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09 October, 2012. Volume 20, Issue 03.

LGBT Ally Campaign goes National Audrey Ellard Walsh

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he launch of the USI’s national Ally Initiative took place in UCC on the 1st of October. Held in conjunction with the Students’ Union and the LGBT Society, it was officially launched by Cork City Lord mayor, Councillor John Buttimer. University College Dublin Students’ Union, Waterford Institute of Technology Students Union, St Angela’s College Sligo Students’ Union and Queen’s University Belfast Students’ Union also held launches for Ireland’s first LGBT ally campaign. The USI LGBT Ally campaign takes inspiration from a similar venture organised by UCC LGBT Society last year and is the first campaign of its kind that the Union of Students in Ireland has run. The purpose of the campaign is to raise awareness of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender equality issues among students and to showcase the support that non-LGBT people have for the LGBT community. An LGBT Ally is someone who supports the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community and equality for LGBT people. The USI is encouraging students and public representatives to

wear our USI LGBT Ally wristbands to show their support. James Doherty, LGBT Society Campaigns Officer explains that an “LGBT ally” is “someone who creates a greater sense of security for their LGBT

Allies also set a good example for others as it has more resonance when they don’t tolerate discrimination. Most people are unknowingly doing this on a day to day basis as most of us have an LGBT friend.”

Campaigns & Human Rights Officer, Annie Hoey, ran the massively successful venture last year. It has since been adopted as a national initiative by USI who conducted regional launches last Monday in col-

friends. A person doesn’t have to go out and start protesting for equality to be deemed an ally but they are anyone who supports everyone, refrains from using anti-LGBT language and defends their LGBT friends from discrimination.

LGBT Rights Officer for the Students’ Union, Aaron Blake explains the UCC connection with Ally Week: “LGBT Ally Week was a UCC LGBT Society initiative, taking inspiration from a similar campaign run in a US university. Last year’s

leges all around the country in the hope that they will run successful Ally Weeks of their own. The Lord Mayor of Cork, attended the UCC launch which is an achievement that we can be further proud of. “ Aaron feels that allies are

important “because they make up 90% of the population who do not identify as L, G, B or T and without their support, the community would be nowhere near the thriving body of people that it is now.” His message to those who are in support of LGBT but have not yet ‘pledged’ to be an Ally, is to go and do it. “It’s very simple. All it takes is to defend your LGBT friends who may be bullied, prevent the use of anti-LGBT language and stand by your LGBT peers in the fight for equal rights. It’s a struggle but progress is being made and is, without a doubt, accelerated and catalysed by our Allies.” James Doherty is “really looking forward to see what direction other people will take the campaign as it will be constantly adapting itself. It is definitely gathering momentum at the moment and I’ve no doubt that it will become a great addition to many colleges around the country. I hope that the campaign spreads its roots outside the college population too and finds itself being run in areas where there is noticeable LGBTphobia. To join the campaign, students can pick up an LGBT Ally wristband from the Students’ Union.

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02 | Editorials

October 9, 2012

Baby Steps

Kevin O’Neill Editor-in-Chief

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s my colleague, Audrey Ellard Walsh, acknowledges below, it’s hard to believe that we’re here again. Another fortnight has passed, another paper is out. Many people have mentioned to me over the last few days that “it always seems to be an Express” weekend as the paper apes my free time for 72+ hours at a time.

Sleep? Sleep is for the weak… That said, the thrill of seeing it all in print has yet to wear off for me. I remember vividly seeking out the first issue of the paper two years ago to find my first article in the Music section, and I haven’t missed one since. Wednesday last saw me deliver a less than eloquent speech to a half full Boole 4 at the UCC Journalism Society’s Media Night. Public speaking is not my forte, while the number 5 and 7 buses seemed intent on ensuring I wouldn’t make it on time. Fortunately (for the Entertainment Editor who was nervously waiting to take my place) I managed to scramble a handful of words together in celebration of this publication. If I didn’t get a chance to speak to you, I apologise and please seek me out on editor@uccexpress.ie. If you

did catch my oration, you’ll know that I’m a little more Joe Biden than Obama… However, back in my comfort zone on the far side of a computer screen, I can assert that it was worth it. More writers have clambered aboard the good ship UCC Express, more variety in content and style peppered throughout these pages. You’ll find the re-establishment of a column as Gaeilge, the expansion of the fashion pages and the reappearance of the Photo pages after their absence last week. Our news section, as touched on by Audrey below, has a very domestic feel to it with the UCC Works programme and Ally Week having involved or influence the Express and its staff in some sense. It is initiatives like this that stand out at the end of a college experience when looking

back. The wonderful work done by students in extracurricular activities will finally be recognised by the college through the Works internship programme – while many students were already involved for the love of journalism, surely these numbers will swell with the promise of such a prize at the end of the year. These are still baby steps in the grand scheme of things, but they are important ones. Whether it is sending an email to the editor of your college paper asking to get involved, or contacting the Student’s Union for information on the works programme, or standing terrified in front of a lecture hall of eager journalists, these are steps that can make quite the impact on our lives in the long haul.

as the Union of Students in Ireland launched their first national LGBT ally campaign. The venture, which encourages all students to stand in alliance with their LGBT friends and classmates builds upon LGBT Ally week which was organised last year by then society Campaigns and Human Rights Officer Annie Hoey. We at the Express are delighted for her that the campaign is being rolled out nationally. Students affirmed support for same sex marriage at last Tuesday’s Philosoph Society debate on the topic. Read more about the arguments inside. Also this week, UCC and TCD Students’ Unions this week reaffirmed their commitment to member-

ship of USI. In the wake of a Trinity College referendum, UCCSU has stated their continuing support of the national union. UCC has launched a joint venture with the Defence Forces to provide a Diploma in Emergency Medicine and on Wednesday, Amnesty International Society will be on campus highlighting human rights abuses worldwide in recognition of International Day against the Death Penalty. And if that doesn’t do it for you, I also discuss my love of Chinese food.

Modern Love

Audrey Ellard Walsh Deputy and News Editor

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nother fortnight, another Express. Campus is now well and truly back to life as boot and umbrella sales prepare to soar. Now that you’re all settled back, maybe you would consider writing for your friendly neighbourhood

newspaper. Getting involved is really easy. Whether you’re a regular Lois Lane or if you have never written before, email editor@uccexpress.ie and we’ll put you in touch with the relevant section editor. Are you ready to see your name in print? Another way to get involved with the Express, and many more UCC organisations and departments is through the newly launched UCC Works initiative. The scheme offers students the opportunity to intern on campus, receiving vital training and experience for the workplace. You can read more in the News section. This past week saw the fruits of one particular Features editor come to fruition,

Enjoy. Audrey

University College Cork Express Editor: Kevin O’Neill editor@uccexpress.ie Deputy Editor & News Editor: Audrey Ellard Walsh news@uccexpress.ie Design Editor: Niamh Gunning layout@uccexpress.ie Photo Editor: Siobhan O’Connell photo@uccexpress.ie Features Editor: Annie Hoey features@uccexpress.ie Deputy Features Editor: Úna Farrell deputyfeatures@uccexpress.ie Entertainment Editor: Tracy Nyhan entertainment@uccexpress.ie Deputy Entertainment Editor: Jack Broughan deputyentertainment@uccexpress.ie Film & TV Editor: Kellie Morrissey screen@uccexpress.ie Music Editor: Mike McGrath-Bryan music@uccexpress.ie Arts & Literature Editor: Julie Daunt arts@uccexpress.ie Gaming Editor: Fergal Carroll gaming@uccexpress.ie Fashion Editor: Kieran Murphy fashion@uccexpress.ie Fiction Editor: Stephen Goulding newcorker@uccexpress.ie Sports Editor: Stephen Barry sports@uccexpress.ie Contributors: Brian Barry, Robert Bolton, Brian Byrne, Kevin Casey, Nicole Clinton, Cathal Dennehy, Gavin Fitzgerald, Roisin Flanagan, Emma Geary, Kenneth Hickey, John Kinsella, Ruth Lawlor, Padraig Martin, Michelle McCarthy, Eoin Murray, Ruth Ni Leannachain, Aaron Noonan, Chris Redmond, Dylan White


October 9, 2012

News | 03

UCC Works Internship Programme Launched John Smith

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he UCC Student’s Union, in conjunction with the Careers Service, have launched UCC Works, a new internship scheme designed to reward participation in extracurricular activities and give students the opportunity to gain valuable work experience as part of their degree. Last Tuesday, the 2nd of October, saw UCC President Michael Murphy launch the scheme. The purpose of the initiative is to give students valuable work experience in a UCC campus organisation or department and allow them to receive formal recognition for same, as well as aid in their professional and personal development. On completion of the internship and the submission of supporting documentation that reflects the student’s learning, students will receive a UCC Works Internship Award which provides formal recognition for their

involvement in and learning acquired from the UCC Works Internship Experience and will also feature on the students diploma supplement. This initiative is a joint venture across the University lead by the Careers Service and Students’ Union. SU President, Eoghan Healy, said “This is just one of our new ventures which will seek to improve the employability of UCC students and give them a cutting edge when facing the job hunt.” To participate in UCC Works, students are required to do 3 things; participate in an approved UCC Works campus internship for a minimum of 40 hours, attend 2 careers workshops or employer fairs and finally reflect on their learning from UCC Works and update their CV appropriately. At the moment there are 165 internships available in various departments such as UCC 98.3fm, The UCC Express, Motley Magazine, The

Glucksman Gallery, Chaplaincy and Students’ Union, however this figure is expected to rise drastically once the programme gathers momentum as demand will be high. If students cannot find an internship that interests them they can contact the Careers Service or SU and they may be able to find a new internship immediately. At the official launch UCC President, Michael Murphy explained that “Not all students have the opportunity to intern as a part of their academic course. We wanted to provide students at UCC with innovative ways and opportunities to support their academic qualifications and develop their employability in the future. UCC Works equips students with competencies required for the workplace such as teamwork, problem solving, planning and interpersonal skills, as well as practical skills such as CV writing, job application and interview techniques.” “By adding this intern-

ship opportunity and related credits, we believe the UCC Works initiative will enhance students’ skills, abilities and confidence in work environments,” he added. Student Union President, Mr. Healy, “would strongly encourage students to take part in this programme as it will really benefit them when they are facing job interviews. Employers are focusing more and more on learning obtained outside the classroom and this is a perfect example to demonstrate this. When you compete with

your classmates for jobs, they will have the same degree as you; you need to show something more to the potential employer.” He added that “The Confederation of British Industry conducted a survey and found that 80% of employers rate graduate employability skills as the most important thing they look for during the interview process.” More information on UCC Works and details on how to apply for an internship can be found at www.ucc.ie/careers

Trinity students vote to remain affiliated with USI Audrey Ellard Walsh

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he students of Trinity College Dublin have voted in favour of their Students’ Union remaining affiliated with the Union of Students in Ireland (USI). Students were asked to vote ‘Yes’ if they were in favour of disaffiliation or ‘No’ if in favour of remaining affiliated. The result declared on Thursday saw ‘No’ receive 1,496 (61.5%) votes, while ‘Yes’ received 829 (34.1%) votes. The “Yes” side won by a margin of 667 votes. In total, 2,431 votes were cast with 106 (4.4%) ballots spoiled.

On the vote, USI President John Logue said: “USI is proud to have received such an overwhelming endorsement from the students of Trinity College. USI’s inaugural meeting was held in Trinity College on June 19th, 1959 and its Students’ Union has played a significant role in the growth and development of the organisation in its 53year history.” He added that “This result strengthens USI ahead of our upcoming national campaign. We now face into this campaign with a renewed mandate to act as the voice of Irish students and to fight for their education and welfare. We will continue to resist any

increases in fees, cuts to the maintenance grant and any measures that affect access to education.” UCC Students’ Union President Eoghan Healy this week reaffirmed his belief that UCCSU’s membership of the USI beneficial to the students of UCC. “Without USI there would be no national voice of students. For example, when the Clare County Council recently tried to withhold the grant from students who hadn’t paid the household charge, USI immediately were able to respond and coordinate protests across a number of Students’ Unions and ensure that this threat could not be-

come a reality. Also USI provide considerable support for a number of campaigns and welfare issues” UCC students voted to remain affiliated to USI in the 2012 Students’ Union elections last March. On the question “Should UCCSU remain affiliated to the Union of Students in Ireland (USI) at a cost of €5 per full time student and €2.50 per parttime student?” 2,543 voted in favour and 1,049 voted against. Membership of the USI costs UCC Students’ Union circa €80,000 each year. This is paid for by students through a portion of the Capitation fee and goes towards

the running costs of the national union of 8 full time officers. While CIT, UL & DCU not affiliated, Mr. Healy believes that “for quite a small charge (€5 per student) that there is considerable benefit to the students of UCC.” The South has a strong representation on the USI 2012-13Officer Board with former Education Officer Cat O’Driscoll currently serving as Vice-President for Academic Affairs and Quality Assurance and former LGBT Rights Officer Laura Harmon current VP for Equality and Citizenship.


October 9, 2012

04 | News

UCC Amnesty Society mark World Day Against the Death Penalty Michelle McCarthy

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he UCC Amnesty International Society will mark International Day against the Death Penalty with a series of mock executions. Taking place on Wednesday October 10th, the executions will form part of a campaign taking place in the amphitheatre on the Main Campus. It is the only such Cork event to be held on the day and will coincide with events hosted in Galway and Dublin and around the world. UCC Amnesty International Society has a number of actions lined up for the day including carrying out mock executions on campus to demonstrate the denial of the right to life faced by prisoners around the world. They will also show an Amnesty produced short film outdoors to highlight how the

death sentence has routinely been passed unfairly and on prisoners later discovered to be innocent throughout the world. Their aim is to educate UCC students about the ultimate deprivation of human right to life happening across the world. Auditor of Amnesty UCC, Eilís O’Keefe, told The Express that their campaigns team want to remind students that the use of the death penalty is still widespread. “Despite the death penalty not being used in Ireland in sometime, we forget that some of the countries we consider to be “modern” and leading world economies have some of the worst records in this regard” she said. “China for instance executes more people than any other county in the world which is something people often forget”. In 2009, the Dui Hua Foundation estimated that 5,000 people were executed

in China, which would be a figure greater than all other nations combined. UCC Amnesty Society and Amnesty International are fundamentally opposed to the death penalty in all its forms. Ms. O’Keefe believes that “It’s an absolute, irreversible, degrading and dehumanising practice, regardless of the circumstances in which it is applied. Amnesty are of the opinion that the State is never justified in administering such violence regardless of what the person

may have done.” Amnesty International has recorded capital punishment in Iran for political opponents who were tortured in custody and denied access to a lawyer. In 2010 alone Amnesty International recorded death sentences being passed in Saudi Arabia, Equatorial Guinea and United Arab Emirates following court proceedings which did not meet international fair trial standards, where the accused did not speak the language used in the courtroom and

in which torture was used to obtain confessions. “Once the Death Penalty has been administered there can be no retribution, no going back if the conviction was wrongful” Ms O’Keefe said. “Since 1973, in the US alone 130 people have been released from death rows throughout the country due to evidence of their wrongful convictions. This demonstrates people are found guilty in the wrong; had they been murdered by the state there would be no turning back” she stated.

Philosophical Society debate same-sex marriage Ruth Lawlor

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n atmosphere of hostility was proclaimed by some last Monday evening (the 1st of October) at the Philosophical Society debate on the legalisation of marriage for same-sex couples. With a large LGBT presence, overwhelmingly in favour of the motion and cries of “bigot” ringing throughout the room, the claim is perhaps unsurprising for anyone considering support of the opposition. For UCC Philosophical Society, however, the debate was the perfect kind of controversial one to get the year started. Speakers from both sides boasted impressive credentials, although it seemed for a time that the proposition was

content to merely ride the tidal wave of support coming from the packed audience. Some of the arguments on that side seemed too obvious to warrant statement, although perhaps that is merely the nature of the debate itself. Certainly most of the audience would have agreed that the answer to the question posed was an obvious one. Max Krzyzanowski of LGBT Noise called on the opposition to provide some evidence of harms caused to citizens, and children in particular, in those countries where same-sex marriage is already legal. That kind of evidence, however, was something that the opposition could not, or would not, provide. “There are 169 rights denied to couples

in civil partnerships compared to married couples,” Mr Krzyzanowski informed the spectators, and asked for those rights to be granted universally. First in the firing line for the opposition was Mr Andrew McCarthy of SPUC (Society for the Protection for Unborn Children), who spoke about devaluing the institution of marriage: if marriage were extended to same-sex couples, it would also have to be extended to include polygamists and incestuous couples, relationships which would then have to be regulated by the state. Senator Katherine Zappone was the only speaker to remain calm throughout the entire debate. She talked about “denial of entry into

an institution that has significant social and legal status” and, in response to Mr McCarthy’s concerns about the institution of marriage, reminded him that marriage is not and never was a static institution – once upon a time girls as young as ten were forced to marry and marital rape was not considered a real problem. The final speaker, Mr Brendan O’Neill, editor of Spiked Online, was perhaps the most controversial. He criticised the LGBT movement’s “intolerance of dissent” and accused them of advertising their political elitism by comparing themselves to the unenlightened mob. He spoke of moral pressure to conform on this issue and that the original gay movement did

not want equality, but liberation from the “rotten, oppressive institution of marriage”. This entry into conformity, Mr O’Neill said was “not a good thing”. Later the floor was opened for audience members to address the house, although it would be difficult to say that any of their comments significantly added to the debate. Instead, hollow cries of “bigot” and “homophobe” were tossed around and those in opposition were attacked on what they had to say. With the curtains now closed on this debate, the controversy is set to continue: join the Philosophical Society for their next debate, “Is Abortion A Feminist Issue?” next Monday October 8th at 7pm in Boole 1.


October 9, 2012.

News | 05

UCC School of Medicine launch programme in Military Medical Care Stephen Goulding

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niversity College, Cork’s School of Medicine launched a new medical diploma programme in conjunction with the Irish Defence Forces and the Academy of Emergency Care at Cork University Hospital last month. The programme will act as the entry level course for serving members of the defence forces that wish to enter the Medical Corp. The much sought after contract to deliver entry-level medical training to Defence Force members was landed by UCC after what the university described as a “competitive tendering process earlier this year.”

