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ON SALE FROM FRIDAY, SEptEMbER 20, 2013 ISSUE 70

BRISFEST GOES PRIMAL Primal Scream headline Bristol’s biggest music event

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CABOT CIRCUS

HOW TO COOK THE PERFECT PAELLA

THE BEST START FOR YOUNG CYCLISTS

WHAT TO PLANT NOW FOR CHRISTMAS

IT’S OuR

5

th

birthday 21 – 28 SEPT Join in the celebration and claim your free gift

BRISTOL STYLE FASHION. FOOd. ENTERTAINMENT. SHOP ’TIL 8PM

cabotcircus.com

It’s Cabot CIrCus’ 5th bIrthday so joIn In the CelebratIon From the 21 to the 28 September, as a little thank you for shopping with us for five fantastic years, we are treating you to a week long give away. Here is how you can celebrate our birthday with us and claim your free gift.

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2 Spend £30

Visit our Giant Cake

Simply spend £30 in total on your day out in Cabot Circus, choosing from our unrivalled range of stores, restaurants and cafés including Zara, House of Fraser, River Island, Piccolino and Giraffe.

Make sure you hold on to your receipts, head to our giant cake on the Ground Floor, Cabot Circus and get your receipt/s stamped.

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4 Spin the Wheel Spin the wheel and walk away with a free gift*. It could be anything from a beauty treat, exclusive discount voucher or a cake pop. *Only one spin of the wheel per day per person

Enter the Prize Draw For the chance to win an even bigger treat from great brands like Kurt Geiger, Thomas Sabo and H&M, fill in your details on the Birthday Ticket to enter a prize draw. You could be going home with a new pair of designer shoes, an exclusive hamper and much more. The prize draw will take place at 12.30pm & 3.30pm from 21 to 28 September.

And if you come back another day and spend ÂŁ30 you can claim another free gift and enter the prize draw again.

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21 – 28 sept

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ADVERTISING FEATURE

JOIN THE CIRCUS To celebrate its fifth birthday, Bristol’s top shopping destination, Cabot Circus has picked its favourite retailers and restaurants from the centre.

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o celebrate its fifth birthday, Bristol’s top shopping destination, Cabot Circus, has picked its favourite retailers and restaurants from the centre. Cabot Circus, the South West’s leading fashion and leisure destination located in the heart of Bristol’s city centre, will celebrate its fifth birthday on Wednesday, September 25. Since opening in 2008, the centre has welcomed almost 100 million visitors to its shops, restaurants and cinema. The culmination of a decade of consultation, planning and construction, Cabot Circus has transformed Bristol into a leading UK retail destination, contributing greatly to the creation of a vibrant 24 hour city centre with one of the strongest fashion and leisure offers outside London. Part of Bristol’s newly branded Shopping Quarter, Cabot Circus boasts more than 120 stores, including many of the UK’s most coveted brands such as anchors Harvey Nichols and House of Fraser, names like Reiss, All Saints, Ted Baker, and Oliver Bonas, and high-street heavyweights New Look, Zara, River Island and Topshop.

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The centre is also home to more than 30 restaurants and cafés, including Brasserie Blanc, Piccolino, Harvey Nichols Restaurant and Bar, Café Rouge and TGI Fridays, and a 13-screen luxury cinema. Over the past five years Cabot Circus has established itself as an important attraction for Bristol visitors and a key focal point within the city’s annual events calendar. The centre hosts high-profile fashion and food events, including the largest street food festival outside London. There have also been appearances from personalities ranging from style guru Gok Wan to David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff, and the centre has also become a firm favourite for celebrity “pop-up” shops, including Minnie’s Boutique, Bella Sorella and Candy Kittens. This summer also saw the arrival of a different type of “celebrity”, with children’s favourites Waybuloo and Peppa Pig attracting thousands of visitors.

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Brasserie Blanc

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oused in the beautiful listed Friary Building in Quakers Friars, Brasserie Blanc has become a firm favourite with Bristolians and visitors alike. With a passion and commitment to support local suppliers and provide freshly prepared, seasonal food, the restaurant offers a varied menu of deliciousness to make the most of the West Country’s bounty. To celebrate its fifth birthday, Brasserie Blanc is inviting all diners in the birthday week to “Roll up! Roll up!” and take a chance with a pair of dice. Those that roll a five will have five per cent taken off their bill, those lucky enough to roll a double five will win 50 per cent off the bill, and those who roll no fives at all will be entered into a prize draw to win a free meal for five friends. The Brasserie Blanc Bristol Fifth Birthday Competition will run from September 23-29.

House of Fraser

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ouse of Fraser is Cabot Circus’ anchor store and one of the UK’s most treasured brands, having featured on the British high street for over 160 years. Renowned for its designer brands and exclusive collections, House of Fraser offers luxurious items at affordable prices. Set over four floors, the store offers a wide range of womenswear and menswear brands including Label Lab, Linea and Biba, as well as beauty and homewares. To unwind, Zest Bistro – situated on the top floor of the store – is an inviting place to stop for lunch, a glass of wine or a coffee and cake while you’re out shopping.

Harvey Nichols

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ringing a host of exclusive designer labels to the city, Harvey Nichols Bristol has collections from the likes of Christian Louboutin, Balenciaga, Erdem, Kenzo, Stella McCartney, Gucci and Helmut Lang. For the perfect pampering, indulge in the latest treatments from Jo Malone London, Strip, Nails.Inc and Creme de la Mer, and for a tasty treat there’s the super stylish Second Floor Restaurant and Bar.

Zara

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abot Circus boasts the only stand-alone Zara store in Bristol. From casual wear to classic ranges, Zara is dynamic and constantly evolving. It epitomises the concept of fast fashion, with no product being kept on the shop floor for longer than two weeks and new products arriving every Thursday and Sunday. Zara also launches a staggering 10,000 designs each year – Perfect for fashion forward Bristolians.

Oliver Bonas

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abot Circus boasts the only Oliver Bonas store in the South West of the UK. Oliver Bonas offers a hand-picked treasure trove of unique and globally inspired designs, as well as must-have seasonal staples. From exclusive womenswear, beautiful handcrafted jewellery and eye-catching accessories to luxury interior furnishings and gift ideas, the store offers shoppers

a place to celebrate individuality, creativity and inspiring design. The Oliver Bonas brand is all about contemporary design and eclecticism – everything is unique and the retailer’s aim is to stray from the mainstream, offering exclusives and one-off designs. Many of the things you’ll find are designed in-house by their passionate and creative team of designers.

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CABOT’S CLASSICS As the chill starts to set in, Cabot Circus reveals its Top 5 picks for Autumn/Winter 2013

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Wednesday 25th – Sunday 29th September 18 catwalk fashion shows presented by TV fashion stylist Mark Heyes and celebrity hair stylist Andrew Barton

Tickets available now from mallcribbs.com

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YOU WOOD, WOULDN’T YOU? Get cosy with one of this autumn’s biggest homeware trends – woodland wonderland

Bristol Fashion Week

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HEALTH&BEAUTY

SLIMMING SECRETS Health The popularity of weight loss plans appears to be growing in response to our expanding waistlines. Kate Edser meets Slimming World consultant Michelle Neal.

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erhaps the best advertisements for weight-loss programmes are the people who have signed up and succeeded – particularly if those people are subsequently willing to share their story, warts and all. Such tales command a certain respect as a source of inspiration and confidence to those yet to commit to shedding their loads – both emotional and physical. Combine that with an empathic delivery and offers of continued support, and bingo – that’s a recipe for success. This is exactly the scenario fostered by Slimming World, whose group leaders, known as consultants, are all former members who have achieved, and adhered to, their target weight. It’s a system that works well and in Bristol has led to continued expansion, with 12 new groups due to start in the area this autumn, bringing the total number to around 140. After losing more than seven stone, and dropping from a size 24 to a size 10, thanks to support from the Keynsham group, Michelle Neal, 27, now runs three groups in Kingswood. Her story is typical, in that

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she struggled with weight from a young age. Indeed, latest Government statistics show that, in 2011, around three in ten children aged two to 15 were classed as either overweight or obese (31 per cent and 28 per cent respectively). As a whole, the proportion of the population that were overweight increased from 58 per cent to 65 per cent in men and from 49 per cent to 58 per cent in women between 1993 and 2011. Set against this background, it’s no wonder the demand for weight loss support is increasing. Candidly, Michelle explains: “As a child I had always been fairly slim and I never really thought about food unless I was hungry and I needed to eat. “I started to gain weight, probably through being less active and more in control of what I was eating, when I was a teenager. I put on a few stone, but I am fortunate in that I have always been surrounded by friends and family and nobody mentioned it and it wasn’t a big issue to me, but then weight kept going on and on. “It was a nasty spiral then: I was gaining weight and I was so unhappy, but I didn’t feel I could talk to anyone about it and I

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carried on eating. I had a real emotional attachment to food. “I tried everything, and I would always lose weight, but I was never successful in maintaining it, or continuing with the weight loss. “My mum had lost weight over the years and always through Slimming World, so I knew it was a plan that worked and one that I could enjoy because of all the food that you can eat, so I said that I would go back to try again when I was 21. I had tried it before when I was at sixth form, when I was about 16, and my commitment wavered. “This time, there were a

couple of good reasons why I joined: firstly, one of my best friends was getting married and I thought that I couldn’t go to another social occasion where I was dreading going out shopping for an outfit and then having photos taken; it was a huge thing for me at the time. “Secondly, I’m a massive Take That fan and when they got back together I went up to London for the day and I hid from the cameras as I didn’t want to be photographed, but I met the band. The next day, I was in the paper – a photo of me and Gary Barlow. I was meeting my idol, but I was in a size 24 baggy grey

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jumper and I was disgusted with myself. It really upset me.” Michelle signed up to Slimming World in the January she was 21. “The first day I weighed in I was 17st 10lbs, but I think I was probably heavier than that at some point,” says Michelle, who admits she was also very nervous about her first session. “I had every apprehension: am I going to be the biggest person there, and are they going to laugh when they weigh me in? But there was none of that. Everyone was lovely and I really thought I could do it this time. “I stayed with the group every week and it was the highlight of my week. I made friends and it was a supportive environment, which made all the difference. “Probably most people have tried some kind of healthy routine or diet for themselves at home and it’s hard, so for me it

made all the difference in the world getting that support from my consultant and the people in the group. “I lost seven stone to get to my target weight and I have dropped a little since then, so I lost just over seven and a half stone in total in a year and seven months.” Like many people, Michelle couldn’t bear the thought of being hungry, and was attracted by Slimming World’s regime, which allows for eating a selection of “free” foods that can be eaten at any time to stave off those grumbling pangs. Michelle explains: “We encourage our members to fill up on these free foods, and there is no counting, measuring or calorie counting. They include lean meat and poultry, fish and seafood, eggs, pulses, grains and beans, pasta and rice and fat-free dairy products.

“ I was gaining weight and I was so unhappy

but I didn’t feel I could talk to anyone about it so I carried on eating. I had a real emotional attachment to food

Then there are “healthy extras” – fibre and diary products like bread, cheese and milk – which must be weighed or measured. Anything else is classified as a syn (short for synergy), and although no food is off limits, a maximum of 15 “syns” can be consumed in one day. A Curly Wurly, for example is worth six, while a Mars bar is more costly, at 13. Michelle’s personal “syns” are carefully calculated: “I know I can have a two-fingered Kit Kat, a packet of Wotsits and a small glass of wine and that’s my 15 sins for the day!” To help everyone along, there is a pack containing details of each food and its classification, recipes (also for veggies), exercise suggestions and lots of positive messages and tips to stay on track. Members can also take advantage of further information and support on the company website. Diet is a word that is noticeably absent from the literature and is replaced by “food optimising.” Likewise, the exercise plan is called “body magic”. At the weekly group sessions, there’s always a weigh-in, though the results are kept secret, and then individual time

with consultants for newbies, followed by “IMAGE therapy” – Individual Motivation And Groups Experience, when people can choose to share (or not) their triumphs and tribulations, tips and information. And such is the support, that groups operate 52 weeks a year, even on bank holidays and between Christmas and New Year. No excuse then! Among a dozen new Slimming World groups starting in and around Bristol are those in Winterbourne, Bradley Stoke, Emerson’s Green and Wick, bringing the total number to around 140, covered by 96 consultants. Besides advertising, among the schemes bringing in new members is a referral system via GPs and paid for by Bristol City Council. Available for patients with a weight-related illness, such as Type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure, the scheme allows GPs to “prescribe” a 12-week membership of Slimming World. The organisation is also approved by the Royal College of Midwives, whose members work with consultants to advise new mums and pregnant ladies. ��� ���� �� ��� ����� �������’� ������

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Megan lightens the load – by eight stone Plhs{o huk mp{ulzz ����� ������� ��� ����������� ���� � ���������� ����� ��������� �� � ����� ��� ���� ����� ������ ��� ����� �� ���� ����� ����� ��� ������������� ������� ���� �������� �����

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nce painfully shy, socially isolated and depressed, 20-year-old Megan Longdon had no friends and no life. That was a year ago. Now, after losing eight stone, she is thriving – and not just physically. New confidence has led to a new circle of friends, a part-time job, a yen to go travelling and the fulfilment of an ambition to skydive. Megan dropped from a size 22-24 to a size 8-10, from 17st 5lbs to 9st 5lbs and so successful was her weight loss that she made it to the final of this year’s Slimming World Slimmer of the Year competition. “I started to put on weight when I was 11 or 12,” said Megan. “My mum got married to someone who liked a lot of takeaways, so there were a lot of kebabs and chips. Then I went to secondary school and I’d get picked on for being bigger, so I

didn’t eat in school, but on the way home I’d go to the shop and get tubs of Nutella and cookies and eat it all on the way home and then eat tea later. “When my mum went out I’d get loads of food to keep in my room. I was a bit of binge eater, I used to binge and make myself throw up when I was a teenager. “I was really depressed. If I wasn’t at school or college I’d spent the rest of the time in my room. I had friends at school, but if they invited me to do things outside school I wouldn’t go, like swimming or shopping, because if you’re a size 20 and your friends are a size eight you don’t really want to go shopping with them. Megan kept up with her studies and earned a place at the University of the West of England in Bristol where she is in her final year of a law degree. But an incident on her first day proved a real turning point. Megan explains: “ On my first day I got stuck in a lecture

theatre chair, so I had to wait until everyone left before I could try to get out of it and people were climbing over me. I went to the bathroom afterwards and cried and then I went home and I didn’t go back for a few days. “Before that my grandad [Stewart Longdon] had asked me to go to Slimming World with him and I said no, because I didn’t really want to. But after what happened at university I rang him and said OK.” Grandad Stewart had been going to a Slimming World group in Hanham for two years and lost five stone in an effort to improve his health. Being overweight meant he had trouble breathing, which limited his mobility. He also had diabetes and high blood pressure, both of which are now under control, with a much lesser need for medication. Megan says: “I didn’t speak in the meetings at all at first. When they asked me questions Grandad would answer for me. I

was really shy and I didn’t want to speak to anyone. When I got weighed it was a bit of a shock – I was 17st 5lbs.” But things quickly improved: “In my first week I lost 12lbs and I gradually got more confident and started to speak. The group became like my second family.” She now has an active social life and is a member of several university groups, including the debating society, and has completed a skydive in aid of Cancer Research. Her part-time job as a receptionist at Easton Leisure Centre has also inspired her to train as a life guard. Finally, she is thinking of becoming a Slimming World consultant during her gap year in 2014/15.

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he shiny new iPhone 5s (www.apple.com/ iPhone) is everything you’d expect from a modern smartphone. Yet the word “smartphone” is actually a bit misleading. Today’s smartphones are nothing less than pocket-sized computers, capable of doing nearly everything their desktop counterparts can do – just on a smaller screen. The 5s, though, also comes with a biometric fingerprint security system called Touch ID, making it even more secure than its predecessors – fingerprint security can be broken by determined bad guys, but it will certainly keep most casual thieves out. Apple is keen to stress that the fingerprints it senses are kept securely on the device never shared over the net. For the time being, Touch ID’s features are limited. You can unlock your phone and access your iTunes account. But what

happens if – or more likely, when – other apps are granted access to the system? Well, hands up if you hate remembering passwords – with a 5s, or one of its descendants, you might not need to. Tap your phone to authenticate your identity, and you could log into any website, approve any purchase, perhaps even unlock your front door or access your bank account. Plug this tech into your mobile web browser, and now the internet is basically an

extension of your thumb. Perhaps it won’t be long before a smartphone’s user-facing camera is smart enough to scan your retina too. Right now this is new, and expensive, technology. An unlocked 5s will cost you about £550. But we all know that expensive tech soon becomes cheap tech. This stuff will be everywhere before long. A lot of people say, “My phone is my whole life!”. Pretty soon, it will be.

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PLAYGROUND PASSIONS The new school term has begun, and with it, the new playground crazes. Peter Jenkinson has a look at the top six.

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FOSTERING CHANGES LIVES

S E E B E LOW FOR OPEN DAYS

INCLUDING YOURS.

Fostering is worthwhile and rewarding, a job that can help make the difference to a young person’s life. You’ll receive allowances of around £400 per week per child. We’ll also help you acquire the skills you’ll need to foster - and give you 24/7 support. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done, very rewarding.” (Helen, foster carer).

“When we need help, there’s always someone at the end of the phone.” (Robin, foster carer). We are looking for potential carers with a variety of life experiences and from varied backgrounds. You’ll need a spare room, time and commitment. To find out more, call us on 0117 9676744 or take a look at our website.

If you like, you can just turn up and meet our friendly team at our open days on Wednesday 23rd and Thursday 24th October & Wednesday 6th and Thursday 7th November at our offices at 74a Regent St, Kingswood, Bristol BS15 8JA

Nyvt Nypkh€4 [lw{ltily :84 :89; Phone 0117 967 3744 Web www.fosteringfoundation.co.uk

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he city’s biggest music event returns this weekend, with around 20,000 people expected to head to Ashton Court for a great line-up of music and entertainment. Brisfest takes place on Saturday and Sunday, with music lovers flocking to see indie icons Primal Scream, who are headlining the event alongside chart toppers Toddla T Sound and house royalty Fabio & Grooverider.

Also at the top of the bill are Zinc & Dynamite MC, DJ EZ, Spector, Fenech-Soler, the original king of rap, Kurtis Blow, and The Nextmen. As always, Brisfest will also feature the cream of local talent, representing all genres, with more than 200 acts from all over the South West, including George Ezra, Yes Sir Boss, Young Kato, the Cadbury Sisters, Dr Meaker and so many more. With 15 stages to choose from, Brisfest prides itself on offering something for everyone, with a line-up chosen by a diverse

“ Prepare yourself Bristol, this is

going to be one hell of a party!

In and around the city Billy Smart’s Circus ����� �����’� ������ ������� ����� �������� ���� �������� ��������� ��� �� ������� ������� ��� ������� ���� ���� ���� ���� ��� ����� �� ����� ������������������������������ �����’� ��� ������ ������� �� ������ ��� ����� ������ �� �������’� ������� ���� ���� ����� ����� �����’� ������ �� ���� �� ��� ����� ���� � ����������� ��� �� ����������� ������� ��������� �������� ��� ������ ������ ����� ��� �� ������� �� ���� �����’� ������ – ���� � ������� ��� ���������� ������� �� ����������� ���� ����� ���������� ������� � ��������� ���������� ������ ������� ���� ����� ��� ���� ��� ����� �� ��� ������ ������ ��� �������’� ���� ��������� ���� �� ����� ��� ����� � ��� ��� ����� ���� ��� ����� �����’� ���� � ������� ��� ����� ��� ������� �� � ������� ������� ���� ������ ��� ���������� ���� �� ����� ������ ������ �� ��� ������� ����� ����� �����’� ��� ����� ������ ����� �� ����� ���� ��� ������ ���������� ������� – ����� �� ��� ������ ��� ����� �� “��� ���’���” – ������ � ��� ��� ��� ����� ������ ������������ �� ��� �������� ��� ������ ���� ���� ����������� ���� ��� ���� �� ������ ����� �����’� ������ ������ � ��������� ����� ������� ����� � ������� ���������� ��� ��� ��� �������� ���������� ���� ��� ������� �������� ���� ������ ��� ���� �������� ������ ������������� ���������� ���� �� ���� ��� �������� �� ������ �� ��� � ����������� ���������� ����������� ������ ��������� �� � ��������� ���� �������� ���� ����� ��������� ������������� ��� ������

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range of programmers, including local graffiti artist, Cheba, late-night live music haunt Mr Wolf’s, BBC Introducing, roots and folk label Jelli Records and Colston’s Hall’s Remix. The club scene is also well represented, with Bristol’s major club nights involved. In addition to the 200 plus acts on offer, Brisfest will also feature a funfair, a body and soul healing area, comedy programmed by local funny man Mark Olver, a kids’ area, cinema tent, live painting by some of Bristol’s top graffiti artists and much, much more. Brisfest was born in 2007 after the sad demise of Bristol’s beloved Ashton Court Festival, which had run into financial problems. Brisfest launched its first festival in September 2008, with

a new location in the city centre. In 2012, having outgrown its central site, the festival relocated to its “spiritual home” – Ashton Court Estate. “We had an incredible year in 2012,” says Brisfest director Poppy Stephenson, “and Brisfest 2013 is going to be even better, with more music, more stages and venues and some practical improvements on last year, including loads more bars and toilets. Prepare yourself Bristol, this is going to be one hell of a party!”

