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ON SALE FROM FRIDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2013 ISSUE 73

A TALE OF TWO KITTIES West End smash hit Cats arrives at the Hippodrome AUTUMN IN ARNOSS VALE CEMETERY

COOK PORK LIKE MARCO PIERRE WHITEE

CHEEKY PEEK AT THEE BURLESQUE FESTIVAL ALL

YOUR GUIDE TO WEST BRISTOL ARTS TRAIL


If you fancy a family day out

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IDEAS If you’re looking for inspiration on how to make the most of your free time... this is the place to start

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SHOPPING

TAILOR MADE Independent of the week Growing up in Afghanistan, Zia Qurbani regarded English tailoring as the best in the world. Now he is sharing his skills with Bristol, as Natalie Banyard found out.

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hirty years ago in Afghanistan, 14-year-old Zia Qurbani embarked on a life-long career in tailoring. Today, he is one of Bristol’s most respected bespoke suit-makers and performs alterations for some of the city’s biggest retailers. “Back in Afghanistan, school was a half day and for the other half parents would choose a profession like electrician, mechanic, tailoring,” explains Zia, who owns Bristol Tailoring in Broadmead. “My father asked what I wanted to do and I didn’t want to get my hands dirty, so I chose tailoring!” From his Bond Street shop, Zia creates bespoke Savile Row-style business suits, overcoats, waistcoats, sports jackets and tuxedos and performs alterations for individuals as well as clients including Debenhams, Boss, Jaegar and TM Lewin. Zia runs the shop and does all the tailoring work himself. As you walk past the store with its display of tailor’s dummies, high-quality suits and shelves of

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fabrics, he can often be spied head down over a sewing machine, serving behind the counter or at the rear of the shop with clients. “I make bespoke suits from scratch, offering a big choice of styles and top quality English fabrics,” Zia tells me. “These are mainly suits for businessmen as well as for weddings and special occasions.” If you want to order a bespoke suit, you can either visit the Bond Street shop or Zia will come to you at home or at work where you can discuss styles, fabrics and any special requirements. This is a very detailed and personal service, creating the perfect suit for you. Alterations are a big part of the Bristol Tailoring’s business and Zia offers a range of options, from shortening or lengthening trousers, replacing zips and taking in or letting out evening dresses and skirts. With prices starting at £10 to shorten jeans to £750 for a bespoke, two-piece tuxedo suit in English wool, there is no job too big or too small. Bristol Tailoring has an excellent reputation and it’s all

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thanks to the quality of Zia’s workmanship and the attention to detail that he lavishes on every job. He is clearly proud of his Bristol-based business, which is the culmination of his life’s work. “This was always the dream,”

he tells me. “I began at 14, but when I turned 18 and graduated from school the law in Afghanistan changed to say we could no longer go to university and the army became compulsory. So although I was a tailor at 18, I had to go and

I was learning, our boss “ When would give us English jackets to study, unpick and copy


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serve two years of national service. “When I had three of four months left to serve, the war became very bad and the Taliban and war criminals came and somehow I escaped. “When I moved to the UK from Afghanistan in 2001, I studied English for three years and had a part-time job with an Italian tailor. “Many years later, when the recession hit and stores started to close, this opportunity in Bristol came up and I opened on Bond Street in 2010.” Perhaps surprisingly, Bristol Tailoring is one of only a handful of independent, bespoke tailors in Bristol. “When I was learning, our

boss said English tailoring was the best in the world and he would give us English jackets to study, unpick and copy, so I thought there would be a tailor on every corner in England,” he smiles. “This kind of business isn’t as popular as it used to be because becoming a tailor is a headache to learn! It takes a lot of work and training. The new generations don’t want to know. “To me, it is an important skill and my customers always leave very happy.”

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SUITS YOU, SIR Whatever your budget, you can get suited and booted in style on the high street.

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6 Weekend From Friday, October 11, 2013


Join us from 5th to 20th October as we celebrate The Art of Denim at McArthurGlen Designer Outlet Swindon with extra special offers

The staple denim jacket

Gap Outlet Outlet only £39.99 Levi’s £95 Outlet Price £65

COMPLETE THE LOOK As well as the season’s key denim shapes, you’ll find all you need to complete your denim masterpiece in style at Swindon Designer Outlet

Ted Baker £79 Outlet Price £40

While you’re taking advantage of our extra special denim discounts, don’t miss out on the interactive events in The Denim Hub at Swindon Designer Outlet. Highlights… - Free tote bag - Denim monogramming - Competitions

L.K.Bennett £145 Outlet Price £88

Daniel Footwear Outlet Only £44.99

Denim is one of those timeless wardrobe essentials we never grow tired of. But this season, it’s at the top of the fashion pack’s hotlist after designers showed it in all its glory on the catwalks. To celebrate, we’re treating you to extra savings on top of our outlet prices across a range of lust-worthy brands – including Levi’s, Ted Baker and many more – so you can indulge your love affair with denim for much, much less.

Levi’s £100 Outlet Price £70

OSPREY LONDON £395 Outlet Price £245

SwindonDesignerOutlet.com #ArtOfDenim Products featured are subject to availability. All prices are correct at time of going to print.

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DOWNTON DIVAS Can't get enough of the stylish Crawley ladies? Here’s how to rock their vinatge style in a contemporary way.

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HEALTH

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BALD FACTS Health Two women talk to Kate Edser about coming to terms with the devastating loss of their hair

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hile many men see baldness as a normal aspect of growing older, hair loss in women is never expected, so when alopecia strikes, it comes as a nasty, unwelcome shock. What’s worse, there is no cure. It can affect both sexes, at any age – and it’s the psychological effect that is most difficult to deal with. At least, this is what I am hearing from two ladies who know. Anne Ray, from Oldland Common in South Gloucestershire, and Pammy Norman, from Bath, have the most severe form of alopecia and have lost all their hair - including eyebrows and lashes. They each describe symptoms of depression, grief and despair, but go on to talk about the support they find in each other, their families, and from other members of the Bristol and Bath Alopecia Support Group. Forced to face what both agree is the worst experience of their lives, Anne and Pammy are showing a great deal of positivity and good humour – and they’re

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keen to share their story and help others dealt the same blow. Pammy founded the local support group 18 months ago because she “got to the point where I wanted to meet someone else like me”. She found solace in the online forum at www.alopciaonline.co.uk, but the nearest group was in Cardiff. “I lost my hair over a period of about four months, fortunately over winter so I could wear a lot of hats, then my eyebrows and lashes went,” she said. “When you lose your eyebrows and eye lashes, you look at yourself in the mirror and you look like a freak. It’s horrible. I was fortunate in that I was referred by my dermatologist to a psychologist at the Outlook centre at Frenchay Hospital, which deals with people who have had a change of body image. “It’s a grief and it needs to be faced. If you are grieving hair loss you are reminded 30 times a day about this, so it never goes away. It takes away identify and self esteem; it makes you feel ashamed. “I hated looking in the mirror. I couldn’t cope with seeing this person in the mirror who wasn’t me and the psychologist really

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helped me with that. “I have faith and I felt God had singled me out and that’s horrible. It really felt like persecution, but I’ve come through that and I’m OK with it now. But it has been the worst experience of my life.” Anne had a thick mop of brown curly hair that often drew admiring comments, even from strangers, so her sense of loss

was brutal and acute. It all started with one little patch. Anne explains: “The hairdresser found a bald patch. I saw the GP and then a dermatologist, whom I asked whether I would lose my hair. He said he can never tell. From talking to him, I knew there was nothing he could do anyway and I never went back. “I found the bald patch in March and it stayed like that for


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privacy. She explains: “ If you go into a department store you have to choose your wig in front of everyone. “When people come here they have to make an appointment. That means they are in here on their own, with nobody else. My husband and the rest of the staff disappear so we give them that private time. We usually allocate about an hour-and-a-half per person. It varies, but we usually see about three people a day.” (And there’s no charge for the consultation). But while a well-fitting wig can transform a person, and give them a huge lift, there’s sometimes no getting away from the fact that many customers have a terminal illness – a hard fact that Madeline and Denise have to deal with. Madeline says: “One of our regular customers was walking when she first came in, then she came in on sticks and the last time she was in a wheelchair.

I’ve just heard she is no longer with us and it’s quite difficult when you’ve almost gone through the process with them. Lots of people we see once and never again. It can be quite harrowing sometimes.” But there are good times too. Madeline adds: “I did a home visit the other day and I had a little tubby lady in front of me who had very thin white hair all scraped back at the nape of her neck, and when we put a wig on her she said ‘oh my God, I look so different’. It took 20 years off her and she was almost skipping around the kitchen.” Of the cancer patients, Denise says: “A wig is something they don’t want to purchase; it is not like going out to buy something nice for themselves. The diagnosis is usually just weeks gone by, then they’re told they are going have chemo and lose their hair. “I have a lady customer who has months to live, but she can

come in here and make the most of the time she has left and has a wig a week! So when I meet someone like that it can really lift me up.” As Denise points out, the right wig can make a huge difference to a person’s life. “The ladies with alopecia have balding patches. They might spend two or three hours in front of the mirror with a comb and hairspray trying to cover the patch and if it’s windy they don’t go out. A lady came yesterday and when she put on her wig, her smile said it all. It was amazing; it can be life transforming for these people.” All the wigs on display in the showroom are acrylic, while all the human hair wigs (which are much more valuable) are kept out of sight in boxes. How much each costs depends on the thickness of the weave and how the wig is made, whether by machine, or individual hairs knotted by hand, which can take

weeks and cost from £350 up to £1,000 or more. Though Madeline keeps a large stock, there isn’t space for every style in every colour, so she’ll first find one that fits and then place an order. Alternatively, there’s a bespoke service, which starts with measurements and a paper head template, which are sent to the maker, who will make the base – a kind of cap. The base is returned to Madeline, who makes sure it fits before it is returned again to the maker to be completed. The process usually takes six to seven weeks. Madeline’s hairdressing skills means she can always put the finishing touches to a style and Allen’s skills can add authentic-looking eyebrows too. Together they make a good team.

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C A R PE T V IN Y L S WO O D BEDS

OKTOBERFEST SEASON FINALE SUNDAY 20 OCTOBER BRISTOL’S PREMIER C ARPET & FLOORING COMPANY We are proud to have served the west for over 50 years with quality flooring, exclusive ranges from all leading brands and always at the lowest prices. For more information visit: cwjfloorings.co.uk 10 Vale Lane (off Hartcliffe Way) Bedminster, Bristol. BS3 5RU 0117 9661454

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Enjoy 7 great races plus... a selection of continental beers, food and live music!

TICKETS FROM

£10*

www.bath-racecourse.co.uk 01225 424609 | info@bath-racecourse.co.uk *Terms & conditions apply. Advance bookings only. Price per person and includes VAT. For race times and full details please visit our website. £10 ticket price includes Centre Course ticket price only. Please drink responsibly. Bath Racecourse encourages responsible gambling. www.gambleaware.co.uk


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trictly speaking, Good Gym isn’t actually a gym. It’s a very clever way of getting people to do things for the good of their community. Set up by a group of runners who believe gyms to be a waste of energy and human potential, Good Gym aims to redirect that energy towards the people in our communities who would benefit from it. As one of Bristol’s Happiness Champions, I felt Good Gym was well worth supporting, but life raced on and months went by. That was until a few weeks ago, when I spotted a flock of lycra-clad gardeners, grazing on the weeds of Brandon Hill. Or at least that’s how it looked. I called out them to in good humour, “Is this the latest sport, extreme gardening?” To which a familiar face looked up and replied, “Natalie, I was wondering if you were going to join us!” Which is how, a short

time later, I ended up at the Good Gym meeting place, outside Bristol’s newest cycle café, Roll for the Soul. I love exercise, I enjoy meeting people and I’d been meaning to do some community action since moving to Bristol last year. The stars were aligned with my shoes and it all came together in one sweaty, sociable session. We headed out from the fountains of The Centre, up Christmas Steps towards Redland, stopping for a much-needed warm-up stretch en route. The pace was steady and the stitch in my side kept it that way, but nobody seemed to mind. The run was fun, people were chatting, getting to know each other. About 3-4k later we arrived at the Metford Road allotments for our evening’s task: to clear an overgrown plot and dig over some new ones. A volunteer from the allotment met us with tools, along with food for the local foxes.

We split up into two groups and for 45 minutes enjoyed some extreme pruning, hacking and digging. It’s down to the individual which task they take on, usually depending on how many calories they want to burn, or simply which thing they like to do the most. I opted for the saw and spent my time rescuing an old apple tree from the grips of a feisty damson. The run home was, thankfully, mainly downhill, as by this point my legs were well aware that they’d run further than my usual distance. But that’s just one of the great things about doing things in groups, you spur each other on, distract each other, inspire each other to go that little bit further. The other benefits were becoming obvious too: by the time we got back to Roll for the Soul our spirits were high, bodies energised and the endorphins were positively dripping off us. Which brings me to the Five

Ways to Wellbeing – Good Gym really does meet all the criteria for what makes us happy. It’s about connecting with people, getting active, taking notice of new routes, wildlife and the changing seasons, learning new skills and doing something nice for someone. And all in under 90 minutes. Good Gym is a brilliant model, getting people off the treadmills and into their communities, harnessing the desire to look and feel good with the genuine need for more connection with our communities. I for one will definitely be doing it again, from now on my Wednesday evenings are dedicated to the cause.

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he web has a proud history of being hand-crafted. In the early years, almost every new web page was written by hand, each HTML tag (and its corresponding closing tag) typed out letter by letter. How times have changed. These days it’s easier to simply chuck stuff on Facebook or Google+. The reasons for hand-crafting your own web pages have faded away. The team at Mozilla (mozilla.org), makers of the Firefox web browser, think that’s a bad thing. They’ve launched a project called Webmaker, designed to get people thinking about the nuts and bolts that hold web pages together. The Webmaker site (webmaker.org) offers a set of tools to help people understand how the web actually works. One of those tools, Thimble, takes you back to those early days on the web. It splits your screen in half, showing you raw HTML code on

one side, and the results on the other. Now you can write something of your own – anything you like – and save the results to the web for the world to see. Artist and writer James Bridle used Thimble to write a fascinating article about the physical reality of the web – the undersea cables that link it all up (you can read that at https://stml.makes.org/thimble/ how-to-see-through-the-cloud). His is just one ready-made

project you can take as a starting point and remix in your own way. It’s not as simple or as instant as Facebook, but that’s the point. It’s built this way to help people understand the way the web works. Webmaker is not just for kids (although most kids could certainly learn a great deal from it). It’s for all of us who live on, and depend on, the web. If we really understand how it works, we can make it better.

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In and around Bristol Stone carving and pole lathing

iscover your crafty side with Arnos Vale’s series of autumn events at its new Underwood Centre. Located in the heart of Arnos Vale Cemetery’s woodland, the Underwood Centre has sprung into life after being launched at last month’s Doors Open Day. The centre consists of a reclaimed timber-framed building with storage areas, compost toilet, fire-pit and outdoor seating and will host a wide range of woodland-based activities for adults, families, schools and volunteer groups. This weekend visitors can take part in a stone-carving workshop and a log to leg pole-lathing event. Get creative on Saturday, with an afternoon introduction to the craft of hand-carving stone. Inspired by the beautiful carvings in Arnos Vale cemetery and using traditional hand tools and techniques under the guidance of expert artist and stonemason

Tanya Josham, you can carve a wild bird, butterfly or flower in stone to take home at the end of the course. If you have an eye for a good pair of legs, on Sunday, develop your skills in wood-turning using a pole-lathe and traditional skills to transform a log into a finely turned chair leg. You will spend the day transforming locally sourced green wood into a finely crafted leg, learning valuable skills to apply to your own projects. Skilled craft tutors will be on hand to provide expert advice and support. Both events are physically active so participants are advised to wear sensible shoes (steel toe-caps if possible) and warm clothes that you’re happy to get mucky.

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EATING IN Fill your belly with this tasty slow-cooked piece of pork

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n the edge of the Cotswolds and a short drive from Bristol, The Horse & Groom in Charlton, Malmesbury, re-opened its doors during the summer with a new celebrity chef owner. It’s the fifth pub under Marco Pierre White’s Wheeler’s of St James’s brand and is being managed by White’s eldest daughter, Letty. A traditional country pub with five en-suite rooms, The Horse & Groom has undergone an intensive “Marco makeover”, enhancing the pub’s original features whilst creating a variety of eating and drinking areas to suit every occasion, whether it’s a lunchtime pint and bar snack or an evening meal with the family. Head chef Johnny Forbes has worked closely with the celebrity chef owner and he says he will be delivering the exceptional standard and consistency you’d expect from a Marco establishment. The a la carte menu is packed with pub classics including Marco’s famous Governor steak and ale pie, fish and chips and Wheeler’s of St James’s fish pie. The bar menu serves main boards at £8.50 and the steak night menu is available on Sunday and Monday evenings between 6pm and 9pm. One of the most popular main courses on the menu at The Horse & Groom is this slow-cooked glazed pork belly, served with butter beans and roasting juices. www.horseandgroomcharlton.com

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TRAVEL

PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA World travel Tim Davey travels to the glorious west coast of Brittany and discovers something very fishy going on.

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s tourist rituals go this was a curious one. Every evening, around tea-time, crowds of all ages would gather along the quayside, or for a seagull’s eye view, climb aloft to the specially constructed viewing platform. These many hundreds of pairs of eyes would then all look out to sea and, soon, a cry would go up to signal the start of what is a daily phenomenon. For there, homing in from the Bay of Biscay or further outreaches of the Atlantic, would be a trawler. And another. And another. The boats, their holds laden with vast quantities of everything from langoustine to crabs to cod, were coming back to their home port, Le Guilvinec on the west coast of

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Brittany. It’s down the road a bit from the major naval city of Brest, but you do have to look for this place on the map. Which is odd, really, as it is one of the major fishing ports of France. Anything which swims in the ocean waters is fair game for being scoured by this town’s massive trawler fleet and the entire community seems to enjoy gainful employment off the back of it. Add to that the fact that the trawlers’ early evening arrivals have become a major tourist draw. Their nightly sailing home really is something to see and gets more intriguing as each one instantly begins unloading its haul on the quayside. My wife and I first stumbled upon it by chance many years ago when taking an hotel break booked through Brittany Ferries.

We loved the feel of the place and never forgot it. So, this year, seeking somewhere to stay awhile in the vast coastal area that is Brittany, we headed again to Le Guilvinec. It didn’t disappoint, either, during our near week-long stay. And if you go you’ll quickly see why. Because on either side of this exceedingly busy fishing port lie vast sandy beaches which seem to stretch endlessly into the horizon. The sand is golden, the sort that dazzles with those glinting silvery bits in, and the water is as clear as it gets. You can forget about crowds, too. Because even in August you be very hard pushed not to stake out a vast chunk of sand for yourself, towels, umbrella and so forth. Better still, car parks are abundant – and free – and lie just behind the dunes. There


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are copious cycle paths, too, and even a vast (but tasteful) pedestrian-only wooden boardwalk which runs for a few miles along the top of the beach. Because Le Guilvinec is a proper working town it produces a refreshing mix of bars and restaurants aimed just as much at the locals as those coming to stay. Most bars do meals, and that Breton favourite, the crêpe. But you would be a fool to pass up on any of the seafood offered here. On various nights out we tried seafood tapas, assiettes of fruits de mer (oysters, whelks, clams, mussels, giant shrimps, langoustine all topped off with half a huge crab for 15 euros), fresh monkfish and cod. All bought dockside not too long before. The hotel we had stayed in all those years before had, sadly, long gone, but its loss was our gain in a way as we discovered Cap Ouest, a wonderful bed and breakfast, housed in an 18th-century manor house slap bang in the middle of the town. Our hosts Martine and Guy were charming, their rooms delightful and the breakfasts always came with a nice little twist inasmuch as Martine would serve up

crêpes with the Breton caramel butter, or a Breton tart, in addition to the familiar croissants, bread, fruit and yoghurts. The place had a wonderfully informal feel and 65 euros a night for our room and two breakfasts was great value. Hills and cliffs like rollers coasters don’t feature much in the landscape in this part of Brittany, so walking is easy on the calf muscles. The weather was wonderful so we walked every day out along the coast paths. One trip took us to Kerrity, a little port, not too far from Le Guilvinec. These days it’s a quiet, attractive place, but once it would have given Le Guilvinec a run for its money. For Kerrity was one of the best known trading ports on the west coast of France. There’s a hint of its importance still remaining, as the place has not one but three lighthouses. Head south out of Le Guilvinec, though, and some more familiar names quickly crop up on the road signs. Benodet and Concarneau. The former’s always been a big favourite with British holidaymakers and has a somewhat sophisticated air about itself. Concarneau, too, is well known but much, much bigger. We visited both, retracing old times, but our much preferred favourites were two closer to where we were staying. One was Loctudy, the other, Ile Tudy. They face each other across the water and can be reached by passenger ferry. The beaches at both are superb but Ile Tudy probably wins because just behind its golden sands is a vast, tree-shaded area full of picnic tables, playgrounds, football pitches – and loads of car parking. Most nights, though, we made it back to Le Guilvinec to join the vast hordes all craning their necks to spot the first of the fishing boats on the horizon and when we came to leave we did so with a tinge of regret, so enjoyable had our stay been. But we still had an appointment with a boat to come. Two hours or so up on the north coast we headed back to Roscoff, the picturesque ferry port used by Brittany Ferries for its services out of Plymouth. We arrived on the early morning crossing, giving us an extra day in France, and going home we did so at a leisurely pace, too, taking the early afternoon crossing which got us in around 7pm and home to Bristol comfortably before midnight. Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

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Getting into the swing of manor living ]S {yh}ls Zvi Xlyrpuz {llz vmm vu {ol Uhuvy Pv|zl nvsm jv|yzl4 ilmvyl puk|snpun pu h sp{{sl s||y€ pu {ol ulhyi€ ov{ls

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he Manor House Hotel at Castle Combe is one of those places that needs to be experienced to fully appreciate its splendour. No amount of words can really portray the sheer picturesque beauty of the place. It sits at the end of a row of cottages – all but one owned by the hotel group – surrounded by a mature yew, oak and pine trees, with a lawn dotted with croquet hoops and deck chairs. Its tranquility has been attracting visitors for years. And it is no doubt this effect that worked its magic on the Hollywood film director Steven Spielberg when looking for locations to film War Horse. Looking for somewhere to transform into a 1914 English village, Spielberg was immediately hooked on just how little work would have to be done to create his illusion. As Adrian Bishop, a member of the Castle Combe Parish Council, said: “They were here for three weeks. They converted the village back to 1914 and did it very accurately. “They spared no pains in getting that right. They took down all the modern lamp

fittings and signs, they covered up postboxes and notice boards. They had quite a lot of animals, but we’ve had Dr Dolittle, so we were quite used to that.” The Manor House Hotel boasts an array of rooms from rooms within the hotel itself to suites in one of the numerous cottages adjoining the hotel. Every room comes with the latest gadgetry from iPod docking stations to showers that can be individually lit from special lights placed throughout the bathroom. While the Bybrook Restaurant – named after the nearby river – is where Richard Davies and his team strive to serve dishes using the freshest, local and seasonal produce in their Michelin-starred establishment. To accompany such a magnificent hotel, the nearby Manor House Golf Club should also be high on any golfer’s list. The course is set in 365 acres of rolling Costwold countryside and while the course is a relative youngster compared to its neighbouring village, it has a very mature feel to it. The course wends its was through stands of ancient oaks and pine and sympathetically uses the River Bybrook to feature in many of its holes –

especially the par-threes. The second hole is a case in point – at just 132 yards off the yellow tees, the golfer has to negotiate not only the river which borders the front and left of the green but two strategically placed bunkers. The par-five third hole is probably the most demanding hole on the course with the mature trees lining both sides of a fairway that slopes to the right. If you’re not feeling confident with the driver then keep it in the bag on this hole. The final two holes on the front nine are memorable in different ways, the 276-yard par four eighth hole is reachable from the tee a couple of hundred feet above the fairway, while the par-three ninth hole is a classic short hole. At 172-yards it is a good hit to a wickedly sloping green which while it is large has three distinctive levels to it. On the back nine, the par-five 12th is an interesting hole. The tee shot to this 446-yard hole only needs to be a long iron or hybrid club but it must find the fairway. Anything long will be in the rough, while anything left will be in danger of going out of bounds and anything right will find the trees. But it is the second shot that

is the most important as you have to decided how much to leave yourself for an approach to a green that sits way above the fairway. The 17th is probably the most photographed hole in Wiltshire and again makes great use of the Bybrook River. From an elevated tee way above the green, it is only 127 yards but plays considerably shorter. Whatever you score on this hole, there is very little doubt you’ll walk off with a smile on your face for having played a simply breathtaking hole.

