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The Most Unusual Digest in America


PARKING LOT LIGHTING REPAIR & UPGRADES • Lighting Repairs • Energy Efficient LED & HID Upgrades • New Installation • Ask about Efficiency Maine Incentives ELECTRICAL SYSTEMS OF MAINE ELECTRICAL CONTRACTORS 1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 •

Riddle of the Month

Even if you've been fishing for 3 hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3.

We are the only Certified OKINAWAN KENPO SCHOOL in the Twin Cities

We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it?

Check out our all new website!

Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here! The answer is: "A Last Name." In 1722, Jacob Roggeveen discovered Easter Island. Easter Island is a small multi-volcanoed mound, 2,400 miles west of the coast of Chile and 2,500 miles east of Tahiti. The 2000 permanent inhabitants have the honor of being the remotest population on the face of the Earth. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011

783-7039 Fitness Kickboxing

May 18th

Lil Ninjas 3-6 year olds

Intro to Karate

Kids 7-12 year olds Adults

for kids

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: •


Uncle Andy is wondering if the reason Rice Krispies start making noise when you pour milk on them is because they are drowning?

Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you really feel like stripping the gears.


MAY 2011 Activities for members and their guests Saturday, May 7 Holy Cross KC Bean Supper (Chapter 14437) Holy Cross Church Hall, 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston 4:30pm – 6:00pm $5.50/Member $7/Guest Sunday, May 8 KC Breakfast (Chapter 7938) Columbus St, Brunswick 8:00am - 10:00am $4.00/Person $5/Guest Tuesday, May 10 Sam’s (Chapter 12749) Marketplace Mall, Lewiston Noon - 7pm $3/Member $4/Guest Tuesday, May 17 The Green Ladle Culinary Arts LUNCH (Chapter 12907) 156 East Ave (Lewiston High School), Lewiston NOON SHARP $7/Member $8/Guest Sunday, May 22 KC Breakfast (Chapter 7938) Columbus St, Brunswick 8am - 10am $4/Person $5/Guest Tuesday, May 24 Pizza Hut (Chapter 10929) Rt 26 Oxford 11:30am – 1:00pm $5/Member $5.50/Guest Wednesday, May 25 Roy’s Allsteak Hamburgers (Chapter 14346) Center St. Auburn 4pm – 7pm $5/Member $5.50/Guest Tuesday, May 31 Dairy Joy (Chapter 8609) Campus Ave, Lewiston or Spring St. Auburn 3:00pm – 7:00pm 800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.

$1 per Tix for L/A Humane Society Please Note: Prices and Menu are Subject to Change. ***************************** Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holiday’s). FMI call 782-1833.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011



Uncle Andy’s Digest

Judge everything by appearances and nobody would ever eat an oyster.


PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL: PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

MAY 2011


Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service! Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures

Bench Warmer

801 Webster Street, Lewiston



Fever Pitch


Joe & Mike Adkins

Clean-up Hitter Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.


MARTY DOW Golfing... Finally!

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo

MAY 2011




15 $ 20

Alcohol Screening

Local* After Hours & Weekends*



Includes confirmation if necessary

Available 24-7, 365 days a year

*Call for out-of-area pricing

We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, tenant screenings & background checks.

Testing can be performed in the privacy of your home or office. *All reports are verified by a licensed Private Investigator

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator 577-6000 • The younger we are, the more we want to change the world. The older we are, the more we want to change the young.

This would be a wonderful world if we showed as much patience in all things as we do in waiting for a fish to bite.

Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th birthday party at Schooner Estates

Alliyah, Katie, Maddelyn & Keegan (clockwise starting top left)

I’ve got my eye on you, Uncle Andy!

Mike Everett Mike, when it comes to Uncle Andy, you have to keep both eyes wide open!

Jamie Pelletier "I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise." – Noel Coward

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011



Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th birthday party at Schooner Estates

"Whatever you are, be a good one." – Abraham Lincoln

So easy, even my caveman can do it!


Sue & Jay Goodwin

OPEN HOUSE Try The FREE Y May 16th - 22nd 2-week

Trial family membership

Y Kids Summer Camp The Y Kids Summer Day Camp is based at the Y and is for boys & girls entering Kindergarten through the age of 8. Camp hours are 6:00am to 6:00pm, and weekly field trips are included. 

Paula Everett Steve, let’s look at page 89 right now, call Colleen and sign us up for that golf tourney on May 21st.

CAMP CONNOR WHO: Boys & Girls Grades K-8 WHY: A natural environment for your child to experience a true outdoor summer camp. FREE transportation FREE pre/post camp care available FREE lunch

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA • AUBURN (Next to the County Courthouse)

Steve Goodwin & Bill Hiss

207 795 4095 •

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

& Jimbo


MAY 2011


"You are only young once but can stay immature indefinitely." – Ogden Nash


Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th birthday party at Schooner Estates



SALES EVENT See store for details



84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917

Peter Curtis & Jack Marsh

(off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

"You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty." – Sacha Guitry

Anna Waldman & Kim Parks You’re taller than you look in the Digest...


Phyllis Curtis the birthday girl with Jack Marsh My friend's 5 year old granddaughter looked at the stars one night and exclaimed, "God's home! All his lights are on!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011



"It is not possible to have reasonable grounds for not believing in miracles." - Pascal

Benefit Concert for Dempsey Cancer Center at Schemengee’s, 551 Lincoln St., Lewiston

Friday, May 27th 7pm-Midnight


A recent comment from a customer...


g ur technician callin "I so appreciated yo ish fin n't uld co 24/7 emergency why he me and explaining ry s concerned and ve wa He . ay tod job the lf, se my as Oil or Propane ll ts as we courteous. My paren wonderful service ur yo ed iat ec pr ap have Residential or Commercial d nks!" – Ann, Polan over the years, tha

Y ONL $5 r Cove


Call us to experience our Service difference!

“Delivering Comfort you Can Count On”

BROAD STREET BAND A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


Large Meatball Sub $ 4.69


Murray Special Large 16” Fresh Dough Pizza - 5 toppings $13.75

50/50 Raffles Auction Items Tons of fun! Join us!! Join the Pink Angels at the Dempsey Challenge

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.

FMI: Contact Trisha Marston @ 576-5001

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome, as a solution to the problem.

Bon Appétit Submitted by Glen Gisel

BARBEQUE & CATERING SERVICE Weddings, Birthdays, Corporate Functions & More Let Moose’s Mobile Kitchen make your event complete! Parties from 1 - 200 We modify our abilities to meet your needs! Call us and we can create a menu just for you!

795-6778 or 577-5523 •

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a welldressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners...” “Go away!” said the old lady. “I'm broke and haven't got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.

A tired dog is a happy hound!

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open... “Don't be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”

Your dog will... Interact, run and play with other dogs Receive hands on loving care & supervision

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard.

Be more calm & well behaved at home due to less pent up energy

M-F 7am-6:30pm Weekends by appointment only Lisa Poulin & Bruce Bilodeau

"There is no security in this life. There is only opportunity." - Douglas MacArthur

“Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.” The old lady stepped back and said, “Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011



Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th birthday party at Schooner Estates

Christians are called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

LOBSTER & CLAM BAKE Includes: 1-1/8th lb. Lobster 1 lb. Clams

1 Ear of Corn 2 Red Potatoes Side of butter


All cooked!


(Please call one hour before pickup)

“If we were any fresher you’d have to slap us!” We ship anywhere in the US

22 Mill St., New Auburn • 782-3150 • Open daily 9am-6pm

EXTRA EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT IT! Congratulations goes to Neil LaRochelle

FIRST PLACE BEST CHOWDER People’s Choice Award 2011 Chili & Chowder Challenge

Always Fresh LaRochelle’s Seafood

Most auto accidents are caused by mechanical faults - the loose nut behind the steering wheel

Jody McMorrow & Pam Parks Put the gun down and step away from the vehicle!

But, I thought you said it was a shotgun wedding...

Paula, Phyllis & Pamela the birthday girl is flanked by her two daughters

In 1959, the Coasters' hit single "Charlie Brown" was banned by BBC radio because the lyrics contained the word "spitball." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


Samʼs Body Shop When I went to Starbucks for coffee. They lied. It wasn't Starbucks, it was four bucks!

New Auburn Business District Shop Local

2011 Gold Star Standards of Excellence Award Winners

9 Third Street, Auburn


Jennifer Kritzer Owner / Stylist

Military, Police & Fire Discounts

Men’s Clipper Cut L

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration




Hours: Monday 10-7; Tuesday 9-5; Thursday 10-7; Friday 9-5; Saturday 9-3 • Closed Wednesday & Sunday

Women’s Wash & Cut L




Julie Dionne Stylist

Children’s Wash, Cut & Style L




Their limo stopped at Taberʼs to hit a bucket of balls and get an ice cream!

(l to r) Paxton Arsenault, Amanda Gibson, Paige Brousseau, Courtney Marston & Katie Wallingford

United New Auburn Association Meeting

• Friday, May 13th, starting at 5pm

Benefit Dinner for Tim Webster • Saturday, May 14th, 4:30 p.m.

Benefit Dinner M.D.A.

Last Tuesday - American Chop Suey! of May (May 31st) New Auburn Social Club 7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

Jennifer Smith & Maria Pete

Healthy Androscoggin is pleased to congratulate the nineteen hospitals recognized at the 2011 Gold Star Standards of Excellence Awards Celebration. Locally, we are proud of Central Maine Medical Center for receiving a silver standard of excellence from the Maine Tobacco-Free Hospital Network and St. Mary’s for receiving bronze standard of excellence from the Maine Tobacco-Free Hospital Network. These hospitals have taken steps to make their campuses tobaccofree and support tobaccofree lifestyles for their employees, patients and the community. Maria Pete and Jennifer Smith both from St. Mary’s received individual Gold Stars. Hospitals, along with eight individuals Gold Stars were recognized at the celebration on March 23rd at the Maine Hospital Association in Augusta. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 11

Out & About in New Auburn with M&P Property Maintenance

New Auburn Business District Shop Local

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

We've got the right equipment to get your jobs done!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

I highly recommend the Cretón on a biscuit!

• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu 87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out)

Fast, Fantastic and aFFordable Food!

From site work & Paving to complete landscaping & lawncare, we can take care of your needs

Jen Kritzer & Esther Henry

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon


Hey Moe, don't forget to tell the Uncle Andy's readers we deliver all landscaping materials like gravel, loam, mulch and more

Towels, Tissues & Dispensers

Sorbents & Safety Supplies

I think you just did, Scotty A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo

MAY 2011 783-7039

Textile & Paper Wipes

Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners

Chemicals & Cleaners

Breakroom & Food Service

Skin Care


120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • Q: What is the loudest state? A: ILLI-NOISE

New Auburn Business District Shop Local

Out & About in New Auburn with M&P Property Maintenance

Here are a few of our satisfied customers! Why not become one, too!

