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HOW NOT TO DO THINGS

[The Old Fashioned Way] Exploring the 7 Deadly Sins

Ben Weinreich


H

ow Not To Do Things is the result of an exploration into the world of the seven deadly sins and how they can effect a person when committed to excess. Every day for a week I took on one sin, consigning myself a set of rules and tasks for the day designed to force me to commit that sin as much as possible. As you probably already know the seven deadly sins are a part of Christian doctrine which stipulate what you are not allowed to do if you want to get in to heaven, despite not appearing in the bible at all in fact being written by Pope Gregory in AD590. Essentially they are a set of rules on how not to live your life compiled by the Christian church. I believe that in reality these sins were designed as a way for the church to further exhort control over its followers but in a non-god fearing, secular society they are old fashioned and no longer hold any relevance.


van·i·ty (vãn ì-tē) • n. excessive pride in one’s appearance or accomplishments.


Monday Vanity I

n the context of the seven deadly sins vanity is also known as pride. Vanity relates closer to one’s physical appearance where pride is more of an excessively high opinion of ones self in all areas. Today I am focusing on the physical side of vanity.

Rules: • I must try out at least 5 beauty products or techniques on myself which are designed to improve ones physical appearance and be as beautiful as possible. • All products and techniques must be rated in terms of how much they improve my appearance.


Supplies:

• French manicure set. • Tooth Polish. • Fake tanning cream. • ‘Body butter’. • Face mask. • Hair Straighteners.


Surprisingly I managed to get most of my supplies from Poundland, except the face mask, which came from Boots and the hair straighteners which I borrowed off my girlfriend. The total cost of all my beauty supplies was ÂŁ4.99; which seems to me like a great bargain.


Teeth Whitener: Directions: • Rinse toothbrush, • Put generous amount of Pearl Drops Toothpolish on brush, • Brush thoroughly for 2 minutes. • Rinse Mouth.


Before

After

Verdict: At the time I did not notice any difference, however looking at these photos maybe there is a very slight difference after using the tooth whitener (although it could just be the lighting.) Either way my teeth still aren’t a particularly ‘pearly’ colour. Vanity Rating:

1 / 10


Hair Straighteners: Directions: • Wash hair as you normally would. • Get as much moisture out of your hair as possible using a towel. • Spray on an instant spray leave-in conditioner. • Use a wide tooth comb to part and comb your hair. • Dry your hair using a hair dryer. • Brush dry hair to eliminate as many knots as possible. • Spray the hair protective spray over the section of hair and run a comb through it to remove all knots. • Run ceramic straighteners from the roots to the tip of your hair, working small sections each time until you’ve gone around your whole head. * • Play with your hair to style it • Add a small amount of silicone based hair shine solution. • When you wash your hair it will return to normal.

* this is the only step I actually followed.


Before

After

Verdict: The straighteners made an incredible difference, aside from burning myself I love the results. I finally have the hair I’ve always wanted! Vanity Rating:

8 / 10


French Manicure Set:

• Poundland manicure sets don’t come with instructions.

Before


Take 1: Apparently you’re only supposed to paint the tips in a French manicure.

Take 2: I feel I can definitely do a better job than this.

Take 3: Still not great but will have to do.

Verdict: I have a new appreciation for how difficult painting your nails is.. I think the final results were just about acceptable. I don’t think I’ll be attempting any more French manicures in the near future. Vanity Rating:

1 / 10


Facial Mask: Directions: • Wash face and neck before applying cream. • Spread cream evenly over face and neck. Leave to dry for about 15 • 20 minutes. • Peel off mask. • Wash off any bit of facial mask left over.


Verdict: Supposedly this face mask cleans out your pours and leaves you with a radiant glow. I am unsure if it did either of these things. My face did feel good when I took the mask off, but I think this was because the mask itself is unbelievably uncomfortable to have on. The only aspect of this experiment I enjoyed was how it looked like I was peeling my skin off as I took the mask off (see pictures). Vanity Rating:

0 / 10


Body Butter:

• Directions: Rub into skin.

