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Midnight Sun VII breaks world record Kate Cook SPECIAL TO IMPRINT


UW's solar car, the Midnight Sun VII, stops by the glacial Lake Louise, Alberta during its recordbreaking tour of North America.

The University oEWaterloo's solar car project began in 1989,but2004willbe forever known as the year Midnight Sun VII broke official and unofficial world records on a 40-day tour of Canada and the United States. The tour began August 7 with the goals of setting the world record for the longest journey by a solar powered car andinfonning the public about sustainable transportation and renewable resources. Midnight Sun VII broke the Guinness World Record for longest journey on August 26 in Blythe, California, surpassing the old record of 7,043.5 kilometres set by Queen's University in 2000. They also broke the unofficial record of13,OS4 kilometres (held by Australia) on September 13 in Mooers, New York. "\~Je're having a great time and everyone is dedicated to the car," said Emilie Smith, a crew member who works on the business team. "There was a lot of pre-planning. We had to put the car though some rigorous testing to make sure it was safe and finalize things with our sponsors." Safety was on everyone's mind a~ter hearing news of the death of a

University of Toronto solar team member. According to U ofT's web site, on August 12 Andrew Frow, 21, was driving U of T's solar car when he veered into on-coming traffic. The team was traveling between Stratford and Waterloo and was headed to UW to partake in the Canadian Solar Tour. Frow was taken to hospital in Kitchener and pronounced dead. The tour was then canceled for this year. Smith said that when the UW solar team heard of the news there was hesitation about continuing their own tour because some members of the team knew Andrew. UW'ssolarteamopted out of participating in the Canadian Solar Tour and instead focused on their individual goal of setting a new world record. They decided to continue on with this individual tour, which they dedicated to Andrew. Smith was on the road with the team for part of the tour. She said driving through Canada and seeing all the different landscapes was exciting but her only regret was not being able to stop and explore the towns. The tour wrapped up on September 16 and the team returned to UW, where a homecoming celebration was held outside Carl Pollock Hall. Visit for more information about the Midnight Sun.

Warriors win rugby Battle of Waterloo in front of record Black and Gold Day crowd Adam McGuire IMPRINT STAFF

The UW men's rugby team has certainly shown their sense of occasion. In front of arecord crowd of over 1,500 fans, the Warriors topped their cross-town rivals, Laurier, in a thrilling 19-17 season opener during UW's annual Black and Gold day on September 11 at North Campus field. However, the win did not come easily for the Warriors, who found themselves behind 10-7 at halftime before rattling off two straightttiesin the second half for the victory. Although the UW coaching staff recognizes that the Warriors still need time to mould as a team, assistant coach Dan Ingoldsby said the club more than met expectations. "We were pleased with the effort," Ingoldsby said. "There's obviously always room for improvement, [but] I thought our defensive intensity was excellent." The Wattiors ignited the lively frash

week crowd early in the firsthalfwhen UW's Paul Auzins broke through the right side for the match's first try. After Adrian Lui added the convert, the Warriors had jumped to a 7-0 lead.

IIWe were pleased with the effort ... I thought our defensive intensity was excellent. " - Dan Ingoldsby, Assistant Rugby Coach

The visiting Golden Hawks were relentless, however, as they cattied the play throughout the first half.,After a 30-yard penalty kick by Laurier fly half Andrew Ehgoetz put the Golden Hawks on the board, outside centre Graham Ball broke through for a try - which was converted by Ehgoetz

- to make the score 10-7 for the visitors. Despite the relatively small stature ofboth clubs the game's physical tone was also apparent throughout the first half. Both clubs had a player sent off to the sin bin within a minute of each other. The half ended with both teams down a man. The Wattiors seemed rejuvenated after halftime as the Waterloo defensive unit was able to keep the Hawks at bay throughout the opening moments of the second half. When Laurier took another yellow card and a 10-minute stint in the sin bin, Ingoldsby and head coach Craig Stuart knew their team had an opportunity to capitalize on the undermanned Laurier squad. "The game is about looking for gaps," Ingoldsby said. "If they have one less [player on the field], there are going to be some gaps for us to exploit." See RUGBY, page 26

Two spirited Warriors dress up for Black and Gold Day. For commenton Frosh activities, see page 15.




Electrical discharges

Whit are youp lh.hIs on UW's new partdng arPlngements? IIdDaaMak

5. Braided or plaited hair 10. Nearly everyone 14. Tennyson,' e.e. cummings, or Dennis Lee 15. Sounds like a tough from Grease 16. No more than 17. A unique person A Star Trek phaser setting A leisurely piece of music Heaving high in the air Marilyn Monroe's real first name Where Grampa stores his pipes I <U'J\LlJlU the house , New York filmmaker ' The keg party next door Female prohoun


Key trait ofa Crowncotporation It took me twenty mirlUte$ to find a space and I was late for my first class." Jeff Anstett 28 political science

"Horrible, I've gotta park on the damn lawn just 'cause I've got a four-wheel drive vehicle." Bryan McLean

Mosquito trap in JNf'I1SSi& Park all-hearing organ 44. The third stooge? A bar bill

28 electrical engineering

Pierce on a stake Just next door Gregorian charit likely on a farmer's boots Demands

66. Mischievous fairies 67. Fix a dog or cat 68. Say hello 69. West German citizen?

Down 1. Bee-like 2. Tail end of a sonata 3. Rot-resistant, fragrant wood 4. The red letter 5. When the bass ditches the barbershop quartet 6. Our hardworking assistant sports editor 7. Ecuador abbreviation 8. Sell black market tickets 9. it alone 11. Thteall-seemgll1e1Vle 12. Smelled to high heaven 13. Used for tossing salad or spaghetti 18. A small bottle of poison 22. Robin Hood's Tuck 24. Common South American cutll::QCY

29. Health resort 30. When you forget the words 31. Tidalretteat 34. Unit ofresistance 35. Brazil's fonnercapital

36. Simian 38. Comatose torpor

39. Showing extreme anger 40. Negativevotes 41. Make a mistake 46. Sheep bleating 48. Garfield's deli waitress 49. TIe-breaking Cup game 50. Theall-touchingappen~s 51. When winter first comes to north

seen 55. Seriously wounds 56. Pebble dropping noises 57. The job ofall nerves 59. Of the present month 62. The beginning of a golf game 63. A lyric poem

25. Dip your quill here 27. Insect secretion used in lacquer


"'There was a long wait this morqing, but it's pretty good." Dana Kenney

BIt's a transparent cash grab." Kevin Cedrone

1. "Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountainbut there in the of nursery school."

2A mechanical engineering


2A political science

2. "These are the things I learned: Share everything. _ _ _ _. Don't hit people, put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush."

"1 wish [my parking spot] was closer to my classes." Catherine Black 1A arts

"I was 15 minutes late for my morning class even though I left my house early." Mary Gobran 4A economics

.IIIDbII ...: "EIBPJIIi.I ... 18 . . . . IIIw 18 IW, II1II WIllI 18 118 II1II_ 18111, IIaIPIeII ill MIl. . . . ."III IIIIIePt . . 3. ''Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. _ _ a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."

5. "Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the _ _ _ cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that."



4. ''Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold _ and stick together."


6. "And remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the _ _ __ word of all- LOOK"




Final Quote

"The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. . Ecology and politics and _ _ These are the things I learned in kindergarten."




lor. betlBr 101l0rrow --:::- ••UI 4 .

Students decryparkin'g changes New pass. system cre4tes' stress and inconveruence, Feds consider options for October council meeting

Mark Stratford IMPRINT STAFF


up quite early each day," but added thadotsC, W andX arealso "cl.osetoclasses· IMPRINT STAFF . EDITOR IN CHIEF for many stu. dents." . ._ When students retumed to UW this September, But according the foundparlcing on campus was'Very different. to Mackenzie, Line~upstogetintoparkinglotsanddozeflsofcars ~~ere has alteady illegallyParked atthe end ofthe rows tellthe story; beenanincreasein parkinghasbecomeaheadacheforstudents. the number of '.'Parkingservices associates asstiredmethatlpt spaces. "The overall' Cmostlikelywouldneverbefullasit'soneofthe number of parking' largest ones on campuS. To my surprise as I pulled spaces for students has ~p to theeJ1~ce oflotC at 11 a.m., I was told that increased for this term both lots C and N were full and I [had to] parkin with N, W and X belot W. I tumedmy car around and rushed over to ing identified as stu,lot W ... needless to say, I found myself stonning the best dent parking," he said. into my classroom, irritatecI:sweaty and late," solution availStudents who arexpWnedJaneEvgueniaMaliouta,a3Bcomputer able given the currived earlier in the day .engineering ~tudent. rent infrastructure had betterexperiences. In an ~u........ "'_AH Feds president Becky Wroe exand univem.'ty' b {J'I1jde~ ''Itwasn'ttoo badacJUUAI\I APONG plained, "althoughParkingServicesessentihllyenlines. ''Without t h e s e t u a l l y , " said lA arts sured the Federation of Students EXecutive and changes, many students· studentPaulPeciak/'I many ofits·membets that lots C and W would would not have had the oppornmity to purchase came here around 8-ish and the lot [q wasn't usuallyhavevacancies"thatdoesn'tappeartobethea parking permit this Septeniber," said Ai full" situation. MacKenzie,directorofPoliceandParkingSeryi.ces. . J:ff Henry, Feds vice pres!den,teciucation, Tom Levesque laura Katsirdakis

Last month, the UniversityofToronto sent 26 studentdemonsttatorsfrom Toronto to New .York via bus to join the protest at the RepublicanNational Convention; what's more, they did so usinga total ofll ,480 in student fees. The . Students' Administrati~e Council apprQved the tripbackinJuly,forwhichsixstudentswerefully funded and 20 others were subsidized $50 each, footing the rest themselves. While several U of T students are arguing that the student reps had no business spending their money on such a partisan cause, SamRahimi, SAC's vice president external, justified the decision by saying that the prospect of another four years of George. W. Bush's government affects Canadians and thatit is necessary to "speak orit against injustice wherever it may be found." Canada

Paul Martin apologized on 'tuesday for muttering'1esus Christl" into his microphone at the first ministersconfetence on health, at whichthel0proviocialleadershadgatheredwith Martin to devise a 10-year health care system

~'Ii==;;;~r=1;~::. .•.~c;=~=_~~_;~~*~;t~~~~~~L'l':~:e::!=:;fr~c:i~~~~,,' pattern keeps up, you will see a motion on the Octoberagendareflectingthis,"Wroesaid, encouragingcouncilmembers to relay student complaints to her. Parking Services defends thenewregulations as

inga <gated' and 'ungared' category. we are able to provide everyone 'with a perminvho requests one and anticipate beingable to continu~ to do so over the next fewyears." Mackenzie accepts thatlotN ''will probably fill

with the new parking system. ''If students Can think of a way to solve the problem, we (peds] would be happy to present it." See PARKED, page 4

Caribbean students se·nd hurricane aid Neal Moogk-Soulis IMPRINT STAFF

At the beginning of the Fall 2004 term, students from the Caribbe~ have bee"n thinking about what home is like after the effects of Hurricane Ivan which devastated parts of the region over the past week: . The UW Ass'aci~tion ofCaribbean Students (ACS) is spearheading the relief effort on campus. From Septemher20 through September 30, "the ACS will be running a relief ®ve in the Student life Centre. Sttldents will be able to drop off non-perish.!lble food items and necessities like clothing at the drop-off pomt beside the Multi-purpose Room facing Brubaker's. Yasid Gilbert, the president of the ACS, said that many students were delayed returning to campus because many of the Caribbean airports were closed during the storm. He hoped in the coming days to be in contact with fellow Caribbean students to discover th~ir individual situ.:: ations. The damage varies from island to island given the path taken by the storm. ACSvice-president Arnold Jacob, from the island of Tobago, said that while trees were knocked over and there was a lot of flooding in Tobago, the damage was nowhere as near as what happened in Grenada or Jamaica. The eye of the hurricane passed directly over top of Grenada, causing widespread damage to 90per cent of the buildings on the mainly flat island. Gilbert, like many Caribbeans abroad, has

spent many hours viewing news reports from the islands. "Seeing the pictures of Grenada, you're just shocked. You've been there before and you know what it's supposed to look like. It's upsettin,g," he said. Some news sources have compared the Grenadan devastation to the equivalent of theyolcanic eruption on the island ofMontserrat in 1997 that flattened much of the island. ACS secretary AflnekeNewman was speaking to hermotherinJ amaica during the hurricane last Friday. ''You could hear the hurricane in the background," she said. While the eye of the hurricane didn't cross Jamaica, the extensive rain caused widespread flooding, especially in the hillier regions. Before the hurricane struck, Newman called Jamaica three times a day to get updates. Atpress time, she had only been able to speak to her mother Mondayafter family friend organized a three-way phone call using her L!ndline and hercellphone. Given the state of the infrastructure, only outgoing calls are possible. For those away from the Caribbean it can be frustrating to be so far away. "I wishI could be back there to help," said Newman, "The worst part is not knowing what's going on." In addition to the food and clothing drive, the A CS willbe holding a benefit party Septem-. ber 30 at the Bombshdterpub. Whatwas to have been a welcome partyfor Caribbean students will instead be a benefit featuring reggae, soca and dance hall music with proceeds from the $3 admission going to support the hurricane vic- . rims.

The Consulate General of Grenada has established an account at the d:anadianlmperial Bank of Commerce where funds may be donat~d at any crnc branch, includingthe one in the basement of th.;: Student life Centre. The account name is the Grenada Hurricane Ivan ReliefFund Account #2608731 and Transit #04702. The Caribbean Canadian Association of Waterloo Region and the United Caribbean Association of Cambridge have partnered with the Mennonite Central Committee to raise addi~ tional funds to support those affected by Hurricanelvan:

Relief Fund Info


The Consulate General of Grenada has established'an account at the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce; ·funds may be donated at ALL CIBC banks to the Grenada . Hurricane Ivan Relief Fund. Account #2608731 & Transit # 04702. Cheques or Money Orders should be made payable and mailed to the Consulate General of Grenada, 439 University Ave., Suite 930, Toronto, M5G.1Y8.

who claimed the comment was in response to a note he had been passed, said that his aunt Claire ~ in Pembroke, Ontario had been among the most shocked, suggesting to him over the phone that what the Prime Minister needs mostis a bar of soap to wash his mouth out. Canada Border Services recently wrapped up a three-'month investigation in which approximately 700 X-rated videos, magazines and books were all inspected to see whether or not they could be allowed for sale in Canada. According to a spokesman, the goal of the inves': tigation was to uphold the Canadian law's prohibition offfiateriatthatpromotes hatred, crime, violence or obscenity, such as suggested or depicte~ rape or child pornography. Disturbingly, Border Services reports that the vast majority of magazines they inspected did suggest or depict . these acts and were immediately rejected, making documents like Hustler amon,g the most tame matePal examined. A 1986 episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse made the cut.. International

Transportation officials in Thailand are taking measures to prevent young bus passengers from having, sex in the back of the vehicles during night-time commutes. A study by the Bangkok Mass TransitAuth9rity has found that manystudentse~insexinthebackoftheair­ conditioned Route 12 bus, which passes by local colleges and collects several students on theirway home from evening classes. The cloth cUrtains have since been removed from the windows, as most of the frisky couples had been using them to conceal themselves during the act. Also, notices have been posted on the bus bearing the following message: "Thai women should pre': serve old culture about sexual behaviour." No word yet on whether or not the men have to.




Road improve~ents ahead of schedule Constructiop. along Columbia corridor leaves few vacanc~es Tim,Moliison IMPRINT STAFF

On-going construction on Columbia StreetbetweenKingandPhillipStteets this surru;ner has had only a small effect on vacancy rates along the corridor. ' Since last summer, Columbia Street has ~een undergoing a facelift to widen the roadway from tWo to four lanes;-water main and storm sewer replacements have been un.dertaken' at the same t:im.e. "Th~ project is.currently ahead of schedule," sa~d Doug Horst of Stantec Consulting, who is overseeing the project. "[The contractors] have been great.',' He noted that although this spring's inclement, weather could have kept the project behind, work did not stop and, as a reswt, the project will be complete far ahead of its original due date of November 30. ''We're looking at somewhere in around the first of October to the fifteenth," he said.

Many 'for rent'signs were still up in the uncompletedsection between Albert and Phillip streets during frosh week, h<?weverwhen contacted by Imprintmost of the landlords said they had simply forgotren to take the ", signs down.

"Everythin.gis for safe if thepr~~e I!; right.II·~ .

