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photo: julie patterson

Video Killed the Radio Star


May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

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U Weekly AAS

Runs 5/11


No Bleed

SWIM DAY Saturday, May 14th

Try on a swimsuit and play scratch & win to receive free gifts in our ladies’ swimwear department! Register to win an all-inclusive trip for four to Discovery Cove® Orlando! The Grand Prize estimated at more than $3,500 will include hotel and airfare, the opportunity to swim with dolphins, snorkel with rays, hand feed exotic birds and relax on pristine beaches. Register in the Ladies’ Swim Department. One per customer. Must be 18 years or older to enter. Children ages 6 – 12 must be accompanied by an adult who is also participating in the dolphin swim experience. Dillard’s associates and their families are not eligible. No purchase necessary. See an associate for details. Scratch off card quantity limited, offer valid while supplies last.




off with the purchase of any regular-price ladies’ swimwear ENTIRE STOCK


May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin


State Teacher Placed on Mandatory Leave Following Inflammatory Remarks

Local Texas Senate Approves Voter ID Bill A bill requiring Texas voters to show photo identification at the ballot box won approval in the Texas Senate on Monday. The 19-12 vote moved the bill closer to becoming ratified as law, only requiring passage in a final House vote before crossing the desk of Governor Rick Perry. Republicans sponsoring the bill say photo identification is needed to prevent voter fraud, while Democrat opponents argue that the bill will make it harder for low-income and minority Texans to cast ballots, and is a tool to boost Republican advantages in elections. According to the language of the bill, voters will be required to present state or federal photo IDs. Driver’s licenses, personal ID cards, military IDs, passports, and concealed handgun permits are all on the list of approved credentials. If the bill passes, Texas will become the ninth state in the union to enforce strict photo ID requirements in polling places.

A Texas school district confirmed that a teacher has been placed on leave after making disparaging comments to an American-born Muslim girl following the death of Osama bin Laden. The teacher allegedly asked his ninth grade student if she was “grieving” after hearing that her “uncle” had died, referring to the Al Quaeda terror chief who had been killed by American forces in Pakistan the previous day. Spokeswoman Elaina Polsen declined to clarify if the teacher had resigned or been let go, but did say that the remarks did not reflect the attitudes of the school district nor its employees as a whole. Prominent Muslim’s in the Houston area (where the school is located) said they were pleased with the district’s response.

pound by U.S. forces. The delegates confirmed that the access will be “direct”, meaning that American interrogators will be able to interview the three women as opposed to submitting questions to the Pakistani government. The announcement comes on the heels of speculation that the ruling government in Pakistan colluded with Al Quaeda in hiding the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks. Prime Minister Yousuf Gilani dismissed such notions as “absurd”, but opposition leaders are taking a hard line with the issue in their campaigns against the current regime. “The most serious fallout, apart from feeling the worst humiliation ever, is of credibility,” said Imran Khan, a leading opposition politician. “No one will trust what Pakistan says anymore.”

National Pakistan Grants U.S. Access to bin Laden’s Widows Delegates from Pakistan have confirmed that the United States will have complete and direct access to the three widows of Osama bin Laden, who survived the raid on his Abbottabad com-

World Boat with 600 Immigrants Capsized on way to Italy After months of political strife, immigrants from all over North Africa have fled their homes to find refuge in Italy, in some cases arriving by the hundreds. On Sunday night, rescue teams pulled hundreds of survivors and 16 dead bodies from the waters surrounding Lampedusa, Italy, the latest wave in a surge of 30,000 refugees who have fled Libya and Tunisia for the Italian island in this year alone. Of that figure, authorities estimate that at least one thousand persons have died during attempted crossings. Italian leaders have called on all vessels in the Mediterranean sea to keep an eye open for craft supporting immigrants that may be in need of assistance.



After watching too much Family Guy, Charles Louis Woods thought that he could get away with pulling a Make-A-Wish Foundation scam. The 59-year-old tried to sell fake raffle tickets to the public. Woods showed people prizes that one could win, including a truck, also telling his victims that the raffle would benefit a child. Ironically, Woods has submitted an actual request to Make-A-Wish to get him out of jail.

Bin Laden Hunters

Apparently news travels slow in San Antonio. A caricature of Osama bin Laden that is made in San Antonio is selling like hotcakes at the shooting range. Shooters at the Bullet Hole are, um, shooting the sales of this popular poster through the roof. Shooters say that they are practicing their marksmanship so that they can join noted samurai sword- wielding Bin Laden hunter Mike Bruggink in the search for the terror suspect.

Low Five

Accepting nothing less than Obama bleaching his skin and swearing his eternal soul to the Sith Lord, Karl Rove, Republican members, ten of them to be specific, of the Texas House refused to get behind a resolution that commended President Barack Obama, as well as intelligence and military personnel, for planning and executing the operation to kill Osama bin Laden. Instead, the obstinate ten drafted their own resolution to commend themselves for being giant partisan jackasses. The resolution received overwhelming support from the democratic minority.

Stress Kills

We all know that feeling. Finals, jobs, and trying to shut up that damn dog barking outside, can all make you want to kill someone. Now, it seemed like it finally did. In the hours before prosecutors say he killed a 17-yearold neighbor he did not know in 2009, Areli

President Obama announces the death of Osama bin Laden, praises those Americans who carried out the operation to kill Osama bin Laden, tells the families of the victims of September 11, 2001 that they have never been forgotten, and calls on Americans to remember the unity of that tragic day. Escobar claimed he had been “stressed out” from being unemployed and unable to pay his rent. Escobar also cited another

annoyances that spurned him to murder like Donald Trump, dudes in very short “jorts”, and the frog in his head that told him to do it.


May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

UT System Releases Data on Faculty “Productivity” by R ee v e H amilton , T he T e x as T ribune


ast week, the University of Texas System released much-anticipated data on faculty “productivity” — noting, however, that the 821-page spreadsheet is in a raw draft form that has not been fully verified and “cannot yield accurate analysis, interpretations or conclusions.” The information in the spreadsheet, which includes professors’ total compensation, tenure status and total course enrollment, was compiled at the request of the UT System Board of Regents’ recently formed task force on productivity and excellence. That task force is chaired by Regent Brenda Pejovich, who is on the board of the Texas Public Policy Foundation, an Austin-based conservative think tank. The TPPF, along with the office of Gov. Rick Perry, have encouraged university systems to compile such data as one part of a set of “breakthrough solutions” for higher education that they debuted in 2008. Recently, this effort — and resistance to it from some in the higher

Chancellor Mike McKinney a letter counseling against following what Berdahl referred to as “ill-conceived” reforms. In releasing the UT System data, spokesman Anthony de Bruyn said in a statement, “The collection and analysis of the data will not be used to produce what many in the news media and general public refer to as a ‘red and black report.’” De Bruyn maintained that the analysis “is not intended to gauge performance on an individual basis, but rather to review university departments by institution so that the presidents of the nine UT System academic institutions can assess the strengths of institutional departments by campus and recommend adjustments as necessary.” Many faculty members have been nervously awaiting the data’s release. Earlier today, Dean Neikirk, the chair of the UT-Austin Faculty Council, sent the following note to his colleagues preparing them for its release:

“The collection and analysis of the data will not be used to produce what many in the news media and general public refer to as a ‘red and black report.’” ed orbit — has become a topic of discussion and debate in the media and around the legislature. When the Texas A&M University System developed a similar spreadsheet that listed in red professors who failed to generate enough revenue to cover their compensation, it caught the attention of the Association of American Universities, an elite group of research universities that conveys coveted “tier one” status on the most prestigious institutions. AAU president Robert Berdahl, a former president of UT-Austin, sent A&M

The Faculty Council Executive Committee members were informed last week at a UT System Faculty Advisory Council meeting that “faculty data” would be released in response to an open records request. We now know that this release will likely take place Thursday afternoon. The data that will be released will include faculty name, salary, numbers of sections and students taught, etc.; unfortunately at this time we do not know what the “etc.” includes. UT System will include a statement with the

data that “The data in its current draft form is incomplete and has not yet been fully verified or cross referenced. In its present raw form it cannot yield accurate analysis, interpretations or conclusions.” Nonetheless, it is likely that within a very short time various web pages will offer an “analysis” of individual faculty “productivity”; it is reasonable to expect someone will produce a version similar to the report generated at A&M last year. Please be aware that this may occur, and feel free to inform your colleagues about the imminent data release. Most, if not all, of this information was already available, but the “convenience” of the release will no doubt invite a variety of interpretations. Dan Formanowicz, a University of TexasArlington biology professor who chairs the UT System Faculty Advisory Council, told the Tribune this afternoon, “It’s not the

data that bothers us; it’s how people use it. We’re not afraid of the data.” The analysis of the data will not be solely up to the regents. “Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board Commissioner and staff have agreed to assist the task force in evaluating and analyzing the data and the Coordinating Board will be fully involved the final analysis of the data,” de Bruyn said in his statement. Pejovich’s task force, as well as a new task force dedicated to blended and online learning, chaired by Regent Wallace Hall, will present progress reports at next week’s Board of Regents meeting. According to de Bruyn, no formal action on these matters will be taken at that meeting, and the work of the task forces will continue through the summer months. This article originally appeared in The Texas Tribune

UWeekly Austin

Of Films and Videos End of Semester Film Screenings A manda Chappel


any of us have had grand cinematic ideas. Great ideas for screenplays, inspiration for murder-mysteries or have even started writing material for that next Oscar-winning comedy series. But, few of us actually follow through with our visions of film glory.


Because working with film is really hard, complicated, and takes a long time to complete. So it’s no wonder that most of us give up before we even begin. That’s why a film showcase of all of UT’s most talented filmmakers is all the more important to check out and support.

End of Semester Film Screening

At the end of each semester, the Radio-Television-Film department blocks out four to six days in which the work of its film students is showcased for all to see. Similar to reading your poem aloud during English class, each RTF film student presents their work to fellow classmates and all in attendance. Many times the filmmaker’s family and friends come to lend support, but the event is free and open to the public. “Every end of the semester, we compile every film made that semester,” explains RTF events coordinator Chris Margrave. “Every single student who made a film gets a screening,” Margrave also explains that each class holds its own event. Therefore, an exhaustive list of each film screened would be impractical. Instead, if you are interested in seeing the works of RTF students, you should figure out what type of film you want to see and check out the schedule from there. Categories range from Digital Animation to Motion Graphics. Student film theses will also be screened at both undergraduate and graduate levels. Check out the full schedule at: end-semester-screenings-may-11-15 The event is running from May 11-15. Seating is first-come, first-served, so be sure to get there early!