Call us today for your new shirts, hats & sweatshirts. Best prices anywhere!

Screenprinting and Embroidery 85 Third St., Auburn • 753-1177 •


Hang out, have a drink, eat and have some fun with us!

ANDY’s Baked Beans & Tavern Every Saturday

47 Broad Street, Auburn • 782-9044

“Love at first bite!”

HOURS: Tues. & Wed. 10am-8pm Thurs. & Fri.10am-Close • Sat. 8am-Close


Andy’s Baked Bean Specials… Don’t Miss Out!

Don’t spend $18 at the beauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS for

All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.



Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’s Barber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444 OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Give us a call for a free estimate & competitive pricing on your residential or commercial projects at 577-0690 or 402-5108

Moe & Scott Poirier See their ad on page 72

Tick Tock There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The third man threw his watch down the hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it. The other two men were puzzled and asked the third man how he did it. The third man said, "Easy. My watch is 5 minutes slow!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 13

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." – Jimmy Durante

Quality Service at an Affordable Price EARLY BIRD A/C RECHARGE




By Appointment Only

(Reg. $169.95)

With Coupon Only Expires 5-31-11

Most Vehicles - With Coupon Only Expires 5-31-11

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 •


When the gaming gets tough, bring out the cheat codes.

Submitted by Gene Couillard

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


WOW! Great price! Great on gas!

This car is so much fun to drive! 32mpg


Now only

2002 Honda Accord EX


V6, Leather, Moonroof

2004 Mini Cooper


Leather, Moonroof, Automatic


Over 60 vehicles to choose from starting at $3,800 online at:

Now only

AUTO SALES 1097 Center St., Auburn • 784-5438 1-800-289-5467 Ask for Dave

Supporting the metric system every inch of the way!

Even though they are paid differently, everyone has to feel appreciated. – Roger Staubach

Meet the NEW Owner

May Special 2-Wheel Alignment $


4-Wheel Alignment I am selling my own 2006 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic for only $16,500!


72.95 Kelly Soracco 2006 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic

2000 Chevy S-10 Ext. Cab, CD, Bedliner


ONLY 16k

Cobalt blue & silver, air ride seat, GPS, AM/FM stereo, extra chrome, 2 windshields


Mike Morin’s Auto Center “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

The union workers at the Federal Mint went on strike today. They are demanding to make less money!

of Turner is now the new owner of Gregory's Hairstyles in Auburn and has changed the business name to Hair by Gregory's. Soracco, who had worked as a stylist at the salon for the past two years, recently bought the business and has already made a few improvements to their salon. The salon has had a bit of makeover with new paint, new logo and name, but everything else remains the same. Hair by Gregory's still offers the same great services, performed by the same professional staff, with the same convenient hours and affordable prices. Kelly brings to the business 26 years of experience in hair care and also a degree in business from the University of Maine. She looks forward to continuing to help clients achieve the best look possible. Hair by Gregory's offers complete hair services by appointment and they also accept walk-ins. Stop by the salon today and check out the updated look, it is located at 600 Center St., Suite 4 in The Shaw's Plaza or call 786-0112 to make an appointment with any of the staff at Hair by Gregory's. See the ad on page 74 FMI. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 15

Out & About at Healthy Kids Day 2011 at the Y

The first line of the notice said, "Please Take Notice," so I took it.

General Family & Cosmetic Dentistry

John Codjoe, DDS Eugene Kim, DDS Michael Bufo, DMD

$ Logan Carter

25 GAS CARD for every new patient (cleaning, exam & X-rays) Expires 5/31/11. Not valid with any other offers.

Ambrose & Ann

Delaney, Elissa & Sophia Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

Out & About at Healthy Kids Day 2011 at the Y

Coming Soon

y r e k a B

Lisa & Mary


r a l l e WineC

❦ Huge Wine Selection ❦ Freshly Baked Breads ❦ Freshly Made Pastries & Donuts ❦ Fresh Home Made Fudge ❦ Large Cheese Selection

Kara & Mckenna Murphy

Farm Stand Opening Soon for the season Fresh Produce • Jams • Jellies • Maple Syrup ...and more 72 Lisbon Road • Lisbon, Maine "A chip on the shoulder is too heavy a piece of baggage to carry through life." – John Hancock

Canaan & Deanna Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 17


Learn to pause ... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you. – Doug King

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!" The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and placed it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Women Rider's Month! Attention Lady Motorcycle Riders! Stop by Central Maine Powersports all month long, show us your motorcycle endorsement on your license and get an extra 10% off all apparel & riding accessories. Central Maine Powersports is the area's leading Polaris, Yamaha & Honda dealer, featuring cruising & street motorcycles, dirt bikes, ATV's & side by sides, parts, apparel & accessories and generators. See their ad on page 19 for contact & Open House event info. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


PARTS • SALES • SERVICE WE FEATURE: • Service For All Makes • Parts For All Makes • Sales of New International Trucks • Sales Of Used Trucks Of All Makes

Morrison & Sylvester 1175 Minot Ave. Auburn, ME 04210 783-8548 • My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

Out & About at Healthy Kids Day 2011 at the Y

Kayla Dubois & Katie

Bosten & Alicia It’s important to brush your teeth at least twice a day and to floss at least once each day, too! 845 Main Street, Lewiston • 689-2345

Kristin Freeman & Rachel Doiron of UNE Dental Hygiene Program

"If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one." – Dolly Parton

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 19

I was walking along the street when a man attacked me with a pint of milk and cheese and I thought how dairy!



Oil Changes, Tire Mounting & Balancing, Brakes ...and more


We Service V-ROD/ROAD Shovelheads, RODS SERVICED Sportsters & State of Maine older bikes email: Inspection Station

Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!

for the whole family

Quick! Somebody close those windows before all the water gets out.

Auburn Mall Eye Care 550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

(207) 782-5030


SAM’S BODY SHOP Custom Trailer Hitches Sold & Installed Trailer Repairs 886 Main St. Lewiston • 784-0015 • Open Mon. Wed. Fri. 8:00-4:00


Custom Machine Embroidery Clothing • Hats • Bags • And more Personalized Gifts for your Wedding Party & Baby Quilts

1 S. Main St., Suite 2, Mechanic Falls (next to Sheila’s Hair Salon) 345-9161 •

Walk-ins welcome

Fully restored 1972 Toyota FJ Land Cruiser CALL FOR PRICE

That Little Barber Shop

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


1 OFF Any Cut Men’s, Women’s & Children’s (Reg. $10)



9 Acadia Ave., Lewiston (off Lisbon St.) Cosmetologist Brittany Legare

312-5478 Hours: Tues, Thurs, Fri. 9am-5pm • Wed. & Sat. 8am-noon

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. – Babe Ruth

I donʼt exercise because it makes my coffee spill. – Maxine


Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 27 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems


MAY SPECIAL Buy 4 New Tires Receive Front End Alignment

FREE $55 Value

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026


One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.

Out & About at Phyllis Curtis’ 90th birthday party at Schooner Estates I’m chomping at the bit waiting for my turn to try all the different styles of chili and chowder!

If we make pretend that Uncle Andy isn’t there, do you think he’ll leave us alone? Well, sweetie, I’ve been around the block a few times in my 90 years and I’ve seen his type before. He’s stuck to us like a cheap suit for the afternoon.

The right angle from which to approach a problem is a try-angle.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 21


Out & About at Healthy Kids Day 2011 at the Y



‘03 Dodge Grand Caravan SE Loaded, V6


‘03 VW Jetta 1.8T Auto, ABS & More



Alyssa & Linda (Memére) ‘03 Chevy Malibu Presidential V6, Auto

‘02 Mazda Tribute V6, Auto, 4X4

‘02 Pontiac Grand Am V6, Auto, Loaded



‘01 Chrysler PT Cruiser Limited

‘01 Chevy Silverado 1500 4WD, V8



‘98 Pontiac Grand Prix SE V6, CD

‘98 Toyota Camry Auto, Gas Saver


Owen & Pat (Mimi)

01 Chevy Cavalier, Auto, Red . . . . . . . . . . .$3795 ‘00 Chevy Blazer, Dark Blue, 4WD . . . . . .$4595

‘98 Lincoln Towncar

More Inventory Available

Marek, Sarah & Mallory Johnson The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


Sherrianne Poulin & Bruce Poulin

Stop by or shop online at: 791 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 344-6650 I wouldn't have been in such a hurry to grow up, if I'd known that so much of adulthood is ad-libbed.

A scary thought from Maxine: Do you realize in about 40 years, weʼll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? And Rap music will be the golden oldies!

ed “The 2010 AAA Approved Repair Facility of the Year!” t c e Sel With 100% Customer Satisfaction!! 3 Master ASE Technicians QUALITY REPAIRS SINCE 1979 Bob, Steve & John

Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all

HORSEPOWER AUTOCARE, INC. 44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420

Monday - Friday 8am-5pm •

2 Gig wireless home alarm systems coming soon! Stop by today to see what this baby can do. It’s impressive!


216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339

Next to Republic Jewelry & parking in back of building

Scott Feldman

Appointments Required, Please call first Any Make, Any Model Any Problem…




Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Fully Warranteed & Certified

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one. – Benjamin Franklin

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 23

Out & About at Healthy Kids Day 2011 at the Y

"Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted." – Fred Allen


The Back Forty Jesse, Lauren & Amanda Bolduc

Katie & Michelle Albert We loved being a part of Healthy Kids Day 2011 at The Y in Auburn!

Stefanie Mills & Michelle Cyr Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, WHY would anyone want to wear a windbreaker?

"Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get." – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

y May Specials

Out & About at Healthy Kids Day 2011 at the Y Enroll your child in The Y's Kid Camp or Camp Connor and have our Core Values instilled in them: Caring, Honesty, Respect, and Responsibility.

Pam & Jess Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes all the trees and then names the streets after them. Submitted by Jim Bossie

Why did the vampire flunk art class? Because he could only draw blood!

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. I couldn't park anywhere near the place. Submitted by Jim Bossie

990 Center Street, Auburn • 784-1348

Consistency isn't always good especially if you're consistently wrong.

Yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope, today is getting from one to the other. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 25

Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." – Charles Lamb

2002 Chevy Tahoe

2004 VW Golf GTI





5.3L, Spare Stock Tires, 26” Rims, TV’s

5-Speed, Turbo, R32 Kit, 63K

2003 VW Jetta GLI

2005 Subaru Forester 2.5XT




6-Speed, 1-Owner

9,995 AWD, Auto, 1-Owner

Other Inventory 05 Pontiac Grand Prix, 89k, Silver..................................$8495 05 Hyundai Accent, 86k ....................................................$5495 05 Nissan Sentra,a Auto, CD ............................................$5795 04 VW Passat, 107k, Grey ................................................$7495 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4.0L 4x4 ................................$7495 04 Hyundai Elantra GLS, 84k, Auto ................................$5495 03 Audi A4, Turbo, Black...................................................$6495 03 VW Beetle GLS, Blue, 91k, 5-Sp, 2-tone Lthr, 17" Alloys ......$6495 03 Mercedes S500, Loaded, 82k..................................$18,995 03 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 88K, Loaded .........................$6,995 03 Dodge Neon, 86k .........................................................$4995 03 Infinity QX4, Auto, 4WD, V6 ......................................$8995 03 VW Jetta GL, Green.......................................................$4795 03 Volvo S60, AWD, Tan....................................................$7495 02 VW Passat, Turbo, Black..............................................$5495 02 Saab 9-5 Aero, Silver, Black Leather, Auto .............$5995 02 Saab 9-3 Convertible, Blue, Loaded..........................$6495 02 Ford F250, 73k, Auto, 4x4, ......................................$12995 02 Volvo S60 2.4L ..............................................................$6495 02 Volvo S60, Auto, Keyless Entry, Leather ..................$6495 01 Audi A4 2.8L, Manual, AWD.......................................$6495

01 Jeep Grand Cherokee, 4x4, Blue................................$5995 00 Cadillac Escalade, Pewter, Loaded, 102k .................$5995 00 VW Jetta, Silver, 111k..................................................$5495 99 Saab 9-3, 108k, White, Convertible..........................$4995 99 Saab 9-5, Turbo, Silver, Wagon .................................$3495 99 VW Passat, 98k, Maroon ............................................$4995 98 Volvo S70, Silver...........................................................$3995 89 Chevy Corvette, 52k, Black.......................................$10500

Tim Bellmore

INDEPENDENTAuto 1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011



If it's green, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it has numbers it's math. If it doesn't work, it's technology.

Out & About at Hot Stuff Tanning & Wellness Center

Politeness is like an air-cushion - there's nothing in it but it eases the jolts.

The Biggest Piece Growing their Family

Some say we're a part of an Xtreme Family

The Domingue's: Jerry, Carol, Austin & Dylan

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

Dave & Lana Gould Owner of Hot Stuff Tanning & Danielle Borden

Out & About at Tabers on opening day We still make the food the same way today as we did 24 years ago when I started working here and everyone absolutely loves it!

A little sword practice

Cardio Demo Come to Hot Stuff Tanning and Get Fit & Fabulous with their Cardio & Zumba Classes

I agree Jo, we're very happy to keep the traditions going at Tabers and keeping the business in the family, too. My son, Dan has been doing a great job over the past 3 years as the new owner.

Dan, Jo & Maureen

The trouble with wishful thinking is that it's usually 99% wishful and 1% thinking.

Laura Murray Maine Family Federal Credit Union announces the hiring of Laura Murray. Laura will be supervising the Credit Solutions department located in the Lewiston office. She has previously worked at Lewiston Municipal FCU for 13 years as their Loan Officer/Collection Officer before going to Sabattus Regional CU as their Head Teller/Loan Officer. Maine Family has employed Laura for four months as the Credit Solutions Manager. She is very excited to be working for Maine Family because, “We are a family oriented credit union and dedicated to helping our members. Come on over and join us!” Maine Family Federal Credit Union is a cooperative dedicated to helping our members lead a healthy economic life by providing personalized financial solutions. Our mission guides us in how we interact with our members every day. Experience the Feeling of Family. We want you to feel like you're part of our Family. You are eligible to become a member of Maine Family Credit Union if you reside, work, worship, attend school, or have immediate family members who reside within our field of membership of Androscoggin County. Simply opening a share account with a minimum deposit of $25.00. See our ad on page 51. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at St. Dom’s String Program

Catty remarks have more lives than a cat.

Taught by Steve Grenier of Main St. Music Lessons

Lesson #1 kids, never practice on an empty stomach...

The St. Dom's String Program entertains attendees at the St. Dominic Annual Silent Auction

Who are these guys?

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website Rumor has it they were all dressed up and did have a place to go... our source thinks they this pic was taken just before the Lewiston senior prom circa 1950. Trivia: Tell us who they are and win a FREE hand car wash compliments of Uncle Andy’s Digest! Email with your answer and info. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011

783-7039 946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." -- Mary O'Connor

Try our state-of-the-art Service, Parts & Body Shop and SAVE MONEY! OIL & FILTER CHANGE


Expires 5/31/11. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.




10 OFF


Save your vehicle from winter’s pothole brutality! Rotate & balance tires, perform computerized 4-wheel alignment, inspect suspension and steering components

50 OFF

Expires 5/31/11. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

Purchase of 4 tires & alignment


Expires 5/31/11. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.



Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge


Protect your vehicle from the elements. Complete vehicle detail and reconditioning special. Wash, buff, wax, interior shampoo and detail. Expires 5/31/11. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

100 OFF Can be used for any collision or paint repair that exceeds $500

Hello Gov-nah!

Restoration services on classic & antique autos from repairs to touch-ups. Guaranteed work! We’ll get your vehicle in and out quickly. Expires 5/31/11. One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

We offer 24 hour towing services for any vehicle


Chevrolet Buick - Oxford

1-866-370-9225 Check out other great coupon specials online 1606 Main St. (Rt. 26) Oxford, ME • "This boy's making more noise than a couple of skeletons throwing a fit on a tin roof." – Foghorn Leghorn

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out ’n About at Impulse Hair in New Auburn

I wanted Cheyenne to be in this photo, too!

Jacob Kritzer strikes a pose

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." – Bernard Bailey


&GOLF CENTER Rt. 4, just past Lake Auburn

18-hole Mini Golf Driving Range


Batting Cages

MADE WITH FRESH GRADE-A STEAK, CUT & GROUND DAILY Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets oiled, sometimes it gets replaced.

Rates as low as 2.75%* Stop by and apply today! Cheyenne & Jacob Kritzer


Date night is always done on impulse and never planned!

Great Falls Federal Credit Union Matt & Jen Kritzer Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500

*Member eligibility required, qualifications & restrictions may apply, no in-house refinancing, annual percentage rate. **Most cases.

Dear Lord, please keep your arm around my shoulder - and your hand over my mouth.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia.







2007 Chevy Equinox

2006 Dodge Caravan

1997 Ford F150

90K, AWD, Loaded, Leather

40K, Runs Good

Reg. Cab, 4X4, 114K UP TO 45 MPH







2003 Ford F250 Superduty

Racing Go Cart

1994 Chevy Rack Body

Reg. Cab, 4X4, V10, 84k

Racetrack Approved, New Motor

2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K Things are heating up... The weather’s getting nice and the deals are even hotter! Come check us out!! 2000 Chevy 6500 Car Carrier, 6 Speed, Diesel . . .$17,995 1994 Chevy 3500 Rack Body, No Dump, Diesel . . .$8,500 1992 Chevy 3500 Ambulance, V8, Auto . . . . . . . . .$2,995

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at Emerson Toyota

Time to lie on the beach. Yeah, I never tell the truth anywhere.

Pick out one of those great looking vehicles on pages 24 & 25 and give me a call.

Ron "Foxy" Fox No, give me a call!

Andrew Colapietro

No, give ME a call!!

Eric Mortenson Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Tropic al Har mony

All your salt water tank needs right here!

Out & About at Emerson Toyota For a great deal on a Toyota, come see me!

Get your snacks & ice cold beer here before hitting the area golf courses!

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies 272 South Main St. Auburn • • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

Samantha Holden Since 1953 May Special

GRILLED CHICKEN $ WRAP 4.99 GRILLED CHICKEN SALAD $ SANDWICH 4.50 Substitute Whole Wheat Wrap +.30¢

Look for this K+L decal at local businesses in L-A Check us out online at:

The Perishing Parish A pastor had had a bad week. On Sunday he was very frustrated and he began his sermon, "Everyone in this parish is going to hell if they don't change their ways." One man in the back began to laugh. So the pastor said it again louder. The man continued to laugh.

"Helping the environment one job at a time" Call us for a free quote to clean your business

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725 HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

The pastor went back to him and asked him why he was laughing. He answered, "Because I don't belong to this parish!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

NEW LOCATION! Across from Maine Oxy. Two driveways down from Doggz Inn in Auburn.

15 Pierce Street Auburn


WE PAY YOU! Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler

Jean Fournier Jean C. Fournier, a representative of Modern Woodmen of America, has been named to Modern Woodmenʼs 2010 Presidentʼs Cabinet. This distinction recognizes Fournierʼs high achievement in life insurance sales and ranking among the organizationʼs top representatives nationwide. Founded in 1883, Modern Woodmen of America touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal benefit society offers financial services and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States.

Automobile Batteries .............................$9* Alloy Rims .....................................$16 each* Catalytic Converters.........from $8 to $260* Starters/Alternators.....................$4 each* Computer Green Board Scraps........$2/lb.* Copper, Brass, Aluminum, Insulated Wire, Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions *Prices subject to change to market conditions

Fred Brown, Shane Lacasse, Deanna Groves & Peter Michalak

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

Congratulations to everyone who quit smoking via Healthy Androscoggin's Annual Quit & Win Program

Our favorite restaurant has a waitress whose name-tag reads "Beautiful." "Is that really your name?" I asked her. "No" she admitted. "But if people are going to holler at me all day, I can at least be called something I like." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge

If Patrick Henry thought taxation was bad without representation... he should see it with!



1 OFF *full size sandwich

Awesome Chicken Salad Sandwich* includes choice of potato salad, cole slaw or chips & a pickle

Feeding 8 or more people? Call for our boxed lunches & platters!

Breakfast served all day! HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm; Sun. 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburn


Beer & Wine available

10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair This is the pose of the Green Ladle ninja!

• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

• Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

Ron Moon, Manager


35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings


A: Juan on Juan! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


A procrastinator's work is never done.



Q: What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?


Dog gonnit… We want your business!


Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm

Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm



LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

DJ & Live Local Entertainment

ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Fri. May 6th Sat. May 7th Fri. May 13th Sat. May 14th Sun. May 15th Fri. May 20th Sat. May 21st May 26-28


Psycho Stick & Guests Back in Black AC/DC Tribute Opening Act: Stronghold Under the Covers See below FMI Strict9 Head to Head Tour featuring Save the Date!! Mushroomhead & Hed Pe Sat. June 4th Prospect Hill & Guests Dead Season CD Release Party w/ Mechanical Bull Tickle Memorial Weekend Party (see below)

Saturday, May 21st


Saturday, May 14th


remier Maine’s PBand Dance

A show you don’t want to miss!

Thur., Fri. & Sat. May


rty Memorial WeDeudkeeVondkda PPraomo Thurs. Thee Olives ft Specials! Fri. & Sat. Gritty’s Dra

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 •

Out & About at Tabers on opening day

Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

There's no better place to practice your golf swing then on the mats at Tabers...

