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English Department Given $24 Grant By A b d u l V a n d e r W a d y r»nchor Editor T h e H o p e C o l l e g e E n g l i s h dep a r t m e n t h a s been a w a r d e d a $ 2 4 m a t c h i n g g r a n t f r o m the N a t i o n a l E n d o w m e n t f o r the H u m a n i t i e s . President C a l v i n A. V a n d e r Werf, in l a u d i n g the a c c o m p l i s h m e n t , said t h a t this a w a r d d o u b l e d the s u m total of all non-science g r a n t s ever received b y the College. "THE STRONG LIBERAL arts college can m a k e a unique c o n t r i b u t i o n to the d e v e l o p m e n t of h u m a n i s t s , literate scientists a n d t e a c h e r s of E n g l i s h , " said President V a n d e r W e r f . " T h e English d e p a r t m e n t at H o p e is committed to the p r e m i s e that e a r l y i n v o l v e m e n t of the u n d e r g r a d u ate in w h a t literate p e o p l e d o is the k e y s t o n e of a liberal e d u c a tion." A l t h o u g h the g r e a t e s t p r o p o r tion of the g r a n t is d e s i g n a t e d for English department prog r a m s , Dr. V a n d e r W e r f indicated t h a t the N a t i o n a l F o u n d a t i o n intended for s o m e of the f u n d s to be s h a r e d b y the h i s t o r y , s o c i o l o g y , p s y c h o l o g y , p h i l o s o p h y , art, rel i g i o n , speech, t h e a t e r , m u s i c a n d economics departments. DR, JOHN W. HOLLEN B A C H , c h a i r m a n of the E n g l i s h

d e p a r t m e n t , e x p r e s s e d his d e l i g h t at the g r a n t a n d s a i d that his department w o u l d be g l a d to " s h a r e the w e a l t h " with the o t h e r non-science departments. " W e ' v e s h a r e d t h e lean y e a r s with the rest of the h u m a n i t i e s , now it's o n l y p r o p e r that t h e y get a piece of the a c t i o n w h e n times a r e g o o d , " Dr. H o l l e n b a c h a d d e d . The E n g l i s h d e p a r t m e n t will utilize m o s t of its g r a n t t o b u y pencils f o r its f a c u l t y , a c c o r d i n g to Dr. H o l l e n b a c h . " We've been t h i n k i n g t h r o u g h the p r o b l e m of a l l o c a t i o n of f u n d s , " said the c h a i r m a n , " a n d we feel t h a t we will be a b l e to g i v e e a c h full p r o fessor a ballpoint p e n . "

" I T S E E M S T O m e t h a t the hum a n i t i e s h a v e a c h i e v e d an unh e a l t h y d o m i n a n c e of c a m p u s a c a d e m i c s , " s a i d c h e m i s t r y dep a r t m e n t c h a i r m a n E u g e n e C. Jekel. " T h e h u m a n i t i e s a r e b e i n g o v e r e m p h a s i z e d at the e x p e n s e of the s c i e n c e s , " he a d d e d . " T h i s is a l i b e r a l a r t s s c h o o l within a technical c o l l e g e , " c o m plained a biologist. T h i s i m b a l a n c e between the sciences a n d h u m a n i t i e s c a n b e t r a c e d , m a n y scientists believe, to

f a v o r i t i s m s h o w n to the p l a n s a n d p e r s o n n e l of the h u m a n i t i e s d e p a r t m e n t s b y the present Administration. " J U S T L O O K A T the w a y the Administration h a s j u m p e d to m a t c h this E n g l i s h d e p a r t m e n t grant," said one disgruntled physicist. " I c a n ' t even b u y a new f u s e f o r m y c o m p u t e r witho u t h a v i n g to b e g for m o n e y . " President V a n d e r W e r f denies that f a v o r i t i s m was being shown t o the h u m a n i t i e s . He c o n t e n d s

t h a t his first c o n c e r n is i m p r o v e ment a n d d e v e l o p m e n t in the science d e p a r t m e n t s a n d t h a t m u c h of the s e e m i n g f a v o r i t i s m to the h u m a n i s t s is s i m p l y the result of individual drive and determination a m o n g the n o n - s c i e n c e faculty. " W E ' R E A L L O N E big h a p p y f a m i J y , " s a i d the President. " I ' m s u r e the science d e p a r t m e n t s will s o o n be b r i n g i n g in the g r a n t s like the p e o p l e in E n g l i s h . It's not impossible, you k n o w . "

DR.. H O M E N B A C H DID a d m i t s o m e c o n c e r n o v e r the Coll e g e ' s a b i l i t y to m a t c h the g r a n t , cjs s t i p u l a t e d b y the f o u n d a t i o n . The B o a r d of T r u s t e e s is wrestl i n g with this p r o b l e m , " he s a i d "and President V a n d e r W e r f ass u r e s m e t h a t the a l u m n i will l a u n c h a n a t i o n w i d e d r i v e next s p r i n g to t r y to live u p to o u r end of the b a r g a i n . " Amid the j o y a b o u n d i n g in V a n R a a l t e , G r a v e s , N y k e r k a n d the C h a p e l , h o w e v e r , t h e r e were s o m e m u t t e r i n g s of d i s c o n t e n t h e a r d in the P h y s i c s - M a t h a n d Science Buildings.

*

Construction of SCSC Begins With Snow Job President C a l v i n A. V a n d e r W e r f a n d his n o d d i n g a d m i n i s t r a t o r s h a v e a n n o u n c e d t h a t the p l a n s for the f u t u r e S C S C b u i l d i n g a r e " j u s t a r o u n d the c o r n e r . " T h r o u g h a c o n c e r t e d effort b y H o p e s maintenance department a n d the H o l l a n d City S n o w Rem o v a l S q u a d t h e r e h a s been n e a r l y e n o u g h s n o w piled in Kollen Field f o r a f i r m f o u n d a t i o n f o r a future SCSC building. "THE WAY T H I N G S s i a n d n o w , " rattled Dr. V a n d e r W e r f , " the s n o w is piled o u t there deeper than it's piled in m y office, a n d t h a t ' s n o bull. T h e s n o w will m a k e a f i r m e r f o u n d a t i o n , a n d it h a s a lot m o r e to it." Tom Renegade, Director of Propaganda and Misinformation, m u m b l e d t h a t "it m a y be o n l y a m a t t e r of y e a r s b e f o r e we a c c u m u l a t e e n o u g h s n o w to b u i l d a truly model SCSC building." After s h i f t i n g his weight f r o m one h a n d to the o t h e r he went on, " O n c e the m o d e l h a s been built we will s o o n be a b l e to p r o g r e s s in the n e a r f u t u r e , this c e n t u r y p e r h a p s , into seriously thinking a b o u t the real S C S C b u i l d i n g . "

H o p e ' s Director of F o u n d a t i o n s a n d B a s e m e n t s , Lee Winkie Blinkin E n n o d a d d e d , "if we p r e t e n d h a r d e n o u g h this t h i n g c o u l d s n o w b a l l into a r e a l l y i m p r e s s i v e foundation." T H E K U B L A K H A N of o u r X a n a d u , J o h n Lice, s a i d t h a t t h e r e m u s t b e a g r e a t d e a l of c o o r d i n a t i o n in this activity. " T h e a l u m ni, as a l w a y s , I a m sure, will be r e a d y to pitch in a n d h e l p a s best they c a n . " Also he q u i p p e d , " W e h a v e p l a n n e d this t h i n g with the Winter C a r n i v a l in m i n d . By h a v i n g all the f r a t e r n i t i e s a n d s o r o r i ties w o r k i n g on the s n o w pile we could h a v e a real c r e a t i v e t h e m e . " Rev. Wild Bill H i l l a b e a n s ref u s e d to c o m m e n t on the m o r a l i m p l i c a t i o n s of t h a t point b u t after he b o u n c e d a r o u n d a few t i m e s a n d hit himself in the h e a d he o p e n e d his m o u t h , put his h a n d s in his pocket a n d w i t h o u t f u r t h e r ado said " I t h i n k . " Then he p a u s e d . " I think t h a t w h a t we need is s o m e g o o d h o n e s t C h r i s t i a n f a i t h a n d a lot of p r a y e r , p l u s s o m e luck ( j u s t to be s u r e ' a s - h e c k ) t h a t o u r s n o w pile d o e s n ' t melt b e f o r e s p r i n g . "