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EATING IN Pay homage to Catalonia with Spanish classic paella

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imon Hopkinson Cooks is the latest book from the best-selling food writer and it follows hot on the heels of his well-received TV series of the same name. Since retiring from cooking full-time in professional kitchens in 1995, Hopkinson has become one of Britain’s most respected food writers and his books have won countless awards. As well as Roast Chicken and Other Stories and Second Helpings of Roast Chicken, his books include Gammon & Spinach, The Prawn Cocktail Years (written together with Lindsey Bareham), Week In, Week Out and The Vegetarian Option. A stickler for detail, he has slaved over recipes for decades to improve them and get them exactly right. As well as a chef and food writer, Hopkinson spent many years as an Egon Ronay inspector and his knowledge of the restaurant business and cooking is second to none. In Simon Hopkinson Cooks, he shows us how to make delicious restaurant dishes at home and suggests menu ideas for particular occasions or events. This recipe for a classic Spanish paella is part of the “continental supper” menu in the book, which starts with a Negroni cocktail and anchovies on toast before moving on to green bean salad with shallots and cream, gnudi (sage-flavoured ricotta and Parmesan balls coated in semolina), paella and a final course of coffee caramel custard.

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NEW SPECIALS MENU

£10 MAIN COURSES STARTERS £5 | DESSERTS £5

FREE DESSERT WHEN A STARTER & MAIN COURSE ARE PURCHASED

Voucher entitles bearer to one dessert from the Specials menu, when a starter and a main course are purchased from the Specials menu. One voucher per person. No cash value. Expires 11/10/13. Voucher must be surrendered upon redemption. Not valid in conjunction with any other offer.

WHEN DID

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TRAVEL

THE WILD WEST World travel Though Ireland is famed for its laid-back charm, Kate Edser finds it’s also a place for adventure and activity. She visits the west coast to experience the best of both worlds.

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ime and weather has buckled the ground, sunk and shifted the rocks which once paved this path. I spare a thought for the poor folk who carved it into the edge of mountains on the south side of Killary Fjord nearly 170 years ago – the famine victims who had no choice but to work, or starve. Impoverished locals slogged away because the English landowners fed them only if they worked on the project. So I’m thankful for a good porridge breakfast as I forge along this rough route with 1,600 other people taking part in Gaelforce West – an adventure race covering 67.5km around the wilds of Connemara. Six

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and a half hours later, and I’ve run, cycled, kayaked and scaled the holy mountain Crough Patrick, pictured, to reach the finish line in Westport – the country town of Mayo. In the half-light of early morning, we set off from a rain-lashed beach, but by the time I reach the “famine road”, the sun has emerged, revealing Killary Fjord in all it’s glory. A natural divide between the counties of Galway and Mayo, this dramatic glaciated feature is 16km long, up to 45m deep and is home to seals, otters, dolphins and lots of farmed mussels. At its end is the village of Leenane, with several pubs (of course), a general store, the Sheep and Wool Centre and a hotel offering seaweed baths for 25 euro a pop as well as

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the more usual bed and board options. There’s nothing complicated about these baths: add an armful of freshly harvested brown wrack and one human to a tub full of hot seawater and stew gently. Lie back and take in the view over the fjord while the seaweed goes to work releasing essential minerals and softening the skin. Leenane isn’t the only place to enjoy such an experience, however. On the north side of the fjord is the four-star Delphi Mountain Resort, where a seaweed bath is part of the extensive spa menu. Meanwhile, the Killary Adventure Centre, back near Leenane, adds paintballing, archery, windsurfing, wakeboarding, and even water trampolines to the list.

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The family and I opt for a three-hour guided kayak journey up the fjord, which costs 30 euro each. Slimline and designed to cut through the water, staying balanced in a kayak isn’t guaranteed, but, despite a couple of upsets, the cousin who has the sense to bring a camera and a packet of fig rolls stayed mercifully upright, so a short biscuit break was very much enjoyed, and our trip recorded in the family album. We are all staying in Killary Haven for the week, which has five en suite bedrooms and a sun room positioned to take best advantage of the view of the surrounding mountains and the fjord below. It’s modern and two separate living areas mean the children can use one to play to their hearts’ content, while a large shed doubles as home to our bikes – and as a washing line when it rains. At the back of the house we find the Western Way – a linear trail which begins about 4km down the road towards Leenane, and ends 124km later in Ballycastle, County Antrim. Several of us have completed Gaelforce West, and, once the thighs have stopped

screaming (after about three days), we are itching for activity and use the trail as part of a running route. On another sunny day, we cycle down to the beach where we began the race and spend a happy few hours building sandcastles, searching for “treasure” to top them off, and turning cartwheels in the surf – and that’s just the adults among us! About 10 minutes up the road from our house is Kylemore Abbey and Walled Victorian Garden. Originally built as a castle in 1867, Kylemore has been home to Ireland’s only Benedictine community of

nuns since 1920 and the 1,000-acre estate has something to offer all the family. Just beyond is the village of Letterfrack, but we need to do a “big” shop, so head into Westport, a 45-minute twisty drive that cannot be hurried unless you are keen to induce travel sickness. Clean and colourful, Westport has loads of independent shops, pubs and guest houses, and in high summer is thronged, even mid week. Among the area’s best-known attraction is Westport House and Pirate Adventure Park, an 18th-century property privately owned and operated by Jeremy Browne, the 11th Marquess of Sligo, and his family, who are direct descendants of Grace O’Malley, the famous 16th-century pirate queen of Connaught. Just outside Westport, the 750m holy peak of Crough Patrick looms large – its steep, rocky slopes a magnet for pilgrims and tourists as well as adventure racers. It’s where St Patrick is said to have fasted for 40 days and 40 nights in the year 441, and mass is still celebrated in the modern-day chapel at the summit. During the race, the summit is also home to a little shack selling much-needed chocolate and cans of pop, and at the bottom is a drinking water station and – equally essential – a row of loos! For the less energetic, the west of Ireland is equally blissful and 2013 is the ideal time to visit on account of The Gathering, with hundreds of events ranging from clan reunions, family get-togethers, community and sports events and festivals. The idea is to bring people together to celebrate the traditions, heritage and history of Ireland.

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SoleLution

Finding the right shoe for your sole

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1-2 Boyces Avenue Clifton 0117 973 8350

DONATE YOUR FURNITURE AND ELECTRICALS and we’ll pick up your items for FREE

Your unwanted furniture and electricals can help us fight back against heart disease. We collect all sorts of items: • • • • •

Sofas, beds, tables, chairs TVs, Hi-Fi’s Washing machines, fridges Small electrical items Games consoles, docking stations

Call or book online at bhf.org.uk/collection 0844 417 9015* - Bedminster 0844 417 0612* - Kingswood

Please don’t be disappointed if we are unable to accept items for reasons of safety or quality

*Calls cost 6p per minute from a BT landline. Charges from other providers and mobiles may vary. ©British Heart Foundation 2013, registered charity in England and Wales (225971) and in Scotland (SC039426).

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40

Don’t miss Bristol Ensemble/ Royal Holloway Choir

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41

FILM Zl}pl~zB Lhtvu [tp{o

People’s Princess becomes Bridget Jones Hirschbiegel’s direction lacks energy.

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Zl}pl~ Lphuh 09:I4 99; tpuz1 n life, Diana, Princess of Wales divided opinion, so it’s fitting that Oliver Hirschbiegel’s drama, based on Kate Snell’s contentious book Diana: Her Last Love, should have stirred controversy before a single frame had unspooled on the big screen. Dr Hasnat Khan, the subject of the picture, publicly denounced Diana as a fiction, while a radio interview with star Naomi Watts ended abruptly with the suggestion that she walked out on DJ Simon Mayo. Tittle tattle aside, Diana is a trashy made-for-TV movie, blessed with an award-winning

42

German director and an Oscar-nominated lead actress, whose talents are well and truly squandered. Both are undone by Stephen Jeffrey’s clumsy script while Watts also lacks sexual chemistry with co-star Naveen Andrews, making a mockery of the tears and tantrums when the central relationship breaks down. “I’ll never be happy again, I just know it,” whimpers Diana (Watts) to gal pal Sonia (Juliet Stevenson). If the public image of the princess was elegance and poise, in Hirschbiegel’s film she is emotionally cold and calculating, tipping off a tabloid photographer to her

Nyvt Nypkh€4 [lw{ltily :84 :89;

whereabouts so he can splash pictures of her on a yacht with Dodi Fayed (Can Anvar) and pique the jealousy of Dr Khan (Andrews). Pathetic attempts to win Khan back take a leaf out of the book of Bridget Jones – minus the excessive smoking – including scenes of Diana attempting different dialects in the hope the doctor will take her call. “Yes, I’ve been a mad bitch, yes I’ve been a stalker and yes I put on the clumsiest Liverpool accent to get your attention!” she concedes in one of many scenes that beggar belief. Diana isn’t quite the total disaster some vitriolic critics have suggested, but it comes

perilously close. Watts offers a passable impression of a global icon, rehearsing answers to Martin Bashir’s questions in a mirror so she can perfect her head tilt as she whispers, “There were three of us in this marriage... so it was a bit crowded”. Andrews fails to live up to his surgeon’s nickname as Mr Wonderful and

Verdict L|ss huk js|ur€ ~p{o h {lyypisl zjypw{4 {opz vul pz mvy {ol tvz{ kpl5ohyk vm Lphuh mhuz vus€6 <798

Calling out for a better ending we – and the film – deserve better.

Npst vm {ol ~llr \ol Khss 09=4 A< tpuz1 otwithstanding a ridiculous final act that seemingly belongs to a different film, The Call is a slick, nail-biting thriller that propels us satisfyingly close to the edge of our seats. Director Brad Anderson navigated emotionally richer terrain on the big screen in his earlier films, The Machinist and Transsiberian. However, recent stints behind the camera on TV series Boardwalk Empire, Alcatraz and The Killing serve him well here and he cranks up tension with aplomb. The middle section is genuinely exhilarating, ricocheting between emergency services and a kidnap victim, trapped in the claustrophobic boot of her

N

abductor’s car. Screenwriter Richard D’Ovidio takes a staple of the genre – an imperilled heroine, who loses her clothes for no compelling reason – as the seed for his sadistic game of cat and mouse between a 911 call centre operator and a serial killer with a penchant for blonde girls. In a tense opening sequence, terrified teenager Leah Templeton (Evie Thompson) dials 911 to report an intruder in her home. Operator Jordan Turner (Halle Berry) advises Leah to lock herself in a room and remain on the line. Unfortunately, the plan goes tragically awry and Jordan finds herself talking to the intruder. “I suggest you leave that house before you do something you regret,” she barks. “It’s already done,” growls the man, establishing a snappy catchphrase, which is recycled

at two pivotal moments later in the film. Leah is slain and Jordan hangs up her headset. Six months later, the same madman, Michael Foster (Michael Eklund), abducts a blonde teenager, Casey Welson (Abigail Breslin), from a shopping mall. Jordan happens to be in the call centre “hive” when Casey’s distressed telephone call comes through and the operator takes charge, determined to make amends for Leah. Haunted by the words of her police officer father – “You might be the difference between somebody living and somebody dying” – Jordan provides Casey with suggestions for attracting attention from motorists. When one driver takes note, it seems Casey’s tearful prayers could be answered... The Call speed-dials suspense

for the opening hour, cross cutting between jittery Jordan and hysterical Casey, who gradually bond through the magic of mobile communication. Berry is solid in an undemanding lead role, while Breslin sobs with gusto, tugging our heartstrings when her teenager accepts she will die. Once Eklund’s villain reaches his sanctuary and prepares to enact his twisted plan, D’Ovidio cold calls for originality for his bloody denouement – but he only connects with a limp homage to Silence Of The Lambs. After an engrossing build-up,

Verdict I {luzl huk zuhww€ mpst ~p{o zvtl nylh{ hj{pun4 i|{ sl{ kv~u i€ h sptw4 |uvypnpuhs lukpun6 >798

Nyvt Nypkh€4 [lw{ltily :84 :89;

43

NOW SHOWING ARNOLFINI �� ������ ����� �������� ��� ���� ��� ����� �� ����� ���� ���� CINEMA DE LUX ����� ������ ������� ������������ ���� ��� ���� ������� ����� ����� ������ ������ ����� ���� ��’�� ��� ������� ���� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ������ � ��� ������� �� ������ ���� ����� ������ ����� ���� ���� ���������� ����� ���� ���� ����� ���� �������� � ���� ����� ������� ������� ���� ����� ������� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ����� ����� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ����� ���� ����� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ��� ���������� ���� �� �� �������� ��� ��� �� ���� ����� ������ ����� ���� ������� �� ����� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ���������� �� � ��� ����� ������ ������ ����� ���� ������� ���� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ������ ��� ����� ������ ���� ����� ����� ���� ���� ����� ����� ����� ����� ���� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ��������� � ���� ����� ������ ������ ����� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ���� ����� ����� ������ ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ����� ����� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� CINEWORLD ��������� �������� ��� ���� ��� ����� ���� � ���������� ������ ��� ���������� ���� ���� ������ ���� ������� ���� ��� ��� �������� �������� ����� ����� ���� ��� ���� ��������� ���� ���������� ��������� ���� ��� ���� ����� ����� ����� ������� ����� ����� ���� ������� ������ ������� ����� ����� ���� �������� �����

44

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Henry VI Three Plays By William Shakespeare Tuesday 24 – Saturday 28 September

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«««« «««« The Daily Telegraph

The Guardian

‘Marvellous productions. Each play can stand alone. Bloody funny, rapier witted’ The Press

‘Brutal, bawdy and fast-paced’ The Stage

‘The strong company hurtles through the text with unstoppable momentum’ The Guardian

‘Entertaining, informative and inspiring on such a grand scale’ The Daily Telegraph

box office 01225 448844

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simply never tire of Dracula. It is a great story – but it also has an elusive magic. It opens our imagination and dreams.” Mark Bruce, hugely respected dance choreographer and Associate Artist at Bristol’s Tobacco Factory Theatre, is explaining how Bram Stoker’s gothic classic has fascinated him since childhood – and why he has known, for almost as long, that he must make a dance version. And Tobacco Factory audiences will get to see the fruits of this long-held wish next week, as Bruce and his company unveil their haunting, erotic take on the classic tale. “I was probably about nine or ten when I first read Dracula, and I have come back to it many times since,” Bruce continues. “I used to draw comics of it all the time, long before imagining a dance version – which I’ve thought about since I started dancing in the 1980s. “Although few people have actually read the book, an idea

of Dracula is embedded in all of us, mainly through the movies. He is an enigmatic character, often just a presence alluded to – perhaps, really, the manifestation of a darker side to ourselves.” For Bruce, the fact that Dracula is not a modern historical novel, but a contemporary account of Victorian life and values, adds to its authenticity. “It is a product of its time, and shows up the prevalent concerns of Victorian society – the emergence and interest in science and its effect on religion; foreign travel; fears and taboos; the perception and place of women. It is also a subtly erotic novel, although it’s impossible to know how much irony was intended by Stoker in all its sexual connotations.” Bruce’s previous dance-theatre productions have been much praised, featuring an eclectic mix of musical influences and often leading audiences into dark and mysterious territory. His company made their TF

debut back in 2011 with Love and War, which threw the audience into a time-shifting underworld where figures from myth and ritual collided – set to a soundtrack mixing Debussy and Queens of the Stone Age. Key influences on Bruce’s Dracula, meanwhile, have been the two Nosferatu films – the 1922 silent version directed by FW Murnau and the 1979 version directed by Werner Herzog, featuring Klaus Kinski and Isabelle Adjani. “I also love the early Hammer Horror versions, and it is hard to exorcise the image of Christopher Lee when trying to picture the character of Dracula. But I wouldn’t say I am referencing any particular film.” Interestingly, an old Tom Baker Doctor Who episode from the 1970s, The Talons of Weng Chiang, has also influenced Mark’s vision. “I was particularly struck by its use of light and darkness, and what our imagination creates when darkness replaces light. This also reminds me of the old Penny Dreadfuls [lurid

Victorian serial stories] which also influenced the production.” Bruce’s eclectic soundtrack ranges from Bach and Mozart to Gyorgy Ligeti (a composer born, in Dracula’s native Transylvania), and onto Eastern European folk music and even some of the choreographer’s own compositions. The creative crew includes designer Phil Eddolls, who created the memorable sets for Bristol Old Vic’s Treasure Island and, this summer, The Boy Who Cried Wolf. The show’s puppets and masks, meanwhile, have been created by Bristol’s brilliant adult-puppet troupe Pickled Image. Bruce’s Dracula, meanwhile, is Jonathan Goddard – “Britain’s finest male contemporary dancer”, according to The Observer. “Jonathan will bring many sides to the role – the hunter, the wolf, the noble and sinister count, the lonely undead, as well as a malevolent humour, a callous streak and a childlike naivety. Just as in the novel, you never know quite what he will do next.”

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47

LISTINGS ������� ���� ����� ���� ������� ����������� �� ���������’� ������� �������� ������� ���� ��� ���������������� ����������������� ������ ������ ����� �� ���� ��������� ��������� ���������� ��� ���� ���� ����� �� ��� �� ����� ��� �������� ����� ��� �������� ������� ���� ���� ��� ���������������� �������������������� ���� ������ �������� ��������� ��� ���� ��� ����� �� � ��������� ������������ ������� ��� �� ������������������ ������� �� ��� �� ����� ������� ����������� ��� ��� � ���������� ������ � ������� �������� ���� ��� ���������������� ����������������� ���������� �� ��� ����� ���� �������� ������ ����� ���������� �� � ���� ����� ������� �� ������ �� ����������� ���������� ���� ���������� ���� �� ��� �� ����� ������� ��� ��� ������� ���� ��� ��� ���� ��� ���� ������ ������ ���� ��� ����� ������������������������ ������������ ����� ���� ������� �� ����� ������� � �������������� �������� ����� �������������� ������ ���� �� ��� �� ����� ������� ������� �������� ������� ��� �������� ���� ������� ������ ���� ��� ����� ������������������ ����������� ������� ������� ����� ����� ����� �������� ��� ���� ��������� ������ ���� �� ����� ��� ����� �� ����� �� ������������ ��� ������ ���� ����� ������� ��� ������� ��� ��� ��� ������ ��� �� ��� �� ����� ������� ����� ����� ��� ���� ��� ������� ������� �������������� ����� ������� ����������������������� ����������� �� ������������ �������� �� ����� �������� ������������������� ������ �� ������� ��� ������ ��� ������� ��� ��

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“Authentic, tender and passionate” Daily Telegraph

Sponsored by

tuesday 8 october, 7.30pm directed by ellen kent

0844 887 1500 www.colstonhall.org

“Strengths throughout the school include outstanding spiritual, moral, social and cultural development and outstanding behaviour.” Ofsted 2012

Saturday 16th November

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OPEN MORNING Saturday, 5th October 10.00am-12.30pm

266 Overndale Road, Fishponds, Bristol BS16 2RG Telephone: 0117 956 7977 enquiries@gracefieldschool.co.uk www.gracefieldschool.co.uk

Upstairs at the Stag & Hounds, Old Market St, Bristol

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49

27 Sep-2 Nov Bookings 0117 987 7877 bristololdvic.org.uk

Tickets from £5*

A Bristol Old Vic production Adapted & directed by Neil Bartlett

50

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Charity No. 228235 *plus 50p card fee & £1 postage if required

Cast member Tom Canton as Pip, original photography by Amanda Harman

Charles Dickens

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Graduate Show

Interim Show

Courses

MA Fine Art MA Fine Art MA Design: Ceramics MA Design: Fashion & Textiles

Venues

Bath School of Art & Design Sion Hill Bath BA1 5SF

44AD 7b Lower Borough Walls Bath BA1 1QR

Public View

Saturday 21 September – Thursday 26 September 10am – 5pm

Tuesday 24 September – Saturday 28 September 10am – 5pm

Online

Website artdesign.bathspa.ac.uk Twitter @artbathspa

Website 44AD.net

Right from meeting staff at the

open day

at Clifton High School, and ever since, our son and daughter have developed in confidence and become

motivated & inspired in their learning.

Find out for yourself: Open Evening: Thursday 19th September Open Morning: Saturday 12th October

realising individual brilliance...

