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Contents Editorial.......................................................................


Disappearance Dragons: A lesson in unanticipated consequences................................................................ 3 ConVICT: The Conference for Viable Information and Cultural Technologies..................................................... 5 Letters to the Editors.....................................................


Peer Review Corner........................................................


An Unbiased Analysis of Library Patrons Who Won’t Stop Talking About That Book They’re Never Going To Write...... 9 We Regret that We Are Unable to Accept: An Intraluminal Reframing of Discursive Reculturation in Postcolonial Praxis.. 12 Workshop: Better UX Testing Though Alien Abduction........


Orne Library – Miskatonic University: Library Rules and Regulations................................................................... 14 Corrections and Retractions............................................. 15 Addressing the Academic Library’s Greatest Threat: Summer Camps and Municipal Government.................................... 16 An Analysis of Funko Pop Ownership Among Library Workers....................................................................... 19 RED OA is the Open Access solution you’ve been looking for!. 30


Two-Fisted Library Stories #8: The International Journal of Two-Fisted Library Studies Las Vegas, Nevada 2017-10-22 Thanks to A. L. Carson, R. Perret, I. Richardson, E. Will, C. Frakes, J. Cheng, A. Ferri, and everyone else who contributed.

Editorial Welcome to The International Journal of Two-Fisted Library Studies. This special issue focuses on “Visualizing the Information Professional Fight”. Two-Fisted Library Studies is a formidable and indomitable journal that publishes the most potent articles, reviews, and research findings of interest to those working in the roughest and toughest libraries and archives in the world. Our intense editorial process ensures that only the most unyielding and tenacious authors will have their content reach the publication stage. Position on Predatory Publishers and Open Access Publishing We believe that only the strongest publishers can survive and that it is only natural that some publishers will prey upon others. We do not intend to be prey. We fully support scholarly Openness, for which reason we allow anyone to purchase our publications. Our commitment to Openness extends to describing our editorial process, in excruciating detail and in print, including exactly what we think of our submitters (you’re all terrible), their writing style (primitive), ideas (juvenile), and personal grooming (questionable). Editors: Dr. Dragomir Arson and Dr. Nzinga Ransom The editors have, at one time or another, won the World Heavyweight Library Championship, the Mixed Tag Team Library Championship, the Atomic Library Association Championship, and the Theresa Elmendorf Memorial Library Battle Royale. They are willing to take on any Library Adversaries anytime and anywhere.


Disappearance Dragons: A lesson in unanticipated consequences Problem: A rash of thefts in the Library, exacerbated by students leaving laptops and other personal items unattended. Solution: Raise awareness of the problem and motivate students to secure their belongings, without threatening or confiscating their property. Innovation: The “Disappearance Dragons”, a Library campaign to promote situational awareness. Enter the Dragons Our Library had recently gone to an extended schedule as the result of the annual use assessment. After juggling staff schedules and hiring a new part-time supervisor, we felt confident about maintaining service levels with the new hours. Students were really responding, too: our fears of keeping the Library open for no one proved unfounded, with students staying in the carels and at the tables until our new later closing time. The problem was, as they settled in for day-long study sessions and sometimes even nodded off in the chairs, thefts of student property were on the rise. Our students were getting too comfortable, it seemed, leaving their laptops, backpacks, and other belongings unattended while they ran to the bathroom, downstairs to the cafe, or curled up under the desks. Faced with this issue, we wondered how we could bring attention to the problem in a fun and interesting way and gently remind students to be more cautious of their surroundings. Thus was born the “Disappearance Dragons”! This multimedia promotion included advertising on library websites, signage, and (most importantly) small plastic dragons* with attached notes. The plastic dragons were given out to staff members who were told to leave them on laptops and other items which students had left unattended. The attached notes informed students that their items could be stolen just as easily as having a dragon left on one of them. We hoped that this would be an engaging way to highlight the problem without blaming or threatening the student (an earlier suggestion, to take the laptop and just leave a dragon, was rejected for being too Draconian); a friendly reminder to keep an eye on their stuff. * We choose dragons because they are the school mascot.


Result: Colossal failure While we had initial success with the project, we quickly experienced a dramatic reversal. Contrary to what we had expected, given the positive response to the signage and reminder tokens (the dragons), after a dip in incident reports in the first two weeks, we saw a sudden spike in the theft reports. What was happening? What we had not anticipated was that the dragons would be so popular with the students that they would specifically leave their laptops, phones, and other items unattended in the hopes of getting one. We incentivized the wrong behavior, apparently, and found that our students would leave hundreds of dollars of technology lying around in the hopes of getting a plastic dragon. It’s unclear if they just wanted the dollar-store toy, or if getting a dragon became some kind of status symbol (as a “risk taker” for instance); we hope to investigate this in a later student survey. Even after ending the program, the number of reported thefts has stayed high. We were victims of our own success as even now, months later, students are still talking about the “Disappearance Dragons”. If only we could be as successful in getting people to remember how to use databases or our institutional repository.