Longhorn Film Showcase For the strongest films and films made by graduate students, there is the Longhorn Film Showcase. Beginning at 7 PM on Saturday, May 14, the ACL Studio will screen 10 of the best works produced by RTF students and host a swinging afterparty at 9 PM. Each film is no longer than 15 minutes and subject matters range from experimental choreography, lessons in love and the Mexican drug cartel. The films that are being screened at the Longhorn Showcase were submitted competition-style and were selected based on talent and creativity. In fact, in years past, the RFT would hold annual screenings of its best work in Hollywood, California, but in recent times has decided to hold the event closer to home. “These films are the stronger ones made in the past year and a half,” Margrave explains. “This is a time to showcase what everybody has done.” On Sunday, May 15 the RTF department will then showcase the best films from students in graduate school, which will also be screened at the ACL Studio in addition to Studio 4D. Be sure to check out a more comprehensive list of the Longhorn Film Showcase at: showcase/longhorn-film-showcase.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 11 Studio 4D 5:30PM–7:30PM: Audio Prod. for Picture and Soundstage Prod. for TV & Film (RTF 341/343 Knight) 8 PM–10 PM: Documentary Production (RTF 366K Spiro)

THURSDAY, MAY 12 Studio 4D 5:30 PM–6:30 PM: Narrative Production (366K Marslett) 6:30PM–7:45PM: Narrative Production (366K Lewis, D.) 8PM–9PM: Narrative Production (366K Mims) 9PM–10:45PM: Directing Workshop (366D Radtke)

FRIDAY, MAY 13 Studio 4D 4PM–5PM: Computer Animation & 3-D Modeling and Visual Effects and Motion Graphics (RTF 344M Bays) 5PM–7PM: Intro. to Digital Animation & Graphics and 2-D Animation and Motion Graphics (RTF 351C & 351D Marslett)

SATURDAY, MAY 14 ACL Studio - CMB 6A 11AM–1PM: Advanced Narrative (RTF 343 Candler) 1PM–3PM: Advanced Documentary (RTF 343 Spiro) 3PM–5PM: Undergraduate Thesis (RTF 368S Schiesari) 7PM–10PM: RTF Longhorn Showcase, CMB Studio 6A

SUNDAY, MAY 15 Studio 4D 11AM–1PM: Intro to Digital Media (319 Caraway) 1PM–2PM: East Austin Stories ACL Studio - CMB 6A 2PM–4 PM: First Year Graduate Films (881KB Shea) 4PM–7PM: Graduate Pre-Thesis Films 7PM–10PM: Graduate Thesis Films

May 11, 2011



May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

Working around the language Christopher Smith G on z ale z


t was in a storeroom near the back of Guero’s Taco Bar, in amongst the cans of jalapeños and boxes of tortillas, that Maile Broccoli-Hickey stood with eager faces staring back at her. She was a waitress at Guero’s and these were 17 Latin American co-workers — cooks, bus boys and dishwashers — who couldn’t speak English but wanted to learn. There are thousands of people, recent immigrants working multiple jobs, raising families and living in central Texas, who cannot speak English. And as Broccoli-Hickey came to find out, it’s not that they don’t want to learn — just that it is difficult to find the time to get to class between multiple job shifts. So Broccoli-Hickey brought the class to them. She worked with the management at Guero’s and had an English class right there at the restaurant — sometimes in a vacant room but other times in the dry goods storage area. From that single class Broccoli-Hickey’s idea has grown to the bustling non-profit, English @ Work. She’s worked with over 25 central Texas businesses, hired professional ESL teachers and takes volunteers to help with everything from administration to the classroom. “I thought it was one of those ideas that either made perfect sense or was crazy and could never work,” said Broccoli-Hickey. She soon found out that her idea was a hit not only with her students, who now had a way to learn a language that could help them get better jobs, make

more money and allow them to adjust to the new country they were living in, but also with businesses. Owners soon found that a staff that can speak English – that can interact with customers better, read safety labels, be more engaged – will ultimately help the businesses’ bottom line. It is not a new idea, Broccoli-Hickey said — Henry Ford provided English classes for immigrants at his factory — but it is unique to central Texas. And it is an idea that grew out of Broccoli-Hickey’s combination of skills as an ESL teacher and her desire to help a group of people who exist on the edges of life in Austin. “English at Work, and the services that we offer to new people in this country, are a way to demonstrate our gratitude to people who have welcomed us when we were strangers,” said Broccoli-Hickey. Instead of resorting to racism and demagoguery that some turn to when dealing with the thorny issue of immigration, jobs and the English language, Broccoli-Hickey figured it was better to give immigrants that little push they needed to start speaking English. English @ Work is now celebrating its six-year anniversary and the results are showing. Last


General Manager Michael Huereque Account Executive Alexa Hansson Art Director Jessica Caraway Ad Designer Terry Kennedy Editor–in–Chief Sarah Neve Photo Editor Julie Patterson year, 75 percent of the business that partnered with English @ Work ended up promoting employees that went through the program and for those employees, that can mean an increase in earnings of at least $5,000 a year. It’s a win-win for everybody, Broccoli-Hickey said.

How to get involved: English @ Work needs volunteers to help in the classroom, in administration, do graphic design, conduct interviews of students in Spanish, and in a number of other areas. The next volunteer information session is Saturday, June 18. For more information, go to To learn about volunteering, contact Liz at To learn about setting up a class at a business, internships, or for general information, contact Maile at

Copy Editor Meghann Gordon Sports Editor Ryan Betori A&E Editor William Bass Marketing Manager Danielle Desso Circulation Jeremey Tooker Writers Brian Bogart Christian Corona John Jarzemsky Matt Hirst Devon Tincknell Amanda Chappel Luke Winkie Interns Lisa Hartwig Sarah Vasquez Kristen Morado

Events on or around campus Amanda Chappel


Lavender Graduation

Partake in a very special celebration honoring the graduation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer UT students. May 18, 5-7 PM, Student Activity Center (SAC) Ballroom

CONTACT 1905 N. Lamar Blvd, Ste. 200 Austin, TX 78705 O: 512–358–4149 F: 512–358–6544 PUBLISHER Texmedia, LLC 458 E. Main St. Columbus, OH 43215

Third Thursday: Art, Yoga and More!

First come, first serve! Join your fellow students for a night of healthful stretching and tango lessons. Book Club optional. May 19, 5-9 PM, Blanton Museum of Art

Fundraising Fiesta. Aye, Aye, Aye!

Join the students of the UT Elementary School for loads of money-raising activities, such as raffles and silent auctions. Come rain or shine! May 14, 11 AM- 4 PM, Martin Middle School Fields, 1601 Haskell Street

Texas Southern loses to UT baseball

Well, we certainly hope so! Come watch and find out for yourself! May 14, 12- 5 PM, Disch-Falk Field

Last Home Game

Help close out the season by cheering on UT as they battle long-time rivals A&M during their last regular home game. May 21, 6-8 PM, Disch-Falk Field

ABOUT UWeekly Austin

UWeekly Austin is an independent publication and is not affiliated with the University of Texas at Austin. One free copy per person. Additional copies may be picked up at our office for .50 each. Opinions expressed are those of the writers/authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff or publishers of UWeekly. Not liable for omissions, misprints, or typographical errors. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. © Copyright 2010 Texmedia, LLC

UWeekly Austin

May 11, 2011



What you said

Photos and Interviews by Julie Patterson

“What are you doing this summer?”

Air it out Dear Rookie Professor,

Y ”Classes and working.”

Rebecca, Biology, Freshman

”I’m working in dallas.”

Alex, RTF, Junior

”I’m interning at my church.”

Rachel, Psychology, Freshman

”I’m going to summer school, but at a different school.”

Jenna, RTF, Sophomore

”I’m graduating so nothing, except for my parents are coming to visit.”

Chandra, Psychology, Senior

”I’m taking classes.”

Courtney, Business, Freshman

ou of all people should understand what it is to be a student, you only just finished grad school last semester. Yet, for some reason, you seem to have forgotten above all others what it means to be overloaded with assignments. What really irks me is that you’re not teaching a class anyone is actually majoring in, so the workload you dish out every week is only a distraction from the things I actually want to learn. I’m sure it’s very enjoyable in some twisted way to tell your students that you realize this course doesn’t even pertain to them in any way, while at the same time assigning a research essay, but please take a moment to remember your life mere months ago. You, too, remember what it’s like to spend hours on some project that’s due in a day or two while a much larger, more important project awaits your attention. Alas, continue your mocking of students who unfortunately don’t share your same interest in ‘copyright laws’ through grades of ‘barely passing,’ while continually acknowledging the

An Air It Out FAQ How to get us to actually print what you write. 1. Everything Anonymous – Not only are we giving you an opportunity to publicly air your grievances, we’re allowing you to hide behind the cowardly mask of anonymity to do it. So we don’t want your name. But we’re also extending that same courtesy to whomever you’re complaining about. If a wasted girl spilled food on you at Kerbey Lane, then call her “a girl.” We don’t need her name, date of birth, or UTEID. 2. Be Brief – Sorry would–be Unabombers, we’re not going to publish your entire manifesto. Short and not–so–sweet is key. If you can’t say what you need in less than 250 words, than you’re rambling, not ranting. 3. Stay Specific – There’s a lot to be annoyed about on campus. We know. But please pick one issue, not seven, and avoid digressing. An open letter to whoever keeps shaving their pubes in the communal sink is good; a list of things you don’t like about living in the dorms is less so.

fact that I “probably have tons of other stuff to deal with.” The ‘young teacher’ used to mean the cool, relatable teacher who would show videos in class and connect what we’re learning to real life I dream of the gray bearded aging professor who realizes life is too short to waste on busy work, and lets you decide how seriously to take the class at your own risk. Luckily, this is our last week together. Have mercy on next semester’s crop.

Sincerely, Veteran Student

4. Powerful Language – At UWeekly, we write our own rules. We’re down to say a naughty word now and again. But there is a huge difference between the rare, well–placed profanity and a barely literate Youtube comment. Your critiques should be at least a little bit more cutting than “blah blah blah is a *@#&!!!” 5. To Whom It May Concern – Air It Out is publishing your open letters, so don’t forget to address them as such. Did some douche lose his lunch the last time you rode the E–Bus? Then open with “Dear Dude Who Barfed on the Bus.” And just because we’re not giving out your name doesn’t mean you can’t let him know who it’s from. Just sign it, “Sincerely, Everyone Else on the Bus.” Please send all Air It Out submissions to UWeekly reserves the right to edit submissions for content, anonymity, and space.

10 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin


Pick a pool, any pool

Where to cool off when your thermometer breaks this summer Photo: Julie Patterson

M att H irst

Barton Springs (paid) Barton Springs is like no other swim spot in the world. Full of history, from the Native Americans who believed the springs had healing powers to the Spanish settlers in the 1700s, Barton Springs is the fourth-largest natural spring in the state and the perfect place to spend a summer day. Averaging 68 degrees year round, equipped with a three-acre pool, diving board, fields to relax in and a diverse crowd of the friendliest people in the nation, the Springs are must-see, especially if you’ve never been. Can’t swim? Join Robert Redford and call Barton Springs the place where you finally learned how.

Location: Behind Zilker Park, south of Lake Austin

Hours: 9 am–9 pm: lifeguard on duty; 5 am–9

am, 9 pm–10 pm: no lifeguard Price: Adults: $3.00; 12-17: $2.00; 11 and under/Senior: $1.00 Booze: No, although you’ll see other rules being ignored too.

