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The Most Unusual Digest in America



OFF 100


Normally $2,150

Don’t get stuck without power again!

• Full installation directly • 8500 watt generator into electrical meter • Electric start • Transfer switch • Wheel kit

*Must present or mention ad. Limit 1. EXPIRES 12/31/10

Take charge BEFORE the power goes out!


1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

31 Blake St. Lewiston

782-7113 Call Dan Dumont for your FREE Estimate!

138 Main Street, South Paris 744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 •


Fixed Rate


• Conventional • FHA • VA • MSHA • RD Debbie Bodwell, Vice President NMLS# 280336

Residential Mortgage Service, Inc. 777.1551

181 Center St., Auburn • • This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Department of Redundancy Department

On the Twelve Days of "Catmas" My Humans Gave To Me… Submitted by Maggie Joyce

Twelve human hugs and kisses Eleven minutes of scratching Ten balls of twine Nine humans dancing Eight hair ball toys Seven pet food covers Six floppy stuffed Beanie Dalmatians Five small lattice balls

10% Discount

Four furry mice Three nuggets of Pounce Two catnip toys And a carpeted cheesy home-made cat tree!!

A Christmas Commandment When thou bakest the holiday goodies, thou will treat thyself to some of the goodly ones and not just to the slightly burnt ones that ye would be too embarrassed to giveth unto others. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo





Friends & Family Bring in a friend or family member and BOTH receive a 10% discount! MEMBER: NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS

Pelletier’s Karate Academy I-35 Taylor Hill Road • Lewiston (1-1/2 miles past Marden’s) Email: • "If the shoe fits, buy it." – Imelda Marcos



Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

DECEMBER 2010 Activities for members and their guests Saturday, Dec. 4 Holy Cross KC Bean Supper (Chapter 12907) 607 Lisbon St, Lewiston 4pm – 6pm $5.50/Member; $7/Guest Sunday, Dec. 5 Flagship Cinemas (Chapter 10589) Lisbon St, Lewiston Center St. Auburn $3.50/Member $5/Guest TICKETS ARE LIMITED Friday, Dec. 10 The Green Ladle Culinary Arts LUNCH (Chapter 14437) 156 East Ave (Lewiston HS), Lewiston, NOON --SHARP $7/Member $8/Guest Wednesday, Dec 15 Rolly’s Diner BREAKFAST (Chapter 12749) Mill St, Auburn 7am – 10am $2/Member $3.50/Guest Sunday, Dec. 19 Regal Cinema (Chapter 7938) 19 Garnet Rd, Brunswick $4.50/Member Tuesday, Dec. 21 Sam’s (Chapter 8609) Market Place Mall, Lewiston Noon – 7:00pm $2/Member $3/Guest Wednesday, Dec. 29 Roy’s (Chapter 14346) 5 Washington St., Auburn 4:00pm – 7:00pm $2/Member $3/Guest Please Note: Prices and Menu are Subject to Change. ******************************* Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up the week prior to the activity, Monday – Thursday 9am - 4pm and Friday 9am Noon (excluding Holiday’s). FMI call 7821833.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!! _____________________

Auburn Activities

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Friday, Dec. 3 Polly’s - Breakfast 115 King, Oxford; 7am-9am $2.50 off your menu choice Saturday, Dec. 4 The Public Theatre A Very Ida Xmas 2:00pm 31 Maple Street, Lewiston $11 Adults $1 Children, 18 and under Tickets must be picked up at MWA 67 Minot Ave. Auburn, or you may call Mon-Thurs, 9:00am to 5:00pm; at 7838804 or 1-800-561-8506

3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Uncle Andy’s Digest

A day for firm decisions! Or is it?


PO Box 3363 Auburn, ME 04212 E-MAIL:

Quality Customized Denture Work FREE CONSULTATIONS

PHONE: 207 FAX: 207

783-7039 777-3898

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site, usually same-day service!



Affordable Dentures • Flexible Payment Plans • Credit/Debit Cards Most Dental Insurances Accepted

Smile Again Dentures


801 Webster Street, Lewiston




Joe & Mike Adkins

Travis Dow Mitigating

An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.

Maggie Joyce Monitoring

Marty Dow Mobilizing

Rolly’s Diner Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Uncle Andy’s Digest is published by the first Friday of every month by Maine Mountain Ocean Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME. It is distributed free throughout Central Maine and mailed to subscribers all over the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest is not responsible for typographical errors that may occur in advertisements. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo



• Unusual Omelettes • Crepes • Breakfast All Day • Extensive Menu Rolly’s is the best! There’s a reason we’re here every week...

You’ve gotta try this place!!

(l to r) Crystal & Diana Olsen

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

87 Mill St. New Auburn 753-0171 (for take-out) Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.

Kutters Korner team grows

Your one-stop Jewelry Store In-house Jewelry Repair u Exceptional Quality Jewelry u Maine Gemstones u Layaway Options Available u Instant Approval Financing

15% off all Estate Jewelry now through Dec. 18th



1600 Main St. Rt 26 in Oxford • 739-2300 Mon-Fri 9-6; Sat. 9-3 •

Tanya, Mindy & Lisa

Jacinta Labbe (formerly of Sarah Jeanne’s)

If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.

Sandra called the Uncle Andyʼs office to request Digests to put in the care packages going out for the holidays to our great service people away from home. Jimbo said, “Absolutely! Come on by...” Well as Sandra found out, you canʼt come to our office without getting your picture taken. Just saying... Thank you for thinking of us! Weʼre honored to be part of your care packages!!

Our service men and women love Uncle Andy’s. We’re going to put one in every care package we send!

Sandra Haley Friction can be a drag sometimes.

Jacinta recently joined Kutters Korner, located at 14 Highland Springs Road (off Sabattus St.) in Lewiston. She has five years experience and specializes in foils, cuts, colors, perms, up-do’s and kids cuts. Jacinta also does manicures and pedicures. She is passionate about her career and enjoys meeting new clients and building long term relationships with all of her clientele. Jacinta graduated from Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion and continues her education by attending hair shows and taking classes to stay abreast of the most trendy, up-todate styles. She welcomes all previous clients and new clients. She lives in Lewiston with her two daughters. Jacinta wants everyone to know that for the month of December she is offering a foil for $65 (cut not included). Call 786-4311 to make an appointment. See the Kutters Korner ad on page 63 for more info. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Subscription Prescription June visited the UAD office to buy a friend a subscription while he was in South Carolina for the winter. Jimbo said he had to get her photo before she left. She said:

It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.


I love Uncle Andy’s! It’s good for what ails ya!!

These gifts = great savings for you! OIL & FILTER CHANGE




June McGinley As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my text?"

A Christmas Commandment I say unto you: No holiday decoration may be put up sooner than two weeks before the Great Day, and all must be taken down before the next Thanksgiving. Verily. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo





10 OFF

20 OFF

Expires 12/31/10

Expires 12/31/10

One coupon per customer

One coupon per customer

May not be combined with any other offers.

May not be combined with any other offers.

50 OFF Purchase of 4 tires & alignment Expires 12/31/10 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.


100 OFF

Can be used for any collision or paint repair that exceeds $500 Expires 12/31/10 One coupon per customer May not be combined with any other offers.

It's not the big failures I mind so much. It's the constant pitter patter of little defeats.

"Trouble with grammar have I, yes." – Yoda

Plenty of Parking! 777-1911 Open daily 11am – 9pm

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

On Sabattus St. & Sylvan Ave. Over 30 spaces!!

365 Sabattus St., Lewiston

Carol Richardson, Buster Downing

Affordable! Really! Three meals a day Plus snacks Weekly housekeeping - 24 hour call buttons Transportation to doctors appointments & shopping

All for $1,300 per month!

Openings Available Now! Call for a tour today!!

Rene Minnis

#433 Rt. 202, PO Box 629, Greene

946-3007 “Maine’s Most Affordable Senior Living Center”

Betsy Sibley Real Christmas trees are an all-American product, grown in all 50 states, including Alaska and Hawaii. Studying economics may not give you the answers to serious economic problems, but at least you'll learn to avoid being deceived by economists.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

For some reason I just feel like picking up a hockey stick...

Steve Austin Austin Associatesʼ President

Power plays sure make the game exciting. Especially when you’ve got Austin Associates with you all the way!

Hillary Eaton Austin Associatesʼ Marketing & Business Development Director

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a committee.

Jimbo to Uncle Andy: When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.


Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary We have the best customers and great co-workers here at Heidi’s!

Brenda & Courtney

Charlotte, Melissa & Colby

I really LOVE Heidi’s bread!

Austin, Jenny & Dylan Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo




In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Eye Exams & Contact Lenses!


for the whole family

304 Lisbon St., Lisbon • 353-6100

Auburn Mall Eye Care

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

550 Center Street, Auburn (inside the Auburn Mall)

(207) 782-5030


Recently Banned by Government: Eggnog Hideously fattening; leads to coronary artery disease. When "spiked" it incites the drinker to turn to more dangerous holiday beverages, including mulled wine, hard cider and schnapps.

"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action." – John Dewey


Free Wi fi

Upcoming Entertainment Donna Steckino Community Credit Union

Thursdayss Open Blue

Sat. Sat. Sat. Fri.

Dec. 4th Dec. 11th Dec. 18th Dec. 31st

Live Entertainment Ascend to Power Matt & the Barnburners Celebrate New Years Live music

Watch some football on our big screen TV!

Peter Rinck

97 Ash St., Lewiston • 783-0668

Happy Holidays!

Rinck Advertising Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

10 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.


Diamond Snowplows Morrison & Sylvester, Inc.

A Christmas Commandment When thy child's school doth gear up for another fund-raising sale of holiday wrapping paper, think ye of the thirty-seven unused rolls hiding in your closet - and buy another five rolls as thou always dost.

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

1175 Minot Ave. • Auburn, ME 04210 207-783-8548 • Geof Bray

Jennifer Gendron Carleton “He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.” – Henry David Thoreau

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 11

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

I believe that good things come to those who work. – Wilt Chamberlain

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC. FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED FOR 26 YEARS • Wheel alignment & balancing • Complete brake work • Engine tune-up • Lube-oil-filter • State Inspections • Exhaust systems


Yvonne and Roger Bouffard Racquetball is my first, second, third love. Right after my beautiful wife and tennis.

Rod & Beth Cameron, owners

60 Minot Ave • Auburn, ME 04210

782-6666 or 783-2026


Kris Kringle is the German words for "Christ's Child"

Kathy and Mayor Dick Gleason




‘04 Dodge Durango SLT

‘02 Chevy Tracker ZR-2

‘97 Dodge Ram 1500 SLT,

4WD, 3rd Row

V6, 4x4, Auto, 1 Owner

4x4, 94k, Auto

Our Inventory 06 Mercedes E350 Sport, Florida Car, 44k . . . .$22,700 05 Ford Taurus SEL, V6, Automatic, 98k . . . . . . .$6,995 05 Dodge Caravan SE, Automatic, 96k . . . . . . . .$6,495 04 Cadillac Deville DHS, Automatic, Leather . . . .$6,900 04 Jeep Wrangler SE 74k, 5-Speed, 4x4 . . . . . . .$8,995 04 Dodges Stratus SE, 96k, Automatic . . . . . . . .$4,490 04 Dodge Stratus SXT, 95k, Automatic . . . . . . . .$5,995 03 GMC Yukon SLT, 99k, 4x4, Automatic . . . . . .$11,800 02 Ford F150 XL 78k, 5-Speed, V6 . . . . . . . . . . .$5,750 01 VW Beetle GLX Turbo, 5-Speed, 96k . . . . . . .$5,495

01 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, Automatic . . . .$6,995 00 Nissan Maxima SE V6, 5-Speed . . . . . . . . . . .$4,500 00 Ford Ranger XLT Auto, 4x4, V6 . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 99 Pontiac Sunfire SE, Gold, Automatic, 67k . . . .$3,995 99 Pontiac Sunfire SE, Red, 53k, Automatic . . . .$3,995 99 Saab 9-5 SE, Auto, 71k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 98 Lincoln Continental, 75k, Automatic, V8 . . . . .$4,995 95 Ford Taurus GL, V6, Automatic . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,995 87 Mercedes 560SL Roadster, V8, Convertible, Automatic, 1-Owner......$12,500

We accept 138 Gardiner Rd. (Rte. 126) in Wales

Joyce McCabe, David Thistle Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis


& Jimbo

DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Larry Godin

(about 1/2 mile from the Sabattus town line)

375-4823 • Uncle Andy wants to know: Why does rain drop, but snow fall?

Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.

2001 Chevy 2500 HD

2001 Ford Ranger

1994 Chevy Rack Body

60k, 4x4, Xtra Cab, Loaded, BRAND NEW 8’ BOSS PLOW

4x4, Xtra Cab

2WD, 6.5 Diesel, 87K







2007 Chevy Equinox, 90K, AWD, Loaded, leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11,800 2006 Dodge Caravan, 40k, runs good . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 2005 Chevy Cobalt, 87k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 2003 Chevy Trailblazer, 4x4, 3rd Seat, Loaded, 75K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,995 2002 Chevy Silverado, 4X4, Extended Cab . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,500 1999 F350 Superduty, 230K, 7.3 Diesel, Previous Ambulance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,500

M & P AUTO SALES Roosevelt Trail, North Windham • Call Scott Rioux at 892-0932 or 754-4867 "From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." – Groucho Marx

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 13

Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the founding of the company.

Quality Service at an Affordable Price! • Diagnostic Specialists • State Inspections • Much, much • Tires & Tire Service more! • Full Brake Service • Complete A/C Service • Alignments

We make owning Audi, VW, BMW’s & Mercedes more affordable!





Don Gilks


Adv. Master Tech



Operations Manager

NEW MAJOR AUTOMOTIVE 250 Broad Street in New Auburn • 783-4933 •

Christmas Shepard

A Christmas shopperʼs complaint is one of long-standing.

Submitted by Jimbo

One Christmas, Joe and Peter built a skating rink in the middle of a field. A shepherd leading his flock decided to take a shortcut across the rink. The sheep, however, were afraid of the ice and wouldn't cross it. Desperate, the shepherd began tugging them to the other side. “Look at that,” remarked Peter to Joe, “That guy is trying to pull the wool over our ice!” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

14 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Winter is coming... Call us for your FREE plowing quote Residential & Commercial



Call 345-TWIN or 576-5494 or 740-0040

Letʼs approach Christmas with an expectant hush, rather than a last-minute rush.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? A: Forty feet of track - all straight!

All for Mom Submitted by Jimbo

Top 6 reasons to choose Mike Morin’s

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty-five years old walked up and sat on his lap.

The Farmer’s • Expert service & highest quality Almanac predicts a very cold winter... • Accurate diagnosis of problems Get your FREE • Fair & honest quotes winterization • Great customer service check here! • Full service garage, no problem too big or too small • Best of the best 10 years running for automotive service

FOR SALE AT MIKE MORIN’S 2006 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic

ONLY $18,500 Cobalt blue & silver, air ride seat, GPS, AM/FM stereo, extra chrome, 2 windshields

Complimentary Coffee & Donuts while you wait • FREE Shuttle Service In L/A

Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?" "Something for my mother, please." said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?" Without blinking, the young lady replied, "A son-in-law!"

Mike Morin’s Auto Center 1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433 “A proud member of the Napa Auto Care Team.”

VW & AUDI SERVICE Lifetime Warranty • Free Estimates Free Pickup and Delivery

Winter Checkup Special


Includes: Antifreeze Check, Tire Check, All Suspension Check, Heating Systems Check


459 Washington Street in Auburn • 878-9088 •

According to tradition, giving a lump of coal in the stockings of naughty children comes from Italy.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 15


“There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.” – W.J. Cameron

Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary Come try my favorite... a pastrami and cheese sandwich warmed up. YUM!

WINTER’S COMING... 2007 Chevrolet 3500 4x4 6.6L Duramax Diesel with automatic transmission. Hydraulic dual-dump bed. Hydraulic Sander. Boss V-plow.



Heidi’s soups are great to warm up with on a cold day.

June & Jake Caron I came all the way from Providence, RI for one of my mom’s perfect sandwiches.

One Owner!

Only 65K miles!

Mike & Natalie Tribou

A Christmas Commandment Yes, though ye walk through the mall on December 24, ye shall not buy any singing fish, nor any pull-my-finger gags, no matter how desperate thou art to find something for thy brother-in-law. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

16 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

200 Auburn Road in Turner • 225-2694 • 4 miles north of Auto Mile Louis Prang created the first American Christmas cards at his Boston factory in 1874.

Q: What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to? A: Plymouth Rock, of course.


Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary



Craig Johnson

• No Joiner Fee • No Long-term Commitment

BREAKFAST WITH SANTA December 12th, 8-10am at Applebee’s Pancake Breakfast. $5 pp. includes meal & child’s picture with Santa

I’m dreaming of the day I can get my first sandwich from Heidi’s... one with avocado on it like my mumma.

SAVE THE DATE! YOUTH SWIM LESSONS 6 mos. & up Member Registration: December 13th Open Registration: December 20th 8-week session begins January 3rd

Nora & Amanda Johnson


January 10th-15th See what we have to offer! FREE 2-week Trial Family Membership

AUBURN-LEWISTON YMCA 62 TURNER STREET, AUBURN (Next to the county building)

795 4095 •


Like the Auburn-Lewiston YMCA on Facebook!

My Uncle Mort was a REAL salesman -- he made a living selling wealthy Eskimo's igloos with fire escapes!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 17

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours



Heidi Ann Charlton



84 Littlefield Road • Auburn • 782-4917 (off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

Saint Nicholas of Myra, the original Santa Claus, was the patron saint of children, thieves and pawnbrokers.

Sharon & Steve Bryant


Laura & Chip Kibort Problems that go away by themselves usually come back by themselves. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

18 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

53% of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year.

1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping.



al December Speci41K

2005 Subaru Legacy, Auto, 104K . . . . . . . .$7,995 2005 Subaru Legacy, Std., 140K, 1 owner . .$7495 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, 80K . .$9,995 2003 GMC Yukon XL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,495 2002 Volkswagen Jetta, 1 Owner, 50K . . .$6,495

Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary Come be part of the fun any day of the year at Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli.

2002 Volkswagen Jetta, 80K, Red . . . . . . .$5,495 2001 Volkswagen Jetta, Silver, 90K . . . . . .$4,995


2001 Audi A4, 2 to choose from . . . . . .$4,995/up

2004 TOYOTA TACOMA 4x4, Remote Starter



Beckie General Manager

One Owner

One Owner

Extended Cab, Black, 4x4





Realal e D AUTO

One Owner



275 Washington Ave • Auburn


A Christmas Commandment









One Owner 4x4



LL Bean Edition

$10,995 1 in 6 men would like to get rid of all the "gift-giving nonsense."

When I regift unto you, and it turns out to be something you gave unto me, lo, these many years ago, just put it away to give unto me again next year. Have faith in this most venerable truth: I will never remember.

Interesting Christmas Facts: Although many believe that the Friday after Thanksgiving is the busiest shopping day of the year, it is not. It is the fifth to tenth busiest day. The Friday and Saturday before Christmas are the two busiest shopping days of the year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 19

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE Got Volvo Problems? Call Foreign Car Service today!

GOT HEAT?? FREE Winter Checkup With Ad

FOREIGN CAR SERVICE CO. 140 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 782-9300 • David Sheloske, Owner Christmas Gift Suggestions:


To your enemy, forgiveness.

CARS • LT. TRUCKS • SUVs – We service them all

To an opponent, tolerance.

We perform manufacturer’s vehicle maintenance and scheduled services

To a friend, your heart.

• Transmission Flushes

• Chassis, alignment

• Fuel systems

To a customer, service.

• Shocks, struts

• Engine performance

• And more!

• Brakes, exhaust

• State Inspection

To all, charity. To every child, a good example.


To yourself, respect.

44 Roosevelt Trail, Rt. 302 • Windham • 892-9420 • 1-800-339-9420 Monday - Friday 8am-5pm •

– Oren Arnold

Indian Pudding This scrumptious recipe -- molasses, cornmeal, milk, butter, spices, eggs, and sometimes apples -- was

Maineʼs AAA Approved Repair Facility since 1990!

Bob & Bonnie Merrill, owners

first created by the colonists, who dreamed of the plum puddings of England but didn't have the correct ingredients to make it. They substituted Indian cornmeal for wheat flower, thus creating the first Indian pudding.

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." – John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Any Make, Any Model Any Problem… Full recons available. Call for an appointment



55/hr. LABOR RATE Fully Warranteed & Certified

Steve Dubois Owner

865 Sabattus Street, Lewiston 333-3004

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

20 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto 333-0364 144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year.

Based on a 1999 estimated population count of North America and Europe, on Christmas Eve of that year Santa Claus had to visit 42,466,666 homes in a 12-hour period -- that's 983 homes per second.

At Grandma’s Submitted by Jimbo

Give the gift of a Remote Start this Holiday Season Start Only or Start & Keyless entry includes 2 remotes

Call for price Model CS-600

Lifetime Guarantee

Up to 5000’ Range, Start Only, 2 remotes

$249 Installed* Model PIB-SS

Lifetime Guarantee

Up to 1 Mile Range, Start & Keyless Entry with Trunk Release, 2 remotes

$299 Installed* Lifetime Guarantee Model P1WG4SS

Up to 3,000’ Range, 2-way Remote,

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO Wii... I PRAY FOR A NEW BLU-RAY PLAYER..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

Start, Keyless Entry & Trunk Release

$299 Installed* Lifetime Guarantee Model 2WG5SH

Up to 1 Mile Range, 2-way w/LCD Display, Spare 1-way Remote, Start, Keyless Entry w/Trunk

$399 Installed* Model P2W9000-SS Lifetime Guarantee

* Some vehicles may require an additional charge for bypass module

1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston

754-7873 Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Interesting Christmas Facts: The first American Christmas carol was written in 1649 by a minister named John de Brebeur and is called “Jesus is Born.” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 21

A Christmas Commandment:


Self Reliant In his younger days our golden retriever, Catcher, often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up.


$12,995 ‘01 Ford Focus SE

‘04 Chevy Silverado 2500

‘01 Chevy Monte Carlo

Auto, Gas Saver

4x4, Auto, V8

CD, V6, Auto

03 Ford Escape XLS . . . .V6, Auto 4x4 . . . . . $7995 03 Chrysler Sebring . . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $5995 02 Hyundai Elantra GLS .Auto, CD . . . . . . . . $3995 02 Hyundai Elantra . . . . .5-Speed . . . . . . . . . $3995 02 Pontiac Grand Prix . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $4995 02 Hyundai Accent . . . .5-Speed, CD . . . . . $3295 01 Honda Civic . . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $4995 01 Ford Escape XLT . . . .V6, Auto, 4x4 . . . . . $5995

One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine. "Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?"

Bruce Poulin & Sherrianne Poulin

Under New Management

Thou shalt gain weight over the holidays. It is the way of all flesh. Go thee over it.