Verdict: Apparently this body butter fragrances, smoothens and softens your skin. As far as I could tell all it did was make my skin really greasy.. It did smell quite nice though.

Vanity Rating:

1 / 10


Fake Tan: Directions: • Apply tanning cream to areas of body you require to tan. • Wash hands. • Allow cream to soak into skin.


Verdict:

After 0 Minutes

After 5 Minutes

After 20 Minutes

After 1 Hour

After 3 Hours

After 5 Hours

I can’t see any noticeable results from the tanning cream.. Who would have thought that a £1 bottle of fake tan would be a farce. Vanity Rating:

0 / 10


Getting suited and booted: Since today I’m taking pride in my appearance I thought it would be appropriate to put on my best (and only) suit, in an attempt to look dappa...

... Unfortunately I have nowhere to go.


The Next Morning..

After having had zero results with the fake tan yesterday I woke up in the morning to find that my face had a healthy bronze glow, the tanning cream had actually worked! I knew for sure because there was a clear tan line on my forehead.

Revised Verdict: There is definitely no denying that the fake tan actually works, whether or not its actually necessary is debatable. However I am ashamed to admit I am actually quite happy with my new false tan.

Vanity Rating:

6 / 10


I

’ve never spent as long a time working on my physical appearance as I have today, yet I still don’t feel particularly vain. I adopted quite a toungue-in-cheek approach, so perhaps has I been taking the whole thing more seriously I would feel like I cared about how successful the results were toady. I think if vanity is not in one’s nature it is hard to fake (unlike tanning your skin) or force upon yourself. The one thing I have definitely gained out of this is a new found respect for the extents that so many girls go through to enhance their appearance.


an·ger (ãng’ger) • n. A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility


TUESDAY ANGER M

y aim for today is to try and experience anger as intensely and as frequently as possible.

Rules: •

I have instructed my flatmates to try and anger me as much as possible throughout the day.

Only music from my newly created ‘angry playlist’ may be listened to.

I must try surround myself with as much red as possible.

I must frequently take note of how angry I am feeling.

These rules apply from the moment I wake up until midnight.


ANGRY PLAYLIST Worst Case Scenario Murder was the bass Against All Odds The Age Of Sacred Terror Angels The Thousand Faces Conspiration Badder than Bad The Bane Beautiful Girl Beautiful Girls Beyond The Gates Of Pain Blindfold A Blood Red Path Chatty Boy The Cooler (Audio Rmx) Corrupt Cops Crack Up Dead motherfucker The Divide Dragula Drop The Truth Gangsta Guntalk Hate Hate Machine Heavenly Divine Heavy Metal Kings Helium Ignition Interstella Jah War kill the rmx Killing Floor Krazee Eyez Let Me in Lucifer Make Life Illa Maya Matrix Messiah Say What You Want Mr Happy Take You Home With Me

Martsman DK8 Mariah Carey Jedi Mind Tricks Vex’d Hardcore Diode Telemetrik Sean Kingston JoJo Jedi Mind Tricks NPhect & Dizplay Jedi Mind Tricks DJ DP & Promenade Black Sun Empire Pish Posh Mystification Hardcore Ewun Rob Zombie Andy Skopes & The Sith Bong Selecta Ewun Gein Ewun Jedi Mind Tricks Jedi Mind Tricks Raiden Spor Ewun The Bug, Flow Dan Hardcore Vex’d Limewax & the Panacea Mystification & Proton Kid Donny & RS Breaker Feat Infiltrata Krone Konflict Texas Hazard & Distorted Minds R. Kelly

All these songs are either extremely aggressive, or I have so much personal dislike for them that hearing them angers me.


‘The hardcore shit, bang out, bust a gat The ‘84 shit, how they now hustle crack We build and we destroy until the sun rock. Until we hear the sounds of the last gun shot’


(While I’m eating some cereal in the living room Farhang comes in and unleashes his first attempt to anger me.)

11.54 am

F:

Hey fag boy what’s up?

