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The Most Unusual Digest in America


Your Source for Cosmetic Dentistry Porcelain Veneers • Bonding • Teeth Bleaching • Crowns Bridges • Dentures • Surgical Placement/Restoration of Dental Implants Preventive Dentistry: Cleanings & Checkups

brighten up the

holiday season with your new smile



27 Millett Drive, Auburn •

Maine Gemstone Headquarters

Oct. AD 138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 •


Fixed Rate


• Conventional • FHA • VA • MSHA • RD Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St., Auburn • • This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon

1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping.

Thank you for a great year! We wish everyone a safe and happy holiday, from all of us at Rowe Auburn.

Chris & Kendra Gorham We're having trouble deciding what the best thing is about this place, the atmosphere, the wines or the baked goods

David & Cindy Cloutier It’s amazing to see this place. We remember when this used to be A&B Florist. You wouldn't know it was ever the same place. Breathtaking!

Rowe Auburn Rt. 4, Center Street, Auburn

Kevin & Lynn Partridge

784-2321 V 1-800-339-7693 V

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

53% of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year.

& Jimbo




Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.


DECEMBER 2011 Saturday, Dec 3rd Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4pm – 6:30pm (Chapter 14346) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $5.50 Member $7 Guest Sunday, Dec 4th Flagship Cinema (Chapter 10589) Lewiston/Auburn $3.50 Member $5.50 Guest Wednesday, Dec 7th Chickadee 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 12749) 1472 Lisbon St. Lewiston $8 Member $9 Guest Sunday, Dec 11th KC Breakfast 9am – 10am (Chapter 12907) Lakeview Ave, Winthrop $2 Person Tuesday Dec 13th Sam’s Noon – 7pm (Chapter 8609) Market Place Mall, Lewiston $3 Member $4 Guest Thursday, Dec 15th The Green Ladle Culinary Arts Noon - Sharp (Chapter 14437) 156 East Ave. Lewiston H.S. $7.50 Member $8.50 Guest Tuesday, Dec 27th Pizza Hut 11:30 – 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt 26, Oxford $4 Member $5 Guest

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

There are 1.8 billion candy canes produced every year.

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed. ***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Uncle Andy’s Digest

The first Animal Crackers were not made for eating… they were made as Christmas tree decorations!


PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS

PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!


Staff JIMBO enLIGHTened

Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures 801 Webster Street, Lewiston





Joe & Mike Adkins

MAGGIE our guiding LIGHT

Jimbo still says Uncle Andy is not the brightest bulb on the tree.



I’ll pay you



Uncle Andy’s Digest

for your antiques!

is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo



Auction Company

Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates • Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items

State & Federally Licensed

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.


Dan Boyd

998-4083 or 754-1009

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

In-Law Letter Submitted by Jimbo

When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that? She's on vacation on the other side of the world!" the man said. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter she wrote: PS. Dear Diane, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."

Fair Pay An indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him that he would take the case on contingency. When the client asked what "contingency" was, the lawyer replied, "If I don't win your lawsuit, I don't get anything. If I do win your lawsuit, you don't get anything. Based on previous surveys, 17% of you will embarrass yourselves in some way at your office Christmas party.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




A true fish story

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble? Its true....Comet cleans sinks!

I was doing the happy dance until...

GIVE THE GIFT OF HEALTH Purchase a Y Gift Certificate and show how much you care about family and friends ...or do something for yourself! Tina’s pike was 37” & 15lbs.

Tina Croteau from Marcel’s Barber Shop thought she won the big kahuna fishing competition between her and her husband. She had bragging rights for only a short time because...

Gary’s pike was 39” & 17lbs.

KINDNESS IS CONTAGIOUS When you give back to your community and those who need a hand, you are giving back to yourself as well. Become a Y VOLUNTEER.

COLLEGE STUDENT HOME ON BREAK? Join the Y for only $26.25! • Over 50 group exercise classes a week including Yoga & Pilates • Free Weight Room • Pool • Gymnasium • Cardio Equipment & more!

OPEN HOUSE Start the New Year with Us. Come in by January 17th and receive a FREE Trial Family Membership during any 2 weeks in January. Try the Y and see all that we have to offer!

Gary Croteau


pulled up a pike that was 2 inches longer and 2 lbs heavier which made for a very happy husband!

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA • AUBURN (Next to the County Courthouse)

The big kahuna award goes to Gary... this time.

207 795 4095 •

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.

& Jimbo




Give the gift of health.

Jimbo says Uncle Andy is hunting in an empty forest.

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon

Tim Masse & Lorri Wunder Thank you to everyone who came out to our open house, we look forward to serving our customers for many years to come!

Nick Benoit Owner of Benoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar

Joe & Samantha Poirier How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

Village Inn Gift Certificates make great gifts & stocking stuffers! Holiday Parties? Let us do the work! • Various Rooms Available • Small, medium & large groups welcome • Captain Don’s Loft features its own bar • Buffet Style, Custom menus & Appetizer options available • Call NOW!

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • Q: Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture? A: Eatin' Allen's.

Pay Less For Your Holiday Lights! If your CMP bill has Electricity Maine listed as the power provider, you have a reason to celebrate!

Join thousands of Mainers who are saving a combined total of $500,000 a year.

No Contracts! No Fees! No CATCH!

MAKE THE SWITCH! Save 6% on your electricity • 1-866-573-2674 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.

New Auburn Business District CALL US FOR TAKE-OUT!

Pub Style Food with Daily Specials

Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille Grand Opening in Auburn

George Dycio of the Lewiston Auburn Economic Growth Council

& Louise Goulet

f o e Hom

B s ’ y And

s n a e B d ake

We're happy to see the new Firehouse Grille and are happy to hear that Andy's Baked Beans will still be served here, too!

Back for Saturdays - Reserve yours now!

Same Great Recipe!!


Food Friends Cheer

Bev & Leroy Walker of the former Andy's Baked Beans


47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959

Roy Wandell

Mon-Wed 11am - 10pm; Thurs-Fri 11am - 1am; Sat 8am - 1am

of Dennis Paper & Food Service

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille Grand Opening in Auburn

New Auburn Business District

Wicked Illustrations Studio and Gallery Ar t Classes • Ar t Par ties • Murals • Ar t

DECEMBER SPECIAL 20% OFF Your 2012 Art Party

Gift Certificates Available!

Painting Workshop ~ “Wine & Whimsy” Friday, January 27th $35.00 / Pre-registration required

Ali Breault

Melanie Therrien 190 Riverside Drive, Auburn


Commercial Lots Parking Lots Residential Mary Bent I’m so proud of my daughter, Celeste and her husband, Victor & the co-owners, John Roy and his wife, Kathy.

We also offer plowing, sanding & salting

Pauline Langelier, Louise Goulet & Celeste Mathieu Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

10 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Why is the alphabet in that order?

When it’s snowing, we’re going!

New Auburn Business District

Matchmaker Submitted by Jimbo

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM... Call us today!

NO PROBLEM! • Appointments required, please call first • Fully warranteed & certified • $55/hr labor rate

Brad’s Precision Auto 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364

Brad Johnson

Roller Skating = Family Fun Holiday Schedule

Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

Closed Saturday, Dec. 24th & Sunday, Dec. 25th Skate/Dance (teens) Open Wednesday, Dec. 28th 7:30 - 9:30 - 10:30 school vacation skate 1:30-4:00 1:30 - 4:00pm Open Dec. 31st - Sat. afternoon 1:30-4:00 Family Night 7:30 - 10pm Closed Sat. Night Dec. 31st & Sun. Jan. 1st All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Sat. & Sun. Saturday Night Sunday Night

One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched, in amazement, as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooooh, Sandy." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

"We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."

Find us on Facebook Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another customer who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date.

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 •


Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

Even though my mom has to deal with Uncle Andy, we’ll give the Digest two thumbs up!


All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.


Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.

Especially that ad right beside us!

Justin Croteau & Mike Koch Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 11

Caught Out ’n About at the Auburn Mall on Halloween

New Auburn Business District

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

There’s a reason we came back to have Rolly’s for breakfast again...

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

It’s really yummy! Especially the pancakes!!

Sarah Johnson & Kayla Neujahr (l to r)

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Cole, Dale, Mandy & Rylee

Concert Lights Submitted by Jimbo

The coffee around here is break fluid. My 14-year-old daughter, Maggie, and her best friend, Joannie are fans of 60's music. They recently got frontrow tickets to attend a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert in our town.


When they returned home from the concert that night, I wanted to hear all the details of the concert. My daughter says, "Mom, during the show, we looked back an saw hundreds of little lights swaying to the music. At first we thought people were holding up cigarette lighters. Then we realized that the lights were the reflections off all the eyeglasses in the audience!"

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE •

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Christmas tends to be a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.


& Jimbo

DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

Sorbents & Safety Supplies Textile & Paper Wipes

Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners

Chemicals & Cleaners

Breakroom & Food Service

Skin Care


New Auburn Business District • Tactical Weapons • Rifles & Shotguns • Hand Guns • Personal & Concealed carry guns

L/A’s Newest Gun Shop

• Ammo & Targets • Special Orders 32 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-6569 Tues - Fri 9am - 5pm • Sat 9am - 2pm

We were glad the babysitter had a good sense of humor...

Gift Certificates Available!

Kids’ Christmas Sunday, Dec. 11th, starts 11am Santa arrives 12 Noon Is this polar bear trying to imitate an elephant or an aardvark?

Adult Christmas Party Saturday, Dec. 17th • Starts at 5pm New Year’s Eve Party starts at 8:30pm

Leroy Walker

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Holiday Platter Specials Gift Certificates Available

Lobster Salad Finger Rolls

Crabmeat Finger Rolls

Small 20 rolls w/ platter & lid . . . . .$40 Large 30 rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$55

Small 20 rolls w/ platter & lid . . . . .$30 Large 30 rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$40

Shrimp Platters 26-30 ct. Shrimp includes Cocktail Sauce Small 3 lbs. shrimp w/platter & lid .$40 Large 5 lbs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$55

Smoked Salmon Platters Small Large

1.5 lbs. Smoked Salmon w/Crackers . .$20 3 lbs. Smoked Salmon w/Crackers . . . .$35

Try our great lunches & chowders to go, too! We ship anywhere in the US

Thereʼs one in every crowd!

Take-out Orders at Reasonable Prices If we were any fresher, you’d have to slap us!

22 Mill St., New Auburn 782-3150 Open daily 9am-6pm

Q: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? A: The cold shoulder.

This office went to all flat panel monitors. They werenʼt sure what to do with the old ones... Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 13

Out ’n About at the Cost-tomb Party at the Colisee

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

Snow in October?! This Yeti is ready!

“A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VOTED BEST OF THE BEST It’s never too early to get your car ready for winter!


(Market Surveys of America)

$3,311 2002 FORD ESCAPE Front Wheel Drive • Automatic Excellent Condition!



Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 Don LaMontagne

Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP • OWNER BILL ROY 828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We now do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs Plus Oil & Fluid Changes at Great Prices!


$ Alex Jacobsohn & Angie Lafrance

Change OFF Oil 5 Quarts, Full Service with Mobil Oil & Filter Made in USA Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 12/31/2011

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

Labor Rate $48/hr



Any Fluid OFF Exchange Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 12/31/2011

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

ed “The 2010 AAA Approved Repair Facility of the Year!” t c e Sel With 100% Customer Satisfaction!! 3 Master ASE Technicians QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 Bob, Steve & John

Nick Knowlton of Terry and the Telstars Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

14 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420

Monday - Friday 8am-5pm •

SEE US FOR YOUR SNOWMOBILE LOAN • Low Rates • Fast Approval • Great Terms

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle." – Steve Jobs

Recycling makes sense, and dollars too!


Bottle Barn s ’ e b e B

We Love Numbers!

From Financial Reporting to Quickbooks Consulting to Bookkeeping... We can help you with crunching the numbers! Call us today!!

RCC Business Services, Inc.

Route 202, Greene (behind Mower’s Market)


Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663 •

Mon.-Sat. 8:30-4:30 • Closed Sunday

Happy Birthday Bill

Mention this ad and receive a


• Collision Repair • Rust Repair • General Body Work

320-2125 1887 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine

FREE TOWING with all collision work I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that stated: "This bill is one year old." By return mail the lawyer had his bill back. To it was attached a card which read: "Happy Birthday."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 15

Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille Grand Opening

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

in Auburn

General Family & Cosmetic Dentistry

Eugene Kim, DDS Brenda Lagerson, Jim Hinxman & Tracy Lagueux


25 GAS CARD for every new patient (cleaning, exam & X-rays) Expires 12.31.11. Not valid with any other offers.

Elizabeth Perreault

Pauline Langelier Kids and Their Clichés: I think, therefore I get a headache. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

16 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

Discover the next level of wellness in your life.

Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille Grand Opening in Auburn It’s great to see more revitalization and economic growth in New Auburn. We welcome the Firehouse Grille to our community.


$10 OFF

$10 OFF

Holiday Gift Certificates

For All New Clients!

with this coupon

(Available thru Dec. 25) (Coupon Code UU334)

Online Booking

with this coupon (Coupon Code UU231)

Hours: Mon.-Sat. 9am-9pm Sun. 12-4pm

376-3233 A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no.

