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Vanguard The


Serving USA Since 1965

April 5, 2010

SGA Elections Heating Up SGA Executive Council Candidates Answer Questions from Students at the April 1 Candidates’ Forum

President Race Gets Personal

Candidates Compare Visions

Brendan Davis

Brendan Davis

Current SGA President Glenn Gardner asked the presidential candidates what their campaigns had to offer and how it would be implemented at last week’s candidates’ forum. SGA Vice President Kim Proctor said she hoped to give students more of a voice with next year’s SGA, instead of merely acting as a bank distributing money to student organizations. “I really want to find a way to connect with student groups and connect with students, and really find out what their issues are,” Proctor said, “and work to solve those problems.” Proctor also said that as the campus is changing, the SGA should stand up and be leaders to help students with the transition. Fowler said that he agrees that SGA should be more involved in student organizations, and not just provide money. He said that he would like SGA to be more visible at

The vice presidential candidates, Colin Al-Greene and Laventrice Ridgeway, were asked if they felt they had the communication skills to lead SGA meetings every week, the most important job of a vice president. Al-Greene referred to his experience in the SGA, observing the way meetings are conducted, as well as his knowledge of Robert’s Rules of Order, the parliamentary style SGA adopted. “Not only would I build off of what has been done in the past, but I would tweak it a little bit,” Al-Greene said, “if I see something that needs to be improved a little bit.” Ridgeway said he feels he can effectively lead the weekly meetings because he speaks in a “clear crisp tone” and speaks with understanding. As for experience, Ridgeway pointed to his current role as vice president of the African-American Students Association



see PRESIDENTS, page 21

Simon Reinert / Photo Editor

USA student Cassie Fambro asks a question during the April 1 SGA candidates’ forum. At the table from left to right: Michael Baldwin, Laventrice Ridgeway, Colin Al-Greene, Todd Fowler, Kim Proctor.

USA Gautier Campus Plans Axed Johnny Davis


The University of South Alabama has suspended plans for a satellite campus in Gautier, citing conflict with Mississippi higher education officials as the reason for the decision. USA had announced an arrangement to partner with Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (MGCCC) under the name USA Gautier, but those plans were put on hold Friday. Mississippi Lt. Gov. Phil Bryant, State Auditor Stacey Pickering, University of Southern Mississippi President Dr. Martha Saunders, and others had raised public concerns


Police Blotter p.2

Etc. p.10

Eat Up at Ollie’s Mediterranean Grille in Mobile See Etc., p. 10

about MGCCC working with an out-of-state institution and offering building space to USA rent-free for the first year. “While USA appreciates the invitation to partner with MGCCC and remains committed to meeting the educational needs to the upper Gulf Coast region, the proposed satellite campus has been the subject of unanticipated discord within Mississippi,” USA President Gordon Moulton said in a statement. “For this reason, and as a demonstration of good faith, we have decided not to move forward with the Gautier campus at this time, but our door remains open.” “Everything we did was legal and appropriate,” USA Public Relations Director Arts & Entertainment p.13

Humor and Satire Abound In USA’s ‘The Mikado’ See Arts & Entertainment, p. 13

Keith Ayers said. “We just didn’t want to unnecessarily be in the center of controversy. At some point, if you’re involved in something and it creates a great amount of controversy, you have to ask yourself if it’s worth it. “We don’t want to create enemies where we don’t have to,” Ayers said. “We didn’t feel like it was in our best interests to enter into a protracted, lengthy fight with anyone in Mississippi. We have too many good relationships with the people over there to do that.” USA had planned to begin operations in Gautier this fall, offering three four-year degree programs, as well as other course offerings. Students would have been able to attend at USA’s in-state tuition rate, because see GAUTIER, page 3

Sports p.15

Opinion p.18

see CANDIDATES, page 5

For More on the Candidates

See The Vanguard’s Voters’ Guide on p. 6

Distractions p.21

Baseball Sweeps Sun Belt Series Against New Orleans See Sports, p.15

Letter to the Editor p.23

SGA Presidential Candidates Discuss Why They Deserve Your Vote See Opinion, p.19




Vanguard The

University of South Alabama’s Student Voice Mission The Vanguard, the student-run newspaper of the University of South Alabama, serves its readership by reporting the news involving the campus community and surrounding areas. The Vanguard strives to be impartial in its reporting and believes firmly in its First Amendment rights. Submission and Editorial Policies Send letters and guest columns to: Opinion Editor, or The Vanguard, University of South Alabama, P.O. Drawer U-1057, Mobile, Ala. 36688. Letters and guest columns must be received by 7 p.m. on the Wednesday prior to the Monday publication. Submissions should be typed and must include the writer’s name, year, school and telephone number. All submissions become the property of The Vanguard. Unsigned letters will not be published. The Vanguard reserves the right to edit letters and guest columns for length and clarity. Letters will be limited to 300 words. Letters and guest columns are the opinion of the writer. The Staff Editorial represents the consensus opinion of the Editorial Board, which is composed of the Editor-in-Chief, Managing Editor, Associate Editor, Copy Editor, and Opinion Editor. All members of the Editorial Board have the same weight during weekly Editorial Board meetings. The Vanguard has a commitment to accuracy and clarity and will print any corrections or clarifications. To report a mistake, call the Editor-in-Chief at 251-460-6442 or e-mail USAVanguard.Editor@ The Vanguard is a member of Collegiate Presswire and U-Wire, which syndicates to a national audience. The Vanguard is published Mondays during the academic year, except for exam periods and vacations, and is published twice each summer. The Vanguard is supported in part by an allocation from student activity fees and operates in the Student Media Department of the Division of Student Affairs. Issues are available at most University buildings and select off-campus locations. The first copy is free. Additional copies are $1 each. EDITORIAL STAFF Editor-in-Chief: Matthew Peterson Managing Editor: Daniela Werner Associate Editor: Brendan Davis Etc. Editor: Greg Gulbranson Arts & Entertainment Editor: Bradley Turner Opinion Editor: Alex Whalen Sports Editor: Matt Weaver Senior Reporter: Laura Beth Calcote Senior Reporter: Cameron Adkins Senior Reporter: Jessica Heddings Photo Editor: Simon Reinert Copy Editor: Johnny Davis Webmaster: Rodney Thompson DISTRIBUTION Distribution Manager: Brendan Davis Distribution: Jolyn Picard ADVERTISING STAFF Advertising Manager: Wesley Jackson Advertising Representative: Regi Allen Advertising Representative: Daniel Fordemwalt Graphic Designer: Jennifer Manning Graphic Designer: Brittany Hawkins MANAGEMENT Adviser: Robert Holbert Accounting: Kathy Brannan Web site: Mailing Address The Vanguard University of South Alabama P.O. Drawer U-1057 Mobile, Ala. 36688 Phone Number (251) 460-6442 Article XIV, Section 8 of The Lowdown: The editors of the student publications shall be free from any type of censorship and shall be responsible for the form, content and staff of the publication. SPLC Statement: The Vanguard recognizes and affirms the editorial independence and press freedom of all student-edited campus media. Student editors have the authority to make all content decisions and consequently bear the responsibility for the decisions that they make.

April 5, 2010

p lice bl tter

3/30 - Robbery, 3rd Degree At approximately 8:45 p.m., a student gave an unknown suspect her wallet after the suspect asked for it while walking on Cleverdon Parkway. The item was valued at $39. 3/26 - Theft of Property, 3rd Degree Between 2:15 p.m. and 6:15 p.m., a wood catapult was stolen from the Mitchell Center. The item was valued at $50. 3/26 - Theft of Property, 2nd Degree A student reported a wallet stolen from the Rec. Center. The wallet, cash, and cards were valued at $220.

3/27 - Possession of Marijuana/Possession of a Concealed Weapon Without a Permit A suspect was arrested in the Delta 2 parking lot at 4:12 a.m. on charges of carrying a concealed pistol without a permit and possession of marijuana.

3/26 - Driving Under the Influence (Alcohol) A non-student was arrested at 12:23 a.m. on Jaguar Drive on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol. 3/26 - Miscellaneous Offenses Police responded to a call on Airman Drive at the Brookley Campus. A female was found with several cuts to her arm and a male had a stab wound to the chest. The perpetrator was taken into custody. 3/28 - Driving Under the Influence (Alcohol) A student was arrested at 4:04 a.m. on Cleverdon Parkway on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol. 3/29 - Criminal Mischief, 2nd Degree An unknown perpetrator damaged property at Stanky Field. The damage was between $500-$2,500.

Ask Norm

Q & A with USA Chief of Police Normand Gamache Q: What do you hope to gain from the residence hall survey? A: We are trying to establish a residence hall community resource team. I have one officer assigned down there right now, and I’m in the process of hiring two additional officers that will be a part of that team. I can come up with the hours, but I think it would be better for the community that we are going to be serving to say, “I need them from 8 o’clock at night to 4 o’clock in the morning.” Just to get a better idea on what the community thinks we need. That’s the biggest goal of the survey.

What Comes on USAPD Patrol Cars? Cameron Adkins


The University Police Department currently has about 10 patrol cars, some marked and some unmarked, that are “outfitted and equipped accurately,” according to Officer Stacey Holt. “Our number one goal is, of course, student safety, but the number two goal is officer safety,” Holt said. All of the vehicles are equipped with as much safety equipment as possible. Emergency lighting on all of the cruisers is LED lights. Every piece of lighting that can be put on the vehicles that the budget will allow is on University patrol cars, according to Holt. Officers also have computers in the cruisers that can check driver’s license numbers and find all of the necessary information an officer might need during a stop, including a picture of the suspect. If there is something that an officer cannot do from the vehicle, dispatch will be able to assist, Holt said. There are two cameras in every vehicle: one at the front and one facing the prisoner. The video systems have a hard drive in the trunk that can take 100 hours of video and audio.

Simon Reinert / Photo Editor

USAPD police cars are outfitted better than Mobile PD cars, according to Officer Stacey Holt. Each car is equipped with front and back cameras, and costs between $32,000 and $34,000.

DVR alone in the cruisers costs about $5,000, according to Holt. “We actually have better equipment in our cars than the city has in theirs because the city has so many,” Holt said. Police cruisers at the University are replaced approximately every 10 years or after 150-160,000 miles depending on the condition of the vehicle, according to Holt. Some of the cruisers have more than 200,000 miles on them.

It costs an average of $32-34,000 for a new vehicle, Holt said. Most of the cruisers used by the USAPD are the Police Interceptor version of the Ford Crown Victoria. Engines in the vehicles are the same as Crown Victorias available to the average consumer with some modifications. Modifications are made to increase performance and make it possible for the vehicle to power the plethora of electronics the vehicles are equipped with.




April 5, 2010

A Day in the Life

Of Heather Hoven, Library Technical Assistant

Laura Beth Calcote


As the semester draws to a close, students are spending more and more time at the library, cramming a semester’s worth of research papers into the last few days of class. Spending even more time than most within the Main Library’s walls is one particular student, Heather Hoven, who works as a library technical assistant while working on both Geology and Environmental Science degrees at South. Hoven was born in Leroy, Ala., and grew up working on her family’s farm, doing, as she puts it, “essentially anything from milking cows and putting up fences to picking blueberries and mucking horse stalls.” She didn’t know what she wanted be back then, and said that her interests “changed on a daily basis between a scientist, ballerina, Wonder Woman, and storyteller.” By the age of 7, she was volunteering at the White Smith Memorial Library, and she worked there until she started college. She graduated from Alabama Southern Community College in 2003, and will graduate with dual degrees and a minor in Chemistry from South. Hoven has been a member of the South staff since 2005, when she worked as a student assistant at the library. In June 2007, her role changed to library technical assistant. Working and going to school can be exhausting, as many South students understand all too well. When asked about her day, Hoven answers, “For this term, I get up at 6 to leave the house by 6:30 for my 8 a.m. class. Then I’m either in classes until 2, working on

homework/ study groups with fellow Geology majors, or if it’s Friday, going home at 11. I grab some food when I can and then go to work from 6-11 p.m. at the library. Then I drive home and usually make it there by 12:30 that next morning.” Upon meeting her, however, there is no hint of irritability, frustration, or exhaustion. She’s remarkably upbeat, and eager to help students wandering around the library searching grudgingly for their required reading. What’s her secret? Maybe it’s the way she starts her day. (“Push my cat off of my chest so I can get out of bed.”) Or maybe it’s the fact that she truly enjoys “curling up under a comforter with a cup of tea” and reading a good book. Maybe it’s the way she carefully chooses her music for her drive home at the end of a long day. She enjoys reading and studying music, as well as practicing Aikido. She says that on a perfect day, “The farm chores are done by 2, the house chores done by 3:30 so I can get my homework far enough finished by 7 that I can watch movies with my family.” At home in Leroy is her mother, father, and her sister, Athena. Hoven speaks highly of her sister and her parents, whom Hoven cites as her heroes. She said, “They’ve held down all kinds of jobs to take care of the bills and are volunteer firefighters in the Leroy Fire Department. I’d say that even watching them as a child I learned through their words and deeds that if it’s worth fighting for, you push no matter what the cost or end up wondering why you didn’t.” Maybe it was the childhood spent at the library, but

Laura Beth Calcote / Photo Editor

Library Technical Assistant Heather Hoven sits at the circulation desk at the library during a day at work. Hoven has worked at the library since 2005, working her way up to her current job.

being around books is home to Hoven. When asked why she does what she does, Hoven answered, “The books and knowing that at any given moment I might find a whole new interest from what a patron is checking out or maybe get that patron to tell me something about it that could get them even more interested in their topic.” Hoven truly seems to enjoy her job at the library. Her favorite part is “hearing the topics that patrons see DAY, page 5

Some Professors Paid to Not Teach VP for Academic Affairs David Johnson Explains Policy of Reassigned Time for Faculty, How It Works