0117 933 9087

www.cliftonhigh.bristol.sch.uk Nyvt Nypkh€4 [lw{ltily :84 :89;

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CYCLING

START ’EM YOUNG What age should children start cycling? Almost as soon as they can walk, says Mike White

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he best time to get kids cycling is almost as soon as they can walk. Making cycling their default transport choice is good for lots of reasons, says Poppy Brett, director of Bristol charity Life Cycle UK. “Firstly, it’s important to establish good habits when children are young because it’s much harder later in life to get into the habit of exercise. “If you can get kids enjoying it and making it part of their daily routine then you’re putting them in good stead for later life. “From a practical point of view, if you’re used to walking with your children, then getting them onto two wheels will mean you can all get around much faster than you’re used to. “It’s also about teaching children skills for independence,” says Poppy, “Driving everywhere stifles children’s development. Research shows that many children as old as nine or ten don’t have the skills to make an independent journey because they’ve never done it.” So start ’em young. Begin with a balance bike and the transition to pedals will be all the easier. Head to a local park, then, as they build confidence, explore

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the growing mileage of Bristol’s traffic-free paths like the Festival Way, the Bristol-Bath Railway Path and the Frome Valley Greenway – details at www.sustrans.org.uk. Choosing a child’s bike is similar to buying an adult one. The most important thing is to get the right size. A classic mistake is to buy a bike that’s too big for your child, thinking “they’ll grow into it soon enough”. It’s much better to get it bang-on and keep replacing bikes as they’re outgrown than to stretch your child onto the biggest bike they can ride; look after the bikes so you can sell the outgrown ones on. Sticking your child on a bike they can’t control because their toes don’t touch the ground is a good way of putting them off cycling for ever. Children grow at different rates and have varying levels of skill and confidence, so there are no hard and fast rules about which bike will be right for your child. My son started on a balance bike at two and progressed to a proper pedal bike at three. He’s now five, and a lightweight, seven-speed bike means he can tackle rides of 20 miles or more (provided there’s plenty of flapjack). The weight of the bike is also an important consideration. It’ll

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make a much bigger difference to the rideability of your child’s bike than your own, because children are smaller, lighter and weaker. “Our general advice would be to buy the lightest bike that you can afford”, says Poppy. “If you’re going to be cycling regularly with your child – to school and back every day, perhaps – then it’s worth spending a bit more money.” Generally with bikes you get what you pay for, and in addition to lighter frames, the more expensive bikes usually offer better components,

child-specific geometry and thoughtful design features like shorter cranks and brake levers designed for little hands. Islabikes are generally agreed to be the best on the market, though they’re not cheap: a seven-speed, 20” wheel Beinn20 (7.84kg, suitable for five to seven-year-olds, ish) is a penny under £300. But look after it and you’ll be able to sell it on for £200+ once it’s outgrown, which takes the sting out of the initial outlay. There are several well-regarded mid-range bikes

“ My son started on a balance

bike at 2 and progressed to a proper pedal bike at 3

available, including the Specialized Hotrock (from around £130) and the Ridgeback MX range (from around £120). British firm Frog also produce thoughtfully made kids’ bikes (£120 for a balance bike, £185+ for one with pedals, £245+ for gears). If a bike comes with stabilisers, remove them – they preclude the natural development of balance necessary to cycle independently. To help provide affordable, roadworthy bikes to Bristol’s children, Life Cycle UK runs regular Bike Swap events. Each event usually offers around 20 or 30 kids’ bikes which have been donated by the public and then made mechanically sound. The next bike swap is part of a Family Cycling Day at Windmill Hill City Farm on Saturday, September 28. “There are various options,” says Poppy. “Bring your old, outgrown bike along and we’ll do our best to swap it for a

larger one. If you just want to donate it to Life Cycle to be refurbished and passed on to a child who needs it then we’d be delighted with that too. If you don’t have a bike to bring along, you can come and buy one instead – all the kids’ bikes are £10. You don’t have to have a bike to swap, although it’s great if you do, because we need a supply of bikes to refurbish for the next bike swap!” In addition to the swapping, Life Cycle UK is laying on a Dr Bike surgery at the event, so if

your child’s bike is a bit under the weather you can come and get it tended to by an expert. There’s other fun too, including a Bike Rodeo, which is “basically lots of fun and games on bikes – cones and chalk courses, slow races, riding in ever-decreasing circles – it’s all light-hearted stuff but it really helps kids develop balance and bike control,” says Poppy. “We’ll also have try-outs of tagalongs and kids’ bike seats, so if there are parents of young children who are thinking of cycling with their kids but are unsure of what kit will work best for them, they can come along and try them out. We’ll also loan them out for a month or so you can really get an idea of what’s right for you.” The Family Cycling event is part of Windmill Hill City Farm’s Love Life day, so there will also be food and drink, workshops and live music. Once your kids have started out on two wheels, they can progress to official Bikeability

cycle training (which Life Cycle UK also provides) and gradually build up their road knowledge and skills in traffic. “We can train parents too,” says Poppy. “If they’re nervous of cycling with their children, we can provide training in simple skills like road position and communicating successfully with children that make the whole thing safer and more enjoyable – because it really should be enjoyable. Cycling is a really fun activity; most children love it. What’s better than a happy child?”

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PROPERTY BOTANICAL BEAUTIES Property of the week Bracken Hill, Leigh Woods

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wo-thirds of the prestigious Bracken Hill development in Leigh Woods near Clifton has now sold. Devonshire Homes’ redevelopment of the historic estate and former botanical gardens has resulted in eight luxury new homes and four restored 19th-century buildings. The project is the first of its kind for the developer and included the restoration of the gardens as well as the buildings. Steve Russell, interim Managing Director of Devonshire Homes, said: “Sales have certainly proved that there is a demand for this type of unique historical location, and Bristol offers a very comparable cost to that of other historic cities like Bath. “Equally, its convenient location in terms of a blend of country and town feel is attractive, while its excellent commuter links make it a viable solution for many.” Work started last summer on the first phase of six new properties comprising Overton Court, pictured, which was quickly followed by two more new homes in a walled garden. Restoration work followed, with the refurbishment of three stunning mews coach houses set around a courtyard. Now, just the Lodge House and three homes in Overton Court are on the market. The historic four-bedroom detached Lodge House, priced at £850,000, is set within its own private garden and, according

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to property agent Savills, is generating a “huge amount of interest”. In Overton Court, a five-bedroom detached house is priced at £1,650,000, while two four-bed semis are £1,375,000 each. All the properties are arranged over four floors, have double garages and a bike store, two or three en suite bath/shower rooms, open-plan living spaces, private gardens and access to shared woodland. Steve Russell added: “This has been an extraordinary development that has brought life and beauty back to a jaded site.”

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Savills’ Director, Residential, Richard Brooks, added: “This has been an exciting project for Savills to be involved in and we are delighted with the success to date.” The show home at Overton Court is open on Saturdays and Sundays and a tour is available at other times by appointment through Savills of Clifton.

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Start now for fabulous festive blooms Ohyklupun ��’� ���� �� ����� ����� ��������� �� ���� ���� �� ����� ��� �� ��� ���� ���� ������ ����� �� ����� ��� ��� ������� ������� ��� ������ ���� ������ ���� ���� ������ ����������

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arely have you started to plant spring-flowering bulbs, and it’s already time to think about the winter and how to replicate these blooms indoors, without spending a fortune. The answer is to “force” bulbs into flower; that is, give them assistance to bloom far earlier indoors than they would normally do outside. Garden centres should now be stocking up on bulbs which are sold specifically for forcing, which may include fragrant hyacinths, large-flowered crocus, hippeastrums, miniature daffodils and a few tulips, which should be marked “prepared” in the shop. By growing bulbs indoors, in a warmer atmosphere than they are accustomed to in the garden, for all or part of their growing season, they’ll grow more quickly and flower earlier than they would otherwise. However, if you bring them on too quickly, they may fail.

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You can use any type of pot, provided the container holds enough compost to accommodate the bulbs. It’s worth spreading a layer of gravel at the bottom of the pot to help drainage. For best results, go for bulb fibre when growing bulbs in containers with no drainage, as it has plenty of air space and often contains added charcoal, which keeps the compost fresh, even if it becomes too moist. Alternatively, use multi-purpose compost. Prepared hyacinths are the most popular bulbs for forcing and generally go on sale at the beginning of September, after being given a couple of weeks of cold treatment to make them think they’ve gone through winter. Whatever you do, don’t leave “prepared” bulbs for a few weeks in a warm environment before planting, or they will lose the cold effect they were given initially. Instead, store them in a cool, dark place and plant them by about mid September if you

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want them to flower by Christmas. For the best effect, plant bulbs of the same colour together. They should be planted close together on top of a depth of at least 6cm of compost, so they are not quite touching one another. Then fill the bowl to just below the rim with compost, so their growing tips are just sticking out above the surface. Don’t firm the bulb fibre down, or it may hinder the root system establishing quickly. Make sure you don’t over water them – just lightly moisten the compost. Place the container in a cool, dark place such as the shed or a closed cupboard in a cold room for 10-14 weeks, to encourage the flowering stems to develop before the leaves. It also enables the root system to become well established. If the bulb fibre becomes dry at any time, water carefully between the bulbs. Don’t hurry them, because insufficient time in the dark will result in stunted flowers or

failure. When the leaf shoots are around 1-2in (4-5cm) high, move the container into a cool, light room. The flower buds which you can see between the tips of the leaves should just be starting to show signs of colour. If you remove the bulbs too early, the leaves will grow too quickly and will obscure the flowers. If you want to delay flowering, put the bulbs outside in a sheltered position so the flowers develop more slowly, then move them inside, but not near a radiator. Paperwhite narcissi and other dwarf narcissi may be given a cold preparation prior to sale and should be stored in a cold, dark place and then planted every couple of weeks from mid-September onwards to give you a succession of blooms from November to January. All other narcissi, apart from paperwhites, should have around 17 weeks in the cold before being brought indoors to flower, planting them as you would hyacinths.

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67

Saturday’s Television Guide THE X FACTOR 8pm, ITV

WHEN MIRANDA MET BRUCE 7.30pm, BBC1

TV PICKS

Miranda Hart chats to Bruce Forsyth as he celebrates 70 years in showbusiness, with the entertainer recounting his career highlights and inspirations.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S). 11.30 Home Cooking Made Easy (R,S,HD). 12.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 12.15 Football Focus (S,HD). 12.50 Match of the Day Live (S,HD). England v Belarus (kick-off 1.00pm). 3.00 Inspire: The Olympic Journey (S,HD). 3.30 Final Score (S,HD). 5.15 Formula 1: Singapore Grand Prix Qualifying Highlights (S,HD). Action from the Marina Bay Street Circuit.

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE MAKING OF MERKEL WITH ANDREW MARR The search for a superstar continues at the closed-room auditions. As usual, there will be a 8pm, BBC2 varied mix, from the vocally gifted to the downright deluded, and only the best will be invited to take the stage in front of a huge audience at Wembley Arena. Dermot O’Leary provides support as the singers learn their fate.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 7.25 Film: The Lost Squadron (S) (1932). ●●● 8.40 Film: Yellowstone Kelly (S) (1959). ●● 10.10 Reel History of Britain (R,S). 10.40 The Private Life of Plants (R,S). 11.30 University Challenge (R,S,HD). 12.00 The A to Z of TV Cooking (S). 12.45 Coast (R,S). 12.50 EastEnders (S,HD). 2.45 The House That £100K Built (R,S,HD). 3.45 Urban Jungle (S). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Wonder of Dogs (R,S,HD).

THROUGH THE KEYHOLE 9pm, ITV

The life and career of German Chancellor Angela Merkel, examining how her formative years in East Germany shaped her political vision and style.

ITV

6.00 CITV (S). 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Saturday Cookbook (R,S,HD). 10.25 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.25 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.35 Surprise Surprise 12.35 All Star Family Fortunes (R,S). 1.20 Catchphrase (R,S,HD). 2.05 Doc Martin (R,S). 4.05 Film: Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (S,HD) (2004). Comedy adventure sequel, with Sarah Michelle Gellar. ●● 5.45 Regional News (S). 5.55 ITV News and Weather.

Keith Lemon invites Catherine Tyldesley and Terry Wogan to join Dave Berry on the panel as he noses around the homes of three mystery celebrities. With the help of the studio audience, the panellists must use their powers of deduction and observation to identify the famous homeowners.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.35 Caterham Motorsports (S). 7.05 The Grid (S). 7.30 FIM Superbike World Championship (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S). 9.00 The American Football Show (S). 10.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.30 Undercover Boss USA (S,HD). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S). 4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.50 Power Rangers: Megaforce (S,HD). 10.25 Slugterra (S,HD). 10.50 Animal Maternity (R,S,HD). 11.50 Film: You’ve Got Mail (S) (1998). ●●● 2.05 Film: Columbo: Uneasy Lies the Crown (S) (1990). ●● 4.05 5 News Weekend (S,HD). 4.15 Film: Fort Worth (S) (1951). Western drama, with Randolph Scott, Phyllis Thaxter and David Brian. ●● 5.50 Film: The Great Escape (S,HD) (1963). See Choices Above. ●●●●●

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

8.00 The X Factor (S,HD). 7/22. See Choices Above.

8.00 Grand Designs (R,S,HD). 3/11. Kevin McCloud follows the progress of a commercial architect and his art-director wife as they try to build the ultimate family home near York, inspired by a giant farm shed.

9.00 Mock the Week (R,S,HD). 9/12. Milton Jones, Hal Cruttenden, Holly Walsh and Ed Byrne join regulars Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons for the topical comedy quiz show hosted by Dara O Briain. 9.30 The Awakening (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. Paranormal investigator Florence Cathcart travels around 1920s England exposing supposed supernatural occurrences as hoaxes. She is summoned to a remote boarding school to examine reports of a haunting, but finds her rational disbelief in the occult challenged by the disturbing events that unfold there. Horror, starring Rebecca Hall and Dominic West. ●●●

9.00 Through the Keyhole (S,HD). 4/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Iron Man (S,HD) (2008). Arms manufacturer Tony Stark is taken hostage by a terrorist group and realises the weapons his company builds have been falling into the wrong hands. Using his engineering skills to construct a hi-tech armoured suit, he manages to escape and then puts the technology to good use in the fight against evil around the world. Superhero adventure, starring Robert Downey Jr, Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, Shaun Toub, Jon Favreau, Faran Tahir and Samuel L Jackson. See Choices Above. ●●●●

8.00 The Making of Merkel with Andrew Marr (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.00 Dad’s Army (R,S). 1/14. The platoon acquires an armoured car. 7.30 Count Arthur Strong (R,S,HD). 2/6.

7.30 When Miranda Met Bruce (S,HD). See Choices Above.

12

6.40 News (S).

8.40 The National Lottery Saturday Night Draws (S,HD). OJ Borg presents. 8.50 Casualty (S,HD). Rita and Ash treat a teenage girl who is keeping secrets from her boyfriend.

after

Grand Designs, 8pm

6.10 New You’ve Been Framed! (S). Harry Hill marvels at a performance by One Direction lookalikes. 6.45 Stepping Out (S,HD). 4/5. It’s the semi-final and the four remaining couples Brian and Vogue, Oritse and AJ, Laurence and Jackie, Carl and Rachael try to master routines in the styles of street, jazz and the paso doble. Davina McCall hosts.

9.40 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow (R,S,HD). 5/7. Mighty Boosh star Noel Fielding performs a headline set at the Hippodrome in Bristol, where the bill also features Seann Walsh, Mike Gunn and Hal Cruttenden.

11

Through the Keyhole, 9pm

6.00 Dragons’ Den (R,S,HD). 6/6. One final line-up of entrepreneurs faces the panel, including a couple hoping to win investment for their fruity beverage idea. Last in the series.

10.10 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 10.30 Match of the Day (S,HD). Gary Lineker presents highlights of the latest Premier League clashes, including Chelsea v Fulham, Liverpool v Southampton and West Ham United v Everton. Followed by National Lottery Update.

10

Dad’s Army, 7pm

6.30 Regional News (S,HD). 6.45 I Love My Country (S,HD). 7/8. With Natalie Cassidy, Steve Backshall, Martin Kemp and Brian Belo.

11.50 The Football League Show (S). Manish Bhasin presents highlights and all the goals from today’s fixtures in the Championship, League One and League Two, including Derby County v Reading.

11.10 The Ring (S,HD) (2002). A journalist investigates teenage deaths linked to a videotape, which is rumoured to cause the demise of anyone who watches it. Horror, with Naomi Watts and Martin Henderson. ●●●●

6 7 8 9

I Love My Country, 6.45pm

1.05 Weatherview (S). 1.10 BBC News (S,HD).

12.55 Film: Quatermass 2 (S) (1957). The scientist investigates when a small town is bombarded by meteors. He discovers the place has been devastated, but also finds a mysterious factory that conceals the base of operations for an alien plot to take over the world. Hammer sci-fi horror, starring Brian Donlevy, Bryan Forbes and Sid James. ●●●● 2.20 This Is BBC Two (S).

10.00 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 10.15 City Slickers (S,HD) (1991). Three middle-aged men take a break from the rat race and their mid-life crises to join a two-week cattle drive from New Mexico to Colorado. Together with a bunch of fellow urbanites, they find the going much tougher than expected, and it is down to a real-life cowboy to whip them into shape. Comedy adventure, starring Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, Bruno Kirby and Jack Palance. See Choices Above. ●●●● 12.20 Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

Animal Maternity, 10.50am

7.00 Double Your House for Half the Money (R,S,HD). 5/10. A single mother in need of a more suitable home.

9.00 Hang ‘Em High (S,HD) (1968). A lawman-turned-rancher is attacked by a lynch mob and hanged for a crime he did not commit, but is rescued before he dies. He returns to his former profession to hunt the mob down, but his desire for revenge clashes with his responsibility to bring them to trial alive. Western, starring Clint Eastwood, Inger Stevens, Ed Begley, James MacArthur, Pat Hingle, Bruce Dern, Dennis Hopper and Ruth White. ●●●

11.25 Man on Fire (S,HD) (2004). A former US government operative exacts revenge on the kidnappers who have abducted the girl he was hired to guard. Action thriller, with Denzel Washington. ●●●

11.25 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 2/23. A serial killer’s adopted son is arrested on suspicion of murder.

2.05 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus. Will heads for the psychiatric ward to make sure Anna never reveals his murderous secret and Frankie wonders why Jack gave the Roscoes such a generous loan. 4.20 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). Mrs Moneypenny provides more cash-saving tips. 5.15 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (R,S,HD). 5.20 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.15 SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of an animal sanctuary. 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.25 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

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Allied prisoners held in a maximum-security detention camp plan an ingenious mass breakout. Second World War drama, starring Steve McQueen, Richard Attenborough and James Coburn.

ITV2

6.00 Conor Maynard: The Hot Desk (R,HD). 6.10 Coronation Street (HD). 8.20 Emmerdale (HD). 11.10 The X Factor (R,HD). 1.10 The X Factor USA (R). 2.10 Girlfriends (R,HD). 3.15 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 3.45 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 4.15 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 4.45 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 5.15 Film: Johnny English (HD) (2003). ●●●

THE XTRA FACTOR 9pm, ITV2

Caroline Flack provides further coverage from behind the scenes of the popular talent show, meeting hopeful acts as they prepare to face the panel during the seventh round of auditions. Matt Richardson is also on hand to lighten the mood backstage by turning his comic wit on contestants and judges alike.

E4

6.00 Being Erica (R,HD). 6.45 Scrubs (R). 7.35 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 8.30 Charmed (R). 9.25 90210 (R,HD). 10.25 Scrubs (R). 12.20 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 2.40 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 3.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.40 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 5.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (R,S). 9.00 Game Changers 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). 1.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 1.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 3.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 4.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.30 Futurama (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

THE GREAT ESCAPE 5.50pm, Channel 5

CITY SLICKERS 10.15pm, ITV

IRON MAN 9pm, Channel 4

Three middle-aged men decide to take a break from their mid-life crises by taking part in a cattle drive. Comedy, starring Billy Crystal and Jack Palance.

GOLD

6.00 Just Good Friends 6.30 Sykes 7.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 7.40 As Time Goes By 8.20 Last of the Summer Wine 9.40 One Foot in the Grave 10.20 Yes Minister 11.00 Jeeves and Wooster 12.10 Jeeves and Wooster 1.20 One Foot in the Grave 2.45 One Foot in the Grave 4.05 The Vicar of Dibley 5.15 The Vicar of Dibley

An arms manufacturer invents a hi-tech suit of armour and uses it in the fight against evil around the world. Superhero adventure, with Robert Downey Jr.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 The Fantasy Football Club 7.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 7.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live (HD). 2.30 Saturday Team Talk (HD). 3.00 Soccer Saturday (HD). 5.00 Live Saturday Night Football (HD).