Figure 1: Some of the dragons used in this project.



The Conference for Viable Information and Cultural Technologies For the best in 20th century librarianship! After last year's "best ever" conference, we have no choice but to sink into inexorable decline. With that in mind, our motto this year is “Smaller and less productive�. Title


Why your library should be using SILOS (Strategic Interactive Library Oriented Solutions) to encourage BAD (Broad, Accessible, Diverse) communication

M. Murray

Poop or Chocolate? Identifying Mystery Stains in Stacy Wiggins Libraries Rideout LC vs DDC: CAGE MATCH OF DOOM!!!

Sabrina Miller

Getting the Most From Your Hours of Reading Robb Farmer Time at Work: A Training Guide How To Dodge Thrown Shit: a Prison Library Primer

Mark Bay

Why your department needs to organize more meetings

Meeting RoundTable

21st Century Librarianship, is it too early to start?

Regina Valenti

The Nazis had a permit; the counter protesters didn't: How to truly embrace the Lawful Evil alignment

Siddharth Hiroto

Circ Desk Stories: How to Talk to Patrons About the Weird Books They're Checking Out

Olukayode Timotheus

Diversity in your library: Hiring more white males might technically make your library more diverse

John Smith

Creating Relevant Acronyms Policies

M. Murray

How to be a Better Manager by Being Present Kelly Swickard CANCELLED Panel discussion on panel discussions


Robert Hamaker



Say Yes to that Mess! Agreeing to all Instruction requests to build your library's brand

V. Arellano Douglas

How Millennials Are Bringing Back the Reference Desk that We Killed

Laura Braunstein

Avoiding Patrons: What the Research Says The latest research on best methods to avoid patron contact, from screen-stare to look-too-busy.

Evan Will

How to write emails that faculty will read (but then not respond to in a timely manner)

V. Arellano Douglas

Neutrality in action: Alienate your patrons and contribute to systemic oppression!

Carrie Wade

The annual debate—To Reference Desk or Not to Reference Desk

Erin Fields

What to Expect When You See Someone Watching Stacy Wiggins Porn on the Public Computer Outside Your Office Rideout Window How to Hold It—tips for surviving longer desk shifts Colleen Frakes Babysitting 101: Caring for the Multi-Child Family

Arin Christopher Wilken

Building the Trump Presidential Library: To Twitter Matthew Noe or Not to Twitter Toward a Synergistic Confluence of Metadata Kate Byroade Standards Endeavoring to Facilitate the Possibilities Related to Dareios Fotios Ascertaining Brevity and Simplicity Within the Montse Alte Library Vocation Chaudhari III After some unpleasantness in regards to attendees last year we must restate our #1 rule: "no non-librarians allowed" (this means you, library technicians).

ConVICT Last year's panels—next year! 6

Letters to the Editors

materials. Thus, you and your staff may be assured that whatever supernatural repercussions the materials may carry for their owner by no means apply to you. Secondly, for those on a tight budget, it is often possible to find second-hand cigar humidors which serve smaller collections admirably, provided they are properly reinforced. Consider having a fund raiser centered around the local history associated with the materials. One library director of my acquaintance held a 'lock-in' to raise monies to implement just such a solution for their collection, which she described as exciting and engaging for the whole community, from local clergy to schoolteachers and even the public safety officers. By no means allow the special requirements for holding these materials to prevent you from continuing to offer them to your community—so long as your lending policy specifies that they not leave the library grounds after dark.

Sir, - I wish to make a few corrections concerning the letter from Jaye Kong (“Scholarly Communications Friction�, vol. 7, no. 3) which I feel painted me in a rather bloodthirsty manner. I never said that I would "Fight all comers to the death in order to prove the superiority of open access", merely "first comers". Similarly, my duel with Latoya regarding the creative commons was scheduled for dawn and not dusk (who schedules a duel for dusk?), and it was to first blood, not death. I hope that these corrections will clear up any murkiness regarding this situation, and I am happy to deal with Jaye Kong in the pugilistic manner at a time and place of their choosing. Norbert Weatherington IV Elosure College Library

12 SIR, - In response to the letter printed in your last edition (vol IV, issue 8, from "Hidebound in Rhode Island"), I would offer the following advice for managing special collection materials in a public library setting. First, it is important to understand your role as strictly custodial; while it is incumbent on your library to ensure that the editions are properly stored and cared for, there can be no question of personal ownership of the

