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care, “I choose not a commute.” D

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013


Double your Donation. Our community partners will match your generous contribution to create a more vibrant Clark County. Pass it on.

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Celebrating 15 years of commitment. As we reflect on the last 15 years, joy and pride fill our hearts as we reflect on what we’ve accomplished because of YOU. Your donation to the Parks Foundation 2014 Community Grant program will be matched dollar-for-dollar by our community partners. Donate today and be a part of our future.

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Federally insured by NCUA Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

3


contents

December ’13

FEATURE ARTICLES

12

Clever Crafting Why crafting is back on the rise

16

Is Your Kid Ready for a Cell Phone? The question for many parents has become when, not whether, to get their child a phone. And there are a slew of options to weigh.

22

Co-parenting After Divorce Minimize damage after divorice with a co-parenting team strategy

8

22 10

IN EVERY ISSUE 6

Editor’s Notes

8

Parenting Perspectives Create a Family Culture of Serving

10

Your Money's Worth What if your family set out to make the holiday season just a little bit more than all that money spent at a store?

26

Calendar of Events & Activities

ON THE WEB • Home Safety • Grade “A” Pressure

12 4

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

• Reduce Math Anxiety • New Year’s Education Resolutions


GIVE HEALTH THE GIFT OF

MEMBERSHIP WITH FRIENDS

This December get a 2 for 1 membership. Start a new membership and give another friend or family a free membership. OR Get a friend or family to join with you and each of you get your membership for 50% off. Call for details

CLARK COUNTY FAMILY YMCA 11324 NE 51st Circle 360.885.9622 www.ymcacw.org

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

5


Photo © Lulabell Photography / lulabellphotography.com

EDITOR'S NOTES

Adjusted Dreams As a child, I dreamed of becoming an artist. Later, the dream of writing replaced the visual arts, but I always dreamed big. I was raised quintessentially American—I would never ask “Why?” but rather “Why not?” Why not write a full length novel, or several of them? Why not obtain a PhD in Western Literature or become a nationally recognized public speaker? The sky’s the limit, I was always told. And I believed it. As I entered the “real world” that I’d heard so much about, I welcomed the challenges because no one said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. But as adult life progressed, I learned a difficult lesson that had never crossed my youthful mind before: what if I’m not meant to accomplish everything there is to accomplish in this wonderful age of opportunity? What if, for me, the struggle consists not so much of working hard to achieve my dreams, but working hard to accept that giving some of them up is the right thing for me and my family? I know, it goes against every school counselor’s inspirational pitch. But some of my greatest joys have been made possible through the sacrifice of dreams, not necessarily the accomplishment of them. You might say my dreams were adjusted. We certainly don’t want our children to lower their expectations of what they’re capable of—only to adjust their sense of what is right and what defines success. We all have different missions in life, and I would hate to spend my life leaving a trail of destruction while pursuing the wrong one. A wise man once said, “No success can compensate for failure in the home,” and I happen to believe that’s true. Thank goodness we have men and women whose life mission is to develop cures for devastating diseases, fight for our country, lead large scale fundraising efforts, run for public office, and prosecute legitimate criminals, many while enjoying fulfilling family and personal lives. But I hope that I can have the equally requisite dedication to forgo a few of my personal aspirations if necessary to pursue the greatest passion and dream of my life: my family. Read this month about ways to fulfill your dreams for your family, like volunteering and serving in the community, successfully co-parenting after a divorce, and deciding whether or not your child is finally ready for a little independence through a cell phone.

Nikki Klock, Editor nikki@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

6

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

Vancouver fa mily magazine Volume 12, Issue 12 Publisher

Julie Buchan Julie@vancouverfamilymagazine.com (360) 882-7762

Editor

Nikki Klock Nikki@vancouverfamilymagazine.com (360) 882-7762

Graphic Designer

I-Shüan Warr Ishuan@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Ad Designer

Philip Nerat Philip@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Contributing Writers

Justin Farrell, Jackie Genis, Julianna Lawson, Brooke Strickland, Pamela Swearingen, Ashley Talmadge

Calendar Submissions

calendar@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Cover Photo Submissions coverkids@gmail.com

Vancouver Family Magazine is published monthly by Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC Address: PO Box 820264 Vancouver, WA 98682 Tel: 360-882-7762 • Fax: 360-852-8171

Copyright 2002-2013. All rights reserved. No portion of Vancouver Family Magazine may be reproduced without the written permission from the publisher. Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC and staff do not recommend or endorse any service, product, or content represented in this magazine or on our website. The sole purpose of this publication is to provide information on available services and/or products. It is the consumer’s responsibility to verify the accuracy of information given. Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC, and/or Julie Buchan and Nikki Klock and staff do not assume and disclaim any liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by error or omission in this magazine or on our website. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

On the Cover: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from all of us at Vancouver Family Magazine!


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Caring for infants, children and adolescents in the Vancouver area for more than 25 years! Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

7


PARENTING PERSPECTIVES By Justin Farrell and Julianna Lawson

Two local parents sound off about life, parenting, and relationships.

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES the truce of the battle of the sexes

As a follow-up to last month’s column on how to raise thankful children, this month’s column seeks to answer the questions: What are the benefits of creating a culture of volunteering in your home? And, how can a family start creating that culture?

