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Love Board wrestles with parentals question T h e C a m p u s L o v e Board again discussed parental h o u r s in its irregular m e e t i n g F r i d a y , Jan. 3 0 , and an a m e n d m e n t was p r o p o s e d . CLB C H A I R M A N Magic Marker began by reading the proposal, w h i c h w o u l d a l l o w parents to visit s t u d e n t s ' r o o m s w i t h written permission o f t h e Head Beagle. Dean of Students Robert D e Y u k b e g a n t h e lively discussion be saying, "Well, I d o n ' t k n o w . " Associate Dean of Students J e a n n e t e S p o o k said she was in full a g r e e m e n t w i t h D e Y u k , but had reservations. " W o u l d n ' t there be s o m e p r o b l e m of privacy in the d o r m ? " she asked. DR. O L D E N BROOM quest i o n e d t h e m o r a l i t y of t h e issue. " T h i s r e p r e s e n t s a real t e m p t a t i o n t o e v e r y s t u d e n t . L o o k i n g at it f r o m the eternal perspective, I w o u l d say t h a t H o p e College d o e s n o t w a n t t o m o v e in t h i s d i r e c tion." M a r k e r t h e n read a 2 2 - p a g e letter f r o m Dr. G y r a t e Megow. Megow expressed concern for w h a t he called t h e " l o n g - t e r m c o n s e q u e n c e s " of p a r e n t a l h o u r s . B r o o m interupted to observe t h a t he w a s a l s o c o n c e r n e d a b o u t long-term consequences. Broom said, " A c c o r d i n g t o t h e t e n - y e a r r e p o r t issued in 1 9 6 5 , H o p e is s u p p o s e d to slow d o w n e x p a n s i o n w h e n we r e a c h 2 , 0 0 0 s t u d e n t s . H o w c a n we slow d o w n e x p a n s i o n w h e n we c o n d o n e s o m e t h i n g as clearly immoral as parental hours?" MARKER C O N T I N U E D reading t h e l e t t e r , w h i c h n o t e d t h a t s t u d e n t s are irresponsible. " S t u d e n t s walk o n t h e grass e v e r y s p r i n g a n d fall. H o w c a n we expect students to behave themselves w i t h o t h e r p e o p l e in t h e i r r o o m s if t h e y c a n ' t even leave grass a l o n e ? " t h e l e t t e r s t a t e d . D e a n S p o o k said she w a s in full a g r e e m e n t , but had reservations. CLB member Richard Vander Velvet s a i d , " W e d o n ' t w a n t t o c o n d o n e t h e s o r t of a f f a i r s t h a t go o n at H o l i d a y I n n . " D e a n S p o o k said s h e w a s in f u l l a g r e e m e n t , b u t had reservations. Several f a c u l t y m e m b e r s noted t h a t t h e r e w a s a lack of e n f o r c e m e n t in t h e p l a n . " W e d o n ' t w a n t students coming on campus thinking t h a t H o p e C o l l e g e is a d e n of

iniquity," said CLB member Rusty DeVito. S e v e r a l a l t e r n a t e p l a n s of enf o r c e m e n t were discussed. O n e faculty m e m b e r suggested that e a c h r o o m be e q u i p p e d w i t h television a n d t h a t t h e p h o n e lines be t a p p e d . " T h a t w a y we can s c r e e n o u t t h e o f f e n d e r s right a w a y , " he said. D E A N D E Y U K S A I D a sign-in, sign-out procedure for guests c o u l d be e f f e c t i v e as a n e n f o r c e m e n t p o l i c y . He a m e n d e d t h e p r o p o s a l t o r e a d , " V i s i t o r s t o stud e n t s ' r o o m s shall sign in u p o n e n t e r i n g the d o r m i t o r y or h o u s i n g u n i t a s t h e case m a y be. T h e y shall sign t h e i r n a m e legibly w i t h a p a r r o t quill p e n in v e r m i l l i o n ink u p o n a p i e c e of d r i e d A u s t r a l i a n s h e e p s k i n . Misspelled n a m e s or s i g n a t u r e s t h a t g o o v e r t h e lines will m e a n r e v o c a t i o n of visiting priviledges for 3 0 d a y s or until the s e c o n d T u e s d a y a f t e r t h e I d e s of March, whichever occurs first." T i m Pigglet, a n u n o b t r u s i v e if u n i n v i t e d g u e s t at t h e C L B m e e t ing, said he o b j e c t e d t o t h e r e f e r e n c e t o t h e I d e s of M a r c h . " E v e r y o n e k n o w s t h e i n f e r e n c e is t o J u l i u s C e a s e h e r , a n d we d o n ' t w a n t t o give t h e i m p r e s s i o n t h a t a n y t h i n g i m m o r a l w o u l d be g o i n g on just because students would h a v e g u e s t s all a l o n e in t h e i r r o o m s w i t h all t h e lights o f f and soft music and..." A T THIS P O I N T s t u d e n t C L B member John B o o n d o c k s said that nothing would happen that s t u d e n t s could not handle. Bruce G o o s i t a d d e d , " W e all learn b y our mistakes." D e a n D e Y u k said he still c o u l d n o t b u y t h e p r o p o s a l , a n d sugg e s t e d t h a t a b o a r d of review be established to make biweekly e v a l u a t i o n s of t h e e f f e c t of parental hours. He asked that one f a c u l t y m e m b e r f r o m e a c h of t h e 21 d e p a r t m e n t s , t h r e e m i n i s t e r s f r o m A l b a n y , N.Y., the president of G e n e r a l M o t o r s , eight a d m i n i s trators, two Navajo Indians, the c h a i r m a n of t h e B o a r d of N o r t h A m e r i c a n M i s s i o n s of t h e R e f o r m ed C h u r c h in A m e r i c a a n d a stud e n t serve o n t h e review g r o u p . WEARING HIS BLUE and white tennies, George Kraft c l e a r e d his t h r o a t . All said a y e a n d the m o t i o n passed.

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In W e d n e s d a y ' s A c a d e m i c Misa f f a i r s B o a r d m e e t i n g t h e proposed course "Principles of Library S e a r c h i n g " was f o r m a l l y approved. POLS is an interdisciplinary a p p r o a c h which provides an o p t i o n t o t h e p r e s e n t g e n e r a l College c o u r s e r e q u i r e m e n t of t w o s e m e s t e r a c t i v i t y c o u r s e s in p h y s i c a l e d u c a t i o n . HEAD LIBRARIAN Edward Whitless explained that with the s h i f t i n g o f b o o k s b e c o m i n g a way of life in t h e l i b r a r y , s t u d e n t s are developing their muscles and s t a m i n a at an u n p r e c e d e n t e d r a t e in t h e i r f r a n t i c s e a r c h t o f i n d t h e new l o c a t i o n of t h e b o o k s b e f o r e t h e i r c o u r s e is o v e r . When questioned about the r a t i o n a l e f o r this n e w o f f e r i n g . Whitless replied, "It began when we d e c i d e d to c a t a l o g t h e p e r i o d i -

vent s t u d e n t s s h o u l d be a b l e t o be o u t by t h e n . " Restocking the Chapel with new l i t e r a t u r e m e a n t r e p l a c i n g t h e Church Herald w i t h Playboy, Pilgrims Progress w i t h Tom Jones and The Upper Room w i t h The Illustrated t'.nevclopedia of Sex. T H E NEW L I T E R A R Y m a t e rial w a s n o t r a n d o m l y c h o s e n , a c c o r d i n g to Dr. A . J a m e s P r i n c e , a m e m b e r of t h e Ad H o c C o m m i t t e e f o r t h e S t i m u l a t i o n of Z e a l , a p p o i n t e d by t h e C o m m i t t e e for t h e R e c o n s i d e r a t i o n of A g a p e , a standing c o m m i t t e e u n d e r the C a m p u s Love Board. " Q u i t e f r a n k l y , and 1 d o n ' t mean to o f f e n d a n y o n e , but I'm s u r e y o u all k n o w w h a t 1 m e a n , *rsi• f • * * ' t h e s e b o o k s deal w i t h t h e f o r c e s ol life. Y o u k n o w . sex. I ' m s o r r y , h u t t h a t ' s t h e u a y life is." P r i n c e apologized. He continued for s o m e t i m e in t h e s a m e vein b e f o r e he s t a t e d that e a c h w o r k pres e n t e d a positive v i e u o l m a n and his ability t o rise t o m e e t even t h e m o s t d e m a n d i n g series of a f f a i r s . ACCORDING TO Holvgods, onl> t w o m a i o r o b j e c t i o n s have b e e n raised to t h e new plan O n e has b e e n raised by s o m e c l e r i c s in the Much D e f o r m e d C h u r c h w h o claim t h a t t h e new p r o g r a m d o e s not a l t i r m t h e o r i g i n a l d e p r a v i i \ of m a n . The o t h e r m a i o i c o m p l a i n t was f r o m t h e m a n a g e r ol t h e H o l y d a y I n n of H o l l a n d H e a l s o r e f u s e d t o e l a b o r a t e u p o n his c o m p l a i n t bey o n d s t a l i n g t h a t his r e a s o n s w e r e pecuniary. T H E R E A C T I O N ol s t u d e n t s has been w h o l e h e a r t e d . O n e coed c o m m e n t e d t h a t t h o u g h she lelt she lost s o m e t h i n g w i t h t h e n e w FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT—Two students partake in the new p r o g r a m , she h a d n e v e r felt so program. of face-to-face confrontation recently initiated in the filled w i t h the s p i r i t . Meditation Chapel.

