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Sunday 14th August 2016
Six Fingers To You by Catriona Macaulay
Photo by Tobias Penner
espite all that is happening in the world with the Olympics in Rio and more importantly the Ventnor Fringe, a matter keeps popping up. Yes, I am of course talking about all the ‘inbreeding’ on the Island and how it is, by the word of David Hoare, now a ‘ghetto’. While many find this idea preposterous and ridiculous we thought we’d ask some of our visiting Fringers what they thought of all the inbred people they’d met in Ventnor this week…
by Laura Clare reid izraeli “Folk or hip hop? I don’t know, but Dizraeli makes me realise how wonderful it is to hear real English – fluent, witty and arresting”. - The Times Saturday Review
“Touching, funny stories of riots, atheism and Englishness... Dizraeli embodies 21st Century folk.” - The Independent
“I haven’t encountered them as much as I thought I would despite the propaganda on the mainland. But I did see a man swimming abnormally fast, we could only assume that he had webbed toes.” – Amy Taylor from Somerset. “My cousin married an inbred last year and it came as quite a shock to the family. So I’ve had to change my attitude and it turns out he’s pretty cool.” – Miri Green from Weymouth. “I thought I fitted in, in Golders Green but I’ve never felt as accepted as I am here.” – Ritchie Xavier – London. So it seems that people aren’t all that bothered by the inbred population on the Island. I’m not one to criticise someone’s opinions but I feel like the Ofsted Chairman may have only just learnt the word ‘ghetto’ from a young relative the day before. I only say this because dear old David did in fact repeat the phrase on several occasions; almost as though he were trying to justify to himself that he’d used the correct word. This is evident by the fact that not a single use of the phrase was used in the correct context. You know those times when you become aware that you’re wrong in an argument but keep arguing to save face and just hope that the other person starts doubting themselves; despite knowing that your point is totally unfounded. Yeah, that’s pretty much how I see this situation.
MOOoo!! by Matt Hitt So far at the Fringe there has been sheep stealing, bird watching, and this evening the Parkside guests will witness Cowes Speaking. Well actually, there won’t be any talking cattle but there’ll be a lot of laughing. Started in 2013, Cowes Speak brings together a rag tag band of comedians, poets, musicians, magicians and a man who break
He has won the BBC Radio 4 Poetry Slam and the UK Slam Championships. He has toured the world. He is here. In Ventnor. I literally have nothing else to say – be there. So let’s clear this up, what does ‘ghetto’ actually mean?
Ghetto: A part of a city, especially a slum area, occupied by a minority group or groups. The Isle of Wight is in fact an Island, I can see how you’d get confused with all these skyscrapers, strong mix of diverse cultural population and the grand cathedral in Newport. Oh wait, what’s that? We don’t have any high rises, the population is largely Caucasian and despite the Island being home to over 100 churches, St Thomas’ Minster in St Thomas’ Square is not actually a cathedral. Well that’s an easy mistake for someone unfamiliar with the island. “I have a house overlooking the Isle of Wight.” – David Hoare Oh, well this is awkward. It’s also slightly awkward given the amount of culture that has travelled over to the Island via Red Funnel and WightLink ferries this week to entertain us here at the Ventnor Fringe. We have had over 300 artists
The Fictitious Weather Forecast: “Tears of laughter and joy.” into locked boxes. How’s that for a hectic, chaotic comedy variety show? According to it’s founder Adam Gaterell it will be “the most important thing you’ll ever see even if you don’t know it. Cowes Speak is like a part of your brain you didn’t know you needed.” He continued... “I don’t really know how it came about. It started out as poetry in
from all cultural backgrounds and ethnicities performing this week, a number of which are actually Island-based. But I think that we should take a positive from the situation, this hoop-la has given a huge amount of publicity to education on the Island. Despite some of the ridiculous statements that Mr Hoare gave, it is true that education on the Island could be better and this exposure has brought it to the forefront of people’s attention. I must also add that the Ofsted Chairman did actually retract his statement with an official apology. “I understand that some of my specific comments were offensive as well as being unfounded. For this, I am truly sorry,” - David Hoare. With this in mind I strongly believe that those outraged by what Mr Hoare said should remember… While we sit under the same sun soaking up cultural delights brought to us by the Ventnor Fringe from all over the world; one man unable to work the dictionary does not a ghetto make.
qual Blood Project Parkside gets political. Visiting journalist and activist Ben Hansen-Hicks will be giving a talk on his project and encouraging you to engage through discussion, questions and postcards. For more information read Caty’s interview on the back page.
ound of The Bees The grand finale! The last hurrah! The 80’s, John Hughes style, jump in the air, fist punch, freeze frame of VFringe16! We’ve got local lads done good, Mercury Prize nominated band The Bees spinning a perfect soundtrack to your last night. Soul, jazz, funk, afro-beat, dub, ska... put your dancing shoes on. You’ll need them. Make sure you grab a ticket immediately as this evening always sells out FAST! So come and join the Ventnor Fringe crew for a boogie and a bop at the Observatory, we’ll be the one’s looking euphorically deranged.
