Vortex December Edition 2013

Page 23

gains control of his legs. He takes a second to gather his bearings before showing a mild amount of surprise when he notices the intruder. MARIA responds with a grin and a polite wave.) LEE Uh… Sorry, but…who the hell are you? How did you get in my apartment? MARIA I guess you could say I’m an escort, of sorts. A very busy one, at that. Now, if we’re done wasting each other’s time, I would like to get out of here. I’ve got a quota to meet, and it’s very important that I do my job. You’re an escort? You mean like a… a prostitute?

LEE

MARIA Huh, what? Oh! No! I’m escorting you to the next world, you asshole! Now let’s hurry up and bounce. It’s almost noon. LEE Wait, hold up. Noon? For real? Oh, crud, I was supposed to be at work, like, hours ago. Oh, damn. This was gonna be the day! This was the day the owner was supposed to show up and(LEE continues to ramble about needing to get work as MARIA tries to talk to him.) MARIA Nah, buddy. You don’t need to worry about that. Now, let’s get goin’, man! I’ll give you the skinny on our way. LEE And I was gonna be all like “Hey!” And then she was gonna be like “Oh, Lee, you’re so cool, let’s make you a manager”MARIA Hey, man. Please. I don’t really have time for this. LEE But now I’m late, and my head feels like it’s about to split open, and I have to get this weird, spooky prostitute out of my apartment(MARIA clears her throat, finally shutting LEE up. She dramatically raises her hand towards the large pile of pizza boxes and the boxes rise into the air, revealing LEE’s body. She walks over to the body.) MARIA You. Do you know what this is?

(frustrated)

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