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February 1 3 , 1 9 7 0

Library undergoes change

Chapel gets new dimension g r o w t h . So f a r , t h o u g h , t h i n g s have been developing s m o o t h l y . " T h e new p r o g r a m , w h i c h is d e s i g n e d t o e n g a g e s t u d e n t s in m e a n i n g f u l dialogue, involves a t o t a l reversal of h o u r s d u r i n g w h i c h t h e C h a p e l is o p e n a n d a c o m p l e t e r e s t o c k i n g of t h e C h a p el's l i b r a r y . T H E NEW H O U R S will be f r o m 11 p . m . t o 7 a . m . , t h o u g h s t u d e n t s w h o wish to gel involved e a r l i e r m a y . l i o l y g o d s said t h a t he felt t h e c l o s i n g h o u r s w e r e n o t u n r e a s o n a b l e . " I ven t h e m o s t fer-

•-

Jog for credit

Seeks 'dialogue' " S o y o u t h o u g h t y o u had a religious e x p e r i e n c e ! " is a s t a t e m e n t a lot of H o p e s t u d e n t s are m a k i n g t h e s e d a y s as a result of the revamped p r o g r a m in t h e Meditation Chapel designed to s t i m u l a t e religious e x c i t e m e n t . "WE'RE SEEKING face to face encounters between stud e n t s , " said C h a p l a i n Wild Bill liolygods, "and we're getting them and m o r e . S o m e people, w h e n t h e y first h e a r d of o u r n e w program, t h o u g h t t h i s w o u l d be an abortive a t t e m p t at r e l i g i o u s

H o p e College, H o l l a n d , Mich. 4 9 4 2 3

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cals, w h i c h m e a n s we had to s t a r t shifting b o o k s - first the Q E ' s were moved from the basement to the second floor to make r o o m for the L's which were c h a n g e d f r o m the middle row b a s e m e n t t o the s o u t h row b a s e m e n t which necessitated the 3 0 0 ' s - 3 8 0 ' s ( w i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n of t h e 3 7 0 ' s ) t o b e s h i f t e d f r o m t h e s o u t h r o w basement to the middle row basement; however the other Q's through Z's w e n t t o t h e s e c o n d f l o o r as t h e ^ 5 0 - 9 9 9 ' $ d i s a p p e a r e d in t h e b a s e ment region while the 9 0 0 - 9 4 9 ' s drifted f r o m the southeast second floor to southwest second after the P R - P Z ' s were shifted f r o m southwest second to the middle r a n g e of t h e s o u t h e r n side s e c o n d . " B Y T H E N THE A ' s a n d B - B F ' s moved f r o m the basement to the main floor in t h e periodical shelves, which t h e n caused t h e 9 3 0 ' s - 9 4 9 ' s t o be d i s p l a c e d a g a i n in f a v o r of t h e b a s e m e n t w h e r e t h e B - B F ' s had b e e n : t h i s a l l o w e d t h e C - D ' s t o he t r a n s f e r r e d f r o m t h e s o u t h w e s t s e c o n d to n o r t h west b a s e m e n t . In the ensuing move the B G - B R ' s f r o m t h e n o r t h w e s t basem e n t collided with the J's f r o m t h e m i d d l e of t h e b a s e m e n t a n d t h e 9 0 0 - 9 2 9 ' s of t h e s o u t h e a s t second, and when t h e dust settled in t h e e l e v a t o r s h a f t a n d s t a i r -

wells, t h e J ' s w e r e f o u n d in t h e northeast basement (causing the r e m a i n i n g H ' s t o be s m u g g l e d t o the n o r t h e a s t b a s e m e n t ) and t h e B G - B R ' s in t h e m a i n f l o o r a f t e r sufficient periodicals were vacated to regions u n k n o w n , later the 9 0 0 - 9 2 9 ' s w e r e d i s c o v e r e d in t h e storage r o o m with t h e u n c a t a loged classical l a n g u a g e a n d history books and moved to the northwest basement. MEANWHILE THE C o u n s e l l i n g Center recommended that a c h a n g e w a s in o r d e r f o r t h e h a r d working, bewildered staff - thus the student typing r o o m was converted into a seminar r o o m , which shifted the typewriters to the archives w h i c h evolved into a seminar typing room, however the archives moved into t h e curricul u m library w h i c h t h e n s h i f t e d i n t o t h e s o u t h e a s t r e g i o n of t h e b a s e m e n t w h e r e no c l a s s i f i c a t i o n or a r r a n g e m e n t is u s e d . T h e e n d result is t h a t t h e library will m o v e to Fast B o r c u l o . " At this p o i n t the c h a i r m a n cut off Whitless' irrationality and the v o t e was t a k e n b e f o r e f u r t h e r r a t i o n a l e c o u l d be o f f e r e d . Dr. F.Z. Rider stated that the two c r e d i t s w o u l d be given at t h e e n d of t h e s e n i o r y e a r d u e t o t h e low level of l i b r a r y usage.

D a n c c g r o u p to p e r f o r m t o n i g h t in Van R a a l t c A m o d e r n interpretive dance will be p r e s e n t e d t o n i g h t at 8 in t h e V a n R a a l t e o f f i c e c o m p l e x as p a r t of t h e H o p e C o l l e g e ( J r a p e P e r f o r m a n c e Series. CHOREOGRAPHED, produced and starring ex-tight rope walker Calvin S a n s d e W o r t h , the p r o g r a m will i n c l u d e a special p e r f o r m a n c e of t h e l o n g - r u n n i n g hit, "The Administration S h u f f l e . " In this s t u d y of m o t i o n , the c h o r e o g r a p h e r himself takes part and the d a n c e r s run f r o m p l a c e t o p l a c e on t h e stage. T h e y are n e v e r a l l o w e d t o r e m a i n m o t i o n l e s s . a n d t h e y never p l a c e b o t h f e e t on the g r o u n d . A l s o s t a r r i n g in t o n i g h t ' s perf o r m a n c e will be R u m R u n n e r , i n t e r p r e t i n g t h e p a r t of P r e s t o n R e l e a s e , R o b e r t D e Y u k as t h e ex-fraternity man. and F.Z. Rider as t h e s c h o l a r , a l t h o u g h t h e cast is subiect to change without notice. AS T H E S C E N E o p e n s f o r t h e d a n c e , a series o f small c u b i c l e s e q u i p p e d w i t h d e s k s is r e v e a l e d . B e h i n d e a c h desk is a d a n c e r w h o m o v e s a b o u t w i t h i n his c u b i c l e . A spotlight highlights the center cubicle, where a stately gentleman is seen Q u i e t l y , t h e m a n leaves his cubicle and slowly m a k e s his exit.

W i t h a b l i n d i n g f l a s h of light, a y o u n g e r man enters stage left and g o e s t o t h e c e n t e r c u b i c l e . He m a k e s a g e s t u r e , a n d all t h e dancers suddenly begin r u n n i n g b e t w e e n t h e c u b i c l e s . O n e falls t h r o u g h a t r a p d o o r in t h e s t a g e a n d several h u r r i e d l y e x i t s t a g e left. New d a n c e r s c o m e t o take t h e i r p l a c e s f r o m stage r i g h t . DURING THE S C E N E , t h e y o u n g m a n is p u t t i n g u p n e w signs a n d t a k i n g d o w n old o n e s . T h e news ones say, "Special Assistant to the President for Planning and D e v e l o p m e n t . " " D i r e c t o r of G u i d ance and Counselling," " D e a n for Academic Affairs" and " K e e p off t h e G r a s s . " The o l d signs say, " V i c e P r e s i d e n t f o r A c a d e m i c Affairs," "Director of Developm e n t . " " D e a n of t h e F a c u l t y . " and "Peoples Park." I ach t i m e t h e y o u n g m a n c h a n g e s t h e signs, t h e d a n c e r s begin a n e w I'ren/y of m o t i o n . F i n a l l y , all t h e d a n c e r s c o l l a p s e anil t h e c u r t a i n falls. According to one observer, the d a n c e c o m p a n y is o n e of t h e m o s t e x p e n s i v e e v e n t s t o be b r o u g h t t o c a m p u s in t h e last seven y e a r s b e c a u s e of the m a n y d a n c e r s n e e d e d t o p l a y all t h e d i f f e r e n t roles.


