Page 1

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST The Most Unusual Digest in America




RATES ARE LOW Call for your purchases or to refinance today!

Conventional H FHA H VA H MSHA H RD

A local lender you can trust! Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210 •

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Maine Gemstone Headquarters

138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 •

Welcoming Our Newest Dentist To The Team! Will Catterton, DDS • Graduated from University of Tennessee 2008, U.S. Air Force 2008-2011 • General Dentist, experienced in fillings, implant crowns, partials and dentures, root canals and extractions. • Will and Amanda reside in New Gloucester with their daughter. • He enjoys tennis, skiing, biking, hiking and playing guitar.

Make your appointment today at:

TAYLOR BROOK DENTAL ASSOCIATES ife, Amanda DS, with his w D , n o rt te at Will C


Airport Security

I sure miss the day when someone else pumped your gas for you - it was much cheaper back then.

Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't you come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.

Discoveries TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities

SPECIAL Adults and Kids ONE FREE WEEK No Obligation


Coming soon ~ Yoga for Adults

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: •


The value of a dog is its constant reminder of how much fun it is to be idiotic.

Stupidity got me into this mess -- why can't it get me out?


OCTOBER 2011 October 1st thru October 31st Pumpkin Land (Chapter 10929) 125 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rt. 26) Mechanic Falls Adults $3.00Kid’s $7.00 (includes haunted hayride and pumpkin) Saturday, Oct 1st Holy Cross KC Bean Supper 4:30pm – 6:30pm (Chapter 14437) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston $5.50 Member $7 Guest Tuesday, Oct 4th Roy’s 7am – 10am (Chapter 12749) Washington St, Auburn $2 Member $3 Guest Saturday, Oct 8th Member Appreciation Day 11am – 2pm (Chapter 12907) Modern Woodmen Office, 184 Webster St, Lewiston FOR MEMBERS ONLY – FREE Tuesday, Oct 11th Sam’s Noon – 7pm (Chapter 14346) Market Place Mall, Lewiston $3 Member $4 Guest Tuesday, Oct 18th Schemengees 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 10589) 551 Lincoln St, Lewiston $7 Member $8 Guest Sunday, Oct 23rd KC Breakfast 8am – 10am (Chapter 7938) Columbus Drive, Brunswick $4 Member $5 Guest; Child / 10 free Tuesday, Oct 25th Dairy Queen 4pm – 7pm (Chapter 8609) 661 Minot Ave, Auburn $4 Member $5 Guest

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Forest: Trees a crowd.

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED Please Note: Prices, Dates and Menu Are Subject To Change. If Additional Info Is Needed, Please Call Our Office, Please Do Not Call Restaurants. All Activities Can Only Be Attended At The Times Listed. ***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). FMI call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Uncle Andy’s Digest

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.


PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS

PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!



Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures

JIMBO Whosa Ma-Ding-It

801 Webster Street, Lewiston



All Showed Out


Joe & Mike Adkins

Meals on Wheels Purpose: Find your aim in life before you run out of ammunition.



I’ll pay you

Par 3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

for your antiques!

is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo



Auction Company

Antiques, House Attics, Basement Items, One Item or Entire Estates • Complete Cleanouts Available Sports Items, Guns, Military Items

State & Federally Licensed

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements.


Dan Boyd

998-4083 or 754-1009

Life is like a doughnut... you're either in the dough or in the hole.

I have a million dollar figure -- but it's all loose change!

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney ...and if you shank one so bad that it might hit a fellow golfer, for heaven’s sake, yell FORE!

The caddies...

Some people call me Bev, others call me Ridge. Put those together and whatta ya got?

Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Travel Plans?

Compromise: an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

Submitted by Jimbo


I have been to plenty of places but I have never been in Cahoots. Apparently you can't go there alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've never been in Cognito either. I hear that no one recognizes you there.

One night to many months Many pricing options & extended stay plans available Multi-pet discounts & more Personal, attentive care & supervision of your pets

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there.

Lisa Poulin, Bruce Bilodeau & friends


It's not hard to get there and I've made several trips. I'm planning one in the near future!

528 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

An autobiography without punctuation is a life sentence.

MAKE THE SWITCH! Save 6% on your electricity FREE POWER! All customers will be entered to win a monthly drawing for free power. That’s right, we’ll pay your electricity bill!

No joke! All Mainers now have the power to choose who supplies their electricity. We are a locally owned electricity supply company dedicated to offering a lower rate on your electric bill. You’ll still receive one bill each month, directly from CMP. The only difference is Electricity Maine will be listed as your electric supplier. Log on to our website or call us to switch right now! Start saving 6% immediately!! • 1-866-573-2674 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




I think my smart phone is broken.... I pressed my home button but I'm still at work.

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.


! h t e e t r save you r u o y s u Bring ! y d n a C t -or-Trea


Earn cash for YOU and for your SCHOOL!

How it works:

For every pound of candy brought in: YOU get $1.00 – Your SCHOOL gets 50¢ Where: Center Street Dental 26 Cross St. Auburn, ME 04210

When: Tuesday, Nov. 1st 5:00 – 7:30 PM


207-784-2211 Find us on Facebook!

Rosemarie G. Sheline DDS James P. Dunn DMD Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion. – Church Bulletin

Alina Burke & Penny Gimpel ran the Warrior Dash in Massachusetts in June. It was a 5k course with 9,200 entrants. They ran through a huge thunderstorm, up hills, through mud, over fire and up over obstacles. Alina told Uncle Andyʼs Digest that it was freezing that day, but still a blast! These two warriors beat over 9,000 of the 9,200 entrants. Congratulations, lady warriors! Alina is our good friend and advertiser from Northeast Bank. See her ad on page 66.

TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Five Kinds of Fruit

Signs at a church: Happy Hour Here Every Sunday

Submitted by Uncle Andy

In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of fruits on it. They are: a. Apple b. Banana c. Strawberry d. Peach e. Orange Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded! Your choice reveals a lot about you! If you have chosen: a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples. b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas. c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries. d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches. e. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges. I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




OPEN HOUSE OCT. 17th-23rd

FREE 2-week trial membership (family or individual)


Member Reg.

Open Reg.



Program Date




Session 1 Ages 4-5 Session 2 Ages 5-6

Mon. or Wed. 4:30-5:15pm Mon. or Wed. 5:30-6:15pm

Oct. 24-Dec. 14




Coed Grades K-1

Sat. morning

Nov. 5-Feb. 11




Pee Wee Grades 2-4 Junior Grades 5&6

Saturday Games

Player Evaluation Sat. 10/29/11


Call FMI


Call FMI

Ages 5 & up

Nov. 5-Feb. 11

Season Begins Oct. 11. Call FMI on Registration and Parent & Coaches Meetings



Ages 6 months to 12 Years

Session 2: Oct. 31-Dec. 24

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA • AUBURN (Next to the County Courthouse)

207 795 4095 • Sign outside a country shop: We Buy Junk and Sell Antiques

New Auburn Business District

Chickens at the Library Submitted by Jimbo

Vintage Styles ‘20s ‘30s ‘40s ‘50s Rockin’ Styles

9 Third Street, Auburn


‘70s ‘80s ‘90s

October Specials

FREE Eyebrow Waxing with a Women’s Cut & Style

Jennifer Kritzer Owner / Stylist

Military, Police & Fire Discounts

Scary, Funny, Out There We do it all!! NOW OPEN 6 Days a Week

Mon. 10-7 • Tue. & Wed. 9-5 Thurs. 10-7 Fri. 9-5 • Sat. 9-3

Add An All Extra Lobster cooked! For $6.50 (Please call one

Includes 1 1/8 lb. Lobster, 1 lb. Clams, 2 Red Potatoes, Side of Butter & Served with Bellfarms Corn!

Around midday, the two chickens are back and looking quite annoyed. One leans over to the librarian and says,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens want another three books and promptly gives them some more. The chickens leave as before.

Julie Dionne Stylist


If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!

hour before pickup)

— Try our great lunches & chowders to go, too! — We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn 782-3150 Open daily 9am-6pm


y Saturda 5th 1 r e b Octo

Don’t miss our

PIG ROAST Saturday, October 15th 2:30 - 4:30pm

Halloween Party Saturday, October 29th Starts at 8:30PM

United New Auburn Association meeting the last Tuesday of the month, Oct. 25th

New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Sign: No Parking Above This Sign

A pair of chickens walk into a public library, find the librarian and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens want three books, and promptly gives them some. Without further ado, the chickens walk out.

About an hour later the two birds march in, approach the librarian, looking very angry now and nearly shouting, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now starting to get worried about where all her stock is going. She decides to give them more books but also to follow them and find out what's happening. She followed them out of the library, out of town, and into to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was kept repeating, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit..." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Oh, no! Not more photos of the Modern Woodmen Party

New Auburn Business District

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

If you enjoy a great breakfast at super affordable prices, then you’d better come to Rolly’s...

Mark V., a Samʼs Italian original

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu

There’s a reason we come here everyday!

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

Judy Baird & Virginia Trafford

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

The one man team is a complete and total myth. – Don Shula

NEXT DA Y DELIVER Y IN L/A! Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

Sorbents & Safety Supplies

Uncle Andy, I have to say I’m proud of you... you remembered to take the lens cap off.

Textile & Paper Wipes

Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners

Chemicals & Cleaners

Breakroom & Food Service

Skin Care


120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

New Auburn Business District

Oh, no! Not more photos of the Modern Woodmen Party

Fall School & Rec Football, Softball & Soccer Leagues Order your Sweatshirts & T-Shirts Now! T-Shirts, Sweats, Ladies’ Clothing, Tops & Bottoms

Does Uncle Andy have make-up on?

Screenprinting and Embroidery 85 Third St., Auburn • 753-1177 •

Roller Skating = Family Fun Fall Schedule Thursday Night

Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Night

Skate/Dance (teens) 7:30 - 9:30 - 10:30

Sat. & Sun.

1:30 - 4:00pm

Saturday Night

Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night

All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Auto body or real estate, we’ve got it covered.

Reserve your Birthday Party NOW!

Find us on Facebook Dan Larrivee & Rachel Potvin, Owner/Operators

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940 •


Can I sell? Let me tell you about...

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for


All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.


Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

I still prefer Happy Days on Fridays...

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils. – Jimbo

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 11

Edward Little H. S. Girls Soccer Team

Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.

Bottle Drive

TEAM FROSH (slang for freshmen we believe) recently stopped by the Uncle Andy’s Digest office to nicely ask for any returnables we may want to donate to the EL girls soccer team. We couldn’t turn down such nice mannered freshman soccer players.