Collegially yoursConservator in Connecticut

12 SIR, - I admit to being more than a little perplexed at "Helplessly Helpful"'s statement in his letter (vol III, issue 13.75) 7

that there is a lack of library literature around understanding researcher frustration. I myself have compiled, over nearly ten years of work as a reference librarian, a taxonomy of the 25 basic types of frustration and their responses. While the article has been rejected by several publications, their feedback never mentioned the tables, which some of my own colleagues assure me they have found helpful. Accordingly, I am enclosing a copy to forward.

make LibGuides. Guido Lessovich TGV University Peer Review Corner A sadly typical empire-builder, D.B. has the boundless enthusiasm of one who does not grasp the scope of the problem. Combined with his aggressively self-conscious position as a progressive white male with an economically privileged background, he can be fatiguing for those who do not share his perceived need to make amends for this privilege. D.B. has difficulty with setting achievable goals, can be personally obnoxious, and lacks upper body strength; his ambition and optimism are undeniable, but his judgement is questionable. Easily attracted to grand projects, D.B. seems sincere in his efforts to use his skills and advantages in socially positive ways, but still somehow ends up in positions of leadership on projects centered on marginalized communities. Voted most likely to be deliberately trapped in the collapsible shelving by a coworker.

RegardsDr Haywood U Boughsoff, DEd

12 SIR, - Regarding the last comment on the new title of the erstwhile Journal of Government Serials Cataloguing Corrections, now the Government Serials Catalog-Corrections Journal, I'm afraid I must disagree with my colleague "U-seless in Udell." The hyphen is clearly in the wrong place. It should be "Government-Serials Catalog Corrections Journal" if it is to be anything at all. Punctilious in Poughkeepsie

12 Sir, - Nobody is looking at my LibGuide about LibGuides telling people how to make LibGuides. I feel this resource is invaluable for those who are looking for LibGuides that will help them 8

An Unbiased Analysis of Library Patrons Who Won’t Stop Talking About That Book They’re Never Going To Write By C. Frakes

When you work in a library, you meet a lot of people who are working on books. Some might even call them “writers,” only I wouldn’t because they never actually write anything. They pull a lot of books from the shelves, only the largest and heaviest items will do, and they arrange them on a table and stare at them for hours. But they never actually write anything. Or they’ll come stand in front of the circulation desk and talk about the book they’re “writing”, their grand unified theory of everything about how the Catholic church is secretly controlling the government through their army of underground lizard people, and how this shadow government doesn’t want you to know that you can cure depression just by giving up dairy—but almond milk gives me gas, Steve, if anything that’s going to make me more depressed!

These “writers” who spend their days in the library, not writing, never actually ask me for writing advice. Sometimes they will ask me about publishing, then stare like a deer caught in the headlights when I try to explain how to pitch a book to publishers or find an agent. The idea that getting published takes more work after you’ve done the work of writing never occurred to them. 9

They always assumed they'd be discovered, like editors are all arctic explorers, combing a snowy wasteland of white pages looking for that one flurry of genius. Nobody gets discovered, and you’re not a genius, Steve. Real geniuses don’t believe in shadow governments and can tie their own shoes. I’m not going to tie your shoes, Steve, stop saying it’s bad customer service! You’re not a customer- the library doesn’t sell anything.

You’d think that being in this environment, surrounded by books, would discourage one from writing. This library contains 1.2 million physical volumes, plus e-books (please do not ask me about the e-books. No, I don’t know how they work. Nobody does), and we’ve got some weird items stored up in the archives like

cuneiform clay tablets and a mummified cat that we are pretty sure belonged to our founding librarian and is therefore considered an artifact of great import to the history of this institution. We call her “Mittens”. Anyway, with so many, MANY books here, what new is there to be written? Hasn’t everything already been covered, every story told? Does the world really need another treatise on the evils of the underground lizard people who control our shadow government? At the very least I’m certain we do NOT need another book about a white, middle-aged English professor in a struggling marriage tempted by his red-headed grad student. They say you should write what you know—You’re 65, have you ever talked to an actual woman? I know you’ve never been an English professor. Real professors have to write things. Stick to lizard people.

In conclusion, library patrons are welcome to use the terminals in our computer lab to work on personal projects, so long as you save your work to a flash drive or the cloud or something. Anything you save to the desktop will be deleted. Because I hate you.


We Regret that We Are Unable to Accept: An Intraluminal Reframing of Discursive Reculturation in Postcolonial Praxis By Professor D. Niles Awshucks, Ph.L, MLS, ILSM, LBD, ABC Introduction In this exploratory paper I will provide a reflective qualitative interrogation of data collected over a 30 year period via post, electronic mail, telephone conversations, and occasional in-person interviews I conducted with little to no notice at various residences and places of employment. Methodology I have kept exacting records of every article rejection notice I have ever received, and I have received them from the most prestigious, high-impact journals, down to the lowliest local newsletters. When possible I also collected biographical information and photographs of the editors and readers who abused the peerreview process. This data has been painstakingly categorized and quantified, both electronically using Microsoft Access and in analog form on what I laughingly refer to as my “murder board.�

Figure 1. 12

Conclusions As we can see the peer-review process is fundamentally broken and should be abandoned immediately. In order for information to be free and for the betterment of humankind we should take advantage of emerging technologies to implement a new academic meritocracy where old power structures can not interfere with legitimate scholars simply because they are genius iconoclasts.