A

HE SAID Oprah Radio host Rabbi Shmuley Boteach says, “We all want to raise good kids, and part of doing that is giving them real responsibilities, above and beyond doing the dishes. When we don’t give kids responsibilities, we pay the price. Kids can become lazy and complacent and too self-focused. Volunteering and giving back prevents that and helps others.” Families today are facing more and more competition from outside sources. The rise in year-round sports involvement, children’s ever increasing desire to connect with peers through online gaming and social media, and the more traditional spending time with friends all contribute to less time together as families. As Rabbi Boteach stated, giving our children responsibilities, such as volunteering, is an important way to help them realize the positive benefits of helping others. Doing this as a family can help show children that mom and dad aren’t just talking the talk, they’re walking the walk.

more likely as adults to have a strong work ethic, to volunteer, and to vote. Volunteering is also associated with the development of greater respect for others, leadership skills, and an understanding of citizenship that can carry over into adulthood. Volunteering can be a great way to spend time together as a family. Not all volunteering has to be intentional or take a full day or afternoon. Volunteering can be as simple as picking up extra garbage on your next trip to the park or walk with the dog. Either way can show children the importance of everyone pitching in to keep our communities thriving.

Justin Farrell is a married father of two living in Vancouver. He has volunteered as a Lunch Buddy for the Vancouver School District and can usually be found with an extra bag handy for garbage when out for a walk with his family and golden retriever. He writes a blog on faith, family, and fatherhood that can be found at www.courageousvancouverdad.com.

According to a Child Trends study from 2012, volunteering in adolescence is associated with positive outcomes during the teen years as well as in adulthood. Teens who volunteer are less likely to become pregnant or to use drugs, and are more likely to have positive academic, psychological, and occupational well-being. Adolescents who are involved in community service or who volunteer in political activities are

S

tart where you are, use what you have, do what you can. 8

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

continued on next page


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continued from previous page SHE SAID One doesn’t have to look very far to see the needs in our community, especially during the holidays. And because children are born helpers, now is a great time to nurture that tendency and create a habit of volunteerism in the home. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to know where to begin. The need is great, and our resources or abilities may seem limited. But if we consider the words of tennis legend Arthur Ashe, perhaps we’ll be encouraged to take that first step: “Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.” When we “start where we are” with little ones, we might invite them to help whip up a batch of cookies for the elderly gentleman down the road. Older children can take on more responsibility. They might provide free childcare for the single mom next door, or perhaps they’d enjoy hosting a tea party for the refugee family who has just settled into the neighborhood. When we “use what we have,” we show our children that helping is easy and even fun, especially when we work together. We might open the pantry or head to the grocery store to select canned goods for a food drive, or we might ask friends and family to donate household items that can be used at a local shelter.

To “do what we can,” it’s helpful to focus on our kids’ strengths and interests. Those who enjoy music may wish to perform vocal or instrumental selections at a retirement home. Budding actors can share their talents among younger children who need positive role models. The family chef might offer to make a meal for the family with a new baby. The child who prefers the quiet of home may wish to write a letter or draw a picture to be mailed to someone in the military. There are many volunteer opportunities in our area that are specific to the holidays, such as ringing the bell together as a family for the Salvation Army, but those mentioned above can also be put into practice year-round. Find that starting point today, and share with your child in the joy of serving others.

Julianna Lawson and her husband, Jamie, make their home in Vancouver with their four children, ages 8 to 15. Julianna writes about family, faith, and the fullness of joy over at petuniajune.blogspot.com.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

9


YOUR MONEY'S WORTH

WORTH By Pamela Swearingen

tle Bit t i L a

More

Just

Your Money’s

Have you ever read “The Grinch” by Dr. Suess? As the story goes, the

Grinch is convinced he can stop Christmas from coming simply by taking away all of the presents. He succeeds in rounding up every last gift, but on Christmas morning he is amazed to find that he didn’t stop Christmas from coming at all. As the Grinch stands there with his feet ice cold in the snow, he realizes “What if Christmas, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?” Now that the holiday season is in full-swing, sometimes it really does seem like shopping, spending and stressing are what everything is all about. Stores are decked to the hilt with prospective gifts, and kids have Christmas lists that are a mile long. What if the Grinch is right, though, and Christmas means a little bit more? What if you and your family intentionally set out to make Christmas just a little bit more? What would that “more” look like? Opportunities abound to make your holidays about just a little bit more than money and stuff. One way to help others this time of year is through a local food bank. For example, the month of December kicks off with the Walk and Knock program, a charity food drive that began right here in Clark County in 1982. According to its website, Walk and Knock has collected 5,695,018 pounds of food valued at just over $7.4 million to date. Even if your family is not able to participate on the scheduled Walk and Knock day, scheduled this year for Saturday, December 7, you can find a number of local food banks that are open for donations directly. Or, simply attend Clark County YMCA’s Breakfast with Santa on Saturday, December 14 from 9:00-11:00 a.m. Cost to attend is just 2 cans of nonperishable food or a suggested donation of $5, and includes breakfast and pictures taken with Santa. The YMCA will donate all funds collected that morning to the Walk and Knock, as well as The Salvation Army’s Giving Tree.

programs for foster children] are offered lessons at a greatly reduced rate and have their costumes purchased for their performances.” In order to raise funds to subsidize these lessons, the studio conducts a raffle of wonderful prize baskets. Tickets for the raffle will be sold during each performance of “The Nutcracker,” to be held December 13-15 at Prairie High School. For the price of a few raffle tickets, you and your family can support DanceWorks’s efforts to help disadvantaged kids dance. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or your family’s own special traditions, this time of year we are all given wonderful opportunities to help others. We are blessed in Clark County with many wonderful charities that fill needs both down the street and across the oceans. Encourage your family to pick one charity this holiday season and decide how you and your family can lend a hand. Helping out is rewarding and doesn’t have to break the bank or eliminate regular holiday traditions. By intentionally giving just a bit this year, everyone can benefit from the experience. Maybe then Christmas really will mean just a little bit more, than all that money spent at a store.