Others in the Columbia corridor do not agree. ''We getlots ofcalls, but the,problemis getting to the spot. The kids just aren't walking along [ColumbiaStteet]," said Teresa Huegie, owner of127 Columbia. ''We've been making some improvements to the place while it's vacant" The widening of Columbia Street corresponds with its inclusion as a

major development corridor in the . height and density study approved by' city council last fall. The recently.releasedStudentAccommOdationStudy that goes to council on Monday, September 27 recommends Columbia , Street be allowed to develop into three and four-story multiple unit buildings such as the one at 100 University Avenue.

When asked if she would sell her house to a developer looking to put up one of these buildings, Huegle replied ''Definitely. Everythingis for sale if the price is right." Officials from city hall could not be reached for comment before press time.

- Teresa Huegle landlord ''We've had that property rented since February," said Joyce Klaver from Waterloo Off-Campus Hous- , ing of 134 Columbia Street. "The construction started after we had finished filling the spaces." "I have one vacancy out of 140 spots," said Dan BeaucheElin of his various properties around the city. He manages 143 Columbia Street, where there is only one vacancy.

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Construction continues on Columbia Street while both dust and frustratio'ns rise.

Parking: students not informed continued from page 3

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~addedthatitwouldbehelpfultofromonelotto another to find a sJ?otto knowif faculty and stafflots are having {>1Itk. I feel thechanges have been made problems,oriftheyareemptyaswellHe' primarily to please the university staff ,.noted empty spots in these lots may andtobringmoremoneyinbyopening provide a solution to the student park- ,the gates and ticketing students parked ing dilemma. illegally (without permits)," Maliouta Henry eXplained thepatkingchanges said. ,have b~in the works for quite a while Parking Services' acknowledged now. One of the problems is that there that the removal of parking gates was no data available to forecast these from stuqentlots may result in more difficulties. ill!!gaily parked vehicles. ''We will be . Regardless of whether they are in monitoring this activity closely with favour ofthe new procedures, there is a more emphasis given to the student common sentiinent among students parking lots by our" enforcement that they were not properly informed staff," said Mackenzie. thatthechangesweregoingtotakeplace. ,"I guess they should have other Mackenziedefendshisdepartment's lots for when this one ~ot C) gets communication initiatives. ''It is difficrowded," suggests Rachel Watson, a cult to ensure that every student is in 4A arts student. receiptofacertaiRpieceofmformation," "Ifyou think you're going to make he adtnitte.d."As soon as we ~ the it to class on time, you might end up updated information available it was being... iatebecauseyouhavetogoto posted to our web site, which has the another [parkingpot," said 3B actubest chance of reaching most of the arial science student Fiona So, adding students." "you can't time it right so you [can Many students have expressed reget] to class in.time." sentment over the new regulations. "[The old parking system] elimi'''The way I perceive it, the changes nated the stress of driving all across weremadeto be beneficia1onlyto faculty campus and the unfairness in the way members, who now have the best parks~dents are treated," Maliouta said. ing lots' on campus and face no hassles or limitations with parking spaces. On the other hand, students are rushing




ethod or

FOREIGN MATTERS A friend of mine recently said, "It's crazywhatis goingonin Iraq. It's crazy that they are killing each other." It's true that every so often a bomb or a raid kills scores of people in Iraq. However, all of the factions involved still have a purpose and strategy. That purpose is so important to all sides that they spend piles of money and sacrifice lives to achieve it. So who are the parties and what are their purposes and strategies? Let's take theinsurgents. These are a diverse group. They include Saddam's sUpp01ters, religious militias (e.g. al-Sadrfighters), foreign fighters (with al-Qaeda links) and insurgent forces sent by the neighbouring countries -especially Syria and Iran. These four groups have many differences; the goal they all share is to get rid of the U.S.-led coalition and tl1.e coalition-backed government. The strategy of the insurgents in-, volves killing as many people as they can. First, they kill coalition soldiers and civilians. This tL'1dermines the domestic support t~Jr the war. ~cco!,ld, they target Iraqi gOYernmentinsritutions (like police stations) and kill Iraqis who co-operate with the new Ira"1i government, This slows down the establishment ofIraqi forces that could deal with the insurgents. And finally, they target ordinary Iraqis to create chaos and bring the country into a civil war. The goals of American forces and the other coalition nations have been


under intense debate. The official version is that the coalition went to Iraq to disarm Hussein's regime and to build a ftee and democratic nation. The U.S.-led coalition claims that Hussein was supporting terrorist groups and may have been involved with al-Qaeda. However, many people think that the real reason for the invasion was Iraq's oil. Naysayers claimthatthewaris aimed at colonizing Iraq and its oil wealth. Evidence suggests thatterrotismwas indeed the main cause for American involvement. September 11 has changed the focus ofAmerica's intemationalefforts towards d1epreventionof anothersuchattocity. As I see it, this can only be done on two levels: the state level and the moral level. On the state level, terrorists rely on the support of governtnents (like Afghanistan's Taliban). In particular, al-Qaeda needs training bases and access to weapons of mass destruction. The Iraqi intelligence service had been involved in the 1993 attack on the World Trade Centre - it even occurred exactly two years after the end of the first Gulf War. There is no question that Hussein's Iraq supported several terrorist groups. It is possible that haq has contracted al-Qaeda to "finish the job," hence 9/11. Also, we know that I rag used to have acriveweaponsptograms. Some ofthese nasty weapons could still bc bUi1cd somewhere in the Iraqi desert. Frofi1 the coalition~s point of ,dew, attackingli-a(l would also put its fixces at the centre of fhe stnregically important Nuddle East. From Iraq, the coalition could apply military pressure on Syria, Iran and Saudi Arabia. All three nations have provided support to the insurgents attacking coalition forces. These three nations worry the most about the coalition being sU,ccessfulin Iraq.

The second level on which to defeat terrorists is the moral/ ideological level. I thas been suggested that the threat of terrorism can ultimately be dealtwith only if societies that harbour terrorists become democratic and prosperous. Coalition forces have decided that Iraq would be a good place to start the transformation to d~mocracy. Moreover, the attack on Iraq could be justified as an act ofliberation. After all, the conditions of the Iraqis could not have gotten much worse. The massive amounts of money poured into rebuilding Iraq since the war strongly support this line of thinking. While terrorism surely dominated coalition thinking, oil was not entirely forgotten. After all, Iraq does have large oil reserves. Byinstallinga fricndlyregimeinIraq, the coalition may be hoping to undermine the OPEC oil cartel (OPEC was fOimed to infutt~ the prices of oil), The benefits to the world economywould be noticeable but still insignificant compared \vith the cost of terrorism. According to The Ecoflomirt, the direct financi.ll cost of September 11 to tlle insurance companies is $40 billion. $7 billion is to be paid to the victims' families. N[assive amounts of money were spent helping tlle airlines fund new security precautions. The total economic cost of tbe attack is il1Cl!culahie; even ):,'Xeater is the hmnan cost. Yet even that pales when compafed .to an atL'tck by{puclcar-atmed tctrorists. If the invasion ofIraq succct:ds in'pren:nring one such attack then it be more than justified. Perhaps what many critics forget is that the Middle Eastis rich in two things: oil and terrorists - and there are far more terrorists than oil. It is terrorists, apd not oil, that the coalition is after.


THIS IS YOUR WORLD The world is built on the backs of innovators, or perhaps more appro .. priately, it is the innovators who push us into our new world. Altllough these inventors would likely continue to invent no matter what the incentive, record-breaking, showmanship and contest-winning have proven to be a guaranteed hotbed for invention. When powered flightwas a fledging industry - more frequentlyundertakcn in bicycle shops and barns than in ordered factories, there was always a competition to take on or a record to be broken. One need only think of pilots likeCharlesUndberghorAmeliaEarhart Lindbergh started his aviation careeras a barnstormer, a trick pilo t who perfonned stunts for audiences in the 1920s. He vaulted to international fame . whenhe became the first person to fly

non-stop from New York to Paris. The world of aviation before the Second World War demonstrated to audiences the amazing and practical possibilities of this new technology. The UniversityofWaterl06;ssolar car team lmdertooka simibrshowcase this smnmer \vith a'road trip across Canada and the United St~tes. Though perhaps not as glan1.orous as wing..walking or as daring as flying solo across the Atlantic ocean, d1eirtour was likely no less challenging. To date, no team has yet taken their car on such along single journey as the one undertaken by UW's Midnight. Sun VII team. The Midnight Sun VII Solar Car race team broke the unofficial distance record for the single journey last week on day 35 after having passed the ,officially recorded distance record earlier in the tour. Their summer odyssey started in the ftrst week ofAugust and will end shortly end in Waterloo, having logged over 19,000 km. They have cl,wned the world record for the longest single journey by a solar -powered car as recognized by Guinness \V'orld Records . Those who work on projects such

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as the Nudnight Sun are a special breed of people . They see a challenge before them and take it in stride. Nothingwill stand intheirway.lftheyneedfunding, they will find it. If ther need a part, they "rill find a donor. If the part doesn't exist, they will make it. If someone says tha.t it can't be done, they will only try harder. Through a spirit of competition, solutions to practical problems are found. In the early 1920s, competitions existed for air, land and marine vehicles. These competitions ushered in a series of vehicles that were more reliable, durable and afforaable than their fragile predecessors. Ivfore than mere tinkerers, recordbreakers push the world of possibility beyond tlle borders of perceived reality. Without the innovators and the inventors, we would not have any of the things that we have today. Should you see the solar car doinga victory hp arOlmd the Ring Road in the coming days, give them a cheer. \lClbo knows what they'll think of next?


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Celebrate your entrepreneurship! to their news release, by presenting one student with a 2005 CIBC Studen~ Entrepreneur ofthe Year Award., "We believe the incredible acChristine Loureiro complishments of student entreIMPRINT STAFF ,preneurs deserve recognition," said David Henderson, president CIBC and ACE reward student and vice chair of ACE. entrepreneurs To be eligiblefor the award,_a student must be enrolled ina Are you a full-time student 'full-time undergraduate program running your own business? at a Canadian university or college Thanks to the co-op program, the and taking a minimum of three UniversityofWaterloolias more than classes 'per semester during the its share of innovative student en~ 2004-2005 academic year. trepreneurs. They must also 'have' started Lucky for them, the Canadian the business and continue to manage it; Finally, the business Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC) and Advandng Canadian Entre- must have been in operation for preneursh-ip Inc. (ACE) warit to at least six months piior to the celebrate" the commitment, denomination date. termination and achievemerits of Anyone can nominate a stu路 student entrepreneurs," according dent, who will 'then be asked to ~


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Ap.ply on-Une! OMSAS Ontario Medical School Application SerVice September 15, 2004 Last .day for registering for on-line applications October. 1, 2004 Application deadline ,,'

OLSAS Ontario Law School Applicdtion Service November 1, .21}O4 Application deadline-.first-year May 2, 2005 Application deadline-upper years TEAS Teacher' Education Application Service December 1, 2004 Application deadline

bRPA~ Ontario Rehabilitation Sciences Prograr.ns Appijcation Service (Audiology. Occupational Therapy. Physical Therapy/Physiotherapy. Speech-Language Pathology) January 17, 2005 Application deadline

complete a written application and send it to the ACRnational bffice if they aCre selected to enter the qualifying round. Nominations are being accepted online until November 5, 2004. For more information, or to make a nomination, pJease visit and www.cibc:com/srriallbusiness.

Welcome back Davis Centre .Library After more than a: y~ar of planning and a temidosed for renovation, the Davis Centre Library reopened on Septembe.r 13, ready to meet the new term with improved study space"reorganized book stacks, and new public service desks. The facelift, however, 1s not comp~ete,a~ work will continue

this month to finish the'new en- tion and action group wants stutrance, exit and other areas in the dents and citizens of Kitchenerlibrary. , Waterloo to go without a car from The temporary entrance islo- September 19 to September 25 cated on the campus side ofDaw.s and use alternate forms of transCentre, facing Ring Road. Informa- ' portation instead. cion and circulation services will WPIRG is also holding a Carbe, limited until networking -is free Street Festival in Victoria Park completed, but reserves will be on September 19 from noon until available at the new circulation 5 p.m. / desk. To find out how easy it is to get Y bu can also visit around town without a car, go to for updates this festival! ' and photos. ' According to WPIRG, this exciting stre-et festival will- feature Park your car! skateboarders, roller bladers; street hockey games and "some of Given the' recent issues with the craziest bicycles you've ever parking on campus, Waterloo Pubseen." lic -' Intetest Research Group For more information about (wpIRG)'s In Town withiJuta Cat Internat~onal Car Free Day, visit initiidve ~ould not be better ,; timed. The Waterloo research,



Same-sex divorce legalized in: Ontario rally go for same-sex couples." M.M. and J .R, were married on June "How can you 'allow same-sex 18, 2003, the we* after same-sex marriage was lega1ized in Ontario. marriage but not same-sex divorce?" That court ruling struck down the agreedAl~ Vekic,.1Aspeechcommutraditional definition ofmarriage,callnic!1tion. "It just seems logical" Todd Matejka, a 2A honours sciing it "an infringement of .Section ence student, was of the same opin~ 15(1)of the Charter [of Rights and . ion.',!f they wantto break up, that's - Freedoms]." The judge ruled, "itis not demonfine.. Do what you want! Let:em fuckin'divorce!" His sentiments were stt~bly justified in a free and demoechoed by SahalAbdi, 2A kinesiology, cratic socieryaccordingto S~tioo 1." , who added, "Why not'allow divotce? The first.gaydivorcees celebrat~d We can't force them to!" _ the recent divorce ruling, and their lawyer, Martha McCarthy haileditas a . JeffSChwalm, 2A political science, precedent-setting victory. ''No one is is against the court decision. "Samegoing to have to fight this particular sex marriage shouldn't be ~egaljUlY" way, and definitely not sanie-sex dibattle again," she declared. ''They'll rely o,n this case." vorce," he argued. "I just think that She a9-oed, ''We believe that this is homosexuality itself is immoral." Adam Grinstead, 2Aho,nours sci~ not just the firstgay or lesbian divorce ence, disagreed passionately -with . in Canada, but actually the first gay or lesbian divorce in the world" Schwalm's stance.. ''1 can't believe this is an issue," he said. "It's so ~tupid The federaigovernmentwillabide. that it's even debated! It's Ii simple by the. decision, but urged J~stice matter of freedom of choice." Mesbur not to gobeYQnd st:ri.king . InJuly, immediately after the coudown the sr'ecific portions of the Divorce Act that weremvolved. They ple's.divorce petition was publicized, insisted that rewriting the definition the federalJustice departmerttconshould be left up to Parliament. ceded thatexcludinggays and lesbians from the definition of spouse in the Mesbur was not entirely in agreeDivorceActwouldprohibitthemfrom ment, as nothing in the forthcoming divorcing and was therefore unconstigovernment legislation on same-sex' tutional. marriage ~ays anything about divotc~.. The problem has been solved. .. Justice Minister 'Irwin Cotler . ... The lesbiap. co,t:;pIGi!iyolveoin the . doesn'tthln.k:the issue is very complicated <'1t's really basically the same ·1arn:hnatk decision,' ~own simply as


An Ontario judge has just broken the ice on same-sex divorce. Viewed as the rational next step after the legalization ofsame-sex marriage in various provinces, Justice Ruth Mesbur. of the Ontario Superior Court has declared the definition ofspouse in the federal Divorce Act to be unconstitutional. The law had defined "spouse" as a man and a woman married to each other; therefore, a gay or lesbiancou~ pIe previously had no access to divorce. ''The definition of a spouse is uncollstitutional, inoperative and of n~ force and effect," Mesbur said. Brenda Cossman, a professor at the University of Toronto, believes tba,tsame-sex divorce is "an<>;brainer" and considers it a re'asonable step to take after the momentous decision that struck down the traditional definition of m~ on July 12, 2002. Reaction at UW was overwhelmingly positive: Laura Sardone, a 2A biology student, agrees with the decision. "If you're fukingsteps towards completely legalizing same-sex marriage, then di:vorce -would seem the next logica,l step," she. said. ''The sad fact is that many heterosexual.marriages don't work out, and the same woilldnattt-

principle as in the same-sex marriage motion was narrowly defeated, 137 votes to 1 3 2 . ' . reference, and mainly, gays and lesbians should have the right to divorce as Parliamentis expected to hold ano,ther debate on same-sex marriage they should have the ~t to marry." OntarioPremierDaltonMcGuinty . i:his fall or early next year; and this one concutred ''Wecertainlysupportsame- will no doubt include discussion over sex ma.rnages and logically what flows the court decision legalizing same-sex from that are divorces," he said. divorce in Ontario. In approximately thtee weeks, the Many believedtheJesbian couple;s Supreme Court of Canada will hold a ca.seto be suspect, and criticsilismissed hearing on the federal government's it as a judicialsttintto test the litnits of dl;aft legislation to formally legalize Canada's divorce laws. same-sex marriage across Canada. BrianRushfeldt, executive director In the House of Commons, a Ca- of the Canada Family Action Coalinadian. Alliance m9tion has been· tion,~bclledthecase«judicialrot"and brought forward to.try.and force the assailed the coW:!: fot agreeing to hear government to, invoke section 33 of the divorce petitioiI. the Canadian Charter of Rights and No matter what their intent, these Freedoms - also known as the nottwo women have taken a major step to withstanding clause -:-to force the .change the legal landscape of Canada government. to stop same-sex marfqr many years to cOJIle.

