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What Love Looks Like This issue looks at love in all its forms and I hope you will be encouraged to seek more love in your own life. Love is much more than a feeling, it has corresponding action. Just as faith without works is dead, so is love. It does get difficult to pursue love when you are unsure of what it looks like, feels like or sounds like. When the world’s media continues to bombard our senses with images and ideas foreign to what God wants for us, it can be a challenge to decipher the true desires of your heart and to pursue those needs that were inspired by the Creator. All is not lost, God does have a plan and He wants to personally reintroduce Himself to you as not just the giver of love but as Love. I can attest to the fact that there is no greater lover than the one who created this emotion and act in the first place. You cannot separate the gift from the giver, God is Love. I won’t apologize for the lack of diversity in the writers in this publication. Although in the future we will feature more voices sharing their thoughts,

“...There is no greater lover than the one who created this emotion and act in the first place.”

Truly Woman was created as another avenue for me to encourage women to become who God desires them to be. Think of it as attending one of my seminars without leaving home. I pray this second edition helps to heal the broken places, stirs your heart and emotions, and gives you a desire to pursue a life filled with love. Be sure to share the love coupons on the back cover with that special man in your life. Be the love you have been seeking.

Nerissa aka Truly Caribbean Woman CREATIVE DIRECTOR goldenmedia 2

TRULY WOMAN | OCTOBER 2008

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CONTENTS Features Wasted Kisses (4) Kiss His Feet(6) Andria Hall’s 7 Principals of Prosperity (8) Overcoming Spiritual Intimidation (15)

Hidden Riches Knitting to Profit (10)

Share the Good Stuff!

Start a Baby Knitting Business (11)

Resources to Grow

Forward your copy of

Parenting: Bedtime Blues (12) Ask the Doctor (19) Your Body is Not a Garbage Disposal (14)

Romance

Truly Woman Magazine

Surrender My Heart - Chapter 2 (16) Love Coupons (back)

to your friends TODAY! Truly Woman Magazine is a Truly Caribbean Production of Goldenmedia | Montserrat | W.I. E-mail: info@trulycaribbean.net © 2008 All rights reserved.

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Definition of Kissing (answers.com) v., kissed, kiss·ing, kiss·es.

To touch or caress with the lips as an expression of affection, greeting, respect, or amorousness.

Growing up it was always pretty easy to keep a distance between myself and the boys. Having a minister for a father was a good deterrent for keeping boys at bay and if that didn’t work one smart remark and they thought twice about approaching me again. Watching girls and boys

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change partners all through high school was another good deterrent from getting involved in the dating scene. For the life of me, I saw what I had to offer as precious and it was going to be the rare guy that would get me to smile, much less flirt, and certainly a kiss was out of the question. All of that changed in college of course but no use in regretting spilled milk now. However, I have to admit that being single again I am returning not to college days but to the high school values I had, which said I was special and you must be special to approach me. That attitude probably won’t get me much dates but I am not interested in the dating scene. My time is precious, and so is my conversation. I have no words to waste, not time to flitter away with a lie or an evening pretending to be interested in someone I am not, for the sake of saying I am dating again. My kisses are precious, I have none to waste on men I wouldn’t consider spending a lifetime with. So how do you get to the lifetime part, if you won’t even date? God has always said wait, He will find you. I am waiting. When he shows up, I am pretty sure he will fit the image that God has been preparing me to honor and love. To him, go the hugs, my wittiest jokes, my extra special smiles, and kisses. There are none to waste on maybes.

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could not be a prophet as he would know what kind of woman she was and to distance himself from her. I know I am glad Jesus never distanced himself from me because of the choices I made. He won’t do that now because of mistakes you made yesterday, today, or will make tomorrow. This woman knew who she was. She obviously didn’t just have a past, she was living a life that still had tongues wagging. She heard Jesus, the Savior, the King of kings was in town at the home of a religious leader and she needed to be near Him. When last have you just wanted to be near your