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes (R,S). 7.15 Doctor Who (R,S). Madame Vastra, Jenny and Strax investigate a mystery in 1893 Yorkshire. 8.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes (R,S). Dance fads. 9.00 Streetdance (S) (2010). Drama, starring Nichola Burley. ●●● 10.35 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). An edition from 2010. 11.05 Family Guy (R,S). Live Football, 5pm Peter and his friends tour a 6.00 Live Saturday Night local brewery. Football (HD). 11.30 Family Guy (R,S). Continued. Chelsea v Peter urges Chris Fulham (Kick-off to become more 5.30pm). All the action responsible. from the Premier League 11.55 Orphan Black derby at Stamford (R,S). Bridge, where the west London rivals meet. 12.40 Orphan Black (R,S).

Cloverfield, 9pm

Three Kings, 9pm

Little Britain, 9pm

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Penny arranges a date for Raj.

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). Part four of four. The gang does battle with the Tunnelling Horror. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

7.00 Uncle Buck (HD) (1989). An unreliable but goodnatured slob is called upon to look after his trouble-making nephew and nieces while their parents are away – and what starts as a disaster soon changes for the better as the unlikely babysitter gets to grips with the finer points of being a responsible adult. Comedy, starring John Candy. ●●●

7.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Ted learns Lily has been interfering with his relationships. 7.30 Suburgatory (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Ned Flanders takes in lodgers. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer and Marge dispense marital advice.

6.35 Only Fools and Horses. Del-Boy embarks on a new romance with Raquel, an actress he meets through a computer dating agency. Featurelength Christmas special from 1988, starring David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst and Tessa Peake-Jones.

8.00 New Girl (R,HD). 8.30 Happy Endings (R,HD). Max spends time with a woman who can get him tickets to sports matches.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). With Joleon Lescott, Jon Richardson and Gabby Logan.

9.00 The Xtra Factor (HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Cloverfield (HD) (2008). Five New Yorkers film the carnage wreaked by a giant monster attacking the city as they try to reach a stranded friend. Thriller, starring Michael Stahl-David and Lizzy Caplan. ●●●●

9.00 Little Britain. Daffyd 9.00 Three Kings (S,HD) meets a group of gay Star (1999). Four US soldiers Trek fans, Vicky Pollard stumble upon a fortune tries to get served in the in Kuwaiti bullion in the pub and Kenny Craig aftermath of the first visits his mother in Gulf War – but agonise hospital. over whether to steal the hoard from under the 9.40 Little Britain. Emily noses of the Howard has an X-ray. impoverished local people, who are in 10.20 Bottom. Richie and 10.00 SNF – Match Choice desperate need of help. Eddie await their fate (HD). Sarah-Jane Mee David O Russell’s when the gas man presents extended adventure, starring discovers they are highlights from the George Clooney, Mark stealing their Premier League, Wahlberg, Ice Cube, neighbour’s fuel supply. allowing viewers to Spike Jonze, Nora Dunn, Brian Glover guest stars. access the latest round of Mykelti Williamson, top-flight fixtures, which Jamie Kennedy and Cliff included Newcastle Curtis. ●●●● United v Hull City.

The Xtra Factor, 9pm

10.00 Celebrity Juice (R,HD). 10.40 The Inbetweeners: With Carol Vorderman, E4’s Top 10 Episodes Gino D’Acampo and (R). In the eighth epiChris Ramsey. sode of the countdown, Will starts going out 10.50 The Magaluf with the most popular Weekender (R,HD). schoolgirl in the year What British tourists get above, but his obsession up to while they are with her begins to alienaway. ate his friends.

8.20 Porridge. Fletcher takes on the role of agony aunt and ends up writing letters home for the other inmates – but he soon discovers domestic problems of his own.

Sarah is pursued by a killer. 1.25 Boom Town (R,S). 1.55 Bad Education (R,S). 2.25 Live at the Electric (R,S). 2.55 Live at the Electric (R,S). 3.25 Live at 8.00 SNF – Game of the Day the Electric (R,S).

(HD). Sarah-Jane Mee presents a full re-run of the day’s top Premier League match.

11.50 Crazy Beaches (R,HD). 11.15 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes Exposing the hedonism (R). and drunken fun had by tourists in the Greek 11.50 The Big Bang Theory resort of Malia, (R,HD). Sheldon’s old following a different adversary Wil Wheaton group of holidaymakers returns. each week.

11.20 Now That’s History! 1999 (S,HD). The events and stories of 1999. 11.50 Now That’s History! 1984 (S,HD). Alison Steadman looks back at 1984.

11.00 Big Train. Comic sketches. 11.40 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer. Mulligan and O’Hare present their new album.

11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). Charlton Athletic v Millwall. Action from the opening Championship match of the weekend, staged at the Valley.

12.20 The X Factor (R,HD). The search for a superstar continues at the closed-room auditions. 1.25 The Xtra Factor (R,HD). 2.15 All Star Family Fortunes (R). Antony Costa and Liz Dawn compete. 2.50 Teleshopping Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

12.20 Road Wars (R,S). 1.20 Armed and Dangerous: Ultimate Forces (R). 2.20 Miami SWAT (R,S). 3.10 Miami SWAT (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 4.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).

12.20 Little Britain (S) Daffyd meets a group of gay Star Trek fans, Vicky Pollard tries to get served in the pub and Kenny Craig visits his mother in hospital. 1.00 Little Britain (S). Emily Howard has an X-ray. 1.30 Big Train (S). 2.00 Bottom (S).2.30 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer (S).

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (HD). A round-up of the latest football goals. 1.00 SNF – Match Choice (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League. 2.30 SNF – Match Choice (HD). 4.00 Spanish Football (HD). 5.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 5.30 Sporting Greats (S).

12.20 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 1.20 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 1.50 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 2.15 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.40 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (R,HD). 3.05 Suburgatory 3.30 Shameless (R,HD). 4.20 Scrubs

BBC3

BBC4

7.00 Africa (R). 8.00 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Tsunamis (R). Iain Stewart explores the destructive power of the sea. Last in the series. 9.00 The Young Montalbano. The detective is irked by the arrival of a new deputy inspector. 10.50 Big in America: British Hits in the USA (R). Featuring the Cure, Supertramp, Coldplay and the Dave Clark Five. 11.50 The Beatles’ Please Please Me – Remaking a Classic (R). Artists re-create the recording session for the band’s first LP. 12.50 Top of the Pops: 1978 (R). 1.20 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Tsunamis (R). Iain Stewart explores the destructive power of the sea. Last in the series. 2.20 Africa (R).

SATURDAY September 21

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69

TV PICKS

THE CRANE GANG 8pm, BBC2

Following the day-today operations of a mobile crane company, including the dismantling of the aquatics centre at the former Olympic Park in Stratford.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 7.40 Match of the Day (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 Sunday Morning Live (S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics (S). 12.15 MOTD2 Extra (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 2.00 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S). 4.00 Points of View (S,HD). 4.15 Lifeline (S,HD). 4.25 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.00 Formula 1: Singapore Grand Prix Highlights (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BY ANY MEANS 9pm, BBC1

Thriller following a secretive unit that operates in the grey area between right and wrong. Crooked businessman Nicholas Mason is acquitted of murder – the latest in a string of crimes from which he has walked away scotfree – so Helen Barlow calls on her clandestine team to bring him to justice.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Film: Nocturne (S) (1946). ●●● 7.30 Around the World in 80 Gardens (R,S,HD). 8.30 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Beechgrove Garden 9.30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites11.00 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Incredible Spice Men 2.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British (R,S,HD). 2.45 Inspire: The Olympic Journey (R,S,HD). 3.15 Sailing: America’s Cup Highlights 4.00 Canoeing: World Slalom Championships 5.00 Rugby League: Super League Play-Offs (S,HD).

DOWNTON ABBEY 9pm, ITV

Following Matthew’s death, Mary struggles to come to terms with her loss, while Jimmy takes an interest in Ivy, and Carson receives an unwelcome reminder of his past.

ITV

6.00 Babar and the Adventures of Badou (R). 6.10 Matt Hatter Chronicles (R,S). 6.35 Dino Dan (R,S). 7.00 Canimals 7.25 Sooty (S). 7.35 Horrid Henry 8.00 Bottom Knocker Street (S). 8.30 Fish Hooks (S). 9.00 Big Time Rush 9.25 News 9.30 Ade in Britain (R,S,HD). 10.25 Film: Columbo: Sex and the Married Detective (S) (1989). ●●● 12.25 News and Weather 12.30 Murder, She Wrote 1.30 Dinner Date 2.30 The X Factor (R,S,HD). 3.30 Big Star’s Little Star (R,S,HD). 4.30 Film: E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (S,HD) (1982). ●●●●●

KEVIN MCCLOUD’S MAN MADE HOME 8pm, Channel 4

Having successfully built an eco-friendly cabin in the woods, the Grand Designs presenter’s second challenge is to create his own getaway on the Somerset coast. Moving the shed to the new location, he aims to transform it into the beach home of his dreams using local resources and other people’s junk.

Channel 4

6.15 Ironman 2013 (S). 6.40 The American Football Show (R,S). 7.35 American Football: Hard Knocks (S). 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S). 12.25 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.20 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.20 Film: Take the Lead (S,HD) (2006). See Choices Above. ●●● 4.40 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 5.40 Film: The Spiderwick Chronicles (S,HD) (2008). ●●●●

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 10.00 Power Rangers Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 Slugterra (S,HD). 11.00 Monkey Life (R,S,HD). 11.25 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 12.25 Apollo 13: The True Story (R,S,HD). 1.30 Film: Thunderbirds (S,HD) (2004). ●● 3.15 Film: The Hunchback of Notre Dame (S,HD) (1996). Disney animation, with the voice of Tom Hulce. ●●● 4.55 5 News (S,HD). 5.00 Film: Big Momma’s House 2 (S,HD) (2006). Comedy, starring Martin Lawrence. ●●

70

▼ ▼

12

7.00 Countryfile (S,HD). Ellie Harrison witnesses the homecoming of a remarkable horse in Devon.

7.00 Hunt vs Lauda: F1’s Greatest Racing Rivals (R,S,HD). The battle for the 1976 world drivers’ championship.

7.00 Surprise Surprise (S,HD). 2/10. A cancer survivor receives a lifechanging gift, a father and daughter are reunited after 26 years apart, and Rizzle Kicks perform for one of their fans.

7.25 News (S). 7.55 The Political Slot (S,HD). Wavertree MP Luciana Berger talks about unemployment.

after

6.35 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

8.00 Antiques Roadshow (S,HD). 6/26. From the Royal Marines Museum in Southsea near Portsmouth, where items include chairs said to be made from timber off HMS Victory and paintings with an Indiana Jones connection.

8.00 The Crane Gang (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

8.00 The X Factor (S,HD). 8/22. Having impressed the judges in the audition room, the contestants take to the stage at Wembley Arena as they compete to win places at next week’s boot camp. Dermot O’Leary presents.

8.00 Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home (S). 1/4. See Choices Above.

8.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

9.00 By Any Means (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Story of the Jews (S,HD). 4/5. Simon Schama examines the lost world of the shtetl, the Jewish towns and villages in Eastern Europe that were the source of a unique culture and made a mark all over the world.

9.00 Downton Abbey (S,HD). 1/9. See Choices Above.

9.00 Big Fat Quiz of the 80s (S). See Choices Above.

10.00 QI XL (S,HD). 2/16. Extended edition, with Josh Widdicombe, Phill Jupitus and Katherine Ryan. 10.45 A Single Man (S,HD) (2009). A gay British academic living in 1960s Los Angeles is devastated by the death of his partner in a car crash, and his grief is compounded by his lover’s family refusing to let him attend the funeral. He decides to commit suicide, and takes a day to put his affairs in order, but the people he meets change his hopeless outlook on life. Drama, starring Colin Firth and Julianne Moore. See Choices Above. ●●●

10.30 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 10.45 Perspectives: Sergeant on Spike (R,S,HD). 3/5. John Sergeant presents a profile of his childhood hero – comedian and writer Spike Milligan – uncovering the man behind The Goon Show and exploring his influence on British comedy.

10.35 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (R,S). 4/18. The host brings some 1980s sparkle into the studio for a special edition, joined by Jessie J, who chats and performs, and Matthew Fox, famous for his roles in Party of Five and Lost.

9.00 Conan the Barbarian (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. An evil warlord kills a barbarian chieftain, whose son grows up to be a mighty warrior and seeks revenge for his father’s death. He finds there is more at stake, as the tyrant is close to acquiring all the pieces of a magic mask, which will make him all-powerful. Fantasy adventure, with Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, Rachel Nichols, Bob Sapp, Leo Howard and Steven O’Donnell. See Choices Above. ●●

11.45 Premiership Rugby Union (S,HD). Action from the third round of top-flight fixtures, including Worcester Warriors v Harlequins, Leicester Tigers v Newcastle Falcons and Saracens v Bath.

11.35 The Last Leg (R,S). 8/8. Adam Hills, Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker are joined by comedian and actor Eddie Izzard for a comic review of the significant moments of the past seven days. Last in the series.

11.15 Drive Angry (S,HD) (2011). A man breaks out of Hell to track down the cult leader who has murdered his daughter and plans to sacrifice her baby. Fantasy thriller, starring Nicolas Cage and Amber Heard. ●●●

12.20 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). A visit to the Great Dorset Steam Fair and a look at efforts to help small animals cross a road in Kent. Plus, Wales’ role in the Dambusters raids. Including Weather for the Week Ahead. 1.15 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). Chrissie begins her cancer treatment. Paul O’Grady guest stars. 2.15 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.40 The Store Home shopping. 2.40 Motorsport UK (S,HD). Highlights of the Porsche Carrera Cup and the Ginetta Junior Championship from Knockhill, with commentary by Richard John Neil and Simon Hill. 3.30 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.25 Paddy’s TV Guide (R,S,HD). Paddy McGuinness focuses on technology. 1.10 American Football Live (S). Pittsburgh Steelers v Chicago Bears (kick-off 1.30am). Nat Coombs is joined by Mike Carlson to present coverage of the inter-conference clash at Heinz Field. 4.45 Ironman 2013 (R,S). A preview of the 2013 Ironman World Championship. 5.15 Countdown (R,S,HD).

1.05 SuperCasino 3.55 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). Michaela Strachan tries to spot mountain gorillas in Uganda. 4.20 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.05 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.25 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

11

Surprise Surprise, 7pm

6.00 The Great British Bake Off (R,S,HD). 5/16. Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood test the skills of the remaining contestants by challenging them to prepare a series of biscuits and traybakes.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 10.25 Match of the Day 2 (S,HD). Mark Chapman presents highlights from today’s Premier League fixtures, including Manchester City v Manchester United, Arsenal v Stoke City and Cardiff City v Tottenham Hotspur.

10

QI XL, 10pm

6.30 Regional News (S,HD).

11.50 Lone Star (S) (1996). A sheriff investigates the discovery of a 40-year-old murder victim, raising questions about his father’s heroic reputation. Mystery, starring Chris Cooper and Matthew McConaughey. ●●●●●

6 7 8 9

By Any Means, 9pm

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

2.00 Weatherview (S). 2.05 BBC News (S,HD).

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Kevin McCloud’s Man ... 8pm

Apollo 13: The True Story, 12.25pm 6.50 Ocean’s Eleven (S,HD) (2001). A suave ex-convict assembles a gang of sophisticated crooks to pull off a daring heist. He intends to rob three of Las Vegas’s biggest casinos simultaneously – and also win back his estranged wife, who is now dating the ruthless owner of all three gambling establishments. Comedy, starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts. ●●●●

BIG FAT QUIZ OF THE 80S 9pm, Channel 4

Jimmy Carr grills three teams of celebrities to demonstrate how much they remember about the news, music, TV and fashion of the 1980s. Playing the quiz are David Mitchell, Phill Jupitus, Alan Carr, Sarah Greene, Jack Dee and Jason Donovan, and the host is helped by some famous question-setters.

Premiere. A warrior seeks revenge on the warlord who killed his father before he can magically make himself all-powerful. Fantasy adventure, with Jason Momoa and Stephen Lang.

ITV2

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R). 6.45 Emmerdale (R,HD). 9.30 Coronation Street (R,HD). 12.00 America’s Got Talent (HD). 1.00 America’s Got Talent (HD). 2.50 Film: Happy Feet (HD) (2006). Animated adventure, with the voice of Elijah Wood. ●●●● 5.00 The X Factor (R,HD). The search for a superstar continues at the closed-room auditions.

E4

6.00 Charlie’s Angels (R,HD). 7.20 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Scrubs (R,HD). 9.55 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 12.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 1.30 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 2.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 3.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 4.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 4.25 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S). 10.00 WWE Superstars (HD). 11.00 WWE: Experience (HD). 12.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 12.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 Road Wars (R,S). 5.00 One Direction: One Day (R). 5.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

FILM PICKS

CONAN THE BARBARIAN 9pm, Channel 5

A SINGLE MAN 10.45pm, BBC2

TAKE THE LEAD 2.20pm, Channel 4

A gay academic mourning his partner’s death takes a day to put his affairs in order as he prepares to commit suicide. Drama, with Colin Firth.

GOLD

6.00 Just Good Friends 6.30 One Foot in the Grave 7.45 The Vicar of Dibley 9.00 The Vicar of Dibley 10.15 Only Fools and Horses 12.00 Last of the Summer Wine 12.40 Keeping Up Appearances 1.20 Keeping Up Appearances 2.00 Heroes of Comedy 4.00 Just a Minute 4.40 The Best of Les Dawson 5.20 The Borrowers

A former dancer tries to inspire disruptive students from inner-city schools by teaching them ballroom dancing. Drama, starring Antonio Banderas.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 SNF – Match Choice (HD). 7.30 Game Changers (HD). 8.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 9.00 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 10.30 Goals on Sunday (HD). A review of yesterday’s football action. 12.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Arsenal v Stoke City (kick-off 1.30pm). 3.30 Live Super Sunday (HD). Manchester City v Manchester United (kick-off 4.00pm).

Evan Almighty, 7pm

X-Men: The Last Stand, 8pm

Moone Boy, 7pm

The Office, 9pm

Live Super Sunday, 3.30pm

6.00 The Xtra Factor (R,HD). Backstage coverage as more hopeful acts prepare to audition.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Same-sex marriage is legalised in Springfield.

6.00 Jeeves and Wooster. Bertie attends a fancydress ball.

7.00 Evan Almighty (HD) (2007). Politician Evan Baxter is recruited by God for a special mission. A great flood is coming, and like Noah before him, Evan has to build an ark to protect the wildlife of the world from the impending cataclysm. However, convincing others that the end is nigh proves difficult. Comedy, with Steve Carell. ●●●

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). The guys compete for a tenured professor position. 7.30 Rules of Engagement (R,HD).

7.00 Moone Boy (R,S,HD). Martin becomes an altar boy and Fidelma joins the choir. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

7.10 Jeeves and Wooster. Aunt Agatha demands Bertie meet the sister of the local curate, while Jeeves exposes a couple of con-men.

6.55 Live Spanish Football (HD). Real Madrid v Getafe. Second-half coverage of the La Liga clash at the Bernabeu, where Real continue their bid to regain the title.

8.00 X-Men: The Last Stand (HD) (2006). The mutant heroes return to face a battle on three fronts. Arch-enemy Magneto is back with an army of followers, while a corporation has created a drug that permanently robs mutants of their powers. Meanwhile, their former ally Jean Grey has returned from the dead as the destructive and seemingly unstoppable Phoenix. Adventure, starring Hugh Jackman and Ian McKellen. ●●●

8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). Sixthformer Shrai directs his friends in a play.

8.20 Porridge. Godber enters the prison boxing championships. He is hot favourite to win, but Fletcher is given the task of fixing the contest.

9.00 Chickens (R,S,HD). George throws a dinner party. 9.30 Trollied (R,S,HD). Richard regrets inviting Leighton to a meeting with Head Office.

9.00 The Office. Passions run high at the annual quiz. 9.40 The Office. A special training day for the staff at Wernham Hogg turns into a sing-song and Tim decides he is wasting his time in a dead-end job.

9.00 The Xtra Factor (HD). Caroline Flack and Matt Richardson meet some of the would-be stars who braved the spotlight for a chance at fame, and question the judges over their decisions.

8.00 Live Spanish Football (HD). Valencia v Sevilla (kick-off 8.00pm). All the action from the La Liga encounter at the Mestalla, featuring two sides with aspirations of finishing in the top four this season.

BBC3

7.00 Robin Hood (R,S). Part one of two. The outlaws plot to overthrow Isabella. 7.45 Great Movie Mistakes IV: May the Fourth Be with You (R,S). Movie blunders of 2012. 8.30 Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (S) (2001). Action adventure, starring Angelina Jolie. ●●● 10.00 Family Guy (S). Quagmire accidentally gets married to a prostitute. 10.25 Family Guy (R,S). 10.45 Bad Education (R,S). 11.20 American Dad! (R,S). 11.40 American Dad! (R,S). 12.00 Seann Walsh’s Late Night Comedy Spectacular (R,S). 1.00 Live at the Electric (R,S). 1.30 Live at the Electric (R,S). 2.00 Bad Education (R,S). 2.30 Boom Town (R,S). 3.00 Fazer’s Urban Takeover (R,S).