Page 2

Febraary 13, 1970

Hope College ranchor

A time to speak out Y e s , t h e s e are t h e t i m e s that try m e n ' s souls. Who c a n say t h a t t h e present situat i o n will lead t o this or t o that. A n d if t o that, t h e n w h a t ? N o , w e can n o t f l e e t h e a r r o w s of o u t r a g e o u s f o r t u n e , nor shun t h e wrath of ireful m e n . We m u s t stand u p o n our principles that are o u r inheritance and as s u c h that w h i c h w e have t h e inate right u p o n w h i c h t o stand. N o n e t h e l e s s , t h o u g h w e c a n n o t abnegate o u r r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s or t h r o w o f f t h e r a i m e n t of r i g h t e o u s n e s s , w e are n o t t h e slaves t o t h a t w h i c h w e m u s t d o . It is at

plied in t h e laboratory of n o o t h e r than t o be t h e will be in t h e f u t u r e t h e e d u c a t i o n . D o w e slam the think n o t . N o , w e c a n n o t be o t h e r

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this p o i n t , and at this p o i n t alone, that true moral o p t i o n s are put b e f o r e us f r o m w h i c h w e m u s t c h o o s e t h e correct o n e or stand in danger of eternal d a m n a t i o n or worse. N o , there is no e a s y answer, n o Merck's Manual for t h e preservation of spiritual h e a l t h . He w h o e n t e r t a i n s such ignoble t h o u g h t s deserves n o w o r s e than t h e scorn of w i f e , children and loved ones. T o be or n o t t o b e , that is a m e a n i n g l e s s q u e s t i o n w h o s e answer is n o t dissimilar. We w h o grovel in t h e immoral slime that is life on t h i s earth c a n n o t ask such a q u e s t i o n . We have no right; w e are stepping o u t of t h e limits t h a t f o r m t h e b o u n d a r y that k e e p s m a n f e n c e d in t h e p e n of his limited m i n d , that iron ball t o w h i c h he is tied by that t e n u o u s string, his nervous s y s t e m . A n d , mind y o u , w h a t d o m e n d o b u t t o h a m m e r u p o n this c h a i n as if t o break w i t h t h e evil that is a l c o h o l , and t h u s k n o w t h e k n o w l e d g e o f t h e f o r b i d d e n fruit. Y e s , w e are w e a s e l s that try t o c o m p r e hend k n o w l e d g e t h a t is G o d ' s a l o n e . A n d d o e s this f i t into t h e H o p e C o m m u n i t y ? Can this k n o w l e d g e add t o t h e furthering of t h e e f f i c i e n c y of t h e c o m m i t t e e structure, t o t h e furthering of that w h i c h is already its hallmark? D o e s this speak t o us c o n c e r n i n g parietal h o u r s ? Truly this wisd o m d o e s f i t , can add, d o e s speak. Verily, verily w e say u n t o y o u t h a t w e can o v e r c o m e . This k n o w l e d g e w h e n ap-

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w e w e r e , the c o n s e q u e n c e s c h a n g e in our being w h i c h denial of that w h i c h w e and c a n n o t o t h e r than be.

Yes, t h e s e are t h e t i m e s that try m e n ' s souls. But t o yield o n e inch is t o yield a mile. T h u s l y , it shall be o u r policy t o a l w a y s m o v e forward in time. Let's k e e p

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Friday H o p e sports e n t h u s i a s t s should b e e n c o u r a g e d in their q u e s t for t h e all-MIAA sports t r o p h y . If t h e team is a b l e t o d e f e a t K a l a m a z o o in their match t o d a y , it will s h o w that H o p e will probably take t h a t coveted trophy. The one important thing that is making t h e going especially rough for t h e t e n n i s m e n is t h e lack o f e q u i p m e n t . T h e y feel if t h e y c o u l d have the advantages which the tennis representatives of o t h e r MIAA s c h o o l s s u c h as A l b i o n and K a l a m a z o o are e n j o y i n g , t h e y c o u l d certainly take a s e c o n d place, probably a first, in that sport t h i s spring. The advantages w h i c h are referred t o here are: 1. Having t h e s c h o o l furnish at least o n e restring job for each of t h e regular players, and, 2. Having the s c h o o l furnish a s u f f i c i e n t n u m b e r of balls so t h a t players will n o t feel embarassed w h e n their o p p o n e n t s ask for new balls f o l l o w i n g a b o u t 15 g a m e s of play w i t h t h e old o n e s . When t h e s e f e w things are c o n s i d e r e d in t h e light of t h e i m p o r t a n c e w h i c h t h e tennis t e a m m e a n s t o the C o l l e g e w e f e e l that t h e y s h o u l d be granted. A l t h o u g h t h e team gives t h e College no financial return, it d o e s c o n t r i b u t e t o t h e p u b l i c i t y of t h e College and this f a c t o r will be e s p e c i a l l y true this spring in v i e w of w h a t has b e e n said c o n c e r n i n g t h e all-sports t r o p h y . CVW

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A sinister plan Dear Editor. I j u s t d o n ' t see h o w y o u can h o n e s t l y go a b o u t f a n n i n g t h e f l a m e s of r e v o l u t i o n o n o u r fair c a m p u s . I t s e n o u g h t h a t t h e c o m m i e s and D e m o c r a t i c p i n k o e s are stirring things up here w i t h o u t receiving t h e aid a n d a b e t t m e n t of an o f f i c i a l o r g a n of t h e C o l l e g e . H o w c a n t h i s i n s t i t u t i o n f u n c t i o n it its i n t e n d e d m a n n e r w h e n its p r o g r e s s is b e i n g f r u s t r a t e d at every t u r n b y un-Christian ideas and deteriorating m o r a l s ? B u t all t h a t ' s a n o t h e r l e t t e r - right

dear editor n o w I m u s t f o l l o w t h e d i c t a t e s of m y conscience and expose an a b o m i n a t i o n that a f f e c t s all u p s t a n d i n g C h r i s t i a n s w h o h a v e innocently come to H o p e expecting to have their faith reinforced. N o o n e really s u s p e c t s t h a t a n y t h i n g g o e s o n h e r e . T h a t ' s t h e b e a u t y of t h e i r whole ploy. T h e y ' v e successfully managed t o d e l u d e e v e r y o n e i n t o a false s e n s e of s e c u r i t y by a c o m b i n a t i o n of t h e i r clevern e s s a n d t h e p o w e r of t h e Devil. E v e r y o n e except me, however - I'm the only o n e w h o really k n o w s w h a t goes o n h e r e b e n e a t h t h e s u r f a c e , a n d n o w its t i m e f o r the t r u t h t o out as I break my self-imposed silence. I had t o be very c a r e f u l , y o u see, f o r if they k n e w t h a t I s u s p e c t e d t h a t s o m e t h i n g w a s n ' t r i g h t w i t h i n t h e C o l l e g e , they would've taken steps to eliminate me and p r o t e c t t h e i r f i e n d i s h i n t e r e s t s f r o m Christ i a n r i g h t e o u s n e s s . B u t t h e t i m e is n o w r i p e , and 1 k n o w t o o m u c h t o be a b l e t o c o n t i n u e b e a r i n g m y a w f u l b u r d e n of knowledge. O h , if all of y o u H o p e i t e s could o n l y see h o w diabolically clever and careful t h e y ' v e b e e n ! Y o u ' d be a m a z e d at their f o r e s i g h t , I'm sure. E v e n t h o u g h I'm d e t e r m i n e d t o fight against t h e m and it f r o m here t o t h e g a t e s of H e l l if n e c e s s a r y , I can't h e l p but harbor s o m e " p r o f e s s i o n a l " admiration f o r t h e w a y t h e y ' v e s u c c e e d e d in f o o l i n g us for s u c h a l o n g time. L o o k i n g back o n it all n o w , I can see h o w t h e y used t h e S C S C issue t o manip u l a t e us and subjugate our f e e l i n g s - O h , it was s u c h a B E A U T I F U L plan, but it w o n ' t work because I KNOW and I'm g o i n g

t o tell T H E W O R L D ! I ' m t h e o n l y o n e w h o c a n save us all f r o m t h e m a n d t h e i r evil d e s i r e s - t h e O N L Y O N E w h o h o l d s t h e k e y t o H o p e ' s s a l v a t i o n , and t h e y haven't gotten m e , so t h e i r p l a n is THWARTED! O n c e again H o p e will be t r u l y h a p p y o n c e again y o u ' l l be able t o a t t e n d classes and feel i n n e r l y free. As s o o n as 1 r e v e a l my h i d e o u s k n o w l e d g e , t h e y ' l l H A V E t o leave us a l o n e - t h e i r hold o v e r us will be broken forever: Christian principles and values will h a v e t r i u m p h e d o v e r f e a r a n d s u p e r s t i t i o n ! ! Spera in Deo! Lucius VanderNoggin P S. 1 j u s t had to tell s o m e b o d y -- 1 f e e l much b e t t e r n o w t h a t its o f f m y m i n d !