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MUSIC Clubbing Ruffneck Ting

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Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

31


nov dec jan

fri 1 nov daz’s rock 4 charity

sat 16 nov the best in uk stand-up

fri 1 nov nick harper

sun 17 nov scouting for girls

sat 2 nov marcel lucont

tue 19 nov paul merton’s impro chums

sun 3 nov poppy appeal commemorative festival mon 4 nov bill wyman’s rhythm kings wed 6 nov owiny sigoma band thu 7 nov lisa stansfield thu 7 nov an evening with shappi khorsandi fri 8 nov jools holland and his rhythm and blues orchestra sold out fri 8 nov robyn hitchcock sat 9 nov kt tunstall sold out

box office 0844 887 1500 www.colstonhall.org 32

Nyvtfee Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89; all tickets incur a booking

thu 21 nov madeleine peyroux fri 22 nov britten and his friends sat 23 nov britten war requiem sun 24 nov carl donnelly sun 24 nov greg davies sold out tue 26 nov ballaké sissoko

sat 14 dec the colston christmas ceilidh sun 15 dec christmas with the salvation army tue 17 dec the waterboys wed 18 dec bootleg beatles fri 20 dec only men aloud sat 21 dec mini messiah family concert sat 21 dec handel’s messiah sat 28 dec last night of the christmas proms mon 30 dec bso new year viennese gala

sun 10 nov show of hands with miranda sykes

thu 28 - sat 30 nov sarah millican sold out

tue 31 dec colston hall new year’s eve party with bellowhead

fri 29 nov hidden orchestra

sun 5 jan union j

sun 1 dec royal marines band christmas charity concert

thu 16 jan russian masters

wed 13 nov texas sold out

Instagram.com/colstonhall

thu 21 nov martyn joseph

fri 13 dec the russian patriarchate choir of moscow

wed 27 nov raf in concert

tue 12 nov zappa plays zappa

@colston_hall

wed 20 nov billy bragg

wed 11 dec deacon blue

sat 9 nov radical face

mon 11 nov tedxbristol

www.facebook.com/colstonhall

wed 20 nov john smith and william adamson

tue 10 dec bristol cathedral choir school christmas concert

wed 13 nov gary lucas thu 14 nov what the frock! comedy with lucy porter fri 15 nov czech national symphony orchestra sat 16 nov bryan ferry sold out

fri 6 dec trevor noah

wed 22 jan chris ramsey

fri 6 dec ed byrne

fri 24 jan silent comedy gala with omid djalili

sat 7 dec the best of the west end

wed 29 jan ultimate rhythm & blues

sat 7 dec deck the halls sun 8 dec uwe teatime classics


Don’t miss David Murray Infinity Quartet

Saturday (continued) ��� �������

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Saturday 16th November

Upstairs at the Stag & Hounds, Old Market St, Bristol

EXHIBITIONS

(Image left) Mierle Laderman Ukeles, Washing, Tracks, Maintenance – Outside, 1973. Courtesy the artist and Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York. (Image right) Michael Dean, I want me kids to have the same chances (Working Title), 2013. Concrete and Glue. Image credit: The Artist. Courtesy Supportico Lopez Berlin, Herald Street London and Mendes Wood São Paolo.

Mierle Laderman Ukeles: Maintenance Art Works 1969 – 1980 Michael Dean: The Introduction of Muscle Exhibitions continue to 17 November, open Tuesday – Sunday, 11am – 6pm, free admission Arnolfini 16 Narrow Quay, Bristol BS1 4QA arnolfini.org.uk @arnolfiniarts #MierleLU / #MichaelDean Supported by

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Truth and lies merge in WikiLeaks story Zl}pl~ \ol Npm{o Mz{h{l 09=4 9:@ tpuz1

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uring a pivotal speech in Bill Condon’s contentious film about the rise of WikiLeaks, founder Julian Assange (Benedict Cumberbatch) paraphrases the words of Oscar Wilde as justification for using whistleblowers to shame governments into transparency. “Give a man a mask and he’ll tell you the truth,” drawls Assange to a hall of acolytes. Whether there is absolute truth in The Fifth Estate is debatable. Based in part on Daniel Domscheit-Berg’s Inside WikiLeaks: My Time with Julian Assange At The World’s Most Dangerous Website, Condon’s film has been denounced by the website, which insists “most of the events depicted never happened”. There are certainly elements

40

of The Fifth Estate that beggar belief, including the relationship between Assange and Domscheit-Berg (Daniel Bruhl). On screen, the white-haired Australian founder is depicted as manipulative, self-serving and bullying. He treats everyone, particularly nice guy Daniel, with lip-curling disdain which forces us to question why the two men would continue to work together when one is painted as a monster. “Remember Daniel, courage is contagious,” Julian instructs his awe-struck protege, who learns to make calls on disposal mobile phones and to always look over his shoulder in case he is being followed. Cumberbatch’s portrayal of Assange is mesmerising. The vocal patterns and mannerisms all seem polished to perfection but the cold blackness in his eyes refuses to let us in, even for a second.

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The film opens in London, July 2010, in the offices of The Guardian. Editor Alan Rusbridger (Peter Capaldi), Deputy Ian Katz (Dan Stevens) and reporter Nick Davies (David Thewlis) are poised to publish their front page story about the Bradley Manning leaks in tandem with The New York Times and Der Spiegel. The film rewinds two years to sketch the relationship between Julian and Daniel, who meet at a conference and embark on their quest to expose corruption within the upper echelons of power. Julian demands absolutely loyalty, which puts intolerable strain on Daniel’s relationship with his girlfriend, Birgitta (Carice van Houten). Meanwhile, Deputy Undersecretary Of State, Sarah Shaw (Laura Linney), becomes increasingly concerned by the power wielded by WikiLeaks.

The Fifth Estate repeatedly sticks the knife into Assange, like when one character tartly quips “Only someone so obsessed with his own secrets could have come up with a way to publish everyone else’s.” Cumberbatch’s theatrics are bolstered with solid support and Condon demonstrates directorial brio to realise the virtual world for cinema. Every character except for Assange abides by a moral compass through thick and thin, including the British media, painting the world as black and white. We don’t need WikiLeaks to tell us that’s an illusion.

Verdict Llzwp{l h nylh{ wlymvythujl myvt Kvtilyih{jo4 \ol Npm{o Mz{h{l mhpsz {v jvu}pujl6 =798


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ife begins and also falls apart at 60 in the cinematic collaborations of director Roger Michell (Notting Hill) and writer Hanif Kureishi (My Beautiful Laundrette). In 2003, they sensitively explored the spiky issue of romance across the generational divide between a grandmother (Anne Reid) and her grown-up daughter’s hunky beau (Daniel Craig) in The Mother. There was a similar lightness of touch in the Oscar-nominated Venus, in which a septuagenarian thesp (Peter O’Toole) gets a twinkle in his eye around a twenty-something carer. Laughter and heartbreak walk hand in clammy hand in Michell and Kureishi’s latest confection, Le Week-end, an elegiac portrait of a married couple testing the

robustness of their relationship during a weekend in Paris. The French capital looks glorious and provides a swoony backdrop to Kureishi’s verbal grenades that explode with devastating impact. Regret hangs in the air like parfum and amorous advances (“May I touch you?”) are swatted away with a casual indifference (“What for?”). Jim Broadbent and Lindsay Duncan, who played onscreen spouses in the 2006 TV movie Longford, spare themselves and each other few blushes as the husband and wife, who have watched their brood fly the nest and must now contemplate spending their twilight years solely in each other’s company. “Once the kids have gone, what’s left of us?” wonders Meg (Duncan), who has chosen to celebrate 30 years with husband Nick (Broadbent) by revisiting

old haunts in the city of amour. Festivities start on a sour note when the two-star hotel that Nick has chosen turns out to be a dog-eared vision in beige. “I knew this trip was going to be a disaster!” snipes Meg. She takes charge and they move into a plush suite with a balcony view of the Eiffel Tower that is clearly going to test their credit card to its limit. Walks are accompanied by occasional bickering and one evening, the couple cross paths with Nick’s university pal Morgan (Jeff Goldblum), who invites them to a dinner party. “They’re French. I’m sure their lives are terrible too,” whispers Nick as they enviously survey a room festooned with well-heeled intelligentsia. Le Week-end doesn’t indulge in Nick’s habit of rose-tinting the past, which compels Meg to sigh, “You always did edit out

the arguments and misery.” Kureishi rubs salt into every open wound, while Michell elicits powerful performances from his leads as they dance awkwardly around the possibility they might be happier apart. Pacing meanders like Nick and Meg during their sojourn, and the narrative diversion with Goldblum and his neglected son (Olly Alexander) doesn’t ring entirely true. Yet the raw emotional honesty of Broadbent and Duncan shines through this fleeting fog of contrivance.

Verdict Jyvhkilu{ huk L|ujhu zopul pu {opz iy|{hss€ ovulz{ {hsl vm h svun thyyphnl6 ?798

Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

41


NOW SHOWING ARNOLFINI �� ������ ����� �������� ��� ���� ��� ����� ��� ���� ���� ��� ��� ����� ������� ���� ���� �������� ��������� ��� �������� ������ ������� ���� ���� ���� CINEMA DE LUX ����� ������ ������� ������������ ���� ��� ���� ����� � ������ ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������ � ��� ������� �� ������ ���� ����� ������� ������ ����� ���� ������ ������������� ������ ������� ����� ����� ���� ����� ����� ������ ������ ��������� ����� ����� ����� ����� ��� � ���� ��� ���� ����� ����� ������ ������������ ������� ���� ����� �������� ������ ������������� ������� ���� ����� ����� �� ��� ������� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ������� �������� ����� ��� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ����� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ���������� �� � ��� ����� ������ ������ ���� �������� �� ����� ���� ����� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ��������� � ���� ����� ������� ����� ���� ������ ��������� ����� ������ ����� ����� ��� ������� ������ ����� ���� ������� ����� ����� ����� ������ ������ ����� ����� ����� ������ ������� ���� ����� ���� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ������� ����� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ��������� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ��� ����� ������ ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������ ������ ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ������� ���� ����� ���� ������� ����� ����� ������ ����� ����� ������ ���� ������ ����� ������� ���� ����� ������� �������� ����� ��� ����� ����� ���� �������� ������� ����� ����� ���� �������

42

CINEWORLD ��������� �������� ��� ���� ��� ����� ���� � ���������� ��� ���� ���� ���� ������ ���� ���� � ���������� �������� ���������� ��� ���� ���� ������� �������� ����� ��� ����� ����� ����� ����� ����� ���� ��������� ���� ���������� ������� �������� ����� ��� ���� ����� �� ��� ����� ������� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ����� ���� ������������ ����� ����� ��� ����� ������� ������ ����� ����� ����� ����� ���� ������������ ������ ����� ������� ����� ��� ����� ������ ���� ����� ������ ������ ������������� ����� ����� ���� ������� ����� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����� ���� ������� ����� ����� ����� ������ ������� ������ ����� ����� ����� ���� ����� ���� ����� ����� ������������� ����� ������ ������ ����� ���� �������� �� ����� ���� ����� ����� ����������� ������ ����� ���� ��� � ���� ��� ���� ����� ������ ����� ����������� ����� ������ ��� ������� ���� ����� ������ ���� ����������� ������ ������� ����� ���� ��� ����� ������ ������ ���� ����� ����� ����� ����� ���� ��������� ���� ����� ����� ����� ���� ���� ������� ����� ����� ������ ����� ����� ���� ��� ���������� ���� �� �� �������� ��� ��� ���� ����� ����� ����������� ����� ���� ���� ����� ������ ���� ������ �������������� ����� ������ ��������� ����� ������� ����� ��������� � ���� ����� ����� ������� ������ ����� ����������� ����� ����� ����� ���� ����� ����� ������ ����� ���� ��� ������ ����� ������� ������ ����� ��� ����� ������ � ��� ������� �� ������ ���� ����� ������� ���� ������������ ����� ������ ��� ����� ������ ������������ ����� ���������� ���� ������� ����� ������ ���� ��� ������ ����� �������� �����

Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

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������ ��� ����� ������ ������������ ������ ���� ����� �������� ��� �� �������� ���� ������� ���� ����� ��� � ����� ����� ������ ���� ����������� ������ ����� ������� ����� ���������� �� � ��� ����� ���� ������� ����� ��� ���� ������ ����� ��� ���� ���� ����� ���������� �� � ��� ������������ ������� ���� ����� ��� ������ � �� ��� ������������ ������� ���� ����� ��� ������ � ��� ������������ ������� WATERSHED �����’� ��� �������� ��� ���� ��� ����� ���� ������� ���������� � ���� ���� ���� ��� ����� ����� �� �������� ���� ����� ����� ����� ����� ������ ����� ����� ��� ����� ���� ������� ����� ����� ����� ��������������� ������ ����� ���������������� ������ ���� ��� ������ ��� ���� ����� ����� ��� ������ ����� ��� ������ ����� ������������ ������ ����� ��� ����� ��� ����� �� ����� ���� ����� ������ ��� ������ ����� ������� ������ ����� ���������������� ������ ����� ��� ����� ��� �������’� ����� �� ������ ������� ���� ����� ��� ����� ����� ������� ������ ��� ���� � ��������’� ��� ��� ���� ����������� �� �������� ���� ��� ������� ������ ����� ��������� ���� � ����� ����� ��� ���� �� �������� � ��������’� ��� ���� ��� ���� ����� ������� ������ �� ����� ���� ����� ����� ��� ���� WOTTON ELECTRIC PICTURE HOUSE ��� ������ ������� ������ ����� ����� ��� ����� ������� ����� ���� ����� ����� ����� ���� ������ ����� ���������������� ����� ��� ���������� ���� �� �� ���� ������� ���� ��� ��� ��� ���� ����� ��� ����� ��� ����

Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

43


THEATRE \olh{yl4 hy{ huk jvtlk€ i€ [{l}l _ypno{

Magical memories of the famous felines XQKS WN \PM _MMS KI\[ \|lzkh€4 Wj{vily 9= {v [h{|ykh€4 Wj{vily :>4 Jypz{vs Ppwwvkyvtl6 [ll spz{punz mvy kl{hpsz6

O

n just one special night of the year, all Jellicle cats meet at the Jellicle Ball where Old Deuteronomy, their wise and benevolent leader, makes the Jellicle choice and announces which of them will go up to the Heaviside Layer – a kind of feline afterlife – and be reborn into a whole new Jellicle life. Doesn’t look, on first glance, like the recipe for one of the world’s most enduringly popular musicals, does it? But, thanks to the combined talents of TS Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber, the curious structure of the former’s charming poem cycle Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats has indeed been transformed into one of the longest-running shows in West End and Broadway history, which visits the Bristol Hippodrome for a fortnight from this Tuesday as part of a brand new tour for 2013. Old Possum’s Book of Practical

44

Cats – on which the musical CATS is based – was written by Eliot during the 1930s and first published in 1939. The collection introduces a community of colourful felines, with comments on their individual characteristics and skills. Although Eliot generally intended his cat poems to be for children, they also attracted plenty of adult admirers. Lloyd Webber was a fan of the collection since childhood and, after working on a musical for several years, CATS made its debut at the New London Theatre in 1981. The show’s director was Trevor Nunn, known for his tenures as director with the Royal Shakespeare Company and National Theatre. It won an Olivier Award for Best Musical and played almost 9,000 performances. Including one of Lloyd Webber’s most memorable musical scores, spectacular set design, extraordinary costumes and stunning choreography, CATS is a uniquely magical musical. It continues to be a

Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

worldwide musical phenomenon – one of the world’s longest running musicals, seen by over 50 million people in over 300 cities. Over the years, the UK production has attracted an impressive line-up of performers, including Elaine Paige as Grizabella, a former Glamour Cat who has lost her sparkle; dancer Wayne Sleep as Mungojerrie, the male half of a pair of notorious cat-burglars; Bonnie Langford as Rumpleteazer, Mungojerrie’s female partner-in-crime; and Brian Blessed as the loveable patriarch Old Deuteronomy. Other enduring favourites among the 40-strong feline cast include Bustopher Jones, the fat cat who sports a snappy tuxedo and spats; ; Mr Mistoffelees, a young black tom with magical powers which he never quite fully controls; and the flashy tomcat The Rum Tum Tugger. Lloyd Webber’s musical has some distinctive features. The show is told completely through music, with virtually no spoken dialogue between songs. Dance

Xpj{|ylB Islzzhukyv Xpuuh is a key element, with the ten-minute Jellicle Ball dance sequence a highlight. The set, consisting of an oversized junk yard, remains the same throughout the show without any scene changes. “I enjoyed working on CATS as much as on any show on which I have worked,” Lloyd Webber has said. “The verses in Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats are extraordinarily musical; they have rhythms that are very much their own, like the Rum Tum Tugger or Old Deuteronomy. “And, although clearly they dictate to some degree the music that will accompany them, their irregular and exciting metre is challenging to a composer.” As three decades of performances across the globe can testify, Lloyd Webber was equal to that challenge. The combination of his musical know-how and Eliot’s extraordinary imagination and humour make for one of the most unusual and loveable musicals you are likely to see.


Until 2 Nov Bookings 0117 987 7877 bristololdvic.org.uk

Tickets from £5*

A Bristol Old Vic production Adapted & directed by Neil Bartlett

AAAAA The Independent

AAAA The Times

Charity No. 228235

45 Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 card :89;fee & £1 postage if required *plus 50p

Cast member Tom Canton as Pip, original photography by Amanda Harman

Charles Dickens


THE MEMORY RETURNS... 12 Yard Productions are looking for lively, intelligent and competitive contestants for their forthcoming National Lottery quiz shows We are holding nationwide auditions NOW! Contact us for an application form For “In It To Win It” email: inittowinit@12yard.com For “Who Dares Wins” email: whodareswins@12yard.com Or write to: Lottery Applications, 12 Yard Productions, G7 The Hub, 70 Pacific Quay, Pacific Drive, Glasgow, G51 1DZ

OPENS TUESDAY 0844 871 3012* www.atgtickets.com/bristol* *subject to booking/transaction fee

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TM © 1981 RUG LTD

TUE 15 - SAT 26 OCT

The closing date for returning application forms for In It To Win It is 25th October 2013 and for Who Dares Wins is 1st November 2013. Applications received after this date may not be considered. All applicants must be aged 18 years and over and be legally resident and currently living in the UK, the Channel Islands or the Isle of Man. Terms and conditions apply.

