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The authors of this guide are not responsible for any of the actions taken by the readers. This is for RECREATIONAL purposes only.


Endless hours a day

of being wage-slaved by the UK’s top clothes retailer have turned me into a very resourceful person. Surrounded by mentally and spiritually deficient customers and the latest radio hits, I feel constantly amused about the way people indulge themselves in the escapism of pointless consumption, so besides doing nothing and getting paid for walking around wearing “happy face” and with some research and lots of practice, I’ve mastered the art of shoplifting.


#1 Never steal from a person, corporations have no feelings.

The one and only rule you should always comply. The whole purpose of doing this is to practice social disobedience by direct re-appropriation and redistribution of wealth while getting a profit; it should never be intended to harm any human or living creature.


#2 Never look up to the CCTV.

It will only attract scurity’s attention. If you act lik you’re actually shopping, or working, you’ll remain unnoticed or at least unsuspected.


#3 GIVE THEM A GOOD PERFORMANCE.

Don’t try too hard to conceal your winnings because it will make you look suspicious. Acting naturally, but bewared will take you in the right direction.


#4 Mind the RESONATORS.

Modern anti-shoplifting tags contain coils of magnetic metal layered between nonconductive materials and they come in different shapes. The best way to check an item is using your eyes first to observe it carefully and then feeling it with your hands to make absolutely sure there is no tag that could set off alarms. If you want to go an extra mile, you can find pin remover magnets online for quite a reasonable price.


#5 RIPPING OFF MAGNETIC STICKERS.

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Some products, especially small ones, may come with magnetic stickers, which resonate in response to an interrogation signal sent by electronic security gates. They can be easily put out of order if at least some part of it is ripped off.


#6 find THE blind spot.

Use the fitting rooms, toilets, or any place you know for sure there are no cameras. It is good to know that small items, like accessories, may not have security tag. You can put them in pockets of clothes you’re trying on and then place them in your bag where no one’s watching.


#7 Carrying a bag is always useful.

At the end, you can walk out the store with your goody bag full of presents.


#8 Spot a busy moment,

You will get mixed and confused with the crowd where the attention is divided. Christmas time is just perfect, and adds a poetic touch in the task you’re pursuing.


#9 PLAY YOUR ROLE.

If you want to be seen as a regular customer the best thing to do is play one: paying for at least one or a few items will make your pursue a lot easier. Wait until you’ve done your purchase and then take the rest just before you leave the store.


#10 Appropriate and exchange.

Most shops don’t demand to see a receipt if you want to exchange something. Find an untagged item and then take it to the customer services till, as if yours, to exchange it for anything you like. Another advanced technique is keeping a receipt from a recently made purchase; take the stuff outside of the shop and come back again with empty hands and simply duplicate your buy.


#11 Don’t push your luck.

Keep balance in your actions and play with what is given. The universe will do the rest.


Following this simple but carefully studied and often proved advices, will make you a good thief and a very bad customer. Use it wisely and bear in mind it will probably lead you to troubles and free goods, a whole new wardrobe and a little step closer to hell.


Two Magpies Editorial Printed in London 2012

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