The class, which is comprised of member of all three branches of the Permanent Defence Forces—Army (2 students), Air Corps (2 students) and Naval Service (6 students)— took part in an orientation day on the 21st of September in Brookfield Health Centre where they were greeted by the Defence Force student liaison officer P.O. Kieran McMahon, the Dean of the School of Medicine Professor George Shorten and the president of UCC, Dr. Michael Murphy who described the programme as “imaginative and practical.” The Commanding officer of the Medical Corp, Col. Dr. Gerard Kerr stated that: “UCC - and its predecessor, Queen’s College Cork - has had a long and

distinguished history in offering medical education to the military. Our records go back to medical graduates of the late Nineteenth and early Twentieth-centuries who went on to pursue military careers in India, Mesopotamia and Afghanistan, among other places. Today’s recruits to the Diploma in Military Medical Care are representatives of a new twenty-first century approach to medical training in the military, taking advantage of all that modern technology and medical education can offer.” Professor Stephen Cusack , Director of the Military Medical Care Diploma course said: “I am very proud to be associated with this exciting venture. The School of Medicine

and Health at UCC is very pleased to be working with the Defence Forces in delivering this innovative programme.” The course is designed to improve first responder experience and to give students basic training in military first aid which can be applied in the field. Graduates of the course will be qualified as Civilian Emergency Medical Technicians as well as being qualified Combat Medical Technicians. Students will also undergo training on how to care for victims whilst in the field by undertaking scenario and simulation exercises which will involve training in UCC Medical School’s Advanced Southern Simulation Education and Training Centre (ASSET). Final-

ly, they will participate in a placement scheme that will see the students join a variety of medical professionals, such as ambulance personnel. On graduation they will have the opportunity to serve in the Field Medical Company which served along sides Irish peacekeepers on overseas deployment. The diploma is not the first combined effort on the university’s behalf to educate the Defence Forces in pre-hospital medical care. The Emergency Department at Cork University Hospital –which operates in conjunction with UCC under the memorandum of understanding— has previously trained members of the Army Ranger Wing (the army’s elite unit), as well as Defence force instructors.

Class Rep Elections Underway Audrey Ellard Walsh

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lass Rep Elections are continuing this week and will conclude on Friday the 12th of October. 1st and 2nd year class rep elections have already taken place in-class and elections for other years and Post-Graduates are being held campus all this week. Polling stations will be located outside the library from 10am-4pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday with stands in the Brookfield Health Sciences and Western gateway Buildings on Wednesday from

9am-2pm and 2pm-6pm respectively. Students’ Union Education Officer PJ O’Brien explains the role of a Class Rep: “Academic Class Reps are expected to be the voice of the class that they were elected to represent. They bring any issues that their class have to Council Clinic’s and then to Student Council. They liaise with their lecturers on any problems that their class may have. In the case of Entertainments Reps, they are required to look after any of the social needs of the class like holding class parties, organising trips away for bonding purposes and they

also work with the academic rep on the matter of organising class hoodies.” He states that: “Students should expect their class rep to represent their class on any issues that they may have, whether that’s an issue with a lecturer, course content, an examination problem or if it is something outside the class room, but still effects them somehow. The academic rep has to be the class’s voice, and they are expected to represent the entire class’s views on an issue. Students should be able to contact their class rep and expect a reply from the person who they elected to represent them.”

Class Rep training will take place on October 17th. Details of the event are still being finalised, but those who attend can be sure to learn lots from the experience with talks/workshops on campaigning, public speaking, dealing with college authorities and how they can be an effective class rep. Students’ Council Chair, Susan O’Sullivan encourages students to run for Class Rep and to engage with the Students’ Union. “Every student is welcome to attend Council, you don’t have to be a Class Rep and your opinion matters. It’s a great place to come and

speak on motions that interest you and keep up to date with what’s happening in UCC and the Students Union. You can come and ask your SU officers about what they have been getting up to and keep items that are important to you high on their agenda.” “This year we are working towards changing the face of Student Council, rebranding is under way, a newly formed Council Working Group will be working hard throughout the year and some great socials afterwards are on the horizon.”


06 | News

October 9, 2012

News in Brief

Weird Wide World

Cambridge entrepreneur and lecturer to deliver talk at UCC

Ms Hanadi Jabado, Entrepreneur in Residence at Cambridge University, will deliver a public lecture entitled ‘Rejuvenate Your Business Through Entrepreneurship’ on Thursday October 11 at UCC. Hosted by the Department of Management and Marketing at UCC, the lecture is part of a series of master classes that will be delivered by international academics over the coming three years. Ms Hanadi Jabado has founded businesses in several industries, including education, online retail and property, and works with companies around the world performing board reviews and delivering master classes. She is also an in-demand mentor to entrepreneurs, students and executives. Dr Joan Buckley, Head of the Department of Management and Marketing at UCC, welcomes the opportunity for the University to host the event: “The topic is relevant to all organisations, irrespective of scale or purpose, as they strive to find new and innovative ways to meet their customer demands and develop within a global context.”

Writer in residence announced for UCC

The College of Arts, Celtic Studies and Social Science and the Arts Council have announced the appointment of Matthew Sweeney as Writer in Residence for the academic year 2012-2013. Matthew Sweeney’s recent works include The Night Post: A New Selection (Salt, 2010), Black Moon (Cape, 2007), Sanctuary (Cape, 2004) and Selected Poems (Cape, 2002). He has also written poetry and fiction for children, including Up On The Roof: New & Selected Poems (Faber, 2001), and is the editor of The New Faber Book of Children’s Verse (2001). He is also the co-author (with John Hartley Williams) of the highly-successful guide Writing Poetry (1997). His poetry has been translated into several languages. A graduate of the University of Freiburg, Sweeney is renowned for his ‘alternative realism’ poetry, having won many awards including the Prudence Farmer Prize (1984) and the Cholmondeley Award (1987). Black Moon was shortlisted for both the T.S. Eliot Prize and the Irish Times Poetry Now Award.

Batman arrested for interfering in police business

‘A man dressed as comic book superhero Batman found himself on the wrong side of the law after being arrested for interfering in police business. American caped crusader Mark Wayne Williams was arrested after refusing to leave the scene of a roadside accident as police searched for a missing driver in Michigan on Saturday. ‘He wouldn’t clear the scene, and we had a canine out there and he kept screwing up the scent,’ officer Jeff Gorno told the Petoskey News-Review. ‘He said he wanted to help us look for the driver. We didn’t want the dog to track Batman instead of the accident scene, and he was getting in the way of officers who had a job to do.’ ‘It’s the second time this year the 33-year-old has been arrested while crime fighting dressed in a homemade Batman outfit. In July, police were alerted to reports of a man dressed in a cape and tights on the roof of a business in the city. Police found him in possession of a baton, a can of chemical irritant spray and a pair of sand-filled gloves’ - Metro.

Policeman discovers “suspicious light source”

‘A police constable has risked embarrassment after launching an investigation into a “suspicious light source” which was later found to be the moon. The constable was on duty late one evening last month when he spotted a “shining light” glowing over Clent Hills, a range of scenic peaks which rise up more than 1,000ft in Worcestershire. He radioed his sergeant, telling him he was “off up the hills” to investigate the “suspicious bright light” from ‘over the other side of the hills’. He warned that as he was “single-crewed” he might require back-up if he found a crime in progress. The area is known as a hotspot for outdoor sex - and it is believed the officer thought he might catch offenders engaged in sexual activity when he mistook the bright light of the moon for car headlights. After a 20-minute walk up the hills, however, the red-faced officer raGuinness Jazz Festival Launches dioed his sergeant back, telling him that the ‘light source’ was in actual The 2012 Guinness Cork Jazz Festival was officially launched in Cork fact the moon’ -The Daily Telegraph.

Opera House last Friday, October 5th. Taking place over the October Bank Holiday Weekend from 26-28 October, the festival will see over 1000 musicians from over 20 countries perform on Leeside. This year’s line-up features an eclectic mix of performers, among the most anticipated shows are performances from De La Soul and Beach House at the Opera House. Speaking at the launch Con Dennehy, Chairman of Cork County VFI, called for a Hollywood style jazz walk of fame to be set up on McCurtain St which would honour some of the world’s best musicians and would also boost tourism. As well the headliners in the Festival, The Guinness Music Trail will feature in over 50 venues citywide promising a range of music styles including jazz, blues and funk. The majority of these events are free and some of the top names appearing on the trail include The James Taylor Quartet, Lee Hedley Band, The Mary Stokes Band and local jazz heroes, The Roaring Forties who entertained the crowds at the official launch. There will also be The Big Jazz Fringe, which is a weeklong series of fringe events, aimed at extending the Festival experience for locals and visitors alike. Some of these events include the Jazz Food Fair, Live at the Library, Beat on the Street and Jazz Gospel Service.

Bad strip-tease leads to ruptured bladder

Patrick Gallagher, a groom-to-be whose bachelor party lead to a Philadelphia strip club has filed a lawsuit against the club due to negligence. He is demanding $50,000 due to medical costs, mental anguish and physical trauma caused by a woman employed by the club. Gallagher had bought the “Bachelor’s Package” at the club, which prompted dancers to bring him on stage and lie him flat on his back beneath the pole. One dancer went up the pole above him, and “from a great height she launched herself down onto his abdomen,” said his attorney, Neil Murray. The pain was so severe the next day that he went to the hospital. He suffered from internal bleeding, among other injuries.


October 9, 2012

Features | 07

It’s time to talk about our mental health Annie Hoey

Features Editor

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hat was it that I said about the best laid plans of mice and men?? Well, it obviously didn’t stick for myself! I handed up my thesis last week literally two minutes before the deadline. And I dare not even look into the (ridiculously expensive) bound copy to see the inevitable spelling mistakes… So I am going to start afresh this week. I have my notes ready for class. I have watched the set film and read the set texts. I have a new pen and a fresh notepad. No more acting the maggot for me! I will attend lots of society events. And hey, who knows, I might even make it to the gym sometime… Speaking of taking care of myself and getting my life into order, do you know that it is World Mental Health Day on October 10th? The idea behind World Mental Health Day is to

raise awareness on issues pertaining to our mental health, be that any one of numerous mental health issues or simply learning how to take care of your mental health. As students we tend to avoid taking care of our mental health. Mental health issues still have a stigma attached to them. Somehow, we see them as being ‘softer’ than ‘regular’ health issues. As someone who suffers from Panic Disorder, I know only too well the stigma associated with mental health issues. People question whether it is a real illness or if you are simply doing it for attention. Well I can assure you that it isn’t for attention and that it is very real to the person suffering. Just because you cannot see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. We need to not only start taking better care of our on mental health, but of others too. In the hubbub of college life it is easy not to notice a friend become withdrawn and retreating from college.

We need to become more aware of mental health issues as potentially affecting us all. Sit down and genuinely ask someone how they are. Highlight the fact that you notice that they do not seem themselves lately. They may not answer you. They may tell you to back off and that it is none of you business. And that is fair enough. But trust me: the fact that someone even asked will make all the difference. They may decide to seek help. They may talk to you again about it. But they also may decide to do nothing about it. Ultimately it is their decision what to know but the knowledge that they have a friend who cares is of the upmost importance. UCC has a wealth of resources available to students. There is the Health Centre and the Counselling service. There is the SU who has an officer, Dave Carey, who is dedicated to dealing with students’ welfare. There is the Disability Support Service, the mature student office, the postgrad-

uate office and a whole other list of resources available to help students take care of their mental health. Evidentially from the myriad of resources available, UCC places mental health as an issue of priority. So take advantage of these services. Maybe you could just stop and reflect on the state of your mental health on October 10th. See if there are any changes you can make to your life that will ensure that you take care of your mental health. Be that scheduling in some hours for exercise every week, organising your notes better, making time to chat to a friend or even simply booking time out to do nothing! But try to reflect on your mental health. At the end of the day, you are the only person who knows how you are feeling on the inside. Take pride in taking care of your mental health. There is no shame in it. I have just announced myself as someone who suffered from a mental health illness

to the whole of UCC. I am not ashamed of it- I take pride on the fact that I have overcome such an illness and it is now no longer something that defines me. And I know I am not the only person reading this who has or is suffering from a mental health issue. So I have one more addition to my best laid plans- take Wednesday October 10th as my Mental Health Day. Reflect on my achievements and what I have overcome. Set out goals for the year so as to keep my mental health in check. Organise to meet with a friend and just check in with them on how they are feeling. And I suggest you do the same. Because we can have all the best laid plans in the world but they come to naught if you do not take care of yourself and ensure your own mental well-being. I urge you to look after yourself, both mentally and physically, so as to ensure you have the best possible experience of UCC and student life.

every time you meet someone for the first time it’s completely fake but it’s not 100% them. We all go into interviews and spout an abnormal amount of bullshit. We all try and impress without sounding cocky. It’s natural to want to be liked by others and so in order to do so we sell ourselves. First impressions are like advertisements. Highlight all the good qualities, oversell the product a small bit then make the person aware that there is a catch by a quick flash of “terms and conditions apply”. We act perfectly nice to a person, we ask all the right questions then we leave a hint of our own strangeness to see how it is gauged. Like a trailer for a film you get a small glimpse into the full person after a first encounter but then you have to go and see the film

to find out the rest of the story. At the end of the day first impressions are tiring. The effort in selling yourself to a potential acquaintance. The awkwardness when you both realise you have nothing in common and this is never going to work. The dance around small talk. I despise small talk but it’s unavoidable. The initial hello’s, how are you, name, age, course, year, from, living etc. The routine is the same every time. This is probably how I make such bad first impressions because I hate asking people all those questions. So, I either ask them and be awkward about doing so, or I don’t ask anything and come off looking like a snob. I make terrible first impressions. Nearly every one of my friends will tell you

that they thought I was a snob when they first met me. How I give this impression is beyond me yet it’s been said so many times it must be true. They always tell me that they were wrong of course but it still makes me think, how do I have any friends? Then I realised that everyone hates first impressions. Many people I’m friends with, had you asked me directly after encountering them for the first time would I be friends with this person I probably would have said no. The key to making friends etc is not first impressions but persistence. First impressions aren’t the making or breaking of an encounter, just the first step. So if you meet me and think I’m snobby, excuse it and give me a chance. I’m nice, I promise.

Advertise Yourself Úna Farrell

Deputy Features Editor

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irst impressions are difficult. First impressions are also important, or so they say. We suit up for interviews, we doll up for first dates, we swot up on interesting conversation. We do all this to make a good first impression. We want to be liked by others. We want to be more than liked, we want to be hired, we want to be friends, we want to be more than friends. There is an agenda between every first “Hello” You don’t stop someone to talk to them just because you felt like a chat. You walk into a lecture hall and you choose where to sit very carefully. Do you sit with the mature students down the front, the “cool” kids down the back, the hipster in the middle

or the loner at the side? We do a quick survey of a person before we even talk to them. We see what they are wearing, we see their body language, we take their appearance and how they carry themselves before we ever make the decision to talk, or inevitably, to not talk to them. We assume a lot upon first impressions. First impressions are rarely the correct impression we should get of a person. It’s fake. It’s a forced conversation and act to try and be the person you think is likable. You hide all your weirdness and be “normal”. Have you ever met someone then realised weeks later just how odd they are? I guarantee you have said to a friend that you “thought they were normal” at one stage. I’m not saying that


October 9, 2012

08 | Features

Medium Or Mediocre?

100 CAO Points for an A1 in PE! You must be joking!

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Physical Education to the Leaving Certificate syllabus.

Can Psychic Wayne live up to his name? Former Deputy Editor Brian Byrne finds out… Gavin Lynch-Frahill examines the introduction of sychic Wayne of Psychic Readings Live performed a reading for me today. I’m convinced he was reading the wrong page. Of the twenty seven or so statements he made about me and the people in my life, more than half were completely wrong. If you were to ask Wayne, he might tell you he was having an off day. “We’re not God. We don’t get it right all the time,” he told me before the reading began. But my results make his abilities seem like little more than guesswork— and not very good guesswork at that. The cold reading technique is infamous among skeptics. So called psychics make probing statements in an attempt to reveal information about their subject. Every time Wayne stated something about me or the people in my life, he asked me to confirm or disconfirm it. This is also part of the technique. If the subject dismisses the statement, either verbally or via facial or bodily cues the psychic quickly moves on; if not, the psychic knows they’re onto something and narrows their scope. I did my best not to give Wayne any hint as to whether he was on the right track. I tried to keep a straight face; to neither nod nor shake my head. This seemed to make him uncomfortable; on two occasions he asked me to relax, that I was nervous, that the more open I was, the better the reading would be. That’s certainly convenient, isn’t it? Wayne’s attempts at the technique, with me at least, weren’t very successful. First, he said my mother had a miscarriage. She never did. Later he told me my sister had blonde hair. Wrong. When

I told him this he changed tactics and told me my brother did. Again he was wrong. So he said it was my mother, maybe. Still wrong. “There’s a lady in your life that there’s been problems with,” he said. “It’s a love situation.” He was wrong here, too. I’m a homosexual, and have never been in love with a woman. Wouldn’t you think Wayne would have sussed that? But his reading wasn’t a complete failure. Wayne successfully named a person who died in my family (albeit my extended family), and he also named one of my good friends, even if he did have to ask whether she is my girlfriend. That means either one of two things: Psychic Wayne is a fraud or I’m so good at hiding my sexuality even a psychic can’t out me. Before the reading, Wayne pointed out that there was no accurate way to test a psychic’s ability. While he was unable to give me an accurate reading, that right there is something he was right about: until we find a way to police psychics and their supposed abilities, people like Wayne Isaacs will carry on giving out inaccurate readings and, in the case of Psychic Readings Live, continue making money from them. Full results: Key: Accurate Inaccurate Statements: “As I look at you hair, I see a lady with similar hair. Long hair. She’s very, very close to you.” “There seems to be a very, very sad loss around you.” “There is a child or someone that died very, very young around you.” “There’s a brotherly link. It’s a brother in spirit.”

