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I Should Have Taken the Train for amplified piano & sampled sounds ~

Ursula Kwong-Brown with text by Hannah Howard Revised May 2019


I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TRAIN for amplified piano & sampled sounds

Duration: 15 min I should have taken the train tells a true story of sexual assault. The text is by Hannah Howard with voice recordings by Molly Carden. In the wake of the revelations of the “Me, too” movement, at a time when it seems like we should all feel free to confront our aggressors, I wanted to tell a story which was not so clear, not so simple. A story that is not about the black-and-white of a perfect victim and villain, but instead explores the nuance of real life. A story in which the rapist is never confronted, and instead the victim suffers from years of painful self-recrimination. It is a common story: given the grim statistics about sexual assault, it is safe to say that we all know someone to whom something like this has happened. Most “Me, too” incidents will never be reported and most aggressors will never be identified, but at least the victims can learn not to blame themselves. Only in sharing our stories can we begin to feel less alone. My hope is that hearing Hannah’s story will help people to understand and empathize with the hidden trauma that surrounds us.


PERFORMANCE NOTES General Tempo is always flexible – playing this piece should feel like telling the story. All trills are diatonic

Normal vs Open Timing vs Improvisation There are three kinds of notation in this piece: 1) “Normal” scored music. (Ex: m1-10) 2) “Open timing” – play phrases as written, but the timing between them is free:

3) Improvisatory – using the same pitch set in the same range:

Time Code: This is just for reference, and refers to my Youtube performance. Note that all of your times after 8’55” will be different because in the performance I triggered sample #7 about 10s too early

Piano preparation - optional Before playing, place magnets can be placed on specified strings behind the dampers: In the score, prepared keys have diamond-shaped note heads


The goal is to produce a twangy, metallic, distorted sound that retains the original pitch

Electronic Playback The samples are marked in the score with blue rehearsal numbers. The playback can be triggered by the pianist with a MIDI pedal or by another person following the score. The samples are loaded in a Qlab file which can be run on any computer.

The processing of the audio for the tape playback was done in Spear (Michael Klingbeil’s program for Sinusoidal Partial Editing And Resynthesis) and Logic Pro X. Optimally, the playback is in 4-channel. Please see the attached Technical Information page for more details about amplification and playback.

Please contact the composer with any questions Email: ursulakb@berkeley.edu Phone: (617) 461-9474 Website: www.ursulakwongbrown.com


The following text plays back in a series of samples that can be triggered by the pianist or by someone following along with the score. He wasn’t quite my boss but he was almost my boss… He was the chef, I was the hostess… I was 20 years old… I was surprised and flattered to hear his voice on my phone… what did he want?... He asked me to dinner… I wasn’t sure if it was a date until he pulled out the chair for me, the way he did it, he had that look in his eyes… The food was good, but the dinner was awkward, we didn’t have much to say to each other, he seemed bored…. After he said, I’ll give a ride home, I thought, this date has been awful, I’ll take the train. I said, no thanks, the train is really easy…. He said, it’s no problem at all it’s on my way…. He walked around to the passenger side and opened the car door for me... He slammed it shut… We drove through the Lincoln tunnel… He put his hand on my thigh… He wore a baseball hat pulled low over his eyes, he looked straight ahead. He didn’t take me home. Not right away… When did I know something was wrong?... When he sped past the exit for my parents’ house, when he didn’t respond to my plea to turn around, my heart got loud in my chest… He pulled over. We were in a parking lot. I asked, “Where are we? I want to go home,” but he didn’t answer… He kissed me and I didn’t kiss him back. His lips were dry. I couldn’t see his eyes under his hat… The radio was on but I remember traffic sounds… I remember the hot leather on my thighs, my ass. I remember the acid taste of fear in my mouth. I remember wanting, more than anything, to go home… He unzipped his fly. He straddled me and pressed his unbearable weight onto me. He thrust himself into me and I closed my eyes as if I could close my body. People tell kids not to take rides with strangers. I was not a kid. I was 20 years old. I should have known better. I should have taken the train…. I didn’t say the word rape for years... I didn’t say anything to anyone… When I got home, I was flooded with relief. I was careful not to wake up my parents. I took a shower so long the hot water ran out. I still stood there as the stream turned lukewarm, then cold…. He texted me the next morning. I couldn’t get out of bed. I stared at the message on my phone…. I cannot remember if I texted him back… I felt more shame than anger. I should have taken the train… His name was in the paper. They said he was a great chef.... He was the chef at the restaurant that had just fired me. People looked up to him… He dehydrated beets. He roasted Cornish hens. I had been excited when he asked me to dinner. Maybe he wanted to work with me, to hire me…. He was closer to my parents age than my own. I felt more exhaustion than anger… I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep… I had to get out of bed, had to go to work, had to go to bed, had to go to work... Does he remember that night?... I bet I texted him back… I knew it wasn’t me, but in my heart I worried that it was me… Had I imagined the whole thing? … I was 20 years old, I should have known better. I should have taken the train... I should have taken the train…. It’s so easy to take the train. Text by Hannah Howard


