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LISA MESSENGER “I’m into deep, robust, meaningful connections that can change the world”

THE

P L AY B O O K

I S S U E 4

THE CONNECTION EDITION


The warmest of welcomes from all the Wellineux team to our fourth Well In You Playbook. Connection is at the heart of all that we do and it’s no accident that the Wellineux journey started as a connection between two friends coupled with a deep desire to inspire people to connect deeply with themselves, their lives, their loved ones, their community and their environment. We know firsthand that connections sustain us personally and professionally and are intrinsic to our health and happiness. As Brené Brown says, “A connection is the energy that exists between two people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”. It all starts with nurturing the connection with ourselves, the most precious relationship in our lives, and bringing this into our interactions with others. Inside this Playbook you’ll find included inspiration for connection with yourself, those in your personal and professional lives as well as the natural world in which we live. We love connecting, so reach out and let us see the real you. Be well, be you,

Amanda and Michelle

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A connection is the energy that exists between two people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. - BrenĂŠ Brown THE CONNECTION EDITION

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i n th i s i s sue

l i sa Messenger On connecting a likeminded community in order to change the world.

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me an i ngful Conversations 10 tips to create soul satisfying conversations in your life.

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the i ntrover t ´s Guide to Networking Here’s a tip - don’t force it!

The content in this article is expressly the opinions and thoughts of the author. This magazine does not make any health claims, and should not be used in treatment of any illness. Please do not publish, display or distribute the content included within this magazine without attributing it to Wellineux. On occasion we will include affiliate links for products and services that we wholeheartedly love, we earn a small commission from every sale as a result, this is one small way in which we are able to keep this publication available to you, free of charge.

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commun icat i on That Connects The perfect client pitch starts with your mindset.

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banana Bread

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Sarah's famous banana bread recipe straight from the Wellineux kitchen.

l aur en Pell Going coconuts for The Wellness Festival!

the power

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Of Brutal Honesty

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LISA MESSENGER

with

1 ON 1

Lisa Messenger, the rule breaking and thought provoking founder and editor of Collective Hub, is on a mission to connect a community of likeminded souls who want to change the world. Insatiably curious, naturally collaborative, yet understandably busy! Lisa spoke to us about the meaningful connections in her own life, and how she curates them – in her own way.

Connections that fill you with energy and bliss... Despite my outwardly very big life, more than anything I love one-on-one connections where I get to be really present with another human being. I think it’s really important to be aware of what drives you and for me it’s really important from a business and bigger purpose perspective to be able to connect en masse with our community. This happens through my speaking, books, print magazine and a number of other channels, both offline and online. I love the scale this provides me to impact, and hopefully empower a vast number of people but it is the one-on-ones that really feed my soul. When I really get to “meet” people as equals and get an in-depth understanding of who they are and what drives them. I’m not into fluffy conversations. I like deep, robust, meaningful conversations that can change the world (don’t worry I’m also good at being completely ridiculous, never take myself too seriously and I spend most of my time laughing). I also love grounding myself and connecting with nature every single day. I purposefully live close to the beach for this reason and I purposefully have a big outdoor area at the office filled with plants and animals. This keeps me alive.

Connection roadblocks you have encountered... Nothing really. What I have learnt is the bottom line behaviors that are acceptable to me, what my boundaries are, and the power of saying no. For this reason, I only take a meeting or connect with someone if I believe it is going to have some

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I have no problem in leaving a meeting five minutes in if it doesn't feel right energetically. Life is too short for small conversations and meaningless connections.

greater purpose or has the potential to be the start of something bigger. I have no problem in leaving a meeting five minutes in if it doesn’t feel right energetically. Life is too short for small conversations and meaningless connections.

How do you create connections that break barriers... I am well known for having a number of meetings doing the Bondi to Bronte walk. I much prefer to do an “active” meeting than sit statically. I rarely have an entirely productive or truly connected meeting if I am sitting in a stifling boardroom with no fresh air and fluorescent lights. It just doesn’t serve me – and again, I have no problem speaking up and orchestrating an immediate change in the environment for a greater outcome. Be unafraid to change the expected.

How do you connect with someone new...

It all depends a little on the circumstance but I try to ask non-conformist questions that will propel bigger answers. In some personal development I did early on I was taught for example to never answer the question “how are you?” with the word “good” for the reason it tells nothing. I try to ask bigger more profound

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questions and I’m also not afraid to let people know in the most polite and productive way, that the conversation is too surface or shallow... I am at choice to leave it, orchestrate a bigger conversation or stay in something boring and meaningless. I will never choose the latter. When hiring people, I seldom look at or have much interest in their CV, instead I am interested in specific things in their life that have impacted them – did they get divorced and what did they learn? Did they travel the world and what did they learn? Etc. Etc. I think we are responsible for eliciting exciting responses and lifting people higher by inviting bigger conversations with more stimulating questions.

Connection support... Continuing to learn, evolve and stay open. I do this by consuming from many channels – direct conversations, podcasts, magazines, online etc. It’s about immersing myself in all sorts of situations with all sorts of people from all sorts of backgrounds, geographic locations and industries. If you are open, there are extraordinary opportunities to connect everywhere. See more at The Collective Hub.