Pamela lives in Battle Ground with her family and two chi-weenie dogs. She loves to travel and dreams of one day visiting every continent. You can find her writing about books, homeschooling teenagers and downsizing her life at www. lavishbookshelf.com

Another way your family can add “a little bit more” to your holiday season is to help out those who are already giving back. For example, DanceWorks is a Vancouver dance studio that also strives to help kids that would otherwise never be able to afford lessons. According to DanceWorks owner Karen Cannon, “Kids from Open House Ministries [a homeless shelter] and Bridge the Gap [an organization that funds

10

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013


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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

11


Feature Article: Clever Crafting: Why Crafting is Back on the Rise

Why Craft i ng i s Bac k on t he Ri se

By Brooke Strickland

n a crowded living room, ladies of all ages huddle together excitedly, chattering away, while they find space on tables to lay out decorated paper, stickers, scissors, glue, and pictures of their kids. They are participating in a scrapbook extravaganza, and they’ll be creating one of many scrapbooks that they’ll make together throughout the year. In another room, wine corks, glue, and delicate ribbon are scattered about, as women use their creativity to hand make wine cork coasters for their friends as an inexpensive, homemade gift for upcoming Christmas gifts. This is just a taste of the craft projects that Americans are participating in today. With popular do-it-yourself books and websites like Pinterest, even the less crafty are making masterpieces out of plastic spoons, glitter, or used paper towel rolls. Over the last couple of decades, women especially have seen a steady increase in popularity and acceptance of homemakingtype hobbies. Generations past integrated home-making skills and crafting into their daily lives whether they wanted to or not.

Gardening, cooking meals from scratch, sewing handmade clothing, decorating their homes—these were all necessities, not an art. Today, children grow up in an on-demand society. Push a couple of buttons on the microwave, and your meal is cooked. Type a quick address into your Internet browser and you’ve ordered everything you need for Christmas gifts without even getting out of your pajamas. So, why are people turning to crafting again?

With families struggling financially due to tough economic times, people are looking for ways to cut costs in order to make ends meet. Because of this, crafting has become extremely popular – when you can’t afford to buy gifts, crafting can serve as a continued on next page

12

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013


continued from previous page

unique and less expensive way to make gifts for friends and loved ones. It’s also cheap entertainment. Instead of spending money to go out to dinner or to a movie, some families choose to craft together. These family craft nights create memories and promote family togetherness, something that our culture has seemingly put aside more in recent years.

With jobs being competitive and sometimes hard to come by, creating and selling crafts has become a fantastic source of income for many people, whether selling their wares online through websites like Etsy or at the local farmers’ markets.

In her book, “Homeward Bound: Why Women are Embracing the New Domesticity,” Emily Matchar talks about what historians and sociologists are calling the “re-skilling movement,” which is aimed at reestablishing respect for traditional domestic arts and skills that have been undervalued or looked on as unimportant. She argues that many women today, even those who are employed full time outside the home, are discarding the non-stop corporate life and embracing a unique family-centric, DIY lifestyle, dubbed “New Domesticity.” Matchar explains, “Dozens of my own friends and acquaintances—ambitious, educated women who might have turned up their noses at anything domestic had they been born a generation earlier—have blogs dedicated to cupcakes or knitting or vintage home décor. One former college classmate blogs about what she calls ‘housewivery’—ironing tutorials, beauty product endorsements, tips on picking out the best peaches. This is the face of what some call ‘New Domesticity.’” Homemaking skills were once unappreciated, but now many of us crave them, especially in a society that is driven by the next

continued on page 14 Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

13


Feature Article: Clever Crafting: Why Crafting is Back on the Rise

continued from page 13

gadget or mass-produced item. We celebrate sustainability and value hand-crafted products that recycle and repurpose items into crafty art.

A lifelong resident of the Pacific Northwest, Brooke Strickland is a full time freelance writer who recently co-authored her first book. When taking a break from writing, she can be found in a cozy chair with a book, or on the Oregon coast with her two beautiful daughters, husband, and two dogs.

Where there is a common interest, there is a natural community of people to connect with, relate with, and in the end, become a part of. Scrapbooking parties, sewing nights, or cooking events are all ways to create and connect with other people who have similar interests, values, and passions. Shannon Hayes, author of “Radical Homemakers: Reclaiming Domesticity from a Consumer Culture,” defines radical homemakers as men and women who reject any form of labor or the expenditure of any resource that does not honor family, community, social justice, or health of the planet. Hayes explains that a radical homemaker must have a sense of community to survive. She says, “Community is every bit as powerful as friendships and family in keeping the Radical Homemaker lifestyle viable . . . community remains important to the Radical Homemakers, whether they live in a suburb, on a rural dirt road, or in the heart of a city.” Eileen O’Connor, local Vancouver crafter, reiterates this idea of community. She says, “Getting together with other crafters is great for socializing, but also for getting some great, new ideas. We are a community of crafters!” Southwest Washington families are embracing all kinds of crafting and homemaking. Glenna Ainley, a Vancouver mom and crafting extraordinaire, grew up with art engrained into her life. Her father’s professional artistry gave her a great appreciation for creativity and her grandmother had a great influence with more traditional crafts like sewing, crocheting, knitting, embroidery, and more. Now, crafting and an appreciation for homemakingtype hobbies are part of who she is. Ainley says, “I have a whole crafting room in my basement and it’s mostly designed to accommodate my scrapbooking. I’m probably doing some sort of paper craft or sewing project at least once or twice a week . . . some people walk, exercise, or play video games to unwind and relax. This is my way of letting my mind have a complete break from work and the rest of my life.”

14

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013


WIC has openings for Pregnant/Breastfeeding women and children under 5 WIC provides vouchers for healthy foods, including fresh fruits and vegetables at Farmers Markets. WIC also offers breastfeeding support, nutrition education, and health screenings & referrals.

WIC Battle Ground Vancouver 360-687-7126 360-397-8459 Washougal 360-835-7802 ext. 4811

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MSS Vancouver Battle Ground 360-852-9092 360-213-1340 Washougal 360-213-1340

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

15


Feature Article: Is Your Kid Ready for a Cell Phone?