Cue 0

1

2 3

4 5 6 7

8

Duration Text 1’01” He wasn’t quite my boss but he was almost my boss (1s). He was the chef, I was the hostess… I was 20 years old. (2s). I was surprised and flattered to hear his voice on my phone… what did he want? (4s). He asked me to dinner. (4s). I wasn’t sure if it was a date until he pulled out the chair for me, the way he did it, he had that look in his eyes (2s). The food was good, but the dinner was awkward, we didn’t have much to say to each other, he seemed bored. (3s). After he said, I’ll give a ride home, I thought, this date has been awful, I’ll take the train. I said, no thanks, the train is really easy…. He said, it’s no problem at all it’s on my way. 42” He walked around to the passenger side and opened the car door for me (2s). He slammed it shut (3s). We drove through the Lincoln tunnel (5s). He put his hand on my thigh (4s). He wore a baseball hat pulled low over his eyes, he looked straight ahead. 38” He didn’t take me home. Not right away. (3s). When did I know something was wrong? (5s). When he sped past the exit for my parents’ house, when he didn’t respond to my plea to turn around, my heart got loud in my chest. 1’02” He pulled over. We were in a parking lot. I asked, “Where are we? I want to go home,” but he didn’t answer. (3s) He kissed me and I didn’t kiss him back. His lips were dry. I couldn’t see his eyes under his hat…… The radio was on but I remember traffic sounds. (3s) I remember the hot leather on my thighs, my ass. I remember the acid taste of fear in my mouth. I remember wanting, more than anything, to go home. 30” He unzipped his fly. He straddled me and pressed his unbearable weight onto me. He thrust himself into me and I closed my eyes as if I could close my body. Processed Piano sounds 10” People tell kids not to take rides with strangers. I was not a kid. I was 20 years old. I should have known better. I should have taken the train. 30” I didn’t say the word rape for years. (5) I didn’t say anything to anyone. (5) When I got home, I was flooded with relief. I was careful not to wake up my parents. I took a shower so long the hot water ran out. I still stood there as the stream turned lukewarm, then cold. 23” He texted me the next morning. I couldn’t get out of bed. I stared at the message on my phone. (3s)) I cannot remember if I texted him back. (5s) I felt more shame than anger. I should have taken the train.

9

33”

10

22”

11 12 13

2” 2” 4”

His name was in the paper. They said he was a great chef. (3s). He was the chef at the restaurant that had just fired me. People looked up to him. (1s). He dehydrated beets. He roasted Cornish hens. I had been excited when he asked me to dinner. Maybe he wanted to work with me, to hire me…. He was closer to my parents age than my own. I felt more exhaustion than anger. (5s) . I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep (3). I had to get out of bed, had to go to work, had to go to bed, had to go to work. Does he remember that night? I bet I texted him back I knew it wasn’t me, but in my heart I worried that it was me

14

17”

Remix: Had I imagined the whole thing?