H “Your mother had a miscarriage.” “I know you’re Brian, but there is another Brian, in spirit.” “You are not going to be in this area for too much longer. You’re going to be moving away.” “You’re not happy in your current situation in this moment in time.” “There’s a lady in your life that there has been problems with. It’s painful, a love situation. I’m being shown the breaking of a heart.” “You’re really struggling with money at the moment.” “A grandmother passed away, maybe in the last two years.” “Her name was Maria or Marie.” “You have one brother and one sister.” “One of them seems to be completely different in height to you. I would say little and large, there’s almost a joke about it.” “You’ve got ginger hair, but your sister’s got blonde.” “Is it your brother?” “Or maybe your mum?” “Is your girlfriend blonde?” “Sinead? Do you know who Sinead is?” “Is Sinead your girlfriend?” “You’re very easy to wind up.” “There’s a birthday in August. Is that with you?” “Or one of your siblings? Your sister?” “Is it around the 15th? Close?” “You’re closer with your mum than you are your father.” “Do you know who Tim is?” Total: Accurate: 10 Inaccurate: 16

aving come through the educational rat race that is the Leaving Certificate it is hard to believe that our successors may be able to take Physical Education and come away with 100 points in no time compared to the hours we spent cramming in physics, chemistry, etc. The screams from the academics are deafening. How can they besmirch the institution of exams with a subject that is traditionally considered a doss class? The National Council for Curriculum and Assessment has already unveiled a draft syllabus for PE as an exam subject, with implementation planned in the near future. Having interviewed students outside two very different places: the Boole Library and the Mardyke Arena, the opinions differed as much as the clothes that both groups were wearing. Most of the people going in and out of the library were against it while most of those going to the Mardyke were for it. Without falling too much into the trap of stereotyping it is fair to say that a large amount of those who were not good at sport disliked PE class, while those who excelled at it loved the 80 minute adrenaline rush. This fact lingered on my mind when I heard it was being introduced but then I started to look at the curriculum and it was able to quell my misgivings. Firstly the newly revised subject is not about how good someone is at sport. Even if they are Ronan O’Gara they could still fail if they do not put the work in. There are two units to the course: Unit 1 Towards Optimum Performance and Unit 2 Contemporary Issues in Physical Activity. The first unit focuses in improving personal performance, both physically and mentally. This is the same if applied to an inter-county hurler or a five-a-side with your friends. The most interesting aspect is that it is not just as a player but also as a coach or official (love them or loathe them, no sport can occur without them). This compliments one of the key elements in the course of inclusion regardless of ability. The second unit is very progressive, looking at promotion of sport, ethics and inclusion, technology in sport, and gender and commercialism in the area of sports. The wide area of topics available to the student has taken PE to the next level where one can focus on improving and broadening knowledge of sport as part of our society. With a large and varied curriculum the main focus will always be on assessment of the subject. The Leaving Certificate examination consists of 50% Project Work and 50% Written Examination. The marking scheme which will grade the projects will be graded on creativity of the student and amount of effort put into achieving high performance while the written paper will be marked on a high level of knowledge of the facts, concepts, skills and competencies of physical education. The subject can be taken at higher or ordinary level. As Ireland becomes more technology dependant where Angry Birds has replaced playing outside in the park, our youth are currently living a more sedentary lifestyle and as a result childhood obesity rates are skyrocketing each year. As a bigger incentive for the removal of physical education as a doss class from the minds of students, the prize of CAO points at the end of it shows we have clearly chosen the carrot instead of the stick to get students active again. Will it work? Only time will tell.


October 9, 2012

Features | 09

Opinion: Use it, express it

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Opinionated Robert Bolton has decided that we all need to speak up a little bit more and start a few debates.

have been given supportive and impressive looks when I’ve said I’ve written two articles for the UCC Express. During the summer however, my brother had a rather different reaction, asking me why people write about such boring topics like politics and current affairs. “Because they like to write. Plus, it’s good for the CV,” I reply. I open one edition of the newspaper, showing him an article I had written. He reads it, complementing my use of “complicated” language. I tell him I have many more opinion articles prepared to be submitted to the newspaper. I want to use my second year of college well, not waste it pretending I’m going to do something worthwhile when what I really do is relax in bed listening all things 80s and posh nosh classical violins. No, this year I want to achieve much more. I want to fully express my personality, not indulge in the celibacy of procrastination. This year I want to write, perhaps make a movie and become finance officer of a society I set up with friends. But as I show my brother the other article, which takes up a full page of the newspaper, I am reminded of the fear and isolation

of having an opinion and a viewpoint that does not agree or conform to viewpoints of the status quo. (The article I wrote outlined the many reasons as to why people become addicted to drugs.) As a second year social science student, learning about how society works and why society is the way it is, is what I do. As a result I am also learning many things that help me form my own opinions. I know where to look for evidence and I know how to write better. As I think back a few months ago when I wrote that page long article on addiction, the fear of rejection and overwhelming disapproval floods my mind. Having non-conformist opinions can be difficult, especially since humans are wired to conform and do things the way everyone else does. But writing those opinions in a student newspaper is even more daunting, terrifying in fact. But the article was published. For me, I began to sweat as I saw my name appear along with the headline “In the whirlpool of addiction”. What are people going to say? If there’s one thing I’ve come to realise over the past year in UCC, it’s that opinions have changed the world. Whether it’s

through books, magazines, newspapers, films and documentaries, opinions encourage debate and debate creates new ideas and answers to society’s problems. There are people in the world who’s opinions are so controversial they will cause your blood to boil, but we must remember that it is only through the spreading of ideas can we create a better society. Now, about to start second year, I am promising myself to become a Rottweiler of all things social science and politics. The world does not change by the populist opinions of many; it changes because of the commitment of a small number of people. Indeed, as Margaret Meade said, it is the only thing that has. So I am coming out of the confines of the drab lecture theatre and the solitude of the library. And I urge everyone else to do the same. UCC is not a nursery school and I am not an undergraduate infant who sits at lectures pretending to be interested. I am openly interested in my subject, with a passion. Nobody should be put down for that, no matter how much you love Karl Marx. I encourage all students to act on their interests and pursue their opinions. Be open with

them. This is a democratic society. Criticism of society, culture and the pursuit of freethinking do not have to be confined to the imprisonment of the classroom, lecture theatre or library. Liberate your nerdy passions from your essays and exams. Let the world know you love Emily Dickinson. Quote her poetry at every opportunity. If you’re a rugby player and passionate, act like you are passionate. Become a bulldog, don’t take notice of people who say your sport is too rough. If you’re obsessed with quantum physics, write an article for the college newspaper about Steven Hawking. Please profess your love for your subjects and interests. Don’t let anyone get in the way of that, because what we need in uncertain times like these is hot and steamy intellectualism that can only be turned on by rigorous debate, a carefree attitude of going to the library, feeling proud of it and making sure you give your lecturer’s a grilling if you don’t agree with what they say. Though I don’t believe in being deliberately offensive or oppressive to others when expressing opinions, I believe that suppressing an opinion from fear

of rejection from the wider society is a sin of libertarianism, free thought and the idea of progression. It’s easy for the status-quo to engage in emotional blackmail, making you feel bad for having a non-conformist opinion. But do not accept this dogma. You must respond yourself to society. You must take a step back and think for yourself. Only through this thinking can society progress. College really is going to be different this year. I’ve so far seven opinion articles prepared that I want to submit to this newspaper. Three of them are wild in their aspirations. I’ve a lot of things to say. But at least I am fulfilling my promise. I love all things social science, so I’m acting on it. Fears of rejection and disapproval must be met with my realisation that society does not progress until someone has something new to offer. But I must also keep in mind that people have not only a right but an obligation to debate with opinions. So this year, I’m proudly going to fill my shelves with a dozen more books, publish maverick articles along with a new blogging website. If you’re like me, don’t be afraid to do the same.

but rather more so on the effect it is having on people’s attitudes to this genre and the general topic it explores. Sex has never been a very openly discussed topic. Sure, magazines such as Cosmopolitan regularly feature articles on various sexual

James has started a worldwide discussion and debate with the release of her novels. Women are now reading porn. There is no two ways about it: this trilogy is porn in the written form. For years pornographic material has been generally accept-

topics and any information you need to know is on the internet. However, nothing has ever gathered as much attention as this novel and its approach to sex.

ed as man’s domain. Magazines such as Nuts and FHM have long provided entertainment for men while being deemed mostly socially acceptable. The internet is

a catalogue of pornographic material catering for all preferences and quirks. While I’m not saying that these resources are solely and specifically for men, it would be the general consensus that they are explicitly targeted at them. Porn is not a shameful thing in the attitudes of men. It is accepted, even expected, that they engage with this industry in some form. However, while there is, and always will be, a disapproving attitude to pornography by some, I would feel the majority of people see no problem with it. That is of course ignoring any issues of sex trafficking, forced labour and demeaning women. Ignoring such issues, if those involved enter freely into the industry and are happy to do their work then there should be nothing to criticise about the use of the industries products and media. Porn is a man’s world, or at least it is perceived as so. Surveys show that the majority of women access porn of some form, largely on the

internet. The difference between the genders is the accountability of this access. Most women would never admit to accessing porn due to the social opinion on the relationship of women and porn. Ladies don’t watch sexually explicit content in any form, ladies don’t masturbate, and ladies don’t talk about these things. Gender roles win again. The powerhouse that has become Fifty Shades of Grey is a game changer. Women are reading this book on the bus, in the library, anywhere in public. They are not hiding it away at home under the bed for fear that someone may see them reading this erotic novel. It is being celebrated. Women are celebrating it. The silence and embarrassment of women around erotic or pornographic material is breaking down. It is becoming socially acceptable for women to want, and more importantly to enjoy, access to this form of media. Ladies: it is time to embrace your inner Anastasia Steele.

A lady’s turn Úna Farrell

Deputy Features Editor

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here is no escaping the popularity that surrounds E.L James’ “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy. It has sold over 40 million copies in over 37 countries. You would have to be living under a very large rock, in the depths of a cave, at the bottom of an ocean to not have heard about this trilogy. The erotic novel first began as a Twilight fan-fiction piece but being too raunchy it was taken down from the site and republished on the authors own website. It is now the bestselling book of all time on Amazon. co.uk, knocking Harry Potter off the top spot. Looks like people are now favouring a steamier read rather than wizards and their small wands. I don’t want to focus on the literary accolades of this trilogy,


10 | Features

October 9, 2012

“We were each in our own grief and didn’t want to hurt each other with what we were feeling” An epidemic nationwide, suicide is leaving an indelible mark on Irish society. Ryan Gallagher spoke to Bernadine, a UCC graduate whose son Mark committed suicide at 22.

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ow was life before suicide? “I enjoyed life, was happy and loved travelling, had everything. I enjoyed home life and my two children. I had just gotten married a year before my son lost his life. I had my son, daughter and my husband. We were all happy. I loved my job, still do.” Do you know why Mark took his own life? “No, I never saw suicide was coming. Never saw it existing in our family. He never showed any signs of depression. He was a young man of 22, loved work, had loads of friends. He loved life, was carefree. He bought me a second had car, he took out a loan and bought it for me. He used to play Texas Hold’em. A year before he lost a good friend, his best friend, in a drowning accident.” Was he close to his sister? “Mark and his sister (Mary) were very close. There’s four years between them. He was protective of her and stand up to people if they picked on her, even from a young age.” What were your feelings at the time? “He’s dead, he’s not coming back. I’d never see him again. I’d never talk to him again, like never hug him again and never have time together again with him.” Did you seek help? “I sought help straight away in the ‘Let’s Get Together Foundation’. They give you 6 weeks counselling for free,

and then I carried on myself for a year, my daughter didn’t want any help at the time. I asked her and she said no. But three years later she went, she broke down and came to me and asked could I get her counselling.” How did your family deal with it? “Mary was devastated, she wouldn’t sleep in her bedroom cause their bedrooms were next to each other, she gave up college in UCC, wouldn’t talk to anybody, we were always fighting. We had no relationship. We were each in our own grief and didn’t want to hurt each other with what we were feeling.” Do you think suicide is a selfish act? “No, no. Not selfish. To know that you’re going to die and leave your family behind how can you be selfish? I think that you’re very ill and so down on yourself that you feel that I’m no good to my family. It’s an illness.” How is your life now? “Mary went back to college and is now doing a Masters. She got counselling in college. It has changed her but in a good way, she talks about suicide. We have to live life. I’m heartbroken. I think of him every day; what should have been. My future was gone when he died. I could have grandchildren, he could be married or be travelling the world. But life is good but it’s always in my heart and my head. It has broken her heart but changed her in a good way. My husband was devas-

tated but obviously he must be strong to support for me. It’s very hard when you lose a child. More people talk to Mary about suicide. They’re more confident doing it around her.” Who helped you? “Counselling was slow. I went there for three months and all i did was cried. And then you start talking. Eventually your counsellor will say you’re strong enough on your own and that they’ll be still be your support.” Do you think suicide is a taboo in Ireland? “Yes definitely yes. We want to put it under a carpet. It happens to other people and not to us. When I was a bit younger we didn’t talk about depression. I can see a lot of young people talking about their feelings however young males still don’t. It’s changing slowly but too slowly for me because we’re still losing people.” Do you have any advice for people suffering? “A good friend or friends and just talk to them and share their feelings, you can go to your GP, I know young people get afraid talking to another person. You can text counsellors and everything. You can use the internet if you don’t feel like it until you build up on your confidence. I live my life now for my son. I could have given up and not got out of bed or gone to work. I honour my son this way by living my life.”

Hands off my chicken balls! Audrey Ellard Walsh

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afe Food this week launched a report confirming what we all know to be true- that Chinese Takeaways are not good for you. Salt, fat and calorie content, meals enough for two, blah, blah, blah. I have two issues with this report. Firstly, the methodology which they used and secondly (and much more forcefully), the conclusion. In order to determine how highly calorific Chinese takeaway food is in Ireland, the good people at Safe Food “sampled” 220 Chinese meal items from 35 outlets on the island of Ireland. Items included prawn crackers, won tons with sweet & sour sauce, vegetable spring rolls, beef curry, king prawn satay and sweet and sour chicken. They also threw in some rice boiled and egg fried rice, for soakage I assume. I would like to see the names and credentials of those who were charged with undertaking this survey. Why did they pick those particular dishes? Where is the proof that those are the most popular dishes amongst Friday night bingers? And why no 3-in-1? According to SafeFood, the report was completed with sample collection conducted by Eolas International Research, Ireland. “Analysis” (I can’t imagine they didn’t taste some) of the Chinese food

samples was undertaken by two accredited laboratories - Agri-Food Biosciences Institute (AFBI) in Northern Ireland and Eurofins in the UK. Sounds expensive. Surely Safe Food have more important things to do with their resources than buy out Chinese restaurants and not even eat the delicious food. Or perhaps they don’t, in which case I think we have a bigger problem. On the issue of the conclusion: “Chinese takeaway is bad for you” erm... obviously? I don’t think the Irish people really have any illusions as to whether or not Chinese food is beneficial for us. We don’t order a number 31 with egg fried rice and chips to share (as if) because we’re trying to be healthy. But we don’t need a report. Come on, times are depressing enough as it is without the country’s number one takeaway food put on the naughty step. Why take away (heh) the one good thing we have lefttreat food? We all know, deep down, that I shouldn’t go for second helpings of the sweet and sour rice but sometimes doing so is what you need. And we don’t need to be told by the government that it contains a day’s worth of calories with minimal nutritional content. It’s just mean. Let us arise in defiance of the treat police (no more than once a week, and with a long day as an excuse) and log onto justeat.ie. Pass the spring rolls.


Verge

October 9th, 2012 /// Issue 2

Entertainment // Film & TV // Music // Arts & Literature // Gaming // Fashion

Backstage at New York Fashion Week page 11

Muse analysed and Flying Lotus reviewed page 7

A trip to Cork’s only independent record store, Plugd Records page 6

Sweeney Todd: The Musical page 8

A guide to shoes for the men of UCC page 10

Looper - one of the best films of 2012? page 5

Does golf have a place on our television screens? page 3

Is FIFA 13 worth buying? page 9

Photo: Barry Walsh


02 | Editorials

New and shiny Tracy Nyhan

Entertainment Editor

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niversity, for me even three years on, is still a new and exciting experience that has opened - and still is opening - doors of opportunity at every corner. When recounting my time spent here, the most pressing question on my mind is whether or not I grabbed every opportunity with both hands, and whether I tried different things and acquired further skills by doing so. Countless sleepless nights and occasional stressful days are less than desired reminders that I have made the most of my limited time here as a student. And there’s still an entire academic year to go. Embracing the new environment, people and ac-

tivities around you is an imperative - and almost completely imperative - part in making your experience here your own. In the next few weeks, you’ll notice flyers and posters everywhere enticing you to society or club events and there’ll be a consistent flow of happenings on and off campus to keep you busy (most of which will be free or very student friendly in terms of cost). The sheer pleasure of learning new things and meeting new people is central to your experience here, and where better to start but by doing new things in new, different places? At this stage in the year, you’ve probably figured out a routine to make life that little more manageable. As with everything else in life, you need to know your limits. Don’t bite off more than

October 9, 2012 you can chew but do try out things that interest you that you never had the time or chance to do before now. The research you do here will, for the most part, be new to you and the possibility that you may be leaving university with a different career path in mind from when you began is an exciting one, helped along by the research and extracurricular things you spend your spare time doing. It’s a new and exciting time – embrace it. So while everything in college is new and exciting, so too is the world of entertainment. You’ll find that this issue of Verge deals with aspects of culture that are new, or relatively new on the scene. See Julie Daunt’s opinion on the much-anticipated post-Potter J.K. Rowling book in the Arts

and Literature section, and I’m happy to announce that it is safe to read if, like me, you haven’t quite made it through the entire book yet – there are no spoiler alerts here. Music maven, Mike McGrath-Bryan’s thoughts regarding Muse’s most recent risqué project feature (quite logically) in the Music section. Recently released action/sci-fi/thriller film, Looper, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis, is one of the big attractions in cinemas, and yes, you guessed it – we have a review of that, too, in our TV and Film section. In addition, keep your eyes peeled for special features acknowledging just a few of many of great programmes gracing our screens right now. For the gamers and soccer fanatics among us FIFA 13 is here. See Kevin

Casey’s review in the Gaming section for a thorough analysis, as well as your guide to gaming for the next few weeks. Finally, the Fashion section has got you covered if you want to reflect your embracement of change and all things new with the latest trends for these Autumn/Winter seasons. For those of you searching for new and exciting things to get involved in, why not consider contributing an article to this very publication? If you feel you have an opinion on any aspect of entertainment – be it TV, film, music, literature, theatre, art, gaming or fashion – you can contact any of the editors at any stage during the year.

