Valley Voice April 2018

Page 1

April 2018 . Issue 7.4


a member managed llc

Steamboat Springs Hayden Oak Creek Yampa Photo courtesy of the Steamboat Springs Arts Council


April 2018

Valley Voice

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Zero Hassle

Call Shawna or Sarah at 970-879-6985

Steamboat Springs Core Trail Etiquette Slow down when approaching oncoming traffic. Use your bell.


Always be alert of your surroundings. Cell phones and headphones on stun.

If you don’t practice good core trail etiquette, this path swatter will activate and come down on you and your bike -hard

Always have your dog leashed and under control. Poop bags ready.

Max. Speed 25 m.p.h. Dog


Photo by Crash Sterne For those who live here and for those who wish they did.



Please pick up after your pets after they doo their business.

Be kind to trail volunteers. Prison labor no longer provided by state.



Provided by Tounge and Cheek Productions

Always alert pedestrians of your approach; “On your left”.

Valley Voice

April 2018


Contents From My Desk

Page 4

An Eye Towards the Future

Page 4

By Matt Scharf By Jason Lacy

Can You Afford It? Page 5 By Scott L. Ford

Yampa Valley Youth Creativity

Page 6

They Were Also Heroes: Chuck Abbott

Page 8

Soil 101: Part 1

Page 10

Steamboat’s Economic Fun Facts

Page 11

Poetry: At the Urban Market

Page 12

By Dagny McKinley

By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield By Karen Vail

By Scott L. Ford

Publisher/Art Director: Matt Scharf Business Manager:

Scott Ford

Sales: Eric Kemper Event Calendar: Eric Kemper Valley Voice is published monthly and distributed on the last Wednesday of each month. Please address letters, questions, comments or concerns to: Valley Voice, LLC, P.O. Box 770743 or come by and see us at 1125 Lincoln Ave, Unit 2C, Steamboat Springs, CO 80477. Or contact Matt Scharf: 970-846-3801. Scott Ford: 970-819-9630. Website Subscription rate is $40 per year (12 issues). All content © 2017 Valley Voice, L.L.C. No portion of the contents of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission from the Valley Voive.

Official Fine Print

Advertisers assume full responsibility for the entire content and subject matter of their ads. In the event of error or omission in the advertisement, the publisher’s sole responsibility shall be to publish the advertisement at a later date. Advertisements and articles are accepted and published upon the representation that the author, agency and/or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The author, agency, and/ or advertiser will indemnify and save Valley Voice, LLC harmless from all claims and legal action resulting from the contents of the articles or advertisements including claims or suits resulting from libel, defamation, plagiarism, rights to privacy and copyright infringements.

By Sandy Conlon

Gotcha! Page 12 By Eric Kemper

Calendar of Events

Page 17

First Friday Artwalk

Page 18

By Eric Kemper

By Wina Procyzyn

Talking Dirty Page 19 By Mr. Helpful M.D.

October Surprise Page 20 By Lynn Wheaton

Resilience: The Art of Balance By Shaney McCoy

Page 22

Lost Dog Page 23 By Aimee Kimmey

The Happy Buddha

Page 24

Is Naturopathy All That Useful

Page 25

Poetry: North Park

Page 25

By Lorre Buss

By Monica Yager

By Willow Fitzgerald


Yepelloscopes Page 26 By Chelsea Yepello

Comics Page 27

The realities of a tourist economy. Peace and quiet always comes with a pay cut. Tony Perkins and James Dobson ever having the audacity to utter “Character Counts” Lousy, low sticky snow. Minors trying to purchase booze R.I.P. Stephen Hawking. Needing a backiotomy. Thinking you are chewing on your pen, when you are really drawing all over your face. Fixing the kitchen sink drain with all the wrong tools. Having to call a plumber to fix your drain.

Raves... The upcoming quiet. You’ve had your Spring Break, now it’s almost time for us to get ours. The NCAA tournament. The madness is real. Special shout out to UMBC for showing us something we’ve never seen before. Student activism. With a worthy cause and the eyes of the world on them, today’s youth are an inspiration to us all. Hamilton in Denver. There’s a reason it’s gotten all the accolades and acclaim. The medical news you were hoping for. Claiming it the “Easiest Winter Ever.” Getting away with some serious chores. Work worth working for.

Say What?... “That’ll go over about as well as me doing ‘The Story of O.J.’ at karaoke night?” “An honest day’s work might take days?” “Luck is hard work residue?” “Shrimp are like Jello.” “You mean like the Jello of the Sea?” “This town attracts twenty-one year olds of all ages!” “To shift, it’s one down, four across?”

The views and opinions expressed reflect the views and opinions of the authors and may not necessarily reflect the views and opinion of the editor, staff or advertisers in Steamboat’s Valley Voice. Direct all correspondence, articles, editorials or advertisements to the address below. The author’s signature and phone number must accompany letters to the editor. Names will be withheld upon request (at the discretion of the publisher). Submission is no guarantee of publication.

Subscription rate is a donation of 40 measly dollars per year. However, if you wish to send more because you know we desperately need your money, don’t be shy, send us all you can! Advertisers rates vary by size, call 970-846-3801 and we’ll come visit you. Please make checks payable to: Valley Voice, LLC P.O. Box 770743 • Steamboat Springs, CO 80487 Thank you for your support!

Sports and Summer Camp Registration Physicals.

NO WAIT E.R. - Always Open


The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.—David Ogilvy


April 2018

Valley Voice

Valley Voice

From My Desk By Matt Scharf

April. Welcome to it! We’ve had some powder days this year, but I vote this is the strangest winter known to me and my winter commrades. Next year, 500 inches, por favor! Wash your car, do the dance, but do it now! We will need it if it’s anything like this one.

I wanted to take note on losing a great local here in Steamboat, Chris Johns. He owned Wheels Bike Shop and was a huge presence in town. He helped me on a number of occasions that kept me rolling. He was a multi-faceted outdoor enthusiast that compared to none. My heart-felt condolences goes out to all his family and friends. Godspeed Chris, you will not be forgotten. This issue is packed with some great articles. Please check out the Bonnifield’s “They Were Heros”... Local Chuck Abbott has come a long way to call Steamboat home. Mr. Helpful’s “Talking Dirty” is funny and informative, if you know what your doing. Just be careful, it can backfire right in your face. Don’t miss Scott Ford’s article on the next page, asking, “Can You Afford It?” I will tell you right now, you can’t. Home ownership is a bitch. Do you know how expensive it is replacing a kitchen sink drain? I do now. What I am most excited about is that the City Council will start a new column this year, taking turns on (their own ideas) and topics that are important to the citizens of Routt County. You never know, we might learn something we had wrong all along. I know, I’ve seen some of your posts!

Unintentional Omission We regret the unintentional omission of the book title Ernie Weiss wrote about his family’s escape to America. It is titled Out of Vienna. We used information from many visits with Ernie, his book, and other source material. Thanks to all our sharpeyed readers who called that to our attention.

Council Voices

An Eye Towards the Future By Jason Lacy

This month is the first in a series of columns written by your Steamboat Springs City Council that will provide additional insight and perspective into what is happening with your city government. When City Council set its goals for 2018, one of the top priorities was to find more effective ways to engage with the community about issues that we are addressing. So we approached the Valley Voice with the idea of a monthly column from one council member sharing his or her thoughts on a particular topic. You will also see a regular monthly column in the Steamboat Pilot & Today and a new monthly radio program on KKSB-105.7-FM that will include council members, City Manager Gary Suiter, and other guests. Overall, our goal is simply to help keep you as informed as possible about what we are doing and why. For this month, I wanted to bring you up to date on what City Council is working on in regard to its most important goal, namely fiscal sustainability. Many people may be unaware, but even though the economy is performing relatively well, the City of Steamboat Springs is having more difficulty keeping up with costs to simply maintain current service levels. During our budget process for 2018 (which generally occurs in October and November of each year) the city staff and City Council members had to cut approximately $1.7 million out of the preferred general fund budget simply to achieve a balanced budget. Many of these cuts were not pleasant as we were not able to fund various positions such as additional firefighters and Parks & Recreation employees that are needed to properly deliver services to the community. Not unlike many private businesses, the city is having a difficult time

keeping up with rising costs including nominal cost-ofliving adjustments for employees, health insurance, and basic maintenance of our portfolio of assets. City Council has therefore tasked staff with providing a long-term expense and income model which will help us clearly identify the scope of our financial issues before they become an emergency. In addition, city staff has been compiling information about how our revenue structure compares to similar communities in Colorado. What we have discovered is that Steamboat Springs is unique in some ways and not so unique in other ways. In particular, many similar communities levy a sales tax on groceries and utilities (just like us) and typically have a lodging tax (just like us). These other communities also tend to have other revenue sources that we do not, such as a city property tax (we are one of only 6 Colorado communities without one), a special district to pay for fire/EMS service, a real estate transfer tax, and a marijuana tax. We are still early in the process of identifying the extent of our fiscal problems, but over the next couple months you will hear more about the city’s long-term financial picture. We are not presupposing any result, but it is likely that the analysis will conclude that we need to take steps on the revenue side of the equation in order to even maintain current service levels. This will not be a decision that this Council will take lightly and we very much want your input as we proceed with this analysis and make any final decisions. Please reach out to me or any council member at any time to discuss the topics above or other issues that are of importance to you. Our contact information can be found at We look forward to hearing from you. Jason Lacy President, Steamboat Springs City Council

The opinions expressed in this article are his own and may not be reflective of the opinions of other City Council members.

