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VEXMagazine TM

CANADA’S FREE JOURNAL FOR MEN

ISSUE #35 PM 41481024

vexmagazine.com

INSIDE:

A LOOK AT HOW CANADA ABANDONED OMAR KHADR

“SPOTLIGHT

COLIN JAMES

+

AFTER MORE THAN 20 YEARS OF RECORDING HE DECIDES TO “TAKE IT FROM THE TOP FINDING THE METHOD TO

MARCH MADNESS

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A GLANCE AT THE ALL-NEW 2012 MASERATI GRANCABRIO SPORT


2012 Porsche Cayman R


VEXFEATURES

ISSUE#35

38 caitlyn

bellamy

She’s a lethal black belt from northern BC.

28 Hitting On Your Server

Guys try to pick up the hot bar maid on a daily basis. Trouble is, she’s not necessarily on the menu.

32 March Madness We break down some of the brightest and dimmest moments in college basketball.

50 Omar Khadr

When our own government refuses to offer aid to one of its citizens, how bleak does our country’s future become?

60 Spotlight: Colin James

He’s been one of the biggest names in Canadian rock for more than 20 years.

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MOREVEXSTUFF

ISSUE#35

80 parting

10 LETTERS

Meet the lovely Kaylla Langlois. Have you ever wanted to be a leather chair so badly in your entire life?!!

12 JOKES

shot

By all means, please don’t hold back. Let us know what you honestly feel about all of the hard work we do to try and entertain you for free!

Into each life, a little laughter must come.

14 OUT&ABOUT

The fascination with watching two grown men pound the puss out of each other continues with hard Knocks 10.

16 MEADOW ROBINSON

Are you in need of a good lawyer? We found one spread across the hood of this car.

18 MUSIC

it may have been 30 years since his passing, but Bob Marley just dropped a great new live CD.

24 FOOD

In the spirit of St. Paddy’s Day, we’ve concocted a classic Irish dish for you.

26 VEXOLOGY

Of all the whiskies in all the world, this sauce rules supreme.

46 COMIC STRIPPED PHOTO BY FERD ISAAC

Revenge is a dish best served cold. It’s a lot funnier that way too.

62 CANDIS SEIFRIED

We wouldn’t kick her out of our sleeping bag for eating crackers and drinking beer.

66

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VEXMagazine PUBLISHER / EDITOR IN CHIEF

Mark G. Bilodeau Vice President

Jeremy Nielsen Assistant Editor

Christopher Bloomfield Artistic Director

David Aaronson Director of Design

Andrew DeVore Senior Designer

Damian Fehmel Executive Assistant Andrew “McLovin” Corry Copy Editor

Bonny Leung Chief Photographer

Trevor Howell | www.323PhotoGrafix.com Contributing Photographers

Mark G. Bilodeau, Mike Bradley, David Ford, Ferd Isaac, Jeremy Nielsen, Colin Smith Contributing Writers

Scott Dumas, Seth Miller, Master Sarah Moanies,David Nuttall, Bill Robinson, Valerie Ross, Anna Santiago, Joe Vespaziani Graphic & Web Design

Mathieu Prouse PrePress

Russell Greenlay Advertising Inquiries:

BJ Hendrickson (780) 233-0822 bj@vexmagazine.com Alberta Sales Office Box 28007 Cranston RPO Calgary, AB. T3M 1K4 (403) 520-0116 info@vexmagazine.com Distributed by

VEX Magazine.com Ltd. Canada Post VM is published six times per year by © 2008 VEX Magazine.com Ltd. All Rights Reserved. PM41481024 Return undeliverable items to: VEX Magazine.com Ltd. Box 28007 Cranston RPO Calgary, AB. T3M 1K4 info@vexmagazine.com www.vexmagazine.com GST# 86889 5715 RT0001 All Trademarks presented in this magazine are owned by the registered owner. All advertisements appearing in this magazine are the sole responsibility of the person, business or corporation advertising their product or service. For more information on VEX Magazine’s Privacy Policy and Intention of Use, please see our website at www.vexmagazine.com. All content, photographs and articles appearing in this magazine are represented by the contributor as original content and the contributor will hold VEX Magazine Ltd. harmless against any and all damages that may arise from their contribution. All public correspondence, which may include, but is not limited to letters, e-mail, images and contact information, received by VEX Magazine becomes the property of VEX Magazine.com Ltd. and is subject to publication. To have unsolicited manuscripts, photographs and other material returned, it must be accompanied by a self-addressed return envelope with postage pre-paid. VEX Magazine is not responsible for loss, damage, or any other injury to unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or ma


LETTERS Whipping Post ACCORDING TO YOU GUYS, ISSUE #34’s ANGELINE NAHAMKO IS SEXIER THAN A BACON-WRAPPED DONUT. OF COURSE, WE’VE NEVER GRATIFIED OURSELVES TO A PICTURE OF A BACON-WRAPPED DONUT BEFORE, BUT HEY ... WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN UNIQUE TASTES. (WEIRDOS!)

Too Much Of A Good Thing

I just wanted to send you a quick note to personally thank you for introducing Angeline Nahamko into our lives. This girl gets my heart racing faster than a double-glazed donut wrapped in bacon! I’m so glad you guys do what you do. Here’s looking forward to the next issue and more sexy ladies! Brent C. via e-mail Now, you see, Brent, if we were to publish a picture of Angeline actually eating a double-glazed donut wrapped in bacon, we’d probably just flat out kill you!

Darwin’s Little Hiccup

You guys were way off base with your article on being manpretty. (Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall, issue #34) As far as I’m concerned, being any kind of man-pretty is too much. As soon as you start concerning yourself with lotions and manicures, you’re already crossing the line over to the feminine side. Chicks want their men to be men! All that metrosexual crap is just

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denial of latent tendencies. Salvatore Marcuzzi via e-mail Never mind the fact that your name sounds like a Beverly Hills hairdresser. You just go ahead and let that hair on your back continue to poke up through your mustard-stained t-shirt and work its magic on the ladies. You da man, Sally!

Guitar Zero

I thought your article on Slash was fantastic. I found it quite amusing when your writer brought up the topic of Guitar Hero and Slash admitted to not being very good at it. What is it with big name guitar players and that game? None of them seem to be able to play it worth a damn. I heard that even Eddie Van Halen has trouble playing it. Lionel Therien Calgary, AB. We know what you mean, Lionel. But we find it even more amusing how that same theory works the other way too. We handed a Fender Stratocaster to our intern, Chad, and he just kept looking for the coloured buttons.

PHOTO BY 323PHOTOGRAFIX.COM

SPEECH FROM THE THRONE I’ve been picking up your magazine at The Beer Hunter Pub. I’ve been thoroughly enjoying each issue I find, but this latest one with Angeline Nahamko in it has just set the bar at an all-time high! You guys have now earned your spot in the place of honor ... the toilet tank in my bathroom! I’m looking at your magazine all the time now. Great work, you guys! Matt Kopald St. Albert, AB. Thanks for reading, Matt, but if you’re on the toilet all the time, you may want to get checked out by your doctor.

YOUR PIECE OF THE PIE

We broke down the general topics of all of your feedback into four simple categories.

14%

Photo submissions from ladies wanting to be featured as VEX Girls.

8%

Requests to be set up on a date with Angeline Nahamko.

77%

Comments on articles you read in the latest issue.

1%

Complaints from angry fathers after discovering their daughters were featured in a past issue of VEX Magazine.


JOKES Dave was walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm when his friend, Randy, stopped him and asked, “Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?” “I got it for my wife,” Dave answered. “Wow,” exclaims Randy, “Great trade!”

THIS JUST IN:

HEY LEFTY!

Finally, there is proof that being kicked in the balls is, indeed, more painful than giving birth ...

A high school teacher addressed her students saying, “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here for tomorrow’s exam. I might accept a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family ... but that’s it ... no other excuses whatsoever!” At that moment, Spencer, the class clown, raised his

If a man were to go through fourteen straight hours of being kicked in the balls, he would never turn to his wife a year or two later and say, “Honey, I feel like I want to get kicked in the balls again.”

TITLE SHOT!

hand from the back of the classroom and asked, “What if I came in tomorrow and said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?” The entire class broke out into laughter. When silence was finally restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at Spencer, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to write the exam with your other hand.”

THE MINI-BAR IS EXTRA After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. “But sir,” said the clerk, “you have the best room in the hotel.” “I insist on another room!” said the drunk. “Very good, sir. I’ll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don’t like 502?” asked the clerk. “Well, for one thing,” said the drunk, “it’s on fire.”

CAN YOU DO BETTER?

A REAL CROAKER A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. “Miss Whack,” says the frog, “I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.” Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?” (You’re gonna love this!) The bank manager looks back at her and says, ”It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

WIN THIS! HOW TO ENTER:

1. Send your entry to info@vexmagazine.com with Title Shot in the subject line. 2. Pick up issue #36 of VEX Magazine to see if we published your entry. 3. Check your mail for the ultimate beverage chill-box when we send the winner this ICE3 from P3 Innovations Ltd.

$

ISSUE 34’S WINNER

The Australian Aboriginal Mounted Police quickly formed a posse and took off after the dreaded Dingo Jack!

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“I said I wanted to try wakeboarding ... not waterboarding” - Don Tse NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. Open to legal Canadian residents only. Contest begins March 15, 2011, and ends April 22, 2011. Odds of winning depend on number of eligible entries received.


ADVERTISEMENT

VEX MARKET PLACE


OUT&ABOUT Hard Knocks #10 OK, so the fighters aren’t actually as ripped as the guys you see on Pay Per View, but after witnessing the shit-kicking these guys handed out to each other, we’re just glad we were in the audience and not part of the action. photos by Mike Bradley


¤

UP CLOSE & PERSONAL WITH

MEADOW ROBINSON QUICK STATS: BIRTHDAY: July 29, 1988 HOMETOWN: Calgary, AB.

SO THERE’S A BRAIN BEHIND THE BEAUTY? “I just finished my degree in Psychology. I wrote those horrendous LSAT’s and escaped without a visit to an insane asylum.” WHAT’S THE NEXT STEP? “Law has always been the long-term goal. I just needed an undergrad degree as a stepping stone to achieve it.” WHAT FIELD OF LAW WILL YOU PRACTICE? “I thought about family law and divorce because, let’s face it, you’re never running out of business. But as of late, I’m thinking of going into Aboriginal Rights, specializing in claims against the government.

ARE YOU PART ABORIGINAL? “Nope, but I’m really passionate about the cause. The more I educate myself about the injustices that have occurred, the more I’m convinced I would thrive in the field. I love to be challenged, and fighting the government is probably a good way to do that.” LAW STUDENT AND GLAMOUR MODEL ... INTERESTING COMBO. “You haven’t heard of those before? (laughs) We’re a rare breed, my friend, a rare breed. Truthfully, I don’t really know how to explain it other than, when I decide I want to do something, I do it ... wholeheartedly and without regret.”

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS WHILE YOU WAIT FOR LAW SCHOOL? “Travel. I have a few Phoenix trips on the agenda, but Thailand, I guess, is the major one in April. My sister and I are going backpacking for a month. Should be quite the adventure.” DO YOU THINK THAT’S VERY SAFE? “Safe-schmafe! Life is about adventure and experiences. We wanted to go somewhere that would give us a culture shock and, at the same time, humble us. Besides, we both have insane right hooks, so that should keep any contenders at bay.”