Editor Pick: Death Grips – NOLOVEDEEPWEB

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had been waiting for NO LOVE DEEP WEB to drop many months before Death Grips even announced the release date for the record. This apprehension had been born out of not a reverent love for Death Grips but the band setting up alternative reality game as a method of promotion for the record. As ridiculous as it sounds, it hasn’t been the first instance of a band using it as a method of promotion. Back in 2007 Nine Inch Nails built up quite an impressive ARG building off the themes of their album Year Zero. The album unsurprisingly dealt with Trent Reznor’s imagining of a future dystopian United States where art and freedom of expression were serious forms of political resistance. While it was a rather clumsy attempt at social and political commentary of the United States

Jack Broughan Reviews Sacremento’s finest newest record. and did seem like a third rate reimaging of nineteen eighty four, the Year Zero ARG was as engaging as it was an effective marketing strategy. Beginning with cryptic websites, and flash drives containing leaked tracks and other snippets of information, fans were encouraged to participate in a type if interactive puzzle. The level of ingenuity from those participating was quite impressive, leaked photos were run through spectrograms in attempt to ascertain further clues, and the cryptic year zero websites were cracked open to reveal hidden RAR file archives betraying yet more clues. While impressive and building quite a palpable buzz behind the album the Year Zero ARG only culminated in a week early leak for fans that had participated. A rather meagre reward

compared to the amount of effort thought put into some of the fact finding involved. Death Grip’s, in contrast, seem to have put together their own ARG in considerably less time and without the massive funding at the disposal to Trent Reznor. Allegedly handed a budget of two million dollars to record the album, Reznor recorded most of the album on a laptop while on tour, sinking most of the cash into the marketing of the album. Death Grips seem to have approached things in a much more organic fashion. Early efforts included images circulated on various image boards that revealed hidden archive file hosted on the TOR deepweb network. Unlike Nine Inch Nails, Death Grip’s ARG culminated in a rather public leak of the album. Accompanied by a tweet implying that it would be

the first time the band’s label would hear the record, it seems NLDW’s free release was somewhat of a snub to Epic Records. I this light the album’s release takes on a rather different light to Nine Inch Nails’ aforementioned release. It seems very much so that Death Grips use of an ARG was more of a creative promotion in lieu of their labels support. From the first seconds of the album’s opening track it’s quite clear that NLDW sounds quite different to their two previous releases. The record sounds much more stripped down, so much so that I had initial thought I’d downloaded a rough demo leak. The record opens up with “Come Up and Get me”, driven by pulsating synth patterns and MC Ride’s typical, half shouted half rapped vocal delivery it sounds like standard Death Grips ter-

ritory, albeit a little light on instrumentation. “Lock Your Doors” seems to see record find its place. Low rumbling synth chords sounds akin to something off a Suicide record. The samples of what seems to be a cheering crowd sound more like a 747 jet’s engines rumbling into life peppered by the hyper active drumming of Zach Hill. While I personally preferred the busy over-the-top sensory assault that was The Money Store, NO LOVE DEEP WEB’s somewhat stripped back nature has its charms. Considering the album was recorded in a matter of months and leaked to the public and the bands label simultaneously the record is a step in a different direction. Not exactly what I’d hopped for but it’s most certainly got the ferocity and vision that Death Grips has had since day one.


October 9, 2012

Golf on Television – Yay or nay?

Entertainment | 03

In the wake of the tremendous success of the Ryder Cup, Entertainment Editors Tracy Nyhan and Jack Broughan debate whether the sport has a place on our television screens.

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ack: So the Ryder Cup invaded our sitting rooms and stayed stubbornly on our TV screens, stealing the attentions of golf fanatics for far too long in times of late. We can all take a deep breath – it’s over now. Still, it’s a worrying reality when a sociable trip to the pub on a Saturday night is rattled by the dullest sport proudly displayed on a widescreen TV screen (HD, too - but of course). It didn’t take long before my eyes began to droop and my mind began to descend into a state of solemnness but despite all this, I couldn’t ignore the game slowly (very slowly) unfolding before me. What is it about golf that screams for our attention and why do we willingly obey? Does it hold a place on our TV screens as a form of entertainment? Each to their own… everyone has conflicting acquired tastes etc. Below are some of many reasons why I detest golf, and why it really doesn’t entertain, despite holding such a prominent place on our TV screens. Watching Golf makes me feel like a peasant. Golf’s origins are somewhat debatable, modern golf is derived from the Scots interpretation of the game but early versions date back to the Romans and as a result of their merry trip through Europe and lands beyond the game spread far and wide. The game also was favoured by members of the Ming dynasty and later by the Scottish in the fifteenth century. The only common thread was the fact that golf is a game enjoyed by high society, kings, Roman Generals and Chinese emperors. The notion of a game with ties to such dizzying heights of society makes me all too aware of my surroundings. Like being stuffed into some corner of my local dingy pub flanked by old men that smell of urine and Guinness uttering statistics and analysis of the current game of golf on a plasma

screen. I feel like calling golf a sport is a con. Golf is a sport that takes quite a lot of resources to play and doesn’t include very many people. Unlike football or Rugby Golf isn’t a game that can be played on some housing estate green or on

your local school pitch that’s been littered with broken Bavaria bottles and minor league player’s promotions dreams. The game also seems about as physical as a darts game. Sporadic walking of short distances and the occasional swing of an aluminium stick hardly qualifies as a taxing effort. Darts players may not do much else apart from a quick flick of a wrist followed by the inevitable lifting motion of their opposite hand as they being their beloved pint to their mouths. Golf at least would be made a touch more interesting if contestants drank as much as their dart counterparts. Imagine Tiger Woods reaction while teeing off after twelve pints of ale and hearing somebody making some rubbish crack about alleged infidelity. Tiger Woods isn’t very good at golf anymore. Or at least he dropped out of golf’s top fifty this time last year. The first time Woods hadn’t made it into the standings for fifteen years, the news somewhat depressed me. Not because I was some sort of fan of woods, far from it but Woods to me seemed like some sort of golf playing cyborg from the future. My selective distance from the game (which means never, ever watching it) meant that every time I saw Woods in any media he was simply represented as some guy who’s way too good at the game. Woods seems like he’ll

never stop playing, when his is slowly degrading from age he can finally invest in cyborg technology to ensure his golf supremacy and bring about the fourth golfing Reich. There’s no risk of physical injury. Perhaps I’m a sadist but the possibility of physical injury in sport is incredibly exciting. Nothing is more satisfying than seeing a career ending injury, or somebody’s bone popping out of their leg or some poor prop getting his head cracked open by stray boot to the head. Like cock fighting but without the guilt, sport allows us watch professionals knock the hell out of each other in the comfort of our own homes. Perhaps it’s the sense of unpredictability or that corner of our hearts that flutter a bit when we see pint glasses broken over people’s heads outside Hillbilly’s on a Saturday night

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racy: The above argument proposes life without golf on our TV screens. Of course, people would notice the void left by this, but to what extent? Would anyone really care? What effect would it have on people, if any? Sky Sports 1 recorded a peak audience viewing of over two million on the Sunday night of the Ryder Cup. Pretty good viewing figures for a boring sport with no place on TV, right? Here are my reasons why having golf around might not be such a bad idea. It makes me feel like royalty. Golf on television adds a touch of class to your life. Obviously not a significant touch of class to affect you in a massive way (you’re not actually the millionaires playing the game), but it may boast a higher sense of dignity…that rolling around in the mud or flailing uncontrollably for the sake of ball possession most likely doesn’t match. In that sense, golf is like a fine wine; it’s expensive which straightaway alienates a certain audience, and it’s often not fully appreciated until

one matures. You need to fool around with cheap beer and spirits before realising the immense quality of this particular vintage. It may even prompt you to join a golf club and then (as everyone knows) you really are like royalty. Golf requires skill. Don’t ask me specifically how or why you need to be skilful to play golf, I’m simply stating this after my extensive research (including in-depth and exclusive interviews with golf fanatics). Apparently, you don’t just hit the golf ball and hope it rolls into the hole. The subjects of the interview were adamant that golf requires a gargantuan level of skill and patience that not quite everyone fully understands (I hold my hand up to that one). This level of skill as seen during the performances of the best professional golfers at events such as, for argument’s sake, the Ryder Cup, is therefore often overlooked and underappreciated. Queue endless exasperation and frustration from hardcore golf fans. Think of it like sweet, sweet love-making. It may be a slow sport to get going, but sometimes it’s not all about the speed if the correct skill is in play. Or so I’ve heard. It provides a platform for amateur golfers. Who would have heard of Rory McIlroy be-

golfer. Furthermore, it also has a part to play in his success outside the course, in terms of endorsements. McIlroy has numerous endorsements, among them Jumeirah Hotels, Titleist golf equipment, Audemars Piguet watches and US sports memorabilia company Upper Deck. McIlroy, thanks to all of the above and clearly his remarkable ability, is known world-over not only by golf fans, but those who still think that dimples are but a facial feature. It provides another opportunity to unite with others. People like it when Ireland is good at sports. For this, there’s no better example than the Olympics. It was the first Olympics in a long time where people were excited and hopeful in Irish sport, because we happened to excel in certain areas, most notably boxing. This excitement and pride was a common link that united and brought the country together. Golf will be making an overdue return to the Olympics from 2016 onwards, though the Ryder Cup and such events have offered opportunities to get involved in a sport we’re good at as a nation. Only in this case, it’s not just at a national level, but a European one, as our players join Team Europe in an attempt to overcome Team America.

fore he became a profession sportsman, had it not been for the TV coverage surrounding his success? This television coverage, arguably, has a lot to do with how he is now perceived by the world as a

Golf, therefore, holds a special function in uniting people for a single sporting cause. It’s all about the macro picture.


04 | Film & TV

October 9, 2012

The man comes around Killing Them Softly is disquieting and quietly brilliant, writes Kellie Morrissey.

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o describe Killing Them Softly in terms of its component parts is to ruin it, really – hitmen? Brad Pitt? Knocked-over card games? Tarantino comparisons? It sounds cheesy, it sounds bombastic, it sounds positively mob-like – with Ray Liotta and James Gandolfini in supporting parts, you better believe it is. But this is a film that is much quieter than these individual parts may suggest, a film that is unassuming in its brutality, its violence – but it’s also a film with a bubbling subtext far deeper than its 97 minutes usually allows for. Like Andrew Dominik’s other films, Chopper and the Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Killing Them Softly is an impressive and impressing piece of film-making. Adapted from the 1974 George V. Higgins’ novel Cogan’s Trade, Killing Them

Softly follows several threads of storyline which all intertwine among the central plot point – a card game which is held up by gunmen. These gunmen are the frankly pathetic Russell (Ben Mendelsohn) and Frankie (Scoot McNairy), put up to the job by Johnny (Vince Curatola) who has heard that the owner of the game, Markie (Liotta) once ‘threw over’ his own game and kept the winnings. Common knowledge, now, really – and if it happens again, the blame will surely be pinned squarely on Markie. It is, but with some complications, and the aftermath of the heist sees hitman Jackie Cogan (Pitt) called in to clear up the debris. Pitt’s entrance is marked ominously by Johnny Cash’s “The Man Comes Around”, and most reviews you read of the movie will rave about his performance, but Pitt, in my opinion, is not the best

The God of TV ing similarity between three important shows - House, Dexter and Breaking Bad. Each of the protagonists - Greg House, Dexter Mor-

once contributed to a Nobel Prize-winning research team. Furthermore, their empirical natures are anything but incidental. They are central to each show. Take the character of House, for instance. As well as being an out-and-out atheist, House delights in the

gan and Walter White - is a committed empiricist and proud exponent of rationality. House leads a diagnostics team, Dexter is a blood spatter expert, and Walter is a chemistry teacher who

triumph of science over superstition, and like Sherlock Holmes, House discovers rational explanations for seemingly irrational occurrences. Dexter, too, is an atheist, and his highly effective sci-

Chris Redmond exposes the empiricist roots of House, Dexter and Breaking Bad.

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ast month, an article in The Huffington Post documented the decline of religion and the rise of atheism in America. Since 2005, the number of Americans who claimed to be religious has declined from 73% to 60%, while the number of people identifying themselves as atheists has increased from 1% to 5%. Significant figures, to be sure, and most people will cite the success of the New Atheism movement as chiefly responsible for these startling numbers. While the achievements of Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens have undoubtedly shaken people’s faith in religion and superstition, there is another source that I feel might be playing a significant role - television. Let’s look at an interest-

thing about Killing Them Softly – it’s Gandolfini and his supporting part as Mickey, a once-great hitman who has now degenerated in alcoholic slovenliness in the face of a failing marriage and unrequited love for a prostitute down south. Gandolfini is dangerous, all glinting eyes - or are those tears? - and alcoholic rage. In a movie which revels in the brilliance of its bit parts, his is the standout. The use of the radio is also innovative – Higgins’ novel has been updated to 2008, and our characters’ doings are framed constantly by sound snippets from Obama, Bush and McCain focusing on the burgeoning financial crisis. The acting is sublime - McNairy and Mendelsohn are joyous as the two-bit henchmen who carry off the heist, but the sound editing and the cinematography are what won

me over completely here. It’s almost uncomfortable to watch at times – the opening credits, with the harsh cutting in-and-out of a victory speech of Obama’s, are particularly memorable, as are the scenes shot in slow motion as Russell and Frankie shoot up. The violence is grim and brutal and very real – not in the hyper-realistic way of Dredd but, again, in the acting – Ray Liotta sure can take a punch, even at his age. But what of the subtext? The radio snippets speaking of economic collapse frame the film, so here we have corruption endemic –

at a national level, and right down here in the pondlife of card games and mobsters. We have people paying for things which they didn’t cause and which are beyond their control – with money and with their lives. Is it trying to make a statement? I don’t think so, though the last lingering words certainly seem to push towards a certain agenda. Rather, though, it is what it is – a story and not so much a parable. Quiet, dangerous and darkly comic despite its cast of sadsacks. Verdict: highly recommended.

entific approach allows him to stealthily dismember and dispose of hordes of corpses. He is clinical and concise, and that, as he puts it, is “what makes him a scientist”. Although religion does not play a prominent role in Breaking Bad, the appeal of the scientific method certainly does, and once again it provides the impetus to power the show. Walter uses his genius as a chemist to become the leading manufacturer of crystal meth in New Mexico. The moral implications of this are for another discussion, but it was pretty cool watching this extremely over-qualified teacher blowing up a drug lord’s headquarters with Mercury Fulminate. The question, however, remains - have these shows really affected the decline in religious numbers in America? Well, with such astronomical viewing figures, I suspect they probably have.

If nothing else, they are a microcosm of the growing respect for science and reason that is, at last, gaining momentum in the U.S. Just 15-20 years ago, the supernatural explanation was favoured in The X-Files, but things were different then. Twenty-first century television writers are clearly excited by the scientific method, and so, too, are the legions of viewers who just can’t get enough of these shows. Science has often been portrayed as dull, but we didn’t always have Walter White and Greg House. Religion and science, whether we like it or not, are inextricably linked, and one’s effect upon the other is usually pretty obvious. Where science reigns, religion invariably retreats. The writers of these shows may not be consciously implementing this, but they have, at the very least, made science sexy again.


October 9, 2012

Film & TV | 05

To the polls

Against the clock

Aaron Noonan reviews your filmic choices, White House style – just in time for the coming US election…

Looper is one of 2012’s more enjoyable sci-fi larks, writes Cathal Dennehy.

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he War Room (1993): The War Room is a documentary depicting the activities of the campaign to elect Bill Clinton to presidency in 1992. It follows George Stephanopoulos and James Carville, respectively Clinton’s Communications Director and Lead Strategist. Their fight for the Oval Office is not an easy one - a sex scandal emerges with a woman named Gennifer Flowers claiming to have had a 12 year relationship with Clinton, causing massive damage to his reputation. It goes from bad to worse when it transpires that Clinton may have dodged the draft in order not to serve in war in Vietnam. Despite this, Clinton won the Presidential election, and this documentary reveals the skill and determination required by Stephanopoulos and Carville to overcome these scandals and convince the American people that Clinton was the right man for the job. The West Wing (1999-2006): The West Wing is the brain-child of screenwriter Aaron Sorkin, who also created HBO’s The Newsroom (2012) and wrote David Fincher’s The Social Network (2010). Set in a fictional democratic White House, and running for seven seasons, the show exhibits in explicit detail the inner workings of the Bartlet Presidency, from the passing of legislation and the difficulties surrounding partisan politics, running election campaigns, government scandals, to foreign policy issues and international crises. While the show has been criticised by some for being overly sentimental, it has been lauded by political science professors and even some former White House staffers. It offers the most exhaustive and complete view of the US gov-

ernment in action on television to date, while still remaining an incredibly exciting piece of drama. For anybody looking for an introduction as to how the United States government operates, The West Wing is a very good place to start.

Mr Smith Goes to Washington (1939): Frank Capra’s 1939 film about one junior Senator’s effort to change politics has become a classic in the seventy three years since it was first released. It stars a young Jimmy Stewart as a man with no political experience being rushed in as a replacement for a recently deceased senator. His crooked superiors believe his naivety will make him easily manipulated, while the public will respond to his good looks and demeanour. Essentially a puppet, he finds himself at the centre of a scandal fabricated by corrupt senators and must seek to affirm his innocence and win back support of the people and the Senate. While the film is a wholly patriotic American piece, it remains very entertaining and informative, as Washington is seen through the eyes of a man who never even considered politics. Mr Smith Goes to Washington is more rewarding as a film work than a commentary on American politics, but it’s still very much worth a watch for anyone with an interest in it. It’s also impossible not to love Jimmy Stewart.

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hristopher Nolan, the man behind the Dark Knight Trilogy, has played a major role in changing the way many people look at blockbusters today. 2010’s Inception proved to everybody that a blockbuster didn’t have to be mindless, bland, explosion-filled trash, but rather they could be complex and intelligent. So when people drew comparisons between it and Rian Johnson’s third feature, some began to question whether Looper was going to be a smart science-fiction inspired thriller or just another sub-par action movie riding on the wave of appereciation for Inception. However, we need not worry – Looper is much more than a lazy rip-off. Looper follows a hitman, Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who is paid to take out targets sent back from 30 years in the future, where time travel has become possible. However, complications arise when Joe is faced with killing his future self (Bruce Willis). From the very start, it becomes apparent that the characters, and by extension the audience, need not worry about exactly how this whole time travel business works. The plot is as intricately built as the pocket watch Joe carries and anyone with reservations about the complications of the time travel should leave them at the door. It moves along at breakneck speed and, as such, these queries seem unnecessary. Despite the fast pacing, there is plenty room for Johnson to flesh out the characters, both present and future: Joe in particular. It is interesting and pleasing to see that the two distinctly different incarnations of the same person are essentially two different characters, played very well by Gordon-Levitt and Willis. There is a very interesting comparison be-

tween the supposedly more moral future Joe (Willis) and his younger, more reckless self in which the question of Joe’s maturity and the possibility of redemption is examined. The writing and acting is rounded enough to leave some slight ambiguity to the film, suggesting that neither side was right or wrong. While not on the physical scale of other sci-fi actions of recent years, such as Inception or Surrogates, it definitely convinces as a gritty action thriller as well as on an emotional level. Perfect? Not exactly. At around the 1 hour 20 minute mark it begins to draw influences quite heavily from earlier sci-fi such

as the Terminator series. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing but there is a noticeable tonal shift that takes some getting used to. As well as this, one can’t help but feel that the ending could have been fleshed out just that little bit more. This is really nothing more than nitpicking though and the overall impression of Looper is very impressive. It looks and feels like a film that, for the most part, knew what it was and one that the entire cast and crew had a great time making. Matrix and Inception comparisons are simply lazy: Looper is a smartly written and directed sci-fi action thriller but it is quite a different film to the above mentioned. While it may not be the absolute best film of 2012, it is certainly among the most enjoyable films you’re likely to see in cinemas this year.