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HOW TO HAVE A GOOD CONVERSAT ION . WORDS: MICHELLE MCCARTAN

W

hen was the last time you became joyfully lost in a conversation? You know the type, where your whole being becomes deeply fed as the words of another and yours became intricately wrapped around each other? These magical conversations feed our hunger for connection, a need we all share and desire to fill. Yet, more and more, these conversations are a less frequent part of our life. More and more we're talking to others whilst doing something else; e-mails, social media, eating, walking, housework, watching TV and the list goes on. We've all done it, right? We're busy, we don't have the time and it's hard to 'schedule' into our day. Our society is moving us in the direction of more of our day being spent interacting with technology than nurturing the physical presence of another. All this has lead to us losing our focus, our undivided attention and care for being truly at one with another whilst we talk to them. We have lost the art of deep soul filling conversation. We are denying younger generations of role models for soul satisfying conversations and by doing so risk it becoming a dying art as well. As teacher Paul Barnwell says, "conversational competence might be the single most important skill we have failed to teach. Kids spend hours each day engaging in ideas and each other through screens but rarely do they have an opportunity to hone their interpersonal communication skills" (The Atlantic). And research shows American teenagers send on

. d n i k l u f g n i n a e The m

average a staggering 3,339 text messages a month which is over 100 a day (Nielsen). We risk living a life without the depth of connection that we deeply crave. We risk living a life without the skills to interact meaningfully with our fellow life travellers. So how do we, step-by-step, in our own way make a positive shift towards reviving this dying art? As Celeste Headlee, writer and radio host says in her Tedx Talk, there are many simple approaches we can deploy in our conversations to truly make them mean something: ••

Don't multi-task – this is the biggest culprit for quality conversations, don't be half in the conversation and half somewhere else. If it matters to you, be present, totally in the conversation and devote yourself to it.

••

Don't pontificate – don't see a conversation as your chance to rabbit on and make a point. As Bill Nye said, "everybody you meet knows something you don't", so grasp this opportunity to seek it out.

••

Ask open ended questions – if you really want to know what people think, give them the space to share their interesting jewels by using questions which start with who, what, where, when and why.

••

Go with the flow – don't treat a conversation like a military attack having the next question up your sleeve ready to deploy. Let thoughts come in and go out, allowing the conversation to move organically.

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••

If you don't know, say you don't – be honest, do the other person justice by being real. Air on the side of caution and compassion.

••

Don't equate your experience with theirs – as tempting as it is, and as genuine your intent, all experiences are different so let their experience be theirs and allow them to have the space to share it.

••

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Try not to repeat yourself – sometimes it can be tempting to make a point, time and again but when we are truly present in a conversation, once is all you need. Saying something once can be so much more powerful than repeating yourself multiple times.

••

Stay out of the weeds – try not to get lost in the details. Use the knowledge that people are more interested in getting to know you and what you have in common with them.

••

Listen – it seems so obvious but we often get so distracted during a conversation

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with ideas and thoughts both related and unrelated to the conversation. As Stephen Covey beautifully said "most of us don't listen with the intent to understand but with the intent to reply". Switch yours around and notice the difference. ••

Be brief – a conversation requires a balance between talking and listening so don't take all the air time, say what needs to be said without boring the other person and keeping the conversation alive.

If you had to take away one thing from all this to remember, it's truly be interested in the conversation. Whether it's with a waiter in a cafe or your best friend, you never know what connection you might form when you allow yourself to be open to the possibility that is contained within each and every conversation. And collectively, by doing so, you will be helping save this life changing yet dying art of meaningful conversations.


BALANCE YOUR BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT. Immerse yourself in an urban sanctuary. This is your opportunity to retreat from your day-to-day, to rediscover the energy and vitality that flows through you, an opportunity to get clear on your intentions for the year ahead. Set in an easily accessible city location, both personal and corporate retreats are available. For just one day, invest in yourself. For more information contact Maxine on +61 429 519 299 or email: maxine@wellineux.com

@wellineux wellineux.com


You've all been calling for this recipe, as served at our recent Atelier wellness workshop, so we thought we'd better share it with you! Herewith the now not-so-secret recipe straight from the Wellineux kitchen. Thanks to all who joined us and devoured our Banana Bread! Great to have you! P.S. Our 2016/2017 Atelier breakfast workshop series is now on sale here

sar ah´s famous

Banana Bread

3 ripe bananas 2 ½ cups almond meal ¾ cup coconut oil, melted 1 cup walnuts, chopped ¼ cup raw honey 2 eggs, whisked vigorously 2 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp baking powder

Method: Preheat oven to 180°C and line a 20cm x 10 cm loaf tin with baking paper. Mash the bananas in a large mixing bowl with a fork (keep a few lumps) and then gently fold in the remaining ingredients until combined. Transfer the mixture to the prepared loaf tin. Garnish with extra walnuts or a banana sliced longways down the middle. Bake for 50 minutes or until golden and a knife inserted into the middle comes out clean. Allow to cool in the loaf tin. Turn out, slice and serve. Double Choc Banana Bread Variation: Add 1/4 cup cacao + 1 cup Loving Earth Dark Choc (so yum!) More recipes from the Wellineux Kitchen here.

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FROM THE WELLINEUX KITCHEN

Looking for healthy catering for your event? The Wellineux Kitchen caters! Get in touch with Sarah directly here.

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2 0 1 6 PA R T 2

WA N T T O K N O W O U R I N T E N T I O N ?

Connection

IF YOU COULD SET ONE MEANINGFUL INTENTION FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

"More frequent connection with family and friends is my intention for the rest of this year” - Lorna John, WA

"To free myself from guilt when making choices for me, in my own life" - Louise Miles, VIC

“My intention is presence. One of the most powerful ways to make connections is to stay present in the moment, present with that person and present within yourself. Worrying about the past or projecting into the future makes connection challenging and often impossible. So I’m being right here, right now” - Dara Simkin, VIC

"My intention is to refocus on my life goals and affirmations that I have let slip recently” - Annabelle Fraser, Italy

“My intention would be self care, and more often. We need to teach ourselves that self care is important and not indulgent” - Tamara Shaw, NSW

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If you too would like to set an intention for deeper and wider connections, we'd like to be the first to support you. Join us for coffee at our South Melbourne HQ – a new business contact, a new opportunity, a new inspiring conversation. We would love to connect with you.


