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Page 2 • Valley Bugler • September 2016

Publication Information Valley Bugler, LLC

Longview, WA (360)414-1246 eMail:

Editor/Publisher....................... Michelle Myre Web Manager ........................ Oscar Myre IV Cover Design ........................ Oscar Myre IV, Michelle Myre Cover Photo .......................... Victor Marsh, Photographer Distribution ............................. Diana Jones Advertising Sales................... Michelle Myre Columnists............................... Listed below Blake Peterson - Movie Reviews Georgia Butterfield - Adorable Adoptee Georgia Cox - Castle Rock Seniors Oscar Myre IV - Geek Speak /valleybuglernewspaper Paddy Burrow - Fruits & Nuts Pat Nelson - Window to Woodland PeaceHealth - Living Well **The Valley Bugler newspaper publishes content supplied from the above columnists, and is not responsible for factual mistakes or anything other than the occasional spelling error. The Valley Bugler does not endorse views expressed, but retains a neutral stance on all advertisements, issues and articles printed, unless otherwise stated.**


From the Editor’s Desk

September awakens the eternal conflict in my heart of having to say goodbye to Summer and welcome in Fall. It is a sweet time of remembering all that we have encountered during these beautiful summer months, and looking forward to crisp, cooler air as Fall begins to descend. Thankfully, we are usually blessed with warm temperatures and sunny skies that usually translate into locals calling it an "Indian Summer". Just where did that phrase come from? Looking deeper into those two words, it appears that it has been in use for as long as almost three hundred years. Exact origins are unknown, but from usage in texts and communication between settlers, it could have come about in "translation", when Indians - more correctly called Native Americans - first described it to Europeans: A warm and hazy condition, in the Northern Hemisphere, where a period of unseasonably warm, dry weather persists, AFTER a killing frost. I think it is the part about the killing frost that most of us Northwest folk throw out the door. If the sunshine sticks around for all of September, we like to immediately term it as an

"Indian Summer" and smile broadly. Sounds good to me. It can do that every year, as far as I am concerned. As the weather is usually very good in our lovingly coined "Indian Summer", there are still many Festivals and family fun events to explore. The Highlander Festival (Scottish and Celtic Festival), the Free Rock & Gem Show, and Art in the Park are just a few adventures that you could pack up the whole family and enjoy. I've visited the Highlander Festival for many years, and have always enjoyed the delicious food, scottish music and celtic dancing. Set in the beautiful Tam O'Shanter Park in Kelso, it's the perfect place to stroll around for the day. Of particular interest to me were the caber throwing events. Watching people throw huge logs as far as they can in the air brought back memories of the Scottish games in the movie 'Braveheart'. This is pretty darn similar. I loved it. My kids really enjoy the Highlander Festival, too - and are usually enthralled by the pipe bands, and in watching the dancing competitions. It's quite the sight to see a large group of young girls clogging or dancing in their formal gear. My son ends up doing a rendition of his own once we get home, and it never fails to have us in stitches with laughter. The youngsters are back to school this month, and perhaps the parents are heaving a sigh of relief. I would hazard to guess that the sigh of relief is tinged with some sadness as well. The schedules have filled up again, and those lazy days of summer start to fade away. Personally, this summer has been quite full, with trying to work from home (key word - trying) and helping my son recover from his surgery. You try keeping down an active little seven year old boy and let me know how that goes... It wasn't the most fun experience, but still ripe with lots of snuggles and love while he recuperated. Did you know that your adenoids can grow back after they have been surgically removed? I didn't either. Apparently, they grow back in approximately 1% of people who have them taken out. Little Oscar had his adenoids and tonsils taken out when he was three years old, due to trouble breathing when he slept. From the time he was an infant, he snored and gasped in his sleep. You could hear him from two rooms away. The snoring and gasping went away for a couple years, and then came back with a vengeance. After doing a sleep study and being diagnosed with severe sleep apnea, he was put onto a BiPAP machine at night, and scheduled for a "look" with the Pediatric ENT at Children's Hospital in Seattle. They scoped him and found his adenoids not only had grown back, but were huge, and his tongue tonsils were enormous. Did you know we all have tongue tonsils, too? I didn't either. After removing the adenoid tissue that was blocking his airways at 98%, and taking out the tongue tonsils, my son is breathing much better. Now, it's onto the final sleep study to see if we can toss the BiPAP and let him sleep on his own. Until next month!

Michelle Myre Publisher / Editor (Selfie taken on trip at Snoqualmie Falls, WA)

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Art in the Park Saturday, September 17th Calling All Scottish Clan Families:

(And those who just love a good time)

2016 Highlander Festival September 10th & 11th


Experience a whole weekend of Scottish & Celtic culture, with the Avenue of Clans, Scottish craft & food vendors, Scottish music & competitions including a Scottish Shortbread Competition. Saturday, 9/10: At beautiful Tam O’Shanter Park, Kelso WA on Saturday, September 10th, the festivities begin. Starting at 7:30am/8:00am with a fun walk/run 5K road race, Highland Dance Competition, Silent Auction (ends 5pm) and Highland Games. Ever seen a person throw a log? (A ‘caber’). At 10:00am please join in with the annual Highlander Festival Parade and the shortbread contest at 11am, which is held in the covered area at Tam O’Shanter Park. Judging is at 1pm, winner announced at 3pm. The Welcome & Opening Ceremony is at 12:30pm in the field. Live Music and Entertainment by Rogues End and pipe bands. Sunday, September 11: At 8:00am Kirkin’ of the Tartan Worship Service at Tamo O’Shanter Park and again at 10:00am at the

Kelso United Methodist Presbyterian Church. The Highland Games will begin at the park at 9:00am with those hardy lads and lasses tossing the caber and throwing the stone. There will be entertainment in the afternoon at the park with dancing and live music. 'The Wicked Tinkers' will be performing throughout the day. Merge the best of modern, almost rock-androll energy with the hypnotic, insistent grooves of their Gaelic ancestors. The Kilted Klassic Golf Tourny will be at Longview Country Club / 10am. The Kelso Rotary will be holding their Annual Duck Race in the afternoon raising money for charities and scholarships. Get your Highlander Festival Buttons, on sale July 5th, for only $1.00 each and maybe WIN a great prize! Don’t pass up a whole weekend of Scottish and Celtic fun at the park! [Above Photo: A competitor launches the caber (tapered log) into the air during the games. Credit: Highlander Festival.]

P R I Z E S Mark your calendars! If you enjoy browsing flea markets and Farmers Markets, and appreciate art and craft type commerce as well, be sure to add this event to your calendar! Coming soon, on September 17th, to our beautiful Lake Sacajawea, is the 9th Annual “Art in the Park” event. Held at the Hemlock Plaza, RA Long side of the lake, folks can browse the juried exhibit of fine arts and crafts that are also offered for sale, as well as experience 'culinary art' in the form of food. There will be all kinds of mediums to admire and you can meet the artist who created them. Some of the artists may be demonstrating. Mediums on display range from handmade soap, photography, pottery, wood, glass, jewelry, fiber art, paintings, re-

P R I Z E S cycled art and more. Come by and see what wonderful talent this community has, you won’t be disappointed. You can enter your name in a free raffle and get a chance to win: *Original watercolor by Carol Boudreau *Painted gourd by Sue Kramer *Hand crocheted scarf by Vicki Brigden *Swarovski Crystal jewelry by Mary Fortner-Smith *Glassware by Irene Bacon *$50.00 gift certificate from the Broadway Gallery. The sunshine is usually known to be out during this time of summer, so be sure to come and enjoy the day with others surrounding the lake, and bring your creative side! The Columbian Artsts Association is Celebrating 41 years! Visit us online for information:

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Oktoberfest calls

Travel near, Travel far...

Whether you’re a German by blood, or just love a good brew, Oktoberfest is something you’ve probably experienced a time or two. If not, this year is the perfect time to start, because everyone needs schnitzl. Of course, if you’re not able to fly out to Munich (Munchen) Germany, where over six million people attend every year and drink well over seven million liters of beer.....then the ones in Washington and Oregon will just have to suffice. 1) Mt. Angel Oktoberfest September 15-18 Celebrating 51 years! Located 40 miles south of Portland, it’s a nice drive to reach this Bavarian themed town that springs up for Oktoberfest, complete with Biergarten, Weingarten, Alpinegarten, Prostgarten, Bandstand, St. Mary’s Church, and ‘Kindergarten’. See info online: 2) Fremont Oktoberfest September 23-25

Friday & Saturday is 21+ ONLY, with valid ID. Sunday, all ages are welcome, and ages 21 and under are free with a paying adult. Dogs are cool too, but no snakes. Super fun time and even includes Kids Zucchini Races on Sunday and a Texas Chainsaw Pumpkin Carving Contest. You can’t go wrong with interesting things to do in Fremont, (Seattle) anyways.