Me:

Really? Fag boy? That’s one of the most uncreative insults I’ve ever heard.

F:

(Proceeds to kick me in the shin repeatedly until I get up and leave.)

Anger level: 3/10

(Having just cycled 1.5 miles to the post office depot to pick up a parcel I am told they don’t have it.)

12.38 pm

Me:

Hi mate could I pick up this parcel please?

Post Office worker: (Bumbles around on the shelves for about 5 minutes) Sorry mate it doesn’t seem to be here, it must have been put back into the system.

Give me your number and I’ll call you to re arrange a delivery time. Me: Anger level: 5/10

Alright, no worries. (Thinking about what a bunch of incompetent pricks the postal service are.)


1.05 pm

I arrive at home to find this as the desktop background on my computer. (I’m not so much angry, more confused)

Anger level: 2/10


1.07 pm

(Henry walks into my room) ‘Here bruv I made you some toast.’

(Hands me a piece of charred toast with the letters C U N and T craved into it.) Anger level: 1/10


1.40 pm

(while cooking lunch I realise I’m out of rocket.) Me:

H: Me: H: Me:

Henry can I borrow some of that rocket you’ve got in the fridge. No Fuck off Seriously, no. If you take any I’ll be really pissed off (sticks middle finger up at him.)

Anger level: 2/10

Lunch is a bit disappointing but I still have yet to feel any real anger


4.32 pm

(Doing work in my room listening to Hate by Gein.) F:

Me: F:

Anger level: 1/10

Me:

(shouting from next door room) Can you turn that shit down, I’m trying to read and all I can hear is this rat a tat tat bullshit through the wall. (Turn the volume up) (Storms into my room) Seriously bruv turn it down, its making me angry Ha ha ha!

Ironically my angry music is having no effect on me but is making people around me angry.


4.57 pm

Walking up the stairs I am hit in the head by a flying cardboard box. I look up to see Henry running down the hall laughing and dissappearing into his room.

Anger level: 6/10


4.57 pm

5.25 pm

Anger level: 4/10

Decided to watch AWOL on BBC I Player in hopes of raising my anger levels - looks violent.

Internet cuts out, Have to reset router. Decide against finishing with movie, it doesn’t seem good enough or violent enough to be worth watching.


6.53 pm

Me: F:

Me:

F:

Me:

You got that £2 you owe me? Yeah. Would you prefer one £2 coin or two £1 coins? You decide.

Alright, I’ll pay you tomorrow. Prick.

Anger level: 5/10

After this point all attempts to anger me fizzled out and despite continuing to listen to angry music I did not feel any displeasure or hostility for the rest of the day.


12.01 am

Listened to Unspoken by Four Tet.

(It’s calming after all that angry music)

Anger level: 0/10


T

oday I have learned that anger is not something that can be forced; in fact I’ve felt that by trying to identify myself as being angry I have actually reduced the level of annoyance I felt in situations which would normally have bothered me a lot more. Even with when my flatmates did things which under normal circumstances would have aggravated me immensely I found it hard to feel anything but amusement. This is because I knew that these were conscious attempts to anger me, had I not been aware of this fact I’m sure my reaction would have differed greatly. It appears to me that anger is one of the hardest sins to control as it manifests with little or no warning and is often accompanied by extreme passion.


lust (lŊst) • n. Intense or unrestrained sexual craving.


Wednesday Lust A

s a sin lust is personified by unrestrained thoughts and desires of sex, as opposed to solely the act of sex. Therefore today I will aim to focus my mind on sex as persistently as possible.

Rules: •

Everyone I meet must be judged on sexual attractiveness.

Try to get as many phone numbers as possible throughout the day.

Any sexual gratification must be assisted by a partner. (no masturbating.)


MORNING PORNO

To start my day of lust I thought it would be a good idea to get the ball rolling with some good old fashioned pornography with breakfast.

11.15 am

Hot Ass Party - Starring Nikki Blonde.


11.23 am

Threesome Moments - Starring Kacey & Madison.