Jessica Heddings


At the University, the workload for most full-time professors is 12 credit hours of teaching. However, many tenure-track professors qualify for reassigned time, which allows them time to do other work that may also benefit the school. According to David Johnson, senior vice president for Academic Affairs, South Alabama refers to this time as reassigned time rather than “release time” because release time makes it seem as though the faculty member may use the time to do whatever he/she wants. When a faculty member is reassigned, it is for one of three responsibilities –

Gautier from page 1

Alabama law allows a 50-mile range for the in-state tuition service area. MGCCC had agreed to provide USA with building space rent-free for the first year, though USA was planning to make more than $100,000 in improvements to the building. While those plans have been scrapped for the time being, Ayers said there is still a chance USA will one day partner with MGCCC. “The idea is definitely still on the table,” Ayers said. “That’s why we said we suspended our plans instead of saying we were can-

usually research, but also could be for administrative work if the member is a department chair or service responsibilities, perhaps if the university or department is being reaccredited. If a faculty member is reassigned, Johnson said that the University expects success for whatever the reason is. Each department monitors how well the faculty member uses his/her reassigned time. Requests for reassigned time are presented to the department chair and then to the dean of the college. Johnson stressed the need for success, and said that faculty members can be reassigned to teaching the standard 12-credit-hour load. Johnson said one major condition in granting reassignment is verifying that

students will not miss a course that the professor teaches. This is accomplished by keeping the right mix of full-time, parttime, tenure-track, and non-tenure-track faculty. There have been cases where reassignment has been reversed in order to make sure that courses are being taught, but Johnson said that many times when this happens faculty members volunteer to go back to teaching. Among tenure-track faculty, generally only one course is allowed reassignment, meaning the faculty member would teach nine credit hours. Some faculty members teach more than the standard load, while others teach six credit hours per semester.

celling them outright. We want to be able to look at this again in the future. There may be some point in the future that the people in Mississippi’s higher education see that this is valuable and makes sense.” When the Board of Trustees approved the USA Gautier plans in March, Moulton said the move was important because the coastal Mississippi region is a market critical to the University’s financial health. South Alabama gets about 10 percent of its students from the coastal Mississippi area, and MGCCC is second only to Faulkner State Community College in number of students who transfer to USA from a “feeder school.” Moulton said USA will continue to meet

the educational needs of coastal Mississippi through traditional and online programs, and by serving as a major provider of degree programs to transfer students. “It is crucial that USA continue to work with Mississippi to meet the educational needs of our region, at the same time increasing our enrollment and tuition revenue, which will help to defray the costs of educating Alabama students in these times of declining state funding,” Moulton continued.

Correction: Last week, The Vanguard incorrectly referred to Gautier as being in southwest Mississippi. It is in fact in southeast Mississippi. The Vanguard apologizes for this error.




April 5, 2010

Survey: Do Students Feel Safe on Campus? Laura Beth Calcote


This academic year there have been a number of thefts, burglaries, and even a few armed robberies, all of which leads to the question of how safe students really feel at South. In a survey of 50 random students around campus, including graduate and undergraduate students, as well as being a mixture of students that live both on- and offcampus, it was found that a high percentage of students simply do not feel secure. One junior said, “I feel like it’s gotten

worse somehow.” A graduate student said, “I always park as close to the building as I can. It’s scary that people have actually been held up at gunpoint.” Even with a police department on campus, many students do not feel safe, especially at night. At the same time, though they do not feel safe, the great majority have not been victim of nor witnesses a crime. Further, about half think that something can be done to increase safety on campus.

Chart by Simon Reinert / Photo Editor

PO Box Sharing Becoming Problem Handling of Elections Questioned Christina Skaggs


Since October, the USA Post Office has experienced an increase in students sharing their P.O. boxes, a violation of post office policy. This violation has prompted Campus Postmaster Richard Rose along with his department to place signs reminding students of post office policy. The post office has even started sending all mail not listed to the P.O. box renter back to the sender. However, some students continue to bend the rule. This became a problem recently when the USA Post Office received several calls from an insurance company that tried repeatedly to send a policy to a student. When Rose looked into the matter, he found that the student was not listed as a P.O. box renter, so his mail was being sent back to his insurance company.

Out of 2,100 P.O. boxes, about 970 are currently being rented. Rose added that just a few years ago, over half of the boxes were rented out. The decrease in renters is partially due to individuals receiving information electronically, Rose said. According to the post office box application, students can share their P.O. box with their spouses and siblings. The current policy against sharing P.O. boxes was implemented by the University mostly for the sake of students themselves, Rose said. According to Rose, if students share P.O. boxes, they could be victims of identity theft. Forwarded mail is only sent to the renter’s address, and the possibility of missing mail increases. But Rose said students usually follow the policy once they get caught sharing a mailbox. “They either rent a box, leave without

renting or change the name on their mail so that they can continue to use their friend’s mail box,” Rose said. The USA Post Office keeps track of express, certified, and registered mail. However, it does not keep an eye on individual mail, so Rose said that it is wise for students who want to use a campus P.O. box to pay the fee or risk getting a “return to sender.” While P.O. box sharing may be a risk, some post offices still allow renters to share with others. The Old Shell Road Post Office allows more than one person to use a box. Old Shell Road Post Office Postmaster Jim Habeck said he’s never dealt with any issues concerning the sharing of a P.O. box. Habeck said the minimum renters pay for annual use of a box is $44, which is $4 more than the annual rate at the campus post office.

Periodic Table Lightens Up Chemistry Dept

Simon Reinert / Photo Editor

Students in the Chemistry Department decided to lighten up the department’s walls with a large periodic table.

Contract Awarded for New Lab Building Dean Harrison


The University selected Barganier Davis Sims Architects Associated, a Montgomerybased firm, to design the Laboratory of Infectious Disease, a specialized facility that will be paid for with a $14.5 million grant awarded to USA by the National Institutes of Health. The designs are expected to be completed within six to nine months, according to Chris Willis, director of Facilities Management.

South Alabama Group, responsible for such structures on campus as the Moulton Tower, was chosen to build the facility once the designs are finalized. The aim is to have it built by March 2013 in USA’s Technology and Research Park. It will replace the current Biosafety Level 3 Building. Russ Lea, vice president for Research, said the facility will serve as a “magnet” to draw in a key faculty of scientists and post graduates, bolstering USA’s prestige and highlighting its competitiveness in the research of fu-

ture pathogens. As previously reported by The Vanguard, Dr. David Wood, professor of Microbiology and Immunology, will lead the research for the grant. His staff will focus on the pathogens Rickettsia and Burkholderia “because they cause such serious disease and have the potential to spread by several mechanisms,” Wood said at a press conference in February. He added that this type of research helps create new vaccines and drugs to prevent diseases these pathogens spread.

Brendan Davis


Elections Committee Chair Glenn Gardner came under fire last week for his handling of SGA elections. Gardner has marked himself as attending numerous election events for specific candidates, allowed two candidates to switch which office they were running for, and provided candidate application forms to The Vanguard containing sensitive private information. As of this writing, Gardner has marked himself as attending 19 candidate events on Facebook. “I feel like you’re supposed to be completely unbiased,” presidential candidate Kim Proctor said. “If you’re on the elections committee you don’t join groups, you don’t endorse people.” “I don’t think that shows professionalism,” vice presidential candidate Laventrice Ridgeway wrote to The Vanguard. “I believe that as a member of the elections committee one is not supposed to show favoritism to or help the campaign of one candidate or another in any form.” Gardner disagreed with this interpretation. “Let me make it clear, I’m not supporting any candidates,” Gardner said. “I’m just attending the event, which is elections. I accept all events for elections. It’s for ballots going out.” Vice presidential candidate Colin AlGreene and Treasurer Michael Baldwin both share the sentiment that as long as Gardner attends all events he’s invited to, they don’t have a problem with it. “It’s my understanding that he joins every group and event he is invited to,” Baldwin wrote, “which is more election and SGA PR than bias to me.” Gardner is a member of both vice presidential candidates’ election events on Facebook. Presidential candidate Todd Fowler had no comment as he said he had not seen Gardner’s Facebook page himself. As far as candidates changing the office they were seeking, Gardner said they made only two exceptions for Will Thomas and Ashley Pittman who applied on time and see GARDNER, page 20

News in Brief

April Med Cafe to Discuss Perimenopause

The monthly Med Cafe lecture this week will feature Dr. Frankie Bodie, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the USA College of Medicine, speaking about perimenopause. According to a USA press release “Dr. Bodie will outline the symptoms of perimenopause and treatments available to women who are going through perimenopause.” Perimenopause is the transition period women experience about one year before menopause when they begin producing less estrogen. The Med School Cafe is a free monthly lecture and lunch given by faculty from the USA College of Medicine on a subject in their particular field of expertise. For more information or to make reservations, please call Kim Barnes at 251-460-7770 or e-mail kebarnes@

Nick Saban Coming to Mobile Famed Alabama coach Nick Saban




April 5, 2010

will be joining USA coach Joey Jones in an appearance at the Mitchell Center April 6 at 6 p.m. for the “Night of Champions” dinner. The event will be benefiting “Nick’s Kids” and “Team Focus” charities. Tickets will range from $75 for an individual to $520 for a table of eight, to a $5,000 table sponsorship that will gain you access to a private meet-and-greet with Saban, Jones, and former Alabama players. Nick’s Kids is a charity Saban started with his wife Terry during his time with Michigan State University. According to their Web site, since arriving in Tuscaloosa three years ago “Nick’s Kids recently passed the $1 million mark in charitable distributions, which have benefited more than 150 local and statewide organizations.” Team Focus is a local-based charitable organization that supports young boys without fathers. It was started in 2000 by Mike Gottfried, an ESPN analyst and football coach. Gottfried is also the brother of Joe Gottfried, a former USA athletic director. For more information, call 251-6351515.



(AASA) as well as his work as chair of the Multicultural Affairs Committee. “I had to be over [AASA]. I had to make sure they were getting community service activities ready, and they were on point,” Ridgeway said. Al-Greene also referred to his officer roles in other student organizations, and his current role as chief justice of the SGA, a job he said has taught him how to effectively multitask. “I think being able to multitask is a big part of being an officer in an organization like this,” Al-Greene said. Al-Greene also said he would like to visit with introduction classes and freshman seminar classes in order to promote the SGA and recruit more students for SGA committees. Ridgeway said he will promote the SGA committee opportunities through word of mouth and by hosting mixers between the SGA and various student organizations. Michael Baldwin is running unopposed for treasurer after his former opponent, Engineering Senator Will Thomas, dropped out because he did not have enough hours. He said that he will continue doing things next year the same way he has this year, making himself available for students who need help with appropriations, and continuing budget packages. For the future Baldwin hopes to make SGA even more transparent by including graphs and spreadsheets on the Web site.

have chosen to research, or even getting to discuss them with the patrons.” She says that she has made some true friends at work. Hoven said, “We’re a close-knit group of friends, dreamers and bookworms that will exchange anything from family recipes to work/pet anecdotes to whatever illness ‘bug’ is going around (unintentionally of course).” Her family, or her friends, or maybe the life she’s lived until now has taught her a very valuable lesson. When asked if she would change anything in her life, Hoven answered, “Nothing. If I have learned anything, it’s that whatever happened back then made me who I am now. If it lifted me up it kept me alive. If it didn’t kill me it made me stronger.” Urban legends and campus lore about a variety of happenings in the library sparked one last question, about the craziest thing Hoven has seen at the library in her time there. She answered, “Before I tell this story I swear on the Library of Congress Classification System I’m not making this up. On October 27 of 2008 we had patron who wanted to surprise his girlfriend on her birthday by showing up here where she was studying. Usually this would go unnoticed, but he decided to wear a full bunny costume with a Darth Vader mask and a Phantom of the Opera cape. Why? She likes bunnies, Star Wars and Phantom of the Opera. He was 6’3”. So yes I have met Harvey.” Who says it’s all about books?

from page 1

from page 3




SGA Voters’ Guide

Vanguard Staff Editorial Staff


April 5, 2010


Powers and responsibilities: Chief executive and spokesperson. Appoint replacements for vacant positions. Can veto SGA senate bills. Appoint associate justices of SGA Supreme Court. Serve as non-voting member of the Board of Trustees. Candidate Name

What leadership What would be experience do you your main goal if have? elected?

What would you keep or change from last year?

How will you be the students’ spokesperson?

How will you deal How can we find with USA’s most out more about pressing problem? your campaign?

Kim Proctor

SGA VP, SGA Senator-Academic Affairs, Calendar Review Board, USA Housing-RA, Freshman Peer Leader

To help students! I want to work to improve SGA’s focus on student needs. We have the ability to truly impact student life

I will change the leadership style. I will be an involved and dedicated leader that cares about student needs.

First, I will work to hear student needs. Then, I will attend meetings and voice student concerns to the administration

Rising Tuition Costs. Educate the students on Higher Education funding and ways we can rally to prevent further cuts.

Todd Fowler

SouthBound Internal Affairs and Public Relations, TKE President, New Member Educator, and Treasurer.

Bringing more visibility to SGA and expanding on the South Alabama football tradition.

I would like to make SGA more visible than last year.

By working with administrators on students’ behalf to handle any and all concerns they may have.

Tuition costs. By Facebook Event: pushing for affordable “Todd Fowler for SGA tuition and giving President 2010-2011” them the benefits they deserve.

By visiting my website proctor4pres or on facebook at: Kim Proctor for SGA President!

Vice President

Powers and responsibilities: preside over all meetings of the Student Senate, vote in cases of tie, execute duties of president at president’s request. Appoint all committee chairs at beginning of semester. Candidate Name

What leadership What would be experience do you your main goal if have? elected?

What would you keep or change from last year?

What is the most important duty of Vice President?