By Nerissa Golden Have you ever met a man worthy enough for you to kiss his feet? Is the man in your life presently worthy of such honor and if he was would you kiss his feet? Your honey walks in the door after his regular basketball game with the fellas. He says to you “Baby, you are gonna have to kiss my feet when I tell you about the game I just won.” He goes on to give you a play by play but you don’t hear about the dunk he made or the pass that led to the winning point, you are still stunned that he dared to say you would want to kiss his funky feet. We would find it really hard and in many cases impossible to lower ourselves to kiss the feet of the man we have pledged to love for a lifetime yet there was a woman who took her time, which was money; and a year’s worth of pay for an opportunity to kiss the feet of a stranger. In Luke 7:36-50 we read the story of a woman who anoints Jesus. This is not the same woman who anointed Jesus shortly before his crucifixion. Jesus has been invited to eat at the home of a Pharisee and a woman, described only as someone that Jesus should not be associated with comes to see him. The Pharisee said that obviously Jesus

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man? Not needing anything but his presence, wanting only to give to him and not take. It is really hard to do something that you have never seen others do or practiced yourself. The mere thought of doing something so base, funky feet or not makes you want to take a step back. She was kissing Jesus’ funky feet. When the Pharisee complained, Jesus reminded him that he had invited him but had not provided any water as was customary to wash the guest’s feet. They wore sandals and either walked every where or rode donkeys. That region of the world is quite dusty and dry and hot, hence funky feet that needed to be washed after coming inside. We can imply that she was a prostitute or an adulteress as her sins were obviously of the nature that others knew about and looked down on. Let’s suppose she was a prostitute then she came and poured an important business investment on very dirty feet. She used her perfume which would have otherwise been used to entice new customers on the feet of the Master. It was all she had to give and she gave it without regret or pause. In another setting or with another man she may have offered her body but she knew who she was attending to and sex was the wrong currency. She felt compelled to give and so she gave him of her tears, her kisses and her perfume. In recent months, I have loathed the thought of coming to Jesus only with tears. I have felt it a waste of time and guilty as if I was trying to manipulate Him to do something for me. Tears are a language God understands is an old hymn I re-

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member from church but somehow we have lost the ability to shed tears and kiss the feet of the Savior. So many of us have bottled up our tears inside, not wanting to appear weak, not wanting our men to know they hurt us with their words and actions. Tears can be sad or happy but tears can also simply be worship. In much the same way a prostitute understands that to keep the clients happy you worship them and give them what they need, this woman offered her prized possessions – her perfume, her hair, her tears and her kisses. She dared not kiss his lips or his face, she felt no such honor. She bent herself to the lowest part of his body and worshipped there. Her tears were enough to wash his feet. She used

her hair – symbol of a woman’s glory to dry them. She, not being worthy to look upon His face, utter a word, ask for forgiveness, worshipped his feet. She knew she was in the presence of a man who was worth more than every tear she could shed, every kiss she could give, every drop of the perfume she worked hard for. She loved Him the only way she could. Jesus’ response was to tell her that her many sins had been forgiven for she “loved much (v.47).” Jesus called what she did love. “He who has been forgiven little loves little.” This woman knew there were many sins to be forgiven. Somehow she came prepared to lavish her love on this man. She had been forgiven much and needed to say thank you. What does this have to do with kissing your husband’s feet? He is required to love you like Christ loves the church. This woman had experienced the forgiveness of the Christ and believed He was the Son of God. She left His presence saved and in peace (v.50). She represented the Church. As an earthly reflection of Christ’s love – your husband too should be lavishly embraced with your kisses, your tears your glory. What we would call a loss of power actually freed this woman from a past of guilt and shame. What we would never want our friends to know, stooped so low to do – brought her a renewed level of faith, salvation and peace with God. Feet are used to walk and run, but they are also used to kick and step on things. She did not fear that Jesus would step over her, kick her out of the way or walk away from her actions. It was a sign of

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surrender and trust. For many, it would be hard to show this level of trust and surrender to a husband as we are not secure in their actions. We fear that they would use this lowered position to walk over us and disrespect our womanhood. Whatever brought her to see Jesus that day, she came prepared to love and love Him she did. Without regard for her sins or unworthiness to be in the presence of Jesus, enough love was poured out of her and into Him that he said “she has loved much.” Could your husband say confidently “my wife loves me much”? So what about the men? What do they have to do while we are busy kissing their feet? Nothing. They need to recline as Jesus was and take it. “I’m not doing that unless he does it first or be willing to do the same,” is your response. Be quiet and anoint his feet. “You don’t know what he said to me this morning.” Wet his feet with your tears. ‘You have no idea how tired I am of serving him and the kids.” Kiss his feet. “I have nothing else to give.” Dry his feet with your hair. When we do what God is requiring of us without hesitation, the job then falls to Him to ensure that our husbands complete their part. PS. God has a weakness for Daughters who feel free to cry to Him for help.

