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Impr int The university of Waterloo’s official student newspaper

Friday, November 9, 2007

vol 30, no 17

imprint . uwaterloo . ca

Where’s Colbert?

Thieves abscond the bear-loving cut-out from the BookStore ► page 5

Sing your heart out TWSA Idol results ► page 16 courtesy alex truong

Learning to defend herself The might in the moves every woman should know Narmeen Lakhani staff repoter

As soon as I saw that a self-defence class was being offered at UW through iKickback, I volunteered to have myself beat up for the greater good. Honestly, I have wanted to learn self-defence techniques for many years, but have not taken the initiative to try it, especially in fear of getting injured due to a lack of any athletic ability. Besides scaring friends into wanting a five-foot restraining order from me, iKickback was the opportunity to finally apply real skills to my paranoia of being attacked on the walk home on any given night. I am so nervous sometimes that I will watch my own shadow to see if another one is approaching, or let people walk ahead of me on the sidewalk so there is no risk of not knowing what is behind me. I have heard similar experiences from other women. Statistics Canada reports that over one year, the rate of sexual assault is six per cent of all crimes and the rate of criminal harassment (stalking) is nine per cent for women aged under 25, the age category with the highest rates. These stats make our fear very tangible, granted that it is difficult to know what context each situation of these statistics represent. However, learning to realistically approach such a situation and always knowing how to defend myself gives me that greater sense of security, although I still think it is immensely important to always be really alert. see DEFENCE, page 24

what’s inside News


The English Language Proficiency Program gets a big boost in funding to help more students pass the ELPE.

Crazed journalists, hate mail, a communist conspiracy and more — what our EIC learned throughout his time at Imprint.

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Wanna see a hobo-fish on a log? Check out this story about fish who live in logs or read about a new planet in a galaxy far far away.

Our favourite writer from across the pond details the rules of cricket and the future of the sport in Canada and at UW.

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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

UW to increase funds for the ELPP

Chantelle McGee assistant news editor

It was announced to the writing centre, on Thursday, November 1, that there will be a 50 per cent increase in its current budget to enable a greater number of the 30 per cent of students who do not pass the English Language Proficiency Exam (ELPE) to make use of the centre’s services in order to succeed. As a requirement for graduation in all six faculties, the ELPE and Program (ELPP) requires a lot of work from the staff at the writing centre, student executives, faculties and senior administration, as well as funding to implement the program. On the part of the senior administration, Amit Chakma, vice president, academic and provost, decided to fully support the efforts of the writing centre and the ELPP with this provision of funds. The increase in funding will take effect in January 2008. The funding will ser ve to ameliorate some of the concerns some students have had with the ELPE. Arts Student Union (ASU) President Allan Babor had been approached by students with concerns that there was “an unmet demand” with not enough seats for students at the writing clinic for those who did not pass the exam.

As a result of this, he recommended to the council of presidents that this issue be investigated and is currently working on methods to increase language proficiency. Imprint spoke with the director of the ELPP, Ann Barrett, who shed some light on why there have been a lack of seats, the changes that had taken place to rectify this issue and the expected changes that will come about due to the new funding. She first explained that the ELPE is “a tool” to assess a student’s ability in his or her strength of argument and the readability of his or her writing. The exam is a way to ensure that each student is at the same level set by UW. According to Barrett, the largest concern had been how the ELPP was going to get more funds, which could cover marking, proctoring, processing and planning the exam, and would leave more funds to allot to the writing clinic. UW’s senior administration and the faculty administration are aware of the problem with the lack of seats and are taking it very seriously, Barrett says. She adds that she is also meeting with the associate deans in December to discuss the issue and work on solutions. She is also working closely with the faculties on ways to best help the students. One of the “creative solutions,” she noted, was how senior administration found a way to

increase the program’s funding. Barrett says the major factor that would cause the lack of seats is the failure rate, which rests at around 30 per cent at each sitting of the exam. This rate is compounded by over-enrolment, which is difficult to predict from year to year. Barrett notes that, of this percentage, five per cent can pass the exam in another sitting, while another five per cent can benefit from the different services the ELPP offers. These services include the LP review. Barrett explains that during the LP review, a student gets 45 minutes with one of the centre’s instructor — half of whom are TESL certified and all of whom have teaching and or writing experience — to go over his or her exam and identify the weak and strong points. Through this review session, Barrett explains, the tutor can recommend that the student write the exam again, take a credit course, register for the writing clinic program or make some other suggestion. For those who do not pass the ELPE, different faculties have different equivalencies. For example, all faculties will accept the writing clinic program, while some faculties accept specified English courses such as ENGL 109 or 129R. These options are affected by the time limit set by each faculty on when the student must have the ELPE

credit. Barrett feels that the time limit and the appeal of the personal attention that the free writing clinic program offers encourage a large number of students to apply. The writing clinic is currently maxed at 150 students. However, with the new funds, Barrett says she aims to make room for 300 students this January and May and intends to increase that number to 400 by next September. Before the funding announcement, in order to compensate for the demand, Barrett increased the hours of the LP review sessions to accommodate 200 students. She now intends to accommodate 400 to 500 students in Fall 2008. Barrett is currently in the process of hiring more teachers. Some strategies to help students pass the ELPE are in investigation. A possible solution is to extend the time limit of the exam, which would have to be decided by faculty administration. Currently, students must have their ELPE credit by 2A or 2B, depending on their faculty. An extension would allow for the option of taking an equivalency course or more chances at being registered with the writing clinic program. Barrett says she is open to any creative input from students, and says, “We’re here to […] help.” She adds that registration for the January writing clinic will begin after December

... the ELPE is “a tool” to assess the student’s ability in his or her strength of argument and the readability of his or her writing. The exam is a way to ensure that each student is at the same level set by UW.

3. Just bring your class schedule and your Watcard to the Writing Centre at PAS 2081. At the student level, in regard to achieving language proficiency, MathSoc President Andrew Frasen is concerned that the “courses designed to increase the language proficiency of mathematics students, particularly courses such as ENGL 119, are not doing an adequate job of helping those individuals who take them,” and is working with faculty administration on this issue. As he states: “Language proficiency is of critical importance to the academic performance of students, so I feel that this is an issue that requires serious attention and resources dedicated to it.” One idea that the ASU supports, is the idea that the ELPE be moved from being written during Frosh Week, to late November. This would allow students would have time to better prepared. Babor is also in discussion with Federation of Students’ VP Education Jonah Levine, to secure other sources of funding to help with writing improvement strategies for students to give them “guidance to pass and excel [at]” the ELPE. These strategies include putting on writing workshops in collaboration with ELPP, or creating an ELPE preparation kit for students. Babor would like to tell the student: “Don’t be discouraged,” and now that the funding for the ELPP is in place, to take initiative and get the extra help and the study skills they need.


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

No smoke, no flames: false alarms on the UW campus Zoe McKnight reporter

In 2006, only nine out of the 116 times the Waterloo fire department sent its trucks to the UW campus, were “fire, fumes, or smoke,” discovered. These were the results reported in the 2006 Annual Fire Report compiled this summer by the UW Safety Office. This means that there were 107 responses to false alarms on campus. According to safety office director Kevin Stewart, these false alarms can be a result of anything from deliberate pulls, to more accidental building system malfunctions, summertime humidity, paint fumes, shower steam, damage to detectors, vandalism, maintenance work or construction, or cooking. In fact, smoke from overcooked popcorn was the main culprit in all false alarms and fire department response. There were 34 deliberate false alarms, down from 38 in 2005, and one instance of arson, down from seven in the previous year. The cost to the fire department to respond to a call is $350 per hour, per vehicle. Four vehicles are normally dispatched to each call, says fire department public education and fire prevention officer Paul Felhaber. Despite the high price tag, UW has not been charged those fees

— yet. However, if a certain building became a problem for fires or false alarms “[and if the university] does not fix whatever the problem is, if the university is negligent” then those fees may be assessed, says Felhaber. When asked what can be done to reduce the occurrence of deliberate false alarms on campus, Stewart responds that tighter control of building access may be the answer since false alarms tend to be correlated to bar closing time. “Unless someone has some sort of clearance to be in the building, I see no reason why [they should be in there],” he says in reference to MC and DC, which are open 24 hours. The DC and MC have relatively high rates of fire alarms, 14 and 9 respectively. Only campus residences and the SLC had more. Residence dons are also instrumental in educating students on fire safety. Beginning this year, dons were required to complete an online course on safe cooking practices and how to address this with their first-years. Dons are also key in monitoring resident activity: Stewart mentions an incident where students planning arson with propane were apprehended due to “good surveillance by the dons.” Village 1 residence life co-ordinator Jeyas Balaskanthan says dons have

done a great job informing students: “No smoking inside residence, no drugs inside residence, no tampering with fire alarms. These are here for a reason: to protect you.” Those students who choose to illegally disable their room’s smoke and heat detectors face $100 fines and disciplinary action for tampering, up from a $50 fine in previous years. Shandy Clement, MKV residence life co-ordinator, says the majority of fire alarm tampering or disabling with tools such as plastic bags, is done when cooking. Monthly suite inspections help apprehend that handful of students per term who attempt to tamper with their smoke and heat detectors, which do not connect directly to the fire department like those in the building’s main corridors. Other campus initiatives to curb tobacco smoking may also increase long-term fire safety. Glen Lombard, St. Jerome’s University residence manager, estimates that less than one per cent of residents are smokers, though Stewart at the safety office says no fires or alarms in 2006 were attributed to tobacco smoking. The Waterloo fire department places the ‘city-within-a-city’ campus as a high priority despite the fact that nearly 12 out of 13 calls to UW are false alarms. Their staff works closely with the safety office on an on-going basis.

Students learn about arts and entrepreneurship

Narmeen Lakhani

Students meet with panelists after the entrepreneurship workshop. Narmeen Lakhani news editor

On November 6, Career Services hosted a workshop called “Arts in Entrepreneurship,” featuring a host of panelists who graduated from UW and now run successful businesses in the arts. The panelists described the experience of starting their businesses and how their time at UW is still relevant to their venture. Sean and Amy Zister are the owners of Seven Shores Trading, a store selling products in different countries throughout the world. The global experience gave them

the opportunity to collect many unique artifacts: “We met so many amazing artisans,” and supporting local artisans meant “that money would go directly to their families,” said Amy Zister. It is important for the couple to have fair trade and eco-friendly practices. The gifts they brought back to Kitchener from their travels grew to a high demand that became the successful business they have today. Although Sean Zister said his degree encouraged him to teach first, he and his wife believe that their university skills still have value in their business. See ENTREPRENEUR, page 6


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Midnight Sun races down under Keith McManamen staff reporter

Over the week of October 21 to 28, the Midnight Sun Racing team attended the biennial World Solar Challenge (WSC) in Australia with their car Midnight Sun IX. Thirty-seven teams from 19 nations around the world attended the race, including six Canadian teams and three from the United States. The race spanned a distance of 3,000 kilometres, from Darwin to Adelaide, traversing the whole Australian Outback. Since Midnight Sun last raced with model VII in the 2001 WSC, there have been a few modifications made to the rules of the competition, including dividing the competitors into two classes — challenge and adventure. The new challenge class was created with the goal of having regulations to make cars more realistic; it is considered to be much more difficult. Cars in this category must include only one, upright driver, a solar array with a maximum area of six square metres and use only stock parts — parts available to everybody on the market. Having an upright driver affects aerodynamics, whereas a car with two drivers in the adventure class would typically be more aerodynamic and have a larger area for the solar array. In addition, a “stock” car in the challenge class would have to use silicon solar cells, which are roughly 21.5 per cent efficient compared to the 27 per cent efficiency of space grade cells. Despite the changes made to the rules of competition, Midnight Sun IX maintained a relatively simplistic exterior design. Although the car was designed for the North American race, the team decided to stick with the same basic model that had worked well in the past, and only removed the extra two sq. metres of solar panels. Midnight Sun IX was in development for two years, but development became more serious last summer

Mackenzie Keast

The Midnight Sun team reflects on its exciting competition upon return to UW. after finding out about the rules. On the inside, the car got a complete overhaul; almost all the inner workings were adjusted except for the motor. The car was transported to Australia in parts; the outside shell and internal frame were shipped ahead of time, and the team brought the interior electrical components along with them. Upon arrival, the team worked in shifts around the clock in order to have it prepared for race day. To help with the assembly, the University of Darwin provided teams access to excellent shop facilities. In addition, Rogers Communications provided the team with wireless access, which enabled them to

Cardboard cutout caper: Colbert kidnapped from BookStore Colbert cutout safely returned on November 7 Angela Gaetano staff reporter

In the wake of the Writer’s Guild of America strike that has debilitated several of students’ favourite television shows, two deprived fans of The Colbert Report took things into their own hands, literally. On Thursday, November 1, two unidentified female perpetrators walked into the UW Book Store in South Campus Hall (SCH) and abducted the free standing cardboard cut-out of Stephen Colbert that was part of the promotional display for his recently released book, I Am America (And So Can You!). Witnesses have reported that the 5’3”-5’5” thieves, one blonde and one brunette, chose an opportune moment to begin their caper, as the staff member that normally sits near the I Am America display had momentarily stepped out, leaving Colbert unsupervised and unprotected. After apprehending Colbert, the women high tailed it out of SCH, and were last seen fleeing toward the engineering buildings. When contacted for comments on the BookStore’s loss, marketing co-ordinator Kathryn King reported that although the store’s staff “did miss Stephen’s smiling face greeting [them] as [they] came into work in the morning.” The decision to refrain from contacting UW Police Services was made when the BookStore was anonymously contacted and informed that Colbert would be safely returned. As was foretold, the cut-out was found left, without further explanation, at the BookStore on Wednesday, November 7. King reported that Colbert “looks a little ragged from his travels,” but that her coworkers are pleased to have him back, and that she is hoping that this incident will have a positive effect — increased excitement surrounding the Book Store’s “Where’s Stephen” contest. From

November 9 to 23, the BookStore’s Colbert cut-out will be appearing in a new, surprise location every day. To enter the contest, participants must locate Colbert and input that information in an online ballot, accessible at Imprint will be monitoring Stephen’s travels and will report on any further kidnapping attempts.

communicate and check weather information. Over a period of seven days, the Midnight Sun team traversed the 3,000 kilometres with a time of 54 hours and 49 minutes. Out of the 37 teams, this time earned them sixteenth overall, and second in the challenge production class. Though he had hoped for a slightly better finish, Derek Hans, now Midnight Sun’s team leader, was very happy with the performance. He lamented an array of minor problems that had plagued them at the beginning of the race, such as connectors coming loose and the breaking of tabs that hold the outer shell to the frame, which required them

to stop and make repairs. On the bright side, the car ran quite well in the later stages of the race. “If we’d gotten the car off to a better start, we’d have probably done better,” said Hans. The car has a top speed of 120-125 km/h, though it only reached a top speed of about 75-80 km/h during the course of the competition. The drivers, although they were not quite as experienced as some of their predecessors, were able to learn quite quickly and were often able to fix small problems without stopping the car. Not to mention, being in a cramped space that often reached temperatures of ten degrees above ambient for any prolonged amount of time undoubtedly requires tremendous mental fortitude. In July, the team will be attending the North American Solar Challenge (NASC), which spans 2400 miles from Dallas, Texas to Calgary, Alberta. Until then, the team plans to do a lot of fine-tuning. A lot of work on aerodynamics will be required, including making the car smoother and the seams more integrated. In addition, electrical work, such as a new battery and solar cells, changes to secondary electrical systems and a more comprehensive diagnostic system will all put the car in excellent shape. Hans was very optimistic and guarantees a podium position at NASC in July for the team. Hans closed by saying that the Midnight Sun team is always in search of new members, whether it be for finding new sponsors, technological work, statistical analysis, GIS work, or anything in between. “No matter which area people are in, we have work that will interest them,” said Hans. By all accounts, there is plenty of work to be done but the future appears very positive for the team and all members involved. Those seeking to get involved should check out http://midsun. for more information.