Barton Springs (free sections) Almost as good as the paid section, the rest of the Barton Springs area is just as relaxing and enjoyable. Kayaking and other water activity rentals are available, and you can feel free to bring your

dog for a swim. Great for times like Austin City Limits or the Kite Festival, when you want to hop down for a swim in the cold springs for a minute. You’ll see plenty of people, but can always find

heat. With several lanes roped off for the serious swimmers, and plenty of area for just chilling or playing in the water, Deep Eddy has it all.

Equipped with a 75-foot waterfall, cliff formations, and a sand beach, the landscape is as incredible as the pool itself. a section to claim for your own. Bring a book, a friend, even your dog – or leave all them at home and lay down for a day to yourself at one of the most secluded parts of Austin’s natural springs.

Location: Behind Zilker Park, south of Lake Austin, near the Zilker railroad Hours: Dawn–dusk Price: Free Booze: If you can get away with it

Deep Eddy Pool Another Austin landmark, Deep Eddy Pool is known as a premier spot in Austin for escaping the

Location: Eilers Park, north side of Lake Austin by MoPac Hours: Subject to change; approximately 7am–9pm Price: $2 for adults Booze: No

Hamilton Pool One of my personal favorites, and perhaps the most unique spot of all, the Hamilton Pool Preserve is unlike any other swimming hole in Texas. Equipped with a 75-foot waterfall, cliff formations and a sand beach, the landscape is as incredible as the pool itself. There

are hiking trails that surround the area, and it’s known as a prime spot for birdwatching. Some rules include no fishing, glass bottles, or pets. The long ride from campus isn’t an excuse not to make it out here: the offerings of Hamilton Pool are worth every mile.

Location: Dripping Springs, south of Austin Hours: Daytime, closes at 6 Price: $5 per vehicle Booze: As long as it’s not glass

Krause Springs If you want to make a day trip, or even reserve a campsite and make it a weekend, Krause Springs is the place to go. Surprisingly unheralded, this swimming hole is fed by 32 springs within the area and remains around 70 degrees. Another perk? It never slows down, no matter how bad a drought the area is experiencing. Although there are no pets allowed, Krause Springs is a great place to go for a full day, or weekend, of escape.

Location: Spicewood, Texas; 30 miles west Hours: 9am to dusk Price: $4 adults; $3 children Booze: No glass

UWeekly Austin

May 11, 2011


The highlight reel week’s best quick hitters B rian B ogart


never thought I’d be writing about the mighty “three-peat” attempting Los Angeles Lakers falling to the NBA’s perennial playoff joke in the Dallas Mavericks but here we are. Now, you didn’t hear this from me but allegedly, that is allegedly, the Laker’s lack of chemistry in their Dallas series stemmed from a feud involving Pau Gasol being dumped by his girlfriend thanks to a little bit of encouragement from Kobe’s wife. Next time Andrew Bynum sounds off and says there are “trust issues” within the team, you better believe there are trust issues. Speaking of Andrew Bynum, what the hell was up with him flat-out decimating poor J.J. Barea while he was mid-flight, trying to take it to the rim? Not to mention the fact that after Bynum gto ejected from the game for his disgusting foul, he took off his jersey in front of the enemy crowd like this was a pick-up game at the Y. Hey Bynum, you’re a professional basketball player, start acting like one. Which reminds me...The Lakers. You better believe this is a team that is going to experience a major face-lift in the off-season. Phil Jackson will be gone, a bevy of their players, minus Kobe of course, are going to be up for trade, and even Dwight Howard is expected to be made an offer to take his talents to LA. Although this was an embarrassing finish to a storied franchise, as well as a storied coaching career, the Lakers will always have the resources to keep their

heads above the water, and Phil Jackson will still have more championship rings than he does fingers to make up for LA’s second round exit. By the way, I totally discovered what this year’s playoff theme is and it’s all about flipping the script. The eighth seed Grizzlies upset the perennial championship contenders in the Spurs, the Mavs of all people swept and humiliated the Lakers instead of the other way around, the Heat have jumped all over Boston in the playoffs despite being tossed around by the Celtics all regular season long, while the Bulls find themselves going life-and-death against a team no one saw leaving the first round. Yep, that makes for a season full of role-reversals, but if you’re into role-playing, like myself, then you should be welcoming the excitement. Well, it was fun, but after a collective four seasons of basketball played between the three of them (only one of which was at Texas), Corey Joseph, Tristan Thompson, and Jordan Hamilton have all decided to hire agents for the draft and officially remove their eligibility from playing at Texas. We will always have a revolving door of talent popping in and out of the 40 Acres, but until we can get some of that talent to stick around for a year or two, it will be extremely hard for Rick Barnes to lead the Longhorns to a Final Four without an established veteran leader on the team. Photo: Keith Allison

12 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

“Texas Receivers will Need to Bounce Back in 2011”


Chip B rown , O rangebloods .com Columnist

arrell Wyatt equals intensity. Talk to those close to Wyatt and he’s always had the focus and determination to do big things. Whether it was working as an undersized receiver at Kansas State in the late 1980s or working as an assistant coach for Bob Stoops at Oklahoma or grooming Rashaun Woods from a little recruited receiver into a firstround pick at Oklahoma State. “I think I bring a level of intensity to the field, but I’m a fair guy and it’s out of love and I think that that’s going to help the group,” Wyatt said. “I think the group is looking forward to that kind of energy. I think we need some energy, and I think that’s what I bring to the table. I bring a lot of energy that’s been developed over a lot of years, and I’m looking forward to working with the guys.” Wyatt’s track record of taking talent and making it better is proven. Woods. Malcolm Kelly, Juaquin Iglesias, Mark Clayton. Wyatt also spent a year at Arizona in 2007 under Mike Stoops and helped develop receiver Mike Thomas, who plays for the Jacksonville Jaguars. “I think of a guy like Rashaun Woods, who was kind of an unheard-of-receiver, and we formed a bond in a short time and before you know it he was one of the most dangerous receivers in the country,” Wyatt said. “You go out, get to know these guys, develop a relationship and a trust factor where you can coach them in a hard but fair way and that they understand that if they’re willing to work hard and listen and trust, then they’ve got a chance to be special players and max their talent out.” Wyatt knows how to win big, having won Big 12 titles at OU in 2002, 2003 and 2004. In 2006, he went to the Minnesota Vikings and coached receivers under then-coach Brad Childress. And in 2008-09, he was the offensive coordinator under Larry Fedora at Southern Mississippi before joining Turner Gill as co-offensive coordinator at Kansas in 2010. Wyatt said all of that experience will pay off

in Austin as he takes on the role of shaping the Longhorns’ receiving corps and serving as corecruiting coordinator with Bruce Chambers. “Being familiar with this league, knowing the teams, having competed at a high level, certainly having recruited in this state for a long time and having a great relationship with the Texas high school coaches, it was a great move,” said Wyatt, who also coached receivers at Baylor in 1996. Wyatt has been recruiting the state of Texas for 20 years. “I’ve had experiences in just about every part of the state,” said Wyatt. “I’ve recruited the Dallas Metroplex area, [and] at one point I recruited Houston as well as East Texas. Obviously, my wife is from San Antonio and me being from Killeen - central Texas, so I’ve recruited just about every part of the state.” Wyatt’s latest priority is to shape a receiving corps at Texas that underachieved in 2010. Wyatt spent much of the spring getting his receivers to be more physical. They will block, he says, so that Texas’ offense under Bryan Harsin and Major Applewhite, will have a running game. “You don’t get the long runs unless the receivers are blocking downfield,” Mack Brown said. “And I’ve been really impressed with the way Darrell gets after his guys to be more physical.” Let’s take a look at how the receivers fared this spring ….

GREAT CAMP MIKE DAVIS, SO., 6-2, 186 - Davis showed his incredible work ethic and drive in the spring and set the bar for everyone else. Davis doesn’t want to look good. He wants to be good. And he has the tools to break out in Bryan Harsin’s new offense. Look for him to be the go-to guy in the fall. Might have had a really special year as a freshman if not for a knee injury in the middle of the season that slowed his progress.

GOOD CAMP DESEAN HALES, JR., 5-11, 175 - Hales probably should have gotten more playing time last season when Marquise Goodwin showed signs of leveling off. But he grabbed the stage in the spring without Goodwin to show Harsin, Applewhite and Wyatt that he can be reliable. Hales should be able to put pressure on Goodwin in fall camp if Goodwin isn’t ready for the battle. DARIUS WHITE, SO., 6-3, 220 - White should be the next big thing at split end. He was frustrated that he didn’t get more reps last year. He ended up stuck behind Malcolm Williams, who’s certainly had an up-and-down career at Texas. But White should be the guy this season. Now, he has to show he’s ready for the opportunity. He made some circus catches in the spring, including a couple for TDs in scrimmages. JOHN HARRIS, R-FR, 6-3, 206 - Harris is pushing White for the chance to play split end, and that’s a good thing. That position is the one a right-handed quarterback sees first as he drops back to pass and is the reason it’s usually a bigger receiver who can handle himself in oneon-one situations. Harris hasn’t done it under the lights. But he made a lot of plays this spring.

WILDCARDS MALCOLM WILLIAMS, SR, 6-3, 228 - He missed the first half of spring for personal reasons and came back to action in the second half closer to 240 pounds. As a result, he worked more as an inside receiver and at H-back. Williams set a nice tone for Darrell Wyatt’s new emphasis on blocking because Williams will block a concrete wall if you ask him. The question is what kind of playmaker is he now? MARQUISE GOODWIN, JR, 5-9, 177 Goodwin didn’t take part at all in the spring because of track, which will raise questions about Goodwin’s ability to transition back to football. He didn’t take part in the spring last year, either, and just seemed tired at times last season. His numbers in 2010 (31 catches for 324 yards and 1 TD) were a hair better than in 2009 (30 catches for 279 and 1 TD). But it seemed like there was a drop-off because he didn’t make the big plays he did in 2009 (OU, A&M).



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CHRIS JONES, R-FR, 6-0, 160 - Jones made enough catches this spring in a competitive setting to show he made the most of his redshirt year, which is a big deal. Now, getting on the field is still a challenge considering Marquise Goodwin and DeSean Hales are also vying for playing time at the flanker and inside receiver spots. But if he keeps making plays like he did in

the spring, he’ll get on the field. PATRICK MCNAMARA, JR, 6-4, 210 - Don’t laugh. This walk-on from Lubbock had a pretty good spring. He doesn’t blow you away with speed, but he’s a big target who gets open and catches the ball. He proved to be reliable and consistent, and that’s what matters. GREG TIMMONS, SO, 6-3, 205 - It’s not that Timmons doesn’t make plays. He does. He’s just in a crowded spot as a bigger receiver competing against White, Harris and Williams. He’s got to do a lot to break onto the depth chart because of his competition. BROCK FITZHENRY, JR, 5-9, 178 - Didn’t really fit in Greg Davis’ offense, especially with the guys he had ahead of him (Jordan Shipley, James Kirkendoll, John Chiles and Marquise Goodwin). So he’s got to hope there’s a package for him in Harsin’s imaginative offense. FINAL ANALYSIS: With James Kirkendoll and John Chiles gone, there are opportunities at the inside receiver spots and at flanker. Jaxon Shipley comes in carrying high expectations. So the field will get more crowded. Miles Onyegbule is more suited to play split end at 6-4, 210. So he will have a more difficult path to the depth chart. There’s a lot of talent to work with. And Darrell Wyatt will undoubtedly get more out of this group in 2011 than it showed in 2010, when it was one of the most underperforming positions for the Longhorns. Because of how poorly this group played in 2010, I think it can turn around quickly with Wyatt’s leadership. Wyatt is a taskmaster who asked a lot of himself as an undersized receiver and won’t put up with prima donna attitudes. I also don’t think Wyatt will care as much about spilled blood, only productive blood. I expect this position to be greatly improved in 2010 - even after losing James Kirkendoll (52 catches for 707 yards and 2 TDs) and John Chiles (29 catches for 418 yards and 1 TD). If everyone in this group can adopt Mike Davis’ work ethic, this group will be much better off.