Open Morning: Saturday 12th October

Come and visit Clifton High School in a week of exciting events and special visitors 0117 933 9087

www.cliftonhigh.bristol.sch.uk 46

Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;


LISTINGS ������� ���� ����� ���� ������� ����������� �� ���������’� ������� �������� ������� ���� ��� ���������������� ����������������� ������ ������ ����� �� ���� ��������� ��������� ���������� ��� ������ ��� �� ��� �� ���� �������� �������� ����� ��� ����� ���� ���� �� �������’� ����� �������� ���� ��� ���� ��� ������������ ������������������� ����������� ����� ����������� ��� �� �������� �� ��� �������� �� ������� ��������� ������ �������� ���������� ������� ��� ��� ���� � ����������� ����� ��� ������������ ������ �� � ������� ��� �������� ������ ������ �� ����� ����� ������������� ������������ ���� ������� ��� ����� ��� ��������� �� �� ������ ������� ��� ����� �� �� ��� ��� �� ���� ����������� �� ����’� ������� �������� ������� �������� ������� ������������������������ ������������������� ����������������� ������� �� �����’� ������� ���� ���� ���������� ������ ������������ ��� �������� ������� �� ���� ��� ����� �� � ��� �������� �� � ��� ���� ��� ���� ��� ������ �������� ���� ��� ��� ������� �������� ������� ������� ��� �� ���� �������� ������� ��� �������� ������� ���� ���� ��� ����� ��������������� �������������� �������������� ������� ������� ������� �������� �� ��� ������� ��� ����� �� ���������’� ������ ���� ������ �� ����� ���� ����� ����� ����� �������� ������� ���� ��� ������ ������ ��� ������� ���� ������ ������ ������ ������ ��� ��� ����� �������� ������ �� ��� ����� ��� �� ���� ���� ������� ��������� ��� ����������� �������� ���� ��� ���� ��� ����� �������������������� �������� ����������� ��� ���� ��� ���� ��������� �� ���� ��� ������� �� �������

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Theatre listings continued... ����������� ��������� ���� ����������� ������������ ���� ����� ������� ���������� ������� ���������� ��������� ������� �������� ������� ��� ���������� ������ ����� ��� ��� ��������� ���� ��� ���� ��� ��� ������� �� ���� �������� ������� ������ ����� �������� ���� ����� ��� � ������ ������������ ������������������� ��������� �� ��� ���������� ��������� �� ������� ��� ���’� ������� ������� ����������� ������� ���� ���� �� ����������� ������ ���� � ����������� �� ����������� ������ ������ ��� ������ ����� ����������� �� ������� ��� ����������� ����� ��� ������ ������������ ������� � ��������� ��� ��� ����������� ������������ ��� � ������ ���� ���� �� ���� ���������� �������� ��� ������ ��� ���������� �������� ���� �������� ������ ���� ��� ������������������� ����������� ����������� �������’� ��� ���� �� ���� ��������� ���� ������� ���� ������� ����� ����������� ����� ���������� ���������� ���� �� �������� ����������� ������������… ����� ����� �� ���� �� ��� ���� ������� ���������� �’� ����� � �����’� � ���� ���� �� ���� ��� ���������� ���� ��� ������������� ����� ������� �� ������ ����� ������� ���������������������� ��������� �� ��� ������� ��� �� ���� ����� ������� ��� ������ �� ���� ������� ����� ����� ��������� ������� ������������ ��� ��� ���� ��� � ��� �������� ������� ������� ������� ����� ������� ����������������������� ������ ������’� ��������� ����� ������� ���� �� ��� �� ��� ���� �� ����� ��� ��� ���� ����� � ���� �� �������� �������� ������� �������� ���������� ��� ���� ���� ���� ������ ��� ������ �� ����� �� ������ ���� ��� ������ ���’� ��������� ������� ����� ������ ���� ���� ����� ����� ���� �� ������������� ����� �� ����� ����� ������� ������ ��� ����� ������� ���� ����� �� ��� ��������’ �� �������

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The award-winning musical, a story of life and love set in London’s Camden Town during the 1980s

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ART

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Art travels to Bristol’s ‘handsomest suburb’ XQKS WN \PM _MMS _lz{ Jypz{vs Iy{z \yhps [h{|ykh€4 Wj{vily 99 / [|ukh€4 Wj{vily 9:4 ovtlz huk }lu|lz hjyvzz ~lz{ Jypz{vs6 [ll spz{punz mvy kl{hpsz6

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ach of Bristol’s various neighbourhood art trails has its distinctive selling point. Totterdown is the city’s oldest and biggest trail and North Bristol its most extensive, covering a large swathe of its north-central suburbs. Easton and St Werburgh’s can each vie for the title of most eclectic and bohemian trail, while Windmill Hill and Victoria Park’s Art on the Hill enjoys arguably the strongest community spirit. But, among all the beautiful artwork on view in homes and venues around BS8 and BS6, one reason for visiting the West Bristol Arts Trail is clear: the chance to peep inside some of the city’s most sought-after Georgian and Victorian homes across Clifton, Hotwells, Cliftonwood and Redland. The West Bristol trail returns for its sixth annual instalment

50

this weekend, with 49 venues hosting more than 100 artists. Wandering the trail and its many elegant residences, you’ll find every kind of art on view, from watercolours to oils, sculpture to embroidery, pottery to jewellery and photography to mixed media. And, as with all its fellow trails across town, there are plenty of places to refuel as you work your way around, both at cafés and bars and at private homes and other trail venues. New venues for this year’s trail include, most intriguingly, the Cumberland Piazza open space under the Cumberland Basin Flyover. The space hosts Art Under the Flyover, a community arts project that draws on the flyover’s history (it was created in the 1960s, by clearing several Hotwells streets). Artists with long-term local connections will be examining the site’s past, present and future in media including print, poetry, video, audio, paint and stencil, and there will also be free arts workshops for visitors. Elsewhere, noteworthy artists around the trail include Alex Rotas, whose photographs of athletes aged 60 and over,

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competing in international competitions, challenge assumptions about ageing. Edward McGuirk, a painter of minimalist, atmospheric landscapes and local views, is one of our favourite local artists, and exhibits this year at the Japanese restaurant Noa on Waterloo Street in Clifton Village. And another favourite of ours, Cordelia Hutchison, exhibits her subtle, wistful English summer seascapes at the chiropodists Footworks on Charles Place, Hotwells – alongside some beautiful photographs (pictured) and watercolours of Bristol and its region by Joy Roddy. Whether you’ve worked up a thirst or not, you should definitely head for the Cornwallis Garden Café, a pop-up café in Cornwallis Crescent’s stunning secret walled garden, featuring art by illustrator Dave Bain. Another venue worth checking out is the Rodney Hotel where Laura Cramer, a feted local painter who designed one of this summer’s hugely popular Gromits, exhibits alongside landscape painter Huw Richards Evans. Not far away, drop in at 2 Sion Lane,

Clifton, to find an eclectic and tempting array of artworks, from Catherine Amesbury’s beautiful jewellery. Elsewhere, the Bristol School of Art – housed within the Royal West of England Academy at the bottom of Whiteladies Road – will host work by more than 20 artists, including teachers, students and past students. “A great many artists begin their artistic journey at the Bristol School of Art,” said Trail chairman Douglas Henderson. “Though the West Bristol trail was originally conceived mainly for local amateur artists, it has now become a major exhibition for artists both professional and amateur, of whom there are many in our area,” says Douglas. “One of the great attractions is that the public can wander round several of the most beautiful and unusual buildings in the West Country. Clifton was, after all, described by John Betjeman as “the handsomest suburb in Europe”. “And, if it is not tempting fate too much, this particular weekend is also known as “St Luke’s little summer” and, for all five years to date, we have enjoyed glorious weather!”


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CYCLING

BICYCLE MADE FOR TWO Mike White discovers the tandem – the most romantic of all bikes

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erhaps the most romantic of bicycles, tandems have enjoyed a real resurgence in popularity in recent years. “Bicycles made for two are just much more sociable than solo bikes,” says Peter Weeks, of the West Country Tandem Club. There’s certainly a lot more to it than staring at your loved one’s bottom for hours on end. “Tandemming is great for couples – though you certainly don’t need to be in a couple to enjoy it. It’s all about communication and cooperation; the satisfaction of shared effort.” Peter and his wife first discovered the joys of tandem riding “quite by accident” whilst on holiday in France. “We were in a campsite with an empty day ahead of us, so we went to see if we could hire bikes. They had this thing in the corner which was for two people. We asked if we could try it and the guy said ‘take it, nobody ever uses it’. “We’d never ridden a tandem before, but we had a hoot of a day and came back thinking ‘this is brilliant’.” Tandems have always been about sociability and fun, Peter explains. “When they first appeared in the 1880s and

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1890s, they were promoted as a kind of bicycle for lovers. “Bikes were considered quite sexy things anyway at the time, because they gave women a great deal of freedom and emancipation, and enabled young people to escape into the countryside un-chaperoned. The idea of a bike that a woman could cycle with a man was even more exciting. If you look at some of the early advertising posters from the 1890s they’re really quite suggestive!” Nowadays tandems are ridden by anyone and everyone. They’re still popular with couples, but also with families (trandems allow three riders on one bike, for example), and in Bristol they’re put to good use by cycling charity Life Cycle UK’s Two’s Company rides, which give blind and partially sighted people the chance to experience the excitement of a bike ride, by using tandems with sighted riders on the front. Another charity, Charlotte’s Tandems, which began in Dursley and has now spread nationwide, offers a stock of tandems for free hire by those with disabilities and special needs. “They’re ideal for opening up the world of cycling to those who might not have been able to try it before,” says Peter.

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Piloting a tandem is subtly different to an ordinary bike. “You can just get on a tandem and ride,” Peter says, “but it’s best to get a bit of guidance first. Starting and stopping’s the tricky thing – when people have accidents on tandems they’re very rarely going fast. It’s usually at 2 miles an hour; something goes wrong while

stopping and the bike falls over. That’s the classic tandem accident.” Rule one for successful riding is to talk to each other. The “captain” (official tandem-speak for the front-rider) steps onto the bike and stands with his feet well apart on the ground, bracing the bike and holding it upright.

“ The classic tandem accident

happens at 2mph while stopping


The “stoker” (the rear-rider) gets on, puts the pedals at a “ten to two” position and says “ready”. Then the captain releases the brakes and says “one, two, go!” and he steps up into the seat and gets the bike moving. “Stopping is basically the reverse,” Peter explains. “The captain says ‘stopping’ and puts his feet down first to support the bike once it’s stopped. Usually the stoker remains with their feet on the pedals ready to start again. “So if you’re stopping at a T-junction for example, the captain just needs to say ‘one, two, go’ and you’re away. It’s all

about communication.” Starting and stopping aside, tandems are probably safer than ordinary bikes, because one rider can indicate and check the traffic while the other steers, “and you’re pretty conspicuous,” says Peter, “so cars tend to give tandems a wide berth.” If you’re thinking of buying a tandem, “it’s worth trying a few out, thinking about what you want to use it for, and learning a bit about what’s available,” says Peter. “For example, the frame of ours can be split in two and loaded into a car – which makes it a lot more convenient than most tandems. It’s worth doing a

bit of research before buying one; try a few out first, and talk to other tandem riders.” One place to try a tandem locally is Bristol Cycle Shack (www.bristol-cycle-shack.co.uk), which has two-seaters for hire from £30 per day. They’re conveniently located a few hundred yards from the Bristol-Bath Railway Path, allowing for traffic-free test-rides – just make sure they show you the basics of starting and stopping before you set out. Another great place to give two-seaters a try is with the Tandem Club. Founded in 1971, the club’s linked to the CTC and has some 5,000 members.

Peter is a committee member with the West Country branch. “At the time of its foundation in the 1970s, tandems were going out of fashion,” he says, “and the club’s initial purpose was to ensure the availability of tandem-specific parts for bikes that manufacturers were no longer making. “But it’s grown into something completely different – a lively social organisation, organising rides, events and holidays. There’s a big, active membership and regular events to get involved with. The cycling and the bikes are great; the social side of it is a real bonus.” The West Country club organises a social ride once a month in the Bristol area; they’re always on Saturdays or Sundays and vary between 25 and 50 miles. “Non-members are welcome to come along on solo bikes to have a look at a few tandems if they’re thinking of buying one, or if they’re already tandem owners and are thinking of joining the club, they’re very welcome too,” says Peter. “We ride a bit, stop for coffee, ride some more, stop for lunch in a pub somewhere, then ride home. They’re very sociable and laid-back – it’s just a ride in company around the countryside. There are people who ride with their children and others in their eighties who come along – it’s for all ages.” The West Country Tandem Club has a social evening on Thursday, October 31, at the Fleece Inn in Hillesley, and their next Club ride is on Sunday, November 17, starting in Patchway and following a rural route through Old Down Country Park. “Riding’s much more fun on a tandem; you’ve got the same amount of wind resistance but twice the power, so you can really belt along”, says Peter. “They’re also terrific for touring. My wife and I just had a wonderful week in northern Bavaria. The tandem’s becoming very popular again now; there are about eight or ten big manufacturers in the UK, and they seem to be selling a healthy number of new machines.” A quick eBay search suggests that the second-hand market is buoyant too. “Tandem’s are definitely going through something of a renaissance – and no wonder, given how fun they are.”

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MONOCHROME MAGIC Looking for some deals to spruce up your home? Alison Cork, from HomesAndBargains.co.uk, has put together these latest offers.

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t’s been great that we’ve had a good summer, with a heat wave in July and many dry days since. It’s also been fun to be able to spend so much time in the garden enjoying the flowering plants, which have put on a fabulous show, and plenty of chances to fire up the barbecue. But, despite the onset of autumn, there’s nothing to prevent us continuing to enjoy our outdoor spaces. The months just after summer have so much to offer: leaves start to change colour and plenty of fruits and vegetables become ripe. The garden also has a changed atmosphere, with earthy fragrances and altered light as the sun hangs lower in the sky. At Secret Garden Landscaping,

we try and design gardens so you can get the most out of them during every season. One way we do this is to create and plant hedges. In the autumn, hedges can really stand out in the garden, especially when the leaves turn to beautiful fiery colours, providing a colourful backdrop. Many hedge plants also produce fruits and nuts during autumn, which are good in the kitchen, as well as providing a feast for wildlife. Native hedge plants, such as hazel and hawthorn, are best for attracting local wildlife, including a variety of birds. As well as looking good all year round, a native hedge has the added benefit that it is more cost-effective than a fence since it will last longer and doesn’t

tend to topple under pressure from strong winds. Another advantage compared to a fence is that a hedge is a softer structure and provides a less definite boundary. Autumn is perhaps best known in gardening circles for the colourful display of leaves, most particularly from trees. Whether in groups, or individual specimens, trees create a focal point in landscapes and gardens. Most gardens have enough space for at least one tree, even if the space is small. There are so many different shapes and sizes to chose from that there is bound to be one that suits. The great thing about trees in a garden is that they give a beautiful autumn display when other plants are past their best.

At other times of the year, trees also have the benefit of blossom, fruit and act as a haven for wildlife. To help you visualise how a tree, or trees, may look in your garden, it’s a good idea to visit places of interest that will give inspiration. One of the best in this area is Westonbirt Arboretum in Gloucestershire. Many of the trees there are ideal for gardens, but looking at them in a woodland environment means you can see them at their best.

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For a free design consultation, email Jerry: info@secret gardenweb.co.uk, or visit secretgardenweb. co.uk.

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PROPERTY

A HOME, OFFICE AND PARTY VENUE Xyvwly{€ vm {ol ~llr ����� ���� ������������� ����� ��� ���� ��������� ��� ��������� ����’� ���� ���� ��� ������ ��� �������� ���� ����� ���� � �������� ������������� ��� ������ ������ ��� �� ������� ���������������� ����� �� ���������� �������� ���� ����� ����� � �����

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he present owners have completely transformed this house by re-modelling and substantially extending it, using high quality materials and fittings. Besides the main house, there’s a two-bedroom cottage, a large entertainment building and an office complex, while the three-and-a-half acres of grounds afford incredible views. The scene is set in the entrance hall, with its polished hardwood flooring, and the luxurious feel continues into the sitting room, from where three pairs of patio doors open out to the terrace. Through two wide arches is the open-plan drawing and dining room – an L-shaped space

60

with another hardwood floor, a wood-burner, integrated music system and a set of wide doors which open to the loggia and side terrace. In the kitchen is a range of white glossy units and glass-fronted display cabinets, with dark granite worktops, including an island unit with breakfast bar. Appliances include a dishwasher, three ovens and a ceramic hob, while the music system also extends here. Off an inner lobby is a cloakroom, then a utility room, while from the drawing room is a door leading to an area that could easily form an annexe or guest suite. It includes a bedroom with fitted wardrobes and a sitting room with a bay window overlooking the front terrace

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and patio doors opening to the side. A further space currently used as an office is sub-divided into two rooms with a wide arch and could be converted to a kitchen and sitting/dining area. A bath/shower room with white suite completes this set of rooms. From the main drawing room, stairs rise to the galleried first floor landing off which are two bedrooms, both with built-in mirror-fronted wardrobes and en suite bath/shower rooms. Meanwhile, the vast master suite has windows to the front, rear and side, plus a pair of French doors opening to a balcony, with outstanding views over the garden and beyond.

As you’d expect, there’s a walk-in dressing room, complete with hanging rails, drawers and shoe racks, while the en suite bathroom (again in white) has a jacuzzi bath with shower attachment, double sinks set into a vanity unit and an independent shower. Also off the first floor galleried landing is a fifth bedroom and a bathroom with an unusual floraland-white suite. Beyond is a guest suite, with a studio/sitting room, a bedroom and shower room. Up on the second floor are two open-plan rooms under raked ceilings with doors leading into eaves storage spaces.


Elsewhere on the property is a detached two-bedroom cottage, which is a modern building with a toilet, lounge/dining room and a combined breakfast room and kitchen all on the ground floor. There are white glossy units in the kitchen, plus a breakfast bar, oven, four-ring hob, a fridge and freezer, dishwasher and washing machine. French doors lead out to a private courtyard. Above, each bedroom has an en suite bathroom. Those who wish to work from home have plenty of choice, since the office complex includes two large areas, plus a third room currently occupied

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61


Nyvt Xhnl >9 by a full size snooker table with a bar in one corner. Subject to local authority approval, it may be possible to convert this building into further accommodation, perhaps for use as a holiday let. And those who love to entertain will be over the moon

after taking a peek inside a converted barn, pictured below, which has changing rooms and toilets on the ground floor and a well-equipped function room above. It is fitted with a DJ station and music/lighting system, smoke machine and a bar with fridge and sink. At the side is a covered smoking area, which leads out

to the garden. Behind the barn are two single-storey storage units and next to the offices is a full-sized and fenced tennis court with floodlights. Elsewhere in the grounds is a private driveway with turning circle and plenty of parking space. Landscaping includes several formally designed areas for entertaining, in particular the

extensive paved terraces to the front of the main house, with seating areas to take advantage of the fantastic view. Paths meander around the ornamental gardens, the lawns and lightly wooded areas, where some 4,000 plants and shrubs grow. A tree-lined gravelled path leads to the upper terrace, which is set in the corner of the eastern boundary and has an extensive purpose-built pond well stocked with koi carp and surrounded by wooden decking with a barbecue, a bridge and night lighting. In conclusion, this house has something for everyone; perhaps a large family in need of business/office space, those with dependant relatives to consider, and certainly people who like to entertain on a large scale. Once more, the house is near the village of Trellech and just a short drive from the town of Monmouth, with its much broader range of facilities.

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Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;


18-19 Elton Road, Clevedon, Somerset, BS21 7EH

www.hawthornsretirement.co.uk

Retirement dreaming? Wake up to the benefits of renting at ‘The Hawthorns’ FINDING a practical solution which matches the quality of your retirement living dream may be easier said than done – and renting may not automatically spring to the top of your list of possible solutions. However, increasing numbers of UK retirees are discovering what their counterparts in America and Australia found out a few years back – that renting your retirement home offers many advantages over continued property ownership. Even more are discovering how you can continue to benefit from both! Hawthorns Retirement has brought its highly successful American formula for retirement living to the UK at Eastbourne, Clevedon and Braintree. These developments, in a nutshell, offer you continued independent living, none of the worries of home ownership and total flexibility to change your lifestyle at a month’s notice should circumstances dictate. And all this is achieved by renting your retirement home at The Hawthorns.

Call 01275 790060

Your monthly rental includes all your many monthly expenses including all your meals and snacks, utility bills, housekeeping, maintenance – even a free mini-bus to take you to the shops and back. If you sit down and calculate what you are spending on all those items living in your own home, the rental fees appears very reasonable indeed. As well as the financial argument, life at The Hawthorns offers the added benefits of security, companionship and the flexibility of handing in just one month’s notice of your decision to leave. Whilst many residents fund this idyllic retirement lifestyle from the proceeds of the sale of their home, many others opt to rent out their own property and fund their new-found lifestyle from the rental income, maintaining their property as part of their estate. Maybe you should wake up to the benefits of renting!

or pop in and visit us at: 18-19 Elton Road, Clevedon, North Somerset, BS21 7EH Nyvt Nypkh€4 Wj{vily 994 :89;

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ATLANTIS 8.30pm, BBC1

TV PICKS

An argument with a nobleman sees Jason and his friends forced to face a deadly challenge – but as they pull together, dark forces conspire against them.

BBC1

7.30 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S). 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Bread (R,S,HD). 12.00 Football Focus (S,HD). 12.45 Saturday Sportsday (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (HD). 1.20 Formula 1: Japanese Grand Prix – Qualifying (S,HD). 2.35 MotoGP (S,HD). 3.35 Ronnie’s Animal Crackers (R,S,HD). 4.35 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 5.20 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 5.40 Pointless Celebrities (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE X FACTOR 8pm, ITV

THE JONATHAN ROSS SHOW The chance for the final 12 to shine has arrived 10.15pm, ITV as they take to the stage in the first live studio round, performing hits from the 1980s. Dermot O’Leary then announces the act with the lowest number of votes, who will face the sing-off in the results programme. The results are tomorrow at 8pm.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.55 Film: Lady of Deceit (S) (1947). ●●● 8.25 Film: Two-Way Stretch (S) (1960). ●●●● 9.50 The Sky at Night (R,S,HD). 10.10 Reel History of Britain (R,S). 10.40 The Life of Birds (R,S). 11.30 Fred Dibnah’s Industrial Age (R,S). 12.00 The A to Z of TV Cooking (S). 12.45 Talking Pictures (S). 1.35 Astaire and Rogers Sing the Great American Songbook (R,S). 2.05 Film: Carefree (S) (1938). ●●● 3.30 South Pacific (R,S,HD). 4.30 Urban Jungle (S,HD). 5.00 Flog It! (S,HD).

THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU 9pm, Channel 4

The host returns for a new series, with Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock talking about their new films, Captain Phillips and Gravity, and Cilla Black reflects on her 50-year career.

ITV

6.00 CITV 9.25 Saturday Cookbook (R,S,HD). 10.25 Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 11.25 ITV News and Weather (S). 11.30 Surprise Surprise (R,S,HD). 12.35 The Dales (R,S,HD). 1.00 Doc Martin (R,S). 2.00 The X Factor (R,S,HD). Gary Barlow and Nicole Scherzinger each select their final three. 3.50 Film: Horrid Henry: The Movie (S,HD) (2011). Children’s comedy, starring Theo Stevenson. ●● 5.35 Regional News (S). 5.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

A politician is attracted to a dancer he meets at a pivotal moment in his life, but finds his every effort to get to know her is thwarted by a group of mysterious men. He realises these shadowy figures are manipulating him and moving him toward a predetermined fate. Sci-fi thriller, starring Matt Damon.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.35 British GT (S). 7.00 FIM Superbike World Championship (S). 7.30 XTERRA England (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD). 9.00 The American Football Show (S). 10.00 Frasier (R,S). 10.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 12.30 Undercover Boss USA (R,S). 1.30 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). 4.10 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 10.10 Power Rangers: Megaforce (S,HD). 10.40 Slugterra (S,HD). 11.05 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD). 11.35 Animal Maternity (R,S,HD). 12.35 Film: Columbo: Dead Weight (S) (1971). Crime drama, starring Peter Falk. ●●● 2.10 Film: Mosquito Squadron (S) (1968). Second World War drama, starring David McCallum. ●● 4.00 Film: Battle of Britain (S,HD) (1969). Second World War drama, starring Laurence Olivier. ●●●

War Hero in My Family, 8pm

6.40 News (S).

6.30 Lost Heroes of World War One (R,S). 1/5. See Choices Above.

7.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 3/13. Coulson and the team race to find a kidnapped scientist. Clark Gregg stars in the comic-book drama co-created by Joss Whedon.

7.00 WW1’s Tunnels of Death: The Big Dig (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. An archaeological team explores First World War battlefields near the village of Messines in Belgium.

8.30 Dad’s Army (R,S). 4/14. The men of Walmington-on-Sea’s Home Guard use up all their ammunition shooting at a passing aircraft, so Captain Mainwaring has to hold a court of inquiry. Comedy first aired in 1969, starring John Le Mesurier.

8.00 Grand Designs (R,S,HD). 6/11. Kevin McCloud follows a couple’s project to transform a 1960s forester’s lodge into a unique Japanese home, complete with a tatami room and sliding paper walls.

8.00 War Hero in My Family (R,S,HD). 1/6. Celebrities trace the stories of relatives who made sacrifices during times of war. Chris Tarrant and Lisa Faulkner learn about the heroes in their families. 8.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

9.00 The 70s (R,S). 3/4. The years 1975 to 1977, which saw improved employment rights for women, the rise of punk rock, fighting on the football terraces and a bid to save car manufacturer British Leyland.

