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Page 2 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

From the Editor’s Desk

Was it hot enough for you in July? And here I thought that August was supposed to be our scorcher! I’m guessing that we may be in store for some more hot weather and sunshine. Let me just get a glass of ice-cold lemonade and I should be just fine! It’s the warm days that create wonderfully balmy warm evenings that I love. Evenings that make it perfect for gazing into the night sky for shooting meteors that blaze across the blackness. One such cosmic event that is joining our part of this galaxy is the Perseid Meteor Shower gracing our skies on August 11th and 12th. Not many of us will be privileged to travel into space, but we can enjoy the fantastic phenomenon of a meteor shower. Growing up, I always thought that the shooting streaks across the sky were “shooting stars”. I would shriek with joy every time I saw one, exclaiming to all those around how awesome it was. Learning their true origin as meteors burning up in our earth’s atmosphere just made it that much more cool. Meteoroids vaporize high in the upper atmosphere, and almost all are destroyed during the journey, which happens to be tens of thousands of miles an hour! Meteorites are the ones that actually make it to hit the ground. Even more cool. Meteor showers are named from the constellation in the sky from

which they ‘appear’ to fall or rain from. So, this August 11th and 12th, check out the Northeastern sky in the Perseus constellation region. The Perseid Shower comes from the space crumbs of the comet ‘SwiftTuttle’ and has been observed yearly for almost 2,000 years. The earliest recording of the shower is from the Chinese, who documented this night sky wonder in 36 AD. My dad was a huge influence in helping instill the love of our night sky, and all the gems hidden above. I can recall the first time he took me to the Observatory at Sunriver, Oregon. In the High Desert, the skies were crystal clear, devoid of light, crammed with stars, and we were also thousands of feet higher than we are now. Talk about breathtaking. Even as a little one, I fell in love with the beauty and mystery that I viewed through the huge telescopes. Saturn rings, anyone? Moon closeups? It was in Sunriver that I viewed my first Lunar Eclipse, laying on the golf course at night with a blanket and hoping not to get soaked by the automatic sprinklers. That Lunar Eclipse was immense, wondrous and perfectly awesome. The moon was huge and turned from yellow to orange to deep blood red, with all different colors consuming the face. Every time I heard someone walking on the paths nearby, I would scream out to them to “Look at the moon! Isn’t that awesome! Praise God, how awesome is THAT?!”.

People of the Paper Valley Bugler, LLC Longview, WA 360.414.1246


(Special thanks to our advertisers and readers who make this paper possible)

Editor/Publisher...................................Michelle Myre Cover Design / Web Mngr.................omOriginals Marketing! (360)575-9839 Circulation Distribution.......................Diana Jones Advertising Sales................................Michelle Myre Columnists........................................... Paddy Burrow - Fruits & Nuts Georgia Butterfield - Adorable Adoptee Georgia Cox - Castle Rock Seniors Bill Eagle - Eagle’s Eye Humane Society - Adorable Adoptee Oscar Myre IV - Geek Speak Blake Peterson - Movie Reviews PeaceHealth - Living Well Jeff Petersen - The Peacemaking Lawyer Laurrie Piland - Baked Lava Pat Nelson - Window to Woodland **The Valley Bugler newspaper publishes content supplied from the above columnists, and is not responsible for factual mistakes or anything other than the occasional spelling error. The Valley Bugler does not endorse views expressed, but retains a neutral stance on all issues presented. Please call our offices or eMail the columnist with comments or concerns**

EMAIL: EDITOR@VALLEYBUGLER.COM I took my delight in the skies well into my adulthood, and it’s still with me to this very day. Just a couple years ago, my husband, Oscar, and I decided to take the kids, some blankets, and go watch the Perseids on the same Sunriver golf course. We saw close to 60 ‘shooting stars’ in an hour! It was amazing and beautiful and exhilirating. The kids fell asleep at the end, but all got to witness great streaks across the sky. Yes, I’m a junkie. A few years ago, I stole outside to lay on the top of my covered hot tub at 2:00am. In November. I wrapped myself up in a couple blankets, and watched one of the most incredible

meteor showers of my life. Screaming as quietly as I could into my blankets, I saw close to 200 meteors in an hour! When I tried to get up, I had frozen to the hot tub cover. But hey. I was warm inside my little blanket burrito. Until next month, I hope this issue provides you with a cool read during these hot August days. There’s tons of stuff to do, including watching a meteor shower... Cheers!

Michelle Myre Publisher / Editor


August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 3


Fairs, Festivals & Fun, oh MY!

This is the “not bored” list!

Be sure to hang onto this issue of The Valley Bugler, full of all the upcoming Festivals and Community Events for the month of August! Saturdays & Sundays all Summer in Long Beach, WA Enjoy Face Painting, a Horse & Wagon and other fun family things to do at the world’s longest beach! One such special event is the weekly sidewalk chalk coloring contest, usually held on Saturdays. Get a team or compete against one another for whoever can have the most FUN with their chalk art. Or, take some time on a lazy Saturday afternoon to check out the artwork on the sidewalks! Another adventure is horseback riding on the beach. The main entrance of the public beach usually contains a horse riding company that can deliver seasoned horses ready for a beautiful trek along the beach with you on their back. July 28 Mountain Mania Fun Run, Castle Rock 5K/10K Run. July 29-Aug. 2 Clatsop County Fair at the fairgrounds in Astoria, on 109 acres overlooking the Walluski River. See our website for schedule: Aug. 1-2 Oregon Tuna Classic in Ilwaco Aug. 1-3 Annual Vernonia Friendship Jamboree and Logging Show. Aug. 1-3 Clatskanie Bluegrass Festival at Clatskanie City Park.

Aug. 1-10 Clark County Fair at fairgrounds in Ridgefield. Aug. 2 Kalama Blues Festival. Aug. 6-10 Astoria Regatta Maritime Magic Aug. 7-10 Annual Loggers Jubilee in Morton. Aug. 8-10 Cathlamet Corral, annual longboard races Aug.8-10 Mount St. Helens Bluegrass Festival in Toledo. Aug. 8-10 Annual Seaside beach volleyball tournament. Aug. 12-17 Southwest Washington Fair in Chehalis. Aug. 14-16 Wahkiakum County Fair at the County Fairgrounds in Skamokawa 360-795-3480 Aug. 15-16 Blues & Seafood in Ilwaco 360-642-2400 Aug. 16 Longview Squirrelfest at Civic Center. Aug. 16 Art In The Park at Lake Sacajawea in Longview. Aug. 17 Untouchables Car show in Kalama Aug. 17 Annual Jazz and Oysters celebration in Oysterville. 360-642-2400 Aug 18-24 WA State International Kite Festival in Long Beach. Aug. 22-24 Chehalis Garlic Fest & Craft Show. Aug. 23 Hood-To-Coast Relay starting at Mount Hood, ending in Seaside Aug. 23 Hub City Car Show in Centralia Aug. 23 Annual Unique Tin Car Show and Swap Meet with controlled cruise to follow in Longview. Aug. 23 Annual Wings & Wheels 2014 at See EVENTS, continued on p.5

Art in the Park Saturday, August 16th Mark your calendars! If you enjoy browsing flea markets and Farmers Markets, and appreciate art and craft type commerce as well, be sure to add this event to your calendar! Coming soon, on August 16th, to our beautiful Lake Sacajawea, is the 6th Annual “Art in the Park” event. Held at the Hemlock Plaza, RA Long side of the lake, folks can browse the juried exhibit of fine arts and crafts that are also offered for sale. Multiple styles and genres of art will offer much for the appreciation of those looking. For people interested in how artists work, there will be live art demonstrations, art activities for children and delicious food vendors provide for a wonderful outing in Longview. The sunshine is usually known to be out during this time of summer, so be sure to come and enjoy the day with others surrounding the lake, and bring your creative side!

About Columbian Artsts Association: Meetings The Columbian Artists Association meets the first Tuesday of every month from 10:00 am to noon at The Broadway Gallery 1418 Commerce Ave Longview, Washington. Parking is available behind the The Gallery and is accessible from 12th Street (one-way northbound). Each meeting includes an informational program and sharing of art. We are always glad to add new members. Please come to our next meeting! Information available by calling 360578-9770. Join the Columbian Artists Association artists each Friday Afternoon for a painting session from 1:00 to 3:00 at the Broadway Gallery onCommerce Ave. in downtown Longview.

♫♪ Concerts at the Lake ♪♫ It’s time to bust out the lawn chairs and blankets, grab some flip flops and head over to the Concerts at the Lake series at Lake Sacajawea in Longview. The heat hasn’t kept away the music or the crowds! There’s only a few more left, so don’t miss it! Every Thursday evening from 6pm-8pm, live music will draw hundreds to relax and chill to their tunes. Sponsored by Kirkpatrick Family Care, Concerts at the Lake are held at Martin’s Dock in Lake Sacajawea Park, Longview, WA. Bring your blankets, low back chairs and picnic dinners, or food service will also be available.

The concert series is made possible by donations and support from the following community sponsors: Kirkpatrick Family Care, Red Canoe Credit Union, Cascade Networks, KLOG/KUKN/The Wave, and Longview Orthopedic Associates. 2014 Concert Schedule: July 31st: The Twangshifters Get ready to groove with this Rockabilly / Blues / Rock & Roll band! August 7th: Daniel Kirkpatrick & the Bayonets This original singer / songwriter brings us original songs in a classic Rock & Roll style. August 14th: Ants in the Kitchen Closing out the series with Blues, Soul and good ole Rock & Roll.

Page 4 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

Ready to get NUTTY? SQUIRREL FEST • August 16th Save this date now! They might say that folks that live around here are “a little nutty”...and you know what? They’re right! Join us for the 4th Annual Longview Squirrel Fest coming August 16th!! All are welcome to go nuts at this community celebration in honor of our furry friends. It’s basically a huge block party centered around Longview’s Civic Circle with fun for everyone! Inspiration for the festival came from the Nutty Narrows Bridge, located near the Longview Library on the Civic Circle, and its creators the ‘Longview Sandbaggers’. Entertainment, Food, Events and Giant Squirrels fill the day with fun options for all ages. A wide range of vendors and entertainment will be present to make the day as fun and active, or relaxing as you want. The kids will enjoy a Flying Squirrel Zip Line, Jumping Squirrel Disc Swings, face painting and TONS of games! Everyone can satisfy their craving for hot dogs and cotton candy, clowns, tee-shirt cannons, demos, arts and crafts, and yes - GIANT SQUIRRELS! EVENT SCHEDULE: 9am – 7pm Craft / Food Vendors, Civic Circle 9:45 – 11am Happy Kids 5K Fun Run starts

at Happy Kids Parking Lot., Happy Kids Dentistry/Sacajawea/End at Civic Circle 10am – 11pm “Go Nutty” Squirrel Fest Parade, 14th Avenue to Circle 11am– 4pm KIDS CORNER Puppet Workshop Flying Squirrel Zip Line for Kids Flying Squirrel Bouncy Swings Kids Games and Coloring Face Painting & Balloon Animals Jewelry Making 11am – 4pm Kids Circus Workshops at Circus Cascadia: tight rope, juggling, diablo, flower-sticks, pole balance, walking globe, stilts, flower-sticks, Poi balls, tight rope, walking globe, unicycle, plate spin, flower-sticks, pole balance, Kids Corner Noon Unveil 2014 Squirrel Bridge – designed by Longview Robotics – Dave Koenig supervising, Main Stage 12:30pm Shay Locomotive unveiled, Library Grounds 12:00pm Circus Cascadia Show 1:00pm Woodhead Clown stage show, Main Stage

2:00pm Circus Cascadia 3:00pm Woodhead Clown stage show, Main Stage 4:00pm Freak Mountain Ramblers, Main Stage 4 – 11pm Beer & Wine Garden, $2 cover charge, Beer Garden in the Circle 5:30pm Cream Tangerine – Beatles Tribute, Main Stage 7:00pm Chance McKinney – Country

Music star, Main Stage 9:00pm Petty Fever – Tom Petty Tribute Band, Main Stage 10:30pm Fireworks from top of Historic Monticello Hotel Also on Facebook! We hope to see you and your nutty family!

Blues & Seafood / Jazz & Oysters Blues & Seafood: Welcome to our annual Blues & Seafood event in Ilwaco, Washington! August 15th (5pm-10pm) & 16th (1pm-10pm) at the Port of Ilwaco. This year’s line up is looking great, with Billy D and The HooDoos opening up the festival on Friday night. Billy’s Chicago South Side swagger and sprinkle should have everyone swinging for the rest of the night with three more bands. Saturday kicks off with The Bone Brothers and five other bands in a show you don’t want to miss. Finally, we are thrilled to present this year’s headliner, the Heartbreakers, featuring a terrific line up of the Northwest’s premier female blues singers, Lucy Hammond, Lady A, Lady Kat “True Blue” and Mary McPage. Food, Micro Brews and Regional Wines. Don’t miss it! Tickets: $15 Friday, $25 Saturday, $35 Both days, $55 for both days + Sunday’s Jazz & Oysters!!