Experiments

4th ANNIVERSARY — 1

Hope College, Holland, Michigan. 38-22-37

To Meditation Chapel

Morning Chapel Site Changed C h a p e l s e r v i c e s f o r the s e c o n d s e m e s t e r will b e held in the Meditation C h a p e l in the b a s e m e n t of G r a v e H a l l i n s t e a d of in Dimlit M e m o r i a l C h a p e l . C h a p l a i n Wild Bill H i l l a b e a n s ' i m m e d i a t e r e a c t i o n w a s that the new site w o u l d h a v e " l o t s of r o o m for e v e r y b o d y . " " T h e m o r e comfortable quarters mighteven bring b a c k the old b a l c o n y c o u p l e s f r o m the H o l i d a y I n n , " he c a l c u l a t e d . " T H I S W I L L R E A L L Y focus the c a m p u s r e l i g i o u s e x p e r i e n c e , " s a i d President C a l v i n V a n d e r Werf. " W e ' v e s h a r p e n e d o u r spir-

itual c u t t i n g e d g e to a p i n p o i n t , " he n o t e d . In o t h e r a c t i o n c o n c e r n i n g c h a p el the S t u d e n t A f f a i r s B o a r d passed a plan proposed by Chairm a n Heine V a n S c h r i p s e m a d y k e "to insure more worshipful chapel services." v T h e new p l a n a f f o r d s v o l u n t a r y c h a p e l services at 8 a . m . on the first M o n d a y a n d the t h i r d T h u r s d a y of each m o n t h , at 9 a . m . o n the f o u r t h W e d n e s d a y a n d the first a n d t h i r d T u e s d a y of the m o n t h , at 9 : 3 0 o n the second a n d fifth Wednesdays and the second T h u r s d a y of each m o n t h , at 1 0 : 3 0

With Basics

English Department Plans New Course By R i p V a n Winkle r a n c h o r Assistant Editor A new a n d e x c i t i n g , f o r w a r d looking experimental p r o g r a m h a s been d e s i g n e d u n d e r the a e g i s of the E n g l i s h d e p a r t m e n t , it w a s alleged t o d a y . T h e p u r p o s e of the new a n d

highly innovative course, accordi n g to the d e s c r i p t i o n p r e p a r e d b y Dr. J o h n Miller a n d Mrs. Tippic a n o e A. Tyler, II, will be " t o get s t u d e n t s to e x p l o r e a n u m b e r of b a s i c h u m a n q u e s t i o n s t h r o u g h reading, discussion a n d writing. E m p h a s i s is placed on d e v e l o p ment of w r i t i n g a b i l i t i e s . "

E N G L I S H 1 5 — H o p e f r e s h m e n seek t o i m p r o v e their w r i t i n g a b i l i t y in this new, i n n o v a t i v e E n g l i s h section.

January 31, 1969

"THE MORE conventional c o u r s e s h a v e b e e n t r y i n g to p r o mote responding a n d eliminate individual communication hangu p s , " Dr. Miller s a i d . " W e t h o u g h t we'd fool a r o u n d a little a n d t r y t e a c h i n g the b a s i c s once. We'll just h a v e to see h o w it t u r n s o u t . " T h e two i n s t r u c t o r s n o t e d a few problems of the traditional c o u r s e s . P r o b a b l y the biggest, they s a i d , w a s with the A d m i n i s tration. These courses, founded on the p r i n c i p l e t h a t a s t u d e n t c o u l d write well o n l y if he w a s interested in the s u b j e c t , r e q u i r e d t h a t each s t u d e n t write o n s o m e t h i n g vital to h i m , a n d h a v e the p a p e r m i m e o g r a p h e d a n d presented to the c l a s s . T h e p r o b l e m c a m e when t h e m i m e o g r a p h office r e f u s e d to p r i n t the p a p e r s . " I c a n see h o w t h a t stuff w o u l d interest the k i d s , " a n u n i d e n t i f i e d w o r k e r in the m i m e o g r a p h office c o m m e n t e d , " b u t w h a t w o u l d the alumni say?" " I T HAS B E C O M E impossible f o r the s t u d e n t s to d o their o w n t h i n g w r i t i n g - w i s e , " Dr. Miller said. " A n d m a y b e t h a t ' s g o o d . We h a v e t o see if these k i d s c a n cut the m u s t a r d . " As in p r e v i o u s c o u r s e s , h o w e v e r , g r a d e s will be m i n i m i z e d , Mrs. T y l e r s a i d . Since the active involvement of the i n s t r u c t o r

w o u l d be a d i s t r a c t i o n a l s o , she a d d e d , this will be m i n i m i z e d as well. T h e R e c o r d s Office i n d i c a t e s that pre-registration figures for the e x p e r i m e n t a l c o u r s e a r e high. R e a c t i o n to the c o u r s e in the E n g l i s h d e p a r t m e n t is difficult to a s c e r t a i n - at this e a r l y d a t e . One p r o f e s s o r r e f u s e d to v e n t u r e a n o p i n i o n b e c a u s e " h e h a d not wrestled with the q u e s t i o n or t h o u g h t it t h r o u g h . " A N O T H E R P R O F E S S O R was even m o r e hesitant. " Y o u want me to c o m m e n t o n the new c o u r s e ? " he s a i d a s he u n w o u n d his legs. " I ' m not s u r e I c a n d o that. I h a v e s o m u c h w o r k to d o , a n d I h a v e a few p e r s o n a l p r o b l e m s , a n d h a v e n ' t h a d m u c h time to t h i n k a b o u t it. M a y b e it isn't m y b u s i n e s s to think a b o u t it. It m i g h t b e r e a l l y g o o d f o r the s c h o o l . T h e n a g a i n it m i g h t not. I'd h a t e t o s a y o n e w a y or the o t h e r , b u t t h e n I s h o u l d a n s w e r y o u r quest i o n , s h o u l d n ' t I? Y o u ' r e t r y i n g to d o a g o o d job, I know, and I s h o u l d help y o u , b u t I d o n ' t t h i n k I c a n in g o o d conscience. C a n I a n s w e r y o u with a q u a l i f i e d M a y be?" Some are more opinionated, h o w e v e r . W h e n a s k e d f o r his o p i n i o n , o n e E n g l i s h teacher, s t r o k i n g h i s b e a r d , replied, " H o w m u c h profanity can you stand?"

on the s e c o n d M o n d a y a n d first, third a n d f o u r t h F r i d a y of each m o n t h a n d at n o o n o n t h e s e c o n d , f o u r t h a n d n i n t h T u e s d a y of e a c h month. VAN S C H R I P S E M A D Y K E ar gued b e f o r e the c o m m i t t e e t h a t the plan was m o r e sensible than a n y p r e v i o u s l y p r o p o s e d , a n d the p l a n was approved by a u n a n i m o u s m a j o r i t y . T h e new s c h e d u l e will be i m p l e m e n t e d b e g i n n i n g o n the s e c o n d T u e s d a y in J u n e . C h a p l a i n H i l l a b e a n s stated t h a t c h a p e l h a d been m o v e d f o r s e v e r a l reasons, mentioning economics as the chief f a c t o r . D e a n De Y o u n g s a i d t h a t the r e a s o n h a d been to " m a k e s t u d e n t s feel m o r e deeply the m e a n i n g of H o p e a s a c o m m u n i t y , to p r o v i d e m o r e of a s e n s e of t o g e t h e r n e s s . " Heini B o o r s m a , c h a i r m a n of the g r o u n d s k e e p i n g a n d m a i n t e n a n c e c o m m i t t e e , a n d not to be c o n f u s e d with the Heine of Holl a n d ' s fine local e s t a b l i s h m e n t a n d g r a n d m o t h e r f i g u r e of r e n o w n to H o p e s t u d e n t s , e x p l a i n e d the economic reasons involved heating Dimlit C h a p e l . "PREVIOUSLY," he stated, " w e h a d been a b l e t o rely o n b o d i e s f o r m o s t of o u r h e a t i n g needs at the c h a p e l services. N o w we get p r a c t i c a l l y z i l c h , " Heini said. " W e h a d a n t i c i p a t e d o n l y slightly r e d u c e d c r o w d s b a s e d on the C h a p l a i n ' s r e p o r t o n the r e l i g i o u s life of the c a m p u s , " he s a i d . F u r ther, he e x p l a i n e d t h a t Rev. Hillab e a n s h a d i n d i c a t e d to h i m that a n y r e d u c t i o n o n heat d u e t o decreased numbers " w o u l d be m a t c h e d if n o t exceeded b y the heat p r o d u c e d b y the i n c r e a s e d r e l i g i o u s f e r v o r o f the p a r t i c i p a n t s . This i n c r e a s e d f e r v o r w a s supp o s e d t o b e e s p e c i a l l y active within the j u n i o r a n d s e n i o r c h a p e l g o e r s , " he added. " H o w e v e r , " Heini noted, "the n u m b e r of j u n i o r s a n d s e n i o r s present h a v e n o t b e e n sufficient even to p r o d u c e " a s m u c h h e a t a s we were g e t t i n g f r o m the b a l c o n y l a s t y e a r . " H e i n i e x p l a i n e d t h a t the b a l c o n y h a d b e e n a n a r e a with a h i g h r a t i o of b o d i e s p e r s q u a r e yard, but because "the balcony w a s a v e r i t a b l e h o t b e d of r e l i g i o u s a p a t h y it p r o d u c e d v e r y little heat."