Ray Berube Auburn City Councilor We're proud to be a part of this great community and to continue the tradition of providing great food to our customers at this historic location.

Online Gift Certificates 600 Turner St. Auburn

John Roy owner Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 17

Out ’n About at the Cost-tomb Party at the Colisee

Q: What does a cannibal say when he sees a man in a hammock? A: MMMMMMM, Breakfast in bed!

Honey, you need to eat. You’re nothing but bones!

Yes, dear. Will you administer my feeding tube?

Nancy & George Mancini You're shagadelic, baby!

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE Chris & Tim Lafrance The twelve days of Christmas are the days between Christmas Day and Epiphany (6th of January) and represent the length of time it took for the wise men from the East to visit the manger of Jesus after his birth. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

18 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

We are the area’s newest distributor for Fisher Plows. We have a large selection of parts and entire plow assemblies. Whichever you decide, we are now under one roof and our service is second to none!

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

Wine Cellar

Pastries Cakes, pies, cream horns, canolies, eclairs & more

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon Very impressive! The wine cellar & huge selection, something for every price range.

Over 500 labels of wine Sabrina Therrien & Judy Veilleux We're proud to have had a hand in helping Benoit's stock their wine cellar with a wide variety of wine types from many different regions.

Donuts, muffins, bagels & croissants

Fresh toasted nuts

Fudge, whoopie pies, brownies

Christmas trees & wreaths are here!

y r e k a B r a l l e C e n &W i

Quality items Locally owned Prices for every budget! FREE gift wrapping with any fruit or gift basket purchase

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552 A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.

Ali Cheevers of M.S Walker Fine Wines & Spirits

& Chris Plumstead of Central Distributors

"You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine." – John C. Maxwell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 19

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

GOT HEAT?? FREE winter Checkup With Ad

Got Volvo Problems? Call Foreign Car Service today!

FOREIGN CAR SERVICE CO. 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300 • David Sheloske, Owner


5´x10´ $25 10´x15´ $75 10´x10´ $50 10´x20´ $100

Mountain View Storage

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Rt. 26, W. Paris (Just 4 miles north from Market Square) • 674-3212 or 333-9745

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher? Here we are in December. I’m still here. I’d dare say my disguise paid off...

Warmest thoughts and best wishes for a wonderful holiday season and a very Happy New Year! We will be closed on Saturday, December 24th and Monday, December 26th in observance of Christmas. Federally insured by NCUA Q: What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show? A: A celebrity roast. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

20 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039 Rainbow FCU Main Office Mechanic Falls Branch 381-391 Main St. Lewiston 1 Lewiston Street, McFalls 784-5453 346-3001

South Paris Branch 172 Pine Street, So. Paris 743-5410

Auburn Office 20 Washington St., Auburn 207-883-0351

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • • • •

Front End Alignments Engine Diagnostics Custom Exhaust Tires, Batteries

• • • •

Transmission Flush State Inspections Complete Front End Work Tune-ups

35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

Ron Moon, Manager


Waiting For a Table Submitted by Jimbo

When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, "How much of a wait?" The woman looked up from her book and said, "About ten minutes."

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry 777-3339 Parking in back of building

A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is now ready."

Don’t Get Caught by Old Man Winter! GET YOUR VEHICLE WINTERIZED TODAY!! Winterization Service includes the following: • CHECK Battery & Charging System • CHECK Tire Condition & Pressures • CHECK Belts & Hoses • CHECK Steering & Suspension • CHECK Exhaust & Undercarriage • CHECK ph Balance & Freezing Point of Coolant • CHECK All Fluids (fill as needed) • FREE Oil Change*

*oil change is conventional oil only - up to 5 qts. - most vehicles

A $75.95 Value For ONLY



Must present ad at time of appointment to receive “Winter Special” pricing.

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 •

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon A very classy place. You can stop by in the mornings for all your pastries, donuts, fudge & coffee then stop by at night for your vegetables, cheese, wine, pies, roasted peanuts & more!

Q: What did the Cannibal wear to the ball? A: Someone's Birthday suit.

PET & OWNER OF THE MONTH Dr. Todd Gauger, D.V.M. of Norway Veterinary Hospital & his dog, Jesse We've been bringing Jesse to Doggone Fun Doggy Daycare for over a year now and our experience has been 100% positive. Bruce & Lisa's commitment to providing a safe, clean, comfortable place to leave our pet is amazing. Their refreshingly enthusiastic approach to caring for the dogs is reassuring and we always feel like they are treating Jesse as if she were one of their own. Two thumbs up!

Dr. Todd Gauger & his dog, Jesse

Leona & Rick Dugas

Daycare & 24/7 Boarding Facility

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston


If you want a huge selection of homemade fudges, pies, nuts, wines, cheeses, breads and more, you've gotta check out Benoits Bakery & Wine Cellar!

Andy Dube & Doris Coulombe "Laughter is a part of the human survival kit." -- David Nathan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

22 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.


Out ’n About at the Diva Mall at Lost Valley

We are a professional collision repair and painting facility. All work is guaranteed! Free estimates

COLLISION REPAIR & PAINTING 1111 Center Street, Auburn 782-6515

Tasha Pelletier, Model

Erica Kimball Thirty-One Consultant

Do Some Christmas Shopping! Sweatshirts for snowplow guys, hockey teams... any winter sport

Hey! Stop what you’re doing right now and check out our ad on page 27!

Sweats, Ladies’ Clothing, Tops & Bottoms

WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED! Come see us at our new location! Now located at 730 Main Street in Lewiston (next to Salvation Army)

Screenprinting and Embroidery

730 Main St, Lewiston (next to Salvation Army) • 753-1177 •

Yvon’s Car Wash n’ Lube Tell ‘em Uncle Andy’s sent you!

Tuesday: Seniors’ Day Wednesday: Ladies’ Day Thursday: Veterans’ Day Receive FREE

Automatic Car Wash



Basic Oil Change



Premium Oil Change

with Oil Change

698 Main Street • Lewiston • 777-3600 (Between ROOPER’s and BURGER KING) Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am - 5pm • Sat. 8am - 2pm

Limit one coupon per customer. Expires 12/31/11

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

My mom will help you dance off those holiday calories!

Kelli Gilzow owner of SPRQ Studio

& her son, Caleb

English Puritan leader Oliver Cromwell banned Christmas between 1647 and 1660 because he believed such celebrations were immoral for the holiest day of the year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 23

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon Do you think people know Benoit's Bakery & Wine cellar is located at 72 Lisbon Road in Lisbon, just over the Lewiston line?

Q: Why do cannibals prefer eating readers to writers? A: Because writers cramp but readers digest.


A Story of Hard Work & Success

Jane & Ron Kyllonen

Oh honey, everyone knows that, or, at least they will very soon!

Mark & Debbie Staples Congratulation to Nick, Renee & everyone involved in bringing Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar to life. Best of Luck!

Brandon & Leianne Lessard What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

24 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039


JMAR PLOWING Reasonable Rates


just opened S&J Tuxedos, a sister store to Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair & Spa. Jane Kyllonen had a dream to have a place of her own and in 1993, on a whim, opened up on April Fools Day, and named her business after her daughter, Sarah Jeanne, with a lot of hard work and the help of her clients & her husband, Ron. In 1997 Sarah Jeanne’s added on to the building & brought in 5 VHR tanning booths. In 1999 she made the purchase of the properties of 7 Howe & 77 Sabattus Street. In 2005 Sarah Jeanne’s converted 7 Howe into a Full Day Spa covering 2000 sq. ft., making Sarah Jeanne’s one of only two Day Spas in Lewiston & Auburn. Expanding more, they purchased their first of three 10-Passenger Limousines, becoming Southern Maine’s most complete Day Spa Facility with over 5000 sq. ft. of operating space, offering a hot tub & sauna room; tanning; skincare as well as hair services. In 2009 they added Moose’s Mobile Kitchen, bringing a BBQ catering service to her repertoire of services to the community. In 2011 Sarah Jeanne, Jane & Ron’s daughter, a senior in high school was having a conversation with her mom & dad about what her future was to hold & where her interests were. She looked at her parents and said, “I already have my name in lights, why would I want to leave? I would like to help you & dad right here at Sarah Jeanne’s – this is were my home is!” Little did she know that her parents had thoughts about moving on to something else! Hearing this made her parents very proud that they decided to reinvest into the community again & most of all a bright future for their daughter! Just by chance the building at 76 Sabattus St. came up for sale in August of this year, which they just purchased. S&J Tuxedo was born. They have joined with TUXEDO JUNCTION, a national store with over 325 locations. They have remodeled & are open for business with Maine’s most complete Tuxedo Rental Store, S&J Tuxedo, located at 76 Sabattus Street in Lewiston. All on a whim opening up on April Fools Day with a thought of starting a business in her community, in Lewiston, were she could support her family & community! It just goes to say it’s not where you are from, how much education you have or how much money you have! It’s about attitude, it’s about caring. It’s great to live in a country where hard work, good friends and a great family can come together and succeed. Life is good! Thank you everyone in greater L/A for giving us a great place to live & the chance to serve you! Our thoughts in life are: This is not about you; It’s not about me; It’s about us! We hope to serve you for another 20 years! Come see us on Main Street, America at Sarah Jeanne’s & S&J Tuxedo & Limo Service. Thanks again for all your support & God Bless America!

Ron, Jane & Sarah Jeanne Kyllonen

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Seasons Greetings from our family to yours! Wishing everyone a fantastic holiday & Happy New Year!

TOYOTA HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001

Out ’n About at the Diva Mall at Lost Valley

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

2004 Nissan Altima


2006 Ford F350 XL




White, 117K

4X4, 5.4L, Brown

2005 Mazda3

2001 VW GTI

Patricia Bolduc DʼVine Cupcakes

A massage will melt away all that holiday stress. But I’ll bet you already knew that. It’s time to do it! See our ad on page 17 and call us for an appointment!

Kimberly Jacques owner of Revelations Massage

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

26 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039




77K, 2.3L


VR6, 109K, Black

Other Inventory 02 BMW 325 xi, 111K, Silver..........................................................$9295 98 BMW 7 Series, 133K, Navy Blue ..............................................$5995 05 Dodge Magnum, HEMI, 98K, Dark Blue ..............................$10495 03 Mini Cooper, Loaded, 99K, Manual..........................................$8650 04 Nissan Xterra, 4X4, Silver, 128K ..............................................$6495 04 Pontiac Vibe GT, 6-Speed, Alloys, Loaded...............................$5995 04 Saab 95, 97K, Turbo, Silver........................................................$7495 04 Saab 9-5, 250HP, Pewter, 111K ...............................................$7495 04 Saab 93, 87k, Loaded, Leather, Silver......................................$5795 03 Saab 9-5, Brown, 102K ..............................................................$6995 00 Saab 93, Black, 111k, Manual...................................................$4295 00 Saab 95, Turbo, 113k, White .....................................................$5295 06 VW Jetta GLI, Red, 6 Cyl., Turbo.............................................$10995 05 VW Jetta Wagon, 134k, Auto.....................................................$5995 04 VW Jetta GLS, Silver, 6 cyl., Turbo, 5-Speed...........................$7295 04 VW Jetta, 1.8 Turbo, Black, 100K .............................................$7495 04 VW Passat, 1.8 Turbo, Light Blue, 100K .................................$6995 03 VW Passat, 144k, Gray ...............................................................$4995 02 VW Passat, 86K, Silver ...............................................................$6495 02 VW Passat Wagon, 92K, 1.8L, Green .......................................$5295 02 VW Jetta, 92K, Green ..................................................................$5995 02 VW Jetta GLS, Wagon, Turbo, Green........................................$3995 02 VW Jetta, 2.0L, Black ...................................................................$4700 02 VW GTI Turbo, Black, .................................................................$5495 01 VW Jetta, Turbo, Red. 121K.......................................................$5495

01 VW Jetta, 1.8 Turbo, Blue, 93K .................................................$6295 01 VW Jetta, 132K, Green................................................................$5295 01 VW Passat, 125k, Turbo, Blue ...................................................$5495 99 Volvo S70 T5, Turbo, Auto, Roof, Silver...................................$4495 98 VW Jetta GLX Manual, Leather .................................................$2995 95 Toyota Camry 93k, Blue..............................................................$3995

07 Polaris Sportsman X2 800, Blue, 2000K ................................$5195 06 Arctic Cat F7 EFI, 2131K .............................................................$4495 8’ Boss plow for Ford ........................................................................$2995 26” Lexani wheels ..............................................................................$1500 20” Chip Foos wheels, fit Audi or Mercedes .................................$1000


1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston


I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.


Out ’n About at Paradise Salon’s Open House

Come see us at our NEW Primary Location!! Offering classes for the WHOLE family! • KettleBells • Burlesque • ZUMBA!! • Yoga • Pilates (post & prenatal) • Children & Senior classes

Check us out! 20 Main Street, Sabattus (2nd floor) 754-9411 •

Our Instructors are certified, knowledgeable and will be the motivator to reach and exceed ALL of your Health, Wellness & Feel Good Needs!!

Josh Tice, Katina Poulin & Nevaeh Poulin

Need Gift Ideas? Music equipment • Tools • Electronics • Gifts & Collectibles Gifts for the “hard to shop for person” & LOTS MORE!