Black security T h i s m a y s o u n d like a c r a n k l e t t e r , b u t 1 speak in all s i n c e r i t y . I h a d an a w f u l e x p e r i e n c e last w e e k t h a t I w o u l d like t o b r i n g t o t h e a t t e n t i o n of y o u r r e a d e r s , h o p i n g b e y o n d all h o p e t h a t t h e s i t u a t i o n t o w h i c h I r e f e r will s o o n be c o r r e c t e d a n d t h a t t h o s e w h o are r e s p o n s i b l e f o r s u c h t h i n g s will t a k e it u p o n t h e m s e l v e s t o h e e d my words. Last w e e k I t o u n d m y s e l f f e e l i n g l o n e l y and d e p r e s s e d . 1 called h o m e a n d t h e y t o l d m e t h e r e w a s n o w a y o u t of m y p r e d i c a m e n t , so I t o o k t h e o n l y p l a u s i b l e a l t e r n a tive, b u t lo, I w a s t h w a r t e d in m y v e r y attempts to rectify my condition. I h e s i t a t e to a r t i c u l a t e , b u t it w a s t r u e . 1 called 3 9 6 - H E L P , a n d t h e line w a s b u s y ! 1 became more frustrated. I didn't k n o w w h e r e t o t u r n . I d i a l e d o p e r a t o r , b u t it w a s after m i d n i g h t . I clicked t h e receiver rapidly, a n d I g o t a r e c o r d i n g . T h e r a s p y v o i c e told m e I w a s calling o u t s i d e t h e e x t e n d e d area, and a n y w a y 1 was n o t a u t h o r i z e d to m a k e l o n g d i s t a n c e calls. O h , m y f r i e n d s , w h a t a f a l s e sense of s e c u r i t y h a n g s o n o u r walls. W h a t a d e c e i t f u l i n s t r u m e n t it is t h a t t r e a t s u s as a t r u e f r i e n d d u r i n g t h e d a y , b u t belies o u r e v e r y i n t e n t at n i g h t . I o f f e r this t e s t i m o n y t o others: d o not let this black b o x lure y o u i n t o the t e m p t a tion t o believe its every r e c o r d e d message, its ever, f r i e n d l y , but i n d i f f e r e n t v o i c e , for it will o n l y break y o u r spirit. A l e x a n d e r Graham Bell

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The Christian problem by A b r a h a m b e n Y a h w e h

J e w i s h p e o p l e in t h i s c o u n t r y h a v e n o t been eating pork, sniffing glue, blowing m i n d s , or s i t t i n g in. C h r i s t i a n s h a v e . T h i s is w h y 1 have elected to write a b o u t the C h r i s t i a n p r o b l e m in A m e r i c a . JEWISH P E O P L E are f o r c e d t o live in a s o c i e t y in w h i c h t o b e " A m e r i c a n " is t o b e a New T e s t a m e n t - b e l i e v i n g Christian, and t o b e " c h o s e n " is a m i s f o r t u n e . C h r i s t i a n s m u s t realize that the Jewish p e o p l e just a r e n ' t g o i n g t o t a k e a n y m o r e of t h i s b u l l . E v e n t h o u g h we live in a s o c i e t y w h e r e communion is p r a c t i c e d e a c h S u n d a y s o m e w h e r e in t h e n a t i o n , J e w s are b e g i n n i n g t o f e e l t h e e x t e n t of t h e i r " c h o s e n " status. Why are Jews disgusted with the Christ i a n s c e n e ? I t ' s n o t b e c a u s e w e a r e rich o r d e c a d e n t , J e w i s h p e o p l e a r e cut d o w n s i m p l y b e c a u s e t h e y a r e Jews. Christians a r e j e a l o u s of o u r " i n " s t a n d i n g w i t h t h e man upstairs. THE CHRISTIANS' attitudes toward t h e J e w i s h p e o p l e , w h i c h d e v e l o p e d o u t of t h i s j e a l o u s y , have b r o u g h t t h i s c o u n t r y t o t h e b r i n k o n w h i c h it t e e t e r s t o d a y . His j e a l o u s y h a s led h i m to m a k e a c o m p l e t e s e p a r a t i o n of c h u r c h a n d s t a t e , t o a d d t h e pork to Campbell's baked beans, and to put Christ back into Christmas and to take t h e d o l l a r s o u t of o u r p o c k e t s . His j e a l o u s y h a s c r e a t e d a gap b e t w e e n t h e t w o p e o p l e s - a g a p w h i c h c o u l d lead t o a r a s h of a l l - o u t , n o - h o l d s - b a r r e d n a m e - c a l l i n g between the t w o groups. C h r i s t i a n p e o p l e will n e v e r be a b l e t o get a w a y f r o m t h e r e l i g i o u s issue. A s a n i n f l u e n t i a l J e w i s h w r i t e r o n c e said, "...1 will walk a m o n g y o u a n d will be y o u r G o d , a n d y o u shall be m y p e o p l e . " N o d o u b t a b o u t it - we are s p e c i a l ! ! N o b o d y c a n t a k e that a w a y f r o m us n o m a t t e r h o w hard they try.

THIS EVER-WIDENING gap among our r a c e s will n e v e r be r e c o n c i l e d as l o n g as C h r i s t i a n s c o n t m u e to be p r o p o n e n t s of that Galilian imposter and the b l a s p h e m o u s new " T e s t a m e n t . " F u r t h e r m o r e , the gap will n e v e r b e c l o s e d if t h e C h r i s t i a n s r e f u s e t o c h a n g e t h e i r w a y of t h i n k i n g a b o u t us, mainly the familiar refrain, " T h a t ' s f u n n y - y o u d o n ' t look J e w i s h " a n d t h e everpopular, "Boy, those Jews sure are funny...'" T h i s a t t i t u d e will n e v e r d o . Of c o u r s e t h e r e is b o u n d t o b e a g a p w h e n C h r i s t i a n s refuse to accept J e w s on their o w n terms! W h o s e p r i d e w o u l d n ' t be r a n k l e d if, r a t h e r t h a n b e i n g t h o u g h t of as t h e C H O S E N O N E S , y o u w e r e t h o u g h t of a s a p e o p l e of c o m e d y - w r i t e r s a n d p o l i t i c a l satirists. I t ' s n o w o n d e r t h a t t h e British w e n t t o w a r in k 4 0 ; h o w w o u l d you like t o be called a nation of shopkeepers??!! IS T H E R E A N Y h o p e t h a t t h i s g a p will ever be f i l l e d ? 1 d o u b t it b e c a u s e C h r i s t i a n s do not W A N T TO C H A N G E T H E I R SAVIOR. They refuse to acknowledge Moshe D a y a n as t h e t r u e M e s s i a h . A n d c o n t i n u e e a t i n g p o r k b l a h b l a h b l a h ... L o o k i n g at J e w i s h h i s t o r y a n d t h e p r e s e n t s t a t e of I s r a e l , m o s t C h r i s t i a n s h a v e n o c o n c e p t of t h e t r u e e t h n i c issue t h a t is b e i n g c o n t e s t e d b e f o r e t h e i r e y e s . It is t h i s s o r t of u n k n o w ing i g n o r a n c e w h i c h has i n c r e a s i n g l y t a k e n the edge off Jewish h u m o r and t h r e a t e n s the whole national e c o n o m y . We d e m a n d i m m e d i a t e a n d u n c o n d i t i o n a l r e c o g n i t i o n of o u r s o v e r e i g n a n d " c h o s e n " r i g h t s a s J e w s . If w e d o n ' t get s o m e k i n d of a p o s i t i v e r e a c t i o n f r o m t h e C h r i s t i a n s p r e t t y s o o n , w e ' l l be f o r c e d t o u n l e a s h t h e f u l l f u r y of o u r s a t i r i c a l a n d m o n e t a r y a r s e n a l u p o n t h e u n f e e l i n g Christ i a n h e a t h e n s . W a t c h it C h r i s t i a n s : W E ' L L BURY YOU!!!