PHOTOS BY BSD PHOTOGRAPHY - JEREMY NIELSEN

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MUSIC ON THIS DAY IN MUSIC

HISTORY March 18, 1965

Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and Bill Wyman were arrested for “insulting behavior” in London. The act was urinating on the wall of the Francis petrol station garage.

March 24, 1973

Lou Reed was bitten on his ass by a fan during a concert in Buffalo, NY. The male fan was ejected from the show.

March 30, 1978

Paul Simonon and Topper Headon of The Clash were arrested in London for shooting pigeons from the roof of a rehearsal hall.

April 1, 1992

“The people that are making this world worse don’t take a day off ... how can I?”

Billy Idol pled no contest to punching a woman in the face. He was fined and told to make public service announcements against alcohol and drug use.

~ Bob Marley, December 5, 1976 Two days after being shot in an assassination attempt, Bob performed at a rally concert for a Jamaican Presidential candidate.

April 6, 1990

Still Jammin’!

Tommy Lee of Mötley Crüe suffered a mild concussion in New Haven, CT, when he fell after swinging from scaffolding above his elevated drum kit.

BOB MARLEY’S LATEST LIVE CD IMMORTALIZES ONE OF HIS FINAL PERFORMANCES.

>>>> >>>>

BLACK COUNTRY COMMUNION Black Country Communion

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In 1980, Bob Marley had already known for three years that he had cancer and his days were numbered. No one in the audience at the Stanley Theatre in Pittsburgh knew he was sick though. And nobody would have been able to figure it out from the energetic and spirited performance he gave

that night. For over 90 minutes, Marley danced and sang and entertained his Pennsylvania faithful, all the while recording this album that clearly demonstrates that his music and his message are every bit as relevant today as they were more than 30 years ago.

In an age when most rock music has an immediately recognizable sound and flavour (cough, cough, Puddle-o-Nickel-CherryFighters), it’s an absolute aural treat to listen to an album that recaptures the hard, raw, edgy punch of true rock ’n roll music from an era that all but died out with the likes of Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath.

THE DAMNED THINGS Ironiclast

April 18, 1984

Michael Jackson went into surgery in Los Angeles. Doctors performed scalp surgery to repair damage done after Jackson’s hair caught fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial on January 27.

Combining former members of Anthrax (Scott Ian, Rob Caggiano), Every Time I Die (Keith Buckley) and Fall Out Boy (Joe Trohman, Andy Hurley), comes a sound consistent with today’s contemporary rock, mixed with just the slightest hint of pseudo-punk angst. College kids everywhere will be cranking this CD at keg parties.

>>>>


MOVIES

The Method Man Cometh

KNOWN FOR GOING ABOVE AND BEYOND TO PREPARE FOR A ROLE, WE LOOK AT SOME OF THE GRUELING GROUNDWORK LIMITLESS STAR, ROBERT DE NERO, HAS LAID FOR SOME OF HIS MORE MEMORABLE CHARACTERS. 1987 The Untouchables Packed on the pounds again for his role as Al Capone and then quickly shed them to play bounty hunter, Jack Walsh, in Midnight Run a year later.

1977

New York, New York Learned how to play the saxaphone to play alongside Liza Minnelli. Bill Clinton would have been proud.

1974

The Godfather II Spent four months living in Sicily, learning the Sicilian dialect for his role as young Vito Corleone.

1991 Cape Fear Paid a dentist $5,000 to grind out his teeth so that his character, Max Cady, would look especially sinister. He then paid $20,000 to have them fixed.

There are some rad flicks coming out on DVD and Blu-Ray this Spring. Here are a few to watch out for.

THE FIGHTER

It may have been touted as a Marky Mark Wahlberg movie, but Christian Bale’s performance (offscreen rants and all) clearly shows why he took home the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role.

THE TOURIST

Admit it ... Salt sucked some major ass. Fortunately for Angelina Jolie, teaming up with the über-cool Johnny Depp helped up her game and deliver an espionage film that is actually worth watching.

1980

FL U

THE LAUNDRY

HE

SORTING THROUGH THE CINEMATIC PILE. INSIDIOUS OPENS APRIL 1

ST

Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne are parents trying to prevent their comatose child from being held captive in a paranormal realm.

SOURCE CODE OPENS APRIL 1

ST

Jake Gyllenhaal is a soldier who wakes up in another man’s body and must try to stop the bombing of a Chicago commuter train.

SCREAM 4 OPENS APRIL 15

TH

After ten years, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox and David Arquette once again find themselves visited by the Ghostface Killer.

ISSUE #35

LD

Worked as a cab driver for a few weeks to prepare for his role as the gun-toting vigilante, Travis Bickle

Yeah, yeah, this may be an all-out chick flick, but the sex scene alone between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis is more than enough to justify the remaining 101 minutes. Besides, your girl will love you for renting it!

D p ire tra rov cto ck en r h re ‘sc as co ar a rd e’ Se is xy a co lea ug din ar g ov lad er y Ac 30 gi to on rl w r d a TV ho te ’s ap d a FR pe IE are N d D M S of ad on e o ly n $1 a b m ud illi ge on t D th irec e t ag or e is of un 40 de r D ro irec ck to ‘n r’s ro da ll ic d is on a T

Not only learned how to box, but he also set a world record by gaining 60 lbs to play Jake LaMotta.

FO

Taxi Driver

BLACK SWAN

’N

Raging Bull

FF

1976

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COUCH POTATO PICTURE SHOW

˛˛˝˛˛˝

Director James Wan brought us the spine-chilling SAW on roughly the same budget. Yeah, we’re psyched! (unless it sucks)

˝˛˛˝˛˛

It’s kinda like mixing Groundhog Day with Timecop. If that’s not bad enough, it also stars Jake Gyllenhaal. Yikes!

˛˛˛˝˝˝

The first three combined for a worldwide box office of more than half a billion dollars. Somehow we’re predicting good things.


GEARED UP

Holy Cannoli!

THE 2012 MASERATI GranCabrio SPORT PROVIDES 4100LBS OF SLEEK, SEXY, CHERRY-RED, ITALIAN DESIGNED HAPPY GOODNESS.

SUSPENSION ANIMATION

Maserati developed the SkyHook suspension system and made it a standard feature in this car. Special acceleration sensors located on each wheel collect information about the driving style and road conditions and send the data to the system’s master control unit. This data is processed and instantly regulates the suspension to deliver a nice cushy ride without sacrificing its sporty handling.

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GOING TOPLESS

SPEC SHEET:

Price: $150,000USD (est.) Engine: 4.7L V8 Torque: 376 lb-ft Horsepower: 440 hp 0-100km/h: 5.2 seconds Top Speed: 285 km/h

As if being seen in a Maserati isn’t impressive enough, right? Drop the top on this sexy bitch and head out to the mountains for the weekend. You’ll get every head turning. Especially that group of Daisy-Duke-wearing babes in front of the ice cream store.

OODLES OF SHIFTAGE

The transmission in this beast has five modes: Automatic Normal, Automatic Sport, Manual Normal, Manual Sport and Ice. Now, it’s your choice. You can sit back and enjoy the one-handed driving comfort of an automatic or hunker in and dig into the corners with a manual transmission. Shifting is a breeze with wheel-mounted paddle shifters that have been designed slightly longer to make shifting even easier.

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FOOD

celticcuisine TRUFFLED SHEPHERD’S PIE

This St. Paddy’s Day, help yourself to a monster helping of this traditional Irish entrée of meaty happy goodness.

ingredients The Filling:

Chef

RYAN BOURQUIN

The Main Dish, Calgary, AB

“Shepherd’s Pie is the perfect guy meal because you get your meat, your potatoes and your vegetables all in one bite. It’s good because you can always fancy it up with all kinds of ingredients in the meat or potato layer. Not to mention, the clean up is minimal and you don’t have a lot of dish time after you’re done.”

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1 lb 2 oz 2 oz 1 oz 1 oz 2 oz 2 1 1 tsp 2 floz 3 oz

Ground Beef (extra lean) Corn Peas Carrot (diced) Celery (diced) Onion (diced) Garlic Cloves (minced) Sprig of Thyme Fennel Seed Red Wine (or beer) Grated Cheddar

The Topping: 2 lbs 1 oz 3 floz ½ floz

Yukon Gold Potatoes Butter (softened) Cream (or milk) Truffle Oil

* floz = liquid measurement oz = dry measurement

Filling Prep 1. Brown beef on a skillet over

medium heat and strain off any excess fat. 2. Add corn, peas, carrots, celery and onions and sauté until softened. 3. Toss in garlic, thyme and fennel seed and continue to cook until the

veggies are tender. 4. Pour in wine and deglaze the pan. Bring liquid to a simmer and allow to reduce to half. 5. Remove from heat and salt & pepper to taste.

Topping Prep 1. Boil potatoes in salted water until

fork tender, then strain. 2. Put potatoes back in the pot, add butter and cream and mash until whipped and smooth. 3. Drizzle in truffle oil and incorporate well, then salt and pepper to taste.

Construction 1. Pre-heat oven to 350°F. 2. Put filling mixture into a 4”x8” baking pan and smooth out until evenly distributed. 3. Spread potato topping over top. 4. Sprinkle on grated cheddar. 5. Bake in the oven for around 20 minutes or until cheese is melted and golden brown. 6. Remove from the oven and let sit for a few minutes.

Now you’re ready to feed two or three people or one very hungry shepherd.


For Peat’s Sake

SCOTLAND HAS GIVEN US KILTS, HAGGIS, THE BAY CITY ROLLERS AND THE ORIGINAL JAMES BOND, BUT OUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITE EXPORT FROM THE PIPER NATION IS THEIR HOOCH. SLÀINTE!