Stop by and say hi to Faith!

BUY • SELL • TRADE 128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls • 346-3588

Holiday Hours: Sunday 11am - 6pm • Mon-Thurs 9am - 7pm • Fri & Sat 9am - 8pm

Bethany Poulin Stylist at Paradise Salon

“All I want this year is a day of pampering...” Order your gift card at our location, online or over the phone


245 Center Street, Suite 7, Auburn Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Chelsea Stevens Stylist at Paradise Salon Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 27

Out ’n About on Safari in Africa

I'm inclined to be laid back.

I can see a little par 3 right over that ravine. Just have to figure out how to get from one side to the other.

Ed Michaud from Fox Ridge Golf Course on vacation in Africa Ed, how can you be thinking about golf at a time like this? With all the things to look at and all...

Joyce Bouley from Fox Ridge Golf Course on vacation in Africa

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website Joyce told Uncle Andy’s Digest that the trip to Africa was pretty awesome. Going on morning and afternoon safaris, seeing the elephants and rhinos in their natural environment. “I think the best part of the trip was when we swam in the Zambezi River, ten feet from the 500 foot Victoria Falls, followed by a five course meal at the edge of the falls,” Joyce shared with UAD. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

28 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856 A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one. He was a Peking Duck.







2004 Ford F250 Superduty

2003 Chevy 2500HD

2005 Chevy 1 ton Dually

127K, 4X4, 8’ Plow, Maroon/Silver

6.0 Auto, 116K, 4X4, Loaded,

With Dump, 2WD, White



8’ Minute Mount Plow, Forest Green





2006 Chevy 2500

2002 Suburban LT

2003 Chevy 1/2 ton

Reg. Cab, 95K, Red

127K, Loaded, Leather, DVD Player

w/Fisher plow, 150k

2006 Chrysler Pacifica, 59k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,500 2006 Dodge Caravan, 4 cyl, Auto, 42k, Purple . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,995 2004 Chevy Malibu, 6 cyl, Auto, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 2003 Chevy Trailblazer, 3rd seat, Black, New tires . . . . . . . . .$7,995 2002 Chevy Suburban LT, White, 127K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,995 2000 Chevy 6500 Car Carrier, 6-Speed, Diesel . . . . . . . . . . .$17,995 1997 Astro van, Green, 6 cyl, 121k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,200 1994 Chevy 1 ton diesel, 87k, Rack body, Auto . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500

Why does Santa always go down the chimney? Because it soots him! I hope it soots you to stop by and see my dad for your next vehicle. Merry Christmas, everyone!

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 "If economists were any good at business, they would be rich men instead of advisors to rich men." – Kirk Kerkorian

Katie Rioux Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 29

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon

The indecisive rower couldn't choose either oar.


Starting at


2-Way Remotes



Starting at



Mom, we can’t forget to tell everyone that they can also come to Benoit’s to get their fresh vegetables, cheeses, donuts, pastries and most importantly, Christmas Trees!

Corinne Morse, Melissa & Grace (front) Hanning


Many other options available Each starter comes with: • Lifetime Guarantee • 2 Remotes • Expert Installation

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston 754-7873

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

Rihanna – Pitbull LMFAO - J LO – Chris Brown Ke$ha - Black Eyed Peas Enrique Iglesias - Maroon 5 And More!

Steve & Justine Robert Christmas trees become popular in the UK from 1841 when Prince Albert erected a tree in Windsor Castle following a German tradition. Fir trees have been decorated at Christmas time in Germany since the 8th century. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

30 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039


Opening Act

Ramada Inn - Lewiston

Brian Bunnell, acoustic guitar soloist 8:30pm

December 17, 2011 • 9:00 pm Doors open 8:00 Tickets $10.00 per person • 21 Up This is an L/A Music Production Tickets on sale 783-0058 "Just got back from the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident." – Steven Wright

She's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

New Neighbor Submitted by Jimbo

My quiet Saturday morning ended abruptly when my 12year-old son, Billy, and one of his friends burst through the door. "Hey Dad, announced Billy, "have you met the new neighbors?" "No." "Come on Dad, you have to meet them." "Some other time; I'm busy." "Dad, you have to meet them now." From the urgency in Billy's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No one was there. "Where are they?" I asked.

We will meet or beat anybody’s tire prices!

"Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our baseball is in their living room!" In 1493, members of a shore party from Columbus's ship landed on Guadeloupe. Five days later, after getting lost in the rain forest, they returned with pineapple. They were the first people from outside the Western Hemisphere to discover pineapple!

He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 31

Austin Associates Staffer Earns CPA

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

TUXEDO RENTALS at a price you can afford! Albert Bergen, a member of the team at Austin Associates, PA, CPAs, has earned his Certified Public Accountant (CPA) license from the Maine Board of Accountancy. Maine requires applicants to earn at least 150 college credits, pass an exhaustive four-part test, and demonstrate at least two years of experience in public accounting. Mr. Bergen earned his Bachelor of Science in Computer Engineering from the University of Maine in 2002 and later studied accounting at the University of Southern Maine. He joined Austin Associates in 2010 after accumulating over five years of experience in public accounting with Berry Talbot Royer in Falmouth, Maine. At Austin Associates, Albert Bergen, CPA specializes in corporate and partnership taxation, as well as the preparation of compiled and reviewed financial statements. Areas of focus for Mr. Bergen include professional service firms, lodging and food service providers, and sustainable business practices. He is currently accepting new clients and may be reached at 783-9111. See their ad on page 52. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

32 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

L/A’s r e t a e r G oice Best Ch s! for Tuxe

With great tuxedo styles including vests, ties, shoes, shirts and pants we also can handle the little ones in your wedding party with toddler size tuxedos.

• Weddings • Proms • Formal Events Check us out first for your next tux rental!

S&J Tuxedos And Limo Service (Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s)

76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston


Some music stores are in a CD part of town.

Perfect Holiday Gift! V.I.P. Promo

This is a personal invitation for you to experience the finest full service Day Spa in the area. Personal service in a great relaxing atmosphere is what each guest will find at Sarah Jeanne’s.

We would like to take this opportunity to invite you to sample a fine selection of our exclusive services.

Relax and Indulge. Jane Kyllonen

Shelley Burger

Enjoy Life’s Finer Pleasures. With purchase of this VIP Promotional Certificate, the holder will receive all of the following wonderful services: Express Manicure & Express Pedicure Hand Paraffin Treatment 60 Minute Tanning Package 30 Minute Facial 30 Minute Massage 30 Minute Tub & Sauna Men’s Haircut or Woman’s Haircut Bikini Wax 25% off Products

Sarah Kyllonen

Kendra Vallee

Any service can be up-graded to a full service

240 of Spa Services


ALL FOR Tiffanie Bement



Angela Lenhert

Happy Holidays From the Staff at

Sarah Jeanne’s 77 Sabattus Street • Lewiston Valerie Fournier


Michael Gahagan

Do you like my hare piece? Doesn’t it look real?

The government has announced it is going to start taxing hitch hiking. On your next annual return you will notice this on the "Thumb Tax" line.

TIME TO CASH IN! Special pricing for quantities and contractors!

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler Automobile Batteries ......................$7 TRIVIA Question: Tom is standing between Larry and Tony. Peter is standing on Tony's right. Between whom is Tony standing? Answer: Tony is standing between Peter (on his right) and Tom (on his left) Look up in the sky! It's a bird? It's a plane? No, it's... TOOL OF THE MONTH MAN!

Alloy Rims ......................................$14 Catalytic Converters.............$8-$240 (avg. payout is about $70) Computer Towers ...........................$4 Brass ..........................................$1.80 Motors • Pumps • Computer Board Scraps Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions.

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)

Only at Maine Oxy

Wishing everyone happy & safe holidays!

15 Pierce Street, Auburn

615-7057 or 795-8887 Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

34 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Amber & Bev

Night watchmen never work a day in their lives.

Politicians who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Out ’n About at the Maine Oxy Annual Car Show


New PLOWS have arrived and are ready to go!

Donald Wilson Double fisted winner, Most Original and Work in Progress

& Michael Mathieu, show director

In 1954, the Iwo Jima Memorial, which commemorates one of the most stirring events of World War II (the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima), was dedicated at Arlington Cemetery. Grocery store clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 35

The Baptism

All this talk about death by chocolate, yet chocolate still roams free.

Submitted by Jimbo

You Name It, We’ll Frame It!

After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.

Our Affordable, Everyday Pricing 8x10 .....................$10 16x20 ...................$20 20x24 ...................$30 24x36 ...................$40

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic.

Custom picture framing you’ll treasure forever

From sports memorabilia to artwork to family photos & so much more!

Call for more info

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service! Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

We are looking for

Benefits Include:

Direct Support Professionals

"Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she said as she shook the older boy in anger.

• Generous time-off program • PAID TRAINING • Medical, dental & vision • Employee Assistance Program • And more!

Central Maine: Lewiston, Minot, Manchester, and Auburn • Full-Time, Part-Time & Float • Positions throughout Central and Southern Maine

"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.

Dan Williams, owner

Contact Kim Dionne

Our Mission:

"I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the holehe-goes."


We envision that children and adults living with a developmental disability and/or mental illness will be empowered to ask: Why Not?

For Central Maine 124 Canal St., Lewiston, ME 04240

207-795-0672 ext. 2108






Up to 48 Cards for $10 Sealed Tickets • W.T.A. • 50/50 Prizes Canteen • Friendly Staff

s Caring i ess! our busin

150 East Ave., Lewiston • 782-9265 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

36 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

If aliens saw us picking up after our dogs while walking in the park, who will they think is the dominant species?

THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm



LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

DJ & Live Local Entertainment



Fri. Dec. 2nd

4th Qualifier for Battle of the Bands: Blue Khakis, A Constant Battle, Blood Red Thrust Sat. Dec. 3rd Rockin Roadrunners with the Mechanical Bull Fri. Dec. 9th 5th Qualifier for Battle of the Bands: Sinfist, Ripfence, Culling the Herd, Ascent to Power Sat. Dec. 10th Tickle Fri. Dec. 16th Battle of the Bands Finals - Come see who takes home the title!! See below FMI Sat. Dec. 17th Frank Santos Jr. R-Rated Hypnotist OPEN SATURDAY, DEC. 24TH FOR CHRISTMAS EVE Sat. Dec. 31st New Years Eve Bash See below FMI Mondays 7-8pm Details at

Sat. Dec. 17th

R-Rated Hypnotist

Frank Santos Jr!!

NEW YEAR’S EVE Tix On Sale Now, Get ‘Em While You Still Can. They Make Great Christmas Gifts!

$10 per person Open until 2am!

y t r a P

Includes live music from Veggies by Day, champagne toast, party favors balloon drop and chance to win prizes, cash & more! Call now for Tix 784-7785

Doors 7pm • Show 8pm


Call Club Texas for Reserved Seating & Tickets Call for group rates

784-7785 150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 •

Out ’n About at Benoit's Bakery & Wine Cellar Open House in Lisbon The samples of baked goods & wines were amazing! Apple & Pumpkin Fudge, epic!!

Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on.

Christmas Eve w/Chad Porter FREE Food Buffet Specials • Open till 8pm

New Years Eve Bash

Live Entertainment by: AZ IF FREE Midnight munchies & Champagne Toast • 8pm - 2am


in-house or Football Parties • Company Parties of f premises Private Functions • Holiday Parties & More

DON’T FORGET... Live Entertainment Every Thursday thru Saturday Every Friday 5-7pm w/purchase of Awesome Daily any alcoholic FOOD & DRINK SPECIALS FREE Munchie Buffet beverage Brandy Boyle & Kelly Scott

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible?

Katie Scott & Denise Scott "If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be." – John R. Miller Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

38 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Gift Cards Available Get your holiday hair tinsels & feathers here! Back row, l to r: Linda, Kathy, Michael & Tina. Front row, l to r: Kelly (owner), Terry, Nuria & Cory

600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112 Women go to the grocery store with a shopping list and men go to the grocery store with an instruction list.

Papering Over The Truth: It's especially dangerous to run with scissors when someone nearby is running with rock.

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast .........$3.95 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.................$3.95 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes...................$3.95 THURSDAY: French Toast.............................................$3.95 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette.........................................$3.95

5 Washington Street, Auburn


SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage............$3.95 SUNDAY: French Crepes...............................................$3.95

Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome



Jeannine stopped by the Uncle Andy’s office to get her snowbird subscription. She spends her winters in Lakeland, FL.

I love reading Uncle Andy’s! I can’t go without it!!

Any Purchase of $500 or more

1 coupon per order

Prices do not include tax.


Expires 12.31.11

Jeannine Belanger

You Might Be An Engineer If…You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

Our Gift


to You

Onsite CPR/AED/First Aid Training


Mobile classroom covering the State of Maine. Let us help you set up an emergency response plan in your place of business.


with your first month of drum lessons

Now Accepting 25 Mary St., Lewiston New Students

786-6861 207-713-7211

GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC! We also sell and service all types of instruments Offering lessons in: • Guitar

Gift Certificates Available! Authorized Service Center

• Piano • Banjo • Music theory

• Voice • Violin

• Bass • Mandolin • Brass & Woodwinds

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair

376-3376 I used to work as a trapeze artist. Until I was let go.