CELEBRATE Blossoms Lilies Rain drops Snow flakes Captures your essence My take Love…. Affluence Celebration Creation Dance Brenda L McCartney

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New Book The Walk to Wealt 7 Guiding Principles to Pr Psalms 68:11 “The Lord gave the word: great was the company of those that published it.” Truly Woman celebrates the great company of women now writing and releasing the wisdom God is imparting through them. Internationally known journalist, author and communications strategist, Andria Hall, has introduced a new book The Walk to Wealth™: 7 Guiding Principles to Prosperity (SpeakEasy ME-

DIA Publishing) which peers closely into the lives of more than a half dozen entrepreneurs who each reveal that genuine wealth is achieved when you journey along your personal pathway to purpose. "All of those profiled offer practical and inspirational dialogue demonstrating that in life we must pursue two courses: possibility and prosperity," said the Emmy Award-winning Hall, who underscores that "true wealth means embracing the plan that God has for you, grabbing hold of His promises and His power. It also means understanding that neither money nor education, pleasure nor accomplishments will satisfy us, for we are designed to contain God in our spirits, and it is He who determines our ability to live in true prosperity giving us the power to get wealth," said Hall, president of SpeakEasy M.E.D.I.A., Inc. and a National Sales Director with YTB International, a homebased travel company. The book features the stories of successful travel industry entrepreneurs Donald Bradley, Melissa Boston and Jil Greene of Atlanta, the Californiabased Andy Lakey, Gail Moaney of New Jersey, Scott Tomer, president and CEO of the Illinoisbased YTB International, and Hall herself who reveals a phenomenal story of God's healing power over her life. "For me, true wealth absolutely means being in good health," Hall shares. Dr. Myles Munroe, Founder and Senior Pastor of Bahamas Faith Ministries International, writes in the book's Foreword: "I am excited about this book because one of the most important, controlling pillars of society is economics. Money, as the Bible says, explains everything and it an-

“...True wealth means plan that God has for hold of His promises a

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th: rosperity swers everything. If you don't control the purse of society, you cannot impact society." Dr. Munroe, a motivational speaker, best-selling author and business consultant, highlights, "Jesus Christ wanted disciples around Him who understood business, understood the value of money, understood hard work, and understood proper investments. They owned the fis hi ng c ompany. This to me sends a strong message. The message of the Bible is about impacting, infiltrating, engaging, and transforming society - not avoiding it." Hall, Munroe believes, doesn't avoid the message, but tackles it transparently in The Walk to

embracing the you, grabbing and His power.”

Wealth ™: Seven Guiding Principles to Prosperity. The book highlights seven guiding principles needed to live a life of balance and spiritual significance - from letting go of the past to buying back your freedom. "Oh, and by the way, the things will then follow you. (*Matthew 6:33)," added Hall, who has commanded the anchor desk of the world renowned CNN. *Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." NKJV

ABOUT ANDRIA HALL Andria Hall, an Emmy award winning journalist, was a news anchor at the NBC affiliate in New

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York City and a national news correspondent and investigative reporter with FOX Network. While working in Boston, Massachusetts, her work earned the industry's prestigious Gabriel and DuPont Awards. Andria is the Creator and Host of the radio program, The Walk at Work: Committed to Your Calling and Your Career™. She is an accomplished author of three books, This Far by Faith: How to Put God First in Everyday Living, The Walk at Work: Seven Steps to Spiritual Success on the Job (Random House), and The Walk to Wealth: Seven Guiding Principles to Prosperity (SpeakEasy MEDIA Publishing). To contact Andria Hall for book signings and speaking engagements, call: + 1 908 322-8885, email:info@speakeasymedia.com or visit: www.speakeasymedia.com.

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kaidesignsxm.com

Knitting for Profit These two women are making a living using a knack for needlework. Maybe it’s been a while since you made a hat, tablecloth or doily, be inspired and get to work. There is money to be made. By day she ensures that the Philipsburg Cultural and Community Center runs efficiently by night and on weekends, she is the creator of Knitty Kitty designs and some addictive body care products. Kaishah Peters hails from St. Maarten and discovered her love for fashion and knitting at an early age. Backed up with a degree in fashion design from the International Fine Arts College, Kaishah has been working her plan creating eye-catching knitted dresses, bathing suits, hats and bags for clients around the Caribbean and even as far away as Japan. Every creation is an original Kaishah Peters work and you can order her designs through her website kaidesignsxm.com. With every order you get free samples of her new body care products. The oatmeal soap will make you a repeat customer. This single mother works diligently to make sure that every woman who wears her clothing is satisfied and she continues to expand her market,