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OUANO, MICHIOAN

Published seldom and secretly during the college year by the students and unnamed faculty and for the Administration of Hope College, Holland, Michigan, 38-22-37, under the authority of just about anyone wishing to take the responsibility. The Board of Editors refuses to take responsibility for the opinions expressed in this paper. The opinions do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Board or of anyone. They just happened to be lying around when the paper went to press, I.ntered as negative matter at the Windmill of Holland, Michigan, 38-22-37, at the special rate of postage for trash provided for in the Bird Preservation Act of Congress, Feb. 30, 1917. Grand^apids Mkhigaif 1 1 ^ 0 0 6

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Office. Skiles Second Floor, 152 E. 8th St., Holland, Michigan. Phone: Check John Booth 1, First Floor Graves

Bored of Editors .. taitof Mayflower van Lines Assistant Editor Eldridge Cleaver Managing Editor Kammel Dungh Ze da Ska an a ' ' rJu i 3f 8 Assistant News Editor Pincha Penny Advertising Manager Putney Swope Business Manager Phil Latio

Features Critiques Sports Columnist Headlines Layout Proof Photography Cartoonist

Muuck Raacker Bohhsev Twins Huth Charden !! !! '.! *.. nfnd Enderer Chelt N. Hamm Bobbie Bakker Sheilla Missit Joseph A. Gunst Frumius VanderSnatch


February 13, 1970

Hope College ranchor

Page 3

Modern mythical manifesto T h e H o p e C o l l e g e Catalog is a m o n u m e n t to Dutch eclecticism. Previously a " s l e e p e r " on the bestseller list, t h e Catalog w i t h its m o v i n g a c c o u n t s of d a i l y l i f e a t Hope College, has not yet been fully appreciated f o r t h e literary w e a l t h it h o l d s . T h e Catalog r e a d s like t h e Book of Proverbs, Poor Richard's Almanac, a n d A Day in the life of Ivan Denisovich combined to f o r m a c o m m e n t a r y on life in o u r t i m e s . W h i l e t h e r e is n o o n e a u t h o r , t h e book clearly s h o w s an a m a l g a m a t i o n of l i k e m i n d s o b sessed w i t h t h e single o b j e c t i v e of c r e a t i n g an a s t o u n d i n g m a n i f e s t o for m o d e r n myth-making. B E C A U S E T H I S b o o k gives a n exceedingly accurate "slice-ofl i f e " of t h e p o w e r s t h a t be a n d how they think, I r e c o m m e n d t h a t all p r o m i s i n g h i s t o r y m a j o r s

r e a d it a s a c u r i o u s l y r e f r e s h i n g primary document. The main t h e m e of t h e Catalog s t a t e d s i m p l y , is t h e a t t e m p t t o c r e a t e a " C o l l e g e c o m m u n i t y " o u t of a h o m o g e n o u s and boring student body. T h e g e n t l e r e a d e r will, I t r u s t , a l l o w m e t o give, as a n e x a m p l e of the New Left historiography f o u n d in t h e Catalog, t h i s t i d b i t of t h e D u t c h e p i c ( q u o t e d f r o m p. 5): " O v e r 100 y e a r s a g o , D u t c h p i o n e e r s . . .battling...a love of liberty...set the guidelines for... H o p e College." A masterful piece of s u c c i n c t w r i t i n g , t h a t . T H E C R E A T I O N of t h e " C o l lege c o m m u n i t y " ( R e a d : Commune) is a b o l d n e w a t t e m p t t o reform traditional D u t c h society along Marxian guidelines. Indeed t h e s e e d s of C o m m u n i s m h a v e f o r t u n a t e l y t a k e n g o o d r o o t at H o p e College, w h e r e one f i n d s

Broad-a-Year plan will attract males The Ongoing-Indwelling Comm i t t e e — a c o m p o s i t e of t h e I n t e r national Education Committee, C a m p u s Life Board and Admissions C o m m i t t e e — t o d a y a n n o u n c e d w h a t its c h a i r m a n h a i l e d as " a s i m p l e s o l u t i o n t h a t will w r a p u p a n u m b e r of l o n g s t a n d i n g problems." As an a d j u n c t t o the soon-tobe-adopted Open Housing, or R o o m i n g House, ordinance, Ong o i n g - I n d w e l l i n g ' s p l a n will be a "kind of open-ended interdisc i p l i n a r y a p p r o a c h t h a t will a l l o w o u r s t u d e n t s , w h o are a d m i t t e d l y living m i c r o c o s m i c a l l y , a f o r e t a s t e of t h e a f t e r l i f e , " a c c o r d i n g t o Dr. Luurt Van S c h m e r t z m a , amalgamated committee chairman. T h e new "a broad a y e a r " plan will p r o v i d e e a c h m e n ' s d o r m i t o r y r o o m w i t h a f r e s h n e w girl e a c h S e p t e m b e r . " I t will solve m a n y p r o b l e m s , " Van S c h m e r t z m a cont i n u e d . " P r i m a r i l y , it will be o u r administrative way of showing

g o o d f a i t h in t h e s t u d e n t s . But also, it has been statistically proven that such a procedure tends to draw more male students to t h e c a m p u s ; and more male students has been a perennial p r o b l e m here at H o p e . " W e feel f u r t h e r t h a t the plan will b r i d g e t h e last g a p a n d m a k e H o p e , o n c e a n d f o r all, a t r u e c o r p o r a t e b o d y in t h e b e s t s e n s e of t h a t w o r d . We a i m t o o f f e r a gracious and friendly environment, and to provide congenial s u r r o u n d i n g s at t h i s s c h o o l , a n d the c o m m i t t e e felt that nothing we c o u l d d o w o u l d b e t t e r p r o v i d e the a t m o s p h e r e that makes for the H o p e College f a m i l y . " W h e n t h e p r o g r a m will t a k e effect was not certain, but a source close to t h e A d m i n i s t r a t i o n said t h a t it w o u l d l i k e l y b e g i n , e x p e r i m e n t a l l y in o r d e r t o get t h e irons wrinkled out, in the K n i c k e r b o c k e r h o u s e in S e p t e m ber.

Conscience cleansing day plans announced A g r o u p of t e e n y b o p p e r s a n d w e i r d a r t a n d t h e a t r e p e o p l e has a n n o u n c e d p l a n s f o r a f o l l o w - u p t o t h e r e c e n t rash of V i e t n a m p r o t e s t demonstrations. P r e s i d e n t C a l v i n S a n s d e W o r t h w a s a s k e d f o r his a p p r o v a l of t h e d a y - l o n g e v e n t y e s t e r d a y . W h i l e he e q u i v o c a t e d f o r f o u r h o u r s , t h e g r o u p c o u l d n o t d e t e c t a s t r o n g f e e l i n g o n e w a y o r t h e o t h e r , so it h a s finalized the following plans. 1-7 p . m . Fast for Peace 5:30 a.m. Dream about better days to come 8 a.m. C h a p e l : M e m o r i a l m a s s f o r H o C h i M i n h ( h e died f o r o u r sins) 10 a . m . Think-In: Discussion on Ways H o p e S t u d e n t s Can End the War P r e s i d i n g - T i m Liggett Introductions-Calvin SansdeWorth S p e a k e r s - R i c h a r d J. Daley R e t i r e d G e n e r a l L e w i s B. H e r s h e y Mayor Nelson " W e have n o p r o b l e m s h e r e " Bosman 12 p . m .

March on V a n Raalte to d e m a n d that President SansdeW o r t h end the war 4 p.m. P a n e l : Is P e a c e R e l e v a n t ? T h i n k - I n p a n e l p l u s E n g l i s h 15 classes 5 p.m. Listen to J o a n Baez protest songs. M e m o r i z e w o r d s t o c h o r u s of " W e S h a l l O v e r c o m e " 6 p.m. Eat for Peace ( T h i n k about war refugees) 7 p.m. Self-Castigation, Dr. A.J. Prince and R o b e r t B l a n t o n , co-chairmen 8 p.m. S t u d e n t C o n g r e s s sends telegram to President N i x o n dem a n d i n g t h e i m m e d i a t e e n d of t h e V i e t n a m w a r . 8 : 0 1 p . m . War e n d s .

" . . . s t u d e n t s and t e a c h e r s v i t a l l v c o n c c i n e d witn a relevant faith t h a t c h a n g e s m e n ' s lives a n d t r a n s forms society." Interspersed a m o n g the t h e m e of C o l l e g e c o m m u n i s m are w i t t y entries - such as t h e advertised BingCrosby Loan Fund ( p . 6 4 ) and curious c o d e d messages for future student revolutionaries, s u c h as t h i s : " N e w b u i l d i n g s rise o n H o p e ' s c a m p u s as a lively expansion program transforms blueprints into m o d e r n facilities of brick a n d m o r t a r . " ( p . 2 9 ) THOSE ENTERING students w h o s h o w i n t e r e s t in v i o l e n t i n s u r rections and guerrilla warfare may take a new course offering, "Ret r e a t at C a m p G e n e v a . " A n y o n e i n t e r e s t e d in p u r c h a s ing a c o p y of t h e Catalog w o u l d be well a d v i s e d t o go t o V R 1 0 2 , t h e n e r v e c e n t e r of t h e H o p e organism. G o t o a well-dressed y o u n g m a n a n d say t h i s c o d e d p h r a s e : " M r . R o l l e r r i n k , I like y o u r n e w suit. Sell m e a Catalog " If all else fails, d e p o s i t a h o c k e y puck and a Canadian penny on t h e A s s o c i a t e D e a n of S t u d e n t s ' d e s k , a n d y o u shall be a m p l y rewarded.

FILLER

N e x t w e e k t h e anchor, t h e o v e r ground paper of Hope College, will o n c e again m a k e its a p p e a r a n c e . L o o k f o r it in its b r i g h t , w h i t e c o v e r , o r r e q u e s t t h a t it be s e n t t o y o u in a plain b r o w n wrapper.

-

T H E V A N D E R W E R F B U S T - F o r t h e first t i m e in H o p e ' s h i s t o r y , t h e B o r e d T r u s t e e s w o n first prize in t h e College's annual s n o w s c u l p t u r e c o n t e s t . H o w e v e r , it is d o u b t f u l that the b u s t will last t h r o u g h t h e summer months.