15 16 17

22” 12” 13”

I was 20yo I should have known better I should have taken the train-A I should have taken the train-B

Technical Information


I should have taken the train is a piece involving one amplified prepared piano and 4-track tape playback. Performance will utilize the installed house sound system, with the following additions: -2 Onstage Speakers (to left and right of piano) on Tripod Stands Ideally, these should be 10” or 12” 2-way speakers like Meyer UPA-1P or d&b E12. -Three Microphones for the piano (Running directly to the house sound console): -2 DPA 4099 with PC4099 Magnetic Piano Mount -1 Small Diaphragm Cardioid Condenser (DPA 4011, Sennheiser MKH-40, Neuman KM184, Schoeps CMC6/MK4, etc.) with boom mic stand -1 Reverb unit (TC Electronics M2000/M3000/Reverb4000, Lexicon PCM91/92/96, etc.) Fed from a single mono aux on house console, returned to two mono input channels. Performer will provide laptop with audio interface placed at piano (please provide small table or stage cube). 4 TRS outputs should be sent to house sound console and routed as follows: 1 – Onstage Left 2 – Onstage Right 3 – All House Left Surround Speakers 4 – All House Right Surround Speakers (Please feed house subwoofers via auxes from channels 1+2 using standard low-pass filter) Inputs Ch Input 1 Piano 1 2 Piano 2 3 Piano 3 4 Laptop 1 5 Laptop 2 6 Laptop 3 7 Laptop 4 8 Reverb L 9 Reverb R

Source DPA 4099 DPA 4099 Small Diaphragm Condenser Audio Interface – to Onstage Left Audio Interface – to Onstage Right Audio Interface – to House Left Surround Audio Interface – to House Right Surround Reverb Unit Reverb Unit

Outputs Groups/Mixes/Busses 1 Onstage Left 2 Onstage Right 3 Surround House Left 4 Surround House Right Post-Fade Auxes 1 Subwoofers 2 Reverb Send

Stand/Mount PC4099 Piano Mount PC4099 Piano Mount Boom Stand


Ursula Kwong-Brown Revised May 23, 2019

I Should Have Taken the Train Increasingly agitated >œ q. = 90

{

? bb 9 b8

poco rit. œœ œœœœœ œœœœœ >œ œ œ >œ œ œ œ œ œ œ J œ œ œ œ œ œœ œ œ œ œ ™ ™ ‰ Œ J Œ ‰ f f ™ œ œœœ ™™™ œœ ™™ ˙˙˙ ™™™ ™ ™ œ ™ ™ œœœ ™™™ ˙ œ œ ˙ ™ ™ ™ ˙ ™ n ˙ œ ˙ ™ ™ ˙ ™ ™ œ œ Œ ™ ˙˙™™ Œ ™ Œ ™ ˙˙™™ Œ™

∏∏∏∏∏

b9 & b b8

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accel.

rit. G.P.

6

>œ œ œ œ œ œ >œ œ œ >œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ >œ œ œ >œ œ œ U œ3 b j œ™ 4 b ‰ b œ œ œ œ œ™ & œ œ ™ œœ 4 f

™ ? bb œœœ ™™ b

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n œœœ ™™™

œœœ ™™™

n œœœ ™™™

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n œœœ ™™™

1st time: He wasn't quite my boss, but he was sort of my boss

(Ab) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ÿ 4 nœœœœ O™ 4œ œ

He was the chef, I was the hostess… I was 20 years old.

I was surprised and flattered to hear his voice on my phone

2nd time: what did he want?

0 10 3 two hands questioning b œ ™ ™™ b Ó Ó ™ & b œœ œœ œ œœ œœ ™™ O O O O O O O O OOOOOOOO p sfz <Ÿ>~~~~~~~~ ? bb O ™™ ™™ b ˙ ™ (D) Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{

SOUND #0: Sustain C: growing in noise


2 I wasn’t sure if it was a date until he pulled out the chair for me, the way he did it, he had that look in his eyes

He asked me to dinner

14

b & b b ™™

The food was good, but the dinner was awkward, we didn’t have much to say to each other, he seemed bored

™™ œœœœœœœœ 1st time - ff 2nd time - pp

œœœœ

œ œœ œœœ œ œ

sfz

œœœœ ™ ? bb ™™ œ œ œ œ ™ b w w w w Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ w~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ÿ (Ab)

{

(D) Time Code: 1'00"

After he said, I’ll give a ride home, I thought, this date has been awful, I’ll take the train. I said, no thanks, the train is really easy…. He said, it’s no problem at all it’s on my way.