In

by DAVID NUTTALL

previous installments on whisk(e)y, we looked at Canadian, American and Irish styles. This time we will explore the most famous one, Scotch Whisky, commonly known as Scotch. While even the Scots will begrudgingly admit that the Irish developed their whiskey earlier, the Scots like to say they perfected it. The uniqueness of scotch comes from two basic distinctions- variety and the use of peat. The variety comes from different styles and multiple locations of the distilleries. Essentially, scotch is divided into five different types under two main categories: single malt and blended. While blended is the combination of several single malts into a single brand, the single malts themselves are partially defined

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by the area of Scotland from which they originate. The five main regions, Lowland, Speyside, Highland, Campbeltown, and Islay, all create unique styles arising from uses of different malts, wood, water and peat. Yes, peat, that carbonized decomposed vegetable matter which imparts the “smokiness” that gives scotch its most unique characteristics and makes it impossible to imitate exactly anywhere else in the world. Peat even comes in different varieties, depending on its location of origin and the kind of vegetation it is made of. So how did scotch arise from a tiny little northern country to become possibly the most famous spirit in the world? As with almost all spirits, its origins are murky, but monks, most likely from Ireland, are responsible for bringing their knowledge of distillation to Scotland as early as the 11th century. In 1994, Scotland celebrated the 500th anniversary of scotch, but 1494 was just the first documented distilling, so it had been around long before that. With plenty of grain (barley), an endless supply of almost pure water and lots of fuel

(peat) to burn, scotch became a distinct and important feature of Scottish life, one they defiantly tried to keep out of the hands and control of the English. Colonization, taxation, legislation and sales restrictions in the 17th and 18th centuries often drove distilleries underground, sometimes literally. By 1780, there were only 8 legal distilleries in Scotland and well over 400 illegal ones. By the time restrictions were eased in the early 19th century, scotch production was divided between small craft distilleries in the Highlands and large distilleries in the Lowlands, which were legislated by government and under the control of only a few owners. When the Coffey continuous still came into use in 1831, the rise of the blended scotch began. With more and better quality scotch hitting the market, it became almost as popular as gin in the British Isles. The worldwide popularity grew in the late 19th century not only because of greater production, but also because the Phylloxera louse destroyed most of the vineyards in France and decimated the most popular liquor of the time, Cognac. Scotch helped fill the void it created, and thanks to its appearance in numerous markets around the world, even Prohibition did not slow its growth. While the Depression and World War II did force many distilleries to close, the post-war economic boom allowed scotch to maintain its popularity. However, complacency in the industry and the failure to update the spirit for the consumers in the 1970s and 1980s, caused scotch to lose market share to other spirits, especially vodka, and resulted in many more distilleries closing. Nevertheless, in the finest recycling job in spirits history, the almost completely forgotten single malt category reappeared slowly until it blossomed in the 1990s. Old retired distilleries reopened and a celebration of unique scotch began. While blended scotch still outsells single malts by a factor of over 10 to 1, the last 20 years have seen a rise in scotch varieties: double casking, special editions, cask strength, extra long ageing, and the list goes on. Some distillers are producing as many as 60 to 70 different varieties alone. The scotch industry today may not be where it was in its heyday, but the golden age of quality and variety of scotch is certainly upon us now.


SEX

with MASTER SARAH MOANIES

Confessions of a Waitress FOOD FOR THOUGHT, THE NEXT TIME YOU CONSIDER HITTING ON YOUR SERVER.

At some point in our lives, most of us have worked in the service industry, either as a waitress or waiter, now commonly known as nongender specific ‘server’. It is one of the easiest jobs to get, a quick cash grab and even a career for some. For me, a nightclub, the neighbourhood pub, a ‘50s diner, a hotel with a connected restaurant and bar called The Roadhouse, all before I reached 21. A short skirt stint in a nightclub during a time known as ‘Bar Wars’ in a city cited by MacLean’s Magazine for its ridiculous amount of alcohol consumption afforded me numerous memories of being hit on. Drink specials kept the crowds, cash and liquor aplenty along with every Tom, Dick and Scary, all rum-dumb, full of liquid courage and feeling the desire to either pick a fight or hit on their lucky server for the evening – yours truly. In a bar, you’re a celebrity, a.k.a. Bar Star. Everyone wants to be your friend, get in ahead of the line, get an extra shot or score the server. On occasion, I would deploy a tactical maneuver, where I would memorize the phone number to the local funeral home. If and when a patron just wouldn’t give up and I had no desire to date him, I would give him the phone number to the funeral home when he asked for mine. It was the best way to ensure I went home with my well-deserved tips for my exemplary and patient service and to inadvertently tell him to ‘drop dead’. Some servers put up with the swaying drunk that slings his arm over her shoulders because she knows that if she tells him he is out of line or to ‘get off’ her tips will reflect his displeasure. He may feel she embarrassed him in front of his friends or that he simply wasn’t doing anything wrong. Get over it, you’re out of line and you should know better. You can look at your server, talk to your server, flirt with your server but touching your server is out of line. That was one of the reasons I left the industry, the other being the pay. I would watch grown men turn into blubbering puddles of idiocy because they drank their body weight in beer and the bar became a grade school playground full of bullies and jackasses. I have received and refused extravagant gifts from patrons. The offers of gifts such as trips, jewelry, even cars I deemed inappropriate because it appeared as a payoff for what the patron desired. I was a waitress, one of

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the oldest professions but not the oldest profession. Integrity is more valuable to me than extravagant gifts with strings attached. Diamonds are nice, but I was there to earn tips, not turn tricks. I used to have a regular customer who would come in to the nightclub. He would tell the other server he wanted to order from me and would wait until I had the time to pop over to that section. This always caused grief with the other server and rightly so. He was in her section and she wanted the tips that I would brag about at the end of the night every time he came in. He always bought two Corona, would hand me a $50 bill and tell me, “Keep the change.” You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that was a great tip. First the great tip, then jewelry, then he offered to buy me a car. He would tell me I worked too hard and that he would like to “take me away from it all.” I would always politely decline his advances or tell him gently that his behaviour was inappropriate. Bless that short black skirt. Beware of the server who readily accepts your invitation for a trip for two to some exotic locale. You’re thinking ‘sex on the beach’, but she’s thinking free vacation, separate rooms, tanning on the beach and every excuse she can find to fend off your advances. If you offer a trip and she immediately asks if she can bring a friend, stop picturing yourself in a threesome. She’s thinking about shopping with her girlfriend, you’re carrying the bags in this picture and all the different ways that she can ditch you so that they can go out. The girl that straight up refuses is clearly not attracted to you, has more integrity than that or has a boyfriend who may very well be bigger than you and will hunt you both down at said exotic location. If you see a server that you are interested in, here are a few things you need to consider before you ask her out: A. She may have a boyfriend. No harm, no foul. She may shoot you down. Don’t crash and burn. The old ‘You can’t blame a guy for trying!’ policy is a keeper in this situation. B. Remember, if you’re hitting on her, so is every other guy. If you do start dating, are you going to be okay with knowing she will be hit on when she says ‘Bye, I’m off to work!’ in her short skirt? C. How easily did she agree to go out with you? Watch how she works the room. If she is blatantly flirting with every guy at every table, flicking her hair, being touchy-feely or biting her pen provocatively, chances are,

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she is hedging her bets for the night and trying to make great tips. Can’t blame a girl for trying in this situation. She may not have been sincere on accepting the date. If she took your number but didn’t exchange hers, she probably won’t call. There are definitely women out there who are gold diggers. The Cinderella dream of the waitress meeting the millionaire is still alive and well. There is the fantasy of the waitress who would serve an old man the same thing every day and then one day a lawyer informs that waitress that man was a millionaire and left her everything in his will. (Sigh) How often does that really happen?! How is a guy supposed to stand out from the crowd? If giant tips aren’t getting her attention, what line could you use that she hasn’t heard before? I can’t answer that for you. I can make a few suggestions but it boils down to the right mix - chemistry. She may or may not think you’re hot, but a surefire way to guarantee she’ll pass on your offer to take her out is if you are so drunk your sentences sound like they are trapped in a margarita blender. Let’s say you are at a business lunch. If you’re attracted your server, wait until after the meal to make your move. Excuse yourself from your associates and try to catch her at the bar. Inform her you are on a business lunch and therefore, wanted to approach her with a little discretion. She’ll admire you for it. Servers see guys showboating in front of their

friends regularly. Be discreet. Make it playful, like a covert op. Ask her if she would like to go out sometime and before she can answer, give her your card. Leave her with ‘Just think about it’, exude confidence and go sit yourself back at the table. Another option would be to scrawl a note on the back of your business card and make sure she sees you do it. Hand the business card directly to her with the tip. Don’t leave the card on the table where four guys were just having lunch. She’ll have no clue who left it and will throw it out with the leftovers. If it is a boys’ night out, being the designated driver will allow you to have your wits about you. You can joke with your server without missing a beat. Knowing that she most likely will be bustling between many tables, you can tease her, very gently, with, “What does a man have to do around here to get a drink?” Be careful with how you tease your server about the service though. It’s a risky play. You don’t want to insult her ... or say it too loud for others to hear who aren’t in on your intentions. Show her you are having fun and reassure her you are just teasing by using her name. It builds a rapport with the server. If done wrong, it could land your drink in your lap instead. Be polite. Go straight from A to B. Ask her out. If she shoots you down, prepare to enjoy the round of beers and jeers from your buddies. You know they’ll make you buy the next round and she’ll have to come back to the table to replenish the drought. Take it like a man. Tell her she can’t blame a man for trying, show her that there are no hard feelings and conduct yourself accordingly. Another plus as the designated driver, she will view you as responsible, that you care about the safety of your friends and that she is getting to know you, not liquid courage you, just you. You know how that somewhat attractive, but not exactly a hottie at the bar surrounds herself with less attractive friends in order to make herself look that much hotter? Well, the same trick works for guys too. Be the guy next to the really drunk guy. It will just make you look that much more appealing. In all honesty, the odds are stacked against you in this type of venture and she’ll wind up shooting you down like she did with all the other guys that have hit on her that day. Then again, she might write her name and number down on the back of the receipt and hand it to you. The thing is, you’ll never know until you try. Just try asking her out ‘in style’, not marinated in liquor.


THE HIGH-FLYING HEROICS AND HEADLINE-GRABBING SCREW UPS FROM THE BIGGEST TOURNAMENT IN COLLEGE SPORTS

BY ANNA SANTIAGO


∞ Point-shaving! Game-winning clutch shots! Players doing blow at half-time! A hardwood-squeeking history of the college players and coaches who have both thrilled and thwarted.

1993 Trailing two points and with only 11 seconds left in the game, Michigan forward Chris Webber does the unthinkable - as in, he did something without thinking at all. He calls a timeout, hoping to come up with a play to tie the scoreboard and keep his team in the game. What he didn’t realize is that his team was out of timeouts, and the miscue resulted in North Carolina getting possession of the ball, as well as two free throws, sealing their 77-71 win over Webber and his Wolverines.

1982

Imagine how badly the Georgetown player who was supposed to be guarding Michael Jordan during the last few seconds of the 1982 NCAA Championship game feels to this day for not paying more attention. But at least he could say he was there when the world first got to see a glimpse of the man who would eventually be called “His Airness”. Standing in the corner of the court, the little-known UNC freshman named Michael Jordan seemed surprised when the ball came to him but the surprise lasted no more than a millisecond. Immediately, Jordan took a 16-foot jump shot - no hesitation - and drained the basket. The shot gave North Carolina a 1-point lead over the Hoyas, and they managed to maintain that lead until the buzzer rang 15 seconds later.

GOING GRAPHIC

NUMBER OF NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP TITLES

BREAKING DOWN THE REPEATS, THREE-PEATS AND EVEN THE ELEVEN-PEATS OF EACH SCHOOL’S CHAMPIONSHIP SEASONS.

2 2 1961 1962

1999 2004

7

5

4

2

1991 1992 2001 2010

1940 1953 1976 1981 1987

2006 2007

11

3 1952 1988 2008

5 2 2

1948 1949 1951 1958 1978 1996 1998

1980 1986

2 2 2

1957 1982 1993 2005 2009

1979 2000

1974 1983

1945 1946

1955 1956

1964 1965 1967 1968 1969 1970 1971 1972 1973 1975 1995

C LA U

.S TA O TE K (O LA KL H O AH M O AS M A TA A& TE M ) SA N FR AN C IS C O

N .C

A LI N AR O C

ST AT E

O RT H

IG AN IC H

M

N

E IS VI LL U LO

C KY

SA S KA N

A IA N D IN

ID A R FL O

U KE D

KE N TU

O N C

C IN

C

N EC

IN

N

TI C

U

AT I

T

SCHOOL & CHAMPIONSHIP SEASONS

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1987 As one of the key players in the Villanova upset over Georgetown in 1985, Wildcats guard Gary McLain was a college basketball hero. But his game heroics were quickly overshadowed by the player’s admitted drug addiction a few years later. McLain went public with his cocaine addiction via a tell-all article in Sports Illustrated magazine, revealing that he had been high on coke during Villanova’s Final Four victory over Memphis State, and also during the team’s ceremonial visit to the White House. McLain also suggested that several other Villanova players were doing the drug during the season, but never revealed any names.