11.29 am

Girls Love Girls - Starring Lela Star & Sativa Rose.

11.35 am

Busty Beauties - Starring Nadia Hilton.


A good half hour of porn later, my brain was definitely geared up for a full day of sexual preoccupation.


BIRD WATCHING

Since it was a nice sunny day I thought I’d head to the park to check out some of the local talent. 12.44 pm I decided to sit on a bench and passively rate every female I saw’s attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10.

Girl smoking outside the pub.

7 / 10

Brunette wearing sandals.

5 / 10

Girl wearing work clothes.

4 / 10

Blonde girl sitting on grass.

4 / 10

Girl in denim skirt.

6 / 10

Blonde in cream top.

8 / 10

Brunette with shoulder bag.

5 / 10

Redhead in pink top.

3 / 10

Girl with dog.

5 / 10

Middle aged woman.

2 / 10

Dyed redhead on bike.

7 / 10

Black haired in shorts.

6 / 10


After about 15 minutes on the bench I began to become aware of the fact that I’ve never felt like such a superficial chauvinist in all my life. I decide to try taking on a less voyeuristic approach.


GETTING PICTURES

1.00 pm

At this point I decided to go with a more hands on approach; picking and choosing who’s photo I want and asking them to their face rather than passively rating passers by. This is still forcing me to judging people by their sexual attractiveness but it is far less systematic and boring.


‘Would it be alright if I took your picture for a university project?’ I got a lot of negative reactions, interestingly especially from girls who were particularly made up (i.e had a lot of make up on) it seemed that a lot of girls despite putting more effort into their presentation did not like the idea of their faces being caught on camera. Luckily no one actually asked for any real details about what I was doing.


(After taking this girl’s photo.)

3.37 pm

Girl:

Hey, do you know where the Thistle hotel is?

Me:

Yeah it’s just around the corner, I’m heading in that direction now. Ill take you there.

.... (what’s your name etc etc.)

Me:

So, are you staying at the Thistle then?

Girl:

Yeah I’m visiting with my family, my cousin’s getting married on Saturday.

Me:

Wicked, so you’re in town for a few days then? You fancy getting a drink at some point?

Girl:

Yeah sure.

(gives me her number) ZING!


There were a few occasions where I would approach a group, with the intention of only getting one members photo to use but to avoid being rude I would ask to take all their photo’s. This backfired with one member volunteering in the place of everyone else in the group, resulting in some unwanted portraits.


(Didn’t want her face in the picture)


NO MEANS NO

‘Yes I would mind actually, how do I know what you’re going to do with it? For all I know it’s going up on some dodgy porn site.’ ‘What’s that? You’re collecting for charity?’ ‘No thanks, I look horrible today.’ ‘Sorry not today.’ ‘Sorry babe I’m in a but of a hurry.’


I

think today I managed to confuse lust with superficiality, the tasks I set myself urged me to be more judgemental about people’s physical appearance’s but did not really fuel any kind of intense sexual urge (apart from maybe watching copious amounts of porno.) Perhaps this is an indication that lust is something that is built into ones psyche. Although almost everyone is prone to bouts of overly sexual thought patterns (aka being horny) but like many other sins I don’t think this can necessarily be forced. For me, today rather than thinking how much I’d like to have sex with someone I was more concerned with what their face would look like with a pink hue in my book, this is a long way from the religious perspective of lust; in the end I didn’t even call the girl staying in the hotel around the corner.


envy [ĕnvē] • n. a feeling of grudging or somewhat admiring discontent aroused by the possessions, achievements, or qualities of another.


Thursday Envy T

oday I want to try and focus as much as possible on my own shortcomings in comparison to others.

Rules: •

I must compare everything I admire to my own equivalents.

•

If I realise that I do envy something I must list the reasons I am envious of it how my equivalent compares to it.


ROSIE’S BOOK: • She has done a lot more than me. • The content, paper stock and format are all superior to mine. • She has used extra features such as embossing which look really nice and I know I wont have enough time to put touches like this on my book.