Jazz & Oysters Sunday, August 17th from 12pm - 5:30pm at Wilson Field in Ocean Park, WA. Tickets are just $25, or $55 combo with the Blues & Seafood on Friday & Saturday in Ilwaco. This scenic outdoor concert, located on sprawling green fields, serves up a variety of delights. In addition to lively music, listeners can enjoy famed Willapa Bay oysters as well as fruit & cheese plates and desserts, provided by the area’s fine restaurants. Wine, beer and other beverages are also available. Jazz group Cherie Blues, a Seattle based group influenced by jazz greats like Diana Krall and Ella Fitzgerald will stir it up with their blues-infused jazz with a touch of R&B. The Cory Weeds Quartet will keep toes tapping as well. Cory Weeds, alto saxophonist has recorded 8 records, all of which have reached the Top 10 on the Jazz Week Charts.

August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 5

4 Corners Farm & Garden celebrates 20 years with a Blowout Anniversary Sale on August 23rd

Above Photo: 4 Corners Farm & Garden storefront. Photo provided courtesy 4 Corners Farm & Garden. Located at 70 Ph-10 & Westside Highway in Castle Rock, WA. (360)274-0275

By Michelle Myre Celebrating 20 years of business in an economic time such as the one we’re living is no small feat! But 4 Corners Farm & Garden has withstood the test of time through the hardworking mojo and dedication of its owner and proprietor, Joe Godino. It all started when Godino was a young man, working for the prior owner, Dick Moore. A little history on the original 4 Corners: Dick Moore had owned and operated the original 4 Corners General Store along Westside Highway, where he was also selling feed. He ran that for seventeen years before selling and moving kitty corner and across the street to open up the 4 Corners Farm & Garden store. “Dick was selling feed from the original 4 Corners General store, and business was real good. But it just came to a time when you’d better make a bigger store, or somebody else will. So he did,” explained Godino. Originally, the new 4 Corners Farm

EVENTS, continued from p.3 Scappoose Industrial Air Park. Aug. 23-24 Threshing Bee, an old-time tractor pull in Toledo. Aug. 30 Buzzard’s Breath Chili Cook-off at the Elochoman Slough Marina in Cathlamet. 360-795-9996 Aug. 30 Annual Chinook Art Festival 360-642-2400 Aug. 30-Sept. 1 Civil War re-enactment at Fort Stevens State Park


Sept. 4-7 Wheels and Waves Car Show in Seaside, OR. Sept. 5 Slow Drag at the Port of Ilwaco Sept. 6-7 Rod Run to the End of the World car show in Ocean Park. Sept. 13-14 Highlander Festival in Kelso.

& Garden store started out with a 2,000’ retail space, and 5,000’ warehouse in the back, with another tack business taking up another 2,000’. Working for the Moore’s for twelve years, Godino felt that he was really a part of the family business. “I treated it like it was a family business, and they treated me like their family. It was a great working relationship,” he said. When time came to sell the store, Moore offered Godino first option to buy, which he jumped at readily in 2005. “I was always someone to work with my hands and in agriculture. There were all sorts of animals I raised growing up. I guess I’ve always related to this type of business”, Godino shared. And he’s related well.

Over the past twenty years of working for, then owning 4 Corners Farm & Garden store, the retail space has grown to 5,000’ and has multiple storage buildings on the 3 acre property. Inside the store, rows of neatly arranged products greet customers, along with items such as hanging windchimes and outdoor gardening boots and gloves. Birdfeeders, candles, garden hose and just about every other “thing” that you could use is found inside as well. “We’ve used every nook and cranny over the 20 years that we’ve grown, and we’re almost busting’ at the seams!”, laughed Godino. With good reason! Godino’s infectious smile and laughter greet his customers, many by name. It’s an aspect of running a retail business that Godino identifies with, and it shows. “I really enjoy being out on the floor connecting with my customers and shooting the breeze. I like people”. It’s not hard to understand when you meet Godino, or see him when he’s volunteering over a BBQ grill or at the Castle Rock and County Fairs. His enjoyment of people is something that Godino carries deep into the community as well. After taking over ownership, he strove to get more involved with the youth and in the local area community as a whole.

Acting as head wrestling coach at Castle Rock High School, vice president of the Castle Rock Booster Club, and President of the North County Recreation Board is just the tip of the iceberg. As Godino puts it himself, “I’ve always got my hands into something!” Haven’t met Godino yet? Take the time and come say hello, or make a special journey on Saturday the 23rd for his huge 20th Anniversary Blowout BASH! Godino plans to clean out his warehouse of “great stuff that’s just been sitting around”, and make a steal of a deal on everything. “It’s time to clean it out and make room for more. It’s just like a household, you accumulate stuff over the years that you don’t even realize you have! Except these things are all BRAND NEW,” he exclaimed. Everything included in the sale will be priced so that it moves FAST. There will be everything from vintage T-Posts to Garden pots, and greenhouses to wire rolls. There will be giveaways and Godino even hinted at running a game similar to “Let’s Make a Deal” — first person to come throw $20 down on one of the boxes takes it home. And they may end up with a couple hundred dollar valued item…..or something worth $20 at least! Whatever happens to take place on Saturday, August 23rd, when Godino’s in charge - it’s sure to be fun! (See ad same page for more info)

Page 6 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

Rick Burrow: Farewell to a Special Man By Paddy Burrow Valley Bugler Columnist Rick E. Burrow, 59, went to be with the Lord on Tuesday, July 15th, 2014. Beloved former husband of Paddy Burrow Elkins of Silverlake, WA., Rick is also survived by his first wife, Terry Carver Burrow of Longview, WA., by his stepdad, Roy Dunkle, of Toutle, WA.; daughters Tracey Lynn Payer of Rincon, GA.; Emmanuelle Renee Valle of Longview, WA.; Kenda Lorene Burrow of Chehalis, WA.; step-daughter Rachel Marie White of Edmonds, WA.; and three stepsons: David A. LeMieux of Highlands Ranch, CO.; Leslie P. LeMieux, Jr. of North Bend, WA.; and Captain James A. LeMieux, USAF, of Beaver Creek, Ohio; by daughters-in-law, Tina LeMieux, Wendy LeMieux and Shawna LeMieux and son-in-law Greg White as well as by his “bonus daughters”, Susie Beal and Chrissy Fike! Rick was “Grandpa Rick” to Marcelino, Stella, Tabitha, Guadelupe, Karis, Taryn, Alexis, Curtis. Zachary, Gracie, Charlie, Maddy Moon

and Emma. Prior to a car accident in 2003 in which Rick sustained a traumatic brain injury, he had been a commercial journeyman plumber with Local #82 Plumbers and Pipefitters, and owner of Rick Burrow Plumbing, a local service and repair business, for many years. Rick grew up in Toutle and attended Toutle Schools, where he played sousaphone in the band for eight years and enjoyed intramural football. Certain members of the Class of 1974 still remember “how much they hurt” after being tackled by Rick during football practice! Rick was a passionate fisherman and enjoyed catching steelhead and sturgeon in local rivers. He was also a gourmet cook and was renowned for his homemade salsa, country white bread and potato soup recipes! Through the years, he attended several local churches and loved Bible studies, short sermons and potlucks! Mostly, he loved JESUS! In eleven years since the accident, Rick was cared for at home by dedicated caregivers: Jean

Sherman; Alice Cartrette; Irene Jones; Trish Escano; Susie Skierka; Cynthia Gaertner; Diana Miner; Cleo Crosby, Peggy Ackley, Quincey Shinnick; Judy Selmer and Pat Warner, among others Rick’s family wishes to thank these devoted women, as well as to thank the staffs of The Americana Rehabilitation Center and of St. John’s Hospital in Longview for their help during Rick’s final days. A Celebration of Rick’s Life will be Sunday, August 10th, at 1pm at

Harry Gardner Park in Toutle, WA. Rick’s family invites you to share a potluck picnic at Rick’s old childhood swimming hole there on the Toutle River. It’s usually not “snowing” in August, so bring your bathingsuit and towel and a chair or two and come “sit a spell” and visit with us. We’d love to see you there! Paddy Burrow Elkins welcomes your feedback. You can reach her at or call her at 360-751-5231

Empowering yourself with words How do you talk to yourself? Do you use the words “can’t”, “won’t”, “don’t need to”, “why try”? Many people do. Do you find that what you say to yourself turns out to be true? Why is this? You see, your brain is like a computer that you feed each day. It doesn’t know always know what’s real or not unless you tell it. Example: If someone you love has hurt you, you may tell yourself that all people who love you will probably hurt you too. Your brain just files this information for reference, it’s data, little zeroes and ones and no column that asks “true or not true?” Now your brain thinks, based on what you told it, that everyone you’ll ever love will hurt you. You can change that by blessing the individuals who hurt you - out loud or in your heart. “I know that *Sarah hurt me, but that’s only one person. If someone hurts me, I will forgive them

and bless them on their way.” Words can be empowering. I can. I love to. I want to. I will I must. I am. I like. We can reach a new level of living, if we feed ourselves empowering words and practice saying them until they become a habit. I know first hand that it takes time. And I also know that it’s worth it. Try it for a week. Catch yourself saying, “I can’t”, when you don’t really mean it and instead try, “I can”, and see how you think and feel about yourself. Remember, the words you use to empower yourself will have a lasting effect, only if you practice them and they become a habit. They say it takes at least 28 days to develop a habit. After a week, you will see that it becomes easier. It’s a mindset and you can control your thoughts. Be proactive and not reactive - give yourself some good words. Dream big and empower yourself!

August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 7

Castle Rock Fair Winners & Results Results of the Castle Rock Fair lip sync and talent contest are: Lip Sync: Youth 1st - Jeanna & Leigh 2nd- Linday & Maymie 3rd - Myla Lip Sync Teen 1st - Becky & Mimi 2nd - Nickolas Proudfit Talent contest: Youth 1st - Hope Goulda 2nd - Avery Ness & Paige Ogden Talent contest: Teen 1st - Sydney 2nd - Mercedes Talent Contest: Adult 1st - Will & Grace Parade results: Floats Commerical 1st - Bumble Bee Towing and Grand Sweepstakes 2nd - Villager 3rd - 4 Corners Farm & Garden Organization 1st - Care Coalition

2nd - LCC Head Start 3rd - Baptist Church Private 1st - Country Cousins 2nd - CR Co-op 3rd - Boyds’ Marching 1st - Strutters Baton and Grand sweepstakes Walking Youth 1st - CR Cheerleaders 2nd - Baptist Youth 3rd - Girl Scouts Adult 1st - CR Dental 2nd - Red Canoe Horses Youth 1st - CR FFA 2nd - 4H club Cowboys & Angels Adult 1st - SWW Megan Luster 2nd-Miss Thunder Mt. Rodeo Queen and court

Local man wins


Above Photo: Local Castle Rock resident, Neil Kroll, is flanked by Todd Sloane on his left and Danielle Lam on his right, both from Publisher’s Clearing House. They came to give him and his family a big surprise. What a surprise, indeed! Kroll found out that he was the Million Dollar winner on a late afternoon on June 30th. Kroll plans on donating money to his favorite charity - ICC. He said the rest he will have to pray about in order to figure things out. Kroll commented that he didn’t even remember entering an online sweepstakes, and was surprised and “pretty shocked” when he opened the door to Publishers Clearing House representatives on the 30th. Kroll received a check made out to him in the amount of $25,000 that day. Kroll gets to choose between accepting $25,000 a year for 29 years or take the winnings minus taxes in a lump sum. At the time of the photo, he was leaning towards a lump sum, which would be close to $600,000 total. A big congratulations to Neil Kroll and his wife, Melody, and 3 kids. Photo provided courtesy Publisher’s Clearing House.