2008

2003 Minutes after Kansas head coach Roy Williams watched his team lose the championship title to the Syracuse Orange, he found himself blasting expletives all over national television. When asked by a CBS reporter about his upcoming position as the North Carolina Tar Heels’ head coach, Williams spat out, “I don’t give a fuck about North Carolina right now!” His answer silenced the shocked reporter. But sure enough, one season later, Williams was back on the bench, this time wearing a Tar Heels logo on his shirt, giving a fuck.

He’s now one of the NBA’s young superstars, but in his sophomore year as a Memphis Tiger, Derrick Rose felt the sting of humiliation when he let his team’s championship victory slip right through his fingertips. Literally. Rose and his Tigers held the lead throughout most of the game, and with only a few minutes left, Rose had a chance to seal the deal with a couple of free throws. He missed both. The Kansas Jayhawks then proceeded to tie the game and force it into overtime, where they outscored the Tigers and clinched their first championship title for the first time in 20 years.

HOW TWEET IT IS! RANDOM TRASH TALK FROM PRO PLAYERS, OWNERS AND ANNOUNCERS. SHAQUILLE O’NEAL

BILL SIMMONS SPORTSCASTER

owner, DALLAS MAVERICKS

MARK CUBAN

PAUL BISSONETTE

@The_Real_Shaq: y hasn’t rhondo been wearin his headband!?! And what’s up with Noah’s freethrows!?! Lol My shot is prettier than tht!

@sportsguy33: Good news for OJ Mayo: hearing he’s going to be the new roommate in Season 4 of “Jersey Shore.”

@mcuban: When did Tony Kornheiser join the Village People ? Tony, U In The Navy next show ?

@BizNasty2point0: Twooping right now with the door open. Safe to say my new roomate, Chris Summers, won’t b happy in 3, 2, 1 Twooping is tweetin while pooping

BOSTON CELTICS

PHOENIX COYOTES


1985 Bobby Knight was never a man to hide his emotions. The Indiana coach’s passion for the game made for a brilliant but rocky career. But before the wins and the losses, he will forever be remembered for the tantrum he threw at a game against his team’s archrivals, the Purdue Boilermakers. Scratch that: I mean, the chair he threw. Furious after being handed a technical foul, Knight took a chair from behind the Indiana bench and chucked it towards the free throw line, where Purdue guard Steve Reid was preparing to shoot. Luckily, it didn’t hit the boy, but Knight was slapped with another technical foul, automatic ejection from the game, and the title for the most embarrassing moment in tournament history.

1991 Richie “The Fixer” Perry was a notorious Las Vegas resident with ties to the Mafia who had been convicted in the late 1980s for several conspiracies to commit sports bribery. So imagine the outrage when a picture surfaced in 1991 of Perry lounging in a hot tub with three players from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas basketball team. UNLV head coach Jerry Tarkanian feigned shock and vehemently denied any knowledge of a relationship between his team and the convicted sports fixer. No direct charges came out from the photograph, but under further investigation, Tarkanian was found to have committed several major violations and was eventually forced to resign in the spring of the following year.


1951 Just a year before, the City College of New York was the shining star of college basketball, having won both the NCAA and NIT championships. But what happened the following year overshadowed anything the school would ever accomplish. During the course of a bigger investigation by the New York District Attorney, seven CCNY players were found to be taking money from professional gamblers to fix games over a three-year period. Digging deeper, the New York Board of Education found that the high school records of 14 students had been altered in order for them to gain admission into the school. Eventually, the investigation led to the implication of 32 players from seven schools, making it the biggest sports scandal since the Chicago White Sox threw the World Series in 1919.

2003

1990 A head coach’s high and low moments are often broadcast on national television, whether they are dealing with embarrassing losses or triumphant wins. But Cleveland State head coach Kevin Mackey’s big 15 minutes of fame came not from the court, but from a crack house. After receiving an anonymous tip about a known crack house, the Cleveland police and several news stations headed over to make the bust. They arrived just in time to see Mackey emerging from the house, high out of his mind with a prostitute hanging from his arm. The footage was shown all over the state, Mackey was immediately fired and forced to attend rehab for substance abuse.

Baylor University junior player Patrick Dennehy had mysteriously gone missing in the summer of 2003. Weeks later, his body was found, and fellow Bears teammate Carlton Dotson pleaded guilty to his murder. If you think that’s bad, wait and see what happened next. As a result of the tragedy, intense scrutiny was put on the program and soon evidence arose that Bears head coach Dave Bliss had arranged for Dennehy to get over $10,000 in order for the young player to forfeit his scholarship to make room for another player. Afraid of getting found out, Bliss then asked his coaching assistant to spread the rumor that Dennehy was selling drugs. He even went as far as to say there was no way the rumor could be disputed, seeing as Dennehy was dead and all. Unfortunately for Bliss, the assistant was taping the entire conversation. The tape was made public, Bliss was fired, and the integrity of college basketball suffered a humiliating blow.

MADNESS AT THE MOVIES

1966: 45 years ago, integration was unheard of in the game of basketball. Either a team was all-black or all-white...mostly all-white. But one particular game helped to abolish racial segregation among the college basketball community. Texas Western coach Don Haskins started five black players in the championship game against Adolph Rupp’s Kentucky team. It was the first time in history that an all-black team had made it to the finals. To the surprise of everyone watching the game, Texas Western beat Kentucky 72-65. Not convinced of the impact of this singular game? There’s a movie about it! The 2006 film Glory Road is based on the 1966 Texas Western team. 36 vexmagazine.com

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SMALL-TOWN SIREN


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PHOTOS BY 323PHOTOGRAFIX.COM

WE WERE TOLD THAT IN FORT ST. JOHN, BC, THE TIGHT-AND-TEMPTING CAITLYN BELLAMY IS JUST YOUR AVERAGE GIRL NEXT DOOR. IF THAT’S THE CASE - WE’RE MOVING!


“I LOATHE SITTING IN A VEHICLE FOR TWO HOURS EVERY DAY. I’D RATHER DRINK BLEACH.”


WHAT IF W

told you that we knew of a wondrous, magical land where there was a woman who loved to cook up a storm in the kitchen, who could throw down and beat the ever-loving snot out of a mugger in any dark alley, and had the looks of a luxurious lingerie model? Well, dear friends, such a place does exist. The name of this Utopia-on-Earth is Fort St. John, BC. And the name of the woman is Caitlyn Bellamy. Let the fantasies begin!

E

Where are you living now? I live in Fort St. John. It’s a small city in northern BC. What can I say? I love the fresh air and friendly people of a smaller community. Have you ever lived anywhere else? When I was 18, I packed up everything I owned ... basically anything I could fit into my ‘87 Honda Accord ... and moved to Edmonton. When I was younger, I wanted to experience living in a big city ... the nightlife, the concerts ... all the exciting activities the city has to offer. What was the best thing about living in Edmonton? I would have to say the concerts are what stick in my mind, for sure. I got to experience so

much amazing talent while living there ... Metallica, Godsmack, A Perfect Circle, Finger Eleven and Default, just to name a few. What was the worst thing about “big city” living? Rush hour traffic! I absolutely loathe sitting in a vehicle for two hours every day. I’d rather drink bleach. Is that what made you want to move back home to FSJ? (laughs) Well, I wouldn’t say that I moved home because of the traffic, but I definitely don’t miss it. I really just missed my family, so that was the main reason I came back. After living in Edmonton, did you become an Oilers fan? I don’t really follow sports,

but when the Oilers made the playoffs I was right alongside all of those crazy people gathered on Whyte Ave ... people crowdsurfing in shopping carts down the middle of one of the busiest streets in Edmonton. That was quite a sight to see. We hear you’re quite the asskicker in martial arts. I’m a first-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. Wow! How long have you been training? Off and on for thirteen years. I got started because I didn’t want to dance or figure skate like the other girls, and my parents wanted me to have an extra-curricular activity. So, when given the option, punching things just seemed like a lot more fun than

wearing a tutu. Have you ever broken a stack of bricks with your head, or anything like that? Well, not with my head, but for my black belt testing I was required to break bricks with my hand. Being the cocky kid that I was, I thought why just break one brick when I could break three. Well, I broke the bricks, but ended up breaking my wrist as well. I still finished my testing though, broken wrist and all. Geezus, that had to hurt! I’ve also broken a toe and my nose ... both sparring accidents. Your main scoring area in competitive Tae Kwon Do is in the face, so it’s just a part of the game. My last major injury though was a broken sternum.

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One evening some students decided we’d do a bit of light contact MMA-style fighting. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but I fell backwards, my instructor fell on top of me and I took a knee to the chest ... Voila! ... broken sternum. Ouch! Not exactly a hobby that’s conducive to a modeling career, wouldn’t you say? Yeah, after my last incident I decided to cool it for a while. Nobody wants a bikini model with black eyes and a broken nose. Who is your favourite MMA fighter right now? I’d have to say Urijah Faber. Up to now, he’s fought mainly with the WEC, but he makes his UFC debut on March 19, 2011 at UFC 128 against Eddie Wineland. Do you go out to watch the fights at the bar a lot? We usually just take turns ordering them at someone’s house. Bars are loud and I like to hear what’s going on. Plus, I’m usually one of those crazy people screaming at the TV, so I like to do that in the comfort of my own home. So do you go crazy in the kitchen getting munchies ready or do you just order in pizza? I love to cook for my friends. In a small town, there’s not a lot of choices for entertainment on the weekend, so I love getting everyone together and cooking a feast. What’s your culinary specialty? Baking! I’m known for my boozy cakes ... something passed along from my mother. I mean, what’s better than cake with a bunch of liquor in it?! Do you do all of the icing and decorating yourself? Yeah ... I love it. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so it usually takes me about two or three hours. Has anyone ever asked you to make a cake shaped like a big penis or a pair of boobs? Oh my God! (laughs) That’s so funny you asked that! I actually made my cousin a cake for his 18th birthday shaped like a nice set of ta-tas. Turns out if you bake cake batter in metal mixing bowls and frost it with a peachcoloured icing, you have yourself a nice pair of tits!

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“PUNCHING THINGS JUST SEEMED LIKE A LOT MORE FUN THAN WEARING A TUTU.”


“NOBODY WANTS A BIKINI MODEL WITH BLACK EYES AND A BROKEN NOSE.”


COMIC STRIPPED

MALEVOLENCE in

› SEATTLE

WE ALL HAVE TO START our comedy careers somewhere. I started in Calgary at the Yuk Yuk’s in the Blackfoot Inn. Back then, the club was in a dark lounge with soft comfortable chairs, lulling the audience to sleep. I had an experience there that made me decide what I was going to do with this “comedy thing”.