3) Renton Oktoberfest September 23-24 Renton Pavilion Events Center, Renton WA. “Dust off your dirndl and come join the fun at the Renton Pavilion!” Staying true to its roots, Renton Oktoberfest is proud to serve a large selection of beer shipped directly from Germany in full-size steins. There will be plenty of live entertainment throughout the 2-day event with several German Bands playing oom-pah and traditional German games. Family friendly on Saturday until 6pm

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” ~Dave Barry October 7-9 The 12th Annual Oktoberfest Northwest is prepped for arrival at the Washington State Fairgrounds in Puyallup. (Rain or shine = INDOORS!) Serving up beer, brats and authentic entertainment, as well as a 5K RUN/WALK, it is an all-ages event until 7pm each evening, and all day on Sunday. Prices for tickets range from $5 - $12. (Discounts and event updates on the FB page). Get ready to Polka Party, participate in the Stein Dash, or play the Hammerschlagen, it’s bound to be “macht spass”!! (Very fun). 5) Leavenworth Oktoberfest First 3 weekends in October! For obvious reasons, an Oktoberfest held in Leavenworth is undoubtedly awesome. Ages 12 and under get in free with

a paying adult. Kids will enjoy the Kinderplatz with a climbing wall, bouncy house and clown performances. Free transportation in Leavenworth, live music, German food, arts and crafts, and activities for the whole family (oh yeah and did we say “beer”?). Oktoberfest in Leavenworth is the next best thing to being in Munich. They have four venues with live entertainment and Free Shuttles in Leavenworth What ever you do, don’t miss the Keg Tapping Ceremony at 1:00 pm every Saturday when Leavenworth's Mayor will honor a Bavarian Tradition of “tapping the keg”. Then plan on hanging around and checking out music from Musikkapelle Leavenworth who will be joined by other musical groups from the US and Germany.

Toledo Senior Center Events Every Wednesday and Friday: for a suggested donation of $3.00, if you are over 60,we serve what is called a nutrition lunch which is partially funded by the Area Agency on Aging.PLEASE CALL FOR RESERVATIONS ( 864-2112) THE DAY BEFORE if you plan on attending. Lunch is served at noon Every Monday and Thursday: for a suggested donation of $5.00 (this is a fund raiser), we serve a Cooks Choice (enrichment) lunch. Lunch is

served at 11:30 Some of our classes we offer include Wood Carving, Quilting, Water Color (not a class but a group of artists meet on Mondays),Acryllic/Oil Painting, Three different types of exercise from low to high impact. Call 864-2112 for more information and the specifics on each class. September 10 ​ we will be having our pancake breakfast from 7:00am 10:30am at the Toledo Senior Center 150 Coal Street.

Washington State FAIR 9/2-9/25 Fair goers unite! The Washington State Fair is running from September 2nd through the 25th this year, with Tuesdays CLOSED. Hours, Info & Prices online:

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FREE ADMISSION to the 51st Annual Rock and Gem Show!

The Cowlitz Co Veterans Expo & Stand Down is a one day event providing services to all our Veterans, Service Members, and their families. Resource & Referral for food, shelter, clothing, health screenings, VA assistance, & Social Security benefit counseling. Veterans may also receive referrals in other areas, such as health care, housing solutions, employment, substance abuse treatment and mental health counseling. This is a collaborative event with government agencies and community-based service providers that benefit all our Veterans. We will provide coats, flu shots, hair cuts, breakfast & lunch during the event. Meals & Beverages will be provided for our Veterans, Service Providers (2 tickets per table) & Volunteers.


Available Resources: Military Records Homeless Resources Employment VA Enrollment Mental Health Legal Assistance Family Services WDVA - Outreach DSHS - Outreach Dental Information My Health EVETS Treatment / counseling Social Security Shower Vouchers Free Hair Cuts Breakfast / Lunch Public Health Warm Coats Project AARP Ebenefits Housing .....and more! Please join us.

Lighter side

FIRST GRADERS The first graders had settled down to coloring books. Little Pauly came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Pauly," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" Pauly: "Not really; what happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?"

ANNUAL BOSSES NIGHT At an annual Bosses Night dinner, where legal secretaries sponsored their lawyer bosses, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year. The master of ceremonies began: "First of all, our winner is a graduate of Harvard Law School, so that already eliminates some of you as candidates." "Our winner also is a partner in a downtown law firm," he went on. "That eliminates some more of you." Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated..." A voice from the audience cut in: "Well, there go the rest of us!" SMART ALECK After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?"

HOW WAS I BORN? A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well, Honey..." said the boy's mom, "the stork brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the stork brought us too," chimed in the dad. "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mom, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

Saturday, September 17th 10:00am - 5pm and Sunday, September 18th from 10:00am to 4pm. Bring the family to the Castle Rock Fairgrounds in Castle Rock, WA for a ROCK-ing experience! The Southern Washington Mineralogical Society, or SWMS, is holding the 51st Annual Rock and Gem Show. Games are fun, and everyone wins at the Spin Table, where there are polished rocks and cute critters made from various rocks. The Gem Dig yields polished rocks and/or treasures, so you simply can’t lose! Another fun thing is to watch award winner Rocky Courser build his wonderful Sand Sculpture. There will be many Dealers selling every kind of Rock related wares, including unique jewelry, trees, and beading. Marvel at the Black Light Display, spend time in the Country Store and take some time to enjoy the Showcases, proudly set up by our members who love showing off their treasures. See which case has the meteorite in it, IF you can find it. ☺ There are also Door Prizes every 30 minutes. Just stand by your favorite rock and pick from many lovely prizes, all donated by members & dealers. A Silent Auction is conducted every thirty minutes. Bid on your favorite rock or slab.

A Live Auction is held at 3pm on Saturday. Great items to bid on. There is a raffle every year to swell the Scholarship Fund. The prizes are all fun and rock related. Tickets will be available both days of the Annual Show with the drawing held on Sunday at 3pm. No need to be present to win. A scholarship will be awarded by the group to a local student studying earth sciences from raffle proceeds. There will be a Kids Scavenger Hunt, so bring the littles. Many of the items on display have interesting stories. SW WA Mineralogical Society member, John Thurston, found by chance (destiny?) at a garage sale, buried in a box of junk, a mysterious numbered object. Thurston bought the box for a few bucks and upon finding the numbered object, did some digging of his own. What appeared as just a dark colored rock with a number stamped on the bottom, turned out to be a very valuable meteorite. The Mineralogical Society meetings provides members a wonderful experience with socializing and engaging with people who have similar passions. For more info about the SW WA Mineralogical Society, please contact Vicki: (360)751-8031.

Ryderwood Hosts 11th Annual Arts & Crafts Fair Calling Vendors & Quilters Ryderwood will be host to the 12th Annual Fall Arts & Crafts Fair, including a Quilt Show the weekend of October 21st & 22nd, 2016. “Christmas in October (+Halloween & Thanksgiving)” will allow you to do a ton of holiday shopping. The crafters will be located in the two large rooms of Community Hall (305 Morse St.), while the Quilt Show will be located in Pioneer Hall (201 Morse St.). The hours are from 10 - 4 each day. The cost for Craft Fair vendors is $30 for each 6 ft.-by-6 ft. space, table included. Interested vendors should contact Linda at (360) 295-0069 for an application. Applications can be printed off the “What’s Happening?” page of Those interested in showing quilts should contact Patty at (360) 430-5211. The Ryderwood Women’s Christian

Service Bake Sale will be in Community Hall’s kitchen. It is the fund-raiser for the group’s outreach mission. The Veterans (Ryderwood has both VFW and AMVETs posts) will serve lunch at the Ryderwood Café. They invest all of their proceeds in Ryderwood and assisting veterans. Ryderwood is located 9 scenic miles west of I-5 exit #59, at the very end of SR 506. This quaint village is one of the country’s oldest retirement communities and is home to some of the finest artists and crafters for miles around. Learn more at Mark it on your calendars now, and if you are looking to sell your crafts or display your quilts, please contact the numbers included in this article as soon as possible to ensure your participation this year. Thank you, and see you there!