Surprise entry takes s n o w - s e u l p t i n g prize Holland's weatherman zapped t h e c a m p u s w i t h t h e biggest s n o w j o b of t h e s e a s o n last w e e k , sett i n g t h e s c e n e f o r a very s u c c e s s f u l Winter Carnival. IN B R O O M B A L L c o m p e t i t i o n , H o p e ' s sororities m a d e a clean sweep. T h e A l p h a Bits d o w n e d the D o r m i a n s and the Siblings cured Sclerosis. T u e s d a y ' s c o m p e t i t i o n saw t h e F l e s h m e n lose t o Kappa Cry and the Undies clobber Phelta Thi. In the semi-finals the A l p h a Bits c r e a m e d K a p p a Cry a n d t h e Undies bashed and battered their w a y t h r o u g h t h e Siblings. F i n a l s in t h e c o m p e t i t i o n saw t h e A l p h a Bits yield t o t h e U n d i e s , 5-0. Second on Friday's program were

the fraternity and sorority dogs c o m p e t i n g in sled r a c e s . T H E N A R K S Q U A D led t h e f r a t e r n i t i e s on a m e r r y c h a s e . T h e N i p p a b o c k e r s raised a victory toast to the Narks afterwards. Sclerosis decided to m a k e a s h o w a n d b r o u g h t t h e i r d o g s in first. Dormians held a close second. Highlighting t h e week was the Snow Sculpture Competition. T o p p i n g all e n t r i e s o n o r i g i n a l i t y and creativity was the surprise entry by the Bored Trustees. T h e Flying F i c k l e F i n g e r of F a t e Award was presented to the Trust e e s t o b e p u t o n d i s p l a y in t h e P r e s i d e n t ' s R o o m in G r a v e Hall.

Stresses environment

New Vegas program open A p p l i c a t i o n s are n o w b e i n g taken for a new Great Lakes Colleges Association o f f - c a m p u s study program. T H E P R O G R A M will h a v e its headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada. According to program director Sleezy McDougall, stud e n t s will be given t h e o p p o r t u n ity t o t a k e a d v a n t a g e of a " t o t a l environment" experience. They will w o r k w i t h t h e n a t i v e s o n social p r o j e c t s , a n d m a y get inv o l v e d in a c t u a l p r o j e c t s of high finance. Mathematics majors may d o w o r k - s t u d y in t h e a r e a of statistics and probability, and sociology m a j o r s can do inside research on organized crime. In o r d e r t o t a k e a d v a n t a g e of the "total environment," students will be a l l o w e d t o live in a n a t i v e e n v i r o n m e n t . Last semester ten s t u d e n t s t e s t e d t h e p r o g r a m in a p i l o t p r o j e c t . T h e y w e r e h o u s e d in t h e " S t a - a - n i t e H o t e l . " All t e n w e r e v e r y e n t h u s i a s t i c in t h e i r response. ONE STUDENT said, "I t h o u g h t t h e p r o g r a m a n d living a c c o m m o d a t i o n s were great. I had a l i t t l e t r o u b l e a t first s l e e p i n g n i g h t s w i t h t h a t r e d light f l a s h i n g outside my window, but I soon learned t h a t bright lights are just a p a r t of t h e L a s V e g a s s c e n e . It w a s n ' t so h o r r i b l e . " Other students found they had to learn a totally new vocabulary in o r d e r t o c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h t h e

n a t i v e s . O n e s o p h o m o r e said h i s r o o m was burglarized one night, a n d w h e n he w e n t t o t h e p o l i c e a n d t o l d t h e m he h a d lost his shirt, they just laughed. A C O E D S A I D she r a n i n t o t r o u b l e w h e n s h e u s e d her f a v o r i t e expression, " Y o u bet your sweet b i p p i e . " S h e t o l d t h e ranchor, " I d i d n ' t t h i n k t h e r e really w a s s u c h a thing before." Another program participant w o r k e d w i t h t h e d e p r i v e d in a c o f f e e house called the G o l d e n Nugget. " T h e s e are the people w h o have faUen on hard t i m e s , " the student explained. "They n e e d c o n s o l a t i o n a n d a little p i c k m e - u p . We t r y t o e x p l a i n t h a t a n y o n e can s u f f e r t h e slings a n d a r r o w s of o u t r a g e o u s f o r t u n e , " he a d d e d with a p o k e r face. ONE STUDENT became f a m o u s w h e n he r e t u r n e d f r o m the program and w r o t e a b o o k e n t i t l e d , Games People Play. He a c e d his 16 h o u r s of c r e d i t a n d g o t his b o o k p u b l i s h e d as a s e m e s t e r p r o j e c t . B e c a u s e he w a s o n l y an u n d e r g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t , t h e WANTED Man in C h e m i s t r y . For high d e p a r t m e n t p o s i t i o n . Must be able t o h a n d l e rapid turnover of s t a f f , e x p e r i e n c e necessary. Send c r e d e n t i a l s t o Mr. J o h n s o n , Orange C i t y , Iowa

a u t h o r u s e d t h e p e n n a m e ot "Hoyle." According to Hoyle, the prog r a m is e s p e c i a l l y d e s i g n e d t o m a k e s t u d e n t s f a c e u n u s u a l situat i o n s of s t r e s s a n d t e n s i o n w i t h openness and r^tnrity. "You h a v e t o lay all y o n r c a r d s o n t h e t a b l e w h e n y o u a r c t h e r e , " he remarked. " E v e r y o n e starts off e q u a l a n d is t a k e n at f a c e v a l u e . N o o n e h a s an a c e u p h i s s l e e v e , " he a d d e d . Applications for the program have already g o n e over t h e limit, b u t M c D o u g a l l will a c c e p t m o r e . " W e w a n t a f u l l h o u s e , " n e said. WANTED-MALE For p o s i t i o n as c h a i r m a n of major university c h e m i s t r y dep a r t m e n t . Must have PhD in c h e m i s t r y . Must have p u b l i s h e d in f i e l d . Send resume t o Box 109, Pella, Iowa

WANTED IMMEDIATELY D I R E C T O R OF PUBLIC R E L A T I O N S For large c h e m i c a l f i r m . S h o u l d be evasive, slick and professional. Call C o l l e c t A C 5 0 6 3 9 6 - 2 7 4 7 Mr. Bat R. E. Charger U n i o n Carbide Corp.

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H o p e C o l l e g e ranchor

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Administration evalnation T h e ranchor, in c o o p e r a t i o n with the Student Congress, has prepared the following evaluation of t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n f o r c o m p l e t i o n by s t u d e n t s of H o p e College. T h e S t u d . C o n g r e s s is assisting t h e ranchor in d i s t r i b u t i n g a n d c o m p i l i n g t h e s u r v e y , liach stud e n t is a s k e d t o c a r e f u l l y a n s w e r the following general q u e s t i o n s a n d t o r e t u r n t h e c o m p l e t e d evalu a t i o n t o t h e o f f i c e of Phillip M o r r i s R o l l e r r i n k in Van R a a l t e Hall. 1. if y o u were single, h a n d s o m e a n d n e e d e d a d a t e f o r tom o r r o w n i g h t , w h i c h o n e of t h e following would you prefer: a. A s s o c i a t i o n D e a n of Students Jeannete Spook. b. N o n e of the a b o v e . 2. Which o n e of t h e f o l l o w i n g is not o n e of T r e a s u r e r and Business M a n a g e r C h i n c y l l a n d l o g t e n ' s favorite tunes? a. D o n ' t give a d a m n a b o u t a greenback dollar. b. B r o t h e r can y o u s p a r e a dime? c. W e ' r e in t h e m o n e y ! d. E m p t y p o c k e t blues.

3. If y o u w e r e living in D y k s t r a Hall a n d in d e s p e r a t e n e e d of a f a t h e r figure, w h o would you turn to? a. Dean of S t u d e n t s ' A f f a i r s In L o c o De Y o u n g . b. Dr. De M e e s t e r B u n n y . c. Wee Willy W e n k e . 4. R a t e y o u r f a v o r i t e a d m i n i s trator according to the following c l a s s i f i c a t i o n s : Quality of work a. L e a p s tall b u i l d i n g s w i t h a single b o u n d . b. Must t a k e a r u n n i n g start t o l e a p o v e r tall b u i l d i n g s . c. Can o n l y leap o v e r a s h o r t building or medium with n o spires. d. ( r a s h e s i n t o b u i l d i n g w h e n a t t e m p t i n g to j u m p . e. C a n n o t r e c o g n i / e b u i l d i n g at all, m u c h less j u m p . Timeliness oj perjormance a. Is taster t h a n a s p e e d i n g bullet. b. Is as fast as a s p e e d i n g bullet. c. Not q u i t e as last as a s p e e d ing b u l l e t . d. W o u l d y o u believe a slow bullet?