How will you deal How can we find with USA’s most out more about pressing problem? your campaign?

Laventrice Ridgeway 2009-2010 AASA VP, 2009-2010 SGA Multicultural Affairs Committee Chairman, 2008-2010 SGA Associate Justice.

Ensure Executive Council has students’ interests in mind. SGA more involved in other organizations.

Change training day for Senate, focus on image, decency, attire. Having speakers not normally around campus.

Running Mondaynight meetings, take over president’s duties if needed.

Make sure students Contact via Facebook get involved in events or e-mail Laventrice@ by advertising every one as a can’t-miss event.

Colin Al-Greene

I will work with both the Senate and the Committees on projects that are beneficial to the students and a good use of their money.

SGA should be more than the piggy bank of the student organizations. I want to be more involved with their projects.

To direct the meetings and to make sure SGA runs as a well oiled machine that serves the student body.

The declining amount of funding for the university. We need to look at alternative routes to get for funding to the school.

I have been a Committee Chair, SGA Senator, Homecoming Elections Chair, and I am the Current Chief Justice.

Talk to me in person. Call me at 251-7533371. E-mail me at calgreene@comcast. net. Look for me on Facebook.


Powers and Responsibilities: Manages SGA funds, maintains a system to audit SGA-approved expenditures, and reports finances to SGA Senate every semester. Candidate Name Michael Baldwin

What leadership What would be experience do you your main goal if have? elected?

I’m the current SGA Treasurer.

Increased transparency, be easy to contact, fast meetings

What would you keep or change from last year?

How will you improve appropriations?

I proposed the Fall Make sure no groups budget meeting be are unfairly treated in like Spring but no one the process would use my idea

How will you deal How can we find with USA’s most out more about pressing problem? your campaign?

Won’t support increase in tuition without a lot of added benefits

FB: Re-elect Michael Baldwin SGA Treasurer, Call Me 251-459-4446

For Chief Justice, Attorney General, Student-at-Large and Senate candidates, see pages 7 and 8.




April 5, 2010

Chief Justice

Powers and Responsibilities: Presides over SGA Supreme Court, handles traffic ticket appeals in cooperation with the attorney general, and maintains all SGA judicial records. Candidate Name

What qualifications do you have?

Basia Smith

Troy Shephard

What would be your main goal if elected?

What would you keep or change from last year?

How will you ensure fair Court hearings?

How will you deal How can we find with USA’s most out more about pressing problem? your campaign?

Senator, member of More efficient JagTran five SGA committees, routes, better parking, and including legal affairs. improved security. Reviewed amendments in legal affairs committee.

Work to communicate with the students in organizing better parking, JagTran routes, and security

Had to be fair in Rules Committee. Try hardest to be unbiased, even when it comes to friends.

With all the fees we pay, Become a fan or attend last thing we should worry my event on facebook. about is safety. Work with Chief Gamache to help security.

I have held similar leadership and executive officer positions in Alpha Kappa Psi.

I will continue to utilize defense attorneys for students during disciplinary hearings.

I will approach each case unbiasedly and ensure that students are properly represented.

Tuition increase is a main concern. I will work with the SGA to find alternative funding for South.

Streamline the ticket appeals process and improve the current parking situation.

Find more information on my facebook event or contact me directly via jaguar email at tds801.


Powers and Responsibilities: Give a report at each meeting about campus activities of interest and meetings that have been attended on behalf of the Student Government Association. Serves as chair of the Interpresidents Council. Candidate Name

What specific changes do you hope to implement?

How can students find out more about your campaign?

Ashley Pittman

Encourage campus involvement Check out Facebook or contact me and school spirit at

Candidate Name (College)

What specific changes do you hope to implement?

How can students find out more about your campaign?

Sid King

Communicate w/ clubs to address campus issues

Facebook group/event or at sek703@jaguar1...




April 5, 2010

Attorney General

Powers and Responsibilities: Ensures enforcement of SGA laws, acts as prosecutor for the SGA, handles traffic ticket appeals in cooperation with the chief justice, and oversees Higher Education Day. Candidate Name

What qualifications do you have?

What would be your main goal if elected?

What would you keep or change from last year?

How will you improve Higher Education Day?

How will you deal How can we find with USA’s most out more about pressing problem? your campaign?

Cameron Macon

SGA as a Senator for Arts & Sciences, legal affairs committee. I am also in the USA Pre-Law club.

Increase the attendance and awareness of Higher Ed Day and insure all laws in SGA are enforced.

I think Attorney General Bettis did a great job last year and I hope to further his success next year in office.

I would increase attendance and awareness through exploration of new mediums of advertisement.

Campus safety is an ongoing issue, and I’d like to fund and pass projects that give students a higher level of security.

They can visit my Facebook event or contact me directly with any further questions.

Jean Pierre Arditi

SGA Defense Attorney, UDC Associate Justice, SAGE Club President, College Mock Trials Prosecuting Attorney

Increase the attendance of Higher Education Day. Fix some of the abuses in power in SGA.

Keep the way appropriations are handled, but change the shenanigans. Better checks and balances.

Increasing the number of students that attend and the overall way it is run.

The student body needs someone that can properly voice their opinions

Facebook group: JeanPierre Arditi for SGA Attorney General

Devi Sampat

Involved in multiple clubs on campus, so I can be an unbiased and motivating attorney general.

Improve representation at Higher Ed. Day by going to every classroom I can and through word of mouth.

Have friendly informational session on parking tickets so students can better understand rules.

Entire school focus on two or three bullet points and present these issues. Improve our chances to be heard.

Apathy. I’ve always been an uplifting leader, so I can induce more excitement with creative ways to attract students.

Facebook event or e-mail me with questions/ concerns at ds608@


Powers and Responsibilities: Forms policy and passes laws. Senators are elected according to college, and all students may vote for all seats. Candidate Name (College)

What specific changes do you hope to implement?

Paige Perry (Allied Heath)

How can students find out more about your campaign?

Candidate Name (College)

What specific changes do you hope to implement?

How can students find out more about your campaign?

Past service on SGA will further Via Facebook or prp602@jag1... advance student involvement

Ian Rogers (Allied Health)

Tackle the appalling increase in crime, greater “green” initiatives

Facebook event, ipr801@jaguar1., (228-218-9456)

Jillien Mortimer (Business)

More scholarships & awards given to each qualified student

“Jillien Mortimer for SGA College of Business Senator”

Nina Wilson (Nursing)

Improve parking at Allied Health, campus security

Lauren Gessner (Arts & Sciences)

More interest in Higher Ed. Day, Safety

Facebook and lcg801@jaguar1.

Arjun Jadhav (Business)

Eliminate 8 a.m. classes and promote school spirit

Sean Ramsey (Engineering)

Stop wasteful recurring expenses.

Email me smr606@jag.. Or facebook me.

Louie A. Pinto III (Business)

Re-open Grove entrance, close off Hillsdale entrance.

Jessica Byrd (Arts & Sciences)

I hope to stop rising tuition, and FB: Vote Jessica Byrd Arts and make USA more green campus. Sciences Senator 2010-2011

Michael Andrew More programs for freshman Wheat (Allied Health) academic success

FB: Michael Andrew Wheat for SGA Allied Health Senator 2010

Stephen Purnell (CIS)

Parking, JagTran, security, lower tuition

Neal Alan Sells Jr. (Education)

Offset UCOM classes by 30 minutes

Facebook or e-mail

Jeff Gill (Engineering)

More widespread recycling Responsible SGA funding

Facebook keyword: Jeff Gill for…

Alexandria Hilliard (Nursing)

Non-SGA student involvement in different decisions

Be on lookout for table at Student Center and sheet signs

Brandon M. Caten (Arts & Sciences)

Fair and Equal Representation for All

Facebook or Brandon.Caten@

Julie Tanner (Business)

Increase in campus involvement Visit my facebook event or contact and security. me.

Mark Norris (Engineering)

Involvement and parking and dining services

Check out my Facebook event

Mohamed Kamaludeen (Engineering)

More funds for pro engineering groups, more SGA involvement

Meet: SGA office Thursday April 8 11 a.m. to 12 p.m.

Emily Carlson (Education)

Improve Higher Ed Day Openness with Students

Facebook Event: Elect Emily Carlson Education Senator

Amber James (Arts & Sciences)

Student voices heard consistently

FB: Amber James for SGA SenatorCollege of Arts and Sciences

The following Senate candidates did not respond to repeated attempts to contact them: Ayesha Jaleel, Jessica Mahaffey, Eric Beovich, Josh Arrowsmith, Sara Breland, Zain Husain, Dustin LaPointe, Brett Miller, Rajesh Paleduga, Tim Powell, Kandace Raybon, Mike Rotch, Travys Velez, Alan Waugh, Megan Woodward, Syed Hussain Ahmed, Jenna Berglund, Christopher Jones, Kimberly Ringsdorf, Kevin Falkenberry, Justin Schneider, Ashley Johnston, Will Pearson, Owen Gates, Carly Hall, Jennifer Norton, Robyn Woodson, Greg Youngblood, Michael Pruett, Will Thomas, Christian Traegde, Savannah Swindle, Max Coleman Wolf.

April 5, 2010








Greg Gulbranson Etc. Editor

April 5, 2010

Broadly Meaning: Ollie’s Offers Eclectic Menu Options EASTER-TIME OR WHY I HAVE A GIANT CONTAINER OF WHEY ON TOP OF MY FRIDGE Greg Gulbranson


Did everyone have a nice Easter? Did anyone have a nice Wester? I can’t stop myself from making horrible jokes like that. I just can’t. It’s the time of year when the Easter Bunny comes hopping through town with his basket full of religious guilt, chocolate, and a boon of new members for health and fitness clubs. It seems to bring out not only the corny humor in my column, but also an intolerable dose of hot weather and the realization that I am unable to hide my body under a thick layer of coats, sweatshirts, and scarves any longer. It’s time to face reality. It’s time to wear T-Shirts. My pasty, tiny arms. Out there, gleaming in the sun. For all to see. It’s my worst nightmare. Usually, for this reason, during the late spring I begin to make appearances at the gym, which is full of taut, muscleridden, oiled up bodies that seem to mock my every jiggly step. I try to act cool. “What’s up brother?” I’ll say. “Are you using the assisted pull-up machine, or can I hop on it?” Then the guy I was mistakenly addressing, with the skin burnt to a hue of sexual orange, just turns around and laughs deeply into his enormous, gloved hands. Oh right, I should have known better. Only I and that Grandma doing physical therapy actually need assisted pull ups. Usually, at this point, I consider running away in tears, or doing steroids. And then I realize I can’t run 20 feet without passing out. Steroids. Steroids are more manly than weeping or running anyway. Remember that video in high school, the one where Ben Affleck does steroids? He gets all pissed off, tries to rape his girlfriend, and breaks things in his room. I remember that video. It makes me think twice about steroids. I certainly don’t want to end up like Ben Affleck. But there’s always that rationalizing voice bouncing around in my fat head. “You don’t even have a girlfriend, and everything in your room is already broken. Just do it, man. Get jacked.” I will get jacked. So, I do what any reasoning, thinking human would do. I start asking around the locker room for steroids – using cryptic terms. “Hey man, you got juice?” “What?” “You know, juice? Got any?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” OK. Attempt one failed. Let’s ask this old guy with the mustache who looks like he could rip me in half. “Excuse me sir, but do you have any of the les stéroïdes?” “I’m sorry son, I don’t speak china talk.” “DO YOU HAVE ANY F***ING STEROIDS?” “I’m going to call the police.” Shouldn’t have lost my temper, shouldn’t have done that. OK, steroids are out of the picture. What else can I do? Protein powder. Oh yeah. It’s pretty much the same thing anyway, right? People get crazy on this junk. It’s been said that Arnold Schwarzenegger ate a scoop of whey with every glass of water he ever drank. This is my chance. I buy 2 gallons of chocolate whey. I attempt to get jacked. I fail. The cycle begins again. At least this time I won’t have to spend $50 in whey again. It’s still on top of my fridge from last time.