2016/2017

WELLNESS WORKSHOP SERIES

Inspiring wellness leaders // A beautiful breakfast // Your Copy of the Journey of Me (JOM) // A Packed Wellness Gift Box // Amazing Give Aways // Tool’s and Techniques...

Join Wellineux and Australia’s most remarkable guest speakers for a nourishing healthy breakfast & hands on workshop experience. Depart feeling inspired, empowered and energised

DISCOVERY (May) Amanda McMillan Founder, Wellineux

REST (June) Philip Watkins Naturopath, The Help Movement

MOVEMENT (July) Emma Palmer Founder, Moksha Yoga

NUTRITION (August) Damien Kristof The Wellness Couch

MIND (September) Alice Nichols Founder, The Whole Daily

CONNECTION (October) Jacqui Alexander Founder, Humming Puppy

Time: 7am Location: Melbourne BOOK NOW RESOURCES (November) Donna DeZwart CEO, Fitted For Work



@wellineux

GROWTH (February) Melanie Gleeson Endota Day Spa

www.wellineux.com or call Maxine on 0429 519299

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2016


THE I NTROVERT ´S GUI DE TO NET WORK I NG Every time we stomp down our introverted nature, we crush part of our soul in the process. - Michaela Chung

When you’re an introvert, the word networking can place a deep-seated fear inside of you. Maybe you imagine yourself anxiously standing on the edge of a noisy room full of people you don’t know, as they chat merrily away without even noticing you. Or maybe your networking nightmare is making painful small talk with people you feel you have nothing in common with trying to be someone you’re not to form some kind of connection. Or could it be the dreaded fear of having to talk at length about yourself to people who aren’t listening? Whatever your fears, you’re not alone. Research by the Myers Briggs organization suggests that introverts compose up to 50% of the population and in roughly equal measure of males and females and at some point or other in our lives we all want to form more connections with others. 20

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There’s room for all of us, whether introverted, extroverted or ambiverted to find our own unique way to give and receive support from others without feeling overwhelmed or compromising on who we are. CLAIM YOUR WORD If the word ‘networking’ fills you with negative connotations, it will be an uphill journey before you start. So change the word and notice your mindset change with it. Consider what word accurately describes an activity that sounds genuinely appealing to you with the same objective as networking. Maybe for you it’s ‘connecting’ or ‘cultivating relationships’. Once you’ve found what feels right notice the energetic impact this switch can have. FIND YOUR WHY Many of us step into the world of networking because we think we should. Coming from a place of having to inevitably feels like a tedious


chore rather than a meaningful activity and of course reduces our energy and enthusiasm towards engaging in it. Stop and consider what you are trying to achieve? How does connecting with others help you to achieve this? If you can’t think of a reason, then maybe you have all the support you need right now. If you’ve found your why, keep hold of it, let it energise you and keep revisiting it to make sure the actions you take truly support you with this. MAKE IT MEANINGFUL Networking often has the connotation of receiving from others but deep down we all know this can only be sustained by making it a two way flow of good will. This is the basis of all meaningful relationships and why should your network be any different? It’s easy to drain yourself by giving too much but focus on giving small meaningful support to people in your network and the connections you make will thrive.

CONSIDER WHAT FEELS NATURAL Maybe you’re at your happiest connecting 1:1 with others in person, through words online or by the telephone. There’s no right or wrong way to connect with others and the joy of finding your way is that it will feel more natural, require less of your precious energy, feel more genuine and ultimately be more rewarding. RECHARGE Be realistic on how much time you spend connecting with others. As an introvert, you get energy from being on your own so make sure you plan in some down time once you’ve done some connecting or you will end up depleted. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you have to forfeit connection with others or compromise on who you are. You can reap the beautiful benefits that come from building a supportive and like minded community around you by choosing to befriend your introversion and find your way to create meaningful connections with others. Well In You | Issue 4

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CHOOS I NG COMMUN ICAT ION THAT CONNECT S

The perfect pitch starts with your mindset WORDS: ANNA SCHROEDER

I

f mentally tackling every possible angle of your upcoming pitch or meeting with a potential client is your go-to mindset, then you’re far from alone.

had the chance to form their own opinion, these thoughts have already begun the process of 'rounding down' any of the great ideas, skills and expert advice that we hold.

At any given time, each of us can experience our minds scrambling to fill in the future blanks to create the outcome we want, while keeping us safe from any hurt, perceived judgment or fear that could arise. The side effect is that this very ability can also cause us to feel disconnected from others, leaving us anxious and stressed – all before we’ve even entered the meeting room.

Choosing to allow other people the freedom to make their own choices and opinions frees the mind to return it’s focus to doing what we love, communicating more clearly and connecting authentically with those around us, this time without trying to force the outcome.

A fear of being judged most often appears as an inclination towards immediate negative assumptions voiced by our inner critic, cleverly disguising itself as what we believe others to be thinking about us. Before anyone has even 22

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Opting to engage in meaningful connection with others over the fear we might be judged harshly also provides the opportunity to connect more fully with critical parts of ourselves that may need a little more self-acceptance. A kinder outlook could be the missing piece of your pitch and the key to its success.