Is Your Kid

READY ? for a Cell Phone Navigating the New Age of Communication

RULES: The Starting Lineup

• Answer calls/texts from parents.

• Turn off phone at bedtime and charge it outside the bedroom. (Teens need their sleep!) • No texting or posting pictures of anything you would not say or do face-to-face. • Do not lend your phone to others, except in an emergency. • Never use your phone while driving. • Do not post your phone # on social networking sites. • Allow random unannounced checks of your phone by parents.

Interested in a contract? Check out these sites for ideas: Janell Burley Hoffman’s contract with her 13-year-old son, from the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janell-burley-hofmann/ iphone-contract-from-your-mom_b_2372493.html Sample contract from CTIA Wireless Foundation: http://files.ctia.org/pdf/bsw/example_of_family_rules.pdf 16

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

By Ashley Talmadge

Only a decade ago, it was the

rare parent who considered giving a child a cell phone. Fast forward to 2013, and it’s the rare tween or teen who doesn’t have a mobile communication device at her fingertips. Recent surveys conducted by the Pew Research Center and the National Consumer League found that 78 percent of kids age 12-17 own a cell phone. A staggering 37 percent in this age group own smartphones with web access, texting, video, and data storage capabilities. And 60 percent of children age 8-12 now own cell phones, with most kids getting their first phone at age 10 or 11. In light of current cultural norms, the question for most parents has become when, not whether, to get their child a phone. And there are a slew of options to weigh. The following steps can help guide your decision-making process. Clarify your reasons. A whopping 84 percent of parents cite safety reasons for giving their child a phone, and 74 percent say they do so in order to keep track of a child’s activities after school. Like the hitching post of bygone days, the pay phone is now a relic of the past. Many parents feel more secure knowing their child can call when a need arises. Parents who work outside the home say that mobile phones have helped family members stay connected. Vancouver mom Starlene Evans has a 14-year-old daughter and 7-year-old son. She says that safety is the main reason she’s given her daughter a phone, but she also enjoys the contact with her kids. “I text with my daughter all the time and we exchange pictures. My son . . . will send me short texts [through the family iPod] while I’m at work and it makes him proud and that makes me smile.” continued on page 18


DanceWorks and Vancouver City Ballet

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Ticket prices at the door $15 adult, $10 children age 6-12 children under 5 free!

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

17


Feature Article: Is Your Kid Ready for a Cell Phone?

Keeping the Conversation Current • Ask about your child’s communication with specific friends, both on and offline. • Seek teen-written reviews (e.g. “Huff Teen”) to see what’s new and why it’s popular. • Ask specific questions about which apps your child is using. • Use media stories to start a discussion (e.g. bullying, new apps, etc.) • Role play to help your child practice solving specific problems.

Signs that Things Aren’t Right

continued from page 16

Set the rules. Make your expectations crystal clear before giving your child a phone. Decide when and where your child can use her phone, and who will pay for it. Is your child generally trustworthy and conscientious? Jane Lanigan, associate professor in the Department of Human Development at WSU-Vancouver, advises parents to “think about whether their child is . . . ready for the responsibility of having a phone. This includes the ability to keep track of the phone and follow the guidelines the family establishes.” Even if you conclude that your child doesn’t yet exhibit the behavior and maturity required to be cell phone successful, you will have established a baseline set of expectations that can be revisited. Let the phone grow with your child. Your kid’s first phone doesn’t need to be a smartphone with all the bells and whistles. In fact, Alex

• Has difficulty sleeping. • School work suffers. • Seems anxious when away from her phone. • Exhibits “Fear of Missing Out” (FOMO). • Experiences, or is involved in, bullying. • Becomes overly secretive and/or withdrawn.

18

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

Bolokhovskiy of CompRite Computer Service in Vancouver, says, “When kids start off with an expensive smartphone, they don’t see it as being a privilege. It ends up costing the parents a lot of money when the phone is damaged or lost. Parents could save money by having the kids earn their way to an upgrade.” He suggests starting with a basic phone with limited or no texting. Let your tween show you he can handle increasing responsibility, and save the smartphone for later. Monitor and set limits. After your child has a phone, you’ll need to oversee her use of the device. Some parents are reluctant to “spy” on their kids’ social networking lives. A child’s need for privacy is often cited as the reason for this hands-off approach. However, R. Bradley Snyder, expert in child psychology, would disagree. In his book, “The 5 Simple Truths of Raising continued on next page

Changes in technology do not mean that the emotional needs of our tweens and teens are any different.


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944-4444

continued from previous page

Kids,” he states that while kids need opportunities for private reflection, “none of this is the job of a social network, which, by definition, is a public forum.” Parents need to set parameters regarding type, content, and amount of communication, and kids need to be held accountable for breaking the rules. Many parents require their kids to apprise them of account passwords, and do random checks of their phones. Evans says she no longer allows her daughter to have a Twitter account, after a check revealed inappropriate posts. Lanigan adds that, “Formalizing the guidelines in writing may be helpful for some families.” Ask questions and listen. Many parents are overwhelmed at the

thought of monitoring their child’s online life. Sensational stories about cyberbullying, online predators, and sexting emerge daily from the media. And with the ever-changing array of social networking options, last year’s advice to “become your child’s friend on Facebook” seems frustratingly quaint. Yet, as Snyder emphasizes, changes in technology do not mean that the emotional needs of our tweens and teens are any different. They still need parents to guide them, help build confidence, and support them. So yes, find out what you can about the newest in social media and other sites frequented by teens and tweens. (Snapchat, Pheed, and Viddy are but a few.) Then start a discussion with your child: What do you like about this site?