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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

All styles and smiles

Entrepreneur: UW grads with successful businesses share their stories continued from page 4

Narmeen Lakhani

Bounmy Inthavong, a UW science student laughs while getting her head shaved as a part of Smiling over Sickness’s “Shave for a Cure” fundraising event November 6 at the SLC.

His environmental studies background pushed Zister to be more conscious about eco-products, such as green shirts. The Zisters also use their store to host charity programs locally and globally, one being a prospect to adopt a village and help build schools. Amy also described how UW has impacted their business, “They actually all build … you kind of hone all those skills together, and they build.” The next entrepreneur present at the workshop was Lynn McRuer, owner of the Music Plus Corporation. McRuer began in the field of chartered accountancy but has done a variety of jobs from picking asparagus on a farm to working at a tax office. She also went to graduate school at Wilfrid Laurier and worked in sociology, which became too stressful at the time. After moving on to work for six years at Music Plus, McRuer’s boss sold the company to her for only one dollar (plus the cost of inventory). She feels that she now has a job that she enjoys. She also commented that university “teach[es] you to look at problems all different ways,” especially the research skills that one acquires there. McRuer also gave advice that it is important to “get a good credit record,” and she mentioned the importance of holding her ground when she experienced problems as a female entrepreneur in a competitive industry. Chris Craig, proprietor of Tynavon B&B, began his introduction by describing how he considered himself to be the “least likely person to start his own business” after getting his Bachelor of Arts from UW. But after ten years in the job force, Craig decided that he had grown to want a more independent project. “Lots of entrepreneurs are looking for a certain lifestyle,” said Craig to emphasize how his desire to start a business stemmed from a personal choice to do something different for himself. He also added that it takes courage to “give up that paycheck.” With agreement from the other panelists, he made it clear that people have to be willing to take a risk to pursue their passion. Craig’s bed and breakfast business included some sheer luck in


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finding the right house, but he was sure to include that the basic financial knowledge, event management skills and “skills in dealing with people” he learned through his university days, especially through co-op, are important in running a successful business. The last panelist, Steve Silverstein is president of Lightline Corporation and president of Trans Asia International, a business that conducts over $20 million worth of sales annually. In targeting the audience, Silverstein emphasized that “entrepreneurship starts right away.” He began different business ventures in his university days, learning to develop important skills such as networking. “Being a good listener is probably one of the best skills,” said Silverstein. Entrepreneurship is a step-bystep process, through which one has to be persistent. Silverstein described that he has gone back to people who turned him away until he has a sale from them. Although his own business is now an international one, he reminded the audience that it is important to start small and keep options open. Being a manager means playing many different roles, but “you can’t be everything ... you have to surround yourself with good people,” he said. The workshop also included a brief presentation from Dmitri Artamonov on behalf of a new service available to UW students called New Venture Pathways. The service connects students to outside opportunities to learn about entrepreneurship after filling out a personal profile. When Imprint asked the panelists whether their education at UW was necessary to be where they are today, there was a mixed response. McRuer answered by stating that “you don’t need a degree,” but it helps. Craig added to that notion: “It broadens who you are” to have that experience and degree. Silverstein was more direct and said, “100 per cent, I definitely wouldn’t be where I am without some kind of postsecondary education.” Sean Zister closed on a more all-encompassing note that “education is the most important thing.”


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

One last TCBY run left

I think it’s only fitting that, in my final entry for this newspaper, I impart everything Imprint has ever taught me. Everything I need to know in university, I’ve learned at Imprint. Before I became the Editor-in-Chief of UW’s official student news source, I practically lived in this office during my time as an undergrad student. Classes, financial responsibilities, social trips to the pub, they were all just incidental occurrences on my way to another long production Wednesday, complete with free pizza. Now, at the helm of Imprint, I find myself still learning on a daily — even hourly — basis. This job will never surprise me, often because it always surprises me. Expect the unexpected, learn from mistakes, and soak up the knowledge of everyone else in this office. So when I was offered a tech writing position at a local automation company, I had to think twice about taking it. It offered more stability, more career-furthering potential and more money. But, the Imprint gig is the cool, learn-every-day type of job. Ultimately, the stable, promising tech writing job won out, and I am embarking on my final week as Editor-inChief of Imprint. But that doesn’t mean I will forget everything I’ve ever learned at Imprint. There are many truths that become apparent in this position, many inalienable staples of Imprint life that will never, ever change. And I think it’s only fitting that, in my final entry for this newspaper, I impart everything Imprint has

ever taught me. I’ve learned that mathNEWS doesn’t really like Imprint. I’ve learned that Imprint doesn’t really care. I’ve learned that, no matter how late it is on campus, there is always someone just as awake and just as goofy from lack of sleep and surplus of caffeine. I’ve learned that you can’t please all of the people some of the time. I’ve learned that you can’t please some of the people all of the time. I’ve learned that trying to please people is just bad business. I’ve learned that student journalists are a rare, crazy breed — the kind of people that sacrifice sleep, sanity and (not advisably) class in order to crank out a 650-word concert review. I’ve learned that’s exactly why student journalists are awesome. I’ve learned that Bomber food never stops being delicious, even if you order it up to five times a week. I’ve learned that the Imprint office will always be too hot. I’ve learned that sex columnists will always be too risqué for the social right-wingers on campus. I’ve learned that sex columnists will always be too docile for the social left-wingers on campus. I’ve learned that the University of Waterloo

student newspaper has endured some pretty tumultuous times, especially in the 1970s — fights with Feds, Supreme Court rulings and accusations of communist bias makes our problems today seem pretty manageable. I’ve learned that, no matter how mundane a spring term Imprint production night can get, it can always be cured by a mass frozen yogurt run to TCBY. And I’ve learned that this is the coolest job in Canadian campus journalism. I’m sure I’ve learned more (Oxford commas and pica rules come to mind), but my last slice of Imprint real estate is just not big enough to impart every tidbit that I have acquired at this newspaper. All I know is that I will always see Imprint as

my source of constant laughter and rampant knowledge. And There’s one more thing this final week has taught me. I’ve learned that I am really going to miss this newspaper.

graphic by chen-chen

Teaching gender roles starts from the day you’re born A loyal reader sent me an intriguing lead for a column last week, and it was actually a topic I had been mulling about for some time but had never had the material or the impetus to actually write it. He informed me of a new ad campaign by Tonka Trucks with the slogan “Built for Boyhood,” which tied perfectly into a personal dialogue I had been forming ever since my mom chose to give my niece the house instead of the fire station when giving her a new home for her Little People. I have both a niece and a nephew, and ever since my nephew has been born, my mom has started hording “boy toys” for him. The box of trucks is lying neatly next to the more “girl appropriate” ones for my niece. There’s no denying my niece has become a

girly-girl. She loves playing with make-up and dolls and is pretty much a mini-version of myself at that age, but I still wonder how much of that is her actual personality and how much is the gender constructions she’s been immersed in since birth. Everything from toys to clothes that are bought for children have very specific gender identities attached to them, making me ponder the pressure this places on children who don’t identify well with their own gender. If my niece started reaching for the trucks and overalls instead of the dolls and frills, would my mom or brother try to stop her? The Tonka Trucks campaign is the perfect example of our culture’s continuing obsession with assigning gender roles almost from infancy.

The Tonka website takes marketing to a whole new level and has expanded their repertoire to include parenting tips. Apparently, mothers need help understanding their little boys, as the site says “Moms, you may feel like you have no idea how to raise this strange creature who seems so different from you. Don’t worry — boys may not come with instruction manuals, but here are a few tips to help you along the way,” and “Little boys can seem like alien creatures, especially to Moms who were raised as little girls! So to help you speak “boy language.” What if mom and dad are two daddies or two mommies or Little Johnny would rather dress in drag while Mommy plays in the dirt? Gender isn’t simply black and white, or pink and blue,

and we can’t keep forcing kids to pick a team before they even know what that means. These marketing campaigns perpetuate the idea that only boys can play with trucks and girls with dolls. When these kids grow up, these childhood games translate into the gender roles so firmly entrenched in our society — not to mention that by forcing children to play in a gendered way, we are engraining that gender is essential to identity and that if you aren’t sure of that, you aren’t sure of yourself. Telling parents how to entrench their child with antiquated notions of gender is hardly getting me to run out and buy a Tonka Truck see TONKA, pg 10


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

What do virgins lose, and how, exactly?

Losing it; deflowering; popping the cherry; losing the V-card. All of these words and phrases we make up to describe the same thing. Fucking for the first time. Losing everything that makes you innocent, losing everything that makes you a child. Adolescents dream of saving up their milk money to get a hooker, banging the hottest girl in the co-ed

volleyball team, or getting fucked by that nerdy/cute (but “deep”) guy who sits at the back of your french class. That’s it, the thing to drive your life towards. You’ve spent all these years in waiting and sex is there, almost in your reach. Almost there to grasp. But then it happens. You come down off of your hormone high in the back seat of his mom’s powder blue Windstar mini-van and realize that was it. It hurt a bit, he seemed to like it, there was a little blood, and that was sex. You waited until your parents were out of town and you dumped a load in her twat and where did it leave you? Are you any emotionally closer? Do you feel like a different person? Do you feel like who you should be right then? Well, it’s true what they say, sex changes everything. But I don’t mean in the sense of a relationship between a guy and girl. Sex changes much more than that, Sex changes who you are. You’re not that kid swimming down the river or playing tag, you aren’t the 12-year-old Googling “tits” to jerk off to. You’ve left all that behind, you’ve left your childhood and adolescence behind from that period. Who exactly do we become? Who are we before and after it’s gone? Why is it that the girl who comes home to rose petals leading up to a bedroom spends two hours crying in the bathroom after? How come when he finally gets with the guy of his dreams, the perfect catch, the one he’s always dreamed about, he feels dirty and

christy ogley

Sex changes much more than that, Sex changes who you are. shameful? Our virginities aren’t tangible things. It’s not something you can hide away, take out later. It’s not something you can buy back. When it’s gone, it’s gone. When you take away that piece of you, all you’re left with is a hole inside. This hole, this emptiness is something a lover caring or a thousand tears can’t fill up. The same nothingness we all feel, the same unfillable void left behind, the loss of our innocence. Take the kid, 13 years old. Sexually abused. Torn apart, ruined from head to toe. Stolen innocence. Ruined much too early on. Mal-

adjusted, misunderstanding. Unable to fill the void. Unable to help himself heal. So this is how we hide the hurt then, jumping from bed to bed. What are we looking for? Is every encounter a chance to win back those childhood feelings we haven’t quite forgotten? Is each stain on the bed sheets chance to find that missing that piece of ourselves? We’re stuck in the middle. No one told us that sex isn’t the passageway into adulthood. We’re stuck searching for our way into the world of the mature with no roadmap, fumbling along and breaking our own hearts along the way, fucking along trying to find that piece that fits into ourselves but never quite finding it. And there are the lucky, the ones who grow up so quickly, the ones who find their soul mate right off the bat. And then there are the rest. Lost, confused, and looking for sex.


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Ten things to do on a student budget Someone once said that the best things in life are free. That was clearly a university student who didn’t have any money. Oh sure, money can’t buy you love or happiness, but if you’re going to be unloved and unhappy, you might as well do it while drinking champagne that costs more than the gross national income of a third-world country (because who can put a price on quality? I can. It’s A LOT!) It’s been hard having to adjust to being a poor student, and I have a feeling that since the chances of me pulling off a successful armed robbery are minimal (I’d probably end up shooting a hostage), I’ll have to try and find other ways to survive on very little money. Here are the strategies I’ve learned so far: 1. Eat free at the grocery store. Walk around the store picking up bags of buns and grapes. As you’re pretending to shop, eat food out of the containers and bags. Then, when you’ve had your fill, put the rest back and leave. This method requires a lot of stealth but often results in a temporarily full stomach.

2. Grab crack change out of tip jars. Try to look for quarters and bide your time until the cashier looks away, then grab as many coins as you can in a single handful. If the employee looks, pretend that you’re giving an especially generous tip. 3. Go to the cafeteria with friends and order a large meal. When it comes time to pay, conveniently discover that you “forgot” your Watcard at home and allow your friends to pay for you. Lie and say you’ll cover the next meal then avoid them for days. 4. Make a point of frequenting restaurants that offer complementary bread (East Side’s come to mind) as the meal progresses, keep asking for more bread (while hiding the other loaves in your bag) and explain that you are on a high carbohydrate diet. 5. Buy no name brand food at no frills grocery stores. Sure, everybody likes frills (like an up to date health code) but drinking RC cola and eating crispy rice cereal is better than nothing. 6. On a busy day in the Tim Hortons, wait at the area where the food

if you can afford new clothing? 10. Get a job and earn money… no don’t worry, I’m just kidding. At the end of the day, a poor university student in Canada is still probably better off than impoverished people pretty much anywhere else in the world. Of course, that just makes you feel poor and guilty so forget that. Having no money in university is a great incentive to get a job later that pays you good money, enough money so that you can drink real Coke again, shop at Sobey’s and actually fill your gas tank all the way up. Because isn’t that really what’s life about? Forget higher meaning, name brands would be enough for me.

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arrives. In the midst of the crowd, snatch a sandwich and head for the exit. Pray that you grabbed something you like. 7. Exchange services for money. No, I don’t mean in a Moulin Rouge kind of way. Maybe you have a car, maybe you’re really good at history essays, maybe you know the difference between a power cord and a jump rope, everyone has something that other people want. Trade that for food or money. 8. Attend buffets with a backpack lined with a garbage bag. Load up on anything that looks appealing but try not to mix desserts with pasta. 9. Take a million psychology surveys and live off the chocolate bar incentives. Also, offer your body for further scientific research. What’s a few weeks of blood in your urine

Canada’s Student Travel Experts



Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007 Staff liaison, Rob Blom

Friday, November 9, 2007 Vol. 30, No. 17 Student Life Centre, Room 1116 University of Waterloo Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3G1 P: 519.888.4048 F: 519.884.7800 Editor-in-chief, Adam McGuire Advertising & Production Manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas General Manager, Catherine Bolger Ad Assistant, Ismat Jahan Volunteer Coordinator, Angela Gaetano Systems Admin. Dan Agar Distribution, Katherine Dunfield Distribution, Brian Peterson Intern, Sarah Hewey Intern, Taylor Schnaeringer Board of Directors President, Adam Gardiner Vice-president, Jacqueline McKoy Treasurer, Lu Jiang Secretary, Alaa Yassin

Editorial Staff Assistant Editor, Scott Houston Lead Proofreader, Mohammad Jangda Cover Editor, Guy Halpern News Editor, Narmeen Lakhani News Assistant, Chantelle McGee Opinion Editor, Christine Ogley Opinion Assistant, vacant Features Editor, Dinh Nguyen Features Assistant, Tina Ironstone Arts Editor, Emma Tarswell Arts Assistant, Britta Hallberg Science Editor, Adrienne Raw Science Assistant, Sherif Soliman Sports Editor, Dave Klaponski Sports Assistant, Yang Liu Photo Editor, Jenn Serec Photo Assistant, Michelle Nguyen Graphics Editor, Peter Trinh Graphics Assistant, Joyce Hsu Web Editor, Ryan Webb Web Assistant, Hoon Choi Systems Administrator, vacant Sys. Admin. Assistant, vacant

Production Staff Rahat Rahman, William Chau, Tim Foster, Matthew Wiebe, Taylor Schnaeringer, Alicia Boers, Jonathan Fung, Robert Nguyen, Alicia Mah, Tejas Koshy, Rosalind Gunn, Emily Yau, Monica Harvey, Kaitlan Huckabone, Cait Davidson, Paul McKinnon, Durshan Ganthan, Ashley Csanady Imprint is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by

Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital. Imprint is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association (OCNA). Editorial submissions may be considered for publication in any edition of Imprint. Imprint may also reproduce the material commercially in any format or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site or any other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Imprint first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the material has been distributed in an issue of Imprint, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreement is available upon request. Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libelous or in contravention with Imprint’s policies with reference to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. Imprint is published every Friday during fall and winter terms, and every second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse advertising. One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 07067380. Imprint CDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122. Next staff meeting: Monday, November 12, 2007 12:30 p.m. Next board meeting: Friday, November 9, 2007 12:45 p.m.