8.00 The X Factor (S,HD). 13/22. The chance for the final 12 to shine has arrived as they take to the stage in the first live studio round, hoping to prove to the panel and the nation they have what it takes to be pop stars. With the contestants tackling hits from the 1980s, major confrontations and fierce differences of opinion are inevitable as the judges critique each performance and support the acts in their categories. See Choices Above.

10.00 The Sarah Millican Slightly Longer Television Programme (S,HD). 3/6. Extended edition. With guests David Harewood, Matthew Morrison and Diarmuid Gavin. 10.40 Glorious 39 (S,HD) (2009). In 1939, the adopted daughter of a prominent ex-politician becomes suspicious when an MP friend seemingly commits suicide. The aspiring actress discovers members of her family may be connected to a sinister plot to avert war with Hitler’s Germany, and her investigations place her life in danger. Thriller, starring Romola Garai. See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 The Adjustment Bureau (S,HD) (2011). Premiere. A politician is attracted to a dancer he meets at a pivotal moment in his life, but finds his every effort to get to know her is thwarted by a group of mysterious men. He realises these shadowy figures are manipulating him and moving him toward a predetermined fate, which he resolves to fight. Sci-fi thriller, starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. See Choices Above. ●●●●

9.00 A Fistful of Dollars (S,HD) (1964). A mysterious gunslinger rides into a town on the Mexican border divided by two warring families. After killing the henchmen of one clan, he seems to have made it clear where his loyalties lie and is hired by their rivals. However, he is secretly planning to play them off against each other to his own advantage. Sergio Leone’s Western, with Clint Eastwood making his first appearance as The Man with No Name alongside Gian Maria Volonte and Marianne Koch. See Choices Above. ●●●●●

11.20 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 11.35 The Eiger Sanction (S) (1975). Action adventure, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood. With George Kennedy and Vonetta McGee. ●●

11.05 The Hole (S,HD) (2009). Premiere. Three kids discover a mysterious hole in a basement, which leads to a strange world where they must face their worst fears. Horror, with Chris Massoglia. ●●●●

11.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 9/23. Greg, Nick and Hodges surprise Henry on his birthday by taking him for dinner at a remote restaurant. Crime drama, starring Jon Wellner.

1.45 Jackpot247 Viewers are offered the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. Featuring a variety of prizes and promotions. 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.55 Film: 13 Assassins (HD) (2010). A ruthless feudal lord rises to power in 19th-century Japan, so 13 samurai warriors are recruited to assassinate him. Action adventure, starring Koji Yakusho and Takayuki Yamada. ●●●● 3.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 5.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). High-stakes game show, with Noel Edmonds.

12.00 SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). Michaela Strachan meets a tamarin. 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.25 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

12

Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD, 7pm

6.00 New You’ve Been Framed! (S). Harry Hill narrates. 6.30 Fool Britannia (S,HD). 2/6. A pizza delivery driver gets embroiled in a hostage negotiation. 7.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special (S,HD). 2/11. With Anton Du Beke, Denise Van Outen, Diane Abbott and Matt Le Tissier. Presented by Bradley Walsh.

8.30 Atlantis (S,HD). 3/13. See Choices Above.

after

Fool Britannia, 6.30pm

6.00 Robert Peston Goes Shopping (R,S,HD). 2/3. The BBC News business editor examines the shopping boom of the late 1990s and early 2000s.

9.15 The National Lottery Live (S,HD). Chris Evans reveals the results of the Lotto draw. 9.25 Casualty (S,HD). Ash and Tess work to discover why a mother and daughter are so at odds about how far the team should go to save a loved one’s life.

11

The Sarah Millican … 10pm

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing (S,HD). Last week, Tony Jacklin and Aliona Vilani performed their last dance when the judges voted them out. Now Strictly celebrates romance, with the remaining couples performing their routines to some of the greatest love songs of all time. The results are tomorrow at 7.20pm

10.15 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 10.35 The Rolling Stones Return to Hyde Park: Sweet Summer Sun (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by National Lottery Update.

10

Pointless Celebrities, 5.40pm

11.50 The Man Without a Face (S) (1993). A disfigured former teacher living in seclusion tutors a lonely boy, and the pair learn to support each other during life’s ups and downs. Drama, starring Mel Gibson and Nick Stahl. ●●●

6 7 8 9

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

1.40 Weatherview (S). 1.45 BBC News (S,HD).

7.00 Count Arthur Strong (R,S,HD). 5/6. Michael is bitten by a dog. 7.30 Meerkats: Secrets of an Animal Superstar – Natural World (R,S,HD).

12.45 Film: X The Unknown (S) (1956). A series of unexplained deaths occurs around a crevice in Scotland, with victims suffering severe burns or having the flesh melted from their bodies. Hammer sci-fi horror, starring Dean Jagger, Edward Chapman and Leo McKern. ●●● 2.00 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two.

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10.15 The Jonathan Ross Show (S,HD). 1/10. See Choices Above.

Flat roofs that last for over 50 years

Before

After

• PITCHED ROOFING • CHOICE OF COLOURS • NEW ROOF TILES OR RE-USE EXISTING • REPLACEMENT FASCIAS • RE-FELT AND BATTEN • RANGE OF STYLES • GUTTERING, SOFFITS AND CLADDINGS

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FREEPHONE 0800 542 6066 www.southernplasticlad.co.uk SHOWROOM Ramhill Business Park, Coalpit Heath, Bristol BS36 2TX


THE ROLLING STONES RETURN TO HYDE PARK: SWEET SUMMER SUN 10.35pm, BBC1

The course of the conflict through archived interviews with those who lived through it. As war is declared, a patriotic fervour sweeps through the nation. Narrated by Dougray Scott.

ITV2

6.00 Keith Lemon: The Hot Desk (R,HD). 6.10 Coronation Street (HD). 7.25 Emmerdale (HD). 10.40 The X Factor USA (R,HD). 11.35 The X Factor USA (R,HD). 1.35 Film: The Little Vampire (2000). Adventure, starring Richard E Grant. ●●● 3.30 Peter Andre: My Life (R,HD). 4.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 5.00 You’ve Been Framed! & Famous (R).

The veteran band returned to Hyde Park as part of their 50th anniversary celebrations. Here Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and the others treat 100,000 fans to their greatest hits, including Gimme Shelter, Jumpin’ Jack Flash and You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

E4

6.00 Being Erica (R,HD). 6.45 Make It or Break It (R,HD). 7.35 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 8.30 Charmed (R). 9.25 Glee (R,HD). 10.25 90210 (R,HD). 11.20 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 1.50 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 2.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.15 2 Broke Girls (R,HD). 4.10 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.05 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Fantasy Football Club (R). 9.00 Game Changers. 10.00 Soccer AM. 12.00 WWE Superstars (HD). 1.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 2.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,HD). 3.00 David Attenborough’s Kingdom of Plants (R,S). 4.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

LOST HEROES OF WORLD WAR ONE 6.30pm, Channel 5

GLORIOUS 39 10.40pm, BBC2

A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS 9pm, Channel 5

An actress becomes suspicious of a friend’s suicide and uncovers a government plot to avert war with Germany at all costs. Thriller, with Romola Garai.

GOLD

6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.20 Goodnight Sweetheart 8.40 Ever Decreasing Circles 10.00 As Time Goes By 10.40 Last of the Summer Wine 12.00 Yes, Prime Minister 12.40 Open All Hours 1.20 Jeeves and Wooster 2.30 Jeeves and Wooster 3.40 The Good Life 4.15 The Good Life 4.55 The Good Life 5.35 Only Fools and Horses

A nameless gunslinger rides into a town split by feuding families, and plays them off against each other. Western, starring Clint Eastwood.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial (S). 6.30 International Football (HD). Azerbaijan v Northern Ireland and Wales v Macedonia. 8.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00 Game Changers (HD). 10.00 Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 FL72 Live (HD). Plymouth Argyle v Portsmouth (kick-off 12.15pm). 2.30 Soccer Saturday (HD). Up-to-the-minute scores. 5.30 Sporting Greats (HD).

The Mummy: Tomb ... 8pm

GI Joe: The Rise of ... 9pm

An Idiot Abroad, 9pm

Little Britain, 9pm

FL72 Live, 12pm

6.00 Step Up 2: The Streets (HD) (2008). A rebellious street dancer gets the chance to hone her skills at a prestigious school for the performing arts, but she struggles to fit into her new environment and is ostracised by her old friends. Drama, starring Briana Evigan and Robert Hoffman. ●●●

6.05 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.35 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Penny appears in a musical.

6.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). Part two of two. The agents target a Russian arms dealer. Chris O’Donnell and LL Cool J star.

6.50 The Two Ronnies Spectacle The double act’s musical numbers and serial sketches. Last in the series.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine, including highlights of recent bouts and interviews with the stars.

7.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Barney must get Robin’s father to approve their engagement. 7.30 Suburgatory (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer gets trapped in a cave. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer plays matchmaker for Marge’s sister.

8.00 The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (HD) (2008). Daredevil explorers Rick and Evelyn O’Connell are called into action when their son accidentally resurrects the evil Chinese Emperor Han from his ancient tomb. The family now faces a race against time to prevent the merciless leader from awakening his vast terracotta army in a plot to take over the world. Fantasy, with Brendan Fraser. ●●

8.00 New Girl (R,HD). Jess fills in for Cece on a modelling assignment at a car show. 8.30 New Girl (R,HD). Nick prepares for a visit from a girl he had a crush on at college.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). With Alan Shearer, Jason Manford and Frankie Sandford. Last in the series.

7.50 Only Fools and Horses Rodney ties the knot with Cassandra, but Del has more on his mind than best man duties as the dreaded Driscoll brothers arrive at the Nag’s Head baying for his blood over some stolen mobile phones. Comedy, starring David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst and Gwyneth Strong.

7.00 Live Darts (HD). The World Grand Prix. Coverage of the semifinals at the Citywest Hotel Convention Centre in Dublin, where Michael van Gerwen is the reigning champion. The Dutchman defeated Wes Newton, who was the only remaining seed, 5-1 at this stage last year, to set up a final against Mervyn King, conqueror of Brendan Dolan.

10.15 The Xtra Factor (HD). Caroline Flack and Matt Richardson go behind the scenes of the first live show to find out what the judges thought of the night’s performances.

9.00 GI Joe: The Rise of 9.00 Little Britain Emily 9.00 An Idiot Abroad Cobra (HD) (2009). Howard is joined by a (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington’s When a powerful new friend, and journey continues in experimental weapon is Sebastian continues to Egypt, where he tastes snatched by a mysterious lust after the Prime local delicacies including terrorist organisation, Minister. rabbit meat, and takes a two of the soldiers boat ride down the Nile, 9.40 Little Britain Bubbles guarding it are recruited before visiting the spends too much time into a top-secret military pyramids. under the sunbed. strike force. As they go in search of the stolen 10.20 The Catherine Tate 10.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). technology, they uncover 10.00 Road Wars (R,S). A Show Comedy sketches, desperate drug dealer Plymouth Argyle v a plot by its creator to including Bernie the Irish bites a policeman’s hand Portsmouth. take over the world. nurse, who is feeling in an attempt to escape 10.30 Football Gold (S). Action adventure, with romantic. being searched, and a Blackburn Rovers v Channing Tatum, Sienna man gives an unusual Chelsea from the 1998/99 Miller and Christopher reason why he should season. Eccleston. ●●● not be arrested when he 10.45 Football Gold (S). claims to be the King of Chelsea v Tottenham Jamaica. Hotspur.

11.15 Celebrity Juice (R,HD). Comedy quiz hosted by Keith Lemon, with contestants joining captains Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton.

11.20 Planes, Trains and Automobiles (HD) (1987). Comedy road movie, starring Steve Martin, John Candy, Laila Robins, Kevin Bacon and Michael McKean. ●●●●

11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.00 Bottom Comedy, starring Rik Mayell and Part one of two. Adrian Edmondson. Crossover episode with NCIS: Los Angeles. 11.40 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer The dangers of spilling muesli.

11.00 Football Gold (S). Action from Arsenal v Leeds United in the 2002/03 season. 11.15 Football Gold (S). 11.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).

12.00 The Magaluf Weekender (R,HD). Two new groups of holidaymakers arrive at the party resort and waste no time getting to know each other. 1.00 Crazy Beaches (R,HD). Hedonism and drunken fun in the Greek resort of Malia. 1.30 The X Factor (R). 3.30 Teleshopping

1.10 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 1.40 Hollyoaks Later (R,HD). The spin-off show following the exploits of Hollyoaks residents away from home returns. 2.40 Hollyoaks Later (R,HD). Tony pursues his rebellious son Harry. 3.30 Hollyoaks Later (R,HD). 4.20 Being Erica (R,HD).

12.00 Ross Kemp: Battle for the Amazon (R,S,HD). 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 2.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 3.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.30 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).

12.00 Ringside (HD). Boxing magazine. 1.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 1.30 Live International Fight Night (HD). Timothy Bradley v Juan Manuel Marquez. 5.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 5.30 Football Gold (S). Manchester United v Manchester City from 1994/95. 5.45 Football Gold (S).

12.20 Big Train A unique method of teaching history captivates students, and knights discover the problem of wearing Hawaiian shirts into battle. 1.00 Little Britain Emily Howard gets a new friend. 1.30 Little Britain 2.00 Bottom 2.30 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer 3.00 Home Shopping

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel (R,S). Presented by Robert Webb. 7.15 Doctor Who (R,S). The Doctor’s greatest secret is revealed. Last in the series. 8.00 Top Gear (R,S). The presenters shop for secondhand convertibles. 9.00 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (S) (2007). Fantasy adventure sequel, with Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush. ●●● 11.40 Family Guy (R,S). Peter’s mother and father get a divorce. 12.05 Family Guy (R,S). 12.25 American Dad! (R,S). 12.50 American Dad! (R,S). 1.10 Sex, Stags & Prague: Stacey Dooley Investigates (R,S). 2.05 Bad Education (R,S). 2.35 Some Girls (R,S). 3.05 Staying In with Greg and Russell (R,S). 3.35 Kerry (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 Africa (R). David Attenborough describes the wildlife spectacles of southern Africa. 8.00 Lost Kingdoms of Africa (R). The Berber kings of Morocco. 9.00 The Young Montalbano. Vigata is shaken by the murder of a rich old man. In Italian. Last in the series. 10.55 Wellington Bomber (R). A factory in North Wales that assembled a bomber in a day. 11.55 Otis Redding: Soul Ambassador (R). Profile of the soul singer. 12.55 The Sky at Night (R). The team goes camping at the Brecon Beacons AstroCamp star party to answer viewers’ queries about what to see in the night skies and how to use a telescope. 1.25 Africa (R). 2.25 Lost Kingdoms of Africa (R).

SATURDAY October 12

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THE GINGE, THE GEORDIE AND THE GEEK DOWNTON ABBEY 7.30pm, BBC2 9pm, ITV

TV PICKS

STRICTLY COME DANCING: THE RESULTS 7.20pm, BBC1

Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman announce which two couples are in the dance-off, and Andrea Bocelli sings a classic love song.

BBC1

6.00 Live Formula 1: Japanese Grand Prix (S,HD). 9.15 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.15 Sunday Morning Live 2013 (S,HD). 11.15 Sunday Politics (S). 12.30 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.00 Formula 1: Japanese Grand Prix Replay (S,HD). 4.00 Points of View (S,HD). 4.15 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 4.50 The Great British Year (R,S,HD). 5.50 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

Ventriloquist Bob causes heartbreak for his puppet, the Codebreakers discover an important date while trying to solve the mystery of women, a lollipop man gets angry and a pizza dances in the show’s big finale. Comedy sketches starring Graeme Rooney, Paul Charlton and Kevin O’Loughlin.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.05 Film: Great Day (S) (1945). Drama, starring Flora Robson. ●● 7.25 Gardeners’ World (R,S,HD). 7.55 The Beechgrove Garden (S). 8.25 Live MotoGP (S,HD). The Malaysian Grand Prix (Start-time 9.00am). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S). 11.30 What to Eat Now (R,S). 12.00 What to Eat Now (R,S). 12.30 MotoGP (S,HD). 2.05 EastEnders (S,HD). 4.00 The House That £100K Built (R,S,HD). 5.00 Flog It! (S,HD).

In the aftermath of the eventful party, Mary is forced to answer a pressing question about her future. Meanwhile, Carson reveals surprisingly intimate details about his former life.

ITV

6.00 CITV 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 Ade in Britain (R,S,HD). 10.30 Film: Columbo: Negative Reaction (S) (1974). Crime drama, with Peter Falk, Dick Van Dyke, Don Gordon and Antoinette Bower. ●●● 12.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 12.40 Inside the National Trust (S,HD). 1.45 The X Factor (R,S). 4.00 Fool Britannia (R,S,HD). 4.25 Big Star’s Little Star (R,S,HD). 5.30 Downton Abbey (R,S,HD). The Crawleys throw an extravagant party.

ANGELS & DEMONS 9pm, Channel 5

Premiere. Academic adventurer Robert Langdon is called in by the Vatican to deal with a crisis. The Pope has died and the four cardinals in line to be his successor have all been abducted by a mysterious sect that is threatening to murder them. Thriller sequel to The Da Vinci Code, with Tom Hanks.

Channel 4

6.00 The Treacle People (R,S). 6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 6.35 The American Football Show (R,S). 7.30 The Hever Castle Triathlon (S). 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 9.00 Frasier (R,S). 9.30 Sunday Brunch (S). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 2.30 Film: Mighty Joe Young (S,HD) (1998). ●●● 4.40 Film: Furry Vengeance (S,HD) (2010). Family comedy, starring Brendan Fraser. ●●

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 10.00 Power Rangers: Super Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.30 Slugterra (S,HD). 11.00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails (R,S,HD). 11.30 Film: Superman II (S,HD) (1980). ●●●● 1.55 Film: Mannequin (S,HD) (1987). Fantasy comedy, starring Andrew McCarthy. ●● 3.40 Film: Hercules (S,HD) (1997). Disney animated adventure, with the voice of Tate Donovan. ●●● 5.35 Film: Superman III (S,HD) (1983). See Choices Above. ●●

after

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Kevin McCloud’s Man … 8pm

6.35 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.30 News (S).

7.20 Strictly Come Dancing: The Results (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.00 Coronation Street (S,HD). Hour-long episode. David receives the results of Lily’s DNA test and tries to summon up the courage to open the envelope.

7.00 World’s Weirdest Weather (R,S,HD). 3/3. Strange waterrelated climatic events. Last in the series.

7.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

8.00 Antiques Roadshow (S,HD). 9/26. Fiona Bruce and the experts arrive at Towneley Hall near Burnley in Lancashire, where heavy rain doesn’t deter thousands of people eager to know how much their collectibles are worth.

8.00 How to Build: A Super Car (R,S,HD). 2/3. How the McLaren racing team used Formula One technology to design and construct the MP4-12C road car. Featuring contributions by Ron Dennis, Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button.

8.00 The X Factor Results (S,HD). 13/22. Dermot O’Leary reveals the names of the acts who are safe, and the two least popular have to sing for survival, before one of them leaves. Cher and Ellie Goulding perform live.

8.00 Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home (S). 4/4. With the main structure in place, Kevin looks to add a few final touches to his coastal retreat, installing a solar-powered shower and a floating beach bar. Last in the series.

8.00 The Da Vinci Code: The True Story (R,S,HD). 2/5. Exploring the claims made in Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, including an intimate relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene and the final resting place of the Holy Grail.

11

Coronation Street, 7pm

6.00 Great British Railway Journeys (R,S,HD). 16/25. The cross-border history of Berwickupon-Tweed. 6.30 The Great British Bake Off (R,S,HD). 8/16. 7.30 The Ginge, the Geordie and the Geek (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 By Any Means (S,HD). 4/6. Former bank finance director Sally Walker and her retired MP husband Laurence have been cleared of stealing £3million from their children’s charity fund, but Helen is convinced they are guilty.

9.00 The Ottomans: Europe’s Muslim Emperors (S,HD). 2/3. Rageh Omaar compares the golden age of Suleiman the Magnificent in the 16th century with the troubled reign of Abdul Hamid II in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

9.00 Downton Abbey (S,HD). 4/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 Homeland (S,HD). 2/12. See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News; Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 10.25 Armageddon (S,HD) (1998). Nasa discovers an asteroid the size of Texas is on a collision course with Earth, so a drilling expert is recruited to train a team of misfits to transport a nuclear device into outer space to destroy it – but having had no experience of space travel, the reluctant astronauts find themselves seriously out of their depth. Sci-fi thriller, with Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Michael Clarke Duncan, Billy Bob Thornton and Steve Buscemi. See Choices Above. ●●●

10.00 The Wrong Mans (R,S,HD). 3/6. Sam negotiates the exchange of Mrs Stevens for Mr Lau’s nephew Jason, but Phil almost scuppers the plan. Comedy, starring James Corden. 10.30 QI XL (S,HD). 6/16. Extended edition. With Sandi Toksvig, Trevor Noah and Jason Manford.

10.05 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather. 10.20 Senna (S,HD) (2010). Premiere. Documentary about the life of Brazilian Formula One driver Ayrton Senna, examining his achievements on the track over a 10-year period that saw him crowned world champion three times, until his death in a crash during the 1994 San Marino Grand Prix. Featuring previously unseen footage from the F1 archives and contributions from fellow racing stars including Alain Prost and Jackie Stewart. ●●●●

9.00 Angels & Demons (S,HD) (2009). Premiere. Academic adventurer Robert Langdon is called in by the Vatican to deal with a crisis. The Pope has died and the four cardinals in line to be his successor have all been abducted by a mysterious sect that is threatening to murder them. As he searches for the kidnapped clerics, Langdon discovers the cult has an even more horrific plan in mind. Thriller sequel to The Da Vinci Code, with Tom Hanks and Ewan McGregor. See Choices Above. ●●●

10

The Ottomans: Europe’s … 9pm

6.20 Countryfile (S,HD). John Craven harvests wild fruit in Somerset and presents archive items.

6 7 8 9

Antiques Roadshow, 8pm

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

12.45 Weatherview (S). 12.50 BBC News (S,HD).

11.15 Never Mind the Buzzcocks (R,S,HD). 3/13. Peter Andre hosts, with Jason Gardiner, Ana Matronic, Charles Cave and Tony Law. 11.45 Mock the Week (R,S,HD). 12/12. 12.15 Film: Awaydays (S) (2009). A disaffected man turns to football hooliganism as a release for his pent-up aggression. Drama set in the 1980s based on Kevin Sampson’s novel, with Nicky Bell. ●● 1.55 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). Julia Bradbury visits the Abergavenny food festival. 2.50 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S). 3.50 This Is BBC Two (S).