1. Get clear on how YOU feel about your idea, pitch or project Focus on why you are putting this one on the table. What is it that you want to see happen and why? Get crystal clear on your motivation and what unique skills you can offer to the right audience. 2. Identify what expectations you have of others Assuming the worst of others is a tried and true defense mechanism, but not very helpful when establishing a meaningful connection and future relationships. If you reminded yourself that the decision is for others to make based on their values and needs, what would that feel like? What is a kinder vantage point to take? 3. How are you rounding down (dissing or dismissing) yourself? If you’re mentally defaulting to ‘no’ on their behalf, then it could be a good indication you’re making some less than generous assumptions about your own skills and abilities. Authenticity and the basis of good communication, comes from accepting who you are, and sharing your uniqueness with integrity. This is a common area for those wanting to break free from limitations to seek coaching and help to identify blocks that might be subconsciously holding them back.

4. Get clear on what is true (and what is false) Until you ask, chances are you'll never know. Is there evidence or is your mind keeping you safe by painting dramatised worst-case scenarios? Often our fear of ‘no’ is worse than if it should occur, even in a situation we’re emotionally invested in. What if the worst-case scenario is that you try again with more knowledge and understanding? 5. Identify what support you may need Do you think you need to have it all figured out or do it all on your own? Our attachments to projects and ideas can be less intense if we can envision sharing the load. It’s good practice to identify room to grow in any situation and is also a positive way to pre-emptively address any areas you might not be fully confident in or additional systems you may need to put in place to achieve your goals. 6. Lastly, be open to feedback You’ve powered through your pitch, laid it out in meaningful conversation and no one doubts your enthusiasm. Now it’s their turn. Are you willing to be as open as you’ve asked them to be? Keep communication from your perspective and, if needed, help them to understand from theirs. You never know, they might have a good idea or two of their own. Well In You | Issue 4

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CRE ATE THE TH I NGS you wish

existed I’ve always had a passion for creating things. While studying media & communications at RMIT I jumped into work as a Production Assistant at a creative advertising agency – I just loved the whole creative process from the strategy through to the script writing, producing and editing. My 10 years in the industry were wonderful I met so many incredibly talented people got to travel the world (Lauren was the Producer of Cannes Lion Winning Campaign GAYTMS).

MEET LAUREN PELL FROM COLOUR & COCONUTS

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However this lifestyle took its toll. I was in a constant state of stress working 12 hour days and living on diet soft drinks – I was completely out of tune with my body. It was only after my friend dragged me along to a health seminar that my eyes were opened to the world of ‘wellness.’ As I started to put these life lessons


into action I noticed the profound influence it was having on my life. I had yo-yo dieted through my teens and early twenties and had a very negative relationship with food and exercise. When I started eating to nourish my body and exercising from a place a love - I felt AMAZING and wanted to share it with the world. I was hooked and began attending more seminars, retreats, reading books and absorbing as much information as I could! I soon realised that this was my ‘why’ and that I needed to be living my passion full-time. In December 2015, I finally plucked up the courage to quit my job and launch myself into this new venture – Colour & Coconuts. THE LAUNCH STORY I guess I was subconsciously working on C&C for a while. In my role as a TV Producer I started

pushing for healthy catering at our shoots, introduced almond milk into the office and organised group PT sessions at the office. I used Instagram as a creative outlet documenting my health journey on my personal account @laurens_health. I lived and breathed wellness and was addicted to how this new healthy lifestyle made me feel but wasn’t yet sure how to translate that into a new career. Colour & Coconuts eventually unfolded when I realised I could use my skills in producing to create something I wish existed and create experiences that nurture and inspire our followers to be a better version of themselves. I wrote down what my dream event would consist of from the line-up of speakers, through to the food, music and styling. And then I jumped into Producer mode and hit the ground running to make The Wellness Festival happen. Well In You | Issue 4

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THE WHY We love connecting people. Magic happens when like-minded, amazing people come together. After our launch event in Melbourne we had countless messages from people saying how the day had a really positive impact on them – from people changing careers, going back to study, starting to make their own kombucha to learning to be kinder to themselves. For me – that is what it’s all about. TAKING CONNECTIONS TO THE NEXT LEVEL We were very lucky when we started C&C that we had The Wellness Festival that served as an in-road to many of these connections. When approaching people I guess it’s important to be really clear in terms of what you’re looking to get out of the exchange and what you have to offer – whether it be a business opportunity or even just buying their lunch. Everyone is busy and time is a precious commodity so it’s important to value that. From there I guess it’s like building any other relationship – authenticity and kindness go a long way. I’ve been so fortunate to meet so many amazing people along the C&C journey – I am constantly pinching myself. FIGURING OUT THE NEXT BEST MOVE I always trust my instincts and go with my gut. It’s also essential to keep your finger on the pulse. I love to stay in touch with the Colour & Coconuts tribe via social media. What are people inspired by? What do they want to see? Stay active, responsive and once you’ve made a decision, just go for it! WHAT'S NEXT? We’ve got quite a few things up our sleeves at Colour & Coconuts! On the 13th of August, we are hosting our first Winter Wellness PJ Party at the Olsen Hotel with the super talented nutritionist,

