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INT. GANG HIDEOUT- NIGHT 1 A door bursts open. We see JAKE and KELSEY stumble in supporting a bloodied and limping SHAUN. All three are in bad shape; they have obviously been in some sort of altercation. KELSEY Fuckin’ superheroes, man. SHAUN God damn my leg hurts. Fucker came out of nowhere. KELSEY I hate how fast they are. One minute everything’s going along perfectly, next minute, BAM! You’re getting punched in the face while some spandexclad fuckwad goes on about the virtues of doing good while trying to look heroic for the fuckin’ bystanders. JAKE Why would he even were pulling some bank heist. We’re think we would be

bother us? It’s not like we super-planned, over the top just regular crooks. You’d under his radar.

SHAUN Please, don’t say that word… KELSEY That’s the thing, though. Supercunt back there isn’t big enough to go after the major heists. He’s gotta build up a rep by climbing up the criminal ladder. And we’re the lowest fuckin’ rungs, man. JAKE What word, Shaun? SHAUN Super. JAKE For fuck’s sake, Shaun, man up. You tried to roundhouse kick a fucking superhero. What did you think would happen? You aren’t exactly Bruce Lee.


SHAUN He didn’t have to break my fucking leg, though! You’d think with all his holier-than-thou attitude, he’d at least have the decency to go easy on us. KELSEY Don’t be such a bitch, Shaun. For one thing, your leg isn’t broken, you have a sprained ankle. For another, of course they’re not gonna “go easy on us.” In their mind, we’re not even human. JAKE Unless you have something to make you stand out as a criminal. Super powers, master plans, gadget… that’s when you get respect. KELSEY Well, we’re not gonna get anything like that. We either have to suck it up and become henchpeople, or scrape by pulling minor jobs and trying to avoid the eye of any wannabe crime fighters. Either way, it’s a shit life. SHAUN Hench-people? You mean henchmen? KELSEY Shut the fuck up, Shaun. I don’t your condescending misogyny right now. JAKE Or we could always, y’know, go straight. (Silence. After a couple seconds, both Shaun and Kelsey start laughing) SHAUN Are you fucking shitting me, man? JAKE Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. How many times do we have to get punched in the face before we learn that, hey, maybe crime doesn’t pay? Maybe we shouldn’t try to rob the bank in a city infested with superheroes? KELSEY


Or we could just move to the Midwest. No superheroes there.


Super Petty  

A trio of petty crooks discuss the downfalls of being criminals in a city full of superheroes.

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