Workshop: Better UX Testing Though Alien Abduction User testing is essential for libraries to ensure a quality patron experience and meet accessibility needs. However, too many UX testing methods are slow and dirty. It's hard to eliminate outside variables and keep your participants focused. This workshop will introduce innovative strategies that over come these limitations via the magic of alien abduction! Stop wasting time and start taking UX testing seriously--join us to learn about how you can run a successful UX program with minimal staff time and a basic UFO. Participants will learn how to: - select and kidnap a representative sample of users from lonely locations with awe-inspiring effects such as mists, blinking lights, and strange hums. - efficiently imprison a focus group with beguilingly advanced gadgets to provide ideal testing conditions. - return users in a properly disoriented state to ensure their experiences using your terrible UI are totally unbelievable. This workshop will empower library staff to eliminate the hurdles of UX testing recruitment, allowing them to focus on efficiently uncovering usability problems with unresisting subjects. The course is ideal for libraries already equipped with a UFO and staff skills in alien impersonation, but will benefit organizations of all types looking to build capacity in this area. To attend, please climb on the library roof at midnight and wave your arms wildly screaming "take me!" or visit a particularly isolated spot after a very tiring late night shift. Selected applicants will receive a close encounter. 13


Corrections In our previous issue we accidentally issued a retraction for the article "Benefiting the Military-Industrial Complex by using unpaid iSchool students" due to inconclusive results and a failure to successfully attain IRB approval. This retraction was intended for the article "The 100 Mile Library: How to provide access only to things published within 100 miles/161 km of your location". We apologize to the authors for this error. Retractions Due to inconclusive results and a failure to successfully attain IRB approval we are issuing a retraction for the article "Benefiting the Military-Industrial Complex by using unpaid iSchool students". We have also been made aware that, due in part to a previously scheduled printers' error, an article already accepted for our next issue is, in a number of ways, entirely wrong and potentially dangerous to any who try to replicate the results. However, as per our contract, we do not know which one. Thus, for reasons of space and editorial costs, we will not be removing it. You may consider this a blanket retraction: whatever looks like it can't be right, probably isn't. 15

Addressing the Academic Library’s Greatest Threat: Summer Camps and Municipal Government By Chockey Tallulah III Figure 1. Brain Drain. As visits to the library decrease during approximately May, June, and July, there is a corresponding increase with summer camp attendance.


Figure 2. Some Like It Not Hot. Visits to the library display a negative correlation with temperature indicating greater library usage when it is colder and lesser library usage when it is hotter (r = 0.0193986, p < .5).


Figure 3. Faux Pas. While there is a precipitous drop in physical usage of computers at the library during the summer months, there is a dramatic increase in Twitter engagement with the City of Las Vegasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Twitter Account.


An Analysis of Funko Pop Ownership Among Library Workers By Matthew Murray Funko Pops are small, vinyl figures and bobbleheads mostly created in the form of characters from popular media franchises. They feature a stylized “chibi” (or small/cute) design and have proved to be incredibly popular. Even if you don’t know what they are, you have undoubtedly seen Funko Pops in library environments. They seem to be everywhere! This study was created with the intent of discovering what the most popular Funko Pops in libraries were. Data was gathered through a survey promoted on social media. We then analyzed some of the data gathered in this way to discover the most popular characters and “fandoms”. An anonymized version of the data is available online at Survey We created a survey using Google Forms to gather data. It asked for: • Job Title • Work Place • Age • Type of Work Area • Number of Funko Pops in your work area(s) that belong to you • Please list all Funko Pops in your work area (character and fandom) • What is your favourite Funko Pop in your work area? • Do you have Funko Pops elsewhere? If so, where and how many? • What Funko Pop do you want? (Can be one that exists or one you want made.) • Do you have other desk decorations? What are they? • Any comments or questions • Email address The only required questions were “Work Place”, “Age”, “Number of Funko Pops”, and “list all Funko Pops”. Other fields were optional, though only email specified this. The survey was open from Friday, July 14th - Saturday, July 22nd and promoted through Twitter and library related Facebook groups. 504 19

responses were recorded, though no responses were made after Monday, July 17th. There were 122 duplicate responses, which matched on all elements of the survey and were removed. Leaving 382 responses The duplicates included 51 copies of one entry, 31 copies of another entry, and various other entries which featured multiple duplicates. We’re really not sure how someone managed to submit the same form 51 times and wonder if they were trying to mess up the results. 125 survey responses were recorded by people who had either 0 or -1 Funko Pops in their work area (32.7%). This left 257 people who reported having one or more Funkos in their work area. Unless otherwise noted, data in this article will be about these 257 data entries. We are baffled as to the large number of people who completed the survey who either did not know what Funko Pops were or actively disliked them. Workplace Five options were available to be selected (see below). The “Other” option allowed people to type their own response. The majority of survey respondents with Funko Pops in their workplace worked in public libraries. One person worked at Hasbro! Public Library Academic Library School Library Special Library Other