Submitted by Georgia Cox AUGUST Events Every Monday: Our infamous Cinnamon Rolls and coffee will be served to the public from 10am to NOON. Suggested donation is only $1.50! Every Monday, Wednesday & Friday: Get that heart rate up and get healthy with the exercise classes from 9:30am to 10:30am! Facts show that exercise helps keep your body healthy and functioning as well as possible. Every Wednesday: CAP offers Nutrition Meals for Seniors at the Center at NOON. Suggested donation is $3.00, but PLEASE call #636-2118 (by Monday) for reservations. Every Thursday: Fun Quilting projects will take place from 12pm to 3pm and Pinochle games are

played in the Center later at 7pm and is open to all who are interested, so bring your game! Every Friday: Lunches by reservation only, will be served in the Center at NOON. Must Reserve by calling 274-7502 by Monday. SPECIAL EVENTS: Tuesday, August 12th: Our Program and Potluck lunch! Speaker will be our local dentist, Dr. Blaine Kennington, who will speak on implants and dry mouth. A potluck lunch consisting of SALADS will follow at Noon. Please join us for this informative and fun time. Thursday, August 21st: Commodities will be distributed from 10am - 1pm. Have a valid punch card. NOTICE: * Please watch the readerboard for any new announcements.


Answer on p.8

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Page 8 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

Movie Reviews By Blake Peterson

The Fault in our Stars Starring: Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort Directed by Josh Boone Running Time 2 Hrs., 5 Mins., PG-13 My Rating: B+

A love story about terminally ill teenagers may not sound commercial, yet both the novel and the film counterpart of The Fault In Our Stars have taken the country by storm. Whether it has grabbed the hearts of preteen girls looking for a tragic romance or devoted book clubs in need of a heartfelt discussion, it’s a story worth delving into. Focusing on Hazel (Shailene Woodley) and Augustus (Ansel Elgort), a young couple with cancer on the premises, The Fault In Our Stars is surprisingly funny, indie-tinged, and completely lovable. Woodley and Elgort are the sorts of actors who could take over the world of movies easily: they feel approachable, the type of people you could be friends with. The conversations between Hazel and Gus are touching, wise beyond their years and breezily charming; but once things start to descend into darkness, a noticeable shift occurs in their performances.

Woodley has proven continuously why she is so frequently compared to Jennifer Lawrence — she is like a chameleon, easily able to slip into the bodies of the women she plays with true believability. She is a wonder as Hazel, but the discovery in The Fault In Our Stars is Elgort, a relative newcomer to the screen. Gus is a charm monster, and apparently, so is Elgort (say his name to any teenaged girl and you can see her swoon). For nearly the entirety of the film, he is Mr. Perfect. He says and does the right things so easily that you don’t doubt that he’s a work of fiction. That is, until the climax knocks him onto the ground. Suddenly, Elgort goes from sly to petrified, and the results are surprisingly underplayed but ultimately excellent. After being so used to wooden leading men in YA films, it’s a welcome change to see an actor who has both the talent and charisma to match his leading lady. Also memorable is Laura Dern, who plays the small but pivotal role of Hazel’s mother. Like Gus, she says and does the right things, but unlike Gus, there is an underbelly of melancholy drenched in her actions. Dern smiles like it’s her job, but in her eyes we can see a hopelessness that is hard to shake off, considering

we can sense that Hazel can see it too. Dern is subtle, but her performance is potent in its sadness. We may never get to see Hazel and Gus grow old together, but we are given enough precious moments to weep over. The pain is so real, however, that The Fault In Our Stars doesn’t feel like fiction, and that’s why this novel/movie will be everlasting in so many individuals’ hearts. The respect John Green has as a novelist, combined with Hazel and Augustus’ too-cool-for-school appeal, brings in an earthy nuance that makes everything surrounding The

Fault In Our Stars heart-wrenchingly real and heart-warming in its few seconds of happiness. The film is unlike anything else out right now: it is never dripping with sentimentality, and while we may pine for it to have the simple sweetness of a Richard Curtis romantic comedy, deep in our hearts we know that Hollywood love cannot outlast terminal cancer. A student of R. A. Long, Blake is an aspiring film critic that enjoys music, movies (obviously), and art. For more reviews, go to his website:

Valley Bugler’s Choice Award Bow Tie Bash 2014

SUDOKU Answer from p.7

Every year, hundreds of gorgeous cars arrive into Downtown Longview for the annual Bow Tie Bash around the Fourth of July. This year, held on July 5th, the Bow Tie Bash hosted over 200 hundred entries and thousands of visitors browsing the engines and snapping photos. The Valley Bugler Community Newspaper was a proud Sponsor of this fundraising event, which raised well over $4,000 for charity. It was hard to choose our most favorite car of the show, but publisher Michelle Myre made it clear: “I can’t be at the show this year, so please pick one that is a Mustang from the ‘60’s that is incredible,” said Myre to delivery specialist, Diana Jones. Jones took the order to heart, and with husband Dan and kids Andy & Lindsey, they found the most beautiful, sleek black ‘66 Mustang one could imagine, called “Black Jack”, as pictured above. [Above Photo: Mustang owner Bill Lowery is shown standing with Andy Jones, son of delivery specialist, Diana Jones. Photos by Diana Jones, Valley Bugler Delivery].

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August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 9

Bumper Stickers I love animals, they taste great.

Laurrie’s Healthy Rice-a-Roni By Laurrie Piland Valley Bugler Columnist This is just like Rice-a-Roni, but a lot healthier! Ingredients: 1 c. rice (Anything goes!) 1/2 c. crumbled vermicelli or angel hair pasta 2 c. chicken stock, beef stock, veg stock...or clam juice, if that’s your gig Salt & Pepper to taste 1 tablespoon olive oil 1 tablespoon butter 1/2-1 c. finely chopped vegetables, use whatever you like: celery, onion, garlic, carrot or get crazy and jazzy with raisins, dried currants, pine nuts, walnuts...whatever taste you have that day, but make sure they are finely chopped or they will turn out rather crunchy and not appealing 1 teaspoon seasonings or 1 tablespoon chopped fresh herbs: again, whatever you have a taste for: poultry seasoning, celery or garlic salt (I would adjust the regular salt amount if you used these), or chopped parsley, chives, basil...just whatever you want. Directions: *Brown broken pasta in olive oil & butter mixed over med-hi heat. It takes about 5 or 6 minutes. (Why oil & butter? Butter can burn easily over a higher heat; olive oil brings the burning temp. up so you can cook on a higher heat). *Add rice and stir it around to coat it with oil, add veggies & cook for around 3 or 4 minutes, just until the veggies

start to soften just a bit. Add in a nice pinch of salt and pepper, to taste. *Add in stock and herbs and bring it up to a rolling boil over high heat.

“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.” Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

*Pop a cover on the pan and reduce heat to very low. Don’t even think about touching that lid for 18 minutes...set a timer, it’s perfect every time! *Turn off the heat and, again, don’t touch that lid for another timed15 minutes! This is my foolproof way of cooking rice...the liquid absorbs in 18 minutes, but the rice is still just a bit crunchy for me. So, leave the lid on for 15 minutes and the rice will absorb back up all that steam that’s in the pan and it comes out absolutely perfect every time. You can view this recipe on the Baked Lava blog: Peace. Until next month!

*The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.” *Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King! *Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.....It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got! What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free? Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Don’t tailgate me: I’ll flick a booger on your windshield.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Christian Bulletin Bloopers Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in Church Services..........*Ushers will eat latecomers. *She sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving much pleasure to the congregation. *Sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. Sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. *A letter to the men’s fellowship reads: “All members are requested to bring their wives and one other covered dish to the annual banquet.” *The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

EARTH FIRST! We’ll stripmine the other planets later.

“Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy.

If you are psychic - think “HONK”

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Don’t get me mad! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies!

I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check? We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? All generalizations are false, including this one.

Editing is a rewording activity. Make yourself at home .....clean my kitchen Allow me to introduce my selves Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done I hate bumper stickers.

Get ready for SANDBLASTER ‘14 Romance Awareness Month By Brooke Fisher, United Way of Wash, DAPC Tire Wall, “Lights Out” Page 10 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

Cowlitz & Wahkiakum Counties Over the river, through the woods and into the sand we go to the Sand Blaster 5k Obstacle Fun Run, on Saturday, September 20th at the Port of Kalama. The second annual Sand Blaster 5k Obstacle Fun Run draws the community together in the spirit of fun, fundraising and fundamentals of health where proceeds benefit the 23 United Way partner agencies, including:

Boy Scouts, Castle Rock Senior Center, Children’s Justice & Advocacy Center, Community Caring Project, Community Health Partners, Community House on Broadway, Cowlitz County CASA, Cowlitz Family Health Center, CowlitzWahkiakum Legal Aid, Drug Abuse Prevention Center, Emergency Support Shelter, Ethnic Support Council, FISH, Friends of Longview Senior Center, Life Works, Lower Columbia Mental Health, Head Start, Oxford House, Progress Center, St. James Family Center, Volunteer Chore Services, YMCA and Youth & Family Link.

Sand Blaster is a fun time for the whole family with entertainment from Hilo Bay Sound, BBQ food and beer garden by Ashtown Brewing Company, FOE CrossFit Tug-o-War, Longview Parks and Recreation Kids Sporting Activities, Corwin Beverage Refreshments and more! Enjoy the challenge and thrill of over 20 fun obstacles including the NW Building & Development Ledge Wall, JH Kelly Quarter Pipe, Tree House Island Adventures Zip Line, KapStone Giant Paper Rolls, Service Master’s Car

Mud Crawl, Darin’s Wild Ride Water Slide and many more! As you cross the finish line, receive a custom finisher medal by sponsor, Bud Clary Subaru and get your photo taken by sponsor, C’s Photograhy! Registration includes a chip timer, runner’s tech t-shirt, beverage of choice, runner’s swag bag of goodies, finisher medal and photo for $60. Sign up now at It’s going to be a blast!

A Big thank you to all of our amazing sponsors for making this possible: Bud Clary Subaru, KapStone, C’s Photography, Corwin Beverage, Ashtown Brewing Company, Hilo Bay Sound, JH Kelly, NORPAC, Weyerhaeuser, Heritage Bank, Solvay, Foster Farms, Cascade Select Market-Castle Rock, 1826 Elite Fitness, FOE CrossFit, Three River’s Mall, Bob’s Sporting Goods, NW Building & Development, Tree House Island Zipline Adventures, United Rentals, TPI, Longview Parks & Recreation, Day Wireless, Waste Control, Service Master’s, Wood’s Logging, AES, Complete Physique Anytime, Fisher & Associates, LLC, Target, Pro Caliber Motor Sports, Anderson & Anderson Advisory Inc., ILWU Local 21, Cowlitz Wahkiakum Central Labor Council, DAPC, Gram, RSG Forest Products, J & B Towing, Valley Bugler, Hop-N-Grape, Kaffeine Kafe, Reprographics, KLOG/KUKN/The Wave/ESPN Radio, Prographyx, Evans Kelly Foundation, Dan Evans, Global Images Graphic Design & Marketing, Kalama Koffee Company, and ACE Hardware. Sponsorship opportunities are still available. Call 423-5320 to inquire.

Farmers Markets are FRESH, with LOCAL produce at your fingertips

After reading through the Wikipedia’s version of what “romance” is, I’ve decided I either had no clue before, or wikipedia is incredibly off base. ‘Romance or romantic usually refers to Romance (love), love emphasizing emotion over libido.’ - Wikipedia definition Oh. Kay. Well, scrap that totally confusing defintion and let’s really get into what romance is and how it can save relationships. You heard me! It can save relationships when done correctly, or at least with a valiant attempt. Many times you will hear women complain that they don’t have enough “Romance” from their man. Or that he is not “romantic” enough. The problem that most people have is that their definitions of “Romance” and “Romancing” are totally different! Most likely it goes something like this: HER: A romantic dinner is being taken out to a very chic French restaurant that offers six courses, where there are no prices on the menu, a long stemmed red rose is the sole display on a black silky table, and a waiter named Pierre takes your order. After a leisurely two hour dinner and dessert dining extravaganza, the limo takes you to a private setting at

a beautiful waterfall to enjoy an after dinner nightcap at a bistro table for two that he had previously set up and planned with soft classical music piping in from the bushes. HIM: A bouquet of storebought flowers with some slightly warm chocolates. See? Now, I’m being silly of course, but most of you get the idea. Here’s a possible solution to the problem: Men, it is your job and duty to ‘romance’ your woman. Truly. Just trust me on this, don’t argue. Don’t. Women, it is your job to teach your man how to romance you. Truly. Just trust me on this, don’t argue. Don’t. Men, get a real life pen and a piece of paper that you will NOT lose - I repeat - NOT lose, and begin writing. You will write numbers down the side of the paper. And at the top you will write “Romance Hints”. Sit down with your woman in a comfortable and private place, and embark in a discussion that allows her a lot of time to think and ponder your questions: 1) What are some of your ideas of a “romantic date?” 2) “What are some things that I can do that would help title me as a “romantic man”? 3) What is your ‘dream date’? Guys, your keys to success are only in your hands now....use them. Do.