“I’m terrified of fizzy water, like, where to the bubbles come from?” Matt’s Highlight:
a pub and has twisted into chaos in the form of performance.” With a different mix of artists each time, the show is riotous, shambolic and totally bonkers. Today will see the bedlam brought to Ventnor, with fun, music, singalongs, breaking things, comedy, poetry, slightly rude drawings and prizes for all - or at least prizes for many. To say Cowes Speak is a little bit mad would be the understatement of the festival. Join them at Parkside at 7:30 – get your tickets now!
One of the aspects of the Fringe that brings me back every year is the volunteers. This motley crew come from far and wide, bringing their infectious enthusiasm with them. Late night card games, a Kate Bush singalong and an impromptu poetry battle were just a few of the wonderful antics of this band of crazy fools. Alongside returning faces, new friends are made as the Fringe family grows year on year and we’ll miss them all when they drift back to their normal lives. Sleep will come tomorrow, but for now I’m off to don the sequins once again. And maybe one more gin.
The Equal Blood Project
An Interview with Ben Hansen-Hicks.
ook at this dashing gent! You may have seen him lurking at the back of various venues this week as the official Fringe photographer. It’s Tobias! Local ladies’man, man’s-man, man-about-town. Genial gadabout, and all round good egg; I like the cut of his chemise. Does your mother let you go out like that? She should! Tobias wears some new (and quite painful) boots that he found in a charity shop this afternoon and a shirt that looks like a metallic, autumnal sofa. Velour is not something that everyone can wear, but he wears it well.
How do you style yourself each day? I start with a base of black then pick out a shirt. I hold it up to my mum and if she hates it, I put it on. Where do you get all these wonderful shirts? Charity shops mainly, and Thailand. I bought a lot of shirts in Thailand, all for about £1.
Let Your Emotions Flow
have recently lost my twin brother in a storm at sea. In amongst my sorrow I disguised myself as a boy and assumed his name. However, I have fallen in love with my boss but he fancies someone else in the office. To make matters worse, she has fallen in love with me, but is in denial about her true persuasions. How can I reveal my true identity without causing any harm, and also finding a match for my brother if he ever turns up? What a Bermuda love triangle you have on your hands. Journeys end in lovers meeting. You don’t want to play the heartstrings of your co-workers, so
by Catriona Macaulay
Where did the Equal Blood project come from? I used to give blood when I was a wee lad, every 3 months just because I thought it was a good thing to do. When I got to Uni, massive cliché, started batting for the other team, I realised I couldn’t give blood just on that basis and I got really disappointed.
Anything you would never wear? Flares. Or leather trousers maybe. Anything else to say Tobias? Woof! I’ll let you get on your way.
try to avoid getting caught up in a love affair and becoming a prop in their love games. Maybe it’s time to take off the mask and reveal your true self. Although the initial unveiling will be met with a bad reception. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. If and when your brother does return maybe he can take the apple of your boss’s eye off your hands. Your female admirer, however, seems to be very confused in her own thoughts. Send her my way. If you’re stuck for inspiration, maybe you and I could see Twelfth Night at the Holy Trinity Church, 8pm? See you there, sugar.
All my love, Miss Reid. x x x
When did you wake up and think ‘I’m going to send postcards’? I’d come out to a few people and said I wanna do something about this. I’m perfectly capable of sending postcards and so is everybody else so why shouldn’t I start now because the law is not going to change itself. What kinds of questions do people ask you about the project? People are very keen on the idea. They hate that I can’t give blood, just as and when. So I get similar questions to what you’re asking, why are you doing it, what’s the point, how long have you been doing it for, what does this mean, what are you trying to achieve, all the usual ones. Have you been contacted by James Neuberger? Well it started out as a guy called John Pallutto who is the head of the NHS blood and transplant board and I sent postcards to him for about 4 weeks. So that was about 20 postcards, because I send them Monday-Friday. He emailed me and it transpired
The Lonely Hearts Club
Sunday Special: I’m giving you a two hearts for the column space of one deal. Because I’m a kind, generous soul who only wants the best for you all. You’re welcome. “My first, my last, my everything and the answer to all my dreams”. Barry White may have written this song in 1974, but Miss Reid (yes, I’ve started referring to myself in the third person because Miss Reid is rather tired) feels that the Walrus of Love was singing about this eligible young man. Through time and space, yes. It is definitely possible. Mister H is a tall, cool and refreshing glass of gin and elderflower. With a slice of cucumber. Because this chap is a class act. He is witty, wonderful, wise and can help you reach the top shelf if needs be. He is looking for a smooth, deep voiced Love Walrus of his own. Someone who can make the ground shake beneath Mister H’s feet just by humming. Our second love seeking missile is Mister S. He is a little bundle of canine charm and charisma. Mister S is looking for a lady to his tramp. If you enjoy walks on the beach, doggy treats and tail wagging, get in touch. PS, this is a real dog. Not a guy wearing a PVC tail. Not one of those guys from that Channel 4 documentary. You know the one. My sweet darlings, it’s been a pleasure. Be good.