06 | Music

The Ears of the Town A trip to the record shop may seem quaint to casual music consumers today, especially youngsters now weaned on downloads, but, as Music Ed. Mike McGrath-Bryan finds, a ramble to PLUGD reveals a revered journey of discovery that now, more than ever, is necessary to appreciate and understand music, regardless of taste...

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long-standing institution in Cork music, PLUGD Records takes its place today as Cork’s last independent record shop. Big whoop, I hear from one or two down the back. This is the age of digital, I hear you grunt from inside your Hollister hoodie, before proceeding to make another ratty YouTube-ripped MP3. There is no denying, in all seriousness, that record shops in 2012 are (thankfully) no longer the go-to destination for casual entertainment consumers. Anyone that gave a ha’penny for records and took music seriously has long been driven off from the chart-centric HMV and still-woefully redneck Golden Discs, while the spoonfed, square-eyed children of the X-Factor generation are off sending ones and zeros around on their phones, music’s artistic and actual value both unheard of... In any case, in 2012, the record shop fulfils a far more pastoral role. A haven for those appreciative of the labour of love that goes into crafting music, the last bastion of the old spirit for those who care to remember, a community hub that

thrives on a regular audience batin’ into town for the latest local release, a place to meet like minds and hassle the lads at the desk for recommendations. Lined with posters that greet the eyes with a barrage of colour, each beseeching you to enter an artist’s world for an evening, PLUGD, upstairs in the Triskel Arts Centre is an understated sight from its entrance, yet each component tells a story: black metal shelves, transplanted from its former location on Washington Street, via the ESB substation on Caroline St for a triumphant return after the shop’s shock closure in late 2009, pregnant with racks and racks of CDs and cassettes from across the genre and indie-label spectrum, from the aforementioned local lads, to luxuriant collections of Italian library music; recently-unearthed dancehall cuts to a gloriously eclectic jumble of pre-loved music in need of forever homes. These stories, each record, tell of the joy of creation, through filters and perceptions only limited to the number of different titles on the shelf, each perceptible dif-

If the Shoo fits…

As usual (Marketer’s Day) provided us with some amazing acts like Fat Boy Slim and Ellie Goulding as well as some lesser known acts. Meadhbh Crowley caught up with the Dublin band The Shoos’ lead singer Tex, who’s just spent the past 5 years recording their new album “Panic Slowly”, an amazing album and proof that this album was well worth the wait.

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o you’re all performing at (Marketer’s Day), how excited are ye? Very excited. We’ve played all the (Marketer’s Days) and this year it’s great, as they’re all free in so people can just ramble on in and see us. Your album artwork features the lips of your fans and a few celebs, what gave you the idea for that? Well, we wanted to do something to get our fans involved, and feel like they were part of the album; the first song on the album is called Say Something and it kind

of fit to put lips on there. That and they look good! You mentioned in the past that ye went in to the studio with the intention of recording only and EP, and ended up recording an entire album, how exactly did that happen? Well, we went about recording totally differently this time, before we had done it all in front of a computer, individually recording our bits and building up the tracks and songs that way, and this time we just went into a studio well-rehearsed and did it live. A couple of takes for each song and took

ferently by each person coming in. Each stare up, intriguing and seeking to engage on some level. Jewelcases sit snugly, their comfort occasionally rankled by oversized cardboard slips, sometimes handmade, sometimes just awkward. Flicking brusquely through stacks, organised by name, by label in notable cases, and by genre for the sub-genre hound, is an unending joy, and seldom fails to unveil some goodies. Word of mouth, the right artwork... it could be anything that draws the eye to a disc of interest, to be brought with anticipation to the counter, to be bagged up and swept away into a waiting headspace.

And it is here that the ceremony of record collecting truly comes together. The corner window sill plays host to a Technics turntable, an amp and some headphones. Here in PLUGD, if not at home, is the opportunity, once you’ve worked up the nerve to ask Albert or Jimmy for a listen from one of the albums, to partake in a ritual that is the closest thing to purity music has known. Observing and appreciating the artwork. The tactile feel of a large cardboard slip as the paper inner slides awkwardly out, with a record sometimes held close back by the static of transit. Pulling the record out, hearing the static crackle slightly, before plac-

Staring forlornly across the room is the shop’s core stock and the source of most of its trade these days: vinyl. Glorious masses of 12” albums, once more invested with the pioneer spirit, be they double-heavyweight reissue or an Irish indie’s newest limited release.

ing it on the table... silence, anticipation. The needle, lifted from station and guided onto groove. Crackle and pop as the initial notes cascade upon your ears with a warmth and definition missing from billions of digital files, all sizzle and artifacts. Taking it in, feeling its impact,

the best take. It was a total revelation for us and I don’t think we’ll ever go back to the old way we did it. We initially had planned to do 4 or 5 songs for an EP and then later this year another 4 or 5 songs again but we got loads of songs done and just kept going until the album was done so we thought let’s just release it and get working on the next one! Your new album “Panic Slowly” is out now, who were the musical influences that helped you write this? Well we all write together as a democracy kind of thing, we tend to let whoever has the best idea at the time go with their idea and then we jam it out. I think we come from four very different places influence wise, which I think is a good thing, I suppose in a way it

October 9, 2012

with a clarity alien to the ears in these times of loudness wars and ubiquitous, arrogant white noise. It’s hard not to be subtly enveloped in PLUGD’s atmosphere. Ambient music rings out from speakers behind the counter, and there’s always someone browsing shelves and making chat with whoever’s at the till, usually the aforementioned Al and Jim, gatekeepers of this realm of unending sonic delight, maintaining the physical experience after years of working hard and playing their part in their respective genres’ development in Ireland. The exact opposite of the condescending indie-shop clerk, either boisterous football banter/ hassle or calm conversation reigns over the hubbub of the day. It’s an experience that gets better when the community gathers for an instore gig, a chance to sit on the counter and over the crowd’s shoulder at the band giving it loads in the corner, or for a screening, a makeshift cinema. It’s easy to discount record shops today when you can ransack Mediafire, TPB and the like today, stream from YouTube, and so on. But those who choose to make music a product for consumption, rather than for appreciation, are the ones who are missing out. There’s never been so many ways to hear music, but in this place, how else can anyone want to experience it?

most played Irish track on Irish radio for May and June of this year which is cool considering the other Irish music out there. I really hope Same As Me does do as well, it’s such a universal theme as we all will eventually notice that we’re turning into a version of our parents, or say things that only they would say and then catch yourself doing it and almost cringe. So it’s kind of a look at that. brings its own uniqueness to the band because there’s no other four guys with the exact same different musical influences and experience and situational differences to us, so for us it’s about telling our story and stories and putting it all into a melting pot. Your first single “Say Something” was very successful, do you feel the new single “Same as Me” will do as well? Yes, Say Something did really well for us, it got a huge amount of radio play, I think it was the

Finally what was the highlight of your career so far? There’s been a few but I’m going to say going out on tour with One Republic because it gave us a glimpse of what it’s like when you get massive. And it showed us that it’s there for the taking, but it’s hard work and the music has to come first and everything else is just a means to an end once the music is what you’re best at, and the One Republic lads showed us their hard work ethic and their partying hard ethic.


October 9, 2012

Music | 07

The inglorious death of Muse Album Review: Flying Lotus – Until the Quiet Comes UK trio Muse were always going to be a band in danger of veering over the line of taste into self-parody, and their mainstream appeal becoming commercial domination has done them no favours lately, either. But no-one could have foreseen this, reckons Music Editor and longtime Muse fan Mike McGrath-Bryan.

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n 2010, Muse confirmed what many of us had suspected after the absolute tearaway success of their previous album Black Holes and Revelations, by unleashing The Resistance, an album so large, so full of ideas and bombast, with equal balance to fist-bumping classic-rock, neo-classical grandeur and their ever-evolving beatsy electro detours: that any more mental and huge would be far too much, too ridiculous, too predictable, and ergo counter to everything that Muse once stood against... Do you know what The 2nd Law does? It sees Muse take all the goodwill they have generated over the years, their integrity and credibility, hard-earned over years of relentless creative exploration and boundary-pushing, and flush it down the jacks, all while rocking Kanye shades, pining for more commercial track placement and smoking cigars made out of Twilight soundtrack royalties. Remember the Muse that gave us Absolution? They’re nowhere to be found at all on this album. Supremacy lollops along on an uninterested, stock alt. riff while Matt Bellamy yanks out every counter-culture cliché that a movie-star-banging, overstimulated shell of an artist comes to rely on when he’s fresh out of ideas, with some falsetto in there too, just because. Madness is, to its credit, a decent slow-jam, but suffers from the band’s newfound obsession with Stateside-pop dubstep, wubs liberally applied with no real effect. Panic Stations is exactly what Muse weren’t when we were swarmed with identikit jingle-indie, and suffers hard for it. Bear in mind, that Muse specialise in left-turns regardless, but without anywhere near Matt Bellamy’s usual sub-

stance pinning things down lyrically, veering from empty rhetoric to empty pop hooks for their own sake, it all feels like an exercise in serving pre-defined target markets... That Survival was picked as the theme tune for the Olympics in London, speaks to the over-arching universality your writer is sure the band were going for. Unfortunately, Bellamy mustn’t have heard himself back - the gravitas he pulled off so well in United States of Eurasia can’t be replicated at will, and is riffed on in an exercise in vagueness for its own sake that would leave James Hetfield asking questions. Follow Me is the stock

electro-rock tune, synths glistening under a pumping backbeat, but it’s all for nothing in the bandwagoneering dubstep-laden chorus. It’s all so tired and stock that you wonder why they bother. If the album has a saving grace, it’s the understated Animals, with a gentle synth arp over some wonderful bass, but it’s so obscured by Matt’s delusions of grandeur running at odds with the song that it becomes a chore to stick it out. Explorers, of course, is the stock rousing anthem, like Guiding Light on the last album, and is as played out and predictable as one might expect. Big Freeze is a curio, a smart, likeable, funk-laden pop song that stays within

this stratosphere, to its great benefit, an oasis in a desert of old ideas. Unfortunately, its cast aside for meandering “anthem” Save Me, a big, overly broad and resultantly lost and pointless pop song. Liquid State shows brief flashes of Muse’s former brilliance, but gets mired in that ceaseless reach for that same old vocal line, but by this point in the album, it’s hard to muster any sympathy. Unsustainable is the nadir of this musical funeral: a mindless mish-mash of hastily-cobbled-together strings, faux-news narration and more pointless wubstep, it reeks of a lack of effort patched together by huge production, which is funny, as the more choral arrangements and horns they throw in the intro at something like this, the more limited and almost suffocating the band’s own limitations are exposed to be when the song supposedly hits the hook. “You’re unsustainable”, growls the big robot in the video. And you just don’t care. Mercifully, Isolated Systems draws this whole debacle to a close, the stock neo-classical pop piece to close the album in stock fashion, fitting given this aberration’s running theme of more of the same. This is everything Muse used not to be, what they promised us they never would. Lazy, uninspired, ridiculous and detached, The 2nd Law is formula made music. It also serves as Muse’s ticket out of the artistic rollcall and away to join Def Leppard and the like in the unending self-parodic greatest-hits-tour undeath like so many before them. Complete irrelevance from a band that once stood at the forefront of contemporary music. What an utter shame.

Deputy Entertainment editor Jack Broughan looks at Flying Lotus’ newest offering.

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lying Lotus’ music has always sounded like a bizarre mix of J Dilla and Sun Ra. I can almost picture Sun Ra warbling something about space travelling mysticism while Dilla knocked out drum patterns on an MPC. That strain of mysticism in Flying Lotus’s (Stephen Ellison) music is not unfounded either. A nephew to Alice and John Coltrane, and cousin to Ravi Coltrane, Jazz and quasi mysticism has been somewhat of an early feature in Ellison’s life. Alice Coltrane was a devotee of Indian guru Sathya Sai Baba and was a spiritual director of an Ashram in Malibu California. An Ashram is traditionally a location of spiritual hermitage. However nowadays Ashram’s are more akin to a studio or dojo focusing on Indian cultural activities such as spiritual instruction and meditation. Ellison was also a participant, partaking in “sleep-paralysis, out of body experiences and things like that.” This love of “mystical states” combined with a love of getting stoned and a reverence for old school gaming is essential the mix in which Flying Lotus’ music springs from. My first exposure to Flying Lotus came in 2008 with the release of Los Angeles, his second release and first on the infamous English electronic label Warp records. The record had been handed to me by a friend along with four or five Radio one mixes from the likes of Benga, Skream, Digital Mystikz and Kode 9. Needless to say the assortment completely blew my mind but Los Angeles stood out in particular. Compared to the moody downtime sparse beats of the other artists in the stack of CD’s I had, Flying Lotus seemed totally removed from the others. On closer examination it began to make much more sense, Ellison hailing from Los Angles and the others coming from a tight knit scene in London spawned by the FWD club night in Shoreditch. Until the Quiet Comes is a somewhat different record from its predecessor Cosmogramma. Much more sparse and laid back, the record does not share the up tempo almost ADD like tempo and rhythm jumps. Instead the record is very much a headphone record. The album’s opener sounds like a down tempo Sun Ra track. Underpinned by a subby paced bass line and layered with a high register piano melody that sounds more like wind chimes the track tapers off in suitable Flying lotus fashion with reversed samples dripping in reverb and complemented by sampled female vocals. The track segues effortlessly into “Getting there” featuring Nikki Randa on vocals. “Getting There” is dominated by a rough un quantised hip hop beat that sounds like it’s been freshly hammered out of J Dilla’s MPC and compliments the spacey vocals perfectly. While relaxed the album isn’t without it’s more danceable moments, “Sultan’s Request” opens up with a droning FM synth and bouncy two step drums. A cursory glance at YouTube reveals the track popping up in a few live sets dating back as far as 2011, testament to the effectiveness of the track in a live setting. While Until the Quiet Comes may seem laid back and almost breezy compared to Cosmogramma the record does not fail to disappoint. Subtle in ways that bubbled to the surface occasionally, the record pushes Flying Lotus’ deeper into the part jazz part beat driven hip hop along the lines of J Dilla. Stripped back but sounding more concentrated than ever Until the Quiet Comes is probably Flying Lotus’ most accessible record to date but by no means his worst. The record is a prefect jumping off point for new listeners and a more than adequate addition to the Flying Lotus cannon.


08 | Arts and Literature

October 9, 2012

Harry Potter and the Drug Addicts of Pagford Julie Daunt reviews J.K. Rowling’s new “adult” novel, which will have many Potter fans surprised (to say the least!).

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irstly, let me get something straight. I was never a big fan of Harry Potter (shock horror!). Don’t get me wrong, I did read all the books and saw most of the films, but I was not willing to camp outside Eason’s to get my hands on the latest instalment. I didn’t buy into the ‘Potterganda’. So when I heard that Ms Rowling was releasing a new novel after five years, my expectations were not that high. These were not raised by reading the various blurbs and press releases regarding the story. How would this book differ from her wizard world? I grabbed myself a copy to find out. The story of the novel revolves around a town called Pagford (similar sounding to Padfoot aka Sirius Black, although I’m probably just poking holes here) and the death of Barry Fairbrother (ah now, she could have thought of another name not stemming from “arry”).

Through the first few pages we are introduced to a cast of characters of different ages and roles in this apparently idyllic village. However, all is not what it seems, and Barry’s death is the catalyst to the town’s breakdown as they need to find a replacement for his empty seat on the Parish council, his “Casual Vacancy”, as it were. After reading the first few chapters, I was met with brain aneurysms, boners, sex, used condoms, heroin, smoking and lots of other activities for which Harry would have definitely lost some Gryffindor points. There’s also some swearing! And not just tame Ron Weasley-esque “git” or “bloody hell” either. However, the tone of the book is still

very Rowling in style. She still describes everything in minute detail. She dedicates

sections to detailing the cast of character’s reactions to Fairbrother’s death.

However, it is also clear from the outset that this story is not as happy-go-lucky and charming as Harry and Hogwarts. Quite the opposite in fact. Her detailed descriptions of ‘The Fields’, the council estate which backs onto Pagford, are bleak. Bleaker still are the events that take place there: drug use, rape and domestic violence to name a few. One such incident is where the social worker visits the Weedon household where the mother is a heroin addict and prostitutes herself to feed her habit, her son and daughter Krystal (whose story is perhaps the bleakest and most shocking in the book). It’s safe to say these characters and their lives are as far removed as you can possibly get from the magical exploits of a wizard hero. In

this book there appears to be no escape to a far away castle away from the sordid and depressing reality. If you don’t believe me, here’s a sample: “She tried to scream and he smacked her across the face – the smell of him was thick in her nostrils as he growled in her ear, ‘F***ing shout and I’ll cut yer.’” Critics have argued this book is the Dursley’s reincarnated and I agree. If you are an avid Harry Potter fan, this book may shock you somewhat. It is very different to her mystical series and I personally like this. While the parish council election story line seemed a little boring to me, it was her deliberate attempt to retell a completely different story that had me turning the pages. At the end of the day, it does seem to be a good story (better than Fifty Shades by far), but if you are expecting the same joyful and up-lifting effect of the Potter saga, you may be disappointed.

Sweeney Todd, the Musical Dylan White reviews Jonathan Kent’s critically acclaimed production of the famous bloody barbershop tale.