Don’t Text and Drive! • A texting driver is 23x more likely to be involved in a crash. • Almost a quarter of all auto collisions involve cell phones. • As inexperienced drivers, teens are more at risk. • Almost half of older teens admit to texting while behind the wheel. •

Texting teen drivers caught in Washington State face stiff fines and cannot advance past an intermediate driver’s license until turning eighteen.

• Model safe behavior. One-third of adult drivers text with children in the car. Don’t be one of them!

continued on page 20 Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

19


Feature Article: Is Your Kid Ready for a Cell Phone?

What you show your kids is just as important as what you tell them.

Resources OnGuard Online (onguardonline.gov) Offers multiple online resources, including the booklet, “Net Cetera: Chatting with Kids About Being Online” http://www.onguardonline.gov/ sites/default/files/articles/pdf/ pdf-0001.pdf

continued from page 19

Is it doing what you’d hoped? Ask about your child’s interactions with friends, both on and offline. Evans says that she and her daughter “have conversations about respectful behavior, text etiquette and how anything you type and post can be used against you.” She adds, “What works is just talking about stuff as it comes up, whether it comes up in the circle of friends, on the news, whatever. Just talk.” Be a good role model. What you show your kids is just as important as what you tell them. Are you constantly checking your phone for messages while in conversation with others? Do you make cashiers wait while you finish a call? Are you one of the 63 percent

20

of adults who uses a cell phone while driving with kids? Lanigan reminds us, “Parents should pay attention to where and when they use their cell phones.” When you use your phone safely and responsibly, you help your child to develop those habits as well.

Ashley Talmadge is a freelance writer living in Portland with her husband and two young sons. She regards new innovations in communication technology with a mixture of fear, awe, and excitement. Her boys are still too entrenched in worm-digging and building with Legos to be interested in cell phones.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

Common Sense Media (commonsensemedia.org) Reviews apps, games, websites and more. Offers blogs and highlights current research related to media and kids. “The 5 Simple Truths of Raising Kids: How to Deal with Modern Problems Facing Your Tweens and Teens,” by R. Bradley Snyder (2013) Based on his extensive surveys and interviews with over 100,000 kids, Snyder draws these five conclusions: Kids are kids. Kids are good. Kids need parents. Kids need adults. Kids need communities.


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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

21


Feature Article: Co-parenting After Divorce

CO-PARENTING AFTER DIVORCE

Unified co-parenting provides consistency, happiness, and stability for children By Jackie Genis

Co-parenting after divorce needn’t cause four-letter word feelings. Of course, there’s no need to strap on a halo either. What it does take is a big dose of fairness, strategy, and a willingness to build a new playing field around your children. A little compassion goes a long way too. Not every situation is equal, but for most people divorce is painful. Add children into the mixture and you have the complexity of working with your ex for the sake their well-being. This is easier said than done when the jaws behind reasons for the divorce are still biting. But cordial

co-parenting can be done--and done well if you dare to make it happen. “Always take the high road when you are co-parenting,” says Robin Krane, a family law attorney in Vancouver with more than 20 years of experience guiding families through divorce. “There always has to be compromise, and parents need to put aside their differences and be present for the children.” Getting past exhaustion and resentments clouding a split can be extremely difficult. This is why co-parenting isn’t easy. But

co-parenting is the best way to meet your children’s needs and ensure they have close relationships with both parents. “What children need most is to see that their parents love them and can get along and make decisions regarding them,” says Krane, “and that they can provide consistency and stability.”

A New Normal One mindset shift is to think of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one, says Krane. This new relationship is all about the children and not about either you or your ex. This means any anger,

continued on page 24

22

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013


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Mountain View Ice Arena Skating Academy offers group lessons for all ages and levels all year round in both figure and hockey skating! Public Sessions: Monday-Friday: 3:30-5:00pm Friday: 7:40-9:40pm, Saturday 1:00-4:00pm Check website for details, schedule changes & coupons

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Make sure your baby stays healthy • Get your baby’s teeth screened by age one • Talk to your dentist or physician

For tips on taking care of your baby’s teeth, visit KidsOralHealth.org Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

23


Feature Article: Co-parenting After Divorce

continued from page 22

contempt, or hurt must take a back seat to the needs of your children. This is probably the hardest part of co-parenting—getting past these strong emotional feelings and learning to work cooperatively with your ex. But it’s vital. And the benefits are worth the effort. Your kids will grow and thrive, share loving relationships with both of you, and experience the happiness, stability, and future well-being they deserve. “Parents further teach their children valuable communication lessons,” says Krane, “and how to problem solve.” This is important because it shows children that even when parents aren’t together they care enough to serve as a strong unified team. “I think children can see this,” says Krane. “That you are doing this in a peaceful environment without conflict.”

“No Other Choice” One local co-parenting team, David and Andrea Mathis, has put these ideas into action in the wake of their divorce four years ago. While their separation was fairly amicable, they still must sometimes navigate challenging co-parenting waters for the benefit of their 10-year-old son, Brayden. “For me, there is no other choice,” says David Mathis about parenting as a team. “The alternative is not conducive for our son’s development. He [Brayden] loves his mother and he loves me so having that common ground helps support the situation.” Having grown up without his father and been raised by his mother, David carries great empathy for what it’s like for a child to live through divorce or absence of a parent. “I knew in my heart that I could never be away from Brayden,” shares David. “And that he is going to need me just as much as I need him.”

Both David and Andrea stress the value of good communication when co-parenting. When they disagree, they allow a “cool down” period before settling on a compromise or solution. “We never argue in front of Brayden,” says Andrea. “And we never talk negatively about one another in front of him.”