MY BOOK: • My content isn’t even finished. • I haven’t even ordered my intended paper stock yet. • The layout needs a lot of work to be anywhere near the level of Rosie’s.


JAKE’S ZIPPO LIGHTER: • Zippos are really good quality lighters that supposedly last for life. • Zippos are sexy • Jake’s has got an engraving of a grey hound on it. • I’ve always wanted one of my own. • I’ve taken the time to learn how to do tricks with Zippos but don’t own one/


MY LIGHTER:

• It’s a bog standard Poppell lighter. • It’s running out of gas. •Its definitely not sexy like a Zippo.


LOUISA’S ACCEPT & PROCEED POSTER: (A poster awarded by the studio to the person who’s information graphic poster they liked the most.)

• It represents approval from a group of talented, professional designers. • I had the chance to win it but I didn’t. • It is really nicely designed and would look good on my wall.


MY EQUIVALENT: ‘Vanessa, Carlos, Ben and Josh also got votes.’ I got a mention in the e-mail sent announcing who the winner was.... yay..


HELANA’S I PHONE:

• I phone’s look sexy as fuck. • With endless apps you can make your Iphone do anything you’d ever want a phone to do. • I can’t afford one. • You can get wireless internet anywhere. • They are great.


MY SAMSUNG: • Its got such a small amount of memory I need to delete my inbox every week. • I can only get really basic games for it. • The battery life is crap. • I can’t use it as an mp3 player. • The speaker is broken and constantly cuts out.


3RD YEAR

LIBRARY BOOK DISPLAY:

• It’s right in the middle of the library where everyone can see it. • The glass case makes the books seem amazingly precious. • Almost feels like the work is immortalized. • I have none of my own work on display around the university or anywhere else.

MY EQUIVALENT:

nothing....


HELENA’S MACBOOK PRO:

• Really good quality, durable laptop. • Again they look damn sexy. • Runs a hell of a lot better than my busted PC.


MY LAPTOP: • Only has 20GB of memory left. • Takes about 7 minutes to boot up. • Feels flimsy and cheap to use. • Battery only lasts for about 20 mins. • Is prone to crashing.


JAMES’ PACKET OF McCOYS: • We’ve been in a group tutorial for 2 hours and I haven’t had any lunch. • I don’t have any money on me to buy any food. • Bacon Sizzler flavour tastes good!


MY SISTERS KISS TICKETS: • I used to love KISS. • Despite being old they still rock hard! • Detroit Rock City used to be one of my favourite films. • I wanna rock and roll all night.


I

’m not usually a very materialistic person. I very rarely think of things in terms of what others have and what I lack, but today forcing myself to think in that way definitely made me realise how destructive envy can potentially be; if I were to think like that all day every day I don’t know how I’d be able to deal with life. Strangely envy is the only sin which gives no illusion of pleasure, there are no short term benefits to envy, it is really just an ugly, tormenting state of mind.


glut·ton·y (glũt’n-ē) n. the practice of eating or drinking to excess.


Friday - Gluttony A

s I see it there is only really one way to approach the sin of gluttony - stuff my face with food for a day. However I suppose I could be slightly more systematic than just eating as much as I can in a day..

Rules: * The recommended daily calorie intake for men is 2,500. • Therefore I must aim to consume at least double that today ( 5,000 calories.)


Grub for the day:

• Half a kilo of pork ribs.

1153 calories

• 1 Paella.

550 calories

• 1 bag of popcorn.

830 calories

• 3 small pizzas.

785 calories

• 1 packet of mars mini rolls.

696 calories

• 1 packet of jam mini rolls.

720 calories

• 4 bottles of beer.

430 calories


Brunch: 3 mini pizzas & half a kilo of ribs.

Nutrition Facts for Pizzas.