...except on the grass tee-up areas son, I prefer hitting off my own wooden tees...

Darren & Don Leighton Come on out and hit a bucket of balls. I'd like to see you try to  hit the Pepsi or Country Kitchen signs!

Bike Night 2011 Every Wednesday Night Outside under the tents Starts at 6:00pm $1.50 Drafts 1/2 price appetizers Live Entertainment & much more!


Come check it out!

Don’t miss it!

Saturday, May 14th

Outside under the tents! Party starts at 6pm • Live music from Veggies By Day starts at 7pm

Join us for tons of fun, drink specials and lots more!

DON’T FORGET... Live Entertainment Every Wednesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday

Ope comin n Mic g Tuesd soon on ay Nig hts!

Irish Twins Pub Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)

Matt Myrick at The Golf Shack

You've got to spend money to lose money.

The police have stopped my husband so many times for speeding, they decided to just give him a season ticket.


PEDRO O’ Hara’s

Irish • Mexican • American Lunch & Dinner Open 7 Days a Week

Cinco de Mayo


Thurs. May 5th


134 Main Street, Lewiston

Our grandfather is the best drum teacher around!


Now Accepting 25 Mary St., Lewiston New Students


783-6200 Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick

House of Lady Debra Presents...

Our Sock Hop!


Every Sunday at the Lisbon V.F.W. Mouth-watering food, cash bar, door prizes & giveaways

Listen and dance to your favorite hits of the 50s & 60s Live D.J. ~ Music starts at 7pm Stump Dr. Love!! Lisbon V.F.W. • 52 Lisbon Rd. in Lisbon FMI call 689-3591 or 353-5291 email:

Anybody home?

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken.

Now booking summer lessons! • Guitar • Voice • Violin

• Piano • Banjo • Music theory

• Bass • Mandolin • Brass & woodwinds

We also sell and service all types of instruments

Main St. Music Lessons Authorized Service Center

& Instrument Repair

376-3376 Archaeologists will date any old thing.

134 Main Street, Auburn Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 39

Out & About at Tabers on opening day Stop by Taber's for a delicious meal and some ice cream, we'd be happy to take your order.

I've spent most of my life golfing - the rest I've just wasted.

Broad Street Band Central Maine’s Premiere Classic Rock Dance Band

May 5 May 7 May 14 May 21 May 27 June 4 Emily Chouinard & Shae Godbout Boy, doesn’t it feel good to be out here swinging the clubs!

@ Pedro O’Hara’s, Lewiston @ Fastbreaks, Lewiston @ Poland Spring Inn, Poland @ Clubhouse Tavern, Livermore @ Schemengees, Lewiston @ Fastbreaks, Lewiston

Isn't it time you threw yourself a party? We’d love to perform at your outdoor BBQ this summer!

207-754-6462 I'm nobody's fool, but am available for adoption. – Uncle Andy

Mrs. Blackie & Steve Jordan Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


Washable: What a cowboy does very carefully.

Hundreds of kids are shipped off to Mime Boarding School every year, never to be heard from again.

Growing their Family

Eric Bennett

May 28-30, 2011

Simard-Payne Memorial Park (Off Lincoln Street in Lewiston)

Maine Family Federal Credit Union announces the hiring of Eric Bennett. Bennett, the newest teller in Lewiston, previously was employed at Old Orchard Beach Pizza and Tim Hortons. He is excited to be working for Maine Family because he loves people. Maine Family Federal Credit Union is a cooperative dedicated to helping our members lead a healthy economic life by providing personalized financial solutions. Our mission guides us in how we interact with our members every day. Experience the Feeling of Family. We want you to feel like you're part of our Family. You are eligible to become a member of Maine Family Credit Union if you reside, work, worship, attend school, or have immediate family members who reside within our field of membership of Androscoggin County. Simply opening a share account with a minimum deposit of $25.00. See our ad on page 51.

In 2000, studies revealed that cocoa beans contain large amounts of natural antioxidants that help to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. It could be worse: there could be 35 teachers for every student.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 41

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches.








GET SHELLACKED! Now Offering Shellac Manicures. Call for an appointment.



Get your Spring highlights, cuts, styles, manicures, pedicures & waxing today! 20 Coburn Street, Auburn • 782-9009

studio for hair, nails & massage

Not Telling A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone. "Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?" "It wasn't a boy," came the reply. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


(Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

“Ticket” Auction To benefit Michele “Mikki” Swift in her 3rd battle with breast cancer Hundreds of Items • 50/50 Raffle Kids Table • Grab Bag • Face Painting Hot Dogs & Baked Goods

Saturday, May 7th Bidding from 11:00-1:00 Auction from 1:00-3:00 St. Phillip’s Church, Rte. 4, Auburn HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

I love shopping at Pipsqueaks! Jump to page 49 to learn more...

Emily Desmarais at Pipsqueaks

Following Orders As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The Instructor walked over until he was eyeto-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

"Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain." – Charlie Chaplin

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge Yes, I will your guide on this 3-hour tour. Follow me to Captain Don’s Loft...

"Before you can win, you have to believe you are worthy." – Mike Ditka

Framing Made Simple Metal Frame (silver, black or gold)

8x10.............................$10 16x20...........................$20 20x24...........................$30 24x36...........................$40

Regular Glass Foam Core Backing

Affordable, everyday pricing – just for you! Stop in or call for more info.

Expert Custom Framing! Quality Personal Service!! Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Dan Williams, owner

Live Entertainment Weekends Free WiFi

Open Jam Thursdays

Fri. May 6th Sat. May 7th Fri. May 13th Sat. May 14th Fri. May 20th Sat. May 21st Fri. May 27th Sat. May 28th

TBA Veggies by Day Black Cat Road Skösh TBA Veggies by Day TBA Ascent to Power

97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668

Q: For what kind of tooth can you be sure the tooth fairy will leave exactly one dollar? A: A buck tooth Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


481 Maine St. • Poland Spring, Maine Joseph Cimino • Roger Caldwell POLANDSPRINGTRADINGPOST@HOTMAIL.COM

207-998-2806 207-576-9535 207-576-1553

"You learn something every day if you pay attention." – Ray LeBlond

Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test.

Out & About for The Galloup School of Lutherie Seminar at Main St. Music Lessons

We can ship anything... Anywhere! (well, almost anything)

• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping • Packaging Services • eBay • Mailboxes and more!

Sam Guidry explains the fundamentals of Guitar setup

120 Center Street, Auburn


Denny Breau picks on a Custom Galloup guitar & performs original songs at an intimate performance after the Lutherie Seminar

SAVE VALUABLE TIME! Whether you’re a one-person company or a several hundred-person company, time is an issue. We guarantee you will save time by reducing the hours spent producing payroll information and preparing payroll registers, quarterly, and year to date payroll reports.


100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 •

Denny Breau & Colleen Poulin

"An idea that is clear and precise even though false will always have greater power in the world than an idea that is true but complex." – Alexis de Tocqueville

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at Hot Stuff Tanning & Wellness Center

Whales die if their echo system fails.

Shanan Mendenhall & Broch Bissonette

No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.

Laura Pendexter of Strip T's

Doesn’t damage your hair Uses real human hair

Introducing our newest stylist...

24 Colors: Colors can be toned to match existing hair!

782-5920 Kelli Gilzow & Julie Kramarz of Xtreme Fitness at Hot Stuff Tanning

Lisa Tinder Certified in NEO Extensions Best Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping In Your Cubicle: I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

Grandchildren are God's way of compensating us for growing old. – Mary H. Waldrip


10% MORE with any amount of bottles with this coupon!

We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods. And definitely worth the trip!

Expires 5/31/11

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Deb Wagemann

Richard Conway, owner

You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother. – Proverb

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH Wall of Fame Inductee Good to the last bite!

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Deborah J. Wagemann, a representative of Modern Woodmen of America, has been named to Modern Woodmenʼs 2010 Presidentʼs Cabinet. This distinction recognizes Wagemannʼs high achievement in life insurance sales and ranking among the organizationʼs top representatives nationwide. Founded in 1883, Modern Woodmen of America touches lives and secures futures. The fraternal benefit society offers financial services and fraternal member benefits to individuals and families throughout the United States.

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery

"When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take the step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly."

5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11, Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

– Patrick Overton

Chris Allen of Auburn

Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love. – Author Unknown

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 47

Out & About at Hot Stuff Tanning & Wellness Center

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Now Open!

Get your tan on right here! It’s Hot Stuff!!

Grand Opening Celebration all month long!

Sushi Bar Japanese • Korean • Thai

Executive Sushi Chef from Boston Justin & Alex Tardif, Stacy Dennis & Michelle Borden

every weekend

No MSG Every dish can be prepared vegetarian Daily Lunch Specials 11-2:30 Full Bar

Matt Gilbert w/ his Wakisashi Sword &

Steven Gilbert Xtreme Martial Arts Students 730 Center Street, Auburn Auburn Plaza, next to Flagship Cinema

376-4855 Misty Edgecomb ME Massage Therapy

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011




Purchase of $25 or more Limit one per visit Expires 5/31/11

Bizarre things to say and do to a telephone solicitor to get him to hang up and leave you alone: "So, what are you wearing?"

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Pre-registered rooms ........ Already occupied

Out & About at Hot Stuff Tanning & Wellness Center Just kickin' it!

We buy and sell gently used children’s items! Clothing, toys, furniture and everything in between!

Newborn thru Kids sizes Kids Love Our Clothes Moms Love Our Prices

$5 OFF

Frequent Shoppers Program enables you to save even more

Your $25 purchase!

Paige & Rick Gonya

Must present coupon or mention ad • Expires 5/31/11

Xtreme Martial Arts Students

96 Sabattus Road, Sabattus 375-7100

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."



Ask us how!!

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: No extra fees ............... No extras

-- Thich Nhat Hanh


Mowing • Spring Cleanup • Branches • Leaves Lawn Seeding • Mulching • Hedge Trimming Snowplowing • Free Estimates • Fully Insured


Brian LaFontaine



10 OFF

First Lawn Mowing with 1-year contract

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Cozy ........................ Small

Gotcha Farmer Josh killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone. He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months. Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Josh, did you ever find out who stole your pig?" "Nope," said Josh. "Not until just now." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 49

Micaela Kelly joins

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Standard .................... Sub-standard

Micaela Kelly of Lewiston has recently joined the crew at Panache Studio for Hair, Nails and Massage at 20 Coburn Street in Auburn. Micaela is a 2007 Graduate of St. Doms Academy and also graduated in July 2010 from The Paul Mitchell Hair School in Tampa, Florida. The Paul Mitchell School is designed to teach stylists the skills they need, inspire them to explore their passion and creativity, and help them learn the business that will make their careers in the beauty industry fun and rewarding. Micaela specializes in colors & cuts, but her favorite thing to do is updos; she also offers manicures and pedicures. For an appointment with Micaela contact Panache today at 782-9009. Panache is a full service hair, nail and massage studio. They offer cuts, colors & highlights, extensions, updos, perms, waxing, manicures & pedicures, artificial nails and massage services. Panache is located just off Center Street in Auburn at 20 Coburn Street and are open Monday thru Saturday. Check out their ad on page 42. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


YTH2042 Yard Tractor




Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Deluxe ...................... Standard

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Knowledgeable trip hosts .... They've flown in an airplane before

Month of May

Proms Recitals Graduation Nurses Day Mothers Day Memorial Day

Magic Show Fund Raiser to benefit The Conn Family of Turner Heidi Conn has very recently, unexpectedly, become a paraplegic. Medical costs are huge as she bravely learns to adjust to her new circumstances. Both Heidi and her husband Doug are life-long educators who live in Turner. They have spent a lifetime helping others. It is time for us to help them. Please help.