riages. On September 1.6 of last year, the





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Imprint is published by Imprint Publications Student life Centre 1116 University ofWaterloo Waterloo, ON N2L .3G1



Give itto us ... we can take it laura Katslrdakis KITS GIT YIUR TINGUE Newspapers are great, aren't they? They keep us inf~rmed and entertained. Let's admit it, often the most entertaining things in a newspaper are the letters to the.editor. Sometimes it seems that every 'Tom, Dick and Harry· thinks he knows better than the 'editors and writers. (Sometimes it seems that every Tom, Dick and Harry does indeed know better and can write better tOQ.) Letters to the editor are my fllvourite part ofiJ. newspaper, but n<;>t only for their entertainment

value. It is. fantastic'to see readers respond to the work editors toil over. Letters that point out valid errors keep us on our toes· and motivate us to perfect our pag6S. Some letters express it genuine dif-' ference of opinion, and these enrich 'the dialogue that newspapers are constantly engaged in with their readers. " After all, part of Imprints mission statement vows to provide, "a forum for the discussion of issues that affect the community." Whether Imprint pisses you off, or you think there's something ,that wasn't quite right in a paper, or even if you think there's something that deserves to be added, everyone is . more than welcome to write letters ' to the editor and participate in this discussion. However, there. are some ms.' tinctions between different tYPes of


content in this newspaper that are sometimes lost on readers. I would like to take this opportucity to clarify these distinctions and hopefully provide readers (and letter writers) . with a heightened chance to develop informed opinions about Imprint. , When a news, sports, or science article is written, the writer's opinion is not relevant to the story' and should not be included in it. The purpose of such articles is to report the facts, and consult relevant sources in doing so. An arts or features article may be different. When reviewing a movie, for example, an arts writer does indude his or her own opinion of the movie, but they strive to assess it from a point of view that would be useful to readers. Features writing cariindw:le a writer's perspective i~this way, it 0

can be written as- an investigative still pissed off after that, rather than news piece, or it carl even use more complaining to the guy next to you, creative means of expression. write us a letter!. Let me hold your An opinion article, as the name hand for a moment and point out suggests, is pure opinion. Ifwriters that such letters can be e-mailed to offer f~ctual evidence to back up', or their ~laims, chances are pretty good that they will mention supporting Remember, those writers who evidence rather than researching into express their opinions on Imprint's the ways that their opinion is wrong. pages have just as much right to,their A column is also the expression convictions as you have to yours. of one writer's opinion. Imprint disIf you're still pissed off... gues.s pers~s, columns throughout its . what? Imprintis a voiunteer-fueled pages: ~qlumnsin the news,sec- creature. If you want to have your tion, fdr example, allow writers to voice heard then come down to SLC give their opinion about anything 1116 and write for Imprint! Volunnews-related. , teers are always welcome. Myadvice is this: when you read A word to the wise, however. If a column, if it delights you or if h you work here, and you still can't makes you want to retch, lookat the grasp the distinction between a news little picture ofthe author. You are article and an opinions piece, I may reading onel'erson's opinion. Difjust kick your ass until you get it. ferences of opinion happen all the time. Take a deep breath,andifyou're editor@h:nprint.uwater·

Oppositional majority: uniting the right... and the left q::~firi,b;e ,otably;fue op~ition leaders share an intense dislike for Paw' Maitin, the Liberal Party of Canada . and their Complete lack of the aforementioned qualities. With such fallaoesin mind, the .cautious political maneuvering of the Blot:, NDP and Conservatives in re~entweeks is easier to comprehend. A common enemy has united them in The sight of Jack Layton, Gilles what Harper has terineda "co-oppo~ Duceppe and Stephen Harper holdsition." ing a joint news ~onference on SepThe common ground between the tember 9 was an unlikely one. Althree parties is one of democratic re~ though the three opposition leaders are worlds apart 'On niost issues of' form. They plan to use their combined 173-seat"majority'~~compared policy, they do have two very importo the 135 seats held by the Liberals ..... ' tant things in common. First, they each have the vision and . to push through changes that the Liberals have been avoiding foryears, drive required to be successful leaders fearing a loss of power in the Prime - they have quantifiable goals, targets Minister's office. and dreams.

TOil Levesque



Editorial Staff Editot~in-chief,

Laura Katsirdakis Assistant Edi1Dr,' Phiql' Weiner Cover Editor,. Dan Micak News E<litor,'Sacih Allmendinger .News Assistant, Mark Johnson . Opinion Editor, Rachel Shugart . Opinions Assistant, Jonathan Chiu Features Ecfitor, Tim A1amenciak Features Assistant, Brendan Burrows Arts Editor, Eia Malkovsky Arts Assistant, David. George~Cosh Science Editor, Penny Michelle Rorke Science Assistant, Tim Mollison Sports Editor, Adam McGuire Sports Assistant, Rod McLachlan Photo Editor, Chris' Miller Photo Assistant, Mohammad Jangda Graphics Editor, Julian Apong Graphics Assistant, Hitoshi M~katni •

'one'p~~~ifew' :p6s"ea:b~·thlpp~Sii:ib.f'l~e\f.l: '.~~l"

months ago, r found D;lyselfwatching a question.period in the House of Commons where a Liberal backbencher labeled thddea. of. fixed " elec- . tion dates an "attack on the Crown." Hilariously, he misspoke and talked briefly of"fixed elections" rather than "fixed election dates." The opposition. jumped at the opportunity, asking whether the last election was, in fact, fixed. Anyone who has ever been dissatisfied,with the way government works in Canada should feel a sense of pride today. With the Liberalsjit their political knees and a cap~ble opposition poised to strike a finishing blow, change is finally on the horizon. But the d~moCratic upgrades pro~ -

only the beglhning of a much larger flunkies,ourMPswou1dnolO1;gerbe constitutional reform that is desper- "nobodies," as PierreTrudeau so eloateiy needed in tbis country~ quentiy described them, and wewould Hayinga Go~emor General and a 'nol()ngettolerateappointed Senators QueeO:\night have been suitable in' who have beeo'kriown i:6skipwork. '1867,butthe entire conceptofparliaThe Liberals must get over their mentary democracy has no place ip fear ofsharing power and-lettnetake modem government. this opportunity to shove their social I, f01; one, hope that most Canadie agenda down their own throat - reans will"eventually support sweeping member that this country is foreverych~gesinOttawa,inciudingmoving ·one, including the NDP, Bloc powpaway from the Prime Minister's Quebecois (so long as they remain part Offile, allowing free votes in the House ofCanada), Conservatives and Greens of Commons, the establishment of (i{tliey ever win a seat.) . ~ ele(;ted Senate and the dismantling To the Liberal backbencher who ofthe$44-millioncdollar-a-yearmon- said democratic reform was an attack strositythat calls it.self the Governor ~n the Crown, I respond with take Gener31'soffice.' that, Queen Elizabeth! Under such a system, oui Prime MinisteJ:: would be the head of state

Friday,Septembei17,2004- Vol. 27, Ni;>. 9

Associatiprt (0cNA).

Student Life Centre lU6 UnivetsityofWJtterloo W~tetloo.ON N2L 3(>1

Editori;!!. submissions may be considered for pilblication in any edition of Iniprint. Imprint may also reproduce the material commercia11y in any format or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site pr any other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Imprint first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the ma~ has been distributed in an issue '. oflmpriizt, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreemen~ is available upon request.

F:S19.!I84.7800 P: SI9.8iis.404s impI;

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Office Staff General manager, Catherine Bol~!ger@it;nprint.uwaterloo;ca··· Advertising & production manager, Laurie T~ert-Dumas Distribution, Chandra Mouli Distribution, Suresh Volunteer co-ordinator, vacant


Production Staff Yoseph M()ntasser, Vanessa Wong, Jeff Anstett, .Dean ·Whelton, Heather McKay, Michael Davenport, Alicia Mah, Margie Mansell, Tom Levesque

Imprint is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo; a corporation without share capitaL Imprint is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper

Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libPous or in contravention with 1m, Priflts policies with respect to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. The first .

person to go to the Impri"t office to talk with the editor-in-chief gets a· prize.

.Imprint is published every Friday during . fall and winter terms, and every second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse advertising. Imprint Publications is not responsible for advertisng mistakes 'beyond the cost of the advertisement. One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprint CDN Pub Mail Product 'Sales Agreement no. 40065122. Next staff meeting: Monday, September 20 12:30 p.m., SLC 1116

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Real men eat quiche tOO. Grabam Barcia, TYPE-IN-STEREO "Real men don't eat quiche." , You've probably all heard the saying before. Originally the title of a book by Bruce Feirstein, it spawned a small series of equally testosterone-soaked books with such titles as "Real Men don't Bond" and ''Nice Guys Sleep Alone." In any case, according to Bruce, I'm not a

As much as some of you will try to deny it, "Real Man," whatever that may be. Sure, I've eaten my share of quiche. In fact, I've even it is generally true. Try to get the average male made a couple ... of my own volition, no less., . to go for a manicure, shave his legs, or drink/ own/.:wear anything pink, and he will most I'm sure that fact probably adds a couple more demerits onto my licepse of masculinity, if likely run away screaming. Why? Because, due to our society's preconceptions, each of those ,such a thing exists~ things are viewed as feminine, and, in the Since society has progressed a fair bit since binary system of our culture, masculinity is Feirstein wrote his fIrst book back in the early assumed by many to be more desirable then 1980s, whether the "no quiche" rule still applies to the male portion of society could be femininity despite the continual efforts of the femiriist movement. something of a debate, but that's not really And so it is that the average male will go out what I'm interested in. The rellson 'why Feirstein's book was initially so popular back' of his way to make sure that his'every action doesn't cross that invisible line in the sand, . then, still exists today: on the whole, men are because as soon as he so much as comes close afraid... of women. to toeing that line, all his "real man" friends Or, at least, of being seen as '.'effeminate" will begin harassing him about his deviation. or "unmanly" in their actions.

It is this pressure that causes many men to try and embrace a macho attitude, only forcing us into stereotypically "male" roles - a mold of our own creation. Now, I'm not going to say that the gay males have it right, perfecting the mix of masculinity with femininity. We too have our own set of stereotypes, which we continue to perpetuate - at times, quite happily. What I'm saying is that males, as a gender, need to relax a little bit. After ali, we're adults, we're supposed to challenge society'S oppressive grip on our cajonesl Get out there and live' a little! ~esides, it's only a quiche, guys ... not a pink mini-skirt.

Ian Ilechscbmidt

FUES So then I got stuck in traffic, and then'she threw water on me! *~igh* It doesn't get worse than this ..


Dude, no! \

I-rs bad luck to say thatl And anyway,jt can always get worse.'


WeJl for starters, you could be attacked by an irradiated ferret. f


Yeah, right. What , else could possibly happen today? ,



Of course. How silly of me.

<r' ."

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Fpgd. Co~op, .. Ebytown is. jristacrQss PhilliP Street-at the north end (jf the WCIU eoniplex, cight in1;herniddle ofth~·. \V:aterloo/Lawier stl,ldent disttic:;t Howevet,status as the clos.est


. produc~ljgb,tlYPllckagedprcxi~thathdn;us .Iivesustain8.bly. . 'c' Askyour friendly neighb.ourhoodM.lS pro.' f~otorl;I~dr SeMces s,taff.~ theflltellyou ~ yw. for yoursUperrn~ket face off;that SrQC.~storetocampusjsonlypne.laurel forth~ thatea.tinghealthy foods is ess,e,p.tialto main~­ option. Whileanyonecan shop there, thosewho appearedirltheSeptemb~3I"¢ri1lt.Asinexpen-·· store. ingWaterloo students' grey matter and sanity. become meJ:Iibers and vohinteeratthe stote siy<:atldtastyas St.Je;ome'sortb,t:ESCoffeeshop ;'~yt;~wnJsa co-operativelyowned andnou-. \V:ith.1;he .higq.~ns~ of filli:ng~a!dnoggins .receive sizeable discounts. Checkout or c~ 886..8806' forn:).ore ClIp..k<:~a mealll,lllde llt borne savt!s mOney and Pf(Jfit (Jrganjs!Uio~ so their prioritiesatebasecl . thesedays,gooo nutt#iOtlis!/-~it1vestment; details. . . s~e~;P;le mind. ..'. i , on!>\lpplyipg healthy, iuexpensiyefooo to the.-:-.. Fof 1;ht;>se;studen~".~Q liy(!. irlUpto~ ;Whileth~chaip.stQrestha!YQu~were "l0sa!cotnmlinity.· bedsio~about storepoliq.; Eatitlg Well, Offlanically.~ at. litore ..with,. more.. .givellhigh .~ks. for.19catiOsJ,.th~ top prize.' at!d~it;igap:;~'by th~;metnl>ers. .,qess llouts~. I~isJo.~~d.agpss -:c:-JasQtIHmfnno.nd. showdreallygo to the forgo~nl;1efO: Eb~q~T,ll~y,!!;1s()rnd<:!lvq9f to gffer 9rgruUc)'1~aIly.~Wa~:ro\W~!!5~llJ}ing~tt~t,s.0. 3bAr/f

Bfact, goldanifSpirited To the edirot, .. 1he..WaterlooWa.rrio~Men'sV:arsity~y. Team.:wouldliJreto.thetimeand.thankeach an4.~eryoq.dofyou f()r yourarnazlitg support on B¥ and GoldDllylastSaturday. Withallthe ch~andsinginghehind us, we were able t9 beatU'Urier19-17.. . OAbehalfofthe 2004 Men'sVatsityRugby Team, I wouldIike to irlviteyou aU to our next Home Gamevs. the University ofWirldsor on Wednes<iay,&ptember 22 at4Ptnat Colw:pbia ·Jc~fi.elds L We could use the ~uPJ>prt and we . ~$e~ entertaining match~up. Thank you :P~¥t of,~4.· .