01 Ford Focus SE . . . . . .Silver, Auto. . . . . . . $3995 00 Chevy Impala . . . . . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $4595 00 GMC CK 1500 . . . . . .V8, 4x4, Auto . . . . . $7995 00 Ford Taurus . . . . . . . .V6, Auto . . . . . . . . . $3995 00 Ford Explorer . . . . . . .4x4, Auto . . . . . . . . $3995 99 Oldsmobile Intrigue . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $3995 99 Nissan Altima . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $4995 98 Toyota Camry . . . . . . .Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . $4395

791 Sabattus Street • Lewiston • 344-6650


Happy Holidays!

gets her photo in Uncle Andy’s. When Diane told Jimbo that she was at the Cage’s annual pig roast and someone, we won’t mention any names (Uncle Andy) failed to get her picture. Jimbo told Diane that he’d get to the bottom of it and someone’s head was gonna roll... Luckily, Jimbo had his camera with him and told Diane that she would be famous. Well, at least for a month. Diane works at Thatcher’s in the Auburn Mall.

12 pc Roadies Chicken Tender Snack $


Your choice regular-buffalo or BBQ Great for Holiday entertaining!

Large 1-topping Fresh Dough Pizza $


Merry Christmas to All!

Diane Cote Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

22 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

The first Animal Crackers were not made for eating… they were made as Christmas tree decorations!

AUTOMOTIVE GUIDE 10% OFF with this ad

Complete Auto & Truck Repair • Transmission Flush • State Inspections • Complete Front End Work • Tune-ups

• Front End Alignments • Engine Diagnostics • Custom Exhaust • Tires, Batteries

Ron Moon, Manager


35 Lewiston Rd. • Gray, ME 04039

THE CUMMINGS AGENCY, INC. INSURANCE 9 South Main Street Mechanic Falls, ME •

(207) 345-8711 • 1-800-339-0414

Jeffrey R. Cummings • Nora W. Cummings

Dog gonnit… We want your business!






A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR At A-Plus Auto… we are there for you!

Winterization Check-up Special Check All fluids Check Tires & tire pressure Check Wiper blades Check Battery charge level




Santa Stats

There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in the U.S. - and one Kriss Kringle. __________ Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons. __________ Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph. __________ Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20. __________ To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound. At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.

plus tax

Mom, Can I have a dog for Christmas?

786-0522 41 Millett Drive, Auburn Located in the former Hebert’s Auto Building


Jimbo says Uncle Andy is not the brightest bulb on the tree.

No you can have turkey like everyone else! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 23

Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

www.emerso The Back Forty D

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

24 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.

Q: What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? A: Santa caught in a revolving door!

ecember Specials

The first restaurant on the moon will never do very well. It might have great food, but will never have any atmosphere.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 25

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him.

How to Tell if You're a Grinch Submitted by WEP • You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name. • You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply. • You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer. If you dressed an endangered species, that’s even better! • You put out last year's stale candy canes for children. • You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in an L.L. Bean or other prestige box to impress your friends.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to Everyone! Thank you for 7 great years of business!!

Gift Certificates Available

If you’ve been a good boy or girl this year, Santa might bring you a remote starter!

• You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day. • At the office Christmas party, you horde huge stockpiles of goodies for later consumption at home.

777-3339 • 625 Washington St., Auburn

• After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Based on previous surveys, 17% of you will embarrass yourselves in some way at your office Christmas party.

& Jimbo

26 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. – Erin Majors

Thanks for a great year! We wish everyone a safe and happy holiday, from all of us at Rowe Auburn.

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Timmy Dean’s the name and bean counting is the game... Jake Anderson General Sales Manager

Scott Rodrigue Sales Manager

Jason Standley Sales Manager

Ron Bussierre Used Car Manager

Chenoa Sullivan F & I Manager

Charlie Burns F & I Manager

Tom Mooney Lease/Fleet Manager

Dean Swindler Business Development Manager

Dan Brissette Heavy Truck/Fleet Sales

Gary Travaglini Sales Consultant

Steve Entrott Sales Consultant

Dave Hart Sales Consultant

Cleve Rines Sales Consultant

Jamie Reynolds Sales Consultant

Kim Daellenbach Sales Consultant

Marc Mailhot Sales Consultant

Dave Warford Sales Consultant

Don Hamel Sales Consultant

Dale Cunningham Sales Consultant

Dave Sardella Sales Consultant

Jake Turner Sales Consultant

Bruce Weld Wholesale Sales

Kris Pulkkinen Wholesale Sales

Deb Hodgman Sales Receptionist

Ford V Hyundai V Lincoln V Mercury V VW V Mazda V Kia

Rowe Auburn Rt. 4, Center Street, Auburn 784-2321 V 1-800-339-7693 V Here's a joke for all you mind readers out there...

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 27

Celebrating Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

Venka, Matt, Ryan & Andrew

Hey, we forgot Justin! Meaghan, Ali, Isaiah, Ryan, Brenda & Courtney

Hey, we forgot Ali! Meaghan, Brenda, Justin, Isaiah, Ryan & Courtney From my family to yours, thank you so much for supporting Heidi’s in our first 3 years of business! We look forward to many more great years!!

I™ To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles, visit our website Mike, Michele & Natalie Tribou Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

28 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.

"Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece." – Ralph Charell



• • • • •

Breakfast Platters

Salads Wraps Sandwiches Dessert Platters 24 hour notice appreciated

600 Turner Street, Auburn

784-3434 •

HOURS: Mon.-Sat. 7am-9pm • Sun. 10am-8pm Christmas Eve 7am-4pm; Closed Christmas; New Years Eve 7am-6pm; New Years Day 10am-6pm

The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.


"It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me

"Because today everything was on sale."

"Why is that?" the detective asked.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? Its true....Comet cleans sinks!

Projected Opening Date: Dec. 17th Ski & Ride Card is back! Learn to ski or ride at Lost Valley, then go to Sugarloaf or Sunday River.



SKI BUCK$ make great stocking stuffers!

Rentals included.

Julie Parisien wil be teaching the JP race program this year. Still time to sign up!

Lost Valley has partne Mechanics red with Savings learn to sk Bank for January i or ride mon th. Open a chec king accoun Mechanics t at Savings, an d receive a voucher go od for one 5 hour ski snowboar or d lesson, pl us 3 additi all day lift onal tickets an d rentals. A $350.00 value…

You pay ju st


Sign up no w! Package go od fo r the 2010/2011 winter seas on.

200 Lost Valley Road • Auburn 784-1561 • What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Dude! Happy Holidays.

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. – Dr. Seuss

Interesting Christmas Facts: Gingerbread has been a holiday tradition for thousands of years. It was originally eaten during Winter Solstice Festivals, but the tradition of the house made of Gingerbread originated in Germany.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 29

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

The words "Do It Yourself" or "Self-Help" are really code for "The Way Chuck Norris Does It."

& Jimbo

30 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

"Happiness can't buy money." – Bob Hope





We specialize in new/used auto & truck parts. Offering almost any part for any year, make or model. Foreign or Domestic, Auto or Truck.


Because recycling saves more than just money!

Earl & Althea Austin

20% OFF One coupon per customer Happy Holidays from

Steve Austin & Cindy Sloat

Don’s DBA...

MORRIS AUTO PARTS 940 Washington St. North • 784-7374 or 800-730-7374 • Mon. - Fri. 8 - 5 • Sat. 8 - 12


A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.


Irish • Mexican • American Lunch & Dinner Open 7 Days a Week HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

134 Main Street, Lewiston IT’S TIME. KICK BACK. RELAX.


Go to some really cool places! • 1-888-222-6846

Also visit our Brunswick location at One Center St., Brunswick

“Unless you can create the whole universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving ʻadviceʼ to God isn't such a good idea.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 31

5 Night Caribbean Cruise aboard the Radiance of the Seas

February 27 to March 5, 2011

Cruise to Costa Maya & Cozumel, Mexico Pricing from $1,224 per person Prices are based on double occupancy. 3rd & 4th person available upon request Pricing includes: Round trip air from Portland to Tampa • Pre-night Tampa w/hotel • 5 night cruise onboard the beautiful Radiance of the Seas • Shipboard gratuities • All port charges and taxes • All transfers

For itinerary info or to reserve your space contact:

250 Center Street, Auburn • 784-2916 or 1-800-879-3823 or email:

“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”

The holiday season is a great time to get or give a salt water tank!

Gift cards make a great gift for that someone special!

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies •

272 South Main St. Auburn • • 1-888-782-4372 • 782-4372

We at Georgio’s want to thank each and every one of our customers for your support throughout the year! May you give us the opportunity to do so in the coming year!! Margaret Hackett & the crew:

Breakfast Sandwich



Richard Todd Dez David Mike

Lenny Ginelle Peter Andy Chris

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981 Hours: Mon-Sun 5am-9pm •


Call K+L Green Clean to help save the Earth + your budget in 2011

Go Green! All Natural Cleaning Products Happy Holidays!

K+L GREEN CLEAN, INC 577-8725 "Helping the environment one job at a time"


Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 33

Interesting Christmas Facts: A wreath with holly, red berries and other decorations began from at least the 17th century. Holly, with its sharply pointed leaves, symbolized the thorns in Christ's crown-ofthorns. Red berries symbolized the drops of Christ's blood. A wreath at Christmas signified a home that celebrated the birth of Christ.

When you have a choice between stupidity and ignorance, pick ignorance. It's curable.

2001 BMW 330xi

2004 Audi A4


10,995 $12,995

AWD, Automatic, Leather, 81k

Automatic, 56K

2003 Honda Element

2004 Nissan Murano SL

Uncle Andy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, Jimbo said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," Uncle Andy replied. "But where was I going to find a fake SUV?"

Interesting Christmas Facts: Oliver Cromwell, in England banned Christmas Carols between 1649 and 1660. Cromwell thought that Christmas should be a very solemn day so he banned carols and parties. The only celebration was by a sermon and a prayer service. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

34 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039




12,495 AWD

Other Inventory 05 Nissan Altima, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7,495 05 Audi Ültra Sport, RARE, 75K, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14,500 04 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited, V8, AWD, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,496 03 Audi A6 Sport, 6-speed, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8,495 03 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 5-Spd, Leather, 88K, 1-Owner . . . . .WINTER . . . . .BLOWOUT! . . . . . . . .$6,995 02 Subaru Legacy Wagon, 5-Speed, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,295 02 Volvo S60, Auto, Loaded, Leather . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6,495 02 Chevy Cavalier, 76K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Saab 9-5, Loaded, Leather, Roof . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995 01 Saab 9-5 , Loaded, Turbo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,495 01 Volvo S60 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 Audi A4, Automatic, Like New . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,795 01 Audi A4, 1.8T, Auto, 18” Wheels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 Audi A4 Sport, 2.8L, 5-Speed, New Timing Belt, 96K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6,995 01 Audi A4 Wagon, 5-Speed, Leather, Loaded, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 01 Audi A6 Wagon, 3rd Row Seat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 01 BMW 330xi AWD, Leather, 81K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10,995 01 Ford F250, Low Miles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 00 VW Passat GLX, VR6, 5-Speed, Leather, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,495 00 VW Jetta . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 00 Jeep Cherokee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,995 99 Audi A4, 2.8L, 5-speed, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5,795 99 Audi A4, Black, AWD, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4,995 99 Saab 9-3 Convertible, 108K . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995

99 Audi A4 1.8T, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 99 Audi A4 2.8T Wagon, parts car . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price 98 Audi A4, Loaded . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$3,995 97 Acura CL Coupe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$1,995 97 Audi A6 Quattro Wagon, Auto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$2,995 97 Audi A6 Wagon, parts car . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for price Mille Miglia 18” Rims . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$500 New Wheel & Tire Packages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for pricing

Tim Bellmore

INDEPENDENTAuto 1298 Sabattus St. Lewiston


As soon as I get some grip on reality, I'm going to choke it.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Mall Trainer Submitted by Jimbo While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?" The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, "Another train.