% Daily Value *

Total Fat 16.5g 24% Saturated Fat 7.8g 39% Sodium 0g 0% Carbohydrate 94g 30% Dietary Fiber 7.4g 30% Sugars 15g Protein 29.1g 19%

Accumulated calories: 1,938


Toffee covered popcorn:


Nutrition facts per 200g

Energy kCal 830 Energy kJ 3,250 Protein g 3.6 Carbohydrate g 152.8 of which sugars g 100 Fat g 36 of which saturates g 7.4 Fibre g 7 Sodium g 1.2

Accumulated calories: 2,768


Mars mini rolls:

Nutrition Facts per 100g % Daily Value * Calories 433 Calories from Fat 167 Total Fat 18.5g Saturated Fat 0g Sodium 0mg Carbohydrate 61.4g Dietary Fiber 0g Protein 5.1g Fat Carbs Protein

28% 0% 0% 20% 0% 10% 38.5% 56.7% 4.7%

Accumulated calories: 3,646


Prawn chicken & chorizo paella:

Nutrition Facts % Daily Value * Serving Size: 400g tub Amount per Serving

Calories 550 Calories from Fat 180 Total Fat Saturated Fat Sodium Carbohydrate Dietary Fiber Protein

20g 0g 0mg 68g 5.6g 19.6g

31% 0% 0% 23% 22% 39%

Accumulated calories: 4,196


Jam mini rolls:

Nutrition Facts

Calories Protein Carbohydrates Fat Fibre

720 6.88 90.24 35.84 0

Accumulated calories: 4,889


Beer:

4 Bottles of San Miguel. - 430 calories 1 Pint of Guiness.

- 196 calories

1 Pint of Cider.

- 193 calories

1 Pint of Peroni.

- 190 calories

TOTAL - 1009 calories

Accumulated calories: 5,898


Lahmacun wrap: Nutrition Facts % Daily Value * Amount per Serving

Calories Calories from Fat Total Fat 15g Saturated Fat 6g Cholesterol 50mg Sodium 677mg Carbohydrate 38g Dietary Fiber 5g Protein 19g

354 125 23% 30% 17% 28% 13% 20% 38%

Accumulated calories: 6,252!


A

mazingly I managed to exceed my intended calorie intake by over 1,200, thanks to getting drunk and eating a kebab. I actually found it surprisingly easy to consume more than double my recommended calorie intake for the day, I find this fact slightly worrying. Perhaps it’s time to start watching what I eat..?


greed / grト電/ 窶「 n. intense and selfish desire for something, esp. wealth, power, or food.


Saturday - Greed T

oday every activity I do will in some way be in the pursuit of material gain. To ensure that achieve this I have compiled a list of rules which I must abide by.

Rules: • No money earned before today may be spent. • No food bought before today may be consumed. • No repaying of debts. • No using petrol unless bought today. • I must aim to have as much money as possible at the end of the day. • These rules apply from the moment I wake up until midnight


10.06 am Greed: 4/10

Brushed teeth using unknown flat mate’s Aquafresh toothpaste.

(how greedy I feel at this moment in time)

10.15 am Greed: 4/10

10.44 am Greed: 6/10

Showered using unknown flat mate’s Panetene shampoo, no soap because I paid for the only bar in the bathroom.

Ate a bowl of Cheerios stolen off of John.

11.34 am Greed: 8/10

Free £25 bet placed on Betfair.com

- Enosis Neon Paralimni FC to beat Ethnikos Achnas. Odds 1.99 = £24.75 profit Game starts at 3.00 pm


11.45 am Greed: 7/10

House mate arrived home from lecture, paid me back some money he owed me.

Total: ÂŁ2.90


12.16 pm Greed: 8/10

Went to Harry’s Amusements arcade to play on a fruit machine to hopefully turn my £2.90 into something slightly grander.


12.30 pm Greed: 5/10

12.37 pm Greed: 6/10

Left Harry’s Amusements £1.30 poorer / Starting to get hungry.

Started asking people around Broadmead shopping centre for spare change.

‘Excuse me, I’m trying to raise some money for lunch, do you by any chance have any spare change?’

12.37 pm

Middle aged man:

‘Sorry mate.’