National Night Out • August 5th Millions strong and counting! The celebrations have become neighborhood festivals with fun and food combined with a serious purpose: crime prevention. Call the Cowlitz or Lewis County’s to get information on the local Night out festivities, which usually take place in the downtown areas of the city. Celebrating 31 years as a safety event that began with just porch lights and vigils plus information being delivered to the community. Today, National Night Out (NNO) draws more than thirty-seven million people from more than sixteen thousand communities in all 50 states, U.S. territories, Canadian cities and military bases worldwide. The focus of this unique celebration is on bringing neighbors and communities together with festivals, block parties, cookouts and parades.

At the same time, organizers provide ideas, tips and guidelines on how to prevent crime, plus the opportunity for individuals to get to know and socialize with police officers. The program was first established in 1984 by the National Association of Town Watch. Its goal, then and now, is to inform the public about community programs on topics such as drug prevention and keeping an eye on the homes of their neighbors to help everyone avoid crimes such as robbery, drug dealing and break-ins. If there is an NNO event near you, you could attend, have a good time, learn something and get to know people and law enforcement officials. Put your porch light on August 3. If there is no National Night Out event near you, why not organize one for next year. Check the Web for instructions at:

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Play BALL! For a few years now, Cowlitz County has been blessed with its very own West Coast League baseball team - the Cowlitz Black Bears! If you haven’t been out to catch a game yet, you’re missing out. Collegiate level players battle it out on the diamond while fans engage in boisterous shouting matches and family friendly games that beckon anybody to participate. It’s remniscent of “baseball from my past”. The kind of baseball game where it didn’t take two hours to go get a hotdog and soda. The kind of baseball game where you felt like you were a part of the action on the field, and did your part with cheering on the team. Because they really can hear you. Family friendly pricing makes it actually affordable to come to a game and enjoy the concession stands as well. There are games for kids, and you gotta love Corby, the goofy yet lovable Black Bear that roams the stands causing children of all ages to throw out some high-fives and laugh at his wiggly belly. Full schedule & Promotions: Call (360)703-3195 for Tickets Listed below are the promotional nights, so you can best plan for your calendar this season. Questions? Visit the website listed above for complete information.

ALL SEASON!!! Bud Clary Subaru New Car Giveaway. In the 4th Inning of any Black Bears home game, if the 4th Black Bear Batter Hits a Grand Slam, Bud Clary Subaru gives away a brand

new car to a lucky fan in attendance that night! Must be present to win. Drawing to be held at conclusion of game. Monday, July 28 – C’S PHOTOGRAPHY TRADING CARD NIGHT ( First 100 fans receive a 2014 set of Black Bears Trading Cards).  STATE FARM PRESENTS MONDAY NIGHT BASEBALL. ($2 discount for seniors) Monday, July 28 – C’s Photography Trading Card Night (First 100 fans receive a 2014 set of Black Bears Trading Cards). ($2 discount for seniors) Tuesday, July 29 - Fiesta Bonita $2 Tuesday. ($2 general admission tickets, $2 hot dogs, $2 soda and $2 canned beer) Swanson Bark Cowlitz Black Bears Kids Club Night. All Kids Club members admitted free with membership card, and kids run the bases after the game. Wednesday, July 30 - Fibre Federal Family Night. $5 off any grandstand, general admission, or party deck ticket with Fibre Federal Membership Card. Simply be a member, get $5 off! Thursday, July 31 – Longview Parks & Rec Night. Prizes and giveaways courtesy of Longview Parks and Recreation. Thirsty Thursday ($2 canned beer) Friday August 8 - CORT CARPENTER POST-GAME CONCERT. Live Post-Game Concert with Nashville recording artist, and Kelso native, Cort Carpenter. All tickets are combined game/concert tickets, and all are $22ea. Saturday August 9 – Aaron’s Super Saturday. Sunday August 10 – 2014 Fan Appreciation Night. Spectacular night full of prizes and drawings as the Black Bears and our sponsors say “Thank You “ to all of our fans.

Kalama Blues Festival • August 2nd The City of Kalama is proud to present the 3rd Annual Blues Festival on Saturday, August 2nd. Along with great music there is great food, wine tasting and a beer garden. This year the event will include an Artist’s Walk where artistic vendors can display and sell their wares. The 2014 Entertainment lineup includes: Bottleneck Blues Band Bolt Upright Kevin Selfe

Norman Sylvester Ellen Whyte Gates open at NOON, and admissed is just $8 plus 2 cans of food. The Blues Festival supports Kalma Helping Hands. Kids 15 and under are FREE with 2 cans of food. The music starts at 1pm and ends at 9pm that evening. Bring the whole family down to Marina Park along the Columbia River in Kalama, WA!

• August 23rd @ 11am • All Motorcyclists Welcome • Fundraiser for Doernbecher Children’s Hospital Foundation • Scenic Poker Run • Mt. St. Helens • Bethany Vineyards • BBQ Dinner • Live music & entertainment

Ride & Rock • August 23rd Fibre Federal Credit Union and iQ Credit Union are at it again with their 8th annual Ride & Rock event benefiting Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. With hopes of raising more than $50,000, motorcyclists and concert goers will rally together to ride and then rock for a great cause. The ride portion will kick off at Fibre Federal Credit Union’s Woodland Branch, located at 147 Goerig St. Registration begins at 11:00am and lunch will be provided courtesy of Gilliano’s Pizza Parlor. Participants can purchase additional merchandise such as a commemorative teddy bear to keep or donate to a sick child at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. Motorcycle enthusiasts will enjoy a scenic poker run to Mt. St. Helens with a stop at Johnston Ridge Observatory. They will then travel through Castle Rock and end at the beautiful Bethany Vineyards in Ridgefield, Washington, for an upbeat, top 40’s style concert featuring 5Live with Raeann Phillips. A BBQ dinner will be served and wine service will be available. Since 2006, the Ride & Rock poker ride has raised nearly $237,000 for Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. The idea for the ‘Ride & Rock’ was created by Larry Hoff of Fibre Federal Credit Union and Roger Michaelis of iQ Credit Union, who both have a passion for riding motorcycles. “We’re more than honored and proud to be raising funds and awareness for Doernbecher Children’s

Hospital,” says Hoff. “Because of their commitment to help all children regardless of their ability to pay, Doernbecher can truly use our help to continue their passion for healing and research. It goes without saying that if our Ride and Rock event can be translated into help for one sick child - - or assistance toward even a small breakthrough for some crippling childhood disease - - - we’ll have given a true gift to our society.  Helping sick children...can there be a more worthy goal?” Pre-registration is available for the ride at a discounted rate until August 4th. For those who would like to attend the concert only, tickets may be purchased, including a BBQ dinner, for $25. For more information and to register, visit: or the Credit Union Ride & Rock page on Facebook: ----------

About Fibre Federal Credit Union Founded in 1937, Sixty-three employees of Longview Fibre Company deposited a combined $315 for the purpose of making affordable loans to Credit Union members. Fibre Federal Credit Union is now one of the largest credit unions in Washington and Oregon. Serving approximately 70,000 members, Fibre Federal Credit Union is committed to superior member service. For more information go to or call them at 360-423-8750.

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Garlic Festival set for Aug. 22-24th Whether you are a lover of garlic or even just of festivals, you will have to make it to the Chehalis Garlic Festival on August 22-24th. Friday: Noon - 7:00pm Saturday: 10:00am - 7:00pm Sunday: 10:00am - 5:00pm General Admission is $5, with 65+ and Military $4, and kids ages 7 and under FREE. (No pets or smoking please). It is a celebration of anything and everything garlic, as well as locally made crafts and arts displays. Garlic themed cuisine, artisans and craft vendors,

antiques, kid’s activities, chef demonstrations, live music, wine tasting and a beer garden. There will be 60 varieties of natural garlic! Who knew there were so many different kinds of garlic to enjoy? It’s their eighteenth year of food, crafts, displays and lots and lots of garlic. There is literally something for the whole family to enjoy at this festival. Beer garden on Friday and Saturday, live pony rides, face painting, make and take crafts, wine tasting, caricature artists and vendors galore. Some of the crafts include acrylic paintings, soy based candles, ceramic garden art, salad dressings and marinades, hand crafted art tiles, painted glass, beads, honey, pickled garlic, puppets, silver jewlery, sand critters, stained glass art, scrolled wood decor and art, vintage chenille jackets, and much much more! Some of the delicious foods available are: baked potato with garlic butter, BBQ Garlic Ribs, BBQ Oysters, Brownies with garlic frosting, Brisket sandwich stuffed with bacon and garlic, Chicken garlic fajitas, ka-

bobs, sate and red curry, Chips and garlic salsa, fudge, deep fried garlic cloves, clam strips, coconut prawns, corn dogs (garlic & hand-dipped!), garlic french fries, fruit crepes, garlic ice cream!, nachos with garlic, alligator on a stick, cajun stew, deep fried mushrooms, elephant ears, garlic gorgonzola fries, garlic kettle corn, garlic mocha, garlic philly cheesesteaks, chocolate dipped cheesecake, fried shrimp, pad thai, garlic salad, garlic pizza and so much more there is too much to list here!! If that partial list doesn’t get your belly growling and drool started up, then I really don’t know what will. Reports back from friends who have visited the Festival in years past are always filled with smiles and exclaiming “Mmmmmmmmm” when describing all the food and yummies. There will be games, kids crafts and face painting to accompany the fun. If that doesn’t sound like an absolutely fabulous time, then I don’t know what does! It makes for a fun time of walking around and people watching if nothing else! :-) As a fellow garlic lover and one who understands the value of its health properties, as well as its phenonemal taste, you will probably find me scarfing down pickled garlic and garlic ribs by the bucketload....see you there. Photo provided courtesy GarlicFest

SW Washington Fairgrounds 2555 North National Avenue Chehalis, WA 98532 DIRECTIONS: Traveling South on I-5 Centralia Exit #81 Mellen Street Left under the overpass Drive approximately six blocks Right on Pearl Street SW WA Fairgrounds on Right Traveling North on I-5 Chehalis Exit #79 Chamber Way Turn right off exit -Chamber Way Left onto National Avenue Turn left on Fair Street Left on Gold Street

Sunscreen or vitamin D sunshine: It doesn’t have to be a trade-off Accolades for vitamin D keep pouring in. Luckily, it’s summer now, the perfect time to build up your D levels by getting out in the sunshine. That doesn’t mean ignoring advice about using sunscreen when you will be outside for longer than 15 or 20 minutes during the day. If you are fair-skinned and wearing shorts or a tank top, getting 10 to 15 minutes of sun exposure is enough. If your skin is darker than fair, you can stay in the sun a little longer. After that, slather on the sunscreen and put on your hat. Get your sunshine at least three times a week. More often is better, say doctors at the Medical College of Wisconsin. The important factor in sunshine is

its ultraviolet B. When UV-B rays hit the skin, a reaction takes place that enables skin cells to make vitamin D. Short exposure times will not increase your risk of getting skin cancer, but they will help to prevent many problems.

Grab a tube and float the Toutle River Want a relatively cheap, fun and relaxing day-trip idea? Float the Toutle River on one of those hot days that we seem to be having this summer. Travelers over I-5 can see floaters on the Cowlitz River enjoying a lazy time as they near the Vader / Ryderwood area. “That looks like so much fun!” commented a young Cowlitz County citizen, Chloe Myre. They were driving on their way to Seattle to visit family, so float plans had to wait for a while. A few years ago, Julie Nelson and her son took advantage of some extremely high temperatures and tossed in their tubes, as is tradition in their family. “It’s just a great time to relax and chat with everyone floating down the river. There’s just something peaceful about water, even if my bum does get a tad chilly”. To get to a good drop off point on the Toutle River, take Exit 49 off of I-5 and head East, up towards Silverlake. You will go up a big big hill, and at the top of the hill will be a minit-mart, and TOWER ROAD. Turn Left onto Tower Road, and keep to the left.

You will wind around for a while and come up on a bridge. This is the “put-in” point. The float takes about one and a half to two hours, and the pickup point is down in Castle Rock, off the same exit - just turn LEFT by the C&L Burger Bar, and drive along the road that parallels the freeway. You will come up on a bridge, and this is the pickup point. When you are floating this particular float on the Toutle River, when you come to the pilings in the water, keep to the right. Otherwise, just lay back, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. Please remember to be safe, wear your hat and sunscreen, take plenty of water and an energy bar. Watch out for currents, and wear your lifejackets. Water safety is instrumental in everyone having a good time and leaving with great memories. Our area has experienced an unusually high number of water incidents, all avoidable through safety precautions. Please be safe and respect the water. Remember that it doesn’t care much about you, but we sure do!!