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

George Richardson, CPA Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

36 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

THURSDAYS Line Dancing Lessons 6pm Karaoke 8pm Beer Pong Sign-ups 9pm

Action-packed Thursdays with DJ B-Set at 9:30pm



LADIES Night Drink Specials

DJ & your favorites in Tribute Bands, Comedy Acts & More!

DJ & Live Local Entertainment

ENTERTAINMENT LINE-UP Fri Dec. 3rd Sat. Dec 4th Sat Dec 11th Sat Dec 18th


Side Car Radio Twyce Shy Tickle; Pinnacle Whipped Vodka Promo Party Crash Road

Friday Dec 24th & Sat Dec 25th Open Christmas Eve & Christmas Night! DJ & Dancing

New Years Eve Bash!! Friday, December 31st


15 per person

Happy Holidays from all of us at Club Texas!

Purchase Tickets at Club Texas in advance or at the door Live Music from Veggies By Day Complimentary Party Favors Champagne Toast at Midnight Balloon Drop Lots of Prizes & Cash Giveaways

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 •

Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Crystal Harnden The photographer

Jimbo’s buying... what better reason to crash the party?

Tiny Tom Hill

Cheryl & Paige Piper Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

38 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Smart young folks know all the rules. Smart old folks know the exceptions.

Drum Lessons Make Great Gifts

Blackie’s Farm

Learn to play THE RIGHT WAY

Fresh Produce

Mention this ad and your first drum lesson is FREE*

Open Year Round

*with your first month of lessons


We’ve got Christmas trees & wreaths Hours: 6am - 8pm

25 Mary Street, Lewiston • 786-6861

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

Dick Demers

How do you like me now?

Be different: conform.


Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.

Buy a Gift Card Online Printable or Emailable

Buy Buy 22 Get Get 11 FREE FREE

Free Extension Consultation BLOWOUT! $


Introductory Massage

$ Hair v Nails v Massage Studio 1117 Center Street, Auburn

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, "Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?"


/hr Alicia - Stylist, Christine, Owner; Tiffany - LMT

I replied: "You really want to know?"

782-3848 •

Then I dropped out of the race.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. – Herm Albright

GIVE THE GIFT OF MUSIC! We also sell and service all types of instruments Offering lessons in: • Guitar

• Piano • Banjo • Music theory

• Voice • Violin

Authorized Service Center

• Bass • Mandolin • Brass & woodwinds

Main St. Music Lessons & Instrument Repair


134 Main Street, Auburn

Observations on Growing Older: Your kids are becoming you... and you don't like them, but your grandchildren are perfect!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 39

Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

CONGRATULATIONS TO LEROY WALKER Retiring January 13, 2011 after working 39 years for the city of Auburn

Wow, me and everyone else in Auburn are all going to miss you old man

Does this mean I am officially a senior citizen?

Andy’s Baked Beans wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and

Mike Bolduc & Leroy Walker

a Happy New Year!

ANDY’s Baked Beans & Tavern 47 Broad Street, Auburn • 782-9044 HOURS: Tues. & Wed. 10am-8pm Thurs. & Fri.10am-Close • Sat. 8am-Close

Every Saturday

“Love at first bite!” Andy’s Baked Bean Specials… Don’t Miss Out!

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

I wish we could have a pub crawl every month...

Skøsh Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

40 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

We at Buddy T’s were proud to be part of the first annual pub crawl.

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's

L/A’S NEWEST CORPORATE & RESIDENTIAL STORAGE FACILITY IS NOW OPEN! BEST RATES AROUND!! Currently we are stocking up on new and used furniture with plenty of cubicles! Coming soon in addition to storage, we have started to stock our new showroom with items like clothing, bedding, tools, carpeting and everything else we used to sell. The old Barn is back just in a new location...

We’re now at 179 High Street at the Railroad Station in Auburn

CALL DAN AT 229-4508 OR 782-8733 FOR MORE INFORMATION Dan says, “Don’t be fooled by imitators, there’s only one BARN!” Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to everyone!! Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 41

Observations on Growing Older: Going out is good. Coming home is better!

New Executive Director

Check out our new food menu! Darts & Pool Free Wi-Fi Big screen TV

We have 2 courtesy vans at Big Daddy’s! FREE Pick-up and drop off available within a 10 mile radius

Check out our covered partially heated deck!

Saturda y Special 3pm - 8 pm

Santa and all of his little helpers like to hang out at Big Daddy’s!

Steven Johndro The Healthy Androscoggin Board of Directors is pleased to announce that Steven Johndro has joined the Healthy Androscoggin staff as their new Executive Director. Steven brings many years of public health and community coalition experience to Androscoggin County. Previously, Steven served as Program Director for the Healthy Maine Partnership of Greater Waterville. In this role, he managed the physical activity, nutrition, tobacco, and chronic disease activities for the 11 towns in Northern Kennebec County.

All Cann ed Beer $


Plenty of parking out back with Handicap ramp to bar & deck

5 North Main Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-3782 A Christmas Commandment

A Christmas Commandment

Thou shalt not wear holiday-themed sweaters. Verily, no Santas, Rudolphs, snowmen, nor elves. Especially elves.

Thou shalt have health, grace, and peace in the New Year. Even if thou knowest Uncle Andy or be related.

Ignorance might be bliss to you, but it's agony to everyone around you.

Steven has also served as Infectious Disease Coordinator for the Northeastern Maine Regional Resource Center, Public Health Educator for the State of Maine Immunization Program, and Community Health Specialist for Union River Healthy Communities in Hancock County. Steven holds Masters Degrees in Public Health, Health Administration and Geriatric Health from A.T. Still University at the Kirksville School of Osteopathic Medicine. He is a graduate of the University of Maine at Farmington with a Bachelors of Science degree in Community Health Education. In addition, he is certified as a Community Health Education Specialist (CHES). Steven enjoys spending time with his family at his parents’ house on Swan Lake in Swanville; reading; and traveling with his wife, Shelly and their 3 year old Standard Poodle, Tek. He is an avid Boston sports fan with a specific fandom of the Boston Red Sox. Steven can be contact by telephone at (207) 795-5991 or by email at Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

42 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Observations on Growing Older: When people say you look "Great"... They add "for your age!"

Observations on Growing Older: When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything...Movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween

HOLIDAY PARTY? CALL LUIGGI’S Fergy Platter - Ham - 24 pieces . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$30 Fergy Platter - Chicken, Tuna or Turkey - 24 pieces . . . . . . . . . . .$36 Italian Sandwich Platter - Ham, Salami or Veggie - 24 pieces . . .$30 Italian Sandwiches Platter - Chicken, Turkey or Tuna - 24 pieces . .$36 Pan of Cheese Lasagna (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$46 Pan of Meat Lasagna (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$56 Pan of Chicken Alfredo (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$46 Pan of Veggie Alfredo (serves 12-24) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$36 1 Bucket of Party-sized Meatballs (3 doz.) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$15

Buy 3 meatballs get 1 FREE! It’s our gift to you!

Adon Shaw The Human Wedgie Observations on Growing Older: You forget names ... But it's okay

because other people forgot they even knew you! “Life is filled with so many exciting twists and turns. Hop off the straight and narrow whenever you can and take the winding paths. Experience the exhilaration of the view from the edge. Because the moments spent there, that take your breath away, are what make you feel truly alive.” – Stacey Charter

The Cunliffeʼs on a roller coaster at Disney

Jamie Marston & Adon Shaw

Jamie, Jimbo & Kayla Marston

(back) Corey & Cody (front) Courtney & Caitlin

The Maid of honor, the proud Dad & the Bride

Observations on Growing Older: Your spouse is counting on you to remember things

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis

you don't remember.

&T Jimbo


783-7039 43

Observations on Growing Older: Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!


Winter Brews are in! Open all day on Christmas Eve, Christmas day and New Year’s Eve A Redneck's "Twelve Days of Christmas" Submitted by WEP

On the 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me

Champagne ’s for New Year

Call the deli on Christmas for your dinner plates!!

Hot Soups are on... Grab a bowl today!

Call us for commercial & residential bottle pickup

Find us on Facebook & Foursquare

F~lorian’s Market ~

301 Main St., Auburn 783-9098 / Open 7 Days a Week

12 pack of Bud 11 rasslin' tickets 10 tins of Copenhagen

Bring your next framing job to D&R Framing and get

9 years probation 8 table dancers 7 packs of Red Man 6 cans of Spam

Expert Custom Framing! Quality Personal Service!!

FREE Glass


*Regular glass - up to 24”x30”

5 flannel shirts 4 big mud tires

Merry Christmas, everyone!

3 shotgun shells 2 huntin' dawgs

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints, pictures or keepsakes.

23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

Dan Williams, owner

…and a muffler for a Mustang GT.

A Christmas Commandment Not will ye tie onto thy animals reindeer antlers or bells that doth jingle. Thine husband, however, art fair game.

Catering for the holidays Home-cooked, all orders made from scratch, all delicious… Buffet-style or in-your-home catering. Personalized, using your ideas. Call today or stop by… let’s create a memorable event! What a nice stocking stuffer idea! Give a gift certificate for someone to eat out!

BREAKFAST SERVED ALL DAY! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

44 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Open 7 Days a Week


1485 Lisbon St., Lewiston

Observations on Growing Older: Your husband has a night out with the guys, but he's home by 9:00pm.

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

We can ship anything... Anywhere! (well, almost anything)

• UPS, FedEx & DHL shipping • Packaging Services • eBay • Mailboxes and more!

120 Center Street, Auburn


Mary Mendes, EA, Rita James, Mark Overhaug, EA Scott, take a look at that Goin’ Postal ad right up there.

Jeremy, right now it’s time to strike a pose and look this way at the camera...

We want to be the easiest part of your week! Your local option for outsourcing your payroll... Payroll Management has been serving the payroll needs for small and mid size companies since 1989.


100 Manley Road, Auburn 783-6880 or 800-734-6880 •

Jeremy Marchessault, CPA, Scott Booker, CPA

Observations on Growing Older: What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 45

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Observations on Growing Older: Now that your husband has retired... You'd give anything if he'd find a job!

22 Albison Way, Auburn

784-5788 or 1-800-377-9433

What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are. – Edgar Z. Friedenberg Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

46 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

It's never crowded along the extra mile. – Wayne Dyer

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." – Alfred Hitchcock


CHECK OUT 20% MORE Earn OUR NEW 10% MORE LOCATION! with $20 or more in bottles

Expires 12/31/10

with any amount of bottles with this coupon

We’re across from the car wash, just down from Future Foods. And definitely worth the trip!

Mechanic Falls Redemption 20 Maple Street • Mechanic Falls 345-3765 • Open 7 days 9am-5pm

Richard Conway, owner

If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!

DAILY SPECIALS FOR BREAKFAST & LUNCH I can’t believe I ate the whole thing!

Ritchie Dan

Mon-Fri 7am to 2pm Sat & Sun 6am to 2pm

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame! Home of the Double Yolker

Breakfast served all day Superb service • Handicap accessible Comfortable family atmosphere

Egg-ceptional Restaurant & Bakery 5 Pigeon Hill Road Route 26 and 11, Mechanic Falls • 998-5577 Some people are making such thorough preparations for a rainy day that they completely miss today's sunshine.

Kellyann Rawson has joined the crew at Gregory’s Hair & Nails, located at the Shaw’s Plaza on Center Street in Auburn. Kellyann graduated from Mr. Bernard’s School of Hair Fashion in 1986. She is licensed with the State of Maine to provide manicure, pedicure and artificial nail services. Kellyann states, “Although I am familiar with many different artificial nail enhancement products, I am most adept with Creative Nail’s acrylic products and Creative Nail’s Shellac; a gel-like color coat for natural nails that lasts for two weeks without chipping or peeling. I am also familiar with OPI acrylic nail products and Elegant Glass fiberglass and silk nail wraps. I’ve been to many R.G. Shakour nail shows and C.B. Sullivan hair and nail shows over the years, where I’ve learned the art of free-hand nail art.” For an appointment with Kellyann call Gregory’s Hair & Nails at 786-0112.