Tonka: do they make tomboys? continued from page 7

soon, but it isn’t only the Hasbro site that has gender-specific marketing. Both the Hasbro and the Mattel site divide their toys by gender, leaving me to wonder what happens to the little girl who wants the Spiderman action figure or the little boy who wants the Barbie. Remember the episode of Friends where Ben is playing with a doll and Ross freaks out? Well that was ten years ago and things are no different. We (or at least I) like to believe we’re evolving as a society, moving to a more gender-neutral progressive state, but from infancy we still teach girls to nurture and boys to be more

physical. How can we expect the gender imbalances that still permeate our society to change if a child’s earliest education does nothing but instill them? This may just be one marketing campaign, but it speaks to a larger issue. We need to re-evaluate how we believe that gender is determined and stop assigning it. If we allow children to develop their sense of gender along with their sense of identity, then we may remove a lot of early confusion for kids who don’t immediately identify as male or female. So who cares if it’s Barbie or G.I Joe, just as long as they’re happy?

Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Crossword Tim Foster

Across 1. Droop 4. American food safety agency 7. CSI network 10. Insane 13. Carbs, fat, and ____ 15. Hurry (Old English) 16. Solid water 17. Restaurant booking 19. Pig home 20. _______ Asylum 21. Changes 23. Pursue surreptitiously 24. Australian possums 28. Psychic ability 29. French, good 30. Cosmological mother figure 31. Founder of sociology 33. Operatic solo 34. Arranging words in order (Brit.) 40. Playboy (not the magazine) 41. Saying 42. Small lanes 45. The loneliest number 46. Overnight condensation 49. Woven containers worth 52. Jean-maker Strauss 53. Dream prerequisite 54. Danish dollars 56. PC-exclusive keyboard key 58. Setting a course of treatment 60. Observe 61. Aquatic snake 62. Has a big crest 63. Not hers 64. ____ & don’ts 65. Devoured 66. Hallucinogenic drug Down 1. Pre-rendered game image 2. Playing fields 3. Spread rumours

Sudoku 8









14 18








Campus Question




33 37



By Ashley Csanady and Angela Gaetano






45 50



51 54









4. Flowerless and seedless plant 5. Stoop and drop a payload 6. Anecdote collection 7. Kid 8.Vitamin B7 or H 9. Nero’s tutor 10. The Show Me state 11. Major play subdivision 12. Partridge family actor Susan 14. Blue-green 18. From the perfect amount of sun 22. Spin 25. Poker buy-in 26. Threesome 27. Actor Connery 29. Feathery scarf 31. Sides of mouth 32. Seventh Greek letter

Tim Foster


4 7 3 7 5 9 2 7 8 4 6 1 5 2 1 2 9 5 1 7 6 6 9








34. Of Saudi ancestry 35. German movie, Run, ___, Run 36. Throbs 37. Object of worship 38. Ancient Indian language 39. Time since creation 43. Barked 44. From two sources 46. Mea non culpa 47. Happenings 48. Flapped 50. Perceives through touch 51. Not downs 52. Bottom part of ear 55. Anger 56. Fire leftovers 57. Hawaiian necklace 59. American CA

We crossed paths in the SLC late one winter night after dancing together at Phil’s a few days before. I remember the cold, coat-less walk to your place, slipping on the icy sidewalk, and passing out in your bathtub. Unfortunately, I can’t remember your name again. Forgive me?

It was Monday, the fifth of November. I got on the bus from downtown Kitchener, the #7 to UW. I was with two friends, wearing a lightly patterned greyish jacket with a scarf holding my head in place.You were sitting by yourself, reading a book with a green (?) cover, in the first raised seat beside the door. We locked eyes a couple times before I got off at King and University... I hope we cross paths again. To the dude who is always smoking outside of AL around four o’clock on Mon/Wed/Friday: I feel like you check me out everytime I walk by, and yet in the past two months you’ve only

“Nothing... I’m from Thunder Bay”

“I steal my roommate’s winter scarves.”

Spence McEwan

Andrea Wilgan

2A electrical engineering

2A legal studies

“I’ve got a hat already...”

“Storing nuts?”

1A environment and business

1A mechanical engineering

Nov. 2 Solutions A L B S











4 1 9 3 7 5 2 8 6

2 5 3 8 4 6 1 7 9


7 8 6 1 2 9 4 5 3

6 2 8 5 1 3 9 4 7






9 3 4 7 6 2 5 1 8

5 7 1 9 8 4 6 3 2


8 6 2 4 5 7 3 9 1












Bryan Sanderson

3 4 7 6 9 1 8 2 5

1 9 5 2 3 8 7 6 4

Missed Connections You — tall, handsome guy with a neatly trimmed beard who had a lot of questions during the CS 370 midterm review. Me — you know who I am. Did we have something there, or is my gaydar completely broken? Give me a sign if the feeling was mutual.


How are you getting geared up for winter?











31 34







“Extending my sleeping time.” Hamad Aljuhani Grad student

David Yew

“Getting geared out with enormous coats.” Alex Uechev and Christine Ambre 1A physics

even smiled at me on one occassion! If we lock eyes again, come say hi and introduce yourself, don’t be such a pussy! I don’t bite! Guys who play hackeysack sometimes in the green area diagonally across from the math building: are you okay with others joining? If so, don’t give me dirty looks when I hang around awkwardly waiting for an opening; if not, then you guys are the worst pseudo-hippies ever, and I hope your stupid hackeysack breaks and you choke on your hashpipe. Missed a connection? Wanna break the ice? email to ghalpern@imprint.

“Snuggling up with a good book, cookies and milk, and Kevin Royal’s massive ego.” Del Pereira and Jonah Levine Vice-president administration and finance and vice-president education, Federation of Students

“Staying inside!”

Stephanie Heywood, Rashida Brown and Juliet Mugabi 3B science and business 2A science and business 3A urban planning


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Welcome to the jamboree

UW students attend the International Genetically Engineered Machine competition and show off their biological half adder Scott Houston assistant editor-in-chief

On November 2 - 4, a contingent of 13 undergraduate students and six faculty and graduate advisors went to Cambridge, Massachusetts to participate in the International Genetically Engineered Machine competition (iGEM) jamboree. The object of the competition is to create an organism that has a function a machine can carry out. The UW team decided to make a biological half adder — a computational device that can add 0 and 1 — which they’ve named “CompuColi.” That might not sound impressive at first — you might be able to code that in QBasic — but they’ve created an organism that will be able to give you an output based on two stimuli: red light and tetracycline. Each of the stimuli is given a value — 0 or 1 — based on the presence or absence of the substance. For example, if the presence of red light, 0, and the presence of tetracycline, 1, are introduced to the organism, the output will be green because 0 + 1 = 1. Currently, the organism is only capable of additions of 0 and 1, but for next years jamboree, they hope to have a full adder — that is an organism that can add multiple numbers, for instance 1100101 + 100101. The organism uses logic to determine the output with boolean gates programmed into it. The organism of choice for these projects is E. Coli, “the workhorse of molecular biology” according to iGEM team advisor Brian Ingalls. It was the bacteria most teams at the iGEM started from. For example, the project from UC Berkley was named “BactoBlood”, and they used the E. Coli to emulate a red blood cell that would not provoke

UW’s iGEM poses for a team picture. Back Row: Jordan Lapointe, Andre Masella, Wilfred Kwok, Shira Davis, Michael Rasmussens, Asim Hussain, Brian Ingalls and Scott Clark. Front Row: Danielle Nash, Kathy Lam, Clara Baik, Mimi Xia, Tiffany Liu, Jeffery Hendrycks and Anne Tran. a response from the body. They put the human gene for hemoglobin in the organism and they also encoded a genetic kill switch that would destroy its own genetic material. This


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“blood” is a universal blood that could be freeze-dried for storage. Other projects included the University of Calgary’s “E. coLisa”, a bacteria that was programmed to release agarase, which would dissolve the agar medium, and essentially etch a high resolution image into the agar plate — you could almost call it bacterial lithography. Another project, a collaboration between Davidson college and Missouri Western State University, was named “Hamiltonian Pathfinder,” an organism that solved Hamiltonian path problems, a more complex version of “connect the dots.” “The calibre of the projects this year seemed higher,” said Danielle Nash, fourth year biomedical sciences student. “It was really amazing to see interdisciplinary teams work together.” The lab work required for the UW project was “different,” according to Kathy Lam, also in fourth year biomedical sciences. “It was unlike anything I did in undergrad, anything I’ve ever done.” Jordan Lapointe, a third year mathematical physics student, felt the project wasn’t the best it could be. “It would have been a better idea to take on a more ambitious project.” The entire team agrees that the project was well done and is a building block toward the goal of engineering a full adder. The UW team consisted of

photos courtesy iGEM team

Kathy Lam, Andre Masella and Danielle Nash stand with a poster for their project CompuColi, a biological half adder that can add zero and one. people in the faculties of science, mathematics and engineering. They are actively recruiting for next year’s iGEM and are looking for anyone from any faculty to join the team. They will be back into full swing

come winter term, and are hoping to start weekly meetings for synthetic biology. If you are interested, email


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007


Science podium: GENETIC TESTING Adrienne Raw science editor

New planet discovered in distant solar system

US astronomers have found a new planet in orbit around 55 Cancri, a binary star about 41 light years from Earth in the constellation of Cancer. The new find brings the number of planets orbiting this star to five, which is currently the most found in a single solar system besides our own. According to astronomers, if the massive gas giant has a rocky moon or moons, it’s possible they might support liquid water. Scientists are highly intrigued by the quintuple planet system because of its many similarities to our own: the star is of similar age and mass to our own and the system boasts a gas giant four times larger than Jupiter. What scientists have yet to find is a rocky planet like the Earth, but they believe that may be only a matter of time. Western Atlantic fish lives in hollowed out trees

A tiny Western Atlantic fish called the mangrove rivulus has astounded scientists with the method it uses to survive dry spells. The fish has long been studied for its extremophile nature — it can sur vive in extreme circumstances and shrugs off large changes in water temperature, pH, salinity, oxygen level and the level of pollutants — and its status as the only vertebrate known to naturally self-fertilize. A team of U.S. and English scientists has recently discovered that the fish are extremely hardy when faced with dry spells, taking shelter under logs, in piles of damp leaves and, as recently discovered, packed together in tree remains hollowed out by termites. The fish can survive 66 days out of the water, breathing through their skin as long as they remain in a moist environment. Sight evolved in ancient hydras

The origin of eyes has been traced back to a transparent blob of jelly, a distant ancestor to the modern freshwater hydra, which lived about 600 million years ago. The creature could only distinguish between light and dark by means of a gene called opsin, which is responsible for the production of light-sensitive proteins. The gene was passed on to all the ancient creature’s descendents.

It later developed into the extensive variety of more complexity in creatures from fish to people. The study helps solve one of the puzzles in Darwin’s evolutionary theory: the process by which complex organs such as the eye could evolve from random genetic variation. Giant telescope opens its eyes

The world’s most powerful optical telescope will finally go into operation sometime this winter, almost 20 years after its initial conception. The Large Binocular Telescope will allow astronomers to examine the universe in more detail and much further back in time than ever before. Unlike most telescopes, the Large Binocular Telescope consists of two light collecting mirrors used in tandem. While multiple mirrors in tandem have been used before, scientists have never tried combining them on this scale. Though they are unsure as to the extent of the Large Binocular Telescope’s ability, they are confident that it will push the boundaries of astronomy.

Comet mystifies scientists

Comet 17P/Holmes, a small comet with a diameter of about 3.3 kilometres, is still shining abnormally brightly. The comet, normally about 25,000 times too faint to be seen with the naked eye, brightened suddenly in late October. Since its unexpected increase in brilliance, the comet’s surrounding shell of gas and dust has been steadily expanding, making the comet shine brightly enough to be visible to the naked eye. The comet has experienced a similar brightening once before — when it was discovered in 1892. Both brightening events occur approximately five months after the comet reaches perihelion — its closest approach to the Sun. Scientists are currently at a loss to explain how or why the comet is behaving as it is, but are hoping to learn more before it fades away again. — with files from The Seattle Times, National Geographic, NewScientistSpace and BBC News

USE YOUR WATCARD at 160 University Ave., W., (at Phillip St.)WATERLOO 519-886-6490

On December 13, 1990, the full 33.4 million nucleotides that comprise the genetic code of chromosome 22 were identified marking the first remarkable milestone of the Human Genome Project. The project’s aim was to identify the 20,000 to 25,000 genes that comprise the human DNA in a time period of 15 years. This was accomplished in 13, due to the many technological advances that helped accelerate its completion. The benefits of such endeavours are unlimited. Genetic maps have made it possible to identify genes responsible for numerous genetic conditions and ailments including inherited colon cancer, Alzheimer’s disease and high risk familial breast cancer. Among dozens of possible gains, this can help discover genetic ailments in fetuses and prepare expecting parents for dealing with their child’s defects, or possibly

choosing to abort the pregnancy while it is still possible Genetic testing also serves agricultural purposes. Insects and viral diseases consume huge amounts of crops that are crucial to the survival of some areas in the world. Already, insect and disease resistant seeds are being used. Such seeds require little to no pesticides, which has the side benefit of reducing pollution of water sources and poisoning and mutation of some crops. However, it is not all about living organisms. In today’s world, where global warming poses an imminent and constantly growing threat, genetic testing holds promises of alleviating that threat. Microbial genomics research is working on bacteria useful in energy production, toxic waste reduction and possibly new biofuel

products. Many other benefits are surely to arise from genetic testing: identifying organisms, such as bacteria, that could pollute the air, soil, and food and water supplies. It would facilitate identifying recipiemts of organ transplants with their suitable donors. The understanding of the genetic buildup and hereditary factors has bypassed being beneficiary and is now crucial to our survival. The human race must not overlook the usefulness of such advancements for the sake of accusations of being unethical that hold no firm ground. Think about it.

Genetic testing is one of the newest advances in the scientific community. It allows scientists to diagnose vulnerabilities of genetic diseases in early fetal infants. While there are potential benefits presented by genetic testing, the risks and potential misuses far outweigh the benefits. In the wrong hands, genetic testing can end a perfectly healthy child’s life before it even begins. A recent study conducted on women who learned that their unborn children would have Gaucher disease — a potentially serious, but easily treatable disease — revealed that a quarter of those fetuses were aborted. Only half of children afflicted with Gaucher disease actually manifest symptoms, and those that do can be treated. And yet the mothers chose to abort. Their behaviour demonstrates one of the greatest risks of genetic testing: that parents whose children are afflicted with treatable diseases will still choose to abort. Supporters of genetic testing argue that the procedure will allow parents to know if their child will be the victim of a terrible disease. While an admirable sentiment, once you

start down that path, it will be hard to get off. Yes, knowing that your son or daughter will have cystic fibrosis or hemophilia would be beneficial to parents. However, once parents start testing for diseases, it’s not a big step to start testing for other characteristics like hair colour or eye colour. At that point, parents are practicing a form of eugenics — choosing the child they think is best. Genetic testing also has potentially negative implications for every person at risk for a genetic disease. Once genetic testing becomes mainstream, might insurance companies use it to determine who is allowed to take out a policy? Or might employers use it to screen employees? Suddenly, people with no condition that would affect their performance could be denied employment or insurance policies because someday they might develop diseases with genetic links. People are blinded by the potential benefits of an analysis of our genetic code. The risks clearly demonstrate that greater consideration should be invested before we jump blindly into the minefield of genetic testing.