168 56 17 9 7

65.36% 21.78% 6.61% 3.50% 2.72%

Age There were four possible categories for age. One comment left on the survey said “Your survey ages make me feel old, haha”, however results indicate that splitting the 25-35 category may have been useful. The majority of respondents were in the 25-35 age range. 25-35 36-45 46 or older Under 25

143 79 31 4

51.25% 28.31% 11.11% 1.43%

Work Area There were four possible categories for work area with “Other” again allowing people to enter their own response. This question allowed for more than one answer and 23 of 257 responses gave more than one location. One person gave no response, leaving 279 work areas. The most common type of work space was “Office”. One person answered “Other” and then wrote “Circulation Desk”. We can only assume that this means that their circulation desk is not in a public area, and we want to know more... Office Cubicle Public area Other

142 79 43 15


50.89% 28.31% 15.41% 5.37%

Job Title After some cleanup and even using OpenRefine we were still left with 137 different job titles and decided it wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worth going through them all. We are kind of baffled that multiple deans and directors filled out the survey. The data is available online if you want to do anything with it. Number More than half of respondents had between 1-3 Funko Pops in their work space. We have no idea how one person managed to have over 50. Where did they all go!? 1 2 3 4 5 21-50 8 6 11-20 10 7 9 More than 50 (!)

64 52 32 27 19 13 12 11 9 8 6 3 1


24.90% 20.23% 12.45% 10.50% 7.39% 5.05% 4.66% 4.28% 3.50% 3.11% 2.33% 1.16% 0.38%

Characters After cleaning the data as best we could we ended up with 1052 individual Funko Pops. This included things such as keychains, minis and, unfortunately, Dorbs and other things that were not Funko Pops. A number of people refrained from actually specifying which Funko Pops they had (e.g. saying “Game of Thrones”) and these were not included. Our first conclusion was that many of you cannot spell and also have no idea the names of the Funko Pops you have. Common misspellings included “Rei” (instead of Rey from Star Wars), “John Snow” (instead of “Jon Snow” from Game of Thrones), and you don’t even want to know how many variations on “Daenerys Targaryen” we encountered. Doctor Who proved to be problematic. Results included “Tenth Doctor”, “10th Doctor”, “Doctor Who (Tennant)”, and more. There were also a number of participants who who did not specify and just wrote “Doctor Who”; these responses were not included. One answer included “that chick from Pretty in Pink” by which we assume meant one of Molly Ringwald’s characters, but we didn’t know which one, so it was not included. Other mistakes included “The Woman” instead of “Irene Adler” from Sherlock (seriously!?) and “Chevok” instead of “Chekov” from Star Trek (this one was kind of funny). People claimed to have Funko Pops for “Pusheen” and other characters which do NOT EXIST. We wondered why people bothered to make things up. All characters were counted as “the same” except for Doctor Who. So “Batman with Cake” and “Batman in Underwear” (not real examples) are the same, but “10th Doctor” and “11th Doctor” are different. We counted approximately 466 different characters from around 100 different “fandoms”. 33 different fandoms had 5 or more Funko Pops and 19 had more than 11 (more than 1% of the total). Golden Girls barely missed the cut having 10. Fandoms with under 1% of the total were lumped into other categories. The one exception was Labyrinth, Dark Crystal, and Sesame Street, which we mashed together into a Category called “Jim Henson Stuff”. Characters from animated movies were placed in the Animation category. The Disney category included characters from animation, live action, movies, and TV, but did not include Marvel or Star Wars. 23

This left us with 26 categories with 1% or more of the final (well, 25 + â&#x20AC;&#x153;real personâ&#x20AC;? which was just under 1%) Marvel Harry Potter Disney DC Movie TV Star Wars Game of Thrones Doctor Who Video Game Animation Anime Other Sherlock Steven Universe Jim Henson Adventure Time Bob's Burgers Ghostbusters Orphan Black Star Trek X-Files Firefly Walking Dead Pride + Prejudice + Zombies Real Person

