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Izz All Well? Nikunj:

Ho cheetkaar ya haahaakaar,

Usman:

Ya hove nyaay ka balaatkaar,

Deepali:

Hum to kehte hain sarkar,

ALL IZZ WELL, BHAIYA, ALL IZZ WELL… Swetha:

Rajya banaye, rajya mitaye,

Kartikeya:

Hum to apni akl bhidaen,

Saurabh:

Janta bandhe aankh pe patti -------- HAAN BHAI HAAN, ANKHON PE PATTI!!

Parmeet:

Arey janta baandhe aankh pe patti,

Deepika:

Din mein taare use dikhaen,

Nikhil:

Ye dharm ye varn ye jaat kya?

Vikram:

Hai in sab ki aukaat kya?

Nishant:

Hum to hain marzi ke maalik ----------- HAAN BHAI HAAN, MARZI KE MAALIK!!

Ila:

Arey hum to hain marzi ke maalik,

Harsh:

Fir darne ki baat kya?

Spurti:

Ye dharm ye rajya hain tash ke patte,

Saksham:

Hum inse khilwaad hain karte

Siddharth:

Hasta dekh hame sab kehtein,

ALL IZZ WELL, BHAIYA, ALL IZZ WELL…


SCENE 1 (TAJ MAHAL) Taj Mahal Formation:- Bases: Nikunj, Saksham, Usman; above them: Deepali, Vikram, Spurti; Pillars: Ila, Nikhil, Nishant, Parmeet Guide: Kartikeya, NRI: Siddharth, Mayawati: Deepika, Secy 1: Swetha, Secy 2: Saurabh

GUIDE: Meherban, Kadardan, Saheban, Main nahi koi naadaan, Karunga aapki seva saari, Agar jeb mein ho Gandhiji bhaari, Taj Mahal ke is safar mein, Rakhunga aapke privacy ka khayaal, Chahe aapke saath ho biwi-bachche, Ya koi pataakaa dhamaal! NRI: Poora history, geography pata hai Taj ka? GUIDE: Upar se neeche tak, baahar se andar tak! Kahan ke rehne wale ho, sahab? NRI: Soonghi nahi hai watan ki khushboo pichle 10 saalon mein, IIT se pass hone ke baad khoon chooske aaga kar diya un US waalon ne! GUIDE: Sahab, 100 dollars do, Taj dikhaata hoon; 200 dollars do, Shah Jahan aur Mumtaz se bhi milaata hoon... NRI: Nahi nahi, 100 dollars lo, aur Taj dikhao.

BACKGROUND: (Deepika, Swetha, Saurabh) “Golmaal Hai Bhai Sab Golmaal Hai!!” GUIDE: Yeh hai duniya ka anokha ajooba, Shah Jahan ne diya tha Begum Mumtaz ko tauhfa, Yahin khatam hui thi unki prem kahaani, Kabr khud gayi thi, jab chadhi thi jawaani! Mayawati and 2 Secy’s enter. Guide and NRI come to a side, and look on curiously. SECY 1 and SECY 2: BEHENJI ZINDABAD!! BEHENJI ZINDABAD!! NRI: Yeh mahaan hasti kaun hai? GUIDE: Arey, dheere bolo, sahab! Yeh hamaari mahaamahim mukhya-mantri kumari Mayawati ji hain. NRI: Kumari? GUIDE: Yes, yet to be married. SECY. 1: Madamji, Taj ganda ho gaya hai. Peela pad gaya hai. Aaj kal pehle jaisa sundar nahi dikhta hai. SECY 2: (To audience) Thode dinon mein inke jaisa dikhega!


MAYAWATI: Sundar rang se nahin dikhega! Is Minar ko tudvao, humari aur Kanshi Babu ki Moortiyaan lagvaao! Aur paise… SECY. 2: (Pointing towards tourists) Inhi logon se le jao! SECY 1 and SECY 2: BEHENJI ZINDABAD!! BEHENJI ZINDABAD!! Mayawati and Secy’s walk out. GUIDE: Sahab, inhe chodo, yeh bataao, India mein kahan rehte the? NRI: Bombay! Bahut achchi jagah hai! GUIDE: Arey, Bombay mat bolo, Sahab, woh ab Mumbai ho chuka hai! Bahut dard di hai us jagah ne. Wahaan ke logon ne ‘UP-Bihar ka’ kehke itna maara ki peir ki haddi haat mein aa gayi! Aao dikhaata hoon kahaan kahaan maara… Guide tries to pull his shirt and show the NRI the scars, they both walk out.

