepsy then MS I was struck by her “not only will I beat this, I will thrive” aMtude. Mary Ellen truly is a beau=ful woman from the outside but what is truly beau=ful about her is what resides on the inside. A true love of God , family and friends and a never dy-‐ ing quest to con=nue her journey to wellness with a powerful forward mo=on. Mary Ellen is an iron ﬁst in a velvet glove. She is the true personiﬁca=on of grace under ﬁre while pursuing the never ending quest to be the woman that God created her to be.
Why is it important for women to take the Ime to truly love themselves? Historically women have been raised to put them-‐ selves last. Women can’t love others unless they love themselves. You can’t drink water from an empty glass. Many women think taking care of their family is the same thing as loving yourself. But truly loving yourself is saying, “right now I need the next 15 or 20 minutes for me! I need to take a hot bath, read a book, go for a walk…”. Truly loving yourself means pulling yourself away from any situa=on that is not good for you and saying “NO!” We give so much of ourselves there is nothing leI for us. You can drain yourself by giving and giving and giving. You become like a ﬂat =re with no air leI. Doing for you; this is biblical. Christ was honored to have some-‐
one wash his feet – acts of showing uncondi=onal love. Society is so condi=onal; expecta=ons, mo=ves and judgments get us in trouble. We need to stop judging everyone else and only judge ourselves in lov-‐ ing ways. When something is not working for you let people know instead of con=nuing to do the very thing that isn’t working. I have found through my work with women that we have a hard =me looking at ourselves in the mirror and saying “I love you!” Some break into tears, which usually mean they have unresolved issues and need to deal with that hurt is. This exercise of look-‐ ing in the mirror, helps women to look at themselves rather than others, and to begin that journey of de-‐ veloping a rela=onship with you and your reﬂec=on (your percep=on of who you are) The mirror exercise teaches women to love themselves through their eyes not others eyes. It took me a long =me to love her myself. My mother used to tell me that I didn’t look like I had epilepsy. I use to wonder “what does epilepsy look like?”. I have learned to embrace the love and life of the Holy Spirit within. If you want to change something, then change it for yourself not 63
others. Come to terms with do “I like myself as I am?” If the answer is “no” then begin to take posi=ve steps to do what is necessary (seek help through therapy, counseling, family and friends) Awareness is so key in self –love. You can’t ﬁx what you don’t know about.
What do you do for your own self-‐care? I probably prac=ce self-‐care way too much. (she laughs) I do manicures and pedicures, workout every day to keep my health balanced and give me some peace. I take 5 or 10 minutes to sit down and be quite “medita=ve listening” to seZle myself. I spend quite a bit of =me outside listening to nature. I ﬁnd it is important to take yourself out of the rate race be-‐ cause in that rat race is a great amount of nega=ve energy. All the ego (the nega=ve self-‐talk) that says, ”you should do this, you should do that” Day aIer day, year aIer year we hear this nega=ve self-‐talk and then we wonder why you have cancer or some other chronic disease. I learned to come home aIer work or from something fast paced and dump all the nega-‐ =ve energy that might have happened during the course of the day. When you return home you should start to detoxify from your day. Take a deep breath, relax, and don’t take on everyone else’s junk.
What kind of a Journey are you on at 62? I am s=ll learning to be s=ll. Hopefully I am changing in a posi=ve way. I care deeply for my family and friends. I love myself now as much as I ever have. I have come to terms with the good person and truly wonderful person that God has created me to be. When my daughter was diagnosed with Epilesy, I was mad at God. I had to take a step back from that and found out that she was misdiagnosed. Now my daugh-‐ ter is thriving doing medical mission work. As you get older and wiser things truly come to frui=on if you let go of the judgments, mo=ves and allow things to hap-‐
pen. I have learned to stay away from nega=ve energy and to ﬁnd peace within.
How have you managed to age so gracefully? What is your secret? Exercise , watch your diet. An=oxidants!! You don’t age you rust. You oxidize. Take plenty of supple-‐ ments. I use Vitamin C cream but you have to ﬁnd what works for you. Hydorlonic acid vitamin e may work for you, research and ﬁnd out what will work for you. I eats very carefully; protein bars, no beef, and I use red wine for cooking. Exercise is key because when you create more free radicals so make sure you get plenty of an=oxidants to combat those free radi-‐ cals. An=oxidants balance out the free radicals. I make sure I drink hot water with lemon and clean out my system on a regular basis.