·c\' ;:' <l..ttitlSHtiriJin

4A. Kinesiology Captdin~ Men's r7arnry Hugh'



Mathie angst

Kerry, less r of tw evils

officesblockthedangerousraysescaping. from those rogue windows-and they take their sacrificevery seriously, making sure to shut their doors as quickly as they can so as to ensure no sunlight escapes, bless their hearts. Our reading week has fuoughtfulJy been reduced to two days to protect our Just as :Michael Moore offered his infragileselvesfromextendedminglingwith .formed opinion on ourfederal election, thelikesofourout-of-facultybrothersand I recently had the experience of being sisters in those dangerous vacation spots Canadians are fully justified in offering theirhumble thoughts on the upcoming trapped in the optometry building (par- in Florida, the Caribbean, and Europe. ticipatingin a day-long experiment) and AllofthisI'veacceptedI'maNIathie, . Americanelection. inquired as to whether 1'd have access to andsuchisthelifeofaMathie(andasaCSAftetall, the bumbling George W. Bush has damagedCanadajU.S. relations, he's a computer Iabwhileincarcerated. I was NIathie, doubly so). But the one thing told that yes indeed fuerewas a very nice thatwehad overourextta-faculty brefubruised the u.s. economy (m tum hincomputerlabavailable, sooffI wenttoget ren was our computerS. Our many labs dering ours), and his misadventure in . down to work. I logged in once. Twice. . with fields ofmachines as faras the eye can Iraq has America almost universally reThree times. "Passwordincorrect" viledabroad. see (Linux, and Unix, and Wmdows, oh It's like when you're breaking up and my~. Though to outsiders we may seem The U.S., under Bush, has avenged they tellyouit'snotyou,it's them-what likesemi-evolvedlifefonnshunchedover the deaths ofless than 2, 800 civilians on does tlut mean? That's the relationship our blinking monitors, ferociously strik9/11bykilliBgover 13, OOOIraqi civilians Cf.luivalcnt of "Sorry, password incor- ingourkeyboards,rockingbackaridforth, inanill-advisedinvasionofa~cefuland prosperous nation. Bush also demolrect" Yousee,otheruserscangetin, but moaning the mantra of: "My precious... ishedAfghanistan. A lotofterrorism for you just haven't figured out the correct My precious ... Run Goddammit! My only four years in office! .sequence ofacttons. precious... Myprecious... Whywon'tyou Thinkingthatperhaps I needed tore- compile?... Myprecious., ..," from inside, Granted, it's a bit difficult to contrast regiSter, I did, and then, alas aless cryptic itis a place ofpeace and t;neditation, our Bush wifuJohnKerry.BushpaintsKerry as a free-spendinglibetal, buthe'sneitl1er one sanctuary, message mateour one advan-路 rialized. This free-spendingnorparticularly liberal. They're bothright"wing conservanew message tage over all of So you can imagine was clear as you sunshinemy utter shock "I'm seeing loving freaks. So you can someone else," when I read the imagine my utot ''1 find you words, so plainly ter shock and revolting," or incompreheosioo "let me show written: IIMath when I read ypu the restudents not straining oragain thewords, so plainly writdci." 111ismessupported." The . . ten: "NIatb stusagewasthevery betrayal. The hurt. . concise, to-thedents not supported". The point: "Math The shattered heart. betrayal. The students not hurt. The shatsupported." Wow. They teredheart really don't beat around fue bush, do To add insult to injury, behipd thk they? No, "Sorry, please try another cruelmessageIcouldseein thebackgr()und machine," or "currently not available to "[for help go to theJMath and Computer math students, butwe'reworkingonit," building..." - us Mathies were being oreven "It's justnot the right time forme, locked out (oratleast~vingfuelcx;k.-()ut I just got out of a relationship wifu this . enforced) by those dwelling within our other user," but the very simple, very own home, the Me! Oh the humanity! direct, "Math students not supported". Sometimes, I still wake路 up in the Y'know, every group of students- middle of the night screaming. Please fromArtsies to Sciborg; to Engies have send a good-looking Artsie to hold me, theitown crosses to bear, and as aIvfathie, the need is great Thank you for your I've come to acc.eptmy group's cross. donation. LikeEngics, I've acceptedthatas regulated (that's I<1ingon for "unprotected, vulnerable, freely exploited for profit'') program,I will forever be made . to pay more in tuition even duringterms when I take the exactsameelective course as mySciborgfriend-she'dpay$450 to my $760 for tl1e same course. 1bisisperfectlyunderstandable since as a Mathie, they need to buy special d with neat new Astorepac~eesandboOgs, equipment and bite :Mathie-to-english clot~eS, PI~ sil\ler iewe\lery , professors to markmyessays and tests (I piercmg E1:n nd wigs, hair assume that's what the extra $31Ois for). cool hOSiery a nd hemp incense a d\(e I accept that whereas Sciborgs and J' b ds records ... products, ea , Artsies and even Engineers deserve sunPLUS light, as a Mathie, our species has been scads 01 truly O~ginal deemed unfit forlight (our kind has been vintage clothm9 known to burst into flame as we come in contacn-vitl1 scary sunlight - we're like vampires, only less charismatic.) The designers ofthe.Math and Comp"utersbuilding have taken care to minimize tlle an10unt of light flowing into our hallways. Our dear professors and stafftake fitrthersteps to protect us, their



tives; both support dumping more moneyinto the bloated u.s. military and both are socially conservative on moral issues such as gaymarriage. Democratic running mate John Edwards even supports capital punishment! Onthesurfuce,KettyandBusharevety much alike, but there remain important differences thatillusttate the need to support Mr. Kerry. Dubya is detennined to enacttheStarWarsmissiledefensesystem, . acostlyandunreliableptogramthatwilldo nothing to make the world a safer place. Kerry has pledged to at least slow its implementation, and this is likely why Canada's federal government is waiting until after their election before making a commitment on missile defense. Kerry has also promised to take anotherlookattheKyotoProtocoL Though he'lllikelyrejectitas well,atleasthe'smore attuned to envrronmentalissues than oil rigger Bush. Dubyatookanannualsurplusofover $200 billionleftbv DernocratBill Ginton andplungedAmericaintoadeficitexceeding $550 billion CDN - an act of pure idiocy that would spark riots should it happen in Canada. Bush can blame the war in Iraq and 9/11, but the cosrs for those two "inci-

dents" don't come close to accounting for this deficit NIaybe one reason is that . U.S. soldiers and their dependents can now receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime! Way to go, Georgie! Bush,in typicalRepublicanstyle,has swollen the size of the U.S. government - in spite ofa 2000 pledge to reduce it His tax cuts, totaling more than a trillion . dollatsandskeWedtowardstherich,have resulted not only in depleted government revenues, but the loss of over a million American jobs. KerryplanstorescindsomeofBush's tax cuts; but only for those who earn more than $200,000 US a year. Even Bill Clinton, who admits to being in that income bracket, supports this move. Unfortunately, Americans seem much more focussed on manufactured terroristthreatsandattogantforeignpolicy than with their own economy. Strange, but true. Canada is especially sore with Bush because, although in 2000 he pledged to support free u-adewith Canada,hisgovernment's imposition of tariffs .on softwood lumber has crippled our industry.He'salsoviolatedNAFfA with See KERRY, page 12



UW's new enrollment strategy -

,Apda leal OUR lOUSE Ononeofmydailytripstothelibraryone morning (yes, even before classes have started ... I want to make sure I have a properly broken in cubicle at the Dana Porter fora fu\l termofqualityleaming), I made a quick stop to the SLC. I sttolledbyallofthe fiuniliarhotspots -Brubakers,BOmber,TimHortons .... Tim Hortons? Yes,finallyafteryearsofdeliberation, Timmy'shaSfinallymadeanappearance intheSLC. . But this version' of Tim Hortons, much like many of the Honda Civics arotmdcampus, comes fu\lysoupedup -it'sopen24hours,it'sstilldiscounted for students using their meal plans to purchase, and it comes with a patio (tinted windows and lowered seats are rumoured to benexton the renovations list). However, when I look at this new addition to the SLC family, I see right through it Sure, I felt that warm fuzzy feeling when I first saw it from the

Continued froin page 11 '

outside, but after 5 seconds (about the same time thatcutegirlfrompsych class leftmyperipheralvision),Irealizedthat this Timmy's is really a big scheme to increasestudentenrollmentlittheuniversity. Student enrollment is set to drop after the double cohort, which scares Ontariounivetsities. The University of Waterlooalsorecognizesthattheirmajor competition academically is schools in the States and abroad. So how better than to hit most prospective Canadian students with somethingthathits home - and dress it up to make i! attractive (hence the 24 hours and patio). , lhave to be t:hankfiÂĽ oftny time as ' an Ambassador at the Visitors Centre for this observation. When you give campus tours on a regular basis, you start to notice what landmarks around campus falnilies are most impressed with imd uncover their devious underbellies. For example: FedHall? Scheme: (It's the 1argestoncampilS barinNorth Amerita) Dana Porter? Scheme. (who isn't mesmerized bya sugar cube in the sky?) Those statuesoutsideHagey Hall? ... well, families don't know what they are, either. But from now on, Tim Hortonswillbe fumlyadded to this list Now then, seeir}g as students are now informed on the real reasonTim Hortons was built in the SLC (appar-


NE'S .. where it's all about



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Kerry: US president to be?



farm subsidies that we can't possibly entlytheprojectcodenamewas "recruita-palooza''), we can all plan to boycott â&#x20AC;˘ afford to match. EvenMichaelMoore,left-wingfilmtheestaPlishment Thoseicedcapuccinos maker, has realized that Bush must deneverphasedmean~ay... theyarejust feated at all costs and has thtown his fat and calories in a plastic cup ... and frothed cream... whipped with delisupport behind the DemocratS. WeareAmetica'sclosestneighbours, ciouscappuccinoandcrushedice ... deliand I love the American peOple even catelylanding on my taste buds with every slurp ... and those Boston ci:eam though38~centsaid,ina2002pon, that Canada should be ,annexed. For their donuts ... and double chocolate too ... sake, I hope Bush is dumped I thinklmightsufferfromthefrosh He has tarnished America's foreign 15 again. Som~body please help me. . alliances and caused an explosion rorismthatmusthaveOsamabinLaden


green withenvy. He has made theworldamuchmore dangerousplacetolive,andCanada'sbest interests would definitely be served with adefeatforGeorgeBushinNovember. I'dpfcoursepreferHowardDeanor Ralph Nader, butwe have to be realistic; it's one of the conservatives - either or Bush. Let'sprayforGodtosmile<;>nCanada, JohnKerryandtheUS.DemocraticParty on November 2.


Mapk Stratford and- Laupa Katslrdakis



eing a nympho ain't easy ifI cannot have sex once an hour every day so yes, of course I'm a little tense. And since I've been told bringing a vibrator to class is distracting, it's neccessaryto share my excessive horniness with the campus in other ways. Thankfully UW is not solely comprised of sexually fearful individuals. There are many appreciative and even curious. One day after sharing that "tht;y say the rnind is the largest erogenous zone, and you, Sweet :Michelle, are one erotic young lady" the writer then asked me "to put [my] pussy where [my] mouth is:' and e-mail him back. Unfortunately forthis guy I have a boyfriend. Little did he know that my ability to experiment grew when· my boy began rockin' my world.

vast and interesting world ofsexuality. There is no shame in being a nympho but it is definitely not easy. My candidness towards the subject has brought many reactions and those received via e-mail are great to share. One titled "Stop writing shit in Imprint' goes like this: "Your articles in Imprint are extremely sick, disgusting and crappy. Apparently you have no interest in life other than sex which is like being an animal." For the record, I hav~,many other interests other than sex. I'm also into masturbation, bondage, still pornography, whips and chains. E-mailers have been concerned about my "horniness." Well, being a nympho I become sexually frustrated

TOUCHED My name is Michelle Titus and I am a nymphomaniac. They say that the fttst step to recovery is acceptance and I definitely accept my reliance on sexual experience butitis not something that needs to be fixed. Throughout my university years, getting offhas resulted in stress relief anda lot offun. Writing about sexual t;ndeavours allowed me to share the

My favourite reactions I received were of the religious type, attempting to open my eyes to a Godly world and save my soul from damnation. In response to my article "Dominican adventure" I was told that this part of the world is in poverty fora reason and that he believes "Canada is stable because of our Christian core." Apparently he was unaware that the Dominican has a strong Christian base. Attendance is so high at times that atone church I visited, believers must lis ten outside in the square or on lawn chairs. Wait a second, I meant to say, "What do I care about the Domincan? All I did there was get drunk, tan and fuck." Allin all, I thank everyone who has taken the time to share their opinions

with me. Without criticism my skin would not have grown thicker and without praise my writing would have halted. I also thank all of the boys that shared good times with me and contributed to my current sexual self. Thanks to all of my friends who shared ,vith me their experiences and offered supported in tough times, especially Jen who's endured noise through the walls I'm sure. Thanks to my political boys who showed me how sex and politics can complicate things but most importantly how friendships can overcome. And lastly, thanks to my heart and soul, my best friend and my phone sex partner forever, Brett - size does matrer. mtitus@imprint.uwater\


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Ameri ane ds tre s, ot Bush Janice Jim

up arresting about 100 riders for obstructingtraffic and blockingintersections. On August 28, activists marched For four days, beginning on August 30, Republican delegates from across across the Brooklyn Bridge to a rally at City Hall in a "IvIarch for Women's the country gathered in New York Lives" organized by Planned ParentCity at Madison Square Garden for the Republican National Convenhood of New York City, an abortion tights advocate and othervmmen's tion (RNC). The building resembled a fortress with heavily armed groups. Tens ofthousands participated to express their opposition to the Bush tactical units, National Guard soldiers, bomb sniffing dogs, Secret administration and to bring attention to reproductive health issues. Marchers Service agents and ordinary New York Police Department officers pacarried sit,ms reading "reproductive justice for aU," "real sex ed saves lives" and trolling the area. On September 2, inside this mini "pro-family, pro-choice." police state, Bush formally accepted The largest demonstration, wid1 his presidential crowd estimates nomination to ranging from thunderous ap150,000 to Thousands of proplause. Outside the 500,000, was a venue, throngs of march organized testers took to the protesters, penned by United for streets to vent their Peace behind tm;tal barandJustice ricades and lines of frustrations with and (Up.n and took place the next armoured police, express outrage at day. The protestexpressed their disapproval. the Bush administra- ers called for an Thousands of to the war tion, chanting Ilfour end protestors took to and the occupathe stree:ts to exmore months" and tion ofIraq. press their frustraThe lYlood 88 no more Bush." A tionswith and outwas upbeat as the rage at the Bush candlelight vigil was march began, administration, with some held at Union chanting "four groups singing more months" and protest songs, Square to com"no more Bush." while others memorate victims of banged on A candlelight vigil was held at Union the IIWar on Terror." drums and blew Square to comwhisdes. Loud memorate victims cheers rose from of the "War on the crowd as they Terror,"while others took their mespassed an enormous banner that read sage to the siteoftheRNCina protest "Save America- DefeatBush" on the organized by the anti-war group ANside of a building. The groups marchS\X1ER(ActNowtoStoptheWarand ingpast the Garden were as diverse as End Racism). the city itself. Parents marching with New' York City was a hotbed of young children and strollers, labour protest activity all week. unionists, army veterans, university Large, organized protests kicked students, senior citizens, anarchists, off on August 27 with a "Critical peace activists, you name it, they were Mass" bike ride. Thousands of bike there. Though each group had many different reasons for protesting, they riders took their pro-environment \vere united in their opposition to the stance to the streets and wound their way around the city for several hours, Bush administration. many sporting an ti-Republican signs, Around 3 p.m., marchers carrying costmnes and T-shirts. Police ended a large papier-mache green dragon arIMPRINT STAFF

As it turns out, Bush isn't well liked.

The Republican National Convention attracted a diverse group of protesters. rived at the Garden. Soon afterwards, gasoline was poured onto the large puppet and it went up in flames. Officers quickly extinguished the fire and scuffles broke out as police went into the crowd to snatch the purported arsonists. The crowd reacted angrily and chanted for the police to release those arrested. The march was penned in at Herald SCluare, about a block eastofthe convention site. Several more arrests were made before tensions eased and the police allowed the march to continue. At around 5 p.m. protesters marched triumphantly into a festive rally at Onion Square. Theyweregreetcd by organizers on loudspeakers congratulating them on finishing the march. Despite the city'S refusal to grant a rally pennit for the Great Lawn of Central Park, thousands of marchers headed for the park. The scene was mellow and calm at the Great Lawn as police and journalists looked on while thousands picnicked, played music and relaxed on the grass. As dusk fell on an tU1ptecedented, largely peaceful day of pmtest, tired protesters tridded out of Central Park. Though Sunday's OP] march was the largest day of action, activists held a myriad of events throughout the week. Marches by advocates for !'focial issues, poor people and anti-war groups were held on Monday and Tuesday. A symbolic unemployment line was formed by protesters holding pink slips stretched several miles do,vn

Broadway from Wall Street to Midtown on Wednesday morning. Protesters, quietly standing on busy sidevmlks, drew the attention ofrushed commuters. Republican delegateswere heckled as they attended Broadway sho~,lavish corporate parties, or went sightseeing. A small group of AlDS activis ts with slogans painted on their bodies stood nude near Madison Square Gardens to protest the Bush administration's st.'wce on.AlDS education and funding. The floor of the Republican National Convention was notimmlU1e to protests ..AlDS activists and members ofCodePink,awomen-ledpeacegroup, managed to disrupt the tightly scripted convention on several occasions. The activists infiltrated the floorusinglegitimate delegate or press passes and then proceeded to hold up protest signs, chant or strip off their business attire to reveal slogan-adorned clothing. The activists were quickly wrestled away by the SccretService and shouteddowl1 by surrOlU1dingRepublicandelegates. Several activists were even assaulted by delq.,>ates who punched and kicked them before the Secret Service arrested them. A total of 1,821 protestors were arrested during the convention. Amajority (1,480) were charged with disorderly conduct Thosean't.'sted weretah.'ll to Pier 57 011 the Hudson River, which was converted from an abandoned bus depot to a temporary detention centre by the dty. Al'restees were placed in holding pens surrounded bymetal fenc-

ing; there was insufficient seating, with only a few benches provided for hundreds of detainees. According to New York State law, those arrested must be processed and arrait,'11ed within 24 hours, otherwise they are eligible for immediate release. Many detainees were held for 38 hours or morc by the city. Acting Supreme CouttJusticeJohn Cataldo found the city in contempt on September 2 for the illegal detention of protesters. He fined the city $1 ,000 for each protester held beyond 24 hours and ordered the immediate release of those detained. As the convention drew to a close on Thursday night, a collective sigh of relief could be heard. Neither terrorist attacks nor launches of chemical and biological weapons materialized. The city returned to nonnal as trucks rolled through the streets to collect metal crowd-control harriers and heavily armed officers disappeared from street comers. The usual post-demonstration rhetoric was heard, with the mayor heaping praise on the police for their "'benevolent" handling of protesters, protesters claiming victory and groups filing civil rights complaints against the city. The New '{ork Times called the week's protests "thelargestin the history of political conventions." Protesters hope their resounding message of opposition to the Bush agenda will carry through to election day on November 4.