11.00 Road Wars (R). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 11.30 Now That’s History! 1991 (S,HD). The events and stories of 1991.

11.40 Nighty Night. Jill continues to ignore Terry’s phone calls and her dinner plans with Don are thwarted when his wife turns up. Julia Davis stars.

11.30 Football Special (HD). Extended highlights from the Premier League.

1.10 The X Factor (R,HD). Having impressed the judges in the audition room, the contestants take to the stage at Wembley Arena as they compete to win places at next week’s boot camp. 2.05 The Xtra Factor (R,HD). 2.55 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Now That’s History! 1994 (HD). 12.30 Now That’s History! 2001 (HD). 1.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). 2.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 4.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).

12.20 The Office 1.00 The Office 1.30 The Thick of It Special: Spinners and Losers 2.30 Nighty Night

1.00 Scottish Football (HD). 1.30 Spanish Football (HD). 2.30 Champions League Weekly (HD). 3.00 Scottish Football (HD). 3.30 Football Gold 3.45 Football Gold. 4.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 4.30 Spanish Football (HD). 5.30 Scottish Football (HD).

12.05 The Inbetweeners Top 10 Moments (R). 1.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.40 Happy Endings 2.05 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 2.30 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 2.55 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 3.20 Hollyoaks (R,HD).

Beside the Watershed Bristol Harbourside

7.00 The Golden Age of Canals (R). The changing face of Britain’s canals after the Second World War. 8.00 Fabric of Britain (R). The history of knitting. 9.00 Citizen Kane (1941). A journalist investigates the life of a powerful newspaper magnate. Oscarwinning drama, written, directed by and starring Orson Welles. With Agnes Moorehead. ●●●●● 11.00 Sound of Cinema: The Music That Made the Movies (R). Exploring how great film soundtracks work. 12.00 The Joy of Country (R). 1.05 Glen Campbell: The Rhinestone Cowboy (R). 2.05 An Evening with Glen Campbell (R).

SUNDAY

10.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police 10.15 The Thick of It Special: 10.00 Football Special (HD). 10.00 The Big Reunion: On 10.00 New Rude Tube. Alex Spinners and Losers. officers use unmarked Tour (R,HD). The groups Extended highlights Zane presents a top 50 Second of a two-parter. cars fitted with on-board make the most of their from the Premier countdown of the latest Extended episode of the video cameras, offering visits to party towns League, allowing viewers stunts on the web. The comedy in which an insight into vehicle including Brighton and to access the latest round amusing clips feature Malcolm Tucker’s career crime and how it can be Bournemouth, while of top-flight fixtures, base jumping from a hangs in the balance prevented. The Liberty X’s Jessica Taylor which included moving lorry, hammockwhen the Prime Minister programme also has a catsuit Manchester City v spinning the hottest resigns six months early. features footage of malfunction. Last in the Manchester United. headcam action. dangerous drivers. series. 11.00 Pitch Black (HD) (2000). 11.00 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes Sci-fi horror, starring Vin (R). The lads visit a Diesel, Radha Mitchell, Caravan Club meeting. Cole Hauser, Keith David, Rhiana Griffith, 11.35 The Inbetweeners: Lewis Fitz-Gerald, E4’s Top 10 Episodes Claudia Black and John (R). Moore. ●●●

BBC4

September

22

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71

TOM KERRIDGE’S PROPER PUB FOOD 8.30pm, BBC2

EASTENDERS 8pm, BBC1

Ava worries about Sam’s health and waits to hear if she is a suitable donor – but when Dexter confesses he has also been tested, she is desperate to talk him out of it – should he prove a match. A guilty Roxy continues to see Ronnie behind Alfie’s back, and Lauren takes on a cleaning job at the Vic.

TV PICKS

The chef demonstrates recipes inspired by classic British pub fare, beginning with dishes perfect for serving up to groups of friends.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Rip Off Britain (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Claimed and Shamed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Country Show Cook Off (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer 7.05 Street Patrol UK 7.50 Claimed and Shamed 8.20 Sign Zone: The A to Z of TV Cooking 9.05 Watchdog 10.05 Robbed, Raided, Reunited 10.35 Click 11.00 News 11.30 Daily Politics Conference Special (S). 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 Weakest Link (R,S). 2.15 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 2.45 Oceans (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 Incredible Animal Journeys (R,S). 5.15 Cash in the Attic (R,S).

DOC MARTIN 9pm, ITV

Louisa arranges for Martin to take James to playgroup, Bert is suspicious when he catches Jennifer in the bathroom with a needle, and Ruth has trouble with a new neighbour.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). Features, music and conversation. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

SEX: MY BRITISH JOB 10pm, Channel 4

Hsiao-Hung Pai goes undercover as a housekeeper in London’s brothels to investigate the British sex trade. Her prolonged period of secret filming provides an insight into why – and how – some immigrant women are drawn into this line of work.

Channel 4

6.00 The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 According to Jim (R,S,HD). 7.25 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Frasier (R,S). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 10.00 Four Rooms US (S,HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 12.00 News Summary (S). 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (R,S,HD). 12.35 Film: The Hunt for Red October (S,HD) (1990). ●●●● 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Hustling America (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 3.15 Film: Little Girl Lost: The Delimar Vera Story (S) (2008). Fact-based drama, with Judy Reyes, Ana Ortiz and Hector Luis Bustamante. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

The Hairy Bikers: Everyday … 7pm

The Chase, 5pm

Gadget Man, 8.30pm

Hustling America, 7pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 60/140. 6.30 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (S,HD). 6/10. The chef’s tour reaches the south coast of England.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/20. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Joe lashes out at the Osbornes on the day of Frankie and Jack’s wedding renewal.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Indi and Dex decide to throw a party. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Alex Jones and Matt Baker. 7.30 Regional Programme (S). Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

7.00 The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets (R,S,HD). 1/6. Si King and Dave Myers demonstrate how to make gourmet food cheaply.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Cameron makes his plea in court. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Nick regains consciousness.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 4thought.tv (S). A week of talks on organ donation.

7.00 Hustling America (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News Update.

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 8pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). See Choices Above. 8.30 Dying for a Bargain – Panorama (S,HD). Working conditions for clothing-industry employees abroad.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 11/37. 8.30 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Countrywise (S,HD). 4/8. Ben Fogle meets farmers finding love online. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Stella makes a shock announcement to her family.

8.00 Jamie’s Money Saving Meals (S,HD). 4/6. See Choices Above. 8.30 Gadget Man (S). 4/6. Products designed to make holidays less stressful.

8.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD). Hayley rushes to help two badly injured motorcyclists, Ross and John haul in a drink-driver who has caused a trail of destruction, and Duncan has to escort a monster truck. Followed by 5 News at 9.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Motorway Cops (S,HD). 4/5. Two motorway police are flagged down by a drunk student asking for a lift to France, a car is hit by a runaway horse and a night-time collision leads to chaos.

9.00 The Midwives (S,HD). 6/8. Cameras follow trainees as they gain on-the-job experience at Birmingham Women’s Hospital, while a third-year student carries out home visits and runs her own antenatal clinic.

9.00 Doc Martin (S,HD). 4/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Fried Chicken Shop (S). 2/3. The documentary follows the takeaway’s manager Zahid, who has left his family behind in Pakistan so he can fulfil his dreams and provide for their future.

9.00 Bullied to Death: The Tragedy of Phoebe Prince (S). Documentary examining the circumstances surrounding the death of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince, who killed herself in January 2010 after months of bullying by her schoolmates.

11

10.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks (S,HD). 1/13. New series. The comedy music quiz returns, with team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding joined by guests Basement Jaxx, AlunaGeorge and James Acaster. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Through the Keyhole (R,S,HD). 4/6. Catherine Tyldesley and Terry Wogan join Dave Berry on the panel as Keith Lemon visits three mystery homes and challenges them to guess the identities of the famous occupants.

10.00 Sex: My British Job (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Regional Programme (S).

11.05 Who Do You Think You Are? (R,S,HD). 9/10. Singer Marianne Faithfull investigates her halfJewish mother’s time as a dancer in 1920s Berlin, and her later experiences in Vienna during the Second World War.

11.20 Today at Conference (S). Highlights from the Labour Party gathering in Brighton. 11.50 The Story of the Jews (R,S,HD). 4/5. The influence of the shtetl on Jewish culture and the modern world.

11.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Julie Goodyear (R,S,HD). 1/6. An interview with the former Coronation Street star.

11.20 Educating Yorkshire (R,S). 3/8. The documentary focuses on two very similar boys – one whose behaviour is causing concern as he approaches his GCSEs, and the other who constantly talks in class.

12.05 Weatherview (S). 12.10 BBC News (S,HD).

12.50 Sign Zone: The Hairy Bikers: Restoration Road Trip (R,S). Si King and Dave Myers work on steam train the Night Owl, forging a steel wheel taller than they are for the biggest locomotive restoration in Britain. Last in the series. 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.30 Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 Champions League Weekly (S,HD). 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.25 Random Acts (S). With Charlotte Ginsborg. 12.30 Film: Om Shanti Om (2007). Bollywood musical fantasy comedy, with Shahrukh Khan and Deepika Padukone. ●●● 3.25 Nashville (S,HD). Rayna decides what is important to her. 4.10 Film: Aquamarine (S,HD) (2006). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.55 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD).

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10.00 Under the Dome (S,HD). 6/13. Riots break out when rationing is brought in after the water tower is damaged and the lake found to be polluted. Julia and Dodee try to trace the source of a high-pitched sound. 10.55 The Thomas Crown Affair (S,HD) (1999). See Choices Above. ●●●

12.55 SuperCasino Viewers get the chance to take part in live interactive gaming, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.55 Divine Designs (R,S). Architecture after the Second World War. 4.20 Great Artists (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

HUSTLING AMERICA 7pm, Channel 5

Jamie Oliver prepares roast chicken with all the trimmings, before turning the leftovers into a stew, and rustles up cauliflower and broccoli cheese using frozen vegetables.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Coronation Street 7.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.10 You’ve Been Framed! 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 The Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 The Real Housewives of Vancouver 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 The Real Housewives of Vancouver 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker

Alexis Conran heads to New York as he concludes his journey across America and tries to outwit some of the city’s most streetsmart operators, including a cabbie and a Washington Square Park chess veteran. He also takes on a professional in an unusual game of table tennis.

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 7.55 Charmed 9.00 Glee 10.00 New Girl 10.30 The Mindy Project 11.00 Rules of Engagement 11.30 Charmed 12.30 Hollyoaks 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project 4.00 Rules of Engagement 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Airline USA (HD). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

FILM PICKS

JAMIE’S MONEY SAVING MEALS 8pm, Channel 4

AQUAMARINE 4.10am, Channel 4

THE THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR 10.55pm, Channel 5

A mermaid stranded at a beach resort offers to grant two girls a wish if they will help her to win a lifeguard’s heart. Fantasy comedy, starring Sara Paxton.

GOLD 6.15 Just Good Friends 6.45 Sykes 7.15 Last of the Summer Wine 7.55 Keeping Up Appearances 9.15 Heroes of Comedy 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.00 Just a Minute 11.40 The Best of Les Dawson 12.20 The Borrowers. 1.00 Open All Hours 1.40 dinnerladies 2.20 As Time Goes By 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 One Foot in the Grave

Crime adventure remake, starring Pierce Brosnan, Rene Russo, Denis Leary, Ben Gazzara, Frankie Faison and Fritz Weaver.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 9.30 Spanish Football (HD). 10.30 Football Special (HD). 12.00 Spanish Football (HD). 1.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 1.30 Champions League Weekly (HD). 2.00 Football Special (HD). 3.30 Game Changers (HD). 4.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

Couples Retreat, 10pm

90210, 9pm

Kick Ass Kung Fu, 9pm

dinnerladies, 7.40pm

FL72 Live, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R). Andrew from London picks three blind dates from five potential partners.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). Part one of four. Bender becomes addicted to Dungeons & Dragons. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.20 Yes Minister. The civil service is threatened with cutbacks. Satirical comedy, starring Paul Eddington and Nigel Hawthorne.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Animal antics and bad hair days. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Blunders on the beach.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). Joe struggles to digest yesterday’s news. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Marge’s driving habits come under scrutiny. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Bart is befriended by mobsters.

7.00 Open All Hours. Arkwright decides to expand his empire. 7.40 dinnerladies. Jean gets angry with the customers.

8.00 The X Factor (R,HD). Having impressed the judges in the audition room, the contestants take to the stage at Wembley Arena as they compete to win places at next week’s boot camp.

8.00 New Girl (R,HD). Jess is fired from her teaching job. 8.30 New Girl (R,HD). Jess pretends to be a handsome stranger’s blind date.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). With Joleon Lescott, Jon Richardson and Gabby Logan.

8.20 dinnerladies. Bren is so excited about her forthcoming holiday with Tony she even considers buying some new clothes, and Petula discovers the dangers of gas in caravans.

9.00 Peter Andre: My Life (HD). New series. Return of the reality show following the life of the singer. In the first edition, Peter tries to make a fresh start after coming to terms with the loss of his brother.

9.00 90210 (HD). Liam’s plans 9.00 Kick Ass Kung Fu to start a business (S,HD). Matthew Ahmet creating custom-made concludes his mission to surfboards for women transform Britain’s are complicated when he wayward youth, falls for his first potential choosing three disciples investor, and Mark is from Manchester to offered a job in New undergo martial arts York. training in Hong Kong. Last in the series.

6.00 FL72 Review. A roundup of recent matches, featuring all the goals from the Championship, League One and League Two. 7.00 Haye v Fury – The Tactics (HD). A look ahead to the heavyweight fight between David Haye and Tyson Fury. 7.30 FL72 Live (HD). Brentford v Leyton Orient (kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of the League One fixture at Griffin Park, where the Bees are looking to dent the visitors’ outstanding start to the season. Orient won their first five league matches and ran Premier League Hull City close in the Capital One Cup, but Brentford have also enjoyed some positive results to put themselves among the leading pack.

10.00 Couples Retreat (HD) 10.00 The Inbetweeners Top 10.00 Spartacus: Vengeance (R,S,HD). Oenomaus (2009). A couple on the 10 Moments (R). A throws himself into the brink of divorce sign up countdown of the brutal pits and Glaber for relationship therapy comedy show’s decides to support on a tropical island, but highlights. Lucretia’s prophecies, find they can save despite his wife’s money if they persuade protests. their friends to join them. Three more couples go along for the holiday, thinking they do not need any help – 11.00 The Inbetweeners: 11.10 Cop Squad (R,S,HD). but the unconventional E4’s Top 10 Episodes The work of police treatment soon exposes (R). officers in cracks in their Cambridgeshire. relationships. Comedy, 11.35 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes starring Vince Vaughn, (R). Malin Akerman and Jon Favreau. ●● 12.20 Girlfriends (R,HD). The girls spend 24 hours alone with each of their three remaining suitors. 1.20 The Vampire Diaries (R,HD). Bonnie is concerned about Jeremy’s new plans. 2.05 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). Candid moments captured on camera. 2.30 Teleshopping Home shopping.

12.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.10 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (R,HD). 1.35 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 2.05 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 2.35 Rules of Engagement 2.55 Sirens (R,HD). 3.50 Glee (R,HD). 4.35 Ugly Betty

12.10 Road Wars (R,S). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 1.10 Nothing to Declare (S). The work of customs officers in Australia. 1.40 Nothing to Declare (S). 2.10 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). The work of the elite tactical unit. 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

9.00 Only Fools and Horses. Del enters the car trade. 9.40 Outnumbered. Sue and Pete try to make it through a wedding day, while the children get up to mischief. Comedy, starring Hugh Dennis and Claire Skinner.

10.20 Outnumbered. Ben 10.00 The Footballers’ tries to get elected as Football Show (HD). the class rep, while Pete Dave Jones is joined by returns from a guests including colleague’s funeral footballers, managers troubled by mortality, and club chairmen to money problems and the discuss all the major anaconda attack his son stories in the week’s is filming. football news. 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Linda dates a serial killer. 11.40 Rev. Adam befriends a man who hopes to get married at St Saviour’s.

11.00 Haye v Fury – The Tactics (HD). 11.30 Pro Contract – The Football Dream.

12.20 The Comic Strip Presents: Eddie Monsoon – A Life? A South African TV star causes worldwide controversy. 1.00 dinnerladies The girls celebrate Japanese-style at their work party. 1.30 Gimme Gimme Gimme 2.00 Rev. 2.30 The Comic Strip Presents: Eddie Monsoon – A Life?

12.00 FL72 Review A round-up of recent matches. 1.00 SPFL RoundUp (HD). 1.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 2.30 The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). 3.30 Haye v Fury – The Tactics (HD). 4.00 Pro Contract ��� The Football Dream. 4.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 5.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD).

BBC3

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 8.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes (R,S). The top 12 dance fads. Last in the series. 9.00 Fazer’s Urban Takeover (S). Part two of two. The group performs at the Royal Albert Hall. 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). The comedian’s perspective on the news. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). Ava is heartbroken when Dexter admits he has been tested as a potential donor. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Fazer’s Urban Takeover (R,S). 1.30 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 2.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). 3.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 Nature’s Microworlds (R). 8.00 Welsh Railways: Beating Beeching (R). Part one of two. Steam enthusiasts share their passion for trains. 8.30 Only Connect. New series. Victoria Coren Mitchell presents the quiz show. 9.00 A Very British Murder with Lucy Worsley. New series. Examining Britain’s fascination with murder. 10.00 Miss Marple (R). Part one of three. A body is found in a couple’s library. 10.55 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Tsunamis (R). 11.55 Africa (R). 12.55 Tribe (R). 1.55 Only Connect (R). 2.25 Nature’s Microworlds (R). 2.55 A Very British Murder with Lucy Worsley (R).

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TV PICKS

THE SARAH MILLICAN TELEVISION PROGRAMME 9.30pm, BBC2

MY BIG FAT GYPSY LADIES’ DAY 9pm, Channel 4

The comedienne returns with more TV-based stand-up and chat, with guest Quentin Willson.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Rip Off Britain (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Claimed and Shamed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Country Show Cook Off (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

While the splendour of Ladies’ Day at the races is traditionally associated with the aristocracy, thousands of travellers also gather for the biggest dates in the gypsy calendar. This one-off special explores the bond between this community and their horses, from equine-themed christenings and fairs to road races in the dead of night.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 7.05 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.50 Claimed and Shamed (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: The A to Z of TV Cooking (R,S). 9.05 Britain’s Big Wildlife Revival (R,S). 10.05 Robbed, Raided, Reunited (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics Conference Special (S). 1.00 Classic Mastermind (R,S). 1.30 Great British Menu (HD). 2.00 Daily Politics Leader Speech (S,HD). 4.00 Coast (R,S,HD). 4.15 Incredible Animal Journeys (R,S). 5.15 Cash in the Attic (R,S).

BEING PAUL GASCOIGNE 9pm, ITV

NEW TRICKS 9pm, BBC1

The former England footballer gives cameras unprecedented access to his private life over a threemonth period, as he tries to rebuild relationships and battle his demons.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From Winsford, Cheshire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). With guest Bill Bryson. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

After Sandra’s departure, the detectives are anxious to meet their new boss, and DCI Sasha Miller wastes no time getting cracking with her first Ucos case, the murder of an Italian immigrant on a west London allotment 25 years earlier. With Tamzin Outhwaite joining Dennis Waterman and Denis Lawson.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.00 According to Jim (R,S,HD). 7.25 Will & Grace (R,S). 8.05 Frasier (R,S). 9.05 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms US (S,HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (HD). 12.00 News (S). 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (HD). 12.35 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (HD). 12.40 Film: The Devil at Four O’Clock (S,HD) (1961). See Choices Above. ●●● 3.10 Countdown (HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Animal Maternity (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 Law & Order: Criminal Intent (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Love Will Keep Us Together (S) (2010). Drama, with David James Elliott and Sharon Case. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Robbo’s life hangs in the balance.

Later Live – with Jools Holland, 10pm

Ade in Adland, 8pm

London Irish, 10pm

CSI: NY – Killing Spree, 9pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3/20. Homer becomes a tow-truck driver. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Joe struggles to digest yesterday’s news.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Leah worries that VJ might have the same condition as Pippa. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Dexter struggles in his attempt to do the right thing. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 61/140. Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (S,HD). 7/10. The chef explores the West Country. 7.00 The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets (R,S,HD). 2/6. Si King and Dave Myers demonstrate how to create a dinner for two that is fit for a king, but doesn’t cost the earth.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Rhona books herself into rehab. 7.30 Aussie Animal Island (S,HD). 2/6. The team carries out personality tests on the Tasmanian devils.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 4thought.tv (S). Catherine McCarley talks about her decision to become a living donor and why she supports the idea of an opt-out system.