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author and health blogger Jessica Sepel! Think of it as the ultimate sleepover, healthy treats, workouts, JS inspired dinner, movie night and breakfast in bed! We are SO excited! After that, The Wellness Festival officially goes on tour around Australia – we’ll be releasing the dates and locations soon – so watch this space! LAUREN'S NUMBER 1 WELLNESS NONNEGOTIABLE Find your routine – and stick to it! I have grown to LOVE my mornings. I try to wake up at the same time everyday normally around 5.30am, workout, have a nutritious breakfast and start the day with a positive grateful mind frame. I also value the power of setting boundaries, prioritising time for what is most important and preparing myself to avoid the ‘urgent’ and unimportant tasks we all face on a daily basis. Setting boundaries also includes clear time slots of switching off to recharge and energise. I know first-hand that it can be hard to switch off, especially when you live and breathe your business, but it’s essential for optimum productivity and to avoid burnout. Plus I need to practice what I preach right?! CONNECT You can find us daily on Instagram at @colourandcoconuts and on our facebook here. And for all the Colour & Coconuts deets and dates, our website is colourandcoconuts.com


I was in a constant state of stress working 12 hour days and living on diet soft drinks – I was completely out of tune with my body. Well In You | Issue 4

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FROM THE WELLINEUX KITCHEN

Contact The Wellineux Kitchen for healthy Christmas party catering here.

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For the love of colour and coconuts... Sweet and creamy, Horchata – a rice and almond based drink is the creation of Mexicans and minimalists. Traditionally, Horchata contains milk and sugar. Today we bring to you a dairy and refined sugar free alternative. Horchata lends itself well to natural sweeteners and we love the use of dates or maple syrup for this recipe.

mex ican

Horchata

Serves 6. 6 cups filtered water 3/4 cup white long grain rice 1/2 cup almond milk 1/2 cup coconut milk 3/4 cup medjool dated, pitted OR 1/3 cup maple syrup 2 cinnamon sticks 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, plus more for garnish

Method: Place the rice into a mixing bowl with cinnamon sticks and enough warm water to submerge. Soak for 4 hours minimum or overnight. The rice will soften yet still remain raw. Drain the rice and discard the water. Place the rice into a high powered blender. Add 4 cups of water, sweetener of choice, vanilla and ground cinnamon to the blender. Combine for 2 - 3 minutes on medium speed or until the dates are combined. Pour the mixture through a nut milk bag (a very fine strainer or cheesecloth would also be suitable) into a mixing bowl. Strain the mixture until only the pulp remains, squeezing any excess liquid out tightly with your hands. Discard the pulp. Add the coconut milk and almond milk to the mixing bowl, whisk. Have a taste and assess the sweetness, add a touch of maple syrup if necessary. To serve, pour over ice into mason jars and garnish with ground cinnamon and an extra cinnamon stick. For the adults, add a touch of white rum – if it’s Friday, and time for some fun. More recipes from the Wellineux Kitchen here. Well In You | Issue 4

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10

STEPS

for making friends as a grown up

I

n this modern world of 24/7 connectivity and cities jam packed with people, it’s ironic that we can find ourselves feeling lonely and deeply craving real connection.

For many of us, as we get older, the number of friends we can truly count on dwindles further and further. Why is this? Here's a few of the common ones: ••

Life gets busy and we don't have as much time to invest in nurturing friendships as we once did.

••

We change; our needs, our aspirations, our beliefs, our priorities and lifestyles all change leading us to want different things from our life and friendships.

••

Whilst we're changing, so too are our friends, often leading us to have less and less in common.

••

We move frequently within and between cities as well as between countries and continents and find it harder to maintain connection without physical contact.

••

And of course, we spend so much time online we have often forgotten the art of connecting offline.

There's often a deep sadness when we lose connection with friends that once meant so much. Friends who we have shared so much with. And yet, when we remember that people often come into our lives for 'a reason, a season or a lifetime', our perspective can shift as we remember what gifts we gained from the friendship, however long or short it was. So if you feel yourself craving new friendships know it's ok to move on, to say no to what is no longer serving you to create space to find the true connections your life desires right now. As humans we have a deep need to belong, a need to feel close to others and a need to understand and embrace our place in the world. In fact, every cell of our body is hard-wired for connection and unless we nurture our need to connect, our health and happiness suffers on every level. So if you're feeling that need for connection, know it's so very normal.

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So how do you make friends once you're out of the school playground? This can feel like a daunting journey and one that we feel so out of practice from as the years go on. Here's some ideas on making that step and finding true connection within your life.

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YOUR NUMBER ONE FRIEND. We often forget ourselves as the most powerful form of connection in our lives. We each possess a need for solitude and a requirement for time spent inwardly, where we connect into our internal world and let our intuition, our heart and our

body speak authentically to us. It is only through this touchstone of self-connection that we become equipped to extend our energy outwardly and form connections with others.

2

GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU WANT. Whatever you crave in the way of connection, know that the first step is being very clear about what you want. This will ensure that your connections are positive and meaningful. So ask yourself what your ideal connections look like? Is it deep connection you are seeking or are your desires for connection fuelled instead by a need for fun and enjoyment? How much time do you have to nurture your connections based on the way you live your life? How does the phase of life you are in impact your capacity to connect, for example, if you have very small children?

3

CONSIDER WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE. If you're craving a closer connection with existing friends and family, it’s essential to carve out time in your calendar to spend quality time with them. Often it’s these connections we take for granted as we know that they’ll always be there as our foundation. However, for these connections to truly flourish, we need to water them with our love so it’s important to make time for them.

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4

FOLLOW WHAT LIGHTS YOU UP. As Rebecca Campbell says in her book, 'Light is the New Black', follow what lights you up. If you love reading consider joining or forming a book club (like a JOM club). Or if you have an interest in helping people, consider volunteering or working for a charity where your skills and talents might be able to be put to use in a meaningful way with likeminded people.