Paul and Ellen Bonnifield

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For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Another fiscal heavyweight on Steamboat Springs

Valley Voice

April 2018

Economics Common Sense of Our Dollars and Cents


When You Think Clean

A. You should be able to make a 20% down payment from your savings, and/or have at least that much planned net equity from the sale of your existing home. B. You plan to stay in the house for at least 5 to 10 years. A 20% down payment will help you avoid paying Private Mortgage Insurance (PMI). If you can make the 20% down payment from your savings, it shows that you have a healthy positive cash flow (a fact that allowed you to save up the money in the first place). If you do not have the prerequisite savings, you should consider cutting your expenses and increasing your income to save up for the down payment before plunging into home ownership. The 5 to 10 years portion is simply to help increase the likelihood that you will come out financially ahead after factoring in the costs of buying, selling, mortgage payments, and living in your home. If you plan to stay in your house for less than 5 years, consider renting instead. Rule of Thumb #1 The first rule of thumb is to take your annual gross household income — basically, the money you and your spouse make in a year before taxes — and multiply that by 4. For example, if you earn $40,000 a year and your wife earns $50,000 a year, your household income is $90,000 and you can afford a home that costs up to $360,000 home. This is a quick way of calculating how much you can afford. However, this rule does not take into account your other debts. Rule of Thumb #2 The second rule of thumb is to keep your monthly housing related expenses (mortgage payment (principal + interest), real estate taxes, and homeowner insurances) to less than 28% of your monthly household income. Using the example above, your monthly income is $90,000 divided by 12, or $7,500 per month. Therefore, your monthly housing expenses should be less than $2,100 ($7,500 x 28%).

Rule of Thumb #3 The third rule of thumb is similar to the one above, but this rule takes into account all of your debt obligations, including student loan payment, credit card debt payment, and any other debt that you have. From the example above, 36% of $7,500 is $2,700.

9 -5




A $360,000 home with an interest rate of 4% on a 30year fixed mortgage will cost you about $1,700 a month. This leaves about $400 for property taxes, insurance, and any HOA fee.


Before you even consider buying a home, I believe you should meet the following two conditions:


Perhaps it is because of the discussion about the annexation west of town and the possibility of new housing inventory, I am getting asked repeatedly by young couples, “How much house can we afford?” This is a great question, and, without getting into the complexities of home financing, I thought in this month’s column I would share my “rules of thumb” that help folks quickly assess how much house they can afford.


By Scott L. Ford

71 7

Can You Afford It? r Fro

nt a g e


Think Green! Be Local & Eat Local! Amazing baked goodies, quiche, breakfast burritos, sausage rolls, plus great coffee and tea.

This rule is a nice way to double-check your ability to meet your obligations against the other rules. Say you make a $500 car loan payment a month, $250 student loan payment a month, and another $750 payment toward credit card debt. Once you add all that up, you only have $1,200 left for your house payment. This means the $360,000 home is out of your reach. The problem with all the methods mentioned above is that they do not take your financial habits into account. It is a great idea to simulate your mortgage payment experience. Say you’re paying $1,300 a month in rent today, and you’re looking at a $1,500 monthly mortgage payment. To be conservative, we’re going to add a 20% contingency on top of the mortgage to account for homeowner’s insurance, real estate taxes, PMI, maintenance, HOA fees and additional utility costs, for a total of $1,800.


198 East Lincoln Ave. Hayden, Colorado 970-276-4250

Since you’re paying $1,300 in rent, all you have to do to simulate a possible a mortgage payment is save the $500 difference each month. The best way to do this is to put the money into a separate savings account. You should do this for four to six months to see if you can adjust to the new lifestyle. If you have no problem with the extra savings — That great! You’re financially ready and the extra money saved can go toward your down payment or emergency fund. If you find yourself making compromises to constantly meet the savings goal — You are likely going to be “house poor.” You should look for a less expensive house, find more ways to trim your expenses, or look for ways to increase your income. You want your home to be a blessing and not a curse. You want to own your home and not have it own you. If you are struggling to consistently meet the savings goal - you should reevaluate your home ownership goal and financial priorities. Maybe a less expensive house or a more frugal lifestyle is the solution, or perhaps you can boost your income with a second job. Or maybe it’s just not time for you to buy yet.

879.5929 905 Weiss Drive - across HWY 40 from the Holiday Inn

Grand Opening April 1 Free Parking at the park.

At the corner of Oak and Pine. The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.—John Maynard Keynes


April 2018

Valley Voice

Art in the ‘Boat

Yampa Valley Youth Creativity By Dagny McKinley

Julia is just one of the students who has attended Young at Art Creativity Camps and been positively affected by the ability to express her feelings, emotions and dreams through creativity.

Last summer, a young girl named Julia (not her real name) came to a Young At Art Creativity (YAA) Painting Camp. She had a rough childhood and was forced to grow up and take on the responsibilities of an adult at a very young age. She showed up without having had breakfast, so her teacher made sure she got some fresh fruit and other snacks to eat. With food in her belly, she was able to create, and for the first time in her life, she was able to simply be a child. Throughout the week her work became more confident. She found her unique voice and learned to express how she viewed the world through her paintings.

Boys who began a photography class, only wanting to take selfies, finished the class with a portfolio of introspective images of light and shadow that spoke to their unique vision of the world. In a pottery class, a young girl realized that sometimes over-thinking and overworking a project can lead to it falling apart instead of its blossoming. A young boy, who was known for getting into trouble, was asked to assist the other students; soon after he became one of the most helpful students in the classroom. Young writers need a place to express themselves and disappear into their own thoughts, painters need to be in a space where they can experiment and make mistakes in a safe and encouraging environment. Young performers need a place to step into the roles of other people so they can learn to empathize with other cultures, sexes and races. Young at Art Creativity Camps provide that space.

Photo courtesy of the Steamboat Springs Arts Council

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

This summer kids can look forward to 3-D Art, Playing Shakespeare, Photographing Light, Printmaking, Comedy, Art & Nature, Drawing, Writing & Illustration, Mad Science, Twisted Metal, Chimes & Flutes in Clay, Music of Movement, Improv, Piknik Theatre for Kids, Screen Printing and Myths, Legends and Fairytales. To find out more about this amazing summer opportunity for kids to create and to find their unique voice, visit and go to Depot Art Center tab and navigate to Young At Art Creativity Camps. This spring, youth creativity will also be showcased in the Depot Art Center. April is the ever-popular Routt County Youth Art Show where elementary and middle school teachers pick their top students’ works to be displayed. This year the work will appear in the Main Gallery & Platform Gallery, spaces usually reserved for artists with established careers. This show lets the children understand that their work and their talent has the potential to blossom even further.

Valley Voice

April 2018


April Showers Bring May Flowers

Mon.- Fri: 9 - 6 Saturday: 9 - 5 Sunday: 11 - 3


In Central Park Plaza

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. -Kinky Friedman

“She’s working Tomorrow!”

The Original Local’s Liquor Store On the corner of 40 and Hilltop Pkwy

10 to 10 Mon. – Thurs. 10 to Midnight Fri. & Sat. 11:30 to 7:30 Sundays

Hayden Branch

101 N. 6th Street


Photo courtesy of the Steamboat Springs Arts Council

In May, the 2nd annual Advanced Placement Art Show in the Main and Platform Galleries brings back the top talent from the Steamboat Springs High School. Last year students brought their creativity to life through drawing and photography. One student shared the sentiment of many when he said, “I can show a different side of myself through photography.”

750 Hospital Loop Craig, Colorado 81625 Phone: 970-824-9411 e-mail:

Marijuana Dispensary

This summer the opportunity for creative expression is abundant for Yampa Valley youth. To find out more about all the creative happenings and goings-on in the Yampa Valley for adults and kids, visit www.SteamboatCreates. org, the complete resource for arts, culture and heritage events, classes and goings on in Steamboat.

S T E A M B O AT S P R I N G S 970.879.4420

Online Ordering Piknik Series

Open Mon. thru Sat. 8am - 9:45pm Sun.10am - 7pm

2093 Curve Plaza Unit C Steamboat Springs CO 80487

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.—Scott Adams


April 2018

Valley Voice

Bonnifield Files

They Were Also Heroes: A Boy in Liverpool during the Bombing By Ellen & Paul Bonnifield

Chuck Abbott at home in Steamboat Springs, Colorado

In the early 1960s, Public Service constructed the Hayden Power Plant; Chuck Abbott as an engineer working on the project found his way to the Yampa Valley. His wife was born and raised in the Steamboat Springs area, so they became permanent residents. However, Chuck has a unique story in his life. He was a schoolboy in Liverpool, England, during the Nazi bombings. On September 3, 1939, King George VI told the people that Great Britain and the Empire had declared war on Germany and its allies. World War II began – a difficult moment for most of the Island’s residents. Only two decades had elapsed since the end of World War I. People well understood that modern wars would be even more deadly. Hoping their children would be safer, parents sent them to the country. School children commonly carried gas masks to school. Officially the war began September 1939, but in the west, fall and winter were quiet – The Phoney War. In the spring, all hell broke loose when the German Blitz invaded the Belgium Low Lands, turned the French flank, and quickly entered Paris. The invading Germans cut the British Army off and trapped it at Dunkirk. Only a miracle of courage saved them.