How would you like to be the perfectly healthy 20-something that’s told you can’t get an insurance policy ever because a genetic test shows you might develop heart disease or diabetes some day? Think about it.

— Sherif Soliman, Assistant Science Editor

— Adrienne Raw, Science Editor

What do you think of genetic testing? Go online at and let us know!

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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Bright minds share with the world Adrienne Raw

Get your hands on that chemistry

science editor

The hands-on chemistry display featured a collection of chemistry experiements for visitors to see. Demonstrations included the burning of real money, after it soaked in a water/alcohol mixture. The flames burned away the alcohol without burning the money. Above: Hilda Cheung, second-year biomed student, shows visitors the density gradient column. Each layer of the column has a different density. Items dropped into the column fall until they reach the layer that matches their density, then float on that layer. Below Right: Foam erupts out of a test tube as the result of a chemical reaction designed to mimic a volcano.

On Saturday, November 3, UW’s Centre for Environmental and Information Technology (CEIT) opened its doors to students from kindergarten to Grade 8 and their families for their annual Science Open House. The purpose of the event was to introduce children and their parents to an array of science and technology. “The open house is child friendly and has something to offer to visitors of all ages,” said museum curator Peter Russell in a statement to UW’s Daily Bulletin. The event ran on Saturday and Sunday. Major activities included a chemistry magic show, a handson chemistry display, a physics circus and a soapstone carving activity, among others. There was also a gold display from the Royal Ontario Museum and a demonstration in jewellery cleaning from the Canadian Gemological Association. A major fixture of the event on both Saturday and Sunday was the gem and mineral show, featuring dozens of vendors over two floors of the CEIT. The event was well-attended by children eager to sink their teeth into interesting science. Below: UW chemistry Prof. Mike Chong sets a fire inside a block of dry ice as part of the chemistry magic show.

Getting down and dusty

photos by adrienne raw

Visitors got the chance to get their hands dusty during a soapstone carving activity. Robert Morgan of Stoneman Distributors who helped direct the activity said its purpose was to teach children about stone and its uses. “Not all things are what they look and sound like,” he said, adding that the activity aims to show students that stone can be more than what it seems. The goal, he said, was to get children to use their creativity and create a soapstone carving. Below: The beginning of a soapstone carving of an inukshuk. For this piece, the artist aims to create a lifelike representation of a human-like pile of rocks using only a single piece of soapstone.

“Don’t try this at home!”

The lights were dimmed. At the front of the packed lecture hall, two chemists in white lab coats stood ready. UW chemistry Prof. Mike Chong pushed a large cloud of bubbles into the air while chemistry PhD student Laura Ingram flicked on a barbecue lighter. Flame met bubbles in a brilliant fireball. This was just one of many demonstrations featured in the hour-long chemistry magic show, easily the most explosive event at the Science Open House. Demonstrations ranged from the colourful Elephant’s Toothpaste to the explosive fireballs. Naturally, the demonstrations involving fire were favourites among the audience who eagerly called “Do it again! Do it again!” at the end of each. The flaming pumpkin head and fireballs were among the audience favourites. Top left: A team of faculty and student volunteers ran the chemistry magic show. From left to right, Alice Chan, masters chemistry student; Mike Chone, chemistry professor; Felicia Grosu, fourth year chimstry undergrad; and Laura Ingram, chemistry PhD student. Middle: Chong and Ingram created giant firaballs to the delight of the audience. Bottom: Chong’s creates different colours for his flaming pumpkin head uses different chemical spray bottles.

It’s electric

On the first floor of the CEIT, chlidren and their parents were treated to a physics circus. The exhibits included the famous “hair-raising” power of the Vandegraaff generator and demonstration where a crystal wine glass was shattered by nothing more than the power of sound. Above: A Van de Graaff generator, an electrostatic machine, has applications in medicine, food sterilization and nuclear physics, among others, but its most famous use by far is using static electricity to make hair, stand on end.

Activities for kids

On top of all the exciting demonstrations, visiting students also got the chance to participate in a number of activities. Among others there was a scavenger hunt with clues scattered throughout the CEIT displays, a cookie mining activity and series of mineral identification tests. Above: A UW student teaches students how to pan for gold flecks. The kids got to keep everything they found. Right: Margaret Phillips-Lenz, a thirdyear liberal studies student, shows students how to remove fossilized fish from sediment confinement.


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Malajube, mon plat favori

photos by Christine Ogley, Graphic by peter trinh

Christine Ogley staff reporter

This past July, I picked up a Malajube album for the first time: Trompe L’Oeil, their second. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, but I needed a gift to take to a francophone Russian friend, and I scoured HMV in hopes of finding some good Canadian indie. The disc sounded great, and the French lyrics were just the icing on the cake. Months later, after I’d fallen in love with this band, they decided to make their first visit to the Starlight night club. I wish I could brag to my Parisian chum about seeing them play, but they’ve already played shows in Paris and neighbouring cities roughly a dozen times. In fact, looking at the band’s website, they spend a hell of a lot of time touring, from Oregon, the UK, Germany, France, to Montreal pop festivals, Ottawa and Toronto. It was a typical Waterloo show. Great decor at the Starlight, funky ’60s French music in between bands, tons of indie kids, and little dancing. Sigh. Despite having had tons of time for the crowd to warm up with two great opening bands, Hollerado and the D’Urbervilles, people just couldn’t muster up the energy to move.

Hollerado played a good show — their first ever. The D`Urbervilles lead singer danced up a storm, as per usual. I wish I could say I was surprised at the lacklustre crowd, but I really wasn’t. So I thrash-danced in my little corner and just enjoyed the show, without any hope of the crowd exploding into rhythm. To the crowd’s credit, there definitely seemed to be a lot of French speakers — helpful for listening to a band that sings entirely in French. Malajube’s lead singer Julien Mineau announced an English song, which would be “crap,” and then proceeded to sing in French. Nobody was fooled. Later on, when the band announced in French, naturally, that the next song would be their last, the crowd instantly sighed. For my part, I was a big nerd, and had to yell as many things in French as possible. It didn’t score me any backstage visits, but hey, it was worth a try. Who cares about the crowd anyway? Malajube plays very energetic, danceable, rockable music, which holds its own weight with or without a crowd. Some of the tunes sound similar to Arcade Fire, some others I hear sound a bit like Bright Eyes, and overall, you get the sense just listening to the disc that this band is ready to tear some shit up.

The lyrics are poetic and creative, mostly relating to love, but occasionally, Montreal’s brutal weather. Here’s the thing though: they can, and have played better shows. This isn’t music that’s meant to be listened to sitting at a table, or chilling on your porch on a hot summer’s night. According to concert reviews from other cities, when Malajube plays a show, nobody forgets it. Except in Waterloo. Here, we’ve got all the ingredients you need but a determination to make a show different from a recorded CD. Either our crowds haven’t realized that you need to go crazy to make a show fun, or they just don’t want crazy fun-time shows. The band almost had us at one point, convincing the crowd to smash some pumpkins before they’d play another song. One energetic guy actually punched the pumpkin into oblivion. Yeah, you read that right. I tried punching a pumpkin later on, just to see if it was really as hard as you’d think, and yes, it is. It was a great rock star moment, but after the pumpkin smashing we went back to just standing around, leaving me resolved to see Malajube in Montreal one day.



Princess brings back the classics Angela Gaetano staff reporter

Do you remember a time when devilish dames seduced cool cats in the speakeasies and hip secluded clubs? Do you long to see the silver screen graced by the sultry gaze of Lauren Bacall as she stares down Humphrey Bogart through the hazy screen of smoke spiralling up from her cigarette? Well, we’ve got some talkies for you, ace. Fans of ’40s and ’50s films can catch five black and white classics at the Princess Cinemas during November and December. Here’s a quick guide to the upcoming shows: A Streetcar Named Desire Starring: Vivien Leigh and Marlon Brando Catch it on: November 15 & 18 Film in a phrase: “Uptown Girl, she’s been living in an uptown world… bet she’s never had a downtown boy.” Check out Marlon Brando in his breakout role as the immigrant Stanley Kowalski. He shines opposite Vivien Leigh’s portrayal of the withering southern belle Blanche DuBois in this Academy Award winning film adaptation of the Tennessee Williams play of the same name. The Big Sleep Starring: Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart Catch it on: Nov. 8 & 11 Film in a Phrase: Not your run of the mill Gumshoe. Filmed during Bacall and Bogart’s famous marriage and was released during the “Bogie and Bacall” pop culture phenomenon. Be sure to see this if you’re planning on taking a film class, as

The Big Sleep is a favourite in Film Studies courses in many universities. Casablanca Starring: Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman Catch it on: Nov. 22 & 25 Film in a phrase: “Here’s looking at you, kid…” It’s Casablanca. If you don’t know what it is, go see it. If you do know what it is, go see it again. Just go see it.

Key Largo Starring: Humphrey Bogart & Lauren Bacall Catch it on: Dec. 6 & 9 Film in a phrase: Veteran saves damsel in distress from no-goodniks. In Bogart and Bacall’s final film together, it’s Claire Trevor who wins the Oscar. Trevor stood out as 1948’s Best Supporting Actress for her role as the abused, booze-soaked girlfriend of one of the aforementioned no-goodniks. The Maltese Falcon Starring: Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor Catch it on: Dec. 13 & 16 Film in a phrase: “Bad Guy Detective beats Badder Guy’s Bad Guys.” –Brian Jansen, pop culture whore The film that defined and founded a genre, The Maltese Falcon is the pinnacle of Film Noir cinema and is based on the timeless Dashiell Hammet book of the same name. Ever heard of “Sam Spade?” If your answer is “yes,” you’re probably already clearing your schedule to see this flick.

Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Idol, Waterloo style Cait Davidson staff reporter

The Taiwanese Waterloo Student Association (TWSA) held the final round of the TWSA Idol competition, on Thursday, November 1, 2007. With four judges, two MCs and 13 contestants, the “American/Canadian Idol” spin-off event was successful in terms of audience size, with the format closely following the TV show. The four judges, Helena Zhang, Daphne Choi, Brian Cheng and Roy Wong chose the top six competitors — three of whom were chosen by the audience to move onto the next round. From the final three competitors, each performing a song, the judges picked a winner. The 13 contestants performed broken up by introductions of each contestant by the MCs’, each of the songs performed were in Mandarin, a requirement for the event; Ray Rao began the event, with Jennifer Cui and Micheal Lui following her with a duet. Molly Wang, Alex Cheung, Richard Chen, Matthew Lee and Ray Ngan all performed solos afterward. Tom Hazelton, the only Caucasian performer in the event then came on, with a large fan base backing him up. Winniefred Kuang perfor med, followed by a special musical guest (Edmund Wong), the 10th contestant, who began the last set of performers, who were

Richard Ng, Jennifer Cui, performing a solo this time, and Ben Ho. The event also had several musical performances by bands; the opening band performed a metal song in Mandarin. After the ninth contestant, Kuang performed her song; There was a special performance by Aaren Cheng and Will Ma, a piano violin duet, immediately after. While the judges deliberated after the final performer, The Information Experiment performed. Their first perfor mance together since frosh week, this band was an interesting mix of improvised music and previously practiced pieces. Perfectly fused together the music was an excellent addition to the night. After the Information Experiment performed, all of the contestants were brought up on stage and the top six performers, Tom Hazelton, Winniefred Kuang, Molly Wang, Roy Ngan, Jennifer Cui and Ben Ho, were announced. There was an intermission and a voting break, while the audience chose the top three performers. The top three performers, Roy Ngan, Tom Hazelton, Jennifer Cui, performed again and the judges chose the winner. Jennifer Cui was crowned the TWSA Idol.

A comic’s bare bones or cartoon. To bring out the best of a cartoon doesn’t directly mean that the artwork has to be amazing — I mean have you ever watched the cartoon Home Movies? The cartoon looked like an ugly-stick victim, and yet there was an underground following of that show which somehow lasted for half a decade. The same can be said for cartoons like Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. Presentation does not mean technical artistic skill, but rather how the material is put together overall. Cyanide and Happiness (www.explosm. net) and xkcd ( fall into this category of very simple, borderline-amateur artwork, but their presentation and writing are what make both comics popular reads. To go into a further depth, writing is a key factor in a cartoon. As odd as it sounds coming from me, a comic won’t always be good if it has beautiful illustrations but little depth in story. Although such could be argued if the writing is meant to be simple, such as the writing in A Softer World (www.asofterworld. com) and Bunny (www.bunny.frozenreality., which uses short lines of text and dialogue to only compliment the images used. Whether the comic is meant to be an epic story, a clever comedy or just a simple commentary on life, the intention is best reflected within the comic’s writing. These are the bare bones of a comic or cartoon; while some forms of sequential art are much more in-depth, these points usually come into question when it comes to me asking if I like what I’m reading and/or watching.

The question I tend to gather from myself is, “What makes a good comic?” Everyone has their own view on how visual literature should be read. After receiving an e-mail from a new reader of my column that wanted to indulge in comic-talk, this question again came to mind. This week, I’m going to touch on what I think are a few major necessities for a good comic or cartoon. Like any other piece of literature, the artist/ writer has to consider who their audience is. Are they young or old, easy-going or complex, male or female, and so on? Knowing your audience also defines your comic’s image, such as if your comic is supposed to have a massive audience or not. From what I’ve seen in the webcomic world, the common webcomic reader has a higher likelyhood of being a gamer than anything else, as video games usually become a popular theme within most comics online, from comics like Penny Arcade (www. and Ctrl+Alt+Del (, all the way to Smile ( and Questionable Content (www. Although, the latter two reach a much more unique set of readers, such as girls and guys that may not be big gamers and are just big on the contemporary styles of funny webcomics, or those who just remember the Golden Ages of video games. Like any other piece of literature, the artist/ Presentation is also an important writer has to consider who their audience is. factor for a comic


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007


Not just a typical gangster flick

Rocky Horror, you’re doing just fine

courtesy of

Michael Albert reporter

Traditionally, when the title character of Richard O’Brien’s The Rocky Horror Show is created by a mad scientist alien transvestite, he comes to life wearing a golden diaper. In the University of Waterloo Drama Department’s production of the cult musical, Rocky Horror is born in cut-offs. Director Anne-Marie Donovan’s new and refreshing vision of the musical trades in its conventional glitz for pure and unadulterated grunge. The results are tremendous. When their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere on a dark and stormy night, conservative couple Brad and Janet stumble upon Dr. Frank ‘n Furter’s creepy castle (filled with creepy aliens) and submit themselves to a night of raucous musical numbers and sexual awakening. It’s a strange departure for this academic drama department but The Rocky Horror Show is probably the most fun production this campus will ever see. With a stunning visual quality, outstanding design, some great songs, aliens, and lots of sex, this re-imagining of O’Brien’s musical lets us give ourselves over to absolute pleasure. That being said, the university’s current production is noticeably unbalanced — and not always in a good way. The strangest thing about this

production is that the “normal” characters of Brad and Janet give more compelling performances than those of the aliens, especially their transsexual leader, Frank ‘n Furter. Though amply lascivious, Terry Reid in the starring role lacks the onstage authority to demand submission from everyone onstage, especially those far more intimidating than he is. Being the only faculty member onstage in a cast of students, Scott Spidell looks strikingly out-of-place. The conceptualization of Riff-Raff as a physically threatening brute (as opposed to the hunchbacked henchman handed down to us throughout pop culture) is a wonderful directorial choice, but Spidell’s performance as the mutinous alien lackey has trouble keeping up with the rest of the cast. At the end of the play, when he overthrows his master, given Terry Reid’s slightly self-conscious performance in comparison to Spidell’s menacing one, it’s easy to wonder why Riff-Raff didn’t do it sooner. The standout performances of Janet (Monica Skorupski) and Brad (Reid Vanier) make us reconsider the musical’s entire perspective. This production is more focused on their loss of innocence than on the dangerous side of excess and frivolity. The scenes in which both characters first begin to experiment sexually are the darkest in the

Akriti Jain

production and the musical numbers in which they fully realize their sexual awakenings — and the repercussions — are the most engaging. The driving force of this production, however, is its ensemble. Jeremy Hawkins delivers a scene-stealing Dr. Everett Scott (a German scientist reminiscent of something from a Peter Sellers film) and Carina Gaspar turns the traditionally histrionic Columbia into the most touching character in the play. A group of six “phantoms” deliver the majority of the production’s energy. A genderless group of background singers, the Phantoms look and sound great, supporting the music and engaging the audience from the moment they enter the theatre. The greatest obstacle of the stage version of this musical, aside from the awkward and amateur libretto, is the fact that it isn’t the 1975 cult classic film. However, the University of Waterloo’s production proves that this can also be the musical’s saving grace. This production’s inventive methods of removing itself from pop culture archetypes — in addition to its impeccable design, some outstanding performances, and its overall playful promiscuity — proves that doing the “Time Warp” can be even more effective in cut-offs than it was in gold underwear.