UWeekly Austin

May 11, 2011







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WITH MUSIC BY MIKE VALIERE 422 congress ave sw corner 5th and congress


Texas bats are key to possible CWS run Photo: University of Texas at Austin Athletics

Christian Corona


athan Thornhill was perfect last Tuesday. In the freshman’s first start, he retired all 15 Prairie View A&M batters he faced. Had he not been on a strict pitch count, Thornhill may have had a chance at perfection for 27 batters in a row. The Longhorns hitting this season, however, has been anything but perfect. Texas’ work on the mound has been much better than in the batter’s box in 2011. The Longhorns boast the nation’s best ERA, 2.18, but are batting just .263, good for 236th in the country (out of 292 Division I teams). This trade-off between top-notch pitching and below-average hitting has worked out fine so far — Texas is ranked No. 6 and owns a respectable 33-11 record. But if the Longhorns want to compete for a national

title, their bats need to wake up. The three returning players with the best batting averages — Tant Shepherd, Cohl Walla, and Kevin Lusson — are all hitting worse this season than they did in 2010. Shepherd is still batting a decent .301, but is one of only three hitting over .300 (Erich Weiss and Brandon

Lesser teams would have faltered, but Texas is 11-3 during that stretch. Then again, you don’t have to score many runs with guys like Taylor Jungmann (10-0) and Cory Knebel (14 saves) taking the mound. Both have ERAs under 1.00 and Knebel recently had a 30.2inning scoreless streak snapped. Defense wins championships and starting pitching is probably the most important aspect of a championship-caliber team. Thankfully, Texas has the country’s fourth-best fielding percentage and its best ERA. If the Longhorns keep playing this way, they won’t get Augie Garrido fired, but they won’t go anywhere in the postseason either. Texas needs to start hitting something besides air if it wants to make the leap from possible College World Series participant to legitimate title contender.

Texas is ranked No. 6 and own a respectable 33-11 record. But if the Longhorns want to compete for a national title, their bats need to wake up. Loy are the other two). And, yes, Texas is still playing small ball — their 68 sacrifice bunts are the second most in the nation. Despite the Longhorns’ woes at the plate, they’re still winning games. They’ve scored five or fewer runs in 11 of their last 14 games.

14 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin




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This town IS big enough The Texas club baseball team is competitive, successful, and close Christian Corona


ugie Garrido isn’t the only one with a baseball team around these parts. There are actually two competitive, successful baseball squads roaming the Forty Acres — the one at Disch-Falk and the club team. “I just want people to know that we even have a team,” said center fielder Jonathan Fletcher. “I would encourage people to come watch some games next year because there really is a lot of talent on this team.” Fletcher, a sophomore, was one of four players on the club team to earn all-conference accolades in the Gulf Coast Conference. There are only four other teams in the conference — Texas Tech, Baylor, North Texas, and SMU. The Longhorns finished with a 9-3 mark in conference play, second to the Red Raiders’ spotless 12-0 record. This Texas baseball team does not play on the well-kept Disch-Falk Field. Instead, they practice on Little League diamonds and, in return for being able to use the facilities, they umpire the Little League games. Finding places to play their actual games, however, can be troublesome. “We may not have the best facilities, but we’re just out there to have fun,” said club president Patrick Hyde. “We used to have a field with the city two years ago but it got shut down. So this season, I had the fortunate task of begging high schools to let us use

their field for games. There have been a few nights where I would have A&M coming into town and not have the field until the Thursday before [the game].” In addition to playing a beloved sport, the club team also offers the chance to be around a unique group of guys and develop friendships that transcend the field. “You would think playing with guys interested in baseball, everyone would be a carbon copy of the next guy and act the same as everybody,” Hyde commented. “But that’s not true. There are

3-4 days a week and it takes three hours out of your day,” Hyde said. “Then, you play your doubleheaders on Saturday and another game on Sunday. That takes up your whole weekend, especially if you go on the road.” The team posted an overall record of 15-7, but failing to win their conference meant missing out on the postseason. It was a roller coaster of a season as the Longhorns started out Gulf Coast Conference play with a nine-game winning streak, sweeping SMU, UTSA, North Texas. But that sizzling stint was sandwiched between three-game losing streaks as the Longhorns were swept by Texas A&M in the first weekend of March and by Texas Tech in their final series. “I was satisfied with the amount of hard work everyone on the team put in,” Fletcher said. “However, I was unsatisfied with the overall result of the season seeing that we did not reach our ultimate goal of bringing home a NCBA National Championship.” But that disappointment is a little easier to swallow because of the promise that next year brings. Eight of the nine top at-bat getters from this year’s team are returning and six are sophomores, which bodes well for the team’s future. Some, however, will not be easily satisfied. When asked what he expects of the 2012 Texas team, Fletcher had just two words. “National championship.”

“You would think playing with guys interested in baseball, everyone would be a carbon copy of the next guy and act the same as everybody. But that’s not true. There are 25 completely different personalities.” 25 completely different personalities.” Normally, Longhorns club baseball attracts around 25 guys and about half would quit by season’s end, according to Hyde. But this year, the team started with 33 players and ended with 21; the best participation rate in recent memory. Those that stuck around to see this season’s end, a 8-6 loss to Texas Tech May 1, made it a better experience for their teammates. “You just don’t forget the people you meet,” Hyde said. But he such an experience doesn’t come without a cost. “It’s a huge time commitment. We practice

UWeekly Austin

May 11, 2011


This Week in

Face Punchin’ Hieron edges Hawn in Bellator welterweight final Dav id M cK inney


he first tournament final of Bellator’s fourth season took place on Saturday night in Oklahoma, and it was Jay Hieron who came out victorious, although the split decision was disputed by many after the fight. The judo Olympian Hawn appeared to lose the first round in the striking, but he battled back in the second and third rounds, bloodying Hieron while it appeared that he had stolen the decision. Unfortunately, two of the three judges gave it to Hieron, making him the Bellator Season Four Welterweight Champion. Hieron signed with Bellator earlier this year, with the stated goal of becoming the organization’s champion. Now, he’ll get his title shot after winning an eight-man welterweight tournament. The UFC and Strikeforce veteran will now face another former Olympian when he takes on Bellator champion Ben Askren, who was a member of the 2008 U.S. Olympic wrestling team. In other Bellator 43 action, middleweight Bryan Baker moved one step closer to qualifying for the upcoming 185-pound tournament, as he defeated UFC and Strikeforce veteran Joe Riggs via TKO in the second round of their bout. After the fight, Baker – who recovered from leukemia last year – proposed to his girlfriend inside the cage. Former WEC bantamweight champion Chase Beebe qualified for the upcoming 135pound tournament, as he submitted Jose Vega with a guillotine choke in the first round of their bout. Undefeated heavyweight Ron Sparks picked up his first career submission, as he submitted Vince Lucero with a keylock in the first round of their bout. Tachi Palace Fights held their ninth event, titled “The Contenders” in California on Friday night, and many notable fighters were part of the event. In the headliner, WEC veteran Ian McCall capitalized off of his defeat of top-ranked flyweight Jussier Da Silva with a victory over undefeated prospect Dustin Ortiz. McCall is now expected to take on TPF 125pound champion Darrel Montague sometime this summer. Featherweight champion Isaac DeJesus bounced back from consecutive losses in “super fights” to defend his title against Russ Miura with a first round TKO victory. In other action, UFC veterans Fabricio Camoes and Gerald Harris earned hard-fought decisions,

Photo: Bellator

as Camoes defeated “The Ultimate Fighter 8” champion Efrain Escudero and Harris took out former Strikeforce champion Anthony Ruiz.

champion Nick Diaz could lead to two completely different paths, as it was announced last week that he had agreed to face former IBF super

Hieron signed with Bellator earlier this year, with the stated goal of becoming the organization’s champion. Now, he’ll get his title shot after winning an eight-man welterweight tournament. Shooto flyweight champion Mamoru Yamaguchi also threw his name into the 125-pound title mix as he traveled from Japan to earn a second round knockout over Kevin Dunsmoor. The future for Strikeforce welterweight

middleweight champion Jeff Lazy in a boxing match. Diaz reportedly is allowed to compete in boxing with his current Strikeforce contract, but with the recent purchase of Strikeforce by Zuffa, which also own the UFC, talk has heated up about a potential matchup between Diaz and current

UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre. St-Pierre has all but cleaned out the UFC’s 170-pound division after his recent defeat of Jake Shields at UFC 129, and a bout between two of the most polarizing fighters in the sport could draw huge numbers. Diaz has said that he would prefer to stay in MMA and take a fight with StPierre if possible, as the original reason why he was going to jump to boxing in the first place was the lack of challengers in Strikeforce. The Arnold’s Amateur MMA Festival will take place at LC Pavilion this Saturday, but there will actually be both amateur and professional fighters competing. The main event will feature Strikeforce veteran Jon Kuhner taking on Quinton McCottrell, and Strikeforce veteran Marc Cofer will take on Eddie Sanchez in the co-main event. Columbus native Jon Washington will also face “The Ultimate Fighter 9” veteran Rob Browning in a professional bout. A baker’s dozen of thirteen bouts is currently scheduled for the event.