7.00 Monkey Life (R,S,HD). 19/20. Kiki is introduced to fellow chimp Patricia. 7.30 Highland Emergency (R,S,HD). Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 50/52. Hanssen warns Malick to tread carefully after his recent behaviour, then suggests they work together, while Chrissie is struggling to juggle her treatment, work and motherhood.

8.00 The Great British Bake Off (S,HD). 6/16. The remaining contestants face three tasks involving sweet dough, making signature tea loaves as well as creating 36 sweet European buns for the showstopper round.

8.00 Ade in Adland (S,HD). 2/2. Conclusion. Adrian Edmondson explores how TV commercials have reflected the ways in which households have changed over seven decades, from beauty products to home improvements.

8.00 Double Your House for Half the Money (S,HD). 6/10. Jo and Keith Mortimer have grand plans for a two-storey wraparound extension in Swindon, while Mei and Yui Tse are planning their second expansion in four years in St Albans.

8.00 New Cowboy Builders (S,HD). New series. Dominic Littlewood and Melinda Messenger help a Nottingham couple who were left with two unfinished extensions, an incomplete roof and hazardous electrics. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 New Tricks (S,HD). 9/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Wrong Mans (S,HD). 1/6. New series. Comedy thriller, starring James Corden and Mathew Baynton. 9.30 The Sarah Millican Television Programme (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Being Paul Gascoigne (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 My Big Fat Gypsy Ladies’ Day (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 CSI: NY – Killing Spree (S,HD). 9/17. A gang member is discovered dead, having been cut in half with a chainsaw, and as the team surveys the scene, the victim’s phone rings and Flack recognises the number as Lovato’s. The next episode can be seen tomorrow at 9pm.

6 7 8 9

New Tricks, 9pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Girls Behind Bars: Stacey Dooley in the USA (S,HD). 1/3. New series. The presenter explores different aspects of American life. Previously seen on BBC Three.

10.00 Later Live – with Jools Holland (S,HD). 2/8. With altrock veterans Pixies, soul singer Janelle Monae, country-blues musician Tony Joe White, electropop trio Chvrches and R&B outfit Barrence Whitfield and the Savages. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 When Ali Came to Britain (R,S). Documentary focusing on Muhammad Ali’s relationship with Britain, featuring contributions by those who met the boxer on his many visits.

10.00 London Irish (S). 1/6. See Choices Above. 10.30 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (R,S). The studio receives a retro makeover as team captains Jon Richardson and Lee Mack are joined by guests Henning Wehn and David O’Doherty.

10.00 Castle (S,HD). 1/24. See Choices Above. 10.55 Body of Proof (R,S). 1/9. Neurosurgeon Megan Hunt gets a job as a coroner in Philadelphia after a car accident leads to her quitting the operating theatre. Crime drama, starring Dana Delany.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.35 Hart’s War (S) (2002). See Choices Above. ●●●

11.20 Today at Conference (S). Highlights from the Labour Party annual conference in Brighton. 11.50 The Crane Gang (R,S,HD). 1/3. The day-to-day operations of a mobile crane company.

11.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). The host takes his successful talk show stateside, where he invites American guests to air their differences, and dispenses his own judgment on the situation.

11.35 Rewind the Tube (R,S,HD). Documentary looking back at the rise and fall of the 1980s music show, as a host of stars, from former presenters to bands, recall their contributions to the programme.

11.50 Law & Order: Criminal Intent (R,S,HD). 3/16. Goren and Eames investigate the murder of a successful businessman’s brother, who knew a secret concerning their mother’s death.

1.35 Weatherview (S). 1.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.50 Sign Zone: The United States of Television: America in Primetime (R,S). Alan Yentob continues to explore the history and influence of the most popular and enduring US drama series and sitcoms, with this edition focusing on TV characters who reflect individuality, diversity, eccentricity and quirkiness. 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.20 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Loose Women (R,S,HD). Judy Murray joins Andrea McLean, Denise Welch, Sherrie Hewson and Jane McDonald to talk about her son Andy Murray’s Wimbledon win this summer. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.35 Random Acts (S,HD). 12.40 Poker (S,HD). The Caribbean Adventure. 1.35 American Football: Hard Knocks (R,S). 2.30 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 3.00 Beach Volleyball (S). 3.55 Caterham Motorsports (R,S). 4.25 The Grid (R,S). 4.50 FIM Superbike World Championship (R,S). 5.15 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD).

12.40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours (R,S). The rape of a nine-year-old girl is linked to an unsolved murder. 1.05 SuperCasino 3.55 Divine Designs (R,S). Liverpool’s cathedrals. 4.20 Great Artists (R,S). Profile of Tiziano Vecellio, known as Titian. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). A Clapham basement flat is overhauled. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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LONDON IRISH 10pm, Channel 4

New comedy about four Irish twentysomethings adjusting to life in London. Packy bumps into old friend Ryan, who lost a hand during a robbery at the petrol station they used to work at back home. Starring Kerr Logan, Sinead Keenan, Peter Campion, Kat Reagan, Ardal O’Hanlon and Tracey Lynch.

The return of the American drama about a wise-cracking novelist who shadows an NYPD detective. Beckett and her team investigate when the body of teacher is found lying on a ripped awning.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,HD). 6.25 Coronation Street (R,HD). 7.25 Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R). 8.10 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 8.40 Dinner Date (R). 9.40 Real Housewives of New York City (R,HD). 10.35 The Real Housewives of Vancouver (R,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (R,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 Real Housewives of Vancouver (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

E4 6.00 Switched (R). 6.25 90210 (R,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee (R,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse (R,S). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Airline USA (HD). 8.30 Airline USA (HD). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

CASTLE 10pm, Channel 5

HART’S WAR 11.35pm, BBC1

THE DEVIL AT FOUR O’CLOCK 12.40pm, Channel 4

An American PoW exposes racism when he tries to defend a black airman accused of murder. Second World War courtroom drama, starring Bruce Willis.

GOLD 6.10 Just Good Friends 6.40 Sykes 7.10 The Green Green Grass 7.50 Sykes 8.30 As Time Goes By 9.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.50 One Foot in the Grave 12.30 Yes Minister 1.10 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 2.30 As Time Goes By 3.05 Jeeves and Wooster 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Only Fools and Horses

A drunken missionary, a priest, and three convicts must save a colony of leper children from a volcano. Adventure, starring Spencer Tracy.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 9.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 10.00 Haye v Fury – The Tactics (HD). A look ahead to the heavyweight fight between David Haye and Tyson Fury. 10.30 Live County Championship Cricket (HD).

Peter Andre: My Life, 8pm

How I Met Your ... 7.30pm

An Idiot Abroad, 8pm

Bring Me Morecambe ... 9pm

Behind the Ropes ... 11pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R). Sussex bachelor James looks for love. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Jim Parsons and Johnny Galecki star. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). Part two of four. Mom tells her son the dark matter shortage is a scam. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.20 Yes Minister. Jim Hacker is kept in the dark by Sir Humphrey.

6.00 Football Gold. Classic action. 6.15 Football Gold 6.30 Sportswomen. Profiles of leading competitors.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Camcorder calamities with Harry Hill.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Barney tries to get caught speeding.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer prevents a nuclear meltdown. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Bart enters a golf tournament.

7.00 Open All Hours. Arkwright loses his trousers. 7.40 Outnumbered. Sue and Pete try to make it through a wedding day.

8.00 Peter Andre: My Life (R,HD). Return of the reality show following the daily life of the Australian singer, businessman and TV personality.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Robin attempts to sabotage Barney and Patrice’s relationship. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Guest starring Regina King.

8.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,HD). Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant send their friend and former radio producer Karl Pilkington on a world tour, beginning with a visit to China.

8.20 Outnumbered. Ben tries to get elected as the class rep. Domestic comedy, starring Hugh Dennis and Claire Skinner.

7.00 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 7.30 Soccer Special (HD). Julian Warren introduces pre-match reports and news of all tonight’s goals as they go in, while studio guests keep an eye on the big games and talking points. Plus, a classified results roundup from all of this evening’s fixtures.

9.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,HD). Karl Pilkington arrives in India, where he attends the Holi, a spring festival in which people throw coloured dye at one another, and takes an eight-hour bus ride to see holy men known as ‘the babas’.

9.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise. Tribute to the comedy double act, featuring clips from some of their earliest TV performances and an interview with Eric Morecambe’s widow Joan. Narrated by Victoria Wood.

9.00 The Magaluf 9.00 Rules of Engagement Weekender (HD). A trio (HD). Jen puts the wrong of London lads arrive date on Audrey’s baby eager for some action, shower invitiations. Last followed by two hardin the series. partying Norwich lasses – 9.30 Happy Endings (HD). but a night of heavy Max discovers some drinking soon takes its gossip about Jane and toll. Alex. 10.00 Crazy Beaches (HD). A 10.00 Derren Brown: bar owner tries to set a Miracles for Sale (R). world record. The showman investigates faith 10.30 Celebrity Juice (R,HD). healing in America. With Carol Vorderman, Gino D’Acampo and Chris Ramsey.

10.00 Cop Squad (R,S,HD). Documentary following the work of Cambridgeshire police officers as they tackle crime in a county renowned for its university, tourism and picture-postcard appearance.

10.00 Only Fools and Horses. 10.00 Premier League Del becomes a showbiz Review (HD). A look entrepreneur after back at recent fixtures in discovering a sensational the English Premier Tom Jones-style singer – League, as the season but it turns out he is not continued with matches all he is cracked up to be. affecting both ends of Comedy, starring David the table. Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst.

11.20 Paranormal Activity (HD) (2007). Horror, starring Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat. Including FYI Daily. ●●●●

11.40 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). In the penultimate episode of the countdown, the gang goes on a field trip. Comedy, starring Simon Bird.

11.00 Road Wars (R,S). The Proactive Squad from Thames Valley Police participates in Slough’s largest-ever drug raid, and officers from Texas deal with armed car thieves.

11.10 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Linda plans a surprise party for Tom’s 30th birthday, but the guest list leaves a lot to be desired. 11.50 Rev

11.00 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). Following David Haye and Tyson Fury as they prepare for their heavyweight fight. 11.30 Spanish Football

1.10 America’s Got Talent (R,HD). Searching for the most gifted performers in the USA. 1.55 Up All Night (R,HD). Reagan tries to set a good example for Amy. 2.20 Teleshopping. Buying goods from the comfort of home. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

12.15 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 12.50 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.50 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.10 The Inbetweeners: E4’s Top 10 Episodes (R). 3.05 Scrubs (R,HD). 3.25 Scrubs (R,HD). 3.50 Glee (R,HD). 4.30 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). A cannabis factory is raided. 1.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (R,S,HD). 1.30 Nothing to Declare (R,S). 2.00 Nothing to Declare (R,S). 2.30 Nothing to Declare (R,S). 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

12.30 The Comic Strip Presents: Dirty Movie. A postman awaits a morning showing of The Sound of Muzak at the local cinema. 1.10 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Linda plans Tom’s 30th birthday. 1.40 Rev. Adam has a crisis of faith. 2.10 The Comic Strip Presents: Dirty Movie

12.30 Capital One Cup Football (HD). 1.30 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 2.00 Football Asia (S). 2.30 Spanish Football 3.30 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 4.00 Pro Contract – The Football Dream 4.30 Premier League Review (HD). 5.30 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD).

BBC3

7.00 The Insider (S). 8.00 Motorway Cops (R,S). Traffic police enforce the law on Britain’s most dangerous highways. 9.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (S). A groom with a gym obsession is asked to plan his own ceremony. 10.00 Bad Education (S). Mr Fraser organises a special Abbey Grove Take Me Out. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). Dexter struggles in his attempt to do the right thing. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). Stewie interferes with Brian and Jillian’s relationship. 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Bad Education (R,S). 1.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 2.00 Fazer’s Urban Takeover (R,S). 3.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather 7.30 Nature’s Microworlds (R). 8.00 A Pembrokeshire Farm (R). The farmhouse is stripped down to its bare essentials. 8.30 Britain on Film: Worlds Apart. Footage captured abroad by Look at Life. 9.00 Lost Kingdoms of South America (R). The rise and fall of Chimor, the continent’s first empire. Last in the series. 10.00 Hunt vs Lauda: F1’s Greatest Racing Rivals (R). 11.00 Deadliest Crash: The Le Mans 1955 Disaster (R). 12.00 France on a Plate (R). 1.00 Britain on Film: Worlds Apart (R). 1.30 A Pembrokeshire Farm (R). 2.00 Nature’s Microworlds (R). 2.30 Lost Kingdoms of South America (R).

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WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? 9pm, BBC1

WHITECHAPEL 9pm, ITV

TV PICKS

John Simpson follows the trail of his greatgrandmother, who took her children and ran off with Wild West entertainer and aviator Samuel F Cody.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Rip Off Britain (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Claimed and Shamed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 Country Show Cook Off (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

As the killer runs rings around the team, Chandler and Miles start to question the motives behind the gruesome deeds. The investigation is then further hampered when a new eyewitness claims the murderer looks like an old lady, and as the body count rises, Buchan works hard to find a precedent.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.45 Claimed and Shamed (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Inspire: The Olympic Journey (R,S). 9.00 Inspire: The Olympic Journey (R,S). 9.30 Wild Shepherdess with Kate Humble (R,S). 10.30 Sign Zone: See Hear (S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics Conference Special (S). 1.00 Lifeline (R,S,HD). 1.10 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 1.40 Live Cycling: World Road Time Trials (S). 4.10 Incredible Animal Journeys (R,S). 5.10 Cash in the Attic (R,S). 5.55 Party Political Broadcast (S).

SCIENCE BRITANNICA 9pm, BBC2

Professor Brian Cox celebrates Britain’s role in creating modern science, examining the obsessive and eccentric visionaries who developed a powerful new way to investigate nature.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). David Dickinson and the team visit Congleton, Cheshire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). With Pam Ayres and Blue. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

GOGGLEBOX 10pm, Channel 4

Some of Britain’s most opinionated and avid viewers comment on shows from the past seven days, from the comfort of their sofas. The first edition includes discussions on The X Factor, The Great British Bake Off and Educating Yorkshire, as well as recent news stories. Narrated by Caroline Aherne.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.05 According to Jim (R,S,HD). 7.30 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Frasier (R,S). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 10.00 Four Rooms US (S,HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S). 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (R,S,HD). 12.35 Film: Reach for the Sky (S) (1956). See Choices Above. ●●●● 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Railway: First Great Western (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story (S) (2006). Fact-based drama, starring JD Pardo. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Imogen’s abandoned car is discovered.

Eggheads, 6pm

Whitechapel, 9pm

Gogglebox, 10pm

Animal Maternity, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.55 Party Political Broadcast (R,S).

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.25 Party Political Broadcast (S). 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 4/20. Marge is stalked by an escaped convict. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Frankie finds comfort with a guilty Ziggy.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Sally struggles to find the right moment to talk to Pippa about her illness. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 62/140. Quiz show. 6.30 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (S,HD). 8/10. The chef explores the west coast of Scotland. 7.00 The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets (R,S,HD). 3/6. Si King and Dave Myers demonstrate indulgent dishes for entertaining guests.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Eric tells Joanie the truth about Amy. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Peter and Michelle argue in front of a potential client.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 4thought.tv (S). Michael Lord, who had a kidney transplant in 2007 from a deceased donor, explains why he is against the opt-out clause.

7.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge (R,S,HD). Actor Robson Green pits himself against expert anglers. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Watchdog (S,HD). 2/8. Richard E Grant investigates the car fault that could have put his daughter’s life in danger and the team reports on a holiday company that needs to brush up on its geography.

8.00 The House That £100K Built (S,HD). 2/6. Kieran Long and Piers Taylor help a woman who had to knock down her cottage and build a new one in its place, with just £50,000 of her savings left to complete the project.

8.00 Big Star’s Little Star (S,HD). 4/6. Stephen Mulhern hosts the entertainment show, featuring Lucy Pargeter and her daughter Lola, Andrew Whyment and his son Thomas, and Rosemary Shrager with her grandson Freddie.

8.00 The Three Day Nanny (S). 2/4. Professional childminder Kathryn Mewes moves in with Sam and Jason Woods in Horley, Surrey, to tackle the behaviour of their troublesome triplets.

8.00 Animal Maternity (S,HD). West Midland Safari Park’s director of wildlife decides whether to intervene in the delivery of an eland calf, while two aardvarks at Colchester Zoo approach their due dates. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (S,HD). 10/10. See Choices Above.

9.00 Science Britannica (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Whitechapel (S,HD). 4/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Grand Designs (S,HD). 4/11. A Marine who was seriously injured in Afghanistan begins a project to build a specially adapted home with a cuttingedge design, on a budget of £250,000. Kevin McCloud follows their progress.

9.00 CSI: NY – Killing Spree (S,HD). 10/17. The co-owner and bartender of an exclusive nightclub is robbed and murdered, and the toxicity report reveals a build up of formic acid in the deceased’s system. The next episode can be seen tomorrow at 9pm.

6 7 8 9

Father Figure, 10.35pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Father Figure (S,HD). 2/6. The Whytes drive off to meet a friend of Roddy who can repair their TV, only for things to descend into mayhem when their vehicle breaks down. Comedy, starring Jason Byrne.

10.00 The Culture Show: Northern Soul – Keep the Faith (S,HD). 14/32. See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Great Night Out (R,S,HD). 6/6. Glyn scuppers the lads’ plans to go to a much-anticipated football match, Hodge and Kath begin a trial course in parenting and Daz springs a surprise on Colleen. Last in the series.

10.00 Gogglebox (S). 1/13. See Choices Above. 10.50 Bouncers (R,S,HD). 3/3. In Sunderland, 48-year-old Jeff and amateur cage fighter Erdem are on the door of the club with the latest opening hours, and a man enjoys a night of 50p drinks. Last in the series.

10.00 Wentworth Prison (S,HD). 5/10. See Choices Above.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.05 The League Cup Show (S,HD). Action from the third-round ties, including Manchester United v Liverpool at Old Trafford, as the Red Devils aimed to avenge a 1-0 Premier League defeat at Anfield on the first day of the month.

11.20 Today at Conference (S). Highlights of the Labour Party annual conference. 11.50 The Midwives (R,S,HD). 6/8. Students undertake on-the-job training at Birmingham Women’s Hospital.

11.35 James Nesbitt’s Ireland (R,S,HD). 2/8. The actor meets people who enjoy an ideal work/life balance, from Co Clare surfer John McCarthy to Graham Roberts’ relaxed family-run fish smokers in Connemara.

11.50 Random Acts (S). A short film in which the hunter becomes the hunted. 11.55 iTunes Festival 2013 (S). Highlights from the fourth week of this year’s music event.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 3/23. A casino worker is murdered. Crime drama, starring Laurence Fishburne and Marg Helgenberger. 11.55 Inside Hollywood

12.05 Weatherview (S). 12.10 BBC News (S,HD).

12.50 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S). Weekly magazine for the deaf and hard of hearing. With voiceover. 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.05 Jackpot247 3.00 Film: Columbo: Publish or Perish (S) (1974). The shabby sleuth tries to prove that a publisher hired a hitman to kill an author threatening to sign with a rival company. Crime drama, starring Peter Falk and Mickey Spillane. ●●●● 4.20 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air their differences.

12.50 Shameless USA (S,HD). 1.50 Film: Chaudhvin Ka Chand (1961). Two best friends are caught up in a tragic love triangle when they fall for the same woman. Romantic musical drama, starring Waheeda Rehman, Guru Dutt, Rehman and Johnny Walker. ●● 4.25 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.10 Countdown (R,S,HD). 5.55 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD).

12.00 Pokerstars: The Big Game (S,HD). Highlights of a recent event. 12.50 SuperCasino 3.55 Divine Designs (R,S). St Sophia’s Church, London. 4.20 Great Artists (R,S). The life and work of Pieter Bruegel the Elder. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). A Victorian villa in Garelochhead, Argyll and Bute. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

10 11

after

12

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Erica’s (Leeanna Walsman) fiance bears the brunt of the governor’s pent-up sexual feelings for Franky, Liz argues with Doreen over the peer worker role and Will Jackson becomes the prison pin-up.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,HD). 6.25 The Xtra Factor (R,HD). 7.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R). 8.10 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 8.40 Dinner Date (R). 9.40 The Real Housewives of New York City (HD). 10.35 Real Housewives of Vancouver (R,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,HD). 1.00 The Xtra Factor (R,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 Real Housewives of Vancouver (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

THE CULTURE SHOW: NORTHERN SOUL – KEEP THE FAITH 10pm, BBC2

Newsnight economics editor Paul Mason explores the history of the Northern Soul music and dance subculture that sprang up in the north of England in the late 1960s, investigating why it continues to inspire great devotion.