5

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. Sometimes life sends challenges our way and forming connections with others on the same journey as us can be deeply rewarding. Whether this is illness, addiction, infertility or something else, connecting with others on this journey can help us to feel understood and supported in a way that others just can't provide.

6

IT TAKES COURAGE. Perhaps there's someone you would like to get to know more of. It might be a mentor or colleague you are drawn to in your professional arena, it could be someone whom you’ve met through friends or colleagues or someone in a sports group you attend. Think about how you might reach out to this person so that you can form a stronger connection with them by having the courage to take that first step and let them know what you want.

7

IT TAKES TIME. Try and maintain regular connection as much as possible as it’s important to nurture relationships that you want to deepen and flourish. If this is a struggle for you due to time constraints, look for ways to combine connecting with others and existing aspects of your life. If you like to walk or cook, then ask someone to join you for these activities

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and use this as an opportunity to catch up. Know it doesn't happen over night but over time you will feel the connection growing.

8

SAY YES AND NO. At first we don't know how rewarding a friendship will be as it takes time for the connection to build. Know that at times it will be important to grab opportunities to connect with an enthusiastic yes! If, along the way, you get clear that the connection isn't forming for you, be brave to say no and focus your time and energy on nurturing other connections that might be more rewarding.

9

BE YOU. Remember to be as authentic as possible dropping the need to impress and be liked which we all feel at times. The more people get to see the real you, the more deeply they can connect with you. This can often be a challenge at first but the connections formed as a consequence are so much more rewarding.

0

GIVE AND RECEIVE. Giving and receiving is a deeply important part of any friendship. We all have periods where we struggle in our life and giving and receiving requires trust and understanding. Be prepared to be vulnerable and allow others to support you but also be willing to prioritise time for those in your life when they are going through challenging times. Connection looks different for us all, for some it's a small group of friends for others it's just one whilst for others its a big group. There's no wrong or right and only you can choose when you feel that beautiful sense of connection. Savour it, nurture it and enjoy the deeply rewarding benefits that come your way.

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DO SOMETH I NG TODAY THAT YOUR

future self will thank you for WORDS: RIANNA COSTANTINO

H

ave you found yourself feeling lost, flat, uninspired or confused about your life recently? Do you long for new experiences, lessons and connections? If you answered ‘yes’ to either of those questions, then it’s time to start saying ‘yes’ more often and make some time for you! Life is a challenge in so many ways and one of life’s biggest tasks, is learning how to understand ourselves and our emotions; discovering our purpose, and our goals. Realising our true desires to get the most out of life can be extremely difficult, especially if you are stuck in the same routine, in a similar environment every day. We really need to make the time for ourselves more often; to connect to our

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emotions, thoughts and personal goals on a deeper level. Unfortunately most of the time, we tend to put ourselves last after everything else. The world is continuously developing and growing with new ideas and innovations every single day and our lives keep getting busier. There really is no better time than now to start being yourself and go on that personal journey of discovery that you deserve to do. Now is the time to say ‘yes!’ By saying yes, you open yourself up to so many opportunities, see new places, allow your mind and knowledge to expand and achieve great accomplishments in the process. The most rewarding part of all though, is the deeper


understanding you will have of who you are and aspire to be. You may find a new perspective on everything and seek to make changes; or you might find a great appreciation of what you already know and have. That’s the beauty of saying yes to self-discovery; you never know what wonderful outcome you will receive. Last year, I made the promise to myself to start saying, 'yes' more often and I am so grateful that I did. If I didn't make this personal goal, I never would have started my own blog. I would never have climbed up and down high and steep gorges to gaze upon incredible views. I also never would have packed my bags and moved to an island to try and better understand my own thoughts and what I wanted out of life. I would be lying to both you and myself, if I didn’t admit that I was terrified at many times throughout each of those experiences, but I truly believe that sometimes you need to get a little lost in order to find yourself. As you begin your journey of saying yes, please understand that you don’t have to leave your hometown as I did; ‘saying yes’ doesn’t have to be drastic, it can be as simple as spending a day getting lost in your own town or city. I have done exactly that many times myself, and it is truly wonderful and eye opening how much you overlook the beauty of what is hidden in the familiar.

These are a couple of things you must know about the journey of saying yes. I experienced all of them and looking back I now understand the purpose they held. Be open-minded: Wherever you go to ‘get lost’ and find yourself, be open to everything. Whatever thoughts pop into your mind and whatever feelings you experience, even if they are negative, let them flow freely. They are all a part of who YOU are and will all eventually make sense to you, even if it isn’t until later on. Expect nothing and you will receive: Don’t set yourself expectations of any kind for this journey. It might take a few trips, long walks and hours of sitting in a tree to understand yourself so don’t expect results straight away because the journey of self-discovery is never ending. As you learn, grow and change so do your goals and values. I wish all of you who do partake in ‘saying yes’, all the very best. Have confidence and faith in yourself, and know that you are capable of connecting to your thoughts and emotions at a deeper level, and working towards achieving the greatest life for yourself. More from Rianna Costantino on her website Bohemian Wanderlust.

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THE POWER OF

brutal honesty

WORDS: TALISA HIRON

H

ow can we live a life absolutely pure in our essence, as our authentic self, in constant focus of our very own north star?

empathetic ear, no judgment, a trusted confidant – and then reflect on how we are providing that to lead the way.