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12.20 The Store 2.25 British Superbike Championship Highlights (S,HD). Action from both races in the 11th and penultimate round of the season from Silverstone, which was also the second meeting of The Showdown part of the campaign. 3.15 Motorsport UK (HD). 4.05 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

10.00 Was It Something I Said? (S,HD). 2/8. See Choices Above. 10.35 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (R,S). 7/18. With Nicole Scherzinger, Johnny Knoxville and Gok Wan.

The Da Vinci Code … 8pm

11.40 Gogglebox (R,S). 3/13. Some of Britain’s most opinionated and avid viewers comment on recent programmes, including Sex Box, The X Factor and Educating Yorkshire, as well as breaking news stories.

11.45 Vantage Point (S,HD) (2008). The aftermath of an assassination attempt against the US president is followed from several different perspectives. Thriller, starring Dennis Quaid. ●●

12.25 Paddy’s TV Guide (R,S,HD). Paddy McGuinness takes a comic look at love and romance. 1.10 American Football Live (S,HD). Dallas Cowboys v Washington Redskins (kick-off 1.30am). Coverage of the NFC East clash at the AT&T Stadium. 4.45 British GT (R,S). 5.15 Countdown (R,S,HD). 5.55 River Cottage Bites (R,S,HD).

1.35 SuperCasino 3.55 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). Michaela Strachan tracks down the Vancouver Island marmot. 4.20 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.05 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.25 The Funky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Roary the Racing Car (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).


WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID? 10pm, Channel 4

David Mitchell hosts the panel show, with team captains Micky Flanagan and Richard Ayoade joined by guests Ed Byrne and Gabby Logan in a battle of words, answering questions based on quotes, tweets and autobiographies. Phil Daniels is tonight’s narrator.

Saul tries to track down those responsible for the attack on Langley and recruits an unlikely expert to follow the money trail, while Carrie (Claire Danes) learns who she can really trust.

ITV2

6.00 Emmerdale (R,HD). 9.00 Coronation Street (R,HD). 10.30 The X Factor (R,HD). 12.45 The Xtra Factor (R,HD). 1.45 You’ve Been Framed! Kids Special (R). 2.30 Film: The Little Vampire (2000). Adventure, starring Richard E Grant. ●●● 4.25 Film: ScoobyDoo 2: Monsters Unleashed (HD) (2004). Comedy adventure sequel, with Sarah Michelle Gellar. ●●

E4

6.00 Switched (R). 6.20 Make It or Break It (R,HD). 7.05 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 7.45 Charmed (R). 8.45 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 9.45 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 12.20 2 Broke Girls (R,HD). 1.15 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 2.15 Mindy Project (R,HD). 2.45 Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.45 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 5.40 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

Sky1

6.00 Hour of Power (HD). 7.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 9.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). 10.00 WWE Superstars (R,HD). 11.00 WWE: Experience (HD). 12.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,S,HD). 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). 2.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 3.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking (R,S,HD). 3.30 Futurama (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

HOMELAND 9pm, Channel 4

ARMAGEDDON 10.25pm, BBC1

SUPERMAN II 11.30am, Channel 5

A team transports a nuclear device into outer space to destroy an asteroid on a collision course with Earth. Sci-fi thriller, with Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck.

GOLD

6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.00 2point4 Children 7.40 As Time Goes By 8.20 Sykes 9.00 The Good Life 9.35 The Good Life 10.55 Jo Brand’s Great Wall of Comedy 11.35 Last of the Summer Wine 12.20 Keeping Up Appearances 1.35 Only Fools and Horses 4.00 The Two Ronnies Spectacle 5.00 Jeeves and Wooster

Comic-strip adventure sequel, with Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, Terence Stamp and Margot Kidder. Edited for violence and language.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Football Gold (S). 6.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 7.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 7.30 Game Changers (HD). 8.30 Football Gold (S). 8.45 Football Gold (S). 9.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 9.30 The Sunday Supplement (HD). 11.00 Goals on Sunday (HD). 12.30 International Fight Night (HD). 2.30 What’s the Story? (HD). 3.30 FL72 Live (HD).

The Xtra Factor, 9pm

Rules of Engagement, 7.10pm

Trollied, 9pm

The Office, 9pm

FL72 Live, 3.30pm

6.15 Hulk (HD) (2003). Scientist Dr Bruce Banner turns into the rampaging green Hulk after exposure to a huge dose of gamma radiation, prompting the military to embark on a no-holds-barred mission to destroy the monster. Meanwhile, Banner’s unstable father resurfaces, holding the secret to his transformation. Comicstrip adventure from director Ang Lee, starring Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott and Nick Nolte. Including FYI Daily. ●●

6.10 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Leonard decides to change his ways. 6.40 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer discovers a hairrestorative. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

6.10 Jeeves and Wooster Bertie’s cousin arrives in New York. Adaptation of PG Wodehouse’s comic tale, starring Hugh Laurie.

6.30 Football League Gold (S,HD). Blackpool v Cardiff City and Peterborough United v Southampton.

7.10 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 7.35 Ever After: A Cinderella Story (HD) (1998). A girl grows up in 16th-century Europe under the iron fist of her stepmother, until the love of handsome Prince Henry offers a glimmer of hope. Unfortunately, the royal gent has worries of his own in the shape of an arranged marriage. Luckily, Renaissance genius Leonardo da Vinci is on hand to play fairy godfather and bring the pair together. Romantic drama, starring Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Huston, Dougray Scott and Timothy West. ●●●●

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Bart becomes convinced he is a faith healer. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Maude Flanders is killed in a tragic accident.

7.20 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise A compilation of the comedy duo’s sketches.

8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (R,HD). As the inter-house army-drill competition approaches, sixth-form student Hugh tries to get West Acre’s bungling band of brothers to march in step.

8.20 Porridge Godber is feeling dejected after his romantic fortunes take a turn for the worse, so Fletch tries to revive his friend’s flagging spirits. Comedy, starring Ronnie Barker.

7.00 Live Darts (HD). The World Grand Prix. Coverage of the final at the Citywest Hotel Convention Centre in Dublin, where Michael van Gerwen is the reigning champion.

9.00 Trollied (R,S,HD). Julie misconstrues a conversation between Richard and Anna. 9.30 A League of Their Own (R,HD). With Alan Shearer, Jason Manford and Frankie Sandford. Last in the series.

9.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 9.00 The Office The new Coventry City v Sheffield members of staff arrive United. from Swindon. Ricky Gervais stars. 9.30 Football League Gold (HD). Bolton Wanderers v 9.40 Knowing Me, Knowing Watford and Bolton You – With Alan Wanderers v Preston Partridge Guests include North End. Europe’s sexiest dance act.

9.00 The Xtra Factor (HD). Caroline Flack and Matt Richardson go behind the scenes after the first results show to find out the judges and contestants’ thoughts on the first elimination.

BBC3

7.00 Formula 1: Japanese Grand Prix Highlights (S). Action from the 15th round of the campaign. 8.00 Chicken Run (S) (2000). Animated comedy, with the voice of Mel Gibson. ●●●● 9.20 Great TV Mistakes (R,S). On-screen mishaps and continuity errors. 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). An edition from 2011. 10.00 Family Guy (S) 10.25 Family Guy (R,S). 10.45 Some Girls (R,S). 11.15 American Dad! (R,S). 11.40 American Dad! (R,S). 12.00 Bad Education (R,S). 12.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). 1.00 Staying In with Greg and Russell (R,S). 1.30 Unsafe Sex in the City (R,S). 2.30 Some Girls (R,S). Holli falls out with the group. 3.00 Him & Her (R,S). 3.30 Him & Her (R,S).

10.00 New Rude Tube. Alex Zane presents a top 50 countdown of “internet incredibles”, in order of their online popularity. Hits featured include a loud belcher, a human encyclopedia and a swimming baby.

12.50 The Vampire Diaries (R,HD). Damon and Sage meet again a century after their first encounter, and she devises an unusual method to help him figure out what Rebekah is up to. 1.45 The Vampire Diaries (R,HD). 2.25 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). The arrival of Sheldon’s twin sister causes a stir. Comedy, starring Johnny Galecki. 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.55 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 1.25 Hollyoaks Later (R,HD). 2.25 Hollyoaks Later (R,HD). 3.15 Hollyoaks (R,HD).

Beside the Watershed Bristol Harbourside

12.00 Ross Kemp: Battle for the Amazon (R,S,HD). 1.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S,HD). 2.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 3.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD). 5.30 Luton Airport (R,S).

12.20 The Office The Swindon merger has finally gone through and the new staff members arrive in Slough for their first day. Ricky Gervais stars. 1.00 Knowing Me, Knowing You – With Alan Partridge 1.30 The Thick of It 2.00 The Thick of It 2.30 Nighty Night 3.00 Home Shopping

7.00 Miss Marple (R). 7.50 Britain’s Wild Places: The Sheep Beside the Seaside (R). 8.00 The Review Show Special: Man Booker Award. Kirsty Wark discusses the works shortlisted for the 2013 Booker Prize. 9.00 Frost on Interviews (R). David Frost charts the development of the TV interview. 10.00 Comedy Connections (R). 10.40 Medieval Lives: Birth, Marriage, Death (R). 11.40 La Vie en Rose (2007). Biopic of Edith Piaf, with Marion Cotillard and Gerard Depardieu. ●●● 1.55 Tubular Bells: The Mike Oldfield Story (R). An insight into the musician’s life and the making of his most famous album. 2.55 Tubular Bells: Mike Oldfield (R).

SUNDAY

10.20 The Thick of It Nicola 10.30 John Bishop’s Only 10.00 Live PGA Tour Golf accepts an invitation to Joking (R,S,HD). The (HD). The Frys.com Open. debate with her popular stand-up hosts Coverage of the fourth opposite number on a the laugh-a-minute and final day of the Radio 5 Live late-night comedy entertainment opening event of the phone-in, but breaking show, joined in the 2013/14 season, held at news ruins her PR team’s studio by Jason Byrne, the CordeValle Golf Club well-made plans. Jimmy Cricket and Roger in San Martin, California. Political comedy, with Monkhouse. Sweden’s Jonas Blixt Rebecca Front. claimed his maiden title on the tour here last year, finishing one stroke 11.00 The Thick of It The 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.50 Tricked (R,HD). Hidden- 11.00 How I Met Your clear of Americans Jason media suggests Nicola as Mother (R,HD). The pals (R,S,HD). Part two of camera magic show, in Kokrak and Tim Petrovic. a potential leadership become addicted to two. The teams fly to Los which unsuspecting candidate. Comedy, cigarettes again. Angeles from Hawaii in celebrities and members starring Rebecca Front. pursuit of Jarrod Taylor, of the public are 11.30 Don’t Trust the B**** who claims he is being subjected to Ben 11.40 Nighty Night Cath in Apartment 23 paid by an Hanlin’s tricks and finally stands up to Jill. (R,HD). immunologist. illusions. 10.00 The Only Way Is Essex (HD). The gang returns from Las Vegas. 10.50 Utterly Outrageous Celebrity Frock Ups (R). Denise Van Outen’s favourite fashion slipups.

BBC4

October

13

1.00 European Tour Golf (HD). The Portugal Masters. Highlights of the fourth and final day from the Oceanico Victoria Golf Course in Vilamoura, where Shane Lowry won the title last year. 2.00 Darts (HD). 3.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 4.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 4.30 Darts (HD).

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TV PICKS

EASTENDERS 8pm, BBC1

Michael is furious when Alice inadvertently spoils his plan to ruin Janine, while Jack throws a flat-warming party for Ronnie and insists on inviting the family.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Fake Britain (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 11.00 Real Rescues (S,HD). 11.45 Britain’s Empty Homes (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Keeping Up Appearances (R,S). 3.15 Perfection (S,HD). 4.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE GADGET SHOW 8pm, Channel 5

Rachel Riley and Jason Bradbury try out the Google Glass wearable computer before going on a road trip to find out whether 4G is really all it is cracked up to be. Pollyanna Woodward tests a Quadski, which is a combination of a jetski and a quadbike and Jon Bentley puts three DSLR cameras through their paces.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues (R,S,HD). 7.50 Claimed and Shamed (R,S,HD). 8.20 Sign Zone 10.35 Click (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (HD). 11.30 BBC World News (HD). 12.00 Daily Politics 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 2.45 Floyd on Food (R,S,HD). 3.15 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 3.45 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 4.15 Cagney & Lacey (HD). 5.00 Flog It! (R,S).

STEPHEN FRY: OUT THERE 9pm, BBC2

DIARY OF A TEENAGE VIRGIN 10pm, Channel 4

Part one of two. The broadcaster travels to various parts of the world to learn about the lives of gay people, beginning by talking to Elton John and David Furnish.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From Gloucester. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). Features, music and conversation. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

Young people provide a candid insight into how it feels to be a virgin at a time when social networking and easily accessible pornography have transformed the sexual landscape. They include a 15-year-old girl considering sleeping with a boy she met online. Part of the Campaign for Real Sex season.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.05 According to Jim (R,S,HD). 7.30 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Frasier 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 10.00 Four Rooms (R,S,HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away (R,S,HD). 12.00 News Summary 12.05 Gordon Ramsay’s Home Cooking (S). 12.35 River Cottage Bites (S,HD). 12.50 Film: Shane (1953). See Choices Above. ●●●●● 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Four in a Bed 5.30 Come Dine with Me (HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Beat the Ancestors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.20 Castle (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Torn Apart (S) (2004). Thriller, starring Tia Carrere, Dale Midkiff and Richard Burgi. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Paul pays Marty to leave town and learns Jack is dying.

Never Mind the Buzzcocks, 10pm

Emmerdale, 7pm

Dogs: Their Secret Lives, 8pm

Under the Dome, 10pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 18/20. Lisa makes a revealing documentary about life with her family for a school project. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Bianca tells Heath she is postponing the wedding. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Alex Jones and Matt Baker. 7.30 Regional Programme (S). Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 75/140. Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two (S,HD). Zoe Ball chats to the second couple to be eliminated. 7.00 Rick Stein’s India (R,S,HD). 1/6. The chef explores the country’s food, beginning by looking at the cuisine found in Kolkata and Chennai, cooking dishes including prawns in coconut milk.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Debbie fears the worst when Sarah goes missing. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). A suspicious Kylie confronts Tina about David.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 Sex Box (S,HD). 5/6. A couple talk to agony aunt and journalist Mariella Frostrup about what sex means to them. Part of the Campaign for Real Sex season.

7.00 Beat the Ancestors (S,HD). Dick Strawbridge challenges a team of engineers to re-create a crane from the Gothic era. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). See Choices Above. 8.30 Britain’s New Banking Scandal – Panorama (S,HD). Adam Shaw investigates the mis-selling of interest-rate swaps.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD). 14/37. Aberystwyth takes on Bangor. 8.30 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food (S,HD). 4/6. Classic pub fare, including Caesar salad, fish and chips and pork scratchings.

8.00 Countrywise (S,HD). 7/8. Making charcoal in the Lake District. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Kylie discovers Lily’s DNA results and goes to see Nick for answers. Will he reveal the truth about David?

8.00 Dogs: Their Secret Lives (S). Using hidden cameras and a ground-breaking new scientific study, this documentary reveals what dogs get up to when their owners are not at home.

8.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Crimewatch (S). Kirsty Young presents the latest findings in the search for Madeleine McCann, the then-three-yearold abducted from her family’s holiday apartment in Praia da Luz, Portugal in May 2007.

9.00 Stephen Fry: Out There (S,HD). 1/2. See Choices Above.

9.00 Doc Martin (S,HD). 7/8. See Choices Above.

9.00 999: What’s Your Emergency? (S,HD). 2/6. Paramedics attend alcoholrelated incidents involving a man who has become incontinent through excessive drinking, and a woman who has passed out after a day at the races.

9.00 On Benefits & Proud (S,HD). Documentary examining the lifestyles of some of those living on benefits who are not currently seeking employment, including a Gloucestershire mother-of-11 who receives benefits equivalent to three times the typical UK family income.

6 7 8 9

Crimewatch, 9pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Crimewatch Update (S). An update on viewers’ responses to the programme shown earlier. 10.45 Have I Got a Bit More News for You (R,S,HD). 2/11. An extended version of the satirical current-affairs quiz.

10.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks (S,HD). 4/13. Radio One DJ Sara Cox hosts the comedy music quiz, with Iggy Azalea, Eliza Doolittle, Jake Humphrey and Matt Richardson joining team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 2/8. ITV’s political editor Tom Bradby presents a discussion on the week’s main talking points, with guests from the worlds of politics and popular culture.

10.00 Diary of a Teenage Virgin (S). See Choices Above.

10.00 Under the Dome (S,HD). 9/13. Big Jim asks the townsfolk to hand in their weapons after Ted Utley accidentally shoots his neighbour while trying to scare off a drug addict, who reveals he got the narcotic from the late Reverend Coggins.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.30 Citizen Khan (R,S,HD). 2/6. Mr Khan is eager to get himself onto the mosque committee, but when he visits the manager to enrol his mother-in-law on an activity course, things do not go as planned. Adil Ray, Shobu Kapoor and Adlyn Ross star.

11.20 The Ottomans: Europe’s Muslim Emperors (R,S,HD). 2/3. Rageh Omaar compares the golden age of Suleiman the Magnificent in the 16th century with the troubled reign of Abdul Hamid II.

11.05 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Gordon Brown Special (R,S). In a one-hour interview filmed during his time as Prime Minister, Piers tries to get to the heart of what makes Gordon Brown tick.

11.05 Educating Yorkshire (R,S). Exams are approaching at Thornhill Community Academy and everyone is feeling the pressure, from students to experienced staff and newly qualified teachers.

11.00 Constantine (S) (2005). See Choices Above. ●●●

12.00 The Graham Norton Show (R,S,HD). The host returns with more lighthearted chat, talking to Hollywood star Harrison Ford about his new sci-fi adventure Ender’s Game, and Sherlock actor Benedict Cumberbatch, currently appearing as WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in The Fifth Estate. 12.45 Weatherview (S). 12.50 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: The Culture Show at Edinburgh: Leonardo da Vinci – The Anatomist (R,S). Alastair Sooke views The Mechanics of Man, a new exhibition of Leonardo da Vinci’s anatomical drawings at the Queen’s Gallery in the Palace of Holyroodhouse. 12.50 Sign Zone: The Story of the Jews (R,S). 1.50 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.05 Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 Champions League Weekly (S,HD). Highlights of recent games. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

12.05 First Time Farmers (R,S,HD). Young people determined to get into the farming business. 1.00 Random Acts (S). 1.05 Film: Diamond Queen (1940). Drama, starring Fearless Nadia and John Cawas. ●●● 3.25 Nashville (S,HD). 4.05 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 5.45 Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD).

1.10 SuperCasino Viewers get the chance to take part in live interactive gaming, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. Featuring a variety of prizes and promotions. 3.55 Nick’s Quest (R,S). 4.20 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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The doctor becomes convinced that something is wrong with him following a conversation with his mother, and Louisa’s attempts at getting him to open up about the loss of his father prove futile.

MADE IN CHELSEA 10pm, E4

The return of the reality show following the social activities of a group of people in their twenties. In the first episode, Spencer and Lucy begin to talk following the revelation that he cheated, but he seems more interested in her attitude towards his ex-girlfriend Louise.

E4

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Coronation Street 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.55 Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 Real Housewives of Vancouver 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 The Real Housewives of Orange County (R,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee (R,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,HD). 10.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 9.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Middle (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

DOC MARTIN 9pm, ITV

SHANE 12.50pm, Channel 4

CONSTANTINE 11pm, Channel 5

A mysterious gunfighter defends a family of homesteaders intimidated by a cattle baron and his henchmen. Western, starring Alan Ladd.

GOLD 6.05 2point4 Children 6.35 Sykes 7.05 2point4 Children 7.45 Sykes 8.20 Last of the Summer Wine 9.00 Keeping Up Appearances 10.20 Just a Minute 11.00 The Borrowers 11.40 Open All Hours 12.20 dinnerladies 1.40 Porridge 2.20 As Time Goes By 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 One Foot in the Grave

An exorcist with the ability to see evil spirits engages in a battle to save the world, and his own soul. Thriller, with Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Darts (HD). 10.30 FL72 Highlights (HD). 11.00 FL72 Highlights (HD). 11.30 International Fight Night (HD). 1.30 European Rugby Special (HD). 2.30 Darts (HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 4.30 Game Changers (HD). 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD).

Peter Andre: My Life, 9pm

90210, 9pm

Spartacus: Vengeance, 10pm

dinnerladies, 7.40pm

The Footballers’ ... 10pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Russell from Essex takes part in the dating show. Charlotte Hudson narrates.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon gets a job at a diner. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). Axl inadvertently invites the wrong girl to the prom. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

6.20 Yes, Prime Minister Jim must choose the next governor of the Bank of England. Political comedy, starring Paul Eddington.

6.30 FL72 Review A roundup of recent matches, featuring all the goals from League One and League Two.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Featuring sports day disasters and bowling mishaps.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Marshall tells Ted anecdotes about his colleague Jenkins.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer and Bart transform the fortunes of a losing racehorse.

7.00 Open All Hours Granville tries to impress a local beauty. 7.40 dinnerladies A new table-clearing system leaves Bren cold.

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! & Famous (R). Harry Hill narrates a selection of comical mishaps filmed by viewers, featuring a range of celebrity lookalikes, from Simon Cowell to Ryan Giggs.

8.00 New Girl (R,HD). The boys tell Jess to get a job. Comedy, starring Zooey Deschanel. 8.30 New Girl (R,HD). Jess tries to trick her divorced parents into a reconciliation.

8.00 A League of Their Own (R,S,HD). With Alan Shearer, Jason Manford and Frankie Sandford. Last in the series.

8.20 dinnerladies Tony worries Bren will be distracted during her TV debut. Stan hopes for a proposal and Dolly gets in a flap about the new uniforms. Comedy, starring Victoria Wood.

7.30 Live Irish Football (HD). Portadown v Glenavon (kick-off 7.45pm). All the action from the NIFL Premiership encounter at Shamrock Park. Even at this early stage of the season, this match could have an important bearing on the destination of the title, with both clubs having started their campaigns in fine style.

9.00 Peter Andre: My Life (HD). Pete continues his charity bike ride in Zanzibar, and pays a visit to the hospital he is raising funds for. Back in the UK, the singer decides to confirm some life-changing news.

9.00 90210 (HD). Liam and Navid try to convince pro-surfer Cassie to become their company’s first sponsored athlete, but to do so they must ask her favourite singer, Olly Murs, to give her a special performa nce.

9.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Mitch and Cam join the campaign to save an old tree in the park. 9.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Claire and Cameron build a baseball pitch.

9.00 Not Going Out First episode of the sitcom about mismatched flatmates, starring Lee Mack and Megan Dodds. 9.40 Not Going Out A death in the family brings Tim and Kate closer.

12.00 Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.00 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (R,HD). 1.30 Suburgatory (R,HD). 2.00 Happy Endings (R,HD). 2.20 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 2.45 Come Dine with Me: Made in Chelsea Special (R,HD). 3.35 Glee (R,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.15 Road Wars (R,S,HD). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 1.15 Road Wars (R,S). 2.10 Hawaii Five-0 (R,HD). 3.00 Ross Kemp in Search of Pirates (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 4.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline (R,S). 5.30 Airline (R,S).