Girl, 20s:

‘Ha ha ha! Stop taking the piss!’

Me:

I wasn’t.

Greed: 6/10

12.45 pm Greed: 6/10

1.02 pm Greed: 8/10

1.15 pm

Middle aged couple: ‘.....’ (No acknowledgment whatsoever.)

Greed: 8/10

Elderly woman:

‘I’m afraid not my darling’

1.16 pm

Decided this is a waste of time.

Greed: 6/10

(Considering that I’m holding a £200 camera I don’t think anyone believes that I don’t have any money to buy lunch with, )

Total: £1.60


1.29 pm Greed: 3/10

Bought Minced lamb & dumpling from Tesco - Reduced to ÂŁ1.24


1.54 pm Greed: 0/10

2.15 pm Greed: 3/10

2.57 pm Greed: 5/10

Ate lamb & dumpling - Starting to feel a bit sorry for myself Ate stolen packet of Hula Hoops out of kitchen cupboard for ‘desert’

Called electricity company (free on Skype) to negotiate bill they sent us - got it reduced by £600.

Total: £0.36


3.15 pm Greed:

7/10

3.23 pm Greed:

9/10

Began trying to find a live stream of the Enosis Neon Paralimni FC / Ethnikos Achnas match I had a bet on. Gave up trying to find a stream, resorted to watching live updates on Betfair Site. (Enosis are 1-0 up)

3.27 pm

Ethnikos score - 1-1

3.47 pm

Half time.

Greed:

10/10

3.54 pm Greed:

Half time biscuit stolen from cupboard.

10/10

4.36 pm Greed:

- SHIT!

Still 1-1, 14 minutes left.

10/10

Anxiety: 10/10

4.47 pm Greed: 10/10

Full time score: 1-1. No money won off of bet.


5.07 pm Greed: 6/10

Time to go and beg for money on the streets again.

Total: ÂŁ0.36 Somehow lost 2p


PARK STREET

‘Sorry to bother you; I’ve lost my wallet and really need to catch a bus up to Fishponds. Is there any chance you could spare me some change?’ (Slightly more tactful than my previous line)

5.19 pm

Girl, 20’s:

‘Sorry love, I’m all out

Guy, early 20s:

‘Yeah sure man’ - £1.00

Greed: 8/10

5.23 pm

(probably a Bristol uni student)

(cha ching!)

Greed: 9/10

5.27 pm

Middle aged man:

‘Got none mate’

Greed: 8/10

5.35 pm

Girl, early 30s:

Greed: 7/10

5.39 pm

Guy, 20s:

‘Here ya go.’ - £0.30p

‘Afraid not mate’

Greed: 6/10

Total: £1.66


COLLEGE GREEN

‘Excuse me, I’m collecting for Cancer Research UK. Have you got any change you can afford to spare?’ (This is an obvious lie since I have absolutely nothing on me to indicate that I am associated with Cancer Research)

5.45 pm

Two elderly women:

‘No thank you deary’

Teenage girl:

‘No, sorry’

Man, 40s

‘Yeah here ya go mate - £1.00

Girl, 20s

‘...’ (No acknowledgment)

Teenage boy:

‘Ha ha! Na mate I’m alright.’

Greed: 5/10

5.52 pm Greed: 5/10

5.57 pm Greed: 7/10

6.01pm Greed: 6/10

6.05pm Greed: 6/10

Total: £2.66


FOUNTAINS

‘Hey I’m doing a project for university which requires me to collect change off of people, is there any chance you’ve got any going spare?’ (I know it’s not in the nature of greed to tell the truth, but it couldn’t hurt just this once right?)

6.10 pm

Woman, 30s:

Greed: 7/10

6.13 pm

Man, mid 30s:

‘Ha! Yeah sure, why not.’ - £0.50

‘What? No fuck off.’

Greed: 7/10

6.16 pm Greed: 7/10

6.20 pm Greed: 5/10

Man, 40s

‘Alright, go on then’ - £0.20

Time to give up: Bought steak pie from Tesco - £1.47


7.30 pm

Left for work to earn some REAL money.