175 134 83 76 66 64 60 57 45 41 24 22 20 20 20 18 15 15 14 13 13 13 12 12 11 9

16.63% 12.73% 7.88% 7.22% 6.27% 6.08% 5.7% 5.41% 4.27% 3.89% 2.28% 2.09% 1.90% 1.90% 1.90% 1.71% 1.42% 1.42% 1.33% 1.23% 1.23% 1.23% 1.14% 1.14% 1.04% 0.85%

Despite coming in at #3 for “property” Disney had only one character in the top 25 characters, with Maleficent tied for 25th. If all of Disney’s various properties were combined (Disney, Marvel, and Star Wars) they would have had 318 individual Funkos and 30.22% of the total. 11 characters received 1 or more percent of the total funkos. With 46, Groot (including Baby Groot) is the clear winner. This would mean that an average of 17.9% of all respondents who reported having one or more funko had a Groot at work. However, many people reported having multiple Groots, so the actual number of people with Groots is lower. There were more Batgirl than Batman, more Daenerys than any other Game of Thrones character, and more Leia and Rey than any other Star Wars characters. We started breaking down the genders of the characters represented, but realized that way led to madness. Groot Harry Potter Batgirl Hermione Granger Batman Dumbledore Wonder Woman Daenerys Targaryen Leia Rey Doctor Strange Snape Loki Thor Captain America Deadpool Iron Man Sherlock Holmes 10th Doctor Ron Weasley Rocket Raccoon Tina Belcher Harley Quinn Maleficent Drogon

46 34 25 20 14 14 13 13 12 12 11 10 10 10 9 9 9 9 8 8 8 7 7 7 7 25

4.37% 3.23% 2.37% 1.90% 1.33% 1.33% 1.23% 1.23% 1.14% 1.14% 1.04% 0.95% 0.95% 0.95% 0.85% 0.85% 0.85% 0.85% 0.76% 0.76% 0.76% 0.66% 0.66% 0.66% 0.66%

Favourite We didn’t actually bother crunching the numbers on this one, but looking at the data Groot probably wins again. Funkos elsewhere For this and the following responses we looked at everyone who had submitted responses, not just those who had Funko Pops in their work area. Perhaps the most useful response was one person who stated that their library owned Harry Potter Pops that they used for displays, which we think is a great idea. We also received responses from people who said they have “over 300 funko pops”, “a couple hundred”, “300+”, “well over 100”, and “about 200”. This makes us wonder where on Earth they put them all. One comment said “NO also this should have been a Y/N question.” To which we reply “NO you are wrong.” Wants Nothing was super overwhelming here, though people do seem to want a librarian Pop (“Nancy Pearl”,”Library Ghost from original Ghostbusters”, “Oracle”, and “Batgirl (because she was a librarian)”). Wonder Woman was also popular. We are also concerned about the person who wanted a “Cthulhu, life size”. We hope you do not get your wish. Other desk stuff Honestly, we were really tired by this point in our research so didn’t do that much actual data analysis. We were amused by the person who listed many things and said “It's getting out of hand to be honest” and were saddened by the people who responded with “Removed them because my Superman figure was stolen” and variations of “We aren't allowed to decorate our desk spaces”. Here are some of the weirder things people said they had. • • • •

“A fake stuffed llama's head” “a knitted ear of corn” “serial killer trading cards” “collection of heads - mannequin, skinless Terminator head, glass skull” 26

• “big ceramic monkey from 1940s Italy” • “some preserved bullfrogs from Mexico that are dressed up and posed like a little Mariachi band” • “dirty tea cups” (Clean up your desk area!) • “a crochet doll of Violet from the Rat Queens comics” • “A coyote skull” • “a full-sized poseable skeleton” • “a DIY model skeleton in a bell jar” • “a dead cactus” • “a vase of dead flowers” • “a dia de los muertos skull” • “a cool rock” • “Actually, it looks like a bunch of fandoms got drunk one night and crashed my office…” • “a traffic light that screams at me when I'm too quiet” • “a stuffed penguin with an eye piercing” • “a photo of a now-deceased Soviet dictator who looks down at my desk. (A co-worker put it up to "boost my morale" and "ensure efficient work," and I never took it down.)” • “screaming citizens” • “a Lego model of "The Cask of Amontillado"” • “a card catalog filled with boxed soups” • “a clay bust of an elf with a mohawk created by a student” • “a flock of rigid vinyl bats on the wall behind my desk that I decorate with seasonal stickers” • “a Groot standee that serves as our Christmas tree as a shout out to our late associate dean, who loved Groot” Comments Comments fell into four categories: Confusion, Dislike, Like, and Other. We’ve listed some examples below. We’ve also included some comments left in other parts of the survey because they fit in better here. Confusion • “We're you expecting nonfunko pop folks to fill out this survey?“ • “What is a funko pop is there a test to see if I have one“ • “What is a Funko Pop? Should I get one? I should prolly get one.“ • “Your survey may self-select for people who own Funko Pops. Why would anyone else fill it out? (Unless they're ornery, like me.)“ • “I want to win a car.“ 27