Large Roast Beef & Cheese Sub $4.69 Roadies Chicken Combo #1 $ (3 Tenders & 3 Jo-Jo’s) 5.49 Large 1-Topping Fresh Dough Pizza $9.75

Quit while your still behind.

We later found out that these four young ladies collected some 6,800 bottles which equals $340!! The whole soccer team raised $1,978!

PROPANE We offer a straight-forward approach to our propane pricing... no up-front deals or hidden costs, just plain everyday consistent pricing! Call us for more details. • Our System Guard Plans Are Still Available! • Budget Plans For Both Oil & Propane “Delivering Comfort you Can Count On”

Team Frosh (l to r) Allie Flowers, Hannah Smith, Kylie Bosse & Sabryna Montminy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo

OCTOBER 2011 783-7039

If you see a man in glasses only walking back into your apartment building from day to day, its probably superman.

If your neighbor asks you if you were stealing his wifi, you may feel like it's an invasion of your piracy.

Oh, no! Not more photos of the Modern Woodmen Party

We love parties! Let’s do a Halloween party next!!

PARTS • SALES • SERVICE We are the area’s newest distributor for Fisher Plows. We have a large selection of parts and entire plow assemblies. Whichever you decide, we are now under one roof and our service is second to none!

See you at the Rollerdrome!

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 13

If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

THE SHOP AUTO SERVICE AND CLASSIC CAR RESTORATION Another top notch full restoration by The Shop

1980 Cadillac Deville from the frame up

Call us for all your classic car restoration & service Mike Smith, owner

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100 •

Whatʼs for Dinner? Submitted by Glen Gisel

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Cracked Sense of Humor

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... • Tourist: $ 5 • Broiled Missionary: $ 10


Auto & Recreation Loans as low as

2.75%** APR

• Fried Explorer: $ 15 • Grilled Politician: $ 100 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?" The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning."

*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate.**Most cases.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

& Jimbo




Great Falls Federal Credit Union

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500

Jimbo about Uncle Andy... He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.

It’s never too early to get your car ready for winter!




Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles (Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

2002 FORD ESCAPE Front Wheel Drive • Automatic Excellent Condition!

Mike Morin’s Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

Testimonial from an Advertiserʼs Customer One of our newest subscribers, David Goodwin called our office to rave about how much money he saved using the New Balance coupon in our Digest. “Jimbo, I saved over $30 using that New Balance coupon! That was awesome. What a great value,” David said. He added, “I just started my vacation, saved $30 and am throughly enjoying reading your Digest. I canʼt wait to get it delivered right to my house each and every month for the next year!” See the New Balance ad on page 38 to save some money yourself!

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free. – Oprah Winfrey

OUR SHOP • Complete Repair & Service Department • Complete Body Repair & Refinishing Department • State Inspections • FREE ESTIMATES

782-5500 845 Washington St. North, Auburn

STORAGE PROBLEM? Mountain View Storage Sizes available: 5’x10’, 10’x10’, 10’x15’ & 10’x20’ Rt. 26, W. Paris (Just 4 miles north from Market Square) • 674-3212 or 333-9745

Buy a WETSUIT & add two months to your Maine summer water sports! Starting at $69 Plenty of stock • Rentals also available

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Barclays Skindivers Paradise 685 Washington Street, Auburn

784-7300 Taking the bull by the horns is often a sound course of long as you and the bull agree on when to let go.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 15

Out ’n About at the annual Habitat for Humanity golf tourney Grillin’ to help you get your fillin’

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. – Church Bulletin

General Family & Cosmetic Dentistry

Eugene Kim, DDS


25 GAS CARD for every new patient (cleaning, exam & X-rays) Expires 10/31/11. Not valid with any other offers.

Yessa, we were chillin’ and grillin’... the chillin’ part was mostly because it was only 50 degrees.

Some say fleas are black. But I know that is not so. 'Cause Mary had a little lamb With fleas as white as snow. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

Out ’n About at the annual Habitat for Humanity golf tourney


Someone said Uncle Andy was looking for a free ride. Sorry, my cart is full...

New PLOWS have arrived and are ready to go!

How can it be possible that that Uncle Andy’s team won 2nd place net? I’ve seen Uncle Andy golf and it ain’t pretty!* *Both are true. The Uncle Andy’s team did win 2nd place net & the only thing Uncle Andy contributed to his team was lots of laughs from his teammates (who were indeed laughing at him) and false promises of having a good golf game. Luckily, Jimbo, Larry Roy & Dick Courtemanche stepped up their game to pull the team through. It was a great day and thank God for scrambles!

"I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 17

Havaiin Vacation

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Submitted by Jimbo

Morris and his wife Sherry were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument.

Advertising made easy!

"It's pronounced 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" Sherry said. "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went, all the way to the vacation. As they got off the airplane, they passed by a man. Morris abruptly stopped his wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this 'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" "This is Havaii," the man replied.

le Unc

udience! a t e g r a t r u o y t lp you hi e h n a c igest Andy’s D

Call us at 783-7039 or email FMI In a study conducted regarding toilet paper usage, Americans are said to use the most toilet paper per trip to the bathroom, which was seven sheets of toilet paper per trip.

Strutt Your Stuff, Baby!

"Ha!" the husband gloated to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me?" As they began to walk away, Morris turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!" "You're velcome!" he called back. Don't worry if your work is hard and your rewards are few. Remember the mighty oak was once a nut like you. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Never play strip poker with a nudist, they have nothing to lose.

Quality assurance doesn't.

Bakery &

❦ Cheese ❦ Fudge

Out ’n About at the annual Habitat for Humanity golf tourney

❦ Pastries ❦ Breads ❦ Wine tastings & more

Over 500 labels of wine

r a l l e C e n i W

Search: Benoit’s Bakery

Watch and learn, boys...

Nice try, partner. Unfortunately I didn’t learn anything. Watch this...

Todayʼs Advertising Ernest Shackleton's recruiting advertisement for his 1912 Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition:

Everything you need in your pantry & fridge!

Fresh Native Produce Certified Angus Beef Pumpkins • Corn Stalks • Squash Lobster Tails • Cheese • Milk Homemade Salsas & Dressings Jellies & Jams • Granola Prepared Salads

"Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honor and recognition in case of success." If Shackleton were advertising in 2011:

"Members wanted for adventure trek. Low cost, cool sights, lots fun nights, thrills galore, insurance available. Get your picture in Uncle Andyʼs Digest."

Justice always prevails… three times out of seven.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

Ciders • Maple Syrup

72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine • 353-7552

&T Jimbo


783-7039 19

You may be a Redneck if you think Taco Bell is a phone company in Mexico.

GOT HEAT?? FREE Pre-winter Checkup With Ad

Got Volvo Problems? Call Foreign Car Service today!

FOREIGN CAR SERVICE CO. 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300 • David Sheloske, Owner

BE PREPARED! BEAT THE WINTER RUSH Model CS-600 Lifetime Guarantee Up to 1000’ Range



Starting at

Includes 2 remotes


1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston


Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!

for the whole family

Auburn Mall Eye Care 550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

(207) 782-5030


Out ’n About at the Grillin’ For Good event at Club Texas with Uncle Andy’s & St. Mary’s Hospital

Check out our gallery at: 844 U.S. Route 2 • East Wilton, ME 04234 • 207.645.7110

Thank you to everyone who came out to support this cause. In spite of the impending Hurricane Irene. The funds raised will go to support local patients in need. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Support local business... Use our advertisers! Less is not more, it is less.

Kids say the Darnedest Things

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

Ron Moon, Manager


35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Dog gonnit… We want your business!





Yesterday, a sweet little nugget said, “Mrs. Hall, your eyes sparkle like glitter.” And I thought, well, this boy already knows his way to a womenʼs heart. Today, as I was giving directions to the class about a quiz we were about to take and where to turn it in, I asked if there were any questions. A different little nugget raised his hand. Of course I asked him what his question was. He asked, “Mrs. Hall, did you know that your arm jiggled when you moved it like that?” Obviously, this little boy will be alone forever.


Quality Service at an Affordable Price



10 OFF

Expires 10-31-11


Computer Diagnostic With Appointment & Coupon Only Limit ONE per household  (up to one hour diagnostic time) Expires 10-31-11

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 •

Out ’n About at Hot Stuff Tanning for a fundraiser to benefit Niki Karamousadakis Some say we’re Hot Stuff!

You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather.


Bike Nite

Sat. Oct. 15th 8pm-Close


Nikki Hunt Band

Win a trip for 2 to one of 21 destinations! 3 days, 2 nights - BOGO Airfare PLUS other prizes & giveaways Danielle Borden & Lana Gould


Sat. Oct. 29th 8pm-Close 4th Annual


Live music with


FREE FOOD BUFFET! Shannon Morris & Jeannine Godin Visalus

"Make a game of finding something positive in every situation. Ninety-five percent of your emotions are determined by how you interpret events to yourself."


Win a trip for 2 to one of 21 destinations! 3 days, 2 nights BOGO Airfare. PLUS other prizes & giveaways

DON’T FORGET... Live Entertainment Every Thursday thru Saturday


Every Friday 5-7pm FREE Munchie Buffet w/purchase of any alcoholic beverage

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

– Brian Tracy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.

The average life expectancy of an enemy soldier in a Chuck Norris film is 4 seconds.

Scrabble Anyone Submitted by Glen Gisel

ed “The 2010 AAA Approved Repair Facility of the Year!” t c e Sel With 100% Customer Satisfaction!! 3 Master ASE Technicians QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 Bob, Steve & John

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420

Monday - Friday 8am-5pm •

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

216 Center Street, Auburn Next to Republic Jewelry 777-3339 Parking in back of building

Appointments Required, Please call first Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…


Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Fully Warranteed & Certified

Why are pennies bigger than dimes?

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE



SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back. – Babe Ruth Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 23

Out ’n About at Hot Stuff Tanning for a fundraiser to benefit Niki Karamousadakis I love watching mumma teach Zumba at Hot Stuff Tanning.

You may be a redneck if you ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.


Lincoln & Stacey Williams

Get well soon, Niki!

Michelle Letourneau Scentsy Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




TOYOTA HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001 • You may be a Redneck if you carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

The only golf course on the island of Tonga has 15 holes, and there's no penalty if a monkey steals your golf ball.


Out ’n About at Hot Stuff Tanning for a fundraiser to benefit Niki Karamousadakis

Shanan Mendenhall Tupperware

Michelle Lemieux Silpada

• TOYOTA HOTLINE 1-800-730-1001 Polar bears can eat as many as 86 penguins in a single sitting.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 25

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

Odds of hitting a jackpot with a slot machine are 889 to 1.

2006 GMC Sierra


2005 Dodge Magnum




5.3L, V8, 98K, 4X4

HEMI, 98K, Dark Blue

2005 Volvo S60R

2006 Ford F250 $

Golf comes before work in the dictionary... I can’t argue with that!