Inter-GLCA trading deadline approaches T h e a p p r o a c h i n g March 1 d e a d line f o r i n t e r - G L C A t r a d e s is c h a r a c t e r i z e d by 4i a f l u r r y of r u m o r s and activity, but n o t h i n g on p a p e r , " a c c o r d i n g t o J. C l a n k F o o t l o c k e r , H o p e ' s league r e p r e sentative. IN AN E X C L U S I V E i n t e r v i e w . F o o t locker said, 'The Head C o a c h is t r y i n g t o t r a d e f o r a c o u p l e of p h y s i c i s t s a n d a c h e m ist, a n d h e ' d be willing t o give up three d e p a r t m e n t chairmen f r o m t h e h u m a n i t i e s f o r the right m e n . " F o o t l o c k e r , w h o r e f u s e d to q u o t e d , said, " W e ' r e s t a n d i n g pal this y e a r . I've got t h e t e a m I w a n t right n o w , a n d f r o m h e r e on in w e ' r e g o i n g lo be g o i n g all o u t to k e e p o u r s e l v e s on t h e c u t t i n g e d g e of t h e e d u c a t i o n a l s c e n e . " DENYING A L L r e p o r t s of t r a d e s , he c o n t i n u e d , " T h e r e is n o t a n d n e v e r has b e e n any internal b i c k e r i n g on t h i s t e a m , a n d I w a n t t o m a k e it p e r f e c t l y clear t h a t n o hint of d i s s e n t has r e a c h e d m y e a r s o r t h o s e ol o u r directors." Field M a n a g e r F . Z . R i d e r acknowledged that " t h e r e ' s been a lot of s t r i f e a m o n g us, b e t w e e n us, a n d w i t h i n us, b u t it's all g o i n g to be all right. W e ' r e all s e n s i b l e —

— I —

a n d m a t u r e p e o p l e , a l t e r all, a n d able to resolve our d i f f e r e n c e s a b o v e - b o a r d and m a n t o m a n . " ASKED ABOUT possible t r a d e s he r e f e r r e d t h e ranchor l o t h e Board of O w n e r s . " I just d o n ' t w a n t t o get i n v o l v e d , " he s a i d . " S t i c k y o u r neck out and someb o d y just c h o p s it o f f . " F x e c u t i v e Board c h a i r m a n P a n gloss ( " P h e w " ) De P r a y e r disc o u n t e d r u m o r s of f a c u l t y t r a d e s . " F a c u l t y , s c h m a c u l t y , " he said. " Y o u seen o n e , y o u seen ' e m all. T h e y ' r e like j a n i t o r s , a d i m e a d o z e n . What we really need o n t h i s t e a m is t o s w a p s o m e of t h e m dissident rabble-rousing s t u d e n t s f o r a b u n c h ol g o o d , c l e a n , res p e c t f u l k i d s w h o are i n t e r e s t e d in g e t t i n g rich like us, so t h e y c a n get on t h e B o a r d . " R E L I A B L E S O U R C E S close t o the taculty-jamtor coalition report t h a t an u n d e r g r o u n d m o v e m e n t o r i g i n a t i n g in t h e b o w e l s of V a n R a a l t e t o s w a p De P r a y e r , S a n s d e Worth. and F.Z. Rider to Wabash for a birdbath, a 4 0 h.p. snowb l o w e r a n d an u n s p e c i f i e d n u m b e r of u n c h i p p e d c o f f e e - c u p s , w a s squelched by the Fxecutive B o a r d , w h i c h cut all t e l e p h o n e lines.

e. W o u n d s self w i t h bullet when a t t e m p t i n g to shoot gun. hi ma nve a Is s t r o n g e r t h a n a locomot ive. b. Is s t r o n g e r t h a n a bull elephant. c. Is s t r o n g e r t h a n a bull. d. S h o o t s t h e bull. e. S m e l l s like a bull. .1 Japrahiliiy a. Walks o n w a t e r c o n s i s t e n t l y . b. Walks on w a t e r in e m e r g e n cies. c. Washes w i t h w a t e r . d. D r i n k s w a t e r . e. Passes w a t e r m e m e r g e n c i e s . Communication Willi others a 1 alks w i t h G o d . b I alks w i t h t h e Angels. c. Talks t o h i m s e l f . d. A r g u e s w i t h h i m s e l f . e. Loses t h o s e a r g u m e n t s . 5. If y o u w e r e P r e s i d e n t of t h e College a n d h a d o n c e b e e n a w e l l - k n o w n c h e m i s t , w h i c h of t h e following would you do? a. Wear a b e a n i e . b LDB BCP = A F D

i ix; c. Use S p i r o A g n e w ' s reject speeches. d . Have f a i t h in t h e f u t u r e 6. D e a n De Y o u n g s a y s his g r e a t e s t trait is: a. M a k i n g d e c i s i o n s b. Not m a k i n g d e c i s i o n s . c. H e ' s n o t s u r e . 7. T h e m e n w h o are in c h a r g e of m a k i n g d e c i s i o n s at H o p e College: a. D o n ' t . b. D o n ' t last long h e r e . c. Ask s o m e o n e else t o d o it for them. d. Pray. 8. When a d e c i s i o n h a s b e e n r e a c h e d by t h e A d m i n i s t r a t i o n t h e following action takes place: a. b. All of t h e a b o v e .

T h e H o l l a n d Police F o r c e netted f o u r f r e s h m a n m e n in a d a r i n g midnight raid on c h a p e l slip c o u n t e r f e i t e r s in t h e K o l l e n Hall pool r o o m Wednesday night. " W E W E R E N ' T t o o s u r e exa c t l y w h a t v\i'\l l i n d m t h e r e , b u t we w e n t in p r e p a r e d f o r t h e w o r s t , " m u m b l e d Chiel ot Police Leslie V a n d e r B u s t e r . " A s it was. I'm d e f i n i t e l y glad t h a t we had t h e c o o p e r a t i o n ot t h e N a t i o n a l G u a r d , the C h a p e l God Squad and t h e G e n e r a l S y n o d ol t h e Ke-

Parseghian doesn't make it b y Trebor N o s e l t r a b

BREW C O M M E N T E D that the d e c i s i o n n o t t o hire Parseghian was m a d e f o l l o w i n g a behindc l o s e d - d o o r s m e e t i n g o f t h e upp e r - e c h e l o n of H o p e ' s a t h l e t i c d e p a r t m e n t . A l s o in a t t e n d a n c e were_ 4'some,. .Administration f l u n k i e s , " as Brew put it. " Y e s , Parseghian was o u r first c h o i c e , " stated t h e amiable direc-

IT W A S IN (hat g a m e , w e recalled, that Notre Dame, ranked n u m b e r o n e in t h e n a t i o n , w a s tied w i t h M S I . 1 0 - 1 0 , w i t h less t h a n t w o m i n u t e s left lo p l a y , P a r s e g h i a n o r d e r e d his o f f e n s e t o r u n o u t t h e clock a n d go f o r t h e tie, thus p r o t e c t i n g the t e a m ' s l o p ranking. " T h a t ' s w h a t t a m e d us a g a i n s t h i m , " said Brew. " A s y o u well k n o w , h e r e at H o p e o u r main goal is t o w i n . Did y o u h e a r me'.) We re out to win!" bellowed Brew, rising f r o m his s e a t , his fist u p raised. " D o e s this mean Hope's athletic p h i l o s o p h y has c h a n g e d ? " " N O ! " "HE S H O U T E D . H i s face was red n o w . We've a l w a y s said t h a t w e ' r e o u t t o w i n . O u r m o t t o here has always been Winning isn't the most i m p o r t a n t t h i n g - i t ' s t h e o n l y t h i n g ! " H e sat d o w n again. " W e U , " I said, " C o a c h S m i t h h a d j u s t an 8 - 1 0 r e c o r d in t w o y e a r s of c o a c h i n g in C a l i f o r n i a . C e r t a i n l y , t h e r e m u s t have b e e n other candidates besides him, weren't there?"

The n e w series of c u l t u r a l e v e n t s d u r i n g h a l f - t i m e at b a s k e t ball g a m e s w a s a n n o u n c e d t o d a y by D i r e c t o r of Uncoordinated S t u d e n t s ' A f f a i r s Phil R o l l e r r i n k . Featured during the H o p e K a l a m a z o o g a m e F e b . IX will be ten t w i r l i n g b a t o n f l a m e r s f r o m S o u t h G r a n d R a p i d s J u n i o r High School. The Hope-Parkside game on F e b . 25 will b r i n g t h e G o o d OF Days Folk and Square Dancers to the basketball court. The d a n c e r s are f r o m S o u t h Olive, a n d will p r e s e n t a 3 5 - m i n u t e d e m o n s t r a t i o n of t h e i r s q u a r e d a n c e prowess. T h e H o p e - A l m a g a m e on F e b . 28 will f e a t u r e 2 0 m i n u t e s of r e c o r d e d M u s i c by M u z a k . O t h e r h a l f - t i m e e n t e r t a i n m e n t will in-

Cops raid Kollen;

but who cares?

t o r ot a t h l e t i c s , " u n t i l we r e m e m b e r e d his a c t i o n s in t h a t big Michigan S t a t e g a m e m 1 "

Cultural events added to basketball half-times e l u d e a l e c t u r e - d e m o n s t r a t i o n by Bastian K r u i t h o f e n t i t l e d , " T h e C h r i s t Miracles: C h a n g i n g W a t e r t o W i n e . " R e f r e s h m e n t s will be s e r v e d . As a c o m e d y s k i t , t h e Administrative Affairs Council will h o l d a m e e t i n g in t h e m i d d l e of t h e b a s k e t b a l l c o u r t a n d try t o vote. T h e highlight of t h e b a s k e t b a l l h a l f - t i m e s e a s o n will c o m e w h e n Dr. G y r a t e M e g o w , p r o f e s s o r of G e r m a n , reads a h u m o r o u s paper. The paper was originally a letter he h a d sent t o t h e C a m p u s Love Board. Entitled, "Parietal Hours, or W h y 1 W o u l d N o t S e n d My Daughter t o H o p e , " the letter d e a l s w i t h s t u d e n t s w a l k i n g o n the grass. T h e s e c o n d half of the b a s k e t b a l l g a m e will be c a n c e l l e d .