1

January 31, 1969

Hope College ranchor

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CIVSTIC RMCHOftefW)

ranchor Editorial

The Positive View

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HE WORD C R E P T inonlitllecatfeet s i l e n t l y s w e e p i n g the c a m p u s a n d stealing stealthily into every s h a d o w y s h r i n e ol the H o p e C o l l e g e c o m munity. "Liberalism, Liberalism, LIRERA L I S M , " s c r e a m e d the f e a r f u l c o e d s , disc o v e r i n g the p r e s e n c e ol the d r e a d e d c u r s e of a p a t h y a n a v i r g i n i t y .

Mr. W a d e first f o u n d the W o r d o n the b a c k shelf of the Blue K e y B o o k S t o r e . T h e n the h e a d R.A. in K o l l e n H a l l disc o v e r e d it l u r k i n g b e h i n d a f r e s h m a n b u l l s e s s i o n j u s t n o r t h of the p o r t r a i t ol G e r r i t J. K o l l e n . B e f o r e we k n e w it, the W o r d w a s o n e v e r y o n e ' s l i p s — w h i s p e r e d f e a r f u l l y at first b u t s o o n a c t u a l l y a p p e a r i n g in open conversation. Now n u m e r o u s students, faculty and e v e n a n a d m i n i s t r a t o r h a v e b e c o m e infected b y the c a n c e r o u s g r o w t h of L i b e r a l i s m , t h r e a t e n i n g the m a r r o w at the h e a r t of the g r e a t H o p e C o l l e g e t r a d i t i o n s . O h , a l a s - w h e r e a r t the m i s s i o n a r y z e a l o t s ol o l d , the b o b b y sox oi p r u d e n c e , the g o o d old d a y s of r e q u i r e d G r e e k a n d L a t i n , J a c k e t s a n d ties at d i n n e r , a n d o n l y o n e super-secure key for o u r q u e e n s ' dormit o r i e s ? Oh, a l a c k — w h y h a c o u r c o m m u n i t y of s c h o l a r s b e c o m e a c o l d . G o d l e s s l a b o r a t o r y oi l e a r n i n g ? We d e m a n d t o k n o w w h e r e o u r coll e g e ' s g u a r d i a n s h a v e b e e n while this Red t h r e a t h a s b e e n g n a w i n g at the so u l ol o u r great university. What h a v e the trustees, a d m i n i s t r a t o r s and lacultv been d o i n g to stem this r a d i c a l tide w h i c h s e e k s to e n g u l i u s all in the twentieth c e n t u r y ? D o t h e y expect u s t o b e a b l e t o t h i n k f o r o u r s e l v e s ? We d e m a n d i m m e d i a t e a c t i o n ! We d e m a n d the old r i n g in the n o s e , the old C h r i s t i a n seatbelt f o r o u r e m o t i o n s a n d intellect. We d e m a n d t h a t the j u s t G o d s of t h i s c a m p u s r e m e m b e r the loco i n h e r e n t in in loco parentis a n d live u p t o t h e i r r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s . T h e lirst t h i n g wc need is a s t r o n g President, a m a n w n o won t take a n y backtalk i r o m the L i b e r a l s a n d iellow t r a v e l e r s . We need a m a n w h o h a s a l i n g e r in e v e r y pot, a n e a r t o the m u d , a n d a s t r o n g e l b o w to c a r e l u l l v b a l a n c e the s c a l e s oi j u s t i c e . With s u c h a m a n we c a n b e g i n t o f l u s h o u t the l i b e r a l s c u m . ^ T U D E N T R E P R E S E N T A T I O N on c o m m i t t e e s m u s t be i m m e d i a t e l y c u r t a i l e d . W e ' r e h e r e t o gel a n educ a t i o n . n o t to d e t e r m i n e c o l l e g e p o l i c y .

A t t e n d i n g a g r e a t u n i v e r s i t y like H o p e is n o t a r i g h t b u t a p r i v i l e g e , a n d the g r e a t e s t respect a n d circumcision should be s h o w n f o r all o u r w o r t h y m a s t e r s c h o l a r s a n d rulers. The trustees, faculty and administ r a t i o n m a n a g e d to p r e s e r v e the H o n e t r a d i t i o n s w i t h o u t a s i n g l e c h a n g e lor 9 5 y e a r s ; t h e y d e s e r v e t h e c h a n c e to c o n t i n u e . The Cultural Affairs Committee must be i m m e d i a t e l y d i s b a n d e d a n d r e p l a c e d b y a n ad hoc c o m m i t t e e oi C o o p e r s v i l l e c h u r c h w o m e n . L i b e r a l p o l i c y in r e g a r d to s p e a k e r s a n d c a m p u s e v e n t s m u s t be s t a m p e d out. Outside a g i t a t o r s ( a l l Easte r n e r s a n d b l a c k s ) m u s t be b a r r e d f r o m c a m p u s s p e a k i n g e n g a g e m e n t s in o r d e r to r e t a r d the s p r e a d o? the W o r d . T h e Cult u r a l A f f a i r s C o m m i t t e e w o u l d a l s o be w i s e t o r e v i e w the 1962 d e c i s i o n to a l l o w d a n c i n g o n c a m p u s . We s u s p e c t t h a t t h i s w a s the seed w h i c h t o o k r o o t in the fertile H o p e s t u d e n t ' s i n n a t e d e p r a v i t y , a n d then b l o s s o m e d i n t o the sin, c o r r u p t i o n , d e g r a d a t i o n a n d L i b e r a l i s m w h i c h is o u r l a i r campus's curse today.

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O M E N ' S R U L E S M U S T b e tighte n e d at all costs. E v e r y o n e k n o w s that responsible adult c o n d u c t is b r e d b y c a r e f u l s h e l t e r i n g i r o m responsibility. Now that s m o k i n g lounges h a v e been m a d e a v a i l a b l e lor our Queens, a n d s e n i o r s a r e permitted to stay out later t h a n 11 p . m . , w h o k n o w s w h a t new L i b e r a l d e p r a v i t y will r i s e u p t o defile o u r innocent v i r g i n s ? S o o n r a d i c a l c o e d s m i g h t e v e n be d e m a n d i n g p e r m i s s i o n to d o their l a u n d r y o n S u n d a y ! T h a t w o u l d be a f o u l , foul d a y for H o p e College. L a s t l y , b u t c e r t a i n l y a m o n g the m o s t v i t a l s t e p s w h i c h o u r wise, b e n e v o l e n t r u l e r s s h o u l d t a k e is t h e f i n a l s i l e n c i n g of t h a t h o t b e d of c a m p u s r a d i c a l o p i n i o n , the Hope College S p r e a d i n g the l i b e r a l w o r d e v e r y F r i d a y , r e v e l l i n g in sin a n d c h a r a c t e r a s s a s s i n a t i o n , this Red public a t i o n e v e n s u p p o r t e d t h a t r a d i c a l politician t o the left of G e o r g e C. W a l l a c e . C e n s o r s h i p is c a l l e d f o r ! T h e C o m m u n i s t press must be s l o p p e d ! The A d m i n i s t r a t i o n m u s t h a l t its l i b e r a l a t t i t u d e t o w a r d f r e e d o m of the p r e s s ! We m u s t s a v e o u r little s a n c t u a r y o n t h e liill! D o w n with L i b e r a l i s m ! S t a m p o u t the W o r d ! S p e r a in D e o !

I'm still a n g r y ! B o y a m l e v e r a n g r y !