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tephen Sondheim’s bone chilling masterpiece Sweeney Todd has long been regarded as one of the greatest plays of all time, with the story featuring on the silver screen in the 2007 adaptation starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter. This production takes place in the historical Adelphi Theatre in London bustling West End. Jonathan Kent’s production allows musical lovers and theatre goers alike to plunge deeply into the injustices and horrors that will forever be a part of London city life and history. The creation of a demonic and hellish like 19th Century Victorian setting instantly draws the audience back to

the poverty ridden environment that Londoners had to contend with. Both Kent and his stage designer, Anthony Ward, echo the city’s dark past through their design of a dilapidated, impoverished factory, which is surrounded by the whistles, screams and cries of Todd’s helpless victims. Michael Ball’s star persona is pivotal to the depiction of Sweeney Todd, owner of the renowned Fleet Street barbershop turned psychopathic serial killer, who remains resolute in avenging the injustices his family has endured at the hands of society’s prejudices. Ball’s combination of delightful viciousness along with his scary, mask like face and

ominous stage presence sends shivers racing down the audiences’ spines. Those who are familiar with the tale wait in anticipation at what is to take place at the hands of this deranged hairdresser. Imelda Staunton’s performance as Mrs. Lovett is equally impressive as Ball’s. Known for her role in the Harry Potter films, her performance here comprises of memorable one-liners, timely flamboyant entrances and an all round good humoured acting style which brings a more comical air to this legendary fable. Her almost orgasmic moans as she delves into the cannibalistic delight of using her customers for profitable gains are

provocative, with her erotic obsession with Todd proving instrumental to her actions. Her menacing, pie –making antics and her willingness to attend to the demonic barber’s every need, present her as the real villain at the scene of the crime. A truly ordinary, pie shop owner besotted with the dream of love and enterprise fuses together what is a most extraordinary performance by Staunton. Sondheim’s musical score allows for a sense of shock and horror as this splendidly bloody and horrific play unfolds. This soundtrack, combined with Ball’s outstanding vocals and Staunton’s acting skills, results in a sensational production that will captivate

you from the start. The suspense and overall feeling of disbelief are central to our fascination with the incessant brutality of Kent’s spectacle. Sweeney Todd is unquestionably a play about a disturbing attitude to life, which goes hand in hand with strong feelings for impulse that lie deep within the human condition. Who cares whether the play remains true to the historical facts? The standing ovation at the end emphatically tells you that the tale is a bloody good one, and is genuinely a must see for all theatre lovers.


October 9, 2012

Unlucky for some?

FIFA fanatic Kevin Casey takes a look at EA’s latest offering.

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hen I first started playing FIFA 13 I had already formed an opinion in my mind that this game couldn’t possibly be better than last year’s excellent FIFA 12. Playing the demo for about half an hour did nothing to change this opinion. Yes, it was fantastic but FIFA 12 was just as good. When I got my retail copy I played for roughly seven hours straight and in these seven hours I came to truly appreciate this game for what it really is. Simply put, FIFA 13 is the best football game I have ever played. The reasons for this are plentiful but I’ll start with some of the new features FIFA 13 boasts this year. The graphics have received the obligatory upgrade from previous years and the player impact engine has been refined. As a result, your players no longer end up with their legs facing the wrong direction or a simple tackle won’t lead to a player being blasted, sky high, from the stadium. The three revolutionary features that really make this game so special and, more importantly, better than before, are First Touch Control, Attacking Intelligence and Precision Dribbling. First Touch Control is a feature that doesn’t make too much difference; it just means that Titus Bramble doesn’t have the same first touch ball control as Lionel Messi. Precision Dribbling is extremely useful if that’s the way you play the game and if you utilise the right player like David Silva or Shinji Kagawa you can leave opposing players in the dust. By far the best new feature this year is Attacking Intelligence. The way I play the game involves lots of short passes and hitting through balls in behind

the defence and this feature is a god send for players like me. When dribbling with the ball AI teammates now make more and, most importantly, better runs off the ball to create space and allow players to get that perfect pass in behind the defence. The game modes haven’t changed too much over the years and there probably isn’t too much reason to change them, as these modes cater to all players. Career mode is more refined and allows players to imagine their dreams of becoming a professional player or

manager. Internationals are back this year, so if you create a virtual player you have something more to aim for than being bought by a big name club. The new skill games mode is one of my favourite additions to the game in a long, long time. Gone is the arena mode before each game where you controlled a player in front of a keeper and you had to try and score. Instead it has been replaced with a random skill game. There are a number of different games including Ground Passing, Lob Passing, Shooting, Advanced Shooting, Free Kicks, Penalties, Crossing and Dribbling.

There are four different levels of Bronze, Silver, Gold and eventually, Skill. I have honestly not played a more enjoyable mini game. Each time you start one the lure of beating your high score and moving up a level is just too tempting to resist! These can become outrageously difficult but aside from that my only problem is that there aren’t more of them! The online modes from last year also return with Seasons and Pro Clubs. After FIFA 12’s revamp of the Head to Head online modes, FIFA 13 brings a far more iterative improvement to the table in Seasons mode. Subtle improvements such as gaining extra XP for winning more games throughout a 10 game season and trophies for winning every game, make the mode much more engaging. With FIFA 13, Pro Clubs has not seen any huge revolution, but there are some quiet, yet important additions and tweaks which stem directly from criticisms of last year’s Pro Clubs mode. Two major changes have been made – first, that the Seasons format has been fully implemented within Clubs, and second that the Virtual Pro has been split into the Online Pro and the Career Pro. These changes will ensure that fans will be pleased and the FIFA 13 community will stay fully active until next year’s inevitable FIFA 14. My favourite mode by far in FIFA 13 is Ultimate Team. For those of you unfamiliar with this game mode, it basically consists of buying and selling player cards to create a squad that you then play as against other players online, or the computer, to win coins. You then use these coins to buy more players from booster packs of other players. This game mode is almost like a role playing game in that you are constantly trying to upgrade

your team by buying better players. This mode is like an epic mix of Pokémon, Final Fantasy and... well FIFA! This year they have added the season’s mode to Ultimate Team so now you really can tell if you have a good team by making it to the top of Division 1. Offline in Ultimate Team has also been hugely improved, as in it is now a viable option, so even those of us with a terrible in-

Gaming | 09

ternet connection (this is Ireland after all) don’t have to miss out. Overall, FIFA 13 is a must own title, the game play has been refined even further with no fuss and minimal issue, it has the deepest squad roster ever seen in a football game while updated career and online modes make FIFA 13 the best football game going. Buy it. 9.5/10

You See Me? You Play Me Gaming Editor Fergal Carroll brings you questionable scares, a maddening adventure and finally does you a favour. The Biggie: The biggie this week is a somewhat controversial choice, Resident Evil 6. It was released at the start of October to a surprisingly (in my opinion) hostile response. Resi isn’t the same game today compared to when the franchise first appeared in 1996. It has moved away from the low ammo and big scares and transformed itself, starting with the excellent Resi 4, into a big summer blockbuster. It is full of action, explosions and big guns. The tense action and suspense from the first three are almost nowhere to be found. It will be an enjoyable experience as long as you match your expectations accordingly. This is more Gears of War: Resident Evil and less traditional Resi. The Cheapie: Released during the summer, this week’s budget game is Spelunky on XBLA. As a lone adventurer you must use your whip, rope, bombs and wit to complete four completely random levels fill with relentless enemies, unfair traps while rescuing damsels in distress along the way. No level is ever the same, making each new adventure its own unique journey. It will have you pulling your hair out in no time, I promise. It’s only 1200 Microsoft Points, so go get it now! The Freebie: For all you gamers who don’t even have a budget, I’d suggest that you check out Spelunky on the PC. It is the origin of the recently released Spelunky on XBLA and while it mightn’t have the same amount of polish or features as its Xbox counterpart, the spirit of the game remains intact and it WILL have you writhing around in frustration in no time just like its XBLA counterpart. It’s free and should run on almost any laptop, just head on over to www.spelunkyworld.com and download it! The Favour: This week I’ll be a nice gaming editor and do YOU a favour. So, you know how you and everyone in the entire world loves Pokémon but Nintendo is too silly or not competent enough to release a proper Pokémon MMO? Well, now your dreams have come true thanks to some dedicated Pokémon fans. They took Pokémon Fire Red, the GBA re-release of the original Pokémon Red, did a little bit of code magic and turned it into a fully fledged MMO. I can hear you shouting out in glee already! Just head on over to www.pokemmo.eu for the details. You’ll be travelling Kanto with your friends in tow in no time!


10 | Fashion

Does UCC have sole?

October 9, 2012

Ruth Ní Leannacháin doesn’t think UCC’s men have the right attitudes toward their footwear and gives men top tips on how to complete their look

Converse // €49 // Schuh

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or girls the shoe is the make or break item of any outfit, for me, the shoe I choose will then determine the rest of my outfit. However, for the men of UCC the humble shoe doesn’t seem to come into the equation, but don’t worry boys, I’m going to make it easy for you. Armed with the opinions of a cross section of ladies, I have made the ultimate list of do’s and don’t’s of footwear. Some shoes divide opinion, but the ‘culchie loafer’ has, across the board, come out as the worst possible shoe. Not only does it scream ‘underagers night out in cubins’ when worn with blue jeans it is the best form of contraception. If you’re determined to wear black shoes, why not switch to its cooler older brother, the chelsea boot? While not straying too far from familiar territory, the chelsea won’t be greeted with gasps of appalled women who were interested until they looked down. For an added style point, swap

best. How about a pair of Adidas? When surveyed, many girls singled out a pair of Adidas shoes as their favourite. They’re far less offensive and you don’t even need to sacrifice your comfort. If they stretch out your budget, you could always go for some Converse. While I don’t advocate dodgy knock offs, Penneys are doing excellent dupes at

Asos // €40

those bootcuts to black straight leg jeans, cubins won’t know what hit it. Second on the list of shoe atrocities is the once white skater shoe your ma’ bought you when you were 13 and thought Bam Margera was a god. Unless you’re on a skateboard, step away from the bricks on your feet. They may be comfortable, and they do look waterproof, but they’re not the only trainers out there, and they’re definitely not the

Adidas // €60 // Schuh

the moment. They’ll never go out of style and there’s a range of colours for you to choose from, though I’d avoid the vivid colours, unless you care to look like you’ve wandered off Paul Street circa 2008. Finally, the hiking boot, this is the one I was most surprised to come across in my few short weeks at UCC. The questions they evoke in me are endless. Have I missed a mountain on campus? An archaeological excavation under the Boole? I only recommend Dr. Martens for men in rare instances, but here, I feel it is necessary. They will fulfill your need to be ready for the mountain in a much more stylish way. So there you have it, boys. shoes aren’t difficult but they are vital, take it from us girls, a good choice could make all the difference.


October 9, 2012

Darker Days, Darker Shades

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Fashion | 11

The fashion world bids farewell to last season by shifting its colour wheel writes Nicole Clinton

s the summer makes its departure (if it ever really made its arrival), so do the bright coloured styles that inhabited the catwalks and the shops for Spring/ Summer 2012. With the change of weather comes a change in the colour palette and it’s all about maroon, navy, burgundy and dark mustard for Autumn/Winter. For women, the emphasis on these darker, earthy tones seem to be as a result of the current styles invading the high street. The opulent ‘Baroque’ style features gilded and heavily embellished pieces that depend on regal colours such as burgundy, dark blue and gold/ mustard to make its impact. Originally displayed

on the Dolce and Gobana catwalk, Baroque is huge in the latest River Island collection. This season also sees the return of the ‘Military’ look. This trend employs the use of khaki and dark tan colours. Olive green maxi coats, double breasted jackets and leathers appear to be the key items of this trend, which can be seen in Oasis and Zara at the moment. ‘Goth’ is meandering its way back into the shops for Autumn/Winter. The gothic style shirt of wine and navy-blue colours is widespread. This is all about lace, ruf-

fles and sheer materials, course!). as seen on the Valentino The ‘Heritage’ and ‘Equestrian’ looks transport us back into the Countryside as things get old- fashioned for autumn in classic tweeds, ruffle-neck blouses and checked capes with faux fur accessories. The new colour palette really comes into play with this trend as burgundy, brown and burnt orange prove to be its main shades. In fact, it seems that the only Autumn/Winter trend that is independent of this colour palette is the ‘Overand Alexander Wang cat- sized, Textured Knits’. walks (or in Penneys of The chunky jumper/ cardi-

gan of the season rely on bright, clashing colours and Aztec patterns, rather than dark, natural tones. For men this season, the new colour palette can be mainly observed in trousers. Wine, navy and dark mustard jeans are currently featured in most high street stores collections (most notably in H&M and Topman). The navy blazer is also a key item of menswear presently. The wine suit, pioneered by Andrew Garfield during his promotion for ‘The Amazing Spiderman’, is making its way into the shops as well. However, unlike the feminine collections, men’s knitwear is following the neutral colour palette with the popular rust and maroon jumper and cardigan.

Backstage at NYFW Ever wondered what happens behind the scenes at New York Fashion Week? Róisín Flanagan gives her inside scoop

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very person worth their studs and spikes knows that there are certain weeks of the year checked off on your calendar solely dedicated to eating, sleeping and breathing pure all-consuming fashion. I am of course talking about the fashion weeks that pepper cities across the globe and leave thousands swooning over the most coveted pieces of the upcoming season. But it is New York fashion week that is the pinnacle for all designers and editors; the mother ship. And I was lucky enough to be a part of this crazy fashion fuelled New York week.

I moved to New York one month ago with an MA in Journalism and a year’s interning under my belt. Prior to leaving I scanned the internet furiously looking for any designers, PR’s, stylists that needed assistance for fashion week Then on September 6th I received an email from an event management company in New York called LDJ Productions looking for interns for fashion week. Twelve hours later I was outside the Lincoln Centre with a backstage pass for an ELLE Magazine show. Our crew were all told to dress in black and after a quick Starbucks run for

eight soy lattes, collections by nine designers had landed and needed to be taken out of their packaging, steamed and hung in order of model. Accessories had to be laid out and caterers needed to be shown where to set up. The hair and make up team began to trickle in, as did the models, and soon it was chaos backstage. We ran out of double sided tape and the heel of a models shoe came off. Queue a mad dash to the nearest pharmacy one block away. We started at 9am, but the show wasn’t until 4.30pm, as I started checking off the model

list, actress Christina Ricci walked in backstage to say hello and good luck to everyone! I shook her hand and told her I was a big fan of hers to which she replied ‘”I’m delighted!” I was then informed Alexa Chung was in the audience to cheer on her friend Welch rocker Matthew Hitt whom was modelling in the show, but there was no time for being star struck as models needed help walking to and from the stage in their seven inch heels. The music pounded and stylists with tape ran frantically to and fro checking outfits. Sequins got caught and zips stuck, but twelve min-

utes, fifteen models and four outfit changes later, and after a huge standing ovation, calmness was once again restored upon the Lincoln Center. Models wiped off their make up, the hair team packed up. Clothes were hung and wheeled out, and my heart finally stopped pounding. As I went to get my subway home, I realised it’s hard to believe hours, weeks, and months go in preparing for a twelve minute show. But hey, that’s the glorious unpredictable world of fashion and that is why I, and thousands more love it.


October 9, 2012

Features | 11

Lá Féile Arthur – Cuir Dubh Air Orla Kavanagh

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aineann trí príomhrudaí le hArthur’s Day- An ceol, an deoch, agus (gan dabht) an craic. Lá den scoth a bhí ann do chách (fiú na ‘vodka drinkers’ inár measc). Bhí Arthur’s Day ar bhéal gach mac máthair. Mura gcuala tú duine ar bith á rá rudaí ar nós; “cé a bheidh ag seinm i Rearden’s?” nó “nach fíor go mbeidh Beyonce ag canadh sa Wash?”– is amhlaidh go raibh tú ag maireachtaint faoi cloch mór míllteach!

An Ceol Bhí lucht ceoil ar fud na tíre ag súil go mór leis an lá sin! Ba chuma cén sórt ceol a thaithníonn leat, bhí scatha ceoltóirí ann duit. Bhí an t-ádh dearg linn go léir anseo i gCorcaigh, toisc go raibh cuid mhaith dos na hainmneacha móra ar nós Fat Boy Slim, Ellie Goulding agus Tinie Tempah ag seinm anseo. Bhíos féin thall i Sober Lane chun Ellie Goulding a chloisteáil. Gig draíochtúil agus pearsanta a bhí ann, a d’fhágamar go léir ‘Starry Eyed’. Bhaineas sár-thaitneamh as an gceolchoirm de dheasca an taitneamh a bhain

Ellie féin as! Bhí sé glan soléir gur mhothaigh sí ar mhuin na muice agus í ag canadh ar stáitse Sober Lane. Áit foirfe is ea Sober Lane do ghig mar seo. Ní tigh tábhairne ollmhór é, agus mar sin bhí taobh caidreamhach, dlúth leis an oíche ar fad. Bhíomar comh gar di go rabhamar in ann a cuid foth-éadaí a fheiscint (agus a fheiceáil gan dabht!). Dúirt Ellie féin gurbh rud speisialta é bheith in ann seinnt i Sober Lane, toisc nach mbíonn sí ag seinm ach sna hairéine móra i Meiriceá. Dúirt sí gur aoibheann léí ceolchoirmeacha pearsanta,

plúdithe isteach mar sin, leis an lucht féachana. Chun an pointe seo a léiriú, thug sí barróg ollmhór don slua. Bhí sé sin fíor do gach uille ceoltóir a sheinn i rith Arthur’s Day. Bhíodar in ann trí nó ceithre gigeanna iontacha pearsanta a sheinnt mar sin ó chúl go cúl. Bhí ceolchoirmeacha den sort seo mar aon leis na gigeanna tipiciúla a sheinn siad i dtosach a ngairmeacha mar cheoltóirí. Chuir na gigs seo an am sin dá saolta i gcuimhne dóibh go léir. Ba chuma cén contae nó cén tigh tábhairne in a raibh tú ar an lá san... Bhí ceol den scoth ann le clois. Ach,

ar chuma le sin sa deireadh? An Craic! Nuair a bhíonn deoch le fáil, Mar a deireann an seanan cuma le haon rud? fhocal: ‘Nuair a bhíonn an deoch istigh... faigh spás don An Deoch CRAIC!’ Ach cad faoin gcraAgus céard faoin Linn Dubh ic féin? Ó do bhí Corcaigh féin? An deoch dubh, álainn seo- Guinness. Bímíd go léír mar ‘Óltóirí Guinness’ ar feadh na 24 uaire sin (nó ar feadh pionte amháindá mba rud é go rabhamar in ann fiú an méíd sin a ghlachadh!). Is cuid dár gcultúr é an Linn Dubh. I mo thuairimse, níl tú i do fhíor-Éire- ag preabadh leis an gcraic annach go dtí go mbeidh, ar a ar an 27ú lá de mhí Mhéan laghad, pionte amháin Guin- Fómhair! Bheadh Arthur anness tógtha agat. Mo náire bhródúil asainn go léír. Fiú ar aon dhuine a deireann nuair a chuir tú sracfhéicint ‘sláinte’ le pionte leann úll, nó istigh ar an New Bar i ndiaa leithéid. Gan amhras, níl dh lóin (nó i bhfad níos lua gach aon duine ‘crua go leor’ ná sin, chun bheith macánta), chun an deoch sin a thógaint. d’fheicfeá áit a raibh dubh le Is é sin an fáth go bhfeictear daoine ar na boird ag déanaardú mór ar an líon sú cuiríní mh ‘Gangnam style’, agus dubha a thógadh ar an lá díreach in aice leo bhí na san- ag déanamh géarchéim céadta daoine ag léim thart le sa chómhlacht Ribena gan DJ rankin! Ní fhaightear seo dabht! in aon áit eile ach in Éirnn... Deoch atá go maith duit, (má chreideann tú na fógraí a bhíodh ann) agus lán d’iarann é Guinness. Bhuel bhí ár ndóthan iarann againn go léir ar an Déardaoin seo. Is léir go raibh an iomarca den Linn Dubh ag cúpla daoine- ‘Paint it black’ a dúirt na fógraí agus dhein mic léinn Ollscoil Chorcaí an rud san gan dabht. Bhí cathair Chorcaí dubh le daoine, agus ag deireadh na hoíche chaith na É sin ráite... b’fhéidir go mic léinn anuas gach pionte raibh an iomarca craic againn Guinness a raibh ólta acu i (más féidir é sin a dhéanarith an lae! mh). Deirtear go raibh an-

chuid tuairiscí faoi mhic léinn a raibh ag cur isteach ar a gcuid comharsan; mic léinn ar dearg meisce tar éis dóibh bheith ag ól ó mhaidin go maidin eile, ag béicíl agus

ag canadh ós ard- nó fiú ag déanamh fíol i ngairdíní a gcomharsan. B’fhéidir gur ceart dúinn anailís dáiríre a dhéanamh orainn féin mar ghlúin, agus mar thodhchaí na tíre seo. B’fhéidir gur ceart dúinn éirí as an gcultúr alcóil seo chun an tír a chur ar an mbealach ceart. Ach, ní fheadar... Is maith liomsa an craic. Agus mar a deireann an seanfhocal- ‘ní féidir an craic a shárú’. Era, b’fhéidir go bhfágfaidh muid

an athrú meon sin leis an gcéad glúin eile. Focal it – go dtí an teach tábhairne!!