E4 6.00 Switched (R). 6.25 90210 (R,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee (R,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Airline USA (R,HD). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

FILM PICKS

WENTWORTH PRISON 10pm, Channel 5

REACH FOR THE SKY 12.35pm, Channel 4

BRIDGET JONES’S DIARY 10pm, ITV2

Biopic of Second World War pilot Douglas Bader, starring Kenneth More, Muriel Pavlow, Alexander Knox, Sydney Tafler, Nigel Green and Lyndon Brook.

GOLD 6.00 The Green Green Grass 6.30 Sykes 7.00 2point4 Children 7.40 Sykes 8.20 As Time Goes By 9.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 9.40 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.40 Open All Hours 12.20 Yes Minister 1.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 1.40 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 2.15 As Time Goes By 2.55 Jeeves and Wooster 4.10 Last of the Summer Wine 5.30 Only Fools and Horses

A woman begins a new year by resolving to find love and give up her bad habits. Romantic comedy, with Renee Zellweger.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Capital One Cup Football (HD). 10.00 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). Following David Haye and Tyson Fury as they prepare for their heavyweight fight. 10.30 Live County Championship Cricket (HD).

Girlfriends, 9pm

The Big Bang Theory, 8pm

A League of Their Own, 9pm

The Two Ronnies ... 8pm

Behind the Ropes ... 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R). Daniel from London picks three blind dates. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). With guest star Michael Trucco. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). Part three of four. The gang is sucked into the alternative reality. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Football Gold (S,HD). 6.45 Football Gold (S,HD). Liverpool v Arsenal from the 2008/09 season.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). DIY disasters and parachute problems.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). Freddie realises Sinead is trapped inside the burning Loft. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Lisa and Bart help Krusty find his father. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer fears the apocalypse is imminent.

6.10 Yes Minister. Sir Humphrey is being evasive. Starring Paul Eddington. 6.50 Only Fools and Horses. Del becomes a showbiz entrepreneur after discovering a sensational Tom Jonesstyle singer – but it turns out he is not all he is cracked up to be. David Jason stars.

8.00 Totally You’ve Been Framed! (R). Comical clips, including the worst Jedi in the world, a dog that makes a splash in a hot tub and a woman who gets goosed by a goose.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Comedy, starring Jim Parsons and Johnny Galecki. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Amy is caught in a conflict between Sheldon and Penny.

8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (S,HD). As the autumn term draws to a close, sixth-formers Hugh and Henry reflect on some of the school’s more eclectic traditions.

9.00 Girlfriends (HD). Ruby, Sophia and Mellissa choose two of the three remaining men each to take through to the final, having whittled their potential suitors down from 100. Presented by Emma Willis.

9.00 The Inbetweeners 9.00 A League of Their Own 9.00 Only Fools and Horses. Movie (HD) (2011). Del discovers a statue of (R,S,HD). James Corden Awkward teenagers a Hindu god. hosts the sports-based Simon, Will, Jay and Neil comedy quiz, with 9.40 Blackadder II. Edmund plan a holiday to the Manchester City is challenged to a Greek island of Crete defender Joleon Lescott, drinking contest. after they finish their comedian Jon Richardson Comedy, guest starring exams, hoping to and TV presenter Gabby Miriam Margolyes, with experience drink, sex Logan. Rowan Atkinson. and debauchery beyond their wildest dreams. 10.20 Blackadder II. Edmund 10.00 What’s the Story? (HD). However, things do not 10.00 Chickens (R,S,HD). and Lord Melchett are George throws a dinner Sarah-Jane Mee presents quite work out as kidnapped by a master party. Comedy, guest a discussion show planned. Comedy based of disguise, but the starring Sally Phillips focusing on recent sports on the TV series, with Queen decides to pay with Simon Bird and Joe developments. Joe Thomas, Simon Bird, only one of the ransom Thomas. James Buckley and Blake demands. Comedy, guest 10.30 Cop Squad (R,S,HD). Harrison. ●●● starring Hugh Laurie, The work of police with Rowan Atkinson officers in and Stephen Fry. Cambridgeshire.

10.00 Bridget Jones’s Diary (HD) (2001). A single woman begins a new year with resolutions to find love, give up her bad habits and step up the career ladder. Her plans crumble as she tries to deal with her mother’s infidelity, get over a passionate fling with her boss and come to terms with her feelings for an uptight lawyer. Drama, starring Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth. See Choices Above. ●●●● 12.00 Fake Reaction (R,HD). With Kimberly Wyatt, Greg Rutherford, Jeff Leach and Brian Belo. 12.50 America’s Got Talent (R,HD). Searching for the most gifted performers in the USA. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD). Textbased information service.

8.00 The Two Ronnies Spectacle. New series. The story of the comedy double act.

7.00 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 7.30 Soccer Special (HD). Julian Warren introduces pre-match reports and news of all tonight’s goals as they go in, while studio guests keep an eye on the big games and talking points. Plus, a classified results roundup from all of this evening’s fixtures.

11.00 Rude Tube (R). Alex 11.30 Road Wars (R,S). Video Zane presents a top 50 footage of dangers on countdown of the latest the road. stunts on the web, including base jumping from a moving lorry and hammock spinning.

11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Tom and Linda go clubbing. 11.40 Rev. Adam becomes an accidental hero. Comedy, guest starring Ralph Fiennes.

11.00 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 11.30 Pro Contract – The Football Dream

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.00 Suburgatory (R,HD). 1.30 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (R,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.25 Bob’s Burgers (R,HD). 2.45 90210 (R,HD). 3.30 Being Erica (R,HD). 4.15 Glee (R,HD). 4.55 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.15 The Comic Strip Presents: Susie. A schoolteacher has an affair with a pop star. 12.55 Gimme Gimme Gimme. Tom and Linda go clubbing. 1.25 Rev. Adam becomes an accidental hero. 1.55 The Comic Strip Presents: Susie 2.25 The Comic Strip Presents: Fistful of Travellers’ Cheques

12.00 Capital One Cup Football (HD). 1.00 Spanish Football 2.00 Football Gold (S). 2.15 Football Gold (S). 2.30 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 3.00 What’s the Story? (HD). 4.00 Pro Contract – The Football Dream 4.30 Capital One Cup Football (HD). 5.30 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). Thames Valley Police participate in Slough’s largest-ever drug raid. 1.00 Nothing to Declare (R,S). 1.30 Nothing to Declare (R,S). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). The work of the Miami Swat team. 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD).

BBC3

7.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes (R,S). 7.05 Great Movie Mistakes IV: May the Fourth Be with You (R,S). 7.50 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (S) (2003). Swashbuckling fantasy adventure, with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. ●●●●● 10.00 Staying in with Greg & Russell (S). 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Staying in with Greg & Russell (R,S). 1.00 Bad Education (R,S). 1.30 Seann Walsh’s Late Night Comedy Spectacular (R,S). 2.30 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 3.30 Bad Education (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather 7.30 Nature’s Microworlds (R). Exploring ecosystems around the world, beginning with the Galapagos Islands. 8.00 Guilty Pleasures (R). Part one of two. How luxury items divided ancient Greek society. 9.00 Fabric of Britain. Paul Martin explores the secret history of wallpaper. 10.00 Grand Prix: The Killer Years (R). The dangers of Formula 1 during the 1960s and 70s. 11.00 A Very British Murder with Lucy Worsley (R). Examining Britain’s fascination with murder. 12.00 Lost Kingdoms of South America (R). 1.00 Guilty Pleasures (R). 2.00 Nature’s Microworlds (R). 2.30 Fabric of Britain (R).

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TV PICKS

WATERLOO ROAD 8pm, BBC1

Rhiannon sends saucy pictures of herself to Darren, but they end up being shared around the school. George makes a desperate bid to save his marriage.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Rip Off Britain (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Claimed and Shamed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Country Show Cook Off (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

PEAKY BLINDERS 9pm, BBC2

Two men claiming to be IRA sympathisers approach Thomas in the Garrison and offer to buy the missing crate of guns they have heard he has in his possession. The gang leader also goes to Cheltenham races with Grace, where he aims to persuade kingpin Billy Kimber to make the Peaky Blinders part of his operation.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 7.05 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.50 Claimed and Shamed (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone: The A to Z of TV Cooking (R,S). 9.05 Flog It! Trade Secrets (R,S). 10.05 Raymond Blanc: How to Cook Well (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Classic Mastermind (R,S). 1.30 Weakest Link (R,S). 2.15 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 2.45 Oceans (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 Incredible Animal Journeys (R,S). 5.15 Cash in the Attic (R,S).

WOMEN BEHIND BARS WITH TREVOR MCDONALD 9pm, ITV

SUPER GIANT ANIMALS 9pm, BBC1

Life inside two of Indiana’s most dangerous women’s prisons, meeting inmates serving lengthy sentences and others who will never be released.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). Valuing antiques in Oswestry, Shropshire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). With guests Craig Revel Horwood and Tony Hadley. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Steve Backshall travels across the world to encounter the largest animals he can find and discover the remarkable things their size enables them to do. Highlights include Steve swimming with Nile crocodiles in Botswana, dodging two-ton elephant seals in California and diving with sperm whales in the Caribbean.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.05 According to Jim (R,S,HD). 7.30 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms US (HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 12.00 News (S). 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (R,S,HD). 12.35 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems (S,HD). 12.40 Film: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (S,HD) (1954). ●●●● 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film: Polar Storm (S) (2009). Disaster thriller, starring Jack Coleman, Holly Dignard and Tyler Johnston. Edited for violence. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Eggheads, 6pm

Pat and Cabbage, 8.30pm

Educating Yorkshire, 9pm

Amanda Knox Trial ... 10pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/20. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Freddie realises Sinead is trapped inside the burning Loft.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Just as Maddy and Spencer appear to be getting along well, Sasha unexpectedly returns to the Bay. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topical stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Carol receives an unexpected visitor. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 63/140. Quiz show. 6.30 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (S,HD). 9/10. The chef travels to the flatlands of Lincolnshire. 7.00 The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets (R,S,HD). 4/6. Si King and Dave Myers make party food.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Amy makes a rash decision over Kyle. 7.30 Accents Speak Louder Than Words: Tonight (S,HD). Social stigma and snobbery concerning regional accents.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 4thought.tv (S). A Catholic man shares his support for the opt-out system.

7.00 James Bond: The True Story (R,S). The real-life story behind Ian Fleming’s secret agent. Followed by 5 News Update.

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 7.30pm

8.00 Waterloo Road (S,HD). 4/30. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Wonder of Dogs (S,HD). 2/3. Kate Humble and Steve Leonard examine the differences in senses and abilities between breeds and look at how humans used these inherent skills to make dogs useful to them.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Amy makes an admission to an unnerved Andy. 8.30 Pat and Cabbage (S,HD). 4/6. The duo learn Dylan might be a father. Comedy, starring Barbara Flynn and Cherie Lunghi.

8.00 Location, Location, Location (S,HD). 6/9. Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer help newlyweds seeking a four-bedroom house in Buckinghamshire, and sisters looking for a home in Berkshire and insisting on two of everything.

8.00 The Railway: First Great Western (S,HD). The emergency services are called into action at the Penzance depot. Followed by 5 News at 9.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Super Giant Animals (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Peaky Blinders (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Women Behind Bars with Trevor McDonald (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Educating Yorkshire (S). 4/8. The documentary follows the school lives of an unlikely pair of best friends – the irrepressibly chatty Safiyyah, who dreams of a career as a flight attendant, and gifted student Hadiqa, who has her sights set on becoming prime minister.

9.00 CSI: NY – Killing Spree (S,HD). 11/17. The team investigates the murders of an attorney and a mechanical engineer, with both victims turning out to have been shot with the same type of bullet. The next episode can be seen tomorrow at 9pm.

11

10.00 Mock the Week (S,HD). 10/12. Rob Beckett, Romesh Ranganathan and Josh Widdicombe join regular panellists Chris Addison, Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons on the topical comedy quiz. Dara O Briain hosts. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD); Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Ade in Adland (R,S,HD). 2/2. Conclusion. Adrian Edmondson explores how TV commercials have reflected the ways in which households have changed over seven decades, from beauty products to home improvements.

10.00 My Tattoo Addiction (S). 1/3. See Choices Above.

10.00 Amanda Knox Trial: 5 Key Questions (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 3/38. David Dimbleby chairs a political debate from Uxbridge, west London, where a panel of guests answer questions from the studio audience.

11.35 This Week (S). Andrew Neil, Michael Portillo and guests discuss a week that saw the Labour Party hold its annual conference in Brighton.

11.20 Science Britannica (R,S,HD). 2/3. Professor Brian Cox celebrates Britain’s pivotal role in creating modern science.

11.35 Goodwood Revival 2013 (S,HD). Highlights from Goodwood House in West Sussex, as some of motor racing’s top names gathered for the world famous event.

11.05 The Fried Chicken Shop (R,S). 2/3. The documentary follows the takeaway’s manager Zahid, who has left his family behind in Pakistan so he can fulfil his dreams and provide for their future.

11.00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent (S,HD). 2/8. Goren and Eames investigate the apparent suicide of a banker. Crime drama, starring Kathryn Erbe. 11.55 Inside Hollywood. Magazine show.

12.20 Holiday Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 The Review Show (R,S,HD). Martha Kearney and her guests discuss the new film adaptation of Irvine Welsh’s novel Filth, and an exhibition that draws parallels between Henry Moore and Francis Bacon. 1.20 Sign Zone: Dying for a Bargain – Panorama (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.30 Jackpot247 Interactive gaming. 3.00 Accents Speak Louder Than Words: Tonight (R,HD). Penny Marshall investigates whether social stigma and snobbery still exist toward some regional accents in Britain, revealing the results of a poll that may shed light on the issue. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

12.10 Sex, Lies and Rinsing Guys (R,S,HD). 1.05 Random Acts (S). 1.10 Fabulous Fashionistas (R,S,HD). 2.05 Inside Nature’s Giants: Hippo (R,S,HD). 3.00 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 3.55 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (S,HD). 4.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 5.45 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino 3.55 Divine Designs (R,S). Hindu and Jain art. Last in the series. 4.20 Great Artists (R,S). The life of El Greco, one of the most distinctive painters of the 16th century, whose work paved the way for the Baroque and provided the inspiration for 20th-century expressionism. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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Documentary featuring father-of-six Paul, who reveals how his facial tattoos prevent him from getting work, and Duncan who expresses his grief at the loss of a friend through the ink on his body.

AMANDA KNOX TRIAL: 5 KEY QUESTIONS 10pm, Channel 5

In November 2007, British exchange student Meredith Kercher was murdered in Perugia, Italy, with Amanda Knox, Raffaele Sollecito and Rudy Guede being found guilty of the murder in 2009. This documentary explores what may happen at the forthcoming retrial.

E4

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale (R,HD). 6.25 Coronation Street (R,HD). 6.50 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 7.25 Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R). 8.10 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 Real Housewives of New York City (R,HD). 10.35 The Real Housewives of Vancouver (R,HD). 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD). 12.30 Emmerdale (R,HD). 1.00 Coronation Street (HD). 1.30 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.00 Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 Real Housewives of Vancouver (HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

6.00 Switched (R). 6.25 90210 (HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (HD). 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Glee (HD). 10.00 New Girl (HD). 10.30 Mindy Project (HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (HD). 11.30 Charmed 12.30 Hollyoaks (HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (HD). 2.00 Big Bang Theory (HD). 3.00 New Girl (HD). 3.30 Mindy Project (HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1

FILM PICKS

MY TATTOO ADDICTION 10pm, Channel 4

BLADE RUNNER: THE FINAL CUT 10pm, BBC4

Ridley Scott’s definitive version of his sci-fi thriller, starring Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young and Daryl Hannah.

GOLD

6.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 8.00 Airline USA (HD).9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

HAROLD & KUMAR GET THE MUNCHIES 12.20am, ITV2

6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.00 2point4 Children 7.40 Sykes 8.20 As Time Goes By 9.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 9.40 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.40 The Best of Les Dawson 12.20 Yes Minister 1.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 1.40 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 2.20 As Time Goes By 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 One Foot in the Grave

Two pot smokers set off on a quest to find the perfect burger. Comedy adventure, starring John Cho, Kal Penn and Paula Garces.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Capital One Cup Football (HD). 10.00 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 10.30 What’s the Story? (HD). 11.30 Capital One Cup Football (HD). 12.30 Behind the Ropes – Haye v Fury (HD). 1.00 European Tour Weekly (HD). 1.30 Live European Tour Golf (HD). 5.30 Premier League World (HD).

Celebrity Juice, 10pm

Don’t Trust the ... 9pm

Chickens, 9.30pm

Blackadder II, 7.40pm

Live European Tour ... 1.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R). Ross from the Midlands chooses three blind dates. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Comedy, starring Jim Parsons. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). Part four of four. The aliens command all human beings to leave Earth. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.20 Yes Minister. Jim faces an unenviable task. Political comedy, starring Paul Eddington and Nigel Hawthorne.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Camcorder clips, including a flying dog. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Featuring fights between cats and dogs.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). Jim faces a moral dilemma when he receives an offer from Fraser. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Homer gets a new assistant. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). With the guest voice of Britney Spears.

7.00 Open All Hours. Arkwright invents a saint’s day. 7.40 Blackadder II. Edmund is challenged to a drinking contest.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine, including highlights of recent bouts and interviews with the stars currently causing a stir in the ring. 7.00 Capital One Cup Football. Highlights from the third round.

8.00 The X Factor USA. Kelly Rowland, Paulina Rubio, Simon Cowell and Demi Lovato are ready to judge the second instalment of the two-part round of auditions, hoping to find new talent across America.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). One of Sheldon’s favourite TV shows is cancelled. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Guest starring Seth Green and Peter Gallagher.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). The American comedy returns. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S). Phil and Claire embarrass Haley while dropping her off at college.

8.20 Blackadder II. Edmund and Lord Melchett are kidnapped by a master of disguise, but the Queen decides to pay only one of the ransom demands. Guest starring Hugh Laurie.

9.00 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (HD). June goes on a blind date to improve her room-mate evaluation score. 9.30 Suburgatory (HD). Yakult becomes depressed.

9.00 Trollied (S,HD). Richard gets the staff to attend a performance workshop. 9.30 Chickens (S,HD). The trio finally have more men to talk to when the soldiers return to Rittle-on-Sea on leave. Last in the series.

9.00 Only Fools and Horses. Del enters the tourist trade. Vintage comedy, starring David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst and Lennard Pearce. 9.40 Gavin & Stacey. The happy couple return from their honeymoon.

10.00 Celebrity Juice (HD). With team captains Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield. 10.50 The Magaluf Weekender (R,HD). A trio of London lads arrive eager for some action.

10.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police 10.00 The IT Crowd (R). officers combat vehicle Comedy, starring crime. Richard Ayoade. 10.30 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 10.30 The IT Crowd (R). Jen The work of the gets involved with a Proactive Squad from rock band, Douglas Thames Valley Police. becomes a spaceologist, and Roy’s life is transformed when he injures his back.

8.00 Live Super League (HD). The opening qualifying semi-final (kick-off TBA). Eddie Hemmings and Mike Stephenson present coverage of the vital fixture, as the first side to reach the Grand Final is decided. Leeds Rhinos continued their march towards glory last season with a 13-12 victory at Wigan Warriors, who had finished top of the regular standings.

10.20 Gavin & Stacey. Smithy 10.00 School of Hard Knocks goes missing following (HD). Former rugby Nessa’s revelation, and union internationals Will the boys track him down Greenwood and Scott in an attempt to help Quinnell try to form a him accept his team consisting of responsibilities. Stacey troubled youths. prepares to move in with Gavin.

11.50 Crazy Beaches (R,HD). 11.00 iTunes Festival 2013 (R). Highlights from the A reveller decides to fly fourth week of this home after spending year’s music event. just 48 hours in Malia, while bar owner Chubby White attempts to set a new world record.

11.00 Kick Ass Kung Fu (R,S,HD). Three disciples from Manchester undergo martial arts training in Hong Kong. Last in the series.

11.00 Gimme Gimme 11.00 Capital One Cup Gimme. Linda and Tom Football. Highlights land new jobs. Comedy, from the third round. starring Kathy Burke. 11.40 Rev. A talented new curate prompts Adam to doubt his abilities.