134 Main Street, Auburn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 39

Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille Grand Opening

A day without laughter is a day wasted. – Charlie Chaplin

in Auburn

Local Business & Political Figures were in attendance

12 pc Roadies Chicken Tender Snack $12.29 Large Meatball Sub $4.79 10” 1-Topping Pizza... $5.25 We will be closing at 5pm on Christmas Eve & closed on Christmas Day. Merry Christmas to ALL!

50% of pizzas in America are pepperoni.

CUSTOMER TESTIMONIAL “Excellent response time! Worked around my work schedule.... I could not have asked for better service.” – Roger

Call today to experience Our FULL SERVICE Difference! See their ad on page 9 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

40 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

U.S. scientists calculated that Santa would have to visit 822 homes a second to deliver all the world's presents on Christmas Eve, travelling at 650 miles a second.

Out ’n About at the Firehouse Grille Grand Opening in Auburn

Rt. 4 in Turner Just past Twitchell’s Airport

225-3432 tes Gift Certifica! AvailableG3 is sure

ate from A gift certific ght on target! ri to be

NFA Transfers

It’s great to see the economic development in the Twin Cities continue. This new restaurant opened by two of our local firefighters, is a testament to our communities resolve & determination.

Costumes courtesy of Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine, Main Street, Lisbon Falls

Lewiston Mayor Larry Gilbert

Victor & Celeste Mathieu owners

f Ammo

Nazi Zombie Targets

Plenty o

Binary Ta


Stop by for expert advice & knowledge and a huge selection of firearms & related accessories!

We Buy - Sell - Trade

The abbreviation Xmas isn't irreligious. The letter X is a Greek abbreviation for Christ.

Can you believe a candidate dropped out of the race because of a lack of campaign funds? Anyone who stops spending just because he's out of money doesn't belong in Washington anyway! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 41

NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night

What is business coaching? Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge. Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.

Gold-wrapped chocolate coins commemorate St. Nicholas who gave bags of gold coins to the poor.

STOP BY TO RE-FUEL WHEN YOU’RE OUT SHOPPING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON Sushi Bar Japanese • Korean Thai Every dish can be prepared vegetarian

Out ’n About at Paradise Salon’s Open House We love the new spa, its a beautiful, bigger space and a much more convenient location.

Gift Certificates Available In-house Holiday Specials all month

Daily Lunch Specials 11am -2:30pm Full Bar

A great place to take a break from the holiday shopping

Delia Demers & Caryn Bourgoin

Johnny Gagnon How does it feel being on the other end of the camera for once!

$ 730 Center Street, Auburn • 376-4855 Auburn Plaza, next to Flagship Cinema


Purchase of $25 or more Limit one per visit Expires 12/31/11

Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer was invented for a U.S. firm's Christmas promotion in 1938.

Brittany Strout & Stephanie Taylor Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 43

Causing a SPARK (or SPRQ)

The world's tallest Christmas tree at 221 feet high was erected in a Washington shopping mall in 1950.



• • • • •

Breakfast Platters

Salads Wraps Sandwiches Dessert Platters 24 hour notice appreciated

Kelli Gilzow Owner/Instructor at SPRQ Studio in Sabattus. SPRQ - pronounced SPARK derives from Roman Guard insignia for Strength, Integrity & Endurance. SPRQ Studio provides that to you with a full group fitness studio! SPRQ Studio offers classes for the WHOLE family. From Yoga and Pilates (post & prenatal), children and senior classes, KettleBells, Burlesque & ZUMBA!! SPRQ’s main location is now at 20 Main Street in Sabattus on the second floor. They also offer classes off-site at multiple locations including Lisbon and Poland. SPRQ’s rates are affordable for ANY budget and they will offer the best possible price. Give them a call to get classes at a location near you! Our instructors are certified, knowledgeable and will be the motivator to help you reach and exceed ALL of your health, wellness & feel good needs! Check their website for a calendar of upcoming classes Go check them out, where your first class is always FREE! See their ad on page 27. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

44 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

600 Turner Street, Auburn

784-3434 •

HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm • Sun. 10am-8pm Christmas Eve 7am-4pm; Closed Christmas; New Years Eve 7am-6pm; New Years Day 10am-6pm

New Sewing Machines starting at



New year class schedule now available In-store or online at Morning, afternoon & night classes Many projects to choose from UNLIMITED GUIDE CLASSES with any new machine

336 Center St. • Auburn 782-5922



AMES SPORT SHOP 84 Littlefield Road Auburn

782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road) Nearly 60 million Christmas trees are grown each year in Europe.

Christmas Carols began as an old English custom called wassailing, toasting neighbors to a long life.

Drug Detection Assessments

Out ’n About at the Common Ties Open House We’re proud to be able to provide programs supporting recovery from the combined challenges of physical, mental, and substance abuse illnesses.

Everyone wants to wipe out drugs from their home.

We can do it – literally! Drug use may be affecting your home, whether you see it or not. We swipe frequently touched surfaces with our special wipes. Then a highly sensitive detector chemical is sprayed on the wipe and a color change reveals drug presence. Even micrograms of drug residue can be detected!

Cars • Bedrooms • Bathrooms and more!

Karen BatePelletier Program Manager


Only 35

Our new home is warm and inviting. We’re proud of our new location. Stop by and get a tour!

per car or room

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 •

Doug Breunig Clinical Supervisor

The tradition of putting tangerines in stockings comes from 12th-century French nuns who left socks full of fruit, nuts and tangerines at the houses of the poor.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 45

Out ’n About at Paradise Salon’s Open House

Janine Audet LMT at Paradise Salon gives a chair massage to a happy open house attendee

The holiday season is a great time to get or give a salt water tank!

Gift cards make a great gift for that someone special!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies •

272 South Main St. Auburn • • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372 Honolulu is the only place in the United States that has a royal palace!


Party Sized Meatballs $5/dozen Buy 3 Regular Size

Meatballs Crystal Crowell

It’s to you! getour1giftFREE!

At Home America

If you can't accept losing, you can't win.

63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

– Vince Lombardi


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

46 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Although now mostly vegetarian, in Victorian times, mince pies were made with beef and spices.


10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

Out ’n About at the Common Ties Open House

Happy Holidays from all of us! Thank you for your support this year. We look forward to taking care of you in the new year!

Expires 12.31.11

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Katelyn Stimson

Richard Conway, owner

The first postage stamp to commemorate Christmas was issued in Austria in 1937.


There’s no egg on my face! I ate it all!!

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Katy Sperl Common Ties Board President

William Glennon of Lewiston

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery

Ann Catrell

5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11, Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Client Services Coordinator

The first Christmas card was designed in 1843 by J.C. Horsley.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 47

Interesting Christmas Facts:

The definition of a white Christmas in the UK is for a single snow flake (perhaps amongst a shower of mixed rain and snow) to be observed falling in the 24 hours of December 25th.

A wreath with holly, red berries and other decorations began from at least the 17th century. Holly, with its sharply pointed leaves, symbolized the thorns in Christ's crown-ofthorns. Red berries symbolized the drops of Christ's blood. A wreath at Christmas signified a home that celebrated the birth of Christ. Uncle Andy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, Jimbo said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," Uncle Andy replied. "But where was I going to find a fake SUV?"

Interesting Christmas Facts: Oliver Cromwell, in England banned Christmas Carols between 1649 and 1660. Cromwell thought that Christmas should be a very solemn day so he banned carols and parties. The only celebration was by a sermon and a prayer service. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

48 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives.

A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it's an undo-it-yourself project.

How to Tell if You're a Grinch Submitted by WEP • You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. • You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. • You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. If you dressed an endangered species, that’s even better! • You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. • You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in an L.L. Bean or other prestige box to impress your friends. • You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. • At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home. • After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made.

A boy becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


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Out ’n About at the Common Ties Open House

A bad plan is better than no plan.

Ariens Deluxe Sno-Thro Series ®

• Unique Dual Belt drive system for maximum power and maintenance free operation

Rodney & Diane Wright

• On-dash controls allow for control of height and trajectory of snow being thrown


• Remote axle lock with a handle-mounted trigger allows Sno-Thro to turn on a dime • Heavy-duty aluminum XS Gear Case with alloy steel gears and L-3 synthetic severe-duty gear oil • Ariens Polar Force engine powered by Briggs & Stratton is certified to start down to 20degrees below zero

Gretchen Lagassee

1334 MINOT AVE., AUBURN, ME 04210 • 207-783-0558

Billing Specialist


50 BMG caliber! Asking $2,500.

BUY – SELL – TRADE Sign up for CWP (Concealed Weapons Protection) permit

Samantha Stancil Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

50 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

481 Maine Street • Poland Spring 998-2806 • 576-9535 • 576-1553 A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Joe Cimino

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? – Uncle Andy

Maine Family FCU GROWS

Elizabeth Snyder Maine Family Federal Credit Union is proud to announce the recent hiring of Elizabeth “Lizzy” Snyder, who will be the Marketing Assistant at the Lewiston office. Elizabeth graduated from Central Maine Community College in May 2011 with her Associates degree in Business Administration and Management with a concentration in Marketing. She is extremely excited to be part of the family at Maine Family Federal Credit Union. She strongly believes in unity and has the courage to succeed in any situation. Outside of work, Lizzy is a singer/songwriter and enjoys sharing her music with everyone! Maine Family Federal Credit Union is a cooperative dedicated to helping our members lead a healthy economic life by providing personalized financial solutions. Our mission guides us in how we interact with our members every day. Experience the Feeling of Family. We want you to feel like you're part of our Family. You are eligible to become a member of Maine Family Credit Union if you reside, work, worship, attend school, or have immediate family members who reside within our field of membership of Androscoggin County. Simply opening a share account with a minimum deposit of $25.00 attains membership. See the Maine Family FCU ad on this page.

Bald guys never have a bad hair day.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 51

Out ’n About at Paradise Salon’s Open House Hair Feathers, Nail Polish then a Paraffin Treatment was a great way to start our weekend!

Banks keep going out of their way to give me credit. ...And for that, I am deeply indebted.

Estate Jewelry Hundreds of new items added, pieces being put out daily.


10 OFF

$50 or more purchase of estate jewelry Hannah & Julie St. Hilaire

Not to be combined with any other offer



Extended holiday hours! 1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300

Check for updates on Facebook

Mon-Fri 9-5; Sat. 9-3 •

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.

Toni & Mariah Warren with Audrey Day Uncle Andy’s would like to say that we have made Audrey’s shirt a reality

Callie & Marie Samson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

52 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board.

Russian Rain

Be naughty and save Santa the trip.

Submitted by Jimbo

ood Products W e n i F & Stove Sales 10%


Tax Credit

2742 Auburn Rd. Turner, ME 04282

ends Dec. 31st

(1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219

Pellet Stoves Wood Stoves Gas Stoves

Over 30 years experience

• Pine Furniture • Machined Wood Parts • Boxes & Crates • Store Displays

Stove Service & Installation Wholesale Pricing to Retailers buying in volume Custom Production Wood Work

Take a short drive down Route 4 and SAVE BIG $$$

Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Red. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It’s raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think it’s snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. So Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

with this coupon • Expires 12.31.11

Q: How do you make a bandstand? A: Take away their chairs! Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 53

Out ’n About at Electricity Maine

Behold the warranty: The bold print giveth, and the fine print taketh away.

as they hit their 10,000th Maine customer switching their electricity supplier Hitting 10,000 was a major goal of ours! It’s exciting to know that this equates to more than $500,000 in combined savings for Mainers making the switch!

Danielle Beckwith Have you made the switch yet? Call us right now and save 6% on your electricity bill every month!

Muriel LeClerc Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

54 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Better late than really late.

Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes


Out ’n About at the Diva Mall at Lost Valley

Stop in and grab your Gift Certificates TODAY!! • Colors • Cuts • Styles • Waxing • Shellac nails • Facials • Body Treatments • Pedicures

Deb Landry

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611 Tues. 10am-7pm • Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm


Great Prices on Hand-made Items! Quilts, Wall Hangings, Scarves, Hand Bags, Hats, Mittens, Baskets & Much More!!

of Glitz N' Glam Vintage Designs

Or browse our fabulous selection of fabrics and yarns to make your own holiday gifts. Let us help you with gift ideas for the knitter or quilter on your shopping list!

Quilting, Knitting, Basketry Supplies & Classes

Hours: Mon-Fri 10 to 5; Sat 10 to 4; Tues ‘til 8

909 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-4486 •

Michelle Guerard

Entertainment Fri. Dec. 2nd Fri. Dec. 9th Fri. Dec. 23rd

Matt & The Barnburners

Paper Street Brookside Blues Band

Sat. Dec. 31st

This place rocks!

New Year’s Eve Party Free WiFi

Karaoke Every Wed. 8-midnight

Interesting Christmas Facts:

FOOTBALL SUNDAY 97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668

Carpenter's rule: cut to fit, beat into place.