12 | Features

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October 9, 2012

Collegedinners - One Deal, Four Meals - €10

o third week in already and it feels like you’ve been here a lifetime (but in a good way!) You’ve studied the flyers and sussed out the best student venues, liked at least a hundred new people on Facebook, joined a dozen societies and as many clubs and, oh yes, you’re eating well too which definitely helps when you’ve got a big day (and night…) ahead. So apart from a few slips (well learning curves can be steep...), you’re managing this living on a budget lark quite well. I remember my own college days (ah the good old days… sigh) - I lived at home at the time and I remember leaving my pals in their rented house, tinkering with a borrowed “co-

loured” portable TV…it took ages to work out why all the programmes (all 2 of them) were in black n white (Mick’s uncle told him that he had a coloured portable for him – Well he didn’t lie, it was red…) As I left, the lads were sitting on the couch, tucking into cold beans out of the tin with their forks and the only thought that I had as I headed home for my lamb stew was… these guys are so…. lucky!!! Things have moved on since those days and while tinned beans will continue to be a student staple, the team at Collegedinners would like to up the ante on that one. For those of you who are not yet aware of our service, we deliver fresh ingredients to 8 different locations

around UCC. These ingredients can be quickly transformed (by you) into 4 (one for every day of your student week) simple, tasty and student friendly meals in minutes! Our website tells you exactly how to cook each one, step by step, pinch by pinch, stir by stir. And all this can be yours for an incredible €10 a week. And that’s delivered to your door without the hassle of going to the supermarket, buying too much veg and never using it (hey we all have great intentions) or hauling half the frozen food aisle home in the rain… The Collegedinners meal deals are all portioned exactly for one person so you get just what you need. Menus change every week too so there’s no getting bored with the same food, and the addition of beans to your meal is entirely up to you. Right then, down to business, let’s get dinner started. Our motto is quick and tasty, with no fuss and a great result. The main ingredients are all listed below and the store cupboard items (such as cooking oil and herbs) are things you will need over and over so it’s a good idea to buy these in bulk if possible so you have them to hand anytime. Ok, you’re all set: today’s featured recipe is…(yummy) Pepper Pork Chop with Roasted Veg (Prep:10 mins / Cook: 45 mins) What you need: 1 Peppered Pork Chop 1 Apple (peeled & quartered (seeds removed) 2 Potatoes (washed/cut into wedges) 1 Carrot (peeled/washed/cut into strips) 1 Parsnip (peeled/

washed/cut into strips) Clove of Garlic (peeled & finely chopped) Store Cupboard: Glug of Oil 1 tablespoon Mixed Herbs Dollop of mayo (optional) How to make it: 1. Preheat the oven to 190C/gas mark 5. 2. Put the potatoes, carrots, parsnip, oil and chopped garlic into a bowl and add your oil and mixed herbs. 3. Mix well to ensure all veg is coated with oil and herbs and place all items on a baking tray. 4. Place your peppered pork chop at the side of tray and place your quartered apple around pork, cover with tin foil (if you have it) and bake for ap-

prox. 45 minutes. 5. Remove all the items from the baking tray and serve immediately. Result Simple and Delicious - yummy!! Our Top-Tip Enjoy with a dollop of Mayo!!! So there you have it, our first recipe. A great one to start with and guaranteed to satisfy any appetite. Try it out, make it your own & add a personal touch. Experimentation is part of the college experience! If you like this one, then check out our website www. collegedinners.ie and try some of our other featured recipes… there’s sure to be one that tickles your taste buds… Happy Cooking and have a great week!!

  Competition  Time  -­‐  Win  Dinner  for  a  Month  compliments  of  Collegedinners  and  UCC  Express   Q.  How  much  does  a  weekly  mealdeal  cost  with  Collegedinners?   A.  €100   B.  €10   C.  €50   Email  answer  with  your  name  and  contact  number  to  info@collegedinners.ie     Winner  announced  next  issue-­‐Closing  date-­‐18th  October  2012  –  Good  Luck!!    


October 9, 2012

New Corker | 13

Birdsong Kenneth Hickey

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efore dawn when the silent whispers turned him to action. Slow he took his first steps soft on the bridge. At last his path clear, the future certain. He quickened his pace along the shallow curve of the pedestrian walkway until he stood silent at its peak, alone in the cold morning air. Surveying the scape that lay before, sun gentle rising above pale pollution, not yet high enough

to light the dull day. Half finished bypass. Construction laid aside. Soulless streets where he had slow picked his battles. Red apartment block where he fought and lost. Morning commuters not yet emerged, leaving the motorway empty and aching. Solitary, undisturbed to complete his work. With sure movement lowered his head to tie the rope. Felt power in its threads, coil on coil, fixed to the top rail of the barrier designed to stop careless strollers from dropping sixty

Accustomed to the dark Gavin Fitzgerald

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hold a foot out, over the brink, nothing but space beneath it. I pray I’m right and that I can see. If I could be assured of sight, I might be able to rest easy. My breath would not be so light in my chest, and the breeze would not be so damp on my skin. It rustles the wings of my shirt, and ripples like a sail. It churns within itself, and like a tide rushes then withdraws. My arms outstretched, I float like a buoy. A muted yellow passes through the skin, and I’m aware. My foot hovers, it sways, and while I know there is a world for it to fall down to, it is convinced otherwise. Tiny tremors running up my leg are telling me to fear. I breathe deep and try to ignore them, hearing the street light buzz near me. Leaves move, riding invisible waves to skip over concrete and catch the sloped bank on which I stand. A pyramid with no point, I stand on the top, one foot on the horizontal, the other in suspension. And I wait to hear the straining. We grow accustomed to the dark, now that the light is gone. For centuries, which last mere

moments, we are stunned, we are breathless, my heart beats faster than normal. I feel faint in my terror and lead weight in my sneakers. The buzzing stops and the yellow is gone. All is truly dark. I know there is a world for my foot to fall, so I step out and start to feel my way into this dark. My sole thuds against the slope and hands out to my sides, I waver in the wind, catching my balance as the cold blows my static self away. I incline to whisper my fingers along the concrete. The ridges in my fingertips pick up the dirt and dryness of urbanity. My instauration. My feet could move quicker after that. We can all feel our way through the dark after that first step. Though there was no thousand year light in the sky to guide us. Though the moon had abandoned its children to their fate, we would still wander, separate and blind. Nothing could disclose a sign. No pointers existed for me. Feet carried beings forwards to new places, the same shade of night as the previous. I never searched for the yellow again. I knew that it belonged to a past now. I was not indebted by anything and knew better than to seek anyone. I would grope in blind-

ness and sense with ignorance. Until I found one dead-end in this city. When I found it, the road simply went vertical. My path ended with the same bluntness as that of a full -stop. I felt the hot rub of frustration well inside me. I raised a hand to press its surface. Coarse asphalt was a border between me and opportunity. The road went upwards and embraced a dimension I could not. If there had been enough light for me to just see it before my eyes, I knew I would never see its end. I tapped it in an echo of frustration. Wind choked from the surface, so I knew there was surface. My clothes rippled, my scalp was cold, my hair, wet. I put my back to the road and wondered if it was the darkness which was altering around me. Or was I altering around this forever midnight. The wind came to, bounced off walls, pillars, bridges, raised motorway. I could imagine the wind brushing past other wanderers. There were other shells misplaced here, and we all took heed of the wind. In this land of darkness, the wind’s echoes were all there was to guide us. We grow accustomed to the dark. And life steps almost straight.

feet. He’d need six. Caressing the loose end he formed the heavy noose. A forgotten old day trick washed from memory. Slipped neat round his neck and crossed the rail. Always thought this would be the hardest part, staring down death with frightened eyes. But fear abandoned him to the course. Knew he could be free. Taking his last look at the fractured facade, sun’s bright purples through the smog, dawning on a day that would die without him. Thought of all that might

have been, held a tear that itched at his eye and took the silent step. Silhouetted against a new sun, wind caught him, swing low in the morning chill, before the breeze retreated shameful. ‘Let him rest.’ Few first cars never saw. Others witnessed and winked on. Half hearted phone call made eventual. Alone in the bedroom she found the note. Knew through her cry he was gone. No birdsong.

Mental institutions – degradations of the soul – sespits where the bodies scream for recognition – the fly’s want to make love to me – I danced with the pieces of the puzzle – awaiting their allignment – patients scream at doctors em bittered by proprieties – who know which patients will be coming back – the ones who probably wont – the ones w h o choose to shit on the streets and scream so they can get a comfy bed And And The some the I’m The ear land want they make They They They

the beds the mind self is

are comfy is numbed denied –

relief is obtained – doctor fly’s check that alive untill I slap them – flys they whisper in my – they tickle – they and retreat – they me like a passion – want my body – They love – they tease – dance into my eyes dance before my eyes want to taste my blood

Kids cycle past – laughing – fully clothed ignorance – I agonise – for fully clothed ignorance – they numb the mind – create crutches – build prisons out of life – toxic hiding holes – chem ical respite – O Satidharma –O

Siddartha

by Eoin Murray


14 | Photos

October 9, 2012


October 9, 2012

Photos | 15

All photos on this page by Siobhán O’Connell.


16 | Colour

ExpressIt

October 9, 2012

The people are real. The problems are real. The advice is questionable…

Dear ExpressIt, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over six months now but recently he’s become more distant. I have a horrible feeling that he’s cheating on me. How do I find out the truth? Do I confront him or ignore my doubts? - SuspiciousGirl

Dear ExpressIt, I am so utterly broke! I thought this recession was over but now I’ve been reduced to only wearing fake eyelashes on nights out and have had to half my sunbed minutes. Even with all these financial cuts I’ve made I still can’t afford the new iPhone. The shame of using the iPhone 4S is something I can’t bear. I need to get She says: A woman’s intuition is one of her very best assets. It is also some- money and fast! - BrokeGirl thing to be taken very seriously. That gut feeling you get about something is rarely wrong, especially when it comes to men. Men are stupid and their She says: Preaching to the choir here! Times are tough. I’ve made cutbacks biggest downfall is underestimating women. Therefore I would think it very myself and am paying dearly for it now. My hair extensions are in a chronic plausible for there to be some truth to your accusations. Based on this you state, my manicure is days overdue and we won’t even mention my bikini line. need to become very stealthy. Like I said men are stupid, so if there is some- Even with all these cutbacks I still find myself skint. I’m even becoming too thing going on behind your back he will more than likely not have hidden it as well acquainted with Penneys and Tesco for my liking. Oh to go back to the well as he thinks. Even just one random shift in a dark corner of Cubins won’t days of Topshop and Marks and Spencer! But fear not, I have come to a rather stay secret. Facebook is where you first start. Photos he’s tagged in, suspicious suitable solution. While I understand that like me, you probably pride yourself posts on his wall, new female friend requests. What clubs has he been in? on being an independent woman who doesn’t need a man to look after her, I Check their photos for evidence. Next is his phone. Messages from girls you think the time has come to make that call. Daddy dearest to the rescue. Put on don’t know? His phone is locked and he refuses to give up the code? Then he’s those fake eyelashes you’re saving for Havanas, tear up and bat those lashes. definitely hiding something. Whatever you do don’t confront him without any There is no shame in this, every girl is “Daddy’s little princess” and so we deevidence; you will sound crazy and possessive. Happy snooping and ignore all serve to be treated as such. I’m sure Daddy will understand that the iPhone 5 of his rights to privacy. is clearly a necessity for you to own. You’ve already halved your sunbed minutes so you can’t be the only pale and iPhone-less girl in Commerce. To make He says: Are you actually serious right now? You’re not getting enough atten- you do that would be cruel. When he succumbs to your daughterly charms be tion so you think he’s cheating on you? I wasn’t in a great mood anyway today sure to tell him he is of course “the best Daddy in the world” and that you love but this has pissed me right off. You should maybe ask him if he’s dealing with him so much. If he refuses, throw a tantrum until he changes his mind. anything at the moment and be a decent girlfriend instead of making everything about yourself. He may also just be thinking of ending it and trying to He says: Wow life can be so tough at times. A new iPhone fits snugly in on a avoid you which I wouldn’t blame him for doing as you sound like a monu- list of essentials between food and a roof over your head doesn’t it. You should mental dope to me. Anyway, if you’re going out with someone who you think set up a fund raising campaign and replace all the charity boxes at tills in shops will full on cheat on you then you probably deserve it. with your own. If orphans can do without parents then they can surely do without a warm place to sleep, it will help toughen them up. You on the other hand NEED that iPhone. God forbid you are out and you pull out your Nokia, OMG it would be MORTO!! Some easy ways to save money would be for you to stop being such a slag that you have to spend all your money on morning after pills. Also cutting down on the hideous amounts of makeup you wear would save hundreds. I imagine it makes you look like a slut anyways and you’re not fooling anyone. Actually you would probably be doing us all a favour if you kept doing these things because no one will want to see that mug after years of being sealed away from the world under inches of orange paste or your offspring bringing down the level of humanity. You’re welcome for the advice you self-centred wench.

Comic by Seán Murphy and Steve Sharpe


October 9, 2012

Sports | 17

UCC lose hurling icon Paul O’Connor Stephen Barry Sports Editor

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he trees are tall, the Quad is old and the ivy continues to inch up its walls, however most of the student body’s knowledge about the long and rich history of UCC is limited to a few gardener’s warnings to superstitious students. The walls of the Mardyke are equally marked by a tapestry of historic markers. However, few ever seem to stop to take in the black and white snapshots of famous teams and faces, crowds and locations which all tell of a college’s storied sporting history. It’s quite possible, likely even, to pass four, five or six years of learning in the college without hearing a

whisper of the tales of the World Cup finalists Hungary playing there, as did the AllBlacks, or the day when Yuriy Sedykh and Sergey Litvinov threw the then six longest hammer throws in history, in 1984. Paul O’Connor played there too, you know. Normally it is only when somebody passes away that the plaudits ring in. However a unique set of circumstances in the past year meant that the heroics of Paul O’Connor were revisited in the months leading up to his passing; in the year of the Centenary Fitzgibbon Cup and the UCC Sport 100 celebrations, O’Connor was honoured by both as one of college sport’s greatest players and managers. Coming into the college as a Harty Cup winner with the North Mon, he would

capture a Fitzgibbon title for each of the five years he spent hurling with UCC. His final year, in 1986, saw him captain the side, leading by example in the final when scoring an iconic point from 86-yards out in Croke Park. He played in midfield for the Cork seniors for the following three years. The 1988 Munster final in Páirc Uí Chaoimh was undoubtedly O’Connor’s biggest game in the blood and bandage. With his side 11 points behind he proved well able to rise to the occasion, scoring backto-back points from sideline cuts which kick started a run of scores which saw Cork claw their way back within a goal of Tipperary. Alas, Tipperary won that day and his inter-county career was cut short by a cruciate ligament injury in early

1990, which saw him miss out on Munster, All-Ireland and Cork County winners medals. However he did get the chance to atone for the latter, starring in Na Piarsaigh’s second ever victory in 1995. Coaching success seemed to have followed naturally, as he led his alma mater to a three-in-a-row of Fitzgibbons between 1996 and 1998 and he had a role to play in his home club’s only other County, in 2004. Five years later he was still at the helm for the college, where he added another Fitzgibbon. Then only last March, his UCC side defeated a star-studded CIT team in a thrilling contest in the Mardyke. With it being the centenary renewal for the competition on which O’Connor left his greatest mark; it was only

fitting that he be included in the Fitzgibbon Team of the Century where he was described as “a steady linkman who was very resourceful in his distribution of the ball.” Then O’Connor was added to the UCC Hall of Fame alongside successful football manager Dr. Paul O’Keeffe, only months before his untimely death. It was a measure of his achievements that before the All-Ireland hurling final replay the man who coached many of hurling’s top stars, would be remembered as the legendary 10-time Fitzgibbon winner with UCC. It would be only fitting if the walls of the Mardyke would in the future whisper of Paul O’Connor’s achievements, if only for those willing to listen.