16 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

Photo: Julie Patterson

The Future of College Radio How the beloved KVRX is surviving in a multimedia world

Luke W inkie


n January 18, KUSF, the long-running non-commercial radio station maintained by the students of the University of San Francisco, was abruptly and brutally dropped from the airwaves. In Texas, KTXT and KTRU, the student radio stations from Texas Tech and Rice University respectively, are both being sold, with plenty of other stations on the bubble. One of those stations is, of course, KVRX, our very own station here at UT. It’s been broadcasting since 1986, and due to low funds, low interest, and a general downturn in radio listenership, the murmurs of its impending fate have been growing louder. “I guess I’m optimistic because the cities where student radio is getting axed aren’t exactly the same as Austin,” says Kelsey Odom, one of the more seasoned KVRX DJs. “But I’m still worried, it’s like we’re supposed to be worried.” Austin certainly seems like it would be a city more capable of supporting something as or-

ganically earnest as a college station. After all, the city has impressively embraced other relics of the ‘80s, like the proverbial independent record and video stores. But no amount of grassroots camaraderie can prop up a non-profit venture. Funds are funds, debts are debts, priorities are priorities, and radio is radio. KVRX gets its support from a yearly pledge

might be the station’s primary strength. “The thing I like about listening to KVRX is hearing the raw opinions of youth,” continues Kelsey, “because sometimes we’re wrong and sometimes we mispronounce things. I think if I was in my thirties I would like listening to children talk passionately on the radio.” Naturally the bulk of these students hosting

“The thing I like about listening to KVRX is hearing the raw opinions of youth, because sometimes we’re wrong and sometimes we mispronounce things. I think if I was in my thirties I would like listening to children talk passionately on the radio.” drive and allocations from TSTV, a program that has been running on reserves for quite a while now. Despite sentiments, business sense demands the thinning out of the archaic and unnecessary – and student radio seems an awful lot like both. But it still has charm, and that

their shows go completely unpaid. The kids running the 3–5am slot on Wednesday mornings are there out of pure love – it is not a lucrative spot to hold. “The station is full of a bunch of people who genuinely care about music,” says DJ David Howe. “It’s cliché but it really is all about the

music here.” Jordan Willis takes it one step further. “It’s almost an egotistical thing really, we value our taste so highly that we really want a venue to show it off; there’s just a ton of audiophilia here.” Listening to KVRX has other advantages, too. The programming is densely eclectic, commercials are kept to a minimum, and the depth of library and personality promises a different experience every hour. Metal, noise, folk, electronic, blues, hip-hop and video game music are all given equal share, and that doesn’t even touch the talk shows that span sex, science, politics and the occult. The station’s got quite a range, which probably ties back to the relentlessly diverse demographic of the UT campus. KVRX might not persist, but the best argument for its survival is its use as a venue, a centering experience coming from a rapidly declining medium. “Nobody I know here is a ‘radio person’” says Kelsey. “We’re here because we just really like music.” Whatever the fate, the legacy of KVRX remains pure.

UWeekly Austin

May 11, 2011


I Got a Fever

Austin’s arcades are the only prescription for the online gaming blues Photo: Julie Patterson

Corey Bobco


here just aren’t any reasons to go outside anymore. Facebook, Flesh Lights, and online gaming “seem” to have all of our desires thoroughly satisfied. However, sometimes there is that old, strange itch to hang out with others, doing the things we love. Austin’s burgeoning arcade scene is the perfect cream to satisfy this sensation. Whether you are a seasoned gamer (Arcade UFO) or merely a dilatant just looking to get your game on, Austin has an arcade just for you.

Arcade UFO

Like other city staples, Austin’s arcades have their own distinct feels and crowds. In terms of distinction, there is nothing like Arcade UFO. Located in the north campus neighborhood, UFO features some the most cutting edge and classic arcade games tucked away into an old laundromat set to the hyperactive sounds of Japanese music. Ryan Harvey, co-owner of Arcade UFO, explained the Japanesestyle arcade environment his venue seeks to recreate. “I went to Japan for a year and spent a lot of time in arcades there,” said Harvey. “I was really pulled in by the fastness, volume, and speed of the Japanese arcade. I wanted to create a space that emulated that same feeling.” Gamer Jonathan Begnaud, who regularly frequents Arcade UFO, elaborated on the venue’s surreal, hyperactive feel. “It puts a lot of people off, but it definitely creates a kind of zone... a dream world... a phantasmagoric escape into another

dimension,” noted Begnaud. “I think the arcade’s name is quite appropriate for what goes on inside there.” While some might think arcades are anachronistic in the age of online gaming, the thirst for arcades has always been high in Austin. Many of the former arcades in Austin were successful, closing due to politics instead of economics. Consequently, UFO is quenching the thirst for gaming in a public domain. “People want to come to this public space and game together,” continued Harvey. “Online gamers wish that they had a place to go and play with others. I think we’ve created that kind of outlet.” Likewise, while online gaming might induce a façade of social experience, as users can dialogue with each other while playing, there is still nothing like squaring off against someone in person. “Playing in a public setting is highly appealing,” stated Begnaud. “When your opponent’s right there in front of you, it creates a kind of tension in the room that can’t be had with online gaming.”


Contrary to the sugar high of Arcade UFO is, Pinballz. Pinballz is a quintessential Austin arcade—emitting the sort of laziness and nostalgia that Austin loves. The arcade seems to encompass everything: air hockey, skeeball, ticket games, driving games, new/vintage arcades, the list goes on. Nevertheless, Pinballz obvious draw is its massive selection of pinball machines. Unlike the seizure inducing games of the present, pinball

5.12.11 for more details visit

offers a simpler pleasure. “One of my favorite things about our pinball games are their tactile nature,” said Spohn. “Many other contemporary games just seem like tests of how fast you can mash a button or memorize a level, but pinball’s totally random.” In addition, pinball offers a welcome respite for those that are tired of the violence in modern games. “I think we are kind of burned out on modern day video games and their arms race towards more violence,” added Spohn. “Pinball definitely has a timeless appeal to it.” For those looking to stop pouring their quarters into trying to beat Time Crisis 4, Pinball can be much more easier on your coins. “If you’re somewhat good at pinball, you can also usually play longer for less money in comparison to other games,” said pinball enthusiast Sam Ness. “Competitive fighters and impossibly difficult side-scrolling shooters just seem like quarter suckers to me. With pinball, you can really keep the ball rolling if you know the game’s dynamics and mechanics.” All in all, no matter what your orientation, a night at the arcade can be a ball for anyone — with the old school vibe at Pinballz (it’s also BYOB) and the hyper-dimensional freak out of Arcade UFO, it is hard not to enjoy putting your hard earned quarters into faceless machines. Arcade UFO is located at 3101 Speedway. Visit www.arcadeufo. com for more information. Pinballz is located at 8940 Research Boulevard. Visit for more information.

18 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

Need a ride? A night in the life of pedicabbing

Photo: Julie Patterson

Sarah Vasque z


uring a typical night on 6th Street or during South by Southwest, one might overlook, in their drunken stupor, the group of people hanging out on one of the corners with bikes and cabs. These people are pedicabbers and they are there to provide a ride. But unlike taxis, they ride a bike instead of a car. Nick De Cesare, a pedicabber, graciously gave UWeekly an inside look into his job one Saturday night. During the year, he usually works on Friday and Saturday nights, but during special events such as ACL and SXSW, he’s on his bike a lot longer. However, his job hardly interferes with his studies at Austin Community College. “I do all my school work during the week and I do this on weekends,” said De Cesare. Below is a timeline of a typical shift for De Cesare on the job.

5:00 p.m. Arrives at Dirtnail Pedicab in East Austin. De Cesare starts his shift by arriving at Dirtnail, one of the few pedicab company in Austin. Here is where the pedicabs are stored, and De Cesare grabs his bike from the garage and attaches his personally-owned pedicab to the bake. “This is primarily a trailer-based company and that means we supply our own bike. We lease the trailer out for the night,” said De Cesare. “I own my own cab for various reasons, mostly to save on money.”

6:00 p.m. Arrives at first hotel. It’s still early for people to head downtown for the night, however, De Cesare takes advantage of the dinner rush from the people who are staying in hotels downtown. “For me on a normal night, I usually wait outside the hotels until sundown when the bats fly out from under the Congress

Avenue bridge,” said De Cesare. He typically parks at the Radisson or Four Seasons at Cesar Chavez, because it’s near the bridge. Because the pedicabbers are regulated by the City of Austin, they have designated areas at the businesses on where they can park and wait for customers.

8 p.m. to 10 p.m. Settles at the Warehouse District After sundown, De Cesare parks around the Warehouse District (West Avenue to Congress Avenue, 6th Street to Cesar Chavez). As the crowds start heading downtown, all the pedicabbers can do it wait. “On a normal night, around this time I’ve made about $50,” said De Cesare. When it comes to payment, there are different ways to earn money. Some places are solely based on tips, while some companies settle on a rate. Dirtnail’s rate is $5 per person per block. “There was one story during SXSW where I was waiting in front of the Austin Music Hall, and one security guards out there

“We get all kinds of people during this time, and just about any scenario you can imagine to happen does happen.” asked me if I wanted to take one of his friends over to Fado (Irish Pub). I said sure, I’ll do that. So he said ‘I’ll give you a 20 for that,’ but he goes, ‘Ok, I don’t have my wallet on me, so if you come back, I’ll get you the money.’ So he had his friend come into my cab and I took her to Fado which is a three block ride. She said, ‘Hey I know my friend was going to pay you, but here’s $10.’ And I said ok, cool. Extra $10. Then I went back to the Music Hall to get my money and he goes, ‘Ok, I’m sorry I didn’t have the money for you dude. Tell you what, here’s $50.’ So I got $60 to take somebody three blocks once,” said De Cesare.

10 p.m. to 11 p.m. Hangs out at 6th Street

Photo: Julie Patterson

Around this time, pedicabbers start heading to 6th Street and park at one of the popular corners: 6th and Brazos, 6th and San Jacinto or West 6th Street around the Rio Grande/Nueces area. “It’s around this time we typically start chatting with one another/hanging out while we wait,” said De Cesare. “Our friendships with one another are usually pretty

good because we all have our job to relate to along with several other of our own idiosyncrasies, but we all have a good time.” Since it’s pretty quiet around this time for pedicab rides, De Cesare typically takes a food break either at The Onion or at Chi-Lantro Korean BBQ Tacos. When asked what is a typical pedicabber’s diet, he immediately answered with “pizza.” “Because basically it’s the best option... (The Onion is) the most pedicabber-friendly business here. If you’re a pedicabber, you can get a discount. So it’s $2 a slice then. There are a lot of other discounts too depending on what place you go to. Halcyon gives really cheap coffee,” said De Cesare. “The other thing too, whenever we need water, the bars are very helpful to us.”

12 a.m. The crowd is ready to go. Now patrons are starting to come out from a night of drinking. Naturally, that’s when some of the craziness happens. “A lot of customers ask us to race and say things like ‘Extra $20 to the winner!’ We get all kinds of people during this time, and just about any scenario you can imagine to happen does happen,” said De Cesare. “There’s actually some other good stories. I knew this one guy, he said he was riding around one night, and there was this guy basically sitting there with like a stoned or drunk look on his face just sitting on the corner all night. At the end of the night, he asked him, ‘Hey dude, are you ok?’ He goes ‘Could I have a ride somewhere?’ He goes, ‘Yeah ok, just hop in my cab.’ So he took him to where he needed to go. The guy was totally drunk, right? So, he opened his wallet, took out all the money in his wallet and gave it to him. I tell you, it was about $300 tip. He ended up with about $500 that night,” said De Cesare.

2 a.m. “Power Hour” begins. De Cesare said that 2 a.m. is dubbed the “power hour,” because that’s when the bars close for the night so that’s when most of the money is made as everyone is out trying to head home. If it’s a special event like Halloween or New Year’s Eve, the hour runs a little longer.

3 a.m. End of the shift After the shift is over, De Cesare heads back to Dirtnail to store his bike and cab for his next shift. Here is where some of the pedicabbers from his company wind down and hang out. “We usually like to hang out out there after work,” said De Cesare. Basically we sit, hang out, drink a few beers, eat pizza.”