Although many believe that the Friday after Thanksgiving is the busiest shopping day of the year, it is not. It is the fifth to tenth busiest day. The Friday and Saturday before Christmas are the two busiest shopping days of the year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 55

Happy Holidays from our staff Sue Cleaves Office Manager

John Morin Service Manager

Craig Anderson General Manager

Ben LaGasse Parts Department

Bill Centra Technician

Dan Webber Parts Department

John Crawford Sales

Jason Thibodeau Technician

Marcia Anderson EBay Department

Ryan Case Asst. Parts Manager

Jared Mailhot Finance Manager

Mike Carver Service Writer

Regina Bauer Receiving

Charity Pike Internet Sales

Eric Shaw Technician

Amy Asselin Parts & Accessories Mgr.

Danny Ziebart Technician

Richard Ferrara Asst. Sales Manager

Shane Michaud Service Writer

Gil Steward Sales

Holiday Gift Certificates Buy a $100 Gift Certificate for only $80 Bucks Special Pricing on New Units Save up to 70% on selected accessories and apparel. Now thru Christmas Join us 12/17/11 for our

Customer Christmas Party 11am -3pm • Food, Beverages, Giveaways

845 Main Street, Lewiston • 689-2345

December Special shampoo, conditioner, boost & root lifter

Ann Dumais

Jacinta Labbe

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead

Pauline Guimond


18/all 4

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all of our clients!


Kelly Giambra

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

Gift Cards Available


with Jacinta

$20 OFF


We are a full service salon N Licensed Aesthetician N Licensed Massage Therapist N Full range of skin care including Glycolic Peels N All waxing services including Brazilian Wax N Tinting - eyelashes & brows N Mens & Womens Cuts N Children’s cuts N Colors N Foils N Perms N Manicures N Pedicures 14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston


Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm Sat. 8am - 1pm

Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.




In 1960, television sets across the United States showed a split screen with Republican presidential nominee Richard M. Nixon on one side and Democratic presidential nominee John F. Kennedy on the other during their third televised debate. They were actually thousands of miles apart and not in the same studio! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 57

Gary, why does Santa wear pink underwear?

What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens.

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gun Smith Service

Gift Certificates Available! He's a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Gary & Tina Croteau

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Marcelʼs Barber Shop

Santa Suits!

Santa rentals & sales, plus a full line of Santa accessories. We also have Turkeys, Reindeer, Mrs. Santa, Elves, Snowmen & more holiday costumes in stock.

Mall Trainer Submitted by Jimbo While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?"


Costumes of Maine

Costume rentals, sales, make-up, wigs & accessories “because life is more fun 20 Main St., Lisbon Falls • 353-2216

He promptly replied, "Another train. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

58 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

in costume!”


Your Holiday Party Headquarters • L/A’s Largest Selection of Beer • Party Balls, Kegs, Growlers, Mini Kegs • Wine, Liquor & More • Champagne

Winter Brews Arriving Daily

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him.

Come early & reserve for your Holiday event!

Food & Beverage Delivery is back!

8am - 5pm • Call for details

F~lorian’s Market ~


Italian Specials

Christmas Day

Tuesdays: $1.59 Sundays: $1.99

Regular Hours

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week

Ham, Veggie or Salami

Find us on Facebook & Foursquare

Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree? After your Christmas one and your Christmas two.

Binary Barb: What part of 01001110 01101111 don't you understand?

Out ’n About at Paradise Salon’s Open House

Danielle Hinkley LMT at Paradise Salon

Karen Gaetani gets her nails done

Susan Fluellen & Nikita Whitfield

770 Main Street, Lewiston • 782-0242

Mother & Daughter enjoying a Paraffin Wax

"Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later." Dampen the Mood: It takes a few scant decades to go from "whatever" to "Depends."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 59

Out ’n About at the Diva Mall at Lost Valley

If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.

This year's Diva Mall event had such a great turn out! Thank you to all the vendors and local women for attending!

Sheree, Connie, & Tabitha She had the teacher fooled, until...

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.


G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

Out ’n About at the Maine Oxy Annual Car Show Whatever you do, do NOT look at the camera... I heard it might show up in that Uncle Andy’s thingy.

We want to be the easiest part of your week! Your local option for outsourcing your payroll... Payroll Management has been serving the payroll needs for small and mid size companies since 1989.


100 Manley Road, Auburn

Kathy, Katlin & Kat Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

60 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

783-6880 or 800-734-6880 •

It must be unbearably distracting to talk to young people if your name is Like.

An adolescent is someone who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.

The Meaning of Christmas Submitted by Jimbo

A few spots still available for your holiday parties. Book our 75 person function room now!


Full Menu Available

We’ve got the NFL TICKET PACKAGE Showing All the Games, All the Time!

L/A’s best seat for sports for over 20 years!

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • The hardest part about going to Hypochondriacs Anonymous is admitting that you don't have a problem.

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. – Dr. Seuss

Look & feel your best this Holiday Season Cuts • Colors • Styles • Nails Waxing • Facials • Massage & More

Gift Certificates Available Front row, L-R: Cindy, Emily, Lynn. Back row, L-R: Micaela, Brian, Christine, Michelle, Elizabeth studio for hair, nails & massage

20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009 (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

Google before you tweet is the new think before you speak.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 61

Out ’n About at Electricity Maine

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

as they hit their 10,000th Maine customer switching their electricity supplier


Who doesn’t like to save money? Choosing Electricity Maine as your power supplier is easy and makes perfect sense!

Call us for your plow maintenance!

Don’t let this be you... Pre-season maintenance will keep you behind the wheel, warm and dry!

“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

Certified Fisher Plow Dealer Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

Keep all your equipment clean in our extra LARGE wash bay! 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 •

Heidi Cook

Police dogs are often the scenter of a drug arrest.

December Specials • Organic Cranberry $ Orange Pedicures • 10% Off Gift Certificates


Sandra Nadeau

(in-store only) Other specials available. Stop by or call FMI.

20 Union St., Auburn


Ashley Rand

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

& Jimbo

62 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Some people are motivated by carrots, others by sticks, but nobody is motivated by carrot sticks.

Our 2011 donations have exceeded $25,000!

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 “Feels Like Home!” • ONLY $10

Games Pay 50 + 100 Sunday @ 6:00 pm


Monday @ 6:30 pm Half of $ goes to W.T.A.! Tuesday @ 6:30 pm


Wednesday @ 6:30 pm $2 added to W.T.A.! Thursday @ 6:30 pm


Friday @ 6:30 pm Half of $ goes to W.T.A.!

ALSO PLAYING HERE: LHS Music Saturdays @ 6:00

My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.

The Three Southern Wise Men Submitted by WEP

I was travelling through a small Southern town when I spotted a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. I was totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar'."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 63

Out ’n About at Electricity Maine

Science is truth - don't be misled by facts.

as they hit their 10,000th Maine customer switching their electricity supplier Hitting 10,000 means an OMG office party! Woo hoo!!

Michelle Gosselin OMG Events

Chris Garneau

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

64 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything.


Sunshine Since July 5 2011

Sinc July 20 e 11

We moved to Minot in late July 2011 and saw the huge ad in Uncle Andy’s Digest for the Doggz Inn. We needed a new daycare for our Saint Bernard Missy ASAP due to construction still taking place in our new home. The Doggz Inn has been so wonderful and flexible with us and our busy schedule. Missy has enjoyed going there and playing with all her new friends. Now we have adopted a new puppy, Sunshine, who was rescued by the Doggz Inn, and she has been a precious addition to our family. I can’t say enough how glad we are that we found them. The staff is absolutely wonderful and they just love what they do. Thank You Guys!!! Keep up the great work!! — Kathleen Look

Isabella 65 Washington St., Dog Grooming Auburn, ME 04210 Daycare & Boutique (207) 333-3640 Winter is coming! Don't forget that we have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are the only facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn't come to play, you don't pay!! FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS $16

Est. 2008


FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT• Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products • Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Brodie Since July 13, 2011


Since Feb 12 2010


The Loaner

People with an unhealthy obsession over frozen waffles are eggomaniacs.

Submitted by Jimbo

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

When I arrived at a friend's home for a party, my old rattletrap looked pretty shabby parked next to all the fancy new vehicles there. I announced to the other guests that they'd have to excuse my transport, but my gardener had requested my Rolls-Royce for a special occasion and so we had traded cars for the day. Another partygoer said that he, too, had switched cars. He said he had loaned his Rolls to a friend who wanted to impress a new girlfriend. Everyone laughed, and I felt rather pleased with my little joke, until a few days later when I drove past the same man.

Sat., Dec. 31st New Years Eve Buffet Reserve your table in our upstairs dining room today! Call 657-5866

DAILY SPECIALS Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . . . . . . . . .$9.55 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams - sm. $11.50 . . .lg. $14.75 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . .$7.95

Small $13.50 • Large $16.25

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . .$6.95

Friday, Saturday & Sunday

Thursday - New England Boiled Dinner $9.55

w/potato, carrots, gravy & rolls w/potato & rolls

Fried Haddock* $11.45

w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.95 • Large $13.65

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95 Cole Farms has the best sausage gravy, that’s why we keep coming here, year after year.

Baked Salmon $10.95 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

(l to r)

He was driving a Rolls-Royce.

Allen Cox III & Allen Cox Jr

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Doctor's Bill A friend went to see Doctor Wilson the other day, and he was not very sympathetic with her aches and pains. "You'll just have to learn to live with it," he said. When she got her bill for $90, she sent it back, with the notation, "You'll just have to learn to live without it!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

66 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Some days I wake up grouchy and other days I let him sleep in.

A woman who puts detergent on the top shelf jumps for Joy.


Out ’n About at Paradise Salon’s Open House

Over 400 c to choos olors e from!

Family Owned & Operated Quartz Cambria, HanStone, Silestone, Zodiaq, Caesarstone, Viatera


Brenda Lagerson & Mackenzie Tiernei

Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm • 995 Center Street, Auburn

Happy Holidays from all of us! We at Georgio’s want to thank each and every one of our customers for your support throughout the year! Keeping it LOCAL makes all the difference!! We look forward to serving you in 2012.


f the U Home o

Heather Crawford

Many specials going on throughout December


& Jules Brodeur

Stop by & check them out!

Locally owned & operated

Spa Coordinator


740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Come in out of the cold into our Stress Free Zone! Open daily 5am-9pm •

Let us do what we do BEST So you can do what you do BEST Call us today for a no obligation consultation to see if we can help you do business better!

RCC Business Services, Inc. Financial & Advisory Services for Small Businesses 143 First Flight Drive, Auburn • 795-0663

My life is based on a true story.

 QuickBooks Consulting  QuickBooks Hosting  Bookkeeping  MaineCare Billing  Accounts Receivable Management  Financial Reporting

Proadvisors, for confidence Certified Staff, for training Hosting, for virtual support

Jen Gay, Owner & Sarah Farrell Aesthetician & LMT

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which everyone has plenty; not on your past misfortunes of which we all have some." – Charles Dickens Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 67

When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter, “Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

68 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039


Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from all of us at Thatcher’s!


907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham ✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available

Follow your nose to Thatchers!

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere If you could watch my life backwards, you'd see a Jenny Craig success story.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems



Buy 2 NEW Tires A $24 Value!

and receive a

FREE Oil Change*

Expires 12.31.11

Common Ties Mental Health Services recently hosted an open house to show off their new home. Common Ties moved to 12 Bates Street in Lewiston at the end of September from its former location on Canal Street. This move comes 25 years after the organization’s founding by Kelsey Orestis. “We are hosting this open house to help spread the good news of our continued growth and service to the mental health community,” said Katy Sperl, Common Ties board president. One in five families experiences a mental illness. Common Ties honors the fact that recovery is possible for the extraordinary people served and supported by the agency. Common Ties offers community-based, adult mental health services at the Peer Wellness and Recovery Center located at 100 Pine Street in Lewiston, case management, and medication management in Androscoggin County, and housing subsidy management in Androscoggin, Franklin, and Oxford Counties. The event was sponsored by Northwestern Mutual (Stacy Cobb) and Turner Barker Insurance. For more information, visit or call Ray Benjamin at 795-6710.

*5 quarts max, non-synthetic - must have coupon to qualify.

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026


Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

If you have kleptomania, don't take anything and call your doctor in the morning.

Out ’n About at the Common Ties Open House We provide the services and resources you need to live a quality life in your home town.

5 in

n Rt. 11 ocated o

indham North W


• 892-82


Mike Mooney New Beginnings

Ray Benjamin Executive Director at Common Ties

Pancakes or French Toast: I waffle.

USE IT or LOSE IT! Only 2 months left to use your 2011 medical reimbursements

Last month to use your 2011 medical reimbursements

Anne Conners

We accept most insurances

Vision at a Value

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 783-4226

Kurt Schneider

Mon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM, Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

Psych. Nurse Practitioner

Actions speak louder then words, So believe what you see and forget what you heard.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 69

Social Media Overload: Whenever I need a moment to myself, I just go to MySpace.

Pick Up & Go! • Lasagna • Chicken Pot Pie • Shepherds Pie • Baked Ziti • Baked Boneless Chicken Breast • Smoked Pulled Pork • Meatballs • Finger Roll Platter

Chicken Pot Pie

There’s NO PLACE like...


• Sandwich Platter • Meat & Cheese Platter • Veggie Platter • Fresh Fruit Platter • Pasta Salads • Wrap Platter • Dessert Platter • Wings

And Much More! Ask Dad for a menu!! * Please allow 48 hours notice for pick-up.

