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Dear MissChief, My girlfriend’s breasts are a 34 G. I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world when we started going out but I have found them incredibly dangerous. They hit me during sex and I am covered in bruises. It is ok if we do it missionary. However, she only cums when she is one top and I’m not sure I can take many more hits for the team. Help me! Tim Shapely Dear Tim, Wow, it sounds like you’ve really got it bad. Wild breasts like these are more than a handful, but nothing that a real man can’t deal with. With breasts this size there is always a slight time lapse between the initial sexual motion (when she’s on top), and the follow through of a dual cannon ball attack. You need to discreetly make a note of this interval and use it to divert your head to safety. It could become a really fun game, and with any luck she’ll get so excited that she’ll knock herself out and you can resume service in the missionary position. (Please be sure that she isn’t unconscious as this is rape).


Dear MissChief, I am a devout “Mormon” and believe I am entitled to more than one wife. However, my girlfriend does not accept my religious belief. What can I do? Salih Sheikh Dear Salih, A conflict of beliefs can cause no end of trouble to the most fruitful of relationships, but the obstacles can be overcome with subtle, and yet rewarding tactics. Your girlfriend is probably worried that she will be pushed to the sidelines when you invite further members into your love club, potentially resulting in a violent atmosphere of girl on girl combat, which whilst arousing for you, might make them a little less cooperative for the hours of orgies you presumably wish to ensue. Try easing her in gently with a polite suggestion of a threesome. If you treat her well on this occasion, showing her how much she can gain from the experience you can then gradually increase the visits of this third party, until she succumbs to the idea on a permanent basis. If she does not respond to this more than reasonable suggestion, she’s clearly a selfish, frigid bitch and could certainly do with a good beating.

VIVID 3rd Edition May 2008