Daniela Werner


There’s a new restaurant on the corner of Hillcrest Road and Grelot Road called Ollie’s Mediterranean Grille. The Vanguard investigated this new eatery and found it to be quite good, despite the mixed reviews it’s garnered on Some of the reviews ragged on the wait staff ’s service, while others didn’t offer a positive opinion of the cuisine at Ollie’s. After a nice dinner at this grille, I can honestly say that A) these critics probably went to Ollie’s right after it opened when servers were still being trained (consequently judging the restaurant a little too soon), B) they were picky, or C) they just had a bad server. As soon as I walked into Ollie’s, the modern, retro-ish atmosphere relaxed me. The eye-catching granite countertops framing the bar area are appropriately placed as eye-candy for guests walking in, but I don’t know how many people wanting to sit at the bar would like to be so close to the front door where people wait to be seated. The place seems like it would be much cooler at night with its brick walls, dark corners and multiple flat screens. I was quickly attended to by a friendly server who was attentive but didn’t offer much of a suggestion when I asked what she recommended for dinner, as if she hadn’t tried a lot of the food. I liked the prices I saw when I scanned the extensive menu. Your average plate (say, for a hot sandwich or wrap with soup or salad) at Ollie’s will cost about $8 or $9. Variety comes in no small amounts at Ollie’s. The menu offerings ranged from beef, chicken, and veal shawarma to tabbouli salad and hummus wraps to unique pizzas. Mediterranean restaurant staples like falafel and hummus plates were on the menu, of course, along with baklava and lentil soup. Portions are in no small amounts, either. The “small” option for hummus I ordered was enough for three people to eat as an appetizer, and the lentil soup that came with my beef shawarma wrap came in a huge bowl with a lemon

Simon Reinert / Photo Editor

Ollie's Mediterranean Grille is a new restaurant on the corner of Hillcrest Road and Grelot Road. Is it good? We'll find out!

wedge for extra zing. The soup was good but not anything to rave over. The wrap brought plenty of crunchy, grilled vegetables in a tangy yogurt sauce, and the beef was flavorful. Ollie’s has the most amazing hummus and pita bread I’ve had in a while. The fresh pita – fluffy, doughy-on-the-inside loaves that almost melt in your mouth – were perfect with the hummus, which I’m still raving about. I brought my hummus leftovers to work after my dinner at Ollie’s, and my coworkers are still raving about it, too. The hummus is smooth and sweet and tangy. In short, delicious. A rival for some of the hummus already in town. If you order a latte at Ollie’s and you don’t want chocolate syrup drizzled on top, make sure you specify with your server. For some reason, my server said they drizzle chocolate on most of their lattes, which they definitely did for my French vanilla one. I wasn’t too crazy about that, especially since it tasted little like French vanilla and a lot like chocolate and cinnamon. The caesar salad was crisp and fresh, and the dressing was delicious. It was served in a huge bowl with plenty of parmesan cheese. For dessert, I tried the baklava, which was moist, buttery, flaky, and tantalizingly sweet. Another win for Ollie’s. The restaurant gets extra points for its perfectly clean see OLLIE’S, page 12

Factory Farming Cruel to Animals

In many factory farms, piglets are raised on metal grates and will spend their entire lives without ever playing outside, rolling in the mud, or meeting an enchanting spider named Charlotte and a nasally little rat named Templeton. Gabe Grimes


Factory farming affects almost every one of us in some way. If you eat meat, drink milk, or eat eggs, your food most likely saw the inside of a factory farm at one point. The factory farm, wherein animals are slaughtered, eggs are collected, and/or cows are milked in the cheapest and most efficient way possible, somewhat resembles an automobile assembly line. Most people don’t mind the fact that most of their food sources are treated in this manner, but some people do. One of those people is Michael Rose.

Rose is not as “crazy” as he comes off. “Passionate” might be a more appropriate adjective. His passion is animal compassion. He is driven by remorse for not doing more for animals during his younger years, and now feels it necessary to make up for lost time. A paraplegic who hasn’t eaten meat since John Travolta was a sweathog, Rose works as a real estate broker when he isn’t trying to raise awareness about the cruel realities of factory farming. The factory “really worked for Henry Ford,” Rose said. “But unlike seeing two headlights of the freshly painted automobiles, one would see the two terrified eyes of innocent animals hung by their rear legs, their docile

see ANIMALS, page 11




April 5, 2010

Ladies, Don’t Be That Girl Kay Handy


Look out of your window. Did you see that pig fly by? You can thank me for that. I’ve been asked out on a date. So in addition to pigs now having wings, hell has officially frozen over. As you may remember from my article last semester, “Hey Shawty, What Yo Name Is,” I haven’t been so lucky in the man department. I didn’t let that discourage me, though. I was still single and ready to mingle. The problem was finding a willing partner. It’s no fun mingling by yourself. No more of that, however, because I’ve been invited out. So either this dude is genuinely interested in getting to know Kay, or he wants me to get a date and shut up about it already. Either way, I’ll take it. I need help, though. The last time I went out with a boy, I was in pigtails. We met in the sandbox and feasted on dirt patties. I’m hoping this date will be an upgrade. So to make sure I don’t end up on (I so didn’t make that site up!), I enlisted the help of some male friends and acquaintances. I asked them one simple question: “What do girls do on a first date that annoys you?” Here are their top three responses. Ladies, take note. 3) Sharing Too Much About Yourself So you thought he really wanted to get to know you? Well, he does. But it doesn’t all have to be in one night. Can you talk about your plans after graduation? No problem. What you do outside of school? Sure. That “condition” you contracted last year during Spring Break? Hell no. Save some excitement for the next date. 2) Ordering the Most Expensive Item on the Menu Wait … really?! Apparently, it’s OK for us to eat, as long as we stay “within reason.” Well, what if I’m really hungry and what I want just happens to be the most expensive item? I don’t understand. I always thought a guy’s job was to impress me on the first date, because Lord knows the chivalry goes downhill from there. We have to get the good stuff while we can. You know, before they stop buying flowers and start peeing with the door open.

If you mention your ex on a date, this is automatically what guys will think he looks like. Don't mention him.

And how do I know what’s “within reason?” Can I supersize it? Add cheese? Geesh. 1) Bringing Up Your Exes As one of my friends put it, “If he were so great, you’d still be together.” Touché. This caveat is totally understandable, and was, unanimously, the worst thing a girl could do on a date. Who wants to sit through a night of you bragging about what your ex did for you? Or how he cheated on you? Or, even worse, how you’re still not over him? Your date wants to feel appreciated. I mean, after all, he’s pretending to be interested in what you have to say and trying hard not to stare at your breasts. So bite your tongue, and act like he’s the one and only man that’s ever been in your life. And if he asks, there were none before him, and there will be none after him. (I’ve been told this ego-stroking is good practice for the rest of the relationship, so get used to it.) And that’s it. All I have to do is avoid talking about my black toenail, eat and get full before we go out, and don’t bring up Sandbox Boy. That doesn’t sound too difficult. I think I can do it. Wish me luck.

Tales Of Future Present: Gabe Grimes


from page 10

demeanor punctuated by cries of abject terror, sadly culminating with getting their throat slit before they bleed to death. If man can at the least tacitly condone this type of behavior begs the question whether man is worthy of being Earth’s steward.” He is also something of a student of Howard Lyman’s, a man who spent a large portion of his life raising feed animals only to become an animal rights activist himself. When conversing with Rose, he does make some good points: It takes a very large amount of water and grain to get just 1 pound of meat, and the conditions in which the animals are killed is usually less than pleasant (to say the least). “It is cruel to eat animals just because they taste good. There are better ways to get nutrition,” Rose said in a recent interview. “I think people should stop eating meat altogether. But if a person can’t, at least cut back. In some instances in life, you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. This definitely applies to eating meat, dairy, and poultry.” His ideas on what to do with the animals once they’re no longer food aren’t as fleshed-out, however. He suggests putting them into sanctuaries, presumably so people can come to gawk and point, much like visiting the monkey house at a zoo. Some work animals could still be utilized, such as oxen plowing a field, as long as they’re not overworked. Although he doesn’t necessarily have every idea nailed down quite yet, what he lacks in preparedness he makes up for in passion. In reading his words, it becomes clear that this is a subject he feels very strongly about, sometimes so much that his rhetoric seems to get away from him and take on a life of its own. So why give an interview to a school newspaper? Rose feels that if we are going to become more responsible stewards of the Earth, if we are going to better recognize the consequences of our behavior, that change is going to start with students. When asked where one can go to find more information, he said, “Google is the best source for information. There is a ton of information out there.” He also made mention of using Google to research Howard Lyman, Tyson Foods, and “Meet your Meat.” Michael Rose: real estate broker, animal savior.

The Java Express

Almost everyone enjoys coffee these days, from the emo high-schooler trying to look “cool” to the frazzled shift supervisor hoping his dead-end job doesn’t kill him before he can pay off his car note. In these go-go-go times, a cup of joe is about as all-American as Disneyland and a bloated body mass index. But what about those would-be patriots who either can’t stomach the java brew or just don’t have the time for a cup? Well, thanks to the efforts of the company Le Whif (as well as a couple of enterprising individuals), their days of being on the outside looking in are over. According to an article in the New York Post, Harvard professor David Edwards and chef Thierry Marx developed a coffee inhaler that is similar to an asthma inhaler, but for people who are too lazy or sluggish to drink a cup of the hot stuff. This inhaler is a lipstick-sized tube that’s put in the mouth and, well, inhaled. Each hit gives about 100 milligrams of caffeine (the same amount as an average cup of joe), and each tube has up to nine hits, depending on how big of a bump the user takes. To avoid respiratory complications, the coffee particles are manufactured to be too big to enter the lungs, so they land on the tongue and inside of the mouth, according to the article. That way, the user gets the taste and rush from the coffee without having to worry about calories and whether the tannic acids will upset the stomach acids. Le Whif is currently the only company selling the inhaler, Perhaps not as satisfying as a hot cup o' joe in a dimly lit coffee and they currently only sell it to shops in New York City. shop, the Le Whif inhaler is even more effective as a tool for making In these rough economic times, though, the coffee inhaler yourself look like an asthmatic computer programmer.


is something of a godsend for the cash-strapped: The going retail rate is $3 per tube or $8 for a three-pack. Not too many places in this country sell the equivalent of nine cups of coffee for only $3, and you probably wouldn’t want to drink anything from a place that DOES sell a 33-cent cup of coffee. This type of device could be a boon for productivitystrapped companies, too: just a couple tubes in the A/C intake should see a boost in the amount of TPS reports that can be filled out in a day. Cleaning services can put a tube in a vacuum’s exhaust vent and double the amount of homes and offices they clean. It’s like legal cocaine! Companies that sell this to the consumers can reduce their liability insurance, too. Since this “coffee” doesn’t come hot, employees don’t risk being burnt while making or serving it. The containers that this “coffee” comes in no longer need to carry the “please allow this to cool before applying to groin” warning, either. One big concern, though, is whether or not something like this is good for the youth of the nation. The modern hipster already closely resembles a homeless schizophrenic, wearing “ironic” clothes purchased from Goodwill while talking into his cell phone’s Bluetooth earpiece. The last thing he needs to do is add “possible drug abuser” to the list of reasons why this guy is a loser. What about when this coffee inhaler fad seeps into other cliques? The jocks, the goths, the bookworms, the spoiled rich kids ... what if taking bumps of coffee becomes the next big thing? What sort of image will this project? Should we be doing this? What the hell, go for it. Hopefully it’ll anger our parents, at the very least. And anything that pisses off the old folks can’t be ALL bad, right?





from page 10

ladies’ room and its smiling wait staff. For me and my dinner partner to try all that food, the bill came out to $27.15 (excluding tip). The only suggestion I can make as a customer is to have some sort of drink special (at least on weekends), since it probably will see a fair amount of customers who want to have alcohol with their meal. I recommend you bring a big appetite for good food to this clean, well-kempt eatery. It’s not far from USA, and it’s got a really nice patio to sit out under the stars while you enjoy the food. If you’re a hookah fan, you can order that at Ollie’s, too. I hope this restaurant doesn’t go under like the others who have tried making it on that corner of Hillcrest and Grelot. We need more eclectic places like Ollie’s Mediterranean Grille in Mobile.

April 5, 2010

Arts & Entertainment

Bradley Turner A & E Editor





April 5, 2010


Road Trip!


Last weekend, I had the pleasure of attending the Big Ears Music and Art Festival in Knoxville, Tenn. Yeah, that’s the music festival that I’ve been Tweeting about, Facebook-status-ing about, and writing about for the last few months. Actually, I had been so excited in the months leading up to the festival that I started to get worried that my expectations might be too high. This was especially troubling, since the trip wasn’t going to be cheap once I added up the costs of tickets, the hotel room, and the rental car (neither I nor Greg Gulbranson had a car functional enough to make the eight-hour trek to Knoxville). Still, I wasn’t going to back out on seeing Sufjan Stevens, St. Vincent (the love of my life), The Dirty Projectors (the girls in this band are in a three-way tie for runner-up to love of my life), and all sorts of other incredible bands and composers. So Greg and I hopped in our rented Honda Civic and set out on I-65 North. The problem here is that normally I drive a 1996 Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight, a car more appropriate for creeping outside of potential drive-by-shooting-victims’ homes than for going fast on the interstate. This led to my not realizing how fast I was going in the Civic, which led to my getting a ticket just past the Dolly Parton Bridge. Determined not to let circumstance get me down, I pressed on toward our destination … only to have my front-passenger tire blow out about a quarter of a mile from where I got pulled over. Actually, it was more like a nuclear tire explosion than a “blowout.” All sorts of disaster, all in less than an hour from when the trip started. Shockingly, the only other time I rented a car, I immediately got a flat tire. The moral of the story? Don’t rent from a certain rental company that shall remain nameless (rhymes with “hurts”). The explosion led to our trying to change a shredded tire with a pathetic little car jack that looked like it belonged in a Little Tikes My First Mechanic toy set. This led to our having to get off the interstate in Montgomery to locate their tiny airport in order to trade out for a functional vehicle. Of course, it took nearly 30 minutes for the attendant at the rental car company’s desk to do the strenuous amounts of work (trade keys with me and get me to sign a receipt) required for the trade out. This wasn’t her fault though, as she was SWAMPED with all sorts of more important work (i.e. talking on the phone to one of her friends/flirting with the customer in front of me). The only good part about all of this was that in the end, we got a better car (2008 Toyota Camry) that had a sweet GPS, which provided our entertainment for the rest of the drive. Plus, the brakes never went out, so we didn’t crash into a campus bookstore. Needless to say, we were extremely late for the festival, but it didn’t hamper the experience. I could probably write a novella on all the fantastic bands I saw last weekend, but I’ll spare you. I will say this though: I whole-heartedly believe that Big Ears is the best music festival in existence. Knoxville is the perfect location for the festival, which is spread out across different venues (ranging from small clubs to large concert halls) around the city’s downtown area. That’s right! You don’t have to stand out in the heat for the performances! And you can actually hear what’s going on because the music isn’t being blasted across a giant field! Also, at most music festivals, I feel like I have to sit through hours of awful music to hear one band that I see SPECIAL, page 22

Satirical ‘Mikado’ Promises Plenty of Laughs Daniela Werner


The untamed satire and remorseless comedy of “The Mikado” are coming to USA April 16 and 18 via USA Opera Theatre, and from the looks of the spirited ensemble’s latest rehearsals, both audience member and performer will have an unforgettably good time at each show. According to USA Associate Professor of Music Dr. Thomas Rowell, audiences can expect over-the-top character performances and ridiculous amounts of fun from the Gilbert and Sullivan (G&S) operetta. “It’s opera, but it’s lighthearted,” Rowell, who’s also the Department of Music’s area coordinator of vocal studies, said. “It’s not heavy, and it’s just good comedy. If you’ve not had any opera background, this is a great place to start. You get the elements of opera, but you don’t get necessarily the depth musically that you would with opera.” Written in the late 1800s, “The Mikado” is set in an “imaginary” Japan but bent on making fun of what Rowell called “the upper crust” of British society – basically, Rowell said, a call to the upper class to lighten up. Given the Japanese setting and costumes, USA Director of Acting and Performance Fulton Burns said he thinks the biggest argument surrounding the operetta is whether it’s racist towards the Japanese. “If you really get into it, it’s not making fun of the Japanese culture,” Burns said. “They just happened to try and objectify [satirizing the British culture] in a Japanese context.” Because G&S’ work was so politically and socially satirical, Rowell has updated the wording of some of the songs to drag some recent political and social stand-outs back into the spotlight. “Certain political figures in the Mobile community have been included,” Rowell said, “particularly one that wears a bowtie. I even managed to work OctoMom into [a] song. We go local, we go national; so it’s a lot of fun writing that.” Continued at

Daniela Werner / Managing Editor

On April 16 and 18, USA Opera Theatre will perform "The Mikado," an uproarious, comedic operetta that the ensemble's director says marks a new level of opera performance at USA.