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 •

"The world is moved not only by the mighty shoves of the heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker." – Helen Keller

Holiday Catering

Book NOW!

Book your company Christmas party NOW! We can accommodate any size party - small, large or enormous!!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing!

Professional service at an affordable price

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

Catering Division • 345-9009 • Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

70 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

At an awards banquet for the volunteer fire department, Ralph received an Extinguished Service Award.

Society will ignore almost any form of public behavior except getting in the express line with two extra items.

Out ’n About at the Common Ties Open House Our common tie started 19 years ago when we met standing in line at the grocery store. We’ve been the best of friends since!

2012 Snow Gear is in!

Sale on All Leftover Product 30% to 50% OFF!

Layaways available

Cindy Leavitt Healthy Smiles for ME

Stacy Cobb Northwestern Mutual 25 years later, I am still very proud of Common Ties. It’s come along way, let me tell you!

thru the holidays


’sfers a t an tuf

Mens, Womens & Kids Gear by:



in ock


...and more!

Gift Certificates Available

s sock ard o b ow • Sn nies s ea • B mp pad s o t S c lo k • oard bags B • oard • B Ds ent ipm V • D ing equ es li s un • T te supp & Mitt a s k e •S lov •G d An CH MU ORE! M

all denominations

1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622 • Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is.

Senator Margaret Craven & Kelsey Orestis Founder of Common Ties

"Nobody will think you're somebody if you don't think so yourself." – Proverb Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 71

Power (choices) to the People!

"Farming looks easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from a cornfield." – Dwight D. 'Ike' Eisenhower

Maine Oxy BLOWOUT Sale! While Supplies Last! SALE: $208.34

SALE: $8.50

List: $333.34

List: $16.00

SALE: $46.91 List: $75.06


Daniel Bisson of Auburn (left) poses with Kevin Dean, coowner of Electricity Maine. Daniel was the monthly winner of getting his electric bill paid by Electricity Maine. All Mainers who switch are entered into this monthly drawing. One Mainer will win each month! See page 8 for more info.

Slanderous Statements Submitted by Jimbo

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. "Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested. "Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

72 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039


HI-VIS INSULATED Hi-Vis Synthetic, Insulated Mechanics Glove.

These kits are designed for the professional looking for a hotter flame, and up to 30% reduction in brazing time over our screw-in style tips.

SALE: $12.84

SALE: $100.00

List: $15.60

List: $177.66


The special quick disconnect fitting allows rapid tip changes and accepts all competitive snap-in style acetylene tips.

SALE: $31.33 List: $50.12

TORCH HANDLE FRONT VALVE Ergonomically designed handle with front-mount valve makes one handed operation more comfortable.

Snug fitting synthetic leather mechanics gloves.


SALE: $52.44

Kits includes torch handle with front mount valve, screw-in tip model WM300113, “B” or “MC” regulator, 12 foot hose, spark lighter and cylinder wrench

SALE: $13.50 List: $18.10

SALE: $44.25

INSULATED PIG SKIN Tool Handz Frost, snug fitting, insulated pig skin mechanics gloves.

List: $83.90

MEDIUM PROPANE TIP Snap-In Propane Tip Flame Diameter= 1/2” Soft Solder= up to 1-1/2” Silver Solder= up to 3/4”

List: $70.80

SMALL PROPANE TIP Snap-In Propane Tip Flame Diameter = 1/8” Soft Solder = 1/4” to 1/2” Silver Solder = up to 1/2”

Happy Holidays from Maine Oxy!

SALE: $40.80

SALE: $11.35

List: $65.28

List: $20.18

SMALL ACETYLENE TIP Snap-In Acetylene Tip Flame Diameter= 5/16” Soft Solder= 3/4” to 1-1/2” Silver Braze= 1/4” to 3/4”

LARGE ACETYLENE TIP Screw-In Acetylene Tip Flame Diameter= 1/4” Soft Solder= 1/2” to 1”

22 Albiston Way, Auburn 784-5788 1-800-377-9433

A lot of farmers have been starting online blogs and writing about their wheat. They're cropping up everywhere.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

We’re Now A

Generators Dealer! Portable units available

If your power goes out, your generator goes on – automatically.

• Reliability • Easily Accessible Controls • Framed for Durability • Easy to make effortless electric start, battery included


It’s really that simple.


1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

"Where I come from, the valleys are so narrow, dogs have to wag their tail up and down." – Sam Snead

AFFORDABLE HOUSING AT ITS BEST! Auburn’s newest 28 unit housing development is located in downtown Auburn near shops, restaurants, banks, the library, post office and local bus routes. Rents include heat and hot water One bedroom: $498-604; Two bedroom: $596-724 Three bedroom: $676-824

10,000 STRONG!

Amenities: Laundry room and assigned parking Androscoggin Head Start & Childcare on site • Individual storage units Part-time resident services coordinator • Handicap accessible units

NOW Accepting Applications!



Webster School Apartments 95 Hampshire Street, Auburn

Heidi Cook, Danielle Beckwith, Kevin Dean (co-owner) & Michelle Gosselin celebrate their goal of hitting 10,000 Mainers switching their power supplier.

There was a fire at the clock factory today and there was a lot of second hand smoke.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 73

At Grandma’s

"One could drive a prairie schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact." – David F. Houston

Submitted by Jimbo

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO Wii... I PRAY FOR A NEW BLU-RAY PLAYER..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

• Personal Lines • Auto • Boat, RV & Motorcycle • Assets • Home • Commercial Lines • Business • Life Insurance • Employee Benefits • Health Insurance

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

"There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less." – G.K. Chesterton

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Every Thursday Open Mic Night 6pm-9pm

Breakfast served from 8am - 11am

At Christmas, it is traditional to exchange kisses beneath the mistletoe tree. In ancient Scandinavia, mistletoe was associated with peace and friendship. That may account for the custom of "kissing beneath the mistletoe". Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

74 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

$5 LUNCHES! Monday - Friday 11am - 1pm

Casual Family Dining • Full bar • Fall-off-the-bone Ribs Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner Sun - Wed 8am - 8pm; Thurs - Sat 8am - 9pm

757 Main Street, Lewiston (Across from Marden’s ) • 376-4990 What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want.

– Ralph Charell Q: Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S'.

Q: What is the most recent year where New Yearʼs preceded Christmas?

Q: Larry's father has five sons named Ten, Twenty, Thirty, Forty... Guess what would be the name of the fifth? A: It's Larry! (Larry is the fifth son).

Where were you 22 years ago? Well, if you ask the guys over at Lewiston Paint & Wallpaper, there's a pretty good chance they'll say they were right where they are today, working at Lewiston Paint & Wallpaper. Mike St. Pierre, the owner of Lewiston Paint, began the business along with a minority partner back in 1986. "Back then we were on Bartlett Street, just down the street from the Italian Bakery, then 5 years later in 1994 I bought the Old Bellegarde Kitchen Building at 516 Sabattus Street in Lewiston, and it has been our home ever since," St. Pierre told Uncle Andy's Digest. Mike's been in this business for over 22 years and he's seen the industry change & evolve quite a bit over that period. “Technology has been a big part of the paint industry, we now have LOW and NO VOC paints that are as good as the paints we've been accustom to.” St. Pierre also explained how Wallpaper is not in as big of demand as it used to be, but there's still a niche for it and as such he has over 100 different styles in stock and also has catalogs with thousands of other types and styles of wallpaper, too. The thing that defines this company isn't necessarily the types of paints it carries, or the prices, which are comparable to or better than the competition, but its the experience, the knowledge and know-how of the employees at the company. "I remember a customer we had back in the early days when we were on Bartlett Street, he moved off to Hawaii and 15 years later he was back in town and he swung by to check out our new spot. He was blown away to see that all the same faces he used to work with then, were still working at Lewiston Paint. We've got over 75 years of combined experience here. We use that to help customers choose the right types of paints, suggest application methods, tools needed and so on. We're a paint store, not a paint department. One thing we specialize in is matching colors. We can match Paints, Lacquers, Epoxies and even Stains. We are one of the few places that do stain matching because you can't Mike Houli han, Mike use a computer to match them. We know how colors work St. Pierre (O wner) & Dave Lan together and what colors go into making other colors, gelier shades, tones, etc. We were doing this before computer matching & mixing existed, and before it did, paints were matched by eye, so we use that knowledge & experience to create the best matches possible for all our products," St. Pierre explained. So if your looking for high quality Paint, Stain, Epoxy or Lacquer Products from companies like Benjamin Moore, Muralo and Pittsburgh Paint and Cabot Stains or Paint Tools, Sprayers, & Accessories, choose your locally-owned Paint Store with the experience & knowledge to help you achieve your Paint related projects, Lewiston Paint & Wallpaper. They are located at 516 Sabattus Street in Lewiston with hours of 7a-5p Mon-Fri & Sat 7:30a-1p. You can find them online at and also find them on Facebook.

A: This year. New Yearʼs always preceded Christmas in the calendar year.

Lewiston Paint is the Perfect Match

"Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece."

A: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.

The Mexican fishing spider will attach itself to a small leaf and float across a pond as if on a raft. From this vantage point, it hunts its prey of large tadpoles and small fish. The poinsettia is a traditional Christmas flower. In Mexico (its original birthplace), the poinsettia is known as the "Flower of the Holy Night". My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 75

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 17th Y O U R V O T E S A R E

Best Chinese Restaurant:



37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

#1 Jeweler in the area: 600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715


Best Pizza:




95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

House of Pizza

#1 in Dining Excellence:

Best Landscape Company:

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

78 Lisbon Rd., Lisbon • 353-4848


Best Auto Body Shop in the area:

#1 Catering Service:

1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121

87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171


Best Real Estate Company: 14

Best Automotive Service: 1122 Center St., Auburn 753-0433


Mike Morin’s

Auto Center

Best Dry Cleaner:

Auburndale Cleaning Center


Mary Jane’s School of Dance


Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!


Best Pool & Spa Company: 1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858



Best Sports Pub: 120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

461 Rte. 202, Greene • 946-7302


Best Insurance Agency: 12

Champoux Insurance


416 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-2246

490 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 784-2331

Best Spot for Breakfast:

Best Nail Salon: 730 Auburn Plaza, Auburn • 786-7411

Best Thai Restaurant:

777 Center St., Auburn • 784-5441

Best Dance Studio:

Le Gala Nails


Best Auto Dealership:

786 Center St., Auburn (782-9389) 14 Millet Dr., Auburn (783-1280)

Ramada Conference Center


Rolly’s Diner

875 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 782-7526

473 Center St., Auburn • 784-0159

Best Banquet/Function Facility


Best Casual Restaurant:

11 87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171


Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey company, is proud t Best Businesses for 2011 Survey. The above winners are the result of public b

Annual Best Businesses for 2011 Best Heating 2 Oil Service:

Best Prime Rib: 775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110


Best Roofing Contractor:



Poirier Associates

Best Financial Planners: 541 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 786-0651




124 Ash St., Lewiston • 782-9046

Best Community Bank/Credit Union:

Best Eye Care Professionals: 2

Optometric Associates


Best Day Spa: 71 East Ave., Lewiston • 783-3321

Best Wait: Staff 120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715


Best Convenience Store: 3


Best Massage Therapy:


Healthy Beauty 643 Main St., Wellness Spa Lewiston • 333-3235

Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Chiropractor:

Best Hair Colorist


Dr. Gerald Nadeau

Christopher Dufour @


Best Hotel 14 Great Falls Plaza, Auburn • 777-7328

Best Takeout:

Best Facial/Skin Care Salon:

Healthy Beauty 643 Main St., 2 Wellness Spa Lewiston • 333-3235



(New Category) 95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020



124 Ash St., Lewiston • 782-9046

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104

Paid for by Market Surveys of America


186 Lisbon Street, Lewiston 784-1589

Dr. Pauline Beale, Dr. Douglas Henry, Dr. Stephen Ebersole 168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)


Best Hair Salon:

391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435

Best Attorneys:


99 Spring Street, Lewiston • 784-1819


3 Conant Rd., Turner • 225-3588


Best Buffet: 245 Center St, Auburn 783-7755

Indicates number of years as winner.

House of Pizza




to announce the winners of the 17th annual Greater Lewiston/ Auburn’s ballots and internet voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

Hauling Opportunity

I've got some Carefree gum, but it hasn't kicked in yet. I'm worried.

Submitted by Jimbo

Let us pamper one of your

I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day. Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special boglike container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food, which is exactly what I like best! For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home-baked casserole with a crust of Middle Eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm!

loved ones this Holiday Season!

~Discover the Beauty Within~ Gift Certificates Available Online

Now Offering Microdermabrasion

That's right: A pita pie per pickup pack of puddled peepers.

• Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages

Accepting Authority A woman in a drafting unit was promoted to supervisor and some of the older male workers were having difficulty accepting her authority. While she instructed one such subordinate, he interrupted with, "Young lady, I'm old enough to be your father." "And," she replied, "I'm old enough to be your supervisor." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

78 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up

71 East Avenue • Lewiston, Maine

(207) 783-3321

(207) 783-3321

It's always I before E. Isn't that weird?

I ordered a honeymoon salad. It's lettuce, alone.