Although a boy at the time, Chuck remembers with pride Prime Minister Churchill’s voice over the radio calling on the nation to remain stout-hearted during “Its Darkest Hour” when England stood alone. Churchill’s voice and words held the nation together during “Their Finest Hour.” He assured, gave courage, and promised victory. “We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air . . .” The eleven-mile-long harbor at Liverpool had 144 berths for loading and unloading ships. The harbor was key in the Battle of the Atlantic and the survival of Great Britain. Ninety percent of the war munitions, about 75 million tons, passed through Liverpool. 28 August 1940, 160 German bombers attacked the city. For three days, heavy bombing struck Liverpool. Fifty air attacks rocked the vital port over the next three months. Liverpool was the second city next to London in loss of life and property. The bombing continued at various levels of intensity until the winter of 1942.

Jim Abbott

Chuck Abbott

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Chuck Abbott was eight years old when the fighting began. His father, Charles Abbott, Sr. was a

sniper on the Western Front during World War I and too old for combat duty, but he served in defending the home front. During the bombing raids and the V-1 and V-2 attacks, Sargent Major Abbott saw extensive action. Young Chuck lived with his mother and older brother Jim in an area of Liverpool slightly removed from the docks where the Germans (“Jerries” as Chuck called them) centered the attack. Merseyside District, a poor slum section, bordered the docks. Bombs and the resulting fires nearly destroyed that neighborhood where 1,750 died and more injured. In sharp contrast and a short distance from the Abbott home, the walled estate of the Duke of Westminster with its fields and manor house suffered little damage except by children who climbed over the fence and played racing games in the ripe grain. A four-foot-deep underground shelter with a corrugated steel cover was in the back yard. The ground water level of two feet forced the boys to crawl to their bunk beds from the top. During at least one raid, shrapnel dinged a brief tune on the cover near their pillows. Sounds and smells of battle permeated the nights. First, the air raid warning sounded. Search lights roamed the sky seeking dark, sinister creatures roaring across the sky. The defenders’ powerful guns, mounted on wheels, opened fire, filling the heavens with flak intended to destroy “Jerry.” Once near the Abbott’s home, a gun fired and the concussion broke windows in their house. Chuck and Jim walked to school one day to find the school had received a direct hit during the night. Classes continued in homes, seven to ten students in a room. In time, the boys moved to another school in a tough district. Poor round, little Chuck found himself in a fight every

Valley Voice

April 2018


St. Paul’s Cathedral in the background during the bombing.

Typical rooftop lookout, with St. Paul’s Cathedral in the background.

doodlebugs. Chuck recalled hearing them in flight and listening intently. The sound told listeners if the rocket was going over them, short of them or to the left or right.

day, often twice, as he went to and from school. Then one day his older brother, taller and well-built, happened by. Jim, something of a boxer, challenged the tormenter and thumped heavily on his head and body. Afterward, Chuck walked peacefully to and from school.

to kill and destroy. On May 3, the munitions ship SS Malakand, loaded with one thousand tons of bombs, received a direct hit. The fires were brought under control until the burning dock buildings reignited the inferno. When the ship exploded, it destroyed the dock area.

Overheated shrapnel from bombs and flak fell to earth in many shapes and colors. For schoolboys, these became prized trading items. Shrapnel trading was big business when they didn’t have any other business.

With the changing fortunes of war, the blitz ended. The last raid, January 10, 1942, had a strange twist of irony. A bomb destroyed a house on upper Stanhope Street that once belonged to Alois Hitler, Jr. – Adolf’s half-brother and the birthplace of his nephew, William Patrick Hitler.

The Christmas Blitz came with 190 bombers attacking for three nights. A much larger attack came May 1-7, 1941, when the “Jerries” struck with 681 bombers dropping 2,351 bombs causing nearly 3,000 causalities. Chuck recalled seeing the sky filled with deadly planes roaring in

England gained control of the sky until the “Jerries” attacked with a new weapon, the V-1 Rocket, a pulsejetpowered rocket with limited range. Due to the pulsing of the engines, the V-1 became known as “buzz” bombs or

Charles Abbott Sr.

World War I

The V-2 rocket was liquid fueled with a much longer range. From the launch pad in Germany to the target only took minutes, allowing victims little time to seek shelter or provide defense. This was the deadly birth of modern rocket warfare. Germany launched many rockets into England causing extensive loss of life and property damage. Victory in Europe (VE Day) 8 May 1945 silenced the guns and bombs. Total war causality estimates range from 40 to 60 million people worldwide. One in four Russians was either killed or wounded. Six million Jews became victims of genocide. Large ethnic groups were also destroyed. The carnage in buildings, factories, and roads was horrific. Chuck Abbott lived on the fringe of the destruction in Liverpool, yet a food shortage was always present. There was simply no meat, and everything was strictly rationed. Occasionally a relative dropped off a morsel for the kids. Living away from the docks did not reduce the tension and fear of bombing raids. The V-1 and V-2 missiles struck at random locations. After each raid or missile attack, the Abbott family saw the smoke and experienced the destruction. Yet, they never thought Great Britain might lose. The fighting ended but hard times did not. Crippled England soon lost her empire and no longer counted as a super power. Chuck’s formal education ended when he was fifteen. He found work as an auto mechanic and remained in Liverpool eleven years. He then followed his brother to Montreal. Laid off that winter, Chuck was offered a job working on Bailey meters at an aluminum smelter on the border of Labrador. Later, while visiting a friend in California, he found a job at the Bailey Meter Company. After receiving his Professional Engineer Certificate, he worked around the world. Chuck met his wife, Lynn, while skiing at Steamboat Springs. Tiring of constant travel and relocations, Chuck decided to find employment where they could ski. A couple of misadventures and his engineering experience led Chuck to Stearns Rogers Company and Hayden and Craig Power Plants during their construction. He officially retired at age 65, but continued as a consultant in Colorado. Lynn convinced him to retire permanently when he turned 80. Chuck and Lynn are the modern version of pioneers. After all, pioneering is what Routt County is all about.

Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They’re just braver five minutes longer.—Ronald Reagan


April 2018

Valley Voice

The “LOCAL’S” choice for Personalized Health Care

‘Boat Almanac

Planning a trip to the desert this Mudseason? Stock up on vacation supplies before you go!

By Karen Vail

Soil 101: Part 1

Oak Creek, Colorado

Fleas and Ticks and Heartworms, Oh My! As the weather warms up, we start thinking of green grass, sunny days, and parasites! Just as we start venturing out into Spring air, the fleas, ticks, and heartworms are getting ready to party as well! Ticks are not only creepy and gross, they can carry blood diseases like Ehrlichia, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and Lyme disease. These diseases are a danger to both dogs and people. Heartworms are carried by mosquitoes, which quickly appear as the weather warms. Finally intestinal parasites increase in the warmer months as well. Thankfully our vets can make protecting your pet against parasites easy!


During the month of April we will give an extra loyalty stamp when you buy 12 doses of Interceptor Plus or 6 doses of Simparica.

Interceptor plus treats and controls common intestinal parasites and prevents heartworm disease. Simparica kills fleas before they lay eggs and kills 5 types of ticks.

Tick Flea 102 Anglers Drive


What is soil? Does it seem like some inert stuff under your feet that is tracked indoors or gets under your fingernails? Is soil just something you dump chemicals on to make plants grow? Well, soil is very much alive! It is a complete ecosystem full of living critters, with physical qualities and chemical interaction that affect soil health. This will be a two part series looking first at what soil is (the rather droll part of soil science) followed by the fascinating soil web complete with villains and heroes. Let’s start by having you go out to your yard with a shovel or trowel. Find a spot where the soil has not been amended with compost or fertilizers and dig down about a foot. Did you have a difficult time digging through the heavily compacted clay? Hmm, lovely! Most of our valley has heavy clay soils. Or maybe you are lucky enough to have rich soil under aspen trees? Lucky you!! Without breaking up the soil, take a look at the clods of soil. You will notice two major components: solids and spaces. These are both very important in soil health. Soil can be complicated if you really study the chemistry and hydrogen potential and electrical conductivity… Stop!! Let’s try and keep it simple. There are solids, which include minerals and organic matter, and there are spaces containing air and water. A “good” soil would be about 50 percent solids and 50 percent spaces. Of the solid portions, around 90 percent are rocks and minerals eroded from the parent material. The mineral components are referred to as sand, silt or clay, depending on their size. Sand-sized particles are the largest of the three and are typically held loosely together. Clay-sized particles are the smallest particles and tightly bound together. Silt-sized particles are sized in between sand and clay. Soils usually contain a mixture of these mineral parts. The remaining 10 percent or so of the solid portion is from organic matter, which, after decomposition, turns into humus. Organic matter may be a small amount but its influence on all parts of soil health is mighty! Where the mineral components (sand, silt and clay) are stable parts of your soil, organic matter is constantly changing. Some organic

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

matter is alive, such as plant roots and bacteria, and some is dead and decaying. According to “Start With the Soil” by Grace Gershuny (everyone must read this if you are interested in healthy soil!!) (Rodale Press, c1993) the total weight of living organisms in the top six inches of an acre of soil can range from 5,000 pounds to as much as 20,000 pounds. When you dug your little patch of soil you should have seen pore spaces, along with maybe an earthworm or other cute crawlies. Let’s look at the pore spaces and how water and air affect soil, microbe and root (and plant) health. Pore space is the maze of minute continuous channels found throughout the upper layers of most soils. Organic matter improves pore space by helping make an aggregate of mineral particles form more continuous channels. After a lovely summer rain the pore spaces in soil are nearly filled with water but gravity tends to pull most of the water away from plant roots. When this water has drained away, the soil reaches “field capacity” where the large pore spaces are filled with both air and water and the small spaces are filled with water. Field capacity is the ideal water/air situation for plant roots to grow in. Soil does not absorb water, it “holds” water as a film coating soil particles and in the pore spaces between particles. Because of clay soils’ small pore spaces, water is held tightly for longer periods. A perc test shows how slow draining our clay soils are. In the hole you dug, fill it with water and allow it to drain completely. As soon as it has drained fill it again and time how long it takes to drain again. If it takes more than 8 hours, welcome to the world of clay! Nirvana for all gardeners is soil with good “tilth”. This is a well-balanced soil that holds water without being soggy, allows air to penetrate to plant roots and the soil microbiome, is fertile and loose and easy to work. Heaven, huh?! Tilth depends on your soil’s texture, structure, microbiome, density and fertility. A good balance of 50 percent solid and 50 percent pore space is optimal, with half the pore space filled with water and half with air. The solids in our Colorado soils are typically 3 percent or less organic

