Staff
Rob A. Okun Editor
Lahri Bond
Art Director
Michael Burke Copy Editor
Read Predmore
Circulation Coordinator
Arjun Downs, Maia Mares, Adam Leader-Smith Interns
VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the Alliance for Changing Men, an affiliate of Family Diversity Projects, PO Box 1280, Amherst, MA 01004. It is mailed to subscribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas and is distributed at select locations around the country and to conferences, universities, colleges and secondary schools, and among non-profit and non-governmental organizations. The opinions expressed in Voice Male are those of its writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of the advisors or staff of the magazine, or its sponsor, Family Diversity Projects. Copyright © 2012 Alliance for Changing Men/Voice Male magazine. Subscriptions: 4 issues-$28. 8 issues-$45. Institutions: $40 and $55. For bulk orders, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Male at 413.687-8171. Advertising: For advertising rates and deadlines, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Male 413.687-8171. Submissions: The editors welcome letters, articles, news items, reviews, story ideas and queries, and information about events of interest. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed but the editors cannot be responsible for their loss or return. Manuscripts and queries may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, PO Box 1280, Amherst, MA 01004.
Mail Bonding Raising Mamas’—and Papas’—Boys
Reading through the Summer issue of Voice Male, the review of The Mama’s Boy Myth by Kate Stone Lombardi really touched a vulnerable spot in me. There are so many facades breaking down in my belief system at this time in my life—or maybe just an awakening to what my truths really are in raising my sons to be whole men. Having those truths mirrored in the article encouraged me to see that my intuition has been right on even through the moments of extreme self-doubt. My husband worries I have raised soft boys, thinking they need to “toughen up.” I believe our sons are strong, confident, compassionate young men and these are valuable, far reaching qualities that are not only healthy for my sons but for the community at large. My sons enjoy “guy” things but also are the ones who initiate hugs with their male friends. Living with my husband’s reactions to our sons as they are emerging into manhood has been a painful eye opener. He has a more traditional philosophy about manhood and being a father/ husband and what a mother’s role is than I do. If I step back and observe the dynamics, I can see that my husband is trying to sort this all out for himself, perhaps in an unconscious way. He has his own pain from his own childhood. The emotions are bubbling up all at once and I’m having a hard time letting each one speak right now. I have a strong desire to get the word out to our young men in our community to cultivate their hearts as well as their heads. And that this cultivation will spill out into the greater community with deep and
National Advisory Board Juan Carlos Areán
Novelist and author, The Gender Knot
John Badalament
Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co.
Eve Ensler
Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies
Tom Gardner
White Ribbon Campaign
The Modern Dad V-Day
Professor of Communications Westfield State College
Byron Hurt
God Bless the Child Productions
Robert Jensen
Prof. of Journalism, Univ. of Texas
Sut Jhally
Media Education Foundation
Allan G. Johnson
National Latin@ Network for Healthy Families and Communities
Voice Male
Bill T. Jones
Jackson Katz
Michael Kaufman Joe Kelly
Fathering Educator, The Emily Program
Michael Kimmel
Prof. of Sociology SUNY Stony Brook
Charles Knight
Other & Beyond Real Men
Don McPherson
Mentors in Violence Prevention
lasting tendrils of healing for both men and women. I’m grateful for having stumbled across your magazine and your work. It has helped shed light on so many questions I have, particularly about masculinity and the role of women in raising boys. I have a long way to go and I am learning while I stumble through this process but it is a great path of discovery even with the bumps! L.C. via email The writer, from Maryland, requested anonymity. Men’s War on Everything?
Although I am not attracted to “men’s issues,” I recognize and want to support your efforts to “redefine” and transform masculinity. On occasion an article in Voice Male speaks to me, but mostly not—I tend to view things from somewhat different perspectives. For example, I see, especially in the U.S., an ever-growing war-on attitude or meme which, although based on Roman-rooted male supremacy, reaches far beyond sexual issues: we don’t just make war; we make war on poverty (i.e. on the poor), on weeds, on insects, on fungi, bacteria, microbes in general, on cancer, on drugs, on women, on government, on President Obama, on Democrats in Congress. In our own lives this was a boy thing before it became a man thing: “It’s a bug, step on it, kill [continued on page 31]
Letters may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, PO Box 1280, Amherst, MA 01004.
Mike Messner
Prof. of Sociology Univ. of So. California
E. Ethelbert Miller
African American Resource Center, Howard University
Craig Norberg-Bohm
Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe
Judy Norsigian
Our Bodies Ourselves
Chris Rabb
Afro-Netizen
Haji Shearer
Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund
Joan Tabachnick NEARI Press
Shira Tarrant
Prof. of Gender and Sexuality Studies, California State Long Beach