CNA’s GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HR Weekend Shift Differentials

Tired of the Same Old Same Old? Come Join Our Team! If you’re interested in flexible hours and varied assignments, all with an excellent support system, contact us!

Nancy Merrill: Administrator

A Redneck's "Twelve Days of Christmas" Submitted by WEP

On the 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me 12 pack of Bud 11 rasslin' tickets 10 tins of Copenhagen 9 years probation

Home C d e t s are si s A

8 table dancers


5 flannel shirts

For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam

4 big mud tires 3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs …and a muffler for a Mustang GT. In 1897, German chemist Felix Hoffman successfully synthesized a shelf-stable form of acetylsalicylic acid (affectionately known as aspirin to the rest of us). The first medicine created by the techniques of modern chemistry, it is probably the most widely used medicine in history.

Mexican firefighters are always paired up - Jose and Hose B.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 79

Christmas Shepard Submitted by Jimbo

One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side. “Look at that,” remarked Peter to Joe, “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!”

If you want more time, wear more watches.


St. Laurent & Son is pleased to announce the acquisition of the former Glen Dube Gra located less than a half mile from the Maine Turnpike. The gravel pit now has a la Pick up and delivery are availa

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

A passenger on a Southwest flight says that he once faced a flight delay just before they boarded. A flight attendant picked up the microphone and announced: "We're sorry for the delay. The machine that normally rips the handles off your luggage is broken, so we're having to do it by hand. We should be finished and on our way shortly." I know. I know. I know that people say "It's the thought that counts, not the gift", but couldn't people think a little bigger! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

80 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

784-7944 When my ship comes in, I'll be at the airport.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the squirrels it could be done.

Honest Golfer Submitted by Travis Dow


avel Pit located at 168 Middle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently arge scale crushing/processing operation and offers a wide variety of aggregates. able. Call our office for pricing.

About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?" I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies." There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The lower seventies?" "Yes," I admitted. "Consistently?" he queried admiringly. "Every hole," I confessed. "Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children." – Alex Haley

What did Ernie say when his best friend asked him if he wanted some ice cream? "Sure, Bert!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 81

Adolescent Changes

I like bananas, but they lose their appeal quickly.

Submitted by Jimbo

Seeing my 11-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you like best?" "I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls. "I'm just reading about her."

Plow Man is ready to save your day! Be prepared this winter. Call Plow Man right now for a free quote!

Commercial or Residential

I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said. "So when did you learn to read Spanish?

• Plowing • Shoveling • Sanding

Little Johnny's Bike Little Johnny was one of those holy terrors. His dad was surprised when Johnny's mom suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday. "Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior ?" he said. "Well, no," she admitted, "But it will spread it over a wider area."

784-8922 For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES • Carpentry • Sheetrocking • Plumbing • Flooring • Painting • Plowing

Are you ready for a new you? Visit me at and learn how you can lose weight, build lean muscle, gain energy... and how you can do it for FREE!

Here’s three people who think Support Solutions is a great place to work! 10 years and counting!!

Support Solutions would like to thank

Mellissa Bell, Terri Scott & Chad Paradis for 10 Years of Dedication to the People we Support! Support Solutions in Lewiston is hiring! Call them at 795-0672 & see their ad on page 36. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

82 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Why isn't palindrome spelled the same way backwards?

I'm a pessimistic optimist. I expect the worst - that way things can only get better.

The Mustang automobile was unveiled in 1964 at the New York World's Fair. By the end of the day Ford had sold over 22,000 Mustangs. Within two years over a million Mustangs had sold! A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word."

How They Got Their Name...

Todd, Tammy & Denis

Wishing Everyone a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year! Thank you for a great 2011... We’re looking forward to serving you in 2012!!

Who would want to be a vicious Bear when you can be a lean, mean swimming machine? Definitely not the Miami Dolphins. When the football franchise chose its name in 1965 – the height of pop cultural "Flipper-mania" – owner Joe Robbie explained why the name was a perfect fit: "The dolphin is one of the fastest and smartest creatures of the sea. Dolphins can attack and kill a shark or a whale. Sailors say bad luck will come to anyone who harms one of them."

Completely Family-Owned


Let us show you what the power of buying local will do for you!

If Susan is 10, Arabella is 20, and Jim and Neal are both 5, but Richard is 10, how much is Jennifer by the same system?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Answer: Jennifer is fifteen, in a system that awards five for each syllable.

Hours: Monday 8-7pm Tues - Fri. 8-5pm 550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831 Sat. 9-2pm

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 83

Creative Sewing Opens at New Location

I got tired of treasure hunting, so I sat down on a big chest on top of a giant "X".

Eggcettera Catering

If you’re too busy to cook and you don’t want fast food, try our HOME-COOKED MEALS!

For only $7 each, Dinner for 1-200.


Dinner To Go


December Menu


Tue. Wed. Pies $10.00 Each Remember us for your next party!

and Dinner To Go


Thu. Shepherd’s Pie Pickled Beats Rolls



3 Sat.

Salmon Pie Mashed Potato Slaw, Rolls

All meals $7.00 ea. + tax = $7.49


784-5544 Amanda Trundey, Manager & Gary Drinkwater, Owner Creative Sewing Center, formerly located at the Auburn Plaza near Big Lots, has opened recently at its new location, The Harvard Mall 336 Center St in Auburn. The store offers sales of new & used sewing machines from companies like Bernina & Brother. Brand New Units are as low as $199! They also offer a slew of classes for all ability levels including Unlimited Guide Classes with any new machine purchase, as well as: Sewing, Embroidery, Quilting & other types of classes, too! The full class schedule is available at the store, online at or on their Facebook page. Pop in to the store for all your Notions & Accessories, Patterns, Embroidery Machines, Software and Designs, too! Stop by and see Creative Sewing Center's new location at 336 Center St in Auburn today. The store hours are Mon-Fri 9-5, Sunday 9-4. See their ad on page 44. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

84 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

See our full menu 11 online at:


Pot Roast Potato, Peas Rolls



Green Bean Casserole w/ Chix Noodles, Salad Rolls


Please order one day prior. Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.




Beef Stroganoff w/ Noodles Carrots Rolls


Baked Stuffed Seafood Haddock Mashed Potato Slaw, Rolls

















Potato Salad BBQ Ribs Slaw Rolls

(first left after the Minot Ave./Hotel Rd. intersection as you head toward Mechanic Falls)

American Chop Suey Broccoli Rolls


Beef Stew Slaw Biscuit

Chili Cornbread Green Beans Salad

Cash • Check • Major Credit Cards

31 Leavitt Street, Auburn


Green Bean Casserole w/Chix Noodles, Salad, Rolls

Mac & Cheese Hot Dogs Green Beans Rolls

Shepherd’s Pie Pickled Beets Rolls

Spaghetti w/Meat Sauce Green Beans Rolls

Macaroni Salad BBQ Chix Cole Slaw

Fish Chowder Slaw Rolls

Cheese Lasagna Broccoli Chix Smothered Beef Salad Alfredo w/Noodles Mashed Potato Rolls Salad Corn Rolls Spaghetti w/ Meatballs, Salad Rolls

Roast Pork Mashed Potato Corn Baked Apples

Baked Stuffed Seafood Haddock Mashed Potato Slaw, Rolls

See our full menu online at:

How many weeks are there in a light year?

• Gift Certificates • Great Stocking Stuffers • Shampoo Gift Packs

Happy Holidays Angie, Sheila, Nicole, Ally


from all of us!


Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

A policeman pulled me over and said, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" I said, "You should really ask a psychic!"

Interesting Christmas Facts:

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

New Homes Sun Rooms Garages

In 1836, Alabama became the first state in the USA to declare Christmas a legal holiday. In 1907, Oklahoma became the last state to declare Christmas a legal holiday.

Call us for your FREE quote! “The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Dog gonnit… We want your business!






Your Christmas Decorating Headquarters Poinsettias • Snow Babies • Beautiful Wreaths All Kinds of Flower Arrangements

Happy Holidays from the Gang at Ann’s! ess Our busin is always ! blooming

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

The things that come to those who wait are actually the things that were left by those who got there first!

Recently Banned by Government: Mistletoe The number of unwanted pregnancies resulting from the placement of mistletoe on the ceiling and over doorways has never been properly calculated, but is surely astronomical. Tongues are a choking hazard.

Interesting Christmas Facts: An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 85

Q: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A: Very large hands. S.O.S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was just chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash. Q: What five digit number, when multiplied by the number 4, is the same number with the digits in reverse order? A: 21978; 21978 x 4 = 87912. The largest U.S. state is home to the 4,215square-mile Katmai National Monument, the largest of all other United States national parks and monuments in size. Glacier Bay National Monument, also in Alaska, ranks second with 3,554 square miles, and Yellowstone National Park is third with 3,472. Katmai (pronounced "cat-my") is about fourfifths as large as Connecticut, and more than twice the size of Delaware. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

86 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

If you get mono twice, isn't that stereo?

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFF all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!


20% - 50% OFF

Pre-Read Books arriving daily


131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! My frosted flakes melted in the summer.

s Alway g n i Buy

When I was a kid, I was so poor we would go to KFC and lick other people's fingers.

"Doctor, I have a memory problem!" The doctor says, "When did it start?" "When did what start?"

New Pope A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of the Pope with his class. One student asked how they chose the new Pope. The teacher explained the process, finishing with, "So the Cardinals pick him." A student in the back of class, asked, very seriously, "Why would they let a baseball team pick the next Pope?" I got a jump rope, but it's just a rope. Turns out you have to do the jumping part.

Watering the Plants

REFURBISHED SPA SALE with prices as low as $


During a tour at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum, a New York City woman mentioned that she was raising a type of cactus in a pot on her apartment balcony. Another tourist asked her how she kept from watering it too much, because the cactus would die if over watered.

Brand new Saratoga spas in stock too! 1975 LISBON ST., RT. 196, LEWISTON Just 2 miles east of Exit 80 Open Year Round, Since 1962 • Mon-Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4

783-0858 • 1-800-244-0858 If we ever figure out how to preserve people, we'll really be in a jam.

"I subscribe to the Tucson newspaper," replied the New Yorker. "Every time I read that it rained in the desert, I give my plant some water." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 87

Hood Full of Pigeons

Are crop circles the work of a cereal killer?

Submitted by Jimbo

I was driving to work this morning when my car stalled in the damp weather. I was sitting in the car at the side of the highway, contemplating my next move, when a pigeon flew down and landed right in the middle of the hood of the car. It seemed fairly tame, and I soon became fascinated in watching it up close as it strutted around and made cooing noises. A few minutes passed, and two more pigeons flew in and joined the first bird. Pigeons seem to be attracted by crowds, and soon I was sitting there with a whole hood full of pigeons, all cooing loudly and beginning to change the color of my hood. Gradually I noticed that the birds seemed to be trying to get my attention, which was unnerving, since I had always regarded pigeons as rather stupid birds. But, sure enough, several of them were dragging a piece of rope around on the hood, and several others were flying out in front of the car and returning to the hood. All of a sudden, I realized what they were doing, so I yanked open the door and wildly chased them all off. No way was I going to be pigeon towed! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

88 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

My friend is dieting. He says weight gain is due to water retention. My weight gain is due to ice cream retention.

I watch the Westminister Dog Show for the commercials.

Umbrella Impression Submitted by Jimbo

A man had finally got around to taking all his broken umbrellas to the repair shop.

Top prices paid for gold, silver, diamonds, jewelry & coins!! Come see

us at our

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r Street in



Next morning on his way to his office when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to the woman beside him for he was in the habit of carrying one. The woman cried "Stop! Thief!", grabbed her umbrella back and embarrassed the poor man no end!

Family owned and operated • In-house repairs • Guaranteed lowest prices on new & estate jewelry • Gift Certificates available • Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-3 • “Friends tell friends about us!”

That same day, he stopped at the repair shop, and received all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered the street car, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold, glaring at him, the lady of his morning's misadventure. Her voice came to him charged with a withering scorn: "Had a good day, didn't you!" A hungry traveller stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is frying chips. “Are you the friar?” he asks.

Now located at: 33 Center Street in Auburn


I thought a thought, but the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought.

“No. I'm the chip monk,” he replies. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 89

Smart Aleck

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

A Kindergarten student was sitting at his desk making funny faces at anyone that would watch. The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way." Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way."

Realistic Fishing Proverb Give a man a fish and he will eat all day. Teach a man to fish and he will go out and buy expensive fishing equipment, stupid-looking clothes, a sports utility vehicle, travel 1000 miles to the "hottest" fishing spot and stand waist-deep in cold water so he can try to outsmart a fish. Average cost per fish: $395.68

Boxing Record In 1994, George Foreman knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their Las Vegas fight, thus becoming oldest heavyweight champion of the world at age 45. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

90 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

When French people swear, do they say "Pardon my English"?

If the grass is greener on the other side - water your grass!

What are you doing tonight? $

Monday Mania $


Rent-a-lane 1000 per hour 11am-10pm

2 Tuesday

2.00 games and shoe rentals 11am-5pm

Bottomless Wednesday

Manager’s Special Thursday

2 hours for only $6 per person open - close

Check Facebook, stop in, or call for the spe- GLOW BOWLING 9:30 - midnight cial of the day!