Frosh Week: a Herambonic perspective


Excited frash partake in Black and Gold Day, Carnival, and Monte Carlo night.

IEBAMB'S IABEM "The best part about frosh: you get older but they stay the same age" Anonymous horny proverb. Equipped ,vith a camera, a pen, and a little black book with space for 10 more numbers,I attacked various frosh events to check out this year's talent. Shit, did I say that out loud? Presented below is my evenhanded, thoughtful coverage of three events -:Monte Carlo Night, Black and Gold Day and Toga Party. If you are illiterate, just look at the pretty pictures. Monte Carlo Night

Decked out in my :Miami Vice suit, I hit up this event around nineish. Good golly l\Iiss Molly, was there ever a lineup! It seemed to stretch from PAC to V1. I hadn't ,vitnessed this kind of anticipation for an event since Polka King Walter Ostanek came to Kitchener last year. Monte Carlo Nightwas trulya sight to behold. The SLC and PAC were transformed to aLas Vegas-esque setting "" blackjack tables, acrobat shows and reasonably priced hookers working Ring Road. A dance floor was set up in the Great Hall. This metamorphosis was done rather seamlessly. You would never guess that homeless international students slept here. This particular venue was constantly buzzing with frosh. There was one noticeable feature on the dance floor - crop circles so large, Nebraska wheat farms would be proud. Hey, so frosh are kinda shy, no big deal.

The Bomber ,,'as a venue too, but it was deader than a crematorium on Labour Day. The washrooms were clean, though. The PAC became a Mecca for fake gambling. The black jack dealers played their part to perfection. He!!, tideo cameras were set up to catch all cheatingfrosh. Those caught would be taught a lesson fry considerablY older Italian 'Jrosh leaders. " As an aside, italicized text means Heramboneis being facetious. Don't get your knickers in a knot, Frosh Orientation Committee. The smaller gym offered swing dancing lessons. That was cool except the lights were too bright. I could clearly see just howunderagedmost of the frosh really were. Damn. Finally, the second floor of the SLC held deliciously scrumptious mocktails served by delectable leaders. After downing three, I fmallyworked up the courage to apply my Macking 101 skills. The basement of the SLC offered a fashion show and an acrobat act from Asia. I checked out the fashion show but it was all guys modeling clothes. I vacated quick. The acrobat show had some freaking 111LF belly dancers though. I give all MILF belly dancers the Brown Fist of Approval. Black and Gold Day

Hundreds of passionate frosh led by exuberant leaders marched to CIF on Saturday for a pep rally. These frosh seemed hopped up on J olt cola, 'cuz they were boisterous. I have not seen this kind of revelty since Polka legend \\I'alter Ostanek came to Kitchener last year. The main event was amen's rugby dispute between \Y/aterloo and Laurier. After last year's football debacle against \X!estem, organizers thought a less depressing event was required. This year the football team lost 55-17 to Mc1faster. At least they are improving.

Rugby was a foreign game to me. Rather than diSSL'CtingthC intricacies of the game, I noticed how various assgrabbing techniques allowed for a few successful offensive penetrations. My female compatriot ,vas impressed. Alright, it turned me on, too. The UW cheerleading team periodically motivated the crowd when the action on the field became monotonous. They are a talented bunch with gymnastic moves that would make Nadia Comaneci blush. Apparently, there are a few SINGLE girls on the team. Herambone gives single girls on the cheerleading team the Brown Fist of Approval. The halftime show consisted of a watermelon relay. It was riveting. \Y/aterloo defeated Laurier 19-17. Happy, happy, joy, joy. And now our main event ... Toga Party

Toga Party - an event of biblical proportions. Chants of "Toga! Toga! Toga!" reverberated in the air as early as six o'clock. But they were told to shut their mouths 'cuz toga started at seven. The lineup of frosh was enormous. It was an endless procession ofloincloth strapped lads and gals. There was one dude in a Chewbacca outfit trying to pickup. Now this event was wet. Basically, a small square area was set aside in the field 'with tape around it, sort of like the perimeter of a quarantine. If you left the zone with booze, you would be shot by snipers on the roof ofMC. Anyhoo, thousands of frosh danced till the wee hours of mom to a DJ spinning mainstream tunes. I haven't seen this much ",,1.ldness since Polka Legend Walter Ostanek came to Kitchener last year.


:F'E~t\rlJR,:f: S


Minibus adventures

fewe1',boats. In any case, I happen to have a copy;bfthe U}Vcourse calendar here with me., • 'ing bass and a name designed to strike fear into Now l'b>s see" .• you mentioned that you were " the hearts of pedestrians. in 3B Science and Business, isn't that right? . . In addition to the driver, each bus has a According to the calendar, you need to take second staffer whose job it is to recruit passenbusmess finance, two biology electives, statisgersforthebus. Therecruitmentprocess ismuch ....., like the, driving ~ aggressive. As soon as I tics, aild the science. ana business.workshop~ NowyON see why I'm ,upset; How am 1 going stepped into the loading area, I was s~ultanetake ail/hese courser andSfiil maintain 11q d e m a n d - , ously being pulled towards three different buses, .' ._, none ofwhich were goingwhere I wanted to go. ThisWee~Adampi4s classes with Sit Wlnston ',ing role 4iiJtemational!1~n.()1IIfIed jotl1'1zaiist and,' , ChtttGiUlb, ' " m(ln.dlioutrio~?My caJufflreJationship with Paris "PuJjlic ~sitmay be nianfi~iDSsin Cai:ul~but After figuring out that I wanted route 45, I was Hilton al01l6 requ~res at least 40 hours a week. I wouid never describe a ride.on Toronto:s Red un~eremoniously husded aboard the "Good to ~t: Settirlg:Toronto's Canoe Restaurant, On the surface the<5tirlookmay.seelll~R,os1ret. ~ting:'g~~, the:<ltiv~ of, ,90" and bundled into the front seat (although on Fhe'54tb.floo(2f;;;ite'foronto D6~n Guyana buSeshive,gppatfndytakclJ.itupon' ci1irlly aware that somewhere in one of the preBank'tower: Adam and Sir Winston are seated ,', btlt thereis always hope. These classes may be at a table overlooking 'Bay Street, enjoying required for your program, but it's not as if thetnselves to cOrnpens'ate for their country's lack departure briefings I was given,foreignpassenDorset lamb loin with cream spinach, as well ' . anyone will kill yquj[ you take something else, of amUsement.pat:~bY'piloting their retondi- gets were advised to avoid the front seat). '·ti<,>ned Toyo. With all Of the grace and subtlety Befote the .sliding door had rattled into the as aneJttremely dusty and obviously decaying is it? ' •' Actudill, my mother mqy try. ofa toller-coaster hurtlihgoffofits tracks. '.. closed position, the driver launched his packed bottle of '45 Chateau Haut-Brion Bordeaux. AJ: Winston, I InNstsqy, it'sapieasNre"to be here You cantakeiler,Adam. We're going to . Somecbnte~dsnec~s~.Thereatenofunc- bus into the late-aftemoon rush with a quick 1I'ithyqll. By the wqy, I've been meaning to compii- pick you out~~tne c<>:urses to expand your tionaltraffic ijghts in Georgetown '(a city of stOmp on the gas pedal Other vehicles, pedesmen/JON on that bitchin' top hatYON are wearing. horizons - cotlrses yO,'tl will be proud to take. 250,000 people) and vetit~sidewalks and the ttians and, even, buildings passed within mere At& i_where 1 mightfind one? ' Bu/what aboNimy dqgree? nUes of the road are beShiescribed as open to inches of the battered Toyota. The bus burst The thing you have to remember about interpretation. Vehicles Dlerge, pass, tu1tl and through clogged intersections like a thread JWG: It's from The Gap. that if you stick around long accelerateaccordingtoasystemtPat~ssponta-t9Prughtheeyesofmu1tipleneedles,astheback university is ~! It't tpjckefiif8csh., Indeed it is. [Churchill sighs] Adam, you enough, you're bound to get some sort of neouslyevolvedovertittie.! seat farecollectorbarkedout the street names. degree eventually. Ittnay not be the one you Within the Hobbesian worldtifGeorgetown ~tOronoqueStreetthe bus lurched to ahalt. seem perturbed today. You've hardly touched originallywanted,butthat's often for the best. trafficonefiodsthemigibusPllblictransporta- I passed the collector40 Guyanese dollars (rougbly your lamb, and you just drank a thousandtipn sy~tem. Thesy~telll i&ptil?ljc only in so far 25 cents) and happily jumped out of the still dollar bottle ofwine in three gulps. Is anything Take me,for instance. Few people know that before I earned my degree in British PrUne the matter? a~,~·1atgenumber of ¢oinmutets from all walks crowded bus. I immediately bought myself a Wei" Winst(fn, l hate toburde11,you,but I'm Mini,sterialStudies, with minors in Wit and' . 6,fli(eare' sped to Wi)!'k wit\lln it, as the, buses drink and sat down. upset ab(illt choosing 11q university classesfor this Mcohol Abuse, 1 actually started out in Comthemsdves areprivatelyown(;gand operated by As opposed to the rules-based system of ( semester. puter:Science. a'wide variety of people and cOmpanies. These driving in Canada (dedicated passing lanes, ad. , Comp;t~r Scienee? Didn'tyou go to school in the .bus drivers havemanaged to amassawe1l-eamed v.ancegreens), drlversin Guyanafollowa system Don't talk to me about university! It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash. 1880s? reputation as being the most aggressive ~d· that more resembles a group ofants commuting Isn't that afamous quote ofyours describing the I did! Of course, back in those days, tech~ reckless drivers in a country of poor roads and between hills. Cars jump into gaps in the traffic nologywasb.'tquite up to current standards. chronic speeders. . ... flow when they arise, and drivers move forward naI!J? The navy and unive~sityaremtich the same, AfterworklastFriday I decidedlwas:teady for into intersections when they feel that they have theminibusexp¢tienc6 .Jhik; . .. s . ~. ed long enough. Oddly enough, the system but univFrsity has optional " ...... s for thetnostpart. There SeeM$,t_m; Market, wh~~ffi6reode/ converge. The.~entral sqmv:ewa$~~ witb." .·iaiiate understanding for the unwritten code of .buses dfall colours and conditiot1s;~ decked:·: 'tl].eroad, enough thatwhen a driver is perceived . out-and p~nalized by'theowner,~~; w\:Jeviolatingit, all of thesurroundingye~es a bold name emblazoned up and dOwIl'th:e side ble'at their ho~~ in utrlson. doors. I certainly had my choice of rides.l could Then there are the manynuanc~s ofthe honk. have gone home with the Lord on my side on the r ~ used to a horn blast meaning one of two things - 1. ~'You are about to cut me off' or ''Born Again" bus, cruised home in· style in the ''Ride Right" orrekindledmylove forgangsta' tap "You cut me off you #@!*#."Here,ahonkcan on the "'Thug Niggers" minibus. mean "I'm passing now," "it's okay, you can Aslfforsheerentertairunentvalue, these same go," ''1 am going now," "do you need a ride?" miJ;ti-buses also serve as school. buses in and many things between. Of course, as an Ge6rgetown; I am sure that every father looks inexperienced foreign pedestrian, the frantic horn forward to thedaywhen he c'in btindleup his litde blaring ofan incoming minibus means only one thing to me-as faras you may be from the road, princess into the "HotIix"forherride to school Maybe this is an innovation that we should get further. consider in Canada. I would have been much All things considered, the 70 University has happier to use Grand River 'Transit ifI could have got nothing on the 45 "High Voltage." ridden to UW in a fully personalized bus, with blacked out windows, major league rims,


to.M.,1 . ' URIII


Unsuspecting passengers embark on what may be their last bus ride

'rIrI) . t 'I~S

L-'E.~Aj I -~/rpR.IN;rr¡ HI _ .,t . .r " .





Winston: on co.lirse choice Continued from page 16

Transistors were somewhatlatger then than they are today. Actually, they were just piles of sand with matcl:!d stuck in them. We did have an early version of Vice City, though. But I digress. Look at the first class on your list. Business finance. Now, exacdy that going to contribute to your education?

Well... . Don'tanswerthat,itwasarhetorical question. You, sir, would be best advised to take a litde class I refer to as "girl-ciology 101." A first year arts ' course, it is, as they say, chock full of babes.

Rogers Cable call centre workers are organizing for better working conditions. '

.Girl-ciology? Do you mean sociology? I used to call it ho-dology until Margaret Thatcher kicked me in the neck. Neit, you need two biology classes. You've written down immunology. Might I suggest you take fermentation biotechnology? Not only is it a fourdi~year credit, it contains all the information you need-to make a rather corkingmoonshine.

Touche! For your next choice, what about taking human sexuality? Notofllydoes. the textbook contain numerousfascinatfug illustrations, this class mig~t finally help you understand your urge to cross-dress. Winston, we alrea4J discussed that. I

have a slender waist and it's totallY a matter

rif comfort. But I do agree withyour recommen-dation.



Graduate Teaching Assistants at the University of Western Ontario recently voted 100% in favour of their., renewed union contract.



Georgian Dawns Slots' employees are organizing for respect and dignity at work On June 1st, 2004 Georgian Downs Racetrack workers voted to join PSAC!

On December 2, 2003 150 Commissionaires working at the Toronto Airport ratified their first


Next, your statistics course. It seems to be only offered at.9:30. I recommend you take this class here! Itdoesn't start until2:30!

.'limnology? What does that mean? I seem to recall it being the study of not waking up at 8:30 a.m. Consider this an opportunity to broaden your horizons, my boy.

Visit the Ontario Region Organizing website at



to obtain more information about PSAC, or

Sounds good to me!


Now, that only leaves one requit;ed . class, Science and Business workshop.

ECl{)', Winston, that 'one is not nef!,oliable. Science and business workshop is fun, informative and just the thing to prepare the minds riftomorrowfor success in tod~'s fast-paced biotechnology industry. I certainly agree! Not only is the class world renowned, Prof. Neil, Richardson is reputed to be O!1e of the finest educators the discipline has to offer. So you see, Adam, choosing yo.ur classes isn't so hard! You just have to remember that university i~ it .time not only to learn about your major, but about yourself. It's not just aboutmasteringan academic field, but' , about broadening your horizons, gain- . ing confidence in yoUr abilities and learning how to learn. It's also about drinking, sex and sleepingin. I encourage this wholeheartedly.

So, in other words, l?J not engaging in this behaviour, Iwould be letting the Nails win? I'm sorry,,:you just took that joke too far. Epilogue: Adam's blatant brownnosing of his science and' business professor worked like a charm. He fonowed Sir Churchill's advice and . graduated with a major in limnology. He is still not sure what it is.

~ and click on the Union card'graphic

TORONTO REGlONRL OFFICE 90 Eglinton Ave. E., Suite 608 Toronto ON M4P 2Y3 Tel.: (416) 485-3558 . or 1-800-354-9086 Fax: (416) 485~8607 ' Christopher Wilson, Ext. 230 Ontario Regional Organizer

LONDON REGIONRL OFFICE 480 Sovereign Rd., U-ll London ON N6M lA4 Tel.: (519) 659-1124 or 1-800-366-0539 Fax: (519) 659-1132 Todd Woytiuk, Ext. 224 Regional Representative


to speak with a PSAC representative.



NORTH BlIY REG$NRL OFFICE . THUNDER QRY REGlONRL OFFIC,E HINGSTON REGIONRL OFFICE 222 McIntyre StW., Suite 411 North Bay ON PlB 2Y8 Tel.: (705) 472-9421 or 1-800-354-9134 Fax: (705) 472-5814 , David Doyle, Regional Representative

Suite 109, 1205 Amber Dr: Thunder Bay ON P7B 6M4 Tel.: (807) 345-8442 Fax: (807) 344-0704 Judith Monteith-Farrell, Regional Representative Farrel]

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- CIIIII'1il tlll'tJlllJlI II willdlJw. PIlI 21

rln In a message t th The Flying Buttresses take over Cambridge Dave George-Cosh

"Rock and roll is dead!" These ate words otherwise sneered at in today's pretentious music mags, but are deeply heartfelt coming from JonathanTyrrell, vocalist and multiinstrumentalist for The Flying Buttresses, the latest band to come out of the burgeoning Halifax music sct:nc. Only there's a catch - these guys have hometown roots as well. a myriad of UW architecture and engineering grads, The Buttresses are embarking on a Canada·· wide tour, supporting their latest release, The SNit Releases El'er)'thing. The name of the band may leave some people scratching their heads, especially since a Google search reveals they share it with a goth band fromN e\v York. "\\'e were all archi·· rects back in first year, and it started out as a joke, but since then it's represented us as well as a bridge between arts and the sciences. And v:e didn't want to be too serious or

beginning. "We lived in a place in south Halifax with no water or hcat during the winter and were really just scraping by. After playing coffeehouses at the Bomber, we eventually decided that we wanted to make a go with [the band). But, in order to really focus, we had to get away from the social scene in Watedoo and start fresh. The east coast seemed to be really open-minded and agood place to start. It's strange to go to a city that is so focused on live music and not know a soul. It's a great way to measure your success as a band." \X!aterloo's connection has definitely helped The Flying Buttresses launch a fan base across the count!"y. In fact, MacKay's co-op expel1cncein Yellowknife led to a month-long, cross-country tour. "\Ve took a '92 Dodge Caravan stuffed with four guys and gear and managed to make it all the way to Yellowknife and Vancouver, which was was bcfore we really got serious about our live shows-·and the people in Yellowknife treated us like rock stars.