12.20 Film: Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies (HD) (2004). See Choices Above. ●●● 2.05 Up All Night (R,HD). Comedy about the fortunes of a TV producer and her supportive, stay-at-home husband. 2.25 Teleshopping. Buying goods from home. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). A cannabis factory is raided. 1.00 Nothing to Declare (R,S). The work of customs officers in Australia. 1.30 Nothing to Declare (S). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). A man runs amok with an axe in Leamington Spa. 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

12.20 The Comic Strip Presents: Fistful of Travellers’ Cheques. Two students live out their cowboy fantasies. 1.00 The Royle Family. Dave and Denise have important news. 1.30 The Royle Family. Comedy, starring Caroline Aherne and Craig Cash. 2.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 2.30 Rev

12.05 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.35 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.05 New Rude Tube (R). 2.05 Happy Endings (R,HD). 2.25 The IT Crowd (R). 2.50 The IT Crowd (R). 3.15 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 3.40 Glee (R,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

EXCELLENT RATES FOR 2013 Registered Company

12.00 NFL – A Football Life (HD). Documentary series focusing on the lives of NFL players, coaches, owners and teams. 1.00 Live NFL (HD). St Louis Rams v San Francisco 49ers (kick-off 1.25am). Coverage of the NFC West fixture at the Edward Jones Dome, as the fourth round of matches gets under way.

BBC3

7.00 Match of the Day Live (S). England v Turkey (kick-off 7.05pm). Coverage of the Group Six Women’s World Cup qualifier at Fratton Park in Portsmouth. 9.00 Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents (R,S). Two teenagers embark on their first unsupervised holiday abroad. 10.00 Live at the Apollo (R,S). With Jason Manford and Michael McIntyre. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). Carol receives an unexpected visitor. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). 1.30 Staying in with Greg & Russell (R,S). 2.00 Fazer’s Urban Takeover (R,S). 3.00 The Insider (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1978 (R). 8.00 The Final Frontier? A Horizon Guide to the Universe (R). 9.00 Sound of Cinema: The Music That Made the Movies. How changing technology has taken film soundtracks in new directions. Last in the series. 10.00 Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982). See Choices Above. ●●●●● 11.50 The Final Frontier? A Horizon Guide to the Universe Dallas Campbell explores scientific breakthroughs. (R). 12.50 Top of the Pops: 1978 (R). 1.30 The Golden Age of Canals (R). 2.30 Sound of Cinema: The Music That Made the Movies (R).

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STRICTLY COME DANCING 9pm, BBC1

MARVEL’S AGENTS OF SHIELD 8pm, Channel 4

TV PICKS

Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly present the return of the pro-celebrity contest, which sees the first six of the 15 couples making their dance-floor debut.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Rip Off Britain (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Claimed and Shamed (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Country Show Cook Off (R,S,HD). 4.15 Flog It! (R,S). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

Clark Gregg reprises his regular film role as Agent Phil Coulson in this superhero drama co-created by Joss Whedon. Coulson assembles a select group of highly skilled operatives to investigate strange new cases, beginning with a mission to track down a man who has acquired extraordinary powers.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 7.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 7.45 Claimed and Shamed (R,S,HD). 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under (R,S). 9.00 Flog It! Trade Secrets (R,S). 10.00 Question Time (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Classic Mastermind (R,S). 1.30 Weakest Link (R,S). 2.15 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 2.45 Oceans (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 Incredible Animal Journeys (R,S). 5.15 Cash in the Attic (R,S).

THE IT CROWD: THE FINAL EPISODE 9pm, Channel 4

Roy (Chris O’Dowd) and Jen’s (Katherine Parkinson) reputations are put at risk when an incident involving spilt coffee and a homeless person ends up on the internet.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). Features, music and conversation. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Ben Shephard. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

PIERS MORGAN’S LIFE STORIES: GLORIA HUNNIFORD 9pm, ITV

The presenter talks about her daughter Caron Keating’s death, the early days of her career and how, during an evacuation of Belfast’s Broadcasting House due to a car bomb outside the building, she decided to carry on with her radio show.

Channel 4

6.00 The Treacle People (R,S). 6.10 The Hoobs 7.05 According to Jim (R,S,HD). 7.30 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Frasier (R,S). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 10.00 Four Rooms US (S,HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 12.00 News Summary (S). 12.05 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (R,S,HD). 12.35 River Cottage Veg (R,S,HD). 1.35 Racing (S). 3.30 Countdown (S,HD). 4.15 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Come Dine with Me (S).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 The Mentalist (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Tornado Warning (S,HD) (2012). Premiere. Sci-fi thriller, with Kari Wuhrer and Jeff Fahey. ●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Karl suspects Imogen has bulimia.

Mastermind, 8pm

Piers Morgan’s Life Stories ... 9pm

Alan Carr: Chatty Man, 10pm

Gigantic Gun: Monster Moves, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD). Followed by Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 64/140. Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 James Martin’s Food Map of Britain (S,HD). 10/10.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/20. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Fraser offers to ensure Jim is released from police custody if he gives up his half of the club.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Zac accompanies Bianca to her dinner. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). 7.30 Ronnie’s Animal Crackers (S,HD). A breeder introduces her unique French bulldogs. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

7.00 The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets (R,S). 5/6. Si King and Dave Myers demonstrate how to create gourmet lunches on a tight budget, and arrange a surprise meal for a dinner lady.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Jimmy and Nicola have a big argument over Steve. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Hayley arrives at the cafe to find Christian waiting for her.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 4thought.tv (S). A man on kidney dialysis explains his support for an opt-out system.

7.00 World’s Strongest Man 2012 (R,S,HD). Action from the second of five qualifying heats in Los Angeles, California. Followed by 5 News Update.

6 7 8 9

Miranda, 8.30pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). David has a confession for Carol. 8.30 Miranda (R,S,HD). 2/6. Tilly and Penny organise a charity winetasting event, prompting Miranda to do something for a good cause – but her attempts do not go according to plan.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 7/31. The specialist subjects are Sebastian Coe, Eadweard Muybridge, the Byrds and Violette Szabo. 8.30 Gardeners’ World (S,HD). 24/31. Monty Don visits RHS Rosemoor in Devon.

8.00 Gino’s Italian Escape (S,HD). 3/6. Gino D’Acampo takes a look at the olive trees in Puglia that produce Italy’s famous oil. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Steve hatches a plan to cheer Michelle up.

8.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (S). See Choices Above.

8.00 Gigantic Gun: Monster Moves (S,HD). A team attempts to transport a 200-ton First World War gun 400 miles from a Royal Artillery base in Wiltshire to a museum in the Dutch city of Utrecht. Followed by 5 News at 9.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Strictly Come Dancing (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 David Attenborough’s Rise of Animals: Triumph of the Vertebrates (S,HD). 2/2. The naturalist concludes his exploration of the evolution of vertebrates over the past 500 million years, looking at how mammals came to dominate the natural world.

9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Gloria Hunniford (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 The IT Crowd: The Final Episode (S). See Choices Above.

9.00 CSI: NY – Killing Spree (S,HD). 12/17. Off-duty NYPD officer Mark Riley is killed during a robbery and the CSIs puzzle over how suspect Anthony Lombardo sustained a gunshot wound in the incident but was not in the surveillance video or noticed by witnesses.

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10.00 QI (S,HD). 4/18. See Choices Above. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

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10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 John Bishop Live: Rollercoaster Tour (S,HD). The comedian performs his 2012 stand-up tour at Manchester Arena, touching on such subjects as 50 Shades of Grey and body waxing – in delicate places. 11.55 The Love Letter (S) (1999). A divorced single mother finds a romantic note and wrongly assumes it is meant for her. Comedy drama based on the novel by Cathleen Schine, starring Kate Capshaw and Tom Selleck. ●●

11.00 Weather (S). 11.05 Later with Jools Holland (S,HD). 2/8. Extended edition. With Pixies, Janelle Monae, Tony Joe White and Chvrches.

1.20 Weatherview (S). 1.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.10 Film: 10 Rillington Place (S) (1971). See Choices Above. ●●●●● 1.55 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). David Dimbleby chairs a political debate from Uxbridge, west London, where a panel of guests answer questions from the studio audience. 2.55 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes.

after

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10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Break-Up (S,HD) (2006). A thirtysomething couple’s seemingly perfect relationship deteriorates into a series of petty squabbles. But once they decide to call it a day, another problem presents itself – neither is willing to give up their home, forcing the pair to carry on living together, while each hopes the other will be driven away first. Comedy drama, starring Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau and Joey Lauren Adams. See Choices Above. ●●

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (S). 5/18. Alan celebrates the show’s 100th episode, with chat and music by Justin Timberlake and Rihanna, and boxer David Haye’s thoughts about his upcoming bout with Tyson Fury.

10.00 Hens Behaving Badly (S,HD). 2/5. See Choices Above.

11.20 Big Fat Quiz of the 80s (R,S). David Mitchell, Phill Jupitus, Alan Carr, Sarah Greene, Jack Dee and Jason Donovan demonstrate how much they remember about the 1980s. Jimmy Carr asks the questions.

11.00 Reservoir Dogs (S) (1992). A failed robbery ends in a bloodbath, and as the criminals lie low they try to work out whether someone betrayed them. Thriller, with Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth. ●●●●●

12.30 Jackpot247 Interactive gaming. 3.00 Film: Columbo: Playback (S) (1975). An inventor manipulates security-camera footage to provide himself with an alibi for murdering his mother-in-law. Crime drama, starring Peter Falk, Oskar Werner, Gena Rowlands, Martha Scott and Robert Brown. ●●● 4.20 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service.

12.50 Random Acts (S). 12.55 Film: All About Steve (S,HD) (2009). ●● 2.30 The Ricky Gervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.00 2 Broke Girls (S,HD). 3.20 2 Broke Girls (S,HD). 3.40 SuperScrimpers: Top 10 Money-Saving Tips (R,S,HD). 4.35 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.20 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 5.30 Countdown (R,S,HD).

12.55 SuperCasino 3.55 Motorsport Mundial (HD). A round-up of motorsport news. 4.20 Great Artists (R,S). The life and work of 17th-century artist Peter Paul Rubens, regarded as the chief exponent of the Baroque style during his eventful career. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). Compilation of tips on colour. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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QI 10pm, BBC2

Sue Perkins, Ross Noble and David Mitchell join regular panellist Alan Davies on the comedy quiz. Host Stephen Fry asks a range of fiendish questions on the topic of knits, knots and other things starting with the letter ‘K’, with points being awarded for interesting answers as well as correct ones.

A bride-to-be turns her hen do into the prom night she missed, but her friends look set to derail the evening, and a Leicester woman has to call on her ex-boyfriend to babysit her five children.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.50 Life’s Funniest Moments 7.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.10 You’ve Been Framed! 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 The Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 The Real Housewives of Vancouver 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.30 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Vancouver 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

E4 6.00 Switched (R). 6.25 90210 (R,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee (R,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 7.00 Road Wars (R,S). 8.00 Airline USA (HD). 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

FILM PICKS

HENS BEHAVING BADLY 10pm, Channel 5

10 RILLINGTON PLACE 12.10am, BBC2

THE BREAK-UP 10.35pm, ITV

A couple’s relationship comes to an end, but neither wants to give up their home. Comedy drama, starring Jennifer Aniston, Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau.

Fact-based thriller based on the story of murderer John Christie, starring Richard Attenborough, John Hurt and Judy Geeson.

GOLD 6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 8.20 As Time Goes By 9.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.40 One Foot in the Grave 12.20 Yes Minister 1.00 Open All Hours 1.40 Ever Decreasing Circles 2.20 As Time Goes By 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Only Fools and Horses

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Capital One Cup Football 10.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 11.00 NFL (HD). 12.00 Capital One Cup Football 1.00 Football Gold (S). 1.15 Football Gold 1.30 Live European Tour Golf (HD). 5.30 Champions League Weekly (HD).

The X Factor USA, 8pm

Rude Tube, 10.40pm

Don’t Sit in the ...10pm

Gavin & Stacey, 7.40pm

FL72 Live, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R). Three out of five possible dates cook meals, hoping to win the heart of London bachelor Martin.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Jim Parsons and Kaley Cuoco star.

6.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (R,S,HD). 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Grampa inherits $100,000.

6.20 Yes Minister. Humphrey tries to conceal information due for release under the 30-year rule. Paul Eddington stars.

6.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). A discussion on key fantasy football issues.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Camcorder calamities with Harry Hill. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R).

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). Ste receives unexpected financial assistance. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer joins the power plant’s softball team. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Marge loses all memory of Homer.

7.00 Open All Hours. Roy Clarke’s comedy, starring Ronnie Barker. 7.40 Gavin & Stacey. The happy couple return from their honeymoon.

8.00 The X Factor USA. Kelly Rowland, Paulina Rubio, Simon Cowell and Demi Lovato take their places behind the judges’ desk and prepare for the third round of auditions, in which solo singers and groups compete for a place in the next phase of the competition.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). One of Sheldon’s favourite TV shows is cancelled. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Part one of two. Guest starring Seth Green.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Phil goes under the knife. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Jay cannot sleep thanks to Gloria’s loud snoring.

8.20 Gavin & Stacey. Smithy goes missing following Nessa’s revelation, and the boys track him down in an attempt to help him accept his responsibilities.

9.00 Cloverfield (HD) (2008). Five New Yorkers film the carnage wreaked by a giant monster attacking the city as they try to reach a stranded friend. Thriller, starring Michael Stahl-David and Lizzy Caplan. ●●●●

9.00 A League of Their Own (S,HD). Sports-based comedy quiz, hosted by James Corden, with Doctor Who star Matt Smith, TV host Jonathan Ross and British hurdling champion Perri ShakesDrayton joining the regulars.

9.00 The Royle Family. Newlyweds Dave and Denise have an important announcement for the family. 9.40 The Royle Family. The relatives gather for Sunday lunch.

7.00 Haye v Fury – The Final Countdown (HD). A look ahead to the heavyweight fight between David Haye and Tyson Fury. 7.30 FL72 Live (HD). Huddersfield Town v Blackpool (kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of the Championship fixture at the John Smith’s Stadium, where the Tangerines are looking to continue their fine start to the season. The Terriers gained a win and a draw from the clubs’ meetings last season, and were only denied by a last-minute Nathan Delfouneso equaliser when the sides met here on Boxing Day.

10.00 Pitch Black (HD) (2000). 10.40 Rude Tube (R). Alex A spaceship crashes on a Zane presents a top 50 desolate alien planet countdown of the latest inhabited by nocturnal stunts on the web. The predators. The amusing clips feature creatures’ fear of light base jumping from a seems to guarantee the moving lorry, hammock survivors’ safety – but spinning the hottest when an eclipse takes headcam action. place, they face a desperate struggle to survive. Their only hope 11.45 The Big Bang Theory lies with a convicted (R,HD). Leonard’s murderer, who is equally mother visits. Guest at home in the darkness starring Christine – but is far from Baranski. trustworthy. Sci-fi horror, starring Vin Diesel. ●●●

10.00 Don’t Sit in the Front Row (S,HD). With Phill Jupitus, Celia Pacquola and Humphrey Ker. Hosted by Jack Dee. 10.30 Trollied (R,S,HD). Richard gets the staff to attend a performance workshop.

10.20 Early Doors. Ken discovers that someone has been paying for drinks with forged banknotes, but luckily Phil and Nige are on hand to solve the mystery. John Henshaw, James Quinn and Craig Cash star.

10.00 Haye v Fury – The Final Countdown (HD). A look ahead to the heavyweight fight between David Haye and Tyson Fury. 10.30 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). A discussion on key fantasy football issues.

11.00 Chickens (R,S,HD). Comedy, starring Simon Bird. Last in the series. 11.30 Road Wars (R,S). The work of the Proactive Squad from Thames Valley Police.

11.00 Early Doors. Phil and Nige celebrate a drugs raid. Comedy, starring Craig Cash. 11.40 Rev. Adam helps a parishioner who claims her home is haunted.

11.30 Premier League Preview (HD). A look ahead to the weekend’s fixtures.

12.10 Film: Unbreakable (HD) (2000). A seemingly ordinary security guard is baffled when he emerges unscathed from a train crash – but a mysterious stranger may know why. Drama, with Bruce Willis and Samuel L Jackson. ●●●● 2.20 Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). A suspected car thief causes problems for the officers. 1.00 Nothing to Declare (R,S). The work of customs officers in Australia. 1.30 Road Wars (R,S). 2.00 Road Wars (R,S). 3.00 Miami SWAT (R,S). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S). 5.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S).

12.20 Yes, Prime Minister: Re-Elected Celebration of the influential political sitcom, featuring contributions by Clive Anderson, David Frost and star of the original series Derek Fowlds. 1.30 Early Doors Ken discovers forged banknotes in the till. 2.00 Early Doors 2.30 Rev

12.00 FL72 Highlights 1.00 Haye v Fury – The Final Countdown 1.30 The Fantasy Football Club 2.30 Champions League Weekly 3.00 Football Gold 3.30 Premier League Preview 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 5.00 Haye v Fury – The Final Countdown (HD). 5.30 Premier League Preview

12.15 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.45 Friday Night Dinner (R,HD). 1.20 The Midnight Beast (R,HD). 1.50 Cardinal Burns (R,HD). 2.20 Rude Tube: Total Fails (R,HD). 3.10 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night (R,HD). 3.50 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night (R,HD). 4.30 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes 2011: Not in 3D (R,S). 7.15 Lara Croft: Tomb Raider – The Cradle of Life (S) (2003). Action adventure sequel, starring Angelina Jolie and Gerard Butler. ●● 9.00 Orphan Black (S). The body that Sarah buried is found by the police. 9.45 Staying in with Greg & Russell XL (S). Extended edition of the chat show, hosted by Greg James and Russell Kane. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 Bamboo (S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 American Dad! (R,S). 12.55 Staying in with Greg & Russell XL (R,S). 1.40 Bad Education (R,S). 2.10 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 3.10 Bamboo (R,S). 3.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 The Sound and the Fury: A Century of Music (R). 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions. New series. With Karen Matheson, Cara Dillon and Andy Irvine. 9.00 Rock ‘n’ Roll Britannia (R). Examining British rock ‘n’ roll’s foundations. 10.00 The Enigma of Nic Jones: Return of Britain’s Lost Folk Hero. The guitarist and singer’s emotional comeback. 11.00 Richard Thompson BBC Four Session: Goodbye Television Centre (R). 12.00 Totally British 70s Rock ‘n’ Roll (R). 2.00 The Enigma of Nic Jones: Return of Britain’s Lost Folk Hero (R). 3.00 Transatlantic Sessions

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TELEVISION

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ownton Abbey actress Michelle Dockery is as pleased as punch. Just nine months after her on-screen character, the icy aristocrat Lady Mary Crawley, called her first-born child George, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge followed suit. “It was quite amazing that day, when the royals named their baby George,” laughs the actress. “They’re fans of the show, apparently, so who knows!” Unlike the future monarch, Downton’s baby George has a less than fairytale start to life. On the day he was born, in last year’s Christmas special, his father Matthew, played by Dan Stevens, died in a car crash. And in the opening of series four Mary’s struggling to bond with her child. “She is quite detached,” says Dockery, 31, who is the epitome of modern ladylike chic in a

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pencil skirt and neat blouse. “She finds it difficult to bond with the baby at first, because he reminds her of Matthew, but I don’t think Mary was ever going to be a cooey mother. Filming without Dan Stevens, who left to pursue a career in America, has been strange for Dockery, who shared countless scenes with her fictional love interest over three series. “Matthew was a really well-loved character, and Dan was such a wonderful part in the show that I think it was inevitable that people were really shocked by his exit – and angry by the sounds of it. “I guess people felt they invested a lot in Matthew and Mary, but I think it’s opened up an opportunity to start a new chapter, not just for Mary but everyone around her.” More than 11 million people watched Matthew’s untimely death during the Christmas episode, and while Dockery knew what was going to happen, she admits that the final days

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on set were sad. “I think it was inevitable that Matthew would have to be killed off,” says the actress, who previously appeared as Eliza Doolittle in the stage production of Pygmalion and had a handful of TV roles before being cast in the popular period drama. “We all knew it was coming but, still, to read that last episode was heartbreaking.” Dockery and her co-stars have remained friendly with Stevens. . “We all keep in touch and, as far as I know, Dan’s in New York and doing incredibly well. We’re all very proud of him. We all saw his play, The Heiress, in New York. He was brilliant. “But new actors have joined this year, and it’s always great to have new people around.” Three of those will be potential suitors for Lady Mary. There’ll be an old chum – Lord Gillingham – played by Tom Cullen; jazz singer Jack Ross, played by Gary Carr, and the belligerent Charles Blake, played by Julian Ovenden.

There will also be appearances by opera singer Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, as well as Sideways star Paul Giamatti and former EastEnders actor Nigel Harman. Despite the illustrious signings, Fellowes has claimed that the fourth series is all about Mary so there’s a fair amount of pressure for Dockery. But the laid-back star – who modestly mentions other characters who’ll have big storylines, including butler Joseph Molesley and Sybil’s widower Tom Branson – is determined not to read too much into the hype. Besides, with board games to play between takes, she has quite enough on her plate. “Tom Cullen brought Bananagrams with him on set,” explains Dockery. “It’s a bit like Scrabble and we all love it. “Dame Maggie Smith, who plays Violet, is very good.” Downton Abbey returns to ITV on Sunday, September 22

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The Weekend Bristol Post 20 September 2013