Hesitant, then Driving (q = 80) Improvisatory - insert pauses & repetition

19

bb b & œœœ œœœœ ? bb b w <Ÿ>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{

r O œ OOnœœ œœ œO O. n œ O . . O. nœ. œ. œ . . œ. œ. O . . œœ nœ. œ œ

œ œ œœ n œ œ œ Œ œ 10s

VOICE #1 (42s)

1st time:

He walked around to the passenger side and opened the car door for me

2nd time: He slammed it shut

1 b &b b

23

™™

OOOOOOOO 1st time - mf 2nd time - pp

T: 2'00"

œ œ œ œ

œ œ œ œ

™™


3

He put his hand on my thigh (Pause 5s)

We drove through the Lincoln Tunel (Pause 7s)

hand mute inside piano 27

b & b b ™™ Œ

6 6 6 6 6 6 6 ™ ≈ ™ Œ

6 6 6 6 6 6 6

6 6 6 6 6

Œ

ff

f

? bb ™™ b

™™

{

‰ p

Hesitant, then Driving (q = 80) He wore a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, he looked straight ahead

DESCEND (please improve on my recording)

30

b &b b

∑ Improvisatory - insert pauses & repetition . . . . œ. œ œJ . . œ œ . œ œ œO œ . œ œOnœœ. ‰ ≈ r n œ O O œ œ œ O O. n Oœ O O œ .. . œ. œ. O. O. . . . œ. . . . p . œ . n œ . œœ . œ. œœ œ œ . . œ œ œ . n œ n œ œ. œ. . . œ. œ. œ œ œ . œ. O. . .

b &b b

{

? bb b

∑ œ œ n œ œ œœ œ Œ œ

15s

When did I know something was wrong?

2

When he sped past.... plea... turn around... My heart got loud in my chest

He didn't take me home

34

b & b b OO O O O O œœ

3 3 5 3 U ™™ ™ ™™ ≈ ≈ Œ≈ œ O O O ™ O O O O O O O O O O O O n œOO O O O O O O ™O O O O O O n œOœO O O

sfz sfz sffz ff

U

{

? bb œ ‰ b œO T: 3'10"

™™ w D Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

˙ O Ab ~ Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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4 VOICE #3 (1'02") He pulled over. We were in a parking lot.

Start slowly, then q = 80 38

b &b b

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{

? bb b O™ <Ÿ>~~~~~~~~

4 4

4 4

f

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I asked, “Where are we? I want to go home,” but he didn’t answer. (3s)

œœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ bb 4 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™™2 œ œ œ œ œ ™™ b & 4 4 A little faster

FOLEY #3: Car turning, stopping. Intermittent traffic and radio sounds

He kissed me and I didn’t kiss him back. His lips were dry. I couldn’t see his eyes under his hat. (10s)

42

b4 2 & b b 4 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™™4 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ™™ nœ œ nœ °

{

™ Œ OOOOOOOO ™ œ œ œ œ p mf ™™ ∑ ∑

™™ ™™

T: 4'10"

46

œœ œ œ œ œ œ b œ œ &b b œœœ œ œ œ œ œœœ œ œ œœœ f

œœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœœ

f

f

? bb œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œnœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ &œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ b œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ °

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I remember the hot leather on my thighs, my ass.

The radio was on but I remember traffic sounds. (3s)

49

b &b b

™™ Œ ™™ œ OOOOOOOO œœœ mf

™™42 œ ™™ 44 œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœœ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœœ œ œ

p

{

b &b b

™™

mp

™™

2 ™ ™ 4 œ œ œœœœœ œ œ œ œ œ œœœ œ œ œ œ œ œ n œ œ n œ °

?

™™ 44


5 I remember the acid taste of fear in my mouth.

I remember wanting, more than anything, to go home.