Tyrrell, along with band members Jim Barr, Don MacKay and Brian A. Urbanik moved from Ontario to Nova Scotia in September 2003---- and it wasn't all rosy at the

and meet som.c great people, espc.cially through our car troubles (touting van 'Raspberry' is an unofficial fifth member of the band)." Citing communication as the most essential factor thatdle band strives to


ss s



The Flying Buttresses sitting on a ledge. How rock and roll! perfect in their music, Tyrrell is adatheir live sh()\.-vs.

vibe of the evening, we try to write a setlist to accommodate that. There's a big jam-band scene in Halifax, so we try to do a lot of improvisational stuff to get people on the dance floor.

found that if you're sensitive to your audience and sensitive to the music you're playing, then that's when you really love what you're doing." 'The FlyingButtresses and their trusty

van will be stopping in Cambridge \\"ed'lt.~~;dav, S,'·>"""P'·"~V'" 23 for a and dIversity atthe Fiddler's Green. More info on the band can be found at \V\vw.bllttre~l:l:h


tape Masterpiece: Songs that'll make you laugh Mark Stratford ----





Have you ever been around a group of people - say, waiting for a bus or riding in an elevator---- and spontafleously~tarted to laugh, lea<ling those around you to dismissively assume you are mentally handicapped? It's such a huzzkill; something so beautiful as an effective dose· of humour followed by a healthy release shot to hell by others just because they aren't feeling it. Are we so jaded that individualized laughter is a social stigma? (Incidentally, 1 have a problem \vith bursting into melodrama as well.) As a big fan of cjuirkiness (especially in music), allow me to suggest some effective options for your next long night of downloading-- .. songs thatwill elicit a smile Of chuckle from you at inopportune times simply because they're ... well, very different hom the typical musings oflatter-day rock ("I'm dark and misunderstood so fear me") and R&B ("Getro' hands off my man, Lakeisha!"). Let's all lighten up a bit; here's· how. Liz Phair - "Fuck And Run" , this is kind of a cheat. Tlus \vlll make you smile, but a \.\"incing, de··

feated smite, because, just like this song's narrator, you've woken up before with someone you know is toxic and who wants nothing more than for you to get dressed and exit stage left. For such a bitter memory, the maiden Phair sure Joes make it sound good. From the simple yet addictive bare guitar melody to the sweet pining for "all that st1.1pid old shit/Like letters and sodas." Accidental sex with emotion~J conse-· quences -- who'd have thunk it? Boney M - "Rasputin" Hands dO\vn the catchiest song of the '70s on the subject of sabotaging a mystical healing 1"nonk because hc drank too much booze and nailed everything in Russia possessing estrogen. Incidentally, that indelible "Rah, Rah, Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine" chorus would still to this day make for a wonderful cheerleader mantra at any undiscriminating high schoo! pep raUy. Divinyls - "I Touch Myself" A pc; -13 pop hit that obviously cd· ebrates masturbation is to be remembered no matter \,vhicb way Lauper's you slice it.

"She Bop", you're disqualificd for being too esoteric.) I'll admittha t the Aussie chick is a little heavy on the gasping, but chanting along to "I don't want anybody else/\X'li'en I thi..'1k about you 1 touch myself" in any social establishment or parking lot is a call for sm.iles both knowing and naughty. Except around cops, who I fcd are getting way too prudish. Gilda Radner -"Let's Talk Dirty To The Animals" In this live recording, thc late Gilda Radner -_. one of the only not-rdegated-to-the-background female players everto graduate from SNL-·reasons that the best way to interact ,vith the bizarre mating calls and friendJy noises of the animal kingdom is to curse a blue streak. "Fuck you, Mr. Bunny," she joyously sings. "Eat shit, Mr. Bear." Gotta love that moxie. Peaches - "Fuel< The Pain Away" The first 30 seconds of this song .__ . a fat, sleazy melody jarred by a plainJane voice rapping "Suckin' on my titties like you \\Canted mel Callin' me aU the time" --..-. is guaranteed to make you \vet your pams in unadulterated

excitement. Notice that I didn't say "pee your pants" ··_·-1 said "wet your pants." Scream in' Jay Hawkins - "I Put A Speil On You" This woozy, obsessive chestnut has heen covered by everyonc from Simone to Bryan Ferry to J\Iarilyn l\faoson, but nothingwill put a smile on your face (alheitancITous one) li.1.;.e the 1956 original. F!ow did Hawkins lnanagt~ ~uch an unforgettable vocal performance? By tered out of his head.

Park - "Uncle Fucka" The most obvious track on this list, true, but an insanely funny song. You need the soundtrack from the South Park because, simply put, it is a superb attack on the pomposity of musicals, in that too often, music that is soulful, classical or ol'chcstralis weighed down by elementary lyrics thatlack emolionalresonance. So you might as ,vell call someone an uncle fucker instead, J.1ghe

limp Bizkit - "Rollin'" Tee hee, Ncn:>,' rhis is run shit.

Terrance and Phillip from South




Oliver Black is going to make you sweat Ela Malkovsky IMPRINT STAFF

New to Waterloo, Oliver Black is certainlynotnewtothe game. Openingfor Three Days Grace on Friday night this nine month old quartetwill bring sweat and screams to Fed Hall Imprint got to chatwith Serena and Gregaboutmusic, university and the meaning of fun.


: You may be hot- : :I but we're cool!







~'~ ~tl__IJA\i~'-.MB~

Imprint OliverBlack, how didYOU!!!JS come up with that name? Greg: Basically, we needed a name that had a good ring to it, to make it soundlikeitwas amale fucking band so when youseeusitmakesyou thinkalitde bitbecauseyou'regonnabeexpectinga guy to be named Oliver and that's not the case at all

"A neo rock and roll thing."

Howdidyou allmeetantlhook up toform abtmd? Serena: We're all from the same area

Black for about nine months and that's when we've been playing with these great bands.



Falls and St Catharines. The three guys werema band beforewithoutme. They had a different singer and I Was m a different band at the time and we kinda just amalgamated as a cover band wtially, and then we switmed over to writing originals when we fdtcomfort:able enough.

You all have pretty df/fereflt i1iflnences so what kind ofstYles are riflected inyourmusic? S: Together we sound just like a classicrockmfluenced band! would say we just have an older edge to the music, butit's stillmodemaswell 'cause it's our spm on it It's a neo-rock and roll thing, a classic sound.

Y0I1!!!JS do quite afen l covers. Can WI! be expecting to se~your own show soon? S: Oh yeah, Oliver Black shows are original shows, they just have like one cover to pay homage to the people that mspireus.

What doyou think the stndcnts ofUW' should expectjrollJ the show? S:Alotofsu-"eat, acoupleofswearing words! (laughs.) Loud rock music and a really energetic show, alot ofscreaming, and a lot of good times.

Soyou'veplqyedwith bandslike Thornlty, The T rews, Dqan/t, Sam Roberts, HighHofy Dqys,' what's it like considering;'Ott're apretty new band? Twoyears, right? S: Yeah and we've only been Oliver

You like p~g unitmi!J 1Jt1!m!s? S: University venues are .awesome 'cause the kids just wanna have fun. We're all the same age so its like ''lets party."

Is there agmeral message thatyou try to deliver with the music and the fyrics? . S: Just being true to yourself and writing about what you're feding.

I I I I I I II •

I personalfy haven't heard aboutyou!f!YS and I'm sure that I'm not the onfy one in Watetioo, so whatwouldattractpeople to come and seeyou? S: A lot of people don't know who we are which ffi fine. We're a very new band and I just hope they take arukand come out to see a live band. For the showwe got stickers, buttons, T-shirts, butno music righ.tnow. There's music on the Web site which is OIiverBlaclu'\iusic.oom..

_",Is coupon We~tm~unt

Place, Westmount Road or 238 Weber Sl (both at University) EXPIRES: Oct. 1, 2004


-------------------_. Dally till 11:00 p.m.


"No doc has burrowed SO deeply into the bruised egos, arrested development ancIlnternaI conflict dial make up a superstar band." • Chris Ifognar. Dallas Morning News

IwilJparsthatme.ssagerm,antlitwargreat getting to know you, which all Waterloo stuJmts can do on Fridqy when OliverBlack ~iU be openingfor Three Dqys Grace at Fed Hall, so get up and come check it out.

"Don't let anyone spoil the surprises of this thrash...., thriiOng chunk of cinematic gold. It's one for the dme capsule."

Tea Party's newest release:~Not terrible

- Peter Travers, Romng Slone

SEPT 17 - 20

yet not spectacular 6 Princess Street West • Waterloo' 885-2950


Laura Katsirdakis EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

The Tea Party may well have set the bar a little too high even for themselves. Their newest addition, entitled Seven Circles, is certainly not a bad album. Anyone who listened to their last album, The Interzone Afalltras, knows exactly what a bad

album sounds like. Seven Circles has some songs worth listening to more than once, but on the whole it simply does not compare to Splendour Solace or Edges of Twilight. Those albums were enchanted, unique and masterful. Jeff Martin's vocals were haunting and inspired. Since then things have gone downhill. Every band seems to feel compelled to change as their careers progress, but in the case of The Tea Party, change means growing more bland and almost boring. It must be hard to live up to one's own standards when they have been set so high, but I'm sure I am not the only one who expected more of The Tea Party. When Triptych hit the stands, it was apparent that the group had moved in a more mainstream direction. Not only the music, but the lyrics shifted away from the band's characteristically dark and

brooding tone. The move was slight and perhaps only the seasoned fan would notice the change. However, when l¥!antras came out, the entire album was filled with songs below the par Triptych had established. Seven Circles is a return to Triptych's level, in terms of music but not in terms oflyrics. Yet even the best songs on the new album are only as 'good as the . blander pieces on Triptych. Anyone who has never listened to and fallen in love with The Tea Party's earlier work will probably find nothing wrong with this album at all. Theone thing that is truly lacking in this album is Martin's dark and pessimistic tone. One cannot help but be spellbound by the passion of an artist who is. creating from the depths of himself; and this album seems to skim the selfdestructive, tortured substance that Martin has drawn from for the majority of his career so far.


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Those odd . plant creatures. ate back

A mish..masno£pe.rsonal

!~rk~ouieneeds to be there to make the story .... r.··. e.· ..'c . . . 'U' .. . .,e·.'... .t··1· 0·~'.·.. ·.·1:&·s·.·'.·· . As futh~ orlgmal game, you~requiredt(). . '.'0.

use your Pikmin to solve problelIl~mdretrieVe .

. . ....



:'·.:;n.·· ....: . . .

. ..



artifacts. This time, instead ofshippattS, you ate '.".... '. ...... ." .. tracking down treaSures like batteries.ttushedtin ,. Dre~s .yOl!£ Family iil Corducans and other 'eaithly garbage. . roY8Jld Jiijnfm .; The real beauty of the gam!! ,co01esi #tthi . Da\ri4.:Se.iJ·· sounds. Personally, I'm not a sound ,guy. It' .. UtuEI;erOwrif'Jblishins· usually doesn't ma!re much differenee to me.but· this game was impressive. The voiceovers ate DavidSedaris's latestb~k,1)mi . YONr Cortltiiqy amJ Ii~, donewell, atid the Pikmin make cute littlegrunt~ ing nruses when they pick up shit. .' is a collection of27essays baSed()il Gain,ecube ()ur spaceship also' functions as ap10bile .the~thor's·reallif~;The bQok is . .$59.99 marketing department: each time .you .fi!:td'>a: ,laidputonatime...Jin¢ tlulgoughiy The originalP~ usht;red ~allew style. of treasure, it names it. The geniuS of the Wtiters, .·conesponds to the progression.of .... showStijr()ugh,ht:re;youknowwhateachoh)ett. :£eclatis' life from childhOod. to .' squad-management basecigaming. Objectives '. .adulth()oa}H:6wever;the'Stoties were. c()mpletedby<;Q.tprrul11.ding,.interugent: is, but the names created are absurd. . Thegame;contrOls are well thought out. ~echoosestos~aren()tthe¥' plant~creature hybridst()d~your bidding. The sequel seekS to prove ,this formula can 'work They.allowyouto control Olimar or Louie \ pointsormajoreventsinhislife,a mish~mash assortment ofeXperiagain, w~e providing yet aqother intri,guing with the li:ft, th1.ilI1bstick, and move your Pikmin group With theC-stick. Switching he-' ences. and fungarqe.. 'tWeen the captaitls only requires a push of the There \ is no question that: Th~gamefofiows the adventures ofCaptain X button. Sedans' is a gifted writer. Yet, O~and his mildly retarded cohort, Louie. Compared to the first game, the graphics despite the hype6urrounding his They:atedispatched to a diffetentplanet (yes, the and genaral game mechanics have been cleaned comic abilities, this is notstri,cdy same one Olirnat previotislycl1lshed on, and alaugh-out-Ioud book from start just escaped) to collect trt;asure With which to up. They added a few new Pikminwith differbail their employer out of debt. The debt, a ent abilitie~, shaking up the problem-solving to Hnish - this is a book that's more interesting for its honesty result of a shipment ofcarrots being.eaten by;' aspect.a little bit. Qverall,Piklnin 2 is a great diversion. It's a and Understated satire. a space bunny, essentially-represents theem:\of Sedaris satirizes avanety of game you can pick up and play for 20 minutes, the game. '" Just afterlanding onthe planet, Olimat and or five hours. The gameplay is exciting and targets alld yet none more thati Louiehappe.n 00, some Pilunin.ExcellentTlfly inoovative, while still being practical and pol- himself. We get an insider's tour of his life and family, with special emphasis on his underaished.'· . plant rninionstod~ yqur bidding. chiever years Jiving as a druggie in his parents' I strongly recommend this for anybody , The twQ capt~scan be controlled sepahome as alonely wannabe hippie-beggar. His rately,. or both in one group. This wasin~ that~sintert!stcd in trying something new. as a successful writer in a steady later years tended to add a more strategic dynamic to the relationship get comparatively little ink. i§ barely used fo~:puzzle l>.V'~·"'~, Through astute observation, Sedans makes <:OVert jabs at the cliques;wealthy,:,guburbia" sman towns, family relationships and America. Sedaris' siblings and parents are prominendy featured ~ his stories as are his OCD and homosexuality. He is surprisingly and sometimes painfully honest about theembarrass~ ing moments in his life (and his family's) while somehow mosdy managing to sidestep both pat conclusions and melodramatic self-pity.



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While Sedans exposes the wettdness ofthe outwardly mundane, he Simultaneously underplays those experiences thit'he'shad that are truly shocking. For example, when Sedans recounts a time when he is inistaken for atid treated as an x-rated es-cort by an older man, he manages to tell the story in an almost fl;\istratingly,i:natter~of-factway.