Valley Voice

matter in native (unamended) soils (ugh!) compared to soils in richer areas with up to ten percent organic matter The next term describing soil is “texture,” which is simply the ratio of sand, silt and clay (the mineral particles) and is something that we, as gardeners, cannot change. How those particles come together and create pore spaces of all sizes (or not) is soil “structure”. Clumping mineral particles with organic matter creates “aggregates”. The size of the aggregates and how well they hold together are important aspects of soil tilth. Looser aggregates have more pore space for better water and air movement. Compacted soils or soils high in clay have very little pore space and a plate-y structure. Carol O’Meara in a Denver Post article (April 30, 2016) used the analogy of a bucket of pennies for clay soil vs. a bucket of pea gravel for a nice loam. OK, are you still with me? We are getting to the GOOD stuff now! How can clay, shale, rock and sandy soils of our area support any kind of life? These soils do not seem very hospitable, but even dense clay soils support a teeming community of life: bacteria, fungi, algae, nematodes, earthworms and many other micro (teeny) and macro (bigger) fauna. A good way to assess the biological activity (and health) of your soil is the earthworm census. From your one foot deep by six inch wide hole, place the soil on a tarp or cardboard. Carefully dig through your pile counting the number of worms you uncover. A good, healthy soil should have at least ten or more worms. When I first moved into my house I had no worms, now, after 21 years of soil amending, I have twenty plus in my soil. Yippee!! Tune in for next month’s article diving into this community of life: fungi that help plants extract nutrients, symbiotic microbes that help plants with drought, biological glue that helps roots grow, decomposers that recycle nutrients, bacteria that colonize roots and convert nutrients for the plants, soil predators keeping the bad guys in check including nematode lassoing fungi and, the coolest of all, Earth’s natural internet! See you on the trails (and in the garden!).

April 2018


Go Figure!?

Steamboat Springs Area Economic Fun Facts By Scott L. Ford

Go Figure? is sponsored by Rocky Mountain Remedies Proudly supporting alternative modalities in medicine and media.

Cold enough for the Yukon Cornelius

The population of individuals age 16 and older is 14,754. Of this group 3,741 were not employed during 2016. This means that Steamboat area had a labor force participation rate of 75%. Statewide in Colorado the labor force participation rate was 68%, and nationally it was 63%. Beginning in 2015 the US Census’ American Community Survey started reporting annual median earnings by occupation. For many years, earnings data was only by industry sector. Occupational data provides yet another insight into the local economy.


Beer of the Month:

Great Divide


Thursday - Saturday: 10am - 11pm Sunday - Wednesday: 10am - 10pm

Median Annual Earnings in 2016

• Management, business, science, and arts occupations • Service occupations • Sales and office occupations • Natural resources, construction, and maintenance occupations • Production, transportation, and material moving occupations

$50,449 $21,494 $29,991 $35,205 $35,174

Source ACS Table S2411

In 2016 the aggregate earnings for the area was about $526.3 million. Of that amount about 73% came from individuals who were working full-time and year-round. (Full time defined as earnings >50 weeks per year and > 35 hours per week.)

2016 Median Income Breakdowns: • Median Household Income = • Median Family Income = • With own children of householder under 18 years = • With no own children of householder under 18 years =

$67,737 $88,154 $99,811 $81,549

Source: ACS Table S1903

2016 Married/Couples – Families with Children under 18 • Both Husband & Wife in labor force = • Husband in labor force; wife not = • Wife in labor force; Husband not =

86.1% 11.8% 2.1%

Source: ACS Table S2302

Emancipation from the bondage of soil is no freedom for the tree.—Rabindranath Tagore


April 2018

Valley Voice


At the Urban Market* By Sandy Conlon

*[Apologies to Dr. Seuss and to Ray Bradbury’s “Something Wicked This Way Comes”]

Drink of the Month

Gotcha! By Eric Kemper

The announcement video was hilarious. Marty Jones, whose brainchild this was, was sincere as he explained his vision, though the “carefully weighed” ingredients and the delicacy with which the brewers handled them underscored an obvious lack of seriousness. The fact it was a joke slipped past some people, and calls flooded in to Wynkoop looking for this crazy new beer. A sense of understanding came to those slower on the uptake when April 2 came and went, and still no new beer was to be found.

Even though there are no farmers at the Farmers’ Market Appearing like clockwork in its designated spot There are such delicacies as Prairie Dog Stew Re-purposed barbed wire and rattlesnake pie A patchwork raincoat made of bicycle tires A pomegranate wristwatch to wile away the hours Pickled pigs feet soaked in raspberry syrup Shirts and skirts made of hand-dyed burlap

The thing is, the joke took on a life of its own. The story became an instant classic, but was often followed up with a question: “Yeah, that’s really funny. But what if…?”

Jewelry galore made of leaves, fruit, stones, and bark Harvested from the local Days of Yore genuine theme park Silver hummingbird pins, robin’s nests, and a meadowlark Earthy things, a dress made of silk & pressed ivy Writing paper from woven needles of an evergreen And other mystery things no one had yet seen Sautéed hens’ feet and a pig-bladder purse Aunt Martha’s ribs in hot garlic sauce One vendor dressed in jeans and an old plaid shirt Tried wearing cowboy boots but they made his feet hurt As I wandered, I ordered a Millennial Milkshake of carrots and kale And came upon a vendor selling gluten-free air For ten dollars a pop you could breathe into a mask Did it really work? I was afraid to ask The market appeared for just two nights and a day Where it next showed up no one could actually say. But those who know markets quite agreed This was the most remarkable, yes indeed!

Beer, for all of its complexity and ubiquity, is such a simple beverage. It has only four ingredients, yet in every glass is contained a history of the world from which each beer originates. Water, malt, hops and yeast are all it takes to make this most popular of drinks worldwide. The type of grains, hops and yeast strains the brewer selects determines the characteristics in each glass, and what story that particular beer will tell. They say the best stories either make you laugh or make you think. Trenchant insights and incisive observations can make for a riveting read, but there’s something about the structure and craftwork required to make someone laugh that makes being funny so much more challenging and sublime. In the spirit of April Fool’s Day, this is the funniest beer story I’ve ever known. Beer traditionally has a strong sense of place. The ingredients available shape the style and flavors. There is a style of ale called an Oyster Stout brewed traditionally in coastal areas. Some famous examples come from places such as New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the Eastern seaboard of the United States. It is a dry, dark beer, with a clean, subtle brininess, and not a bit of “fishiness.” It sounds strange, but it is actually a delicious beer when done right. Wynkoop Brewing is a legend in the history of Colorado brewing. The first brewpub in the state since Prohibition, Wynkoop has launched dozens of fantastic brews in all manners of style, as well as the career of our state’s current governor. With that level of skill and accomplishment, experimental styles are to be expected. In 2012, Wynkoop rolled out a campaign to announce their new beer, utilizing regional ingredients to brew a traditional style. Wynkoop Brewing’s Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout was to roll out on April 1, 2012.

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Marty and his intrepid band of brewers set about finding out the what-ifs of the situation. They brewed an eight barrel batch of stout that contained twenty five pounds of bull testicles, sliced and roasted before going into the mash tun. It was rolled out in time for the 2012 Great American Beer Festival and proved to be such a success it was brewed again and canned. Sold in stores in a two-pack, just like they’re found in nature, the beer was a hit and earned a permanent place in Wynkoop’s seasonal rotation. In time, they even had a Barrel-Aged version, sold in a 19.2 oz. tallboy can, because sometimes there’s one that stands up above the others.

As for the beer itself, I have to say I was impressed. I was at that GABF in 2012. Having seen the video and had a good laugh, I was somewhat incredulous when I heard that Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout was really being poured at the Fest. But, of course, there was nothing I needed to try more. After a couple of warm-up beers, I gathered my crew, told them the tale, and we were off to find the Wynkoop booth. As I approached, I had a bit of that “standing in line for the rollercoaster” feeling you get when you’re gearing up for a new experience or trip. I got my one ounce pour, which was rich and dark, with a coffee-colored head rising up. The aromas were strong with dark roasted barley, chocolate and nuts. The beer delivered on these flavors in spades, with a slight savory note in the dry finish to remind you of its special ingredients. A funny idea turned into a well crafted beer that I’d recommend to anyone who’s a fan of dark beer, Wynkoop hit this one out of the park. Still available to this day, though only at the brewpub, Wynkoop’s Rocky Mountain Oyster Stout is a beer you’ll want to try, even if only just to tell people that you have, though I bet more than a few will order a second pint. Share a beer and laugh with friends, and Happy Spring. Cheers!

Valley A Voice











April 2018J


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E. Maple Street


Map Disclaimer © 2018 Valley Voice, LLC. All rights reserved. NOT TO SCALE! No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher does not guarantee the accuracy of this map.