Kid-Focused Andrea and David must be kid-focused in order to succeed as co-parents. They keep parenting issues between themselves. They don’t put Brayden in the middle of parenting conflicts, use him as leverage, or use him as a messenger for the other parent. They also avoid making Brayden feel as though he has to choose between his parents. “Being civil in front of the kids is a huge thing,” says Andrea, “especially, when you get into relationships with other people. You have to support your kids.” The Mathis duo gives Brayden a safe pathway to share his opinions, wants, and needs where appropriate too. For example, when both Andrea and David have activities planned for Brayden that conflict, they often give Brayden a say in the matter. Usually, because David and Andrea are flexible and willing to adjust for Brayden’s needs, he will get to enjoy both events whenever possible.

Parenting Plans Maintaining consistency is important when co-parenting. While parenting styles vary, sharing common rules, chores, bedtimes, homework schedules, and discipline tactics maintains structure and promotes respect. Most co-parenting families also have a written parenting plan. This is a legally binding document that comes into play as a guideline to explain and

continued on next page

“What children need most is to see that their parents love them and can get along and make decisions regarding them,” says Krane, “and that they can provide consistency and stability.” 24

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013


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organize co-parenting parameters. For example, holidays, residential time, and other expectations are formally outlined. The parenting plan, however, doesn’t have to be followed exactly, provided both parents agree to large and small decisions they make about their children. Depending on the circumstances of a divorce, a parenting plan is strictly or loosely followed. Should conflict occur that is not easily resolved, the parenting plan has the final say. Sometimes parents might need a mediator or attorney to help interpret the parenting plan and resolve issues. “Anytime children are involved in a separation, the parents are going to need a parenting plan,” says Krane, “especially if they can’t work conflicts out.” Even with the best intentions challenges occur. These challenges include transitions between residences, visitation refusal (when a child might refuse to leave one parent to be with another), and disagreements about medical needs, education, or financial issues. Since major decisions must be made by you and your ex,

Krane says that being open, honest, and straightforward about important issues is crucial to both your co-parenting relationship and your children’s development. “Always value the other person’s opinion,” says Krane. “If it’s important you can keep a written record in a business-like tone without derogatory remarks to facilitate communication.” Divorce is rarely ideal, but the damage can be minimized for the sake of everyone involved. And kids like Brayden Mathis can’t help but notice when the emphasis is placed on family unity, even in divided circumstances. “It’s nice,” says Brayden, “because they don’t fight, and they work together to help me.” Jackie Genis is a freelance journalist living in Vancouver. She enjoys serving communities through feature writing. Her work has appeared in The Columbian’s Battle Ground Today and other special publications, the Portland Tribune, and Clearing Magazine. Jackie is part of a co-parenting team for her two young sons.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

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CALENDAR OF EVENTS & ACTIVITIES

Calendar December ‘13

S M T W T F S 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

1 SUNDAY

of events

Have a community event that you want to share? Calendar event submissions can be sent to calendar@vancouverfamilymagazine. com, or call us at 360-882-7762. Submissions are due on the 5th of the month prior to publication. Events are subject to change. Please contact organization directly to confirm. All library events are free and open to the public.

Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. Fares include train tickets and the Christmas tree of your choice, selected on the train ride. Santa will be there with a present for each child and complimentary refreshments for everyone. Advance reservations are recommended and are available at www.bycx.com. 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm “Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.” presented by Journey Theater Arts at Washburn Performing Arts Center at Washougal High School, 1201 39th St., Washougal. Advance tickets: $12 for adults, $10 for youth and seniors (best for ages 8+), available at www. journeytheater.org. Tickets $3 more at the door. Youth and senior tickets are $10. 2 pm

Photos courtesy of Cathi Wright

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3 TUESDAY

Kazoodles Toys Stories and Songs for Preschoolers. Free every Tuesday at 13503 SE Mill Plain Blvd. #B-3, Vancouver. 10:30 am Little Cups and Grownups Story time at 3000 SE 164th Ave., Vancouver, Ste 107. 10:30 am Holiday Wreath Making at Ridgefield Community Library, 210 N Main Ave., Ridgefield. Kendra Pearce of Urban Farm School will share simple tips to making spectacular wreaths. Participants are asked to bring wire cutters if they can. All other supplies provided. 6:30-8:30 pm

4 WEDNESDAY

Santé Mama New Parent Support Group, free every Wednesday at Fisher’s Landing New Seasons Market, 2100B SE 164th Ave., Vancouver. 10 am Building Blocks to Successful Learning. Stories, songs and fun for families and childcare providers with children birth to age 5, Wednesdays through December 18 at Sunset Elementary, 9001 NE 95th St., Vancouver (no program on non-school days). Visit www. vancouverfamilymagazine.com and click on Calendar for more Building Blocks times and locations. 1:45 pm

6 FRIDAY

Parents’ Night Out for ages 6 weeks to 12 years, at Clark County Family YMCA, 11324

Check out the Holiday Bazaar & Tack Sale, pick up a Christmas tree and go for a horse ride at Silver Buckle Ranch. Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

Check out our website for even mo re local events .

NE 51st Circle Vancouver. Safe, engaging, and exciting activities for kids as parents enjoy a night out. Members are $6 per child, non-members are $10 per child. Early 5 pm drop off available for an additional $2 for members or $2.50 for non-members. Reserve spots by calling 360-885-9622 or emailing ldiaz@ymca-portland.org. 6-9 pm “Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.” presented by Journey Theater Arts. (See Dec. 1) 7 pm

7 SATURDAY

Holiday Open House at Battle Ground Community Library, 1207 SE 8th Way, Battle Ground. Celebrate the holidays throughout the library, with refreshments, crafts in the Children’s Room, holiday music by the fireplace, and a special book sale sponsored by the Friends of the Library. 10 am-5 pm Silver Buckle Ranch Holiday Bazaar at 11611 NE 152nd Ave., Brush Prairie. Holiday vendors, horse rides ($3 each), and kids’ activities. 10 am-3 pm Winter Festival at Three Creeks Community Library, 800-C NE Tenney Rd., Vancouver. Enjoy seasonal music performed by students from local schools, taste tangy wassail, and create crafts for giving. 11 am-4 pm Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. (See Dec. 1) 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm Holiday Open House and Artisans’ Market at Clark County Historical Museum, 1511 Main St., Vancouver. No admission charged. Handmade art and craft market, live music and crafts for kids. 10 am-4 pm continued on next page


Best of

Results in o ur

JANU A ISSUE RY !