What is your deﬁniIon of a Wellness Woman? A woman who is self-‐conﬁdant has self-‐love, can give to other women and family take care of herself, woman of today and a woman of the future. She stands up for herself and not let other take advantage of her. A woman who says what she means and means what she says and follows through with it. Live her truth, loves her life, loves the lord and is grateful
Mary Ellen Ciganovich is an educator, speaker and writer on the topics of Awareness, Spirituality and how these aﬀect our life situa=ons. She conducts a popular seminar called “Live, Love, and Learn” that teaches people how to take charge of their lives and control their health through the use of medical and alterna=ve choices.
By Pastor Chyrell “Candi” English “With eager an=cipa=on, she waits by the living room window for the one person who could always brighten up her day. Her Daddy! He was 6 foot, 2 inches tall and was pleasantly plumped and hand-‐ somely round! She couldn’t wait to see the twinkle in his eyes, as though there was some type of un-‐ derlying mischief going on, and the big smile on his face! It was one of the best moments of her days! When she saw his smile, and felt his hug she knew that everything was going to be okay.” –Chyrell English How can I measure the love, I which I had for my father as a liZle girl. He could absolutely do no wrong in my eyes. He was my hero, my protector, my advisor and the one person that I could go to for long talks. We talked about everything! I felt that it was im-‐ portant that he knew everything that went on during the day of a six year old! He would listen appropriately, ask all of the right ques=ons, and of course share his great wisdom. I was completely sold out! That’s right…I was a Daddy’s Girl! As I grew older, during my teen age years, my perspec=ve began to change. Maybe he didn’t have all the an-‐ swers. I was certain, that I knew most things beZer than he, by now. As a maZer of fact, he told me that he “Didn’t raise any dumb children” so that made me smart, right? And by the way…where did he ever learn about this thing called “being grounded?” I knew that being grounded wasn’t one of my great ideas. AIer all, I was only expressing myself, sharing my ideas and standing up for my rights, with a very posi=ve aMtude, thanks to the tapes I listened to from Earl Nigh=ngale. It was amazing; however, that aIer all of the disagreements, pouty faces, and commitments to never speak to him again….my father was always there. I was s=ll a Daddy’s Girl. Over the years, aIer embracing both the celebra=ons and challenges that come with life, I reﬂect on the fact that I have come to appreciate the =me, love and energy invested into me by my father. My sisters and brothers and I were the main focus of his life. Although he could be very strict, his love for us was and has always been uncondi=onal. I aZribute the rela=onship that I have with God, to the rela=onship that I have with my father. I may not always be in God’s perfect will for my life, but He is always there. He will never leave me, nor forsake me. There may be =mes when God disciplines me, but I can always place my trust and conﬁdence in Him. He is omnipotent, 65
omnipresent, and omniscience. He will never leave me nor forsake me. This is very important for the liZle girl inside of me, to both know and trust. Yes, I am blessed with the best by God and the giI that He gave me through my father! And because of their love for me, I have chosen to always be, a “Daddy’s Girl.” “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not per-‐ ish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16
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Listen to Our Journey To Wellness Moments http://www.iheart.com/talk/show/Our-‐Journey-‐to-‐Wellness-‐Moment/ 66
By Laurie Andreoni
What would you do if you just learned you are going to lose all your hair? Take a deep breath. Your best weapons against your fear are to know what to expect and to be prepared. The more you can prepare for each event, the less nega=ve emo-‐ =onal impact it will have on you when it happens. And know you are not alone. Each year, thousands of women experience hair loss from medical treat-‐ ments. In addi=on, Alopecia areata and alopecia to-‐ talis are autoimmune skin diseases that aﬀect about 2% of the overall popula=on, including more than 6.5 million people in the US alone. At some point in their lives, another 4.5 million people in the US will be aﬀected with baldness from other causes. Hair loss is also a chemotherapy side eﬀect that can frighten us more than any other aspect of treat-‐ ment. It is a constant outward reminder to both the pa=ent and everyone around them that they are fac-‐ ing a serious health condi=on. You may think that with the stress of the diagnosis, worrying about your appearance would not be a pri-‐ ority. But our hair is such a signiﬁcant part of our self-‐image that sudden, complete hair loss oIen has a deep impact on our iden=ty and conﬁdence. And when you feel you look your best, everything im-‐ proves, from how you interact with others to your body language and posture. There’s the liZle rush of that extra endorphin boost whenever we get a com-‐ pliment or feel the enjoyment of seeing someone who put the eﬀort into geMng dressed. A simple step toward feeling beZer is to be aware of the colors you wear and how they make you feel.