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appearing in as many fashion shows as she can each season to attract a larger fan base. Her hard work is paying off. Kaishah’s work has graced the pages of Caribbean Beat, POSH Caribbean, Caribelle and Couture magazines; the runways at VI Fashion Week, Show Me Your Body in St. Kitts & Nevis, Stile Diva Canada and many others. Head North to Atlanta and transplanted island girl, Iola Hodge is working her rediscovered love of crocheting and a new passion for jewelry making. “I learned to crochet as a child in St. Kitts and pursued it as just a minor hobby. About 2 or 3 years ago, I was looking for an outlet to relieve stress from my corporate job. I read an article about how relaxing crocheting is and I picked up my crochet hook and have not been able to put it down. I crochet every day now. I crochet baby blankets for my local hospital NICU. I also crochet for the KZN baby project in South Africa which supplies baby items to the local orphanage. Within the last year I decided to focus on making Caribbean paraphernalia. I found it quite disappointing that I could not find items representing the Virgin Islands at major Caribbean events. I later realized a few other Caribbean islands did not have a significant amount of paraphernalia either. I decided to learn jewelry making to make Caribbean inspired jewelry. Our culture is unique and we should embrace our culture and proudly represent it. I am working on expanding my business into Caribbean flavored items by creating unique t-shirts, greeting cards, etc. Three months ago, I got the nerve to start my online store. I received rave reviews from family and friends for my jewelry and crochet items which motivated me to form it into a full blown business. The hardest thing about having the store is finding time and money to work on it. I am also pursuing a teaching degree. I try to dedicate 4 hours to my islandgirlkreations.com site, creating more items, and marketing my products. I am not computer savvy so the actual building of the site has been a challenge. With hard work and determination, and God on my side, I know this venture will succeed despite the obstacles.” visit trulycaribbean.net


Start a Knitting for Baby Business kaidesignsxm.com

islandgirlkreations.com

islandgirlkreations.com

If you have ever been invited to a baby shower or visited the maternity ward at the hospital and you are sure to see people going gaga over babies and baby items. If you are in the knitting business, you can use this to your advantage to get your own knitting for baby business started. You may have seen moms drool over a gorgeous hand-knit blanket or home-stitched quilt or handcrafted booties. Unfortunately, in today’s society, many folks do not have the expertise or the time to make hand knitted items themselves. This is where you come in. 1. Decide what baby item you are good at and enjoy making, especially since you will likely be making a lot of them. e.g. knitted blankets or booties, hand embroidered onesies, pacifier clips or any other random baby accessory that you can think of to personalize. You will want to decide if you are going to have stock items for people to choose from, do all personalized orders, or a combination of both. 2. Get a stockpile of materials ready. Pastel colors are generally very popular for baby items, so stock up on thread or yarn and other supplies in these colors. Pink and baby blue are probably the winners every time, but light yellows, greens, and purples can also be very popular. If you plan on doing customer orders, you may need some bolder colors as well, in case your customers want to match a color in the nursery. You will also want to go ahead and get any patterns, needles, and other supplies that you will need. 3. Make a few sample products that you can use to show folks your wares. This is going to be the best way to get the word out. If you have a baby of your own, make sure he or she wears your items whenever you go out. You should also carry a handful of business cards with you. Anytime someone admires your little one, you can hand them a card. Use your wares as baby gifts and attach a business card. Ask people who enjoy your products to recommend you to their friends. 4. Shopping websites like eBay get many visitors a day. 5. Take out an ad in one or more of the multitude of baby magazines available. 6. Find out about new mom groups in your area since some allow guest speakers to come in and display items. 7. Ask doctor offices or pediatrician offices if you can put a flyer or business card in their new mom bags. 8. Attend craft shows and baby fairs in your area. 9. Remember that anyone can be a future client even if they do not have children of their own. Chances are they will need a baby gift at some point for the baby of a friend, niece, daughter, or even a co-worker. 10. You will also need to consider where and when you will work. When working from home, it is often most helpful to have an office-type area set up where you can focus solely on your business. Having your own area will also allow you to organize various projects that you are working on and any paperwork that you need. 11. Remember that part of the joy of working from home is that you enjoy it, so have fun!

