Oh, my head…
Powers, is that you? What am I saying? Of course, it is! “Oh, my head”—it’s that type of clichéd dialogue I expect from a writer of your low caliber. What do you want? I’ve been knocked out by a woman made of steel-hard paper! Things are kind of freaking me out right now!
Hey, buddy—I’m doing you a favor here. If I hadn’t shown up, your readers would’ve been flipping to more exciting articles in this magazine—even if their subject matter involved Marvel’s Dennis the Menace or Smurfs series!” But what you’re doing is way worse, Ms. Walters— the bitter, “ex” character Byrne-bashing and insulting our BACK ISSUE readers!
Moi, bitter? Powers, I know you’re searching for a witty verbal repartee, but I’m ready to feed you another green sandwich of the four-knuckle variety! Please listen to me, Ms. Walters—the male BACK ISSUE readers reading this piece have had enough angry women in their lives—particularly the readers whose ex-wives and girlfriends didn’t understand their compulsive, religious need to collect comics! Add in the fact that you threatened to rip up their valuable X-Men comics on the cover to issue #1 of The Sensational She-Hulk—
That’s called a sales technique— a successful one, I might add! Tell you what, Powers, as an attorney, I can confidently say that you’ve made a decent argument for the defense of me not knocking you out again. What about the article?
I’m going to help you write it! Just pull out your dog-eared index cards that contain your Q&A with Byrne, and I’ll offer some commentary! Really?
Questions. Now. And call me Jen. Okay, uh, Jen, the first question I asked Mr. Byrne was, “What are your thoughts concerning She-Hulk’s origin in The Savage She-Hulk #1 (Feb. 1980), and female spin-off versions of male characters in general?” And he kindly replied, “I’m generally not a fan of female versions of characters (Supergirl and Batgirl being notable exceptions in my youth). My initial reaction to She-Hulk was much eyeball rolling and heavy groaning—as seemed to be the reaction from most of the fans at the time. Then, when her own title was canceled, Roger Stern picked her up for The Avengers and made her seem interesting. As to her origin—well, I guess it was as good as any!”
I guess Byrne-boy pretty much shares my sentiments on that topic. At least I’m grateful that Stan the Man Lee didn’t make me a mutant. What’s the next question?
Wall of Confusion Jennifer Walters, with gal pal Weezi, breaks the fourth wall on page 9 of Sensational She-Hulk #4 (Aug. 1989). Art by Byrne and Bob Wiacek. © 2010 Marvel Characters, Inc.
36 • BACK ISSUE • April Fools Issue