• “idk what a funko pop is or why i filled this out“ • “This is not easy to fill out if you don't care about Funko Pop, so your results may be skewed. I almost decided not to fill it out when I saw the questions.“ Dislike


• “Are Funko Pops the Beanie Babies of our time?“ • “Funko Pops are ugly toys with lazy designs. But I do collect Tokidoki vinyl figures and various Japanese toy-lines.“ • “Good on Funko for making something less functional than a Beenie Baby.“ • “Honestly Funco Pops freak me out. Why are they like that? Have you seen how creepy the ones from Steven Universe look!? Why would you do that to Pearl? She only wants to be loved for being herself!“ • “I honestly find Funko Pops kinda ugly“ • “I loathe Funko Pops. See:“ • “Personally, I don't really get the appeal of Funko Pops and I always thought they were kind of dumb (says the grown woman with 7 Hello Kitty plushes). I only bought this one because it's a dead ringer for me and everyone thinks I somehow got a custom one made (incidentally, I am a big BoJack fan too).“ • “Their eyes are devoid of character. Unlike Lego minifigures, which use simplicity and shared (yet swappable) elements to create cohesion in an imagined universe, Pops are sterile and detached. “ • “The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is probably like 5% Funko Pops. Fuck 'em.“ • “To each his own, but to me they are the modern day beanie baby. I am uninterested in owning any. As much as I love nerd regalia, I'd rather own other merch, official or fanmade.“ • “Funko Pops are addictive and I have to force myself not to buy them all.“ • “I love Funko Pop characters a lot and if I didn't like them so much at home than I would have more at work.“ • “My workplace is toxic. I need a lot of fun stuff around me.“ • “They make me happy.” 28

The ever popular Other • “I can't keep anything that might tempt theft as my desk is our in the open and the library is accessible 24 hours but not always staffed“ • “My office is visible from the public floor. I'm told by some parents that their small children look forward to stopping by office and looking at everything. All the knickknacks afford opportunities to meet and interact with people with whom I would not otherwise have any meaningful encounter.“ • “This is the most relevant library survey I've ever encountered!“ • “This was rigorous“ • “We're not allowed to put any decorations on our workspace at the circulation desk.“ Conclusions Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy has succeeded in selling toys beyond anyone’s wildest dreams. Additionally, library workers are a bunch of nerds. Bonus Analysis Six people were randomly chosen, from the 102 who submitted their email address, to receive a zine and a Funko Mystery Mini X-Men toy. The winners were asked to rank the toys in their order of preference. 1st: Professor X (3), Mystique (2), Beast 2nd: Beast (2), Colossus, Emma Frost, Magneto, Mystique 3rd: Beast (2), Emma Frost (2), Mystique (2) 4th: Colossus (2), Magneto (2), Mystique, Professor X 5th: Emma Frost (2), Professor X (2), Beast, Colossus 6th: Magneto (3), Colossus (2), Emma Frost Each place was assigned a point value (6 for 1st, 1 for 6th). Mystique: 28 Emma Frost: 18 Beast: 26 Colossus: 15 Professor X: 25 Magneto: 14 Results Two groups emerged: the first (Emma Frost, Colossus, and Magneto) received no first place picks. The second (Mystique, Beast, and Professor X) contained no last place picks. Professor X was the most divisive, with three first place picks and three fourth-fifth place picks. All of Mystique’s picks were in the top four, while Magneto and Colossus each had only one pick in the top three. 29

RED OA is the Open Access solution you’ve been looking for! Can’t afford Gold OA? Don’t have anywhere to put your Green OA article? Unsure if Bronze OA will stand the test of time? Unwilling to use Dark OA? Not even sure how to spell Grey (Gray?) OA? Then RED OA is for you! RED (Research Easily Disseminated) OA is the next level of Open Access and is going to transform the academic world into something unimaginable! How does it work? RED (Really Efficient Dispersal) OA is based upon an APSC (Academic Publishing Sacrifice Charge) which is available to researchers around the world and easily scalable. Even better, once the charge has been paid there's no embargo period and no need to self-archive or do anything else! That's all taken care of by our untold legions who are experts in Hybrid OA. Wait, what was that about a “Sacrifice Charge”? One of the major difficulties in regards to APCs (Article Processing Charges) is that they exclude many of the researchers from developing nations. In part, this is because there is no established scale or expectation for APCs, allowing publishers to “charge what the market will bear” (e.g. thousands of dollars). This significantly disadvantages scholars working in the Global South and underfunded institutions everywhere. Publishers require these very large payments in currencies (US dollar, Euro) whose exchange rates further disadvantage researchers in developing nations, predetermining the voices and perspectives which appear in their journals long before peer review begins. RED (Rapid Education Dispatch) OA acts as a check on this tendency, accepting a medium of exchange available to all, with clear guidelines submission, processing, and APSCs rates. That didn’t answer my question. RED (Resources Equitably Delivered) OA operates using a scale where larger and more in-depth projects are asked to provide additional support. This means that, unlike Green or Gold OA, RED OA can easily be applied to everything from conference posters to multi-volume book series. RED OA is designed to prevent placing an undue burden on any of the parties involved. Working within the RED OA framework, researchers, publishers, and libraries can assess need, 30