53

b4 & b b4

Œ

œ œ œ œ pp

O O O O O O O O mf

VOICE #4 (30s) He unzipped his fly (3s). He straddled me and pressed his unbearable weight onto me. He thrust himself into me and I closed my eyes as if I could close my body.

hand mute inside piano 3 (In my video, I use mallets) 56 6666666 6666666 6666666 66666 66666 b ™ ™ b Œ ≈ Œ ≈ Œ ≈ ‰ Ó Œ ≈ Œ ≈ ‰ Ó ™™ 44 ™ & b ™ mf T: 5'00"

f

FOLEY #4: More cars SOUND #4: Prepared piano chord

mf

p


6

Sad.... to Angry! q = 60

b4 & b b4

U œ œ n œ Ó œ mp ? bb 4 œ O ≈nœJ ™ Ó Ó b4 b4 & b b4 Œ

∑ U œ

O

{ {

b &b b Œ

‰ œj œ nœ

œ Œ

Œ

Œ™ œ œ O ‰ œj ≈ œ™ J Ó

Ó

œœ œnœ

O Œ

œ œ ‰ Oj O œ

b j Œ™ & b b œO œ Œ ™ œ œ Oœ nœ ™ Œ ‰ j ≈ œ™ Ó ? bb ‰ nœj ≈ œ™ œ ≈ J J b œ J

Œ

U œ j œ ‰ œ œ

bœ j œ ‰ œ nœ

j ™ œ n œœœ œ Œ ™ Œ œ ‰ nœj ≈ œ™ ≈ J J

Œ ˙˙˙ ™™™ ˙ œ ˙ ™™ J

j œ

œœ ≈ œj™ O œnœ œ

‰#œj nœ œ Ó

T: 6'05"

accel. Improvisatory (please improve on my performance)

b &b b Œ <b>˙˙˙˙ ™™™™ b &b b

œœ œœ b œ ≈œ™j<b>œnœœ Œ ≈œj™ œ œnœ œ ˙˙˙˙˙ ™™™™™

œ ? bb ‰ nœj œ Ó b

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Angry q = 80

œœ>œœœ b &b b

‰ œj œ œ Ó

œ œ œœ œ œ Œ ≈ j œœj‰ œ≈ œ nœ ≈ œ™ Œ ≈ œ œ ≈ œ œ R œJ J n œ ™ œ J w ww w œœ ∑ w ww w œÓ ‰ jœ œ Ó Œ œ

5s

Optional: double chords w LH

> œœœœœ

n œœ>œœœ

nœœ>œœœ

œœ>œœœ bn œœ>œœœ

œœ>œœœ

œ nœ œ nœ ‰

œ œ ‰ J

<b><b>nœœœœœ

2 n˙˙˙˙ 4>

6 4

ff

œ œ œ ? bb ‰ œ ‰ œ ‰ œ ‰ nnœœ b J J J J

{

<b>œ ‰ nœ 2 ‰ nœJ 4 <b>œJ

œ œ

œj 6 œ 4


7 Improvisatory Improvisatory

œœœœ œœœ J

œœ œœœ œ b œ 6 œ & b b 4 J œ J œ œœœœœœ œœœ œœœŒ sub p b6 ∑ & b b4

3s

f

œœœ œœœ ? bb 6 ‰ œ ‰ œ ‰ œœ œœ œœ b4 œ œ œ œœ

{

œœœœ œœœ J

œœœœœœœ ‰ œœœœ œœ ‰ œ 3s œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ ? œ œœ œ œœ ‰ œœœ ‰ œœœ Ó™ œ œ f œœœ Ó™ ‰ œ ‰ œœœ œ ‰ œœœ œ œœœ œ œœœ

hands not synchronized Repeat - frantic

œœ œ œ œœ œœ

Repeat - frantic

œœœœ œ œ œ œ b &b b Ÿ~~~~~~~ œœ œ œ œ œœ œ œ œŸ~~~~~~~ ≈ œ œœœœœ Œ

3s œ b œ œ & b b œœœ œœ ≈ ™

{

? bb Πb

œœ œ œ œ œ ≈™ œ œ 3s

œœœ œ œ œ œ œœ œœœ ≈œ œ œœœœ

Œ

Ÿw~~~~~~~~~~ w Ÿ~~~~~~~~

ff f marcato

f fff

5 rit.

q. = 60

bb ‰ b &

œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œJ œ œ œ œ

mp

j œœœœœœ œœ

j ‰ O O O O O O O O O O œ œOœ sfz p w ˙˙ œ ™ w ‰ ™ œœœ™™™ Œ ™ ~ O J

p

{

? bb b œœ ™™ œœ ™™

Ϊ

‰ ™ œœj ™™ Œ ™ œœ ™™

‰ ™ œj ™ Œ ™ œœœ ™™™

T: 8'00"

When I got home, I was ... I was careful not to wake up my parents I took a shower so long the hot water ran out.

b & b b ™™ Ó

When I got home, I was ... I was careful not to wake up my parents I took a shower so long the hot water ran out.