Dear Sir: P e r h a p s you h a v e heard me and my n a t i o n - w i d e c a m p a i g n in the c a u s e of tempe r a n c e . E a c h y e a r f o r the past 14 y e a r s I h a v e m a d e a t o u r of O t t a w a C o u n t y a n d delivered a series of lectures o n the evils of d r i n k i n g . On these t o u r s , I h a v e b e e n a c c o m p a nied b y m y y o u n g f r i e n d a n d a s s i s t a n t , H e r m a n F o r s y t h e . H e r m a n w a s a pathetic c a s e , a y o u n g m a n of g o o d f a m i l y a n d excellent b a c k g r o u n d , w h o s e life w a s r u i n e d b e c a u s e of e x c e s s i v e i n d u l g e n c e in w h i s k e y , gin, r u m a n d n o t t o m e n t i o n , b e er . H o w m u c h better it w o u l d h a v e been h a d he t u r n e d to the L o r d . H e r m a n w o u l d a p p e a r with m e at m y lectures a n d sit o n the p l a t f o r m d r o o l i n g at the m o u t h a n d s t a r i n g at the a u d i e n c e t h r o u g h b l e a r y , b l o o d s h o t eyes, while I w o u l d p o i n t h i m o u t a s a n e x a m p l e of w h a t drink would do. Last s u m m e r , unf o r t u n a t e l y , p o o r H e r m a n died. A m u t u a l friend h a s given m e your n a m e , a n d I w o n d e r if y o u w o u l d c a r e t o a c c o m p a n y me o n m y s p r i n g t o u r a n d t a k e p o o r H e r m a n ' s place. Please let m e h e a r f r o m y o u at y o u r earliest convenience. Y o u r s in F a i t h , Rev. A m o s D i l w o r t h y

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The Bulletin By Muccck R a c k e r

F r i d a y , J a n u a r y 31st ( I n case you didn't k n o w w h a t d a y it w a s . ) Chapel T o m o r r o w - The Knickerbocker F r a t e r n i t y will p r e s e n t a c o m m u n i o n service o n " S i n a n d its P l a c e on C a m p u s . " R e f r e s h m e n t s will be s e r v e d . R e p o r t to t h e R e c o r d s Office - E m e r s o n i a n Fraternity - your homecoming check bounced. All S t u d e n t s - F r e e h a i r c u t s ! T h r e e b a r b e r s , n o w a i t i n g . See o r call R o n H o o k . All S t u d e n t s - Guest l e c t u r e r F l o y d Scretch will s p e a k o n " T h e C h r i s t i a n C o n s c i e n c e a n d H o w t o I g n o r e It." C l a s s e s d i s m i s s e d f r o m 1 2 : 3 0 till 1:()().

Clinic - All s t u d e n t s e a t i n g at S a g a p l e a s e r e p o r t to the clinic after e a c h meal. P r o m p t a n d a c c u r a t e service a s s u r e d .

Dear Editor: W o m e n - f i g h t f o r w h a t is y o u r s ! Where a r e o u r w o m e n ' s r i g h t s f o r which we a l r e a d y h a v e l o n g f o u g h t ? W O M E N , W E A R E the ones w h o a r e c o n s t a n t l y h a v i n g to t a k e the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r m e n ' s a c t i o n s . We a r e given late m i n utes when o u r m e n fail t o r e t u r n u s punct u a l l y at the u n g o d l y h o u r s of 1 0 : 3 0 , 1 1 : 0 0 a n d 1 : 0 0 i n t o the o p e n a r m s of o u r doting housemothers. We a r e g i v e n d e m e r i t s for the d o o d l e s o n o u r s i g n - o u t c a r d s t h a t a r e s u p p o s e d to r e p r e s e n t o u r d e s t i n a t i o n . C a n we h o n e s t l y be c h a r g e d w h e n o u r d a t e s i g n s u s out f o r " H o l i d a y I n n ( v i s i t i n g p a r e n t s ) " a n d expected r e t u r n " n e v e r " ? C a n we be p e n a l i z e d w h e n o u r d a t e p l a y s tic-tac-toe a n d battles h i p o n o u r c a r d s while n e r v o u s l y a w a i t i n g o u r a r r i v a l ? Men, y o u h a v e a b u s e d u s too long!

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On The (John) Wall

All S t u d e n t s - A n y o n e interested in s i g n i n g u p a new c o a c h or two c o m e to the Presid e n t ' s office i m m e d i a t e l y .

Dear Editor .

P.S.

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Basketball G a m e - This Saturday come w a t c h H o p e lose.

Readers Speak Out

Dear Editor: B o y a m 1 a n g r y , I m e a n 1 g o t t a be a n g r y or I w o u l d n ' t b e w r i t i n g this letter to you a n d y o u r r a n c h o r staff of n i n n i e s a n d silly f a c e s . 1 m e a n you g u y s a r e h a r d l y w o r t h the s w e a t off the b a c k of m y h a n d , n o less the p e r s p i r a t i o n f r o m m y b r a i n , so I c a n ' t u n d e r s t a n d w h y I a m sitting here w a s t i n g m y time w r i t i n g y o u when 1 could be off a n n o y i n g s o m e o n e d o w n the hall. Wretch Snivel

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T w o people are needed to successfully w o r k t h i s o b s c u r e c r y p t o g r a m . F o r best results y o u should choose a n opponent w h o is of the o p p o s i t e sex a n d either t w o y e a r s y o u n g e r or one y e a r older t h a n y o u r s e l f ( C a n c e r a n d S c o r p i o p e o p l e excepted). C o p y t h e t a b l e at left in c o b a l t b l u e a c r y l i c p a i n t o n t o a well-oiled b l o c k of leechce w o o d m e a s u r i n g 1 6 b y 2 2 centimeters. T h e w r i t i n g of the m y s t i c s i g n s ( t o p left) m u s t b e d o n e in v e r m i l l i o n ink with a p a r r o t q u i l l pen. T h e o p e r a t i o n p r o c e e d s in t h i s m a n n e r : 1. O p p o n e n t p l a c e s m y s t i c s i g n of the C r o s s of St. R o g e r in the s q u a r e m a r k e d "4". You p l a c e t h e s i g n of the Infinite S p h e r e in the s q u a r e m a r k e d " 7 " . 2. O p p o n e n t p l a c e s s e c o n d C r o s s of St. R o g e r in s q u a r e m a r k e d " 9 " . You place s e c o n d Infinite S p h e r e in s q u a r e marked "5". 3. O p p o n e n t p l a c e s t h i r d C r o s s of SL R o g e r in s q u a r e m a r k e d " 2 " (If opp o n e n t w a s b o r n b e f o r e D e c e m b e r 19, " 6 " or " 8 " m a y a l s o b e u s e d ) . Y o u p l a c e a t h i r d Infinite S p h e r e in s q u a r e m a r k e d " 3 " a n d , d i p p i n g y o u r p a r r o t q u i l l once m o r e i n t o the ink, d r a w a b o l d l i n e t h r o u g h y o u r t h r e e Infinite S p h e r e s .

All S t u d e n t s - A n y o n e interested in p i c k i n g u p a q u i c k c o u r s e in o b s c e n e l a n g u a g e c o n t a c t a f r e s h m a n m o r a l e girl. L o s t - a v a n d y k e b e a r d . Please r e t u r n to Dr. D y k s t r a . Attn. C a l V a n d e r W e r f - Sign u p f o r Dale C a r n e g i e c o u r s e . L e a r n how t o s h o v e l properly. R o o m C h a n g e s - E n g l i s h 7 7 B will n o t meet in r o o m 4 5 in V a n R a a l t e next T h u r s -

d a y n i n t h h o u r , b u t will e x c h a n g e r o o m s with P s y c h o l o g y in C h a p e l 2 3 at 4 t h h o u r on M o n d a y the 13th, a n d P s y c h o l o g y 0 0 7 will meet S a t u r d a y e v e n i n g at 9 : 3 0 in G r a v e s 4 0 3 . Subject will be " O r g a n i z a tion." Linen E x c h a n g e - M o n d a y e v e n i n g . Exc h a n g e y o u r d i r t y linen f o r s o m e o n e else's. Social E v e n t s - N a r c o t i c s R a i d in Kollen 2 B . D a n c e in Phelps, b r i n g y o u r o w n b a n d . P a n t y Raid at D y k s t r a , T h u r s d a y at 1 1:30. Attn. Art S t u d e n t s - F o r m a l D i n n e r ! Wear your best dungarees, sweatshirts and sneakers. C o f f e e G r o u n d s - C h e a p d a t e s f o r all y o u s t i n g y cats. C o m e a n d sit for h o u r s . Attn. Rev. H i l l e g o n d s - Please r e t u r n " F a n ny H i l l , " " C a n d y , " a n d " T r o p i c of C a n c e r " t o the l i b r a r y . Black C o a l i t i o n - H e a r A d a m C l a y t o n Powell's lecture on " M o r a l i t y a n d Political E t h i c s " this M o n d a y . S t u d e n t S e n a t e - H a s been c a n c e l l e d — p e r manently. F r a t e r s a n d S o r o s i t e s - J o i n t m e e t i n g at H o l i d a y Inn all n i g h t . C e n t u r i a n s a n d A.P.O. - .Joint meeting. Guest s p e a k e r o n " H o w to M a i n t a i n a Cool." Bring notebooks. Attn. D a v e Allen - Report to P r e s i d e n t ' s office i m m e d i a t e l y after this e d i t i o n of the r a n c h o r comes out.