12.05 Not Going Out First episode of the sitcom, starring Lee Mack. 12.45 Not Going Out 1.25 The Comic Strip Presents: Mr Jolly Lives Next Door Two would-be male escorts are mistaken for hitmen. 2.15 Men Behaving Badly 3.00 Home Shopping Armchair buys.

7.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 8.00 Hotel of Mum and Dad (R,S). 9.00 Crime, Carnage & Cancun: Stacey Dooley Investigates (S). The presenter discovers the darker side to Cancun. 10.00 Some Girls (S). Viva’s group clashes with Charlie’s gang over the affections of Tyler Blaine. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). Jack throws a flatwarming party for Ronnie. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Some Girls (R,S). 1.00 Crime, Carnage & Cancun: Stacey Dooley Investigates (R,S). 2.00 Sex, Stags & Prague: Stacey Dooley Investigates (R,S). 3.00 Crime, Carnage & Cancun: Stacey Dooley Investigates (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 Timothy Spall: All at Sea (R). The Princess Matilda sails around northeast England. 8.00 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? (R). 8.30 Only Connect Three members of a press gang take on a trio of bakers. 9.00 Impact! A Horizon Guide to Plane Crashes How deadly disasters have been used to prevent future tragedies. 10.00 Horizon: 40 Years on the Moon (R). 11.00 Africa (R). 12.00 Lost Kingdoms of Africa (R). 1.00 Only Connect (R). 1.30 Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads? (R). 2.00 Timothy Spall: All at Sea (R). 2.30 Impact! A Horizon Guide to Plane Crashes (R).

MONDAY

10.00 The Footballers’ 10.00 The Bourne Identity 10.00 Made in Chelsea (HD). 10.00 Spartacus: Vengeance 10.20 Outnumbered The Brockmans have a (R,S,HD). A gladiator Football Show (HD). (HD) (2002). A fishing See Choices Above. restless night when a from the House of Dave Jones is joined by boat crew plucks a man thunderstorm breaks Batiatus stops Spartacus guests including out of the sea with two over the house – and in in his tracks as he tries to footballers, managers bullet wounds in his the morning a rescue Crixus from and club chairmen to back and a safe-deposit policeman comes Roman captivity, and discuss all the major number sewn into his knocking at the door. Ilithyia’s scheming puts stories in the week’s skin – but absolutely no Domestic comedy, her marriage to Glaber football news. memory of who he is or starring Hugh Dennis. at risk. how he got there. In the search for his true identity, he is pursued 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.00 Come Dine with Me: 11.15 Brit Cops: War on 11.00 FL72 Review A roundby assassins – but his Tony and Gary’s gleeful Made in Chelsea Crime (R,S). up of recent matches, attempts to escape anticipation of Christmas Special (R,HD). Four Documentary series featuring all the goals them suggest his own soon gives way to stars from the realityfollowing the work of from League One and past is far from disappointment and style drama compete in police officers in League Two. straightforward. comatose oblivion in the culinary challenge Lincolnshire as they Thriller, starring Matt front of the telly. Martin show. tackle crime. Damon. ●●●● Clunes stars. 12.20 The Only Way Is Essex (R,HD). The gang returns from Las Vegas. 1.10 The Vampire Diaries (R,HD). Elena and Damon set off to make sure Jeremy is safe in Denver. 1.50 All Star Family Fortunes (R). Liz McClarnon and Uri Geller compete. 2.25 Teleshopping 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

BBC3

12.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). Highlights of Saturday’s show. 1.00 Irish Football (HD). Portadown v Glenavon. 2.00 The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). The major stories in the week’s football news. 3.00 FL72 Review 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 5.00 Irish Football (HD).

October

14

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71


DIY SOS: THE BIG BUILD 9pm, BBC1

EMMERDALE 7pm, ITV

TV PICKS

Nick Knowles enlists local tradespeople in Maidstone, to help adapt the home of Mo Morris, a former Royal Engineer who struggles to walk unaided.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Fake Britain (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Real Rescues (S,HD). 11.45 Britain’s Empty Homes (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Keeping Up Appearances (R,S). 3.15 Perfection (S,HD). 4.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

Andy and Moira are relieved to find Sarah alone and unharmed, but their happiness is short-lived when they discover Cameron was involved in her disappearance. In the Woolpack, Debbie learns of her murderous ex’s return. Meanwhile, Ruby decides to stay with a friend, but Sean tries to prevent her from leaving.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues (R,S,HD). 7.50 Britain’s Empty Homes (R,S). 8.20 Sign Zone 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 News (HD). 11.30 World News (HD). 12.00 Daily Politics 1.00 Classic Mastermind (R,S). 1.30 Weakest Link (R,S). 2.15 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 2.45 Floyd on Fish (R,S,HD). 3.15 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 3.45 ’Allo ’Allo! (R,S). 4.15 Cagney & Lacey (R,S,HD). 5.00 Flog It! (R,S).

LIVE INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALL 7.30pm, ITV

England v Poland (kick-off 8.00pm). Coverage of the concluding Group H World Cup qualifier from Wembley Stadium, where England’s hopes of making it to Brazil could be decided.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). David Dickinson and the team head to Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

MASTERS OF SEX 9pm, Channel 4

The sexual response study is banned from the hospital, so Masters is forced to move it to a brothel, but soon receives unwelcome visitors. Finding herself held responsible for the project’s removal, Johnson is left fighting to save her job while struggling to care for her children.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 According to Jim 7.30 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.55 Frasier (R,S). 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12.00 News Summary 12.05 Gordon Ramsay’s Home Cooking 12.35 River Cottage Bites (S,HD). 12.50 Film: Earthquake (S,HD) (1974). See Choices Above. ●●●● 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Animal Maternity (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 Law & Order: Criminal Intent (R,S,HD). 3.10 Film: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (S) (1997). Mystery, starring Meredith Baxter, Victor Garber, Tony Lo Bianco and Sophie Lang. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). See Choices Above. 7.30 Live International Football (S,HD). England v Poland (kickoff 8.00pm). Coverage of the concluding Group H World Cup qualifier from Wembley Stadium, where England’s hopes of making it to Brazil could be decided. Roy Hodgson’s men may need to produce a better performance than they gave in the reverse fixture at Warsaw’s National Stadium last October, which finished in a 1-1 draw. Presented by Adrian Chiles, with commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend, and analysis from Roy Keane, Terry Butcher and Lee Dixon. See Choices Above.

7.00 News (S). 7.55 Sex Box (S,HD). 6/6. A couple talk to agony aunt and journalist Mariella Frostrup about what sex means to them. Last in the series.

7.00 Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails (S,HD). 2/25. 7.30 The Dog Rescuers (S,HD). Two Norwich RSPCA officers rescue a dog trapped on a small island. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 Double Your House for Half the Money (S,HD). 9/10. Sarah Beeny meets a Hertfordshire couple who plan to add three bedrooms to their tiny home, and follows a project in south London to dig out a basement.

8.00 CSI: Vegas Meets New York – Part One (R,S,HD). Mac Taylor travels to Nevada to surprise his girlfriend, but discovers she is missing and asks his Las Vegas colleagues for help. First of a two-part crossover episode. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Masters of Sex (S,HD). 2/12. See Choices Above.

9.00 CSI: Vegas Meets New York – Part Two (R,S,HD). 15/17. DB Russell heads to New York to help Mac search for his kidnapped girlfriend Christine, and James Boyd arranges to meet up with the gang to drop off the diamonds and release the hostages.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Brax reassures Heath and enlists Ricky’s help to get the wedding back on track. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

Jungle Babies: Tarsier Tails, 7pm

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 19/20. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sinead’s mistake has devastating consequences at the council flat.

8 Out of 10 Cats, 10.40pm

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 1/52. Malick struggles to accept he is now a patient, Elliot realises his new protegee Zosia is going to be a handful, and Sacha comes clean to Chrissie about his secret kiss with Mo.

8.00 The Great British Bake Off (S,HD). 9/16. The four semifinalists face three French challenges, having to prepare three types of savoury canapes, Charlotte Royale desserts and opera cakes. Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins present.

9.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 The Wrong Mans (S,HD). 4/6. See Choices Above. 9.30 The Sarah Millican Television Programme (S,HD). 4/6. With Dr Christian Jessen and Game of Thrones stars John Bradley, Finn Jones and Kristian Nairn.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 The Prison Restaurant (R,S,HD). Behind the scenes at the Clink, a restaurant staffed by convicted criminals at HMP High Down in Surrey that is providing inmates with a chance to learn a trade.

10.00 Later Live – with Jools Holland (S,HD). 5/8. Featuring performances by English singersongwriters John Newman, Lloyd Cole and Passenger, American indie band MGMT and Spanish jazz and soul singer Buika. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.25 ITV News and Weather (S). 10.50 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.10 London Irish (S). 4/6. Conor introduces the gang to his new wife. 10.40 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 2/9. Jimmy Carr hosts the irreverent panel show, with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined by Richard Hammond, Carol Vorderman, Paul Foot and Matt Forde.

10.00 Castle (S,HD). 4/24. See Choices Above. 10.55 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 4/9. Megan tries to identify a murder victim from body parts found by a homeless man – a gruesome task made worse by Lacey’s filming of her in action for a school project.

11.25 The Girl in the Park (S) (2007). See Choices Above. ●●●

11.20 Stephen Fry: Out There (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. The broadcaster travels to various parts of the world to learn about the lives of gay people, beginning by talking to Elton John and David Furnish.

11.00 International Football Highlights (S,HD). England v Poland. Highlights of the Group H World Cup qualifier from Wembley Stadium, where both sides played their final match of the campaign.

11.30 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/22. Bart goes on the run. 11.55 The Simpsons (R,S). 12/22. Bart lands a job on the Krusty the Clown Show and becomes an instant celebrity, complete with his own catchphrase.

11.55 Law & Order: Criminal Intent (R,S,HD). 6/16. A man involved in a bank heist is killed six months later in a deliberate explosion. Crime drama, starring Jeff Goldblum and Julianne Nicholson.

1.10 Weatherview (S). 1.15 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Mum and Dad Are Splitting Up (R,S). Olly Lambert’s film examines five young people’s experiences of their parents’ divorces and separations, with both the children and the adults talking about how they were affected. 1.20 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two. 3.50 BBC Learning Zone

12.00 Jackpot247 Viewers get the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with a mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

12.25 Random Acts (S). 12.30 Poker (S). 1.30 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). Billy Dib v Mike Oliver. 1.55 Beach Volleyball (S). 2.50 FIM Superbike World Championship (R,S). 3.20 XTERRA England (R,S). 3.50 British GT (R,S). 4.15 The Hever Castle Triathlon (R,S). 5.10 Brief Encounters of the Sporting Mind (R,S). 5.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.40 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours (R,S). The murder of a homeless man whom people referred to as Santa Claus is solved due to the determination of police and scientists. 1.10 SuperCasino 3.55 Nick’s Quest (R,S). 4.20 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

after

12

72

Tipping Point, 4pm

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 76/140. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two (S,HD). Zoe Ball is joined by the couple who narrowly avoided elimination on Sunday. 7.00 Rick Stein’s India (R,S,HD). 2/6. The chef enjoys Parsee hospitality in Mumbai and learns about their contribution to Indian cuisine.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Live chat and topical reports. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Jack and Ronnie are reminded of the life they could have had. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

10 11

The Great British Bake Off, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6 7 8 9

Holby City, 8pm

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A mathematical genius working in investment banking is shot and killed with a 200-year-old bullet, and Castle suspects that time travel is involved. Crime drama, starring Nathan Fillion.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Coronation Street 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.55 Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street (R,HD). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R). 4.10 Real Housewives of Orange County (R,HD). 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,HD).

THE WRONG MANS 9pm, BBC2

The devious Scarlett sends Sam and Phil on a mission to retrieve a music box, which has fallen into the hands of eccentric Russian millionaire Marat Milankovic. With the vengeful Lau still seeking payback, the duo find themselves at a drug-fuelled house party and stumble upon an assassination plot.

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 (R,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee (R,HD). 10.00 New Girl (R,HD). 10.30 Mindy Project (R,HD). 11.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks (R,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). 2.00 Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1

FILM PICKS

CASTLE 10pm, Channel 5

THE GIRL IN THE PARK 11.25pm, BBC1

Residents of Los Angeles face a fight for survival after the city is struck by a devastating earthquake. Disaster movie, starring Charlton Heston.

A grieving woman becomes convinced an 18-year-old con-woman is her daughter. Drama, with Sigourney Weaver and Kate Bosworth.

GOLD

6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Middle (R,S,HD).

EARTHQUAKE 12.50pm, Channel 4

Sky Sports 1

6.05 2point4 Children 6.40 Sykes 7.10 2point4 Children 7.50 Sykes 8.30 As Time Goes By 9.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.50 One Foot in the Grave 12.30 Yes, Prime Minister 1.10 The Green Green Grass 1.50 The Good Life 2.30 As Time Goes By 3.10 Jeeves and Wooster 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Irish Football (HD). 10.00 The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). 11.00 FL72 Review 12.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 1.00 Irish Football (HD). 2.00 The Footballers’ Football Show (HD). 3.00 FL72 Review 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits (HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S). 5.30 Irish Football (HD).

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm

Happy Endings, 9.30pm

NCIS: Los Angeles, 10pm

Bring Me Morecambe ... 9pm

Live Football, 7.30pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Londoner Midge chooses three blind dates. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Homer tackles a biker gang. Featuring the voice of John Goodman.

6.20 Yes, Prime Minister Jim tries to inject radical new ideas into local government, but meets with spirited resistance. Paul Eddington stars.

6.30 Sportswomen (HD). The biggest talkingpoints in the world of women’s sport, including interviews and features.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Naughty animals and crazy teenagers. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A driver reverses his car into a river.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). The villagers try to rescue the survivors of the explosion at the flats. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Homer receives marital advice from a movie star. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Bart is placed on medication.

7.00 Open All Hours Nurse Gladys poses as a customer. 7.40 Outnumbered The family has a restless night.

8.00 Peter Andre: My Life (R,HD). Pete continues his charity bike ride in Zanzibar, and pays a visit to the hospital he is raising funds for.

8.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Barney must get Robin’s father to approve their engagement. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

8.00 Glee (R,S,HD). Tina receives an unexpected nomination for prom queen, while Rachel and Santana take jobs at a Broadway diner as they try to make ends meet in New York.

8.20 Only Fools and Horses Del and Rodney reluctantly agree to let Grandad accompany them on their holiday abroad – a decision they come to regret. Comedy, starring David Jason.

9.00 The Magaluf Weekender (HD). Two more groups of revellers arrive in the party resort for three days of holiday fun, greeted by hotel reps Jamie-Leigh, Imogen, Jordan and Tobi.

9.00 Rules of Engagement (HD). Liz decides she wants a baby. 9.30 Happy Endings (HD). The friends worry about Penny after her break-up with Pete, and their concern grows when she writes a dark play.

9.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington heads for Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, taking in the culture of Brazil along the way – as well as visiting a nudist beach and experiencing a back wax.

9.00 Bring Me Morecambe & Wise A celebration of the comedy duo’s series of sketches based around the plays that Ernie wrote. Plus, a look at the movies the duo appeared in and the actors who guest-starred on their television show.

7.00 Football Gold (S). 7.15 Football Gold (S). 7.30 Live International Football (HD). Scotland v Croatia (kick-off 8.00pm). Coverage of the final World Cup Group A qualifier for both sides, staged at Hampden Park. The visitors have spent much of the campaign in second place behind Belgium in the standings, and their cause was damaged greatly in June when they lost 1-0 to the Scots. Robert Snodgrass was on the scoresheet that day, and Gordon Strachan will be looking to at least avoid finishing bottom of the group after improved performances of late.

10.00 The Two Ronnies 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.15 International Football 10.00 Celebrity Juice (R,HD). 10.00 Planes, Trains and Spectacle The three(R,S,HD). Part one of (HD). Highlights from Comedy quiz. Automobiles (HD) part documentary two. Deeks and Kensi go the final round of World (1987). A stressed 10.50 Tricked (R,HD). Hiddenconcludes with a look at undercover at a dog Cup qualifiers, which businessman just wants camera magic show, in the duo’s musical show – complete with included Belgium v to make it home to which unsuspecting numbers and the prized poodle – to Wales and Scotland v spend Thanksgiving celebrities and members ongoing serial sketches investigate a breeder Croatia. with his family. Comedy, of the public are that became a hallmark involved in the death of starring Steve Martin, subjected to Ben of the series. Last in the Hanna’s former CIA John Candy and Michael Hanlin’s tricks and series. colleague. McKean. ●●●● illusions. 11.50 Utterly Outrageous Celebrity Frock Ups (R). Denise Van Outen’s favourite fashion slipups.

11.50 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon misses an opportunity to meet Stan Lee.

11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). Part two of two. The agents make their way through Frank’s list, tracking down the remaining sleeper agents.

11.00 Only Fools and Horses. 11.15 Football Gold (S). The Trotters journey to Manchester United v Holland to dabble in the Manchester City from diamond import 1994/95. business – with old foe 11.30 Football Gold (S). Inspector Slater hot on 11.45 Football Asia (S). Soccer their trail. Guest starring news from the Far East. Jim Broadbent.

12.50 The Vampire Diaries (R,HD). Alaric finds an unexpected ally to guide him on his dangerous new path, while a spell at the school’s 1920s Decade Dance could prove devastating for everyone. 1.45 The Vampire Diaries (R,HD). Klaus tries to leave town with Elena. 2.30 Teleshopping

12.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). The friends fight over a ring they believe was used in The Lord of the Rings. 12.50 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 1.20 90210 (R,HD). 2.10 Bob’s Burgers (R,HD). 2.35 Being Erica (R,HD). 3.20 Glee (R,HD). 4.00 Ugly Betty (R,HD). 4.45 Life Unexpected (R,HD).

12.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). Following police officers in Lincolnshire. 1.00 Road Wars (R,S). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Ross Kemp in Search of Pirates (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 4.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline (R,S). 5.30 Airline (R,S).

1.00 The Comic Strip Presents: More Bad News A heavy metal band reunite for a one-off gig, but all does not go according to plan. Comedy, starring Adrian Edmondson, Rik Mayall and Nigel Planer. 1.55 The Comic Strip Presents: The Yob 3.00 Home Shopping Armchair buys.

Esoteric Arts presents

12.15 International Football (HD). 1.15 Football Gold (S). 1.30 Football Asia (S). 2.00 International Football (HD). 3.00 Football Gold (S). 3.15 Football Gold (S). 3.30 Football Asia (S). 4.00 International Football (HD). 5.00 Football Gold (S). 5.30 Football Asia (S).

BBC3

7.00 Top Gear (R,S). 8.00 Gavin & Stacey (R,S). 8.30 Gavin & Stacey (R,S). The Shipmans drive to Wales for the wedding fayre. 9.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (S). A professional boxer plans every detail of his wedding. 10.00 Sweat the Small Stuff (S). New series. Return of the panel show, hosted by Nick Grimshaw. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). Jack and Ronnie are reminded of the life they could have had. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Sweat the Small Stuff (R,S). 1.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). 2.00 Some Girls (R,S). 2.30 Staying In with Greg and Russell (R,S). 3.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 Timothy Spall: All at Sea (R). The actor explores the Yorkshire coast. 8.00 Britain on Film: Country Living (R). 8.30 Secret Knowledge: Hidden Jewels of the Cheapside Hoard 9.00 The Art of Australia 10.00 Kirsty Wark Meets Donna Tartt: A Review Show Special 10.30 Pain, Pus & Poison: The Search for Modern Medicines (R). 11.30 Destination Titan (R). 12.30 The Joy of Stats (R). 1.30 Britain on Film: Country Living (R). 2.00 Timothy Spall: All at Sea (R). 2.30 Secret Knowledge: Hidden Jewels of the Cheapside Hoard (R). 3.00 The Art of Australia (R).

TUESDAY October 15 ���’� ���� ��� ��������� ����������

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2013 TOUR WITH SPECIAL GUESTS

G O R D O N G I LT R A P A N D O L I V E R WA K E M A N

T h u r s d a y 7 t h N OV E M B E R

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73


TV PICKS

THE HOUSE THAT £100K BUILT 8pm, BBC2

WHEN GASTRIC BANDS GO WRONG 9pm, Channel 5

Kieran Long and Piers Taylor follow the progress of a couple who have bought a plot in an eco community in west Wales.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Fake Britain (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 11.00 Real Rescues (S,HD). 11.45 Britain’s Empty Homes (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Keeping Up Appearances (R,S). 3.15 Perfection (S,HD). 4.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

The stories of three people whose weight-loss surgery did not go to plan. David, 38, lost 24st, but his skin failed to tighten, Rachel had the same procedure, but her intestine ruptured and poisoned her insides, and Samantha shed almost 15st in 12 months before her gastric band caused an infection in her stomach.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer 7.00 Real Rescues 7.45 Britain’s Empty Homes 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under 9.00 Orangutans: The Great Ape Escape – Natural World 10.00 Plan It, Build It 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu 2.45 Floyd on Fish 3.15 Are You Being Served? 3.45 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 4.20 Cagney & Lacey 5.05 Flog It!

THE ONE AND ONLY CILLA BLACK 9pm, ITV

THE GREAT BRITISH YEAR 9pm, BBC1

Paul O’Grady celebrates the showbiz legend’s 50-year career, featuring a Blind Date revival and performances by Alison Moyet, Katie Melua and Cilla herself.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From Oswestry, Shropshire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). Features, music and conversation. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

The documentary follows British wildlife throughout summer, when animals flock from afar and competition for food is high. Hunters time their arrival from Africa to feast on flying insects, falcons chase after dragonflies, and sea urchins are forced to protect themselves from harmful UV rays.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 According to Jim 7.30 Will & Grace 7.55 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12.00 News Summary 12.05 Gordon Ramsay’s Home Cooking 12.35 River Cottage Bites 12.45 Film: Chariots of Fire (S,HD) (1981). See Choices Above. ●●●●● 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine with Me

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 The Railway: First Great Western (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 CSI: NY (R,S). 3.05 Film: The Long Shot (S) (2004). Drama, starring Julie Benz, Marsha Mason, Paul Le Mat and Gage Golightly. Edited for violence and language. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

The Culture Show … 10pm

Coronation Street, 8pm

My Tattoo Addiction, 10.45pm

Wentworth Prison, 10pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 20/20. Lisa gets her own TV show. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The villagers try to rescue the survivors of the explosion at the flats.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Brax decides to cut short the stag weekend when he finds out Heath had a one-night stand. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 77/140. Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two (S,HD). Ian Waite analyses the couples’ training. 7.00 Rick Stein’s India (R,S,HD). 3/6. The chef visits the town of Madurai in Tamil Nadu, where he learns the art of temple cooking and samples south Indian dish sambar.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Hour-long episode. A hostage situation unfolds at the Woolpack and the locals are told they will have to seek accommodation elsewhere.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge (R,S,HD). Robson Green visits Canada to take on the country’s most experienced fishermen. Followed by 5 News Update.

