Five Types o Have you always wanted to be able discern the different types of gay women out there? Of course you have! Never fear, because the ultimate guide to the five types of lesbians you will come across is in your hot little hands, dear reader. After absorbing this 100% factual knowledge I’m sure you will find yourself recognising the lesbians near you, and come to appreciate each of them for who they truly are.
DISCLAIMER: THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THIS ARTICLE PLAYS ON STEREOTYPES AND GENERALISATIONS AND IN NO WAY INTENDS TO OFFEND THE LESBIAN COMMUNITY
-buzz cut -snap backs -shirts and bow ties with board shorts -knows you know they’re gay -wasn’t invited to sleepovers as a preteen/teen for fear of exercising her homosexual tendencies -greets you with an understated head nod and not much else -dresses like a teenage boy -avid rugby fan -has a penny board -knows a lot about cars -mystically flat chested by design -often mistaken for sir at restaurants, and usually takes that as a compliment/or doesn’t mind -potentially gold star lesbian -wins every arm wrestle
-dresses and skirts, floral and purple -everyone assumes she’s straight/incognito lesbian -poppin’ blood red lipstick -calls you babe, cutie -celeb crushes on every hot girl who plays guitar -wants Cosima Niehaus in her bed -writes down the dates you have together in her diary planner with gel pens -needs you to know that she is in fact gay, promotes femme visibility -certified freak in the sheets (not to be confused with the pillow princess) -constantly having to come out to her peers, and is often met with surprise or disbelief -most likely to be hit on by straight men
PERFECT MATCH: FEMMES AND HIPPIES
The feminist/activist -makes zines -probably has a septum piercing -spoken word about the patriarchy/intersectional feminism, probably mentions menstrual blood and white privilege -marks every online post with a trigger warning -politically active -lets all her body hair grow unapologetically -Black doc martens -obscure indie band merch t shirts -mad that straight girls have started wearing flannel too -attends protests -collector of vinyl PERFECT MATCH: HIPPIES AND FOOTBALLERS
PERFECT MATCH: BUTCHES AND FOOTBALLERS