We hear about being our authentic self, revealing our true self and being vulnerable, all things we know we need to do, yet we seem to falter in the moment. A moment of brutal truth arrives, our big chance to step into our power that arrives mid conversation with a good friend or after a long day with a partner – then at our moment to shine we choke, we turn left instead, we tell a white lie by changing the subject, shrugging, or saying casually 'I don't know' when deep down the truth remains dormant and we feel unheard but know it was at our own hands.

We want to be loved for all our sharp edges, our imperfections and dark corners, therefore when we encourage someone to unveil these to us we must prepare to hear the imperfections, yet show love anyway. We must be prepared to hear the less admirable traits and allow the other to be human in all their imperfections, yet love them anyway.

We know we should, and we want to, but what is that gate made of that remains shut? We are afraid because it matters. Because we have been hurt. Because it is our authentic self, the very essence of who we are that is at risk of being revealed and with that exposed we have no where to hide if rejection takes place. To put that out there takes the fiercest of courage. To be completely naked, bare, revealed isn't something we naturally do. We have spent years learning to protect ourselves, that started as early as the school playground or maybe earlier. It is our natural state to hold back, hide and shield out vulnerable hearts. Yet without the unveiling of our sacred beating soul we cannot bring forth the absolutely stunning beauty of ourselves, nor encourage it from others. We want others to just 'spit it out' and tell us what's up, but we often haven't provided the required nurturing environment that encourages that out gently, lovingly, with a whole heart. We need to carefully consider what would help us unveil; a safe environment, understanding, an

But sadly being brutally honest with another isn’t even the biggest hurdle. The hardest truth to step into is brutal honesty with our self. To create the space to turn back in with a crystal clear

We want to be loved for all our sharp edges, our imperfections and dark corners... conscious awareness takes supreme courage. This is the single greatest challenge of our lives as once we finally stop the excuses or denials; we are forced to come face to face with the changes we are afraid of. Changes that often take us to a place of unknowing. We often keep up the charade with our self as whilst we can be unhappy, unsatisfied and not growing, we also know this place, it is warm and comfortable, it is familiar and we know how it works. If we consider stepping into the unknown space that the change we seek makes we don’t know where it will take us and that fear of the unknown is what that gate is made of. That is why and how we allow our goals and dreams to slip by, because when we are the only ones who know what we want, and are the only

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ones who know when we aren't striving for it, we can easily let it slip by, day by day, year by year. We tell ourselves we will just enjoy this one last chocolate before the healthy eating starts tomorrow, we tell ourselves we will get to that yoga class tomorrow, and that the job we hate we don't mind so much, because we don't want to face the reality of making that change nor are we confident in ourselves to step into that unknown space. Yet, when we peel back the layers on our own lies we are left with the chance we are actually seeking – to step into the life we dream of. So, how do we get there? How can we find a way to open that gate? There is a key phrase that can help us step out of the darkness with our self and in those close relationships. The simple sentence starter of 'If I am brutally honest...' allows us to cut through and come out. Completing this sentence opens us up. It is a simple small step, which is why it is effective. If we take small steps regularly soon we have gained great distance. If I am brutally honest this sentence has allowed my partner and I to open up to new depths in sharing and nurturing each other with a sacred space of openness and support. 40

Well In You | Issue 4

If I am brutally honest this sentence has had me reveal a less than admirable quality of mine that once spoken allowed me to acknowledge and start working on with the loving support of my partner. If I am brutally honest when I hear my partner start with this sentence I do want to protect what is said in our nurturing environment however confronting it may be. It takes us to the core of what is going on so we can effectively work through it. It allows us to turn inward and find out what is really going on. And if you begin using it today, and again tomorrow, with yourself and with your partner, you will see layer upon layer lift to reveal your authentic self, the one that brings you home, into a feeling you have been searching for. Therefore, with your one precious life ticking by, let’s do this. Here are a few starters for you to finish, complete them in any theme or topic that bubbles up, or if you would like a little power prompt to get you started, complete them in the two areas of a) what isn’t working in your life in line with stepping into your true self, b) what has been sitting just below the surface in you and is time you got started on. If I am brutally honest... If I am brutally honest... If I am brutally honest...


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THE SE ARCH

for a new mentor

TEN QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR MENTOR AND WANT TO FIND A NEW ONE

A

mentor can have a profound impact on our professional and personal lives by playing the role of sounding board, wisdom sharer and cheerleader amongst others. Of course it’s not about having any mentor, it’s about having the right one for you and once you’ve found them it can be a deeply rewarding relationship you both want to cherish. Of course mentor-mentee relationships don’t always last forever and when they come to an end, for a whole host of potential reasons, you are faced with the daunting prospect of finding a new one. Many of us feel a strong desire to quickly establish a relationship with a new mentor so we can feel the welcome support and guidance that they can provide. Yet, we are big believers in

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taking your time and getting crystal clear on the mentor you want as well as the mentee that you are, before you take the first step towards building a truly rewarding relationship. Here’s 10 questions you might want to answer when considering a potential mentor:

1

Why do you want the support of a mentor? Have a think about what your specific needs are so you can select the right mentor to support you. If there’s nothing specific at the moment, consider whether it’s worth holding on until you’re clearer.

2

What has made your previous mentor(s) good in the past? If something has worked really well with a mentor in the past, it’s likely that finding this in a future mentor will provide a

good foundation for another successful relationship. Was it their personality, experience, how well they listened, their commitment or something else?

3

Why would someone want to mentor you? Get clear on what you will bring to the mentoring relationship and how this might be a wonderful opportunity for someone else. So many people love to share our knowledge and skills and learn so much in the process of doing so.