A lone honest cop and the only gangster in town who takes care of his own along with some hip-hop in the background: a great setting for a cheesy action flick. But, don’t judge the book by its cover. It’s a cliché for a reason which, incidentally, is also a cliché for a reason. American Gangster is a very well directed movie with some very good performances. What makes American Gangster different from the string of Mafia films is, of course, that our gangster is black. There is no doubt that if Frank Lucas wasn’t from the projects this movie would not have been as strong. Not because it isn’t well made, which it is, but because between the Godfather films, Martin Scorsese’s extensive work and The Sopranos, very little seems unexplored in the way Sicilians practise this profession. But Frank Lucas, a man very much involved in the production of this film, bears the burden of racism and takes his people with him. He becomes an icon for black advancement, and the whiteys are not amused. The story of the good cop is also well told. This is not just a movie about the progress of the racial underdog, but also about a cop who simply wants to do his work honestly but can’t do anything right without

being burned in his personal and professional life. He has the option to simply quit his current job and become a lawyer, where he could legally take money from criminals to defend them, but he isn’t done with this job yet. Russell Crowe is convincing as a very different and much more contemporary Gladiator. Hollywood movies are said to be a good barometer of the American mood. The political overtones in movies this fall are impossible to overlook. The middle-eastern crisis is now a stage for big Hollywood action flicks and no movie I have seen this fall avoids social commentary and introspection (I obviously have not watched Good Luck Chuck). This movie is no different. An unpopular war that brings in ammunition for an enemy sounds like a story I’ve heard before. The one I’m sure is new is the hurdles the underdog and a man with principles have to leap over. No, I think that sounds like the whole plot of The Candidate (1972). People seem to need too many reminders of the same tale. This movie accomplishes what it set out to do. It establishes the raw brutality and vileness of the gangster and the flawed human in the cop and still makes us empathise with them. It’s a story that is inspirational and morale drowning at the same time. A must see.

Transit for the masses.

Introducing the 2007 City Golf and the 2007 City Jetta. $14,900* to start

$16,700* to start

Everyone’s entitled to own German engineering. And these cars are loaded with it. Features such as fuel-efficient 2.0L engine, dual front airbags**, an anti-lock brake system with front and rear disc brakes, a full-sized spare tire and intermittent front windshield wipers. And that’s just the beginning. Enjoy better city living, starting at only $14,900 and $16,700*.

2007 City Golf


2007 City Jetta


4-year/80,000 km† new vehicle limited warranty

Dealer name

Volkswagen Waterloo Visit or call 1-800 DRIVE VW for more information. 550 Weber St. North, Waterloo

© 2006 Volkswagen Canada Inc. *Base MSRP is $14,900/$16,700 for 2007 City Golf/2007 City Jetta with manual transmission. Vehicle with optional package shown is $16,500/$18,300. Freight of $695, PDI, license, insurance, registration, dealer charges, options, and applicable taxes extra. **Airbags are supplemental restraints only and will not deploy under all accident scenarios. Always use safety belts and seat children only in the rear, using restraint systems that are appropriate for their size and age. †Whichever comes first. Wear and tear items and adjustments are excluded after the first 12 months or 20,000 km, whichever comes first. Dealer may sell for less. See dealer for details. “Volkswagen”, the Volkswagen logo, “Golf” and “Jetta” are registered trademarks of Volkswagen AG.




Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

IMPRINT’s Playlist

Raising Sand Robert Plant & Alison Krauss Rounder Records

This year has been defined by the reunification and collaboration of artists for the benefit of the music industry. In 2007, we’ve seen the once talented, once credible groups such as the Smashing Pumpkins, Rage Against the Machine and the Police come together like peanut butter and jam to a piece of toast (for a massive amount of money to boot). Johnny Marr joined Modest Mouse, Trent

Reznor and Saul Williams partnered up for the Niggy Tardust project while Timbaland teamed up with practically everyone around the globe ranging from Swedish punk rockers The Hives to the Sri Lankan sensation M.I.A. Amidst the Jurassic collaborations to date, the most surprising and impressive release has been the Raising Sand album by the critically acclaimed artists Robert Plant, formerly of Led Zeppelin, and American bluegrass legend Alison Krauss. Recorded in both Nashville and Los Angeles and produced by T-Bone Burnett, the Plant/ Krauss duo has organically coalesced to record a diverse 13-track bluegrass album, covering songs of legendary artists including Tom Waits, The Everly Brothers and Jimmy Page. With a penetrating soprano voice, Krauss provides the ideal equilibrium to Plant’s baritone vocals. On “Killing the Blues” and “Please Read the Letter” this synergy is at its best with a cohesive vocal relationship that makes you want to doubt that this is their first time collaborating. On tracks “Sister Rosetta Goes Before Us” and “Trampled Rose,” the duo elicits a more unconventional sound that depicts images of the searing Sahara desert with rolling tumbleweeds that have gone astray. While the album is consistently slow in tempo, it evades the sentiment of dragging on or being monotonous in nature. Tracks “Gone, Gone, Gone” and “Fortune Teller” remind us of the voice that has defined rock and roll music while “Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson” advocates the bizarre notion that country music can in fact actually sound good. Every so often good things appear out of nowhere. That said, Raising Sand truly personifies the notion of opposites attract. I would be lying to you if I said I knew six months ago that Robert Plant and Alison Krauss together would make a great bluegrass album. Much like the rest of the music connoisseurs, I was proved wrong. The Plant/Krauss duo has in fact made a great bluegrass album and reminds us that sometimes even lamb and tuna fish go together. — Hunter Colosimo

It’s not just child’s play

Now that the hay days of Halloween are gone, and the frost begins to creep over the grass, it’s time for us to start thinking about the holidays. With light snow already falling this past week and midterms mostly over, the holiday season (and, unfortunately, final exams) is quickly encroaching upon us. It is in this time, however, that we should start to think of others and what we can do to help them rather than simply thinking about what assignments are due. Recently, Penny Arcade announced the start of their 2007 Child’s Play charity initiative. This drive is focused on gamers to contribute toys and cash for children’s hospitals around the globe. Since its inception in 2003, the drive has raised over $2 million for sick children. One of the best things about Child’s Play, in addition to showing huge support to children and hospitals around the world, is that it shows how well the gaming community can pull together. Penny Arcade embraces


“One of the best films of the year.” - Leonard Maltin


“An EMOTIONAL POWERHOUSE... Eddie Vedder’s remarkable songs sound like the voice of Chris’ unconscious.”

Master of Management & Professional Accounting

- Rolling Stone

UÊ iÈ}˜i`Ê«Àˆ“>ÀˆÞÊvœÀʘœ˜‡LÕȘiÃÃÊ՘`iÀ}À>`Õ>Ìià UÊœÀÊV>ÀiiÀÃʈ˜Ê>˜>}i“i˜Ì]ʈ˜>˜ViÊ>˜`ÊVVœÕ˜Ìˆ˜} UÊ ÝÌÀi“iÞʅˆ}…ÊVœ‡œ«Ê>˜`Ê«iÀ“>˜i˜ÌÊ«>Vi“i˜Ì /œÊi>À˜Ê“œÀiÊ>LœÕÌÊ̅iÊ*Ê*Àœ}À>“]Ê>ÌÌi˜`ʜÕÀʈ˜vœÀ“>̈œ˜ÊÃiÃȜ˜ Tuesday, November 20, 2007 11:30 am – 1:30 pm Room 1208, Tatham Centre, University of Waterloo




46 King St. N., Waterloo 885-2950

this mentality and has used it for furthering the promotion and success of the Child’s Play campaign. “You guys have proven over and over again that you are an overwhelming force, and you really came through and made a real difference to the millions of kids that children’s hospitals care for each year...We are arguably the largest community of gamers on the internet. The important word there being community. We are not a faceless corporation and you are not just a number being tracked by a database and then relayed to hungry advertisers. You guys have proven yourself to be a powerful force when stirred into action. Here is your opportunity to use that power to do some real good.” (Official Website) It’s clear how much this is true when you look at how much has been raised by a community often looked upon as segregated and childish by outsiders. Donating to the cause is as easy as pushing a button too. Child’s Play has teamed up with Amazon, PayPal and EBay to extend the capability to help the hospitals to as many people as possible. Via the main website (www., one can click on the participating children’s hospital of their desire and be linked to a wish list from which they can select and purchase an item to be sent directly to the hospital. If you have old consoles

or games you want to donate to the cause, you can auction them off on EBay and then submit the proceeds to the charity, as they will not take used goods on their own. Finally, via PayPal, you can make a cash donation directly to the hospital that they can use to purchase toys and goodies for the kids directly. For full details about the organization and charity, please visit www. and explore the site to get the full picture of what this organization stands for. Our closest participating hospital is in Toronto, but if you feel like donating closer to home, you can try to contact Grand River Hospital ( to see if they’re looking for any support for the sick children here in Kitchener-Waterloo. It’s always important to remember in a case like this that, even if you can’t afford to donate much, anything is appreciated and can be put to good use if everyone contributes. The best part about this drive is proving that gamers and gaming culture can actually benefit society and that when we pull together, we are certainly a force to be reckoned with. Not to mention, who doesn’t love receiving gaming goods at Christmas time? This year let a sick kid feel that, too. —

Imprint presents

Photo Shootout 2007 Point. Click. Win.

Imprint is searching for UWâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hidden gems of the photography world. Submit your photos by November 23, 2007 for a chance to win up to a $100 gift card from UW retail services! Winners will be announced in the November 30 issue of Imprint. The top three will have their photos published in Imprint and will receive gift cards from UW retail services.

1st Place: $100 gift card 2nd Place: $50 gift card 3rd place: $25 gift card Submissions are accepted via email at or by dropping off a digital version of your photograph at Imprint, Student Life Centre room 1116. By entering this contest, the entrant agrees to allow for the publication of their photo(s) in Imprint and on Imprintâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s accompanying web site, Contest open to UW undergraduate students currently enrolled in full-time studies in the Fall 2007 term. For further questions on contest details, email


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Men’s hockey team win two in a row

Michelle Nguyen

The Waterloo men’s varsity hockey team seen here learning a thing or two by listening to their coach. They sit with a 6-3 record and 12 points. Ryan Rusnak reporter

After beating the Windsor Lancers at home on Friday, October 26, the Warriors traveled to Windsor for the second half of this home and home series. The Warriors opened the scoring at the 17 minute mark of the first, thanks to a goal from Jordan Brenner with the assists going to Kyle Sonnenburg and Kevin Hurley. They quickly increased that lead

to two goals when Chris Ray barried a shot past Windsor goalie Jim Watt just seven seconds after Brenner opened the scoring. Windsor out shot Waterloo 10-9 in the first period. The coaches’ pep talk must have worked because Windsor cut the Warriors lead in half just 52 seconds into the second period. Windsor forward Kyle Nishizaki tied the game half way through the second period. The Lancers capped off a strong second period by taking the lead with

44 seconds left in the second period. Despite mustering 17 shots on net in the middle frame the Warriors were unable to solve Watt. The third period didn’t start the way the Warriors would have hoped. Windsor forward Alex White scored his second goal of the game with 16 minutes left in the game. Then fifth year player Kevin Hurley decided to single handedly get his team back in the game. He scored the Warriors third and fourth goals of the game four minutes apart, both of

We are all Waterloo Warriors Fixing Sports David Klaponski sports editor

I was in the middle of watching a monster jam truck rally when it hit me: I like this. The trucks were crushing cars, doing wheelies, jumping 50 feet into the air, crashing and catching on fire. This is exciting. This is something that people like to watch. The great Waterloo Warrior I am, I thought about how this can relate to UW athletics. Much like a healthy, meaningful relationship, what we need at Waterloo is excitement, passion and a positive attitude. It’s not just about the quality of the spectacle or the performance. It’s about how people, or fans, feel when they’re at the game. It’s about the relationship between the event and the fans. It’s not about the expectation of the Warrior team being the best and having a great season. It’s about the moment and the feeling that you get when you are at the football game, soccer game or any other team event. Attending the Laurier-Waterloo football game this year, even though the Warriors got smoked, I had a good time. It made me want more. The atmosphere at the Golden Hawks home field was electric. Chants from fans, painted faces, cheerleaders jumping and screaming, lots of food venues, and a live concert create quite the thundering atmosphere.

Now I know UW is far off from replicating an atmosphere like this at one of our rugby games or soccer games, but you have to start somewhere. The passion, the intensity and the commitment to anything has to have a beginning. That beginning is here. We are Warriors. is an organization created by students to serve the students. Their main goal is to increase attendance at varsity sporting events on campus. “Originally, we were approached by the Dean of Arts as an action project to connect arts students with community, with Waterloo,” said We are Warriors. co-founder Brandon Mulholland. “So we thought that a great way to do that would be to use athletics as a vehicle to promote spirit and to promote community.” This is exactly what Waterloo Varsity sports needs, some grassroots culture building. Some clever methods that the We are Warriors . people are using include: dorm storms, flyer campaigns, pregame rallies, street chalk, poster runs and basically any form of marketing you could think up. Some might say that this will have a similar effect as the old Superfans group from a few years ago. The group was a bunch of hardcore fans that basically met up and attended several of the different varsity sports around campus every week. One of the major problems with the group was that it fizzled out without too much change to the status quo. Attendance numbers were still low, the average student still didn’t

know what was going on in athletics from week to week and, furthermore, didn’t think that they would have a fun time going to an athletic event. With the We are Warriors. organization, in order to ensure that their hard work doesn’t just get wasted when they graduate and move on, they have been documenting all of their processes and experiences so that when next year comes, another group can continue their work. This way, the good things with which the group has been successful can be built upon in the future. This, to me, sounds like something that might actually make a difference and is exactly what the University of Waterloo needs. Their slogan is something that all students can relate to: “When you work, when you play and when you compete, we are Warriors.” My last article talked about changing the culture at Waterloo. Instead of a cold, calculating and careeroriented university where students come in for four or five years and leave with only the skills from their classes, a group like We are Warriors. helps students grow, learn and enjoy while they are here, in the moment. This will help the University of Waterloo become a place remembered not only for the quality of students coming from their programs, but also for the cultural intensity of the community. Then maybe someday, our events will be as good as a monster truck rally.

which were on the power play. Doug Spooner then gave the Warriors the lead with 2:43 left to play in the third. The teams would exchange a couple quick goals again, that’s how the game would end, 6-5 final win for the Warriors. The Warriors then traveled back to Waterloo to take on divisional rivals, the Laurier Golden Hawks. In their only previous meeting of the season early October, the Warriors dominated the Golden Hawks, winning easily 6-2.