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WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, we all have those defining moments in our lives: first kiss, love, stripper, etc. These moments are forever etched in our gray matter. I can be doing laundry on the road and this memory will come back so vividly, I can smell the stale beer and party mix of that showroom in the Blackfoot Inn. I had only been doing stand-up for a couple of months. The owner of the club really liked me and I kind of became a pet project. He was extremely supportive and gave me more stage time than I deserved. There was a sort of gang that formed with the comics. There was a core of us who would hang out after the open mic’s, trying to figure out how to better our acts to reach the next level. We knew each other’s material and would comment on improvements and callbacks that were added. We paid attention to each other and rooted for each other, until some of us started getting work. It’s like in high school when you try out for a play production, those who make it tend to leave behind those who didn’t. When you get a little success you move past the others. It’s the ugly nature of the beast. After only a few months the owner asked me if I would do an opening spot on the late show Friday. Back then I didn’t realize that late show Friday’s were notoriously rough. People work all week and get more than a few drinks in them before the show even starts. Alcohol is a depressant, thus the result is a room full of uninhibited, depressed

people, starving to feel better than someone else. Misery loves company, or at least a good ol’ fashioned lynching. Comics refer to them as “drunk fucks”. (I don’t want to leave anyone behind with technical language.) I was excited because, even though I was naïve, I was making the jump from open mic to the regular shows. The opening slot is positioned right after the MC and before the middle. It’s only ten minutes, but ten minutes when you’ve only been at it for a couple of months seems like an hour. The middle act was this bitch from Seattle. From now on we will refer to her as the “Seattle Bitch”. I remember seeing her on the open mic Wednesday. We all looked up to her because we knew she was a working comic and we automatically respected her for that. After the open mic she was nice to everyone but me. I didn’t understand - I had a good set. Why was she being this way? I didn’t think she was funny. Maybe she could sense that. Pathetic people have the gift for smelling out others who are immune to their desperate bullshit. “I see dead premises.” I was pacing back behind the heavy black curtain that separated the audience from

the backstage/bar area. I was close with the wait-staff and bartender. They were excited for me. They understood that this Friday show was a big moment for me as a new comic. I went over my set list again and again as the MC warmed the crowd. My heart pounded at an orgasmic pump. I was full of fear and anticipation ... pacing ... wondering what was on the other side of the curtain. Would Caesar give me the thumbs up or down? Will the crowd want the blood of Barabbas or me? Seconds before I was introduced, the Seattle Bitch stormed behind the curtain. She wasn’t pleased that there was going to be a comic on before her. She looked disgustedly at me and asked:

SB: “What are you doing here?” Me: “Bill asked me to do ten minutes.” SB: “They’re gonna let YOU do ten minutes?”

Me: (silent, confused and rattled - rapidly

losing what confidence I pretended to have)

SB: “Give me a fucking break.” Me: (silent, confused and rattled - confidence tank on empty)

I was stunned. It was the first time I had ever met anyone who was unsupportive. I felt like hiding. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Who did I think I was to try and do this? I had no right.

MC: “Let’s have a big Calgary welcome for

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COMIC STRIPPED

one of the local rising stars of comedy...” I bombed horribly. The audience was so uncomfortable and silent that I felt like begging for forgiveness. The room was suffocating from the vacuum my lack of laughs created. I did my time. As I hurried behind the curtain I heard the bitch snicker. I walked to the back of the room with the posture of one who has missed an empty net in OT. The comics knew I had bombed, and they knew that I knew. Nothing was said. There were a couple of encouraging pats on the back. I went to the bathroom. Even my urine wanted to get away from me. I waited for one of the two urinals to become vacant. One of the occupants turned to the other and said, “Man, that last guy sucked.” The other guy agreed, laughing at how horrible I was. As they zipped up, they turned and looked at me, shook their heads and smirked as they hurried out of the bathroom. My first thought was that they didn’t wash their hands. My second thought was that Barabbas lives. As I pissed, I felt the pain of performing badly and I knew I was at the crossroads without Ralph Macchio. I could leave the club and not come back, or shake it off (the embarrassment not my privates) and get back up there. A few years later I found myself living in Seattle and moving up through the ranks. I knew the Seattle Bitch was around, but I hadn’t seen her since Calgary. Her reputation was horrible... one story was that A.

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Whitney Brown had anal sex with her for sanitary reasons. True or not, she had been such a bitch that no one had anything nice to say about her. I was called to do a 30 minute set at a club. When I got there I saw that the Seattle Bitch was headlining. She was sitting at the bar next to the club manager. She had that sad, pathetic, haggard look that a lot of Bar Bitches get in their mid-30’s. They don’t realize the pageant days are over. Bleached hair and heavy, dark eye liner, make eye contact and buy them a drink and they’ll haul you out to the mini van and bury their head in your lap while you stare at the ‘Soccer Mom’ air freshener dangling from the rearview. I walked up to the club manager and asked who was headlining. He told me as he nodded toward her at the bar. I knew she could

hear everything, so I said:

Me: “Is she from LA?” Manager: “No, she’s a local.” Me: “You know, I’ve lived in Seattle for a

couple of years now and I thought I’d heard of everyone. Are you sure she’s a comic?” The Seattle Bitch closed her notebook and stormed off to the back of the club. I had a great set. I stood at the back of the club and watched her tank horribly. She looked so desperate up there, almost pleading for mercy. I have to admit it felt good. I think it’s better to forgive someone...after you get revenge.


, Y CR

D L I H C R E I D SOL BY BILL ROBINSON


R

On July 27, 2002, a compound suspected of being an al-Qaeda stronghold was surrounded by a Special Forces Delta unit. The militants inside began throwing grenades and a ďŹ reďŹ ght ensued. The American soldiers called in an air strike and the compound was levelled. Pulled from the wreckage was a badly wounded, 15-year-old Canadian boy by the name of Omar Khadr who had been left at the compound several months earlier by his father to act as an interpreter. Khadr was taken into custody and remains today the only Western-born detainee of Guantanamo Bay.


Omar Khadr being treated for his wounds following the air strike.

NOT YOUR TYPICAL CHILDHOOD

To say that Omar Khadr did not have what most people would think of as a ‘traditional’ Canadian upbringing would be an understatement of epic proportions. Omar’s dad wasn’t exactly the type to sign him up for hockey or piano lessons. “Omar’s father, Ahmed Said Khadr was an Egyptian student who came to Ottawa to study his Masters and become a Canadian citizen. During the Soviet occupation of Afghanistan, he decided to go there as a charity worker. He set up charities for orphans, for women, and he would bring his family back and forth between Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Canada. A bizarre upbringing,” says Michelle Shephard, the National Security Reporter for the Toronto Star.

THE DAY THE WALLS CAME DOWN

In the pictures taken of him shortly after the attack, we see gaping holes in his upper left chest and blood everywhere. He is unconscious. This is how Omar described the battle in his own words. “I was severely wounded in the battle where I was captured. I was shot twice in the back, at least once in my left shoulder, exiting through my left breast and once in my right shoulder exiting through my upper left side. I was also struck with shrapnel in my right eye, and was wounded in my left thigh, knee, ankle and foot. I believe I remained conscious after being captured. I remember being carried by my arms and legs to an area in the open where someone put some bandages on me. The soldiers

were asking me questions about my identity. They then placed me on a wooden board and carried me to a helicopter. I lost consciousness during the trip in the helicopter. When I regained consciousness after a week, the first soldier told me that I had killed an American with a hand grenade.”

THE MONSTER & MR. CLAUS

In the months that followed the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center, there was no shortage of anger in the United States at what had happened and rightfully so. The attacks represented a crime of cowardice. The most shocking thing about terrorism is its 100% failure rate. Usually, the only thing it strengthens is the resolve of the people whom they threaten to undermine. In some cases, that anger turned to rage and in certain circumstances, a thirst for revenge. One such person was a 22-year-old former intelligence officer in the U.S. Army named Damien Corsetti. Corsetti was so ruthless that he earned the nickname ‘Monster’ in a place filled with hard-ass individuals. “We were all so angry. You know, we’re talking less than a year after 9/11. The mindset of the average American soldier over there was hatred. We hated them,” Corsetti says of his mindset. “I knew his lead interrogator, considered him a friend, consider him a friend still. (Joshua Claus who ‘interviewed’ Khadr over 49 times was also convicted of killing a random taxi driver who just happened to be driving past Bagram Air Force Base.) I personally never saw him cross the line of what was acceptable at Ba-

“THEY THAT CAN GIVE UP ESSENTIAL LIBERTY TO OBTAIN A LITTLE TEMPORARY SAFETY DESERVE NEITHER LIBERTY NOR SAFETY.” - BENJAMIN FRANKLIN 52 vexmagazine.com

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Damien Corsetti (left); Moazzam Begg (right)

gram. Unfortunately, what was acceptable at that time was an outrage on human dignity. I was not a nice person.” It is important to remember that soldiers like Claus and Corsetti were young men who had not been properly trained in interrogation techniques and were also filled with hatred. In some ways, they are just as much the victims of the situation as Khadr is. “The condition of Omar when I first met him was pretty bad off – looking at him you wouldn’t think that he was going to survive. He had a large hole in his chest, large enough to fit a can of Copenhagen over. He was covered in shrapnel from head to toe, which, even months afterwards was still very prevalent through his skin. All I can say about him was that he was a typical 15-year-old kid, maybe raised a little different than the rest of us, but the child was still there. That was what was prevalent in him was the child.” Corsetti, this young interrogator who was feared by all and so filled with hatred, was still capable of seeing Omar Khadr as a boy, a child soldier. Moazzam Begg, a former cellmate of Khadr’s, had a similar impression about what was happening to Omar. “When I met Omar in Bagram, the way that they treated him was horrendous, because the rumour was that he’d been responsible for or involved in the killing of an American soldier. His treatment was worse than anyone else’s despite

the fact that he was a child and despite the fact that he was terribly wounded. They dragged him out, chained him up, made him stack crate after water crate only to throw them down onto the floor and make him do it again. Corsetti, of all people, treated Omar well from what I understand. Although Corsetti may have been involved in some of those abuses, he recognized at least in this case that you don’t treat a child like this.” A great many people involved in the case believe that any of Khadr’s so-called ‘confessions’ were tortured out of him. He tells the story of those first few weeks after capture in an affidavit on the February 22, 2008. “After about two weeks in the hospital, I was immediately taken to an interrogation room in Bagram. During this first interrogation, this young blond man would often scream at me if I did not give him the answers he wanted. Several times he forced me to sit up on my stretcher which caused me great pain due to my injuries. He did this several times to get me to answer and give him the answers he wanted. It was clear that he was making me sit up because it hurt and he wanted me to answer questions. I cried several times during the interrogation as a result of this treatment and pain. On some occasions the interrogators brought barking dogs into the room while my head was covered with a bag. The bag was wrapped tightly

“When I regained consciousness after a week, the first soldier told me that I had killed an American with a hand grenade.” -Omar Khadr

...SOLDIERS LIKE CLAUS AND CORSETTI WERE YOUNG MEN WHO HAD NOT BEEN PROPERLY TRAINED IN INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES AND WERE ALSO FILLED WITH HATRED. ISSUE #35

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Omar Khadr during his interrogation

around my neck making it difficult to breath. This terrified me. On other occasions, interrogators threw cold water on me. (He was naked at the time.) Other times, they tied my hands above my head (to the bars of his cell) or chained them to the ceiling and made me stand there for hours at a time. Because of my injuries, particularly in my chest and in my shoulders, my hands could not be raised above my head, but they pulled them up as high as they thought they could go and then tie them there. ‘I solemnly affirm that all of the forgoing statements are true and complete to the best of my knowledge’.”