This book is a blend of melancholy and amusing anecdotes. Here's a sampler: In "Repeat After Me", we're introduced to sister' Lisa who, among other things, has trained her parrot to be her emotional cheerleader - itcons"tandy repeats "Yau can do it!" Later, we're told, when Lisa regains her confidence, the parrot adopts the far more practical ''Where are my keys?" 'In "sii to Eight Black Men", Sedarisdiscusses how both roosters' crowing and the idea of Santa are different the world over. In focu~es refererice to the gift~deemphasizing European Christmas, Sedans writes: "I suppose it's fine for those who prefer food and family to things ordinary~ of real value." In "Baby Einstein", Sedaris captures the minutiae that are both silly and profound in what anew baby does to ftrst-time parents (notably, baby's ftrst turds). In "Nuit of the Living Dead", Sedaris tUrns an incident of tourists asking directions into' the question of what strangers would think of our odd little lives if they were shown our real, uncensored, unsanitizedhomes~ the way it looks before you tidy up for company. Dress YONr Fa11li&is worth a read if only for .~ one of the funniest lines I've come across: "I ain't getting dressed up to eat no ftsh-assedta,sting chicken." Sedans has a way of slipping The author seems determined· to shine a in great lines like that. Another one of my light on everyday absurdities - he like's to . favourites comes early in the book, an astute observation on human nature: " .. but friendwrite about the odd and'nonse1;lsiCal things that people think and do on a daily basis. He .ship would have taken away their mystery and focuses on incidents that look ordinary, even interfered with the good feeling I got from boring; but actually involve complex aild· pitying them. So I kept my distance." emotional internal monologues and psycho- . David Sedaris is a semi-regular radio contributor on National Public. Radio and has logical struggles. One such story is about the seeming non:Oevent of helpmg it boy carty authored other successful autobiographical beverages; he. takes us through rus inner books, Naked-and Me Talk Pretry One Dqy. As thoughts, which involve tremendous impulse a side note, he's also the brother of Satur'dqy control to resist doing something that would, Night Live performer Amy Sedaris. he feels, be interpreted as abhorrent (touching the boy's head). Serena Wong, Imprint staff

He on .incidents that look . even boring, bllt actually involve complex ,and .. emotional internal monologues and psychological struggles.




Yoga positions are one of the many things you'll see during Nijinsky Through a Window.

Filling an empty space for Waterloo Jude Doble

Phil Wang, who played the title role ofNijinsky, said the actors worked in character"to create and discoveremotions, relationships, conflict - any~'hen there is a call for an audition, an actor typically tries out for a partin an thing as long as it was intensely enthralling." There were no right or . existing play. Not the case with MT wrong ideas that could be suggested; Space, KW's newest theatre company. but whatever the group didn't agree Each project starts with a theme and it is the actors and director_ \on was dismissed. work together, over several weeks, to For Nicholas Cumming. another develop the concept, the script, and the UW grad, this was an exciting element. "The entire cast contributed to movements for the production. Every the actions, movements and strucplayer is charged with the responsibiltures of the ity of making the performance an scenes ... at no There were no engaging experi- . tirnewere our roles ence for both the singularly our right or wrong cast and the audiown," said ideas that could . Cummings. ence. For artistic ditar be suggested b':lt saidBou-Ma rector MajdiBouthe cast chose whatever the Matar, the KW themes that arts community "refl~ct[ed] upon group didn't had an "empty our personal conspace" that he felt agree on, was cerns and anxiecould be filled by ties, questions dismissed. developing a dealing with love, multicultural hate, gender iden:. theatre (Mf) group, where diverse tities, religion, war, power and fame." professional performers could colThe result was an unusual and interlaboratively develop ideas. To build esting blend of languorous and frethe foundation for this non-tradinetic movements dispersed between tional theatre company, Bou-Matal: brief yet intense emotio~al mononeeded a group of young people to logues. commit weeks of their lives to de"The language of movement is velop this performance piece together. universal and crosses cultutes," said The first theatrical experience for Bou-Matar, adding it does so in a way MT Space, Nijinslg Through a Winthat is not limited by language. In this dow, was showcased on August 28 at way, the actors with Asian, Eastern the Theatre of the'Arts. A cast of flVe, European and :Middle Eastern backmade up of one UW student and grounds conveyed a message that several recent UW grads, donned the went beyond the content of words, bare stage to explore the tutbulentlife expressing human misery and angst, of legendary Russian ballet dancer, through movement and sound. Vaslav Nijinsky, one of this century's The presentation of Nijinsky's ballet company, Ballets Rousses, was greatest ballet dancers. The performance was a glimpse into the life of a fun and sassy. lively French jazz music talented man which was marred by played as a single hand, foot or bUm jealousy, loss and schizophrenia. appeared from behind several backThe cast, with help from UW drops. The farcicaland coy scene added dram~ Prof. Andrew Houston and some levity to the heavy themes exlocaL dramaturge, J asminka Klacar, plored. The theatrical acrobatics and spentthesummercreatingachallengphysically entwined bodies \rere akin ing performance. It was shy on diato an evening of Cirque du Soleil logue and big on interpretive movemeets Kids in the Hall. ment. The cast of NijiflSlg Through a S},stems design engineering grad W7indow entertained, moved, surSPECIAL TO IMPRINT

prised and at times wowed the audience by the level of physical determination demonstrated. UW grad Julia Turzanski's exhaustive dance as a harlequin charmed and amused. As MT Space's first attempt at collaborative performance creation was a success, future projects will be worth checking out. N~ T~t3lfJUwis begin-

ning its next phase of development, where the full-fledged production will premiere in the Festival du Monde AmbeinMontreal this November. ~IT Space is loo~ fot\\'al:d to wol:king with more artists from diverse cultural backgrounds for this and futute productions. The curious can inquire


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Roomfor rent for a quiet individualm:a VolUnfeer co-ordinator required by Ini~ soft.eng./comp.sci. students with some print Sep~ber 7 to December 3~ for a i41e clock cycles interested in collaboratdetached home near both universities. Term paperbelptrom dedicated writParking and all amenities. Please call 725maximuin 'of 85 hours •. MUst qualify '£01; ing on $ome innovative software ideas. ing professionals with more than 31) years 5341L· Work Stu<ly"Plail. The yo~unteei co~ Objective is asale;tble app. or an ecoexperience,. ES~ research plus writing, nomical1y viablebusiness;- Share ineqordinator will bring knowle<lgeand reediting and proofreading, entrance letB.oom for rent - walking distance . to sources to volunteers that will aid ~the uity. Worstcase~i1:willlookgoodon the ters and thesis help. Toll free 1-888-345School of Architecture, OW, Cambridge resume.. No 8928· or customessay:com; CampUs. $400/month includes phone, . production of Imprint Publicatioos: He/ she will provide training to volunteers so atrachmep.ts please.,' cable, internet. CaUJennifer at 621-2502 Ultimate Questions - The Lord Jesus that they are better able ~ fulfill their Models required _ part-time, fac~ and or 740-2104. Available inu:nediately. Christ is the di(ference, Learn about duties and responsibilitl'es as Imprint nudemodels,maleandfemale,allagesfor Bible study by correspondence. Publications volunteers.' He/she will be Please send name and address to: Bible sculptor. Please include photo and send available for questions, trai.tiing and conStudy, Zion United ·Reformed· Church, to P.O, Box 424, Kitchener, Ontario, sultation with volunte.ers .for. app'roxi1990 Chevy Caprice dassic - many new 1238 Main Street, Sheffield. OntariQ, N2G 3Y9, Attention: Linda. cellent condition; $2000, e-mail . .mately 10 hours Per. week Also to act as LOR 1Z0 or e-mail C a co-ordinator for Clubs Day and ImBehavioural· therapist wanted .part or cali 995~1211, See website:, click on print's official "welcomer."Umterested, time position for ilABA therapist to work ext links, ask for book, sign up todlly, it's bririg your resume td Laura Katsirdakis, with an autistic child two afternoons per 1996 . c Sunfire- black on ~har­ free! rooili1116,Student Life Centre or e-, week.EulItraining~dgoodsalarywithin coal, four'door, 2.4 L, fouf'qelindet, Essay Help - need help with any of your mail to a fun atmosphere~ Must commit for one autontatIcttansmission air conditioning, essays? Take the help of highly qualified Production assistarluequired by Imprint year. We are located minutes from the AMlFMlCDstere'o, ABS brakes, tilt graduates. We are able to work at all .. Univer~ity. Submit resume to: September 7 to December 3, for a maxi£ 1 wheel, dual air bags, rust-proofed, 138K, academic levels and coyer most academic mum of 85 hours. Must qualify for Work;.:e=f;.:en=.;.:d;.:ar=a@=r.::.;og5Le;.:r.:.;s,;.:co.:.;m==-.._ _ __ $4800 or best reasonable offer. Call Pesubjects. Top quality writing, editing, Now hiring for kitchen positions at Mel's Study Plan. The production assistant will ter 885-1086. and research provided. Call toll free to aid in the production of the newspaper on Diner. Extremely competitive wages in BMW 318 tofsale - 5 speed, :inany op- .. Custom Editing Services 1-888-345a weekly basis by aiding volunteers and an exciting and challenging restaurant. tions; near perfect condition, 8295, or organizing resources. The production asApply in person, with resume to: Mel's Fax (416) 960-0240. 105,OOOkm - arrive for class in style, lend support to editorial staff Diner, 7-140 University Ave., W., Watersistant $13,000. Call 725-5838. Bessie's Dressmakers - provides alteraon Tl1esdayand Wednesday nights and 100, next to Loose Change Louis. tions for women and men at 22 King will help ensure production rUns Waitresses/waiters needed part-time at Street, S,., Waterloo, between O.w. / smoqthly. The production assistant's Almadina Egyptian Cuisine and Just'n Sports and Home Hardware. Open Monmainpriority is to ensure the speedy Pita. Bring resume to 140 University Ave., day tQ Friday 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and Tutor available for linear algebra and ~aturday 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Call completion of layouts, including maxiW., Waterloo, comer of Phillip and Unicalculus. Please e-mail Mouli at 747-3565. . mizing the·,benefit of Tuesday's prevel'fJ.ty, during business hours. F"-PaylngStudents:$5.001.15 Non-8tudenl:s:$c10.00/.25 BuslnesslStudents:$15.00l.25









UPCOMING Wednescby, September 22, 2004 Waterloo-Germany exchange session the Germanic and Slavic department is holding an information session on Wednesday, September 22 from 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. in ML245. The exchange is open to all students. For' further . informtion visit the web site at exchange/. Thur~day, September 23. 2004 UW Hi~ory Society invest all students, aIlyem, all programs, to our firstnieeting this year:Many interesting positions available. Free pizza. Hagey Hall reading room, HH117 at 5:00p.m. 0

Saturday, September 25, 2004 Auction sale - 9:30 a~. at 41 loUisa Stree, .Baden. Items include 'household items, furniJ;ure, contractors tools, mechanical tools, baby items. Tuesday, September 28,2004 UtUversity of Waterloo Recreation Committee (UWRC) presents "Spoken Word" with Heather M:tjaury in the Davis Centre, room 1301 at 12:05 to 12:50 p.m. Bring your lunch and relax. For more info

VOLUNTEER Volunteer with a child at their school and h~lp improve their self-esteem alid'con: fidence. One to three hours a week commirment. Call Canadian Mental Health at 744-7645, ext 317.




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Take your vitamins, have a beer! Western study finds that drinking suds can help your blood Mark Johnson IMPRINT STAFF

A new study recently completed at the University of Western Ontario indicates that drinking beer has the same health effects as drinking red wine. Researchers 'discovered 'that tJ:te polyphenols' in beer - substances derived from barley boost antioxidant activity in the, blood, helping to fight cancer, he~ " disease and cataracts. This follows previous research which, determined that modeiate consumption of alcohol increases levels of HDL, or g00d cholesterol. It also thins the blood, helping to slow stiffening of the arteries and prevent clots that cause heart attacks. E.ffe.cts are more or less the same whether light, regular or alcohol-free't~e; consumed. ,:Befoie yourun out to the heer store, here's the catch: the study also found that one bottle-of beer in a 24-hour period had the aforementioned positive health effects, but,going overboard with three or


, more beers makes the blood "prooxidant" and has the opposite ef.:. feet. Heavy drinking can cause high . blood pressure and can alsodam-~ age th~ brain and liver, therefore cancelling out any posSible benefits to the heart. , "AnotherrecentstudyatHarvard University Medical School found , that p"eople who drink moder~tely at least three times a weekhad onethird fewer heart attacks than non: drinkers ~nd itdoesn't matter what sort of'alcohol is consumed. Moderate alcohol consumption ,also incr,eases the survival rate for heart attacks 'by 32 percent. Those who abstained from alcohol completely had the highest ris~ of heart failure; Doctors ~till shy away from recomm(!nding drinking to patients as a, method of maintaining good health. So, raise a toast! However, please remember that the health benefits do O:ot extend to those who drink and drive! mjohnson@imprin!

Hmm, which is healthier? New studies show both are goo~ for you, but only in moderation.

Dirty pictures, PCBs and recycled barges

Penny Michelle Rorke and Tim Mollison

used ac'ross faculties 'for such ,things as developing economic models and b10medical modelling, to research into "green 'nanotechnology," UW will soon gleam with spanking new equipment funded by' the CFI. The math, engineering, applied health stuilies and science faculties will be the primary beneficiaries of the funding.


Money, that's what I want The Canada Foundation for Inno'vation's New Opportunities Fund has awarded a total of$1.3 million to five research.ers on campus. From new supercomputers to be

'C!luse it's critical Microsoft has issued a patch ,for its latest security flaw affecting Windows XP, Office 2003, Project, Visio, Visual Studio, and oth~r programs that-handle JPEG images. The problem puts users at risk

when openAng a me or viewing a coded image. But don't worry, you can download the patch at Poor polar bears The World Wili:llife Fund is demandingmore bans on {oxic industrial chemicals. The 22,000 polar bears in the Arctic are suffering from lingering PCBs and pesticides that are swept north from the nations in the south: Studies link these chemicals to tJ:te lack of antibodies in their blood, which makes them prone to infection. "Altered hormone levels were found to cause reproductive and behaviour problems as well.

J claim this ship in the name of science! A 15 year-old US naval ship has been given to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Adminis,ation. The Navy will spend two years and 18 million US dollars to refurbish the ship and equip it for its new- role. The ship will study the deep-ocean environment, from marine life and ocean dynamics to oil and natural gas reserves. New' sensorswm make it possible to scan and map the ocean floor. It will also be engineered to transmit images and data so that other scientists - and even teachers and students.,....,.. can watch research as it happ~ns.

Hurricanes to get stronger Scientists told the U.S. Senate Commerce Committee last Wednesday that global warming will result in more fierce hurri~ canes in the future. However; the scientific community is split over the issue. A group of ten climatologists sent a letter to the' head of the committee challenging the claim, stating that there was no scientific evidence of a definite correlation between the two. The United States is the world's largest producer of greenhouse gases.



Weir watch

- TWD-lDinlll8 WIPnllll, Pile '1.7

Men's baseballoff to 'a rolling start Rookie pitcher Shane Riley throws a complete game no-hitter versus U of T Rod Mclachlan IMPRINT STAFF

After winning fow: of their last six games, the UW men's baseball team has already nearly matched their win total of eight from last season. This is goodnewsforheadcoachBrianBishop, . who saw his teamsweep the McMaster 'Marauders in' last Saturday's doubleheader action, 3-0 and 19-6, and earn a split in a doubleheader against U ofT on 'Sunday, 8-0 and 02. On Monday, with both games being played at Guelph's Hastings Stadium, Waterloo lost 3-2 to Guelph and won 4-2 against Western. With these fourwins, the Warriors moved to i 5·:3-0 (win-loss-tie) record this season, climbing into first place in the league. However, perennial contender Brock slipped into a tie with the idle Warriors after beating U of T on Tuesday night with a 2-1 win. Then, with Wednesday night's 3-0 win over McMaster, Brock stole the top spot away from UW completely.