Foil counterfeiters

T h e recent a p p o i n t m e n t of Ray S m i t h as H o p e ' s h e a d l o o t ball c o a c h c a m e as a mild s u r p r i s e to m a n y v e t e r a n o b s e r v e r s on t h e west M i c h i g a n s p o r t s s c e n e . IT S E E M S T H A T m o s t of t h e e x p e r t s h a d f i g u r e d t h a t H o p e had N o t r e D a m e ' s A r a P a r s e g h i a n all wrapped up and r e a d y for delivery to H o l l a n d . A f t e r all. P r e s i d e n t (alvin SansdeWorth, according to reliable sources, had already agreed to relinquish his position t o t h e N o t r e D a m e c o a c h as p a r t ot t h e d e a l w h i c h w o u l d b r i n g Parseghian to Hope. Why the sudden s w i t c h ? T o lind o u t , I w e n t to the plush o f f i c e of H o p e ' s d y n a m i c athletic director. G o l d e n Brew. G e t t i n g an a u d i e n c e w i t h such a celebrity is no easy task. But after clearing through a c o u p l e of underlings, I got t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o chat with Brew.

IN F O R T W O - C a l v i n p l a y e r s d o t h e w e i r d e s t t h i n g s , b u t it s u r e a d d s t o t h e a c t i o n of a losing H o p e C o l l e g e b a s k e t b a l l g a m e .

"Yes, there were." " W h o were t h e y ? " " W E L L , M A N Y O F us w e r e high o n A m o s V a n d e r G r i d "He's t h e highly s u c c e s s f u l c o a c h at O v e r i s e l J u n i o r H i g h , rmh I'.'" "Right." replied Mr Brew " H e ' s had an e x c e l l e n t r e c o r d o v e r t h e y e a r s A n o t h e r thinii he had g o i n g l o r h i m w a s thai h e ' s a g r a d u a t e of H o p e . " "Oh'.' W hat year'.'" "l^X " "Why did y o u d e c i d e aiiamst him then'.'" "WE F E L T T H A T there's a c h a i u e t h a t his best y e a r s a r e b e h i n d h i m . " a n s w e r e d Brew. Brew then mentioned the n a m e s ot t w o or t h r e e o t h e r coaches w h o had been considered f o r t h e H o p e j o b . He c l o s e d t h e interview by praising t h e new coach. Smith. " S m i t h is a h o u s e h o l d w o r d when it comes to football." b e a m e d Brew " B e s i d e s , we feel t h a t d e s p i t e his 8 - 1 0 r e c o r d in C a l i f o r n i a , S m i t h will be a w i n n e r at H o p e . We feel this w a y b e c a u s e S m i t h is c o m i n g t o a s c h o o l w i t h a rich, winning football t r a d i t i o n . " With t h a t , I fled.

f o r m e d C h u r c h of A m e r i c a - 1 d o n ' t t h i n k t h a t a n y of us t a k i n g part in t h e raid w e r e s p i r i t u a l l y p r e p a r e d l o r t h e a b o m i n a b l e spectacle we had l o f a c e , " t h e C h i e f rambled. Said K o l l e n Hall H e a d R e s i d e n t Davis S l a n d e r e d w e l l , "1 c o u l d n ' t believe it for almost four m o n t h s I'd b e e n a b l e to c o u n t o n being a w a k e n e d b e f o r e seven by all t h e g r o a n s a n d m u t t e r i n g s o u t in t h e halls A f t e r I b e g a n o v e r s l e e p i n g c o n s i s t e n t l y on w e e k days, I began to suspect something." A S S O C I A T E D E A N of S t u d e n t s (i a r r e t ! M e r r y m a k e r w a s r e p o r t e d l y r e m a i n i n g cool d e s p i t e criticism t h a t he w a s r e s p o n s i b l e lor t h e c o u n t e r f e i t e r s ' p o s s e s s i o n ol several d u p l i c a t i o n m a c h i n e s belonging to the College. " O l course I never knew anyt h i n g a b o u t t h e m a c h i n e s . " insisted M e r r y m a k e r . " I ven if I had n o t i c e d t h e y w e r e missing f r o m my oi l ice. I w o u l d have b l a m e d t h e loss o n i n f l a t i o n - why else d o you t h i n k we h a d to raise t h e t u i t i o n this y e a r ? " T H E G U I L T Y p a r t i e s are t o be e x p e l l e d , a c c o r d i n g lo C o l l e g e

f' C h a p l a i n William l i o l y g o d s . " I t ' s t h e o n l y w a y we c a n e f f e c t i v e l y p u n i s h such a g r o s s i n i q u i t y , " said liolygods. " I t is easy t o o v e r l o o k s u c h m i s d e m e a n o r s as p o t s m o k i n g and dorm d r i n k i n g in a C h r i s t i a n a t m o s p h e r e , b u t I see n o w a y t h a t t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n can c o n d o n e a t r o c i o u s b e h a v i o r in t h i s f o r m , " c o n c l u d e d l i o l y g o d s . " A s it is, we're going to have to rec o n s e c r a t e t h e p o o l r o o m , " he added. THE ONLY FAVORABLE c o m m e n t s on the whole affair w e r e heard f r o m R o b e r t S h a d e l y , a f a c u l t y m e m b e r of t h e art dep a r t m e n t : " I had n e v e r .yfcA? s u c h pathos - s u c h relevancy put into a chapel slip b e f o r e , " t h e man e n t h u s e d . " W e are a r r a n g i n g f o r an e x h i b i t i o n of t h e 1 2 0 m o s t m o v i n g c r e a t i o n s t o o p e n in t h e VanZoeren lobby next M o n d a y , " he a d d e d . " I f it m e e t s w i t h t h e e n t h u s i a s m a n d i n t e r e s t t h a t we t h i n k it will, w e ' r e g o i n g t o put it on tour W e ' v e a l r e a d y had a f a v o r a b l e r e a c t i o n f r o m Calvin, and even W h e a t o n h a s e x p r e s s e d an i n t e r e s t "

SansdeWorth a n n o u n c e s additions to scicncc hall Dr Calvin S a n s d e W o r t h . H o p e College President, announced t o d a y t h e c o n s t r u c t i o n of six n e w P o r t - a - J o h n s t o be used by t h e s c i e n c e d e p a r t m e n t as c e n t e r s f o r private study and research. THE SURPRISE move was t a k e n t o s q u e l c h all h o p e of ever seeing a new s c i e n c e b u i l d i n g in the near f u t u r e , a c c o r d i n g t o s o u r c e s near t h e C o l l e g e P r e s i d e n t . T h e six s m a l l b u i l d i n g s a r e t o be l o c a t e d d i r e c t l y b e h i n d t h e Science Building. T h e rationale b e h i n d t h i s l o c a t i o n was t o k e e p from the c o m m u n i t y and the B o a r d of T r u s t e e s t h e f a c t of lack of s p a c e in t h e s c i e n c e b u i l d i n g . SANSDEWORTH SAID that the low cost h o u s i n g project was in line w i t h t h e " s t r e t c h i n g t h e

C o l l e g e d o l l a r " p r o g r a m h e has set u p t o alleviate a n y p o s s i b l e o t h e r building troubles. " F r o m now on when any d e p a r t m e n t gripes for lack o f s p a c e , t h e C o l l e g e will j u s t erect a P o r t - a - J o h n or t w o f o r t h e m , " continued the President. T h e chemistry d e p a r t m e n t has been most excited a b o u t t h e cons t r u c t i o n of t h e s c i e n c e b u i l d i n g additions. D r . A1 K l e i n b o t t l e s t a t e d t h a t a few organic chemistry professors could move their ill-smelling chemicals and themselves to the m o r e s u i t a b l e o u t h o u s e s to b e located o u t s i d e t h e main science building. T h e o t h e r chemistry p r o f s w e n t d i r e c t l y t o t h e Presid e n t ' s o f f i c e t o e x p r e s s t h e i r gratitude.


02-13-1970