Laurier came in to the game trailing the Warriors in the standing with four wins and three losses. Laurier had a lot of jump to start the game scoring two goals in the first 12 minutes of the game. David Edgeworth and Doug Spooner evened the game for the Warriors heading into the first intermission. Warrior Chris Ray gave Waterloo the lead 1:12 into the second period. See HOCKEY, page 23

Warrior men’s basketball team ready for the real stuff Brody Hohman reporter

The Warriors kick things off for real this weekend when they travel to Toronto to take on the University of Toronto Varsity Blues Friday, November 9, at 8 pm. The following night at that same time they will visit Ryerson to take on the Rams. The trip to Toronto marks the start of the eastern portion of the 22 game OUA regular season schedule. The Warriors will play all eight teams in the East division before playing the remaining fourteen games against the other seven OUA West teams, squaring off twice against each team. The top six teams from each division will qualify for the OUA playoffs with a chance to make it to the CIS national championship tournament. And Warriors head coach Tom Kieswetter has made it clear that he expects his team to make the playoffs following a disappointing season in which the Warriors fell short of the second season. The journey begins this weekend with U of T, a team Waterloo is very familiar with. The Varsity Blues won this year’s Naismith Classic with a 3-0 record and two tournament allstars, including tournament MVP Rob Paris. “We know how good they are,” Kieswetter says of the Blues, who defeated the Warriors 76-54 at the Naismith. “They are currently ranked tenth in the country and are a very

experienced team that knows how to score.” The Warriors will need a full team effort in order to defeat Toronto and injuries will likely make that a little more difficult for Waterloo. Ben Frisby is out with a sprained ankle and will not dress for the game, while Cam McIntyre, the Warriors’ leading scorer is suffering from plantar fasciitis and is considered day to day. Leading rebounder Alan Goodhoofd (7.1 rpg) is also day to day with an illness and questionable for the opener. The Ryerson Rams finished with a 1-5 record in the pre-season but are a team that has given the Warriors trouble in the past, mainly due to their size. “Ryerson is a very, very big team,” Kieswetter reiterated. The Rams have three frontcourt players who stand at 6’11”, 6’10”, and 6’8” including Igor and Boris Bakovic, who form a dangerous tandem. Coach Kieswetter will try to use Waterloo’s quickness to counter Ryerson’s size. “We are going to have to create an up-tempo game and spread the floor.” Kieswetter is also still strongly stressing the importance of defence to his young team. “It’s part experience and part toughness. Basketball is a contact game, it’s about physically trying to stop your opponent. See BASKETBALL, page 23


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

No love for the referee Learn to swim It’s a Sunday afternoon, and another campus rec basketball game is underway. A fast break down the court is in progress; the offensive player in the gold jersey drives towards the basket while tailed by the opposing player in black. As the gold team’s player goes up for the seemingly easy layup, the player in black jumps up from behind and swats at the ball. Both players end up tumbling to the ground. The whistle sounds and the referee extends one arm in the air indicating a foul. “Illegal use on black, two shots” he says. The player in black’s frustration boils over, and he explodes; he is now out of the game after committing his fifth foul, which put him over the allowed limit. The player runs up to the ref and begins to unleash a barrage of profanity. However, the ref manages to keep his cool and calmly tells the player to leave the court, but the player won’t relent with his verbal tirade. Finally, minutes later, the player’s teammates manage to pry him away from the court. Order is finally restored to the game. This is the job of a referee; those who have a thin skin need not apply. Being the target of a player’s aggravation is just part of the duties that come with putting on the zebra stripes. The football quarterback isn’t chastised for not completing 100 per cent of his passes, the baseball player is praised for getting a base hit only 30 per cent of the time, but the referee has no such margin of error.

Courtesy Nikoo Shahabi

Community Editorial

One blown call, one play not seen, one close controversial decision, leads to the ref becoming the object of scorn from players, coaches, fans and the media alike. Refereeing is a job where you are invisible if everything goes smoothly, but you’re always the focal point of scorn and abuse when you get noticed (just like every retail job ever). Players, coaches and fans alike love to bemoan how the referees screwed them over and gave the game to their opponents. Complaining about the officiating is rarely heard from the winning team. For English rugby referee Wayne Barnes, a crucial missed call in a world rugby cup game, which led to heavily favoured New Zealand’s defeat to France, had New Zealand fans putting a $1,000 bounty on Barnes, in addition to a number of threats of violence directed against him online. Referees who blow key calls in the European pro soccer leagues are routinely pelted with debris after games. So what drives people to keep refereeing if not for the dollars? A love of the game? A passion for enforcing the rules? Masochism? In that Sunday afternoon campus rec game, the final score was a 4846 victory for the black team. After the contest ended, the gold team’s captain approached the referee with his hand outstretched. “Great job ref,” he says as he shakes the ref ’s hand. “That was a great call you made there at the end,” he coutinues with a sly little smile. ­— Yang Liu

Cait Davidson staff reporter

Everyone swims; it’s just something that you do when you’re growing up. You go to the beach with your friends and family, and you go swimming. The difficulty with that is, then, everyone believes they know how to swim! It is rare that you find someone who will admit that he or she doesn’t know how to swim. For some, we were thrown in the pool at a young age by someone who believes that swimming is an important life skill; but, others that are not so fortunate. For those of you who didn’t learn to swim when you were younger, it’s incredibly important that you be willing to admit that you can’t swim before trying to get into the water. A friend recently asked me to teach him how to swim and I was more than willing to help. The fact is though, even I had to ask for help from another friend who’s a lifeguard because I wasn’t even sure how to teach it: swimming has just become a part of what I do. Teaching someone how to swim for the first time includes breaking down the basics of what you needs to know while in the water. Floating is the first and most important skill. If you run into trouble while swimming, you can float for a few moments to take a break Treading water also is important, and, depending on who is teaching you to swim, there are several different methods. The current method taught is the egg beater method. There are many different ways to tread water, but the most important part is learning to keep your head and neck above water efficiently for extended periods of time. Breathing is quite important for any swimmer. Acknowledging that you have to breathe properly or choke before you swim seems trivial, but it is quite important. The only proper way to learn how to breathe while swimming

is having someone physically show you or through trial and error. I’d recommend the former, since trial and error can be painful. Next, you need to learn how to kick with a flutterboard, then without a flutterboard. The kick that one would use for most strokes is the flutter kick. Three other kicks are used in swimming: the frog, dolphin and scissor kicks; but one needs to master the flutter kick before attempting anything else. The flutter kick is simply the upand-down motion of the legs. Once you can kick, the arm motion is the next step. For the front crawl above water, the action resembles the motion of a windmill. Trying not to bend your arms too much to keep yourself swimming straight is incredibly important. Learning other strokes will come too; doing the same motion on your back is basically the back crawl. Along with the crawls, there is the breast stroke and butterfly and the elementary, which is the breast stroke on your back. The aerobic exercise from swimming is great. Depending on your weight and level of fitness, you can burn from 600 - 900 calories in an hour of swimming. To put this in perspective , you will usually burn between 450 - 700 calories an hour running. There are a few important safety tips that you need to know, even if you are a seasoned swimmer. First, be aware that people can drown in a pool, all it takes is six inches of water. Being alert and not swimming while overtired, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol, can save your life. Also, when you are swimming, swim with a buddy. It can take as little as three seconds for a person to drown, so be responsible. The key to safety in the water can be sumarised in the words of Douglas Adams, “Don’t Panic,” it may save your life.

Sixth place finish at Nationals for rugby women Taylor Schnaeringer imprint intern

The UW women’s rugby team had a disappointing weekend as they traveled to London for nationals. Coach Eric Ciezar summed it up in three words, “Nationals were tough.” With the Warriors having the worst draw in the pool, they played backto-back games against Western and Lethbridge, and ended the weekend with a game against Concordia on Saturday. Though nationals did not turn out the way the Warriors planned, Ciezar was proud of how the team played. “Our Warrior side fought tough but we are a very young team mixed with five strong veterans,” said Ciezar. The Warriors lost all three games they played, beginning with Western winnipeg in a landslide 37-0. They then played Lethbridge who left the field with a 32-0 win leaving the Warriors no chance for the medal round. Their final game was against Concordia where the Warriors managed to make a try. Unfortunately, Concordia proved to be too much, and in the end it was 17-5 loss for Warriors. Ciezar said, “Both teams beat us down so by the time we got to Concordia for the fifth place game we were done.” The Warriors placed

fifth last year in national standings, playing Guelph, Laval, and St. FX. Throughout the Warrior season there has been an unbelievably high number of injuries, but the team still managed to take the silver in OUA finals. At nationals there were two more starters injured during their first game against Western. The Warriors have fought hard to dominate every field they stepped on to with great determination. With the only losses during the regular season being to Western, they have been able to overcome broken collar bones, broken fingers, three or four starters out at a time and much more. Ciezar said, “We are very proud of the fight in all our players and hope to take this learning experience with us into next year.” Not only has the Warrior team as a whole been recognized, but also the individual players themselves have been getting some second looks. Warrior captain Diane Kelly is the first Warrior of the 2007/2008 season, to be named All Canadian. Kelly who, during the regular season scored three tries in five games, and in playoffs came on the field with a thirst for victory, and scored five tries in three games. Her teammates describe Kelly as being a “team player and a good leader.”

Mitch Martel Full-time laboratory technician and part-time Bachelor of Science student at Athabasca University.

Need a prerequisite, extra credits? Have a scheduling conflict? Your choice Choose from over 700 distance or online courses to complement your studies at your home university. Your terms Start courses anytime of the year and study at home, or wherever you may find yourself. Take the first step Talk to your academic advisor to make sure courses will transfer, then visit our website or call to register.


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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Women’s Hockey OUA GP Laurier 9 Guelph 10 8 Toronto York 10 Western 10 Windsor 10 Queen’s 11 Waterloo 9 Brock 10 UOIT 11

W 8 8 6 6 4 5 4 2 2 1

L 1 2 1 4 3 4 5 6 8 9

T OTL PTS 0 0 16 0 0 15 0 1 13 0 0 12 3 11 0 11 0 1 2 0 10 1 5 0 0 4 0 0 3 1

Nov. 3 - UOIT 4, Waterloo 2 Nov. 4 - Queen’s 4, Waterloo 1

Women’s Volleyball OUA GP 6 4 5 3 4 2 4

W 4 3 2 2 2 1 0

L GF GA PTS 2 14 10 8 1 11 4 6 3 9 9 4 1 6 7 4 2 8 9 4 1 4 3 2 4 0 12 0

GP 5 5 6 6 4 4 6

W 5 4 3 3 2 1 0

GP 8 8 8 8 8

UQTR McGill Ottawa Concordia Carleton

W 5 4 4 4 3

L 2 3 4 4 4

T OTL PTS 1 0 11 1 0 9 0 0 8 0 0 8 1 0 7

Waterloo vs. Brock 9:00 p.m. Friday, November 9.

Far West Division Lakehead Western Waterloo Laurier Windsor

GP 8 9 9 9 7

W 6 5 6 5 0

L 2 2 3 4 7

T OTL PTS 0 0 12 2 0 12 0 0 12 0 0 10 0 0 0

Women’s Hockey CIF Arena

RMC Queen’s Toronto Ryerson

GP 9 9 8 6

W 6 4 3 2

L 2 4 5 3

T OTL PTS 1 0 13 1 0 9 0 0 6 1 0 5

Mid West Division Brock Guelph York UOIT

GP 10 9 7 6

W 7 6 3 0

L 1 2 1 4

Waterloo vs. Guelph 2:00 p.m. Saturday, November 10. Waterloo vs. Brock 5:00 p.m. Sunday, November 11.

T OTL PTS 2 0 16 1 0 13 3 0 9 2 0 2

Nov. 4 - Waterloo 8, Laurier 2

West Division Waterloo Laurier Western Brock McMaster Guelph Windsor

Men’s Hockey CIF Arena

Far East Division

Mid East Division

East Division

Ottawa Toronto Lakehead York Ryerson Queen’s RMC

Men’s Hockey OUA

L GF GA PTS 0 15 7 10 8 1 13 5 3 13 10 6 3 11 13 6 2 7 6 4 3 8 10 2 6 4 18 0

Nov. 2. Waterloo vs. Guelph 3-2: (25-23, 25-17, 23-25, 21-25, 15-11) Nov. 3. Waterloo vs. MAC 3-1: (25-20, 25-16, 22-25, 25-12)

Nov. 2- Waterloo 6, Windsor 5

Men’s Volleyball OUA GP W Team 5 5 McMaster 5 5 Guelph 5 4 Western 5 4 Queen’s Waterloo 7 4 4 2 York 5 2 Windsor 7 1 Laurier 3 0 Ryerson 3 0 Toronto 5 0 RMC

L GF GA PTS 0 15 3 10 0 15 6 10 1 14 5 8 1 14 8 8 3 15 13 8 2 10 8 4 3 7 9 4 6 7 18 2 3 4 9 0 3 1 9 0 5 1 15 0

University of Waterloo Campus

Nov. 2. Guelph vs. Waterloo 3 - 1 Waterloo 22 30 25 21 Guelph 25 32 18 25

Cheerleading OUA

Campus graphic courtesy of Linda Lin


Nov. 3. McMaster vs. Waterloo 3 - 0 Waterloo 22 30 20 McMaster 25 32 25

Cheer Tech. Sat, Nov. 10 - 11 Niagara


07 THIS WEEK IN 08 ATHLETICS Registered trademarks of Boston Pizza Royalties Limited Partnership, used under license. © Boston Pizza International Inc. 2005

November 9

vs vs Brock Brock Badgers Badgers 7:30 7:30 PM, PM, CIF CIF Arena Arena



[W] HOCKEY November 10

November 11

vs Guelph Gryphons 2:00 PM, CIF Arena

vs Brock Badgers 5:00 PM, CIF Arena

Athletes of the Week


Kevin Hurley - Hockey

Jara Brunt - Volleyball

Kevin, a 5th year Masters - Kinesiology student from Kitchener, led the Warriors to two victories this past weekend over Windsor and Laurier. On Friday night in Windsor, Kevin scored 4 points on the evening including two goals in the third period to bring the Warriors back from a 4-2 deficit to defeat the Lancers 6-5. On Sunday night against Wilfrid Laurier, the fifth year captain added three assist in a 8-2 victory over the visiting Golden Hawks. The 4 points on the weekend tie the Warriors for top spot in the OUA West division with Lakehead and Western.

Jara, a 3rd year Bio-Medical student from Ashburn, Ontario, led the Warriors to three wins over Laurier (W3-1), Guelph (W3-2) and McMaster (W3-1) this past week as Waterloo remains a perfect 5-0 on the season sitting atop the OUA standings. In the three matches, Jara contributed with 131 total assists, 5 kills, and 44 digs, including a personal best 25 digs against the Gryphons on Friday night. She currently stands 2nd in the CIS in total assists (188) one off the top spot.