In 1732, Louis Timothee was hired in Philadelphia as the first professional librarian in the United States. Trivia fans: Louis was a prominent printer in the Colony of Pennsylvania and worked for Benjamin Franklin. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 47

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Hey guys, come into Day’s Jewelers and buy your honey something nice for Christmas!

Travis to Uncle Andy: I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

48 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Listening to background music while on hold made him long for a chord-less phone.

If coffee were blood, I'd be Count Draculatte.

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Day’s Jewelers is head and shoulders above the rest!

A Christmas Commandment When thou deck the halls, I say unto you, the tinsel must be placed one strand at a time. Except when thine wife turns her back, then ye may throw it on in clumps and no shame shall be upon ye. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 49

Russian Rain Submitted by Jimbo

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Red. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It’s raining."

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Winter is coming... Are you ready?

She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think it’s snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out." Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain.



So Rudolph turns to his wife and replies," I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"



Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else. – Judy Garland Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

50 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Jimbo to Uncle Andy: If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

You know you are broke when you canʼt even pay attention. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 51

Interesting Christmas Facts: In 1836, Alabama became the first state in the USA to declare Christmas a legal holiday. In 1907, Oklahoma became the last state to declare Christmas a legal holiday.

Recently Banned by Government:

We Are Now A Full Services Salon & Spa!! • Massages • Facials • Body Treatments • Body Waxing • Manicures/Pedicures • State-of-the-art Back, L to R: Shannon Lord, Mel Cote, Hannah Hair Services Greene. Front: Ashley Farrell, Darcy Ames

Give the Gift of Relaxation… Gift Certificates & Spa Packages Available

Mistletoe The number of unwanted pregnancies resulting from the placement of mistletoe on the ceiling and over doorways has never been properly calculated, but is surely astronomical. Tongues are a choking hazard.

Interesting Christmas Facts: An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

52 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

NOW HIRING Aesthetician Massage Therapist Nail Technician Stylist

336 Center St. • Auburn • 777-1611

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Ann’s Flowers Family owned and operated for over 50 years



any order of $35 or more Not valid with any other offers or on wire service orders Expires 12/20/10

14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457 • Visit our web site for many other options!

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

VOTED #1 Casual Restaurant & Best Burgers in L/A area

Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's

s a m t s i r h C n o n e p t We’re o midnigh ls! 4pm -

pecia s s a m t Chris s u l p u n Full me

Some time slots still available for our 80-seat private function room. Call FMI 120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

BREAKFAST SPECIALS “All breakfast specials include coffee.”

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am You asked… we listened! A new brand of coffee!

Fresh steak cut and ground daily. Open Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm

5 Washington St.,

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast.............$3.75 TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast.....................$3.75 WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes ........................$3.75 THURSDAY: French Toast .....$3.75


FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette..$3.75


SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage ......$3.75

Phone Orders Are Welcome

SUNDAY: French Crepes .......$3.75


Expires 12/31/10

It seems like my photo is in the Digest a lot...


1 OFF Any Purchase of $500 or more 1 coupon per order

Prices do not include tax.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 53

A scrapbook page from Andy Jarman & Kayla Marston’s Commitment Ceremony & Reception on October 31, 2010 Photos by Crystal Harnden

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door. – Emily Dickinson

Live Entertainment Fri. Dec. 10th Sat. Dec. 11th Fri. Dec. 17th Sat. Dec. 18th Fri. Dec. 24th Fri. Dec. 31st Sat. Jan. 1st

OPEN HOUSE with L/A Magazine Chad Porter Private Party TBA Closing at 4pm New Years Eve Party, details TBA Closed

Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's

Dec. 11 Chad Porter Don’t miss this great singer!

Now serving 4 different Soups every day. Nice warm soup after work or to take home.


for the holidays Let us plan and do the work! Most menu items available

Stocking Stuffers Gift certificates, coffee mugs with coffee packets, gift assortments, etc.

Where was Uncle Andy for the first annual Pub Crawl?

Deli Downstairs Dining Room Upstairs Call ahead for company holiday parties and all your catering needs

84 Court St, Auburn


Mon-Tues. 7:30-4:00 Wed-Fri 7:30-10:00 • Sat. 11:00-10:00

Everything is practice. – Pele

Holly Mireault, Owner

He probably crawled under a rock where he belongs... Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 55

Leap, and the net will appear. – Julie Cameron


Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

56 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

SEASON WITH A GREAT SMILE Your source for cosmetic and preventative dentistry

Dr. Elizabeth Franco, D.M.D.

v v v v v v v

Dr. Daniel Penan, D.M.D.

Dr. Thomas Hall, D.D.S.

Dr. Brian Beasley, D.M.D.

Preventive Dentistry - Cleaning and Checkups Cosmetic Dentistry - Veneers, Bonding, Bleaching Crowns, Bridges, Dentures (Complete or Partial) Extractions Periodontics - Treatment of Gum Disease Root Canal Therapy Surgical Placement / Restoration of Dental Implants Now Accepting New Patients


27 Millett Drive, Auburn Not a Medicare or MaineCare Provider

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 57

Out & About at Cassiel's Day Spa for the Pretty in Pink Survivors of Breast Cancer Prize Drawing (PIPS)

A backward poet writes inverse.


Visa tivation fee No ac ber in Dece

PIPS Basket Giveaway I started PIPS along with my good friend Carlene Sperry (not pictured) to be a support group to other women who are fighting, and who have fought breast cancer. Without the help of Cassiel's Day Spa we would not be able to help as many women as we have. We are truly grateful to have people like Diane in our community.


with low rates Rates as low as



for up to 60 months

New Vehicles - Used Vehicles - Refinances**

COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION Claudette Caron co-founder of PIPS & Diane Dubois, owner of Cassiel's Day Spa

All people smile in the same language. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

58 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

144 Pine Street, Lewiston - 40 Stanley Street, Auburn Phone 207.783.2096 • Fax 207.783.2093 *APR=Annual Percentage Rate. Rates are as low as 2.99% APR for vehicles financed up to 5 years or 60 months. Payments per $1,000 on 60 months = $17.97. Rates subject to change without notice. Rate is available from November 1, 2010 – December 31, 2010 . Loan must be closed during that promotional period to be eligible for special rate. **No in-house refinancing. Refinancing from other financial institutions welcome. Subject to credit approval. Member eligibility required. Some restrictions may apply. It isn't hard to be good from time to time. What's tough is being good every day. – Willie Mays

"Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on." – Betty White

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Our Own Green Guard Fuel 24/7 Emergency Service. Will Call customers welcome.

"Delivering Comfort you can count on!"

I think Bill Gates is so rich because he got his wish when he said, "I wish I had a nickel for every time this PC rebooted!" – Chris Caswell I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.

Blake Dow rocks the baby model community!

Blakeʼs photo was selected to be the face of the Harold Alfond College Challenge baby bill advertising campaign. These baby bills are distributed all over the state of Maine at stores, restaurants, salons, gyms and other places where parents and grandparents will see this adorable baby bill.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 59

Your vote Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 16th Best Nail Salon:

Best Chinese Restaurant:



Le Gala Nails

37 Park St., Lewiston • 783-6300

730 Auburn Plaza, Auburn • 786-7411

#1 Jeweler in the area:

Best Casual Restaurant:

Day’s Fine Jewelers


Gipper’s Sports Grill

600 Center St., Auburn • 784-6766

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

#1 in Dining Excellence:

Best Pizza:



House of Pizza

775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110

95 Lincoln St., Lewiston • 786-2020

Best Auto Body Shop in the area: Coleman’s Collision Center, Inc. 13

Best Landscape Company:

Davis Landscape Co., Inc.

1524 Minot Ave., Auburn • 784-6121

78 Lisbon Rd., Lisbon • 353-4848

Best Real Estate Company:

#1 Catering Service:

ERA Worden Realty


Rolly’s Diner

473 Center St., Auburn • 784-0159

87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171

Best Automotive Service:

Best Thai Restaurant:

Mike Morin’s Auto Center


Pepper and Spice Thai

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

875 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 782-7526

Best Dry Cleaner:

Best Pool & Spa Company:

Auburndale Cleaning Center 786 Center St., Auburn (782-9389) 14 Millet Dr., Auburn (783-1280)








1975 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 783-0858

Best Auto Dealership:

Best Dance Studio:

Mary Jane’s School of Dance 461 Rte. 202, Greene • 946-7302

ABC Pool & Spa Center


Lee Auto Mall


777 Center St., Auburn • 784-5441



Indicates number of years as winner.

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey company, is proud to announce the w The above winners are the result of public ballots and intern

es are in! Annual Best Businesses for 2010 Best Sports Pub:

Gipper’s Sports Grill


Best Chiropractor:

Dr. Gerald Nadeau

120 Center St., Auburn • 786-0715

336 Center St., Auburn • 777-1104

Best Insurance Agency:

Best Facial/Skin Car Salon:

Champoux Insurance


Healthy Beauty Wellness Spa

416 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-2246

643 Main St., Lewiston • 333-3235

Best Spot for Breakfast:

Best Heating Oil Service

Rolly’s Diner


87 Mill St., Auburn • 753-0171


775 Washington St., Auburn • 784-2110


99 Spring Street, Lewiston • 784-1819

Dan Allard Photography


Cassiel’s Day Spa


Best Fried Clams: (New Category)

The Village Inn

541 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 786-0651


Best Electrologist: (New Category) 711 East Ave., Lewiston • 783-3321

Best Financial Planners:

Poirier Associates


Best Photographer: 1727 Hotel Rd., Auburn • 212-2089

Best Roofing Contractor:

St. Hilaire Contractors

Blanchard’s Cash Fuel, Inc.


3 Conant Rd., Turner • 225-3588

Best Prime Rib:




165 High St., Auburn • 782-7796

Best Community Bank/Credit Union:

Rainbow Federal Credit Union 391 Main St., Lewiston • 784-5435


Best Convenience Store:

Paid for by Market Surveys of America



Hardy, Wolf & Downing, P.A. 186 Lisbon Rd., Lewiston (784-1589)

Best Eye Care Professionals:

J&S Oil/Convenience Store Center St., Auburn • 622-1609

Best Attorneys:

Optometric Associates


Dr. Beale, Dr. Henry, Dr. Ebersole 168 East Ave., Lewiston (784-3564)


winners of the 16th annual Greater Lewiston/ Auburn’s Best Businesses for 2010 Survey. et voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event Travis Dow caught moonlighting again...

"If we stop learning today, we stop teaching tomorrow." – Howard Hendricks

BUY ONE HOME OR BOTH! Zoned for Daycare, Lawncare Services, Church, Veterinary or Landscape Services. Great for horses, too. Located on over 8 acres of pasture land and abutts the Little Androscoggin River. Over 600’ of road frontage. Located in rural Auburn. The house has been totally renovated with new windows, siding, roof, heating system, refinished hardwood floors, freshly painted interior, new bath and updated kitchen. Includes a huge storage barn which has electricity. Just move in!


You sales guys make pretty good bartenders... While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye.

The double wide is a 1996 w/ 1,488 sq ft, 2 master bedrooms, one on each end, 2 baths, office or den, vaulted ceilings and deck.

$130,000 A convenient location for your business.

Go to for more info and virtual tour of this well maintained property.

"Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pajamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would NEVER wear that!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

62 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Call Dawn Belisle-Marston for private showing. OFFICE: 207-553-7318 CELL: 207-939-2827 Re/Max By The Bay


Dawn Belisle-Marston

Women’s World: My husband says I never listen to him (at least I think that's what he said).

Uncle Andy's Definition: Dockyard: A physician's garden.

Merry Christmas Ann Dumais

Paula Tantillo

& Happy New Year to all of our clients!

Sue Poulin

December Special Kim Galgovitch

Lisa Olmstead



Pauline Guimond

per set


Special Jacinta Labbe (formerly of Sarah Jeanne’s)

$65 FOIL with Jacinta (cut not included)

Gift Cards Available Kelly Giambra

Lysa Ronan

Valerie Kelshaw

We are a full service salon N Licensed Aesthetician N Licensed Massage Therapist N Full range of skin care including Glycolic Peels N All waxing services including Brazilian Wax N Tinting - eyelashes & brows N Mens & Womens Cuts N Children’s cuts N Colors N Foils N Perms N Manicures N Pedicures


14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A Highland Spring Road, Lewiston

Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

HARRIS BROTHERS PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268 Call us! No Separating Required!

743-3891 HARRIS BROS.


Uncle Andy's Definition: When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 63

Book the Captain’s Room WE’RE BACK ON COURSE!

for your Holiday Parties! Up to 50 People Call FMI Gift Certificates Available Coming soon… Re-opening of

Captain Don’s Loft The Vallee family: Norm, Connie, Belinda & Mick

If you think we’re only about seafood…

Think again! We have something for everyone! Like one of these menu items…

Voted L/A’s Best Seafood Chowder 2004 - 2007

Steaks & Prime Rib

Pasta Dishes

Ham & Turkey


Delicious Appetizers


It’s like coming home for dinner. 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday •

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Out & About at Day’s Jewelers Ladies Night event

Upcoming events: March of Dimes Auction, Ladies Night & Men’s Night • Call for details!

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 65

Out & About at Cassiel's Day Spa for the Pretty in Pink Survivors of Breast Cancer Prize Drawing (PIPS)

Uncle Sam did not have a beard until the beginning of the Civil War.

dition a r T e n i a AM unt On! o C n a C u Yo

Thank you to everyone who purchased raffle tickets and made donations and supported the PIPS.

Hours: Monday-Thursday 6am – 9pm; Friday 6am – 9:30pm; Saturday 6am – 9:30pm; Sunday 6am – 9pm

WEEKDAY LUNCH SPECIALS Served from 10:30-3:30 Monday - Maine Fried Shrimp And the first lucky winner is...

Diane Dubois & Claudette Caron

Tick Warning I hate it when people tell me about bogus scams, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally... but this one is real, and it's important. So please tell everyone you know:

Tuesday - Fish & Chips Wednesday - Steak Sub Thursday - Grilled Reuben Sandwich Friday - Fried Haddock Sandwich


You’ve got to try the sausage gravy here!! (l to r)

Nicole Merrill & Becky Schlegel

Monday - Turkey Dinner . . . .$9.25 w/potato, peas, squash, stuffing, gravy & rolls

Tuesday - Yankee Pot Roast . .$7.95 w/Carrots, Potato & Gravy, Rolls

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie .$6.95 w/Potato & Rolls

Friday & Saturday After 4:00 PM

Thursday New England Boiled Dinner . .$9.25

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up DO NOT DO IT! THIS IS A SCAM!

Cole Farms omelettes are perfect for breakfast!

w/corned beef, potato, cabbage, carrots, turnip, beets & rolls

Friday - Lasagna . . . . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Salad & Rolls

Sunday - Roast Pork . . . . . . .$8.75 w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Prime Rib Au Jus w/Potato, Choice of Salad, Coleslaw or Vegetable & Rolls

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Fried or Baked Stuffed Haddock


Adults .............$6.75 6 & under .......$3.75


Now open from 7am-11am

They only want to see you naked. I wish I'd heard this yesterday. I feel so stupid.

Portland-Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 •

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Danny DeVito once studied to be a hairdresser.

& Jimbo

66 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039


Opossums do not play dead. They actually faint.


Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Chamber October Business Break

We’re in the business and know you need your plow unit fixed fast!!

Call us for your truck and snow plow repairs! “Dependable, quality service at an affordable price!”

• Servicing all makes & models of heavy equipment & trucks • Licensed Inspection Station • • Hydraulic Hoses made on-site & more!

Tom Nash as Detective Crockett

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston 333-3707 • Oil from the ground is actually dark green, not black.


Do you have snow removal issues? Call St. Laurent & Son for your snow removal needs. WHY WE’RE MORE AFFORDABLE: • Our snow dump is located within 1 mile of downtown Lewiston/Auburn. This significantly lowers our hourly v transport cost compared to our competitors. • We sell rock salt and sand/salt mix at our facility. • We maintain our own equipment.

20 Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 784-7944

Wigging Out Part Deux Locally owned and operated since 1970!

Human DNA and jellyfish DNA are 80 percent identical.

The only way to overcome is to hang in. – Dan O' Brien Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 67

The Three Southern Wise Men

The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, but in what direction we are moving. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Submitted by WEP

I was travelling through a small Southern town when I spotted a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. I was totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar'."

Recently Banned by Government:



s, eve

istma ry Chr


indham •


orth W . 115 in N



on Rt

Jimbo says Uncle Andy is hunting in an empty forest.



907 Roosevelt Trail in Windham

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from all of us at Thatcher’s!

✹ Easy on the pocketbook ✹ Great for the whole family ✹ Full menu always available

Follow your nose to Thatchers!

Elves Ideology and political allegiance unknown.

Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 10pm • Sun 12 - 8pm

Dave & Maggie Garry, Owners

Casual Dining in a Relaxed Atmosphere Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

68 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

If a used car ad claims..."rough condition"... It really means: too bad to lie about.

If a used car ad claims..."stored 20 years"... It really means: (in a farmer's field)

Out & About on Veteran's Day at

The Meadow's

GIVE A LITTLE GREEN THIS HOLIDAY SEASON Toys, Shirts, Hats, Books, Videos and more!

Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

Check out our new expanded website:


HALL IMPLEMENT CO. JCT. 202 & 302 AT THE ROTARY - WINDHAM 892-6894 • Mon.-Fri. 7:00-5:00 • Sat. 7:30-12:00

You Could Be A Redneck If… You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

Christmas Time Is... A time to join together to celebrate with friends and family. Helping others less fortunate and promoting peace on Earth. Charity. Fellowship. Peace.

Merry Christmas to you and yours from all of us at Windham Automotive! Thank you from the special children and families of Camp Sunshine for your unbelievable support over the past years. We’re looking forward to many more to come!

Windham Automotive “Where quality and value still have a meaning.”

385 Roosevelt Trail, Windham


You Could Be A Redneck If… You're considered an expert on worm beds.

Mildred Covell Mildred recalls serving in the WAVES, which stands for Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service. She was a pharmacist 1st class with the Navy for 3 years during WWII. She recently traveled to Washington D.C to see the news Women in Military Service for America Memorial, in Arlington National Cemetery. She highly recommends others visit the memorial as well, for it was a great experience.

Q: What's red and white and black all over? A: Santa Claus after he slid down the chimney. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 69

Holiday Catering From 10 people to 300… No job too small or too big!

Holiday Parties • Company Christmas Parties Buffet


Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering Professional service at an affordable price Try Dad’s Place for your next event!

Call Diana or Larry for more info and pricing

345-9009 There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place Catering Division

You Could Be A Redneck If… The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.

Out & About on Veteran's Day at

The Meadow's

December Specials*

Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

*with Leah or Charlie only

Men’s Cuts . . . . . . .$10 Women’s Cuts . . .$19 Call Nichole for her Wednesday specials!

Proudly celebrating 10 years in business!

783-2220 9 Third Street, Auburn (Across from Rolly’s Diner)

Open Tuesday - Saturday Call for Appointment Walk-ins Welcome

Back: Nichole (Senior Stylist), Carla (Owner/Senior Stylist), Leah (Junior Stylist) Front: Charlie (Junior Stylist)

Back in my day you sometime had to take horses to where you needed to be. I'll never forget when I had to ride one to access my area in Iwo Jima, I was so sore the next day I could barely walk. I've haven't been on a horse since!

A picture may worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.



15 $ 20

Alcohol Screening

Local* After Hours & Weekends*



Includes confirmation if necessary

Paul Covell

Available 24-7, 365 days a year

"So, how are you getting along with your gorgeous new girlfriend?"

*Call for out-of-area pricing

We also perform hair follicle drug screens, paternity tests, private investigations, tenant screenings & background checks.

Testing can be performed in the privacy of your home or office. *All reports are verified by a licensed Private Investigator

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS Full Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • A Dog Thought: I guess sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello."

"Not so good. I asked her whether she could learn to love me." "Yeah -- and?" "She asked how much I was willing to spend on her education." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 71

Out & About at the Sebago Lakes Chamber October Business Break 80’s Retro... Why not?

Melissa McKenney O'Brien Just the facts, ma’am!

A Dog Thought: I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.




195/TON While supplies last!

$ave on heating costs

100% Maine Wood Pellets Laurie Noel Sgt. Joe Fridayʼs partner

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

72 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Call Today!

Environmentally Friendly



1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126 A Dog Thought: I must remember that the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

A Dog Thought: I will try not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

Let us pamper one of your loved ones this Holiday Season!

Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween Okay, honey, how much is this going to cost me?

Call now and ask about our Holiday Packages or Gift Cards

~Discover the Beauty Within~ Diane Dubois Owner & Permanent Makeup

Billy Pham Nail Tech

Gail Paione Cosmetologist

Chelsea Janelle Richard Dupuis Heather Heckbert Massage Therapist Massage Therapist Cosmetologist

Karen Carey Electrologist

Jen Lafayette

Cristin Conroy Aesthetician

Paula Charette Spa Coordinator

Spa & Event Coordinator

• Hair • Body waxing • Facials • Pedicures • Spa Packages

• Massage • Electrology • Manicures • Bridal Packages • Permanent Make-up

Nikki Bramlett Cosmetologist

Ashley Goulet Aesthetician

Sonie Robinson Operations Manager

Justin Brousseau Massage Therapist

Paige & Don Piper

Linda Walker

Lori McMahon-Roy HR Manager

Paige Piper & Jim Moreau Pam Murray Spa Coordinator

Michael Watts Nail Tech

Q: Why do reindeer scratch themselves?

71 East Avenue • Lewiston, Maine

(207) 783-3321

A Dog Thought: Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

A: Because they're the only ones who know where they itch. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 73

Out & About at Maine Oxy’s Car Show with all proceeds going to benefit Pine Tree Camps

Miles Smith

A Dog Thought: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

For All Your Commercial & Personal Insurance Needs

BILODEAU INSURANCE AGENCY 2 locations to serve your needs

4 years old from Mexico, ME

Now you see him...

LEWISTON 541 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 784-4029

BRUNSWICK 92 Pleasant Street, Brunswick • 725-2797

A Dog Thought: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

PRIVATE FUNCTION ROOM Up to 80 people • Many catering options Now you donʼt!

Now Booking Holiday Parties! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

74 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

782-2088 150 Mill Street, Lewiston

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well. – Missy Dizick

One cat just leads to another. – Ernest Hemingway


Out & About at the Marston/Jarman Commitment Ceremony on Halloween It’s true. I was the girl that said she was never getting married... How things change.