4:30 a.m. Home “I get home and I take a very well-deserved shower,” said De Cesare. “I’m usually in bed by 5 a.m.”

UWeekly Austin

The UT community embraces Tarot W illiam Bass

othing is true. Everything is permissible,” a maxim supposedly decreed by the Medievel Islamic heretic Hassan I Sabbath, rings loud and true in our times. Culture, beliefs, and information are shuffled rapidly, leaving one the opportunity to play the cards however he may choose. There is no better example of this than the modern embrace of Tarot. Originally merely a parlor game, Tarot would later don the occult garb that we are now so familiar with in the nineteenth century. Modern day tarot decks are filled with esoteric symbols and motifs. The cards are dealt in a specific fashion, and a reader (or the subject himself) constructs a narrative for the subject’s

Photo: Julie Patterson

life around the cards that have been shown. One of Tarot’s assets is its universality. No matter what one’s station in life might be at a particular moment, there always seems to be something that can be gleaned from a reading. “Since each card has its own meaning, I can relate that meaning to something in my life, whether that’s other people, behaviors, emotions, events, etc.,” says American Studies and rhetoric senior Rebecca Caldwell. Indeed, the magnetism of Tarot isn’t lost amidst our secularism. “I think that the sort of abstract ideals and symbolism of Tarot is really powerful; the messages and archetypal experiences have a certain magnetism to them,” states Undergraduate Writing Center administrative assistant Michelle Solberg.

Likewise, a lot of the modern-day users of Tarot don’t seem to invest so much metaphysics into the cards, choosing to approach the art with a sceptical yet curious eye. “I don’t believe in cartomancy. I just think forms of divination are really interesting,” adds Caldwell. “In general, I see reading Tarot as an exercise in synthesis: readings are subjective to own reader’s interpretation.” At the same time, while ascribing too much value into the cards can be intellectually and emotionally detrimental, Caldwell and other 21st-century Tarot practitioners are equally wary of taking an overly rational position on the occult. “A lot people don’t get it; they’re blinded by relentless rationality. Rationality is healthy, but it must be balanced,” notes Caldwell. “You’re not supposed to get an objective reading from Tarot cards. The cards don’t promise that – it’s not a scientific survey.” Moreover, most have taken a sort of middle way in approaching the matter – neither dismissing the practice nor connecting one too many dots. Instead of serving as some sort of occult telephone, Tarot seems to be framed in a pragmatic, almost psychological, way. “For me, I find it really grounding, focusing my attention on areas of my life that I might have overlooked – where I am and what is going on with my life,” adds Solberg. “It is an opportunity to reflect on where I am.” Indeed, after experiencing a Tarot reading, one gets the sense that the cards’ universal symbolism might just spark our unconscious in a particular way, allowing one to organize and reflect on often ignored unconscious information. “It kind of parallels the process of psychotherapy – bringing you awareness to an ignored area of the mind,” adds Solberg. Nevertheless, not all the magic and mystery has been forgotten, just ignored. Tarot offers people the opportunity to turn away from the infinite distractions of the modern world and experience the synchronicity and meaning that we are just too busy to notice. “While there is a certain mystery to Tarot, I think that people might project a lot of magic into it, because we never have opportunities for these kind of experiences in our lives,” notes Solberg. “When someone gets a reading, it can feel like a great unveiling of sorts.”

A deck of Tarot cards can be purchased at BookPeople or a number of different occult bookstores in Austin. In addition, said stores carry a number of books on the subject matter. For those looking for readers or subjects, has a number of groups for those interested in sharing and deepening their practice of Tarot with others.

May 11, 2011


20 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

Sexy Studies

Why you want to hit the books... hard. Devon Tincknell

Jackie Treehorn: People forget that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone. The Dude: On you maybe. -The Big Lebowksi


e’ve all heard the old adage “knowledge is power,” and most people would probably agree with the statement “power is sexy.” Yet so rarely do we follow the logical progression and shorten those two into the nice, concise “knowledge is sexy.” Sex, like any other skill, is something that improves with both practice and information. While simply reading books about sexuality with no hands on experience (or only hands on experience as the case might be) won’t allow you to implement or experience what you’ve learned, getting laid all the time without paying careful attention to your partners or doing any sort of book learning is a long, slow road to becoming a 10th Level Sexual Jedi. Taking your bedroom game to the next level is a lot like taking a college science class: you’ve got to hit the books as well as do the lab work. Though, unfortunately, this column can’t offer much help as far as finding a lab partner goes, I can tell you which “textbooks” you ought to be studying. Consider the three below to be a suggested summer reading list. Read through

them- NOT just the Cliffnotes mind you- and study hard, and by next fall you’ll know more about sex than the Texas Board of Education even admits is possible, which is namely, that God won’t strike you dead on the spot if you do it before you’re married.

SEX 101: The Guide to Getting It On! by Paul Joannides If students could take a sex health class that did more than preach abstinence and scary AIDs statistics, The Guide to Getting It On! would be its text book. Oh wait, colleges that offer classes like that DO use the Guide as their text book. Anyways, the Guide has everything you could ever want to know about sex, plus quite a bit more, all contained in a fun to read, thoroughly illustrated book that talks frankly and factually about the genital basics, anal how-tos, safety and consent, and more. This is everything you should have learned in high school human sexuality... but didn’t.

ADV. KINK 322: Sensuous Magic by Pat Califia Just like how everyone should take basic physics, but we don’t all need to know quantum

mechanics, Sensuous Magic is only required for those serious about their sexual studies. However, if you want your sex life to start sounding more like a Ludacris lyric (ropes and handcuffs - what?), then Sensuous Magic is where you ought to start reading. Califia, a veteran of the queer leather scene, combines an informative overview of the kinky tool kit -like all the different items you can spank a person withwith fascinating tidbits about what the scene is like, how to get involved, how to incorporate these aspects into you love life, and how to take care of your partner while doing so.

CRIT. THEORY: Best Women’s Erotica 2011 by Violet Blue While some people learn by clear and precise instruction, others prefer to read about the topic at large and come to their own conclusions. If that’s the method that works for you, then checking out some high quality erotica will surely get you all the information and inspiration you desire. The annual collections of Women’s Erotica edited by Violet Blue are a good place to start, but any collection of short form erotica that can be found at Book People will probably do the trick. Unlike porn, which rarely progresses the plot past pizza deliveries or horny hitchhikers, written erotica is stuffed full of sexy situations and carefully crafted

If you have any thoughts, opinions, or concerns on this subject, F*Bomb absolutely wants to hear from you. All feedback will be totally anonymous and F*Bomb will protect the identities of any and all interviewees. fantasies that will most certainly expand your intellectual erotic limits. And that’s a good thing because after all, the more you know, the sexier you are.

NOW�HIRING Send resumes and/or writing samples to:


UWeekly Austin

his has been a bad week to be a gossip columnist. Because no headline I write will ever top “Osama Bin Laden is dead.” I’ve tried to one-up it. I’ve written in crazy fonts. I’ve used millions of exclamation points. I’ve even tried co-opting the Bin Laden story and creating headlines like, “Osama Bin Laden as Dead as Lindsay Lohan’s Soul.” But it just doesn’t seem to work. People just don’t care. Well, I’m gonna make ‘em care. I’m gonna make them care with you by my side, dear readers. Let’s get down to the dirty details.

fiancé Dave Kovacs. The couple has been engaged since February. No word on when the baby is due.” I imagine that this is all just a ploy to get Angelina on MTV’s new spin-off of Teen Mom, entitled Washed-Up-Has-BeenBut-Still-Totally- Desperatefor-Attention Fame-Whore Mom. The two shows will be remarkably similar.

Literary Dev-YIKES!

Say What?



Do you know what makes me happier than anything in this world? Is it the laugh of a child? Is it the touch of a friend or a confidante? Is it the scent of freshly-cut grass on a warm summer’s day? No, it’s when Katy Perry uses metaphors. Continuing in the grand tradition of such classic similes as “You PMS like a b*tch,” Katy recently revealed to Vanity Fair that, “My career is like an artichoke. People might think that the leaves are tasty and buttered up and delicious, and they don’t even know that there’s something magical hidden at the base of it. There’s a whole other side that people didn’t know existed.” I have to say that this is actually a pretty accurate comparison. Much like an artichoke, Katy’s music has a way of complimenting the pop music

plate, providing a grounded, pleasing flavor to contrast the full, meaty taste of Gaga or the stout, potato essence of Rihanna. Also, just like an artichoke, Katy Perry’s music gives me the sh*ts.

Gestation, Trimester, Lamaze! Ex-Jersey Shore star Angelina Pivarnick is no stranger to expecting. She expected to be liked. She expected to be pretty. She expected to be not trash. But, give credit to the girl’s resilience, because, according to gossip website TMZ, she’s expecting again. “Angelina is 100% preggo! TMZ spoke with Angelina who confirmed the pregnancy but wouldn’t comment further. Sources close to the reality star tell us the baby daddy is Angelina’s


Beastly star Alex Pettyfer recently stripped down for a photo shoot for VMAN Magazine. But what was most on display was not Pettyfer’s lack of modesty but a tattoo above his crotch that reads “Thank you.” This is similar to the tattoo that Rachel Ray has above her crotch that says “Goes Well With Butter.”

Wedding Bell Blues! I’ve gotten some slack lately for not covering the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton,

May 11, 2011


which is quite the oversight since this marriage is, apparently, the biggest story in the history of ever. So, let’s just get it out of the way. According to Access Hollywood, Prince William and Kate Middleton tied the knot last week, and let me just say, the ceremony was just so...yeah. Right! I mean, her dress. I was all, whaaaaat? Crazy. Royal wedding? More like royal flush. Can I get a high five! OK, let’s move on and never, ever speak of this again.

Oh the Linsanity! TMZ reports that Lindsay Lohan began her courtmandated community service this week. And, in true Lindsay style, she showed up wearing short shorts and no bra. Because, really, what says “sober” and “apologetic” like a pair of unchecked breasts flopping in the breeze? Dear Lindsay, in the future, how ‘bout you dress like you’re performing community service and not like you’re servicing the community. (Servicing like with sex.) Now let’s strap those bad boys in and keep your hands where I can see them.

22 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

Thunder blunder Latest ‘Avengers’ product a cheap thrill V. R . B ryant



omewhere in the back of my head as I was leaving the theater after watching Thor I almost wished I had gone to see Fast Five instead, because at least that franchise knows its place. It’s garbage, and it’s proud of it. What this Avengers business is turning into is a big, ugly contrivance, facilitating the need for $150 million 3-D monstrosities just to introduce the bloody characters. Thor as a superhero in general is already kind of weak. The existing mythos behind the characters makes the all-important suspension of disbelief even harder to maintain. Where with characters like Iron Man and Captain America you’re dealing with some aggressive stretching of supposedly existent technology, Thor’s story is grounded entirely in the supernatural. Now maybe that’s not a huge issue for some — maybe not even for most. But there’s a reason that Thor has rarely been a feature figure. He simply isn’t a very compelling character. All that notwithstanding, they made the movie, and I’m here to judge its merits. Thor takes us from the title character’s childhood (as the son of the Norse god Odin) through his near-ascension to the throne. The throne of…you know, the universe, I guess. After foolishly rekindling a war with the frost giants, he gets himself stripped of his powers and banished to Earth.