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007


Hockey: tied for first place Campus rec bowled over by cricket success Tom Ellis staff reporter

Many people will be surprised to learn that Canada has its own international cricket team which took part in the 2007 ICC Cricket World Cup in the West Indies. Despite cricket in North America having long been regarded as a corrupted version of baseball, students at the University of Waterloo have pushed it onto the agenda. For those wondering how cricket works, or who get stumped by terms such as leg before wicket, here is a quick guide. The game of cricket originated in England and is the most popular sport in countries such as Pakistan and India. It comprises of two teams of 11 players and a match can last from a few hours to a few days. Cricket can be seen in basic terms as similar to the game of baseball where the two teams or sides bat in successive innings and try to score as many runs as they can. At the same time the opposing side is fielding and seeking to end the innings by bowling the batting side out. At the end of the match the team with the highest number of runs after an equal number of innings is the winner. Don’t let that put you off as the game can be played by anyone, a more comprehensive explanation and list of rules can be found on the internet. When its is not raining you can see pick up games taking place between the PAC and the MC building. The weekend of November 3, 4 saw the very first Campus Recreation intramural cricket tournament. Over three days, eight teams, and 100 students competed in the indoor tournament at the PAC and CIF, which was won in a thrilling final that saw Mohammad Siddiqui captain Boys XI to victory. The competition was the culmination of hard work on behalf of both campus recreation and the FEDS cricket club. Speaking to Imprint following the tournaments thriving conclusion Marc Iturriaga, campus recreation manager, said that it was “important to get a cricket competition which met the philosophy of campus rec ­— participation.” He was positive about the future for cricket as a permanent Intermural sport adding that “we would like to see a return in the winter semester, with an option of making it year round.” Furthermore, the aim of any future tournament would be “to increase the number of teams participating and look to break it

up over several weeks.” Originally the tournament was scheduled to take place outside, but the hunt for a suitable, flat pitch drew a blank. So the idea of an indoor “tape ball” tournament was conceived, with a tennis ball wrapped in red electrical tape used to simulate the bounce of a cricket ball, negating the need to wear protective padding. The tournament was not the start of cricket at UW, back in March 2007 the university participated in a event hosted by York University, surprising many by coming second despite never having played together as a team. This was also not the first time that UW has held a cricket tournament. In fact there have been two held within the last six months. Back in summer 2007 the FEDS cricket club led by Gautam Khanna and Karan Sabharwal organised their own seven team competition. Spread out over eight weeks, it featured more than 110 players playing in four games a week. The final between Gande Bande and Vehshi was hotly contested, the winning margin of 16 runs giving victory to the Gande Bande team. Building upon this success the first Waterloo inter-university tournament was was held between UW, WLU, UTM and the Sunrise Cricket Club (SCC) who replaced Guelph at short notice. After winning all their round robin games, UW was an unlucky loser in the final against the SCC. This event was again hailed by organiser Karan Sabharwal as so fruitful that “we plan to hold another inter-university cricket tournament next summer, with a lot more universities.” The future looks bright for cricket, with Iturriaga informing Imprint that campus rec is investigating the purchase of a portable outdoor pitch. This could pave the way for full cricket matches taking place outdoors during the summer months. From a small group of students with a passion for cricket, the FEDS cricket club has come a long way in a short space of time, the aim now must be to get cricket made a varsity sport, and get it recognised by the OUA and CIS. For those interested in watching cricket the current One Day International series between fierce rivals India and Pakistan, the matches are being screened in the SLC multi purpose room. For more information check the signs around campus.

Warriors are tied with Lakehead and Western for top spot in the Far West division. continued from page 20

The lead was extended to two When Corey Fraser scored his first goal of the game. The Warriors would head into the second intermission up 4-2 on the Laurier Golden Hawks. The third period was all Warriors. David Edgeworth, Doug Spooner, Shane Hart and Sean Roche would all score. The Warriors would cruise to an 8-2 win. In their only two meetings this season the Warriors have outscored the Golden Hawks, 14-4.

There were 35 minor penalties and 9 10-minute misconducts in this game. Both teams took advantage of their power play opportunities. The Warriors scored three power play goals, while the Golden Hawks scored twice with the man advantage. Warriors’ goalie Jimmy Bernier had another strong outing, stopping 20 of 22 shots he faced. Bernier has played very well this year. He has a 4-2 record, a 2.87 goals against average, and a .900 save percentage.

With two wins this weekend the Warriors improve their record to six wins, three losses, good enough for a tie for first in the far-west division with the Western Mustangs. The Warriors have the fourth most points in the OUA. The Warriors’ next opponent the Brock Badgers are one of this seasons most surprising teams with seven wins already this season. They are yet to loss in regulation this season. The Warriors will host the Brock Badgers on Friday November 9th at 7:30 at Columbia Ice Field arena.

made in nine games. Second year guard Jordan Hannah is second on the team in scoring with 10.7 ppg and newcomer Sinclair Brown has displayed an excellent all around game. The Warriors have also spread the scoring around nicely to average 74 ppg and the young guards are helping give this team an identity on offence, but the team field goal percentage is still weak at 40%, lacking a lot of

easy baskets. It will be important for Waterloo to find an idea of who they are on defence and how they will work on the inside game. “We’re still trying to figure out who we are as a team,” Kieswetter says. “We have a really deep team and a lot of guys played this pre-season.” That depth could prove vital this weekend if the injured Warriors do not return soon.

Basketball: Season begins this weekend with U of T continued from page 20

Size and strength have been things that have exposed us in the preseason.” The Warriors finished with a 2-8 record in the pre-season, 1-5 against CIS teams. Waterloo clearly needs to work on their defence but there have been positives this preseason. Waterloo has improved its rebounding, averaging almost 40 per contest. Rookie guard Cam McIntyre leads the Warriors in scoring with 14.6 points per game and 26 three pointers

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Screw You, Sports Section! Have a beef with the Imprint sports section? Think our articles are best used as toilet paper? Bet you can’t do better? Got ideas? Want to get involved? Comments?

Richard Lu

-email Sports Editor David Klaponski


Warehouse Store 133 Weber Street,N WATERLOO 746-4983

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Features continued from cover

This need to always defend oneself is what drove David Kvapil, founder of iKickback, to create an organization that teaches women how to survive in threatening situations. So when asked about the background of this initiative, Kvapil described that in theory, it has been in the works since he was a little child. “I knew [it’s] what I’ve always wanted to do … what I have to do,” he said. However, his motivation then was more about winning fights against people that bullied him for being a smaller person. He emphasized several times during the training session that he hates losing fights. “[I] can’t imagine how a woman feels to be physically inferior to a man,” Kvapil added in a frustrating effort to express his emotion in that unfathomable situation. He admitted that he had no story about a traumatizing family experience that made this a personal project; it was just his “love for the human race.” Kvapil began learning fighting skills through karate at the age of 10 and was even appointed the director of the World Karate Association in Calgary, Alberta after moving there from London, Ontario. Plus, it’s really cool that his website adds how he “has also worked with Hollywood actors Steven Ho, Larry Lam and Chris Cassamassa, action stars of the films Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mortal Kombat and Batman.” Although karate and the martial arts teach some great fighting techniques, self-defence has to associate more with natural instinct and take advantage of what Kvapil calls the “will to survive.” Self-defence includes skills that cannot be implemented in mixed martial arts because there are specific regulations for a sport that restrict such tactics. Nevertheless, iKickback has acquired much influence from these sports in its evolution into a women’s self-defence program in the past six years. The methods that Kvapil created for his iKickback program were derived from a learning process through the Internet and “street situations,” he said. He analyzed videos through YouTube and other sources to see what works and what doesn’t, focusing on a person’s instinctual energy rather than their martial arts knowledge. I found this concept to be very practical and approachable because I believe from personal experience that the adrenaline rush of a threatening situation automatically increases one’s physical power, regardless of previous ability to attack. “Mind is the most powerful weapon,” so you have to “visualize yourself attacking back,” added Kvapil. As clichéd as this notion is, confidence can make a great difference on how one approaches a fight. He described that after that first inclination to move back in fear, you have to brave yourself to confront an attacker aggressively. “90 per cent of fights are stopped through verbal techniques,” so that first confrontation must be critical. This is why one of iKickback’s primary techniques is called “Yell and Tell,” encouraging women to scare attackers away at first sight. Ahem, I don’t think I need much help with that, or so people tell me. The next skills that I learned involved blocking, in which it was critical to keep my palms open in front of my face, with my elbow out. Such a technique allows the woman to always keep her eye on the attacker through the fingers while protecting sensitive areas such as the eyes and throat. After making us really sick of blocking, Kvapil made sure we took out our frustration on offensive skills. Some things that he mentioned were primal like biting and eye-gouging, which is stereotypically the chick-fight thing to do. Then we moved into groin kicks and chokeholds, which were very empowering. I did not realize that I could learn these skills so easily, but they were very basic and effective. Now that I have recovered from a weekend of pain, I believe that I have gained a lot from my experience. Although I do not believe my class gives me an excuse to walk carelessly at all hours of the night, it prepares me for what Kvapil calls the “worst case scenario,” especially on the mean streets of Waterloo. Learn more about self-defence at http://

Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Defence: Attackers beware, iKickback

David Klaponski

iKickback women self-defence session participants put their defensive, predator warding moves into practice.

A few self-defence techniques that all female should know to better protect themselves:

“Guard and Blocking” It is important to keep your elbows out and your hands open so that you can have a strong forearm area to protect yourself while still keeping eye contact with your attacker.


Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007



“Headlock” Wrap your dominant arm around the attacker’s neck, pulling it down as you grab the wrist of the opposite arm. Pulling the neck tightly in this position can cause the attacker to faint, giving you a chance to escape.

If the attacker is facing you, turn him around and lock his neck in your right arm with his chin aligned with your elbow. Use that arm to grab your left bicep, and then bring the left arm behind the attacker’s neck and pull back.

“Muay Thai Clinch and Knees”

“Wrist Release”

photos by Mohammad Jangda

It is really easy to release yourself from the attacker’s grip by simply twisting your arm in the direction of the thumb of the attacker.

Campus Bulletin CHURCH SERVICE

St. Bede’s chapel at Renison College offers worship on Sundays at 10:30 a.m. and 4 p.m. or take a break mid-week with a brief silence followed by Celtic noon prayers on Wednesdays. Come and walk the labyrinth the second Thursday of each month, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. For more info contact Megan at 519-884-4404, ext 28604 or


“Morning Drive Radio Show” – 6:30 to 9 a.m., >at the top webcast, for the latest news, traffic, school closures, interviews and a great mix of music! To get your important events on the air, e-mail morningdrivel@ If you have an interesting person that CKMS should interview call 519-884-2567 between 6:30 to 9 a.m....qualify for a prize!


2nd floor, Needles Hall, ext 33583. November 15: last day to submit Undergraduate Bursary Appeals for fall only term. November 20: last day to sign Confirmation of Enrollment to ensure full OSAP funding for the fall term. December 13: recommended last day to pick up loans for this term. Please check our website, for a full listing of scholarships and awards.

VOLUNTEER Volunteer with a child at their school and help improve their self-esteem and confidence. One to three hours a week commitment. Call Canadian Mental Health 519-744-7645, ext 229. Participants required for anterior cruciateligament (ACL) deficiency study – the Biomechanics Laboratory is seeking volunteers who have had a ruptured anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). Remuneration will be given for your participation. For info please contact Chris by e-mail at City of Waterloo, 519-888-6488 or volunteer@ has the following volunteer opportunities: “Tree of Angels helpers”

– needed at Conestoga Mall for two days per week/3 hour shifts from November 30 to December 21. “Bertie’s Place” needs a volunteer assistant Thursday mornings, AMCC, from 9 to 11 a.m., now to April. Volunteer Action Centre, 519-742-8610 or, has the following volunteer opportunities available: “Special Olympics Ontario K-W” is looking for outgoing and creative volunteers to help with fundraising and promotions. Call 519-578-3113. “Food Bank of Waterloo Regon” needs volunteers to help pick up food donations in our community. Call Rose at 519-743-5576, ext 226 or “Develop writing skills – do you have strong communication skills?” – Waterloo Regional Block Parent Program is looking for a fundraising coordinator to be on the Board of Directors. Call Mark at 519741-5368 or “City of Kitchener volunteer team” – new volunteers are needed to become car drivers and van assistants in our Senior Day Program on weekdays. Other positions available. Call Leslie at 519-741-2564. “Social butterflys needed” at A.R. Goudie Eventide Home. Call Karen at 519-744-5182, ext 207 or “Do you have great listening skills?” – Distress Centre of Waterloo Region needs you. Call Tanya at 519-744-7645, ext 300 or The Kitchener Youth Action Council is currently seeking volunteers aged 14-24 who are concerned about issues facing youth and young adults across Kitchener. For more info e-mail Distress Line Volenteers Wanted - Canadian Mental Health Association is seeking caring volunteers to provide supportive listening and crisis deescalation to callers living in Waterloo Region. Please call 519-744-7645, ext 300.

CAREER SERVICES Tuesday, November 13, 2007 “Thinking About an International Experience?” – find out what you can do to make your dream a reality. 3 to 4:30 p.m., TC 1208.

Cup your hands together and lock them behind attacker’s head, pushing it down and thrusting your knee toward it at full force.

“Interview Skills: Selling Your Skills” – prove your skills in the interview by learning how. 2:30 to 4:30 p.m., TC 2218A. Wednesday, November 14, 2007 “Working Effectively in Another Culture” – find strategies for success in a different work culture. 3 to 4:30 p.m., TC1208. “Career Interest Assessment” – complete the Strong Interest Inventory online, attend this session to find out how your interests relate to specific career opportunities. 10 a.m. to 12 p.m., TC 1112. Thursday, November 15, 2007 “Getting a US Work Permit” – learn from Nina Juncewicz, US immigration attorney. 4:30 to 6 p.m., TC 1208. “Interview Skills: Preparing for Questions” – learn how to improve your performance in the job interview. 4:30 to 5:30 p.m., TC 2218A. Monday, November 19, 2007 “Writing CVs and Cover Letters” – are you interested in a career in academia or research?” – 12 to 1:30 p.m., TC 2218A/B.


Friday, November 9, 2007 2007 Impact Leadership Conference. Learn, participate and network with accomplished and future business leaders. Ends on Sunday November 11, 2007. Apply at Monday, November 12, 2007 UW’s International Education Week, from November 12 to 16. Get information about exchange, study abroad and international co-op opportunities. Participate in international cultural activities on campus. More information and schedule of events at www. Thursday, November 15, 2007 Jammin’ for Justice – awareness event from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. in the SLC Great Hall. Performers include Mandippal Jandu, Brad Bondy and Pat Robitaille. Event is free. Visit event.php?eid=19963558592. STEP (Sustainable Technology Education Project) presents “The 11th Hour” starring Leonardo Di Caprio. An inspiring film about climate change and what you can do to help. Look for posters on campus for more info. Tuesday, November 27, 2007 So you think you know sex? Come out for the launch of SMF 365’s History of Sexuality website at St. Jerome’s Atrium from 4 to 5:30 p.m.