“My Prices Won’t Shock You”

Office: 225-3360 • Cell: 576-6643

Fully Insured • All Electrical Service Work • Houses • Cottages • Dormitories • Campgrounds • Schools

Kayla Marston The Bride

Piggy, piggy back

• Phone Cable • Camera Security • House Alarms • Lead Certified Renovator

PLUS: • Install all sizes of generators, from portable to stand-by generators • Install permanent line poles for new housing developments

(top to bottom) Donovan,

TJ, & Paige During the wait at the Olive Garden

We answer any emergency call 24 hours a day / 7 days a week Licensed in Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts and Vermont Financing Available • Some Restrictions Apply Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. – Anonymous

TJ, Paige & Donovan Contemplating whatʼs for dinner at the Olive Garden

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 75

Headquarter Salon marks 10th Year Anniversary

Many resist change - perhaps even fear it - but the best ones know change brings opportunities, and they seize them. – Uncle Andy

Thank you to everyone for being a part of 10 great years being in business. I sincerely appreciate all the support & patronage of my customers, family and friends.

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market! Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping! Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More! VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK” Regular Paperbacks $1/each $

Carla Martin owner Headquarters Salon, located at 9 Third Street in New Auburn, is celebrating its 10th year anniversary this December. Started in December of 2000 by Carla Martin, the salon then grew in 2007 with addition of senior stylist Nichole Brooks, and has recently grown again with the addition of two new junior stylists, Leah Giambra & Charlie Simental. Owner Carla Martin states, "If it wasn't for all the support and love of my family as well as the loyalty of my clients and co-workers, I wouldn't have been able to reach this milestone. I'm excited about the future of the salon and look forward to continuing to help people look their best. This month we have some specials going on to help our new stylists grow their clientele. Come in and give them a try and we feel you'll be happy with the results. See our ad on page 71 for details on the specials with Leah & Charlie. Also call Nichole for more info on her monthly Wednesday special. Again, thank you to everyone who has been a part of our success, we couldn't have done it without you!" The salon offers the following services: Perms, Men's Women's & Kid's Cuts, Colors, Foils, Up-do's and Pedicures. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

76 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

Large Selection of Fenton Glassware!

Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books & Cookbooks


Pre-Read Books arriving daily

20% - 50% OFF

20 OFF %

all Audio Books (books on tape & CD)


131Vendors Open 7 Days a Week

8 AM - 5 PM We honor: M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA, Am. Express & Discover cards

s Alway g n i Buy

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149 500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area! Although we cannot change the direction of the wind, we can adjust our sails. – Unknown

Sign at a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills"


We Buy, Sell & Trade

Out & About at Maine Oxy’s Car Show with all proceeds going to benefit Pine Tree Camps

Full Line Gun Smith Service Buying small & large firearm collections Check us out!

J.T. REID’S GUNS 86 Court St., Auburn • 777-3579 Jamie Pelletier, Manager

Hours: 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat

John Reid, Owner

Uncle Andy stopped by trying to get a free t-shirt...

Uncle Andy, fugetaboutit! Hit the bricks!!

The Perfect Place to Dine anytime of the day! Open Sun. - Thur. 10:30am - 10pm Fri. & sat. 10:30am - 11pm


Hope Covert & Bonnie Pelletier Volunteers

784-8221 85 Center Street, Auburn

Sign at a Tire Store: "We cure baldness!"

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I called her up and asked, “Did you get my drift?” Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 77

Out & About on the first annual Pub Crawl with stops at Irish Twins Pub, Buddy T's, Little Joeʼs, The Cage & Schemenge's

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

Now Accepting Snow Plowing, Snow Removal & Sanding Accounts

Also Offering: Excavating • Demolition • Yard Maintenance House Lots • Commercial/Residential Site Work & More! Thanks to everyone who came out to support this event!

Est. 1945 Adam Smith Ray Poirier Co-Owner 1331 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • 782-3617 • Co-Owner


Seen on a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon: "Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

New Years Eve Party Friday, December 31st

Kaining Amy

Party starts at 9:00pm - open until 2:00am Live music by Kaining Amy

Now the pub crawl driving is done, look for me on the sequel to Driving Ms. Daisy...

CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY - Open at 11am Free mini buffet at 1pm - live music by Chad Porter 2-6pm






Free Pool & Touch Tunes 75¢ Wings $ 1 Red Hot Dogs


Acoustic Sets



75¢ Tacos

$13.95 14 oz. Ribeye Steak

BOGO 10” Pizzas

1/2 price Apps

Irish Twins Pub

Hours: Tues.& Wed. 3pm-close • Thurs. & Fri. 11am-close • Sat. 4pm-close

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s) Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

78 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility gap.

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.

GARY BAIN Leadership.


East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC


316 Center St. • Auburn

866.579.ECMG Back: Coach Ron Giroux, Sadie Pearson, Sadie Nelson, Jenna Pesce, Lauren Syphers, Anna Giroux, Ciera Berthiaume, Jillian Tolman, Coaches Bryan Brackett and Paul Cobb Middle: Sarah Rich, Ally Smith, Ali Wintle, Mary Brackett, Megan Knights, Hailey Jarvis Front: Kate Herzig, Alana Cobb, Erin Merchant and Taylor Dyke

Rainbow Federal Credit Union $500 Fuel winner for 2010

Joe Lachapelle wins $500 in heating fuel Rainbow Federal Credit Union recently held their Member Appreciation week. During the week Rainbow had raffles to different places in the area and also had giveaways to thank the members. The big drawing was the Saturday. Rainbow compiled all the raffle slips from the week and drew one name for the $500 in heating fuel. The grand prize winner was Joe Lachapelle from Turner. Sandy Demers, branch manager of the Main Street, Lewiston branch presented a check to Joe for $500. Congratulations, Joe on being Rainbow's 2010 heating fuel winner!

For proper maintenance, it should be pumped periodically.


G.A. DOWNING CO., INC. 111 Woodman Hill RD Minot, ME 04258 207.782.4508 800.924.4500

We carry risers, covers, baffle replacements, septic additives.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!

376.3007 A: When it's adrift.

Do not neglect your Septic System

Service Rental Sales


Q: When is a boat like a pile of snow?

Liquid Waste Pumping • Portable sanitation facilities


East Coast Mortgage Group, LLC 316 Center St. • Auburn

866.579.ECMG Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 79

Alter Call

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime? Sandy Claus!

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

TEST See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common? Look at each word carefully. 1) Banana 2) Dresser 3) Grammar 4) Potato 5) Revive 6) Uneven 7) Assess

Did you figure it out? No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters. Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you pass the test? Submitted by Beth Francis

Out & About with Austin Associates at the L/A Chamber’s business after hours

(front l to r) Geof Bray, Stephanie Brushwein, Hillary Eaton, Crystal Malia, CPA, Patty Rice, Jennifer Merrill (back l to r) Steve Bosinger, Becky Adams, Philip Doucette, CPA, Jeremy Marchessault, CPA, George Richardson, CPA Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

80 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Check out the ONCE MORE STORE for your Christmas shopping. See page 82.

Kris Kringle, a man in his 40s, lives in North Pole, Alaska, and delivers pizzas for a living. He still drives a 1984 Ford Tempo.



Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary

Diane Heidi’s sandwiches are the best because they’re made on freshly baked bread!

Get it at Gediman’s! Special Price

Many to choose from


Styles and colors may vary from what is shown


Question: Why come to Gediman’s? Answers:

1) We’re a LOCAL company! 2) Great service before & after the sale! 3) Lowest prices anywhere!

1822 Lisbon Road • Lewiston, ME (207) 786-5555 67 Centre Street • Bath, ME Local: (207) 443-4711 • Toll-free: 800-734-6963

It's "God rest ye merry, gentlemen," not "God rest ye, merry gentlemen."


At Heidi’s I learned that Bread + Corn Chowder = PERFECT!

Sam Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 81

Unique Hair Designs

The difference between chickens and turkeys is that chicken’s celebrate Thanksgiving!

(formerly D’Avanti Salon) moves to Westbrook


Bucket of spaghetti with 4 meatballs & loaf of garlic bread

625 Bridgton Road, Rt. 302 in Westbrook

We are so excited about our new location. Come check us out!!

Homemade Chocolates for Christmas



of New Gloucester

Gift certificates

The Little Place with the Great Taste


Rt. 100 • New Gloucester

Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-10pm • Sat-Sun 7am - 10pm

Peanut Butter Balls, Needhams, Coconut Balls, Peanut Butter Fudge


10.95 per lb (16oz.)


Breakfast Served until 11am

NOW OPEN Laurie Hanlon, owner

Stop in & save on your holiday shopping. Check us out today!

906-1 Lisbon St., next to Sam’s Italians

Hours: 9:30-5:30 Mon-Fri 9:30-3pm Sat

Mon - Fri 9 am - 7 pm • Sat 9 am - 3 pm Our new logo! 600 Center Street Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

82 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039



Happy Holidays & Happy New Year, too!

Gift Certificates Available

We now do artificial nails & pedicures. Call for appointment.


Love the new logo!











A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.

56% of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets.

United New Auburn Association Meeting

Last Tuesday of every month, 6pm at Rolly’s Diner New Auburn Christmas Tre e Lighting AND Parade Sunday, Dec. 12th at Raymond Park. Starts at 5pm, Lighting 5:30pm at Rolly’s Diner

New Auburn Social Club


Unique Hair Designs (formerly D’Avanti Salon) moves to Westbrook 625 Bridgton Road, Rt. 302 in Westbrook Best of luck, Laurie! I know you’ll do great!!

Friday, Dec. 31st 7pm to 1am Tickets On Sale Now

7 Second Street, Auburn

FMI Contact Leroy Walker 577-2694 • email:

Celebrating Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary Jonah, Jennifer & Phil I love the new location! Congratulations, Laurie!!

Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli has something for everyone!

The Creature Comforts of Home.

Here’s Santa’s own holiday wish list: Congrats!

1. Bigger windows facing south to capture heat and natural light. (This saves on your heating bill.)

2. A brand new game room. 3. Save $1500. Government rebate with blown-in insulation ends Dec. 31st. (This saves on your heating bill.) 4. A nice warm sunroom, with all the trimmings.

Sometimes the little changes make the biggest difference… “The Difference is in the Details”

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.

Call 753-9887 or 576-8528

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCE Fully Insured • Many References Available

Christmas pudding should be stirred from east to west.

Unique Hair Designs, we love the name! Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 83

Out & About at the Y’s Family Fun Night Halloween Party

When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

# $

Spend 50 or more

Please mention Uncle Andy’s Digest

Get $10 OFF any order! ROLL TOWELS - ALL TYPES We gotta tell mom about the Once More Store. I’m hearing they have all kinds of toys. Take a look at page 82.

Bathroom Tissue, Trash Liners, Plates, Cups, Napkins, ETC. • Cleaning Chemicals & Janitorial Supplies


Stop waiting in line at the Big Box stores for your paper and janitorial supplies! Just call in your’s that SIMPLE!!

wiper & paper

No m Minimu Order

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE •

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

84 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood.

Out & About at the Y’s Family Fun Night Halloween Party

PRIVATE PAY SERVICES AVAILABLE! Caring for an elderly loved one at home can be a challenge. Let us help you. We have qualified Certified Nurses Assistants (CNA) & Personal Support Specialists (PSS) that can meet your loved ones needs. We can provide assistance whether it be the extra help they need after a hospital stay, companionship, or respite care. We can provide 24 hour care 7 days a week or we can provide as little as 4 hours a day for your reprieve. You let us know what you want. We are here to serve you. We have a 24 hour on call system that responds (after hours) usually within 15 minutes. This means during the middle of the night, if you need us, we are there for you. We can help keep your loved ones out of the nursing homes and stay in their own homes. Their quality of life will be so much better in their own familiar environment because that is where their comfort zone is.

Assisted Home Care means...

• More privacy - you get personal care in your own home. • Convenience - continuity of care. • Comfort - being in your own home. • Shorter Recovery Time - people recoup better at home. • Nursing care by qualified caregivers.