On a Scale of One to ‘Roadhouse’: Kris Skoda

10 Greatest Video Games of All-Time


When you hear “video games,” what comes to mind? Your favorite “Final Fantasy” story? “Call of Duty,” or a much more gruesome first-person shooter such as “Duck Hunt”? Mario or Master Chief ? Making a top-10 greatest video games of all-time list is a bit like being the guy in charge of working the animatronic shark in “Jaws.” If you can’t do it right, there’s going to be a lot of pissed-off people. And a goofy looking shark, but that’s neither here nor there. Naturally, I took a crack at nailing down my favorites. Gentlemen and ladyfolk, I present you with 10 video games that really, really don’t suck. 10) “DOOM” Perhaps the first video game to ever scare me (but not the last; yeah I’m talking to you “Warcraft.” That’s more of a “taking over the world” scary, but back to “DOOM.”) “DOOM,” I’ll always fondly remember playing you via LAN in every computer class through middle school. Thanks for the memories. 9) “Madden 2004”

It’s hard to say what the best “Madden” of the series is, but here is why I chose this one. “Madden ’04” was the beginning of Franchise mode, as well as Playmaker controls, making the “Madden” experience just that much more immersive. 8) “God of War” With the possible exception of the “Final A young Kris Skoda prepares Fantasy” and “Metal to one day write an uber-epic Gear” series, this is top-10 video games of all-time the most cinematic experience in video column. games, ever. The story is well-crafted, the action never relents, and it really almost makes you feel sorry for the gods. Almost. 7) “Super Mario Kart” From one of the first games I ever bought to one of the first drinking games I ever played, I grew up with this game. If you can play “Mario Kart” and not have a great time, then you probably aren’t human. And you suck. Take that, Jaws. 6) “Goldeneye 007” This is simple, so I’ll be brief. Without “Goldeneye,” there would be no “Halo,” no “Call of Duty,” and no competitive first-person shooter awesomeness. Also, one of the best movie tie-in video games, ever.

see ROADHOUSE, page 22




Jaguar Productions to Host Music Festival Jaguar Productions STAFF WRITER

If you are wondering why Jaguar Productions (JP) is giving away free earplugs, bring them to the Epsilon 1 Lawn on Wednesday, April 7, and you’ll see. JP and the Epsilon resident advisors (RAs) will be sponsoring the Jag Jam music festival that night. The event will last from 6 p.m. until and will feature three great bands, fun activities, and good food. The first of the bands to perform will be Too Far From Amsterdam, a band made up of some of our very own South Alabama students. Too Far From Amsterdam “promises a great live show and respectable musicality to sufficiently melt faces and break eardrums.” (Now do you see what the earplugs are for?) The next band is Top of the Orange, another band found right here in Mobile. You may remember Top of The Orange from their performance at USA’s first-ever homecoming tailgate party. Top of the Orange has opened for numerous acts such as 3 Doors Down, Staind, Shinedown, Three

Days Grace, and Saving Abel. They are currently working on their new CD in Nashville, Tenn. Last, but not least, headlining the event is Brenn, hailing from Nashville. Back by popular demand, Brenn put on an excellent performance at last year’s music festival. The band’s sound has been called “unmistakable,” and “one of the most original acts” and they have been said to “create a truly unique musical experience.” This year they will most certainly put on another unforgettable performance for USA students. In addition to music, free food, and T-shirts, JP and the Epsilon RAs will be providing activities for students to enjoy such as Wax Hands, Big Red Chair Photos, and Create Your Own Leather Bracelets. Jag Jam promises to be a good time, so please come by to hear some great tunes and have fun. Bring friends! For more information about this event, please contact Jaguar Productions at 251-460-7144 or stop by Student Center Room 108.

Vanguard Announces Local Band Mix Tape Bradley Turner


The Vanguard Arts & Entertainment Section is pleased to announce that it is now accepting applications for its annual mixtape/playlist, “Local Bands That Deserve to Be on a College Newspaper Mixtape/Playlist, Vol. 1, Or USA’s Greatest Hits 2010.” Not sure what this means exactly? Imagine if Rolling Stone and Spin Magazine had an illegitimate child, while simultaneously, Bob Dylan and Johann Sebastian Bach have a test-tube baby with John Lennon and Yoko Ono (it’s possible, trust me). Then, these two confused children have another kid, who is blessed at birth by Morrissey (he’s a priest in this hypothetical world) and whose god-

parents are David Byrne and Beethoven. Then this final illegitimate child writes a column for your campus paper, and he decides to make a killer playlist made up of the best local bands, chosen by himself and his cousins (who are linked to countless other musical gods). This is kind of like that, except without the prestige or talent. And the opinions of those choosing the bands for the sampler are essentially worthless. If you’d like to be a part of this, e-mail bradturner88@ with a link to your band’s song. (Priority will be given to those who title their e-mail something clever.) The list will be printed in our April 19 issue and the mp3’s will be made available for download on the paper’s Web site. We may even have a pizza/CD listening party if you’re good.

Spring MixTapes

Your Springtime Party/ Beach Trip Soundtrack

Kris Skoda

Bradley Turner

This playlist is formulated especially for: a) the ride to the beach, b) driving around at the beach at night with the top down, c) partying and grilling at the beach house, or d) all three. While the winter playlist was filled with generally slow and more solemn music, such as Elliot Smith, the spring playlist is a kick in the teeth full of songs to get you moving. Slower songs have been added for your mix-drink-making convenience. Think school ending, pool parties, driving around doing stupid sh*t, and bottles of rum. Many, many, bottles of rum.

Spring is not anywhere close to being my favorite time of year. My head is filled with thoughts like, “OMG. I’m going to die from the heat.” And The Sun is all, “Just wait till summer.” (I wasn’t built for this kind of weather.) And school is crazy. “OMG. You mean to tell me those 12 essays you assigned at the beginning of the year actually have to be turned in for 50 percent of my grade?” All that being said, there’s still no reason I can’t make a killer mixtape to help ease the burden of school and miserable temperatures. I guess my tape sort of has parts of it that are kind of partyish. I can’t say for certain as I’m not sure what people actually listen to at parties because the last party I got invited into was in seventh grade. Do people still get crunk to the “Power Rangers” soundtrack? I’ll never know.


“Sailing Home” by Karen O & the Kids “So Ambitious” by Jay-Z ft. Pharrell “Bonafied Lovin’” by Chromeo “Worked Up So Sexual” by The Faint “Sugalumps” by Flight of the Conchords “More Bounce to the Ounce” by Zapp & Rogers “We Are Rockstars” by Does It Offend You, Yeah? “Easy” by Electronic Sulking Machine “96 Quite Bitter Beings” by cKy “This is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan “Flashing Lights” by Kanye West “Satisfaction” by John Legend “Gronlandic Edit” by Of Montreal “West Coast” by Coconut Records “Could You Be Loved” by Bob Marley “Senorita” by Justin Timberlake “DARE” by Gorillaz “Standing On the Shore” by Empire of the Sun “Shallow Means, Deep Ends” by Cursive “Here Comes Your Man” by Pixies “Sax Man” by The Lonely Island ft. Jack Black “Ain’t No Fun (If The Homies Can’t Have None)” by Snoop Doggy Dogg


“Daylight (Trouble Maker Remix)” by Matt & Kim ft. De La Soul “Mistake” by Jimmy Hrom “Genesis” by Justice “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra “Rainbows in the Dark” by Tilly & The Wall “Boom Boom Pow” by Black Eyed Peas “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)” by Jay-Z “Whatever You Like” by T.I. “Stillness is the Move” by The Dirty Projectors “Our Most Brilliant Friends” by Slow Club “Lay It Down” by Peter Bjorn and John “Mothertongue Part 4: Monster” by Nico Muhly “Blown to Bytes” by Jimmy Hrom

April 5, 2010

In Your Own Words:

The Port Wine Stain

Courtesy of Jimmy Lee

Vanguard: In your own words, tell us who you are. Jimmy Lee: Vocals, Guitar, Programming, Visuals, Late-night Newspaper Interviews. Adam Taylor: Percussion, Programming, Loops, Visuals, Keyboards, Guitars, Vocals Trey Lane: Bass, Programming, Visuals Zach DePolo: Violin, Keyboards, Visuals VG: What’s in your CD player/playing on your iPod right now? JL: My iPod is cued up for the most recent Califone album, and I think I have X’s “Los Angeles” in my car right now. VG: If you had to choose one rapper to do a remix of one of your songs, who would you pick? JL: If we’re talking about a rapper that would be adding lyrically to our music, then Mos Def without question. My lyrical style is influenced a whole lot by hip-hop, and Mos is one of my all-time favorites. If we’re simply talking about one of our songs being remixed with hip-hop production in mind, then Timbaland would be my pick. He’s been tricking pop culture into accepting noise as a valid source of musical texture for years now, and that puts butterflies in my stomach and a big grin on my face. VG: What is your weapon of choice? JL: Machine Gun (2nd Take). VG: Pick three celebrities to play Twister with. JL: Shiva, Cthulu, and Inspector Gadget. Always up for a challenge. VG: Describe one exciting thing the band has done lately. JL: Started work on the recording of our first fulllength album, which should be available by the fall. VG: Describe your ideal band vehicle. JL: I once saw a band that had an old school bus that they converted to run on vegetable oil, and painted a really ugly dark brown color, except for giant letters on the side that said “THIS BUS RUNS ON VEGETABLE OIL.” I thought that was the coolest band vehicle I’d ever seen. So I guess if we could hijack the Constants’ bus, I’d be really happy with that. VG: What is one trend you wish you could end? JL: Music void of passion. VG: Who would you most like to share the stage with? JL: Antonin Artaud. VG: Lastly, tell our readers what to look out for. JL: PWS in Cathedral Square during the Arts Alive! festival. Saturday, April 10 at 4 p.m. sharp. Also, keep your eyes peeled at, The Port Wine Stain on Facebook, or for an upcoming PWS show with our partners in crime Johnny Appleeyes from Pensacola, Fla. Want your band interviewed in The Vanguard? Send an e-mail to with the title “In Your Own Words: Please, We’re Desperate.” Sucking up is encouraged.


Matt Weaver Sports Editor




April 5, 2010

The Future Is Now For USA Football Jayson Curry


When most football fans hear the name “Mean” Joe Greene, they think of a Hall of Famer. They are also reminded of a 10-time Pro Bowl, four-time Super Bowl winning champion and the heart of Pittsburgh’s “Steel Curtain” defense. What most people don’t know is that Greene is one of the most successful athletes to ever play in the Sun Belt. Greene attended the University of North Texas, whose mascot is now the Mean Green in Joe’s honor, after a splendid NFL career. Of course, South Alabama also is a founding member of the Sun Belt Conference and its new football team will be a full-fledged member eventually. With the NFL draft quickly approaching, realization has hit that the Jags will eventually send their own toward the draft. The NFL consists of 32 teams that all have a chance to pick players who declare themselves draft-eligible. Most of these athletes have played college football for least three years and are aiming to be one of the 255 total draft picks each season. The Sun Belt may not be a Bowl Championship Series (BCS) conference, but the league still has a reputation of sending elite players to the NFL. Troy University has placed some of the best defensive linemen in NFL history over the past several years. Osi Umenyiora attended Troy and was drafted by the New York Giants with the 56th pick of 2003’s draft. Umenyiora is now a two-time Pro Bowler and was also a key part of the Giants 2007 Super Bowl run. Also from Troy is Dallas Cowboys linebacker Demarcus Ware, who was drafted by Dallas in 2005. Ware has been invited to the Pro Bowl four times and has been so valuable that he has been rewarded a $78-million contract extension that lasts through 2014. Another Sun Belt team proving that Jaguar alumni can make it to the NFL is Florida International. FIU first began playing in 2002 and in five short years, two FIU alumni’s names were called in the draft. Looking at USA’s numbers last year, running back Brandon Ross really stands out as a potential prospect. Last season, Ross ran the ball 75 times for 597 yards with 7.9 yards per carry and 13 touchdowns. Wide receiver Courtney Smith is another name that is mentioned as a potential pro. Smith stands at 6 feet 5 inches and 225 pounds, giving him NFL size to go along with his remarkable talent. Smith hauled in several highlight-reel catches in USA’s first year. The future very well could be now for South Alabama and the NFL. Any USA football game could hold the next “Mean” Joe Green and with it, a brighter future for South Alabama football.