COiUKM

ranchor

I OiLANO, MUOaOAW

Published seldom and secretly during the college year by the sludenls and for the Administration of Hope College, Holland, Michigan. 38-22 )7, under the authority of just about anyone wishing to take the responsibility.

W H Y M U S T WE b e m a d e to r u n b a c k in a l o n g f o r m a l to m a k e the 1:00 a . m . d e a d l i n e ? Is this the p r o p e r w a y to end a n e x c i t i n g e v e n i n g in H o l l a n d ? C a n we t r u t h f u l l y , w i t h o u t r e s e r v a t i o n s , b e held r e s p o n s i b l e f o r o u r d a t e ' s c a r r u n n i n g out of g a s at K o l l e n P a r k ? Or w h a t a b o u t the c a r d o o r s t i c k i n g in f r o n t of G i l m o r e H a l l while the R.A. is m a d l y b l i n k i n g the l i g h t s o v e r the f r o n t d o o r s t e p ? N o w , is this e q u a l i t y of the sexes? A n d we, the s t r o n g f e m a l e sex, m u s t l e a r n to limit o u r g o o d - n i g h t s t o a q u i c k n o d , h a n d s h a k e a n d t h a n k - y o u b e f o r e the d o o r s a r e b o l t e d f o r the night. T h i s k n a c k t a k e s f o u r y e a r s of H o p e College c o n d i t i o n ing b e f o r e it c a n b e s u c c e s s f u l l y c a r r i e d out. W H A T W E P R O P O S E , then, is t h a t the m a l e sex accept the l a t e m i n u t e s a n d s u b s e q u e n t r o o m i n g s ( o r at least s h a r e the p e n : alties t o g e t h e r ) . W e ' r e n o t a s k i n g f o r a r a d i cal c h a n g e . We a r e j u s t a s k i n g f o r e q u a l i t y . We h a v e c a r r i e d the b u r d e n a l o n e t o o l o n g ! Priseilla V a n d e r C r u m b u n

The Hoard of Editors refuses to take responsibility The opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions pened

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to press.

Entered as negative matter at the Windmill of Holland, Michigan, 1S-22-37, at the special rate of postage for trash provided for in the liird Preservation Act of Congress, February 30, 1917. Delivered by carrier pigeon despite the President's bounty hunters and the collusion of Republican hankers. Subscription:

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Editor Abdul VanderWady Assistant Editor Rip Van Winkle Managing Editor J. Mortimer Drenthe News Editor Clark Kent Assistant News Editor Curtis LeMay Advertising Manager Bobby Baker Business Manager Cash Drawer Board of Editors Editorial Assistant John Mulder Features Sam the Sham

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Pafe S

Hope College ranchor

J a n u a r y 31, 1969

Crew Tortured

Hope Yacht Boarded on Trip By A b d u l V a n d e r W a d y a n c h r - Editor The H o p e College yacht, " I n finity H o p e , " h a s been b o a r d e d a n d seized b y C a l v i n C o l l e g e stud e n t s a s it v e n t u r e d t o o close to the east b a n k of the G r a n d River on a s p y i n g m i s s i o n f o r b a s k e t ball c o a c h R u s s De Vette. Ducal I v a n D y k s t r a , c a p t a i n of the ill-fated c r a f t , o r i g i n a l l y m a i n t a i n e d t h a t his y a c h t s t a y e d outside the 1 2 - y a r d limit f o r the entirety of its v o y a g e . " I ' l l bet m y b e a r d o n it," the v e t e r a n captain s w o r e two weeks a g o in a G r a n d R a p i d s i n t e rv i e w , n o t i n g t h a t Dr. R i c h a r d B r o c k m e i e r ' s computer had carefully charted the c o u r s e a l o n g the j a g g e d , snowswept S o u t h G r a n d R a p i d s s h o r e . L A S T S U N D A Y m o r n i n g , however, C a l v i n C o l l e g e c o a c h Don V r o o m s t a r t l e d the w o r l d of esp i o n a g e b y d i s t r i b u t i n g signed c o n f e s s i o n s f r o m C a p t a i n Dyks t r a a n d his p i o u s crew of h a r d y a d v e n t u r e r s . " W e did i t . " t h e C a p tain o w n e d u p in his a n s w e r to the Big Q u e s t i o n . H o p e President C a l v i n A. V a n derWerf refused to c o m m e n t o n the c o n f e s s i o n s of c a p t a i n a n d crew. " W e were r i g h t , " he i n t o n e d e n d l e s s l y to inquisitive r e p o r t e r s , reflecting a n o t a b l e d i s l i k e for the g e n t l e m e n of the press. " W e w e r e r i g h t . " he c o n t i n u e d to reiterate, " I'm i n v o l v e d s o we h a v e to be right." T h e P r e s i d e n t ' s p r o t e s t a t i o n s to the c o n t r a r y , H o p e C o l l e g e pleni p o t e n t i a r y A. J a m e s P r i n s yes-

terday completed 4 8 h o u r s of round-the-clock negotiating by a d m i t t i n g H o p e ' s guilt in o r d e r to o b t a i n the r e l e a s e of C a p t a i n Dyks t r a a n d his crew. " W E S A I D W E d i d it b u t we r e a l l y d i d n ' t s a y we did it," ang u i s h e d Mr. P r i n s in a n e w s conference. " W h a t I m e a n to s a y is t h a t that n e g o t i a t i n g t a b l e in the A l l e g a n W o o d s w a s like a Bleak H o u s e , a n d I h a d t o get h o m e in a h u r r y a n d m a r k s o m e of m y m a n y tests." C a p t a i n D y k s t r a led his w e a r y crew of A P O s t a l w a r t s a c r o s s the G r a n d River B r i d g e i n t o the waiting a r m s of the P r e s i d e n t a n d the philosophy discussion group) leaders. The Hope College stage b a n d p l a y e d " N e a r e r M y G o d to T h e e " a n d the B o a r d of T r u s t e e s of the S t u d e n t C h u r c h q u i e t l y m u r m e r e d " S p e r a in D e o " in the b a c k g r o u n d . T h e Black C o a l i t i o n responsibly demonstrated against the a b s e n c e of b l a c k s t u d e n t s in the c a p t u r e d crew. When the last crew m e m b e r r e a c h e d the C h r i s t i a n side of the river, Dr. V a n d e r W e r f a d d r e s s e d the t h r o n g . " T h i s is a g r e a t a n d n o b l e m o m e n t for H o p e College. T h e s e m e n h a v e s u r v i v e d the hellish test tube of a c i d i c infidelity a n d r e t u r n e d to o u r g r e a t labo r a t o r y of l e a r n i n g o n the hill. They have conducted themselves a s true d i s c i p l e s of C h r i s t a n d a d d e d a new f l u s h of c o l o r to that sweet a n d t e n d e r r o s e w h i c h is our d e a r a n d l o v i n g A l m a M ater." A F T E R A W A K E N I N G follow ing the P r e s i d e n t ' s m o n o l o g u e .

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Rewrite of the News C a p e t o w n , South Africa Dr. C h r i s t i a a n B a r n a r d ann o u n c e d t o n i g h t t h a t he h a s t r a n s p l a n t e d the b r a i n of f o r m er President L y n d o n B. J o h n s o n i n t o the h e a d of President R i c h a r d M. N i x o n . Despite den i a l s f r o m the White H o u s e , Dr. B a r n a r d cites President Nixo n ' s call f o r " n u c l e a r suff i c i e n c y " instead of " n u c l e a r s u p e r i o r i t y " a s proof of his claim. Paris, F r a n c e F r e n c h President C h a r l e s DeG a u l l e h a s d e c l a r e d t h a t his c o u n t r y is s e c e d i n g f r o m Europe. He a n n o u n c e d t h a t 5 0 0 , 0 0 0 d a y l a b o r e r s h a v e been h i r e d t o d i g a c h a n n e l two miles deep a l o n g the entire l e n g t h of the Rhine River, s o t h a t F r a n c e will b e c o m e the eighth continent. W a s h i n g t o n , D.C. President R i c h a r d M. N i x o n h a s s c h e d u l e d his s e c o n d p r e s s c o n f e r e n c e of his A d m i n i s t r a tion. A m o n g the g u e s t s will be the c a s t of the p o p u l a r act of K u k l a , F r a n a n d Agnew. Paris, F ranee T h e S o u t h V i e t n a m e s e deleg a t i o n to the P a r i s p e a c e t a l k s w a l k e d out of a m e e t i n g this week w h e n the N o r t h Vietnam e s e a n d Viet C o n g delegat i o n s entered w e a r i n g different c l o t h i n g . T h e y c l a i m e d t h a t this g a v e the i m p r e s s i o n that the t a l k s were f o u r - s i d e d , a n d dem a n d e d t h a t the H a n o i a n d VC d i p l o m a t s d r e s s alike f o r the r e m a i n d e r of the t a l k s . P a r i s tailors assert t h a t they c a n m a k e suits f o r all the diplom a t s in n i n e h o u r s .