6-Speed Turbo, AWD, 93K, Premium Wheels, Loaded

5.4L, 120K, Green

Other Inventory 06 Nissan Altima, 91K....................................................................$10495 06 GMC Sierra, 5.3 Liter, 98K, Pewter........................................$14995 05 Volvo S60R, AWD, 93K, Turbo, Black....................................$14495 05 Hyundai Santa Fe, Auto, 6 cyl., 4x4, Navy Blue ....................$7995 05 VW Jetta Wagon, 134k, Auto.....................................................$6495 05 Pontiac Grand Prix, 89K, Silver .................................................$7995 04 Chevy AVEO, 39MPG!!, 83k, Gray ............................................$4495 04 VW Golf GLS, 96k, Auto..............................................................$7495 04 VW Jetta GLS, Silver, 6cyl., Turbo, 5-Speed............................$7295 04 Pontiac Vibe GT, 6-Speed, Alloys, Loaded...............................$6995 04 Saab 95, 92K, Turbo, Silver........................................................$7495 03 Audi All Road, 86K.......................................................................$9995 03 Honda Element, AWD, Green .....................................................$7795 03 Mini Cooper, Manual, 99k, Loaded ..........................................$8650 03 VW Jetta GLS, 2.0L, Blue, 101k, 5-Speed ...............................$5995 03 Dodge Neon, 86K, Black.............................................................$4795 03 Dodge Neon, 86K, Black.............................................................$4795 02 Nissan Altima, 3.5L, 160K, Silver .............................................$4995 02 VW Passat, 86K, Silver ...............................................................$6995 02 VW Passat Wagon, 92K, 1.8L, Green.......................................$5995 02 VW Jetta, 92K, Green ..................................................................$5995 02 BMW 325 xi, 111K, Silver..........................................................$9495 02 BMW 325xi, AWD, Auto, 110k,.................................................$9495 02 BMW 330xi, Manual, Gray, 6 cyl., AWD, Leather, 95k ......$10495


"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."

1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston

– Charles M. Schulz

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




01 BMW 330xi, 141K, 5-Speed ......................................................$7495 01 VW Jetta, 132K, Green................................................................$5295 01 VW Jetta, VR6, 121K...................................................................$5495 01 VW Passat GLX, 2.8 V6, 102K, Manual...................................$5995 01 Saab 9-3 S-E, 111K, Pearl White ..............................................$4995 01 Saab 9-5, 119K, Pewter..............................................................$4995 01 Saab 9-5, 178K, Pewter..............................................................$2495 00 Saab 9-3, 110K, Black, Manual.................................................$5495 00 Saab 9-3, Black, 111k, manual .................................................$4495 99 Volvo S70 T5, Turbo, Auto, Roof, Silver...................................$4495 8’ Boss plow for Ford ........................................................................$2995 26” Lexani wheels ..............................................................................$1995 20” Chip Foos wheels, fit Audi or Mercedes .................................$1995


Although difficult, it's possible to start a fire by rapidly rubbing together two Cool Ranch Doritos.

You can actually sharpen the blades on a pencil sharpener by wrapping your pencils in aluminum foil before inserting them.

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP • OWNER BILL ROY 828 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME • 795-6666 / Fax: 795-8983

We now do: State Inspections • Minor Repairs Plus Oil & Fluid Changes at Great Prices!


Change OFF Oil 5 Quarts, Full Service


with Mobil Oil & Filter Made in USA Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 10/31/2011

Labor Rate $48/hr

Any Fluid OFF Exchange



Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

Most cars. Cannot be combined with any other coupon or discount. Expires 10/31/2011

Mon.-Fri. 8am-6pm • Sat. 8am-3pm

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.

For All Your Custom Upholstery Needs Seat Covers • Tonneau Covers Convertible Tops & Headliners Motorcycle & Snowmobile Seats Boat • RV’s • Airplanes & More!

Leo Beaudin


CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY 28 Riverside Drive, Auburn

The typewriter was invented by Hungarian immigrant Qwert Yuiop, who left his "signature" on the keyboard.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 27

Featured at the Emmy’s!

What's the opposite of opposite?

The EllieAnna Purse Co., a Lewiston business offering purses, jewelry and other custom handmade accessories, was recently invited to have their product, the mini list-taker, included in the official gift bags that were handed out at the News and Documentary Emmy® Awards in New York City on Sept. 26. They provided 800 mini list-takers to be handed out to awards night attendees. The EllieAnna Purse Co. owner and founder, Sarah Legare received an email request inviting her company to feature an item in the gift bags. Legare decided on sending the mini list-takers, which have a 3” x 5” note pad, a spot for a pen and a separate pocket, because she Sarah Legare thought they would make the perfect gift for news and documentary professionals. “Friends, family and fans were incredible, sending me so many kind words and sharing in the excitement. I feel incredibly blessed to have had this opportunity given to me,” said Legare. EllieAnna Purse Co. is a home-based business with a staff of one—Legare. In order to prepare for the big night, Sarah took friends and family up on their offers to pitch in doing whatever needed to be done—cutting, ironing, sewing and prepping. Perhaps the most excited helpers were Legare’s children— son, Jaden, and Ellie & Anna Legare daughters, Ellie and Anna, for whom the company is named. Since it normally takes 20 minutes to produce one list-taker, Legare kept volunteers quite busy up to Sept. 22 when they drove the products to New Hampshire for their delivery to New York. For more information about EllieAnna Purse Co., please visit The business is currently located on Main Street in Lewiston and is open by appointment. Founded in 2009 in Lewiston, the EllieAnna Purse Co. offers custom, handmade fabric handbags, wallets, pouches, key fobs and other accessories as well as sea glass jewelry. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

SCUBA divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below.

When the automatic gas pumps ask me to select a grade I usually give a B for quality and an F for pricing.







2004 Ford F250 Superduty

2003 Chevy 2500HD

2005 Chevy 1 ton Dually

127K, 4X4, 8’ Plow, Maroon/Silver

6.0 Auto, 116K, 4X4, Loaded,

With Dump, 2WD, White

8’ Minute Mount Plow, Forest Green







2006 Dodge Caravan

2002 Chevy Suburban LT

2003 Chevy Trailblazer

40K, Runs Good

White, 127K

3rd Seat, Black, New Tires

2000 Chevy 6500 Car Carrier, 6-Speed, Diesel . . . .$17,995 1994 Chevy 3500 Rack Body, No Dump, Diesel . . . . .$8,500

We’re getting new vehicles all the time Stop in, call or visit us online!

I’m my daddy’s biggest cheerleader... Give me an “M”. Give me a “P”. Give me an “A-U-T-O!” Give me an “S-A-L-E-S!” What’s that spell?

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867

It spells... Get your next vehicle at M&P Auto Sales! Wow, BJʼs has a great deal on the tires for my car. Too bad they sell them in packs of 64 tires.

Katie Rioux Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 29

Typo Apology

You do not need a parachute to skydive - you need a parachute to skydive twice.

We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'.

Bolster Monumental Works Monuments & Markers Cemetery Lettering & Cleaning Since 1877

1278 Main Street, Oxford • 743-2673

This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.

David J. Pratt

In 1999, the U.S. Postal Service gave its stamp of approval to digital postage. It was the first time in 80 years that the Postal Service introduced a new form of postage. and were the first two companies approved.

Over 30 years experience

You Name It, We’ll Frame It! Our Affordable, Everyday Pricing 8x10 .....................$10 16x20 ...................$20 20x24 ...................$30 24x36 ...................$40

Custom picture framing you’ll treasure forever

From sports memorabilia to artwork to family photos & so much more!

Take Action

Call for more info

Expert Custom Framing & Quality Personal Service!

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.


Dan Williams, owner




I got tired of looking at all those leaves in my yard, so I got up off the couch and went into action. I closed the curtains.



Up to 48 Cards for $10 Sealed Tickets • W.T.A. • 50/50 Prizes Canteen • Friendly Staff

s Caring i ess! our busin

150 East Ave., Lewiston • 782-9265 Don't play stupid with me - I always win. – Uncle Andy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 31

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." – Oscar Wilde

Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.99/pp • $5 Children 10 & under 150 Mill Street, Lewiston • 782-2088 Procrastination gives you something to look forward to.

The only thing to fear is fear itself... and spiders.

Google before you tweet is the new think before you speak.

I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems


Buy 2 NEW Tires "Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else."

A $24 Value!

and receive a

FREE Oil Change* *5 quarts max, non-synthetic - must have coupon to qualify.

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210 – Les Brown

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Expires 10/31/11


782-6666 or 783-2026


Forget this dead end town - I'm going to mime school!

THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm



LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

DJ & Live Local Entertainment



Sat. Oct. 8th

Rustic Overtones

Sat. Oct. 15th The Misfits Fri. Oct. 21st


See below FMI

See below FMI

See below FMI

Sidecar Radio CD Release Party

Sat. Oct. 29th Halloween BASH with Strict9

Sat. Oct. 29th


Sat. Oct. 8th

Costume Contest With Cash Prizes


Sat. Oct. 15th

THE MISFITS Rustic Overtones & 3 Local Bands Doors Open at 7pm Show Starts at 8pm Tickets $15/pp Available at Club Texas & Bull Moose

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 •

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

The closest to perfection anyone ever comes is when he or she fills out a job application.

TOP $$ PAID! Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler I don’t play too much golf. I think two rounds a day are plenty.

Automobile Batteries • Alloy Rims lternators Catalytic Converters • Starters/A Scraps Motors • Pumps • Computer Board Wire, Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated issions. Electric Motors, Radiators, Transm

Always paying the best prices!

Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

15 Pierce Street, Auburn

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

615-7057 or 795-8887

Uncle Andy is out for a walk. He comes to a river and sees Jimbo on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!” he shouts, “How can I get to the other side?” Jimbo looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Part-time band leaders - semi-conductors.

It is better to own a politician than be one.

Out ’n About at the Grillin’ For Good event at Club Texas with Uncle Andy’s & St. Mary’s Hospital

Find us! Like us on facebook! Search for Uncle Andy's Digest or use this QR Code

• Get updates on local businesses • Get your dose of humor • See local & wacky photos • Be part of special promos & giveaways and MORE!

Streaking for Cancerʼs Taylor-Paige Harrison adds some ʻstreaksʼ to a happy customer

Go to and click on the facebook icon Prepositions are not things to end sentences with.

Happy Halloween! One night of Halloween, two guys who were going through the cemetery perceived a tap-tap-tapping sound from a tomb what made them very scared. When they came closer to the tomb warily, they saw that the noise was made by an old man who was working skillfully with a hammer at one of the gravestones. They started to fill much better and asked the man, "Why are you doing this work in the middle of the night? You frightened us for a moment." The old man moaned and complained, "What else can I do? Those idiots spelled my name wrong!"