Basketball Considered Postseason Options Matt Weaver


March Madness was madder than ever this year, and Jag fans have had a hard time accepting the fact that their team didn’t get a chance to make a deep Cinderella run. “We just weren’t good enough this year,” would likely be the thoughts of head coaches Ronnie Arrow and Rick Pietri. And they would be right. At 17-15 and 15-16, neither team was consistent or successful enough to warrant making the field of 65. The Jags just did not have NCAA Tournament-level teams this season. But why not the NIT, CBI, and other second-tier postseason tournaments? How is it that despite posting two consecutive 20-win seasons and 63 wins in three seasons, that men’s basketball has made only one NCAA appearance and no other postseason game since the John Pelphrey era? “The other [secondary] basketball tournaments take several factors into consideration,” South Alabama Athletic Director Dr. Joel Erdmann said. “The committee looks at win-loss records both in and out of your conference. They also look at strength of schedule. “And in rarer cases, a committee will even

USA Athletic Director Dr. Joel Erdmann

look at average home attendance.” South Alabama last played in the NIT in 2007, but that trip was decided by USA’s regular season championship and not by an

NIT-extended invitation. That invite was mandated under NIT rule that all regular season champions must be provided a tournament opportunity if not invited to the NCAAs. So how was it that 2008-09 men’s basketball, a 20-game winner and Sun Belt Tournament runner-up was excluded from post-season play? Was South Alabama’s RPI and win/ loss record not comparable to that of other post-season teams? “We received an invite to the NIT two years ago, but we declined so we could participate in the NCAAs,” Arrow said. “We have since then been invited to either the CBI or CBT, but we decided against going. “That tournament had only been around within the past two years, and we just felt that playing there would not have benefitted our team.” Moving forward, South Alabama hopes to solve that problem by just making the NCAA Tournament. And with a possible expansion to 96 teams, having more options for a top basketball program is never a bad thing. And the chance to end one’s season on a winning note even less so. Sports Reporter James Guess contributed to this story.

Chemistry Fuels Baseball’s Success Chris Stansbury


The South Alabama baseball team has gotten off to an impressive start in 2010, most recently sweeping an important Sun Belt Series against New Orleans. It’s just been that kind of season for South Alabama and Head Coach Steve Kittrell, who with the series victory now stand at 21-10 and 10-2 in the Sun Belt. In dominating the Sun Belt, South Alabama boasts an impressive .328 team batting average, good for fourth in the league. In fact, the Jags have scored at least 10 or more runs in just under half of their 31 games and now lead the Sun Belt in runs with 246. The Jags have also given the crowd several Rocky Balboa moments. Imagine: It’s a Stanky Field fifth inning, and South Alabama is getting pounded, as USA’s opponents are hitting the baseball as if it were a beach ball. Meanwhile, as restless fans begin leaving the park, the South Alabama offense comes alive, dropping several crooked numbers on the scoreboard. All of that en route to a late comeback victory. This scenario has played out several times this season, most notably in early matchups against Eastern Michigan and Louisiana-Lafayette. USA’s ability to string together a flurry of runs and penchant for coming back is a unique one in baseball, and are abilities Kittrell attributes to excellent chemistry and leadership. “We have a lot of leadership here,”

Vanguard Archives

South Alabama senior pitcher Lance Baxter delivers a strike against Louisiana-Lafayette on March 21. Baxter has been used as both a weekend starter and closer for the Jags in 2010.

Kittrell said. “That’s really helped us battle from behind several times this season. That’s something that, for whatever reason, we just haven’t had the past couple of seasons. This bunch has just really bunked down and is playing at a high level right now.” While South Alabama had lacked the necessary leadership in past seasons, Kittrell expressed how impressed he was with several players who have stepped up, such as senior pitchers Lance Baxter and D.D. Hanks, as well as outfielder Sean

Laird. South Alabama’s players lead not only within the locker room but also on the field. Baxter and Hanks are a combined 10-1 and each have a sub-2.05 ERA. Laird and junior third baseman Jake Overstreet are leading the team in home runs and each are batting just under .400. Another huge factor playing out in the Jags’ favor is the play of three phenomenal junior college transfers in Brent Tanner, Taylor White, and Tyler Vick. see CHEMISTRY, page 23




April 5, 2010

Major League Baseball Preview

Phillies ace Roy Halladay pitching in a spring training game in Clearwater, Fla., on April 1. Halladay has 148 career wins and could lead Philadelphia to its third consecutive World Series.

MLB 2010: The Doc Is In

Matt Weaver


National League, meet Roy Halladay, because he’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. At 32 years old, the new Phillies ace is in the prime of his career and with the league’s best rotation, lineup, and manager behind him, Halladay is ready to lay waste to 16 new cities on a regular basis. And if you haven’t guessed it yet, the Phillies are the team to beat in 2010. Philadelphia traded for baseball’s best pitcher in December and haven’t looked back. The man called “Doc” for his laser precise location and quick trigger finger has already won 148 games and seems

to be the only pitcher on course to reach 300. And why not, have you seen this lineup? Jimmy Rollins, Placido Polanco, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Raul Ibanez, and Shane Victorino. Which of these perennial .300 hitters would you pencil for an out? You can even pencil-in the Phillies for 103 wins with Halladay winning 24 of them. They’re that good. Philadelphia may be the game’s best, but 162 matches make for an awfully long season. Rarely are championships won in April. And with that in mind, the following teams have the best chance at unsettling destiny and Philadelphia’s World Series birthright: The New York Yankees The Bronx Bombers have the game’s highest payroll ($205,000,000) and baseball’s highest paid player in Alex Rodriguez ($32 million/yr). Meanwhile, CC Sabathia may be the only pitcher capable of countering Halladay in a potential World Series matchup. But something else that New York has is a ton of holes, and that’s not a reflection on beautiful Yankee Stadium. Curtis Granderson, who the Yanks acquired in November, is a virtual platoon player who struggled to hit .250 last season. Ditto right-fielder Nick Swisher. Centerfielder Brett Gardner is a defensive specialist who still managed to out-hit both of them. The Yanks are still built to win and should do so behind a pitching tandem that also holds right-handers A.J. Burnett, Javier Vasquez, and hall-of-fame-bound Andy Pettitte. Projected Win-Loss: 99-63, 1st AL East

USA Sports Briefs Baseball Sweeps Three-Game Series Against UNO USA right hander D.D. Hanks pitched seven consecutive innings and allowed just two runs to earn his fourth complete game on Friday. Hanks scattered 10 hits, struck out nine, and issued just one walk. On Saturday, right hander Garrett Harris yielded six hits in 8.2 innings to lead South Alabama baseball to a 5-4 win over UNO. On Sunday, left hander Lance Baxter allowed just one run in seven innings to earn his second complete game of the season, leading USA to a 14-1 win and threegame sweep of UNO Sunday afternoon at Stanky Field. Jaguar Softball Splits Doubleheader With FAU South Alabama softball split a doubleheader versus conference opponent Florida Atlantic on Saturday night, winning 3-1 in the opener, and falling 6-2 in game two at FAU Softball Stadium. Beth Pilgrim went the distance in the opener, allowing just one run and striking out 10. With the win, Pilgrim improved to 11-6 and held FAU to just two hits. The Jaguars moved to 15-14 on the season and 3-3 in league play, while the Owls improved to 19-18 and 4-4.

Men’s Tennis Split Matches on Final Day of SBC Shootout South Alabama men’s tennis fell 4-2 to No. 29 Denver in the championship semifinals of the Sun Belt Shootout before downing Florida Atlantic 4-1 Saturday at the Troy/Lunsford Tennis Complex. USA started the afternoon playing Denver, and that match was decided by singles play. “The match was close,” USA Head Coach Nick Brochu said. “It could have gone either way. Every conference matchup is like this – the tension was high, and the athletes were fired up.” Garcia Leads Women’s Golf to MSU Leader Board South Alabama women’s golf sophomore Ana Garcia shot a 3-over-par 75 to earn a top-15 finish and lead the Lady Jaguars at the MSU Women’s Intercollegiate on Sunday afternoon. Garcia finished tied for 12th place with a three-day total of 229. She carded one of just three eagles in the tournament, and finished at even par on par fives while totaling 35 pars in three rounds. Daytona State College won the team title with a three-round total of 886. -Wire reports

The St. Louis Cardinals If all falls into place, St. Louis will be one dangerous baseball team. With the best four-man core in the game, the Cards have all the tools needed to finish what they started last October. 2009 was the first season since 2007 that Chris Carpenter had thrown more than 200 innings. The Cards will go as far as their ace goes, but most are willing to bet that a repeat of 2009 is highly unlikely. Projected Win-Loss: 87-75, 2nd NL Central The Seattle Mariners The largest off-season surprise has to be Seattle. Despite uncanny spending from the Mariners front office, most projections still place Seattle third with 80-85 wins. That’s criminal to a team with twin aces in Felix Hernandez and Cliff Lee and with a lineup containing Ichiro Suzuki, Ken Griffey Jr., Chone Figgins, and Milton Bradley. Not to mention the 2009 Mariners now hold one of baseball’s all-time best defensive alignments. If Griffey can return to his late-Cincinnati form and keep fellow outfielder Bradley out of trouble, Seattle will become an instant World Series dark horse. The rainy streets of Seattle may become a lot sunnier. Projected Win-Loss: 93-69, 1st AL West Close but not quite The Atlanta Braves, Tampa Bay Rays, Colorado Rockies, and the Chicago Cubs – 102 years and counting …

World Series Pick: Philadelphia def. Seattle (5) World Series MVP: Roy Halladay (2 W, 0.59 ERA)

Things I Think I Know

NCAA Tournament Size A lot has been made of increasing the size of the NCAA basketball tournament from 65 teams to 96. Everything from financial pursuits to the spirit of competition has been cited as the chief aim of the move and both sides have valuable points to consider. So let’s make like wise scholars and consider. Pros Increasing the number of participants to 96 would increase tournament exposure and extend the events reach to more media markets and viewers. Several viewers watch only if their school is involved and some of these casual viewers may be hooked and stay throughout the tournament’s conclusion. Cons The loss of the NIT and the opportunities it provided is a potentially huge loss for basketball. Expansion proponents will say that the new tournament will secure more coaches’ jobs since more coaches will make the tournament. But won’t an expanded tournament resemble the FBS bowl system? Every team making the tournament is like every kid getting a trophy and just like the bowl system, coaches will get fired no matter what tournament they make. Closing Statement Bigger ain’t better here, and it’s high time the NCAA and its television partners learn it. They have something really special with March Madness as it is, and it would be a shame were they to lose it.


Vanguard Sports Poll LAST WEEK:


A Fan Would Rather...

The NCAA Basketball Tournament Should Be...

*64 Teams *96 Teams Many schools have used the NIT as a springboard to do well in the NCAA Tournament.With all of the talk of expanding the NCAA Tournament to 96 teams instead of 64 (or 65 if you count the play-in game) this could fold in the NIT teams into the NCAA Tournament. What would that mean for South Alabama and other mid-majors, we will just have to wait and see. -Brian,

Vote Now!

April 5, 2010








Alex Whalen Opinion Editor

April 5, 2010



SGA: Where Kids Can Be Kids


GA elections. A time for sheet signs, flyers, free candy, and annoying Facebook group invitations, all prodding the students to vote for candidates who all claim to be the next Teddy Roosevelt. We thought these antics would be enough for this SGA election season, but it’s not. Apparently, the SGA Executive Council candidates decided to throw back-stabbing, personal attacks, and politicking into the mix. It all started at the candidates’ forum on April 1. Presidential candidate Todd Fowler hinted at “tension” in this year’s SGA Executive Council (EC) due to “a past relationship” and “sorority gossip.” It was no secret that he was referring to the relationship between Vice President Kim Proctor (also a candidate for president) and President Glenn Gardner, a relationship Fowler alleged poisoned the EC this year to the detriment of students. If a personal relationship affects the way someone performs their duties, that becomes an issue for their performance. We agree with Fowler on that. Our SGA officers don’t need to be playing out “Days of Our Lives” in the SGA office instead of representing the students to the administration. However, we don’t understand why, if he was so concerned about it, why he didn’t bring it up before he was running against Proctor. More than anything, it seems that politics influenced this sudden concern about the relationship.

Tilting at Windmills By Matthew Peterson

Fool Me Once ...

Editor’s Note: As with all columns in the opinion section, this one represents only the opinion of the person writing it, not necessarily that of The Vanguard or the Vanguard editorial board.

With all of the responsibilities that come with the position, we cannot afford another apathetic SGA president. But that’s just what we’ll get if Todd Fowler is elected. In fact, it may be even worse than that. With all of the gossip swirling around about the SGA elections, we don’t need any more, so here are the facts about one of the people who wants to be your SGA president: 1.) He’s been a Business senator for the past year, and has appeared on the SGA minutes a total of two times. What did he say those two times? The first time, he questioned the Philosophy and Sciences Club about an appropriation. But the second time is the real kicker, though: He defended current SGA President Glenn Gardner, who also “just so happens to be” his fraternity brother in TKE, against charges that he inappropriately appointed another person who “just so happens to be” his fraternity brother to an open seat in Continuing Education.