Page 6 • Valley Bugler • September 2016

An Option for Unwanted Life Insurance Submitted by Georgia Cox SEPTEMBER Events Every Monday: Our delectable Cinnamon Rolls and coffee will be served to the public from 10am to NOON. Suggested donation is only $1.50 for these delicious concessions. A great way to start your week! Every Monday, Wednesday & Friday: Get that heart rate up and get healthy with the exercise classes from 9:30am to 10:30am! Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday: Write Your Life Story group will meet in the Center from 1pm-3pm. Every Wednesday: CAP offers Nutrition Meals for Seniors at the Center at NOON. Suggested donation is $3.00, PLEASE call #6362118 (by Monday) for reservations. Pape Tole classes are offered from 1pm - 3pm. Every Thursday: Fun Quilting projects will take place from 12pm to 3pm and Pinochle games are played in the Center later at 7pm and is open to all who are interested! Every Friday: Lunches by reservation only, will be served in the Center at NOON. Must Reserve by calling 636-2118 by Monday.

SPECIAL EVENTS: Tuesday, September 13th: Program presentation features a SHIBA Representative to discuss the Medicare Program for the coming year at 11am, followed by a potluck lunch at noon. Please join us for this time of important information and good fellowship. Thursday, September 15th: Commodities will be distributed from 10am - 1pm. Have a valid punch card. NOTICE: BINGO will return on Saturday, October 1st. Please watch the readerboard for any further announcements. *Watch for further information about the "Christmas in November" sale. Any person age 50+ is invited to join the Castle Rock Senior Center. Lifetime membership is $5.00 Activities, newsletter, new friendships and more are offered. Please stop on in for a visit or to see information posted. Bring your friends and let's have some fun. Castle Rock Senior Center 222 - 2nd Ave Castle Rock, WA 98611 (360)274-7502

(Family Features) More than eight out of 10 seniors are not aware they can sell their life insurance policy for an immediate cash payment. According to a survey of more than 600 people conducted by Coventry Direct, 86.1 percent of life insurance policy owners do not know they have the choice to sell their unwanted policy instead of lapsing it for nothing or surrendering it for its cash value. Even a term policy with no cash value can be sold. Consider this story: A car dealership owner originally purchased a $488,000 life insurance policy as a way to fund a buy/sell agreement with his business partner. After the business dissolved, his family continued to pay the premiums, but eventually decided they no longer needed the coverage. He was planning to surrender the policy back to the insurance company for $6,800 until he saw

Coventry Direct on TV. He called them and was pleased to learn he had another option in which he was able to sell his policy for $80,000 more than 10 times what he would have received from the insurance company. The proceeds were divided among his three children, which they used to supplement their income. "When seniors decide they no longer need or can't afford their life insurance policy, the typical decision they make is to lapse or surrender it back to the insurance company," said Alan Buerger, CEO of Coventry Direct. "The vast majority of these seniors have no idea they may be able to sell that unneeded life insurance policy for several times more than its cash value." Life insurance is personal property, has value and can be sold just like your home. The proceeds of the unwanted policy can be put toward paying health care bills, paying off debt or subsidizing other retirement expenses. To learn more about the option of selling your life insurance policy, visit or call 888-858-9344. Photo courtesy of Getty Images #13215 * Source: Coventry Direct

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Art Trails 2016 ARTrails 14th Annual Artists Studio Tour September 17-18 and 24-25 – the 3rd and 4th weekends of Spetember. More than 40 Southwest Washington artists will display their works at 23 different studios from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. for the free, self-guided Tour. The complete Studio Tour Guide with map is available at:

Patriot Day: 9/11/16 Not to be confused with National Patriot’s Day, celebrated in April on an annual basis, on September 11th we honor those who died and those who served heroically during the worst terrorist attacks in United States history. On September 11, 2001, almost three thousand people died in New York, Washington, D.C. and in the fields of Pennsylvania. Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing when they first saw the events on television, or heard about them on the news coverage that continued throughout the day, night and beyond. A month later, the U.S. House of Representatives passed Joint Resolution 71. It was first designated as the Day of Prayer and Remembrance for the Victims of the Terrorist Attacks on September 11, 2001. The following year, President George W. Bush proclaimed that September 11 would be observed as Patriot Day. The President directed that the American flag be flown at half-mast and displayed from homes, at the White House, and on all U.S. government buildings at home and abroad. Most businesses do the same.

Americans are asked to observe a moment of silence beginning at 8:46 a.m. (Eastern Daylight Time), the time of the first plane crash at the World Trade Center. Patriot Day is a time of both sadness and pride: sadness for the innocent victims and their families and pride in the actions of the firemen, first responders, and the brave acts of so many others. Patriot Day will continue to take on added significance again this year with the running of the Boston Marathon three years after the bombings that killed three people and injured more than 250. The marathon is always held on Patriot’s Day. This year, Patriot's Day falls on a Sunday. Allowing for many people to take the time in reflection, Sunday offers the chance for families to gather, parents to teach their kids and for all of us to grieve. Words like terrorism and terrorist attacks can be tough to know how to teach young ones, but this is a world in which terrorism and terrorist attacks are a daily reality. Together, through education and choosing love over hate, we can do our part to keep our country strong.

The Opening Gala and Exhibition Gallery will be held in Centralia’s Historic Train Depot at 210 Railway Avenue on Friday, September 16th from 4-8pm. This will be an opportunity to meet the artists and view their works in one central location. The Gallery will be open daily through the 25th from 10am - 5pm.

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Sponsored by: Columbia Auto Group

Family Fun @ 4th Annual 'Show & Shine'

SAT. • SEPT. 17th • 8am-3pm COLUMBIA CITY, OREGON It’s cars and the beautiful Columbia River. The perfect combination to enjoy our last days of summer, and head out to one of the last car shows

of the year, with hundreds of awesome vehicles to browse, and owners to shoot the breeze. ALL vehicles are welcome to participate, with a registration fee of only $15.00 - which benefits the Columbia City Community Library. Located along 2nd Street in Columbia City, Oregon, hundreds of locals and visitors gather for a family fun day celebration. Delicious strawberry pancake breakfast starts off the day from 8-10am, followed by Craft Fair & Vendors, Kids Activities and Games, a Silent Auction, Quilt & Beach stay Raffles, Ice Cream & Bake Sale, Book Sale, Art Show, Emergency Preparedness Fair, Hot Dogs & Hamburgers, Food, and Live Music by 'The Decades'. For additional information, call the head honcho Gordon: 503-396-5658

If Microsoft Built Cars... 1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought “Car95” or “CarNT”. But, then you would have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a car that

was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads. 6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower. 7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say “are you sure?” before going off. 10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.” -Dudley Moore SLOW Drag at the Port of Ilwaco SEPTEMBER 11th Hot rods line up on Howerton Way at the Port of Ilwaco, WA to compete in a coasting competition. Cars have approximately 15 feet in which to accelerate and then coast for 200 yards. To win, a car must cross the finish line and stop closest to the line. Trophies and assorted gift certificates are awarded during this fun SLOW Drag race. It’s a great warm up for the weekend, with the “Rod Run to the End of the World” hitting nearby at Ocean Park on the 11-12th.

The Port of Ilwaco is located on the SW Coast of Washington, nestled just inside the Columbia River bar. It’s a working fishing village in a scenic and tranquil setting. Not to mention popular. If you’re looking to moor a boat there, you had better call to make sure there is availability. Surrounding the waterfront is a lovely smattering of restaurants, gift shops, art galleries, retail seafood outlets, coffee shops, and a bookstore. There is also the Lewis & Clark Discovery Trail as part of the waterfront walkway.