He crash lands on our little blue marble — as luck would have it right into the speeding RV of Jane Foster, played by the improbably gorgeous Natalie Portman. Jane is an astrophysicist or some other kind of genius (of course) and is out in the desert chasing a phenomenon she believes to be otherworldly. She and her crew (Stellan Skarsgard and the adorable Kat Dennings) catch the blond beast with their windshield and spend the next thirty minutes of the movie or so watching him do meant-to-be-funny fish-out-of-water things like yelling at cars and demanding horses from the local pet store. A couple issues: first, the disparity in acting talent between this guy playing Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Natalie Portman is as wide as

OUT ON DVD Blue Valentine

— the villain — is actually quite cool. Or at least would be if he hadn’t been so mishandled. Jeremy Renner (The Hurt Locker, The Town) has a fun appearance as Hawkeye, the character he will reprise when The Avengers comes out in 2012. It was a neat little Easter egg, one that casual viewers may not have caught, and I can appreciate that. But it came at a point in the movie at which I’d already lost a great deal of interest. Kenneth Branagh’s direction was pretty average. The 3-D effects were, as always, subtraction by addition. I think what we’ll see ultimately is Thor return to his supportive, background role when the Avengers movie comes along, and rightly so. I just hope by then that Captain America doesn’t put a permanently sour taste in my mouth.

Where with characters like Iron Man and Captain America you’re dealing with some aggressive stretching of supposedly existent technology, Thor’s story is grounded entirely in the supernatural.


the Nile. So when they’re forced to interact, it feels forced and awkward. Second, the script that they’re working with was frankensteined together by like half a dozen different people and it shows. Many of the lines delivered by Portman and the other mortals are solid enough. Just about every scrap of dialogue with the gods is laughably absurd. It’s a real shame, that, because while Thor is kind of goofy for a superhero, his brother Loki

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.”

2. “Oh yeah? Well, you’re about to be in... dead place.” 3. “You want…five hundred dolla?” 4. “I’ll tell you what he said! He asked me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card

into my anus!”

There seems to be a particular vein of films that wind up heralded far more for the performances within them than for the body of work as a whole. Such appears to be the case with Blue Valentine, which garnered its co-stars Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams lots of attention for their combined and reportedly very dedicated efforts on screen. The movie revolves around them as a couple and works presumably like a lot of character dramas do: you guys do your thing and we’ll film it. As always, I must admit to having missed this one, but from a value perspective ($1 million budget for an Oscar nomination and an 81 metacritic rating), it’s certainly tempting. Perhaps I’ll watch it with a girl.

ALSO OUT THIS WEEK L’illusionniste (The Illusionist) This one I did see, and was mildly amused by. It’s not something I’d recommend for many people, as the pace is turtlesque and subtitles make most Americans all oogy, but if you want to be all hip and smart-lookin’, then rent it and leave the disc out casually for people to see.

CLASSIC REWIND Webster: Season Two Am I really to understand that we have to wait for this to come out on multiple discs? How many seasons were there? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

1.) Zed, Year One, 2.) Frank Vitchard, Anchorman, 3.) Emcee, Bubble Boy, 4.) Mrs. Farmer, Donnie Darko

Boob Tube


o apparently cable television providers across the country are losing revenue as more and more people have begun to rely on streaming services like Netflix and other online options for their viewing pleasure. As a result, many of those providers are in the process of governing Internet usage by limiting the individual’s allowable bandwidth usage. This should anger you as it does me, and so I urge you to do as I do: spend more money on cable than you probably need to. Think of it as throwing a virgin into the volcano to keep it from erupting. And now, the premieres:

YES Swamp Brothers Series Premiere You know it’s a slow week when something called Swamp Brothers is the best I can recommend. Essentially what you’ve got here is a cross between Wild Boyz and whatever that Australian guy’s show was called. There’ve actually been several iterations (just as with everything else anymore) on various networks, and this one seems to be Discovery’s most recent attempt to milk the last few bucks from the genre. The lone wrinkle of interest is that one of the brothers is a professional animal wrangler while the other is…not. Having two brothers myself, I’m fully aware of the comedic potential created when brothers are forced to work together. One might think the familial bond would aid such ventures.

UWeekly Austin

One would be mistaken. Therefore, I’m giving the green light here in the simple hope that, at some point, one of the brothers decides it would be funny to put a baby alligator or a giant centipede in the other’s sleeping bag. Tack on the inevitable and obligatory retaliation, and there’s your show. Whether any of the producers has the gumption to put that together is certainly in question, but there’s at least a chance. Discovery will be rolling Swamp Brothers out this Friday (yes, the 13th) at 10 p.m.

NO The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Three All Real Housewives get the ‘no’. This is now a matter of principal. Hell, you may as well consider it a papal mandate, because it ain’t changin’. Ordinarily, I might be able to find a place in my life for the level of self-debasement that goes on in the course of these programs, but what I came to realize is that no matter how ridiculous these women make themselves look, they actively believe they are hot sh*t, and no amount of public scorn or criticism will change that. Moreover, the longer people watch this filth, the longer the producers will keep banging them out, like so many diarrhea sandwiches. Here’s a little snippet from the Wikipedia entry: “Melissa Gorga joins … Season 3, but is already part of the family. Melissa is a sassy Italian who is known for her witty, fun, and loving personality.” A sassy Italian? In New Jersey? Woah, daddy – stand back. Haven’t had any of those shoved into my various orifices over the last

five years or anything. If you’re some kind of human filth and just can’t stay away, the third season of New Jersey starts Monday, the 16th at 9 p.m. on Bravo.

MAYBE Jerseylicious Season Three This is a special kind of ‘maybe’ this week. Special as in, ‘maybe’ if you can’t name the capital of the state in which you live, or ‘maybe’ if you have below a ninth-grade command of the English language, or ‘maybe’ if you enjoy wearing gold jewelry, or ‘maybe’ if you’re not an athlete of any kind but still take whey protein, or ‘maybe’ if you spend more time tanning than reading, then ‘maybe’ you’d enjoy this show. I was actually completely unaware of it until just now when I saw it on my handy-dandy premiere schedule and realized that it was really the only other show coming out before the following Wednesday. Apparently it’s all about a salon in Jersey that employs people from Jersey and serves people from Jersey and because we all just love people from Jersey (or at least gawking at them in perverse wonder), now this program is on television for (somehow) its third season. I know how it happens: first MTV makes a bundle of money on Jersey Shore, then every other rinky-dink operation feels like it can tap into the ‘market’. Enter the Style Network, which houses this garbage and is probably desperate for programming, and voila. Or as they say in Jersey, “wah-lah.” So again, ‘maybe’ you’d like to watch the premiere airing this Sunday at 8 p.m.

Mark J. Lucas

Harold and Kumar pre-order White Castle 3-D Transistors…suck it, Moore’s Law haters

In one of the most spectacular unions of technology and drinking ever to see the light of day (or more appropriately, haze of night), White Castle has decided to take to the Internet and allow customers to pre-order from their menu. Granted, you still have to pick them up from the nearest location, but one less step now exists between walking into the restaurant and your fix. According to the VP of corporate relations, “as a family-owned business for 90 years now,” and that is where I stopped reading the press release. 90 years?! That would mean that White Castle was started during prohibition! Those must have been some rough years in the beginning… but once the beers start flowing again, there they are, poised with an infrastructure. Bravo, White Castle. I’m convinced the only reason they didn’t add delivery to this pre-order system is because they physically wouldn’t be able to handle the volume they would receive. Here’s hoping technology advances enough to make that possible. Now if only they can overcome the regret factor associated with taking down a Crave Case, they’re going take all the competition out.

Intel wasn’t satisfied with simply making chips that were fast. After 10 years of research, they’ve announced that they’ve been able to create three-dimensional transistors they’ve dubbed Tri-Gate transistors. Without getting too dry with this, Moore’s Law is a formula to describe how much faster computer processors will get over the years, and it was starting to look like trouble, because adding cores to processors wasn’t going to fit the curve, thus disproving Moore’s Law. This breakthrough in technology, according to Intel, will keep the steady increase going for a long time. In addition, the new chip design is purported to use significantly less power and is less expensive to produce. The implications are huge. Now we will be able to waste time faster than anyone would have thought possible years ago. If the Greeks of Antiquity had access to this technology, we’d be flying around the universe in space ships right now. Just sayin’.

So Pandora walks into a bar… Pandora, the service known for streaming music to users all over the world using the Music Genome

Project, is now offering an added feature that will let people stream the work of around 700 comedians. As with the music stations, you’ll be able to personalize your comedy station with up and down votes. You’ll also get to choose from a bunch of different genres, like decades, political comedy or PG comedy (as if anyone’s going to click that one). It’s all part of the Comedy Genome Project, which Pandora executives claim was a natural progression for the company. The funniest part to me is that somewhere there is a team of scientists that are sifting through thousands of dick jokes and using their degrees from MIT to decide which ones should be associated with one another. “Yes, Chaumers, it is a joke about large penises, but I don’t see how you can draw a significant nexus between this and a fart joke told by Larry the Cable Guy!” Conversations like that one are happening somewhere, which just goes to show you what excellent times we live in.

May 11, 2011




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May 11, 2011


26 May 11, 2011

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Super Crossword

Go to for the answers!

Crypto Quip This is a simple substitution cipher in which each letter used stands for another. If you think that X equals O, it will equal O throughout the puzzle. Solution is accomplished by trial and error.

Clue: J equals D

Life Line

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May 11, 2011


The Shears

Q&A about the band’s debut album Sarah Vasque z


he Shears are a fairly new band in Austin, but they have already shared the stage with local favorites such as L.A.X. and Freshmillions, and worked with producer Troupe Gammage from SPEAK on their upcoming debut album. The electro-pop band will release their self-title album on May 20 at the Parish. But before that, the band sat down with UWeeekly to give readers some inside scoop about themselves and the music.

UWeekly: How long have you been together? Aaron: We met up in April and started writing a bunch of songs, demoing out songs. Then once we had a set together, we started playing live in August. Then Tommy and Albert joined up in December. That’s when we really started, I guess.

UWeekly: How did you come together? Inne: Craigslist. (Aaron) put out an ad. That’s how I saw it on Craigslist and I heard his music. He only had the instrumentals too. But these instrumentals weren’t just shitty little mini tracks, they were full blown songs and I was like, I have to be part of this. I was in some other bands at the time and he specifically said on there ‘If you’re involved in other things, you should probably look the other way,’ but I was like no, I need to be involved in this. So we met up and then he sent me a track. I made up some melodies and vocals and sent it back to him. It worked after that. I was their singer. Jon: Well, I had been in previous bands with Aaron, so I pretty much asked him if he wanted a drummer. He said sure since we worked together before. I guess it kind of works. Tommy: I joined the band after the rest of these guys, but I was at one of their shows in the audience. I was just blown away by their songs and I was like I have to be up there playing this. The next day, I think I saw on Facebook that they needed a bass player so I jumped on it.