Tamarack Drive

Amethyst Drive

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Hill Top Parkway


RCR 36

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Memorial Park Fish Creek Falls Rd.

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Valley Voice

April 2018


Calendar of Free Events RECURRING WEEKLY EVENTS: SUNDAY Latin Dance Night 7PM @ Schmiggity’s (Free Salsa Lessons). FREE. MONDAY 8 Ball Tournament 6:30PM @ The V Live Band Karaoke/ Schmiggity Jam 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. FREE. TUESDAY Pool League 6:30PM @ The V Two-Step Tuesday 7PM @ Schmiggity’s Free Country Dance

Lessons. FREE.

To submit your free events or calendar information e-mail to: Events may be edited for length or content. Calendar entries must be received by the 15th of each month.






Dart League 6:30PM @ The V

Easter Sunday

Karaoke Night 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. FREE

Registration open for Yampatika Summer Camps ages 5-15! Details at: http://www.

Boom Thursday: MoonRadish 9PM @ Schmiggity’s

An Evening with the Routt County CSU Master Gardeners 5-7PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events

City Council Meeting 5PM @ Centennial Hall

THURSDAY Steamboat Springs Writers Group Noon @ Art Depot.FREE FRIDAY Steamboat Theatrical Society (Every other Friday) Noon @ Arts Depot. FREE Contact for info.

Young at Art Creativity Camps Registration open, class sizes are limited. Morning and Afternoon classes run from June 11 through August 10. www.Steamboatcreates. org/classes/ MONDAY APRIL 2


Off ial

c BO UR et a rT g p fo i and u n WiF KU* Sig d e O nag EE R Ma FR Spe

Coming Soon ….Zirkel TV….

970-871-8500 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic……… *12 month contract required.Terms and condi5ons apply condi5ons

Deadline to submit entries for “GROUNDED: The dirt on public lands” A locally-sourced LIVE multi-media magazine Midnight. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events Free Film: “Take Every Wave” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events

Arthur C. Clarke


TUESDAY APRIL 3 City Council Meeting 5PM @ Centennial Hall

Steamboat Springs Community Blood Drive Hosted by UCHealth Yampa Valley Medical Center Thursday, April 12 12:30 - 6 pm In the Yampa Valley Medical Center Conference Rooms TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT: Visit and use site code 0234 or call Bonfils at 303.363.2300 Please bring an ID with you, eat a substantial breakfast and lunch, and be well-hydrated.

History Happy Hour – “Stories from ‘The Boys at the Bar’” With author and historian Sureva Towler 5:30PM @ Butcherknife Brewery, FREE. www. WEDNESDAY APRIL 4 Dance on Film: “Dancer” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events

FRIDAY APRIL 6 First Friday Art Walk 5PM @ Downtown Steamboat. Self-guided tour of local art galleries, Museums and alternative venues. FREE.

THURSDAY APRIL 12 Boom Thursday: Nobide 9PM @ Schmiggity’s

First Friday Artwalk Reception Routt County Youth Art Show Opening 5PM@ Arts Depot. FREE


Whitewater Ramble: Pickin’ on Led Zeppelin 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10

Coffee with Council 7:30AM @ Centennial Hall


Big Something 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $10 www.schmiggitys. com


Policulture 10PM @ Schmiggity’s. $5

It’s Not a T-Shirt Anymore Workshop 12-2PM@ Arts Depot. $20

Weekend Warrior Workshop 12-2PM@ Arts Depot. $20

Family Fun Night with We’re Not Clowns 7PM @ Chief Theater. $10 Kids/ $15 Adults

MONDAY APRIL 9 Wild Films: “Gray Area: Wolves of the Southwest” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE TUESDAY APRIL 10 City Council Meeting 5PM @ Centennial Hall

Missed The Boat & Sweet Lillies 9PM @ Schmiggity’s. $5 SUNDAY APRIL 15 Schmiggity’s will be closed until April 29 Have a Happy Mud Season

Indie Lens Pop-Up: “Look & See: Wendel Berry’s Kentucky” 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events WEDNESDAY APRIL 18 Bud Werner Memorial Library’s Foreign Film Series at the Chief “Paradise” 7:00PM @ Chief Theater. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events SATURDAY APRIL 21 Slime Workshop 12-2PM@ Arts Depot. $20 SUNDAY APRIL 22 Earth Day Bud Werner Memorial Library Community Yoga Practice BYO Mats & Props 10AM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events SATURDAY APRIL 28 Stained Glass Workshop 12-2PM@ Arts Depot. $20 SUNDAY APRIL 29 Schmiggity’s will ReOpen for Latin Night!

“The Go-Backers” With author and historian Peter Decker. 6:30PM @ Library Hall. FREE www.steamboatlibrary. org/events

I’ve been on a calendar, but I’ve never been on time.—Marilyn Monroe


April 2018

Valley Voice

HappyHours Last minute changes can and do occur - Mother Nature, illness, tour malfunction, whatever - the accuracy of this calendar is not guaranteed! 8th Street Steakhouse 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 p.m. Aurum Food & Wine 4:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Azteca Taqueria 4:00 - 5:00 p.m. & 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily

McKnight’s Irish Pub 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 - 11:00 p.m. daily Off the Beaten Path After 4:00 p.m. daily Old Town Pub 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily

Back Door Grill 4:00 - 7:00 p.m. daily & All day on Sundays

O’Neil’s Tavern and Grill 4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00 p.m. - 12:00 p.m. daily

The BARley 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

The Pit on 5th 2:00 - 6:00 p.m.

Big House Burgers 4:20 - 6 p.m., Mon-Sat. & 2 - 6 Sunday

Rex’s American Grill & Bar 4:20 - 6:00 daily

Cantina Mexican Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

The Rusted Porch 2:00 p.m.- 6:00p.m. daily

Carl’s Tavern 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

Salt and Lime 3:30 p.m.- 5:30 p.m. & 10:00 p.m.- 11:00 p.m.

Circle R Bar 4 - 6 p.m. Thurs., Fri.,Sat.

Sake 2 U 3:30 - 5:30 p.m.

Colorado High 5 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

Sambi Canton 5:00 - 6:00 pm Monday - Saturday

Cuginos Italian Restaurant and Pizzeria 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 9:00 - 11:00 p.m. daily Double ZZ BBQ 2:30 - 6:00 p.m. daily Dude & Dan’s Bar and Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Late Night Happy Hour: 10:00 - 12:00 p.m. daily E3 Ranch & Chophouse Restaurant 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Harwigs & L’Apogee: 5:00 - 6:30 p.m. daily Laundry 4:30 - 6p.m. Tues.-Sat. Low Country 4:30 - 6 p.m. daily Mahogany Ridge 4:00 - 5:30 p.m. Late night happy hour: 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. daily Mambo Italiano 4:30 to 5:30 p.m. daily Mazzola’s Majestic Italian Diner 5:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily

Schmiggitys 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. daily Scratch 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily Slopeside Grill 10:00 p.m.-12:00 a.m. Steamboat Smokehouse 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. & 9:30 to 11:30 p.m. daily:

First Friday Artwalk April 6, 2018 5 pm - 8 pm All over downtown

ART GALLERIES AND MUSEUMS CENTER FOR VISUAL ARTS 837 Lincoln Ave. | 970.846.8119 Local art at its best with lots of new work this month. Check out the new Linda Israel Signature Gallery. Complimentary wine. GALLERY 89 1009 Lincoln Ave. | 970.439.8196 JACE ROMICK GALLERY 833 Lincoln Ave. | 970.846.8377 Jace Romick Gallery is now open at its new location 833 Lincoln Ave across from FM Light & Sons. Featuring the fine art photography and custom frames of Jace Romick, MANGELSEN-IMAGES OF NATURE GALLERY 730 Lincoln Ave. | 970.871.1822 PINE MOON FINE ART 117 9th St. | 970.879.2787 IN BLOOM, celebrating the upcoming season in oil, acrylic and watercolor paintings, glass art, fiber art, mono prints, bronze sculptures, photography and jewelry. STEAMBOAT ART MUSEUM 807 Lincoln Ave. | 970.870.1755 *Last chance, don’t miss out! *Imagining the West Exhibit closes April 7th. *Live Music *Store Giveaway *New work by local artists

Artwork by Cully Kistler

Sunpies Cajun Bistro 3:00 to 6:00 p.m. daily Table 79 Foodbar 5:00 - 6:00 & 9:00 - 11:00 daily The Tap House Sports Grill 3:00 - 6:00 p.m. weekdays Truffle Pig 2:00 - 5:00 p.m. daily The V 4:00 - 6:00 p.m. & 10:00p.m. - 12:00 a.m. Vaqueros Mexican Restaurant & Taqueria 2:00 - 6:00 p.m. daily

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS ARTS COUNCIL AT THE DEPOT 1001 13th St. | 970.879.9008 W GALLERY 115 9th Street, Lincoln Ave. | 970.846.1783 WILD HORSE GALLERY 802 Lincoln Ave. | 970-819-2850 Wild Horse Gallery will feature oil paintings by Richard Galusha…and Timber will be in attendance. For more information call 970-819-2850 or go to HARWIGS/LAPOGEE 911 Lincoln Ave. | 970.879.1919 STEAMBOAT SMOKEHOUSE 912 Lincoln Ave. | 941.321.2809 YBC Gallery @Smokehouse hosts a unique group show this month, SCRAP. Members were asked to create work made exclusively from found or scrap materials, things that would otherwise end up in the dump. Stop in and see what our fabulous members have created this month! Tag your fave @youngbloodscollective URBANE 703 Lincoln Ave. | 970.879.9169 Local Artists Saige Mateo, Sheldon Sickles and Lucas Laverty showcase a wide variety of their works. Wood transfers, sketches, hand crafted knives, skateboards and more!