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Within a short drive, there are mountains to explore, beaches to comb and trails to hike. Get unplugged this August and make a new adventure happen. Mt. St Helens rests beside the beautiful and calm waters of Silverlake, and some bicyclists chew up the road. Go Outside and Play should be the sweetest words we all get to hear!

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s i st •FAMILY u g u A

From Spanish vaqueros to pro cowboys & girls, the rodeo lives! Whether it’s a million dollar Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association (PRCA) event or it features riders in a county fair, we love our rodeos. In the 1700s, Spanish vaqueros started it all, but they couldn’t envision events in some of today’s contests, such as chuckwagon racing, bar-

rel jumping, and events for cowgirls. They would recognize the bronc riding, bull riding, and tie-down roping. During the early 1800s, people pouring into the West from the eastern states came in contact with Spanish, Mexican, Californio and Texas cowboys. They adapted their styles

Play shapes the brain, opens the imagination It does a body good. Play works in good times, says psychiatrist Stuart Brown, and it works even better in bad times, such as during an economic downturn. In his book, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination and Invigorates the Soul, Brown says that we should have a regular time to play. Without it, life can become rigid or without joy and sustained pleasure. Here are eight types of play: Joking around. It starts when a parent acts silly with an infant and continues with lighthearted interactions with others throughout life. Moving. Movement creates fun. It includes dancing, swimming, walking, playing ball and exercising. Exploring. It’s play for those who like new places, state fairs and museums, or who explore feelings through music. Competing. Whether it’s for a high score in a video game, a fantasy football team, playing a board game or being an avid sports fan, it’s fun. Directing. For these master arrangers, planning a party or a vacation is play at its best. Collecting. Avid collectors lose themselves in the quest for a new item or in calculating what they might

find next and searching for it. Storytelling. Imagination rules as storytellers make videos or create cooking shows in their kitchens, says Brown. Reading and watching movies are grouped into this category. Creating art. Whether it’s painting a picture or decorating the living room, creativity is involved. Some people get creative by fixing things or taking them apart to see how they work. Regularly scheduled fun is important because you can look forward to it. Card night, the Saturday tennis game, bowling league, or date night, for example, are good forms of play. A little play does a body good! No time to ride a horse, play chess, or go to a ball game? You’d best make time because the need to play is hardwired into the genetics of human beings. Fun and play can almost instantly reduce stress and add a feeling of relaxation to daily living. Even watching others play has a similar effect. It brings joy into your life. More people are looking for the energy fix fun creates. They are playing golf and tennis, making scrapbooks, and working with their photos. Companies are recognizing the importance of play as they create teams for games like kickball. It doesn’t take an athlete

FUN MONTH• and tradition of working on ranches. Before long, cattle from the Southwest fed the huge population of the Eastern United States. Once or twice each year, ranchers would round up their cattle and organize long drives, taking them to markets in places like Kansas City. At the end of the long drives, cowboys would hold competitions with their own hands and those from other outfits, to see who had the best riders, ropers and drovers. With the coming of the railroads, the cattle drives ended and there were far fewer jobs for cowboys. Some began to take jobs with a new American phenomenon, the Wild West Show. Over time, cowboy contests and Wild West shows melded into the modern rodeo, with 2,000 of them held in the United States and Canada each year. Have some fun with your family this month - get out and see a Rodeo!

to enjoy it and get some outdoor fun. If you’re a telecommuter or don’t have much interaction with others on the job, consider something that puts you with like-minded people. That could mean a cooking class, bowling league, or hiking club where social contacts and friendships could develop. Pick something that is far different from what you do at work and have a good time doing it. If your work puts you in constant contact with people, you could find pleasure in an activity you can pursue by yourself, like scrapbooking, sudoku or crossword puzzles, woodworking, or painting. If you can “get away from it all” and have a good time, you’ll have better physical and mental health. You’ll find you have more energy and are able to think more creatively when you’re back on the job.

WASHINGTON RODEOS: August 7th Yakima Valley Fair & Rodeo Grandview, WA 98930 August 7th - 10th Skagit County Fair & Rodeo Mt. Vernon, WA 98273 August 14th & 15th Omak Stampede Omak, WA 98841 August 15th South Sound Bull Bash SW WA Fair, Chehalis WA August 21st Pend Oreille Cusick Rodeo & Fair Cusick, WA 99119 August 21st - 23rd Enumclaw Pro Rodeo Enumclaw, WA 98022 August 22nd NPRA Rodeo Port Angeles, WA 98362 August 22nd Klickitat County Fair & Rodeo Goldendale, WA 98620 August 28th Benton Franklin Fair & Rodeo Kennewick, WA 99336 August 28th Kitsap County Stampede Bremerton, WA 98310

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ARMY SON By Bill Eagle Valley Bugler Columnist It was not long after my son graduated from high school that he enlisted in the Army (Pictured at right, Tim Eagle). He had quietly visited with an Army recruiter and was convinced that joining the military was the answer to all his wants and needs. “Dad, the Army will pay for my College. This way I can go to school and I won’t be a financial burden to you or mom.“ “Are you sure that you’ll have enough money for school?” I asked. “Yes dad,” answered my son. “The Montgomery G.I. Bill will pay for most of it, and the Army will also set up a special education savings account for me. While I’m doing my active duty, I will also be able to take college courses free of charge.” My son’s face split into a wide grin. “I can also learn a trade in the Army. The Army will guarantee my being admitted to a tech school. I’m enlisting for 4 years, and there is a good chance that I will be able to get into Special Forces. Dad, it’s a deal of a lifetime.” Such a deal. I had some misgivings, but my son seemed determined to enlist.

I remember Tim being sworn in at the Portland Army Recruiting Center. We had my friend LTC Harry Price administer the oath to our son and all at once our little boy became a soldier. He went Airborne, then to Ranger School. Tim and I both expected that he would be traveling all over the world. Not so, all of his assignments were here, in the Continental US, fighting fires, doing drug interdiction or working with the US Border patrol. Like most Army stuff, it involved moments of excitement punctuated by long periods of intense boredom. Four years flew by and Tim decided that it was time for him to become a civilian and take advantage of his military G.I. benefits. My civilian son enrolled in college and commented with a smirk: “Oh dad, by the way, I’ve just enlisted in the National Guard. They’ll also help me with my college expenses.” “Sweet,” said I, “just what you need.” “I’m gonna need some extra money,” grinned my kid, “’cause I plan to get married.” Things just seemed to happen really fast. He married, got his wife preg-

nant, bought a house, and shortly after 9-11, found himself recalled to active duty. His home had just cleared escrow, when he received his deployment orders. Tim was gone for 18 months. He returned home and two years later was again dispatched to Iraq. This time, he only had to spend 12 months overseas before he was allowed to return to his family and another new baby. Tim was home less than a month from his second tour, when he was presented with orders to go to New Orleans to help with hurricane Katrina. A few months later, he was back home and life became almost normal. Not long ago, my daughter in law, invited my wife and I over for a Sunday afternoon barbeque. We got to play with the grandkids and enjoy our family. “Oh by the way,” mentioned my son. “I have to leave for Ft. Hood tomorrow,

I’m being deployed to Afghanistan.” Our jaws dropped. “National Guard? I thought you belonged to the State?” queried his mother. “The President is still our Commander in Chief. I knew what I was getting into when I first enlisted. My country needs me and it’s my duty to serve.” I interjected: “How about our having your mother write you an excuse? I’m sure that the Army would listen to your mother.” My son laughed. “It used to work when I was in grade school, but I’m afraid it won’t hold much weight now. I’m needed; our nation needs me.” My son is leaving for another deployment. I am proud of him and I pray that he will stay safe. We are praying, not just for our son, but also for all the other sons and daughters who will be serving our country. God protect them, and help them make our world a safer place for all. Bill Eagle loves letters and appreciates the comments of others. Drop him a line at: or make an online comment at:

‘When written in Chinese the word “crisis” is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity.’ ~John F. Kennedy, 12 April 1959

August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 17

READINESS Don’t Let Back-to-School Tasks Sneak up on You By Jason Alderman Parents, if this is your first time at the back-to-school rodeo, let me share a few lessons my wife and I have learned the hard way. Chances are you’ll be spending the next few weeks filling out piles of pre-enrollment paperwork, lining up carpools and, of course, taking the dreaded shopping excursions for clothes and school supplies. If you’re a first-timer or simply need a back-to-school refresher course, here are a few suggestions that can help you save time, money and sanity: Get organized. Maintain a correspondence file from your kid’s school for things like registration requirements, report cards, permission slips, required vaccinations, school policies, teacher and parent contact information, etc. Ask whether the school has a website, online calendar or email list you can join. Also, create a family master calendar. Back-to-school shopping. Between new clothes, classroom supplies and extracurricular activity fees and equipment, many parents end up spending hundreds of dollars per child. Ideally, you’ve been setting money aside all year. If not, you’ll need to determine what you can afford to spend without blowing your overall budget. Here are a few organizational and money-saving tips: Before you shop, make a comprehensive list for each child. Use previous years’ expenses as a guide and compare notes with other parents and school officials. Engage your kids in the budgeting process. Share how much money is available to spend and get them involved in prioritizing expenses between “needs” and “wants.” Go through your kids’ closets and have them try on everything. Make an inventory of items that fit and are in good shape, and take it when shopping so you don’t accidentally buy duplicates. Spread clothing purchases throughout the year so your kids don’t outgrow everything at once. Many stores hold fall clearance sales to make room for holiday merchandise. Review the school’s dress code so you don’t waste money on inappropriate clothing. Although shopping online can save money, time and gas, don’t forget to factor in shipping and return costs, which could undo any net savings. If

your kids are old enough, put them in charge of online comparison shopping and coupon clipping. Ask which school supplies you’re expected to buy. Go in with other families to take advantage of volume discounts and sales. Find out how much extracurricular activities cost. Account for uniforms, membership dues, private lessons, field trips, snacks, etc. Rent or buy used sporting equipment or musical instruments until you’re sure they’ll stick with it. Know when to spend more for higher quality. Cheaper notebook paper shouldn’t matter, but don’t buy poorly made shoes that might hamper proper physical development. Before buying new clothing or accessories, look for “gently used” items in the closets of your older kids and friends, at garage sales, thrift and consignment stores and online. Clip newspaper and online coupons. Many stores will match competitors’ prices even if their own items aren’t on sale. Plus, many consolidation websites post downloadable coupons and sale codes for online retailers, including:, CouponCode. com,, DealHunting. com and

Mobile shopping apps let in-store smartphone and mobile browser users scan product barcodes and make on-the-spot price comparisons, read reviews, download coupons, buy products and more. Follow your favorite retailers on Facebook and Twitter, where many post special savings for their followers. Bottom line: If you get organized before setting out on back-to-school shopping, you can save money, time and aggravation. Jason Alderman directs Visa’s financial education programs. To Follow Jason Alderman on Twitter:

Healthy Snack Recipe: Squash and Banana Mini Muffins (Makes about 48 mini muffins) 1 1/2c. all-purpose flour 1c quick oats (uncooked) 2 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice 1 1/4c thawed frozen pureed winter squash (or pureed summer squash!) 3/4c light brown sugar 3/4c mashed banana (about 2) 1 egg 2 Tbsp canola oil 1c dried cranberries

*Preheat oven to 350∞F. Prepare mini muffin pan with vegetable pan spray. In large bowl, stir together flour, oats, baking soda, salt and pumpkin pie spice. *In medium bowl, whisk together squash, sugar, banana, egg and oil. Make a well in center of flour mixture; whisk in squash mixture until just combined. Stir in cranberries. *Fill cavities 2/3 full with batter. Bake 12-14 minutes or until toothpick inserted into center of muffin comes out clean.