(Source:craftanswers.com)

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Trying to get your kids a good night’s sleep that won’t leave you tied in knots? We asked our readers to share their routines to help beat the bedtime blues.

“Let them know it is bedtime. Conduct your evening ritual; prayers, reading and turn the lights out. If they are like my young one give him/her a bottle that would calm them down as well when the lights are out. Finally ensure that the bedtime routine is same time every night. Routines works wonders.” Brenda McCartney (Mother of one), Bahamas

“My kids went to bed when I told them to! They had a regular schedule when the reached school age, whether it was day care, preschool or regular school. They ate dinner, watched the news, talked about what they did or did not understand about the news, we reviewed their homework, they took a bath or shower, got their clothes ready for the next day, and went to bed. That's it! At times, my youngest son tried to sneak downstairs after he was supposed to be in bed. He used to come down the stairs backwards, so, of course we saw his feet before he saw us looking right at him. And, as soon as he saw us looking at him, he ran back upstairs because he knew that he was in deep trouble! My sons are now 33 and 37. They use this same process with my grandkids.” Carol Hector-Harris, Ohio/St. Maarten

“Well, my kids are all grown. The main thing about getting kids to sleep is being consistent and never giving in to their ploys. My kids knew bedtime was 8PM so at 7:30 they start getting ready. The routine was: read a story; kiss good night and the lights go out. I started this process early so the only problem I had was when they got older and had to adjust the time. My sister has a four-year-old, and she also has his bedtime set at 8PM. He understands when mom turns the lights out its bedtime so she rarely has any problems with him. Iola Hodge, (Atlanta, GA) Read more about her on pg. 10.

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“I see it on TV all the time, Mommy tucks the kids in bed, kisses them on the forehead, turns out the light and leaves the children to roll over and fall asleep on their own. I am not sure who those children are, but they clearly don't live in my house! We have a great routine we call the "three Bs", Bath, Book, Bed. The first two B's have gotten easier as the children, now five and seven, have got older. They bathe themselves, brush their teeth, dress for bed and then wait expectantly for the book. This is actually one of the best parts of our day. I usually read a chapter book, one or two chapters a night depending on how late we get started. It is when I decide to close the book that the drama starts. They go from being children to jack-in-the-boxes. Every time I get one settled down, the other one pops up - for water, a sit on the potty, or something they forgot to say. Some nights they beg me to stay with them and take turns coming into my room crying, cajoling and threatening to retract their love if I don't come. Eventually it grows quiet and I finally have a chance to relax and think. Carol Mitchell, mother of two (St. Kitts, W.I.)

More Ideas • • • • • • •

• •

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Have your own routine that you stick to, Set aside the time to put your kids to bed, Talk about their day, any problems that they had during school, If more than one child, give them all a few minutes to talk uninterrupted by their siblings, Ask relevant questions based on what they said, Offer advice, praise, encouragement, hugs and kisses, Give them a chance to read the bible or book out loud, ask them to explain what they believe it means, Incorporate worship or a chance for them to sing Take turns praying not just for their needs but for others as well.

TRULY WOMAN | OCTOBER 2008

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Your Body is Not the Garbage Disposal By Nerissa Golden

You heard me. Stop eating what your kids leave over on their plates. You are not obligated to finish their meals for them. Now, you see where the extra weight came from when you cut down on your portions and even gave up sweets. Growing up hearing, “Finish every thing on your plate,” and always obeying you would feel that your own children would do the same. Having spent some time living with my parents, of course there was the stress and comments about the fact that my kids were wasting food. But I learned that food is for sustenance and not punishment. Many times I was forced to eat the food on my plate long after I was full. Add a heavy dose of guilt that I should be happy that I had something to eat and children were starving in Africa, it is al-

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ways a temptation to repeat the same patterns with my kids. I know it doesn’t make sense for them to put more in their mouths, if they are full but what is even worst, is putting their leftovers in my mouth because I didn’t want my mother to be upset. Solution? Give them smaller portions and let them ask for extra if they need it. If per chance food is left over. Save it for later or give it to the dog but by no means do you stuff yourself with it after you have already eaten. It will show on your hips and thighs eventually.