Valley Voice

April 2018


Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide

Talking Dirty By Mr. Helpful, M.D.

Talking Dirty - The naughty kind you’re not supposed to let regular people know you love to do. A dangerous path and it’s not for everyone. Not everyone likes broccoli or being called a handful of vulgar names right in the middle of a passionate moment. Or even the moments that lead up to that event. However, there are times when even the gentlest of creatures loves a solid tirade of obscenities lending direction or play by play of an amazingly passionate moment. Yuppers, some love to give it and some love to hear it. Either way, the dirty talk is one thing that most folks only like at the right time with the right person. Story Time: Making a smirking bad boy comment too soon in the dating process can be so incredibly bad, sometimes. It was an innocent turn of a phrase, Billy thought. While texting Carol in the morning about their date later that day, he asked if he needed to bring his golf clubs. According to pics on her profile, she is an avid golfer and he wanted to be prepared if the mood struck after an early dinner since it was still summer hours. The following is their exchange: Carol: We could play at the XYZ course. I take my clubs with me where ever I go.

Testing the waters, taking risks and stretching your own personal boundaries is a healthy thing to do. But not everyone is healthy every day or not in the same mood as you are right then and there. Was Billy’s little comment so over the top as to ruin the lives of two nice folks? Nope. But for her, with him, on that day – it was over the top. Some dear readers may think that what he said wasn’t even on the scale of suggestive for them and I understand. But not everyone likes to flirt that way with a total stranger. Not everyone likes to show side boob and most certainly not everyone likes broccoli.

fly and she freezes up thinking it was disgusting and overly perverted; grabs her clothes and storms out of the apartment. Yeah, it could happen. If a guy says something over the top and a woman finds it way out of line, the moment could be lost for the night. You could do your best to recover with apologizing and trying to get back to the passion, but there’s a chance that you should just call it a night and say your goodbyes. If a woman says something out of place, most guys would take it as she’s a freak and I’m a lucky guy. That’s part of the duality of life and of the species.

Some folks are very sensitive and some folks are overly sensitive. Any individual could have some horrible back story that ruined their life; and it has everything to do with what you just said or did. BUT it has nothing to do with you.

The biggest things I can encourage about any bedroom antics is communication, a deeper sense of boundaries, respecting one’s partner and communication – before and, of course, after super happy naked funtime hour. Asking “What do you like? What would you like me to do?” are respectful ways to get your partner talking. The more they talk, the more you talk, the more information about secret inner desires rises to the surface. Even within that moment, subtle passions begin and could slowly turn into something special right there and then.

A fun friend of mine told me that he was dating a woman who was getting vocal during their super happy fun time hour. She started to say his name in an aggressive manner and he loved it. Strangely, I suggested to him that as things heated up, he say Call Me Mister. Not sure why at the moment I thought that would be a good idea, just felt it might change things for them. Wow, did it ever. For whatever reason, that small detail flipped a switch in her and she turned into a sexual tiger, far more than ever before. I didn’t see much of my friend for several months, but when I did, he looked exhausted and very happy. Wonderfully, they eventually married and lived a behind closed doors BDSM lifestyle. I’m still very happy for them. What happens when you step over the line and say the wrong thing? There is a fantastic episode of the TV show Seinfeld where Jerry’s girlfriend starts with a little dirty talk. He’s new at it and makes something up on the

Always choose a partner you can trust. Believe your friends when they say be careful; they are looking out for you. And of course, I believe in you – you can do it.

Find Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide on Facebook, hit the LIKE button and read the expanded versions of this column. Up next from Mr. Helpful – Dating outside of your economic ranges – Taking a homeless person on a vacation. Both sides of this insane tale of adventure of police, back alley sex, stolen hearts and stolen cars.

Billy: We could also just “9 Iron it” around the neighborhood for fun as well. (30 mins later he felt smirky and thought he would throw out a spicy thought) Billy: you should only invite me to play with you if you think it would be good foreplay. Otherwise … ;-) (5 mins later) Carol: Did you really just say that Billy: Not out loud. Why? What did you hear…? (no reply from her, an hour later he sent this) Billy: Still on for 6:45 or did I blow it? Carol: We’re still on, but maybe you could tame your game a bit. Billy: In person I rarely make such mistakes. Carol: you might want to get to know someone before you go there. … just saying. They did have a nice dinner, but her lack of any romantic mood was apparent. At the end Billy was edging around possible after dinner golf, based on their earlier texts. She brought up that he needed to be in control of those Jr high text messages. Carol did have a point there, and no second date.

The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.—Fran Lebowitz


April 2018

Valley Voice

Routt County Disasters

October Surprise By Lyn Wheaton

When I walked by the laundry room I saw the shadow and when you see that shadow you know what it is. I wanted to deny it. I assured myself it was nothing, but flipped on the light anyway. Away he sped like the roadrunner in the old cartoon, so fast that you could really only see his essence. The mouse was now behind the dryer. Terror level in Cabin: RED Panic set in on both fronts. Had this been any other house, any other time, I would have packed my bags and forfeited the premises to the intruder. He snuck in while the weather was changing. He just wanted to find a place to warm his bones during the long winter that was fixing to set in, as it did every year in the remote Colorado mountain town. Little did he realize when he occupied this Cabin, he would be writing his death warrant. The whole saga started out like the movie Caddyshack, a first-world problem turned obsession, fueled by the inability to rid the premises of the pestilence. My fight or flight kicked in and I had no choice but to fight. It was Saturday night, almost midnight. I knew I’d never get an exterminator at this hour, but I tried anyway. I found an ad that said: Open 24 Hours, so I called them. In

the middle of my leaving a message a man picked up. With much relief, I blurted out, “Oh thank God you’re open! I have a mouse in my house!” The line went dead. The son of a bitch hung up on me without a word. Maybe he thought I was making crank phone calls. Who would make a crank call to an exterminator? I texted my friend: OMG I have a MOUSE! Then proceeded to leave messages on the voice mail of every exterminator I could find in the ‘Boat. Helpless, keyed up, and unable to sleep, I decided to post an emergency message on the Steamboat Yard Sale Facebook page. At the advice of my friend, who promised to bring her Golden Retriever over in the morning, I stuffed towels under the laundry room door to keep him contained. I also stuffed a bunch of towels under my bedroom door, just in case. Then I tried to get some sleep. The next morning, the horror of my situation jolted me awake. I felt like I had been Tased. I peeled the towels from underneath my door and tiptoed out while scanning the cabin for any signs of the squatter. All clear. He must have stayed in the laundry room. So far, so good.

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My Facebook post garnered many responses, mostly suggestions regarding removal of the unwanted guest. They ranged from someone suggesting I simply open the door and ask him to leave, to humane traps, and glue sticks -- the mouse equivalent of waterboarding. Things then veered into the sublime with a few outlandish tricks posted by well-meaning ranchers who have to deal with mass infestations. One of those suggestions was to get a bucket of water, float a bunch of seeds in it, and rig-up a ramp with a Popsicle stick diving board that would collapse into the bucket when the rodent attempted to walk on it. Finally a dude on the FB thread said, “I might know a guy that can come set the traps and remove the carcasses. How much are you paying?” This was exactly what I needed! I replied, “Fifty dollars.” He said he definitely knew a guy. I made arrangements with the dude’s agent for him to come that afternoon. In the meantime, my friend arrived with her dog, Moose. That’s when the movie quickly took a dark turn, veering from a light-hearted comedy into the dark depths of depravity, not witnessed since The Shining, While the mouse cowered behind the water heater, he thought about the way things were. A cursory glance at the animal kingdom may lead one to believe that the entire system is anarchist in nature. But like anything, there is a power structure, a ruling class, and when I started pulling everything out of the laundry room and sent in the dog, the lowly mouse was reminded that he was at the mercy of just about everything. And now he had to deal with an eighty-pound dog.

While Moose was clearing every inch of the laundry room I peeked behind the water heater and the mouse bolted out, quickly relocating to a spot behind the dryer. The struggle went on for hours. I knew, and the dog knew, that the mouse was behind the dryer. The dog tried to get back there but there wasn’t enough room. I zigzagged the dryer out of its spot, he looked in. I moved it again. He continued to try and get in but just couldn’t fit. Determined to get behind the dryer, Moose finally squeezed his body into the six-inch space between the dryer and the wall, much like a mouse would do. With his body stuffed into the small space, he was able to maneuver his face around the corner and behind the dryer. It was the animal kingdom counterpart to “Here’s Johnny!” And no less terrifying for the mouse, I am sure. . Not due to a lack of effort, but rather his size to the scale of the laundry room, Moose was unable to capture the critter. The mouse had been granted a temporary stay of execution.