6 7 8 9

Father Figure, 10.35pm

8.00 Watchdog (S,HD). 5/8. Anne Robinson, Matt Allwright and Chris Hollins present the consumer investigation show, inviting senior representatives from major energy companies to answer viewers’ questions on why prices look set to rise again.

8.00 The House That £100K Built (S,HD). 5/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Coronation Street (S,HD). Hour-long episode. Kylie realises David knows that she slept with Nick, putting Lily’s christening in jeopardy. Hayley visits a clairvoyant, and Dennis is rocked by a tax bill.

8.00 River Cottage to the Core (S). 1/4. See Choices Above.

8.00 Animal Maternity (S,HD). A rare Sumatran tiger is under round-the-clock surveillance as her due date approaches, and a joey has to be hand-reared after being rejected by its mother. Followed by 5 News at 9.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 The Great British Year (S,HD). 3/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 Stephen Fry: Out There (S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. The broadcaster learns about a backlash against the gay community in Brazil and the erosion of equality in Russia, but finds a more positive outlook in India.

9.00 The One and Only Cilla Black (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Grand Designs (S,HD). 7/11. Kevin McCloud follows a London couple’s project to transform an inefficient and uninspiring 1950s house into a sleek, modernist masterpiece.

9.00 When Gastric Bands Go Wrong (S,HD). See Choices Above.

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10.00 The Culture Show: A Night at the London Film Festival (S,HD). 17/32. Mark Kermode explores the real-life stories that have inspired movies and documentaries being showcased at the London Film Festival. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 10.55 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.00 Gogglebox (S). 4/13. Weekly TV review programme. 10.45 My Tattoo Addiction (R,S). 3/3. A woman gets her first tattoo to celebrate the most important person in her life, while a man hopes his new design will help him cope with a failed relationship. Last in the series.

10.00 Wentworth Prison (S,HD). 8/10. The guards carry out regular cell searches and observe the women closely as they wait for reprisals, while Jacs decides to make a final move to deal with Bea once and for all.

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 Father Figure (S,HD). 5/6. Tom decides to hide the family’s gadgets and enforce some good old-fashioned fun, but his decision proves unpopular and his sons struggle to adapt to a world without computer games. 11.05 Room 101 – Extra Storage (R,S,HD). 7/8. With Larry Lamb, David O’Doherty and Lauren Laverne. 11.45 No Way Out (S) (1987). See Choices Above. ●●●●●

11.20 David Attenborough’s Rise of Animals: Triumph of the Vertebrates (R,S,HD). 1/2. Part one of two. The naturalist explores the evolution of vertebrates.

11.05 Exposure: Britain’s Booming Cannabis Business (S,HD). 3/8. Conor Woodman gains access to marijuana growers and dealers around Britain as he delves into the criminal underworld of the drug.

11.35 Don’t Blame Facebook (R,S,HD). Documentary looking at a selection of people from across the UK who ended up in trouble when they underestimated the power and reach of social media websites.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 10/23. A murder is linked to a gun store shoot-out. Crime drama, starring Laurence Fishburne. 11.55 Inside Hollywood. Magazine show.

1.35 Weatherview (S). 1.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S,HD). A look at some of the latest film releases, including Dummy Jim – the story of a deaf cyclist in the 1950s. With voiceover. 12.50 Sign Zone: Saving Syria’s Children – Panorama (R,S). The impact of the civil war on children. 1.35 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.05 Jackpot247.Viewers are offered the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 British Touring Car Championship (HD). 4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

12.35 Random Acts (S). 12.40 Film: Devdas (1936). Musical drama, starring KL Saigal and Jamuna. In Hindi. ●●●● 2.50 Film: The Red Pony (S) (1949). A boy seeks solace from his feuding family through his friendships with a ranch hand and a pony. Drama, with Robert Mitchum and Myrna Loy.●● 4.20 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 5.15 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

12.00 The Big Game (S,HD). Highlights of a recent poker tournament from around the world, as a table of card-sharps aimed to scoop the big-money first prize. 12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.55 Nick’s Quest (R,S). 4.20 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

after

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FRESHERS 9pm, ITV2

In this new series, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall uses fruit in a wide range of dishes and drinks, including roast pork with gooseberries, and aromatic mojitos with blackberry leaves.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 Holiday Airport: Lanzarote 7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.55 Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale 1.00 Holiday Airport: Lanzarote 2.00 Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 Real Housewives of Orange County 5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker

Six students embark on their first year at the University of Bedfordshire, beginning by waving goodbye to their families and meeting their new housemates. After settling into their surroundings, the undergraduates head to Luton for a night out together.

E4 6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Glee 10.00 New Girl 10.30 The Mindy Project 11.00 Rules of Engagement 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 3.00 New Girl 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

Sky1 6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 9.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Futurama (R,S,HD). 5.30 The Middle (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

RIVER COTTAGE TO THE CORE 8pm, Channel 4

NO WAY OUT 11.45pm, BBC1

CHARIOTS OF FIRE 12.45pm, Channel 4

A navy officer has an affair with a politician’s mistress, and ends up both investigator and suspect when she is murdered. Thriller, with Kevin Costner.

GOLD 6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.10 2point4 Children 7.50 Sykes 8.30 As Time Goes By 9.10 Green Green Grass 9.50 Good Life 10.30 Last of the Summer Wine 11.50 Open All Hours 12.30 Yes, Prime Minister 1.10 Green Green Grass 1.50 Good Life 2.30 As Time Goes By 3.05 Jeeves and Wooster 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Yes, Prime Minister

Oscar-winning factbased drama, starring Ian Charleson, Ben Cross, Nigel Havers, John Gielgud and Ian Holm. Vangelis provides the soundtrack.

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 International Football (HD). 10.00 Live International OneDay Cricket (HD). India v Australia. Coverage of the second fixture in the seven-match series, which takes place at the Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur.

The Break-Up, 10.50pm

Rude Tube, 9.50pm

Harrow: A Very … 8pm

Blackadder the Third, 9.40pm

Live Cricket, 10am

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Matt from Guildford chooses three blind dates. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon receives a prestigious prize. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Moe decides to change his down-at-heel image by undergoing plastic surgery.

6.20 Only Fools and Horses. The Trotters go on holiday. Comedy, starring David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst and Lennard Pearce.

6.30 Football Gold (S). 6.45 Football Gold (S). West Ham United v Tottenham Hotspur from the 2006/07 season.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Crazy cats and daft dogs. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Featuring a springcleaning dog.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). The village grieves as the dust settles on the site of the explosion. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). With the voice of Frances McDormand. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). The family goes on the run.

7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial (S). 7.30 Football Gold (S). Manchester City v Tottenham Hotspur. 7.45 Football Gold (S).

8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Forever (R). Comedian Harry Hill narrates a selection of surreal camcorder calamities and viewers’ mobilephone footage.

8.00 Ice Age: The Meltdown (HD) (2006). Animated adventure sequel, with the voices of Ray Romano, John Leguizamo and Denis Leary. ●●

8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (S,HD). The summer term begins and, alongside exams and ancient tradition Speech Day, the boys prepare for the interhouse relay race.

7.00 Only Fools and Horses. Del-Boy enters the import trade after striking a deal with Boycie to fetch a consignment of dodgy diamonds across from Holland, and ropes in Rodney and Uncle Albert to help. Their plans are jeopardised when old foe Chief Inspector Slater picks up the Trotters’ trail.

9.00 Freshers (HD). See Choices Above.

9.50 Rude Tube (R). Alex Zane presents a top 50 countdown of “internet incredibles”, in order of their online popularity. Hits featured include a loud belcher, a human Wikipedia and a swimming baby.

9.00 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). Reluctant explorer Karl Pilkington visits Peru, where he is unhappy with the Amazon jungle’s toilet arrangements and fails to impress a local tribe with his hunting skills.

9.00 Only Fools and Horses. Rodney joins the residents’ committee. 9.40 Blackadder the Third. Edmund discovers Prince George is broke and decides he will have to find him a bride with a large dowry.

9.00 Live Golf (HD). The PGA Grand Slam of Golf. Coverage of the second day’s play of the 36-hole stroke play competition at Port Royal Golf Course in Southampton, Bermuda, which is open to the year’s four Major winners. Adam Scott, Justin Rose and Jason Dufner have all accepted their invites this year, while defending champion Padraig Harrington replaces Open winner Phil Mickelson to complete the field.

12.55 Up All Night (R,HD). Reagan becomes jealous of Chris’s new female friend, and Ava’s rival Shayna is suspected of stealing ideas from her talk show. 1.25 Up All Night (R,HD). 1.50 All Star Family Fortunes (R). 2.25 Teleshopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.00 Suburgatory (R,HD). 1.30 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (R,HD). 2.00 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.25 Bob’s Burgers (R,HD). 2.45 Being Erica (R,HD). 3.30 Glee (R,HD). 4.15 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). 1.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Ross Kemp in Search of Pirates (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). Tracking fugitives. 4.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline (R,S). 5.30 Airline (R,S).

FREE

12.35 The Comic Strip Presents: The Yob. An illegal psychic teleportation experiment goes horribly wrong, and a pretentious music video director gets his genes mixed with those of a football hooligan. Keith Allen stars. 1.40 The Black Adder 2.15 The Black Adder 3.00 Home Shopping

7.00 Total Wipeout (R,S). 8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride (R,S). A professional boxer plans every detail of his wedding. 9.00 Unsafe Sex in the City (S). An 18-year-old receives a stark warning ahead of a holiday to Magaluf. 10.00 Staying In with Greg and Russell (S). 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News (R,S). Stories including aliens and Wayne Rooney. 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Unsafe Sex in the City (R,S). 1.30 Staying In with Greg and Russell (R,S). 2.00 Crime, Carnage & Cancun: Stacey Dooley Investigates (R,S). 3.00 Unsafe Sex in the City (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 Timothy Spall: All at Sea (R). The Spalls run into serious trouble on the River Medway. Last in the series. 8.00 Heritage! The Battle for Britain’s Past (R). The battle to preserve Britain’s ruins. 9.00 Medieval Lives: Birth, Marriage, Death. Matrimony in the Middle Ages. 10.00 The First Master Chef: Michel Roux on Escoffier (R). 11.00 Balmoral (R). The history of the royal family’s most private residence. 12.00 Too Much, Too Young: Children of the Middle Ages (R). 1.00 Heritage! The Battle for Britain’s Past (R). 2.00 Timothy Spall: All at Sea (R). 2.30 Medieval Lives: Birth, Marriage, Death (R).

WEDNESDAY October 16 ���’� ����

1.00 What’s the Story? (HD). Discussion show focusing on recent sports developments. 2.00 Football Gold (S). 2.15 Football Gold (S). 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial (S). 3.00 International One-Day Cricket (HD). India v Australia. 4.00 Live European Tour Golf (HD). The Perth International.

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10.20 Blackadder the Third. 10.00 A League of Their 10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.55 Made in Chelsea The Duke of Wellington Own (R,HD). Sports(HD). Reality (R,HD). The return of challenges Prince based comedy quiz, programme following a the reality show George to a duel, so hosted by James Corden, group of people in following the social Edmund plots to have with football pundit Essex, with each episode activities of a group of his Scottish cousin take Alan Shearer, comedian filmed just a few days people in their twenties, up the challenge Jason Manford and the before transmission. who live in and around instead. Comedy, guest Saturdays’ Frankie the most exclusive 10.50 The Break-Up (HD) starring Stephen Fry, Sandford. Last in the postcodes in London. In (2006). A couple’s with Rowan Atkinson. series. the first episode, relationship comes to an Spencer and Lucy begin end, but neither wants to talk following the to give up their home, 11.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police 11.00 The Black Adder. revelation that he forcing them to carry on Edmund meets an officers use unmarked cheated, but he seems living together. Comedy eligible princess. cars fitted with on-board more interested in her drama, starring Jennifer video cameras, offering 11.45 The Black Adder. attitude toward his Aniston, Vince Vaughn, an insight into vehicle Edmund is appointed ex-girlfriend Louise. Jon Favreau and Joey crime and how it can be Archbishop of Lauren Adams. prevented. Canterbury. Including FYI Daily. ●●

8.00 International One-Day Cricket (HD). India v Australia. Highlights of the second fixture in the seven-match series, which took place at the Sawai Mansingh Stadium in Jaipur.

BBC3

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TRUCKERS 9pm, BBC1

TV PICKS

Martin tries to establish himself as the boss when he is handed the haulage company in his father’s will, but his changes fail to go down well with the truckers.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Fake Britain (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Real Rescues (S,HD). 11.45 Britain’s Empty Homes (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Keeping Up Appearances (R,S). 3.15 Perfection (S,HD). 4.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BRITAIN’S SECRET TREASURES 8.30pm, ITV

Michael Buerk and Bettany Hughes are joined by guest presenters to unveil important artefacts found by members of the public. James Purefoy tells the tale of an ancient sword at the heart of Northumberland’s history, and Mary-Ann Ochota uncovers the story of a discovery in Lincolnshire.

BBC2

6.00 This Is BBC Two 6.05 Homes Under the Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues 7.50 Britain’s Empty Homes 8.20 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under 9.05 Robert Peston Goes Shopping 10.05 Plan It, Build It (R,S). 10.35 HARDtalk (R,S,HD). 11.00 BBC News (S,HD). 11.30 BBC World News 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 Weakest Link (R,S). 2.15 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 2.45 Floyd on Fish (R,S,HD). 3.15 Are You Being Served? 3.45 ‘Allo ‘Allo! (R,S). 4.15 Cagney & Lacey (R,S,HD). 5.00 Flog It! (R,S).

PEAKY BLINDERS 9pm, BBC2

Thomas (Cillian Murphy) prepares to oust Billy Kimber at Worcester Racecourse, but secrets are revealed that force the Shelbys to face up to the problems that have divided them.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). Valuing antiques in Loughborough, Leicestershire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). Features, music and conversation. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

BREATHLESS 9pm, ITV

Elizabeth receives a chilling visit from Chief Inspector Mulligan, who reveals he has information that could turn her life upside down. Meanwhile, Otto continues to fuel his obsession with Angela by paying her a visit. Starring Jack Davenport, Natasha Little, Shaun Dingwall and Zoe Boyle.

Channel 4

6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 According to Jim 7.30 Will & Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12.00 News Summary (S). 12.05 Gordon Ramsay’s Home Cooking (S). 12.35 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals 1.05 River Cottage Bites 1.10 Film: Damn the Defiant! (S,HD) (1962). See Choices Above. ●●●● 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Four in a Bed 5.30 Come Dine with Me

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 Ring of Fire (S,HD). Sci-fi thriller, starring Michael Vartan, Lauren Lee Smith and Terry O’Quinn. 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Chris is left feeling hurt when Hudson shuts him out.

Trust Me I’m a Doctor, 8pm

The Chase, 5pm

Educating Yorkshire, 9pm

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 11pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 2/21. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). The village grieves as the dust settles on the site of the explosion.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Sally anxiously waits for the proceeds from the sale of the yacht. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topical stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Carl puts pressure on Ronnie to accept a business proposal. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 78/140. Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two (S,HD). A look ahead to the weekend’s action. 7.00 Rick Stein’s India (R,S,HD). 4/6. Rick goes in search of the perfect chicken korma in Lucknow and is recruited as a judge to find Punjab’s new “Star Chef”.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). The police continue their negotiations with Cameron, but to no avail. 7.30 Dying to Get High: Tonight (S,HD). Fiona Foster investigates the world of legal drugs.

7.00 News (S).

7.00 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). The return of the documentary following the work of highspeed interception teams. Followed by 5 News Update.

6 7 8 9

Question Time, 10.35pm

8.00 Waterloo Road (S,HD). 7/30. Nikki has a tough decision to make when her estranged daughter shows up, while the staff and pupils mourn Grantly’s death and the school’s sponsored clean goes awry.

8.00 Trust Me I’m a Doctor (S,HD). 2/3. Michael Mosley learns about an experiment to find out whether standing up a few more hours each day could have health benefits. Plus, Gabriel Weston witnesses a womb transplant.

8.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). The remaining hostages fight for their lives. 8.30 Britain’s Secret Treasures (S,HD). 1/8. See Choices Above.

8.00 Location, Location, Location (S,HD). 9/9. Kirstie Allsopp revisits Kelly Price and Emma Wilcox on the Berkshire and Hampshire borders, and Liverpool student Kate Harland, who had grown out of her flat. Last in the series.

8.00 The Railway: First Great Western (S,HD). Exploring the Royal Albert Bridge that spans the River Tamar. Last in the series. Followed by 5 News at 9.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Truckers (S,HD). 2/5. See Choices Above.

9.00 Peaky Blinders (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Breathless (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Educating Yorkshire (S). 7/8. A disruptive 13-year-old is hoping to take history as a GCSE, but the staff are concerned he could end up being permanently excluded from the school if he does not change his ways.

9.00 Dennis Nilsen’s First Kill: Countdown to Murder (S,HD). 2/6. Docu-drama using witness testimony, crime reports, forensic evidence and expert commentary to examine the events that led Dennis Nilsen to become a serial killer.

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10.00 Mock the Week – Again (R,S). Another chance to see an edition of the comedy show. Hosted by Dara O Briain, with guests joining Hugh Dennis on the panel to poke fun at the news. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followed by Weather.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 The Jonathan Ross Show (R,S,HD). 1/10. Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock talk about their new films, Captain Phillips and Gravity, and Cilla Black reflects on her 50-year career in showbiz. James Arthur performs.

10.00 Up All Night: The Nightclub Toilet (S). 1/4. See Choices Above.

10.00 Law & Order: Criminal Intent (S,HD). 5/8. See Choices Above.

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 6/38. David Dimbleby chairs a debate from Basingstoke, Hampshire, as a panel of guests faces topical questions from the audience.

11.35 This Week (S). Andrew Neil introduces a round-table chat, in which he, Michael Portillo and other guests take a lighthearted romp through the political and parliamentary developments of the past seven days.

11.20 Stephen Fry: Out There (R,S,HD). 2/2. The broadcaster concludes his examination of the lives of gay people across the globe.

11.40 Wild Britain with Ray Mears (R,S,HD). 2/10. The survival expert explores the ancient forests of the Isle of Wight.

11.05 999: What’s Your Emergency? (R,S,HD). 2/6. More insights into the work of ambulance staff across the nation.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R,S). 12/23. A former professional golfer is found dead in a cart after being shot in the neck. 11.55 Inside Hollywood (R). Magazine show.

12.20 Holiday Weatherview (S). 12.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Britain’s New Banking Scandal – Panorama (R,S). Adam Shaw investigates the latest financial scandal to hit British banks – the mis-selling of interest-rate swaps, leaving thousands of businesses struggling to stay afloat. 12.50 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview of upcoming programmes from BBC Two. 4.00 BBC Learning Zone

12.10 Jackpot247. Viewers are offered the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. Featuring a variety of prizes and promotions. 3.00 Dying to Get High: Tonight (R,HD). 3.25 ITV Nightscreen (HD). 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).

12.10 Random Acts (S). An animated romantic comedy set in a feline life class. 12.15 Diary of a Teenage Virgin (R,S). 1.10 Embarrassing Bodies: Live from the Clinic (R,S,HD). 2.05 Dogs: Their Secret Lives (R,S). 3.00 Unreported World (R,S). 3.25 SuperScrimpers (R,S,HD). 4.20 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.15 Countdown (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Viewers get the chance to take part in live interactive gaming, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.55 Nick’s Quest (R,S). 4.20 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT 10pm, Channel 5

The first of four documentaries following life after dark across Britain. Cameras capture the conversations and dramas unfolding in a busy nightclub in West Sussex.

ITV2 6.00 Emmerdale 7.00 Coronation Street 8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Kids Special 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 You’ve Been Framed! 12.00 Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 Real Housewives of Orange County 5.05 Big Rich Texas

Bing Cullman suffers a heart attack and dies in his cellar shortly after hosting a wine tasting to sell rare vintages he unearthed in a basement. It seems like a straightforward case, but Goren and Eames find traces of a drug that would have reacted with the victim’s medication and resulted in his death.

E4

Sky1

6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.05 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed 9.00 Glee 10.00 New Girl 10.30 The Mindy Project 11.00 Rules of Engagement 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 3.00 New Girl 3.30 The Mindy Project (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 7.30 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.30 The Middle (R,S,HD).

FILM PICKS

UP ALL NIGHT: THE NIGHTCLUB TOILET 10pm, Channel 4

DAMN THE DEFIANT! 1.10pm, Channel 4

The commander of a British warship fighting in the Napoleonic campaign faces bitter opposition from his right-hand man, a cruel and sadistic officer hated by the crew. In a battle of wills between the pair, the captain’s second-in-command tries to provoke his leader’s wrath by tormenting his son, an officer on the vessel. Drama, starring Alec Guinness, Dirk Bogarde and Anthony Quayle. Edited for violence.

GOLD 6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.00 2point4 Children 7.40 Sykes 8.20 As Time Goes By 9.00 The Green Green Grass 9.40 The Good Life 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.40 One Foot in the Grave 12.20 Yes, Prime Minister 1.00 The Green Green Grass 1.40 The Good Life 2.20 As Time Goes By 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Only Fools and Horses

Sky Sports 1 6.00 Live European Tour Golf (HD). The Perth International. 8.00 Golf (HD). 9.30 Inside the PGA Tour (HD). 10.00 European Tour Golf (HD). 2.00 Golf (HD). 3.00 Golf (HD). 4.30 Golf (HD). The Korea Open. 5.30 Premier League World (S,HD). A round-up of the latest news surrounding the Premier League, featuring interviews with managers and players.

Celebrity Juice ... 10pm

Don’t Trust the ... 9pm

Modern Family, 8pm

Only Fools and Horses, 9pm

Live European ... 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). Potential suitors woo a single man from London. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Guest starring Judy Greer.

6.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). Frankie is humiliated by a member of her family. 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

6.20 Yes, Prime Minister. Jim decides to save money by getting rid of the Department of Education, much to the disgust of Sir Humphrey.

6.00 FL72 Preview

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A practical joker scares a bungee jumper. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). A boy falls through floorboards.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). A surprising discovery threatens to throw Sam’s life into disarray. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Homer becomes the new voice of American politics.

7.00 Open All Hours. Arkwright plots to get into Gladys’s bedroom. 7.40 Blackadder the Third. Edmund tries to find a bride for Prince George.

8.00 The X Factor USA (HD). The second round of the four-chair challenge.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Leonard is offered a job opportunity. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Ted dates a younger woman.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Jay and his mother-in-law come to blows. 8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). Manny and Luke compete for an acting role.

8.20 Blackadder the Third. The Duke of Wellington challenges Prince George to a duel, so Edmund plots to have his Scottish cousin take up the challenge instead.

