two perspectives No one wants to think of themselves or a loved one dying with dementia — it maims rather than kills. It is as if the brain has betrayed the body as the heart keepings beating, the kidneys keep filtering and the lungs keep breathing. Other patients, like those with advanced cancer or motor neurone disease, feel the opposite — as if their body has betrayed their mind, often remaining alert but trapped in a frailer and frailer physical shell. Because of the lack of treatment and uncertainty about how long the process will take, it is much harder for families and doctors to talk about dementia; everyone feels helpless, everyone just does the best they can, everyone copes one day at a time. groping for words As a doctor, I too grope to find the words to support the patient whose husband had taken to going through neighbours’ rubbish bins to bring her presents of discarded cans and scraps of food. I can only commiserate with how sad it is to see someone they love reduced to this mockery of the generous husband he once was. Trying to hold onto the memory of what her husband was, while caring for him and loving him as he is now, is a very difficult path for a spouse to tread.
Expressions of interest sought for
The Community Leader of Mt Tabor Trust (Inc) With facilities at Auckland, Henderson and Helensville, Mt Tabor is a community where Support Workers live with people with an Intellectual Disability in the light of the beatitudes. A live-in House Leader is also sought for one of the six houses. Please reply to the board of trustees mt.tabor@xtra.co.nz
“The Word of God is alive and active” Heb 4:12
gift of humour Sometimes gentle humour can help; other times pragmatic solutions like giving her permission to lock the garden gate, or to tell the neighbours, is needed. Letting families express feelings of guilt, anger, frustration, sadness and resentment can lessen the burden. As a doctor, I do not attend the funeral of every one of my patients who dies. But there are some I do attend, for my own sake, not just the family’s. It is very healing to hear stories of what patients were like when they were young, to see the wedding photos and hear of their working and family lives before their minds were robbed of their mindfulness. Sometimes we need to acknowledge that we still cared greatly for this person as a patient, even if we were unable to change the outcome. What defines that patient is not the ending, but the journey they took. And what defines us as carers is how we accompanied them on that journey, even though we do not determine the destination. n
Dunedin Holy Cross Centre, 89 Church Street, Mosgiel Sunday 18 September (6pm) to Saturday 24 September (5pm)
Dr. Jill McIlraith is a Dunedin general practitioner. She is specially aware of those suffering from dementia.
For further information or to request an application form (which details cost) please contact dominicandn@xtra.co.nz or (03) 477 7577
Invitation to be nourished by the Word of God at a Dominican Retreat September 2011 Retreat Team:
Angela Campion op (Ireland) Donagh O’Shea op (Ireland) Judith Anne O’Sullivan op (NZ)* Joan Hardiman op (NZ)† Mike Kelly opl (NZ) *Auckland only
†
Dunedin only
Auckland St Francis Retreat Centre, 50 Hillsborough Road, Mt Roskill Sunday 4 September (6pm) to Saturday 10 September (5pm)
This retreat is being sponsored by the -New Zealand Dominican Sisters
9 Tui Motu InterIslands July 2011