Shefflin uses nine lives to reach historic marker Padraig Martin

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ppropriately enough, nine days have passed since Kilkenny defeated Galway in the All-Ireland Hurling Final, the crushing defeat of the Tribesmen ensuring that Henry Shefflin picked up his ninth medal. Christy Ring and John Doyle both got to eight in their time. Noel Skehan made nine (three as an unused substitute). Noel Hickey also has nine, but did not start in all of the respective finals, leaving Shefflin unparalleled on nine medals. Yet at times during the winter months a ninth All-Ireland medal seemed a million miles away. Just a few hours after the final whistle had sounded, Shefflin spoke candidly about his struggles

with injury. “That Monday before we played Dublin in the first round of the Leinster championship, I went down to puck off a wall and I couldn’t puck the ball because my shoulder was at me. To come from that stage to here…” So, five days before a game with Dublin that had massive consequences for the 2012 hurling season, Shefflin was struggling with even the most basic movement required to hurl. He also revealed that doubts plagued him during the three weeks between the Dublin game and the Leinster final. And it didn’t stop there. “If you’d spoken to me the Monday after the Leinster final, I’d have had serious question marks about myself, let alone Kilkenny. So to reach

this now after the summer, I’d have to say this is definitely the sweetest. As well, to win the ninth medal, myself and Noel today, is a special feeling. “Last year was a very sweet victory because of the injury more than anything else. There were major concerns would I ever get back there again. I just think this one captures my whole career more than anything else. I would definitely have to say that this one is sweet.” One element of Henry Shefflin’s game that stands out is his immense work rate. It is often the case in many sports, that ‘stars’ are nothing more than sunshine players who pop up when the going is good yet are nowhere to be seen when their team needs someone to go into the

trenches. Shefflin’s running, hooking, blocking and ability to break ball were every bit as important as his contribution on the score board against Galway. Time and time again he has proven that he is willing to do the donkeywork when necessary. He is a leader and in the build-up to the final he made the conscious decision to embrace talk of a ninth medal, rather than hide from it. In the cold light of day he may just be a nine-time national champion on an island of 6.5 million people, in a sport where only a handful of counties have any real prospect of winning the top prize. But as an athlete, sportsman and artist, he is among the most gifted to ever walk the earth. And Brian Cody says he would be “amazed”

if Shefflin walked away from the sport at this stage. “He hasn’t just played for Kilkenny, he has done everything for Kilkenny, he’s led for Kilkenny, he’s scrapped for Kilkenny and that’s the difference in Henry Shefflin and players who just got out to get on the scoreboard and be the top scorer or whatever it was. “Regardless, his work rate is immense. Everybody raved about him the last day and rightly so, he just came out and led from the front when we were under severe pressure. “Today again, there he was again, working, working, working. His achievement is unique because nobody has ever done it before and that tells its own story.”


18 | Sports

October 9, 2012

Sub-Aqua UCC sailing club turns forty Emma Geary club hosts Varsities

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CC Sailing Club celebrated their 40th anniversary on Saturday, the 29th of September, combining the Anniversary celebrations with their annual fundraising event. The charity chosen this year was the Joe English Trust. Joe English is a local international sailor who has tragically developed Alzheimer’s dementia at a very young age. The celebration took the form of a team-racing regatta and a dinner that evening in the Royal Cork Yacht Club in CrosshavJohn Kinsella en. Alumni, current UCCSC members and friends were invited to participate in the event. 12 teams took part in the regatta, which meant that 72 sailors competed. Firefly boats were provided for the 3 vs 3 team racing and the six person teams had to be made up of at least four alumni or present UCC students. Sailors from UL, UCD, NUI Maynooth and Trinity made up the his year’s Irish Scuba numbers. The day was blessed with perfect weather and it went off as a great success. Racing took place on the Curlane Bank in Diving Intervarsity event was hosted by Crosshaven, under the stewardship of race officers Rob O’Leary and Nathan Kirwan. After a hard fought final a mixed team UCC Sub-Aqua Club in Bal- consisting of Johnny Leahy, Sonia Minihane, Billy Clarke, Maddie O’Connell, Aiden McLaverty and Izzy Leahy were the eventimore, Co. Cork. Over 50 tual winners. Runners up were Rob Lehane, Alex Carey, Richard Roberts, Niamh Connolly, Cian O’Regan and Dave Healy. divers attended from UCC, The Silver Fleet Final was won by Andrew O’Donaghue, Kirsty O’Flynn, Michael Walsh, Iarlaith Kennedy, Conor Lyden and Caroline Murnane. DCU, UCD, NUIG and UL. A great day’s racing was topped off by a great night and UCC Sailing Club was delighted with the success of the event; the Any fears of having to abandon the diving due to sailors are already looking forward to UCCSC’s 41st anniversary regatta next year. poor weather conditions were quenched by the time all the clubs had reported to the Baltimore slipway on Saturday morning. Conditions Basketball Soccer were near perfect for diving Men’s SuperLeague Results: with light north-westerly Moycullen 72 UCC Demons 80 (C O’Sullivan 20, D Graham 18, S FAI Intermediate Cup first round Result: UCC 1 Wilton United 0 (S Mahon) winds. The dive sites chosen Coughlan 19) Munster Senior League Premier Division Result: were just outside the harbour UCC Demons 102 Dublin Inter 70 (D Graham 28) College Corinthians 2 UCC 1 (J O’Brien) by the Kedge Islands. The Fixtures: Fixture: resident seal colony acted Fri 12th Oct: Neptune – UCC Demons @ 7.00pm in Neptune Sat 13th Oct: UCC – Fermoy @ 3pm in The Farm as a welcoming party to the Stadium Sat 20th Oct: St. Mary’s – UCC @ TBC in St. Mary’s Park boats although their curiosi- Sat 20th Oct: UL Eagles – UCC Demons @ 7.30pm in UL Arena ty in the divers soon wavered. Ireland’s underrated status as Hurling a world-class diving desti- Higher Education Senior Hurling League Division 1B Fixture: Wed 17th Oct: UCC – WIT @ TBC in The Mardyke nation was again confirmed Freshers Division 1B Fixtures: with an abundance of life on Tue 11th Oct: Mary Immaculate – UCC @ TBC in Mary Immacshow including conger eels, ulate spider crabs, prawns, jew- Wed 17th Oct: UCC – UL @ TBC in The Mardyke el anemones and colourful cuckoo wrasse. NUIG and Rugby UL dived the wreck of the All-Ireland League Division 2A Result: Alondra, a British steamer ly- City of Derry 15 UCC 45 (S Óg Murphy 2 tries, pen, 6 cons; K Hockey ing at 22 m depth which sank Slater 2 tries; K Stokes try; S Raimondi try) UCC 17 Midleton 19 (C Barry, D Horgan, D Sweetnam all 1 try; S Munster Men’s Division 1 Result: off Kedge Rock in December Óg Murphy con) UCC 0 Harlequins 3 1916. The Dublin clubs were Church of Ireland 3 UCC 1 (A Gray) particularly complimentary Fixtures: about the quality of the divSat 20th Oct: UCC – Harlequins B @ TBC in The Mardyke ing and visibility of the West Munster Ladies Division 1 Result: Cork waters. Fermoy 0 UCC 4 (A Curran, N Kerr, AK Trevor, E O’Leary) UCC SAC would like to Limerick 1 UCC 5 (A Curran 2, O Roycroft 2, R O’Hanlon) thank all the clubs who parFixtures: ticipated and made this year’s Sat 13th Oct: UCC – Church of Ireland @ TBC in The Mardyke event such a success. More Gaelic Football information about UCC Sub Higher Education Senior Football League Division 1C Fixture: Aqua Club can be found at Thu 18th Oct: UCC – IT Carlow @ TBC in The Mardyke www.uccsubaquaclub.com, Freshers Division 1D Fixture: the Facebook group or TwitTue 16th Oct: UL – UCC @ TBC in UL ter @uccsubaqua.

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Fixtures, Results, Standings


October 9, 2012

Sports | 19

It’s not about the money? Dylan White

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eal Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo’s recent outburst, claiming he had become a “little sad” has set the media world alight with speculation that an exit from the Spanish capital is on the cards for the Portuguese international. Media outlets, Madridistas and football lovers alike are in harmony over the prolific striker’s abrupt malaise, with suggestions that he does not feel ‘valued’ being a catalyst for his desire to quit the club. However, the general consensus is that Ronaldo’s recent unhappiness stems down to money, and the club’s failure to offer the former Manchester United superstar a mega buck’s new deal, something which the flamboyant attacker has refuted. These latest reports have

caused a huge furore within the footballing world, with unstinting support for a reform in the wage structures of footballers being called for by those who respect and value good financial stewardship in the sport. This, indeed, poses the question of whether or not it is justifiable for wealthy owners to pay such astonishing weekly figures to their players that go beyond the boundary of the game’s fair play policy. I firmly believe that the issue needs to be assessed in its entirety, without ever stereotyping the modern day professional footballer. We must look at each talent individually, assessing them on their merits and potential ability before making the assumption that they are entitled to earn such colossal amounts of money. It is only then that we can justify the extraordinary salaries of society’s elite. Over the past number of

years, we have seen the emergence of rich business tycoons in the Premier League who value the potential financial returns from their projects as more important than obliging by the ethics of youth development and building a club from its grass roots. This nicely leads onto the idea that gifted players have become contract obsessed, defining their success simply by the money they earn. They have become embedded in this almost untouchable monopoly, where the only means of securing their signature is by offering them a huge deal with lots of win, goal and performance related bonuses. So, if you were playing for a top European club, why would you give up that status to play for Anzhi Makhachkala? The emerging Russian club, who play their football in the volatile North Caucasus region, have managed to attract many

successful players to Dagestan as of late such as the highest paid footballer on the planet, Cameroonian striker Samuel Eto’o. The sudden surge of players to the run-down Soviet era region comes on the back of huge investment from Dagestani billionaire, Suleiman Kerimov. Many may argue that the experience of playing in Russia and being part of a project that will bring peace and prosperity to the region is rewarding enough. However, doubters may allude to the fact that big wages in this current economic climate have seduced players into substituting trophies for money. Although one of football’s greatest powers is to unite people, as long as the tide continues to turn towards greed and players revenue as oppose to entertaining those with a dream, the beautiful game will inevitably end up in tatters.

Each and every footballer is a unique commodity, which brings different qualities and attributes both on and off the pitch. Without a doubt, some talents are entitled to greater earnings than others, simply because what they bring to the game and give back to the fans is something special. This something is what dreams are made of. It sends shivers down the spine of that child in the crowd with the desire to one day fill the boots of his idol. On the other hand, there are a number of individuals who have imposed their financial power on the footballing world and transfer market. These are the villains in the theatre of dreams that is football. Money alone cannot guarantee success, but it is influential enough to cause havoc on how the game is perceived. It is easier to condemn and criticise, rather than applaud its existence.

powered through the ‘Group of Death’ in Ukraine with nine points against Portugal, Holland and Denmark. Having disposed of Greece in the quarter-final, a lot of people had marked them down as tournament favourites. But their inability to rise to the challenge of Italy in the last four, partly down to the brilliance of Mario Balotelli, saw them sent home to a disappointed footballing nation. This is why the Germans are so dangerous and potent; does one match really denote a crisis? Well agree with it or not, Ireland are going to have to face up to the ‘backlash’ on Friday if they are going to snatch even a point. The job presented to Giovanni Trapattoni is unenviable. Germany are second in the world for a reason; and second

only to what many consider to be the greatest team of all time. As he found out against Spain in Gdansk, these teams have too many individual talents to try concentrate on one or two; focus on Ozil, and Schweinsteiger among others will do damage. They are on a path to redemption, which begins by removing everything which stands in that path. Next up is Ireland in The Aviva Stadium on Friday, and Trap’s charges will have to be at their very best to stand up to it.

The Germans Are Coming Brian Barry

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oing into Euro 2012, the German footballing public were awaiting silverware; Joachim Löw’s prodigies who took everybody by surprise with their ‘un-German-like’ flair in South Africa were primed to flourish and topple Spain’s dominance on European football. A runner-up spot would have been considered a failure. Alas Mario Balotelli ensured that even such a reality did not happen as they were sent packing at the semi-final stage. Philip Lahm and co now descend on Dublin on a mission for redemption. After an unconvincing performance in their return to competitive action against the Faroe Islands and away to neighbours Austria, the Germans target Ireland to maintain their perfect start to Group C. They will be confident that

they have what it takes to overcome Giovanni Trapattoni’s men, who struggled to beat Kazakhstan, before two goals at the death. Dublin is a difficult place to go, and they know that from their last visit in Croke Park, where they failed to break down Steve Staunton’s charges in a 0-0 stalemate. A win and they will already have a stranglehold on the group going into the game against Sweden 4 days later. One positive to take out of the European Championships was the emergence of Marco Reus. The 23-year old Borussia Dortmund winger tormented opposition defences off the bench in the group stage, before earning his first start against Greece in the quarter final, chipping in with a goal. He has already bagged another goal in this qualification group and anybody who watched Dortmund’s Champions League match against Manchester City last week

will know that he is a serious threat. Stephen Ward, should he be picked by Trapattoni, will have to be on the top of his game to ensure that Reus does not cause serious damage, as he can be an instant game-winner. If Reus is the future, Mesut Özil is most definitely the present. The Real Madrid man has already picked up three goals in the two qualification games so far. His reputation grew and grew, as he shone at international level, soon attracting interest at the Bernabeu. Jose Mourinho described him as “unique.” His impressive assist record makes him a nightmare for the opposition; just one of many match-winners in this star-studded German outfit. Regardless of Germany’s failure to overcome Italy at Euro 2012, their displays in the tournament up to that were admittedly impressive. Having come through qualification with maximum points, they


SPORTS

09 October, 2012. Volume 20, Issue 03.

Late fightback not enough for students Brian Barry UCC Midleton

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ew season, new league, and a lot of new faces for UCC. As is the trend in recent years, the UCC Senior rugby team will have to deal with a high player turnover as a number of last year’s first XV choose to play for their home clubs at an earlier stage of their careers. On Saturday, Luke Cahill, former UCC player, lined up with the visitors at the Mardyke. Heading into the game with the momentum from the previous week’s bonus point 45-15 win over City of Derry, UCC

started where they left off with a third minute try from winger Conor Barry, having been released down the wing by Kevin Slater. Out-half Sean Og Murphy pushed the conversion wide at the near post from wide on the left to leave the hosts 5-0 up. However, Midleton grew into the game and were rewarded for good pressure with a penalty which Paul Daly duly slotted over from wide left. The East Cork outfit became more and more dominant at the set-piece, but were struggling to make it count on the scoreboard. UCC were holding their own however in open play with Slater looking a constant threat. Daly was offered a chance to put the visitors ahead in the 28th minute, which he missed,

after the students were caught not releasing in a ruck. The game slowed down as the half drew to an end, before Midleton took a quick penalty in the opposition half, and with space in front of them, UCC centre Daniel Horgan wisely impeded the onrushing players even though he was not back the required ten metres. He was shown a yellow card for his troubles, as the hosts went in 6-5 down at the break. Facing into the first ten minutes of the second half with just 14 men, the home side coped well to ride out the storm as it remained 6-5. The introduction of Cork senior hurler Darren Sweetnam, who signed a professional contract with Munster during the week, added spice to the UCC back-play.

As the half wore on however, Midleton established a stronger foothold in the game. Out-half Daly’s pass was intercepted by a player coming back from an offside position deep in UCC territory which handed the visitors an easy penalty, which was converted to stretch the lead to four. After the penalty, a host of substitutions were made on both sides, including the introduction of former Munster player Jason Holland for the visitors. He essentially was the difference between the sides as he intercepted a pass to run in for Midleton’s first try and had the composure ten minutes later to step back and send over a dropkick to put his team virtually out of sight at 19-5. But there was fight in UCC

yet as Daniel Horgan ran in on the right in the dying moments of the game, for what seemed to be a consolation try. Sean Og Murphy failed with his conversion attempt. Straight off the kick-off, the students looked to attack again. Remarkably, they found time for one more as the impressive Sweetnam ran under the posts to rescue a losing bonus point. Murphy converted to leave the final score at 19-17.

inability to retain possession and a lack of cohesion in defence which coughed up three free headers in front of goal, with Andy O’Connell having the worst miss. However UCC showed a significant improvement after the break, with Josh O’Shea and Steve Mahon growing into the game to lead the fight-back. Another factor in the momentum shift was Corinthians decision to remove one of their attacking quartet and play Stanton through the centre where he was more easily contained. This gave UCC a platform to build from but they remained frustratingly indecisive in front of goal, Holland missing another chance and others miscontrolling within sight of goal. Barry proved more comfortable going forward and on the hour mark he won the corner which led to UCC’s equaliser,

James O’Brien nodding in Eoin Kilcommins’ floated delivery. Corinthians reasserted their dominance with Stanton, Connolly and Waters all missing half-chances, while Neville brilliantly dispossessed the latter as he went through on goal. With 11 minutes to go, Hugh O’Donovan, who had been booked in the first minute, was shown the line for a late tackle. Nevertheless Corinthians began to sit back in the final minutes. Kilcommins fluffed an opportunity to chip Kelly in the Corinthians goal and then O’Shea, who was shackled by the decision to move him to full-back, saw his cross deceive his former UCC colleague, Kelly, but float just wide of the far post. Only minutes later the long-whistle sounded.

UCC: J Holland; S Romandi, K Slater, D Horgan, C Barry; S Og Murphy, D Foley; P McCabe, C Stokes, B Scott, B Quill, D McSweeney, C Gallagher, J McCarthy, W Ryan (C). Subs: M O’Mahony, S Moynihan, D O’Connell, C O’Regan, D Sweetnam.

Corinthians defeat alma mater Stephen Barry College Corinthians UCC

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s the half time whistle blew John Caulfield paused his walk across Corinthians Park and stood, for a minute, staring at his substitutes as if hoping that one of them would curl a screamer into the top corner, for it was that class of inspiration that an outplayed UCC needed entering the second half two goals behind. Yet towards the end of an entertaining contest, UCC were in with a shout of snatching a point on their return to the MSL Premier Division; but such an outcome would have been harsh on Corinthians, who were by far the more inventive going forward.

In spite of UCC’s Intermediate Cup win the previous weekend, they were unable to provide any effective resistance to Corinthians in the opening period on Saturday, with the table toppers finding plenty of joy down the wings. Ronan Stanton had the better of his match up with Conor Barry and his early shot into the side-netting proved a sign of things to come. His floated free found the head of the soaring Rob Waters, who was denied by the post before Stanton’s cut back set up the same man for another header, which forced Shane O’Callaghan into a diving save. Opposite winger William Heffernan put O’Callaghan to the test with a low drive from distance before the UCC keeper was beaten after a defensive blunder from Andrew Neville, almost half an hour in. Neville

was pickpocketed in his own box by Luke Connolly and Stanton showed ice-cool composure to dummy to the left and exact maximum punishment from close range. Minutes later Stanton’s cut back ran through to Heffernan on the edge of the box. He controlled precisely, flicked the ball onto his left and powered a shot through O’Callaghan’s fingertips. UCC responded well to this double whammy and Calvin O’Callaghan had Eoin Kelly at full stretch to get a hand to a long-range effort. Then the same man bustled down the field before slipping Simon Holland through on goal, only for the striker to miscue his shot and see the ball bobble into Kelly’s hands. It was a frustrating half for the students, featuring a lack of composure in the final third, an


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