4

Do they have experience and knowledge in the areas that you are looking for? You might find an amazing potential mentor whom you admire and get on well with but if they don’t have the experience and knowledge you are looking to benefit from then maybe they’re more of a friend or connection than a mentor.


5

7

6

8

How much of a time commitment do you expect from your mentor and do they have this time to invest? Get clear on how much time you would like someone to invest in your relationship. If this is unachievable on your side or theirs, the relationship is likely to fail before it gets off the ground. Are they honest and trustworthy? Do you respect them? These are all critical foundations for a strong mentoring relationship. A mentor isn’t there solely to encourage you but also to speak the tough truths that sometimes you may miss for yourself. To take the truth on board it’s important that you respect them and believe that what they’re telling you is valuable.

Do you share similar values? If your mentor is driven by similar things, they are more likely to understand you and conversely you them and in the process have a more rewarding relationship. Get clear on your values and think about how their behaviors might indicate their underlying values. Do you feel comfortable talking to them and sharing openly? If you can be vulnerable with your mentor and drop any need to live up to a particular persona, the rewards will come.

9

Do you know them well enough? Have you had enough exposure to your potential mentor to know that they are the right fit for you or do you need to find an opportunity to spend more time with them before you make a decision?

0

What do you need to do to get the most out of a mentoring relationship? Your relationship with a mentor is two way. There’s the obvious flow of insights, wisdom and support from the mentor in one direction. In the other direction is the time you invest in getting clear on what you want from each session and preparing for it. This changes your sessions from a nice chat to a productive use of time. Once you’ve identified someone that is a good fit, take the plunge. The answers to these questions will help you talk to them clearly about what you want and why you have selected them. Trust that if they say yes, they are the right fit and if not then someone else is out there who is a better for fit for you so keep looking and the right person will appear.

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Connect with us via social media. Your destination for all things health and wellbeing. You’ll find healthy tips, nourishing recipes, inspiring information and more!

facebook.com/wellineux

instagram: @wellineux

pinterest.com/wellineux

You may also want to visit Wellineux in person or have a chat over the phone. Get in touch with Wellineux founder Amanda personally on 0400 927 031 or email amanda@wellineux.com.

Our address: 51 Brady Street, South Melbourne, VIC, 3205. We have a gorgeous paleo inspired cafe on site and we’d love for you to drop by for a coffee and to say hi!

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Contr i butor s LIKEMINDED SOULS THAT MAKE THIS PUBLICATION POSSIBLE. THANK YOU, FROM WELLINEUX.

Lisa Messenger

Anna Schroeder

Lisa Messenger is the vibrant, game-changing CEO of The Messenger Group, as well as founder and editor-in-chief of Collective Hub – a multimedia business and lifestyle platform.

Anna is a coach for those looking to dive deeper. Fascinated by emotions and armed with her favourite modalities including kinesiologybased META Kinetics and EFT, she enjoys guiding clients to find more clarity, creativity and connection in business and life through her encompassing Illumination Sessions.

Lisa launched The Messenger Group in 2001, which has since custom published more than 400 books for companies and individuals. Lisa has authored and co-authored 16 books; most notably, she charted her rollercoaster ride to success in best-selling book Daring & Disruptive and its sequel Life & Love, which reached #1 on Booktopia. Lisa has been a regular commentator on business, entrepreneurialism and property and has sat on a number of boards including the Australian Businesswomen’s Network and Publishers Australia. Her passion is to challenge individuals and corporations to change the way they think, take them out of their comfort zone and prove that there is more than one way to do anything. She encourages entrepreneurial spirit, creativity and innovation and lives life to the absolute max. Lisa’s vision is to build a community of likeminded people who want to change the world. Visit the Collective Hub at: collectivehub.com

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A lover of words since forever, Anna writes coaching and creative pieces on her blog, Instagram and in her monthly edition of The Illuminated. Based in New Zealand and available over Skype, Anna enjoys a beach lifestyle, plenty of naps and is fuelled by tea, a love for her community and a boundless curiosity of the inner world. Find Anna at: annaschroeder.nz


TaLisa Hiron

Rianna Costantino

TaLisa is a coach who writes with emotional tenderness and an eye-opening awareness about everyday observations.

Rianna was born and raised in Western Australia and has always had a love and desire to travel and explore. The beach is her inspiring haven; even in winter you can often find her parked in her car, snuggled with a blanket, watching the waves roll in.

TaLisa’s gift is her ability to see the world anew. She finds the words to express those inner most thoughts we struggle to explain, with a firm but friendly call to action that encourages each of us to shed the skin of our past and step forward refreshed, revitalised and open to all the world has to offer. TaLisa takes these talents directly to individuals though coaching/mentorship and workshop facilitation. She has published two books; Five Bedrooms to Five Boxes: Living simply with purpose and Paper Doors. TaLisa has spent her life pursuing her soul purpose, and has completed courses in nutrition, reiki, leadership, human resources, finance, and life coaching with Beautiful You Life Coaching Academy.

Through social media, Rianna goes by the name 'Bohemian Wanderlust' which to her means: to live as freely as possible, getting in touch with herself and the world around, focusing on happiness and inner peace. This is combined with her massive desire to constantly travel, see and explore new places, and experience life to the fullest. Follow Rianna's journey at: bohemianwanderlust.wix.com

More from TaLisa on her blog: senseofyou.com

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SHARE THE Forward Well In You to a friend.

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Well In You | Issue 4

Well.In.You | The Connection Edition feat. Lisa Messenger.  

A free magazine by wellness collective Wellineux. Issue 4 is dedicated to your wellbeing, your relationships and your connections, at work a...

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