Regardless, it’s not clear that this should have been brought up in the first place, as Fowler could point to no evidence that this relationship influenced SGA this year beyond a mysterious allegation that Proctor “quit for a week” because of it, an accusation which no independent sources corroborate. Plus, Gardner himself said that the relationship did not affect SGA. The bottom line is that it didn’t affect students and so should not have been brought up, except that Fowler hoped to score some political points. But the personal attacks get worse. On Thursday, March 31, current SGA Treasurer Michael Baldwin sent in his answers to the voters’ guide, vehemently supporting Proctor’s campaign for president with a “vote for Kim” at the end of about every answer. A day later, Baldwin was solidly in support of Fowler’s campaign, all but claiming that SGA would fall apart if Proctor were elected. This leads to an interesting question: If he really believes the apocalyptic vision he was spouting on Friday, why did he ever think of supporting Proctor the day before? In the end, all of this extra drama simply hurts the students by making it harder for the SGA to work together next year, whoever is elected. With all the knives in everyone’s backs, it will be hard for next year’s EC to be cohesive, especially with how childish these wanna-be politicians have shown themselves to be already. 2.) He continues to defend Gardner, saying that he’s been a “scapegoat” in The Vanguard and elsewhere. He even came up to me after the candidates’ forum to defend Gardner further. 3.) Number of SGA committees he’s the chair of: 0. 4.) He defended one of the least popular programs on campus: the mandatory meal plans. In the Oct. 26 SGA meeting, he said that USA needs to become a “big school” and forcing everyone on campus to pay for crappy food is the way to do it. 5.) His ideas for the position come down to three things: Keep students “in the loop” about building projects, get more participation in USA’s football team, and have SGA be more visible by participating in events like the Gumbo/ Chili Showdown. 6.) He ran for SGA treasurer in 2008, on a platform of his experience as treasurer of TKE and having informational meetings for SGA appropriations (which SGA historically did before him). 7.) His leadership experience amounts to this: He’s been president, treasurer, and new member educator of his fraternity, and he’s also been an officer in SouthBound and Circle K. 8.) He was also USA’s first football homecoming king. Let’s start with how he championed the unpopular side of two of the most important issues on campus this year: Gardner’s impeachment and mandatory meal plans. Does it take courage to stand up against popular opinion? Of course, but only if you’re right. Fowler defended Gardner’s absence from Board of Trustees meetings, saying other presidents missed multiple Board meetings without being crucified like Gardner was. That is definitely true, but other SGA presidents told other officers they had to miss and made sure that someone see FOOL ME TWICE, page 20

Rape Is Not A Game Every once in a while a video game comes out that shocks people. It causes debate on news networks, and mothers eye GameStop employees with disdain because, of course, it’s all their fault for letting children buy violent games. Discussions ensue on whether or not the rating system does any good or if it perpetuates the “forbidden-fruit effect” onto impressionable youths. Cassie While “Grand Theft Auto” may inFambro volve violent sexual situations and “Bioshock” involves killing young girls, one game in particular stands out as a true detriment to humanity. The game is called “RapeLay” and was manufactured by Illusion in 2006. The central premise is victimizing and using young women for sexual means at the will of the player. One can even select ways to grope women on the train and force them into various sexual positions. Starting the game, the player premeditates and graphically rapes three women – a mother and her two daughters. “RapeLay” is a Japanese game, so it is not regulated like games in the U.S., and much of the controversy that has followed is from an international desire to force stricter regulations upon Japanese gaming companies. Games like this, called “hentai,” are essentially animated pornography, and while Japan does obscure genitalia, they do not restrict game themes such as rape in “RapeLay.” A popular opinion is that parents are responsible for what their children play and that regulation internationally of games is impossible. I can see how that should be the case. However, a game like “RapeLay” should not even be a choice for people to play. No scenes of sexual assault should ever be allowed in a video game for a person to watch or act out. Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), which is one of the world’s largest anti-sexual-assault awareness organizations, has some advice for parents about this: “If your child watches a lot of television or plays video games; watch or play with them, use examples from TV or games that you have watched or played together to start up conversations about sexuality and sexual abuse.” The issue of sexual assault is very pertinent to American women and men. RAINN also claims that one in six women and one in 33 men will be a victim of sexual assault in their lifetime. In fact, college age women are four times more likely to be sexually assaulted. This is not something to take lightly. A game that lets someone who may be having desires to sexually assault a woman engage in visual role-playing is dangerous and destructive. It should never be considered socially acceptable to assault a girl in “Grand Theft Auto” – much less a rapethemed game such as “RapeLay.” The fact remains that what is prohibited sparks interest. Teens and other immature adults seek out games like this and perpetuate a social acceptance that poisons society. Instead of prohibiting games like this, they should never be allowed to be made in the first place. Regardless of the difficulty, a uniform, international standard for video games needs to be enforced and regulated. A screenshot from “RapeLay,” a game touted as the choice for those wanting a realistic rape simulator.One Web site,, calls it “the Falcon 4.0 of rape” – whatever that means.




April 5, 2010


Editor’s Introduction: USA has two candidates for the 2010-2011 Student Government Association president: Todd Fowler and Kim Proctor. We have given both an opportunity to explain their strengths as candidates and their respective platforms. Both candidates served in the SGA this year; Fowler was a senator for

School Spirit and Visibility

One of these two goals I menJust like any student on campus tioned was to expand upon the I am very excited about the football tradition. A great thing I growth that South has made and think we could implement at the the growth in the near future. football games would be a tailgatHowever, I do feel the concerns ing competition between student of students with the time of organizations. completion for these projects. I think this would not only It seems that with every new increase student support for building project that is started, football, but also give them the a completion date is set, but it chance to represent their organiis always at a later date that the Todd zation in a positive way. Another project is finally finished. I will do Fowler thing I think that we could do to my best to keep administration promote school spirit would be to accountable to holding to these give out spirit points that organicompletion dates. zations could earn by attending events that I would like to provide students with other organizations are putting on. a construction timeline that would keep Spirit points could also be given for students in the loop about the progress of attending sporting events such as baseball, these projects. basketball, soccer, and all other sports. Furthermore, I feel I have the experiThese spirit points would be tallied and ence and the capability necessary to the winner could get the best seats at the work effectively with the SGA executive football games. council. Through my current and previous The other goal I mentioned was to iminvolvements, I have gained the leadership prove the visibility of the SGA on campus. and financial responsibilities it takes to be I want the students to see SGA involved President. as a group with the activities that this I also have gained the ability and willcampus and its organizations put on. I feel ingness to relate to many different types of that SGA is currently only thought of in a people from many different backgrounds. monetary sense. I have worked in an executive council setA good way to have students think of ting where discussion is made and everySGA other than just in terms of money, one’s input is taken into consideration to is for us to be present and participating come up with the best idea or plan. at events on campus. I want to create a I feel that my leadership style is emmore fun and friendly environment for the powering and supportive. I have the members of SGA by getting them involved background to work effectively with the in not just a business related setting. executive council and the senate as a team. This will also do other great things such I have loved my time at South and have as giving students the chance to interact committed myself to giving back to this with us in a not so formal setting, making campus and its students. them more inclined to get involved with It would be my honor to serve as SGA in the future, and it will help the YOUR 2010-2011 SGA President! overall reputation of SGA.

Clearing the Air By Alex Whalen

By The Numbers

It’s census time again, and this time around there is a big push for illegal immigrants to fill out their census forms so they can be counted. Across the country, you can find television and newspaper ads in Spanish that assure the confidentiality of the census. Local community leaders, especially those in areas of high illegal immigrant population, are generally supportive of the

The arguments I have seen rest on two main points: 1) states with more illegal immigrants should have Congressional representation that reflects their actual population, and 2) more residents means more money for communities struggling to pay for public services, like schools and health clinics. The first point just doesn’t hold water. Illegal immigrants, by definition, are not supposed to be here. They don’t pay taxes, can’t vote and, therefore, should not be represented in Congress. Proponents of counting illegal immigrants will cite here part of the 14th Amendment: “Representatives shall be apportioned among the several States according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of persons in each State, excluding Indians not taxed.” The language here seems pretty clear, “the whole number of persons in each State,” they argue, would include illegal immigrants. But here we have to wonder why Indians are excluded – is it because they’re Indians, or because they’re not taxed?

the Mitchell College of Business, and Proctor served as SGA vice president. The primary duties of the SGA President, according to “The Lowdown,” are to direct and supervise all SGA activities and to be official spokesperson for the SGA. Voting for all SGA positions takes place this week. So get involved – get out there and vote!

Representation and Involvement

SGA elections are finally here, system. and many students are scratching If elected SGA President, I also their heads wondering, “Who want to focus on things such as should I vote for?” Typically, a school spirit, campus involvement, candidate for SGA is judged solely and the image of the University. on two things: the number of These three things play a major sheet signs around campus and role in recruiting new students how many people are in their to our campus and also serve to facebook group. make current student’s college Ideally, students should choose experience more enjoyable. each candidate based on their South Alabama might not win Kim qualifications, experience, and football national championships Proctor vision for SGA. (yet!) or be an Ivy League school, My main vision for SGA is but we are an excellent university. that we return to doing our most I want to strengthen student important job – being the voice of the involvement on campus by encouraging student body. The usefulness of SGA students to participate in campus ranges far beyond the appropriations organizations, and work with the leaders of and co-sponsorship procedures that most these groups to help everyone’s attendance students are familiar with. and participation grow. If elected, I would work with the SGA I also want to continue to work in officer board, SGA Senators, and the making Higher Education Day a priority students to hear student needs and voice for students. I want to work with the any concerns to the Administration. I have Executive Council and SGA Senators to already had several opportunities to do so educate students on the issues that affect with my time in SGA. Higher Education funding each year. Two years ago as a senator, I wrote My experience the past three years at the Fall Break Resolution that the USA makes me an excellent candidate Administration later adopted and for this position. I currently serve as your implemented. We now have a Fall Break SGA Vice President and I also serve as a for the 2010-2011 year! This year as Vice Resident Advisor in USA Housing. President, I was able to work with the I am a member of many campus Safety and Improvements Committee to organizations and continually strive to host an open forum about campus and better campus life at USA. I feel honored housing safety. to have been able to serve on SGA for Also, I worked with Dr. Smith, Vice the past three years and would love the President of Student Affairs, and Mike opportunity to serve you as your 2010-2011 Mitchell, Dean of Students, to coordinate SGA President. an open forum on the mandatory meal If you are interested in finding out more plan and JagTran routes. Out of these about my campaign and what I want to do forums, SGA was able to produce more for USA, please check out my Web site at lighting on campus, more meal plan or my facebook options, and a more efficient JagTran event at “Kim Proctor for SGA President.”

Here, those in favor of counting illegal immigrants would say that Indians were considered “savages” and not really “people.” But then why do we need this additional clause? If Indians just, as a matter of fact, weren’t considered to be “persons” then it doesn’t make sense to add this additional clause to exclude them. What makes more sense is to simply say this excludes those Indians who are not taxed, and I firmly believe this is what the constitution’s framers had in mind. From this point, the parallel from Indians to immigrants is an easy one to make – if you don’t pay taxes, you don’t get represented. What’s interesting about the 14th Amendment argument is those who use it seem to forget its purpose: to broadly define what it is to be a U.S. citizen. The first line of the Amendment clearly states, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” In this context, illegal immigrants clearly

aren’t citizens, so the 14th Amendment isn’t even applicable here. As for the point that communities need money for public services, I have this to say: What kind of a message are we trying to send? If the United States is so hell-bent against illegal immigration, why would we facilitate this practice with financial support? Besides, this is taxpayer money that is going, at least in part, to people earning an income and not paying taxes. Maybe I’m just being too cold here; without additional moneys, the quality and availability of public services within a community would surely suffer. The issue, then, comes down to whether we want to have an immigration policy that is compassionate or is consistent. Ultimately, I don’t care that much about the immigration debate. If an immigrant wants to take a job cleaning toilets for three bucks an hour, then go for it. But if the U.S. wants to have a consistent position on illegal immigration, then it should stop using taxpayer money to aid those who are here illegally.




Gardner from page 4

attended the candidates’ meeting, but didn’t meet the qualifications for the office they sought. Thomas originally applied to be treasurer, but is now running to be an Engineering senator. Pittman applied to be attorney general, but is now running for re-election as student-at-large. “For an officer position you have to have 44 hours completed here on campus, not transferred,” Gardner said. “Basically that’s the school’s way of measuring your knowledge of the campus, that you’ve been on the campus long enough to serve as an officer.” Gardner said that the candidates missed that requirement by only a few credit hours. “Given the fact that they had turned in an application on time, we decided as the elections committee that if they so chose, they could move to a different spot.” Vanguard Editor-in-Chief Matthew Peterson requested contact information for all candidates running for SGA offices from Gardner. Gardner provided unredacted copies of candidate application forms containing private information about the candidates. Chief Justice candidate Basia Smith was shocked to learn that The Vanguard was given the forms. “I was not aware that Matthew Peterson

Fool Me Twice from page 18

April 5, 2010 (or anyone who wasn’t a part of the election committee) would have knowledge of our GPA and Jag number,” Smith wrote. “It’s just like giving out our social security number. This is a violation of our privacy and I do not appreciate it.” “I feel like that’s a huge breach of confidentiality,” Proctor said. “In the past we’ve always just given e-mail lists.” Gardner said that he was aware of the information on the applications, but he felt he could trust the Vanguard not to publish anything that would violate the privacy of any candidates. “I knew [The Vanguard] just needed the e-mails, and a lot of those were a little hard for myself to read,” Gardner said. “I know Matthew is a professional and everything, so I figured he could make it out better, the writing and stuff. Some people have a lot of chicken scratch handwriting.” Not all candidates were worried about the information getting out however. “I believe the form is clear that info could reach The Vanguard,” Baldwin wrote. “I hope The Vanguard is being responsible with what they print.” The form that candidates sign states “I hereby authorize the SGA Elections Committee to publish my pictures and biography in The Vanguard and/or the Internet, verify my GPA, credit hours completed, and enrollment in a particular college, as applicable to my qualifications for candidacy in this election.”

ate as a whole accomplished, not him. I have to wonder why, if he’s as committed to students as he says he is, he didn’t work for them the last year he was in the SGA. By all this, I don’t mean to say that Fowler is a bad guy. Quite the opposite, he seems to be a pretty cool guy. But being a cool guy doesn’t make you a good SGA president.