World Class Magician at Leavitt Area HS, Turner Spaghetti Supper Basket Auction/Games and Prizes

What? How Much?

May 21, 2011. Two shows, matinee and evening Adults $20 • Students $10 • Under 5 free if on lap

America’s Premier Female Illusionist Amazing! Dynamic! Spectacular!

Ann’s Flowers Taylor Brook Mall 14 Millett Drive, Auburn


In 1974, Ted Giannoulas debuted as the San Diego Chicken. Giannoulas took a job for a radio station in 1974 to dress up as a chicken and deliver Easter eggs at the San Diego Zoo. He did such a good job that the radio station asked him to appear in the same outfit at a San Diego Padres game. The rest is history. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


I’m headin’ to Mario’s!

Master illusionist Lyn Dillies has mesmerized audiences of all ages throughout the U.S. and Canada for over 2 decades. Hailed as the finest female magician in the land, Lyn’s engaging personality, along with the hypnotic lighting effects and dynamic music of her show, wrap the audience in a blanket of spectacular, eye-defying illusions that keep them saying, “How did she do that?” Lyn Dallies Appearing on numerous TV shows, Lyn has shared the stage with such notable entertainers as Marvin Hamlisch, Jeff Dunham, Bill Engval, Crystal Gayle. and Mikhail Baryshnikov. One of the proudest moments of Lyn’s career was when she became the first illusionist in magic history to make two live Asian elephants, Ruth and Emily, appear in succession. In 2009 she received the prestigious Merlin award from the International Magician’s Society for Female Illusionist of the Year.

Spring into Mario’s!!

May Special!

100% Lobster Salad Roll Handcut Fries Mini Whoopie Pie




Call ahead for takeout or enjoy a meal in our full service dining room!! The Little Place with the Great Taste

Rt. 100 • New Gloucester

Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm

Check us out online at


Breakfast Served Daily until 11am

Interpreting Hotel Brochures: Superior .................... One free shower cap

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

SAY HELLO TO THE FUTURE! at Perfect Image Salon & Spa

Shellac® is

x o S d e R y r e v e Catch on NESN HD Game Open Mother’s Day! Full menu available HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pm • Fri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Every Tuesday Night - 5pm-8pm

Pizza Buffet Soup, Salad & Pizza $9.50/pp $5 Children 10 & under 782-2088 150 Mill Street, Lewiston HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony, They Had Simultaneous Headaches.

a breakthrough, patent-pending UV3 technology that combines the ease of polish with the permanence of gels. A true innovation in chip- free, extended-wear color. Shellac® applies like a polish-no pots-just a bottle and brush. And removal takes just 10 minutes! No filing. No Drills. The results? 14-day, glorious, high-gloss shine thats truly addictive! With 24 colors to choose from there's sure to be a shade you'll want. And you can say good-bye to “Is it Dry” time and hello to Zero Dry TIME. Shellac® has no dry time because it is UV cured reach in your purse, grab your keys, grab the wheel and drive off with the confidence that you haven't just ruined your polish. No more wear, chips or scratches, no more signs of wear.. just 2 weeks of perfect, high-gloss shine. Isn't it time you get shellacked? For the perfect nails to compliment that perfect look you strive for, contact Perfect Image Salon & Spa today by calling 777-1611. Perfect Image Salon & Spa is located at 336 Center Street, in The Harvard Mall in Auburn. They offer complete hair services, spa manicures & pedicures, body treatments, facials and massage services. See their ad on page 55 FMI. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Nervous Expectation

"You may live in an imperfect world but the frontiers are not closed and the doors are not all shut." – Maxwell Maltz

Submitted by Jimbo

Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter and her husband broke the monotony one night with a trip to the movies. My daughter went inside to get seats while my son-in-law bought popcorn and drinks in the lobby. Paying for the refreshments, my son-in-law knocked over his soda. The clerk mopped up the mess and refilled his cup. Rattled, he then joined his wife. Talking over the background music, he dramatically described his embarrassing episode. One of his expressive gestures upset the bucket of popcorn. He sheepishly headed back to the lobby. When he was out of earshot, the woman sitting next to my daughter turned and said, "You're not going to let him hold the baby, are you?" Q: What is black and white and red all over? A: A newspaper Q: What is black and white and red all over? A: A skunk with a sunburn Q: What is black and white and red all over? A: A zebra with a rash Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


"If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old." – James A. Garfield

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

4th Anniversary Celebration

Out & About for The Galloup School of Lutherie Seminar at Main St Music Lessons

Food & Drink Specials All Month Long May 7

Need Catering? • Graduations • Weddings • Birthdays • Mother’s Day We do it all! Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs 84 Court St, Auburn


Big Nigh th t BROOKS with BLUES B IDE AND Don

Try Nick’s 4 Soups Served Daily

t’ Miss it !

Live Music on the weekends

Patio opening soon! Come party with us May 7th to celebrate 4 years!

Mon-Tues-Wed 7:30-4:00 (until patio opens) Thu-Fri 7:30-10:00 • Sat. 11:00-10:00

Holly Mireault, Owner

Sam Guidry tunes a guitar If you missed this great seminar and need your guitar setup properly, bring it down to Main St Music, you'll be in good hands!

Carroll Poulin owner of the former Carroll's Music, enjoys burning the last damaged LaSiDo Guitars from his former music store. Any guitars that arrived from LaSiDo damaged & un-repairable from shipping, had to be destroyed per LaSiDo.

Denny Breau admires the custom-made Galloup Guitar

Sam Guidry of The Galloup School of Lutherie

May Special


10 OFF

Any Facial or Massage

Sam Guidry & Denny Breau share a laugh before Now Offering SHELLAC Manicures Call FMI

Denny picks on a custom made Galloup Guitar

336 Center St., Auburn 777-1611

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Why Choose Taylor Brook Dental? • Experienced, professional and courteous staff • We’ve rolled back pricing to 2008 levels! • Clean, modern facility with plenty of parking • We offer Cosmetic & Preventative Dentistry Services all under one roof • We accept the following insurances: Northeast Delta Dental, Delta Dental, State of Maine & Cigna • We have Care Credit & SpringBrook Patient Financing available • Our mission is to help our patients achieve extraordinary dental health

T AYLOR B ROOK D ENTAL A SSOCIATES 784-1577 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2059: Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.



Taylor Brook Dental

Wide-Ranging Services

Our dentists serve patients in Auburn, Lewiston, Poland, Minot, and surrounding towns. We are here to provide quality, comprehensive dental treatment in a friendly, caring atmosphere. Our goal is to help the patient achieve optimal dental heath throughout their lifetime

Our dental services include crowns, bridges, dentures, dental extractions, tooth whitening, cosmetic dentistry, root canal, fluoride treatment, and all other major areas of dentistry.

$AVE HERE! We’ve rolled back to our TAYLOR BROOK 2008 pricing!


27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM Capitalism is man exploiting man. Socialism is the other way around.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili and Chowder Taste Challenge

Watch your step carefully! Everyone else does!

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART • Campers • Senior Citizens • Campground and RV Owners • Free Delivery - 40 mile radius • Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars


497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232 • Driveway, Walkway & Parking Lot Sealing • Crack & Pot Hole Repair ...and more

Clean, Professional Free Estimates and all at rates lower than our competitors

Stick With Me Gary Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011



A rich man is the one who isn't afraid to ask the clerk to see something cheaper.

"A note of music gains significance from the silence on either side." – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Pamper your Mother with one of our spa packages this Mother’s Day! Simple Serenity

Pure Indulgence

Express Facial 1/2 Hour Massage Paraffin Treatment

European Facial 1 Hour Massage Spa Manicure & Pedicure

Sweet Bliss

The Royal Treatment

European Facial 1 Hour Massage Paraffin Treatment

1 Hour European Facial 1 Hour Massage Spa Manicure & Pedicure Haircut & Style Bare Minerals Make-Up Application Luncheon Plate Served

71 East Avenue • Lewiston, Maine

(207) 783-3321 Gift Cards Are Always Available

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Residential Projects – We Do That!

• Excavating • Concrete • Septic System Installation • Water or Sewer Connections

Growing their Family

Dawn Jesseman Maine Family Federal Credit Union announces the hiring of Dawn Jesseman. Dawn, the newest teller in Auburn, previously was employed at the Child Health Center in Oxford as a Childcare Teacher. She brings years of bookkeeping experience to Maine Family as well. She is excited to be working for Maine Family because it has a family feel to it. Maine Family Federal Credit Union is a cooperative dedicated to helping our members lead a healthy economic life by providing personalized financial solutions. Our mission guides us in how we interact with our members every day. Experience the Feeling of Family. We want you to feel like you're part of our Family. You are eligible to become a member of Maine Family Credit Union if you reside, work, worship, attend school, or have immediate family members who reside within our field of membership of Androscoggin County. Simply opening a share account with a minimum deposit of $25.00. See our ad on page 51.

• Retaining Walls • Screened Loam & Gravel Delivery 20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 784-7944 Locally owned and operated since 1970

Call for your FREE quote!

Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Q: In what school do you learn to make ice cream? A: In Sunday School Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout

Never give the devil a ride; he will always want to drive.

A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest All photos by Port City Photography

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


It is unfortunate that, as we grow up, nature robs us of the knowledge of what youngsters are always giggling about.

"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." – Mario Andretti

Smooth Sailing Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go shopping, and I invited the man to go sailing. While we were out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back in deeper water.

"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian." – Robert Orben

"Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he grinned at me, and with unmistakable sincerity said, "Sure beats shopping."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Hop over to Great Falls Credit Union... my Nana has a great loan rate just for you!

"Painting is poetry which is seen and not heard, and poetry is a painting which is heard and not seen." – Leonardo da Vinci

LIGHT & HEAVY DUTY TRUCK SERVICE & REPAIRS You can come to us or we can go to you!

Her Nana is Lisa at Great Falls FCU, Lewiston Branch "I don't know who my grandfather was; I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be." -- Abraham Lincoln

Suspension Service • Oil Changes Inspections • Roadside Assistance Turn Rotors • Summerize RV’s Tune Ups & Much More!

