Foil, Arms & Hog —Chancers and Cheaters With exam apocalypse nearing, Foil Arms and Hog sit you down with a cup of your favourite hot beverage and explain the whole business of chancing your arm
“If you cheat in an exam, you are only fooling yourself.” A wise guidance counsellor in our school once said, to which the person sitting behind me whispered, almost menacingly “and my mom, and my dad, and my teachers.” Cheating in exams has been going on ritually since 1000BC, when young Persiusus son of Persiusnussynuss smuggled a slab of King Ramses’ tomb into his hieroglyphics test. He was caught of course… and I made that story up. Since then students have been cheating with aplomb, from bringing Volvic water bottles into junior cert geography exams in order to copy the volcano diagram, to brazenly bringing log tables into an English exam packed with Shakespeare quotes. The question is whether cheating actually pays off. In the time it took to fold up an entire economics module into an origami desk and chair, would you not just have opened the occasional newspaper? Instead of etching four chapters of Homer’s Odyssey onto the exterior of a Coke can, could you not just have learned the key quotes? Probably, but
The question is whether cheating actually pays off. In the time it took to fold up an entire economics module into an origami desk and chair, would you not just have opened the occasional newspaper
you’ve spent the previous two weeks smoking outside the library waiting to accost someone from your course and exclaim how “screwed” you were. You’ve procrastinated each day like a true pro, hung by the lake, had six coffees, 18 cigarettes, 64 toilet breaks and now you’re desperate. Even if the way you’re cheating seems fool-proof, the anxiety that you’ll be caught can be overwhelming. I know someone who wrote an entire Irish essay on his thigh for the Leaving Cert only to sweat most of it off from the stress. With most exams being marked on somewhat of a curve, it’s still important to get ahead of the pack,
even without cheating or gambling. You can do this, perfectly legally, by putting-off or distracting other candidates. Why not exclaim “Yes!” and fist pump when you first read the questions or loudly demand more paper even when not needed. If you’re feeling particularly competitive, arrive at the exam centre in a full suit of armour and cook a barbeque next to your desk. Or sit in front of your friend with an image of a naked couple emblazoned on the back of your t-shirt. A friend of mine used to piss me off by bringing in a full maths set into each exam, needless to say I spent a frantic ten minutes
@tila_da_hun
scrambling through a second year Spanish paper trying to figure out where a compass was required. Cheat, gamble, or call in a bomb scare, whatever methods you use to pass these exams, one thing’s for sure, if you’re reading this, you probably should be studying. Good luck. If you would like more from Foil Arms and Hog we have a fancy website with upcoming gigs and things, just go to www.google.com and type in ‘Foil Arms and Hog’, we’re the first one. You can also check out our videos on the YouTube, and/ or join us on Facebook and Twitter @ foilarmsandhog
Howiye Hun, I’m ragin at the university over this dirtbird policy of filmin’ inside campus res. De university are a pack of law-straddlers and legal skivers, they wouldn’t know tenant’s rights even if it C’mere Hun, slapped them in the tits. Iv been in the poxy Joyce every day of the week, I But I’m tryin’ to get my fuckin image right for hasn’t seen the girlos since we were hooped me vlog, and I’m in bits over de R.A. ladz whippin at Strauss ball.. Iv exams up to me hole, u ok hun? out a camera when I’m just bein glam on webcam. and me fella’s after hoppin da boat to London, sayin he needs his space. He took Since my face is like, the main appeal of me blog, what’s the fuppin’ story wiv owning de rights to that shcalder Sharon from the Boots in Blanchardstown with him too. Dunno why, she’s less videos of my face? It takes away from me being mad fab when dere only plagiarising my look… craic than scabies. So here, I’m locked in d’library all day like a dope, Can I give them shit over it? but the rides abandoned me. Should I start lookin’ for Thracia xx talent on the fourth floor, or would it just be better to Story witcha hun? brick Sharon’s house and geh me man back? I know what ye mean, I had a class photo album of Story? Ferrero xx Instagram selfies me and me motts took at Belgica when we were stallin’ west on Europe. They were Ah look, actually stunnin too cos I’d just got my new leatherHere, that’s a fooking joke, don’t even try doin yer exams panel dungarees from the charity shop an’ all, but after without havin a reliable ride set up fer the month. It’d be a few weeks sum one told me that the diorty Frankish more worth your while to stab yourself in the eyes like. I lads were creepin thru my profile photos, so they could actually wouldn’t’ve gotten thru negotiatin’ de Treaty of find points of weakness in our armour and steal glam Margus if it wasn’t for this absolute lash I met hanging fashion tips, the bolloxes… round the high green just by the walls of Constantinople. But here, I just went ‘nd tweeted it after, ‘nd then Couldn’t hack the sesh offa study without some hotzer to every1 knew that me and the girlos were actually the keep ye distracted like. first to have those indie-lookin Aztec print collars. Just If yer man isn’t a complete shcald bag, deck that other hoor and fetch him back, cos you’ll only be wastin yer time start a shitstorm over it on yer vlog, accuse them of on the crooked, bogey faces to be found in the James Joyce. gatherin material for the wank bank and they should Been dealing with da huns problems since 445AD… Ur resident back off.. You’ll be siftin through duds for most of study week with agony aunt & Hunnic Emperor lol! Don’t mess wit my girlos or I’ll Love all mi huns! that craic. wreck u like I wrecked da city of Aquileia . xoxo. Tweet me! ‘Tila xoxo ‘Tila xoxo
4 otwo