BIG MACS, SUBWAY ... AND MANIPULATION

Filmmakers Patricio Henriquez and Luc Côté are the driving forces behind the movie, You Don’t Like the Truth, a documentary that explores Omar Khadr’s story through the eyes of those closely involved in his case. The movie goes into over seven hours of footage obtained between October 13th and 16th in 2003 when Canadian Intelligence officers interrogated Khadr in Guantanamo Bay. There are many disturbing scenes from the movie, starting with Khadr’s initial excitement at thinking he had finally made contact with Canadian Consular Services which was his right as a citizen. Things start off on a positive note. The CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) officer takes off Khadr’s handcuffs and offers him Subway food. On Day 2, things change drastically. We see the demoralized stance of the young boy who has come to realize that the CSIS agents are not from Consular Services and defi-

nitely not there to help him. The interview ends with Khadr weeping uncontrollably, calling for his mother. On Day 3, Khadr tries to explain that although he was present during the attack by the Delta forces, he did not participate. He reiterates the fact that his father had just left him with these people. Over and over he shows his wounds and says that it would have been impossible for him to have thrown that grenade. The most troubling scenes come on Day 4. For over 60 minutes after the CSIS officer leaves, Omar Khadr rocks back and forth, wailing away, certain that the world has forsaken him. He is not performing, for there is no one else in the room. If you had to describe his condition in one word, it would be ‘shattered’. U.S. Army Brigadier General (retired) Dr. Stephen Xenakis was Khadr’s psychiatrist for a time. His reaction to the scenes of Khadr’s interrogation are clear. “I hate to see him so sad and I hate to see him feeling so hurt as he is. I’ve spent a lot of time with this young man. I am touched by him. I think he has been treated unfairly. I think good people and good citizens of Canada and the U.S. should know about him and should speak up. They should urge the governments for him to have the best possible life he can. I think his story should be told.”

THOSE WHO WOULD COME TO HIS DEFENSE

From the start, the U.S. government wanted to charge Khadr with war crimes. The argument has been made that Omar Khadr is a child soldier by definition of international treaties which the United States and Cana-

“We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.” ~Edward R. Murrow 54 vexmagazine.com

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Omar Khadr at age 14 (left); Dr. Stephen Xenakis (top right); Gar Pardy (bottom right)

da have both signed. Although Khadr is now 24-years-old, he was only 15 when the alleged crime occurred. The U.S. Supreme Court and international human rights bodies have repeatedly recognized that young people are still developing their impulse control, their intelligence, and their emotions and should therefore be treated differently than adults. The U.S. military says that they don’t consider him a child soldier because he didn’t wear a uniform but nobody in Afghanistan used a uniform. Many of the people that the coalition forces are fighting now were considered freedom fighters in the ‘80s when they were fighting the Russians on behalf of the Americans, and they didn’t wear uniforms then either. There is a huge double standard used by the Americans in dealing with the issue of whether or not Khadr is a child soldier based on whether he wears a uniform because the pilots in Virginia who control the unmanned drones that fly over Afghanistan and Iraq and kill people using the unmanned planes also don’t wear uniforms. Should they be charged with war crimes? A great number of people believe that when the Americans abandoned the Afghani people after the Russians pulled out of Afghanistan it was what caused so much animosity towards the West. It would have cost the Americans a fraction of the money they’d already spent on

weapons to fight the Russians to then build schools and hospitals in Afghanistan. Much like they had in Germany and Japan after World War II, the Americans could have participated in nation building. They could have restored infrastructure and a stable government. Instead, they left the country in chaos. Afghanistan became a breeding ground for those who would wish others harm. It was the perfect example of what Edmund Burke meant when he said, “All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.” Gar Pardy, who is a retired member of Canada’s Foreign Service, had this to say about our country’s stance on how we have treated Khadr and what it means to every citizen. “The government of Canada has a duty under law to protect Canadians. No ambiguity. No exceptions. Except in this case, the government says that there is something called Crown Prerogative which says that in this area the government can pick and choose who it is going to help and once you start you are discriminating. Today it is Muslims or people from Syria, or people with turbans, a few years ago we discriminated against the Sikhs, we discriminated against the Jews coming out of Nazi Germany, and you need absolute rules here so that there is no ambiguity as to who you are going to help. A Canadian is a

Many of the people that the coalition forces are fighting now were considered freedom fighters in the 80s when they were fighting the Russians on behalf of the Americans.

The interview ends with Omar weeping uncontrollably, calling for his mother. ISSUE #35

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Omar Khadr during his interrogation (top and bottom left); Khadr’s lawyers - Nathan Whitling (top right), Denis Edney (bottom right)

Canadian is a Canadian.” There is serious doubt as to whether or not Khadr even committed the crime for which he was accused. Michelle Shephard of the Toronto Star thinks that she has clear evidence that the grenade that killed the U.S. soldier could not have been thrown by Khadr. “What I was really happy to bring to the public was the pictures that we knew existed but weren’t released publicly, and what the pictures show is the aftermath of the firefight. The first picture shows where a soldier stood thinking what was below him might be a trap door. He was looking at a combatant who was killed. When the debris was cleared, it was revealed that it was the body of Omar Khadr. He’s face down in the rubble, unmoving. You can see the bullet holes in his back. The significance of this picture is that when the picture was taken, this is the time that the U.S. government says Omar threw the grenade that fatally wounded Chris Speer.” On February 4, 2008, the U.S. officials accidentally released documents which Khadr’s lawyers say shows he was not guilty of killing Speers. For those that would write off any defense of Khadr as a ‘bleeding heart, left wing, hug-a-terrorist propaganda machine’ it would be best if they first spoke with Khadr’s U.S. military lawyer. A self-proclaimed

conservative, Lt. Commander William Kuebler has no difficulty seeing the injustice in Khadr’s case. What is more, he truly believes his client is innocent. “There are photographs that I have tried to get out publicly but because of the secrecy rules in Guantanamo I haven’t been able to – they would show that it was not possible for Omar Khadr to have thrown the grenade that killed Christopher Speers. I’m certainly a personally and philosophically conservative individual but I’ve never found an inconsistency between any of the things I’ve had to do as a lawyer for Omar Khadr and my personal beliefs. I mean, conservatives believe in the rule of law, limited government, fair trials and those are the things that I’ve advocated for in my representation of Omar. If I had a different detainee with different circumstances I might have a conflict, but with Omar Khadr there are none.” As to whether or not Khadr should be treated as a child soldier, Craig Mokhiber, the Deputy Director to the High Commissioner for Human Rights at the United Nations says that there is no doubt. “By definition he is a child soldier, and child soldiers are the subject of the United Nations for protection and rehabilitation and not of the same kind of treatment for adults that would commit those types of actions. All governments who are member states of the United Nations have an obligation

“If he did do it, to which I think there is significant doubt, you can’t hold a 15 year old responsible under those circumstances.” - Damien Corsetti

BY DEFINITION HE IS A CHILD SOLDIER, AND CHILD SOLDIERS ARE THE SUBJECT OF THE UNITED NATIONS FOR PROTECTION AND REHABILITATION... 56 vexmagazine.com

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Canadian protestors demanding Khadr’s release (photo by Joshua Sherurcij)

to cooperate for the promotion and protection of internationally guaranteed human rights standards. That means that if one state is in violation of human rights protections and another state even though it doesn’t have effective custody in that case is participating in or is complicate in they share responsibility under international law.” As we have already mentioned, even one of the most brutal interrogators at Bagram Air Force base, a man who says at the time he was filled with hate towards these terrorist suspects was able to see Khadr for what he was. Damien Corsetti feels for Khadr. “If he did do it, to which I think there is significant doubt, you can’t hold a 15-year-old responsible under those circumstances. I would have done it. If somebody came in and killed all my friends I would have tossed a grenade at them. It is very unfortunate what happened but he is a 15-year-old child in a war zone.” Thankfully, there are those who have stood by Khadr, championing his rights at great cost to themselves. Nathan Whitling and Dennis Edney have been Omar Khadr’s Canadian lawyers since taking over the case in 2003. They’ve fought many battles for Khadr, often at their own expense and not once with any assistance from the Canadian government. “Since we took over this case in 2003, we have fought in every court there is; the Supreme Court in the U.S. and Canada, federal court in the U.S. and Canada, and the commission in Guantanamo Bay. Along the way we have had no support or aid from our government,” says Whitling. Of course, the Americans have often been less than forthcoming as well. “One of the big issues that we have been facing is getting disclosure from the Americans. Something as simple as the

fact that when these planes flew over the compound that Omar Khadr was in, they had cameras. Well, it just so happens that those cameras have disappeared. And those cameras would have given us a bird’s eye view of what happened,” says Edney, who has been challenged as a human being both professionally and personally by taking on this case. “There are many times I’ve thought about walking away from the Khadr case. It has cost me thousands and thousands of my own savings, my family’s savings for each venture we’re involved with Omar Khadr. I think I’ve spent $10,000 in just the last month in travel expenses traveling to Guantanamo. I’ve walked the floor thinking how I’m going to tell Omar that I can’t represent him anymore, and when I think about that, I think about what he said to me, after I’d persuaded him to come out of his mind and join us in reality in talking to us. He said, ‘you will leave me, everybody does.’ And so I’m caught. I’m doing a right thing. If we don’t do it, then who else is going to do it? And it just is something that we can’t walk away from him.”

THE HERE AND NOW

On October 13, 2010, Omar Khadr signed his name to a seven page plea deal that would see him spend one more year in Guantanamo Bay before heading to a Canadian Penitentiary where he will be eligible for parole in 2013. In the deal, Khadr plead guilty to five war crimes including the murder of Christopher Speers. None of us can know what it must have been like for Khadr to spend such a large portion of his young life

WHEN THESE PLANES FLEW OVER THE COMPOUND THAT OMAR KHADR WAS IN, THEY HAD CAMERAS. WELL, IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT THOSE CAMERAS HAVE DISAPPEARED.


“HE THAT WOULD MAKE HIS OWN LIBERTY SECURE, MUST GUARD EVEN HIS ENEMY FROM OPPOSITION; FOR IF HE VIOLATES THIS DUTY HE ESTABLISHES A PRECEDENT THAT WILL REACH HIMSELF.” ~THOMAS PAINE in prison, but Dennis Edney says that, “No matter how abandoned he’s been, he doesn’t have any anger. He is a kid who is going to go back to Canada and start his life, and Canadians will see that this young man is harmless, and that he is a victim.” When the topic of how Khadr can be a harmless child soldier victim and yet still have pled guilty to war crimes, Edney does not hesitate to respond. “The agreed statement of facts is fiction. He only signed it because he knew that saying he was guilty was his only hope of ever getting out of there. After all the evidence to the abuse and torture he suffered, it is obvious that he never gave a full voluntary confession.”

ONCE MORE INTO THE BREACH DEAR FRIENDS

If, as all evidence suggests, Omar Khadr was a victimized child soldier who had been brainwashed by his father since he was young, we still need to ask what kind of man will emerge a year from now a full decade after his capture. Maybe even more importantly, what does Canada’s treatment say about us as a people? Roméo Dallaire, retired Canadian General and former commander of the United Nations assistance mission to Rwanda during their genocide, said recently when speaking to some high school students in Calgary, “Canada’s treatment of Guantanamo Bay detainee Omar Khadr reflects this country’s move away from its traditional role in advancing human rights internationally. Canada was a leader. Canada is not a leader in human rights anymore.”