However, therealst:oryoftheweekend for the Warriors was rookie pitch·ingsensation Shane Riley, who got the start in the first doubleheader game against the U of T Varsity Blues on $unday. Riley had eight s1:rikeou~ and · five walks on his way to a complete · gameno-hitter-the fiistin Warrior history. UWwenton to cruise to an 8Ovictoty. The rookie's no-hitterperfonnailce • was defini!ely "a surprise" for his coach; however, Bishop said he knew that Riley nad some good stuff. "I didn't know much about him," offered Bishop by phone. ''It's always a little surprising when"a pitcher gets a no-hitter. ''I knew he had the ability to shut teams down." But just because Riley has had two impressive starts so far this season, don't expect to see him start every game. The league'S schedule, which features lots of doubleheaders and · gameson consecutive days, is setup so that teams must have more than two good starting pitchers. Bishop said

that this bars any team with just one standout pitcher from garnering an unfair advanmge over other clubs in tl}e league. . Nevertheless, the Warriors coachis extremely excited about his pitching staff this season. He said thathe has already received strong outings from pitchers Wes Koch, Dave and Andrew Radcliffe. When asked what the reasons were for the team's eaHy season success, coach Bishop pointed to all the pieces coming together at the right time. "We've had really good starting pitchers. That's been a part of [our . success]," commented Bishop. As well, beingpatientattheplate has helped the Warriors draw more walks and pro-. dtice some offence. On defence, UW has been exceptional, added Bishop. Putting runs on the board is once again a bitofa concem for the Wartiors. Bishopsaid that this is one of the areas where his team still needs improvement. ''We stillhave to hita bit better. We need more clutch hitting," mentioned

Bishop 'after his club stranded coundess runners onbaseinthelast few games. Despite having II. couple of things to work on in practice, -Bishop is definitely happy with his team's odds of going the distance this season. "I like our chances if we make the playoffs with ourstartingpitching," he said. Nextup, Waterloo fa<;es off against Western in a doubleheader on September 18 in London. The games will start at 1 p.m. and 3:30 p.rn. JULIAN APONG



Football Warriors set to host home opener versus York defense and special teams) are getting . petter and better, but they're not there yet." _ The Warriors began their season Even though the UW football team has kicked offtheir season with backfacing the Ottawa Gee Gees on the to-back losses, optimism is high for road and, although the game may have the rebuilding Warriors. seemed like a mismatch oil paper, the UW opened the 2004 schedule with Warriors gave their opponents asmuch a heartbreaking double-overtime loss as they could handle. UWheldthe Gee Gees to six points to Ottawa, 24-23, before being,manin the first half, helped along ,by a handled by the McMaster Marauders 55-17 last weekend. But with their sttong defensive presence and some home opener slated f0r tomorrow turnovers by Ottawa. (Septemberr 18), expectations arehigh The Gee Gees tied the game on a for the young Warriors squad. · touchdown in the closing moments . ''We'recoming;Uongprettygood,'' beforewinningthe gameirithe second overtime drive, when' a 10-yard field said UW head coach Chris Triantafilou. "Allthree aspects ofthe game (offense, goal attempt by Ottawa's Aia


Tchobanian missed wide but floated out of the end zone for a rouge and a single point. While Triantafilou said the loss was tough for his team to take, he was quick to add the experience of overtime will prove beneficial for his young team. "Having that experience going through overtime is invaluable for everyone," Triantafilou said. The second game of2004 saw the Warriors face superstar running back jesse Lumsden and the four-tithe' defendingOUA champion McMaster Marauders in Hamilton. UW was in tough from the beginning, as Mac cruised to a 55-17 victory in their home

. opener. Lumsdenranroughshodover the Warriors defense, racking up 344 yards on 24 carries - including a 108yard touchdown scamper, coming within five yards of the OUA single~ game nIshing record. Lumsden 1I1so became the most prolific rusherin the province's history, breaking the career rushitfg record of 2,863 yards set by former Marauder Kyle Pyear. "It . was something else," Triantafilou said of Lumsden's performance. "He's an elite athlete in this league; he's one of those guys who's better than all the kids before him." UW quarterbackJon Morbeyw!ls strong in both games, throwing 'for 406 yards and four touchdowns.

The Warriors will host the York Lions tomorrow in their home opener, which will be broadcast nationwide on The SCQre television network. While Triantafilouadmits there will be added jitters before the game for his inexperienced squad, he doesn't expect the exposure to rattle the Warrio):s. "It's just another football game," Triantafiloucommented. "When that . ball is kicked, we just have to be f<?cused." Game time from University Stadium is, 2 p.m.

-with flies from UWathletics

Sat., Sept. 18,2004 Mills Invitation Cross Country Meet I~OOpm, . UW North Campus

(M)I:00pm (W)3:00pm UW North Campus

4:00pm UW North Campus





TORY WESTBROOK, SOCCER Shane tossed a complete game no-hitter on Sunday afternoon leading the Warriors to an 8-0 victory over the Varsity Blues in Toronto. Shane also struck out 8 and walked 5 in the win. This is Shane's second shut-out this season 1n two starts this year.

Tory scored 3 goals on Sunday afternoon to lead the Warriors to a 5-1 victory over the Lancers in Windsor. The 3 goal performance puts Tory in the OUA scoring lead after week one of the season.



Campus Rec kicks off fall programs


Advanced instructor training and certification . The Speedo WATERArtprogram will soon he offered at Waterloo. This certification program is intended to teach participants to become Aquafit instructors. The registration fee of $129 plus GST "includes class theory and pool practical time, instructor manual, video and certificate," according to a Campus Recreation press release. Those who are interested in this program should note that the aforementioned fee is a discounted rate that is available only to UW students and members. For more information, please contactJen Lennon at 888-4567 ext. 5034. Instructional registration takes place next week Instructional registration will run fromSeptembeJ;21 to 23. Can1pusRec staff are warning students that things will be organized differently this year. Interested students may pick up a ticket from the PAC red north entrance between the hours of8:15 a.m.

and 11 a.m. on September 21 to be eligible to register. This ticketwillgive students a time to come back to the PAC to register on September 21 only. Campus Rec staff would like students to know that registration has been extended until 10 p.m. on Tuesday; Septembet 21. Registration on September 22 and 23 will take place in the athletics office forallofthe classes with spots still remaining open. For more particulars, please refer to the Campus Rec guidebook or the UW athletics web site (www.athletics. .. As for fitness class registration, students can now purchase a shoe tag or punch card instead of individual class registration. These shoe tags and punch cards are available in the PAC athletics office and can bepic~ed up at any time. This means that students do not need to buy shoe tam> or punch cards during the instructional registration. . Also, students can sign up for any of the certification programs, such as first aid, at any time. For further details on the scheduling of classes, visit rhe web site or check the guidebook. Pick-up volleyball begins Campus Rec is encouraging students to get friends together on Monday nights and come out for some pick-up volleyball at the Columbia

Westbrook notches hat trick


UW men's soccer team fails to become road Warriors While most students were busy preparing for the first day of classes last weekend, the Warrior men's soccer terun hit the road to play Western and Windsor for their first two games of the season. On Saturday, September 11, the Warriors took on the Mustangs at 1 p.m. in City Wide Park in London. The season opening match ended in a 1-1 draw. UWO's Kyle Washington opened the scoring for the home team in the 23rd minute. In the 37th minute, Waterloo's Payman



Charkhzarin knotted the game at one apiece. Charkhzarin is in secondyear kineSiology at UW and hails originally from Kitchener, Ont.. This is also his second year with the club. In the end, neither team was able to break away in the dying minutes of the match. The following day Waterloo trav- . dIed to Windsor to play against the Lancers at 1 p.m. atWiqdsor South Campus Field. ThehoinetownLancers ended up with a 2-1 comeback . win. Jason Antovski and Jason Invin tallied for Windsor. UW women's soccer team earns a split in weekend action , The Warrior women's soccer team lost their season opener on the road last weekend against the Western Mustangs. On September 11 at 3 p.m., Waterloo squared off against Western at City Wide Park in London. London native Kate Crowley

Icefields. All volleyball action will take place in the new gyms of the CIF from 8 p.m. until 11 p.m. The opening night for pi~k.tip volleyball will be September 20. Running group starts . UW's running group will be hostingits flrstmeetingofthe fall termon September 20 at 6:30 p.m. in PAC 2021. The meeting should last an hour. The group's aim is to hookup runners of various skill and experience levels with new running partners at· UW. Interested persons or thosewith questions are encouraged to contact Annette at 888-4567 ext. 6340. The group is also looking for organizational assistance. Registration for leagues is (almost) over, meetings start Interested in registering for a competitive or recreational league at UW? Today, September 17, is the final day of registration. Sign-ups end at 4 p.m. Meetings for these leagues have already begun. Captains' meetings are next week. For more info refer to the Campus Rec guidebook or web site for times and locations.


WI co'ter••• dorm porties

banqlltlts & PGrty lOOms GWIIClbifl - breakfast all day -lunch and dinner specials daily - roast beef buffet Saturdays at St. Agatha -Sunday Brunch at St. Agatha --fully licenced L.L.B.O. with Draught on tap 47 Erb Street, W., Waterloo - 886·2540 1761 Erbs Road,St. Agatha-747-1700

-with jiles from UW Campus Rec press



scored the only goal of the game in the 85th minute of play. Mustang netminder and Ottawa nanve Jessy Kapitany turned aside all of Water100'5 shots forthe 1-0 shutout win. The very next day tl1e team headed down highway 401 to do battle against the Windsor Lancers. The match was held at 3 p.m. at Windsor South Campus Field. Waterloo turned in an inspired effort and was rewarded with a 5-1 rout. Windsor's Besma Berhanu was the lone goal scorer for the Lancers, while UW striker Tory Westbrook tallied a whopping three times, which understandably earned her athlete of the week honours from UW's athletics department. Nuala Marshall and Stephanie Clutterbuck were the other Warrior goal scorers.


University of



with jiles from UWO athletics/

Jeff Renaud/OUA

$8.S0/hr to start

• Work on Campus • Flexible hours • Raises Every ZO'Shifts • AFun Team Environment

Upcolliog Galles Sept. 17·23

Men's Soccer Sept. 18 vs. Queen's, 1 p.m.

Men's Tennis Sept 18vs.McMasterandToronto

If you are a good (ommunicato~rf Enthusiastic and Dependable, then we want to talk to you!

football Sept. 18 vs. York, 2 p.m.

Women's Soccer Sept. 18 Vs. Queen's, 3 p.m.

Women's Tennis Sept. 18-19 at McMaster Tourney

Women's Rugby Sept. 19 at Toronto, 3 p.m.

Baseball Sept. 18 at UWO, 1 p.m., 3:~0 p.m. Sept. 22 vs. Guelph, 6 p.m., 8 p.m.

field Hockey (at Carleton) Sept. 18 vs. York, 11 :30 a.m. Sept. 19 vs. Western, 9 a.m. Sept. 19 vs. McGill, 2 p.m.

Please apply in person at the Office of Development in South Campus Hall. Please include a cover letter, resume,cJass schedule and three references.

Men's Rugby Sept. 18 at Western, 3 p.m. Sept. 22 vs. Windsor, 4 p.m.

Golf Sept. 20 at Guelph Invitational


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Questions: Kathy Prpic ext.31Z9

campaignwaterloo BUILDING: A TALENT TRUST

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H"urricanes . don't take' away Rugby: Warriors ride strong defence to victory from Magic co-op experience Continued from cover Indeed, the Watriors..tookadvanof2003 and thewinterof2004. He has tage of the Laurier penalty, as UW been a conv~ner for Campus Rec basfullbackJ ated Ehgoetz-the brother ketball as 'well as a student program of WLU fly half Andrew - burst co-ordinator.. Cross noted that his Being that his ftrstwordas a baby was through the depleted Golden Hawk experience with Campus Recwas also "ball," it is no surprise 'that Jeremy defensive line for the go-ahea&tty. A Cross, a third-yeat rec andl~isure stuan asset when b!,!ing considered for a conversion by WrunOts scrum half dent at the University of Waterloo, position with the Magic. Mike Saxon made the score 14-10 and Having stattedworkwith the Magic has begun the ftrst ofhis ftnal two coop placements working atound the' onAugust 23,Cr?ss arrived in Florida Waterloo wouldnotttail for the rest of the match. game he loves. Cross was fortunate the day after the Orlando atea got hit The Watriors padded their lead enough to secure a two~term placehatd by hurricane Chatlie. Thus,he sh()rtlyafterclaimingitfromWLU,as ment with the community relations had only been in Florida a short while wingerLucas Hatden found a chink in depattment of the NBA's Orlando when it was hit by hurricane Frances, ~c. . the WLU defense and tallied another the second storm. in as manyWeeks. ttY for the home squad. 'I)le convert "Frances was my fIrst hurricane and I The internship involves overseeattempt was missed, but Waterloo ing various Magic community relawas very lucky in comparison to other families close by," noted Cross. . . had stretched their lead to 19-10. tions programs including the ReadAlate surge by the Golden Hawks to-Achieve community initiative, ''1 took some video and pictures of which aims to promote reading the destruction because, even though ~ was capped off with a tty by Laurier among elementaty school students in Frances was downgraded to a tropical captain and fullbackJ asonDoble, who flew down the right side and into the central Florida. storm, it was still the wildest storm I .Waterloo end zone. A conversion by Cross discovered the opportunity . have everwitnessed." Golden Hawks fly half Tim Birkett As further hurricanes threaten to work for the Magic while seatching dtade the score 19-17, butitwas acase Florida, Cross admits he doesn't know nba,com. He'promptly applied and of too little too late for WLU, as the what to expect, but he continues to underwent a process which included Warriors claimed victory in the season two interviews before being hired. s.avour the opportunity to work opener. atoimd the game he loves. Undoubtedly, Cross' past co-op Headiriginto their next game with experience was an assetwhenit came "'1 would like to do 'exactly what I the WestemMustangs, Ingoldsby said time for theMagic to make a decision am doing with the Orlando Magic his team will take a few lessons from [after graduation]," says Cross. on whether to offer him the position. During his fIrst co-op experience in When asked about the beneftts of the game against Laurier, as well as the ail-important two points in the th~winterof2003, he worked for the being a basketball fan employed by an standings. Toronto Raptors in their database NBA franchise, Cross replied, ''There "We took two points and that's ate a few perks. I will leave it at that." matketing and consumer products . always worth something," Ingoldsby depattments. Also, he completed cocommented. "We've spent a lot of dmicak@imprint· op terms with Campus Rec in the fall Dan Micak


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The Warriors controlled play throughout·the second half of their season opening win over WLU. . time working on timing with our backs." The Warriors will travel to London to take on the Mustangs tomorrow (Sept. 18) beforeretuminghomefora

game against Windsor on Wednesday, Sept. 22. Game time for North Campus is 4 p.m.

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Fans should n'otchoke on their rageafter-,\Veirloss not resp.ond. What Weir did do was swallow hard and vow he wouldreturn next yea£mQre determined th,ati ever to win Canada's natj.onal cham~ .... pionshll' . • , '~e Weir haS done too,much in, , hisc;ll,!eer to be tossedmtothe choker ·,l:5.ifib,~<s~doo oQ.e poot'rd~nd of . :lastW'eekeru.t. He,has withstoodthe"~, 'P!1'!s&ureQf wfuning The Masters, ' I mqst have missed the part W~¢l'¢'facing"th:e world's ~estl?layers aad _ . #t",,:,·.· -" . Mike Weir choked during the fmal, . , carryiJig~e hopes of his country on;;:. round ofthe 2004 Bell canadian Op~, ,his shoulc!ers~ In fact, Mike Weirhas I had the good fortune to be:~f,doqeitalHnhisstill-.a~dingcareer.• Glen Abbey on Sunday- fusiroe; "'. ilutMi~,tWeir did not choke in" my brother and 30,000 of our cl6se$t . "fueilnal torin~ bf the 2004 Bell Canlh friends. I sawalotofsights to l;>ehoid ~dlru;iopen. ' that day as the gigantic gallery felt· " " , , every shot theirnational hero hit.amcguire@impript.1Jwater!c) " l;sawthe massive crowd erupt , "W~birdiedthethirdholeafter a/bletbOgey on two. I saw him s~'&l~Joia disappointing bogey ohthe.$eVenth.I~a\V~ pump hiS fist after a longb!!:qu;eff~onJhe tenth hQte.l saw himrDiSiea.d'th'C thirteenm:~~en for, aooili~rpogef.' And:baw him slightly rug~l?itthing wedge appr?ac:;b.,~~ot into the:water on the third playoff hole, cementing his second place finish . .Ihl!il:(id'hofsee'MikeWeir choke. "€anadiansports f.aus have an,unfortunate tendency to apply the "c" word to every athlete or team that falls short of the nation's expectations. ,1}l .,

Adlm ,McGuire, ',I-MlIUIE WARIII&





Mike Wei,r (right) walks up to the 18th green during the final round of the Bell Canadian Open.

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'oUldalwa ...... ys be expected.

Drives can strayoffthe fairway foroo re~on, iron shots can be sudderuy v0i4:ofany control and, in the case of W¥last Sunday, a golfer can simply lo~ his putting touch. ,Jtwasevideritthli.tWeirwaSheart~ ,

brqkenalter the pliyoff. I~thel~6st~ ro~d interview area,. a ,visibly de~ je<;.tt!dWeir faced the nation and made no~Ccises.He said he nevet felt comfortable on the greens during the final twO days of the tournament, he said he had chances to win and he said he was trying too hard to hit the perfect, shot. The nation embraced him initially, btrtby Monday's wa~~t£ooler conversations and 'news~aHloon broadcasts, Weir had been labeled a choker. The choke-bug that caqght Weir following his loss is the same bqg that Team Canada's hockey superstars dodged with a 3-2 victory over Finland in the World Cup of Hockey final. A Canadian loss would have also been unjustly labeled a monumental choke, just like when Canada ftnished fourth at the Nagano Olympics in 1998. Weir's opponent in the playoff was not exactly the Team Finland of the golf world - it was the planet's bestplayer, VijaySingh. Weir dropped a few shots on the way to the playoff, but Singh caqght fire on the back nine and turned up the heat on the fan favourite. Unfortunately for the Canadian golf community, Weir could


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IMPRINT. UWATERLOO.CA - Dan Ingoldsby, Assistant Rugby Coach The visiting Golden Hawks were relentless, however, as they cattied the play th...

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