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • You can't kill time without injuring eternity.

THE VOTES ARE IN! 2011 Chili & Chowder Challenge

FIRST PLACE Best Tasting Chowder Judges’ Choice

SECOND PLACE Best Tasting Chowder People’s Choice

THIRD PLACE Best Display

Michael Valee Sr. & Mitchell Valee

Stop in for a bowl of our award-winning chowder or one of many other delicious menu items! – FULL BAR –

Outdoor Patio Now Open!

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday • Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook. (Uncle Andyʼs suggests you throw away your cookbooks and go to Village Inn...)

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

would like to wish all our moms a very special Mother’s Day! Honor her with a gift card for any of our professional services.

Ann Dumais

Kelly Giambra

Sue Poulin

Kim Galgovitch

Happy Mother’s Day

Lisa Olmstead Pauline Guimond

Dad! Knock, Knock?

Jacinta Labbe

We Now Offer WiFi


Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.


Who’s there?

Out & About at the 8th Annual Chili & Chowder Taste Challenge



3 Wanda.

Valerie Kelshaw

We are a full service salon

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston


Lysa Ronan


5 have

some more chili?

PET GROOMING Sadie & Ken from Rolly’s Diner

4 Wanda who?


Nick’s Mowers & Blowers SPRING TUNE-UPS Maintenance and minor repair of small engines done right at your home!


HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us! No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Chamber’s Business Break

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

22 Albiston Way, Auburn 784-5788 1-800-377-9433

Dave Garry, owner of Thatcherʼs in Windham talks with attendees

V-Head Jack Stand $44.99 ea

Rachel Phinney believes that momentum is building for the upcoming chamber golf tourney

Alan Freedman will be signing autographs all day Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


WWW.MAINEOXY.COM Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them," because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Chamber’s Business Break

Barbara Clark & Rep. Gary Plummer discussing how red is their new favorite color

Tom Nash, Emily Wainwright & Melissa OʼBrien Red is cool hot

Mark Wasowski showing off his new red belt he just got in karate

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 65

Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest

dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo

All photos by Port City Photography

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines! Oh, I’ve always wanted to say that!!

Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm


Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM Prime Rib Au Jus* Small $13.25 • Large $15.95 The actress Kim Cattrell from the show Sex in the City... yeah, I know, she looks just like me.

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried Haddock* $11.25 Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock* Small $9.75 • Large $13.25 Fried Seafood Combo* $16.95

Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . . . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . .$6.95 w/Potato & Rolls

Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/Salad & Rolls

Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . . . .$8.95 w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Baked Salmon $10.95 includes Potato, Choice of Salad or Cloeslaw *with Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Great company, attentive waitstaff & fantastic food!

What more could anyone want?

Carl Wing & Moyle Evans


Adults .............$6.95 6 & under .......$3.95


Now open from 7am-11am

Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • JUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout

When in doubt, mumble.

A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest All photos by Port City Photography


600 OFF X500 Tractor

Offer valid until 5/31/11

HALL IMPLEMENT CO. Jct. 202 & 302 at the rotary - Windham


Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 Sat. 7:30-12:00



Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

207-739-9022 Commercial or Residential • Lawn care • Landscaping

May Special

• Seasonal Cleanups

$10 OFF

• Stone Work

First lawn mowing New accounts only

• Seeding • Hedge Trimming • Annual & Perennials

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest All photos by Port City Photography

Ok, I want everyone in this column to look to their right.

NEW Church Bulletin Bloopers: Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Employee Appreciation Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our company. Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. So we chipped in together and bought Albert a dictionary.

Saturday, June 18th Don’t miss the...

And be sure to stop by Ron’s Mexican Cantina & Grill. All proceeds are donated to Camp Sunshine! Thank you for your continued support!!

Always a

Camp Sunshine donation destination!

Sponsored by:

Windham Automotive 385 Roosevelt Trail, Windham

892-1212 Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest All photos by Port City Photography

Shake ‘n bake... Shakin’ ‘n bakin’!

indham •


orth W . 115 in N



on Rt

The ladies really dig this stuff... A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


It would be our HONOR to serve you a great meal. Stop in and find out for yourself why people keep coming back!

Ricky Bobby, right tries to explain his version of “Shake ʻn Bake” to Derek

✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family



907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh**..."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Summer BBQ Corporate Functions

Family Reunions

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering No catering job too small or too big! Professional service at an affordable price Try Dad’s Place for your next event!

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

345-9009 There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place Catering Division

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.

A fundraiser for Windham Summerfest


Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

Monday Night Scrambles Make your own team or sign up as a single. Call the club for more information.


Out & About at the Summerfest Shootout

All photos by Port City Photography

2 for 1

Must present this coupon to receive one free green fee for each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatory for each player. May not be combined with other offers. Good for 18 holes, Mon. thru Thurs. all day, Fri. thru Sun. after 1 p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

Call the club for more information

MOM’S PLAY FREE on Mother’s Day

Sunday, May 8th

with one paid greens fee Cart is additional Call the club FMI

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63 For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

I’m so fast I’ll make your head spin!


Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs Ricky Bobby wonders if he has what it takes this year to win! If that guy is Ricky Bobby then I’m Jean Girard and I’m gonna beat him bad!

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Coffee Choices

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to the living room and asked, "Does anyone want a cup of coffee?" "Yes, please!" we said. He replied, "What kind of coffee do you want? Capitated or decapitated?" A woman sitting at home on the lake porch with her husband and she says, "I love you." He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?" She replies, "It's me... talking to the wine."

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

COMPLETE SPRING CLEAN-UP Lawns, Driveways, Parking lots and more!


YEAR ROUND SERVICES AVAILABLE Paving Available - Competitive Prices & High Quality Work All landscaping materials delivered! Mulch sold by the bag or by the truckload! We sweep away our competition with fair competitive pricing!

FREE ESTIMATES Residential or Commercial

M&P Property Management 1339 Sabattus Street, Lewiston Moe 577-0690 • Scott 402-5108 • Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Growing their Family

Kerri Young

• Power your whole house • Keep medical equipment running • Keep food cold & your home warm • Keep well pumps & sump pumps working

And Much More!



783-7126 I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

Maine Family Federal Credit Union announces the hiring of Kerri Young. Kerri Young has previously worked at Stephens Pizza for about a year as their cashier and cook. She is very excited to be working for Maine Family because she loves interacting with her co-workers and the members. Kerri will be a teller in the Lewiston office. Maine Family Federal Credit Union is a cooperative dedicated to helping our members lead a healthy economic life by providing personalized financial solutions. Our mission guides us in how we interact with our members every day. Experience the Feeling of Family. We want you to feel like you're part of our Family. You are eligible to become a member of Maine Family Credit Union if you reside, work, worship, attend school, or have immediate family members who reside within our field of membership of Androscoggin County. Simply opening a share account with a minimum deposit of $25.00. See our ad on page 51.

“How many people work in your office?” the boss asked the department head. “Oh, about half of them, sir!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.


600 Center Street • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 786-0112 Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm

Courtney Marston

v Fresh new look v Same great staff v Same great services v Same location & hours

Jamie Marston

Annette Dupre Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.

TRUE STORY: BOSTON, OREGON? Submitted by Jim Bossie

Ray The Electrician LLC RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL “My Prices Won’t Shock You”

Office: 225-3360 • Cell: 576-6643

Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work • Houses • Cottages • Dormitories • Campgrounds • Schools

• Phone Cable • Camera Security • House Alarms • Lead Certified Renovator

PLUS: • Install all sizes of generators, from portable to stand-by generators • Install permanent line poles for new housing developments

We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a week Licensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it craps on your head.

In 1843, a Tennessee drifter named William Overton, and his friend Asa Lovejoy, were floating in a canoe down the Willamette River in Oregon when they came upon an enticing stretch of land. They beached their canoe, and marveled at the beautiful mountains and the rich potential of all the trees they saw. Overton didnʼt have the quarter that was required to file a land claim, so he sold half of his 640-acre share to Lovejoy for 25 cents. They began to clear the trees, build roads, and build the first buildings. After a while, Overton decided to move on, and sold his half of the share to Francis Pettygrove. In 1845 Lovejoy and Pettygrove decided that it was time to name their new settlement. They agreed to flip a coin, and the winner could name the settlement after the town in which the winner came from. Pettygrove won the coin toss two out of three times. Pettygrove was from Portland, Maine and Lovejoy was from Boston, Massachusetts... so the settlement became known as Portland, Oregon. And the rest is history. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration Birthday parties are fun, but I can’t stop thinking about dusting off my golf clubs and playing a round...

Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter".

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Mike Dupre

Selective Hard Covers $2

Sisterly Smiles

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD) Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!


SALE! 20% - 70% OFF

Kayla, Courtney & Jamie Marston Featuring

131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store Butch “the lap dog” & Sue Marston

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

& Jimbo


MAY 2011


The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.


Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

We Buy, Sell & Trade Full Line Gun Smith Service New website coming soon!! Check us out!

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

Andy Jarman

The Birthday Girls It says we’re 16!

Five Fabulous Friends Paxton Arsenault, Courtney Marston, Katie Wallingford, Paige Brousseau & Amanda Gibson

The Perfect Place to Dine anytime of the day! Open Sun. - Thur. 10:30am - 10pm Fri. & sat. 10:30am - 11pm

Courtney Marston & Amanda Gibson


784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn

Anna to Uncle Andy: Why don't you slip into something more a coma.

Shannon Wilson with her son, Michael (silly goose) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 77

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.


Melora Lavoie & Emily Cormier


• Fully Insured • Certified in Erosion Control •

1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • Emily Gibson

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.

Remodeling Your Kitchen or Bathroom? FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED! Over

110 GRANITE and

300 QUARTZ Tyler LaFrinea

colors to choose from! Check out our showroom!

Family Owned & Operated

786-5556 Aaron Stanley Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


995 Center Street, Auburn • Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm

Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.




Check us out online!

Burgers • Dogs L-A’s Be st Onion Rings Frie s • Ice Cre am


Open 7 days a week! Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake) Off Rt. 4 in Auburn Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities

Service Rental Sales

Do not neglect your Septic System For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.


G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. Extreme Sports or Extreme Pain?

111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!