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NAME WITHHELD We have remained silent for so long, we have accepted the fate and the label to be “name withheld.” In that we retain the title of victim rather than victor. For in choosing to walk away in the face of death is a clear sign we won. It does not feel much like victory when the cops look at you with smirks, taking bets behind your back as to how long it would take you to go back, or the blank stares of family members who do not know how to respond – with relief that you finally left or shame because you broke up a marriage. What you need to realize – it was not much of a marriage when the vows were broken – not with the first blow but with the first word or thought of disrespect. The separation became more apparent when you chose to accept the abuse your lot to bear – your fault, rather than the weakness of your partner to control his feelings or overcome learned practices. When you remained silent, you gave up your power but you can take it back by opening your mouth. My name is Nerissa and I was a victim of domestic abuse.

By Nerissa Golden Many of us allow ourselves to be spiritually intimidated by spouses, friends, our pastor and even ministers on television. We mistakenly believe they have special access and knowledge of the Father that is not available to us lesser spiritual beings. Falling victim to intimidation is a sin of idol worship and God still says thou shall have no other god’s but me (Exodus 20:3). For many Christian women, spiritual intimidation is the hallmark of abusive relationships. Knowledge of bible scripture, theology and a zealousness to discuss/debate the bible are used to control rather than encourage their mates. Do no allow your boyfriend or husband to use the word to make you feel less than God’s best. Sift every criticism through the lenses of the Word of God.

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Even when our Heavenly Father corrects, it is always filled with mercy and love, never shame, condemnation or derision. Don’t ever surrender your right to access the Father for yourself, as He will not accept a substitute. Talk to God about your fears and insecurities. Allow Him only to teach you what you need to know about being His friend. He wants a personal relationship with each of us and it will only mirror Jesus, and not a copy of what others have. Study the Word of God for yourself, so that you can be equipped to handle the darts of the enemy that are many times unleashed through the relationships closest in your life. If you knew that nothing could separate you from God’s love, what would you do? (Romans 8:39) For more resources on overcoming intimidation/ fear and breaking free of abusive relationships, visit www.trulycaribbean.net or email us at info@trulycaribbean.net. visit trulycaribbean.net


Are sparks beginning to fly between single mot Richard’s and New Ebonee’s Mayor Michael John?

Chapter Two Ashley flipped the sign closed making sure it the time of her return was clearly visible to those passing by. No one had ventured in after the mayor left, so her morning had been spent printing up more flyers and brochures to distribute. A few were now tucked in the pocket of the handbag slung over her shoulder. It was the most expensive bag she owned and one that could go from busy executive to soccer mom. A ShayD’Lux signature bag was now a hot commodity across the Caribbean and in high-end stores in the US and UK. Her girlfriend was now living her dream of being a fashion designer and the bags were part of her newest venture into accessories. When she grew up she always wanted to be bold like Shay. The girl was fearless or so it had always seemed to Ashley who preferred to stay in the background. How the two ever became friends was still a mystery to everyone? The two women were total opposites but there was no doubt about the fact that their friendship would be a life long one and for Ashley her only life line in the past five months. The Bluebird Café was at the end of the street. The lunch crowd had begun to make there way to the restaurant known for its great variety of Caribbean dishes. Something crunched under Ashley’s boot and she looked to find more crumpled

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copies of her flyers. She swiped them up and dumped them into a nearby bin. The last thing she wanted was to be reminded that she had issues learning to find trustworthy people. Alan Smithy had taken much more than her twenty bucks, he had managed to put another dent in her limited confidence that she could make it on her own. Ray had said as much. He had told her over and over she could not make it without him. Even at the firm they both worked, he never hesitated to let everyone know she wouldn’t have the job without him. The minute she broke it off with him, so went the job, the house, the car. She was out on the streets with her five-year-old daughter and no inkling of what to do next.

“...Before too long, you will be zipping through our streets and blowing your horn to say hi, good bye, call me later, get out de way.” Ashley shook herself from the thoughts and entered the café. There were a few minutes before she was to meet with the mayor and she needed every second of it to get her thoughts back to a more positive place. Pity was not what she was looking for and she needed to show that any business he sent her way would be appreciated and handled with professionalism. The waitress smiled at her and led her to a table in the far corner. Ashley had only ventured in here once before. She and Mya had just arrived off the ferry and needed a quick bite to eat as they waited for the keys to the apartment. The food was delicious and it was a happy memory to experience cooking like her mom used to make. Lord, she missed her. The arrival of the fruit punch jolted her from her thoughts. This day needed to be over quickly, she was way too morose and none of this was good for business. Tomorrow would be better she told herself. It was going to be better. Ashley knew the minute Michael Johns arrived. His frame cut off the rays of sunshine which had been (Continued on page 17)