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The dudes came that evening, and set two snap traps with peanut butter and said they’d be back tomorrow. I shut the laundry room door and stuffed the towels back under the door. I tried to watch TV but I couldn’t ignore the killing field just behind my laundry room door. I was having a hard time relaxing not because the mouse was in there. I had kind of gotten used to him he seemed to be a pretty good houseguest; he never left the laundry room. But I couldn’t

Valley Voice

April 2018


shake the feeling of my role as an executioner. I decided if he weren’t dead the next day – I’d remove the trap and get some sort of humane gadget. I scoured my memory, had I politely asked the mouse to leave as someone suggested? The next day, Monday, I beckoned a neighbor to come look at the traps and see if he was dead. He wasn’t. There was no sign of him. I was relieved. I wanted to get a humane trap at Ace but was afraid to leave, for fear if I abdicated my post the mouse would come out and wreak havoc in the cabin while I was gone. So after asking the mouse if he wouldn’t mind relocating, I sat guard. The dudes never came that night. On Tuesday I grabbed another neighbor and had her check the traps. Nothing. The dudes called and I told them not to bother coming that night. Nothing had happened yet. Wednesday came and I stuck some laundry in the washer. In case the mouse was in the trap I did this without entering or looking in the room. I hadn’t considered that to put the stuff in the dryer I’d have to go in. I left it until the next day. On Thursday I got my other neighbor again. Like Caddyshack, the whole ordeal became a huge endeavor. It was taking a damn village to rid my house of the unwanted guest. The 5-day standoff made Ruby Ridge look like child’s play Later that day, my neighbor checked the traps again. Nothing. He said the mouse was either gone or somewhere else in the house. I asked him if the mouse could’ve escaped through the dryer vent and he said, “Oh sure.” The other day he said, “No way,” but whatever. I decided that was probably what happened. I tossed the laundry in the dryer. It made a strange sound. A hollow sound. And then I smelled burning rubber. I was convinced the mouse had chewed through the cord or the vent hose, or both, and fled to safety. One of the dudes came later that evening. I told him my theory. He checked the dryer hose. There was no damage it was just unhooked. We hypothesized that the hose had been knocked off the dryer during the commotion and most likely the mouse hopped in and made his escape when it saw Moose’s face appear. All was calm in the cabin. Relieved that the mouse had found his way out, I put the laundry in the dryer and sat down to watch TV. The dryer buzzed. I went and pulled the laundry out and there he was, at the bottom of the dryer. This drawn-out event, part horror-story, part humor, reached its crescendo with a twisted surprise as harrowing and heart-stopping as the squirrel springing from the tree in Christmas Vacation. I screamed and then passed out. Where’s Cousin Eddie? He usually eats these things. I went and got my neighbor once again, and he pulled the remains from the dryer.

“Listen... I think he’s got the Dispensary Cough” Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us.—Boris Pasternak


April 2018

Valley Voice

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Resilience: The Art of Balance By Shaney McCoy

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Jeff, an avid skier and general outdoorsman, was injured in a fluke accident that is keeping him off the slopes. In fact, his doctors have told him he may never ski again. Once fiercely independent, he is now mostly homebound, only able to get out and about with the help of others. He is trying to find ways to stay busy, though - exercising the parts of his body that are still mobile, spending time with friends, watching funny movies, and getting involved in some writing pursuits. Sandy, a single mother of two, is caring for her dad who recently had a severe stroke. This has required her to move away from the mountains she loves dearly and uproot her children. She spends much of her day caring for her dad, but is utilizing a home healthcare agency to get respite time so she can look for a part-time job, at least minimally engage in activities she finds rejuvenating, and spend some time with her kids. Sandy and Jeff could both be described as resilient. Resilience refers to the ability to maintain equilibrium in spite of tough times.1 It’s that quality of remaining balanced, even thriving, when the environment or situation would seem to make that challenging. Being resilient allows a person to continue enjoying life and pursuing goals and aspirations when they might otherwise throw in the towel and just try to get by, accepting that being miserable is their lot. It’s not to say people who are resilient don’t occasionally feel stressed out, sad or frustrated, but it means these periods of distress pass fairly quickly and they get back to looking forward to each day and the rest of their lives. For most of its history the mental health field has largely ignored the study of resilience, focusing instead on recovery - the process of regaining normal function after a period of deep emotional distress. In the late 1980s, however, researchers began to explore the effects of resilience and how it can be fostered. In their 2003 book “The Power of Resilience,” Robert Brooks, Ph.D., and Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., suggest looking at resilience as a mindset which we can cultivate and change rather than a trait or characteristic we either have or don’t have. This is great news! It means that even if we’re not feeling so resilient right now, or have really struggled after some challenging experiences in the past, we can work on creating a resilient mindset that could help us get through hard situations in the future with less upheaval. Drs. Brooks and Goldstein describe several beliefs and attitudes that research has shown can help build resilience.

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These include feeling like you have some control in your life, being empathic, living a responsible life based on your values, being a compassionate and contributing member of society, and feeling special (not self-centered) while helping others to do the same. There are also specific skills we can hone which lead to greater resilience, including learning to communicate and interact with others more effectively so we have greater social support and feel more connected, establishing realistic goals and expectations, developing skills for solving problems and making decisions, and learning from both success and failure. Additionally, other researchers have found that maintaining the ability to laugh and experience positive emotions in the face of adversity can help us be more resilient. Sometimes people feel guilty about laughing or enjoying activities when they’ve recently experienced a tragedy or hardship, but allowing these positive emotions to come through can not only help outweigh the negative emotions they’re experiencing but can also lead to increased social contact and greater support from people they value.2,3 If you feel like life just keeps knocking you down, it might be helpful to think carefully about the attitudes and skills mentioned above and consider whether you could use some work on any of them. They are all areas that can be cultivated and strengthened, thereby building your level of resilience. Before long you may be surprised to find yourself standing strong and balanced in storms that would have sent you reeling in the past! 1Bonanno, G.A. (2004). Loss, Trauma, and Human Resilience: Have We Underestimated the Human Capacity to Thrive After Extremely Aversive Events? American Psychologist, Vol. 59, No. 1, 20–28. 2Bonanno, G. A., & Keltner, D. (1997). Facial expressions of emotion

and the course of conjugal bereavement. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106, 126–137.

3Fredrickson, B. L., & Levenson, R. W. (1998). Positive emotions speed recovery from the cardiovascular sequelae of negative emotions. Cog- nition and Emotion, 12, 191–220.

Shaney McCoy, LPC, is a mental health counselor in private practice in Steamboat Springs. You can find her at

Valley Voice

April 2018

Tales from the Front Desk

La Pretentieux Routt County’s Newest Restaurant

Lost Dog

If you don’t know where it is, than you can’t eat here.

By Aimee Kimmey

The clerk looked up, of course she remembered Mr. 206, he’d been beyond particular about the non-smoking status of his room when he checked in. He had allergies. Although, he evidently wasn’t allergic to dogs. He was standing in front of her with a scrawny mutt at his side. The dog grinned at her, his massive tongue draped over his teeth. His big goofy eyes sparkled, eager to meet anyone new. The beast wasn’t wearing any collar, it looked like Mr. Hester had used his belt to fabricate a make-shift leash. The dog seemed excited to just be there. “Okay...?” The clerk set her book aside and looked up at Mr. Hester, wondering what exactly he wanted from her. Was he some off duty dog catcher? Was she supposed to call the police on this tail wager? Print up some “Found” posters? What? “Shouldn’t we find the owners?! Or at least call someone?” 206 seemed impatient with her slow response. “Well... are you sure he’s lost? Maybe his parents are around the park somewhere?” She

The story you are about to read is true... More or less.


Parking lot. 3:14 p.m. Tuesday.

“He has no collar! I don’t want to see him go to the pound, but he is ‘At Large’.” Somehow the clerk suspected 206 was less concerned about the beast’s welfare then he wanted her to think.

The days were getting noticeably longer, and warmer. If you stopped for just a second to listen, you could hear snow melting everywhere. It was that magical time of year when you couldn’t wait to get into the sun and just wallow in it. It was spring. The park next to the hotel already had bright green spots of grass poking around the last dregs of winter’s dirty snow. People were sprawling on picnic tables and benches, throwing balls for dogs, and chasing children through mud puddles. For a brief moment, the hotel was slow. Sure there were a few token guests, and sure they had the usual problems; my TV’s broken, I need more towels, I can’t find the pool. But the warm days were far more lazy than last month. Or next month; it was time to catch your breath and enjoy a moment. The front desk clerk liked to spend these slow afternoons relaxing just outside of the lobby. She’d prop the door open with a rock, roll her chair out, and stretch out in the sun. She could still see the front desk, and easily hear the phone. She wouldn’t miss a thing. She could read her book and vicariously enjoy the park. “Miss! Miss!” A curt nasal voice interrupted her before she could open her book. “You’re the front desk clerk, right? I’m Mr. Hester, from room 206. I found this dog lost in the park over there.”


Heaving a huge sigh inside of her head, she got up. “Um, well, I suppose we can call the Humane Society...” “Buster!” A stony sounding voice cried from the park. Before either 206 or the clerk could respond, the dog squirmed out of the belt leash and bolted toward the voice. “Dude! Where ya’ been? I found the ‘bee.” The voice belonged to a skinny, barefoot, kid with thick dreads, wearing nothing but long floral shorts. He kneeled down to greet the dog, oblivious of anything else. The dog’s whole body shook with joy as he covered the kid’s face with kisses. The kid buried his face into the dog’s and they both wagged their bodies. The clerk hid her grin as 206 looked like he’d just swallowed a lemon. Instead she said, “Well, there we go, looks like Fido found his person.” She smiled politely and picked up her book. 206 glowered as she settled back into her chair. She pretended not to notice. Mr. Hester, huffed and marched off toward his room, his belt still in his hand. Yep, the clerk thought, definitely an off duty dog catcher.

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Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before.—Elizabeth Edwards


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April 2018

Valley Voice

A Mystic’s Life

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Browsing in an Asian Import store, I saw a statue of the Buddha. Being the Happy Buddha, he smiling. What was unusual about this iteration was that he was also lounging, his corpulence sprawled on the floor, abundance all around.