Page 18 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

the BLUE Rose

Having four visiting family memDenny’s mom had a puzzled look bers, the wife was very busy, so I of- on her face and thanked me for taking fered to go to the store for her to get the time to talk with her son. She told some needed items, which included me that most people wouldn’t even light bulbs, paper towels, trash bags, look at him, much less talk to him. I detergent, and Clorox. So off I went. told her that it was my pleasure and I scurried around the store, gath- then I said something I have no idea ered up my goodies, and headed where it came from, other than by the for the checkout counter, only to prompting of the Holy Spirit. be blocked in the narrow aisle by I told her that there are plenty of a young man who appeared to be red, yellow, and pink roses in God’s about sixteen-years-old. I Garden; however, “Blue wasn’t in a hurry, so I paRoses” are very rare and Love simply. tiently waited for the boy should be appreciated for to realize that I was there. Love generously. their beauty and distincThis was when he waved tiveness. You see, Denny Care deeply. his hands excitedly in the is a Blue Rose and if air and declared in a loud doesn’t stop and Speak kindly. someone voice, “Mommy, I’m over smell that rose with their Leave the rest heart and touch that rose here.” It was obvious now, with their kindness, then to God. he was mentally chalthey’ve missed a blessing lenged, and also startled from God. as he turned and saw She was silent for a secme standing so close to him, wait- ond, then with a tear in her eye she ing to squeeze by. His eyes widened asked, “Who are you?” and surprise exploded on his face Without thinking I said, “Oh, I’m as I said, “Hey Buddy, what’s your probably just a dandelion but I sure name?” love living in God’s garden.” “My name is Denny and I’m shopShe reached out, squeezed my ping with my mother,” he responded hand, and said, “God bless you!” and proudly. “Wow,” I said, “that’s a cool then I had tears in my eyes. name; I wish my name was Denny, May I suggest that the next time you but my name is Steve.” see a BLUE ROSE, don’t turn your “Steve, like Stevarino?” he asked. head and walk off. Take the time to “Yes,” I answered. “How old are you smile and say Hello. Why? Because, Denny?” by the grace of GOD, this mother or “How old am I now, Mommy?” he father could be you. This could be asked his mother as she slowly came your child, grandchild, niece, or nephover from the next aisle.. ew. What a difference a moment can “You’re fifteen-years-old Denny; mean to that person or their family. now be a good boy and let the man From an old dandelion! pass by.” Live simply. Love generously. Care I acknowledged her and contin- deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest ued to talk to Denny for several more to God. minutes about summer, bicycles, and A very wise woman once said: school. I watched his brown eyes “People will forget what you said, dance with excitement because he People will forget what you did, but was the center of someone’s atten- people will never forget how you tion. He then abruptly turned and made them feel.” headed toward the toy section. - Maya Angelou

Above: A small sampling of the thousands of kites to be enjoyed at the Washington State International Kite Festival! Photo by Monica, provided with permission by

Colorful Skies Predicted for Washington State International Kite Festival AUGUST 18th - 24th, 2014 It’s kite season! ☺ Fair winds prevailing, a sky filled with colorful kites is forecast for the Washington State International Kite Festival, which will take place along the Bolstad Avenue beach approach, boardwalk and beach in Long Beach, from August 18th - 24th, 2014. The weeklong festival will see the return of compelling past attractions like fighter kites, kite ballet, fireworks, exhibitions, the magical lighted night fly, and more. The festival has scheduled four mass ascensions, each promising a spectacular exhibit of 250 kites in the air at one time. Indoor kite flying utilizing ultra-light kites will be added at Long Beach Elementary School, just a few blocks from the beach. While spectators will find ample visual attractions, kite enthusiasts of all ages will be invited to participate in kite building, flying competitions and hands-on activities throughout the festival. The festival, which began as a humble gathering of nine participants and one kite team, has grown into one of the largest kite festivals in North America, enticing thousands of visitors from around the world to share their passion for kite flying. The first kite festival in 1981 still holds the Guinness record for keeping a kite in the air for the longest time – 180 hours. The team from Edmunds Community

College set that record. Numerous other World Record attempts will also be held, such as quad line team flying, as well as attempting one hundred kites and pilots. The existing record of 64 was set in 2010. Flying these unique kites, pilots are able to fly forward, reverse, spin and even hover in mid-air like a helicopter, giving unparalleled control that is perfect for synchronized team flying. Attempts are tentatively scheduled for Thursday and Friday from 1:00pm2:30pm and Saturday from Noon to 1:30pm. With wide sandy beaches and coastal breezes, Long Beach has been called the Kite Capital of the U.S. Kite shops, resident kite flyers, and the beloved World Kite Museum & Hall of Fame provide enjoyment for kite enthusiasts and first-time flyers alike. Visit for info ‘Long Beach’ Long Beach is a beautiful place to be. Blue crashing, roaring sea, full of life and happy to be. Sand castles, motes and walls are built. Cold people are wrapped in a nice warm quilt, as kids play all day. Fog rolls in and seagulls call. As we leave the beach, as night falls, we leave our sand castles, motes and walls. Then come back in the morning with seagulls to greet us And the roaring ocean to meet us. I love Long Beach and glad it is in reach. So please love this beach as I do. –Anna H., age 12

August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 19

By Pat Nelson Valley Bugler Columnist When Mike Patnode graduated from University in 1998 with a master’s degree in art, he set out to find work in the photography field. Hoping to find employment in Portland, he moved to Woodland, where his parents live, for what he and wife Loree thought would be a brief period. He’s lived in Woodland ever since, because his life and his art career took a turn he and Loree had not expected. Fifteen years ago, the Patnodes’ son A. J. was born with severe disabilities. He cannot speak and no one knows the extent of his vision. He cannot move his legs or his right arm. He can move his left hand, but only slightly. Instead of going to work in Portland, Mike and his wife Loree have stayed home in Woodland to provide 24-houra-day care to A. J. A.J. likes light and motion. As toys attached to a mobile fly over his bed, he uses his left hand to touch the switch that controls their movement. One day as he took photos of his son, Mike Patnode realized that the

movement of the toys created beautiful effects in the photos, and he decided to make A.J. a part of this interesting style of photography. Participating the only way he is able, A.J. operates the switch to determine when the mobile will start and stop and which direction it will turn . . . and his dad snaps the photographs. Mike and son A.J. have been creating colorful images for several years, and their artwork will be shared with the public at the Broadway Gallery in Longview during the month of August. The images are beautiful photographic prints on brushed aluminum using a new art medium for preserving photos by infusing dyes directly into specially coated aluminum sheets. According to Mike Patnode, the image stability of metal prints is two to four times the image stability of traditional silver-based photographic papers. Mike Patnode said, “A.J sets my mind in motion to find the beauty in everyday things.” A.J. sets the switch in motion, and now others can see the magic this father and son have created.

Mike Patnode, artist.

A.J. Patnode, artist.

Artwork by the Patnode Father / Son team.

The month of August at the Broadway Gallery will showcase the Patnode Artwork in their own Gallery Show. Come meet the artists Mike and A.J. Patnode at the reception on First Thursday, August 7th from 5:30pm 7:30pm. Broadway Gallery 1418 Commerce, Longview

[Photos: Photo of Mike Patnode by Mike Patnode, Photo of A.J. Patnode by Mike Patnode, Photos of artwork by Mike Patnode and A.J. Patnode]

Pat Nelson, writer and editor, is co-creator of three humorous and sometimes edgy anthologies: ‘Not Your Mother’s Book: On Being a Parent’ (available at www.Amazon. com and wherever books are sold); On Being a Grandparent; and On Working for a Living.

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Page 20 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

Marketing Results By Oscar Myre IV Valley Bugler Columnist How does your business marketing compared to the “average business”? The results are in from our online marketing survey. This is so much fun! Here are some results from 7 questions that we asked clients. We asked a variety of questions, from how often businesses Edit their Websites, use eMail Marketing & post to their Facebook business page. We also wanted to know how often they check their web stats to have a pulse on their website. With the rise of mobile computing we asked folks to rate the Mobile Friendliness of their websites. We finished strong with an estimate of how much time they spend marketing. Ready to jump into the results? Here we go! How often do you edit your web site? Weekly: 21% Monthly: 16% Quarterly: 32% Annually: 11% Not at All: 21% I encourage businesses to get into their website and make updates

and post a blog entry at least once a month. Only 37% of business are doing that or better. How often do you use eMail Marketing? Weekly: 16% Monthly: 32% Quarterly: 10% Annually: 0% Not at All: 42% Over half of the polled business are using eMail marketing at least once a quarter. This leaves 42% who aren’t using eMail marketing at all. An area they can definitely improve. How often do you post to your Facebook Business Page? Weekly: 64% Monthly: 16% Quarterly: 4% Annually: 4% Not at All: 12% Almost everyone is still on Facebook and posting at least once a quarter. The best way to do this is to post from your website that is linked to your Facebook page. How often do you check your Website analytics? Weekly: 0% Monthly: 16% Quarterly: 16% Annually: 0%

Not at All: 68% ~:-( This one didn’t surprise me, but I definitely want to help change this statistic. Websites provide a wealth of information that can help you improve your website and in turn bring you more business wealth. How Mobile Friendly is your web site? Looks & Works Great: 21% Works but, needs zooming: 42% Doesn’t Work Well on Mobile: 37% Many of my clients are getting 25%-30% of their traffic on mobile sites. Less than a quarter of those polled believe theirs is ready to give them a great experience. If you knew that you were seeing 3 or 4 out of 10 clients from your mobile web site, what would you do to make sure it was friendly? How many hours do you and your team spend marketing (weekly)? 0-4 hours: 42% 5-15 hours: 37% 16+: 16% Not Sure: 5% Nearly 80% of business are spending 15 hours a week or less on marketing. That’s a lot of time! What is your greatest Marketing Challenge? Turns out there are a lot of marketing challenges. Here are the 5 most commons things that people need more of: Time, Skills, Exposure, Budget, Message & Clarity. The Average Business (actually the most common responses) edits their website quarterly, doesn’t use

eMail marketing, but posts to Facebook every week. They never check their stats and have a mobile website that requires scrolling. Their team spends less than 4 hours a week on marketing and their biggest challenge is not enough time. We acknowledge there isn’t such thing as an average business, but it shows us what businesses are up to. Is your business “Average”? I’d love to hear. Do you need some help becoming not so average? My business is dedicated to Marketing and helping generate Results. We were greatly informed by the results of our marketing survey, and hope that you take some valuable time to generate one of your own. Keep questions short and to the point - and you’ll do great! Please feel free to comment online or take our marketing survey for yourself. ~:-) Oscar Myre IV is the Creative Director and Owner at omOriginals Marketing! a local Web Marketing firm for over fifteen years. They offer anything web related, including social media help and integration. Call (360)575-9839 or visit:

A list of redneck computer terms Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods. Bar code - Them’s the fight’n rules down da local tavern. Bug - The reason you is a giv’n for calling in sick. Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro. Cache - Needed when you go to da store. Chip - Yer cusin’s uncle’s mother’s boyfriend’s name. Terminal - Time to call da undertaker. Crash - When you go to Junior’s party uninvited. Digital - The art of counting on your fingers. Diskette - A female Disco dancer. Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking. Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos. Internet - Where cafeteria workers put

their hair. Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere. Mac - Big Bob’s favorite fast food. Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers. Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall. Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live. Network - Scoop’n up a big fish before it breaks the line. Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test. Rom - Where the pope lives. Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch. Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast. Superconductor - Amtrak’s Employee of the year. Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 21

KIWANIS CLUBS focus their community service hours to the welfare of children.