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ther Ashley

coming through the open café door. She grabbed the glass and pretended to be engrossed in its contents as he made his way to her. Boy, he was tall and the smile he was generously sharing with the café’s patrons was now being turned on her. “Hope you weren’t waiting long. The meeting went into overtime but it was necessary,” he said as sat opposite her. “I just arrived, so no harm done,” Ashley answered looking up from her drink. “Well how was your first morning in business?” he asked while perusing the laminated menu. “No new customers but I got some work done nevertheless,” was her cheery response. “I’m going to hand deliver new flyers and brochures this afternoon and introduce myself around. People need to be able to put a face with the business so they can feel more at ease.” “Yeah that will help a lot. Before we leave, I’ll introduce you to everyone,” Mike said looking straight at her. Again, she felt like he was seeing way beyond her skin and was thankful when the waitress arrived to take their order. Mike toyed with the straw of his drink that the waitress brought with her. Obviously he was a regular, probably a bachelor, Ashley mused to herself. “So how does it feel to be home?” His question interrupted her wayward thoughts. “Really good and a pleasant change for Mya and I. Mya is my five-year-old daughter,” she answered in response to the question in his eyes. “She’s at school?” “Yes, this was a good time to come home in time for the new school year. Its made it easier for Mya to adjust to a new home and school as all the other kids in her class are also just starting as well.” “Children are also quite resilient and they tend to feed off of their parents. So I am sure if you are settled she will be too,” he responded. “Are you settled Ashley?” She paused. Always one to guard her words, the sudden desire to spill her guts was new. “I’m getting there. I haven’t been home since my parents died and a lot has changed, so it will take a bit of getting used to.” “Well before too long, you will be zipping through our one way streets and blowing your horn to say hi, good bye, call me later, get out de way,” he joked emptying the remains of his drink. Ashley could only laugh.

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“Lord, I hope not all of that but it would be nice to not have to take the bus everywhere.” “So how do you get Mya to school? The bus doesn’t run to that area.” “Well her teacher agreed to pick her up every morning and then she comes home with another student’s parent. It’s not ideal but for now it is a big help.” “Well I have a small run around that is in good repair. You could use it until you get your own ride,” Michael suggested, not sure where the offer came from. “I couldn’t do that…Before too long I will have my own car, so we will make do until then,” Ashley tried to maintain eye contact. “Really Ashley, I have access to all the company vehicles. The car only gets used my little sister comes over and that’s not often. You would be doing me a favor to keep her running. I don’t always remember to start her on a regular basis.” Ashley doubted that was true. He seemed to be a man who kept everything in check and running smoothly. She couldn’t deny it, having a car would be a blessing. She wouldn’t be able to afford taxis much longer to pick up her equipment and supply for the store. “Ok, I accept but I have to lease it from you.” “We can work that out. Also I still need your help with my office administration until I find a replacement secretary.” “The Business Center can also find you temporary workers. I can vet them for you based on what you need and we can establish a contract for future employment that way.” “Ever the business woman Ashley. Why don’t you put together a proposal for me to look at? Bring it by my office tomorrow and I will have the car ready for you to pick up at the same time.” “Alright I will do that. Thank you Michael. You have been a great help.” “Well I don’t want New Ebonee’s first Business Center to fold before it has a fighting chance. Did I tell you I was also on the board of the Chamber of Commerce?” “When do you have time for yourself if you are so busy?” “It’s always easier when there is no one waiting for you to get home by dinner time.” There it was out in the open. He was not married and neither was she. Now what did that mean and why did she care?

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I haven’t seen a greater force than a man and woman standing together in unity. When both are walking in their authority as children of the Most High and they are in agreement to accomplish God’s plan in their lives, nothing they set their minds to will go undone. Many of you reading are married but you don’t feel this unity that I speak of and frankly you are unsure that it ever existed. In hindsight many of you would probably make different decisions about the mates you chose but what do you do now that the vows have been said and the dice cast. In 1 Samuel 25, we read the story of an amazing woman, who won the favor of King David while she was married to another man. No, it’s not Bathsheba. Her name was Abigail and she was married to a man, whose name simple meant “fool.” In short David was running for his life from King Saul; and he and is men were in need of supplies. Having watched over Nabal’s men and his flocks as they grazed David sent servants to ask for assistance. Nabal responded with arrogance and disrespect and David called his men to arms declaring he would destroy Nabal and all he owned that very day. Word reached Abigail and she swiftly got to work. Her life was at stake and that of everything she held dear. She approached David with humility and praised him, acknowledging that she knew her husband had not just spoken in folly but was a fool. Abigail expressed her confidence that the Lord himself would come to David’s defense and that all his enemies would be hurled away as David did with Goliath and the sling. David was awed by her words and praised God