Peking, C h i n a The Communist Chinese h a v e increased a r m s shipments t o the N o r t h V i e t n a m e s e a n d the Viet C o n g in p r e p a r a t i o n f o r the c o m i n g Tet H o l i d a y cease-fire. S t o c k h o l m , Sweden T h e S w e d i s h g o v e r n m e n t extended d i p l o m a t i c r e c o g n i t i o n to S o u t h D a k o t a , N e v a d a a n d New Mexico yesterday. N o c o m m e n t a c c o m p a n i e d the ann o u n c e m e n t , but a h i g h official w a s h e a r d to m u r m e r , " W h e w ! We're a l m o s t out of s p a r e a m bassadors." W a s h i n g t o n , D.C. Secretary of the I n t e r i o r Walter Hickel notified a g r i c u l t u r a l development f i r m s that the White H o u s e l a w n w o u l d be a v a i l a b l e for e x p e r i m e n t a t i o n . Despite g r e a t protest, Mr. Hickel m e r e l y s h r u g g e d his s h o u l ders and muttered, " I t ' s too late n o w . " A j o i n t m e e t i n g of the C a b i n e t , the N a t i o n a l Sec u r i t y C o u n c i l a n d Mrs. N i x o n h a s been called to d i s c u s s the matter. D e p a r t m e n t of H o u s i n g a n d U r b a n Development employees h a v e r e p o r t e d t h a t H U D Secretary George R o m n e y ' s f r i e n d ly attitude has drastically c h a n g e d after he w a s i n f o r m e d that he w o u l d not h a v e to seek re-election to the post in t w o years. President N i x o n slept until 8 : 3 0 a . m . last T u e s d a y . VicePresident S p i r o A g n e w w a s notified i m m e d i a t e l y , a n d C o n g ress w a s called into s p e c i a l session to d e t e r m i n e its r e a c t i o n .

C a p t a i n D y k s t r a told the g a s p ing t h r o n g of the terrible t o r t u r e s inflicted on h i m a n d his crew. " T h e y m a d e u s b o w d o w n thrice d a i l y to M o s e s , pledge s u p p o r t f o r P a r o c h a i d , a n d c u r s e all H o p e s t u d e n t s w h o d a n c e d or held h a n d s , " he r e v e a l e d . " I resisted all t h a t , but t h e n they t h r e a t e n e d to pluck out m y b e a r d s t r a n d b y strand and I cracked." T h e c r o w d , g a s p i n g in h o r r o r and a m a z e m e n t , turned angrily to the f a r G r a n d River s h o r e , s h a k i n g their fists a n d c a l l i n g on their G o d in i n v o k e his w r a t h on the infidel. " W e a r e the c h o s e n p e o p l e , " p r a y e d C h a p l a i n William H i l l e g o n d s with a r m s outstretched to the s k y , " e x a c t Your just r e v e n g e . T a k e C h r i s t i a n out of C h r i s t i a n R e f o r m e d a n d m a k e them h o l y like u s . " A T T H A T N O T E the c r o w d s u r g e d a c r o s s the b r i d g e , beat plowshares into swords, and d r o v e the e n e m y s c r e a m i n g o v e r the crest at K n o l l c n ^ t a n d into the d e e p b l u e l a k e .

5N00FVS CLIMBIN6 THETCKI

New cement h a s been laid over the ice-covered s i d e w a l k s f r o m V a n R a a l t e H a l l to Phelps Hall in a n effortless c o i n - s a v i n g m o v e b y the B u i l d i n g a n d G r o u n d s Department. T h e m o v e c a m e at the direction of S c r o o g e M c F a r c e , last I w e e k ' s Director of D e v e l o p m e n t a n d h o u s e m o t h e r ex-officio. Stud e n t s a n d f a c u l t y a l i k e were fairly t a k e n a b a c k b y the t h o u g h t a n d o r i g i n a l i t y of the m o v e . MR. M C F A R C E d i s c l o s e d that the m o n e y t o f i n a n c e the new s i d e w a l k s w a s o b t a i n e d f r o m the Student S e n a t e Le Loi H a m l e t f u n d s of ' 6 4 , ' 6 5 , a n d ' 6 6 which h a d been o b t a i n e d t h r o u g h careful m a n i p u l a t i o n a n d embezzlem e n t . T h e s e f u n d s were supplem e n t e d b y a n N S F g r a n t a n d the cement w a s t a k e n f r o m the supply set a s i d e f o r the S C S C in 1 9 3 7 . W h e n a s k e d w h y new s i d e w a l k s w e r e laid i n s t e a d of s h o v e l i n g the old ones, Mr. Mc F a r c e replied t h a t this t h o u g h t , a l o n g with m a n y others, h a d n e v e r o c c u r r e d to h i m . " B e s i d e s , " he n o t e d , " m y

Splat Writes Introduction To Nixon's 'Six Crises' By S a m Snipe r a n c h o r Critiques Editor H o p e ' s h i s t o r y D e p a r t m e n t ann o u n c e d t o d a y that instructor J a c k Splat will write a n introd u c t i o n to R i c h a r d N i x o n ' s " S i x C r i s e s . " When a s k e d to c o m m e n t on his w o r k , Mr. Splat a d m i t t e d that it w a s n ' t the k i n d of w o r k typical for a Southern sideburned r a d i c a l . " B u t , " said Mr. Splat, " w h e n 1 h e a r d that o n e of Nixo n ' s crises w a s whether or not to j o i n the P a r t y , I k n e w he w a s the o n e . " MR, S P L A T W E N T o n to list Mr. N i x o n ' s other crises, which i n c l u d e his w i f e ' s desire t o m a k e a f u r c o a t o u t of C h e c k e r s , his k i t c h e n d e b a t e with N i k i t a K r u s h c h e v in which Mr. N i x o n won the a r g u m e n t b y m a k i n g two c h e e s e o m e l e t s to the R u s s i a n ' s o n e b e r s c h , his e x p o s e of J o h n F e s t e r Dulles as a s u p p o r t e r of the N a t i o n a l C o u n c i l of C h u r c h e s , his t r i u m p h a l t o u r of L a t i n Am e r i c a , a n d his television prem i e r e on a c o m m e r c i a l f o r Rapid S h a v e . Mr. Splat noted that Mr. Nixo n ' s l i t e r a r y style a p p r o a c h e d the presidential c a m p a i g n technique which f e a t u r e d d e t e r m i n a t i o n to d e a l with issues a n d lots of a r m waving. The Hope professor has a l s o i n c l u d e d a critical e s s a y b y H u b e r t H u m p h r e y titled " 1 w a s o n e of R i c h a r d N i x o n ' s Six Crises, a f t e r a l l . " H H H e x p l a i n s t h a t he w a s n ' t c o n s i d e r e d a crisis until it w a s a l m o s t t o o late. G E O R G E W A L L A C E WAS als o a s k e d t o s u b m i t an e s s a y on w h y Lincoln Continentals should not be b l a c k , but the g o v e r n o r c o u l d not be r e a c h e d ; it is believed he a n d Curtis L e M a y h a v e hijacked a SAC b o m b e r and flown to A r g e n t i n a . Mr. N i x o n , continues Mr. S p l a t , is c o n s i d e r i n g a second b o o k called " S i x M o r e Crises; or, the A g n e w a s W a t e r s h e d . " T h i s b o o k will c o n t i n u e Mr. N i x o n ' s recollections o n the i m p o r t a n c e of the v i c e - p r e s i d e n c y , the i m p o r t a n c e of w i n n i n g the ethnic vote v i a a l i e n a t i o n , a n d the need f o r u r b a n beautification by ignoring slums. "Mr. Nixon believes," s a i d Mr. S p l a t , " t h a t they'll g o a w a y if y o u s t a y a w a y . " M R , S P L A T IS a l s o w o r k i n g o n Dutch r a d i c a l i s m in the S p a n -

