Born into a Christian family and having spent my school life in mission schools, I never knew any other ways of life. However, my knowledge of the Bible was shallow and my commitment to God was limited to just attending services. Those days, prayer meant calling God when I needed help. There was no true submission to God. In other words, I was a mere Sunday Christian. After Chris and I married, my world revolved around him. We were the perfect couple in the eyes of friends and co-workers. To me, marrying Chris was my greatest blessing and I would constantly tell people how great he was. Having come from a broken family, I was determined to
make my marriage work; even at the expense of losing my faith. My life became so absorbed by my “passion” for my marriage that we stopped going to church to spend more time with each other. Blinded by love, I failed to see the cracks in our relationship, the problems and quarrels we had were quickly dismissed as part and parcel of married life. Gradually, I started to take Chris and all he did for me, for granted. Waiting hours for me in the car park to pick me up after work, for instance, became an expectation rather than a pleasant exception. So when he decided to walk out on our marriage, I was devastated. Divorce seemed imminent and I was in disbelief that my marriage and life were crumbling around me. I thought I had devoted my all and could not understand why it happened. I started giving up on everything. I lost my appetite and the will to live, overwhelmed by the shame that I had failed to keep my husband and marriage. Faith in God was non-existent as I felt He could not help me out of this rut. I thought that I was being punished for excluding Him from my life. Thoughts of suicide crept into my mind as life became meaningless. I was a wreck. Out of desperation, my mother arranged for costly weekly psychiatric counseling sessions which didn’t seem to help and I became dependent on anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Just when I thought I had reached rock bottom, God used my family to reach out to me. My brother and mother were attending Trinity regularly and they started “dragging” me to church. It was here that my miracle began. My first service in Trinity was beyond anything that I’ve ever felt. The presence of God was so overwhelming that I immediately felt the warm comfort that I needed so desperately at that point of my life. I found myself crying and releasing all my pain and disappointments, touched by the unconditional love of God’s presence during the worship. I felt peace and love in my heart again.
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Trinitarian Magazine Issue 4/2011