9.00 Tricked (HD). Magician Ben Hanlin messes with Robbie Savage’s mind in his hidden-camera show. Plus, Joe Swash experiences possibly the world’s scariest spa treatment.

9.00 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (HD). Chloe becomes uncharacteristically jealous. 9.30 Suburgatory (HD). George helps Dallas coach a t-ball team.

9.00 Trollied (S,HD). Richard employs Kelly Brook to help with the reopening. 9.30 An Idiot Abroad (R,S,HD). Karl Pilkington visits Egypt.

9.00 Only Fools and Horses. Rodney goes it alone. 9.40 Gavin & Stacey. Nessa goes into labour a month early in Barry, and the newlyweds must forget their differences to track down Smithy in time for the birth of his child.

7.00 Live European Challenge Cup Rugby Union (HD). London Wasps v Bayonne (Kickoff 7.45pm). All the action from the Pool Four fixture at Adams Park, as both clubs play their second match of the campaign. Grenoble and Viadana are the other sides in the group, and with just the winners progressing to the quarter-finals, this encounter is likely to prove pivotal.

10.00 Celebrity Juice: X Factor Special (HD). With guests Dermot O’Leary, Caroline Flack, Louis Walsh and Nicole Scherzinger. 10.50 The Magaluf Weekender (R,HD). Two more groups of revellers arrive.

10.30 Road Wars (R,S). Police 10.20 Gavin & Stacey – 10.00 FL72 Preview. A look 10.00 The IT Crowd (R). Christmas Special. On officers use unmarked ahead to the latest Douglas becomes tired Christmas Eve, the Wests cars fitted with on-board round of fixtures in the of married life after two join the Shipmans for video cameras, offering Championship, League weeks, and then has to one of Mick’s famous an insight into vehicle One and League Two. attend court. Last in the turkey dinners. Festive crime and how it can be series. edition of the comedy prevented. The 10.30 Rude Tube (R). A parrot from 2008, starring programme also with a foul mouth and Mathew Horne and features footage of the victim of a goose Joanna Page. dangerous drivers. attack.

11.50 Crazy Beaches (HD). A group of naked cowboys parties in Malia, Crete, and Chubby White decides to go on his first night out in three years.

11.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Sheldon tries to conceal his friendship with Penny from Leonard. 11.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD).

11.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). Documentary series following the work of police officers in Lincolnshire as they tackle crime.

11.40 The Black Adder. Edmund is accused of witchcraft. Frank Finlay guest stars.

12.20 The Only Way Is Essex (R,HD). Reality programme following a group of people in Essex, with each episode filmed just a few days before transmission. 1.05 Tricked (R,HD). 2.00 Life’s Funniest Moments (R). 2.20 Teleshopping 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 New Rude Tube (R). Alex Zane presents a top 50 countdown of quirky online hits. 1.00 The IT Crowd (R). 1.35 Rude Tube (R). 2.00 Happy Endings (R,HD). 2.20 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.40 Friday Night Dinner (R,HD). 3.10 Full English (R,HD). 3.35 Glee (R,HD). 4.20 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 Road Wars (R,S). Police officers combat vehicle crime. 1.00 Brit Cops: War on Crime (R,S). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Ross Kemp: Battle for the Amazon (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 4.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline (R,S). 5.30 Airline (R,S).

12.25 The Comic Strip Presents: Didn’t You Kill My Brother? An ex-convict seeks revenge. Comedy, starring Alexei Sayle. 1.30 The Black Adder 2.00 The Comic Strip Presents: Didn’t You Kill My Brother? 3.00 Home Shopping A chance to purchase goods from the comfort of home.

11.00 Premier League World. A round-up of the latest news surrounding the Premier League. 11.30 Football Gold. 11.45 Football Gold. . 12.00 NFL – A Football Life (HD) 1.00 Live NFL (HD). Arizona Cardinals v Seattle Seahawks (Kickoff 1.25am). Coverage of the NFC West encounter at the University of Phoenix Stadium. 4.30 Premier League World (S,HD). A round-up of the latest news. 5.00 FL72 Preview

BBC3

7.00 Doctor Who’s Greatest Moments: The Enemies (R,S). 8.00 Motorway Cops (R,S). Officers go beyond the call of duty to help a 91-year-old war veteran. 9.00 Hotel of Mum and Dad (S). Two couples from Norwich move into their own homes. 10.00 Live at the Apollo (R,S). With Lee Mack, Rich Hall and Danny Bhoy. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). Peter is forced to return to third grade. 11.45 American Dad! (R,S). 12.10 American Dad! (R,S). 12.30 Staying In with Greg and Russell (R,S). 1.00 Sweat the Small Stuff (R,S). 1.30 Hotel of Mum and Dad (R,S). 2.30 Unsafe Sex in the City (R,S). 3.30 Some Girls (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 Top of the Pops: 1978 (R). 8.00 The Horizon Guide to Mars (R). Archive footage of scientific missions to the red planet. 9.00 Pain, Pus & Poison: The Search for Modern Medicines. How scientists exploited the natural world to make medicines. Last in the series. 10.00 Impact! A Horizon Guide to Plane Crashes (R). How deadly disasters have been used to prevent future tragedies. 11.00 The Art of Australia (R) 12.00 Beautiful Thing: A Passion for Porcelain (R). 1.00 Top of the Pops: 1978 (R). 1.40 The Horizon Guide to Mars (R). 2.40 Pain, Pus & Poison: The Search for Modern Medicines (R).

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CITIZEN KHAN 9.30pm, BBC1

TV PICKS

A local MP visits the mosque to endorse its mobile health-check unit and Mr Khan takes future son-in-law Amjad as his guinea pig – but things do not quite go to plan.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Fake Britain (R,S). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S). 11.00 Real Rescues (S,HD). 11.45 Britain’s Empty Homes (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Keeping Up Appearances (R,S). 3.15 Perfection (S,HD). 4.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

HENS BEHAVING BADLY 9pm, Channel 5

Roxanne has turned her hen party into the prom night she missed because she was pregnant, but her friends look set to derail the evening at an early stage. In Leicester, Lyndsie’s future husband is drunk before she and her group have set off and she has to call on her ex-boyfriend to babysit her five children.

BBC2

6.00 Homes Under the Hammer 7.00 Real Rescues 7.45 Britain’s Empty Homes 8.15 Sign Zone: Wanted Down Under 9.00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 10.00 Question Time 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00 Daily Politics (S). 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu 2.45 Floyd on Fish 3.15 Are You Being Served? (R,S). 3.45 ‘Allo ‘Allo! (R,S). 4.15 Cagney & Lacey (R,S,HD). 5.00 Flog It! (R,S).

WALRUS: TWO TONNE TUSKER – NATURAL WORLD 9pm, BBC2

Marine mammal reproduction expert Holley Muraco heads to the wilds of northern Alaska to learn more about walruses’ behaviour.

ITV

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 10.30 This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From Ormskirk in Lancashire. 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). Features, music and conversation. 3.59 Regional Weather (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

MAN DOWN 9.30pm, Channel 4

Comedy, written by and starring Greg Davies, following the life of a teacher who hates his job. Dan has lost his trousers and is in danger of losing his girlfriend Naomi, who is running out of patience with his inability to complete even the simplest of tasks. Rik Mayall also stars.

Channel 4

6.00 The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 According to Jim 7.30 Will & Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Gordon Ramsay’s Home Cooking 12.35 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals 1.05 Film: Murphy’s War (S) (1971). ●●● 3.10 Countdown (S,HD). 4.00 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Four in a Bed 5.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.10 Cowboy Builders (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 The Mentalist (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Gracie’s Choice (S) (2004). Drama, starring Kristen Bell, Anne Heche, Diane Ladd and Shedrack Anderson. ●●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Matt falls out with Mason and Amber.

Mastermind, 8pm

Gino’s Italian Escape, 8pm

Alan Carr: Chatty Man, 10pm

Criminals: Caught on Camera, 8pm

6.00 BBC News (S,HD). Followed by Weather. 6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather. 6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3/21. Bart steals a mobile phone. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). A surprising discovery threatens to throw Sam’s life into disarray.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). Marilyn and Jett sort out their differences. 6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted by Chris Evans and Alex Jones. 7.30 Ronnie’s Animal Crackers (S,HD). The world of alternative therapy for pets. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

6.00 Eggheads (S,HD). 79/140. Quiz show, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two (S,HD). A look ahead to tomorrow’s live show. 7.00 Rick Stein’s India (R,S,HD). 5/6. The chef arrives in the state of Rajasthan, a land of palaces and hilltop forts where he cooks a biryani fit for a royal banquet.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Joanie dashes Amy’s hopes of getting Kyle back. 7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Barry tells Michelle the real reason his marriage is in trouble.

7.00 News (S). 7.30 Unreported World (S). 3/8. Marcel Theroux meets two people who represent the contrasting paths to love in modern China.

7.00 World’s Strongest Man 2012 (R,S,HD). Action from the fifth of five qualifying heats in Los Angeles, California. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Alice hatches a cunning plan to demonstrate where her loyalties lie. 8.30 Miranda (R,S,HD). 5/6. Penny and Miranda are forced to see a therapist. Comedy, starring Miranda Hart.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 10/31. The specialist subjects are Asterix, General Robert E Lee, Puccini and George IV. 8.30 Gardeners’ World (S,HD). 27/31. Monty Don gives advice on protecting plants from the first frosts of the season.

8.00 Gino’s Italian Escape (S,HD). 5/6. Gino D’Acampo returns to his native Campania – the region in which he grew up and where his family still lives. 8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Roy listens in utter disbelief as Hayley reveals her plans.

8.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (S,HD). 4/13. The team tries to track down a mysterious woman who has singlehandedly committed numerous high-stakes robberies, but her true identity spells trouble for Coulson.

8.00 Criminals: Caught on Camera (S,HD). New series. Journalist Nick Wallis joins police forces across the nation to discover how CCTV and other technological advances are helping to bring criminals to justice. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Have I Got News for You (S,HD). 3/11. Comedy news quiz. 9.30 Citizen Khan (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Walrus: Two Tonne Tusker – Natural World (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Julian Clary (S,HD). 4/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 3/9. With Helen Flanagan, Henning Wehn and Miles Jupp. 9.30 Man Down (S,HD). 1/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 Hens Behaving Badly (S,HD). 2/2. See Choices Above.

6 7 8 9

Have I Got News for You, 9pm

10.00 BBC News (S,HD). 10.25 Regional News (S). Followed by National Lottery Update. 10.35 The Graham Norton Show (S,HD). 2/20. With Paul McCartney, Natalie Portman, James Corden and Katy Perry.

10.00 QI (S,HD). 7/18. Jo Brand, Graham Linehan and Jimmy Carr join regular panellist Alan Davies as host Stephen Fry asks a range of unusual questions on the topic of knowledge. 10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 Celebrity Wedding Planner (S,HD). 2/2. Charlotte Crosby and Gaz Beadle from reality TV show Geordie Shore organise a Gloucestershire couple’s wedding, arranging everything from the dress to the stag and hen parties.

11.20 Bluestone 42 (S,HD). 2/8. Nick is desperate to find decent food to use in an attempt to seduce Mary. 11.50 Poltergeist (S) (1982). Horror, with JoBeth Williams and Craig T Nelson. ●●●●

11.00 Weather (S). 11.05 Later with Jools Holland (S,HD). 5/8. Extended edition. With John Newman, Lloyd Cole, MGMT, Passenger and Buika.

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S). 10.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 10.35 Bowfinger (S,HD) (1999). A struggling Hollywood producer comes up with a cunning plan to splice secretly filmed footage of a famous action star into his latest low-budget sci-fi movie to give it a veneer of quality. However, his efforts drive the bewildered actor into having paranoid delusions that aliens really have invaded the Earth. Comedy, starring Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Heather Graham, Robert Downey Jr and Terence Stamp. See Choices Above. ●●●●

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man (S). 8/18. Britney Spears talks about life in the music industry and her new single, London 2012 double gold medallist Mo Farah discusses his autobiography Twin Ambitions, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in the studio to promote his latest film Don Jon.

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

11.05 Was It Something I Said? (S,HD). 2/8. Extended edition, with guests Ed Byrne and Gabby Logan. 11.55 Gogglebox (R,S). 4/13. Weekly TV review programme, narrated by Caroline Aherne.

11.00 Angels & Demons (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. ●●●

1.40 Weatherview (S). 1.45 BBC News (S,HD).

12.10 Film: Point Blank (S) (1967). A gangster meets up with his wife and his partner-in-crime to divide the spoils of a robbery, only for them to shoot him and take all the money, leaving him for dead. Crime thriller, starring Lee Marvin, John Vernon, Angie Dickinson and Keenan Wynn.●●●● 1.40 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). 2.40 This Is BBC Two (S).

12.20 Jackpot247. Viewers are offered the chance to participate in live interactive gaming from the comfort of their sofas, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.00 Film: Murder, She Wrote: South by Southwest (S) (1997). Mystery, starring Angela Lansbury. ●● 4.30 ITV Nightscreen (HD).

12.40 London Irish (R,S). 1.05 Film: The Runaways (S,HD) (2010). Biopic of the 1970s rock band, starring Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning. ●●● 2.55 Random Acts (S). 3.00 The Big C (S,HD). 3.25 2 Broke Girls (S,HD). 3.50 2 Broke Girls (S,HD). 4.10 Don’t Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 (S,HD). 4.35 Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.30 Countdown (R,S,HD).

1.30 SuperCasino. Viewers get the chance to take part in live interactive gaming, with an entertaining mix of roulette-wheel spins and lively chat from the presenting team. 3.55 Motorsport Mundial (HD). A roundup of motorsport news. 4.20 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (R,S). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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GLEE 8pm, Sky1

The comedian talks about his life and career, revealing that he once considered committing suicide and discussing how he juggled work with caring for his dying boyfriend.

ITV2

Tribute episode to actor Cory Monteith, who died in July. New Directions are united in grief after hearing of the sudden death of Finn. Mr Schue encourages them to remember their friend through song, and former members of the group return to the school to help pay their respects.

E4

Sky1

FILM PICKS

PIERS MORGAN’S LIFE STORIES: JULIAN CLARY 9pm, ITV

BOWFINGER 10.35pm, ITV

ANGELS & DEMONS 11.00pm, Channel 5

A producer splices secretly filmed footage of a major star into his latest low-budget movie – driving the actor out of his mind. Comedy, starring Eddie Murphy.

GOLD 6.00 2point4 Children 6.30 Sykes 7.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 8.20 As Time Goes By 9.00 Green Green Grass 9.40 Good Life 10.20 Last of the Summer Wine 11.40 Open All Hours 12.20 Yes, Prime Minister 1.00 Ever Decreasing Circles 2.20 As Time Goes By 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 4.20 Last of the Summer Wine 5.40 Only Fools and Horses

Academic adventurer Robert Langdon is called in by the Vatican to deal with a crisis. Thriller sequel to The Da Vinci Code, with Tom Hanks.

Sky Sports 1

6.00 Emmerdale 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! 7.55 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.40 Dinner Date 9.40 The Real Housewives of New York City 10.35 The Real Housewives of Orange County 11.30 Big Rich Texas 12.30 Emmerdale 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! 2.00 Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 Real Housewives of Orange County 5.05 Big Rich Texas

6.00 Switched 6.25 90210 7.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed (R). 9.00 Glee 10.00 New Girl 10.30 Suburgatory 11.00 Rules of Engagement 11.30 Charmed (R). 12.30 Hollyoaks 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 3.00 New Girl (R,HD). 3.30 Suburgatory (R,HD). 4.00 Rules of Engagement (R,HD). 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

6.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 7.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 8.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 9.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stargate SG-1 (R,S,HD). 5.00 Futurama (R,S). 5.30 The Middle (R,S,HD).

The Bourne Identity, 10pm

How I Met Your … 7.30pm

A League of Their … 9pm

Gavin & Stacey, 7pm

Live Rugby Union, 7pm

6.00 Dinner Date (R,HD). A man from the West Midlands takes part in the dating show. Narrated by Charlotte Hudson.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Penny gets drunk and seduces Leonard.

6.00 The Middle (R,S,HD). 6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD). Bart’s graffiti impresses a group of professional artists.

6.20 Yes, Prime Minister. Jim is horrified at allegations of phonetapping. Political comedy, starring Paul Eddington.

6.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). A discussion on key fantasy football issues.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! (R). Clumsy kids and sporting slip-ups.

7.00 Hollyoaks (HD). The Osbornes consider asking Nancy to help search for Tom. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S). Marge buys a tandem. 7.30 The Simpsons (R,S). Mr Burns brands Homer insane. With the voice of Michael Jackson.

8.00 The X Factor USA (HD). The remaining contestants set out to impress during the third round of the four-chair challenge, in which they compete for four spots on each mentor’s team. Judges Simon Cowell, Demi Lovato, Kelly Rowland and Paulina Rubio keep a close eye on proceedings to separate the wheat from the chaff.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). Leonard is offered a job opportunity. 8.30 How I Met Your Mother (R,HD). Ted dates a younger woman.

8.00 Glee (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.00 Gavin & Stacey. Nessa goes into labour a month early. 7.40 Gavin & Stacey – Christmas Special. The Wests join the Shipmans on Christmas Eve for one of Mick’s famous turkey dinners, but Gavin and Stacey’s announcement dampens the mood. Festive edition of the comedy from 2008, starring Mathew Horne and Joanna Page.

7.00 Live European Cup Rugby Union (HD). Saracens v Toulouse (Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverage of the opening match in the second round of pool fixtures, as the Pool Three rivals meet at Wembley Stadium. Zebre and Connacht are the other two teams in this pool, leaving Sarries and the four-time champions as favourites to battle it out for a place in the quarter-finals.

9.00 GI Joe: The Rise of 9.00 A League of Their 9.00 The Royle Family. Cobra (HD) (2009). Own: Unseen (S,HD). Denise has an accident When a powerful James Corden introduces while out shopping and experimental weapon is out-takes from series learns the true value of snatched by a mysterious seven of the sports-based nipple pads, while Jim terrorist organisation, comedy quiz, featuring struggles with baby two of the soldiers regulars Jamie David’s dirty nappy. guarding it are recruited Redknapp, Andrew 9.40 The Royle Family. Jim into a top-secret military Flintoff and Jack embarks on a spot of DIY. strike force. As they go Whitehall. in search of the stolen 10.15 Royle Exclusive: 10.30 The Fantasy Football technology, they uncover 10.00 Trollied (R,S,HD). Behind the Sofa. The Richard employs Kelly Club (HD). John Fendley a plot by its creator to story behind The Royle Brook to help with the and Paul Merson present take over the world. Family, featuring big reopening, and a discussion on key Action adventure, with outtakes and exclusive Gavin refuses to buy into fantasy football issues, as Channing Tatum, Sienna interviews with the the Valco Better well as the weekend’s Miller and Christopher sitcom’s cast and crew, experience. Premier League matches. Eccleston. ●●● plus the views of famous Also featuring guests 10.30 Road Wars (R,S). Police fans of the show. from the worlds of sport officers combat vehicle and showbiz. crime.

10.00 The Bourne Identity (HD) (2002). A fishing boat crew plucks a man out of the sea with two bullet wounds in his back and a safe-deposit number sewn into his skin – but absolutely no memory of who he is or how he got there. In the search for his true identity, he is pursued 11.20 New Rude Tube (R). 11.30 Road Wars (R,S). by assassins – but his Alex Zane presents a top attempts to escape 50 countdown of them suggest his own “internet incredibles”, past is far from in order of their online straightforward. popularity. Thriller, starring Matt Damon. ●●●● 12.20 Film: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (HD) (2008). A jilted man takes a trip to Hawaii, only to find his ex and her new boyfriend are staying at the same resort. Romantic comedy, with Jason Segel, Kristen Bell and Russell Brand. Including FYI Daily. ●●● 2.30 Teleshopping

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Premier League World (S,HD). 9.30 Inside the PGA Tour (HD). 10.00 European Tour Golf (HD). 2.00 Golf (HD). 3.00 Ringside (HD). 4.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). 4.30 Total Rugby. 5.00 Golf (HD). The Korea Open.

12.25 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 12.55 The Big Bang Theory (R,HD). 1.25 Friday Night Dinner (R,HD). 1.55 Full English (R,HD). 2.20 The Cleveland Show (R,HD). 2.45 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night (R,HD). 3.25 Show and Tell (R). 4.05 Glee (R,HD). 4.50 Ugly Betty (R,HD).

12.00 Film: SWAT (S) (2003). Action thriller, starring Samuel L Jackson and Colin Farrell. ●● 2.15 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.10 Ross Kemp: Battle for the Amazon (R,S,HD). 4.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 4.30 Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S). 5.00 Airline (R,S). 5.30 Airline (R,S).

11.30 Premier League Preview (HD). A look ahead to the weekend’s fixtures.

12.25 The Black Adder. Edmund sets out to recruit the seven most evil men in the land as part of a dastardly plan to steal the throne. 1.00 Porridge. Mackay takes a well-earned holiday. 1.30 The Royle Family 2.00 The Royle Family 2.30 The Black Adder 3.00 Home Shopping

12.00 European Cup Rugby Union (HD). Saracens v Toulouse. 3.30 Premier League Preview (HD). 4.00 The Fantasy Football Club (HD). 5.00 Champions League Weekly (HD). A look ahead to matchday three. 5.30 Football Gold (S). Manchester United v Chelsea. 5.45 Football Gold (S).

BBC3

7.00 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel (R,S). 7.15 Atlantis (R,S). 8.00 Extreme OCD Camp (R,S). Part two of two. The group treks deep into the American wilderness. 9.00 Orphan Black (S). Alison’s paranoia puts all of the Orphans at risk. 9.45 Staying In with Greg and Russell XL (S). With Jack Whitehall and Katy B. 10.30 EastEnders (R,S). 11.00 Family Guy (R,S). Lois is forced to find a job. 11.25 Family Guy (R,S). 11.45 C-Bomb (S). 12.05 American Dad! (R,S). Roger makes a new friend. 12.30 American Dad! (R,S). Steve uncovers a conspiracy. 12.50 Sweat the Small Stuff (R,S). 1.20 Staying In with Greg and Russell XL (R,S). 2.05 Some Girls (R,S). 2.35 C-Bomb (R,S). 2.55 Unsafe Sex in the City (R,S).

BBC4

7.00 World News Today; Weather. 7.30 Symphony (R). The history of classical symphonies. 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions. With Phil Cunningham and Mike McGoldrick. 9.00 How the Brits Rocked America: Go West (R). British bands’ attempts to find success in the USA. 10.00 How the Brits Rocked America: Go West (R). How bands including Led Zeppelin rose to fame during the 1970s. 11.00 How the Brits Rocked America: Go West (R). 12.00 Big in America: British Hits in the USA (R). 1.00 Paul McCartney at the Electric Proms (R). 2.00 Mark Knopfler: A Life in Songs (R). 3.00 Big in America: British Hits in the USA (R).

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The Weekend 11 October 2013