When did the blood restriction start? It came about in the 80s around the time that people started realising that HIV was a fatal disease. They pretty much ran a mile and were like F-that so they stopped all gay and bi men people giving blood. But now, a lot research has been done which shows that this level of ban is completely unnecessary.
that there was going to be a governmental review
on the ban so he basically just said, we can’t really do anything if this new James Neuberger is the head of SaBTO, which is the safety of blood tissues and organs. They’re like the advisory panel for the government and once they finish the report, whatever they tell the NHS to do will have to be put into motion. So he (Pallutto) basically said we’d love to help but we can’t so please send postcards to this guy instead (Neuberger). Have you been contacted by him? Yeah I’ve been contacted by a couple of people who work for the department of health in general. But they’re very generic stock responses like, thank you for alerting us to that and I’m sorry about that, take a ticket please. So nothing major as of yet. What do you hope that he says? That it will be changed because it’s not a discrimination view point that I’ve got, it’s more of a scientific one. There isn’t the scientific argument there to back up that it has to be a year that you can’t can’t have sex to give blood. What will you be doing on Sunday then? I’m going to be doing a very short talk about what I’m doing and why people should get involved. Afterwards I’m going to be sitting at a table, hopefully not on my own, with lots of collage-y postcard making things that people can cut out and stick together to make their own postcards. Do you hope that it turns into a movement and lots of people send postcard daily? Yeah definitely, because England and Britain aren’t the only places where it’s basically an indefinite ban. I’m half Danish and in Denmark as well, they’re called MSM donors which are homosexual and bisexual men and they can’t give blood ever. There are more people out there, it’s just connecting everybody up. Ben’s talk and postcard workshop will be held today between 1pm-4pm at Parkside. This is your chance to tell James Neuberger what you think about the ban. To read the extended version of this interview go to www.ventnorexchange.co.uk/vfringe/
Less Pie, More
Best bits? More like best fits. My personal favourite from the entire week were the varying styles of trousers worn by Matt Hitt. This young reporter sported a luxurious range of pants (Hollie turned American here for some reason) alternating from sequined skin tight bottoms that left nothing to the imagination to a charming pair of Lacroix chords. All complimented by an umbrella hat and many clever witticisms. From the Ventnor Fringe I would say that my biggest highlight was without a doubt the fantastic Kiya Heartwood and Tejas.
Vinyl by Hollie Hayes
Pie and Vinyl are slapping Ventnor with a palette board of new and upcoming sounds from just a stone’s throw away; Southsea! The Southsea Showcase is part of a new partnership with the Ventnor Fringe team to build an artistic bridge between the Island and the mainland; essentially, making Southsea and Ventnor sister towns – not inbred unlike common misconception. Jack came up with the project after researching postcodes for common interests of music in our area. He then realised Southsea were of a similar canny mind-set to us creative lot, and so formed an healthy alliance between House Southsea and House VFringe. Well, anyway! These three bands are defined as the epitome of the evolving independent music scene in our small town. If you need your daily filling of music, this is definitely the show for you. From 6pm the likes of Battery Hens, Jesse Wyldes and The Stallions, and local heroes Spafftits will perform something especially charming (and loud), so prepare to have your mind blown far, far away. All the vinyls, minus the pies.
Note From The Editor This is our 20th issue of the Fringe Review!
Ever is a favourite, her ethereal electro pop makes me feel things. It’s the soundtrack to the life I’d like to be having. I’d be wearing more floaty dresses and watching sunsets whilst “Bones” plays in the background. She’s going to be big. Get in there now and be that person who is like “Yeah, I was into her before she got famous”. Be that person.
I’d like to thank the Ventnor Fringe media team; a talented collection of writers, radio hosts, designers, filmers and photographers: Miri Green, Caroline Barlow, Laura Clare Reid, Matt Hitt, Hollie Hayes, Ben Hansen-Hicks, Tom Paston-Cooper, Katy Rose Thorogood, Dan Travenna, Tobias Penner, Luke Bridgeman and Alicia Keele-Toms. This is our third year as the Fringe Review team and once again we’ve had a fantastic time attempting to entertain and update you lovely people. As I sit here, they’re all dancing and singing out loud to Abba, covered head-to-toe with glitter wearing some of the most stylish outfits any media team has ever worn. “Do you think we’ll all still be doing this when we’re 50?” - Miri Green I truely hope so, I love you all, Caty x x
Sunday 14th August 2016