Quintessential: five things that are super important.

On a scale of 1-1000 I’d rate this event a 911... Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 35

Out ’n About at Grillin’ For Good at Club Texas with Uncle Andy’s & St. Mary’s Hospital

Eye see it all...

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?

I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Give back with Ron Bergeron took the event to the next level with his great solo act!

Join us Wednesday, Oct. 26th at our salon, 4pm-7pm to 600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Did you hear about the self help group for compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon. At least thatʼs what Uncle Andy tells us.

Nylons give women a run for their money.

LOCAL • LOCAL • LOCAL Support Local Business the e of Hom F.O. U.

Shop Local

Keep $$ Local

Out ’n About at Grillin’ For Good at Club Texas with Uncle Andy’s & St. Mary’s Hospital

Stress Free Zone! Join us for lunch!

Choose a U.F.O. Choose an Italian. Or choose 100+ other menu items!

It might be gettin’ chilly outside... it’s nice and warm in here!!

Locally owned & operated

GEORGIO’S 740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Open daily 5am-9pm •

Give Thanks


Saturday, Nov. 5th, 1pm-5pm Elks Lodge 1675 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Entry fee: Donation of non-perishable food items

LIVE MUSIC by Al Thompson & Mike Krapovicky

RAFFLE GIVEAWAYS • 50/50 • DOOR PRIZES Check out over 12 vendors and do some early Christmas shopping while supporting 2 great organizations:

Good Shepherd Food Bank & Safe Voices (Formerly A.W.A.P.)

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT? Bet you haven’t done this...

Great event & fantastic music by Ron Bergeron!

I was honored to have this little girl get hair streaks in celebration of my being cancer free for 10 years!

June 17, 2012 • Maine Ladies Danube River Cruise October 10, 2012 • Central Europe Pub Tour & River Cruise

Savings of up to $750 per cabin! Space is limited and these popular river cruises sell out fast. reserve your spot before November 30

Celebrate the beauty and history of the Danube, Europe’s second largest river, as you cruise from exotic Budapest. Continue to centuries-old towns and marvel at the beautiful riverside vistas unfolding around you. Enter Austria, visit magnificent Vienna and cruise through the lush Wachau wine region. Cross the Continental Divide and end your voyage in Nuremberg, Germany. Optional post-stay in historic Prague, “the city of a hundred spires.”

For more information, contact: 1-888-222-6846

In a Perfect World: Forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 37

Dog House Rules Progression 1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house. 2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation. 3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner. 4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage. 5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-forone deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

Business Spotlight Uncle Andy’s Digest sat down with Kutters Korner and got down to the nitty gritty of what they’re all about. The two owners are Kelly Giambra & Ann Dumais (as seen in the photo below left to right). They are a great family salon with excellent stylists, all with great personalities. They have fun with each other and with their clients. Kutters Korner is a full service salon offering: manicures, pedicures, massage, waxing, eyelash tinting, cuts, colors and foils. They are located at 14 Highland Springs Road in Lewiston. You can contact them at 786-4311. See their ad on page 63.

Q: Where & when did Kutters Korner start as a business? A: It started in 1983 on the corner of Hamel & Sabattus Streets in Lewiston. Hence the name Kutters Korner. Q: How did you get your start in this business,

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture. 7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture. 8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole works and buy new furniture... upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.


A: I was a dental assistant for nine years. I knew that wasn’t my long term goal. I started cutting hair part-time from home and enjoyed it. I went to Mr. Richards Hair Styling Academy and made it official. My career began in 1999 at Kutters Korner, my one and only job in the industry! Q: Family? A: One daughter, Sydney who is 14.

Q: How did you get your start in this business, Ann? A: I knew in high school that I loved the arts and this fit right in to that train of thought for me. I attended Bernard School of Hair Fashion, then worked at another salon for nine years. I came to Kutters Korner in 1990, becoming part owner. I’ve been here ever since and I love it.

Q: Family? A: My hubby, Dan and I have been married almost 30 years. We have two great children, Val, 28 & Matt, 25.

Q: Hobbies? A: I love spending time with

Q: Hobbies? A: I’m an outdoor fan for

Sydney, going to the beach is great, taking vacations, family time & running.

sure. Skiing, biking, hiking, kayaking, golfing, etc.

(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




What's the purpose of the airplane propeller? To keep the pilot cool. (If you don't think so, just let it stop and watch him sweat!)

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALS All breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast .........$3.75 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.................$3.75 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes...................$3.75 THURSDAY: French Toast.............................................$3.75 FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette.........................................$3.75

5 Washington Street, Auburn


SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage............$3.75 SUNDAY: French Crepes...............................................$3.75

Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm Phone Orders Are Welcome

Prices do not include tax.


1 OFF Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order


Expires 10/31/11

Making Dinner: Recipe calls for a 1/4 cup of thyme. That's 15 minutes, right?




Our grandfather is the best drum teacher around!


Now Accepting 25 Mary St., Lewiston New Students


Main Street Music Lessons & Instrument Repair 134 Main Street, Auburn


Authorized Service Center

(continued from previous page)

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period. 10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed. 11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers. 12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow. 13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room. 14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair. 15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.

Music Lesson Central 8 teachers offering lessons in: Guitar, piano, bass, voice, banjo, mandolin, violin, brass & woodwinds & music theory BAND INSTRUMENTS, ORCHESTRA INSTRUMENTS & ACCESSORIES ON SALE NOW!

Arthur Melendy & Steve Grenier

We carry quality new & used instruments

Picks • Strings Tuners Metronomes

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 39

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

Elbow grease is the best polish. – English Proverb

Where the heck is Maureen? She always seems to disappear when a camera comes out... The Scramble Grill Team 1

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.


G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.




The Scramble Grill Team 2

Your local option for outsourcing your payroll... Check us out for all your payroll needs!

PAYROLL We always work on our Building Solutions on the golf course...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo





100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 • I'm going to the dentist today: HOPE I DON'T COME BACK ALL CAPS!

At 120 miles per hour, a Formula One race car generates so much downforce that it can drive upside down on the roof of a tunnel.

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

600 Turner Street, Auburn 784-3434 •

Hell’s Kitchen Sandwich

Gluten Free Wraps and Sou ps Availab le!

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm Sun 10am-8pm

Egg salad, bacon, swiss, avocado & cajun sauce

Try a Hell’s Kitchen this month!

$ .00

1 OFF in October


Locally owned and operated

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.


AMES SPORT SHOP, Inc 84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Heating Season is Almost Here...

Are You Ready? Multi-unit Discounts FREE Estimates New Homes Equipment & Repairs

No matter what your heating needs, one call to Childs Heating Service is all it takes. 24 hour emergency service Call 615-6391

Child’s Heating Service in 10th year 345-3083 ! business

Babe Ruth wore No. 3 because he batted third.

"Only 92 of our 100 cows were in the barn so I couldn't begin the milking. We still lacked eight," Tom uttered. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 41

NEXT Level Business Coaching Go Home On Time – Sleep Well At Night

What is business coaching? Call 207-376-3239 for a confidential 90 minute consultation on any two business issues you are facing – no charge. Guaranteed to provide you with strategies you can put to use right away.

A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface!

Check out our bar!

Out ’n About at Hot Stuff Tanning for a fundraiser to benefit Niki Karamousadakis Even Sensei Michelle was getting her Zumba on for the cause!

$2 Bottled Beer 1/2 Price Appetizers Asian Cuisine Japanese • Korean • Thai Sushi Bar 730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza, NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA


In 1910 football teams were penalized 15 yards for an incompleted forward pass.

Sensei Michelle Borden & Lana Gould See our shirts? ‘Nuff said!


6 NEW Fiberglass In-Grounds in stock Various sizes, shapes & styles available Have your pool in & ready for the 2012 season!

Lazy B are h oy Spas ere, too!

Becky & Megan Skilling TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

Glamour Pool and Spa Lewiston: 2 Lisbon St., Lisbon • (207) 784-6538 Auburn: (207) 784-6533 • Portland: (207) 878-9060 •

During WWII, because a lot of players were called to duty, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Philadelphia Eagles combined to become The Steagles.

MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: Alright... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 43

Outrageous Pumpkin Heads

Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.

"Doctor, Doctor! My husband makes me boiling mad!" "Now, just simmer down." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job!

Approximately one-sixth of your life is spent on Wednesdays.

Outrageous Pumpkin Heads

In a Perfect World: The better food tasted, the less calories it would have.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 45

Just a glimpse of what’s available at Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine

• Ice cold beer • Great wine selection • Snacks & more! • The area’s ONLY salt water fish, tank & supplies store around Stop by & say hi to the friendliest Kat in Central Maine! Even the fish here love me. My staff will take care of all your beer, wine, snacks & saltwater fish needs...See you soon!

Muma Kat (aka - The Boss)

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies

272 South Main St. Auburn • • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372 "It's my own invention," Tom replied patently.

Since 1953

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99 MONDAY The Fergy

TUESDAY Meatball Subs

WEDNESDAY Spaghetti Dinners

sm. $2.50/lg. $5.00

sm. $3.20/lg. $6.00

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink $4.50


FRIDAY $1.00 OFF Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY 2 Ham or Salami Italians

1 Top $2.60/2 Top $3.30 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




with 1.5 Liter Drink $5.99

Most NASCAR Teams use nitrogen in their tires instead of air.


10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods. And definitely worth the trip!

Expires 10/31/11

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Richard Conway, owner

In a Perfect World: More would be accomplished by governments when they spent more.


It was teamwork that got us on the wall...

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Lyric & Tim Lavasseur of Mechanic Falls

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11, Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 In a Perfect World: Potato chips might have calories, but if you ate them with a dip, the calories would be neutralized.