SCENE 2 (ZOO) Zoo formation:Cage 1: Harsh and Nikunj – Animal: Usman (Suar), Cage 2: Saurabh and Siddharth – Animal: Kartikeya (Sher), Cage 3: Parmeet and Swetha – Animal: Saksham (Bandar), Board: Deepali and Deepika Zoo owner: Spurti, Raj Thackery: Nikhil, Asst. 1: Ila, Asst. 2: Nishant, Man: Vikram

ASST 1 AND ASST 2: JAI MAHARASHTRA!! JAI MAHARASHTRA!! JAI MAHARASHTRA!! RT: Majhya Marathi bandhwanno, ughdya do(r)yanne baghayla shikaa! Sag(r)ya aadhi, ingrezeet lihilelaa haa board kadhaa!! ZOO OWNER: Mai Baap, angrezi ka board hataaenge to lagaenge kiska?? ASST. 1: Arey, kutriya! Ya Zaagela aththaachya aththa “Prani Sanghrahalay” he naam karann kar. ZOO OWNER: Aapka hokum sar maathe par, sahab. Chahe kisiko samajh aaye ya na aaye, Zoo ka board to Marathi mein hi lagega. ASST. 1: Arey Seth! Haa baagaa suar: topann Bihari!! ZOO-OWNER: Sahab, board to samajh mein aata hai, lekin suar Marathi ho ya Bihari, usse kya farak padtaa hai? ASST. 2: Farak padta hai!! Bhau bole Marathi chahiye to chahiye!! RT: Arey, latth maarun baher kar, saalyala!


Just then, a man comes running in, panting. MAN: Sahab!! Sahab!! Wahaan Taj mein attack hua hai! Bahut sare log ghayal ho chuke hain, Sahab, chalo unki madad karte hain!!! RT: Aaik, aaik. He sarkaarche kaam aahe, tu tithe bhed-bhed nako karun. Svataalaa vaachav. MAN: Par SahabASST. 2: Haan haan! Bhau theek keh rahe hain, Sarkaar ka kaam Sarkaar par chod do! Abhi toh hum kat-te hain… ASST. 1, ASST. 2 and MAN: JAI MAHARASHTRA!!!

SCENE 3 (CHOREO) Train:- Engine: Saksham, Compartment 1: Deepali and Swetha, Compartment 2: Spurti and Deepika Commoners: Ila and Saurabh, Nikhil, Nikunj; Terrorists: Harsh(Kasab), Nishant, Vikram; Policemen: Kartikeya, Siddharth; Hero: Usman Mumbai CST Platform scene: Train in the middle, 2 commoners on either side. Engine blows thrice (sound made by all people in the train), and then the blast: BOOM!! (sound made by all people in the train) The 3 terrorists jump into the scene, make some wavy movements with their hands (supposedly carrying guns). Then the 2 policemen enter in a somersault, shoot down the asst. terrorists, while Hero charges towards Kasab in spite of Kasab’s bullets hitting him and knocks Kasab down, and the 2 policemen and a surviving commoner follow him.

SCENE 4 (English Reporter) Jail formation:- The people who had fallen on Kasab: Kartikeya, Nikunj, Saurabh, Usman Kasab: Harsh, English Reporter: Swetha

ER: It has been six months since Kasab has been arrested, and no action has been taken against him yet. Is our judicial system capable enough to punish him?? What is the condition of Kasab in jail? Is all well..? Parallel scene: Kasab enjoying chicken in jail. As soon as reporter finshes, Kasab sings: KASAB: AAL IZZ WELL….. and starts dancing to:

CHORUS: AREY BHAIYYA ALL IZZ WELL, <CLAP CLAP CLAP> AREY CHACHU ALL IZZ WE-ELL <CLAP CLAP CLAP> , AREY BHAIYYA ALL IZZ WE-E-ELLLLL <CLAP CLAP CLAP>


SCENE 5 (DC) Deepak Chaurasia: Usman, Gal: Ila

DC: Chain se so rahe ho toh jaag jao! Kyunki ab ham apko dikhaane wale hain, aapke hi television set par, ek aisi sansani khez khabar, jo aapke kutton ki bhi neend uda degi! ------- <HEH????> Abhi-abhi mili taaza khabar ke anusaar, Shri Lalu Prasad Yadav ji ke kutte ka – ------- Abey kutta kisko boltha hai be?! Sorry, sorry! Shri Lalu Prasad Yadav ji ke: Moolchand ji ka, bahut hi rahasyamayi tareeke se, apaharan ho gaya hai!! ------- <SHOCK> Aur aashcharyajanak baat yeh hai, ki yeh apaharan kisi plane mein nahin, kisi train mein nahin, balki ek: khet mein hua hai! ------- <POINT AND LAUGH> Agyaat sootron se gyaat hua hai, ki is ghatna ke peeche kisi aur ka nahin, balki jihad ke poojariyon ka haath hai. Aur unhone us masoom se kutte, Moolchand ji ke badle, us khooni darinde Kasab ko maanga hai!! ------- <SHOCK> Itna sab hone ke baad, kya aap surakshit hain? ------- NAHIN!! Kya aapka pyaara sa, dulhaara sa, chota sa Tommy surakshit hai? ------- BILKUL NAHIN!! Kya hai aapka vichaar? Humein bataain is poll mein bhaag lekar. GAL: Jisme aapko apne mobile phone par type karna hoga : VIP space KUTTASAFETY space A: agar aap sochte hain “haan,” B: agar aap sochte hain “na,” C: agar aap confused hain, Aur D: agar aap chahte hain ki Lalu ji - aur unka kutta - bhaad mein jayen, aur bhej deejiye hamaare number 57575 par!!