VANCOUVER 2014

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Group Venue Public Park Family Night Kids Fun Spot Toy Store Guys’ Night Out Ladies’ Night Out Formal Cuisine Pizz

Thanks to all who voted for your favorite local hotspots in our 6th Annual Best of Vancouver Awards. Did your picks win? Don’t miss our January issue where all the winners will be announced!

Presented by:

Vancouver fa mily magazine

continued from previous page “Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.” presented by Journey Theater Arts. (See Dec. 1) 3 & 7 pm Uptown Village Association Holiday Magic Show at Clark County Historical Museum, 1511 Main St., Vancouver. Free and open to the public. Legendary Dave from Dave’s Killer Magic Shop will perform his hilarious all ages “holiday” themed magic show featuring his famous finale of making Santa appear

Photos courtesy of CCHM

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magically from the North Pole. Visit with Santa after the show. Part of the Uptown Village “Christmas in the Village” celebration. 5-6 pm Parents’ Night Out every Saturday at Naydenov Gymnastics, 5313 NE 94th Ave., Vancouver. For boys ages 5-11 and girls 5 and up. Music, trapeze bar, movie, free play, zip line, foam pits, trampolines, games, ropes, and more. Non-members: $17, members: $14. Extra $7 for medium pizza. Children should wear comfortable clothes with no buckles, buttons, or zippers. No preregistration required. 6-11 pm

Enjoy free admission to Clark County Historical Museum and shop local artisan crafts while the kids enjoy hands-on activities.

8 SUNDAY

Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. (See Dec. 1) 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm “Thoroughly Modern Millie Jr.” presented by Journey Theater Arts. (See Dec. 1) 2 pm

9 MONDAY

Kids’ Gingerbread House Workshop at Battle Ground Community Library, 1207 SE 8th Way, Battle Ground. Appropriate for ages 5-12 with accompanying adult. Bring your engineering and artistic know-how to create your very own gingerbread house. We will provide the supplies. Due to the popularity of this program it will be repeated on continued on page 28

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

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Calendar of Events & Activities (cont'd)

A UND Y

Sign up to make your very own gingerbread house at the Battle Ground Community Library!

Photo courtesy Junior Symphony of Vancouver

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The Junior Symphony of Vancouver presents classical and Christmas music and a dessert buffet!

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continued from page 27

10 TUESDAY

Kazoodles Toys Stories and Songs for Preschoolers. (See Dec. 3) 10:30 am Little Cups and Grownups Story time. (See Dec. 3) 10:30 am

6-12, 5 and under free. At the door: $15 for ages 13+, $10 for ages 6-12 years, 5 and under free. Tickets available at DanceWorks, 360-892-5664, www.danceworkswa.com or www.vancouvercityballetwa.com. All proceeds from raffles at performances go to Bridge the Gap, an organization supporting foster children. Canned food donations accepted for Open House Ministries. 6 pm

14 SATURDAY

Kids’ Gingerbread House Workshop at Battle Ground Community Library. (See Dec. 9) 4:30-6:30

Drop ‘n’ Shop at Clark County Family YMCA 11324 NE 51st Circle, Vancouver. Let YMCA entertain the kids while parents shop stress free. Kids will enjoy a healthy lunch, holiday crafts such as building ginger bread houses or igloos, group games and activities such as soccer, kick ball, tumbling on mats and more. Cost: Members-$10 per child (max $30 per family), Program Participants-$15 per child. Pre-registration is required, call 360-8859622 to sign up. 10 am-3 pm

Santé Mama New Parent Support Group at New Seasons Market. (See Nov. 6) 10 am Building Blocks to Successful Learning at Sunset Elementary. (See Nov. 1) 1:45 pm

Ornament Decorating Party and Wassail at Washougal Community Library, 1661 C St., Washougal. Create your own ornaments using materials provided. Wassail and cookies courtesy of Friends of the Washougal Community Library. Enjoy this craft and treat, then join the community holiday parade celebration at 6 pm. 4-6 pm

DanceWorks Dance Studio and Vancouver City Ballet present “The Nutcracker” at Prairie High School, 11500 NE 117th Ave., Vancouver. Advance tickets: $12 in advance for ages 13+, $10 for ages

28

Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. (See Dec. 1) 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

DanceWorks Dance Studio and Vancouver City Ballet present “The Nutcracker” at Prairie High School. (See Dec. 13) 2 & 7 pm Free Horse Drawn Wagon Rides along Main Street and Broadway in Uptown Village, Vancouver. Enjoy authentic holiday decorated horse-drawn wagon rides as

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13 FRIDAY

Breakfast with Santa at Clark County Family YMCA, 11324 NE 51st Circle, Vancouver. Help spread the holiday cheer to families in need. Bring 2 cans of non-perishable food or a suggested donation of $5 to have breakfast and pictures taken with Santa. The Y will donate all funds collected that morning to Giving Tree of the Salvation Army and Walk and Knock food bank programs. 9-11 am

11 WEDNESDAY

Second Saturdays at the Water Resources Education Center, 4600 SE Columbia Way, Vancouver. Each second Saturday of the month, kids and their families are invited to explore a different topic through hands-on activities, games and stories. December theme: Kids will bubble over with excitement while discovering why bubbles are shiny and how rainbows and prisms are created. Children must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. 1-3 pm

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December 13. This is a registration program. Registration for both dates start December 2. Call 360-687-2322 to register. 4:30-6:30

Have breakfast and pictures with Santa while you help families in need.

continued on page 30


Come check out our new location soon! 900 NE 139th • Suite 106 Vancouver • (360) 604-9000

AdventureDental.com

WIN a Westfield Gift Card. (it’s easier than you think) Like Vancouver Family Magazine on facebook to learn how to enter for a chance to win. Visit www.facebook.com/VancouverFamily and click on sweepstakes to enter. Must be 18 or older to enter. Void where prohibited.