Drapeau’s Costumes Celebrates 55th Halloween Drapeau’s Costumes of Maine, the states largest full service costume rental and retail shop is celebrating its 55th Halloween season. Even with the internet, big box, 6 week wonder stores and “polyester costumes in a bag”, Drapeau’s 4000 costume collection has been a consistent presence in Maine, providing hand-made, one of a kind theatrical quality costumes to Mainers looking for a unique, real fabric outfit that they are proud to wear. Drapeau’s also has plus sizes for men and women! Along with its large rental inventory, Drapeau’s offers a great assortment of costume accessories in their retail section. All excellent quality and more importantly, here year round, not just at Halloween. Halloween is Drapeau’s big season and our customers come back year after year looking for what’s new and for our personal touch – we are costumers and put your costume together from top to bottom, including jewelry, wigs, shoes and props. Our costumes rent for less that you would pay online for a costume with accessories. Drapeau’s costumes was originally started by Mrs. Drapeau in 1956 in her home and a small attached storefront on Main Street, later moving it to Maple Street in Lewiston. In 1972 Mrs. Doris Martin purchased the business, kept the name and started collecting the vintage clothing collection for use in the theaters. The third owner was Venise Berube in 1986. Mrs. Berube increased the size of the collection from 1800 to about 3500, making Drapeau’s Costumes the largest costume rental shop in Maine. The 4th and current owner is Kristine Scribner Cornish or Kris, a Lewiston native, LHS and UMO graduate who returned from working out of state to purchase Drapeau’s and drag it into the 21st century. Drapeau’s Costumes is located at 20 Main Street, Lisbon Falls, 7 minutes from 295 and 10 minutes from the Maine Turnpike in Lewiston. For more information check out our website and like us on Facebook or give us a call at 353-2216.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 47

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. – Daniel L. Reardon


783-7299 or 576-4330

24´ X 40´ RANCH ROOF $


➭ Remove and haul away all roofing debris ➭ Apply 6 feet of Certainteed ice shield ➭ Apply 15lb. felt paper on entire roof area

I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.

"I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I'm watching and that really freaks me out, you know?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




➭ Install a 30-year Certainteed architectural shingle on entire roof ➭ Installation of ridge vent to entire ridge


ALL LABOR AND MATERIALS INCLUDED! Email: web site: The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow.

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney

The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!

ood Products W e n i F & Stove Sales 10%


Tax Credit

2742 Auburn Rd. Turner, ME 04282

ends Dec. 31st

(1 mile north of intersection of Rt. 4 and 219

Pellet Stoves Wood Stoves Gas Stoves

Over 30 years experience

• Pine Furniture • Machined Wood Parts • Boxes & Crates • Store Displays

Stove Service & Installation Wholesale Pricing to Retailers buying in volume Custom Production Wood Work

Take a short drive down Route 4 and SAVE BIG $$$

Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined.


I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.

SSN Prior address verification ..................$3.00 National criminal history check ..............$10.00 Single state prior eviction check ............$12.00 National prior eviction check .................$15.00 State of Maine SBI criminal history .......$24.00

Volume and package pricing available!

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

"Every time you take a risk or move out of your comfort zone, you have a great opportunity to learn more about yourself and your capacity."

577-6000 •

– Jack Canfield

When pitched, the average Major League baseball rotates 15 times before being hit.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, D.O.T. drug and alcohol screening.

&T Jimbo


783-7039 49

Caddy Advice Submitted by Jimbo

In a Perfect World: A person would feel as good at 50 as he did at 17 and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17.

Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

Ariens Deluxe Sno-Thro Series

The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a four-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy on the tee, telling him that he was a better golfer than that, and how dare the caddy underestimate his game.


• Unique Dual Belt drive system for maximum power and maintenance free operation • On-dash controls allow for control of height and trajectory of snow being thrown • Remote axle lock with a handle-mounted trigger allows Sno-Thro to turn on a dime • Heavy-duty aluminum XS Gear Case with alloy steel gears and L-3 synthetic severe-duty gear oil

So, giving in, the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for. He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee. Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one long putt..." In 1988, Elvis Presley's Shooting Star stage outfit was sold for $48,000, the highest price ever paid for a rock star's clothing up to that time. Trivia buffs: On August 7, 2008, his famous 1974 stage-worn peacock jumpsuit sold for $300,000. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




• Ariens Polar Force engine powered by Briggs & Stratton is certified to start down to 20degrees below zero

1334 MINOT AVE., AUBURN, ME 04210 • 207-783-0558

The Little Place with the Great Taste Thank you! To all who helped support Lee’s Night and also all who came out to support Lee’s spaghetti dinner.

October Special

9-piece bucket of chicken 1-quart of fries • 1-pint of cole slaw 4-buttermilk biscuits



Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm • Breakfast Served Daily until 11am

1055 Lewiston Road • New Gloucester • 926-3434 • In a Perfect World: Pro baseball players would complain about teachers being paid contracts worth millions of dollars.

The inventor of the Waffle Iron did not like waffles.

Outrageous Pumpkin Heads

Basketball great Wilt Chamberlain never fouled out of a game.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 51

Music Saves Lives

In a Perfect World: The mail would always be early, the check would always be in the mail, and it would be written for more than you expected.

Submitted by Jimbo

l a u n n A 8th

Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?" "Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life."

Open House



"What happened?" "Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit our house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely." "How about you?" "Me? I accompanied her on the piano!"

Bride Choice Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?" Her mother asked, "What do you mean?"


ONSITE GOLD & SILVER BUYING Lots of giveaways and drawings!

FREE watch battery replacements

(limit one per customer)

FREE jewelry cleaning/inspections

Exceptional Quality Jewelry u Maine Gemstones Layaway Options Available u Instant Approval Financing

Your one-stop Jewelry Store On-site Jewelry repairs & appraisals!


Jewelers 1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford

"Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another one." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




739-2300 Aubrey, our lil greeter In a Perfect World: You would never fumble, but if you did, you would recover the ball yourself.

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee: You don't need a hammer to pound nails.

Outrageous Pumpkin Heads

It’s NOT too early to start thinking about the upcoming season!

Commercial Plowing FREE QUOTES

Sanding, Salting Snow Removal Locally owned and operated since 1970! 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston


Fully Insured • EOE

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee: People get dizzy just watching you.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 53

Kitchen Art

“I think itʼs interesting that ʻcologneʼ rhymes with ʻaloneʼ.” – Demetri Martin

Heart Beet Do you carrot at all for me? My heart beets for you, With your turnip nose And your radish face. You are a peach. If we cantaloupe, Lettuce marry. Weed make a swell pear. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Love wouldn't be so blind if the braille wasn't so great.

In a Perfect World: Doing what was good for you would be what you enjoyed doing the most.

TIME FOR A CHANGE? Call now for fall colors & foils!

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

• Colors • Cuts • Styles • Waxing • Shellac nails • Facials • Body Treatments • Pedicures

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1611 Tues. 10am-7pm • Wed.-Fri. 10am-6pm • Sat. 9am-2pm

Out ’n About at Hot Stuff Tanning for a fundraiser to benefit Niki Karamousadakis

Natalie Williams, Shanan Mendenhall, Michele Tribou & Terry Hewitt All in the family

Entertainment Fri. Oct. 7th Sat. Oct. 8th Fri. Oct. 14th Fri. Oct. 21st Fri. Oct. 28th Wed. Nov. 23rd Fri. Nov. 25th

Free WiFi

Karaoke Every Wed. 8-midnight

On Deck Shenanigans SKÖSH The Visitors TBA This place rocks! Repeat Offenders Veggies By Day Brookside Blues Band

FOOTBALL SUNDAY 97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668

In a Perfect World: If the guy from the government said to you, "I'm here to help," not only would he mean it, but also he'd do it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 55

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




In a Perfect World: Warranties would be for 13 months and products would fail at 12.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

The Space Shuttle main engine weighs 1/7th as much as a train engine but delivers as much horsepower as 39 locomotives.

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

*Bring Your Advanced Sale Ticket to Drapeau’s and get a $5 Discount Off a Costume Rental of Your Choice!

Approximately 115 tons of ocean salt spray enters the earth's atmosphere each second.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 57

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Meditation is not what you think.


We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gun Smith Service NEW WEBSITE: Check us out!

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART • Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars


497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232

L/A’S LARGEST SELECTION OF CRAFT BEER Hard-to-find & Unique Beers Fall brews are in including: Dogfish Head Punkin & Shipyard Smashed Pumpkin

L/A’s Largest Hard Cider Selection, Walk-in Beer Cooler & More!

F~lorian’s Market ~

Hot Soups & Sandwiches in the Deli Pizza & More

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Italian Specials Ham, Veggie or Salami

Tuesdays: $1.59 Sundays: $1.99

Find us on Facebook & Foursquare

Astronauts cannot burp in space.

Costumes of Maine

Maine’s Largest Costume Shop ______________ Over 4,000 costumes in stock ______________ CELEBRATING 55 YEARS SERVING MAINE! Average costume rental is $40 Over 50% of our costumes are hand made and rental quality Like us on Facebook 20 Main Street, Lisbon Falls


“Because life is more fun in costume!”

Prep Your Home for the Holidays

We have the best quality for the lowest prices

Best flooring prices in town… why pay more? Exclusive Dealer of

Denis Lebel & Baby Owner

Completely Family-Owned Let us show you what the power of buying local will do for you!

Now Available Latest style of Cabinet Hardware makes cabinetry look updated and new. Brass, Antique Brass, Burnished Metals, Ceramic and much more.

Large Selection of In-Stock

550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831

Hardwood • Laminates Ceramic Tile • Carpet Rems Vinyl Rems • Bound Rugs & Runners

NEW EXPANDED HOURS: Monday 8-7pm • Tues - Fri. 8-5pm • Sat. 9-2pm

Reasonable Doubt Submitted by Jimbo

We’ve got the

NFL TICKET PACKAGE Showing All the Games, All the Time! Watch the Bruins in HD

Book our 75-person Function Room for your holiday parties!

L/A’s best seat for sports for over 20 years 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 •

SCHOONER’S ANNUAL CRAFT FAIR On Saturday, October 15th from 10am to 3pm the Schooner Estate’s Craft Group will host the third annual Schooner Craft Fair in the Village Green at 200 Stetson Rd. in Auburn (off Center St), and is open to the public. The ladies have been working on lots of crafts to sell on that day. (Hand knit hats, mittens, scarves, baby bibs, Christmas stockings and quilts). There will also be tables with hand made greeting cards and Christmas decorations, quilted handbags, pictured cards, scented candles and lots more.

THE PUBLIC IS INVITED TO THIS EVENT! Anyone interested in having a table at this event should contact Mark Prevost at 513-5055. All proceeds from this day are collected and given to Camp Sunshine, by the Tenants Council.

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But, you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The jury, clearly confused,retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

You'll Laugh

You'll Learn

With lots of humor, Imus is joined by Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians Warner, Bernie, Lou and Dagen. and media stars and they still come back for more. Add comedians Tony Powell and Rob Combine that with our award winning local news Bartlett, starting your day is more fun. and your mornings are complete.



Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." The jury foreman replied, "Oh, we looked, but your client didn't." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 61

The Doctor will see you now...

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya.

ARE YOU READY FOR PLOW SEASON? Call us for your pre-season plow maintenance!

Don’t let this be you... Pre-season maintenance will keep you behind the wheel, warm and dry!

“Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

Certified Fisher Plow Dealer

In 1963, Kelloggs introduced the Froot Loops breakfast cereal to a hungry world. Toucan Sam, the mascot for Froot Loops, first appeared on television to introduce the cereal by saying, "It tastes like fruit -- and goes crunch to boot!"

Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks Licensed Inspection Station • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

We do RV Winterizations! 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2-Fer Specials Available Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday

2 Fer $14.95

2 Fer $16.95

Chicken Cordon Bleu *Chicken Tenders *Clam Cakes Liver & Onions Roast Stuffed Turkey Virginia Baked Ham Steak Chopped Sirloin Steak **Manicotti w/ garlic bread

Village Inn Baked Scrod *Fish & Chips *Fried Maine Shrimp Baked Haddock Special Baked Stuffed Haddock

You may mix meal choices at the 2 Fer $16.95 price

**Shrimp Salad or **Chef Salad

w/ shrimp stuffing

Broiled Haddock Steak Tips

Outdoor Patio

w/onions (plain or teriyaki)

All meals served with choice of potato & vegetable with the following exceptions: *served with french fries & cole slaw • **served as is (no sides) All meals served with rolls & butter

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




You Know You Are Over the Hill When: It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: Your social security number only has three digits.

Be Fashion Forward this Fall Come see any one of our expert stylists!

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead

Pauline Guimond

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

Jacinta Labbe

A FULL SERVICE SALON Pedicures • Manicures • Waxing Eyelash Tinting • Colors • Cuts • Foils Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A, Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311 You Know You Are Over the Hill When: When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out...and it stays out.

Our 2011 donations have exceeded $25,000!

New collection of FEATHERS now available at Kutters Korner!

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday at 6:30PM $

10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Fridays: 1/2 of all packages goes to W.T.A.

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394 You Know You Are Over the Hill When: Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 63

Moon Art

Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

The light hitting the earth right now is 30 thousand years old.

& Jimbo





Isabelle Since July 31 2009

Since May 16 2011

Since January 17 2011

Can you say FULL SERVICE? From the Boutique, to the Grooming, to Daycare and overnight Care, they have it all! The Doggz Inn is exactly what my hug and a wet kiss high energy dog needed. CAGE FREE, fun, reliable and safe for my Dog. I Isabelle gives you 2 paws up, a big eroni would be work a very crazy schedule and they are flexible around it which works pupp little my you out With face. great! The Grooming Department is also unlike anything my dog has expeon the nuthouse. You rienced. You haven't had your dog groomed until you take them to the out of control and I would be in the a has who baby rgy Doggz Inn Grooming Salon! — Stephanie L. Asselin take wonderful care of my high-ene

keep her safe and tendency to be into everything. You out all of you we with and cised exer fully and d soun ! would be lost. Keep up the great work — Erica Chamberlain


Milly has been going was just 8 weeks oldDoggz Inn 2 days a week since she and happy! I love see . I always get her back safe, tired on her! Our schedule ing the pictures, its like peeking in and Doggz Inn has ALWisn't the same from week to week, AYS tremely thankful for been very flexible! We are exthe great care from the staff! — Kayla Bailey

Since Dec. 7 2010


Since Sept. 19 2008



Since April 11 2011

Scout and I LOVE the Doggz Inn!! Everyday Scout races in, hugs the staff and is ready to play with all of his friends. I am so grateful that Scout has such a caring and safe place to play, be social and have fun while I am at work. He has many adventures, he plays in the pool, walks the treadmill, gets all the hugs he could ever want and even has sleepovers! His little tail wags non-stop! I know this because my friends see him on the playground when they drive by and let me know that Scout is having the time of his life. Scout comes home a tired but very happy pup everyday. Thank you Rebecca and the entire Doggz Inn staff for introducing us to some amazing products, giving me peace of mind while I'm away, being so flexible with the schedule and spending such good quality time with Scout and all his friends! The Doggz Inn is AMAZING! We don't know what we would do without you!!


Since June 29 2008 Since April 29 2008

Zoe Kay G.

Dog Grooming Daycare & Boutique

Since Feb. 25 2009

Kay G. gives it 2 paws up too!!! She loves it there and we love that you take such great care of her!!!! — Ann Guerette Therriault


Since August 14 2008

65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 333-3640

The only fully staffed, cage-free one-stop-shop facility offering 6,000 sq. ft. of comfortable inside play area and 20,000 sq. ft. of outside play area! FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS LOW AS $16

Est. 2008


FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT• Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products • Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

there!!” Ryder gives two paws up!!! “I love it woof!! — Eric Cobb

Out ’n About at the Maine Home Show

Signs in a bus: Ladies, the Poles Are Fitted For Your Safety – No Dancing

A Maine Tradition You

Can Count On!

Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm


Monday - 2 Crabmeat Rolls . . .10/10 . . . . . .$8.50 w/salad & chips Starting

Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . 10/17 . . . . . . . .$9.55 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Friday & Saturday

Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams sm. $11.25 . . . .$14.25 w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus*

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . . . . . .$7.95

Small $13.25 • Large $15.95

Thursday - New England Starting Boiled Dinner . . . 10/20 . . . . . . .$9.55

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.25 Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.75 • Large $13.25

Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Baked Salmon $10.95

w/carrots, potato & gravy, rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . .$6.95 w/potato & rolls

w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Check us out online & click the link to join our email club. You’ll receive exclusive offers & specials! Also, find us and like us on Facebook, too!!

includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Coleslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Brenda Barton, Office Manager 64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chic Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

Moon Art



Be sure to bring in a water sample for a FREE professional analysis! 1975 LISBON ST., RT. 196, LEWISTON Just 2 miles east of Exit 80 Open Year Round, Since 1962 • Mon-Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4

783-0858 • 1-800-244-0858 The first TV soap opera, Faraway Hill, debuted on the DuMont network in 1946.

ut our Check o ebsite: all new w CELEBRATING






Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 Sat. 7:30-12:00

Jct. 202 & 302 at the rotary - Windham Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee: You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 67

Oh, no! Not more photos of the Modern Woodmen Party

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer at Uncle Andyʼs Digest.


All witches, vampires and other ghostly goblins are welcome here!

907 Roosevelt Trail, Windham Doctor, doctor, give me the news... I’ve got a bad case of loving you!

Trick or treat, Smell my feet, Take me to Thatcher’s for something good to eat! ✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Maggie & Dave Garry, Owners

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere Sign in a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

OPEN HOUSE Sat. Oct. 15th & Sun. Oct. 16th Why is this guido taking my picture?

BBQ on Saturday!


! e l a S Big See details on our website A woman's favorite position is CEO. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622

"As a teenager you are in the last stage of life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you." – Fran Lebowitz

The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

indham •


orth W . 115 in N




2 for 1 Perfect conditions! Perfect temps! (We punched our greens in August)

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

Andie and Bob Deering’s three children all have the same birthday – and they’re not triplets! Robert, 13; Kristie, 6; and Erin, 5, share their April 6 birthday simply by chance, the couple said. Robert Deering was nearly two weeks past due by the time he was born. Kristie was expected on April 15. Erin was due April 22. Linda Oman, the children’s grandmother, said three birthdays on one day gets pricey. “I need to save up for the birthdays,” she said.

Spring Meadows Golf Club Staff: Spring Meadows Golf course, may I help you?

Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

October is a great time to golf!

Submitted by Sheldon Walton (True story)

on Rt

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

The foliage is beautiful at Spring Meadows

Birthday Sharing

Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thru Sun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

Gift cards are a great idea for birthdays & holiday gifts

GOLF CLUB AT COLE FARMS Check out new website:

In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation.

Uncle Andy: What are your green fees? Spring Meadows: 39 dollars. Uncle Andy: Does that include golf? Staff: Spring Meadows Golf course, may I help you? Uncle Andy: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 O'clock and noon. Spring Meadows: Between 12 o'clock and noon? Uncle Andy: Yes. Spring Meadows: We'll try to squeeze you in. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 69

It would take more than 150 years to drive a car to the sun.

Kids have you running? Dad’s has lots of snacks, breakfast & lunch items! There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • The Stanley Cup originally was only seven and a half inches high.

Holiday Catering

Book ! Early

It’s not too early to book your company Christmas party! We can accommodate any size part - small, large or enormous!!

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

Professional service at an affordable price

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place

Catering Division • 345-9009 • Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Sound doesn't travel in space.

"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." – James Matthew Barrie

Lewiston Middle School Football Spaghetti Dinner & Silent Auction

November 5th 5:30 - 9:00 pm Dinner will be served from 6-7 pm at Lewiston Middle School Tickets are $5 per person

Come Join Us! FMI contact Christine Poussard at 713-2428 Oh, no! Not more photos of the Modern Woodmen Party

Cheer up everyone, we’re going to do this again next year!

In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 71

Moon Art

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib.

SALE SALE SALE Power Max 85 85 amps of cutting power to make it the premier 1” air plasma system

YOUR Cost: $3,025.56 ea

Power Max 1000


Boost Conditioner™ compensates for input voltage variations, providing improved performance on low-line voltage, on motor generators and on fluctuating input power.

The “52” plasma cutter is the most powerful 1/2” plasma cutter on the market today.

YOUR Cost: $1,648.83 ea

While supplies last.

YOUR Cost: $2,325.56 ea

MIG MASTER 280 The MIG Master 280 is intended for medium to heavy-duty MIG/MAG welding with solid wires of steel, stainless steel, or aluminum, as well as cored-wires with or without shielding gas.

YOUR Cost: $1,860.22 ea


The Precision TIG® 225 gives you the Power to Perform, for general fabrication, automotive sports, vocational schools or serious hobby work.

YOUR Cost: $2,309.27 ea

POWER MIG 180C HANDLER 187 Compact and portable, yet powerful, delivering 185 Amps.

YOUR Cost: $696.78 ea

The continuous voltage control on the Power MIG 180C welders is for more critical projects where precise adjustments are required.

YOUR Cost: $779.16 ea

LN25 PRO Wire Feeder

Ranger 225 GXT Smooth DC welding output for a broad range of stick electrode types.

YOUR Cost: $3,183.60 ea

The LN-25 PRO™ is ideal for field construction and fabrication, shipyards, and rental companies. It is designed to be simple, reliable and easy to service.

YOUR Cost: $1,684.69 ea

22 Albiston Way, Auburn 784-5788 1-800-377-9433 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Human saliva has a boiling point three times that of regular water.

In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi.

Power your whole house • Keep medical equipment running • Keep food cold & your home warm • Keep well pumps & sump pumps working •


1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

Catfish are the only animals that naturally have an ODD number of whiskers.