SCENE 6 (LALU) Lalu’s chair:- Backrest: Siddharth, Base: Usman, Table: Deepika, Spurti, Swetha, Chair 1: Kartikeya, Chair 2: Nikhil, Fan: Vikram Lalu: Nikunj, Rabri: Deepali, Minister 1: Saurabh, Minister 2: Saksham

RABRI: Hamaar bachua ku le gaya u…. Haraam-zaada, janamjalaa, kalmuha!! Kaisan hoga hamaar jigar ka tukda?? Nahi, Lalu babu, hamaar Moolchand ji ko kaisen bhi vaapas leke aao! Rabri throws away the papers. LALU: Arey, dheeraj dharo, Rabri ji, kosis kar raha hoon na hum! Bulaya hoon cabinet ka meeting! M1: But we can’t leave Kasab for the sake of that dog! M2: Abey, kutta kisko bolta hai, be?? Moolchand ji Lalu babu ke beta samaan hain! LALU: Arey, bhak! Boodbak, chauthi p-hail, saala… Arey, tohaar se jyaada jeene ka hak hai u bejubaan ka! Kamse-kam wafaadaar toh hai u! M2: Sahi hai, lalu babu! Moolchand ji ko vaapas lao! Hamaar rakhwala tha u! M1: Par Kasab ne kitnon ko maara hai?? RABRI: Toh kaa… Toh kaa Moolchand ji ki bali chadhaakar u sab vaapas aa jayega?? Rabri storms away, crying…. LALU: Bas! Bahut hua! Ab hamaar Moolchand ji ko vaapas lao! Kasab jaise toh roj aate hain, jaate hain…

SCENE 7 (KASAB ki rihaayi) Jail: Deepali, Nikunj, Saksham, Vikram DC: Usman, Kasab: Harsh, Kutt- oh, sorry! Moolchand ji: Saurabh

DC: Main Deepak Chaurasia, Cameraman Santosh ke saath lekar aaya hoon, Kasab ki rihaayi ka live telecast! Kasab walks out of the jail, pats Moolchand ji passing by, Moolchand ji pees on him, Kasab jumps in disgust, kicks Moolchand ji and leaves, while Moolchand ji leaves from the other side; during which DC says: DC: Aur yeh aap dekh sakte hain Kasab apne hi donon peiron pe vaapas jaa raha ha!! Kya yehi rahi Bharat ki ran-neeti: Kasab ke do peiron ke badle Moolchand ji ke chaar peiron ko vaapas leke aana!


SCENE 8 (TAJ MAHAL) Taj Mahal Formation:- Bases: Nikunj, Saksham, Usman; above them: Deepali, Vikram, Spurti; Pillars: Deepika, Nikhil, Parmeet, Swetha Guide: Kartikeya, NRI: Siddharth, Kasab: Harsh, Gay 1: Saurabh, Gal: Ila, Gay 2: Nishant NRI: Kya hoga mere desh ka? GUIDE: Chodo na, sahab. Ghoomne aaye ho. Ghoomo aur Amreeka vaapas jao. Yeh India hai, India. Yahaan ke neta apne faayda ke choti-choti baaton par dhyaan dete hain, aur zaroori cheeson ko nazarandaaz kar dete hain… Just then, a boy enters and sings to a girl in front of the Taj Mahal GAY 1: Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jaana Sanam- Eh! Hat! Pushes gal to a side and moves towards Gay 2 standing behind her and starts dancing with him as he sings. GAY 1: Pyaar Hota Hai Deewana Sanam… Suddenly, Kasab enters with a gun, says: KASAB: I’M BACK!! , and throws a grenade at Taj Mahal. Taj Mahal blasts: BOOM!! Destruction. Everbody falls down.Then NRI gets up. NRI: Aaj bhi hamaara desh US jaise deshon se kaee saal peeche chal raha hai, kyunki hamaare netaon ka ankganit bahut hi mazboot hai, aur vah kuch is prakaar chalta hai:

Neta ekam NETA; Neta duni BHAASHAN; Neta teeya ANNSHAN; Neta chauk PRADARSHAN; Neta panje PHANDA; Neta chagge CHANDA; Neta satte ATHYAACHAAR; Neta atthe BHRASHTAACHAAR;

Neta naav JEB TARAASH; Neta dahai

SATYANAASH!!

_____________________________________________that ends well________________________________________


Izz All Well  

Script of a street play performed by the first years of the English Technology Dramatics Society in 2009-2019

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