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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

When you buy nothing, you’re doing nothing

Annual Buy Nothing Day criticzed — it accomplishes nothing and is a big waste of time cal market. The definition of consumerism can vary, and is unclear — much like the purpose of BND. Most definitions consider consumerism to be “purchasing outside of your basic needs” or “equating personal happiness with the purchasing of material possessions and consumption;” essentially buying things you don’t need for reasons that are inconsequential. Another definition is that it is an increasing consumption of goods to benefit the economy. The last definition is why consumerism is often associated with mass society and “evil” capitalism. “The man” is manipulating us into buying more stuff from the free market to satisfy the desire to have ever increasing

community editorial November 23 to the 24, 2007 is the 15th annual Buy Nothing Day (BND). A day to stand up against consumerism, where we are all encouraged to take some time to “remember that no one was born to shop,” a day where the “environmental and social consequences of first-world over consumption” are brought to light to shock all the zombie yuppies scrambling to buy matching gardening clogs for their pruning shears. The problem with this protest is that it actually perpetuates the mentality that drives consumerism, while simultaneously limiting the possibility of an ethi-

profits. While everyone can agree that consumerism is detrimental to our society, our environment and our souls, there is little discussion of what actually drives it and as a result attempts to stop it, such as BND, sell short. Consumerism is born from a combination of our materialistic values and an inexplicable need to distinguish ourselves; consequently we try to distinguish ourselves through our material possessions. This causes a purchasing arms race that some people participate in unknowingly, and some people can’t escape. Imagine attending a job interview in either an Armani suit, or a polyester no name brand. Which do you choose? While you

might never consciously take into consideration what someone is wearing when you’re doing the hiring, the chances are someone hiring you will. These situations ultimately motivate what you buy. You need to buy a nice suit to keep up with the other people applying for the same jobs, even though you don’t really need it. Then there is the other guy who buys the suit because he thinks it makes him better. The results, despite the intentions, are the same, but it is the mentality of the guy who connects the suit with status and self-worth that starts the race to the bottom. This desire to be elite that drives consumerism is the same motivation behind BND. People, who actively participate in buying nothing, join







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groups, have protests, give speeches all about how they are not doing anything on Nov 23 and 24 and that makes them better than everyone else. What makes it worse is that these same people are more likely to make ethical purchases, and as a result, the corporations that suffer are actually the good ones. BND will also never achieve its goal of “trying to raise awareness about consumerism;” it is only going to attract people who are aware of it already. “Joe ‘bling’ who drives a Hummer is not going to lose his desire to have a souped up SUV because of a Facebook group and an information booth. BND is just a way for people who all think they are ethically superior to everyone else to have a day to celebrate it, while at the same time limiting the purchases and support of the more honourable companies and corporations. It is true that thoughtless overconsumption is something that we as a society must stand up against, but parading around our values is not going to do anything. We have to work with the motivations and mentalities that already exist, and will never change. We have to remember that we need to buy things; food, bus tickets, even hybrid cars. It may be possible to buy nothing for one day, but to make a difference, we must buy better everyday. We as the consumer always have, and always will have the power to control the market. Conspiracy theories aside, we can demand products that are ethically sound through our purchasing habits, and when that doesn’t work (because the majority of people don’t care) we can demand policies that support better companies and penalize the morally corrupt ones. Taking tax credits from the bad guys and giving them to the good guys will hopefully provide the motivation for companies and people to make the right choices. We can’t rely on people to change their minds about the value of material goods but hopefully we can manipulate the market to have prices that reflect the unseen costs to the environment and our society. While this might not be the perfect plan due to my lack of knowledge and foresight into economic policy and philosophy, I would rather buy this as a solution to consumerism, than buy nothing. Getting their mom or dad to break up with your significant other for you, will make you the talk amongst their friends


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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Understanding how to... Cait Davidson staff reporter

There will always be people trying to get into relationships — that’s something I’m still trying to figure out how to do myself. But something I possess is an uncanny ability at ending relationships. Friends often ask for my advice when they’re in relationship troubles, and if they’re dumb enough to listen, it usually results in an end to their problems — and relationships.

Sending a text, e-mail or calling them with the merry break up message is very insensitive. Once again, a twist on a classic, changing your Facebook status from being in a relationship to single, without informing the other person, would send a clear signal. If you do it when you know they’ll be away from the computer, all of your friends will know before they do, and that’s an added bonus. To encourage your significant other to do the dirty work for you, insult them in front of their friends, but make it sound as if you’re joking, so not only do you come off as insensitive, but

Getting their mom or dad to break up for you, will make you the talk amongst their friends. Rather than not taking my advice, I can help people get out of those awkward situations when you just want to get rid of that guy or girl. Before I get into my suggested methods, let me state one thing: if you’d like to stay friends with the person, be honest. Tell them that you don’t think it’ll work, but that you’d like to stay friends. This usually has the person hurting in a slight way, but not as badly as any of the ways that I’m about to suggest. There’s the traditional break up move, which is sleeping with a best friend. A classic move which, unless the person is incredibly desperate, will result in them breaking up with you. A twist on this is getting another girlfriend or boyfriend and then introducing them to your significant other. A friend of mine actually put this one to the test, and it works! If you’re lacking a new partner, getting a friend to play the role will have the same effect. The variations on breaking up by proxy (anything that would keep you from that awkward face to face break up) are always a favourite. Calling a person’s house and leaving a message with their roommate is great, but it’s even better, if you’re calling their parents. Getting their mom or dad to break up for you will make you the talk amongst their friends. Sending a message to them through a friend always works, but the message on the whiteboard from mom when they get home is classic. I’ve been told that anything that’s not face- to- face is cruel and painful.

their friends will hate you! Once you get their friends hating you, you’re halfway to a break-up. Public fights with your significant other about how much time they spend with their “useless”, “shallow” or “slutty” friends will definitely get you noticed. Some of my personal favourites are what I call the polar opposites of break ups. The first way is easy and uncomplicated: don’t talk, look at, acknowledge or breathe in the direction of your significant other for at least a week — don’t even allow them the privilege of your attention when you’re in the same room. Keep it up until they begin to expect it from you. The opposite (and equally successful) of this method is also simple, but takes much more work on your part. Invade their space, for every text they send you, send four back, and then show up at their place unexpectedly. After three days of this, they should be running in the opposite direction. The thing about all of these break up methods is that they’re painful. But for you, trying to simply get out of a relationship, the best thing in the long run is a simple face-to-face confrontation that ends the relationship. If you have trouble with confrontation, bring a list of things you hate about the person. You can give the person the list, and at least they’ll know the truth and won’t completely hate you at the end of the day.

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Improve your pictures Mackenzie Keast reporter

I have creeped your Facebook. Yes, you. The one who spends Sunday afternoon uploading album after album of drunken Friday and Saturday night debauchery, who insists on taking picture after picture of yourself and your sloppy, drunken friends. You just have one problem: your sloppy drunken pictures are the exact same as everyone else’s sloppy, drunken pictures! How do I stand out from the sloppy, drunken Facebook crowd? There are several methods photographers use to create better photographs. Of course, it takes a little bit of creative and artistic flair to develop your own photographic style, but by using some of the tips here, those Facebook photos of your sad drunk ass will have never looked so good!

The rule of thirds

This rule is used not only by photographers, but also in film, architecture, and design. The setup is simple: while looking through your viewfinder, imagine your image being split into thirds from left to right, and thirds from top to bottom. The ‘rule’ is that the most desirable image involves placing your subject into one of these thirds, or in the area where two lines of thirds cross. Of course, many of the greatest photographers do not stick to this technique as a ‘rule’ but it is definitely a good general guideline as you become more familiar with photographic composition.

A common amateur mistake is to leave too much headspace in their photo, instead of allowing the subject to really jump out at the viewer and make full use of the available space in the frame. For best results, get as close to your subject as possible with a wide-angle lens, use the rule of thirds while making sure to fill your frame, and allow the background to give your subject context.

Find some lines

Lines can be especially useful in your photographs to draw the viewer’s eye to your subject. Look around your environment for objects such as logs, road lines, and railings, anything that can act as an impromptu line, and the more original, the better. As well, you can use lines to frame your subject naturally and draw your viewer’s eye inside that frame.

Capture movement

Motion can make a shot dynamic and exciting if caught at the right times. Wait for that perfect moment when your subject is in an interesting and exciting position, showing the most of their action. Remember to use a fast shutter speed to reduce blur or if you want to try something more creative, move your camera with your subject. This will give you a clear, in focus subject with a blurred background moving about them that creates a very dynamic sense of motion.

Change your angle

Don’t be shy about moving around your subject and finding the best way to shoot them. Crouch down to get a shot from below that creates a sense of power and strength. Stand on a chair to get a shot of your subject from above that gives your viewer a new perspective of something they have seen before. Always be looking around to find ways to make use of the environment

to change the way you photograph. Remember, the angle at which you shoot your subject can alter the mood of the photograph entirely.

Contrast your subject

Perhaps one of the best ways to tell a story in the photojournalistic sense is to use contrast. Contrasting colors, size, shape and emotions can all be used to tell a story through your photographs. Look for people to contrast the immense scale of a large building or a market with contrasting colors of spices and food. The winning photograph of the World Press Photo Foundation in 2006 showed a bombed out neighbourhood in Beirut during the Hezbollah-Isreali war in the background, with a Corvette filled with young affluent Lebanese driving by in the foreground. Look for these kinds of contrasts to really capture the emotion and story.

Find a rhythm

Look for the repetition of similar objects as a subject to draw the viewer’s eye through the shot. A group of people lined up outside a building, the tops fence posts, bottles stacked up against a wall; use these types of object repetition to grab the attention of your viewer and draw them into the photograph. And don’t forget to be creative! Find ways to break the repetition to make the rhythm even more exciting. Use your new knowledge of contrast to find and odd one out in your repetition; or find movement that can be captured throughout the repetition. Remember, these are just guidelines, and the best photographers will take these and bend them using their own imagination and creativity. Use these a starting point to help you improve your own personal style, and shoot as often as you can. Your going to be drunk this Friday anyways, you might as well bring a camera along and get practising!

Friday November 16, 2007

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Imprint, Friday, November 9, 2007

Raising the steaks with chimichurri When you’re in the mood for something meaty, flank steak is an excellent choice. Bearing in mind student budgets, this is a very cost-friendly cut. There is a slight catch: since it comes from the animal’s lower hindquarters, the meat is long, thin, and fibrous, which makes it rather chewy in nature and tough to eat. The key is to tenderize this exercised piece of meat with a proper marinade and turn it into a succulent dish. Marinades in general will contain some sort of acidic food in the ingredients list, for instance ,tomato or lemon juice, or even natural tenderizers such as papaya and ginger. Whatever is used, it is the acidic nature which helps break down the tissues in the meat, softening it and making it not only more tasty, but easier to consume. The flavourful sauce that accompanies this steak hails from Argentina. Full of fresh herbs, the vibrant green colour adds an earthy shade to a ruddy-brown steak. To

Argentineans, this sauce is as common and beloved to them as gravy is to Canadians (it’s an integral part of the poutine of course!). Argentina is a meat lover’s paradise. The cuisine reflects adoration for many recipes with beef. People from Argentina usually enjoy beef dishes more than once a day. Chicken, pork and lamb are also quite popular. Fresh local produce is used to accompany meat-dense dishes such as bell peppers, tomatoes, onion and fragrant herbs. Contrary to some beliefs, the country is a bit tamer with its use of chillies. Other flavourings are used and they vary depending on which part of region you go to. In the North for instance, the food is infused with robust Middle Eastern spices. In the south, where seafood is plentiful, the dishes are cooked European-style in rich white wine sauces.

Flank steak with chimichurri

Chimichurri sauce

~ 1 cup fresh parsley or



~ 1/4 cup sunflower oil ~ 2 tbsp lime/lemon juice ~ 2 tbsp soy sauce ~ 1 tbsp onion flakes ~ 1 tsp garlic powder ~ 1 tsp white/black pepper ~ 1 tsp celery salt ~ 1-2 pounds flank steak

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

cilantro 4-8 cloves of minced garlic 1/2 cup olive oil 1/4cup red wine vinegar 2 tbsp dried oregano 1 tsp salt 1 tsp ground cumin 1/2tsp ground black pepper a Pinch cayenne pepper

Tiffany Li

Meat lovers beware, tender, tasty, mouth wetting elegance Cooking directions 1. Get a large Ziploc bag, or alternatively a large mixing bowl; add all of the marinade ingredients to the bag/bowl. 2. Add the steak, ensuring that it is submerged in the liquid. Zip up the bag; for the bowl, cover it with plastic wrap. Place in the fridge overnight for at least 12 hours up to a maximum of 24.

3. When ready to cook, set the oven to broil. Take out the steak and place in an ovenproof pan (a cast iron skillet works well for this).

5. Transfer steak to a cutting board and let stand for 5 minutes (If you don’t let the meat rest before cutting into it, all the juices will run out).

4. Discard the marinade. Broil the steak four inches from the heat for six minutes on each side for medium rare. If you prefer medium, broil for an additional one and a hlaf minutes on each side. make sure not to overcook, as texture can change drastically.

6. While meat is resting, prepare chimichurri sauce: In a blender or food processor, add all ingredients and blitz until well incorporated, but do not puree. 7.Slice meat on a diagonal 1/2 inch thick. Serve with sauce.

Thrusting your way to a clean vagina the head of a man’s penis is wider was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, another team of researchers decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the first study were incorrect. After three years of research and a few more million, they concluded that the head of a man’s penis is wider than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex. When the results of this second study were released, yet another team of researchers decided to conduct their own study. They didn’t really trust the first or the second groups’ methods. So after nearly three whole days of intensive research and at the cost of a bottle of lotion, a few porno mags, and a box of tissue, the third study came to the final conclusion that the reason the head of a man’s penis is wider than its shaft is to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead

Shayna Sparling staff reporter

The government has funded a study to determine why the head of a man’s penis is wider than its shaft. The study took 2 years and cost millions. The results of the study concluded that the reason

I always thought this joke was cute — the image of some poor fellow smacking himself in the head midwank always makes me giggle. But all joking aside, have you ever seriously thought about why practically every man’s penis has a flared corona of the glans? Go ahead take a moment. Back? Did you come up with any good ideas? Let’s see how your ideas

compare with what real researchers came up with. First, let’s start things off simply — our engineers are going to love this part — as many of you have probably noticed, the penis makes a pretty awesome piston. In fact, with that fancy, “mushroom cap” flared glans, the penis makes an excellent suction piston. Now I know what you’re going to say, “sure that’s pretty darn cool, but what’s so great about having a penis that works as a suction piston?” Well, how about if you were taking part in an orgy and wanted to make sure that the girl you’re about to deposit your man-pudding inside doesn’t have anyone else’s pudding in your way? I mean, theoretically, the less competition your boys have, the better chance you have of propagating your genes, right? And that’s how our bodies were designed, trying to give us the best chances for obtaining immortality through our offspring. Even if you forget about the orgy idea and just think about getting anything in a vagina out of your way: particles, old cells, juices, etc – a suction piston is pretty good for that sort of thing. So, to make this all work, we need two things: those fancy flared penis heads and some nice deep thrusting. Thrusting in and out feels great,

but it also serves another important role – while a fella is thrusting in and out of his partner’s little love hole, his flared glans is effectively removing any material that could ruin his chances of having his sperm win the race to her egg, be it another man’s seminal pool or whatever other material. With every inward thrust, the blunt end of the penis head pushes through any leftover semen, flowback or mucous left in the vagina before he got there *squish*. When he pulls back, any material that ended up getting squished behind the edge of the penis’ flared head will be pulled backwards and out of the vagina with the penis. Also, anything left in front of the head will be sucked further down because of the suction created, ready to be pushed and pulled out on the next thrust *shlurp*. Of course these are all just researchers’ hypotheses; educated guesses, but guesses none the less – or at least they were, until a team over at the University at Albany decided to test them using a realistic fake penis and vagina (imagine being the research assistant who walked into the local sex toy shop to buy those two articles of lab equipment?!) To test how well a penis’ flared head would actually remove mate-

rial from a vagina, the researchers squirted a couple tablespoons of a cornstarch and water mixture deep inside the realistic fake vagina and then thrust the realistic fake penis inside. It turns out that the coronal ridge in fact does an amazing job pulling out deposited fluid from the vagina - the first deep thrust and withdrawal got rid of more than 90 per cent of the mixture! So, the more you thrust, the cleaner your partner’s vagina gets and the less competition will be around for your sperm. Your penis-suction piston also works great for keeping your sexing well lubricated because the coronal ridge will pull down juices being produced deeper inside – as ‘ol Sue always says, more lube is always a good thing. And it turns out that the flared head of a penis is a pretty darn good thing, too – much more useful than for just keeping guys from smacking themselves in the face. P.S. Anyone who was thinking that they might be able to use this as a birth control method, should avoid physical intimacy with others - this would NOT be an effective way to stop your girlfriend from getting pregnant and will NOT protect anyone from catching an STI or worse – no matter how much thrusting you try.


The might in the moves every woman should know F riday , N ovember 9, 2007 impriNt . uwaterloo . cavol30 , No 17 Science Sports The English...