Nap Time

AFFORDABLE HOUSING AT ITS BEST! Auburn’s newest 28 unit housing development is located in downtown Auburn near shops, restaurants, banks, the library, post office and local bus routes. Rents include heat and hot water One bedroom: $498-604; Two bedroom: $596-724 Three bedroom: $676-824 Amenities: Laundry room and assigned parking Androscoggin Head Start & Childcare on site • Individual storage units Part-time resident services coordinator • Handicap accessible units

Applications will be available October 1, 2011



Webster School Apartments 95 Hampshire Street, Auburn

The volume of water that the Giant Sequoia tree consumes in a 24-hour period contains enough suspended minerals to pave 17.3 feet of a 4-lane concrete freeway.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 73

Giving YOU the Power to SAVE!

If two pieces of metal touch in space, they become permanently stuck together.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs Electricity Maine is a locally owned electricity supply company dedicated to providing residents and small business owners with a lower rate on their monthly power supply. It is the objective of Electricity Maine to educate Mainers that they have the power to choose who supplies their electricity. Current delivery and monthly billing with Central Maine Power (CMP) and Bangor Hydro Electric (BHE) remains the same. The only change that customers will notice is the name of the power supplier on their bill and the monthly cost savings. All power delivery questions are still referred to the utility companies regarding power outages, billing questions or meter readings. Operating from their business office at 306 Rodman Road in Auburn, the experienced customer service staff is available to educate Mainers by answering questions relating to cost savings for homes and small businesses. Enrolling is easy, visit or call 1-866-573-2674. WHY CHOOSE Electricity Maine? We are proud to be among the first Competitive Electricity Providers to offer Maine people "The Power to Save". As a Maine owned Competitive Electricity Provider, we are dedicated to serving Mainers with discount electricity supply. Because Maine is a deregulated energy market, Electricity Maine purchases electricity supply from the (continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




• Personal Lines • Auto • Boat, RV & Motorcycle • Assets • Home • Commercial Lines • Business • Life Insurance • Employee Benefits • Health Insurance

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs



541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

CASUAL FAMILY DINING Daily Specials Mon. Tues. Wed. Thurs.

Kids eat for just $1 (with adult entree) 2fer entrees $25 (includes soup & salad) 1/2 price appetizers 4-7pm $2 domestic drafts all day 50¢ wings, $3 import drafts

Fri. Sat. Sun.

Prime Rib Au Jus $14.99 Prime Rib Au Jus $14.99 & $3 Nachos Buy 1 main event - get 1 half off* *excludes family grille & combo plates; equal or lesser value

Early Bird Breakfast Special 6:00 – 8:00 am 2 eggs, homefries, choice of meat, toast & coffee

$ Open 7 days a week 6am-9pm


Breakfast Served Daily 6-11 am

757 Main Street, Lewiston (Across from Marden’s ) • 376-4990 The U.S. has more bagpipe bands than Scotland does.

(continued from previous page)

The practice of identifying baseball players by number was started by the Yankees in 1929.


Call today for your FREE ESTIMATE!

Project Manager: Marc Theriault, 740-7037


Call Now for Best Prices for Winter Pool Closings.


New England Power Pool and supplies directly to you for less. Mainers continue to receive one electricity bill and the same great delivery service from Central Maine Power or Bangor Hydro Electric. The difference is Electricity Maine will be listed as the Electricity Supplier in place of the Standard Offer Service. COST SAVING for Mainers by choosing Electricity Maine? More than 700,000 homes receive the standard offer supply rate from either CMP or BHE. The average savings for each home is approximately $40/year by choosing Electricity Maine. Small businesses save a great deal more. If all residents of Maine were informed about the opportunity and made the choice to switch to Electricity Maine, we would be saving them a combined total of up to $20 million each year. No Fees. No Contracts. No CATCH! CMP standard offer rate is 8.49 cents per KWH. BHE standard offer rate is 8.25 centers per KWH. Electricity Maine standard offer rate is 7.99 per KWH. See Electricity Maine’s ad on page 6 for more information.

Custom T-shirts

No minimum • No set-up fee Print photos, artwork & logos • 16.7 million color shades



TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

Your order with coupon


~ Limit one ~

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

Cannot be combined with other offers

Call us for a FREE quote! 333-6333 Taylor Brook Mall, Auburn • The first baseball caps were made of straw.

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 75

Oh, no! Not more photos of the Modern Woodmen Party

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You tune into the easy listening station... on purpose.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks People just can’t let go of this party!

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!


SALE! 20% - 70% OFF


131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Prior to 1900, prize fights lasted up to 100 rounds.

s Alway g n i Buy

Did You See That?

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

Submitted by Jimbo

Tom and Darryl were out hunting deer. Tom asked, "Did you see that?" "No," Darryl replies. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead." "Oh," responded Darryl. A couple of minutes later, Tom said, "Did you see that?" "See what?" "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

CNA’s GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HR Weekend Shift Differentials

Tired of the Same Old Same Old? Come Join Our Team! If you’re interested in flexible hours and varied assignments, all with an excellent support system, contact us!

Nancy Merrill: Administrator

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

"Oh." A few minutes later Tom again said, "Did you see that?"

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

By now, Darryl is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!" And Tom says, "Then why did you step in it?" "When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers."

You want the best for your family, and with Muralo Breathe Safe™ you get just that. Breathe Safe™ is virtually odorless and free of VOC’s, while still keeping the high performance properties you’ve come to expect from a Muralo product.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You keep repeating yourself. You keep repeating yourself.

Any space vehicle must move at a rate of 7 miles per second in order to escape the earth's gravitational pull.





Cuts & Styles Waxing Shellac Nails Colors Manicures Acrylic Nails Highlights Pedicures Facials Massage Services


Brian Saucier




Welcome to the team!

Massage Therapist


Therapeutic Massage

Deep Tissue

Pregnancy Massage

Sports Massage


Infant Massage

Hydro Therapy studio for hair, nails & massage

20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009 (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

French was the official language of England for over 600 years.

"Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine." – Elvis Presley

Hunting Season Starts Bird Season Oct. 1st Deer Nov. 1st

Come see our huge collection of guns!

The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian.

Stop by and help Roger get back on his feet.

• Still time to sign up for CWP (Concerned Weapons Protection) permit • Pistol Class in October - call for date • We are a Game Tagging Station

Sheriff Vet

Joseph Cimino

LOOKING TO BUY GUNS ALL THE TIME! BUY – SELL – TRADE 481 Maine St. • Poland Spring 998-2806 • 576-9535 576-1553

I was good at math before they decided to mix the alphabet in it.

One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 79

Empty Stomach Submitted by Jimbo

At a recent party one of Uncle Andyʼs friends asked him how many enchiladas he could eat with an empty stomach. Uncle Andy replied, "Seven." His friend asked him, "When you eat the first enchilada your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven?" Impressed by this tricky question, as soon as he got home Uncle Andy asked his wife, Anna, "How many enchiladas can you eat with an empty stomach?"

Coca-Cola was the favored drink of Pharaoh Ramses. An inscription found in his tomb, when translated, was found to be almost identical to the recipe used today.


Visit our web site for many other options!

Ann’s Flowers 14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

Get it GONE NOW!! Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away… This is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages! Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures

Anna answered, "Three."

Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

Farrell Enterprises

Uncle Andy answered, "Oh, if only you had answered seven I had a great reply for it."

Community Newspaper Gilbert, South Carolina is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community paper. I asked one old-timer about it. He replied, "We all know what everybody else is doing, but we like to read the paper anyway to see who's been caught at it." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Over 65? Ask about senior discounts.

Eggcettera Catering PR UNC LE ANDY AP


and Dinner To Go

784-5544 31 Leavitt Street, Auburn

Fully Insured • Call for FREE Quote!

782-5300 or 576-2501

Out for surgery for 7 weeks... Open for business November 22nd. — Marie Lizotte

See our full menu online at: You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: The waiter asks how you'd like your steak... and you say "pureed."

MACHINE GUNS • SILENCERS • NFA TRANSFERS SHORT BARREL RIFLES/SHOTGUNS We also carry: All other types of firearms Knives • Ammo by the case We Buy - Sell - Trade Finders fee for collections

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at

Rt. 4 • Turner, ME


Just past Twitchell’s Airport

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210

Out ’n About at the Chamber’s Annual Golfing for Scholarships Tourney Winners of the Uncle Andyʼs coveted


New Homes Sun Rooms Garages Call us for your FREE quote!

Arm Injury The brilliant lawyer F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver against claims that his negligence had caused injury to a young man's arm. "Will you please show us how high you can lift your arm now?" Smith asked the plaintiff. The young man obediently raised his arm to shoulder level, his face contorted with apparent pain. "Thank you," said Smith. "And now, please, will you show us how high you could lift it before the accident?" The man's arm shot above his head.

Test Results Joey walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer. "Dad," said Joey, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?" Dad nodded. "Well," said Joey, "The good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."

“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528


Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

Fully Insured • Many References Available

– Abraham Lincoln

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You look both ways before crossing a room.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 81

In ancient Greece, children of wealthy families were dipped in olive oil at birth to keep them hairless throughout their lives.

Moon Art

For All General Home Repairs & Improvements

HOME IMPROVEMENT SERVICES Rip & Installed $100 square


Up to 2 layers • $10 more per square over 2 layers Call for more information and a FREE estimate

No roof too big or too small!


Paint Man & Roof dawg are ready to save the day!

• • • •

Carpentry Sheetrocking Plumbing Flooring


Interior & Exterior Painting LEAD Smart Renovator Certified Since 2003 A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that it was Travis behind the wheel and he was knitting! Realizing that he was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” Travis yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed five gold Krugerrands in his small intestine.


Out ’n About at the Grillin’ For Good event at Club Texas with Uncle Andy’s & St. Mary’s Hospital

Over 400 colors to choose from!

Quartz Cambria, HanStone, Silestone, Zodiaq, Caesarstone, Viatera

Family Owned & Operated

786-5556 786-5556 995 Center Street, Auburn

995 Center Street, Auburn

Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm Urine from male cape water buffaloes is so flammable that some tribes use it for lantern fuel.

Boy, the crew at Club Texas really knows how to run an event!

"I don't like eating the last slice of the loaf," said Tom crustily. Calvin, of the "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip, was patterned after President Calvin Coolidge, who had a pet tiger as a boy.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 83

Taxing Cinderella

A dog's naked behind leaves absolutely no bacteria when pressed against carpet.

Submitted by Jimbo

The tax adviser had just read the story of Cinderella to his fouryear-old daughter for the first time.