™ œ O œ O O O O ™ OOœ Oj O O O O O O œ pp sfz

I didn’t say anything to anyone. (5s)

™™ Œ Œ ™ œOœOO OO ™ pp

6 4


8 He texted me the next morning. I couldn’t get out of bed. I stared at the message on my phone. (2s) I cannot remember if I texted him back. (5s) I felt more shame than anger. I should have taken the train.

7 Floating

q = 100 VOICE #8 (23")

NOTE: The recording is wrong here. The piano is supposed to play for 10s solo before voice starts again

U œ œ œ œ b 6 & b b 4 ‰ œ œ œ œ œœ œ Œ

U œ œ œ œ œ ‰ œ œ œ œœ nœ Œ

U œ n œ œ œ ‰ œ œnœ œ œ œ ‰ œœ œ

p

{

œ œ œœ œ œ

? bb 6 b4

nœ œ œ œ ‰ Œ nœ

œ

2 1

œœ

œ œ œ œ

‰Œ 1 4

5 3

œœ ‰ nœ

œ

5 1 3

13 2 5 T: 8'55" His name was in the paper.... People said he was a great chef... He roasted cornish hens.... to hire me.

He was closer to my parents age...

8 GFC U œ bœ œ œ œ œ œœ b œ œ œ œ b Œ œ œJ & b b œ œ œ bœ œ

E

œ œ œ œœ ‰ œœœ

{

9

Œ

œœœ œ

œœœœœœ J ‰Œ Œ

3s

3s

? bb nœ b

“œ”

ECG

œœ œ œ ‰Œ œ œ

œœœœœ œœœœ œ ‰& œ œœœœ œ

I felt more exhaustion than anger (5s). I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep (3s). I had to get out of bed, had to go to work.

People tell kids not to take rides with strangers. I was not a kid. I was 20 years old. I should have known better. I should have taken the train.

VOICE #10 (21") VOICE #6 (8")

bb œ œ œ ‰ œ œj ‰ Œ j‰ Œ j‰ Œ Œ b & œ œ œ œœ œœ œ œœ œ œ œœ œ ? bb œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœ œ b œœ œ œœœ œœœœ œ

{

SOUND #10: Piano

∑ 5s


9

Playful

bb j 12 b Œ & œ 8 O œj O œ œœ ™™ Œ Oœj œœ Oœjœ œ œ nœ nœ ™ > .. > œ œ œ œ™ Œ ™ ? bb œJ 12 œ œJ œ œ œ ™ ™ Œ Œ 8 b œ™

{

œ™ j œ j œ œ nœœ ™™ œœœ œœ n œœœ œœ œœœ œœ j œ ∑ Œ œ

T: 10'37"

15 Increasingly agitated q. = 90

MIX: I was 20 years old, I shouldve known better VOICE #15 (22")

œ b &b b

™™98 ‰ œœ œœœœ œ œ œœ œJ œ Œ ™ ™™ œ œœ œ œ œ œ œ œ f

? bb œœ œœj nO œ œnO œ œnO œ œ nœ ™ b ™ œ œJ Œ J œ™

{

b œ œ &b b œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œœ ™™™ n œœœ ™™™ œœœ ™™™ ? bb œ b

{

œœœ ™™™ œœ ™™ ˙˙˙ ™™™ ™ œ Œ ™ ™™

™ 9™™ Œ ™ ˙˙˙˙˙™™™™ 8

œœ ™™ n<b>˙˙ ™™ œœ ™™ œ œ œ œ œ œ Œ ™ n˙˙˙ ™™™ nœ ™ nœ ™ ˙™ œœœœœœœœœ œœœœœœœœœ n œœœ ™™™ œœœ ™™™ Œ™

11 Does he remember that night?

˙˙˙ ™™™ n b &b b

n œœœ ™™™

™ b œœœ ™™ 12 œœœœ™™™™ œœœœ ™™™™ œœœœ ™™™™ 8 ff

VOICE #11 (3")

j œOOœ O OOO O OO

VOICE #11 (3")

j œOOœ O OOOO™

fff

mf

p

˙™ œ œ œ œ œ n œ œœ œ œ œ œ œ 12 ‰ ‰ œ ‰ œŒ ™ O ™ ? bb 8 b

˙™ O™

˙™ O™

{

T: 11'20"

I bet I texted him back


10

Somber q = 60

13 12 b &b b

I knew it wasn't me, but in my heart I worried it was me.

Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ∑ VOICE #12 (2")

w™

w™

w™

w™ “” œ ™ œ ™™ œ ™ œ™ œ

delicate

b &b b

œ™ œ ™™ œ™ œ™ Ó™ œ

Ó™

j O O œOœ O O O O O O

{

? b œO ‰ bb

Ϊ

Ϊ

œ™ œ ™™ œ™ œ™ Ó™ œ

˙˙ ™™ Œ ™ ˙˙ ™™

˙˙ ™™ ˙˙ ™™

Ϊ

˙˙˙ ™™™ Œ ™ ˙ ™

Ϊ

MIX: Had i imagined

2 hands: crazy, frantic, repeated G

14

even crazier

œœœœœ

VOICE #14 (19")

5s

b &b b Œ

Œ

œœœœœ

5s

4 4 sffz

sfz

MIX: I should've taken the train

MIX: I should've taken the train

16

17 VOICE #17 (12") VOICE #17 (12")

b4w & b b 4 bw w ww

˙˙˙ ˙˙

˙˙˙˙ b˙

?

˙ ˙˙˙˙ b˙˙˙˙˙

12 8

fff

b4 & b b4 œ œ œ œ œ œ Ó Ó œ œ œ œ œ Œ b˙˙˙ ˙˙ ° ˙˙ b˙˙˙ ? bb 4 n ∑ ∑ ∑ 4 b

{

Ó? œ œ œ œ Ó b˙˙˙ n ˙˙

˙˙˙˙ b˙

Ó

Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ó ˙ ˙

12 8 12 8


11 VOICE #18 (58") MIX: It's so easy to take the train

18

œ œ œ Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ œ n œ œ ™™ ‰ œ œ œ œ nœ œ œ œ ™ ‰ œ œ œ œ œ œ œ œJ œ™ ∑ ‰ œœ œ ‰ ‰ œ™ œ nœ œ œ œ œ œ ™ ™™ ‰ œ œ ∑ œ™ œ™ Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Going crazy with self-blame

b 12 &b b 8

? bb 12 b8

{

q = 60

rit. STRUM low strings w LH 3 3 5 3 3 bb U b ≈ ≈ Œ ≈ & O O O OO O O O O O O n œOO O O O O O O œOO ™™™ OO O O O O O n œOOœ O O œOOœ O O O

™™ 43

sfz sfz

sffz

sffz

? bb U b w Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{

Uneasy, œ œ slow œ

™™ 43

∑ ˙ O ~ Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ œ œ œ œ O

œ œ œ œ O

b3 & b b4 p

mp

b 3 ˙™ & b b4 ˙ ™ ° ? bb 3 ∑ b4

sfz

bn˙˙˙ ™™™ ∑

œ œ

œ œ ∑

pp

n˙˙˙ ™™™

{

19

œ O

œ œ O O mp n ˙˙ ˙ ‰ œJ

‰nœœœ ˙˙˙ J ∑

It's so easy to take the train

20

bb œ b & O

œ œ œ O œ O

œ O

œ œ œ O œ O

3 nœ nœO

œ œ œ œO œ œO

pp mf

b &b b Œ

{

Œ bn ˙˙˙˙

? bb ‰ bœ ˙ b J

n ˙˙˙ ˙ j ‰ œ œ

∑ ‰

nœœœœ ˙˙˙˙ j œ œ

Profile for Ursula Kwong-Brown

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TRAIN - for piano and sample playback (2019)  

I should have taken the train tells a true story of sexual assault. The text is by Hannah Howard with voice recordings by Molly Carden. In t...

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TRAIN - for piano and sample playback (2019)  

I should have taken the train tells a true story of sexual assault. The text is by Hannah Howard with voice recordings by Molly Carden. In t...

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