Reminiscing By Travis Dow

As the sun filled my car with warmth I stepped out into reality as a light wind cooled me down. Despite these somewhat mild conditions, people came out in force on April 14th for Taber's opening day. Most people chose their vehicles on this particular day in lieu of the picnic tables that many families have shared a meal on over the years. Tabers is just as much a piece of L/A's history & future as is the lake which it's parking lot, golf driving range and mini golf course overlooks. A true L/A past time. It’s just one of those things you have to do a soon as you can do it, and do it as many times as you can before winter rears its ugly head again. It’s like dusting off the baseball glove to play that first game of catch, or firing up your motorcycle for the first ride of the’s a wonderful, familiar feeling you can't get enough of and a sign that spring and summer are truly here. Diners sink their teeth into the first bite of a Taber's burger, onion ring, french fry or hot dog, savoring every second while golfers work out those winter kinks in preparation for the impeding season. The words they shout fill the air, and it tells me this isn't the last time they'll be here working towards perfection. 718, order # 718, is called over the speaker, signaling and end to my reminiscing. It’s time to truly experience what I’ve been writing about all this time, and I suggest, you do the same. Get on out to Taber’s as many times as you can this summer. Enjoy a meal, an ice cream or frappe perhaps, then hit a bucket of balls and play a round of mini golf. It’s experiences like this that you’ll look back on and never regret ever doing too much of! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 79

SPRING SALE GOING ON NOW! There is no better investment than a new kitchen or bath!

Best flooring prices in town… why pay more? Exclusive Dealer of

Denis Lebel & Baby Kitchen Design Specialist

Now Available Latest style of Cabinet Hardware makes cabinetry look updated and new. Brass, Antique Brass, Burnished Metals, Ceramic and much more.

Large Selection of In-Stock 550 Lisbon Street, Lewiston, ME • 782-0831

• Hardwood • Laminates • Ceramic Tile • Carpet Rems • Vinyl Rems Bound Rugs & Runners NEW EXPANDED HOURS: Monday 8-7pm • Tues - Fri. 8-5pm • Sat. 9-2pm

I hope I'm the last guy on earth -- I wanna see if all those women were lying to me. – Uncle Andy

Plan Your Summer Projects Now!

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

Commercial/Residential Hardscaping FULLY INSURED FREE ESTIMATES

The proud moms, Sue Marston & Kathy Gibson flank the birthday girls My cousin, Tanner wants to use me in a stunt... I’m not so sure about this!

Hardscaping will transform your property and add value! Michael Peppe

Retaining Walls • Walkways & Steps • Brick Patios • Specialty Stonework •

Shawn Brown Project Manager 740-0560

Granite Curbing • Foundations • House Lots • Excavation • And more! •

36 Howes Corner Road, Turner • 344-5814 • It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration I don’t care whose birthday it is... just throw my ball and we’ll be friends forever!

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

Eggcettera Catering U N C LE A N D Y A P

If you’re too busy to cook and you don’t want fast food, try our



For only $7 each, Dinner for 1-200.

and Dinner To Go

Please order one day prior. Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

784-5544 31 Leavitt Street, Auburn

See our full menu online at:

(first left after the Minot Ave./Hotel Rd. intersection as you head toward Mechanic Falls)

Cash • Check • Major Credit Cards

Dinner To Go Sun.


Mon. Shepherd’s Pie Pickled Beets Rolls

Sophie Courtney is my girl.






Why don't dogs make good dancers?

Broccoli Chix Alfredo w/ Noodles Salad

24 Pot Roast Potato Peas, Rolls


Potato Salad B-B-Q Ribs Slaw, Rolls


Mac & Cheese Hot Dogs Green Beans, Rolls


Tue. Spaghetti w/ Meat Sauce Green Beans Rolls


Chili Cornbread Green Beans, Salad



May Menu


Spaghetti w/Meatballs, Salad, Rolls



Wed. Beef Stroganoff w/ Noodles Carrots, Rolls


Thu. Macaroni Salad B-B-Q Chix Cole Slaw


American Chop Suey Broccoli Rolls


Roast Pork Mashed Potato Corn Baked Apples


Turkey - Stuffing Potato, Peas Rolls


Green Bean Casserole w/ Chix Noodles Salad, Rolls


Smothered Beef, Mashed Potato Corn, Rolls

Shepherd’s Pie Pickled Beets Rolls




Salmon Pie Mashed Potato Slaw, Rolls



Baked Stuffed Seafood Haddock Baked Potato Slaw, Rolls



Salmon Pie, Mashed Potatoes, Slaw



Baked Stuffed Seafood Haddock Mashed Potato Slaw, Rolls


Cheese Lasagna Salad Rolls

Baked Ham w/ Pineapple Mashed Potato Green Beans, Rolls

Please order one day prior. Pick up from 4:30-7:30 p.m.

Because they have two left feet!

See our full menu online at:

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.

& Jimbo


MAY 2011


Thank You to our Sponsors! Come support your Blue Devils


6th Annual

Lewiston High School Football Booster 782-1125


Sunday, June 12, 2011


7am Registration/Sign In 8am Shotgun Start • Scramble Format 70 Lincoln St. Lewiston 333-3663


Fairlawn Country Club, Poland


$50 per person, $200 per team of four

946 Center St. Auburn 784-3503

(must accompany form)

Prizes for: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place, closest-to-the-pin, longest drive and putting contest. Plus other events.

Registration Form Player 1:


Player 2:



Player 3:



Player 4:


Hairlooks International



Please register before Sunday, June 5th. Make checks payable and mail to: LHS Football Boosters, PO Box 34, Lewiston, ME 04240

FMI: Jeff Johnson, 577-0588 • or Joe McKinnon, 333-9088 1331 Sabattus St.

Lewiston 782-3617



Advanced Registration is preferred, you can register at the door.

Over 30 years experience

1305 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 784-0550





PAVING 784-5899


Get your team together and join us for a great day of golf!

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration You blow out those 8 and I’ll get these 8. Ready? 1... 2...

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

MACHINE GUNS • SILENCERS • NFA TRANSFERS SHORT BARREL RIFLES/SHOTGUNS We also carry: All other types of firearms Knives • Ammo by the case We Buy - Sell - Trade Finders fee for collections

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at

Rt. 4 • Turner, ME


Just past Twitchell’s Airport

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210

What the heck – Build a deck! New Homes, Sun Rooms, Garages Call us for your FREE quote!


“The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Hunter Gibson

Support local businesses. Use our advertisers! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

Picking a new Pope Submitted by Jimbo

Assisted Home Care

CNA’s GREAT PAY & FLEXIBLE HOURS • BASE PAY $13.00 PER/HR Weekend Shift Differentials

Tired of the Same Old Same Old? Come Join Our Team! If you’re interested in flexible hours and varied assignments, all with an excellent support system, contact us! Nancy Merrill: Administrator Heather Trainer: Director of Nursing

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests. Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope. In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the (continued on next page)

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

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(continued from previous page)

world waited to see whom they had chosen.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope! Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?" After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. "We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA!" On April 13, 2002 the world's first pair of spacewalking grandfathers, named the Silver Team, took the first space walk outside the international space station. They were the Shuttle Atlantis astronauts Jerry Ross and Lee Morin.

Find us & like us on FACEBOOK Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?

We are all part of the ultimate statistic - ten out of ten die.

Monmouth “hero� saves mom’s life by Michelle Gaghan

"The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them." – Robert Frost


To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me. I learned something important about burning leaves - wait until they fall off the trees.

Out â&#x20AC;&#x2122;n About at Marcelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Barber Shop

Eric, Judy, Jin & Ernie Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

Uncle Andyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 87

Come see us at Pipsqueaks for all your gently used children's clothing, toys, cribs, strollers and much more.

Amy, Jason & Emily Desmarais Pipsqueaks

Tub Baptism A friend of mine took her four-year-old daughter to a baptismal service at her church. Later that night, her daughter took all of her dolls into the bathtub with her and held her own "baptism."

• Unmatched flexibility - it’s a smoker, a grill, & an oven • Double-wall ceramics make it durable and fuel efficient all year long • Turkey, ribs, chicken, burgers, roasts and vegetables the EGG cooks them all effortlessly • Bakes better than a brick oven - pizza, bread, even pumpkin pie • The EGG is available in 5 sizes!

Now available at... 783-0858 1-800-244-0858 POOL & SPA CENTER 1975 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston ESTABLISHED 1962

Stop by May 15th & check out The Smokin’ Aces cooking demo with the Big Green Egg!

As she dunked each doll under the water, she repeated, "Now I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and hold your nose."

Residential/Commercial • Camp openings • Garages • Rewiring Street lighting • New construction • Renovations • Generators Outdoor services • Meter upgrades

Jason Desmarais Master Electrician Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


740-2888 Licensed & Insured

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Primeor Spons



Shirley King Belanger Realty 998-4516

Your lakefront & residential specialist!

Poland Regional High School Knights Baseball

GOLF TOURNAMENT 14 Commerce Court, Hampden


Minot Country Store

Saturday, May 21, 2011 12:00 noon check-in • 1:00 p.m. start time

Fairlawn Golf & Country Club in Poland Contests • 50/50

174 Minot Ave., Minot

of Auburn & Oxford

Heating Oil • Kerosene • Propane Equipment Sales & Service

177 Turner St. Auburn • 783-1481

31 Winterbrook Rd, Mechanic Falls


Registration and payment must be received by May 18th!

Premium Quality Hardwood Logs & Veneer There’s no place like...

Dad’s Place The Best Pizza & Coldest Beer in Town! 23 Pleasant St., Mechanic Falls 345-5551

Teams of four $50 per player $200 team Includes greens fees, cart and dinner!



Prizes Prizes include include a 2011 2011 Toyota Toyota Yaris Yaris from from Emerson Emerson Toyota, Toyota, Golf Golf Clubs, Clubs, aa Trip Trip to to Hilton Hilton He ad, and more!


To register, please contact Colleen Quint at 754-1356 or

Get your team together and join us for a fun day of golf!

212 Center St. Auburn


G.A. DOWNING 111 Woodman Hill Road Minot • 782-4508 Service Rental Sales


COOPER PAVING • Asphalt Paving • Coal Tar Sealcoating • Gilsonite Sealcoating • Hot Rubberized Crack Filling And More! 103 Cross Road, Minot • 345-3529

Serving Mechanic Falls, Poland, Minot & Oxford 33 Elm Street, Mechanic Falls 345-4301 •

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration

Strangers have the best candy.

WEBSTER’S TRADING CO. What the? You can’t be serious!

BUY • SELL • TRADE • PAWN 150 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-6402

Courtney & Amanda


get a little surprise

A ride in style!

Need a loan? Call us!

We Rent Budget Trucks!

A Limo from Sarah Jeanneʼs!

Get a quote from another company, bring it to us


WE’RE ALWAYS BUYING AND SELLING! Gold, silver, firearms, estates or anything you might think has value!

Stop in – Let’s talk!! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

"An optimist is the human personification of spring." – Susan J. Bissonette

Blackie’s Farm Fresh Produce

Open Year Round

Building or Remodeling?? Check out our Showroom!! WE STOCK: Monitors • Rinnai • Radiant (Heating Supplies) Baseboard • 1 & 2 pc Tub & Showers Vanity Tops & Bases • Kitchen & Bath Faucets Toilets • Repair Parts (Plumbing & Heating)

908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005 Hours: 6am - 8pm

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020

Now Accepting Debit/Credit Cards! Family Hair Design

Full Service Family Hair Salon


M-F 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

Cancel your annual service today and call...