CATHLAMET 1st Tues. 6 p.m. at the St. Catherine’s Catholic Church; 3rd Tues. at Sugar Lillies at noon. CHEHALIS - Thursday 12 p.m. at “The Restaurant” in Sunbirds. CLATSKANIE - 1st & 3rd & 5th Tues 6 p.m. at Fultano’s; 2nd & 4th Tues 12 p.m. Colvin’s. KELSO - Thurs. noon at 3 Rivers Mall, Comm. Room. LONGVIEW - Thursdays. noon at JT’s. SCAPPOOSE- 1st & 3rd Wednesday 6:30 p.m. Windemere Real Estate Office) ST. HELENS - Thurs. noon at the Elks Lodge (350 Belton Rd, St Helens). ST. HELENS DAYBREAKERS - Tues 7 a.m. at Warren Country Inn, Last Tues 6pm Columbia Soil and Water District Office AMERICAN LEGION GLEN HOYER POST 175 meets in Castle Rock every 1st & 3rd Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. For info call 423.9542. The LADIES AUXILIARY to Glen Hoyer Post #175 of the American Legion meets first Thursdays. For info call 423-9542. AMERICAN LEGION GUY RATHBUN Post #25 meets the 2nd Thurs. of the month at 7 p.m @ Kelso Eagles For info Kandi 423.2504 BUFORD ROCKAFELLOW POST 101, The American Legion, and Auxiliary meets the 2nd Friday of each month at the Winlock Community Building. Potluck 6 p.m., meeting at 7 p.m.. For info Post Commander Wendy Carolan 360-785-0929 or Adjutant Phil Carolan at (360) 785-0929. The FLEET RESERVE ASSOCIATION (FRA), an organization of Naval Service Veterans, Navy, Marine Corps, Coast Guard. Lower Columbia Branch 363 meets 6:30 p.m., 2nd Friday, each month at the Longview VFW building, 4311 Ocean Beach Highway. For more information contact: Ray Hegr at (360) 425-6981 or E-mail at fra363@yahoo. com. FLEET RESERVE AUXILIARY #363 meets the 2nd Friday of the month at the VFW Hall, 4311 Ocean Beach Hwy, Longview. A potluck at 6:30 p.m. with the meeting at 7:30 p.m. All people who have active, retired, or reserve status family members who are now serving or have served with the US Navy, Marines or Coast Guard are welcome. Info 425.4688. KELSO-LONGVIEW ELKS LODGE #1482 meets Thurs at 7:30 p.m. for our members only. Dinner is served before Lodge at 5:30 p.m. Lunches are served Monday-Friday 11 a.m.-2 p.m. One of our many projects is to serve the youth of the communities. 900 Ash St., Kelso. 360.425.1482. TOUTLE VALLEY VFW POST & AUXILIARY #10882 meets the 1st Tuesday @ 7 p.m. at their Post Home, 101 Hansen Road in Toutle. For more information, contact John at 274.4350 or Nikki at 274.5263. TOLEDO VFW 3429, Reg. Meeting 1st Monday, Potluck at noon, meeting at 1 p.m. COWLITZ VALLEY VFW POST 1045, Tues. Bingo @ 6 p.m., 5 p.m. dinner; Auxilary mtngs at 11 a.m. every 2nd Wednesday. Breakfast for veterans served 1st Sat. of each month $6 each from 9 - 11 a.m. The COWLITZ VALLEY VFW LADIES AUXILIARY POST #1045 meets the 2nd Wednesday at 11 a.m. at the VFW Hall located at 4311 Ocean Beach Hwy, Longview. For info or questions please call Ruby at (360) 577-0414 or Jeannette at (360) 414-4053. WOODLAND VFW POST 1927, 434 Davidson St, Woodland. BINGO every Tues. Doors open at 6:00p.m. Games begin at 6:30pm. Snacks & Soda avail. COWLITZ PRAIRIE GRANGE #737 meets 2nd Wednesdays 6:30pm potluck, 4th Wednesdays 7:30pm dessert. 5180 Jackson Hwy, Toledo, WA 864-2023 SUNNYSIDE GRANGE #129 meets the 2nd & 4th Saturdays. 6:30 for potluck, 7:30 meeting. Call 274.6013 for information & rental hall. SILVER LAKE GRANGE 2nd and 4th Thurs. Potluck 6:30, meeting at 7:30 p.m. Info & rental 274-7649. CATLIN GRANGE #199 2nd & 4th Fri. 6:30 p.m. Potluck dinner 2nd Friday. 7:30 meetings. More info: 425.2973. PLEASANT HILL GRANGE # 101 2nd & 4th Mon. 6:30 p.m. Potluck, meeting @ 7:15 p.m. Community Service group. Info & rentals call 425-6101 Junior Grange meets 1st & 3rd Mondays 6 p.m. - 7 p.m. CASTLE ROCK WOMANS CLUB meets every 2nd Monday at 1 p.m. 206 W. Cowlitz Street. Business meeting & program. Public iinvited. Info: 274.8149. THE PYTHIAN CASTLE 24 holds their meetings every 2nd and 4th Thursday @ 1 p.m. at the Castle Rock Womens Club, 206 Cowlitz St. West, Castle Rock.

THE CASTLE ROCK LIONS CLUB meets the 1st & 3rd Thursdays at Hattie’s Restaurant @ 5:45 p.m. The club sponsors newspaper recycling. LONGVIEW MONTICELLO LIONS meets 6:30 p.m. 2nd and 4th Mondays, dinner and speaker at The Carriage Restaurant on 12th LONGVIEW EARLY BIRD LIONS meets at The Carriage Restaurant on the 1st & 3rd Wednesdays, 6:45 a.m. THE VADER LIONS CLUB meets the 1st Thursday @ 6 p.m. and the 3rd Thursday @ 7 p.m. at the club’s building on Hwy 506 in Vader for a potluck dinner and meeting. Info: 295-3087 or 295-3801. KALAMA LIONS CLUB - LONGVIEW PIONEER LIONS CLUB meets every Tuesday at noon at the Cowlitz Regional Expo & Conference Center. Provide humanitarian service to the citizens of the area, visitors are welcome. WINLOCK LIONS CLUB meets the 1st and 3rd Thursdays of each month at 12 p.m. at Guadalajara Restaurant, off SR 505. Visitors welcome. Call 7853744 info KELSO LIONS CLUB meets 1st & 3rd Monday @ 6:30 p.m. in Longview Kelso Kels Building. Call Richard (360)425-5876 ROSE VALLEY GRANGE #953 meets 2nd Tues. @ 1pm, & 4th Tuesdays @ 6 p.m. 1520 Rose Valley Road, Kelso. Info: Becky 575-3977 or Debbie 414-9627 COWLITZ COUNTY VETERANS ASSOC. meets the second Friday of each month. CALL 577-6757 for locations. LONGVIEW REBEKAH LODGE NO. 305 Meets the 1st and 3rd Saturday each month at the IOOF Hall, corner of Pacific and Pine, Kelso, 1 p.m.. Info: 1-866725-3507 CASTLE ROCK EAGLES, celebrating their 100th birthday, meets at the Eagles Aerie on Huntington Ave. @ 8 p.m. every 2nd & 4th Tuesday for the Aerie & Auxiliary. KELSO EAGLES meet 1st and 3rd Tuesday at 7 p.m. Aux., Aerie meets at 8 p.m. Initiation 3rd Tuesday. BINGO MonWed-Fri @ 6:30 p.m. Special Charity BINGO Monday 12 - 3 p.m. Call 425-8330 for info. CASTLE ROCK FREEMASONS 3rd Mon @ 7:30 p.m. at Lodge located on SW First Ave DAUGHTERS OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, MaryRichardson Walker Chapter. rootsweb. FRIENDS OF CASTLE ROCK LIBRARY, 1st Mondays from 10 - 11 a.m., Library 137 Cowlitz St. West in Castle Rock WORSHIP & RECOVERY meeting, Sunday @ 1 p.m., refreshments. Positive faith group meeting. 1260 12th Ave., LV S.C.O.R.E. - Free counseling & guidance for small businesses by the nation-wide of S.C.O.R.E., Kelso/ Longview Chamber of Commerce, 1563 Olympia Way, Longview, WA. DISABLED AMERICAN VETERANS: 1st Fri of the month at 1 p.m. @ 1639 10th Ave. 577-5890, and Auxiliary meets the 2nd Friday of the month at 11 a.m. 423-3125 MT. ST. HELENS CLUB - meets 2x week to hike on a rural trail in SW Washington &/or NW Oregon.  Location and info: or 360- 673-2799 NATIONAL ASSOC. OF ACTIVE & RETIRED FEDERAL EMPLOYEES Longview - Kelso Chapter 1070, meet the 1st Wednesday @ 11:30 a.m. at the Monticello Hotel, Longview. Info: 423.6032. LOWER COLUMBIA WOODCARVERS Tues 5 - 7 p.m. Brook Hollow Rec. Center & Thurs. @ LV Senior Center 1 - 4 p.m . 274-3175 ROSE VALLEY GRANGE #953 2nd & 4th Tues. 6 p.m. potluck, meeting 7:00. Info: 423-6952, Rentals 423-8270, or 560-5140. LONGVIEW BORDER CROSSINGS Volks walking meet on 2nd Tuesdays at St. John’s Hospital, Longview, @ 6:30 p.m. Cafeteria Sam Korff 503-728-0400 KELSO ROTARY Meets Thursdays at 12 p.m. Lunch available to purchase. Kelso Longview Elks Lodge Call 414-5406 for more information ALTRUSA of Longview/Kelso meets Thursdays from 12 - 1 p.m.. 1st - Board; 2nd - Business; 3rd - Committee; 4th - Program; Lunch served for $5 at all meetings except Board. Meet at Altrusa room at CAP. THE SPIRIT OF FREEDOM Christian Intervention program for the chemically dependent, meets Wednesday 6 p.m. at Landmark United Pentecostal, 4333 Ocean Beach Hwy, 360-636-0580 LONGVIEW GARDEN CLUB meets at 10 a.m. the 4th Thurs. Jan. - November; Sept. - Oct. Due to holidays, Nov. & Dec. meetings are on the 3rd Thurs. Most mtngs Grace Lutheran Church in Longview. Info: 425-0755 COWLITZ BEE ASSOCIATION meets the 3rd Thursday each month @ WSU Extension Office, 7 p.m. OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS of Longview meets Monday @ 7:00pm or Thursday @ 7:30pm at Longview United Methodist Church. 2851 30th Ave, Longview. For info call Vee (503)449-6005 or

Abernathy Assembly of God 702 Abernathy Creek Rd. Longview Phone: 360-636-1620 Website: Sunday Service 10:45 AM Apostolic Lutheran Church 248 Cowlitz St. W., Castle Rock Sunday School 10:15 a.m. Church at 11 a.m. Information Dave Kandoll 295-3461 Baha’i Faith Vader 360-751-3181 Centralia 360-807- 4313 Packwood 360-494-4767 Longview 360-423-4105 Wednesdays 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Bethany Lutheran Church 2900 Parkview Drive, Longview Office: (360)577-8240 Pastor Shelley Willem Sunday Worship: 9:30 a.m. Castle Rock Christian Church 542 Huntington Ave. S, Castle R. Sunday school – 9 am (all ages) Sunday Worship – 10 am Dr. John Leffler, Senior Pastor 6th-12th Gr. youth Wed, 6-7:30 pm 360-274-6771 M-F, 9:30a -1:30pm Call for home groups/studies Grace and Truth City Church 525 Third Ave SW – Castle Rock Pastor David Beer Worship 10:15am, 749-2289 Grace Bible Fellowship 300 S.10th Ave, Kelso Worship: Sunday 11:00am Bible Study 9:30 a.m. (360)423-4035

Rose Valley Friends Church 1437 Rose Valley Rd. Kelso 360-425-3222 Church Office 9:30am Sunday School Hour for all 10:45am Worship Service 5:00pm - 7:00pm Valley Youth Group 6-8pm Wednesday-JValley Youth 6-8pm -Sunday-JValley Youth Ryderwood Community Church,

315 Jackson St. PO Box 161, Ryderwood, Pastor Bill Bowlby, 360-295-3962 Service Opportunities 11 am Sunday

Grace United Methodist Church, Vader, 295.3402 Rev. Steven A. Caskey, pastor Sunday worshipndservice – 12:15 p.m. Potluck every 2 Sunday Quilting on Mondays & Thursdays

St. Mary Catholic Church 120 Powell Rd., Castle Rock 274.7404 W & Th Daily Mass 8:30A Sunday Mass 8:30A

House of Prayer for All Nations 868 9th ave. Longview, WA Sunday School 9:45 AM Morning Service 11:15 AM Evening Service 6 PM

St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church 412 Pioneer Ave., Box 1467 Castle Rock Worship 10 a.m. Sunday - 274.9393

Immaculate Heart of Mary Catholic Church 2200 Allen Street, Kelso (360) 423-3650 M & F Daily Mass 12:15 PM Sat Vigil Mass 5:30 PM Sunday Mass 10:30 AM

St. Paul Lutheran Church 312 First Ave. SW, PO Box 847, Castle Rock 274.6604 Worship Service: 9a.m. & 11 a.m. SundayE40! (education) @ 10:10 a.m. Wed: 5th & 6th grade Youth Group - 6 p.m. Wed: 7th-12th gr Youth, 7:30pm Pastor Bob Sinclair