Omar Khadr at age 21.

Corsetti, the ‘Monster’ of Bagram, has had the courage to come forward and talk about his mistakes as an interrogator. He also has this message to Canadians. “I think the Canadian people need to look at themselves and figure out who they are. Stephen Harper is not looking out for all Canadians. There have been elections since Omar was captured, so ultimately the blame lies on the Canadian people of how I as a cold, hard son of a bitch had more compassion for that boy than his own people. If they want to allow one of their citizens to be treated like this then think about the precedent that sets for the future for you, it could be you, who America is going to say is our enemy next. I feel a duty to do this. I would say, look at your own kids and that is what he is. He was a child. He was not a hardened terrorist.” The conscience of our national identity seems to be at stake. Despite rulings by our highest courts detailing the unfair treatment of Omar Khadr, Canada has failed to take action to protect one of its citizens. Regardless of how you view Omar Khadr, there should be an impetus in all of us to ensure that his rights as a citizen of Canada should have been and should be protected. War is a terrible thing and today there are over 250,000 child soldiers on the planet. One of those child soldiers was a 15-year-old Canadian boy who between his tragic upbringing and the injustices suffered since his capture in 2002, has never had the opportunity to speak or act for himself. Regardless of guilt or innocence, he deserves the opportunity to take direction of his own life. We should let him be judged by the determination of his own actions, and let us, as Canadians, be judged by ours.

“CANADA’S TREATMENT OF OMAR KHADR REFLECTS THIS COUNTRY’S MOVE AWAY FROM ITS TRADITIONAL ROLE IN ADVANCING HUMAN RIGHTS.” ~ROMEO DELAIRE 58 vexmagazine.com

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SPOTLIGHT

Colin James He just dropped his second Best Of... album entitled Take It From The Top and he shows no signs of slowing down. It’s been 23 long years and we love him just the same. INTERVIEW BY BILL ROBINSON

What’s your greatest musical moment so far?

For different reasons... I have great memories of playing with Albert Collins years ago. He’s one of the best blues guitar players out there and just such a great human being... Playing with Carlos Santana at The Gorge (Amphitheatre) years ago. He got me up for ‘The Healer’, the John Lee Hooker tune. What made it particularly cool that night was that the sunset was setting on The Gorge and the drummer’s kit was a shadow that just went for miles behind the stage...Playing with Stevie Ray Vaughan, and in particular, one night when he played in Vancouver at the Orpheum. This was after he cleaned himself up. Such a good vibe and I loved playing in that theatre; my favourite place to play and of course, just the fact that I got to go up on stage with Stevie...Every time I have a chance to get up on stage with Bonnie Raitt is great.

First memory where you said, “yeah, I’m going to be a musician”?

It’s hard to remember a time that I didn’t know I was going to be a musician. I started playing in a band when I was 12. We’d play little dances and things like that. We all shared the kitty at the end of the night, like $25 or $30, it wasn’t very much. I got a couple of radio jobs early on so I guess that was when it started becoming suspiciously habitual. Divorcing myself from school pretty early was the next step. By Grade 10, I was playing in bands and schooling just went down fast.

Toughest challenge you’ve had to overcome to get where you are today?

Raising a family. Two kids and I still to try and keep making records. Married for twenty years, being on the road can be a challenge, but the time apart can sort of help too. Surviving in a business that can be pretty harsh and being able to make a living in it.

How are you still around today? How do you account for your longevity? From the very first time I wanted to do this I wanted to do it like my heroes did it; like a Buddy Guy or Muddy Waters. Have a work ethic with it as well. I never even thought about making records for the longest time. I was just so happy to be on the track of my

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heroes it never occurred to me to be making my own records. I guess changing with the current enough to remain relevant without sacrificing who you are. Roll with the punches. Sometimes it’s your time and sometimes it’s not. It’s like riding out the hungry times and always keeping your hope there.

Greatest hits – is it a milestone?

This is my second greatest hits album. Had one out in ’95 when I left Virgin Records. What’s exciting about this album for me is that EMI has reached out to the other labels like Warner and Maple Music to lease songs for the album which I don’t think happens very often in this industry. Especially not in the old days. It’s a nice cross section of the last few years.

Is there a song on there that stands out for you?

I really enjoyed “Man’s Gotta Be a Stone”. I enjoyed recording it and I enjoyed playing it every night. There might be a second best album in the works. That’s hilarious, might even be the next title, but there are songs that are personal favourites that might not have achieved the same commercial success but that I think are amazing tracks. I’m quirky as anybody. Sometimes I buy a record and really like that last track on the album. I’d be pumped for a ‘Best of the Little Big Band’ at some point; be great to give the best of those three albums a second life.

What’s the next big challenge?

I’m in the midst of figuring that out right now. I did two tracks with Bob Rock for this last album. It is a best of my rock songs so it makes sense to use Bob; his name isn’t Bob Folk. There are so many things that I’d like

“There’s no shortage of inspiration ... just a shortage of time.”

to do.

We all have songs that link to certain memories – what are some songs that do that in your life?

There is a songwriter named Jerry Williams who has passed on now, but Jerry’s songs were a huge inspiration for me. He wrote “Running on Faith” for Eric Clapton and he’s a very little known American songwriter. I’ve covered three of his. Bonnie Raitt covered him. Eric Clapton did six out of ten songs for an album covering Jerry. I had a producer try to get me to record them when I was younger but I was full of it and wouldn’t listen to them very well and said no. Later, Clapton recorded them and had smash hits. I guess it is both a lesson and a regret. I get no end of inspiration from Van Morrison who has just gone on and done his thing.

You’ve achieved so much success. What motivates you to keep going?

It is the love of music. I love it so much. It is everything to me. There is so much more for me to do. There is no shortage of inspiration. Just a shortage of time. For instance, I’m heading to a blue grass rehearsal tonight to play mandolin because it is a fun little side project. Barney Bentall invited me out just to see how things would go.

Your definition of a perfect day?

A sunny day. Go into the studio. Get a great idea. Lay it down. You don’t finish it but you get enough down to feel good about it. Then get on my bike and ride. Come back and have a fantastic dinner and evening with the family.

What sound do you hate to hear? Tires on loose gravel.

Most meaningful lyrics you’ve ever written? Ever heard?

“On My Way Back to You” because I like the flow of how the words go. “Five Long Years” too, because it was a true story.

How will they remember you? What would you like to see in your obituary? Your final words will be... He totally gave ‘er.


CANDIS SEIFRIED This little lovely from Innisfail, AB., gets her thrills from the great outdoors and playing in the water. (Hey, Candis! How would you like to come for a dip in our pool sometime?) PHOTOS BY 323PHOTOGRAFIX.COM

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WE HEAR YOU’RE A BIG CAMPING FAN. Love everything about it! Getting to relax with friends, enjoying a drink or two. And the best part is getting to rip around on dirt bikes and Razors. So now, if the weather would just start getting a bit nicer, that would help out a lot. YOU MUST BE GETTING PRETTY PSYCHED WITH THE MAY LONG WEEKEND COMING UP? Oh, yeah, that’s always a big camping weekend. Every Maylong has been interesting. Above 30 or snowing, we’re all still out there lovin’ life out in the bush! A lot of us grab a backpack and go riding for the day. Ride all day and party all night. WHAT ELSE DO YOU LIKE TO DO BESIDES CAMPING? One of the best gifts I ever received was my own wakeboard a few months ago. So now I’m just waiting until summer hits again! It can still be pretty cold in Alberta water during the summer, so it’s nice to head out to Vernon, BC, or Montana any chance I get. WHAT’S THE FARTHEST YOU’VE TRAVELED TO GET YOUR OUTDOOR THRILLS? Australia. Stayed there for three months and did some backpacking around Byron Bay. Slept on the beach a couple times and I tried surfing. That’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to learn! So I’ll be going for more lessons soon.

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VALERIE ROSS PHOTOS BY 323PHOTOGRAFIX.COM

Listen To The Little Voice

THAT HUNCH YOU’RE CONTEMPLATING HAS A NAME. IT’S CALLED INTUITION.

¬

Ever feel like you know what you should be doing, but have a moment of hesitation and secondguess yourself? Ever question your decision before acting because there is a tenuous voice that questions your judgment? Here’s a question for you to ponder. Does intuition play a part in your decision process in your life and in your poker game? How does it affect your style of play and how often do you rely on your intuition? Intuition may have a subtle voice, but you know when it’s telling you something. For example, when you meet a perfect stranger, you’re not sure why, but you feel compelled to strike up conversation, only to discover that this person has some significant tie to you, or plays a part in your future, or maybe is a relative to someone you know. Perhaps you

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become good friends or partners, or they give you an answer or information regarding something that you were searching for. Another example of intuition may be when you are texting and driving, and you look up just in time to catch yourself swerving off the side of the road, getting ready to approach a red light, or into a pedestrian or another vehicle. (We are all guilty of this!) Your body has learned over time to recognize what seems right and wrong. It also feels when your body may be at risk of danger of another person or physical harm. It knows from experience the unconscious signals that people give out that jar with the vibration of truth that you feel in your heart and your mind. It knows when someone is putting up barriers, and it knows when someone is letting them drop. Quite possibly, it knows when it is being bluffed as well. It knows when the time is right

to do something and it can also tell you when something is very wrong. If you exercise your confidence in what your intuition is telling you, you will learn to hear the voice inside of you more clearly. The more you are right about your intuition, the more it will serve you in the future. It can guide your hands, mind and your heart, and ultimately, the course of your life. Call it what you will - gut instinct, a sixth sense, or just a hunch. There are physical signs to let you know that your intuition is giving your sleeve a little tug. It’s simply a question of learning what those signs are; what they’re alerting you to do and how to recognize its variations. You’ve probably experienced those signs a million times at the poker table, and you ignored them, only to learn that, that voice was telling you the truth! This caused you to have


I will be taking part in an online campaign for a WSOP send off at BETFAIR. com. In addition to winning an all expense paid trip to the WSOP main event, you will get to spend a day with me ... James Bond style. For details and registration info please see my Facebook page and log on at BETFAIR.com. It will prove to be an awesome affair!

a sense of frustration and regret for not trusting yourself. Can you remember being in a hand and knowing that you were behind, and called because the odds were in your favor, or simply because your ego insisted that you had the best starting hand, so you must be good? Did you follow through anyways, completely ignoring what your instincts were telling you and your instincts were right...and you were wrong? On the flip side, do you remember the emotions you experienced when you knew you had made a great call - that thrill in your skin and your veins? You risked a loss and made a crazy call in a hand that you should have folded by statistics, but you listened to the voice that encouraged you to go against the odds. You had a different level of energy within you. You felt like everything that just happened, was exactly as it should be at that exact moment.