service, and contribution levels at an institutional level, adapting best practices and retaining the flexibility to deal with projects at a granular level and avoid the problems of predatory publishers. Wait, predatory publishers? What?! Predatory publishing, that is, so-called “open access” journals which solicit articles with high APCs, only to either never publish, or publish without peer and editorial review, are seen as a significant problem in the development of a strong, high-integrity Open Access research community. Less spoken but just as real, however, is the predatory behaviour of peer-reviewed for-profit journals, which often charge high fees for publication as well as access and subscription fees, demand strict copyright agreements, and charge authors for pre-prints, postprints, or even limited rights over their own work. While retaining a respect for the logic of the market, RED OA seeks to counterbalance the current scholarly publications ecosystem by providing an alternative "food chain". Since publications themselves do not profit from the APSC, there is a reduced incentive to establish bogus journals; as the publishing entities have a material stake in the quality of research produced, inferior publications (those with poor standards of scholarship) will be eliminated as they are identified. Further, as the APSC submission and reporting process are inextricably linked, falsely reported APSCs are easy to detect; any outlets attempting to falsify their APSCs will likewise be swiftly identified and removed. Permanently. I guess I'm on board. What is the APSC used for? Every APSC goes directly to the publishing entity which supports the researcher, allowing them to continue funding, promoting, and contributing to the scholarly ecosystem. The precise structure of remuneration and allocation varies by publishing entity, but the tiered rate system is applied uniformly, ensuring that regardless of what you submit to, the rate per item type remains consistent. How do you ensure that the APSC was made? We believe that openness and trust is an important factor in the academic world and we will rely on researchers to self-report when their APSC was made. However, we understand that some may take advantage of such a situation, and attempt to get a “free ride” on the scholarly publishing train. Thankfully, the submission and reporting process for APSCs is sufficiently robust to prevent casual abuse of the system. For more sophisticated spoofing attempts, there are a number of interested external parties available to investigate falsified 31

or imitation APSCs through reciprocal reporting relationships and trusted agents, acting as a verification network as we move forward. Ask your Scholarly Communications or Publishing department for more information about these partnerships. Who pays the APSC? RED (Revenue Eliminating Distribution) OA attempts to integrate with existing policies as much as possible: as in the case of APCs, generally it is the primary researcher or lead authorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s responsibility to provide the APSC, but some institutions offer support for publication costs. If you are planning to submit to a RED (Researcher Elimination Device) OA journal or conference as part of a funded research project, consider including the cost of the APSC in your grant proposal or check with your institutionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s offices of research or sponsored projects. Whether you need to pay the APSC directly or if you only need to provide the means to an institutional agent will also vary by internal policy. What should I do if I cannot pay the APSC? In the case that a researcher cannot meet the APSC prior to entering into an agreement with a publishing entity, we encourage you to work with your Scholarly Communications Librarian or department to consider alternative sources for the APSC and resubmit. If a contract or agreement with the publishing entity has already been signed, however, not meeting the APSC in a timely manner typically triggers a forfeiture clause. If you find yourself in such a situation, consult with your legal department or publishing specialist for next steps. Remember, if you wait too long, nobody will ever see your research! Publication




10 grams per word

One Guinea Pig


20 grams per word

One Chicken

Conference Poster

50kg per poster

One Capybara


10kg per page + 1kg per image + 2kg per colour

Reindeer or Small Bear

Book Chapter

Tier Two Intelligences

Graduate Student, Raccoon, or Hyena

Full Book

Tier One Intelligences

Tenured faculty member, Octopus, Dolphin, or Elephant

Due to unforseen circumstances, the above image (Figure 3a) was accidentally left out of our next issue. We apologize for any inconvience this may have caused.

Profile for Two Fisted Library Stories

Two-Fisted Library Studies, Volume 8, Number 1  

Two-Fisted Library Studies is a formidable and indomitable journal that publishes the most potent articles, reviews, and research findings o...

Two-Fisted Library Studies, Volume 8, Number 1  

Two-Fisted Library Studies is a formidable and indomitable journal that publishes the most potent articles, reviews, and research findings o...