could be there. Gardner decided not to go at the last minute, meaning students weren’t represented at all at the March Board meeting. The fact that he would defend Gardner without qualification shows that he either a) doesn’t see anything wrong with how he ran SGA, or b) is not willing to criticize his fraternity brother, essentially putting TKE before the student body. Either way, it’s not a good sign. As for defending mandatory meal plans, if ***BANQUET SERVERS NEEDED*** this is how he’s going to represent students to Immediate openings for several the administration, we might as well not have banquets on Friday evenings. anyone representing us. $9.00 per hour. For more info call If getting exploited by the administration ARASTAFF EMPLOYMENT is what being a “big school” means, then I at 251-338-8486 don’t know how many students other than Fowler want USA to be a “big school.” Further, he hasn’t shown that he’s willing Babysitting Jobs! FT or PT Work around to work for students in SGA this year. When your schedule. asked in the candidates’ forum what his 8.50-12 per hour proudest accomplishment on SGA was, he Call 665-5180 had nothing to say except for things the Sen-


Vanguard Staff Staff


Distractions Crossword

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from page 1

events. “If people get to know us, I think it will encourage them to want to get involved in SGA in the future,” Fowler said. “I remember in the past SGA was involved in Songfest and stuff like that … It’s a good way for us to wear Fowler SGA shirts. They see us, they meet us.” Both Fowler and Proctor pointed to their previous experience in student organizations to demonstrate their leadership qualities. Fowler said that he was an approachable servant leader and preferred to work with people rather than dictate. Proctor said that she has earned the respect of many fellow students by working to improve student life emphasizing that she would work with administration rather than against them. When asked by a student how they would handle administrative proposals unpopular with students, Proctor said she regretted not doing more in the past. “When we were introduced with the mandatory meal plan we did not take action. We didn’t hear, because we refused to hear, until this year that students did not want it,” Proctor said, “I feel like that was one of my lowest points on SGA was not being able to go out and really see the student need.” “I would definitely always be an advocate for the students,” Fowler said. “I do feel there are some things, due to economic


April 5, 2010

Crosswords by Myles Mellor




times or whatever, that you can’t help. But if anything I always try to stay on the better side of students.” The Vanguard asked the presidential candidates what they would keep and what they would change from Gardner’s year as president. Proctor said she would be more involved, especially in things like the Board of Trustees meetings. “To represent the students, to be their voice, you have to be there,” Proctor said. “You have to be at your office hours. You have to attend the meetings.” Proctor also said she was interested in providing more transparency in the day-today functions of the president by providing minutes of personal meetings, and possibly a weekly letter or video log about what she’s doing every week. “Just to let the students know that we’re always working for them, and we don’t really get to take off weeks,” Proctor said. “I didn’t hear too many positives,” Fowler responded, “Just on a positive note Glenn has always been a really easy person to come to with any questions that you have.” Fowler said he would like to preserve Gardner’s approachability. “I could always go to him for anything, just clarifications about stuff,” Fowler said. “I would expect the same from anybody else.” Though he said he would like to be more visible and involved as well. “I will try to do my best to be, as much as I physically can,” Fowler said. Things got heated between the two candidates when Gardner asked his final question about their teamwork skills. After Proctor described why she felt she had good team-

Across 1. Certain bird 6. Keats, for one 10. “The Sound of Music” backdrop 14. Antipasto morsel 15. Biblical preposition 16. Gloss 17. George’s aunt 20. Calendar abbr. 21. Puzzle 22. Put something on 23. Blast from the past 26. Reduces friction 27. Contradicted 29. Arouse desire 30. Bouquet 31. “___ No Sunshine” 32. “A pox on you!” 35. “Stony End” singer 39. Numbskull 40. Irritate 41. Salsa, for one 42. Mark 44. Colorful bird 45. Call a koala an elk, e.g. 48. Chipper 49. Secrets

50. Arctic bird 51. TV doc 54. She beat Bo Bice 58. And others, for short 59. ‘80s rock band 60. As such 61. Gym set 62. 1987 Costner role 63. Myers and Douglas Down 1. Microsoft product 2. African plant 3. Stains 4. Holiday lead-in 5. “Losing My Religion” rock group 6. Blender button 7. Black stone 8. “Yadda, yadda, yadda” 9. Bear 10. Ancient meeting places 11. Floor coverings 12. Newbie, of sorts 13. Eye sores 18. All fired up 19. Aces, sometimes 24. Arm or leg

work skills Fowler offered the only rebuttal of the night. “I’ve spoken to a couple of the officers and I feel like there was a tension between the EC [Executive Council, which includes president, vice president, and treasurer] throughout the whole year,” Fowler said. “I feel like that could be a flaw. I feel like EC couldn’t come together and they had poor communication.” Proctor was later asked by a student at the forum if she felt she had anything to do with the issues in the SGA administration. “Of course I think we all had a lot to do with those issues,” Proctor said, “To kind of go off what Senator Fowler said, that there were issues. That was something we went to extensive lengths to resolve. I worked with Dean Mitchell, as did other EC members, to sort those out.” “I just personally kind of feel like President Gardner was made out to be like a scapegoat in the eyes of the students,” Fowler responded, “especially in The Vanguard.” Fowler said the tension was the result of poor communication and poor teamwork. “I don’t think it was resolved right up until the end,” Fowler said. “I think it may have been because of a past relationship, or sorority gossip and stuff like that. I really don’t like SGA having drama. I think it’s a professional organization, and I’d like to keep it as professional as possible.” The past relationship Fowler was referring to was one between Proctor and Gardner. USA student and Vanguard contributor Cassandra Fambro stood up and chastised Fowler for his comments about past relationships. “I’d just like to say that was very unpro-

25. Abby address? 26. Romance, e.g. 27. Cake with a kick 28. “-zoic” things 29. Deed 31. Line to the audience 32. Needlepoint, e.g. 33. Ancient Andean 34. “Our Time in ___” (10,000 Maniacs album) 36. Speech of old Syria 37. Matinee ___ 38. Handel oratorio 42. “St. Elsewhere” singer, ____ Barkley 43. Eastern royal 44. Tip for the dealer 45. Court officer 46. Fit to be tied 47. Deep-six 48. Disloyal one 50. Cuckoos 52. Cheat, slangily 53. Lofty lines 55. Fair ___ doctrine 56. Engine speed, for short 57. Chinese dynasty

fessional of you,” Fambro said. Fambro defended Gardner in The Vanguard after his impeachment. Education Senator Alan Sells also stood up in support of Proctor. “As for the EC tension, it is exactly as you said yourself Senator Fowler, you cannot lay blame on one person,” Sells said. “And to me it felt like you were saying that the blame should be laid on Vice President Proctor.” “I feel like it was necessary [to bring up] because I don’t feel like people knew,” Fowler said. “I’m speaking because I feel like this is necessary for students to know. I feel like they should know, because this was such an issue Vice President Proctor quit her office for a week.” “Remind me what week I quit my office,” Proctor responded. In a later interview with The Vanguard, Gardner said that Proctor had expressed a desire to quit her office. Proctor said that after an incident at the TKE house, the fraternity both Gardner and Fowler belong to, the EC sat down with Dean Mitchell and she offered to resign if it would help the EC function better. “Glenn responded with, ‘you’ve done a great job, I appreciate you doing my job this summer because I had to go to Army training.’ I mean, that’s all I can fathom for them saying I quit for a week.” Proctor said that this happened during the week before school started that she had already cleared with Mitchell so she could train Resident Advisors as part of her job with University Housing and Residence Life. SGA Attorney General Gregory Bettis said he had absolutely no recollection of Proctor leaving for a week.




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April 5, 2010

Caption Contest Results The funniest captions submitted for last issue’s pictures, decided by the Editorial Staff.

“See what I stole from the Rec Center?” - Linda Stockstill



kind of like. But at Big Ears, every single performer I watched was great. There was variety, too. You could watch an electronic artist (like DJ/Rupture), followed by a renowned composer (like Terry Riley), followed by a rock band (like Vampire Weekend). I guess I just loved the musician atmosphere. As I talked about in my previous column about music festivals, most festivals are geared toward music fan culture. Big Ears, on the other hand, was all about music and art creation culture. They fostered this feeling by having clinics (my favorite being the MoogLab where you could go play with Moog theremins hooked up to all sorts of cool effect pedals), music premieres, collaborations, and so on. And it seems like the performers enjoy the atmosphere, too. At almost every performance I went to, members of other bands were sitting in the audience. I almost walked into Sufjan Stevens in a dark theater before my eyes adjusted, and I realized he was standing in front of me. Greg and I saw the singer of Vampire Weekend yelling at some old Indian lady. It was weird, and he seemed like a jerk. BUT we don’t know the context of the situation. What I’m trying to say is, if you’re a musician, start saving up for next year. Also, go listen to (in addition to all the bands and artists I already mentioned): Joanna Newsom, Nico Muhly, Doveman, Nosaj Thing, Clogs, The Books, Calder Quartet, Will Basinski, Bang on a Can AllStars, and The National.

5) “Metal Gear Solid” The very first stealth game and still one of the best to this day. Great boss fights, good storytelling, and lots of attention to detail added up in this game to the first real near-movie-like experience in gaming. 4) “Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” In 1998, and even still today, this game was epic. “Ocarina of Time” reinvented the whole franchise with completely innovative level design and at the time, beautiful graphics. Still, and probably forever, one of the greatest games ever made. 3) “Soul Calibur 2” The game is, in my opinion, the best arcade fighter of all time. The fighters are (mostly) well-balanced, the graphics still look good, and the counters work really well. If you disagree, come play me in it. 2) “Super Mario World” Not the “Mario” game most lists would pick, I am aware. Not only is this the game that launched the Super Nintendo, but it is also the greatest platformer of all time. 1) “Resident Evil 4” This game took one of my favorite game formulas and made every single aspect of it better. From graphics to mechanics to the camera to the story, this game proved it wasn’t your grandpappy’s zombie game. Throw in playing back through the game with all your weapons and the mini-games, and you have my favorite game of all time. Until next issue, stay golden, pony boys (and ladyfolk).

from page 13

from page 13

April 5, 2010




Letter to the Editor

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Parking Should Adopt ‘One Offense, One Penalty’

Dear Editor, I had already considered writing this letter, when I read last week’s “Letter to the Editor,” in which the writer expressed dismay at the double-fining strategy the USA Police exercise when citing vehicles, which have no parking permit displayed. I must say that I agree with the writer one hundred percent on this matter, because I have experienced this travesty myself. Due to the fact that, at this time, I do not own my own vehicle, I use whatever vehicle is available to me, whether it be my father’s vehicle or my mother’s. Since I was driving to school in a different vehicle every day, I have had to remember to carry my parking permit with me, when I switch vehicles. Before going any further, I must point out that since I arrived at USA in the Fall of 2007, I have not received any citations on or off campus. I have always made a conscientious effort to obey traffic laws and university parking

regulations. After lunch one day, early last month, I approached my mother’s vehicle, and my eyes caught sight of that dreaded yellow envelope, resting beneath one of the windshield wipers. I then realized that I had forgotten to display my parking permit. I reached for the citation, thinking that I would have to pay only for the missing parking permit. I was infuriated to discover that not only would I have to pay fifteen dollars for the missing permit, but also ten additional dollars for a “zone violation”. When I saw that I could appeal the decision online, I immediately did so. In my appeal, I explained my situation and tried to get both charges dismissed, citing my clean driving record as evidence of responsibility. (I admit that the dismissal of both charges was fantasy, but I would have been a fool not to have asked.) I then stated that I wanted at least, for the “zone

violation” charge to be dismissed, because I hold a valid parking permit for the zone in which I was parked. (I included my permit’s number in the appeal as evidence.) After Spring Break, I went to the SGA office in the Student Center to check on the results of my citation appeal. (To those who do not know, it is the SGA, who makes the decisions on citation appeals.) As it turned out, the SGA declared me guilty of both charges, when I was guilty of only one. I held a valid permit for the zone in which I was parked, but I was still declared guilty of a zone violation. The SGA ignored my evidence in their decision, and in my opinion, did not do their job properly in hearing my appeal. In the end, I paid the twenty-five dollars in order to have the matter over and done with, but I did so reluctantly. I paid twentyfive dollars, just because I forgot to display my parking permit for the first time since I have been a student at USA. I admit that


“All three of these guys have really stepped up,” Kittrell said. “Tanner is actually fairly new to playing catcher and he’s responded so well to it. “Vick’s had to platoon with Hook to keep everyone in the lineup, and we think that he’s responded so well to that. And White has just been exceptional in center field.”

The way the Jags are playing must stretch over to the second half of the season. With Auburn, Southeastern Louisiana, and conference-leading, No. 18 Western Kentucky left on the dish, South Alabama must stay in sync if they are to reach Kittrell’s first NCAA College World Series.

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The newcomers have not only meshed quickly but also have found their way into the starting lineup. Each player is hitting the ball with authority, and each one brings a successful recipe to winning baseball games.

I made the mistake of not displaying my permit. I would have gladly paid for that particular offense, without appealing, but I feel that I was bullied out of the ten dollars for the “zone violation”. SGA elections are coming up, and I urge the Student Body to encourage the candidates to adopt a “One Offense, One Penalty” policy, when dealing with parking citation appeals. I urge the USA Police to do the same. I also urge the SGA and USA Police to drop their nitpicky, Barney Fife strategy in issuing parking citations. This strategy is outrageous, especially since we are in the middle of an economic recession. When this strategy is implemented, it makes us students feel that we are being bullied out of as much money as can be obtained by legal means. When it comes to offenses, the policy for punishment should always be “One Offense, One Penalty”. Sincerely, Sheldon Boxhall




April 5, 2010

April 5, 2010  
April 5, 2010  

USA Vanguard April 5, 2010