May is get rid of ants month!

Maine Seasonal Pest Control Andrew Ferguson

75 Crest Ave., Auburn

376.4246 cell: 615.3734

1525 Lisbon St., Lewiston

783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706

Master Applicator

(207) 346-1678

Diane and Friends

Lic # CMA44691/7A7B7E


Downeast Sharpening Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment Complete Sharpening Service Glen A. Gisel

Rubba dub dub, three men in a tub!

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond




Celebrate A friend of mine has three boys, the youngest of whom, Gregory, had just started school.

Larry Strickland, Greg Letourneau and George Raymond of ABC Pools

A teacher commented to Gregory that she couldn't believe he was already in first grade and asked what his mother did all day now that the three boys were in school. "Cartwheels," Gregory answered.

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 91

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration A visit to the spa... Sarah Jeanne’s was first class!

If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.

Get it GONE NOW!! • Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away… • We bust our butts so you don’t have to! Spring is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!! Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs CALL US FOR A FREE QUOTE!

Farrell Enterprises Over 65? Ask about senior discounts.

Fully Insured Call for FREE Quote!

782-5300 or 576-2501

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love, after marriage, it is self-defense.

Vow Changes You know, a girl could really get used to this!

Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.

"You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion."

Mon. Tue. Wed. Thur. only


I heard that, Amanda! This is pretty awesome!!

786-0667 "Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity."

Always home-cooked food made from scratch at reasonable prices!!! Open 7 Days a Week

-- Colin Powell Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


1485 Lisbon St., Lewiston

MAY 2011




Any Breakfast or Lunch with $5 or more purchase Expires 5-31-11

I'm a pretty patient person - just as long as I'm not kept waiting for anything.

If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.

• Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes

• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

Out ’n About at Courtney & Amanda’s Sweet 16 Celebration A visit to the spa... Sarah Jeanne’s was first class!

CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. 922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

MELANSON CONSTRUCTION, INC. 84 No Name Pond Road, Lewiston, ME • 784-5899


• Residential and Commercial Paving • Sweeping • Seal Coating

Call for FRimEatEes Est


Yep, this is the life!

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President (207) 784-6413

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 93


I don't give a crap, but if I did, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.

BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION Loyal Digesters. Much is happening this spring and I know that for many of you it has been hard to watch the Red Sox thus far. I need you all to calm down and take a deep breath. If you are on the verge of seeking psychiatric evaluation, donʼt do it. Trust me, all that will do is confirm what your family has been telling you for years and get you a vacation in a room with rubber walls, accompanied by a jacket that isnʼt even to keep you warm. The Major League Baseball season is often compared to a marathon and being an accountant, I ran a few numbers. Here is what I found, the average marathon is 26.22 miles long and the MLB season is 162 games long. At the end of April, the Red Sox have played 27 games, which is about 15% of the season. That is like being 3.9 miles into a marathon. There are figuratively 22.32 miles left in the season, which is plenty of time to turn things around, and hey, at least the first win of the season was against the Yankees. Iʼll tell you what, to get your mind off the Sox for a moment, go over to Annʼs Flower Shop and get your Mummy a Motherʼs day arrangement or something for a lost loved one for Memorial Day! The folks at Annʼs know NEP (my mommy) and her Visa Card even better. I swear

783-7299 or 576-4330

24´ X 40´ RANCH ROOF $


➭ Remove and haul away all roofing debris ➭ Apply 6 feet of Certainteed ice shield ➭ Apply 15lb. felt paper on entire roof area ➭ Install a 30-year Certainteed architectural shingle on entire roof ➭ Installation of ridge vent to entire ridge



(continued on next page)

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo


MAY 2011


If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

(continued from previous page)

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

she has walked in and requested one of everything before. For the best flowers in town, Annʼs Flowers in Auburn never disappoints! If that is already taken care of and you are still driving yourself bonkers over the former Boston Braves, then look for the Spring Meadows Golf Course coupon in this very Digest. They have a 2 play for the price of one, and you donʼt have to be a mathematician to figure out that this is one heck of a deal. Hit the links, enjoy the weather and relax a bit. If that doesnʼt sound appealing then maybe you should commit yourself, you might be crazy after all. Digesters, until next month I am your Miami Mike...

There was a duck that went to a local store to buy chapstick, the clerk asked if he would pay cash and the duck said, no, just put it on my bill.

Important Political Decisions As a recent highschool graduate, I traveled to our state capitol and got to visit the house floor.

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

I stood there, thinking how difficult it must be for the people in that room to wrestle with important decisions that affect so many citizens. It was then that I spied, sitting on one representative's desk, a Magic 8-Ball.

Don't play stupid with me - I'm better at it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo

MAY 2011

783-7039 95

I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

Prepare for spring by naturally detoxing in our Infrared Sauna

Benefits Include: • Weight Loss • Pain Relief • Improved Skin Tone • Breaks up Cellulite • Boosts Immune System • Improves Various Skin Conditions

Sauna Treatments: 60 minutes: $25 30 minutes: $18


Become a fan on

Facebook For Those Who Like it HOT!

Hot Stuff

Tanning Salon & Wellness Center 81 Manley Road, Auburn

784-8900 Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo

MAY 2011


867 Center Street, Auburn 753-0033

UNCLE ANDY’S SPECIAL!! 2004 Honda Civic EX 37MPG, Roof, Power Windows, Locks & Mirrors!!

Includes $500 Gas Card with mention of this ad



Browse our DEALER INVENTORY 04 Audi A6 2.7T S-Line, 6 Cyl,, 4 Dr., Blue, Air/Cruise/PWDL $11,490 07 BMW 328xi, 4 Dr., Black, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . .$18,990 07 Chevy Trailblazer LS, Auto, Tow, 4X4,4 Dr., Gray . . . . . . .$12,490 07 Chevy Cobalt LT, Auto, Coupe, 83k, CD, PW/L, Roof . . . . . .$9,490 07 Chevy Cobalt SS, 55k, Auto, Sunroof, Heated Seats . . . .$11,990 06 Chevy Silverado LS, V8, 4x4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,990 06 Chevy Suburban 1500 LS Z71, Loaded. Tow Pkg., Running Boards $12,990 05 Chevy Suburban 1500 LS, 96k, 9-Seat, Roof Rack . . . . .$12,990 04 Chevy Trailblazer LS,  4x4, Auto, 85k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,990 03 Chevy Suburban 1500LS, 9 Seats, 4 Dr., Charcoal . . . . .$11,490 07 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, Quad Cab, Tow Pkg., 86k . . . . . .$17,990 06 Dodge Ram 1500 Hemi, Xcab, 4x4, Auto., Red . . . . . . .$17,990 05 Dodge Ram 2500 SLT, 77k, Tow Pkg., Bed Liner, XCab . .$15,990 04 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT, 90k, XCab, Tow Pkg. . . . . . . . . . .$13,990 04 Dodge Dakota SLT, Quad cab, 4x4, 8 Cyl., Auto, Silver . . .$8,990 03 Dodge Durango SLT, Tow Pkg., 3rd Row, Pwr Option . . . .$7,490 08 Ford F450 Super Duty Lariat, Diesel, Dualie, DVD, 30k, Bed Liner $37,990 07 Ford Focus S, 4 Dr., Brown, 63K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 07 Ford Focus ZX5 SES, Auto., 5 Dr., Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9,490 05 Ford Ranger XLT, Xcab, 4x4, 6 Cyl., Green, Cap . . . . . . . .$9,990 04 Ford Explorer, V6, 4x4, Auto, Loaded . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 Ford Ranger XLT, V6, Auto, White, Bedliner . . . . . . . . . . .$8,490 07 GMC Yukon SLT, 8 Cyl., Auto., DVD, Leather, 3rd row . . . .$20,990 04 GMC Yukon SLT, 4x4, Loaded, 8 Cly., Auto., Silver . . . . . .$12,490 08 Honda Civic LX, 5-Speed, Gas Saver, 4-Door . . . . . . . . .$12,490 07 Hyundai Sonata Limited, 74K 6 Cyl., Auto., Silver . . . . . .$11,490 05 Infinity G35x, V6, Auto, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 03 Infinity G35, SHARP!, Loaded, Auto, 58k, Coupe . . . . . . .$12,990

06 Jeep Commander, 6 Cyl., Auto., 3rd Row, Parking Sensor . . . .$12,990 06 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, 6 Cyl., Auto., Red, 4X4 . . .$12,990 05 Jeep Liberty, V6, 4x4, Orange . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9990 06 KIA Sportage EX, 85k, Running Boards, 4x4, Auto . . . . .$11,990 06 MAZDASPEED6, White, 6 speed Turbo, AWD, 85K . . . . . .$12,990 08 Mercury Milan AWD, 4 Dr., Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 06 Mini Cooper, 88k, Auto, Hyper Blue, Power Options . . . .$11,990 05 Mini Cooper S, 6 Speed, 2 Dr., Purple . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Nissan Maxima 3.5 SL, CD, V6, Auto, Leather, 92k . . . . .$11,990 06 Saab 93, Auto 66k, White, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Saab 93, Auto , 65k, Black, Loaded . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 Saturn Ion 3, Auto., 4 Dr., Silver, Power Options . . . . . . . .$9,490 06 Saturn Ion 3, 35MPG, 5-Speed, Coupe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,990 07 Scion TC, 89k, Auto, Roof, Premium Wheels . . . . . . . . . .$10,990 06 Toyota Tacoma SR5, V6, Manual, XCab, 96k, 4x4 . . . . . .$16,490 04 Toyota 4Runner SR5, Tow Pkg. Running Boards, 4x4 . . . . . . .$15,490 07 Volvo S40 2.4i, Auto, CD, Power Options . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,990 05 Volvo S40 T5, AWD, Auto, 5cyl., Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,490 05 Volvo S60 2.5T, AWD, 80k, Loaded, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 05 Volvo S60 R, AWD, Red, Roof, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12,490 05 Volvo V50 Wagon, 55k, Red Loaded . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 05 Volvo XC70 Wagon, Roof Rack, All Power Options, AWD . .$13,990 08 VW Jetta SE, Auto, Loaded, Black . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 08 VW Jetta Wolfsburg Edition, 79k, Auto, CD, Moonroof . . .$14,990 07 VW Jetta, 5-speed, Black, loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .CALL FOR PRICE 07 VW Rabbit PZEV, 43K, 5 Speed . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,990 06 VW Jetta 2.5 PZEV, 5 Speed, Leather, Roof, Black . . . . . .$10,990 05 VW Jetta GLS PZEV, 5-Speed, 96k, Power Options . . . . . .$8,990

Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.

Uncle Andy's Digest May 2011  

Rocking the world one month at a time!