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Is it possible to enhance your poker play by exercising this inside voice? Poker is a game of logic and mathematical statistics, but we also know that poker is a game of people played with cards. So my thought is this. Are the world’s best poker players more in touch with themselves and go against the odds and reach beyond math and logic to seek an answer that has an unjustified belief? Are they able to subconsciously feel the vibrations of other players, to conclude if they are telling the truth or not? Intuition is knowledge or belief obtained neither by reason nor by perception. Listen to it. Allow your imagination to guide you. Take no notice of distractions and noise. Just allow those emotions to come through and experience their exact effect on the way you breathe and the way your heartbeat changes. And when you have the sense that something’s wrong, your intuition will let you know loud and

clear. You will become more intuitive, sensing the situation at hand with keen awareness and being alive to the vibration of truth. The poker table would be an ideal place for this cognitive inclination to take effect, so go ahead and start listening to your gut and see how strong your intuitive instincts are. They may serve you well in the sport you love. Thank you all for your continued support. I look forward to hearing from you all. If you have any comments, questions, or requests please feel free to email me at valerie@vexmagazine. com or Valerie Ross (White) at Facebook. com Till next time. Don’t forget to tip your dealers and wait staff, as they work very hard to make your playing experience a pleasant one. May you be blessed with good health and good luck!

Valerie Ross


a

STYLE STYLING BY MIKE VAN VELZEN HAIR BY ANJA KEATING Clothing available through Vanitee Clothing in Edmonton, AB. or online at www.vaniteeclothing.com Special modeling appearance by CASEY JOE

(left) Rebel Spirit t-shirt, $75; Rebel Spirit hoodie, $150; Robin’s jeans, $400; Vanitee toque, $45. Image shot on location at AB Records Inc. in Calgary, AB.

(right) Rebel Spirit long-sleeve t-shirt, $125; Buckaroo jeans, $350. Image shot on location at AB Records Inc. in Calgary, AB.

ROCKIN’ REBEL! PHOTOGRAPHS BY COLIN SMITH

Age Of Daze frontman

Tim Morrison

OUR UNDERSTANDING IS THAT YOU GUYS ARE BACK IN THE STUDIO. HOW’S THAT GOING?

At the moment, we’re in the final stages of writing and demoing new material and doing preproduction in preparation for recording at Diesel Music Studios, with producer Jeff Dalziel. The hardest part now is narrowing down what songs will actually make the cut on the new album, which is a good problem to have. Having been signed to a label, the process is somewhat different for us and we’re constantly raising the bar.

wraps himself in Rebel Spirit and talks about the band’s upcoming album.

HAS YOUR MUSICAL TASTE AND EXPRESSION ALWAYS BEEN CENTERED AROUND ROCK MUSIC OR DID YOU EVER GO THROUGH

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A “MILLI VANILLI” PHASE?

I would say I have always been a rock guy from when I was a kid, buying my first KISS record straight right up until now, rock all the way. Don’t get me wrong, I do listen to other types of music as well. I like some musical variety but I am predominately a rock guy. It’s what I grew up on.

BESIDES THE OBVIOUS PARALLEL IN THE LABEL NAME, WHAT IS IT ABOUT REBEL SPIRIT’S CLOTHING THAT ASSOCIATES ITSELF SO WELL WITH ROCK MUSIC? I think it stands out in a crowd and offers that larger than life rock star appeal, having a high end quality look and feel that complements the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. So to me it’s like apple pie and ice cream!

DO YOU THINK YOU’D SPORT THE SAME TOGS IF YOU WERE SOMETHING LIKE AN ENGINEER IN THE OIL PATCH INSTEAD OF A ROCK ‘N ROLL FRONTMAN? (laughs) I am going to have to say yes I would wear the same stuff, I


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(left) Rebel Spirit dress shirt with velvet cross and Swarovski crystals, $125; PRPS jeans, $685. Image shot on location at The Hollywood Diner. (above) Rebel Spirit t-shirt, $80; Rebel Spirit jacket, $200; Laguna Beach jeans, $375. Image shot on location at HB Media Services Inc. in Calgary, AB.

am a rock guy at heart whether fronting a professional band or a bar band on the weekends. It’s just part of who I am. I try not to get too caught up in trends for the most part and I like what I like.

DESCRIBE TO US YOUR DARKEST OR MOST REGRETTABLE FASHION PHASE IN YOUR LIFE. WHEN WAS IT AND WHAT KIND OF STUFF WERE YOU WEARING? I have to say the ‘80s. It was pretty much a write-off for everyone. Definitely not dark in a literal sense...man, that shit was bright! Thank you Miami Vice!

DO YOU THINK IT’S A COINCIDENCE THAT MOST ROCK BANDS THESE DAYS DRESS A LOT LIKE MMA FIGHTERS? OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

Rock bands have been sporting the look for quite some time. Music tends to be more of a trendsetter. I think it’s all about attitude and confidence and I think bands and MMA fighters have that in common.

BESIDES THE CLOTHING, THERE’S CERTAINLY A PARALLEL BETWEEN ROCK MUSIC AND MMA, DON’T YOU THINK?

Yeah, I think there is a parallel. It takes a lot of confidence to get up on stage and perform in front of thousands of people and to step into the ring.

THE TYPICAL MMA FIGHT HAS A CROWD OF AROUND 5000-6000 PEOPLE. WHAT’S THE LARGEST AUDIENCE AOD HAS EVER PLAYED TO?

We played at the WING Ding in Rockford, Illinois in front of 25,000 people, along with Shinedown, Saliva, Saving Abel, plus other US bands as we had significant radio support there. I remember when I walked out on stage and was facing the crowd. It was quite the rush. The best part was when we reached a point in our set where I stopped singing and held the mic in the air and the audience knew the words. Having that many people singing along was a career highlight.

WOULD YOU SAY THAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE GIG? IF NOT, WHICH WAS?

The WING Ding was definitely an amazing gig, but I’d have to say one of the most memorable gigs was in Toronto when we performed at the Canadian Radio Music Awards after winning the award for “Best New Rock Group”. We just got off tour with Default and I had come down with the flu and had to perform. I was literally backstage drinking cough syrup straight out of the bottle (laughs), and I could barely speak so it was intense, but we pulled it off...easily one of my top most memorable gigs for sure.

HOW LONG UNTIL WE SEE THE NEW ALBUM FROM AOD?

The new album is expected to be released in early spring, could be

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(left) Rebel Spirit long-sleeve t-shirt, $100; Antique Rivet jeans, $175. Image shot on location at AB Records Inc. in Calgary, AB. (right) Casey Joe: Rebel Spirit long-sleeve t-shirt with hood, $100; Rock Revival jeans, $200; Tim Morrison: Rebel Spirit vest, $110; Buckaroo jeans, $290. Image shot on location atAB Records Inc. in Calgary, AB.

sooner. No specific date has been set as of yet by the label. We’ve been very busy writing and have done some co-writing with some friends in well-established US and Canadian bands, really writing the best material to date. We also relocated the band to Toronto. Just getting settled right now and we have some show dates during Canadian Music Week and JUNOFest.

WILL WE BE ABLE TO GRAB A SNEAK-PEAK OF THE NEW STUFF ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

As far as full song postings and such, probably not. The label is keeping our new material under wraps, but fans will be able to hear music clips and see some videos from within the studio during the recording process by checking out our website, MySpace and Facebook page.

WHAT DOES YOUR TOURING SCHEDULE LOOK LIKE IN 2011?

It’s too early at this point to gauge the schedule, but I do know once the album is done, we’ll be going full force to support it. Not to mention we’re stoked to see all our friends and fans on the road again.

WHAT ARE THE FEMALE FANS LIKE? EVER HAVE A PAIR OF PANTIES THROWN ONTO THE STAGE AT YOU?

Who do you think you’re talking to, Bret Michaels here? (laughs) I can honestly say that has never happened. I think you have to sell a few million albums and have your own reality show to have the undies flying! On a serious note, we do appreciate all the support we get from fans! Keep on rockin’!

DO YOU AND THE OTHER GUYS IN AOD EVER PULL PRANKS ON EACH OTHER WHILE YOUR TOURING?

Yeah, all the time. I think there were a number of times we’ve left a band member at a gas station for his reaction only to come back a half hour later. One of my favourites was partying in a headliner’s hotel room and they were self-proclaiming to be the next Mötley Crüe, so our drummer picked up the TV and threatened to throw it onto the street. They were scared shitless. (laughs) We were just messing with them.

HOW MUCH OF A SPLIT IN PERSONALITY IS THERE FROM THE “ONSTAGE TIM” AND THE “KICKIN’ IT AT HOME ON THE COUCH TIM”?

Well, first off I don’t have a personality disorder, but on stage I tend to be a bit more over the top and confident, you have to put on a show as fans are expecting to be entertained. Really, it’s not like I have ever had a smoke machine in my house...or have I?! When I’m home I am just your normal everyday person, watching movies, standing on the coffee table yelling, “are you ready to rock?” Ya know, typical Saturday morning stuff, but I enjoy hanging with my girl and spending time with friends and family.

BEING A ROCKER IS PRACTICALLY EVERY GUY’S DREAM JOB. WHAT WAS THE WORST JOB YOU EVER HAD?

I would have to say working the night shift for a printing company. It gets pretty boring at times. That is, until my co-worker and I decided

to bring in guitars and jam the night away. It was like a paid gig every night, so really I can’t say it was all bad.

IF YOU HAD TO GIVE UP THE “LIFE” TOMORROW, WHAT COULD YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING IN ORDER TO PAY THE BILLS?

That’s a tough question. I’d still be playing music in some capacity. It’s part of me, so between music and some other form of creative outlet such as graphic design I’d say that would keep me busy. But that’s not to say I haven’t completely ruled out grave digging. It worked for Rod Stewart!

WHO IS YOUR GREATEST “STYLE” ICON?

Tough question, but if I had to name a celeb that seems to be ahead at times of the fashion trend, I’d have to say Johnny Depp. But then again, sometimes he dresses like he just walked out from behind a dumpster so I guess it’s subjective.

WHO IS YOUR GREATEST “MUSIC” ICON?

I’m going to go with Gene Simmons of KISS for the fire-breathing, blood-spitting business mogul he is. That guy can market anything and make money!

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’ The 80’s were pretty much a write-off for everyone ... Man, that shit was bright!

Rebel Spirit t-shirt, $75; Buckaroo jeans, $325. Image shot on location at AB Records Inc. in Calgary, AB.


PARTING SHOT KAYLLA LANGLOIS QUICK STATS: BIRTHDAY: March 15, 1990 HOMETOWN: Edmonton, AB.

PHOTO BY FERD ISAAC

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR A LIVING THESE DAYS? I own a residential and commercial cleaning company. One of my commercial clients has a lot of company trucks. I clean them out and do all of their oil changes. And when I use the pressure washer, it’s so powerful it just throws me around.

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OIL CHANGES, HUH? ARE YOU A BIT OF A CAR BUFF? I’ve always loved working on vehicles. My first job was at Lube City, when I was thirteen. I was the only little blonde girl working there, so the other guys used to tease me a lot.

WELL, C’MON ... YOU’RE JUST AN ITTY-BITTY THING. MOST OF THOSE ENGINES MUST BE MASSIVE TO YOU. I remember once, I was working at a GMC and HUMMER dealership. I did all the oil changes, tire rotations, flushes, and body work. And when I worked on any of the HUMMERs I would sit right inside the engine because I was too little to work beside them. (laughs)


VEX Magazine (issue #35)  

Interview with Colin James | How Canada Abandoned Omar Khadr | Historical Moments from March Madness | 2012 Maserati GranCabrio Sport...

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