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By Lorre Buss

I wanted to buy this Buddha, and I had the $500. But I had no income at the time and determined I could make better use of my funds. Perhaps if I’d trusted God’s provision and splurged, I would not have ended up broke beyond belief a few years later. Who knows? In any event, I did not obtain the big Buddha. Nor have I forgotten him. I like the fat and happy Buddha. Just looking at him brings me joy. The skinny, meditating one doesn’t look like fun at all. I have nothing against meditation — I do it regularly myself. But I’ve never been attracted to the solemn guy in lotus position. He reminds me of Western Buddhists who so self-consciously try to always do the right thing and present the right image. There’s not a lot of pleasure in earnest, reverent spirituality. Big, fat Buddha has got it going on. One look and you can tell he knows the secret of living joyfully. I imagine in conversation with him, telling him my troubles, he would laugh with glee. Not in a mean way, but because I sometimes place too much importance on things. My nasty

N a p p r S There is no representation I take to be God. God is inef- p fable, not entirely knowable, and I never put “Him” in a human form. But I have the feeling that God’s a lot more b like the happy Buddha than the stoic one. Full of fun and p joy, willing us to take part in the pleasures of His beautiful, green earth. And laughing at our somber insistence on M things like evil, sin and lack. “Look all around you! Take o those black-colored glasses off your eyes and tell me: what h do you see?” t b A man I know wrote an obituary about his wife in which f he stated confidently that she would soon have heaven a whipped into shape. It was a joking reference to her t capacity to organize and manage things on earth, and it a lightened the lens through which we often view death. r His daughter and his pastor insisted that the sentence be v removed and my friend acquiesced. Ironically, this good Christian family and their minister forgot that Jesus S advised we become like little children, who live in a state m of playful wonder. h w At least that’s what they do until adults get their hooks m into them. Kids are delightful sparks of light, leading the E way to the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. Ya gotta give it to H God that He doesn’t get frustrated with our insistence on seeing the dark side while proclaiming we are looking at N the Light. b h I still keep my eyes open for a lounging, happy Buddha. c The first one was gone by the time I felt emboldened a enough to buy it. I’d like such a statue to set in my house p and remind me daily of the glorious abundance of all good a things provided by the Creator of this good earth. T Perhaps as a sign of the Deity’s encouragement, the first thing I saw after completing my initial draft of this columnN was a Facebook post with the opening quote, along with a i picture of a big, fat, laughing Buddha. N p “When you realize how perfect everything is you will tell your hand back and laugh at the sky.” Buddha boss, for instance. Why can’t I laugh at his ridiculousness instead of being irritated by his craziness? If only I could maintain that kind of lighthearted attitude, my work environment wouldn’t drain me the way it does.


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“I sure do live in a beautiful place””

Valley Voice

April 2018

A Closer Look

Is Naturopathy All That Useful? By Monica Yager

Naturopathy, one of the fringe practices, neither traditional nor evidence-based, is an alternative practice that many people don’t really know what it does, or even how to pronounce it. It is not legal in all states, prohibited in two, regulated in twenty, ignored in the remaining twenty-eight. Some states allow naturopath practitioners to access prescription drugs, and some states allow minor surgery as well. A few states allow Medicaid to cover this practice, but Medicare does not. So why the lack of uniformity for a practice that professes to be health care? Maybe because it’s not really healthcare. Naturopathy sort of evolved a few decades ago. Individuals who promoted herbs or vitamins or natural healing of some sort called themselves naturopaths. Sensing that some money could be made, naturopathic schools were established to offer formal training. Graduates of those schools set themselves apart from the untrained and became a political organization demanding recognition and licensing much the same as medical doctors. Strenuous and ongoing lobbying has resulted in some states going along with that, albeit in varying degrees, under the guise of protecting consumers. So are consumers being protected? Only some consumers may be protected, and not by the assurance of licensed health care, but from naturopathy itself. For instance, when naturopaths looked to enter the lucrative Medicare market, an investigation by the US Department of Health, Education, and Welfare (HEW), now the Department of Health and Human Services (DHH), concluded: Naturopathic theory and practice are not based on the body of basic knowledge related to health, disease, and health care that has been widely accepted by the scientific community. Moreover, irrespective of its theory, the scope and quality of naturopathic education do not prepare the practitioner to make an adequate diagnosis and provide appropriate treatment. The Massachusetts Medical Society warned: Naturopathic medical school is not a medical school in anything but the appropriation of the word medical. Naturopathy is not a branch of medicine. It is a hodge podge of nutritional advice, home remedies and discred-

ited treatments...Naturopathic colleges claim accreditation but follow a true “alternative” accreditation method that is virtually meaningless. They are not accredited by the same bodies that accredit real medical schools and while some courses have similar titles to the curricula of legitimate medical schools the content is completely different. But the state rejected that concern and recommended licensure. But licensure does not ensure consumers are getting health care. Because naturopathic practitioners, even the ones that claim to be doctors, are trained and educated in notions such as “toxins” and “vitalism”, weird diagnostic methods that include the tongue, iris, electrodiagnosis, or kinesiology, treatments like enemas, dietary regimens, hydrogen peroxide, and hydrotherapy, and the practice of selling the special vitamins and supplements they claim their client needs, none of which have been proven to diagnose, treat, or cure anything. Not only is this practice not useful, it is sub-standard, with the very real potential of the inability to diagnose or recognize a serious condition, delaying or completely omitting real health care.

A Closer Look is the culmination of witnessing first-hand the wackiness of the alternative health world from the perspective of a former owner of a health food store. Everyone can and should take a closer look, especially when it comes to their health.



North Park By Willow Fitzgerald

Written in the last deep nights of North Park Bring your shine into my valley Ask my shadows what they mean You can use my ripened hillsides As a place to rest your knees Travel carriage on my shoulders Use my soul to make you free But dont ask for more I’ve never lived like this before Take your time to cusp my mountains I don’t wear your stomp too well Take your habits on your own now They can only feed yourself You can wander in my forests, Take a tree home now and then Learn of me what you remember Test the signals smoke can send But dont ask for more I’ve never lived like this before And the moon will ask me slightly Why you move about this way Cause he lives in simple cycle Sight as short as thirty days

Meadow Creek

And I will tell him to remember The last time he lost the sun Remember time can be much greater Than the spinning that’s been done Build your homestead in my valley Drink my rivers like your wine But don’t ask for more I’ve never lived like this before

Reason is the natural order of truth; but imagination is the organ of meaning.—C.S. Lewis


April 2018

Valley Voice


Your Monthly Message By Chelsea Yepello Aries

March 21 - April 19

You will soon acquire a better job, allowing you the luxury to buy a higher quality can of refried beans, which you eat directly out of the can while laying half naked on your couch as you watch your “stories.”


April 20 - May 20

Your faith in online dating will quickly diminish when you are matched with an individual that has charming qualities, a love for the outdoors and would be happy to meet you, just as soon as they are released from the State of Alabama correctional facility.


May 20 - June 20

Your checklist for the next week will consist of a helmet, a pile of sponges and a pound and a half of horse meat. Somehow, the helmet will be the hardest thing for you to acquire.


June 21 - July 22

Don’t worry, the universe has a purpose for everyone. But just to save you some time, your purpose is to be that individual that holds the stop/slow sign during road construction, winking at the cars that pass you by.

@ Golden Leaf

October 24 - November 21

Though it was a mutual decision, it wasn’t easy for them to watch you make that choice. It had been hanging there, tempting you for so long, now you have to decide if you made the decision out of convenience or confidence.


November 22 - December 21

As you sink further into salinity and paranoia, you will be convinced that the man in the tree staring at you with binoculars is in fact, watching you, despite has assurance that he is just birdwatching.


December 22 - January 19

Well, you survived. At least this round. You may be a little beaten up, coved with an unidentified goo and half drunk, but at least you know that you gave it your best and have the energy to see what happens tomorrow. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to purchase some brass knuckles for this next round. It might be a doozy.


January 20 - February 18

You will decide that you are tired of dealing with shady people and flaky friends, thus, you will take a proactive step and begin a new career in taxidermy.


August 23 - September 22



September 23 - October 23

July 23 - August 23

Though it’s healthy to “experiment” sexually, at some point the pre-teen “self discovery” period of your life has to end.

February 19 - March 20

Somehow, you always thought at some age your clothes would become more sophisticated, but in reality, Batman Underroos never go out of style.

This week you will find true happiness and an enormous amount of joy. Unfortunately,


Recreational & Medical

1755 Lincoln Avenue Steamboat Springs, CO On the Free Bus Route



You’ll feel that you reached a new low when you catch yourself being one of those people that make witty little quips to complete strangers, resulting in them being forced to chuckle uncomfortably at your silly useless comments just to be polite.


Check out GL’s Facebook, Instagram, & website for upcoming 4/20 deals!

this will become bland after a short amount of time and you’ll cut the brakes to your car to shake it up a bit.

Heading to the Dez

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

KDX 200

CR 500

KX 500

CR 250

92 F250

Valley Voice

By Cully Kistler

By Matt Scharf

Scary -GoRound

April 2018



April 2018

Valley Voice

Steamboat Springs Arts Council Presents

CABARET 20 1 8

MAY 10, 11 & 12 6:00 & 9:00 PM

GENERAL ADMISSION: $35 VIP: $50 (Appetizers, a drink, schwag & early admission) Tickets available online, at the Depot and ALL THAT. For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

A fundraiser for the SSAC at