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Increasing Road Safety with Cost-Effective Technology (Family Features) Driving conditions have drastically changed in recent years, and thanks to the rise of cell phones and smart devices there are more distracted drivers on the road than ever before. In fact, the National Safety Council reports that 1.6 million crashes each year are a direct result of cell phone use while driving. So what steps can you take now to prevent your family from becoming another accident statistic? Forward collision warning and lane departure warning technology

can be the difference between an average commute and a tragedy on the highway. The systems use radar technology to detect if you get too close to an obstacle or another vehicle, which signals the system to sound an alarm - providing up to five full seconds of extra reaction time. That may not seem like much, but imagine how far you can go in five seconds when speeding down the freeway at 60 mph. This technology isn't just available in new luxury cars. You can get it installed aftermarket in your current

vehicle at a fraction of the cost. Safe Drive Systems is leading the charge in helping drivers protect themselves and their families on the road by providing affordable forward collision and lane departure technology that can be outfitted into almost any car. Here are just a few ways that collision avoidance systems can save you money in the short- and longterm while keeping you safe: Don't wait for mandatory collisionavoidance technology. Government and consumer advocacy groups are attempting to make forward collision warning technology mandatory in all new cars by 2022. However, you don't need to wait to protect your family - the technology is available now. This potentially life-saving upgrade is available to all consumers, and getting it installed in your vehicle can provide you and your family a safer driving experience years before the auto dealers will begin manufacturing the technology in standard models - at a higher price point. Upgrade your safety features without buying a new car. Most manufacturers and dealerships won't add collision avoidance technology to a car that's already been purchased. Drivers need to be aware of costeffective aftermarket solutions that can be installed in almost any auto-

mobile. This technology can add up to $4,000 to the price of a new car from the manufacturer, but consumers can install it in their current vehicle for half that cost. Reduce accidents and prevent hikes on insurance premiums. When drivers get into a car accident, they can often expect to pay thousands in insurance surcharges and fees over time on top of repair costs. Avoid these costs by relying on technology that assures a reduction in accidents. Some collision-avoidance vendors are even willing to pay up to 50 percent of your insurance deductible if an accident should occur. You're not just surrounded by other drivers when you're on the road, you're surrounded by text messages, tweets and apps too. With 80 percent of today's car accidents caused by driver inattention, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, there's no reason for waiting to take necessary and cost-effective steps to make your car safer. For more information and tips on how to make your vehicle safer and potentially reduce accidents and accident risk, call 855-826-4234 or visit Photo courtesy of Getty Images, #13175 Source: Safe Drive Systems

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Are you a future Hospice volunteer? By Jean Brown For the Valley Bugler Newspaper

We would like to celebrate and congratulate the unsung heroes of Hospice. Over the last thirty years Hospice has established award winning programs and given expert guidance to effectively increase knowledge and improve care by being of assistance during a time of crisis, according to the Hospice Foundation of America’s website, “Hospice care is considered to be the model for quality, compassionate care for people facing a life-limiting illness or injury, hospice care involves a team-oriented approach to expert medical care, pain management, and emotional and spiritual support expressly tailored to the patient's needs and wishes. Support is provided to the patient's loved ones as well. At the center of hospice and palliative care is the belief that each of us has the right to die pain-free and with dignity, and that our families will receive the necessary support to allow us to do so.”, states the website of The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. They explain further that Hospice focuses on caring, not curing and in most cases care is provided in the patient's home. Care may also be provided in freestanding hospice centers, hospitals, nursing homes and other long-term care facilities. Services are available to patients of any age, religion, race, or illness. Both Hospice organizations make it clear that the collaborative team is there to assist a person with the

struggles of being seriously ill. They explore options and locate important information to help a person make necessary decisions. Those that find themselves or a family member in this situation, can attest to this help being invaluable at a time of crisis. Many caregivers have reported to the Hospice Foundation that much of their worry was relieved simply by knowing they were never alone, and that they could call hospice at any time with a question, concern, or for help. Hospice was started by a group of volunteers observing a need and taking action to assist. Even today, volunteers are considered the heart of Hospice as an integral part of its collaborative team. If you are a caring person and would like to make a difference at a critical moment, please consider becoming a Hospice volunteer. Your assistance is greatly needed and appreciated. The rewards for reaching out to help another: Priceless. Longview: Community Home Health & Hospice (360)425-8510 Services provided include: Home care: choosing the comforts of home Home health: care without leaving home Hospice: give your loved one quality time Hospice Care Centers We Honor Veterans Pet Peace of Mind ® : Keeping pets and families together during hospice care. Grief support

After school snack Success If you’re a mom or dad or even older sibling, you understand that when those kids come home from school, they’re so hungry they could eat a horse. Backpacks get thrown to the floor and immediate chants of “I’m hungry” start chorusing around the kitchen airwaves. The key to success for fueling their sometimes endless bellies? Preparation and Creativity. Here are a few helpful tips for making snack time an easy “fun time” of feeding the kids and allowing them time to “download” school to you. The best snacks are those that combine two or three food groups such as: * Celery filled with peanut butter and topped with a few raisins. (We call these ‘ants on a log’. Sometimes M&M’s go over well too and we laugh about their colorful ‘coats’ that the ants have.) * Low-fat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Jelly could be sugar

free or home-made. * Cottage cheese and fruit. A great combo that we found was cottage cheese and red grapes. Surprisingly delicious and the kids gobble it down quickly. (Use low-fat cottage cheese). * Crunchy nuts or trail mix offer a pleasing crunchy snack. * Fishy crackers offered in a fun margarita glass or bowl can offer a “twist” on the “norm”. Prepare snacks such as fruit and veggies into bite-size pieces or chunks on an evening where you have ten to fifteen minutes, and set in the fridge at eye level in containers that kids can easily pluck from. Slice carrots, peppers and broccoli and arrange in a fun bowl where kids can grab out what they want. Fruit can be offered in fun dishes or with interesting spoons and forks, too - try making a waldorf salad and inserting it into a waffle cone! Whatever you do - preparation is the key, and once you establish that eating healthy snacks is best for growing young bodies, your children will usually follow suit on their own. The occasional candy or sweet treat isn’t bad - encourage kids to listen to their bodies and make wise choices with cookies and other treats. If they have full access to the goodies, they will actually be more apt to learn quickly that if they stuff themselves with sweets, they usually don’t feel very good afterwards. Not making “treats” such a big deal encourages children to make wise choices for themselves. On the same note, if you are demonstrating that grabbing a handful of almonds instead of chocolate is your choice, they will most likely follow suit.

September 2016 • Valley Bugler • Page 11 huh! I thought so! Proving once again that we are kindred spirits, aren't we, Lila? Note to Michelle: I guess I sorta DID write about automobiles, after

Nada! Not a THING! As I sit down to write this article, I must confess I have nothing on my mind, at the moment, to write about! Our darling editor, Michelle, says "The theme for September is 'automobiles'" but I don't have much knowledge of nor interest in them, except that they seem to get me from "Point A" to "Point B" if I remember to put gas in them. And if I can find my keys and my glasses... And if I can remember where it was I was headed once I get into the driver's seat. I do recall one day a few years ago when I was in the car headed to Longview from my home in Silverlake, and I couldn't remember what store I was going to nor what it was that I was needing at that store. (This is a spin on the familiar scenario when I find myself standing in the kitchen and forget why I came in there from the livingroom a second ago!) Except I was in the CAR. So, I pullled off to the side of the road and waited. I thought maybe I'd remember where I was headed, but, no luck. My mind was about as blank as it was

before I sat down to write this article! So I thought to myself: "No problem. I'll just go back home and resume whatever it was I was doing when I realized I needed something at the store in the first place." Only problem was, for at least a split second, I couldn't remember where "home" was, either. Honest! It was my first TRULY SENIOR MOMENT, I think! So I waited some more. I noticed a peaceful, beautiful lake off to my left and said to myself, "WOW! What a beautiful LAKE!" Then, in a flash, it HIT me! "Oh yeah, I LIVE by that lake! Now I remember where I live!" And I meekly trekked back home until the thought came to me that I needed vacuum cleaner bags or whipped cream or dogfood or laundry soap or whatever it was that I'd needed that had prompted the original trip to the store. Now, I'm sure nothing like that has ever happened to YOU, so I hesitate writing about it because it probably won't resonate with a single, solitary soul, except, perhaps, my friend Lila, who is 90. Can you relate, Lila? Uh

all, didn't I? YAY! :o) Paddy Elkins invites your feedback! You may Email her at: or call her at 360-751-5231.