Kalama Baptist Church, Pastor Wes Eader 112 Vincent Rd, Kalama WA - Sunday School Castle Rock Church of the Nazarene 9:45am - Worship 456 Pioneer Ave. NE, Castle Rock 11:00am Sunday School classes 9:30 a.m. Call 673-5570 Worship Celebration 10:45 a.m. Evening church service 6:30 p.m. Women’s Bible study Th 10:30am Kelso First United Methodist Church Rev. Reo McBride, 206 Cowlitz Way, Kelso Pastor - 274.6546 Contemporary Service 9:00 am Sunday School 9:20 am Traditional Service 11:00 am Castle Rock First Baptist Church Wed: Children (Grade 1-12) 5:30-7 pm 211 Front Ave. NW, Castle Rock Pastor Vonda McFadden Pastor Joel Royce 274-4113 Sun Bible Study all ages: 9:45am 360-423-7480 Worship 11a.m. Tues. Adult Bible Study 1:30pm Lexington Bible Fellowship 98 Garden Street, Kelso (Lexington) Castle Rock United Methodist Sunday school @ 9:45am 241 First Street, Castle Rock Sunday worship @ 11am Sunday School 9:30 a.m. Pastor Jerry Hancuff Worship 10:55 a.m. Sunday Youth Group: Sundays 2 p.m. Rev. Pam Brokaw - 274.4252 Life Center Corner of Rock & Pine in Centralia Sundays at 10:30am or Central Christian Church Oyler Rd & Hwy 12 in Ethel 401 Crawford St., Kelso Sundays Worship -11am (Sunday school 9:00am 360-736-5898 9:30am) Wednesdays @ 6pm (Youth @ 6:45 Bible Studies - many available Russ Tevis, Minister Living Hope Church 360-425-3420 Church Office 2711 NW Andreson, Vancouver 11:00am Sundays Pastor Dean Jenks (360)944-3905 Church of Christ 300 St. Helen’s St., Toledo, Wa Longview Church of the Nazarene Sunday Bible Class 10 a.m. Sunday Worship 11 a.m. & 6 p.m. 814 - 15th Ave, Longview Sunday Service 10:30 a.m. Tuesday Bible Class 11 a.m. Sunday School 9:00 a.m. Wednesday Bible Study 6 p.m. Celebrate Recovery Thurs at 6 p.m 360-577-1100 John Gadberry, Minister 360-274-8570 Longview Community Church, 2323 Washington Way - Longview Emmanuel Lutheran Church service Sunday 2218 E. Kessler Blvd. - Longview Worship Contemporary Service 8:45 a.m. Sunday Worship - 8:30am Traditional Service 11 a.m. Sunday “Celebration” - 11 a.m. Pastor John Williams 423.6380 Thursday Worship - 6:30 p.m. Child care available at all services Pastor David Martin, Senior Pastor Longview Presbyterian Church Church office - 360-423-3250 3808 Pennsylvania St., Longview Worship and Children’s Class: Sun. 10am Faith Fellowship Lutheran Brethren; Child care provided Pastor Meghan Davis (360)577-8951 Church 210 Fishers Lane, Kelso Pastor Chris Leingang Worship at 10:00am New and Living Way Church 951 Delaware St., Longview Church Office (360) 425-4390 Sundays 10am & 6pm Wednesdays 7pm Fathers House Church 703-3340 1315 Commerce Ave Downtown Longview Oak Point Community Church Worship Sundays: 445 Oakpoint Rd, Longview 9am, 10:30am Pastor Chuck Tilton 423-7826 Sunday School 9:30 a.m. Sunday Service 11 a.m. & 6 p.m. Thursday Bible Study 7 p.m. Fireside Fellowship Pastor Doug McMurray; 360-577-6037 271 Atmore Road, Toutle Worship Sunday 10:00 a.m. The Rock Meeting at 1955 Huntington Ave S, Castle Rock First Christian Church Worship 10 a.m. every Sunday (Disciples of Christ) Wednesday @ 7pm Service 2000 East Kessler Blv - Longview Pastors Jerry & Angie Hughes 360.425.4220 274.7480 Rev. Eric Atcheson

St. Rose Catholic Church 2571 Nichols Blvd Longview, WA 360-425-4660 The Salvation Army Church 1639 10th Ave, Longview Sunday School @ 9:45am Holiness Meeting @ 11:00am 360-423-3992 St. Stephens Episcopal 1428 - 22nd, Longview WA Office: (360)423-5600 Sunday Worship: 8:00am & 10:00am Seventh Day Adventist Church 7531 Old Pacific Hwy -Castle Rock Worship 11 a.m. Saturday Pastor Ben Moore 274.6090 Seventh Day Adventist Church Journey Church 77 Solomon Road, Kelso WA Office: (360)423-7344 Saturday Worship: 11:05am Pastor Marcia Stone Stella Lutheran Chapel P.O. Box 546, 124 Sherman Road, Longview Pastor Carol Plummer Sunday Worship 10:00 am Children’s Sunday School 10:15 a.m. Office (360) 423-3795 (Wed. Only) Toutle Christian Fellowship 5067 Spirit Lake Hwy – Toutle Worship Service Sunday 9 a.m. Childcare provided Pastor Denny Martinez (360)274-6305 Vader Assembly of God Church 302 - 6th St., Vader, WA (360)295-3756 Pastor Tracy Durham Sunday Worship: 10:30am & 6:00pm Sunday Youth Group: 6:00pm Wed. Adult Bible Study & Kidz Church: 7p.m. If you would like to have your church updated or added to our directory, please email

Page 22 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

By Ray Miles Valley Bugler Columnist As an auto repair business owner, I talk to lots of people about their cars and the high cost of auto repair. So I thought this month I would shed some light on why auto repair is so expensive. Like almost everything else, inflation has caused the price of parts and labor to rise. But much more than inflation is the complexity of the new vehicles. It is so easy to remember what a tune up used to cost, for instance. Roughly 100 bucks got you a new set of spark plugs, a set of points and condenser and maybe a new air filter. That was then, when coils put out 10 thousand volts and no air quality standards were in place. Now, your vehicle has to meet those air quality standards. The engine cannot misfire and fuel injectors have incredibly tiny holes the fuel must pass through, and spark is often created at the spark plug (called coil on plug that can exceed 50 thousand volts) and all these things and many more must be addressed when performing a “tune up”. In the old days, a mechanic had a volt meter and a set of feeler gauges plus a few wrenches and sockets and was able to fix almost anything with those few tools. Today if you look in a technicians tool box, you most likely will see several thousand dollars of

Mother Son Outdoor Adventure August 2 • lake sacajawea

very specialized tools of all kinds and electronic hand held tools that typically cost roughly $10,000 each just so they can perform that tune up. Look on the office wall for the certifications that any quality tech has, to prove their worth not only to the business owner, but the customer as well. There is not a single car made today that doesn’t have several computers on board (often more than 20) and knowing how to diagnose and repair this level of complexity is comparable to what a doctor has to know. At least it feels that way. Add to that the information systems that a business must have since there is not any two vehicles that use the same systems, even among the same manufacturer. When a person asks me what they can do to reduce the cost of vehicle ownership, my first thought is get a car with the least amount of fancy do dads because they will eventually cost you a lot of money maintaining them. The second thing I advise is to follow the manufacturer’s recommended maintenance schedule. Then I advise them to find a trusted mechanic and have him/her inspect the vehicle at least twice a year. Not the quick lube type of inspection but a certified technician who knows what to inspect and what everything is supposed to be when everything is a OK; and then follow their recommendations. As I’ve said many times in the past, the cheapest money you spend is on maintaining your vehicle before it breaks, as catastrophic repair is BIG bucks. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve had people bring a car that lost something like a timing belt that could have been replaced for a few hundred dollars but wasn’t…then see that car hauled to the wrecking yard because now the repair exceeded the value of the car. As the saying goes, pay me now or pay me later; it’s always cheaper now. Happy Motoring, Ray Ray Miles is the owner of R & R Motors in Castle Rock, WA. After taking a hiatus from writing, he has come back to the paper again!

12th Annual Mother and Son Outdoor adventure is open to mothers and sons of all ages and activity levels. Fun includes rock wall, archery, obstacle course, catapult, fishing, kayaking, pellet shooting range, photo booth, canoeing and more! Each son will receive a special gift,

and light lunch is provided. Pre-Registration is $8.50 per person or $11.00 on the day of the Event. Martin’s Dock at Lake Sacajawea Park in Longview, WA. Register online or at Parks & Rec: 2920 Douglas, Longview WA. Or by phone: 442-5400.

Funnies • Jokes • Guffaws School Troubles When I arrived for my daughter’s parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my little girl didn’t always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. “For example, she’ll do the wrong page in the workbook,” the teacher explained, “and I’ve even found her sitting in the wrong desk.” “I don’t understand that,” I replied defensively. “Where could she have gotten that?” The teacher went on to reassure me that my daughter was still doing fine in school. Finally, after a pause, she added, “By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow.” The Best Years Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One trainee boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd’s attention, said, “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn’t my wife!” The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, “And that woman was my mother!” The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It all seemed foggy in his brain that early in the morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, “The greatest years of my life

were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!” His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, “and I can’t remember who she was!” Skipping Mass Father Norton woke up Sunday morning, and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play a round of golf, even if by himself. He told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town. He went to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?” The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.” Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420 yard HOLD IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He exclaimed to the Lord “Why did you let him do that?” The Lord smiled and replied “Who’s he going to tell?” Harry’s Bad Day Fishing Harry had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?” “Why do you want me to throw them at you?” “Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them.” “Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy.” “But why?” “Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight.”

August 2014 • Valley Bugler • Page 23

Signs of Heat Stroke for pets By Christy A. Caballero

It’s time for hot August nights – and fun summery days. A little extra TLC will keep family members with four feet safe, even when the mercury soars. Pets are affected by the heat, just like we are. Heat stroke, in fact, is a very real threat. The short-nosed breeds, like Bulldogs and Pugs, large heavycoated breeds, and any pets with heart or respiratory problems are more at risk for heat stroke – cats included. Imagine wearing winter clothes on a hot summer day. You can only cool off by panting. That’s kinda their world. The severe response is heatstroke – know the signs, because minutes matter. • body temperatures of 104-110F degrees • excessive panting • dark or bright red, or sticky or dry tongue and gums • staggering • stupor • seizures • bloody diarrhea or vomiting • coma • death Get veterinary attention immediately! If you have to wait, get your pet into shade. Cool your pet with cool water, not ice water (which constricts blood vessels). Place cool wet cloths on feet and around head. Don’t cool below 103 F degrees Offer ice cubes for the animal to lick on the way to the vet. Once cooled, your pet may look okay, but only a vet can assess and treat heat stroke damage to internal organs such as liver, kidneys, brain, etc., and secondary complications. Sadly, a primary cause of heat stroke is being locked in a parked car. A Stanford University study showed that even on a 72 degree day, the temp inside a car will rocket to 116

degrees within 60 minutes. Cracking the windows hardly slowed the rise at all. If you see a pet in a parked car on a hot day, consider writing down the car’s make and model and license number, and tell the nearest store manager. They may locate the owner or call animal control, to keep a tragedy from happening in their parking lot. You can call animal control or the police for help. Some animals still die from heatstroke, even when help comes. Minutes count. It’s hard to do, but this time of year, pets are often safer at home. Car rides are best reserved for trips involving drive-thru windows, and stops at pet-friendly destinations, so nobody has to stay in the car. To stay cool in the yard or on a picnic, here’s a really fun “to-go” goodie for Fido that’s easy to make in your freezer. First, get a large-ish freezable container – and put in some dog treats, maybe a rubber ball, or a Nyla-bone, use your imagination. Then mix equal parts water and chicken broth (adjust to fit your pet’s taste) and pour over the treats and toys and put it all into the freezer to turn into a big pet treat-sicle. It’s something you can take out of the freezer and up-end into a dish and Fido can work on it like a big sno-cone, licking the broth mixture as it melts, slowly “liberating” treats frozen inside!!! It’s summer – let there be pup-sicles!!! Freelance writer and photographer Christy A. Caballero lives a couple of deer trails off the beaten path in northwest Oregon. Her work has earned three Dog Writer’s Association of America “Maxwell” Awards, and national and regional awards from the National Federation of Press Women. She is also published in anthologies, magazines, and specialty publications.

Adorable Adoptees ‘Martin’

‘Ms Marbles’ Ms Marbles is a playful, energetic young dog, in need of an active family. This girl has energy to burn! She is very social - loves everyone she meets. Gets along well with other dogs; we’re not sure about cats. She loves to sit next to you, lean on you, climb on your lap, if you let her. Ms Marbles is a people-loving girl, and is happiest when she’s next to you. She has been spayed, microchipped and is up to date on her vaccinations. Please contact Paula: for more information about this pet, or email Rescued Paws: For questions and adoption info

Martin is a handsome young cat, about 5 months old, with extra toes on his paws! Yes, a polydactyle, sometimes called a “Hemmingway Cat”. Nobel-prize winning Earnest Hemmingway brought attention to these multi-toed cats. He was given one by a ship’s captain, who thought that cats with extra toes would be extra diligent on board ship, capturing mice. The Hemmingway museum in Florida still has 40 or 50 of these Polydactyle cats roaming the grounds. Martin is a bit shy when you first meet him, but loves to cuddle and it won’t take long before he will be your best friend, He is neutered, microchipped and current on his vaccinations For more information about this pet, or to get in contact with Rescued Paws via eMail: For questions and adoption info: (And view available pets!)

Page 24 • Valley Bugler • August 2014

August Edition of the Valley Bugler  
August Edition of the Valley Bugler