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that she had come and spoken to him, showing good judgment and for protecting everyone from bloodshed. He accepted her gifts and sent her home in peace. When Abigail returned home she found Nabal in the midst of a lavish celebration totally unaware how close he had come to death so she decided to wait until the next morning to speak to him. The word says that Nabal’s heart failed him and he became like a stone (v.37) when Abigail told him what had almost transpired. Ten days later the Lord himself struck Nabal and he died. Word reached David that Nabal was dead and he praised God for upholding his cause. God promises to go to battle against those who battle with His children. David obviously had been impressed by Abigail and he immediately sent servants to her asking for her hand in marriage. Abigail knowing a good offer when she got it, quickly got on a donkey and with her five maids went to be with David. She did not consider that at this time he was still running for his life from King Saul, she had confidence that God would deliver her new husband and he would eventually sit on the throne of Israel. Some of you right now are in situation where it seems wrong and very hard to stand by the vows you made. But God sees you and your desire to honor Him through your marriage. He will contend with that husband who has not fulfilled his vows and is placing you in situations of danger and dishonor. In the right time, God will bring about your deliverance. Like Abigail you must be prepared to move swiftly and without delay. Whatever God asks you to do, be ready to do it in obedience. visit trulycaribbean.net


Ask the Doctor Has the man of your dreams turned into a nightmare you can't seem to wake up from? Dr. Anita Defoe shares words of wisdom on avoiding intimidation and domination by the men in your life.

You can’t believe your luck. Just who you’ve been praying for. He shows up quoting scriptures like the Son of God…seems to have a direct connection with God that’s way better and more insightful than yours, and you can’t believe he actually says he loves you. Before too long you are madly in love and you manage to ignore all the warning signs in your face and certainly the little voice in your head telling you ‘something isn’t right. But you don’t want to be so judgmental and after all he is a Christian and he is always telling you to ‘lighten up and not be so skeptical.’ The still small voice is there for a reason and so are the feelings that let you know all is not well in Lovesville. For one, he does not want to go to church all of a sudden and ‘dem people are hypocrites’. The fact that he calls you every day, brings you flowers and cooks you a meal, is making you miss the other signs of future pain. His critical look at you: There is always something that you need to fix and ‘what would you do or be if he was not there to point it out to you?’ You better not be too serious with church,

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‘cause you can’t leave him and the children to say you serving God. The family must be priority and after all, the bible does say that the married woman cares for the things of her husband. Before too long you are Mrs. Somebody and your Bible Thumper husband is using scripture to dominate you, keep you submissive and generally beneath his feet. The road to finding true love can be bumpy for anyone but for the Christian woman looking for a Christian mate, there are some other challenges. How do you know the difference between someone who has a genuine love for God and someone who is using scripture to impress or control? “For all women, but particularly for Christian women in search of a Christian mate, the true indicator of a man’s love for God is reflected in his actions, behaviors and attitude. It is very easy for someone to have a knack for reciting scriptures, and in some extreme cases to use them as a tool for control. When a man attempts to make a woman choose between serving God and focusing on family, clearly his commitment to God and his spiritual awareness are limited,” commented Dr. Anita Davis-DeFoe, author of “A Woman’s Guide to Soulful Living: Seven Keys to Life and Work Success and a life coach columnist for She Caribbean magazine. You simply cannot become overly impressed with someone’s use of scripture. You must be confident of your own relationship with God and not allow someone else to influence that personal experience. Scripture is to be used to encourage, not to hurt or punish. Think of the way you feel when God, through the Holy Spirit brings correction in your life. It is always filled with wisdom, compassion and an overwhelming sense of His love for you.

Have questions you would like answered. Please email them to Ask the Doctor at iinfo@trulycaribbean.net. Your question and the response will appear in a future edition. visit trulycaribbean.net


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Truly Woman Magazine  

October 2008 edition of Truly Woman Magazine featuring the late Andria Hall. Other stories on entrepreneurship, health, inspiration.

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