Gas-saving Tires Auto makers have offered “lowrolling-resistance” tires before, but there wasn’t much interest among new-car buyers. Now there is. With high gas prices, buyers want to squeeze a few extra miles out of every gallon. Gas-saving tires have been out for some time. They were made with specially formulated compounds and tread designs that cut road friction. But sometimes there was a trade-off. They had less road grip or were less durable. “It may not sound like a lot, but for every three pounds that your tires are below their recommended pressure, your fuel economy drops 1 percent, reports the American Council for an EnergyEfficient Economy. Add that up for a nation of deflated rubber, and you can see that we’re blowing money out our, um, tailpipes.”

comments Brian Clark Howard in a recent blog post. Michelin says it is now into its fourth generation of low-rolling-resistance tires. Bridgestone introduced its gas-saving Ecoia in Japan and is thinking of offering them in the United States. Tiremaker Kumho says its tires offer a 35 percent improvement in rolling resistance. The Chevrolet Cobalt XFE has Goodyear low-rolling resistance tires. Along with XFE engine improvements, it gets 3 mpg more in highway driving than a conventional Cobalt. But experts for Goodyear say consumers could get more gas mileage by keeping the tires they already have properly inflated. Vehicles whose tires are under inflated by 20 percent use 10 percent more gas, they say. If your tread is bare, then replace them with low-rolling-resistance tires. Properly inflated = saving $$

COUPON CENTR AL CU T • C A L L • S AV E From BOGO deals to energy rebates, find it here! Share the GOOD NEWS about great savings! Do you have a favorite store you wished ran their coupons here? Share (360)414-1246

Page 12 • Valley Bugler • September 2016

KIWANIS CLUBS focus their community service hours to the welfare of children. CATHLAMET 1st Tues. 6 p.m. at the St. Catherine’s Catholic Church; 3rd Tues. at Sugar Lillies at noon. CHEHALIS - Thursday 12 p.m. at “The Restaurant” in Sunbirds. CLATSKANIE - 1st & 3rd & 5th Tues 6 p.m. at Fultano’s; 2nd & 4th Tues 12 p.m. Colvin’s. KELSO - Thurs. noon at 3 Rivers Mall, Comm. Room. LONGVIEW - Thursdays. noon at JT’s. SCAPPOOSE- 1st & 3rd Wednesday 6:30 p.m. Windemere Real Estate Office) ST. HELENS - Thurs. noon at the Elks Lodge (350 Belton Rd, St Helens). ST. HELENS DAYBREAKERS - Tues 7 a.m. at Warren Country Inn, Last Tues 6pm Columbia Soil and Water District Office AMERICAN LEGION GLEN HOYER POST 175 meets in Castle Rock every 1st & 3rd Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. For info call 423.9542. The LADIES AUXILIARY to Glen Hoyer Post #175 of the American Legion meets first Thursdays. For info call 423-9542. AMERICAN LEGION GUY RATHBUN Post #25 meets the 2nd Thurs. of the month at 7 p.m @ Kelso Eagles For info Kandi 423.2504 BUFORD ROCKAFELLOW POST 101, The American Legion, and Auxiliary meets the 2nd Friday of each month at the Winlock Community Building. Potluck 6 p.m., meeting at 7 p.m.. For info Post Commander Wendy Carolan 360-785-0929 or Adjutant Phil Carolan at (360) 785-0929. The FLEET RESERVE ASSOCIATION (FRA) Naval Service Veterans, Navy, Marine Corps, Coast Guard. Lower Columbia Branch 363 meets 6:30 p.m., 2nd Friday, Longview VFW building, 4311 Ocean Beach Highway. Information: Ray Hegr (360) 425-6981 FLEET RESERVE AUXILIARY #363 meets the 2nd Friday of the month at the VFW Hall, 4311 Ocean Beach Hwy, Longview. Potluck 6:30 p.m. meeting 7:30 p.m. Active, retired, or reserve status family members with the US Navy, Marines, Coast Guard. Info 425.4688. KOREAN WAR VETS ASSOCIATION CHAPTER #321 of SW WA meets the 3rd Wednesday of each month @ 10am; Vancouver WA. Call Commander James Mead (360)907-0592 for information. KELSO-LONGVIEW ELKS LODGE #1482 meets Thurs at 7:30 p.m. for our members only. Dinner is served before Lodge at 5:30 p.m. Lunches are served Monday-Friday 11 a.m.-2 p.m. 900 Ash St., Kelso. 360.425.1482. TOUTLE VALLEY VFW POST & AUXILIARY #10882 meets the 1st Tuesday @ 7 p.m. at their Post Home, 101 Hansen Road in Toutle. For more information, contact John at 274.4350 or Nikki at 274.5263. TOLEDO VFW 3429, Reg. Meeting 1st Monday, Potluck at noon, meeting at 1 p.m. COWLITZ VALLEY VFW POST 1045, Tues. Bingo @ 6 p.m., 5 p.m. dinner; Auxilary mtngs at 11 a.m. every 2nd Wednesday. Breakfast for veterans served 1st Sat. of each month $6 each from 9 - 11 a.m. The COWLITZ VALLEY VFW LADIES AUXILIARY POST #1045 meets the 2nd Wednesday at 11 a.m. at the VFW Hall located at 4311 Ocean Beach Hwy, Longview. For info or questions please call Ruby at (360) 577-0414 or Jeannette at (360) 414-4053. COWLITZ PRAIRIE GRANGE #737 meets 2nd Wednesdays 6:30pm potluck, 4th Wednesdays 7:30pm dessert. 5180 Jackson Hwy, Toledo, WA 864-2023 SUNNYSIDE GRANGE #129 meets the 1st & 3rd Thursdays. 6:30 for potluck, 7:30 meeting. Call 274.6013 for information & rental hall. SILVER LAKE GRANGE 2nd and 4th Thurs. Potluck 6:30, meeting at 7:30 p.m. Info Anita Morgan 748-8098, Rentals call Claudia Hunter 274-5263 CATLIN GRANGE #199 2nd & 4th Fri. 6:30 p.m. Potluck dinner 2nd Friday. 7:30 meetings. More info: 423-2122; Rental call Barbara Wilburn: 425-5970. PLEASANT HILL GRANGE # 101 2nd Monday. 6:30 p.m. Potluck, meeting @ 7:15 p.m. Community Service group meets Thursdays @ 10am. Info & rentals call Zula Bryan 360-425-6101 ROSE VALLEY GRANGE #953 2nd Tuesday, 1 p.m. 4th Tuesday, 6pm. Info & Hall Rental: Becky Molt 360575-3977 WOODLAND GRANGE #178 2nd & 4th Thursdays 6:30 p.m. Potluck, meeting @ 7:15 p.m. Info & rentals call John Burke 225-9888 CASTLE ROCK WOMANS CLUB meets every 2nd Monday at 1 p.m. 206 W. Cowlitz Street. Business meeting & program. Public iinvited. Info: 274.8149. THE PYTHIAN CASTLE 24 holds their meetings every 2nd and 4th Thursday @ 1 p.m. at the Castle Rock Womens Club, 206 Cowlitz St. West, Castle Rock. THE CASTLE ROCK LIONS CLUB meets the 1st & 3rd Thursdays at Hattie’s Restaurant @ 5:45 p.m. The club sponsors newspaper recycling. R Square D Square Dance Club: Sept - May. 2nd Fri & 4th Sat. 7:30 pm Plus, 8:00pm - 10:00pm Mainstream with Rounds. $5 admission Kelso Senior Ctr 636-1993