UWeekly: Why Craigslist? Aaron: I’d been out of the Austin music scene for three or four years so I didn’t really know

anyone. The few people I knew were wrapped up in something else. So it was the last resort, and it’s terrible going through Craigslist. I probably went through 30 or 40 people. Actually when I heard from Inne, I pretty much decided to stop looking, because it was such a terrible process. Then just like that, it all fell together, just out of the blue.

UWeekly: How did Albert join? Inne: He messaged me actually. I put an ad on Craigslist actually as well. I think we may have been friends on Facebook. Facebook bringing everyone together, but he saw that and he said you know been in this sort of bands and ok let’s do this and he joined in.

UWeekly: Tell me about this album you’re about to release. When did you decide to start recording? Were the songs already formed when you started or were they written as you went along?

Photo: The Shears

UWeekly: What was it like to record with Troupe? Inne: Oh, it was so awesome. He’s wonderful. He’s a nice guy in general but as far as helping and making sure that everyone is comfortable and that I was comfortable. Actually he taught me a lot of new things to do with my voice. I was very excited about that. I was very excited about working with him. Aaron: That’s why we chose Troupe primarily,

“I think a lot of people are into it, because whenever I walk downtown, like the other night, some stranger just pass by me and felt obligated to go ‘Hey man, The Shears rule.’ That was pretty cool.” Inne:

The material’s been collecting since we’ve been together. We’d been going through a process of writing new songs and filtering out songs that don’t stand out to us as much. It’s hard though because this guy (Aaron) writes like a billion songs each week. Tommy: Aaron’s very prolific so there’s a constant stream of new songs coming to our emails. Aaron: We already had three or four of those songs already picked out. For sure, we’re going to do those. We added a couple of songs at the last minute. The first person that came into my mind was Troupe. I gave him a call and see if he had time to do it. It was right before they were going to go to Brooklyn for their residency, and he did it so it just took off from there.

because he’s such an awesome singer. I wanted somebody that understood vocals because that’s the most important thing to me is getting a good vocal sound. So that was a big reason we went to Troupe and he just did a fabulous job. He knocked it out and he’s so busy, but he found time. He did a great job so we were really stoked to work with him.

UWeekly: And you were number nine for Best Indie Band in this year’s Austin Music Awards. I read on Facebook that you only played eight shows when that happened? Aaron: Yeah, we haven’t play very many shows. We were really surprised because the bands that we were on there with were bands that have been around for awhile. A lot of bands

that have been around a lot longer than us. We were surprised but really happy.

UWeekly: Do you know that people were voting for you? Did you ever mentioned Hey guys vote for us? Inne: We mentioned it on our page, but it was such a pleasant surprise to be part of that.

UWeekly: What have you noticed in terms of the crowd’s response? Inne: From what I’ve heard from people, is that each song is a little bit different. It’s not really the same sound in every song. Jon: I think it’s edgy enough to be cool, but at the same time, it’s catchy enough to strike you at the first listen. That’s how I see it. Tommy: I think a lot of people are into it, because whenever I walk downtown, like the other night, some stranger just pass by me and felt obligated to go “Hey man, The Shears rule.” That was pretty cool. Aaron: Honestly, when we started the group, we didn’t really think that we’ll do well in Austin, or at least I didn’t initially, because we’re probably too poppy for Austin. We’re not quite indie or hip enough for Austin. It’s what I thought, and within a few months, it seemed like there was something building. This is crazy. I never really expected Austin to welcome us in like the city has. So far, we’ve been lucky to work with SPEAK and play with a lot of great bands that we may have no business playing with really. These bands have been playing around for years and we’ve been fortunate enough to play with them at a very early stage. So I guess that means that we’re doing something right or hopefully it does.

28 May 11, 2011

UWeekly Austin

get more at


By Will Bass




Ladies Ride

Office Space Quote Along White Ghost Shivers

@ Fast Folks Cyclery, 2513 E. 6th

@Alamo at The Ritz, 320 E 6th St, Austin

Everyone loves bikes, but the social bike scene can often seem like an exercise in bulging thighs and rabid consumption of Lone Star. Kind of Like the Wonder Woman to the bro-fest that is superhero culture, the Ladies Ride is something like a girls night out, on bikes--no men in unflattering jorts or beer crushing contests, just cruising with the ladies.

Probably one of the most quoteable movies since The Big Lebowski, Office Space quotes have always been a go to for people looking to break the ice in social situations. Now you can flex your O-Face, impersonate Lumberg, and ask for your stapeler back. Even better, the event includes a re-enactment as patrons will assemble after the show in an alley to ritually destroy a printer with a baseball bat.

@ Ghost Room, 304 W. 4th St.

If you’ve never experienced the free-wheeling carnival that is a White Ghost Shivers show, consider yourself at a loss. The band plays a dizzying mixture of vaudeville, ragtime, swing, and WTF, all while effortlessly carrying on that home-brewed, gypsy vibe. Tickets: At the door


►► Also Worthy

►► Also Worthy

►► Also Worthy

Lower Class Brats

El Bombasi

The Zoltars


Foe Destroyer

Cavalera Conspiracy

Opium Den Soundclash

Space Crazies

Strange Attractors

Pleasant Trees

MaryAnn & the Revival Band

Jonathan Toubin’s Soul Clap & Dance Off

Professor Cowboy & The Space Crazies

Bobby Lee


Lovejoys, 604 Neches

Emo’s, 603 Red River

Scoot Inn, 1308 E. 4th

Beerland, 711 Red River

Flamingo Cantina, 515 E. 6th

Loft 718, 718 N. Congress Ave

Hole in the Wall, 2538 Guadalupe

Headhunters, 720 Red River

Red Eyed Fly, 715 Red River

Cap City Comedy Club, 8120 Research


Beerland, 711 Red River

Emo’s, 603 Red River

Beauty Bar, 617 E. 7th

ND, 501 IH-35

Stubb’s, 601 Red River

UWeekly Austin


May 11, 2011

►► Also Worthy


Stubb’s, 801 Red River

No Mas Bodas

Emo’s, 603 Red River

Pachanga Latino Music Festival @ Fiesta Gardens, 2101 Jesse E. Segovia St.

Culture in Austin can often takes cues from Michael Jackson’s skin, white washing itself of all color. Luckily for us the folks at Pachanga are trying to reverse this heresy. Featuring all Latino bands (from a varied number of genres), Pachanga showcases some of the most popular (Ozomatli) and the most promising (The Echocentrics) form the Latino music universe.

Anarchy Pro Wrestling

Okkervil River

@ Mohawk, 912 Red River

@ Waterloo Records, 600 N. Lamar

‘Taking the wrestling out of the steroid and advertisement riddled culture of WWE is Austin’s Own Anarachy Championship Wrestling. APW embodies the silliness, fun, and mayhem of pro wrestling at an amateur price. Tickets:

Come check out Austin’s own acclaimed Okkervil River as they trot out their new album I Am Very Far at this free show at Waterloo Records.


Red 7, 611 E. 7th

DaleWatson&hisLoneStars Continental Club, 1315 S. Congress

Johnny Stimson

Red Eyed Fly, 715 Red River

Tickets: Free


►► Also Worthy ►► Also Worthy

►► Also Worth

Ivan and Alyosha

Janelle Monae

La Zona Rosa, 612 W. 4th

The Last Place You Look

Pine Hill Haints

Mustard Plug

The Smoking Pope

Parish, 214 E. 6th

Emo’s, 603 Red River

Beerland, 711 Red River

Ivan Neville’s Dumpstaphunk

Parish, 214 E. 6th

The Mauve Avenger

McMercy Family Band

The Low Lows

Skinnys Ballroom,115 San Jacinto Blvd


Beerland, 711 Red River


Beauty Bar, 617 E. 7th

Mohawk, 912 Red River

@ Venue 222, 222 E. 6th St

Red 7, 611 E. 7th

Hole in the Wall, 2538 Guadalupe

Formerly of the legendary New Orleans funk band The Meters, Ivan Neville is one of funk music’s luminaries. His band, Dumpstaphunk, continues that same New Orleans swagger and jive.

Gospel and the Wolf Red 7, 611 E. 7th

EZActionwithDJScorpio Beauty Bar, 617 E. 7th


Red Eyed Fly, 715 Red River

college night 18 and up welcome

Thursday Night 2 . . . . . domestic $ 2 . . . . . well drinks $ 3 . . . . . kamakizes



Mohawk, 912 Red River

One Hundred Flowers




UWeekly Austin

Photo: Julie Patterson

30 May 11, 2011

►► Blind Pig

►► The Library

(317 E 6th)

(407 E 6th)

$2.50 wells/domestics

$1 doms/wells, $2 imported bottles

►► Dizzy Rooster

►► Agave

(306 E 6th)

(415 E 6th)

$2 domestics/wells/jello shots

$2 you call it

►► Shakespeare’s Pub

►► Pure

(317 E 6th)

(419 E 6th)

$3 Soco lime shots

$1 any beer til midnight

►► Rooftop Bar

►► Bikini’s on 6th

(2716 Guadalupe)

(214 E 6th)

$4 Long Island teas

$12 beer buckets

►► Cain and Abel’s

►► Mother Egan’s

(2313 Rio Grande)

(715 W 6th)

$3.50 bombs

$3 wells til 10pm

►► Cuatros

►► Tiniest Bar in Texas

(1004 West 24th St)

(817 W 5th)

$7 pitchers, $2.50 wells

$1 Bud light/Budweiser

►► Fuel

►► Maggie Mae’s


(409 West 30th Street)

Brian B ogart


ere in Austin, we live right in the heartland of American TexMex. With restaurants like Chuys, Hula Hut, and Magnolia Cafe all vying for the attention of would-be consumers, Trudy’s is the one place with the ace up their sleeve, a gimmick so to speak. I’m talking, of course, of the “Trudy’s Trifecta,” where you go out and consume two top-shelf Trudy’s margaritas at each of their three locations. In case you’re wondering why the challenge is set at two margaritas per location, its because each Trudy’s location limits two drinks per customer. But believe me, once you’ve had two cocktails at each of Trudy’s North Star, Texas Star, and South Star locations, you’ll be ready to throw in the towel. Once it’s mission accomplished though, you will get to proudly brandish the title of “Trudy’s Trifecta Titan,” for the rest of your days, and that’s something no one will be able to take away from you.

►► Malaia

(607 Trinity)

(323 E 6th)

(300 E 6th)

.50¢ wells, $2 any beers

$2 wells

$2 wells/domestics

►► Treasure Island

►► Trudy’s

►► Chuggin’ Monkey

(413 E 6th)

(409 W 30th)

(219 E 6th)

.25¢ wells, $1 triples & kamikaze shots

$5 Mexican martinis

$2 wells/domestics

►► Spill

►► The Local Pub and Patio

►► Pluckers

(212 E 6th)

(2610 Guadalupe)

(2222 Rio Grande)

$1 wells/Miller High Life

$2 Tex-Mex beers

$2 Zigen Bock/Lone Star




May 11, 2011  

May 11, 2011