Greed: 7/10

(unfortunately I wont finish until 5 am, so wont actually be able to enjoy it.)

Total money left at 12.00am - ÂŁ1.69


P

erhaps on my day of greed I made things a little bit too hard for myself, begging for money on the streets and buying discount food are not activities I usually associate with greed, however on my most greedy day I was reduced to both of them. Rather than feeling intensely selfish I felt more like a pauper, trying to scrounge off of the good nature of others and desperately casting my financial destiny into the hands of lady luck; this isn’t a very nice feeling. Perhaps this day has highlighted for me the true nature of greed – there is nothing pleasant nor desirable about using all your time and energy in the pursuit of material gain. Greed truly is an ugly thing.


sloth (slôth, slōth, slõth) • n. Aversion to work or exertion; laziness; indolence.


Sunday - Sloth S

loth is not just associated with being inactive, it is also related to an avoidance of work.

Rules: • I must spend the whole day (7 hours) on the sofa. • I am allowed to get up 4 times but for no longer than 2 minutes each time. I may not do anything ‘productive’ i.e no uni work or anything else which is in some way beneficial to my life.


11.10 am

Sat down on sofa, armed with food for the day.

• 1 banana. • 1 bowl of chicken & mayonnaise. • 2 slices of bread. • 1 piece of leftover quiche. • 2 packets of crisps. • 1 jug of water. • 1 glass.


11.15 am

Turned TV on, watched BBC news.

Luckily I’m at my parents house and they’ve got sky TV.

11.30 am

Changed channel to Discovery - the great earthquake cover up.


12.05 pm

Found stupid, addictive online DKNY promotional game.

GETTING BORED! 12.33 pm

Doorbell goes off, I’m forced to get up as there is no one else in the house. It’s the postman with a parcel which needs signing for.

I decided to take advantage of this moment and use the toilet.

* can leave the sofa 3 more times.


12.35 pm

Back to the sofa, turn TV back onto news..

I’M GETTING SICK OF HEARING ABOUT THE BLOODY CONSERVATIVE / LIB DEM HUNG PARLIAMENT!

12.53 pm

My sister Kim comes in to keep me company, we watch Tom & Jerry.

1.16 pm

Kim leaves, I have a look at failblog.org.


1.16 pm

1.17 pm

I combine chicken & bread to make a sandwich.

I eat the sandwich.


1.35 pm

1.52 pm

Went on Facebook

Watched more Tom & Jerry.


2.16 pm

Ate the leftover quiche.

BORED! 2.24 pm

Toilet break. Bought ‘The Little Book of Humorous Quotations’ back from the toilet to read.


Spent about an hour reading this book..

* can leave the sofa 2 more times.


3.25 pm

Kim arrived from a trip to HMV with a Loony Tunes DVDs.

Watched the DVD with Kim.

3.45 pm

Toilet break.

* can leave the sofa 1 more time.


3.55 pm

4.14 pm

Kim bought me some tea.

Went to eat banana, realised it had split open and looked a bit diseased. Decided against eating it.


4.35 pm

Played this online blocks game...

4.56 pm

Watched more Discovery Channel.

5.17 pm

Back on Facebook.

SO BORED!!


5.29 pm

Got up to make some peanut butter toast.

* can leave the sofa 0 more times.


5.55 pm

Mum bought me some tea.

6.16 pm

FREEDOM!!


S

loth was the day which I was most looking forward to, it seemed like a nice excuse to lay on the couch all day, relax and do nothing without feeling any guilt. While it was all these things I also found it very frustrating. I am someone who given the right circumstances can definitely be prone slothful behavior; however today forcing myself to be slothful was more of a burden than a luxury, there if only so long one can spend watching TV and surfing the internet before it becomes boring. Perhaps this is why sloth has been connected with depression, I imagine if I spent my whole life how I spent today it wouldn’t take too long for bouts of depression to arise.


How Not To Do Things