LONGVIEW MONTICELLO LIONS meets 6:30 p.m. 2nd and 4th Mondays, dinner and speaker at The Carriage Restaurant on 12th LONGVIEW EARLY BIRD LIONS meets at The Carriage Restaurant on the 1st Wednesday @6pm, 3rd Wednesday @6:45am. THE VADER LIONS CLUB meets the 1st Thursday @ 6 p.m. and the 3rd Thursday @ 7 p.m. at the club’s building on Hwy 506 in Vader for a potluck dinner and meeting. Info: 295-3087 or 295-3801. KALAMA LIONS CLUB - LONGVIEW PIONEER LIONS CLUB meets every Tuesday at noon at the Longview Eagles Club (152612th Ave) Provide humanitarian service to the citizens of the area, visitors are welcome. WINLOCK LIONS CLUB meets the 1st and 3rd Thursdays of each month at 12 p.m. at Guadalajara Restaurant, off SR 505. Visitors welcome. Call 7853744 info KELSO LIONS CLUB meets 1st & 3rd Monday @ 6:30 p.m. in Longview Kelso Kels Building. Call Richard (360)425-5876 ROSE VALLEY GRANGE #953 meets 2nd Tues. @ 1pm, & 4th Tuesdays @ 6 p.m. 1520 Rose Valley Road, Kelso. Info: Becky 575-3977 or Debbie 414-9627 COWLITZ COUNTY VETERANS ASSOC. meets the second Friday of each month. CALL 577-6757 for locations. LONGVIEW REBEKAH LODGE NO. 305 Meets the 1st and 3rd Saturday each month at the IOOF Hall, corner of Pacific and Pine, Kelso, 1 p.m.. Info: 1-866725-3507 CASTLE ROCK EAGLES, celebrating their 100th birthday, meets at the Eagles Aerie on Huntington Ave. @ 8 p.m. every 2nd & 4th Tuesday for the Aerie & Auxiliary. KELSO EAGLES meet 1st and 3rd Tuesday at 7 p.m. Aux., Aerie meets at 8 p.m. Initiation 3rd Tuesday. BINGO MonWed-Fri @ 6:30 p.m. Special Charity BINGO Monday 12 - 3 p.m. Call 425-8330 for info. CASTLE ROCK FREEMASONS 3rd Mon @ 7:30 p.m. at Lodge located on SW First Ave DAUGHTERS OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, MaryRichardson Walker Chapter. rootsweb. FRIENDS OF CASTLE ROCK LIBRARY, 1st Mondays from 10 - 11 a.m., Library 137 Cowlitz St. West in Castle Rock WORSHIP & RECOVERY meeting, Sunday @ 1 p.m., refreshments. Positive faith group meeting. 1260 12th Ave., LV S.C.O.R.E. - Free counseling & guidance for small businesses by the nation-wide of S.C.O.R.E., Kelso/ Longview Chamber of Commerce, 1563 Olympia Way, Longview, WA. DISABLED AMERICAN VETERANS: 1st Fri of the month at 1 p.m. @ 1639 10th Ave. 577-5890, and Auxiliary meets the 2nd Friday of the month at 11 a.m. 423-3125 MT. ST. HELENS CLUB - meets 2x week to hike on a rural trail in SW Washington &/or NW Oregon.  Location and info: or 360- 673-2799 NATIONAL ASSOC. OF ACTIVE & RETIRED FEDERAL EMPLOYEES Longview - Kelso Chapter 1070, meet the 1st Wednesday @ 11:30 a.m. at the Monticello Hotel, Longview. Info: 423.6032. LOWER COLUMBIA WOODCARVERS Tues 5 - 7 p.m. & Thurs. 1 - 4 p.m . @ LV Senior Center 274-3175 LONGVIEW BORDER CROSSINGS Volks walking meet on 2nd Tuesdays at St. John’s Hospital, Longview, @ 6:30 p.m. Cafeteria Sam Korff 503-728-0400 KELSO ROTARY Meets Thursdays at 12 p.m. Lunch available to purchase. Kelso Longview Elks Lodge Call 414-5406 for more information ALTRUSA of Longview/Kelso meets Thursdays from 12 - 1 p.m.. 1st - Board; 2nd - Business; 3rd - Committee; 4th - Program; Lunch served for $5 at all meetings except Board. Meet at Altrusa room at CAP. THE SPIRIT OF FREEDOM Christian Intervention program for the chemically dependent, meets Wednesday 6 p.m. at Landmark United Pentecostal, 4333 Ocean Beach Hwy, 360-636-0580 LONGVIEW GARDEN CLUB meets at 10 a.m. the 4th Thurs. Jan. - November; Sept. - Oct. Due to holidays, Nov. & Dec. meetings are on the 3rd Thurs. Most mtngs Grace Lutheran Church in Longview. Info: 425-0755 COWLITZ BEE ASSOCIATION meets the 3rd Thursday each month @ WSU Extension Office, 7 p.m. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS of Longview meets Thursday @ 5:30-6:30pm at 1414 12th Ave, Longview. Info: Gloria 360-749-7449 or NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) "Connections" Open Support Group Mondays @ 4-5:30pm and Thursdays 12-1:30pm. STRIVE Series; Dealing with emotional and/or addiction issues Tuesdays 1-2:30pm: Counseling availabe. Call (360)703-6722 NAMI SW WA Kelso office: 109 Allen St, Kelso WA

Abernathy Assembly of God 702 Abernathy Creek Rd. Longview Phone: 360-636-1620 Website: Sunday Service 10:45 AM Apostolic Lighthouse 803 Vandercook, Ste 12, Longview Bible Study Tues 7:30pm Church Service Sun 2:30pm Pastor Mozingo (360)219-6109 Apostolic Lutheran Church 248 Cowlitz St. W., Castle Rock Sunday School 10:15 a.m. Church at 11 a.m. Information Dave Kandoll 295-3461 First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) 2000 East Kessler Blv - Longview 360.425.4220 Rev. Eric Atcheson Grace and Truth City Church 525 Third Ave SW – Castle Rock Pastor David Beer Worship 10:15am, 749-2289 Grace Bible Fellowship 300 S.10th Ave, Kelso Worship: Sunday 11:00am Bible Study 9:30 a.m. (360)423-4035

Baha’i Faith Vader 360-751-2181 Packwood 360-494-4767 Grace Lutheran Church, MS Longview 360-423-4105 2725 Dover Street, Longview Wednesdays 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Worship: Sunday 10:30am Bethany Lutheran Church (360)414-4147 2900 Parkview Drive, Longview Office: (360)577-8240 Grace United Methodist Church, Pastor Julie Bracken Vader, 295.3402 Sunday Worship: 9:30 a.m. Rev. Steven A. Caskey, pastor Castle Rock Christian Church Sunday worship service – 12:15 p.m. 542 Huntington Ave. S, Castle R. Potluck every 2nd Sunday Quilting on Mondays & Thursdays Sunday school – 9 am (all ages) Sunday Worship – 10 am Dr. John Leffler, Senior Pastor Highland’s Baptist Church 6th-12th Gr. youth Wed, 6-7:30 pm 371 20th Avenue 425-1960 Longview 360-274-6771 M-F, 9:30a -1:30pm Sunday School 9:00am Call for home groups/studies Worship Service 11:00am Pastor Larry Pedigo 703-2117 Castle Rock Church of the Nazarene 456 Pioneer Ave. NE, Castle Rock Sunday School classes 9:30 a.m. Worship Celebration 10:45 a.m. Evening church service 6:30 p.m. Women’s Bible study Th 10:30am Rev. Reo McBride, 274.6546 Castle Rock First Baptist Church 211 Front Ave. NW, Castle Rock Pastor Joel Royce 274-4113 Sun Bible Study all ages: 9:45am Worship 11a.m. Women’s Bible Study: Wed 1:30pm Cowboy Church: Last Sat.; 3-6pm Castle Rock Church of Nazarene 456 Pioneer Ave NE, Castle Rock (360)274-6546 Pastor Reo McBride Sunday Service: 10:45am Sunday School: 9:30am Children’s Service: 11:00am Sunday Eve Service: 6:00pm Women’s Bible Study: Wed 6:00pm Castle Rock United Methodist 241 First Street, Castle Rock Sunday School 9:30 a.m. Worship 10:55 a.m. Sunday Youth Group: Sundays 2 p.m. Rev. Pam Brokaw - 274.4252 Central Christian Church 401 Crawford St., Kelso Worship -11am, school @ 9:30am Wednesdays @ 6pm (Youth @ 6:45 Bible Studies - many available Russ Tevis, Minister 360-425-3420 Church Office Community of Christ, Longview 202 Delaware Street Pastor Sharon West Classes all ages: 10:00am Worship Service: 11:00am Church of Christ 300 St. Helen’s St., Toledo, Wa Sunday Bible Class 10 a.m. Sunday Worship 11 a.m. & 6 p.m. John Gadberry, Minister 360-274-8570 Emmanuel Lutheran Church 2218 E. Kessler Blvd. - Longview Sunday Worship - 8:30am Sunday “Celebration” - 11 a.m. Thursday Worship - 6:30 p.m. Pastor David Martin, Senior Pastor Church office - 360-423-3250 Faith Fellowship Lutheran Brethren; Church 210 Fishers Lane, Kelso Pastor Chris Leingang Worship at 10:00am Church Office (360) 425-4390 Fathers House Church 1315 Commerce Ave, Longview Worship Sundays: 9am, 10:30am Pastor Chuck Tilton 423-7826 Fireside Fellowship 271 Atmore Road, Toutle Worship Sunday 10:00 a.m.