LAND LOTS OF ALL TYPES FOR SALE OR SWAP Owner financing available*

1. Lewiston’s finest neighborhood. Double house lot, public water & sewer. Asking $64,000. 2. Lewiston – beautiful contemporary in exquisite neighborhood, 4 plus bedrooms, 2.5 baths, close to hospitals and Bates College. 3. New Auburn – 7 approved undeveloped lots in nice area, $49,000 4. Farmington – great project. 56 completed house lots with 16 lots rented on town owned streets with public water & sewer. Also, four homes for sale. 5. Lewiston – Mortgage for sale. Grantor is owed approximately $100,000. Sell for $54,000. 6. Farmington – 60+ in town acres with three egresses with water & sewer at each, Asking $239,000. 7. Farmington – 22 in town acres with water & sewer. Possible commercial site, $88,000. 8. New Auburn – Great lot in city limits with country setting. 30+/- acres. Asking $145,000.

The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"

First Passport


Cascade Land Holdings

At 82 years old, my husband applied for his first passport.

*most cases


King Henry VIII slept with a gigantic axe.

He was told he'd need a birth certificate, but his birth had never been officially registered. When he explained his dilemma to the passport agent, the response was less than helpful. "In lieu of a birth certificate," the agent said, "you can bring a notarized affidavit from the doctor who delivered you."



Part of me has snapped and the rest is draggin'. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo





October Special FREE Tanning Package Oct. 1st to Oct. 20th

I have entered the snapdragon part of life.


with every color or highlight $60 and over


Make your appointment now!


Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-2

5 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

About 70% of Americans who go to college do it to make more money.

Replying more than 100 times to the same piece of spam e-mail will overwhelm the sender's system and interfere with their ability to send any more spam.


Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce Open Year Round

Mountain View Storage

908 Minot Ave., Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6:00 am - 8:00 pm

Support local business... Use our advertisers!

Sizes available: 5’x10’, 10’x10’, 10’x15’ & 10’x20’ Rt. 26, W. Paris (Just 4 miles north from Market Square) • 674-3212 or 333-9745

Visit us online:



1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4



PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

Downeast Sharpening

Call us! No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.

Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel


7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond




Hunting • Fishing • Firearms • Ammo • Gear

NEW PRODUCT Upcountry Snowshoes 1311 Roosevelt Trail (Rt. 302) • Raymond • 655-1030 The average person spends three years of his or her life on a toilet.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 85


People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport.

• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

CCURATE CCOUNTING Another good day Uncle Andy’s Digesters! Where is this year going? We are already in October and that means that you are all packing into Gippers Sports Grill every time the Patriots hit the gridiron. Digesters, I may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but I am well aware football is primarily on Sunday and the likelihood that you are going to cook for the family the other six days of the week is slim to none. Just a thought brainiacs, oops, I mean maineiacs. If you don’t watch the Pat’s, still scoot over to Gippers to watch your Stanley Cup winners, your Boston Bruins. If you missed that one a few months ago, you should be ashamed of yourselves! While we are on a sports kick, I heard from a little birdie, probably a chickadee, that Backwoods Snowboards on Minot Ave. in Auburn has already geared up for the white fluffy stuff. Now you might think it is way too early to be thinking about sneaking to the peak or getting Lost in the Valley, but stop in and talk to Jeremy for the best deal south of the bunny slopes. Enough about sports for this month, I recently saw Kirstie Alley had put her home in Isleboro on the market for $2.35 million. I can’t seem to figure out why maybe Maine isn’t enough for “Kirstie Alley’s Big Life” but hey her loss. I was going to buy the house and then I realized I’m poor and I have a sneaking suspicion that $87.34, which is my life savings, might not quite cover the down payment. I’ll save up for a few centuries but if you buy it before I do, invite good old Miami Mike over for tea. The type they serve in Long Island or earl grey is fine too. Digesters I bid you adieu for this month! Until we meet again, in the pages of Uncle Andy’s Digest at least. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




& Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899


• Residential and Commercial Paving • Sweeping • Seal Coating

Call for FRimEatEes Est


ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

At horse race tracks, the favorite wins fewer than 30% of the time!

In a Perfect World: People would always see good reasons to be optimistic.

Nap Time

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

You Know You Are Over the Hill When: You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large...In that order.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 87


I do have washboard abs - they just happen to have a little laundry on them at the moment.

Hot Stone . .$85 Swedish . . . .$65 Chair . . .$1/min.

Class Schedule: Mon. Kick-N-Cardio . . . . .5:30pm ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . .6:30pm

867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033 2008 Lexus GX470

Tues. AMP ZUMBA . . . . .12-12:30pm

Full Body Tone . . . .12:30-1pm XFit . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5:00pm BLAST . . . . . . . . . . . . .5:45pm ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . . .7:00pm Wed. Kick-N-Cardio . . . . .5:30pm Thu. ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . .7:00pm AMP ZUMBA . . . .12-12:30pm Full Body Tone . . . .12:30-1pm Kick-N-Cardio . . . . . . .5:30pm Fri. Hardcore Hopping . . .5:30pm Sat. ZUMBA . . . . . . . . . . .9:30am YOGA . . . . . . . . . . . .10:30am That’s 15 classes offered per week!

Sauna • Massage Tanning • Fitness Facility Cardio Classes Become a fan on

Facebook For Those Who Like it HOT!

Hot Stuff

Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 81 Manley Road, Auburn

784-8900 Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo




Super nice Must see!




Navigation, 3rd row, 4x4, 81k must mention this adDoor, 91k Auto, Tow, 4X4,4

with purchase of this vehicle only



BROWSE OUR INVENTORY 05 Audi A4, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded, 85k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Audi A4, 4 Cyl., 6-Speed, 4-Dr., Silver, 82k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 03 Audi Allroad S/Wagon, Brown, Loaded, 88k . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 Audi A6 4.2L, Auto, V8, 97k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 07 BMW 328xi, 4 Dr., Black, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$17,490 02 BMW 330xi, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 09 Chevy HHR LS, Auto, Cardinal Red, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 08 Chevy HHR LT, Auto, 4 cyl., 82k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 Chevy Equinox, 4-Dr., Red, Loaded, 77k . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Chevy Equinox LT, 6-Cyl., Auto, Silver, Loaded, 72k . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Chevy Uplander, Auto, Beige, Only 72k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 05 Chevy Malibu LT, Loaded, Auto, White, 91k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 04 Chevy Malibu, 6-Cyl., Auto, 4-Dr., Black, 80k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 05 Chrysler Pacifica Touring, Auto, AWD, Rear DVD, 3rd Row . . . . .$10,990 08 Dodge Ram 2500 SLT, 43k, Auto, 4x4, BOSS Plow, Tow Pkg. . .$23,990 07 Dodge Caliber, 4-Dr., Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 07 Dodge Caliber, 4-Dr., 90k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 Dodge Caliber R/T, Auto, Silver, 91k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 07 Dodge Caliber SXT, Auto, ONLY 60k!, Loaded, Black . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 07 Dodge Caravan SXT, V6, Auto, Dual Sliders, CD, Blue . . . . . . . . .$9,990 06 Dodge Dakota SLT, Blue, Crew Cab, 4x4, Tow pkg., 8 cyl. . . . . .$11,990 05 Dodge Caravan, 6 Cyl., Auto, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,000 08 Ford Focus SE, 4 Cyl., 5-Speed, 2-Dr., Blue, Loaded, 74k . . . . .$10,490 07 Ford Focus SE, Auto, 4-Dr., White, 69k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 06 Ford F350 SD, 8 Cyl., Auto, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Ford Taurus, 6 Cyl., 4-Dr., Tan, Loaded, 81k . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 GMC Envoy, Auto, Gray, Loaded, 89k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 GMC Yukon XL, 8-Cyl., Auto, 4-Dr., Charcoal, Loaded, 90k . . . .$14,990 07 Honda Element, Auto, Silver, Loaded, 98k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 07 Honda Element, 4-Dr., Auto, Silver, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Jeep Commander, Auto, Pewter, Loaded, 74k . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13,990 06 Jeep Liberty Renegade, V6, 4x4, Roof Rack, Roof Lights, 93k . . . . .$12,490 06 Jeep Commander, V8, Auto, Black, 68k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$17,990 05 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 Jeep Liberty, 6-Cyl., Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,490

05 Lexus RX330, 6-Cyl., Auto, 4-Dr., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$16,990 06 Mercury Milan, Auto, 4-Dr., Silver, Loaded, 98k . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 06 MINI Cooper, 4-Cyl., 5-Speed, 2-Dr., Blue, 84k . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 MINI Cooper S, 2DR, 6-Speed, Blue, 97k, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 Mitsubishi Eclipse, 2-Dr., Gray, Loaded, 93k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 Nissan Altima, 4-Dr., Green, 91k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Nissan Altima, 4-Dr., White, Loaded, 80k . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Nissan Xterra SE, Auto, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded, 81k . . . . . . . . . .$13,990 06 Pontiac G6 GT, 2-Dr., Black, 74k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Saab 93, Auto, 4Dr., Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 05 Saab Linear, 4-Cyl., Auto, 4-Dr., Silver, Loaded, 99k . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 05 Saab 95 Arc, 4-Dr., Blue, Loaded, 82k . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Saab 93 Arc Convertible, Auto, Loaded., Heated Seats . . . . . .$11,990 04 Saab, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded, 67k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 06 Saturn Ion, 4-Cyl., Auto, Gray, Loaded, 91k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 05 Scion TC, 2-Dr., Blue, 94k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 Toyota 4-Runner Sport, Auto, Green, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 06 Volvo S60 T5, Auto, 4-Dr., Green, Loaded, 71k . . . . . . . . . . . .$14,990 05 Volvo XC90, 4-Dr., Tan, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 Volvo XC90, Auto, Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Volvo S60 T5 Turbo, 5 cyl., AWD, Auto, Maroon, Loaded . . . . . .$10,990 08 VW Jetta Wolfsburg Edition, 79k, Auto, CD, Moonroof . . . . . . . .$13,990 08 VW Passat Komfort, Auto, 32k, CD/MP3, Green, Loaded . . . . .$16,990 07 VW Jetta, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 VW Jetta, 96k, 5-Speed, Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 06 VW Passat, 82k, Auto, 4 cyl., Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,390 06 VW Passat, Auto, 4-Dr., Green, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 06 VW Jetta GLI, 6-Speed, CD Changer, Loaded, Black, 94k . . . . . .$11,990 04 VW Jetta, 4-Dr., Silver, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 04 VW Jetta, 4-Cyl., 5-Speed, Gray, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,990 04 VW Passat,4-Dr., Blue, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 VW Jetta, 4-Dr., Black, Loaded, 91k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 VW Passat, 6-Cyl., Auto, 4-Door, Silver, 94k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 03 VW Passat S/Wagon, 6-Cyl., Auto, Gray, Loaded, 81k . . . . . . . . .$8,990

Call Waiting: Your call is very important to us so please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.

Uncle Andy's Digest  

Social media - in print!

Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you