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SAM S N I P E ish Civil W a r , a s t u d y s u g g e s t e d to him w h e n a H o p e s t u d e n t of his used s i m i l a r r e s e a r c h m a t e r ial for five c o u r s e s , t h r e e p a p e r s , a n d a n ad in the N e w Y o r k Review of B o o k s . S a y s Mr. Splat, "The Holland-Zeeland-Borculo a r e a w a s a h o t b e d of p r o - f a s c i s t sentiment d u r i n g the S p a n i s h w a r . " " I w o n d e r if Mr. N i x o n supports Spanish Republicans," he s a i d , l o o k i n g at his p o s t e r of the President h o l d i n g a p i t c h f o r k labelled " F o r w a r d T o g e t h e r . "

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anchor Returns T h e a n c h o r , the o v e r g r o u n d n e w s p a p e r of H o p e College, will r e a p p e a r after m o n t h s of h i b e r n a t i o n next F r i d a y aftern o o n in V a n R a a l t e Hall. T h e a n c h o r , c o n t a c t e d in the b a s e m e n t of G r a v e s , r e p o r t e d t h a t it h a d e n j o y e d its v a c a tion, p a s s e d its e x a m i n a t i o n s a n d s a v e d e n o u g h m o n e y to c o n t i n u e to p u b l i s h until M a y .

Sociology Prof. Gives Lecture At Convention

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Dr. D y k e V a n S l o p s m a , Associate p r o f e s s o r of s o c i o l o g y , h a s been invited b y the M a x i m a l L e a r n i n g S t u d y Society of America t o a d d r e s s the g e n e r a l c o n v e n tion next T u e s d a y in H o u s t o n . H i s a d d r e s s , b a s e d on his techn i c o - s c h o l a r l y article " T h e Feeding of White D o v e Piirts t o Mini m a l l y E n v i r o n m e n t e d Parti-Col o r e d R a t s , " h a s a c h i e v e d wide acc l a i m in s o c i o l o g i c a l circles. Dr. V a n s i o p s m a Will l e a v e b y p l a n e on M o n d a y a n d is expected to r e t u r n w i t h i n the next few months.

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slave workers are exhausted from h a v i n g s h o v e l l e d the e n t r a n c e t o the m a i n t e n a n c e d e p a r t m e n t a f t e r every snow." The maintenance head also s t a t e d that if the s t u d e n t s were n o t yet r e a d y to c o p e with the res p o n s i b i l i t y of w a l k i n g o n the s i d e w a l k s t h e y w o u l d never b e s h a r p e n o u g h to cut a slice of the g r e a t C h r i s t i a n w o r l d outside. "BESIDES," he chortled, " g o o d old s p r i n g is j u s t a r o u n d the c o r n e r , at least it w a s t o d a y , a l t h o u g h t o m o r r o w night c o u l d b e a different s t o r y . " Mr. Mc F a r c e went o n to ex p l a i n the e c o n o m i c s of m a n p o w e r a n d its r o l e in the f u n c t i o n of a n ins t i t u t i o n like H o p e . " Y o u just c a n ' t let a t h i n g like ice interfere with m o r e i m p o r t a n t f u n c t i o n s like g a r bage removal." In a r e l a t e d d e v e l o p m e n t , the n o r t h f a c e of E v e r e s t , a l s o k n o w n a s the s t a i r s to the science b u i l d ing. p r o v e d t o be a n i n s u r m o u n t a b l e b a r r i e r to a b a n d of S h e r p a c l i m b e r s w h o h a d c o m e to H o p e t o p r a c t i c e o n the r e n o w n e d science b u i l d i n g slope. T h e i r l e a d e r , w h e n a s k e d w h a t he t h o u g h t of the g r o u p ' s f a i l u r e , s h r u g g e d off their l a c k of s u c c e s s b y the trad i t i o n a l c l i m b e r ' s a d a g e , " W h y is it t h e r e ? " MR. M C F A R C E commented t h a t the m a i n t e n a n c e m e n h a d h a d n o difficulty l a y i n g the c e m e n t o v e r the ice, a l t h o u g h he did n o t e t h a t s e v e r a l s t u d e n t s with b r o k e n l e g s a n d s p r a i n e d a n k l e s h a d to be c h o p p e d o u t of the ice to m a k e the s i d e w a l k s level. He s a i d t h a t the decision to put in s i d e w a l k s h a d been a difficult o n e since the ice w o u l d p r o b a b l y last a s l o n g as the c e m e n t if the maintenance department had anyt h i n g to d o with it. Dr. V a n d e r W o o f s t a t e d , " W i t h the a d v e n t of o u r new s i d e w a l k s I see H o p e a s h a v i n g a b r i g h t f u t u r e as the p r o t o t y p e of the neoa c a d e m i c institution. T h i s m o v e h a s p r o v e n o u r b r i l l i a n c e a n d inc e n t i v e as b r a v e new her a l d e r s of the b r i g h t a n d s h i n i n g e x p e r ience of p u r e a n d g r a n d ideals . We n o l o n g e r slip a n d slide hesi t a t i n g l y into t h e f u t u r e , but m a r c h with sure, b o l d s t e p s . "

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Page 4

January SI, 1969

Hope College ranchor

Sneak Preview A MM

Seniors Take Comprehensives E d i t o r ' s N o t e : T h i s y e a r , f o r the first time, Senior C o m p r e h e n s i v e E x a m i n a t i o n s will b e r e q u i r e d of all t h o s e w h o wish to g r a d u a t e . T h e f o l l o w i n g list of s a m p l e q u e s t i o n s w a s s u b m i t t e d b y a p a n e l of faculty.

cJ. V a n Z o e r e n L i b r a r y is c h a n g i n g its c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s y s t e m f r o m Dewey D e c i m a l t o a. Alphabetical by author's first n a m e ; b. Alphabetical by a u t h o r ' s Reformed Church number; c.

MULTIPLE CHOICE 1. If H e r m a n V a n B. is d r a f t e d o u t of g r a d s c h o o l a n d Melvin V a n S c h n o r d is d r a f t e d out of H o p e , w h o c a n s h o o t off his left toe m o r e a c c u r a t e l y ? a. H e r m a n , b e c a u s e g r a d app l i c a t i o n s teach y o u h u m i l i t y . b. Melvin, because he's h a d Dr. Jentz's Ethical Problems course.

S E N A T E M E E T S — R o h n ( C l i p p e r ) S p o o k , F u h r e r of the S t u d e n t S e n a t e , declined to attend t h i s m e e t i n g in a n a t t e m p t t o m a k e s t u d e n t g o v e r n m e n t m o r e efficient. " W h y attend w h e n we n e v e r d o a n y t h i n g , " s a i d S p o o k . Despite the a b s e n c e of the S e n a t e ' s p e r c e p t i v e l e a d e r the m e e t i n g w a s held. A s u s u a l , n o t h i n g h a p p e n e d .

Hits Faculty

c. T h e q u e s t i o n is r i d i c u l o u s ; y o u c a n ' t w a l k o n rice p a d d i e s . 2. D a v i d E i s e n h o w e r ' s smile rem i n d s y o u of: a. T h e h o l e in A d l a i S t e v e n s o n ' s shoe; b. Y o u r 1 2 - y e a r - o l d kid b r o ther; c. His g r a n d f a t h e r ' s administration.