House of Prayer for All Nations 868 9th ave. Longview, WA Sunday School 9:45 AM Morning Service 11:15 AM Evening Service 6 PM Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church 2200 Allen Street, Kelso (360) 423-3650 M & F Daily Mass 12:15 PM Sat Vigil Mass 5:30 PM Sunday Mass 10:30 AM Kalama Baptist Church, Pastor Wes Eader 112 Vincent Rd, Kalama WA 9:45am - Sunday School 11:00am - Worship Call 673-5570 Kelso First United Methodist Church 206 Cowlitz Way, Kelso Contemporary Service 9:00 am Sunday School 9:20 am Traditional Service 11:00 am Wed: Children (Grade 1-12) 5:30-7 pm Pastor Vonda McFadden 360-423-7480 Lexington Bible Fellowship 98 Garden Street, Kelso (Lexington) Sunday school @ 9:45am Sunday worship @ 11am Pastor Jerry Hancuff Life Center Corner of Rock & Pine in Centralia Sundays at 10:30am or Oyler Rd & Hwy 12 in Ethel Sundays 9:00am 360-736-5898

951 Delaware St., Longview Sundays 10am & 6pm Wednesdays 7pm 703-3340 Oak Point Community Church 445 Oakpoint Rd, Longview Sunday School 9:30 a.m. Sunday Service 11 a.m. & 6 p.m. Thursday Bible Study 7 p.m. Pastor Doug McMurray #577-6037

The Rock Meeting at 1955 Huntington Ave S, Castle Rock Worship 10 a.m. every Sunday Wednesday @ 7pm Service Pastors Jerry & Angie Hughes 274.7480 Rose Valley Friends Church 1437 Rose Valley Rd. Kelso 360-425-3222 Church Office 9:30am Sunday School Hour for all 10:45am Worship Service 5:00pm - 7:00pm Valley Youth Group 6-8pm Wednesday-JValley Youth 6-8pm -Sunday-JValley Youth Ryderwood Community Church,

315 Jackson St. PO Box 161, Ryderwood, Pastor Bill Bowlby, 360-295-3962 Service Opportunities 11 am Sunday

St. Mary Catholic Church 120 Powell Rd., Castle Rock 274.7404 W & Th Daily Mass 8:30A Sunday Mass 8:30A St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church 412 Pioneer Ave., Box 1467 Castle Rock Worship 10 a.m. Sunday - 274.9393 St. Paul Lutheran Church 312 First Ave. SW, PO Box 847, Castle Rock 274.6604 9 & 11am Sunday Worship. Adult Study & Sunday School 10:10am Tues 10:30am Text Study Wed: 5:30pm Youth Group Wed: 7:30pm Adult Bible Study Pastor Bob Sinclair St. Rose Catholic Church 2571 Nichols Blvd Longview, WA 360-425-4660 The Salvation Army Church 1639 10th Ave, Longview Sunday School @ 9:45am Holiness Meeting @ 11:00am 360-423-3992 St. Stephens Episcopal 1428 - 22nd, Longview WA Office: (360)423-5600 Sunday Worship: 8:00am & 10:00am Seventh Day Adventist Church 7531 Old Pacific Hwy -Castle Rock Worship 11 a.m. Saturday Pastor Ben Moore 274.6090

Seventh Day Adventist Church 77 Solomon Road, Kelso WA Office: (360)423-7344 Saturday Worship: 11:05am Pastor Marcia Stone Living Hope Church 2711 NW Andreson, Vancouver Stella Lutheran Chapel 11:00am Sundays 124 Sherman Road, Longview Pastor Dean Jenks (360)944-3905 Pastor Carol Plummer Sunday Worship 10:00 am Longview Church of Christ Office (360) 423-3795 (Wed. Only) 2219 50th Ave. Sunday Bible Class Toledo New Life Assembly of God 9:30, Sunday Worship 10:30 Pastor Larry Hartwick 420 Silver Street, Toledo 864-4366 Worship: Sun. @ 10am, Wed. @ 6pm Longview Church of the Nazarene Dinner on Wednesdays @ 5:15pm 814 - 15th Ave, Longview Food Bank: Last Tue/Wed of month Sunday Service 10:30 a.m. Sunday School 9:00 a.m. Toutle Christian Fellowship Celebrate Recovery Thurs at 6 p.m 5067 Spirit Lake Hwy – Toutle 360-577-1100 Worship Service Sunday 9 a.m. Pastor Denny Martinez Longview Community Church, 2323 Washington Way - Longview (360)274-6305 Contemporary Service 8:45 a.m. Sun. Vader Assembly of God Church Traditional Service 11 a.m. Sun. 302 - 6th St., Vader (360)295-3756 Pastor John Williams 423.6380 Pastor Tracy Durham Sunday Worship: 10:30am & 6:00pm Longview Presbyterian Church Wed. Adult Study, Kidz Church: 7p.m. 3808 Pennsylvania St., Longview Worship and Children’s Class: Valley View Church of God Sundays at 10am 1435 - 33rd Ave, Longview WA Pastor Bill Van Nostran 577-8951 Pastor Dwayne Cothron (360)636-6787 Worship Sundays @ 10am & 6pm Longview Pentecostal Church 4333 OB Highway, 636-0580 Word of Life Christian Center Sunday School 11am, Worship 12pm 277 Brown Rd. E, Chehalis Bible Study Wed 7pm, Youth Fri. 7pm Sunday 9:45am / Wed 7pm Study Pastor Perry Hanchey 360-864-4407 / 360-523-8828 New and Living Way Church

September 2016 • Valley Bugler • Page 13

Movie Reviews By Blake Peterson

Is LinkedIn Dead?

By Oscar Myre IV Valley Bugler Columnist A hipster co-worker of mine recently made a snarky comment about how people no longer use LinkedIn. I've been using and training people to use LinkedIn for years. But recently I've heard more people talking about not using LinkedIn. This got me thinking, is LinkedIn no longer relevant? Or do some people just need some insight on how to get the most out of this site? You decide. Here are my 5 LinkedIn tips for 2016. 5) Treat LinkedIn as your Resume It’s just as important to keep your LinkedIn profile up to date as it is your regular resume. Many hiring managers now take a quick peak at your resume and then jump on to LinkedIn. 4) SEO your Skills LinkedIn allows employers to search for candidates based on their skills. I can’t recommend enough to list your skills and load your summary with the skills that you think your dream job hiring manager might be looking for. I recently found a great guy by searching for skill (ruby on rails) and city (Seattle). I called him in and we hired him. He hadn’t heard of our company before, it was his optimized profile that helped land him a job. 3) Recommend Others It is great to receive recommendations. Before asking for recommendations I suggest you be a giver. To quote Ivan Misner from BNI, “Givers Gain”. If you give good honest recommendations you might be surprised

by the ones you receive, often from completely different people. 2) Join a Group Simply joining a group adds credibility to your profile. If you actually participate in a group it is even better. 1) Watch who is watching you The standard free account allows you to see who has been watching you. This is a great tool to troll learn more about people that might be interested in learning more about you or possibly even hiring you. If you are job searching I do recommend you go premium. Ok here is one more: My biggest tip with LinkedIn is to Use Linked Before You Need It. LinkedIn is about making relationships, that takes time. I can’t encourage you enough to grow your network by connecting with professionals now. Please do this now before you are actually looking for work. But, what do I know? Hey I found my job and got hired for my job with RAM Mounts using LinkedIn! Thanks for reading my article, go out and make some connections right now. Feel free to connect with your favorite geek. ~:-) I'd love to hear what you think. Do you use LinkedIn to as a tool for hiring or getting hired? Do you think LinkedIn is dead? Send your responses to the! Oscar Myre IV is the Senior Web Developer at RAM Mount, a subsidiary of National Products Incorporated, in Seattle. He enjoys work and playing with his kiddos.

Urinary incontinence in women— common and treatable By Gretchen Schwinn, CNM Valley Bugler Columnist Many women experience leaking urine when they sneeze, laugh, or exercise. What most women don’t know is that these issues are frequently treatable without surgery. Urinary incontinence is a condition affecting thousands of women. Your women’s healthcare provider can help you develop a plan to reduce or eliminate urinary incontinence. Pelvic floor dysfunction is frequently the cause. This means the muscles that support the pelvis, female organs, and bladder are weakened or not functioning properly. Childbirth, lack of fitness, weight gain, and decrease in estrogen with aging can all contribute to pelvic floor dysfunction. Obesity can cause women to be three times more likely to experience incontinence. Weight loss is associated with a 50% reduction in symptoms. Speak to your provider about a healthy plan to lose weight. Caffeine, alcohol, and carbonated beverages can all cause bladder irritation. Caffeine and alcohol can also cause diuresis, the excessive elimination of fluids. Try cutting out all three for 1-2 weeks and see if there is any improvement in your symptoms. Slowly add moderate amounts back in one at time to see if there is one type of beverage effecting your

symptoms more than others. There are physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor dysfunction. These practitioners will complete a thorough evaluation of your pelvic musculature and develop an individualized plan to rehab the pelvic floor. We have these specialist in Longview. See your women’s health specialist for a referral. You can try pelvic floor exercise at home, as well. Pelvic floor exercises go beyond the basic Kegel. Bridge pose, squats, and planks; initiating the movement from your pelvic floor, glutes, and lower abdomen, all help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. Perimenopause and postmenopausal women can benefit from topical, local estrogen to help support the health of the pelvic floor. Talk to your provider about the risks and benefits of hormone therapy. Women with incontinence should see their women’s healthcare provider for a work up. Urinary incontinence is treatable, and there is no reason to suffer.