Home C d e t s are si s A For more information visit us at: 550 College St., Lewiston

783-7375 We cover Gray, New Gloucester, Turner, Augusta, Windham, Brunswick, Topsham, Bath, Mechanic Falls, Norway, Bowdoinham, Pownal and surrounding areas.

Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? Because the angel had said,"No L!"

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 85

What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa flush on him.

Holiday Catering

Platters Small Vegetable Platter .......................$24.60 (serves 9-12) Medium Vegetable Platter ...................$29.75 (serves 13-17) Small Meat & Cheese...........................$28.00 (serves 9-12) Medium Meat & Cheese.......................$35.30 (serves 14-16) Small Relish Tray .................................$23.35 (serves 9-12) Medium Relish Tray .............................$28.55 (serves 14-16) Dessert Platters Mini Whoopie Pies (2 doz)...................$20.00 Chocolate Chip Cookies (2 doz) .........$20.00

Finger Rolls: Tuna, Egg, Ham, Chicken, or Seafood $8.49/Dozen

More Catering Options Available CATERING DIVISION 268 Main Street, Lewiston

782-2550 A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!" Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

86 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

STILL LOOKING FOR ME? CCURATE CCOUNTING & Tax Services, P.A. • Income Tax Returns • Payroll Taxes


• Sales & Use Tax • Accounting Systems

922 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 777-7005 (Corner of Sabattus & Garcelon Streets - Across from Val’s Rootbeer)

"Men are born with two eyes, but only one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say." – Charles Caleb Colton

Q: Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? A: Rude-olph

Out & About at the Y’s Family Fun Night Halloween Party

From Our Family to Yours…

If 2011 is your year for a move, call 784-3800 or email “Our greatest privilege is serving the real estate needs of you, your family and your friends. Because of you, we are The Real Estate Leader.” – Brenda Fontaine

336 Center Street, Auburn • 784-3800 • Q: What reindeer has the cleanest antlers? A: Comet.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 87



The celebration of the new year is the oldest of all holidays. It was first observed in ancient Babylon about 4000 years ago.

Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary

Eating at Heidi’s really gets me pumped up!

Kyle Sawyer

Monique The spicy Caribbean wrap is to die for!

Megan Q: How do you know Santa has to be a man? A: No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

88 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

The Tournament of Roses Parade dates back to 1886. In that year, members of the Valley Hunt Club decorated their carriages with flowers. It celebrated the ripening of the orange crop in California.

Q: Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch? A: Deery Queen.


Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli’s 3rd Anniversary

studio for hair, nails & massage

Services • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Cuts, Styles Colors & Highlights Perms Extensions Manicures Pedicures Artificial Nails ys Facials Holida y p p a H Massage py New Reflexology & Hap l! Waxing r to Al a e Y Eyelash Tinting Arbonne Make-up

Back (l to r): Michelle, Emily, Cindy & Elizabeth Front: Lynn, Christine, Jen & Daniel

Gift Certificates Available

20 Coburn Street, Auburn (Off Center St., across from D’Angelos) Open Monday-Saturday •


Amanda & Juliet If you like great food, you’ve gotta try Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli.

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite


Brad The weatherman describes this as unseasonable weather.

Family Owned & Operated

786-5556 786-5556 995 Center Street, Auburn

995 Center Street, Auburn

Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm Hours: Mon-Fri 9am-5:30pm; Sat 9am-2pm Q: If you're afraid of Santa Claus, what condition do you have? A: Claustrophobia

Of course it's unseasoned -- that's why the city maintenance men put salt on it. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 89

Out & About on Veteran's Day at The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

I was on the CBI, I flew over the hump to China many times. Then after WWII, I was rebuilding planes during the Korean War in Newfoundland.

Sign on a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

‘10 Snow Gear Layaways thru the holidays

Gift Certificates Available


all denominations

psst! Sale on All Last Year’s Products

30% to 50%


’sfers a t an tuf

Roy Nickerson I was at Pork Chop Hill and fought on the Kansas Line in Korea and also did four tours in Vietnam. If I had to do it all over again, I would still go and fight for our country.


ng cki

Sto We carry:

and many more!


cks d so r a o owb • Sn nies s ea • B mp pad s o t • S rd lock a o s g • B rd ba a o • B Ds ent ipm V u q D e • g lies s unin • T te supp & Mitt a s k •S love •G d An CH MU ORE! M

1 Garfield Road, Auburn • 344-6622 Harold Leano Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

90 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

When you blame others, you give up your power to change. - Douglas Noel Adams

Out & About on Veteran's Day at The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene

We must become the change we wish to see in the world. - Gandhi

Hot Air & Boiler Cleaning Special

Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...


Oil Filter • Pump Screen • Nozzle • Efficiency Test




Save $400+ If you haven’t had your heating system cleaned in the past 12 months this is what it may be costing you… 15% efficiency loss of 1000 gallons of heating oil at $2.70/gal (.15%x1000/gals.x$2.70/gal.=$405.00) or pay $149.95 and help yourself!

Meeting your needs in Air Conditioning, Ventilation, Heat and Refrigeration. Owner Al Hamel • Lewiston, ME 782-6336 • Email:

Specialists for installing Rinnai Monitor Heaters LP, Natural Gas & K-1

Christmas tends to be a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

Eligible for up to $1,500 Federal tax rebate



Downeast Sharpening Complete Sharpening Service

1525 Lisbon Street Lewiston ME, 04240 783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706 Fax: 783-2873 Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

SARACENS MC MAINE Presents The 35th Annual Great Northern Motorcycle Swapmeet

The Baker

Sales & Service of Outdoor Power Equipment


Sunday, January 30th, 2011 9am - 3pm at the Augusta Civic Center

I was also on the CBI and was a baker, I remember we used to bake the food in the used oil drums because thats all we had. Amazingly I never burned anything. Many of my children have served or are currently serving in the military, we’re very proud of them.

Glen A. Gisel

7 Main St. (Junction of Rt. 302 & 121) Raymond




Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise 685 Washington St, Auburn 784-7300

BE A SPECIAL SANTA vendor info: (207) 595-1587

Give a Scuba Class for Christmas... a gift remembered forever!

It only takes one person to change your life today - you. – Dan Miller

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


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Out & About on Veteran's Day at The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

One memory I have was running into my brother while we were both serving in WWII. We hadn't seen each other in two years. I also remember our camp being shelled and a antipersonnel mine landing just two feet from my head, I was very lucky... it turned out to be a dud.

You can have more, be more and do more because you can change the person you are. – Brian Tracy

Winter’s Coming Get it GONE NOW! • Any part of property cleaned – if you don’t want it, we’ll throw it away… • We bust our butts so you don’t have to! Winter is a great time to clean out attics, cellars & garages!

Over 10 years making unwanted stuff go away!! Trash & Garbage • Furniture & Appliances • Construction & Demolition Debris Boilers & Scrap Metal • Brush & Trees • Buildings Demolished & Removed

Property Services • Especially Foreclosures Trash outs, Lock changes & secured, Cellars pumped • Demolition (one room or the whole building) Roofing, painting porches and other light repairs

Farrell Enterprises Senior Discounts Joe Camillo Sr Glazing Glory My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 20 years of experience. "Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked. The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts." Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

92 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Happy Holidays and please drive safe!

Fully Insured

782-5300 or 576-2501


Law of Parenting: If it's advertised on tv, it's a sure guarantee it better be under the Christmas tree.

You don't have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great. – Les Brown

Out & About on Veteran's Day at

The Meadow's

Commercial & Residential

Snow Plowing & Snow Removal Services

Senior Living Center in Greene


Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...


FULLY INSURED FREE ESTIMATES 36 Howes Corner Road, Turner • 344-5814

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY 95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210 Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President

The day I turned 18 I signed to join the military. I did well on my tests and was told I qualified to be an Intelligence Analyst (aka Spy). I spent time in Pakistan in the 60's and my main duties were to monitor Russian Communications during our U2 Flight missions so we could find the holes in their radar. When they said they lost the plane, we knew we had found a hole. I loved the unique world the military afforded me to experience. Later on in my life I served in the Peace Corps in War Zones such as Bosnia, Sierra Leone and other African Nations.

(207) 784-6413

WE’VE GOT HANDGUNS! HUGE SELECTION! FREE Bottle of Pepper Spray with any handgun purchase! Just a small sample of our inventory

Call Matt, Drew or Chris at

Rt. 4 • Turner, ME


Just past Twitchell’s Airport

Chris Jordan, owner 577-0210

Law of Parenting: Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.

Henry Hamilton Jr Q: Where do you find giant snails? A: On the ends of giant's fingers. Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


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Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Submitted by Sheldon Walton

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... this particular Sunday sermon... “Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you, we are but dust...” He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four-year-old girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

Q: What is the purpose of reindeer? A: It makes the grass grow, sweetie.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

OUT ʼN ABOUT WITH MIAMI MIKE Happy Holidays loyal Uncle Andyʼs Digest readers! Whether you celebrate Christmas, the eight crazy nights of Chanukah, Kwanza or any other holiday, your Miami Mike wishes you and your family the best. Now if you are here or there, near or far; make sure whatever you do, you do it with an Uncle Andyʼs Digest. The digest is like the cherry on an ice cream sundae for the holidays. It is not essential however without it, itʼs just not the same. Now I realize the climate here in south Florida is not what I would call favorable for the good ole Christmas tree, but I have got to tell you these fake conifers are driving me nuts. All the retail stores have a section dedicated to these imposters. Itʼs like an exhibit of green pipe cleaner art little Timmy and Tammy worked on in daycare. Really people, tell me what is a Christmas tree with no smell and no needles everywhere that you continue to find around the living room until June? Ok now Iʼm so hot under the collar I need to get ova to Panache Day Spa for a little R & R. I know what youʼre thinking and there is nothing wrong with a man at a spa, no need to be a hater. If you donʼt believe me go check them out for yourself. Trust me fellas only real men can make it through a back or chest waxing! I should know they waxed my chest and removed all 17 hairs I had. Ok I guess I will wrap up the year on that chest hair note! Have a great holiday and ring in the New Year with the Digest… you know I will. Miami Mike Out!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis & Jimbo

94 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Bob Hope ON GOING TO HEAVEN "I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

Out & About on Veteran's Day at

The Meadow's Senior Living Center in Greene Each year on Veteran's Day Rebecca Laliberte of The Meadows invites Vets from past wars to come and speak about there wartime experiences, this year was a full house, the biggest to date. Here are just a few of their memories...

My daughter is Rebecca Laliberte, proprietor of The Meadows. This event she puts on each year is really great and all the vets really enjoy it. I'm very proud of her!

Connie Pettis When I was young, my family was really poor.

800-561-8506 Oxford/Auburn

Everything I wore socks, blouses, even handkerchiefs - had been darned over and over by my mother. I wasn't the smartest or the prettiest, but I sure was the best darned kid in the neighborhood!

She said, "When you reach your 70's you must learn to grow old with grace." He said, "That's great! Bring Grace over and let's see what she looks like."

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...withravis &T Jimbo


783-7039 95


Law of Parenting: Toys multiply to fill any space available.

Executive Home For Sale In Auburn


See the all-new independent Fitness Center, offering a comfortable workout environment!



Mon. Kick-N-Cardio Tue. Zumba Wed. Kick-N-Cardio Zumba 30/30 Thur. Kick-N-Cardio Fri. Instructor’s Choice $8.00 per class or 10 classes for $65

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Mon.-Sat. 9:30am-8pm Sun. 12:30-5:30pm

Call 240-6280 FMI

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...witThravis

Law of Parenting: The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.

& Jimbo

96 DECEMBER 2010 783-7039

UAD December 2010  
UAD December 2010  

The Most Unusual Digest in America!