Friday & Saturday

L-A’s Newest Hot Spot... December Concert Schedule

Every Saturday Night! (Except Christmas Eve)

Dec. 3rd Dec. 10th Dec. 17th Dec. 31st

Skösh Firewater Creek Brookside Band Altertone

Live Music, Food & Drink Specials!

New Year’s Eve



Ring in the New Year with live music, dancing & drink specials! Call now to book your lanes before they fill up!

24 Mollison Way • Lewiston

786-2695 Saturn is the richest planet, you can tell by all the rings.

Marketing Your Business in Today’s World by Jimbo @ Uncle Andy’s Digest

We hope you enjoyed last months Guerrilla Marketing tip. We shared vital marketing tips that any small business can put to work for their business and its marketing plan. We talked about one shot ads almost never working to it taking the average consumer NINE exposures before an ad is readily remembered! This month we’ll focus on what makes a marketing plan work. Here’s a great quote from the book, Guerrilla Marketing, “Mediocre marketing with commitment works better than brilliant marketing without commitment. What makes marketing work? If you were looking for a one-word answer to that question, that word is commitment.” As business owners put together their budgets for their businesses for the coming year, having a marketing line item is a necessary thing, every year. It’s important to note that marketing is a process, not an event. Marketing may be a series of events, but if you’re a guerrilla marketer, marketing has a beginning and a middle but not an ending. Although marketing budgets are as unique as snowflakes, at least having one is a great step in the right direction. To tie this all together, have commitment in mind when setting your budget amount for 2012. Plan on marketing all year to get the biggest bang for your buck. Whether you’re advertising in Uncle Andy’s Digest or not, marketing in today’s business world is a key to success. Feel free to contact us at 783-7039 if you have questions regarding marketing your business.

In 1964 for the 10th time in his majorleague baseball career, Mickey Mantle hit home runs from both the left and ride sides of the plate in the same game - setting a new baseball record.

Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing "On the Road Again".

Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. The derivation of the word trivia comes from the Latin "tri-" + "via", which means three streets. This is because in ancient times, at an intersection of three streets in Rome, they would have a type of kiosk where ancillary information was listed. You might be interested in it, you might not, hence they were bits of "trivia." Patient: How much will it cost me to have this tooth extracted?

Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.99/pp • $5 Children 10 & under 150 Mill Street, Lewiston • 782-2088

You'll Laugh

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more. Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.



Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

NOW SERVING HOMEMADE DELICIOUS HOT DINNERS. Tuesday - Friday Includes meat, vegetable, starch & dessert Check out or menu on Facebook

Dentist: $300

You'll Learn




Fresh Homemade Bread Daily Homemade Soups • Stews Chili • Chowder Baked Bean Specials on Saturday


Patient: $300 for just a few minutes work, that expensive.

t! Large assortmen me it, na u yo t, ea m Custom, it! e we’ll mak

Dentist: O.K. I'll pull it out slowly if you prefer.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

92 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

Hours: Tue.-Fri. 7am-6pm • Sat. 7am-4pm

Brenda 346-3300 Kurt 14 N. Main Street, Suite 1 • Mechanic Falls

My wife and I were told we couldn't have children - by our landlord.

I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

Since 1877

Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning


5´x10´ $25 10´x15´ $75 10´x10´ $50 10´x20´ $100

David J. Pratt Over 30 years experience

Mountain View Storage

Bolster Monumental Works 1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673

Support local business... Use our advertisers!

Rt. 26, W. Paris (Just 4 miles north from Market Square) • 674-3212 or 333-9745

Visit us online:



1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4



PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Downeast Sharpening

Call us! No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel


7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond




Hunting • Fishing • Firearms • Ammo • Gear We’re a great choice for your outdoorsman’s holiday gifts!

s Gift Certificate Available

Upcountry Snowshoes Pack Baskets and Much More!

1311 Roosevelt Trail (Rt. 302) • Raymond • 655-1030 Never moon a werewolf.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 93


I used to work at the unemployment office, then I got fired. I had to show up the next day anyway!

• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

Happy holidays Uncle Andy’s Digesters!! Another year is coming to a close but not before we all enjoy a December filled with fun, family and cheer. This is absolutely the time of year when it really stinks living so far away from family and friends up in Uncle Andy’s stomping ground. No matter what your religion or even if you have none at all I’m going to go out on a limb and proclaim that everyone, especially the good ole Digesters, would agree the holidays are the yearly pinnacle of family time. Loved by many, dreaded by few…which one of these descriptions really describes you? Ok enough of the rhyming shenanigans. I can’t have a holiday season without the fragrant scent of a freshly cut conifer and a menagerie of edible goodies that only grace us with their presence around the twelfth month. Now with that said, I have been limping along the past few years with a $10 fake-o Christmas tree, which at this point makes Charlie Brown’s look like this year’s cream of the crop. Now Digesters I implore you to please adhere to my guidance. Jump into the sleigh and head out to the border of Lewiston and Lisbon and you will find Benoit’s Bakery and Wine Cellar. Benoit’s is the perfect place to start your holiday season off right. They have a smorgasbord of baked goods, pies and a fully stocked wine cellar to help take the awkward edge off… which goes hand and hand with the inevitable family functions. A glass or two of Benoit’s finest cabernet and Uncle Jack’s jokes and stories become riveting! Oh and while you’re there, don’t forget to grab a Christmas tree, too. Digesters, I wish all of you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Joyful Kwanza, or simply just blissful December. I, Uncle Andy’s Miami Mike, wish you and your family all the best during this holiday season! Until the upcoming year Digesters Rock On through the holidays and I bid you adieu!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

94 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

Get it GONE NOW!! Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away… This is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages! Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

Farrell Enterprises Over 65? Ask about senior discounts.

Fully Insured • Call for FREE Quote!

782-5300 or 576-2501

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

A picture is worth 500 to 1500 words depending on how good looking you are.

"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?" "Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?" "Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering." – Winnie the Pooh

In 1929, anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski visited the Trobriand Islands to observe their sexual customs. He found that two lovers will go through a several phases of sucking and biting in a variation of the French kiss that culminates in biting off each otherʼs eyelashes. In fact, in the South Pacific, short eyelashes are a status symbol.

New Englanders are known for their dry wit and logic.

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Once in Martha's Vineyard a hotel clerk asked me if I wanted a room with a shower or a tub. I asked what the difference was. He replied, "Well sir, in a tub, you can sit down."

Don't look at me with that tone of voice.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 95

FOR NEW CLIENTS Unlimited Tanning & Cardio COMBO!!

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0!

30 days for $30 REG. $129.99

Class Schedule: Monday Kick-N-Cardio . . . . . . .5:30pm ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . . .6:30pm Tuesday

867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033

YOGA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4:15PM

ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . . .7:00pm Wednesday ZUMBA Gold . . . . . . .10:00am Kick-N-Cardio . . . . . . .5:30pm ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . . .6:30pm Thursday Kick-N-Cardio . . . . . . .5:30pm ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . . .7:00pm Friday Belly Dancing . . . . . . . .6:30pm Saturday ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . . .9:30am YOGA . . . . . . . . . . . . .10:30am That’s 12 classes offered per week!

What a sharp Motor home!

2010 Fleetwood Discovery 40G

Auto, Tow, 4X4,4 Door, 91k

With a full length slide from the front to the back and another slide in the living room giving you lots of space for you and your family. Bunk beds are perfect for kids giving them their own little nook with a dvd/gaming hook-up for each bunk. Washer and dryer, microwave/convection combo as well as a full oven, full sized fridge with H2O & Ice. In-motion satellite dish. Fully powered awnings with wind sensors, Spartan Chassis, Allison Transmission, Air and Hydraulic (automatic) leveling systems. A 350 HP, 950 FP Torque Engine.


BROWSE OUR INVENTORY Sauna • Massage Tanning • Fitness Facility Cardio Classes Become a fan on

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784-8900 Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

96 DECEMBER 2011 783-7039

07 BMW 328xi, Black, Heated Seats, AWD, 83k, 6 cyl., . . . . . . . .$17,490 06 Chevy Uplander, Auto, Beige, Only 72k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 05 Chevy Tahoe Z71, 8 Cly., 4 Dr., White, Auto., Loaded . . . . . . .$14,490 03 Chevy Trailblazer EXT LT, White, Tow Pkg., Loaded . . . . . . . . .$8,490 04 Chrysler Crossfire, 74k, Red, Loaded, 6 cyl., Heated Seats . . .$9,990 07 Dodge Caliber, 4-Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 07 Dodge Caliber, 4-Dr., 90k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 04 Dodge Durango SLT, 81k, Gray, Loaded, 4x4 . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 07 Ford Focus SE, Auto, 4-Dr., White, 69k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 07 Ford Fusion, 6 Cyl., Auto., 75K, 4-Dr., White, Loaded .CALL FOR PRICE 07 Ford Ranger XLT, 6-CYL., BLUE, A/C . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 06 Ford F350 Super Duty, 8 Cyl., Auto, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 06 Ford Ranger Sport, 6 cyl, 5-Speed, Running Boards, Red . . .$11,990 05 Ford Expedition, 8 Cyl., Auto., 4 Dr., Black, Loaded . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Ford Focus ST, 81K, 4-Dr., Red, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 02 Ford Focus Wagon, 5-Speed, 80K, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,990 05 Honda Element, 4-Dr., Gray, Air/Cruise/Tilt/Pwr Windows . . . .$10,490 06 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 8 Cyl., Auto., 81K, 4-Dr., Gold . . . . . . .$14,990 06 Jeep Liberty Renegade, 6 cyl., 94k, Red, Loaded, 4x4 . . . . .$12,490 06 Jeep Commander, 8 cyl., 4x4, 95k, Silver, DVD, Loaded . . . . .$12,990 06 Jeep Commander, V8, Auto, Black, 68k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$15,300 05 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Auto, Blue, Loaded, 8 Cyl. . . . . . . . . .$12,990 03 Jeep Liberty, 6-Cyl., Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 05 Lexus RX330, 6-Cyl., Auto, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$15,990 06 Mazda 6, Auto., 98K, 4-Dr., Blue, Air/Cruise/Tilt, Pwr Win . . .$10,850 02 Mazda 626 LX, V6., Auto, All Power Options, CD . . . . . . . . . . .$5,190 07 Mercury Mariner Premier, Black, 6 cyl., 85k,4x4, Loaded . . .$12,990 06 Mercury Milan, Auto, 4-Dr., Silver, Loaded, 98k . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 06 MINI Cooper S, 2DR, 6-Speed, Blue, 97k, Loaded . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS, 5-Spd., 93K, 2-Dr., Silver, Loaded . . . . .$9,990 07 Nissan Xterra, Auto., 93K, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .$13,500 05 Nissan Frontier SE, 98k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490

07 Saab 93, Aero Wagon, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Saab 95 Arc 2.3T, Auto, 82k, Blue, All Power Options . . . . . . .$9,490 04 Saab 93, Auto., 86K, 4-Dr., Silver, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Saab 93 Linear, 5-Speed, 67k, Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 04 Saab 93 SE, 5-Spd., Convertible, 98K, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 04 Saab 95, Auto., 97K, 4-Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 02 Saab 95, 6-Cyl., Auto., SW, Brown . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 07 Saturn Aura, 6 Cyl., Auto., 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 05 Scion TC, Auto, Dual Roofs, 94k, CD, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . .$8,990 05 Subaru Baja, Auto., 94K, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 07 Toyota Corolla LE, Auto., 94K, 4-Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,500 06 Toyota Prius, Auto., 4-Dr., Gray, Air/Cruise/Tilt . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 05 Toyota 4-Runner, Auto., 92K, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . .$14,490 03 Toyota 4-Runner, Auto., 98K, 4-Dr., Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . .$12,990 07 Volvo S40, 5-Speed, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 Volvo XC90, 8-Cyl., 73K, 4-Dr., Blue, Loaded . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Volvo XC90, Auto., 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13,990 05 Volvo S40, 5-Speed, 4-Dr., Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 05 Volvo S40, Auto., 84K, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Volvo XC90, 4-Dr., Tan, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 05 Volvo S60 T5 Turbo, 5 cyl., AWD, Auto, Maroon, Loaded . . . .$10,990 04 Volvo XC90, Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 08 VW Jetta Wolfsburg Edition, 79k, Auto, CD, Moonroof . . . . . . .$13,490 08 VW Passat Komfort, Auto, 32k, CD/MP3, Green, Loaded . . . .$15,990 07 VW Jetta, 5-Speed, 99K, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 VW Golf GTI, 6-Speed, CD Changer, 72k, Gray, Loaded . . . . . .$13,990 07 VW Jetta, 96k, 5-Speed, Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,490 06 VW Passat, 82k, Auto, 4 cyl., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 06 VW Passat, Auto, 4-Dr., Green, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 04 VW Passat,4-Dr., Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490 03 VW Passat GLX, 6-Cyl., Auto, 4-Door, Silver, 94k . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 03 VW Passat S/Wagon, 6-Cyl., Auto, Gray, Loaded, 81k . . . . . . . .$8,990

Can you play sole music with a shoe horn?

UAD December 2011  

Social media - in print!

UAD December 2011  

Social media - in print!