For beZer or worse, color has a signiﬁcant impact on our emo=ons. The colors you wear not only aﬀect your mood, but also communicate something about your personality. The way each of us perceives color is unique. Bright colors that liI one person´s mood can be garish to someone else. Pastels that aim to soothe the spirit may be too dreary for a bubbly personality. The eﬀect of color can be mys=cal, psychological and even func=onal. During medita=on, feelings of well-‐ being are enhanced with visualiza=on of color that has a speciﬁc meaning to the person. Deep breath-‐ 67
ing exercises that use a sense of color directed at dif-‐ ferent areas of the body can help pa=ents beZer man-‐ age the stress and fear related to their illness.
3. Non-‐slip: Avoid silky, slippery scarves. A con-‐ structed wrap or hat allows for lighter fabrics, more fullness and beZer grip than a single =ed scarf.
The inﬂuence of color had never been so obvious to me un=l I was faced with hair loss during chemo. With a bald head, I looked -‐ and felt -‐ absolutely drained un-‐ less I wore ﬂaZering colors.
4. Color! As bright as you dare -‐ celebrate your healing.
AIer losing my hair from chemotherapy for breast cancer, I panicked when my skin became too sensi=ve for wigs. A scarf =ed behind my head looked like I was ready to sweep cobwebs. I wanted something preZy, comfortable and poufy, so I wouldn’t look as lousy as I felt.
5. Accessorize! The ends of a turban wrap can ﬂow loosely or be =ed crea=vely. Add an accent pin or sec-‐ ond scarf. Big earrings aZract aZen=on to your smile. You can’t control whether or not you lose your hair, but with the support from millions of other women who have walked this path before you, you can learn to control your point of view, your aMtude and how to manage each step along the way.
My fear became a mission to create something beau=-‐ ful out of this chapter of my life. I learned to wrap big scarves, and the style drew com-‐ pliments even from strangers. Since it was diﬃcult to imitate, I snipped and sewed fabrics into a new pat-‐ tern, and Ti=lla=ng Turbans® were born. Never having worn hats, I learned that whether in pa-‐ jamas or dressed up, you will have more conﬁdence with headwear that assures you that you are not your hair. Every year thousands of people face this chal-‐ lenge. They have found crea=ve ways to decorate their head, and you will, too. So here are a few =ps to help you decorate this beau=-‐ ful new blank canvas, your hairless head:
5 Tips to Choose Your Best Headwear 1. It makes you smile! Why play it safe? Enjoy experi-‐ men=ng! 2. SoI: Terry turbans are perfect at home. For going out, choose soI, light fabrics: rayon, bamboo, coZon gauze. Avoid clingy spandex, thick fabrics, and heavy coZons.
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WOMAN OF WELLNESS Wellness women know the importance about breast exam and annual pap-smear This is something we must do every year Vitamins, protein, rest, and exercise is now our new regiment now we are living life as if it’s heaven sent Wellness of mind, body, and soul is better than pure gold. Wellness is like the morning sun that keep your world brighten As you stand tall with strength, meeting each challenge You take life by leaps and bounds Never touching the ground Wellness Women strike your pose for you are the new picture of the fountain of health Nurturing your body is your wealth Inspiring other women by living by example Is my sample Wellness is something you can’t keep a secret Because your results are beaming when you step into the world You embrace life with such a glow as you speak your words f low You become the champion of your own destiny By loving yourself so much treating our body Like we treat our vehicle We keep it tune up and give it all the things To keep on running, we take pride in life We love the temple of our vessels And we thank God by showing him we love ourselves By being the Women of Wellness 69
© Luella Hill-‐Dudley
The Self-Love, Self-Care Issue. The Nations Premier Mind, Body, Spirit eMagazine for Women 40 and beyond.