Lounge

Dope Squad Raids Van Raalte B y Muccck R a c k e r r a n c h o r Reporter C l o s i n g in with a l a c r i t y , celerity, r a p i d i t y a n d s i p i d i t y the n e v e r sleeping, u n r e l e n t i n g Narcotics Division of the i n s a t i a b l e H o l l a n d Police C l u b a n d S q u a r e D a n c i n g Society b u s t e d the l a s t r e m a i n i n g " d o p e " r i n g on the c a m p u s of H o p e College. V a n R a a l t e Hall, t h e citadel of v i r t u e a n d sinless p e r f e c t i o n w a s the scene of this p r o d i g i o u s event. T h e center of all the a c t i o n w a s the f a c u l t y L o u n g e w h e r e f a c u l t y a n d a d m i n i s t r a t i o n m e m b e r s were c o n s u m i n g i n s i d i o u s a m o u n t s of exotic v a r i e t i e s of d r u g s . T H E TIP-OFF CAME from a s t a u n c h , b l o n d e , b l u e - e y e d , twobutton, Bible-believing, scholarly student who saw President -VanderWorse tripping t h r o u g h

the Pine G r o v e f o r the f o u r t e e n t h time t h a t d a y . T h i s w a s n o t h i n g u n u s u a l except t h a t his b r i e f c a s e w a s full this time a n d he w a s not g r i n n i n g at e v e r y o n e like a Cheshire C a t n o r c a l l i n g e v e r y s t u d e n t b y the w r o n g n a m e . A s u r e s i g n of LSD. " I was only doing my Christian d u t y , " the s e r i o u s y o u n g m a n recited. " B e s i d e s , it w a s f o r his o w n g o o d . We a r e o u r b r o t h e r ' s k e e p e r , you k n o w . " IMMEDIATELY CARRYING t h r o u g h with his act of c h a r i t y and b u s y n e s s he p h o n e d the Chief of Police w h o n o t i f i e d his l a w y e r w h o c a l l e d Ed Prince, the Director of B u i l d i n g s a n d G r o u n d s of the Public S c h o o l S y s t e m , who, a s a m o r a l u p h o l d e r of t h i s f a i r h a m l e t , called the l o c a l C h u r c h G o s s i p a n d V i g i l a n t e C l i q u e w h o registered t h e i r a p p r o v a l f o r the p r o posed a r r e s t . T h u s , a v o i d i n g the

Blue Key Annex Opens; Deals in History Texts A s p e c i a l a n n e x t o the Blue K e y B o o k Store ( t o be k n o w n a s the G o l d e n F l e e c e ) h a s been o p e n e d this a f t e r n o o n to h o l d the required r e a d i n g b o o k s on sale for next semester's history courses. " W e d i d n ' t really w a n t to d o it," said m a n a g e r Duffy W a d e , a s he r a p i d l y r u b b e d his h a n d s together, " i t ' s just t h a t the hist o r y d e p a r t m e n t o r d e r e d twice as m a n y b o o k s as the rest of the college d e p a r t m e n t s p u t t o g e t h e r . " " I d o n ' t think 2 2 b o o k s f o r a n i n t r o d u c t o r y c o u r s e is t o o m u c h at all," s a i d J a c k S p l a t , instruc-

tor in h i s t o r y . " T h a t ' s o n l y a few m o r e t h a n t h e y r e q u i r e f o r the Ph D. p r o g r a m at o n e of t h o s e wonderful southern universities." " I t ' s j u s t p a r t of the DutchAmerican system," said G. W h a m m o Van Dikesma. " H o w c a n y o u expect a litde p r o g r e s s without capitalistic i m p e r i a l i s m ? "

u s u a l red t a p e and b r i n g i n g s o u n d politics d o w n to the g r a s s r o o t s level of the people, t h e y p r o c e e d e d . T h e r a i d i n g p a r t y b r o k e into the d o o r of the l o u n g e . In the s a m e alert a n d gifted m a n n e r they a p p r e h e n d e d President V a n d e r W o r s e , w h o w a s a t t e m p t i n g a n esc a p e t h r o u g h the Kletz d i s g u i s e d as an ash-tray. TO THEIR ASTONISHMENT the s o r d i d g r o u p w a s d a b b l i n g in all f o r m s of c h e m i c a l d a m n a t i o n . Dr. B a n t e r L u n g , H o p e ' s a t - l a r g e p r o f e s s o r , w a s d r o p p i n g acid; M i s s Snik w a s m a i n l i n i n g s m a c k ; D e a n De Y u k was o n DMT; Mr. Drysea was snorting S T P and M i k e S c a r r i e w a s s h o o t i n g BS, as usual. After stealthily s t u f f i n g their p o c k e t s with a s m u c h d o p e a s they could conceal without being n o t i c e d , the squad efficiously swept the o f f e n d e r s a w a y t o the t o w n d u n k i n g seat w h e r e t h e y were h e a r t i l y s c o l d e d a n d o p e n l y castigated. AT L A S T T H E s t u d e n t s of H o p e m a y s l e e p freely a n d a t t e n d classes soberly. The p u s h e r / j u n k ies w h i c h a r e o u r in l o c o p a r e n t i e s n o l o n g e r t h r e a t e n u s with the filth of w a r p e d p r i n c i p l e s t h a t is their addiction.

4-h

d. N o n e of the a b o v e ; V a n Zoeren has n o classification system. 4. T h e a n c h o r staff e n d o r s e d Richard N i x o n because: a. Of his t o l e r a n c e of all s h a d e s of political beliefs; b. T h e y , d o n ' t like J a p s a n y more than Spiro What's-hisname; e. T h e y ' r e o n e s , too. 5. E n g l i s h 15 is a: a. P h i l a d e l p h i a Plot. b. F i g m e n t of J o a n M u e l l e r ' s imagination; c. J e a n P r o t h e r o e in d i s g u i s e ; d. P r e r e q u i s i t e f o r R e l e v a n c e 32. 6. The T a b l e at the P a r i s Peace T a l k s is: a. H e x a g o n a l with c u t - o u t s f o r s t e n o g r a p h e r s a n d G e n e r a l Ky; b. An e q u i l a t e r a l r h o m b o i d designed b y Pat N i x o n ; c. A l a r g e d o u g h n u t m a d e of French pastry. T R U E OR F A L S E H o p e College h a s a l i b r a r y . Bill Pratt is a N i x o n a p p o i n t e e . G e r h a r d M e g o w w a l k s o n the l a w n s w h e n n o o n e is l o o k i n g . Hope's Development administ r a t o r s a r e W a r o n P o v e r t y rejects. Calvin VanderWerf o w n s the Sloan Foundation. T h e S l o a n F o u n d a t i o n o w n s Calvin VanderWerf. B a s t i a n K r u i t h o f o n c e w a l k e d on the water.

ESSAY T E S T Write a c r i t i q u e of o n e of the following essays: 1. " T o M a k e T h e m S t a n d in F e a r " b y M i c h a e l Gerrie. 2. " B o m b a s t is B e a u t i f u l " b y Bob Blanton. 3. "Maced, Laced, a n d F a r f r o m H o m e " b y R i c h a r d Daley. 4. " T h e Peculiar I n s t i t u t i o n " b y H u g h DePree. SHORT

ANSWER

1. V o o r h e e s H a l l is n a m e d in h o n o r of Mrs. E l i z a b e t h . 2. Dr. C a l v i n V a n d e r W e r f is n a m e d in h o n o r of .

Chemistry Dept. Receives $10,000 From Oil Co. Dr. H y d e , p r o f e s s o r of c h e m i s try a n d c h a i r m a n of the d e p a r t ment, a n n o u n c e d t o d a y t h a t the C h e m i s t r y D e p a r t m e n t h a s been a w a r d e d the $ 1 0 , 0 0 0 H u m b l e Oil C o m p a n y a n n u a l g r a n t f o r curr i c u l a r e x p l o i t a t i o n . T h e a w a r d is g r a n t e d each y e a r to the d e p a r t ment b e i n g m o s t h u m b l e in the yearly grovelling for i n d u s t r y ' s money. When q u e r i e d a b o u t the distinction, Dr. H y d e r e s p o n d e d , " W e a r e m o s t p r o u d of h a v i n g been c h o s e n . Yes, i n d e e d . " T h e m o n e y is expected to be used f o r the p u r c h a s e of a n airp l a n e s o t h a t the d e p a r t m e n t m i g h t m o r e effectively s e a r c h out i n d u s trial s p o n s o r s h i p of i n - h o u s e g r a n t s . Dr. H y d e c o n c l u d e d .

Holiday Inn •/

the nation's sinkeeper

M a k e your reservations at the Frater House or the Sorosite Cluster

Think small

As of 1 p . m . this a f t e r n o o n , h i s t o r y b o o k s a l e s h a d totalled over $ 2 m i l l i o n . " T h e b i g g e s t seller b y f a r h a s b e e n a b o o k entitled ' E r a s m u s a n d the F a t h e r s , ' b y s o m e B r i t i s h prof n a m e d P e t e r s , " s a i d Mr. W a d e .

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Haircutting at reasonable prices, specializing in the ever-popular. conservative crewcut.

Three Chairs — No W a i t i n g

Stop in anytime after midnight.

Once again Hope leaps into the past with 1 5, count 'em, 1 5 major changes which will keep us outdated for another 100 years. Changes aren't easy for us to make. But we have the fewest moving parts of any college in the progressive Midwest. The 1 9 6 9 Hope College. Ugly as ever. It's not any

better only slower and more cumbersome with fewer thoughts per year than any other school. W e still have a fully standard administration, power chapel services and an air cooled Dept. of Development. If you are interested try Hope College and get $ 2 0 0 less In change each year.

Profile for Hope College Library

12-31-1968  

12-31-1968  

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