Gretchen Schwinn, CNM, was born and raised in Castle Rock. Schwinn returned to serve her community-providing excellent prenatal, obstetric and gynecological care to women of all ages at the PeaceHealth Women's Health Clinic in Longview, WA.

Starring: Matt Damon, Alicia Vikander Directed by Paul Greengrass Running Time 2 Hr., 3 Mins., PG-13 My Rating: B

By Blake Peterson Valley Bugler Columnist 'Jason Bourne' Sixteen years and five movies later and the Bourne franchise still hasn’t much reinvented itself. Every addition is essentially a long-winded chase movie, wherein Damon’s Jason Bourne, a misunderstood whistleblowing foe of the CIA, runs from government controlled bad guys as men in white suits hungrily stalk him over incessantly hacking and tracking computers. Since the original trilogy, spotless assaults “The Bourne Identity,” “The Bourne Supremacy,” and “The Bourne Ultimatum,” were such visceral (and satisfying) exemplifications of the modern action movie, “Jason Bourne” is an unnecessary continuation. It’s the first film of the enterprise to lack memorability. But stingingly suspenseful and dangerously death-defying it stays. Though I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve already forgotten most of its intricacies and therefore don’t consider it to be that great, I will remember its heart-stopping sequences of action and how they made me feel like a Hitchcock wronged man on the thrill ride of his life. It takes place just a short while after the events seen in Jeremy Renner’s 2012 excursion, a time frame that hasn’t altered the fact that Bourne’s been a wanted man for almost two decades and is at the point in his going rogue where capture indefinitely won’t be happening any time soon. But the CIA isn’t any less hearty in their wanting to get their dirty paws

on him; it’s been a decade since he exposed Operation Blackbriar, a callous black ops program, and they’re prone to holding grudges. The movie finds him in hiding and making a living out of illegal bare knuckle fights, emotionally numbed by a life that’s given him nothing but violence and misery. Fortunately for the most easily distracted of viewers, things get going almost immediately after our titular hero’s name first flares across the screen in 007-esque typography. “Jason Bourne” concerns its warrior’s locale hopping attempts to unveil the CIA’s recent implantation of several Blackbriarlike programs and its developing methods of inexhaustible public surveillance. With an unnamed assassin (Vincent Cassel) and his governmental employers (Tommy Lee Jones, Alicia Vikander) hot on his trail, Bourne puts his scrappiness to good use and pulls all the stops necessary to gain victory. And while that victory does come as predicted, “Jason Bourne” doesn’t have the tired eyes of a fifth sequel — its strategies of emptying our adrenaline valves remain briskly bombastic. Knock-‘em-outs are so ornate that they hardly require an orchestra to back up the energy they protrude. The finale’s car chase makes Steve McQueen’s wild ride in “Bullitt” look like a Segway tour guide’s chasing after a runaway customer. Portrayals of civil unrest and progressively invasive surveillance are well timed. So I’m fine with “Jason Bourne’s” familiarity…as long as a quick, cheap thrill is delivered to me with breathtaking zip, who am I to complain? Jones and Vikander might be sapped of their charm. But with Damon so ready to entertain and with Greengrass so in control of the violent chaos, I’d rather not be needlessly critical. Where else am I going to lose myself in pulsepounding mystification? A student at the University of Washington, Blake will major in Visual Communications or Journalism.


Answer on p.15

Page 14 • Valley Bugler • September 2016

eBiking: Benefits for All By Pat Nelson Valley Bugler Columnist

When I visited Amsterdam several years ago, I learned quickly that the streets are filled with bicyclists. Nearly one-third of the residents list the bike as their main mode of daily transportation. Bike paths connect many Dutch villages, where biking has been popular since the 1890s. I remember watching one father on a bike who rode his two children to school. He talked on his while his children sat in a wooden box on back of the bike eating their breakfast. This reminded me of many families at home who hurry from one place to the other and grab a quick meal as they go. The only difference is that here, the are usually in the back seat of the car. Klazina and Benno Dobbe, owners of Woodland's Holland America Flower Gardens, moved to the U.S. from the Netherlands in 1980, and they returned to Holland recently for a visit. Klazina told me, "My family never owned a car. We always rode bikes." So, while in Holland, Klazina and Benno decided to ride electric bikes (e-bikes) with three other couples. Two couples had their own bikes, and two rented. During two days, they rode eight hours through beautiful farmland, to the zoo and to

go out for meals. In Holland, one in three bikes sold is an e-bike. The Dobbes enjoyed the e-bike experience so much that upon returning home, Benno Dobbe told his wife, "I'm going to buy you one of those bikes." The e-bikes offer a combination of pedal and electric power. One charge will take the rider 35-40 miles. The Dobbes returned home on a Tuesday, and by Saturday, they each rode a new Athens e-bike. According to Klazina Dobbe, "E-biking is especially big in Portland, and is popular with the over-50 age group. Many who don't want to drive prefer to ride e-bikes because they can be faster in traffic and are less expensive." If you're not sure this type of bike is for you, Klazina suggests you rent first. "It's easy to rent e-bikes in Portland.," she said. Klazina's bike has three e-settings. When she comes to a hill, she just turns the setting from one to two or three. Sometimes she chooses to ride without the electric settings, but she finds that the e-settings make it easier to ride with faster bikers. The e-settings also make for an easier ride when she goes against the wind in Woodland's bottoms. The first time she rode in Woodland, she was on

the lowest speed and rode 14 mph without much effort, using both pedal and electric power. She plans to ride more around Portland. For now, she rides her e-bike to the grocery store in Woodland to do her shopping, filling the saddlebags

with groceries, and a bit of her Holland childhood rides with her.

Pat Nelson, is co-creator of three humorous and sometimes edgy anthologies: ‘Not Your Mother’s Book: On Being a Parent’ ( & retailers); On Being a Grandparent; and On Working for a Living.

How to identify where a driver is from 1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Manhattan 2. One hand on wheel, making gestures out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New York City 3. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston 4. One hand on wheel, one hand on non-fat double decaf cappuccino,

cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun on lap: Los Angeles 5. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:>From Iowa, but driving in Los Angeles 7. BMW, Audi or Lexus, one hand cradling phone, one hand holding Starbucks, knuckling the in-car touchscreen: Seattle.

Uncle ‘Money’ (Shown at top left) gets to celebrate his birthday as a daddy with a toddler AND a new baby!! Little Parker, or PJ, made his entrance a day before St. Patrick's Day! Congrats again! Auntie Larae (Shown at right), with her youngest daughter, Miley, celebrates her special day at the end of August. Happy Birthday!!

September 2016 • Valley Bugler • Page 15

How to give your cat a pill 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to swallow. 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from garden. 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously. 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from floor and set to one side for gluing later. 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band. 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12) Call fire department to retrieve the damned cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil. 13) Tie the little bugger’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw chicken. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture store on way home to order new table. 15) Arrange for Animal Control to collect “mutant cat from hell, “ and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL: 1) Wrap it in cheese.


Come see our special dogs and cats today. Humane Society of Cowlitz County.

Call 577-0151

Adorable Adoptees Meet 'Pierre' and his siblings, Serenity & Simon! Three little kittens in need of a home of their own. They are wellsocialized, healthy and get along well with others. They have gorgeous tabby markings. They are playful and inquisitive. The kittens are about 3 months old, have just been spayed/neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped. Meet the kittens: Pierre - a Gray tabby boy, he loves his play toys. (Pictured above) Serenity - the only girl, she's an outgoing kitten, a beautiful brown tabby. Simon - a Brown tabby, like his

sister Serenity, he's a bit on the shy side. For more information about these kittens, please contact Rescued Paws: For more information and to find other animals available for adoption into your family: Rescued Paws: (360)673-7373

Page 16 • Valley Bugler • September 2016

Valley Bugler September 2016  

Cruisin' with the Bugler for the Annual Automobile Issue.

Valley Bugler September 2016  

Cruisin' with the Bugler for the Annual Automobile Issue.