Vancouver fa mily magazine A New

! 3 1 0 2 IN h t n o M y r e Winner Chosen Ev Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

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Calendar of Events & Activities (cont'd)

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Haydn, Mozart and more, plus Christmas carols. Tickets: $20, available at the door (includes dessert buffet). 3 pm continued from page 28

part of the Uptown Village Association’s “Christmas in the Village.” Board in front of Vancouver Pizza Company, 2219 Main St., for free rides from 5-6:45 pm. Rides then board in front of Simple Solitude and Deluxe Tatooing, 1703 Broadway, from 7-8 pm. Carolers, free holiday photo booth, free hot beverages and free hay wagon rides too. 5-8 pm

17 TUESDAY

Kazoodles Toys Stories and Songs for Preschoolers. (See Dec. 3) 10:30 am Little Cups and Grownups Story time. (See Dec. 3) 10:30 am

18 WEDNESDAY

Santé Mama New Parent Support Group at New Seasons Market. (See Dec. 4) 10 am

Parents’ Night Out every Saturday at Naydenov Gymnastics. (See Dec. 7) 6-11 pm

Building Blocks to Successful Learning at Sunset Elementary. (See Dec. 4) 1:45 pm

15 SUNDAY

20 FRIDAY

DanceWorks Dance Studio and Vancouver City Ballet present “The Nutcracker” at Prairie High School. (See Dec. 13) 2 pm

Columbia Dance presents “The Nutcracker” at Royal Durst Theatre, Vancouver School of Arts and Academics, 3101 Main St., Vancouver. Tickets: $18 for adults; $15 seniors (65+) and students (with school ID); $10 for children aged 12 and under. Tickets are

Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. (See Dec. 1) 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm

Junior Symphony of Vancouver Holiday Concert at the Water Resources Education Center, 4600 SE Columbia Way, Vancouver. Dessert and hors d’oeuvres, and the music of

30

W-Family free family activities, stories, and snacks at Westfield Vancouver Mall, 8700 NE Vancouver Mall Dr. 5 pm

Ride the Chelatchie Prairie Railroad to pick out your Christmas tree and meet Santa.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

available online at www.columbiadance.org, at Columbia Dance Studio, and at the door (subject to availability). Tickets may also be purchased (by cash or check only) at Beacock Music and Divine Consign. 7 pm

21 SATURDAY

Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. (See Dec. 1) 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm Columbia Dance presents “The Nutcracker” at Royal Durst Theatre. (See Dec. 20) 2 pm & 7 pm “Rumplestiltskin” puppet show, free at Compass Church, 1812 Main St., Vancouver. Part of the Uptown Village Association’s “Christmas in the Village” month-long celebration. Performed by award-winning Dragon Theater. Plus a secret opening act for all ages! 6-7 pm continued on next page Photo courtesy of the Chelatchie Prairie Railroad

Photo courtesy of Columbia Dance

Columbia Dance presents the classic Christmas ballet “The Nutcracker” at the Royal Durst Theater.


continued from previous page

22 SUNDAY

Chelatchie Prairie Railroad Christmas Holiday Special. (See Dec. 1) 9:30 am, 12:00, 2:30 pm Columbia Dance presents “The Nutcracker” at Royal Durst Theatre. (See Dec. 20) 1 pm & 5 pm

23 MONDAY

Columbia Dance presents “The Nutcracker” at Royal Durst Theatre. (See Dec. 20) 1 pm

28 SATURDAY

OMSI-Electrifying Science at Cascade Park Community Library, 600 NE 136th Ave., Vancouver. Learn all about electricity. Where does it come from? Is it all the same? Can you make your own? 2-3 pm

31 TUESDAY

Teen New Year’s Eve Wordplay at Battle Ground Community Library, 1207 SE 8th Way, Battle Ground. Share your work, get some new ideas and have a fun time with crazy writing prompts and games. Snacks will be provided. 4-5:30 pm

advertiser index Camps, Parties & Entertainment DanceWorks Nutcracker.................................17 East West Martial Arts....................................17 Mountain View Ice Arena................................23 Naydenov Gymnastics...................................19 Pitter Patter Productions................................13 Financial iQ Credit Union.................................................3 Fitness East West Martial Arts....................................17 Mountain View Ice Arena................................23 Naydenov Gymnastics...................................19 Pulse Dance Studio........................................11 YMCA Clark County.........................................5

Health Adventure Dental............................................29 Evergreen Pediatrics........................................7 Minnehaha Dental............................................9 PeaceHealth Southwest...................................2 SeaMar...........................................................15 Under the Sea Dentistry for Children.............25 Washington Dental Service Foundation.........23 Legal Schauermann, Thayer, Jacobs, Staples & Edwards PS...................................13 Radio Radio Disney..................................................23

Resources Catholic Community Services..........................7 Guaranteed Education Tuition........................32 SeaMar...........................................................15 Washington Early Achievers...........................21 Vancouver-Clark Parks & Rec..........................3 Restaurants Blind Onion.....................................................11 Retail Barefoot Books...............................................21 Kazoodles.........................................................7 Learning Palace.............................................21 Westfield.........................................................21 Schools St. Andrew Christian Preschool......................21 SW WA Catholic Schools...............................11

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • December 2013

31


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VFM December 2013  
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